#and its not always the sound i thought it would be and any time it starts getting complex it often doesnt fit the way i thought it would
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NO WAY. | D. GRAYSON ❦
Dick wants to stretch you out.
18+ mdni!
dick grayson x fem!reader
warnings: seduction, p in v, unprotected sex, face fucking.
requests for v-day event are still open!
cupid’s candy hearts masterlist
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IT WAS no secret that Dick Grayson was extremely flexible, he is a world-class acrobat after all. Dick’s flexibility and insane sex drive made your sex absolutely wild. Dick bent himself into odd positions to hit angles deep inside that no one else could ever hit, he’d completely ruined you for anyone else.
You did feel bad though. You felt bad that Dick was always the one bent up, but you never realized that he might want to do some of those things to you. It sounded silly, but Dick loved the idea of manhandling you into any crazy position he wanted to. Of course, Dick was too much of a gentleman to actually do it seeing as it was never something the two of you discussed.
That was until today of course, it was Valentine’s Day, and over the past few weeks, you had secretly worked with a trainer to help you work on your flexibility. To Dick, you wanted to make it look like you hadn’t gotten help at all, you just wanted him pressed behind you while you stretched.
Dick’s large hands ran over your hips as you pushed back into him to deepen the stretch as he instructed, the sight in front of him was marveling. You were face down ass up on a yoga mat, your arms stretched out in front of you as you rocked your hips a bit to push the stretch further.
To test the waters, you pushed your hips a bit further until you felt his halfie poke your ass. A smirk found its way to your lips, your stomach fluttering at the way Dick inhales sharply, trying his hardest to stay focused on what he was trying to teach you.
Once you realized your efforts to rile him up were futile, you decided to take it up a notch. With the next stretch, Dick had you stand and begin reaching down toward your toes. As you bent over, you made sure to press your ass into Dick’s crotch, making it look as innocent as possible. As soon as your back touched Dick, his hands moved to your ass to grab a handful of it.
“Baby,” Dick said in a warning tone, he wanted to make sure you got a proper stretch and didn't injure yourself. This made you want him even more, your hips pushing into his one last time.
Before you knew it, you were pinned to the ground, Dick looking down at you with his dark locks hanging in his eyes.
“Y’know if you wanted me right now, you could have just said so,” Dick chuckled, rubbing his erection against your aching heat. You whimpered and bucked your hips into him, trying to get as much friction as possible. This made Dick lift a hand to press your bottom half back to the floor,
“Whoa, not so fast. You need to learn some patience,” Dick teased.
“You and I both know there is no way that will ever happen,” you snorted, Dick simply rolled his eyes and kissed the underside of your jaw. His kisses were always feather-like, so soft and gentle.
What Dick loved more than kissing you, was littering your body full of hickeys. He loved the way it told everyone you were his, that you belonged to him and no one else. He never got jealous, just possessive. Dick sucked on the skin of your neck, red patches blooming beneath your skin that would soon be a deep shape of magenta and purple. You used to complain about them, saying that the two of you weren't high schoolers and it made you look bad, but Dick didn't care. He thought they looked sexy.
Your impatience began to set in and you tugged at the hem of Dick’s shirt, urging him to take it off. Dick obliged quickly, stripping the fabric from his torso before pulling yours off in suit. As soon as your chest was exposed, Dick began sucking hickeys onto your cleavage, he wanted to mark every part of you.
“Dick, please just fuck me,” you whined, usually you loved all the foreplay Dick would give you, but today you were too needy for that. Dick chuckled, sliding your leggings off. He was surprised to see you weren't wearing panties underneath, the sight nearly made him lightheaded.
“Such a pretty pussy,” Dick said in awe, rubbing your clit gently with his thumb. Honestly, Dick loved every part of you. To him, every bit of you was more beautiful than the Sistine Chapel.
Dick suddenly remembered your impatience and decided to not make you wait anymore, he slid his athletic shorts halfway down his thighs just enough to get his cock out and slapped it against your clit.
You wiggled your hips, trying to get even the slightest bit of stimulation from his heavy erection rubbing against your wet clit. Dick teased you for a bit longer before fully sheathing himself inside of you, the fullness he made you feel made your eyes roll back into your skull.
Dick was big, no matter how much you took him, you’d never get used to his size. His cock filled you up nicely, his tip leaving a slight bulge in your belly near your belly button. Dick’s jaw went slack at the sight, his hand finding its way to the small bump the press down. His actions pushed your g-spot into his tip, a flash of white shooting across your vision from pleasure. You were already a moaning mess and he hadn't even truly started yet.
His thrusts started slow and shallow, working his way into you. The more he thrusted, the more your pussy held him comfortably. You fit him like a glove, he swore you were made for him. His thrusts soon evened out, they were slow but firm. The way his hips slammed into you drove you crazy, the way his heavy ball slapped against your ass, begging for attention. You bent yourself to reach down a bit, scooping them up to massage them.
Dick’s breath caught in his throat, his hips stuttering before returning to their consistent pace.
“Well, I see someone got a little extra help,” Dick moaned out, reaching down to use his thumb to rub your clit softly.
“Maybe a little,” you giggled, choking back a moan to respond to him.
The more your hands worked his balls, the faster his pace became. You knew he was close, but Dick refused to cum before you did. He would depraved himself forever if it meant you always got to cum first, he loved making you feel good.
His pace was unrelenting, the sound of skin slapping together and moaning being the only noises coming from your in-home yoga studio. Thankfully, the two of you live alone otherwise you’d be doing some awkward walk of shames for a while.
Dick’s tip bullied into your cervix, the feeling of all of it becoming overstimulating very fast. You didn't think it could get any better until Dick grabbed both of your legs by the backs of your knees, pressing them both by each side of your head. This new angle sent you spiraling immediately, your orgasm hitting you like a train. You cried out loudly, chanting his name like it was the only word you knew.
Dick fucked you through your orgasm, letting you come down before slipping his cock out of you.
“Open wide,” said Dick smugly.
Your mouth fell open immediately, following his orders like they were hard-wired into your brain. Your orgasm making you his sweet obedient girl, ready to take any command he gives you. You sucked his tip into your mouth, swirling your tongue around it.
You could feel every vein and muscle in his cock, he was painfully hard and you could tell how badly he wanted to cum. Your hand instinctively went to his balls, playing with them while you bobbed your head up and down. But, this wasn't enough for Dick. He grabbed the back of your head to hold you in place, thrusting his throbbing cock down your throat. You relaxed into his hold, hs length triggering your gag reflex every now and then.
With a few more thrusts, Dick was shooting his load down your throat in thick spurts. His cum was warm in your mouth and you wasted zero time swallowing it, sticking your tongue out to show Dick that you took all of it. He smiled and caressed your cheek,
“Such a good girl for me.”
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#i need him criminally bad#dick grayson#dick Grayson x fem!reader#dick grayson x reader#dick grayson smut#18+ mdni#smut#dc comics#dcu#dc universe#nightwing#nightwing smut#nightwing x fem!reader#nightwing x reader#nay nay writes dick grayson !#nay nay’s valentine’s day event !
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through the lens of love II katie mccabe x interview! reader
summary: Coming out of a heartbreak, Katie never expected to catch feelings for the new girl on Arsenal's media team.
warnings: none just fluff, mentioning of ruesha, maybe she (katie) falls first but reader falls harder, different POV's, kinda slow burn idk
a/n: please leave feedback about the different pov's if you like it or not. ive thought i could do something new maybe
wc: 1,6k
8:00 AM. It’s not my first day at Arsenal’s media team, but I’m still feeling nervous. Moving from Germany to England for a new job two weeks ago was the best decision I’ve ever made.
At first, I worked on a few interviews with Lotte, especially after her goal against City. She’s been a Gunner since day one and is such a ray of sunshine—I love working with her.
“Hey, Y/N! You look amazing today. How are you?”
My smile widens as I recognize her voice from afar.
“Hello, Lotte, my girl! I’m good, what about you?”
She gives the best hugs, no doubt about it
After shooting a few short clips for Arenals Social Media Team Im done with Lotte.
"Do you know whos coming next?" She asked me quiet suspecious
"Lemme Check" i grab my phone "I think its Katie. Ive never worked with her before"
Lottes eyes widened. "Good Luck with her. Since she broke up with her girfriend her moodswings are horrible" Wow she always knows how to make me feel good
-----
I’ve done countless interviews throughout my career—always answering the same questions about leading Ireland, my physical style of play, my streak of yellow cards, and being a fan favorite at Arsenal.
But nothing could have prepared me for this moment.
"Come in," I hear a soft voice from inside the room as I gently push the door open.
I hesitate for a moment, a bit confused. "Oh, I was expecting Tamara to be here. Am I wrong?"
The girl chuckles at my words. "No, it's fine. She's working with the men's team today. I've been here for two weeks now—I'm new."
"Yeah, of course," I reply with a casual shrug. But the moment I look up, a strange feeling stirs in my stomach.
I've never felt anything like this before.
There was something about her—the way her lips curved into a subtle smile, the focused look in her eyes as she watched me. Maybe I held eye contact a little longer than necessary.
"I'm Y/N. Thank you for taking the time today," she said, extending her hand.
"Katie," I managed to reply, the only word I could get out. Her skin was impossibly soft, and her voice carried a professionalism laced with a warmth that caught me off guard.
--
The moment Katie took my hand, I could feel it—she was nervous, holding something back. It surprised me; I never would have pegged Katie McCabe as the shy type, especially around new people. But I had to admit, I liked it.
The slight press of her fingers against mine sent an unexpected wave of comfort through me, a feeling I had never quite experienced before.
As Katie sat down, I grabbed my papers, preparing to start the interview like any other. But from the moment she walked into the room, something about her unsettled me in the best way possible. Maybe it was the effortless confidence in her stride or the way her sharp eyes locked onto mine, holding the gaze just a second longer than necessary.
I asked Katie about Arsenal’s season, her role as a leader, and what playing for Ireland meant to her. She answered effortlessly, naturally slipping in a few jokes along the way.
She made me laugh so easily, and I had to admit that liked it. Before long, we had fallen into an easy rhythm, the conversation flowing as if we had known each other for much longer.
But as the interview went on, something between us shifted. The air felt different, charged with an unspoken tension. And I could only hope I wasn’t the only one noticing it.
--
The more she spoke, the harder it became to ignore the way my pulse quickened whenever she laughed—I loved making her laugh. It was the prettiest sound I had ever heard. And then there was the way her eyes flickered to my lips when I spoke, as if she was just as caught up in whatever was happening between us as I was.
"I'm pretty much done with the basic questions, but I have one more," she said, tilting her head slightly. "What is Katie McCabe like when she’s not on the pitch, being physical with defenders?"
God. The way my name fell from her lips—it needed to be studied. It was so damn sexy.
I smirked, leaning back in my chair, playing it cool.
--
I asked her what Katie McCabe was like when she wasn’t being physical on the pitch. Maybe I asked out of pure curiosity, or maybe it was something more—I just knew I wanted to learn about her beyond the game.
She smirked, her eyes flickering with something unreadable. "Actually, I’m pretty boring. I love going for walks or exploring new coffee shops."
The thought of her strolling through London, coffee in hand, completely at ease—it filled me with a warmth I wasn’t expecting.
"That sounds nice," I replied, smiling softly.
Katie tilted her head, smirking. "Depends on who I’m with, actually."
There it was again—that subtle shift in the air between us. The unspoken tension lingering just beneath the surface. She had to know she was flirting. She had to know what she was doing to me.
For a brief moment, I forgot about the cameras, the blinking recording light, the fact that this was supposed to be just another interview.
It was just the two of us.
And I could only hope I wasn’t the only one feeling it.
---
It was just the two of us. I realized I was flirting with her—something I hadn’t planned, yet it felt entirely natural and effortless.
As she continued with the interview, an undeniable energy, a tension, hung in the air. I wasn’t sure if I was imagining it.
Y/N offered me a polite smile as the interview wrapped up. “Thank you for your time, Katie. This was great,” she said. My heart skipped a beat at her words, hopefully, she hadn’t noticed. I smirked and stretched, replying, “Wasn’t too bad.”
“I’ll take that as a compliment,” she grinned.
I wanted to say more, but I was lost for words. Instead, I asked if she was coming to this week’s match. “Yeah, I’ll be covering it,” she replied, and a smile spread across my face at her answer.
I knew I had to seize the moment before it slipped away. “Maybe... maybe we can grab a coffee afterwards?” I ventured. There was a pause, and Y/N blinked in surprise.
--
Her words were casual, but the way she said them - like she was teasing me made my heart go crazy. I just smiled at her, playing it cool "Maybe we can"
As she walked away, i released a breath i hadnt realized i was holding.
What the hell just happened here?
I spent the last few weeks telling myself that whatever i felt in that interview was just a moment of weakness - nothing serious. It was just some Starstrucked feeling that would fade once i got to know Katie properly.
I was so wrong.
We had fallen into a rhythm. Coffee Dates after matches, late night phone calls that stretched longer than they should, lingering glances secretly at each other.
Of course this has to happen the second i let myself into Katie Mccabe.
--
At first, I thought it was just friendly—just the two of us getting along, enjoying each other’s company. But deep down, I knew the truth. The way my heart stopped every time I made her laugh, the way I caught myself looking forward to seeing Y/N, the way my eyes instinctively searched for her in every room. none of it was casual.
Even my teammates had started to notice. After our last game, Lotte came up to me with a smirk. “Have you spotted Y/N in the crowd yet? Pretty sure she’s wearing your name on the back of her Arsenal shirt.”
The way my eyes lit up at her words completely betrayed me.
--
One evening, after an Arsenal win, we found ourselves in a quiet café, like we always did.
"You were amazing today," I said, smiling as I absentmindedly stirred my coffee, lost in thought.
Katie smirked, taking a sip from her cup. "Not bad, huh?" There was a slight teasing tone in her voice, and I couldn’t help but grin.
"Are you kidding? You were on fire. It feels like you love football more than anything else in the world."
She studied me for a moment, leaning forward slightly. "You think so?"
I nodded. "The way you light up when you talk about it... It’s really inspiring."
She hesitated for a second before smiling. "There’s a lot to love about it."
My gaze didn’t waver. "Is there anything—or anyone—you love more?"
I felt bold asking the question, teasing her just a little. But as soon as the words left my lips, my pulse spiked. I wasn’t sure I was ready for her answer.
Katie’s expression shifted, her voice quieter than before. "Maybe. Depends on who's asking."
Something in me softened at her words. In that moment, I knew I could be vulnerable with her. I had never trusted anyone the way I trusted Katie.
Slowly, carefully, she reached across the table, her fingers brushing against my hand. The warmth of her touch sent a spark through me, like fire beneath my skin.
I didn’t pull away.
She was the first to break the silence, a small, nervous smile playing on her lips. "Well," she murmured, "guess I’m not just in love with football after all."
For a moment, the world outside blurred, and the space between us disappeared.
“
#arsenal#woso community#woso imagine#woso x reader#woso#katie mccabe#lotte wubben moy#katie mccabe reader#katie mccabe imagine#awfc#awfc angst#awfc x y/n#awfc x reader#awfc imagine#katie mccabe x reader#katie mccabe x y/n
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of broken bones and hearts | e.p
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Tags: established relationship, mom!emily, broken bones :(, mild hurt/comfort, a dash of angst, healthy helping of guilt ridden momily because of course she would be, use of petnames, no use of yn
Summary: Eloise breaks a bone. Emily freaks out, you exercise damage control, and the both of you pamper her with affection.
Word count: 2.7k
Work is slow. Slower than usual. No cases, no consults, nothing except brain numbing paperwork. Usually Emily doesn’t mind it—it means being home for dinner, helping settle Eloise into bed and unwinding with you on the couch. But today it grates on her.
She’s staring down at a half filled report for last week’s case, tapping her pen on the dotted lines with an idle restlessness. Her sugar-brimmed coffee is down to dregs. The fluorescent lights make her feel caged.
Her phone vibrates with a call; Emily is answering before the first ring dies out. She automatically knows it’s you—or she hopes it is.
“Hi, babe.” She thumbs the skin between her brows, waits for the sweet relief of your voice to come through.
“Hi. Okay, listen. I’m gonna tell you something, but don’t freak out.”
Emily stiffens. Her spine goes ramrod straight; immediately, her thoughts flit to Eloise.
“Is it Eloise?”
“She’s fine.” You insist. “We’re at the hospital. She broke her arm at play time, we just got done with the x-ray and we’re waiting for the doctor.” You say it all in one breath, a long string of words that makes Emily’s mouth go dry. “She wants to talk to you.”
Emily is still blinking at her computer when movement rustles in her ear—the phone being pressed to Eloise’s cheek. A belated tremble rocks her hands.
“Mommy.” Eloise whines quietly. The sound grips Emily’s chest in a vice. She’s still stuck in five seconds ago, before images of her daughter in a cast flooded her mind. She roughly shakes her head, as if she can force them out.
“El, hi.” Her voice is rusty. Emily clears her throat, digs her knuckles into her eye. Stars burst along her vision. “I heard you’re at the hospital. How do you feel, my love?”
“My hand hurts,” Eloise sniffles. She sounds like a kicked puppy.
Emily’s fingers flex into a sweaty fist. “I know it does, honey. The doctor’s gonna make it all better now, okay? You just…you just have to stay really still for them so they can put a cast on. And then you’ll get to choose a color for it!” She forces fake cheer into her voice. “I bet they have a ton of colors.”
There’s a stretch of silence on the other end. Emily’s thumb forces its way between her teeth.
“Pink?” Her daughter mumbles eventually.
“Pink sounds perfect. Just remember to stay really still while they’re putting it on, okay?”
“Mmn.”
The dulled tone of her voice makes Emily’s heart clench. Eloise is almost always cheerfully rambling about one thing or the other, her inner monologue spilled out for you and Emily to hear, taking up more space than she does. Hearing her reduced to weak, monosyllabic responses twists at Emily’s gut. She blows out a stuttering breath.
“I love you, Eloise. I’ll see you real soon.”
“’Kay.”
Emily is already standing by the time your voice comes through again.
“Why did you just call?” She questions, only paying half a mind to the way she bites out the words.
“Because I knew you’d do this and I didn’t want to freak you out—well, more than necessary,” your voice lowers, “—before knowing she’s okay. And she is. She’s in a bit of pain but they gave her Ibuprofen a few minutes ago, it should kick in any minute.”
“A broken bone isn’t fine,” Emily mutters, flipping her report closed and grabbing her purse. She doesn’t meet Reid or Morgan’s gazes as she steps past their desks to Hotch’s office. “I’m on my way.”
“We’re almost done here.” You say. For the first time, she hears the threads of exhaustion in your voice. Emily’s frown deepens.
“I’ll meet you at home, then.” Her tone leaves no room for argument.
You resign to it. So does Hotch. Emily tries to ignore the tremble in her hands as she gets in the elevator and presses P.
___
She gets home before you do. When you walk in with a McDonald’s bag in your hand it’s clear why. A pharmacy bag dangles from your wrist, dangerously close to slipping over the heel of your hand as you shut the front door. Eloise is in your arms, slumped and limp; her purple cast hangs listlessly off your shoulder.
Emily distantly clocks the deep violet but doesn’t linger on it, hurrying instead to lighten your load, taking the food and the meds before easing Eloise’s school bag from your grip. You murmur a quiet thanks. Her lips find your cheek, a wordless response, and then she’s stepping behind your shoulder to glance at your daughter.
“She’s pretty out of it,” you whisper.
You’re not wrong. Eloise’s eyes are closed, lashes threaded together and resting on her cheeks. Mouth pressed into your shoulder, she breathes evenly, not stirring at her mother’s light touch when she reaches over to sweep the mussed bangs over her brows.
“Poor thing.” Emily sighs quietly. “Let’s get her to bed.” She murmurs. You nod, though the sun still streams in through the windows and paints the house gold.
It takes more effort than it usually does to settle your daughter into bed. You take careful steps all the way to her room and Emily drowns Eloise’s bed with more pillows than usual; when you finally set her down in it, you gently elevate her arm the way the doctor showed you to. Throughout it all Eloise only stirs when you move the cast. Her whine is muffled, fingers twitching where they peek out from under the plaster. Emily bites down on her thumb to stop herself from grabbing your hand away.
“How did it happen?” She asks when you’re in the kitchen, putting the happy meal in the oven.
Your brows tick upward. “She was trying to do a cartwheel.”
“Jesus.” Emily groans into her hands. Guilt curdles in her stomach again, making her shudder with nausea.
She was the one who suggested gymnastics lessons in the first place. Ballet and soccer failed to catch Eloise’s attention; she was too listless in her tutu and too disgruntled at being jostled around in her soccer jersey. Gymnastics seemed like a perfect fit. It’s only been a few months but she’s obsessed with it, constantly twisting and bending on the mat you’d gotten her, all but abandoning her toys in favor of rolling around in the living room. You and Emily had warned her time and time again about practicing without either of your supervision, but the girl is four years old and half Emily.
“It’s my fault,” Emily mutters. She digs her palms deeper into her eyes, sparks flashing in the dark. “God, what was I thinking? She’s fucking four years old—”
“Hey, hey, none of that.” You say, gripping Emily’s wrists and pulling none too gently. The look in your eyes is hardened with determination—a common sight that usually pulls her from the edge whenever she spirals about anything regarding your daughter. “You said it yourself, Em, she’s four. Accidents like this are bound to happen, whether she’s doing gymnastics or not.”
“She wouldn’t have tried to launch herself into the air otherwise,” Emily mutters, unsurprised to feel a dampness on her lashes.
“Wouldn’t she?” You tilt your head. Eloise is nothing short of adventurous, and both you and Emily know that. You squeeze a soft pattern on her wrists, fingers digging lightly into her skin before letting go and doing it again.
“No.” Her mouth pinches as she drops her forehead on your shoulder. “Maybe we should stop sending her to those lessons. They’re making her reckless.”
“They’re making her fearless. That’s not a bad thing, Emily.” Your fingers release her wrists and travel to the base of her neck, finding knots of tension. You start working them. “She’s not scared to try, and she shouldn’t be, just as long as we’re with her. But the point still stands—this could’ve happened for any other reason.”
Emily doesn’t say anything. She resignedly grabs on to your waist and inhales, filling her lungs with your familiar scent—shampoo, perfume, fabric softener. Something else sneaks in, too, spoiling the usual comfort of your fragrance. Emily recognizes it; faint traces of antiseptic. Her stomach turns.
“I know it’s hard for you to believe,” you murmur, now tracing her jaw, nudging her chin up to get her eyes to meet yours, “but not everything’s your fault. Things just happen sometimes.”
Emily responds with a sound deep in her throat, her brows arching wryly.
Your eyes narrow. “Okay,” you announce. “As your spouse, I demand you stop feeling guilty. Since I do know best and all.”
A smile tickles the corners of Emily’s lips. “Well, if my spouse insists,” she drawls, though her stomach is still unsettled from it all. A few years ago she’d have gaped in disbelief at this version of herself, but by now she’s well used to it—though she still doesn’t like it. Emily is perfectly composed, unshakable. Always. Except when it comes to you and Eloise. That has become a hard fact, as sure as the day is long. She’s entirely helpless to stop it.
“I do,” you murmur, pulling her in for a kiss.
Emily belatedly realizes it’s the first time she’s kissed you since the morning. Her shoulders loosen from the press of your lips, soft against hers, the way you thread your fingers through her hair. Warmth builds in her chest; she wraps an arm around your back to keep you close, humming into your mouth. The world quiets for a moment, her frazzled nerves smothered into something more tame under your touch. Your nails gently scrape against her scalp and her spine warms, muscles unlocking as she lets go of your lower lip and nuzzles her nose into yours.
“Sorry I snapped at you,” she whispers.
“It wasn’t really a snap. More of a nibble,” you shrug, like you’re rolling it off your shoulders.
“Still.” Emily insists.
“It’s okay,” you give her a quick peck before escaping the cage of her arms, “I know how it feels. She’s my kid too, you know.” You make your way to the counter, peering into the grocery bag she’d left there before you came. “You went to the store?”
Emily nods as you pull out two sheets of stickers. “Got her ice cream,” she says, “and those. So she can decorate the cast.”
“Smart.” You hum. “She was pretty torn up about it not being pink.”
“What kind of hospital doesn’t have a pink fucking cast?” Emily scorns.
“A bad one,” you agree mildly. As your eyes scan the—very pink—sticker sheets, a smile starts to curve your lips. “But,” you wave them in the air, “at least you had the foresight.”
“At least.” Emily says dryly.
Silver linings and all that.
___
Emily’s leaning over dinner on the stove when a small voice catches her attention.
“Mommy,” Eloise mumbles, half squished into your shoulder.
Emily turns to face the both of you, a sad smile spreading on her lips when she sees the cast again. It starts just under Eloise’s right elbow and continues until her little knuckles, leaving only her fingers exposed under the purple. The toddler’s head is cushioned on your shoulder, her eyes drowsy with sleep but fighting to stay open. You’d hoped she’d sleep through the night, but barely two hours after you put her in bed she called out through her ajar bedroom door.
Emily steps away from the stove and into the reach of Eloise’s stretched arm, obliging her daughter and gingerly taking her from you. She’s unsurprised at this show of affection; Eloise—like herself—often demands it, more so when she’s sick or hurt. It’s one thing she’s infinitely glad her daughter inherited from her, even if right now it comes with more work. You help adjust her casted arm across her chest.
“Hi, Eloise.” Emily whispers, a muscle somewhere deep under her skin unlocking at the familiar weight in her arms. She brushes a kiss on her daughter’s sleep-warm cheek. “How’s my brave girl doing? Is your arm still hurting?”
Eloise shakes her head, her brows dipping into a frown identical to yours. “S’okay now,” she says. That doesn’t stop her lips from curving into a pout, her frown growing deeper by the second.
Emily presses her thumb to the wrinkled skin between her brows. “What is it, my love?”
Eloise burrows into Emily’s neck, her free hand curling around the collar of her sweatshirt. She huffs out a warm sigh, deeply grieved. “They didn’t have pink,” she mumbles.
You chew on your lip, clearly attempting to keep the smile at bay. Emily pulls a face at you as she absently smooths between Eloise’s shoulder blades.
“That’s awfully rude of them.” She says softly. Her lips find the warm skin of Eloise’s forehead; Emily presses a kiss there. “What if we put some pink stickers on it? Would that make it better?”
The sound Eloise makes isn’t entirely too pleased, but Emily carefully carries her over to where the stickers are anyway. She grabs a sheet and holds it up, thumbing at the plastic covering. “I got these for you. What do you think, would they look pretty on your cast?”
Eloise frowns at them, unconvinced. She reaches out to touch a sticker, her finger hovering between a slice of strawberry topped cake and a pink ice-cream cone.
“Those are pretty,” you nudge gently, sifting your fingers through Eloise’s bedhead and tucking some of the hair away from her face. “Do you wanna try putting them on?”
Her lips purse into a contemplating pout. Eloise shakes her head, turning to bury her face back into Emily’s neck again. Her frown is practically etched onto Emily’s skin; she can feel it, as sure as she feels the wild hair tickling the underside of her jaw. While this is a lesser pain than hearing her daughter’s distressed voice through the phone, it still throbs dully. Biting back a sigh, she sets the stickers down.
You step in again.
“Are you still hungry, El?”
Suddenly the weight of Eloise’s head lids off of Emily’s shoulder. “Did we get McDonald’s?” She asks, more energy in her voice than Emily’s heard all day. It’s a familiar burst of sunshine, the warmth of it sinking instantly into her skin. She closes her eyes and absently kisses the side of Eloise’s head, thanking all her lucky stars for you.
“We did, honey. Do you want to eat that now?”
Eloise’s frantic nodding makes both you and Emily smile. She comes out of her hiding spot, sufficiently appeased with the shift in conversation. As you heat up the meal, Emily grabs the toy inside and hands it to her daughter.
“I’m gonna set you down now, honey.” She says. Eloise doesn’t pay her any mind, too preoccupied with the toy in her hand to care. Emily sets her down on the counter and hides a wince at the pull in her shoulder as she grabs the golden, sugar infested cup of apple juice in the greasy bag. You chat to Eloise as the food heats up, pulling her attention away from Emily diluting the juice.
“Can we also watch Star Wars?” She mumbles, fiddling with the toy one-handed.
No TV while eating is a strict rule of yours. But under the weight of Eloise’s pleading eyes and her vibrant cast, it bends. A soft sigh answers, and Emily stifles a smile as you nod and murmur your assent.
That’s how you end up eating dinner on the couch, two pasta bowls and a happy meal on your respective laps, an army of stuffed animals joining you amongst the cushions to watch Lego Star Wars. Sergio serves as a willing armrest for Eloise’s cast, and that night the whole family wedges into your bed, carefully nestled between you and Emily.
taglist: @suckerforcate @sickoherd @lextism @catssluvr @i-lovefandom @haiklya @justhereforthosefics @storiesofsvu@ashluvscaterina @basicallyvivi@temilyrights@professorsapphic
#emily prentiss#emily prentiss x reader#emily prentiss x you#emily prentiss x y/n#emily prentiss fanfic#emily prentiss fic#emily prentiss fics#emily prentiss fanfiction#emily prentiss fluff#emily prentiss angst#emily prentiss imagine#emily prentiss drabble#emily prentiss blurb#criminal minds x reader#criminal minds fanfic#mom!emily#momily#fic#divider by saradika
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Ruined
Part 2
Kidnapper! Leon Kennedy x AFAB!reader
Warnings: DEAD DOVE: DNE, SMUT MDNI, Dub-Con, Sonomphila, Oral (F receiving), Cow-Girl, Unprotected Sex, Degradation Kink, Implied Abuse, Manipulation, Light Intox Kink, Isolation
Read Pt1
Taglist: @rigorwhoring
had a thought couldn't shake it = pt2, Lighter on the tags this time but only going to get worse ;)
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/f98bf343951350d16df8fbb437ef0702/e769f9e9b9c04a49-0d/s540x810/d24732a556287c4343e5a2f1a483adf631824f97.jpg)
Nature was your only chance for a brief moment of peace, being able to watch the water flow freely in front of you from where you perched on a fallen tree without the fear of anything. Most of your fight had left, the fear of him doing something worse lingered in the back of your mind. His strength seemed endless like there were no limits he wouldn’t go to just so you understood that he can easily overpower you. Nothing in this situation was fair and it never will be so you have accepted that you should just deal with it. You had still yet to see the full extent of your kidnappers' anger – it wasn’t like you wanted to, after all curiosity killed the cat. With how obsessed he was with you it wouldn’t be like him to go that far. At least you hoped not. It was a good thing, you suppose, that his tolerance was high you guess.
If you sat here for long enough it was like you almost forgot where you were or why you were here. The nature changed around you, fresh leaves appearing on the tree now that spring had come around. The leaf litter being broken down by the mushroom colonies that had now appeared, their spores dusted the air giving the rays of sun an ethereal look. Occasionally animals would appear on the other side of the stream, the new babies drinking for the first time. You were just enjoying the sounds and sights of your new home you suppose, it wasn’t one that you wanted but it wasn’t terrible. It was nice to be here, like this. Until you heard the twig snap - his boots thudding on the floor as he approached you.
The plant life squashed, its future growth now relied on its own will to live.
“It’s getting dark now,” Leon said from behind you. One of his new rules he’s implemented. No time after dark, not when he nearly had a heart attack when he couldn’t find or see you. The orange sky was your warning. You didn’t reply to him, you never needed to say anything after all what he said was final. You’ve had enough handprints on your skin to learn that lesson. At least he was gentle this time as you walked through the door, his hand was holding yours softly instead crushing each bone.
“The sky’s pretty today” You said, watching the ground carefully as you walked next to him. Shoes were still a privilege you have yet to earn back after the last attempt to escape a few months ago so the last thing you needed was a thorn or cut on your foot if the opportunity did present itself. Leon nodded, stopping on the porch to observe the orange hues. They were always his favourite. It didn’t matter if the sun was rising or setting - if he saw them it meant he survived to live another day.
You watched carefully as his eyes scanned over them, his features calm as they fluttered shut. He looked peaceful – thankful even. “Don’t you think? I always liked the sunset” You prompted. He glanced over to you. He always did this, like he still didn’t fully trust you since your last escape. Trying to find any hidden meanings in your words. His grip tightened ever so slightly, afraid in his moment of weakness you might dash away again. Still never fully convinced you wanted to be here, like you were hesitant.
Upon entering the cabin you could already feel the heat of the fire, the crackles filling the room. The dinner he had made was already set out in front of you, vegetables he had gone out to collect, the ones from the garden not quite ready yet. Venison that he had also previously hunted.
You hated the way that smell was becoming familiar, feeling like home to you after so long being here. Dinner as usual was eaten in silence, he preferred it that way. Spending his time making sure you actually ate everything until he began to eat himself. Once the clinking sound of your cutlery against the plate was heard you would be allowed to speak again. “There were a few animals at the stream today” You spoke watching him as he began to eat.
He was methodic and gentle as he used the knife on the steak, scoring his lines in the meat before pressing harder to carve it. The actions mimicked familiar situations you have been in with him. The scar was now angry and red, you caught it in every window reflection or the bathroom mirror. A branding of where you belonged, like a horse or cattle to a cowboy. “What kind?” He asked, his eyes bore into you but they never really seemed interested in what you had to say exactly. More like he enjoyed the simplicity and domestic feel of the evening. “A few deer and rabbits. If I stay quiet enough they linger”
Your nails picked at the skin on your hand, your once perfect ones now were often seen with bloodied scabs. Despite your acceptance of your situation, the doubts and guilt you once had with your forgotten life are now gone – you still grew nervous in his presence. His control and dominance never faulted, always masking an element of him that you knew haunted him. It always slipped when darkness greeted him, when he was forced to sleep. His mind is plagued by nightmares of a side of him you didn't know about and he hoped you never would. After all he considered you his salvation, the only good thing he has managed to protect and gain. Conversations like this, despite his lack of interest, meant a lot to him.
“Maybe I should take you hunting with me then” Leon commented. Everything was always so violent with him, something innocent like watching animals always involved death eventually, little do you know that his whole life has been violent. Apart from the slither of love you have given him during sex it’s all he’s ever known. You smiled and nodded, not exactly agreeing but the idea of seeing more of the surrounding area is tempting. You never got far enough in your times of escaping, the trees always looked the same beyond the stream. “What’s it like? Hunting I mean.” You asked anything to stop the impending silence that lingered if the conversation went dry.
Leon always assumed you wouldn’t be interested in stuff like that. He would never admit that he hunted in a way to keep himself trained around a gun, after all anything could happen. “Peaceful”
Seeing him describe such a violent act like this made himself cringe, he had never liked the idea of death. He’s seen it far too often but Leon was a provider – a career. You needed to eat and he had the skills to make sure you have plenty of what you needed. Maybe showing more of the beauty that surrounded you would make you happier. Keep that smile that showed itself very little, there a while longer. That meant it was easier for you to gather your surroundings. It had only been a season since your last escape. You promised not to fight anymore but he saw the way you hesitated still when he kissed you. You grimace as you look upon the mark he left on your chest in the mirror.
The hesitation was still there and until he got rid of it you would be limited. You didn’t need him to explain his answer further, it would open up questions you were sure would get you punished in some way. Instead you both continued to clean up, manoeuvring around each other like a practiced dance. Your hums filled the air such a sweet tune he enjoyed so much. He watched as you lost yourself in your own mind watching the night grow closer through the window. He wondered where you were, wanting to know every thought you had and collect it like a dream journal. You jumped when you felt his lips on your shoulder, sucking the skin softly no doubt leaving another mark.
His touch was always so confusing. His lips were demanding, greedy to devour your sweet taste whilst his hands were gentle as they lifted you onto the kitchen counter. His fingers dug in the flesh of your thighs as he pried them apart, the nightdress you wore hitching up towards your hips as you displayed yourself to him. Leon nibbled at your thighs, each bite slowly growing closer to your clothed cunt. Yet, when he reached his destination he only smirked, eyes flicking upwards to see your face. Your brows pinched in pleasure, your teeth tugging on your lips silencing your whimpers as if they were a shameful thing to do.
Like it was such a terrible thing to enjoy what pleasure he treated you with. You felt his rough fingertips graze along the hem of your underwear, playing with the lace. “Don’t silence yourself love, you know how much I love your pretty song” He chuckled. You whimpered as his nose pressed against the fabric that separated him from your pussy. You could feel the tug on the fabric as he inhaled your scent, sucking on the gusset gently to gather the first taste. An appetiser of what you had to offer. You could feel the hint of a smile grow on your features as he pulled the fabric away exposing you.
His tongue had insane accuracy as he swiped at the arousal that was already pooling. His moan vibrated around you at your sweet taste, if only he had a drink in this flavour. Your legs trapped him close to you ensuring that he had no choice but to continue to devour you. Your pleasure caused his cock to throb in his trousers, the hardness of it almost becoming painful. He realized a while ago you didn’t mind the sex with him as long as your pleasure came first. If it felt like you were getting something out of it before him. You never saw the damp patch on his boxers when he would stand up and pull out his cock. The taste of you was enough for him, the thrill of betraying you with this simple realization had him orgasming first. The taste of you was always comparable to a Michelin star dessert.
Leon could feel the clench of your walls around your tongue as he brought you closer to your orgasm. His nose nudged against the sensitive bud eliciting deep guttural moans that sent the blood straight down to his cock. Just when you were about to cum, to give him the sweet juices he craved daily – Leon pulled away standing in front of you. Your cheeks were flush, eyebrows pinched in frustration. Complaints lingered in your mouth but came out in pathetic pleads and begs for pleasure again. Your own fingers frantically help him undo his trousers and free his leaking cock. “So desperate. I still remember when you pleaded for me to not give it to you. All that time you could have been getting all of this pleasure. Just for what? To not ruin your pride?” He chuckled as he lined it up.
It felt like heaven as he slid it through your folds, you watched the tip appear – red and eager already beading with his cum. His lips brushing the shell of your ear “Admit to me that you’ve always wanted it. Even when you squirmed part of you enjoyed it. Admit it”
It was a command. One that if you refused he would withdraw the pleasure you were clawing for. “Please, I was a fool before. I need it Leon” You begged. He laughed as he finally sunk himself into you. Groaning as you moulded around him, the tightness of your cunt gripping onto him like the nails you dug into his shoulders. He never seemed to get close enough, there was never enough skin contact for you. Leon moved slowly at first teasing you before his own pleasure coursed through him in a demand to finish. The usual silence of the home was broken with your moans, the sound of skin slapping before with one final thrust he finished. Pulling away to watch the cum spill out of you.
“Beautiful”
You didn’t hear his words, not when you felt his lips suck against the scar on your chest. The skin now angry and pulsing. Always leaving a reminder, making sure you never forgot. Sex was weird, the casual act of intimacy for normal people never felt quite right for the two of you. There was still reluctance on your part – the palms of your hands always pushed against his shoulders shoving him further away. Your mind always outwardly rejects him whenever you know it or not.
You wouldn’t get a shower tonight, not as his cum still dripped down your thighs. He always left it there to grow sticky, the smell permeating your skin like a scent claim. You could imagine the look he would give you in the morning when he wakes you up with his mouth again, the smell of him lingering on your skin.
Your nightgown was replaced with a fresh one, the stark white showing off an innocence you weren’t sure you obtained anymore. Leon did however – of course he did. You hadn’t seen what he had, felt the bones crush in your body as you continued to fight no matter what because it was your job.
The two of you laid away in the dark, your head resting on his chest listening to his steady heart whilst his finger brushed through your hair. How did you get here? Why did he have to choose you? You wouldn’t have wished this on any other girl but what was his incentive. What was his goal? Did he really want you to just live here, in this lonely bubble? Your thoughts were loud to him as they were everynight. You understood he explained the basics of why he took you, his admission to finally having something good in his life. To provide a happy ending for the both of you. He felt your breathing change as you grew frustrated. You promised him to not fight anymore, to give in and appreciate the life he's giving you. Leon wasn’t stupid, not anymore, he could tell you still had a spark of rebellion in you. He was just waiting for it to appear.
He thought before about telling you about the horrors that plagued his mind. AFter all, he had only given you a brief explanation over what his job was. The gruesome details of the event he had experienced left him with nightmares. The things he had faced now lingered in the shadows of the room or the corner of his eyes. Maybe he would tell you about the ghosts of his pasts, the one that smiled at him from the trees when he was alone. He wouldn’t let you turn out like them; not when he had the ability to make sure you never did.
You were special, Leon knew that from the moment he sunk his fat cock into your pussy. You stretched and clenched around him in the most perfect way he immediately became addicted that first night he had you. You had to be claimed somehow – so feisty that first time it was a hassle getting you to stay still, a fuck like you was too good to let loose. He still had the photo after he fucked your mouth; it was your fault the cock slipped out of your mouth anyway. The tip was lined up perfectly as he rubbed his cock until his load drenched your face. The translucent substance looked so pretty against your skin, giving it a soft glow that suited you. Eyes still shut as it coated your lashes; it created the perfect opportunity to form that photo. God you were perfect for him.
You felt his breathing even out the soft snores slowly releasing from his lips. It only ever happened when he was on his back trapped by you, for your own sleep you slipped away opting to face the window and the impending darkness that lingered. It never scared you, the unknown. The idea that something will happen to save you was one you clinged onto for comfort. You might have lost everything, became some mystery to the outside world but you knew your story wasn’t finished. Even if it was the reaper that came to write your final ending, that the darkness outside would sneak inside to take you away. Away from him. Unlike Leon the darkness didn’t scare you.
His whimpers woke you up, the sheets ripped from your body as he shot awake with a sense of urgency. You didn’t even get time to react to the blinding light as he turned on the lamp beside you. His frantic eyes scanned the room silently getting rid of any danger that lurked in the corners. Until they fell on you. Your body looked so small in the sheets, eyes slowly adjusting to the light as well as his panicked form. His hands shook as they touched you, holding your shoulder tightly. “Leon-”
You were cut off as he brought you into his arms, burying you in a hug. His scent intoxicated you, his skin layered with a sheen of sweat. You could feel him press kisses in the crown of your head, his mind using you as a grounding point. There was nothing you could do, you waited for his grip to loosen. The pain that flared along your skin was just a sign of more bruises to litter there in the morning. The tender spots would be hard to forget like always. Part of you felt sorry for him seeing him this affected by a dream. You would ask if there was anything more you could have done or if there was something in particular he needed.
He was a horrible man, one that has stripped you of the essence of yourself but no one should be hunted in their dreams. Having nowhere to escape in a vulnerable moment. It was only when his grip loosened you spoke. “Do you want to talk about it?”
It was normal to do that, he knew this. It's what normal couples do to comfort and talk to each other about what happened in their dreams, even the bad ones. He pulled away and looked at you, the sleep still lingered in your eyes. You slowly blinked them at him. He could tell you, perhaps in this state you would forget not to use his dream against him in the future. Allow a moment for his control to slip but that was riding on the fact you would forget. He knew you…you wouldn’t forget not with something like this. “You don’t need to worry about me” He spoke instead. It was strange to see the inner conflict so visible on your face as you had a silent conversation. You were never this expressive with him unless he was pounding his cock into you.
“Does it happen often?” You asked again. Leon nodded his already messy hair now falling over his face. “Tonight was the worst. In a long while at least”
You believed him, most of the time he woke up and snuggled back into you as if you being here actually helped him. Tonight however he jumped from bed, holding you desperately. It was different, the air had shifted. “I can make you tea tomorrow, it’s meant to help with sleep. I used to make it.”
Your offer wasn’t instantly rejected which surprised you, maybe his troubles with sleep were worse than he led on. Leon nodded again, a smile growing on his lips at your offer to even help him. Maybe it was slowly developing into something he wanted, that time alone with just him was enough to ensure you created a bond with him. “Is there anything in particular you need?” He questioned, the house was stocked and he made sure of it. The kitchen had shelves of herbs and spices, in those cute little house jars that he assumed you would like.
He didn’t tap into your devices for no reason after all, he wanted the perfect life for you. To spoil you with everything you wanted. He saw each little post you made online about how they made you feel, about how much you wanted to leave. Your pinterest boards filled with your dream items, the style you wanted, the hobbies or house decoration. He read it all like a book, like it was his daily news. It hurt you still didn’t notice or appreciate it all. “Valerian root, Lavender, Chamomile. I can forage for most of it, there might be some in the woods”
He nodded, his heartbeat was steady again, a united front to prevent you from seeing too much. You had already seen enough weakness. “I’ll see what I can do”
It was the next morning he approached you with the idea of going out further into the woods, you had told him the only one native was Valerian root. Also rumoured to be the most effective in achieving a deeper sleep. Leon would be lying if he said he didn’t feel unnerved with the idea of falling into a deep sleep, it had been so long since he’s not been plagued by nightmares and had a full body reset. Part of it felt nice, beginning to be able to just feel his muscles slightly looser in the morning. Maybe his head will be clearer and he’ll stop being so paranoid. He was aware of the effect lack of sleep had on a person – he just never had the ability to ease it.
It shocked him last night at your admittance to using the tea yourself. Since you have been living here there was no evidence of your bad sleep. Perhaps that was another thing he has helped you with – his presence next to you at night fighting the nightmares you have now forgotten about. It was an unknown privilege to you that he no longer had to leave for the longer missions. It had been months since he was called into office.
Leon knew how to make the activity harder since he insisted you held his hand the entire time. This was the compromise, he wanted you naked again – stripped bare so you wouldn't even think about leaving him. His hand was warm at least, a reminder that if you dared to edge closer to him you would feel the warmth of his body, a stark contrast from the morning frost. “I see why you like coming out here so much, the sun looks…magical” He spoke. You looked at him surprised to find his features relaxed, his eyes briefly closing just like he did yesterday evening. As if in his darkness the sun was his only light but now you caught him looking at you more, like you actually had an impact in his life. As if you helped him. If only you could know how.
Your eyes remained firmly on the ground once he caught you looking at him, blush creeping in on your features. It wasn’t that Leon was unattractive that’s what confused you. He was fine until you miss behaved, you’ve learnt which of his buttons not to push and which of his moods to avoid to make your life easier. And yet still, you longed for that boring job which gave you endless headaches. The small meaningless things in life that still somehow gave you joy. He took that from you. You have learnt how to live without it, yes but part of you still craves it.
“Your brain is working too hard again. Why?”
He tugged on your arm, pain flaring as his grip tightened to halt your movements. You blinked at him like a deer in headlights. “I–I was just thinking about you” Your voice was quite unsure like you were aware of the hole you were digging yourself into. “What about me?” His smirk was suggestive, an eyebrow quirked up in amusement. Blush coats your cheeks as you attempt to think of any form of answer. “Um…s–sex?” Was that the best you could come up with?
He barked a laugh, your response clearly pleasing him as his grip loosened slightly. “Never thought I’d see the day” His response was teasing. You felt your cheeks heat up, becoming flustered as you then began to actually think about him and sex. Heat pooling in between your legs. It wasn’t normal to feel like this, you shouldn’t. He was a horrible man – that’s all he should be left as.
“I’ve found some” You muttered after a short while, pointing at the white flowers that decorated the stem you needed. He nodded, taking the combat knife that always stayed strapped to his hip. The green hilt was frayed and damaged - evidence that he has had it for many years. He let go of your hand briefly, watching you with an intense stare before walking around to the side of the plant so he could still see you as he cut it. “It would be pointless running away whilst you are right next to me” You spoke. It had been a while since the both of you had spoken about your old habit. He shrugged, watching you more carefully now. “I wouldn’t put it past you”.
He was right, this was your first act towards loyalty that wasn’t just following his rules. You were optionally helping him, using your knowledge to treat him from unknown horrors to you. It was something he hadn’t expected from you. Not for a while anyway. “I like this. Being here. I just wish I could see or do more” You admitted. Leon nodded, perhaps it was time to allow you to have some freedoms that didn’t involve you sitting on the log opposite the house. Maybe you could learn how to sew or knit and begin filling the house with things that you made. Finally turning it into a loving home, warmth coming from something other than the fire that you both watched at night. You couldn’t tell what was going on through his head, and you weren’t sure if you wanted to. “It makes me happy to hear that” Was all he responded with accompanied with a gentler smile.
Your usual routine was pretty much the same, your outside time was cut short from the orange hues. He didn’t hold your hand this time, he allowed you to walk next to him without guidance. It felt nice to have this small display of trust but your fingers itched for the warmth of his. To feel the rough skin on his palms against yours.
After dinner, you boiled the water in the kitchen for you to make the tea, the valerian root was already grated ready for use. He watched as you prepared it, tasting it for yourself with a small sip on the side of the mug. Hands flickering over the spice jars to add what you thought it needed. You had a small smile when you presented it to him after dinner, the fire crackled behind the both of you. “We can go to bed when I start to feel sleepy” You nodded, understanding that he wouldn’t want you walking around the house whilst he slept. You still had to wake him up to let him know you were going to the bathroom at night. “And you are sure this will help?” He asked, swirling the liquid in the mug. It wasn’t like you could poison him, he had watched you prepare every step from where he sat at the table. “It should help you fall asleep. It won’t knock you out like a sleep med” You said, smiling softly.
That was a good thing he supposed, eliminated one of his fears. You both moved to the fire, sitting on the sofa watching the flames dance around each other. The wood burns brightly leaving only the embers and ashes. To his surprise you leant on his shoulder. You had never done this before; maybe it was because he was finally trusting you and in return you trusted him. He watched the shadows dance along your features, your hair falling on his shoulders. You felt him tug you closer, silently offering a sense of protection. “Why are you crying?” He whispered in your ear. You hadn’t even noticed you were, the tear was a silent scream from the inside that this enjoyment was wrong. You shouldn’t want to be near him and be held like this, but your longing for freedom was fading.
It has been so long since you have been held, being able to weep in someone else's arms, not the pillow you used at night. “I’m not sure” you whispered, sitting up straighter to look at him. To watch his reaction. Instead of anger or disappointment genuine care laced his features. The last time you saw this look was after one of the first escape attempts and you tripped over a log. Your cries of pain hurt him deeply back then, now they were just another sound to him. Most of them coming from his punishments anyway. “Maybe sleep will make you feel better” He cooed. You nodded, holding his hand optionally.
Leon felt the effects of your tea pretty quickly it seemed, his arm now dead weight against your waist. You watched the net curtain blow in the wind, the breeze that leaked through the small gap. You turned to face Leon, watched as the soft snores slipped through his partially open mouth. He was peaceful for once, nightmares that normally plagued him finally left him alone. Your finger poked at him, prodding him gently. He didn’t move, didn’t react. Normally his eyes opened immediately. He had never been a deep sleeper, you knew this from when you tried to chance an escape at night. Perhaps it could work this time.
The floor was cold against your bare feet but you took no notice as you began to creep out the room. The front door was now in sight, as you crept past the dying fire that had now reduced to embers: to you, this was the prettiest part of a fire, burning a bright red, waiting for the opportunity to ignite again with the right fuel. Nobody ever thinks to drown them out with water, they just assume that they’ll burn out on their own, but that's how most fires restart. It just takes the right conditions for it all to spark up again…
Your hand gingerly touched the freezing knob, turning it slightly. It was unlocked. This was your chance surely? A sign you could finally get a good enough headstart and escape or die somewhere in the woods. Finally get away from this place.
You couldn’t move, it felt too good to be true. The door was ajar, the cold breeze was harsh on your bare toes. You had finally settled here, everyone back home would have forgotten you by now. He would just find you again, he was a government agent. You couldn’t hide from someone like him. You would only be dragged back and your hard work to get him to trust you would be pointless. Your eyes glanced at his boots placed neatly next to the front door. The laces loose incase he needed to slip them on quickly. It didn’t take much to tug them out, holding the ribbons of fabric in your fingers. You closed the door, turning back towards the bedroom.
Heat and excitement blossomed in your stomach alongside the fire, which now had a new lease of life, rejuvenated by the breeze. As you sashayed through the bedroom door, you noticed Leon now lay on his back. His chest is still slowly rising and falling with his sleep. He didn’t wake when you sat back on the bed, your knees pressed against his chest nor did he when you began to tie his wrists to the bed frame. You didn’t care if the string bit into his skin, he could have marks like he gave you when he first did this. You looked at the permanent red bracelets that now decorated your skin. Maybe you could carve your name onto his chest, give him the same treatment as you gave him.
You felt the tears this time. What happened to you? You were just like him. Thinking of every way you could hurt him like he did to you. You weren’t any better.
Not ignoring the heat that pooled in your stomach you hovered above him before sinking on his lap, feeling his soft cock underneath you separated by the duvet and underwear. He was vulnerable like this. Just as you were before. When he took you all those months ago. Leon broke you into the person you were now. Your family wouldn’t want you back, not after him. Not with these ugly scars that now littered your body, his stupid initials branded onto you. You were his now, there was no point in denying it.
You moaned as you rubbed yourself along the length of him, feeling it harden even in his sleep. His need and reactions to your body only spurred you on more. There wasn’t anyone else that would react to you like he did; Made you feel like they needed you to just breathe. Your fingers shook as you pulled the fabric away, sliding his boxer along his legs exposing the length you now craved. Your eyes flicked towards his face, watching as his eyebrows pinched together slightly now his tip was exposed to the cold air but he didn’t wake. Your finger ran along the slit of it watching as beads of cum replaced the ones you wiped away. Even in his sleep he was desperate for you. Craving you. You slipped your underwear off, the nightdress discarded as well. The white fabric didn’t suit you anymore. Not after this.
You whimpered as you sunk onto him, feeling yourself stretch and mold to accommodate him. His hangs tugged at the laces you began to move, eyes blinking as he panicked. Leon’s groan was wonderful, they always were. You were in control, it was exciting. He was whimpering beneath you. Your hips continued to wake him up, the slow circles causing him to tug at the restraints until finally he stopped. You faltered as he stared at you, keeping eye contact with you as you continued. “What is this?” He said, a slow smirk beginning to grow on his features. “Have I corrupted you? Tainted your soul to be as dark as mine?”
You shook your head, the pleasure building up slowly as you continued to use him. He stopped tugging, stopped trying to break away. Eyes fluttering shut each time you lifted yourself along his cock only to slam it back down. “I thought you’d run away, finally get a head start but you finally figured out there was no point didn’t you”
You jumped as his hand caressed your thigh, it shouldn’t be there. It was…tied up. Leon’s eyes darkened as you looked back at his wrists. “You were so close, love but don’t fool yourself now” He chuckled. You sped up, trying to finish before he ripped it away. Your desperation only fuels him further, his hip joining yours in an onslaught of pleasure. He couldn’t have given you this slither of power. Once chance to finally take what you wanted. No. That would have gone to your head, made you think your plan worked. You used his weakness against him. The fight has never left you now. No matter how many times you told him it had. That he had broken you down to this weak person who wouldn’t betray him anymore.
“Please…just let me finish” You whimpered, you needed the release that was coming from your own doings. Your own pace. To enjoy the slither of freedom you gave yourself. He only smirked. “Leon– please”
“Such a whore now. Begging for your release. I know it’s because you gave it. You made it happen”
You whimpered again, nodding. Cursing yourself as your hips began to falter now the pleasure was getting too much, tethering yourself on the edge of overstimulation. “Such a whore for the bad man”
He stopped, his fingers gripped at your hips holding you in place. He couldn’t give you this, you would do it again and again. He’d rather suffer in his nightmare than allow someone else take control of his choices, his life. You were flipped onto the bed. Head dangling off the edge causing the blood to rush there. Leon was unforgiving in his pace, his pelvis hitting yours and it turned into pain. Each thrust felt like a spank. Your hands gripped at his, desperately holding on as you became fuzzy. He felt your orgasm, the force of it pushing his cock out harshly. “I was wrong to trust you, to think you were changing and understanding what I do for you”
You whimpered attempting to lift your head to look at him but his hand landed on your neck. Holding it in place. He was doing it wrong, crushing your windpipes instead of the blood circulation. You panicked squirming beneath. “After months we are right back where we started. If you had seen the things I have you wouldn’t. You would hide here like a good girl and be grateful for this. That you are alive to experience it”
Leon finished with a grunt, his hand closing around your throat as he fucked his cum into your over senstive pussy. When you finally raised your head he stared back at you, his eyes dark daring you to do something. It was tempting. To become this little brat he couldn’t contain. “Continue like this…and see where it gets you. You are already becoming twisted using me like that”
“Just took inspiration from you”
He didn’t appreciate the bite in your words. You watched his fingers twitch each digit clenching into a fist and then relaxing. Your hips hurt, your throat hurts. He had ruined you now, your soul and actions just as bad as his own. He wasn’t wrong. It just made it all the more exciting.
#leon kennedy#leon kennedy x reader#resident evil x reader#leon s kennedy x reader#leon scott kennedy#resident evil#resident evil fanfiction#leon kennedy x you#leon resident evil#leon kennedy x y/n#leon kennedy imagine#leon kennedy smut#death island leon
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A Taste of Love
Jennie x Fem!Reader
Word Count: ca. 4k
Synopsis: Yn brings homemade food in Jennie's studio.
Requested by Anon
English isn’t my first language so I apologize in advance for any mistakes.
♡ Enjoy! ♡
The golden afternoon sunlight streamed through the windows of Y/N’s cozy apartment, casting a warm glow over the kitchen. The gentle clinking of utensils and the soft hum of an old favorite playlist filled the air as Y/N meticulously prepared a special meal. Today wasn’t just any ordinary day—it was a day she had set aside to surprise Jennie, her lover, with a home-cooked meal after weeks of intense work on her solo album.
Y/N stirred the pot of soup gently, inhaling the comforting aroma that filled the space. The rich scent of kimchi stew—spicy, tangy, and deeply savory—wrapped around her like a warm embrace. The broth bubbled gently, small ripples forming on the surface as steam curled upward, filling the air with a homey essence. She reached for a wooden spoon, giving the stew a careful taste. The balance was just right, the spice level perfect—not too overpowering, but strong enough to bring a satisfying heat to Jennie’s palate.
Turning to the cutting board, Y/N’s hands moved with practiced ease as she sliced fresh fruits into delicate pieces. The blade slid smoothly through ripe strawberries, their sweetness releasing a subtle fragrance into the air. Golden kiwi, its vibrant hue glistening under the light, joined the neat arrangement. Crisp apple slices, perfectly fanned out, completed the edible mosaic. She reached for a small container, carefully layering each fruit with precision, ensuring a visually appealing presentation. Jennie always appreciated the little details—Y/N knew that well.
Next, she moved on to plating the side dishes. The tteokbokki sat in a deep bowl, the rice cakes bathed in a thick, fiery-red sauce that clung to their smooth surface. A sprinkle of sesame seeds and finely chopped green onions added the finishing touch, making the dish look as appetizing as it smelled. A separate container held fluffy white rice, its warmth radiating through the container as Y/N carefully packed it. Beside it, a small dish of homemade kimchi sat, its deep red color hinting at the bold, tangy flavors within.
As she wiped her hands on a dish towel, Y/N paused to admire her work, a small, satisfied smile tugging at her lips. The sight of the neatly packed meal filled her with a quiet sense of joy. It wasn’t just food; it was a piece of home, a reminder for Jennie to slow down and take a moment for herself amidst the chaos of her work. Y/N knew how much her girlfriend loved her cooking, but more than that, she knew that this meal was an expression of love in its purest form—one Jennie would understand without words.
Her thoughts drifted to Jennie, as they often did. Y/N could still picture the soft crease in Jennie’s brow when she talked about her album. This solo project was everything to her, a culmination of her talent, effort, and dreams. Late-night texts filled with song ideas, the endless hours she spent in the studio, and her drive to create something truly special—it was all evidence of Jennie’s passion and dedication. But it came at a cost.
Y/N frowned slightly, recalling how tired Jennie had sounded the last time they talked. Her voice, usually so bright and lively, had carried an edge of exhaustion. She’d joked about surviving on caffeine and protein bars, brushing off Y/N’s concerns with a laugh. But Y/N knew better. Jennie might be fiercely independent, but she had a habit of neglecting herself when she was deep in her work.
That was why Y/N was here now, standing in her kitchen, determined to remind Jennie that she didn’t have to carry everything alone. Y/N’s gaze fell on the small note she’d written earlier, now resting atop one of the boxes. The words, scrawled in her neat handwriting, were simple but heartfelt:
“To my Jendeuk, You’re doing amazing, and I’m so proud of you. Please remember to take care of yourself, too. Love you always. – Y/N”
The corners of Y/N’s lips curved upward as she slipped the note into the bag. It was a small gesture, but one she hoped would make Jennie smile, maybe even give her the strength to push through another long night in the studio.
Y/N carefully adjusted the lid of the boxes one last time, ensuring it was sealed tightly. She wrapped the containers in a soft kitchen towel, tucking them securely into the tote bag. The bag itself was simple but cute, adorned with small heart patterns, a detail that Y/N hoped would make Jennie smile.
Satisfied with her preparations, Y/N slipped into her favorite sneakers and reached for her coat. The cool, crisp air outside hit her as she stepped onto the street, and she drew her jacket tighter around herself. It was a quiet evening, the kind where the city seemed to breathe a little slower. The faint hum of distant traffic mixed with the rustling of leaves, creating a peaceful atmosphere that mirrored Y/N’s calm but focused mood.
She made her way to her car, pausing for a moment to glance at the tote bag in her hand. Y/N placed the bag gently on the passenger seat and started the car, the engine humming softly to life.
As she drove, Y/N allowed herself to relax, the familiar route to the studio giving her time to think. A soft playlist played in the background, and she smiled as a song Jennie loved came on. It was one of those tracks that Jennie always hummed absentmindedly while doing mundane things, like tying her hair or scrolling through her phone. Y/N found herself humming along, the melody stirring a warmth inside her.
Her thoughts wandered to the beginning of their relationship. Jennie had always been so radiant, so captivating, that Y/N often wondered how she managed to catch her attention in the first place. She recalled their first date, a simple coffee shop outing where Jennie had ordered an iced latte, even though it was the middle of winter. "I like the contrast," Jennie had explained with a sly grin, and Y/N had laughed, completely charmed.
Those early days felt both vivid and distant now, like a golden blur of laughter and stolen glances. Over time, they’d grown closer, learning to navigate each other’s worlds. Y/N had learned to find joy in Jennie’s quirks: her obsession with her pets, the way she’d suddenly burst into song while cooking, and her habit of curling up like a cat whenever they lounged on the couch.
More recent memories bubbled to the surface. Y/N thought of the mornings when Jennie would groggily pull her back into bed, mumbling, “Five more minutes,” as she clung to her like a sleepy koala. Or the evenings when Jennie would surprise her with takeout, claiming she “just happened to pass by” Y/N’s favorite place, even though it was miles out of the way.
But tonight wasn’t about reminiscing, it was about being there for Jennie when she needed it most. Y/N’s smile softened as she turned into a familiar street, the studio building coming into view. Its tall, modern structure loomed against the dusky sky, the warm glow of its windows cutting through the twilight. Jennie was inside, no doubt immersed in her work, her focus so intense that she’d likely forgotten to eat again.
Y/N parked the car and turned off the engine, letting the quiet settle around her. For a moment, she sat there, looking at the bag in the passenger seat. Her fingers brushed over the strap as a wave of fondness surged in her chest.
“Here we go,” she murmured to herself, grabbing the bag and stepping out into the cool evening.
The walk to the entrance was short, but every step carried a mix of anticipation and excitement. Y/N’s mind raced with images of Jennie’s reaction, how her tired eyes would light up, how she might laugh and call her “too sweet” before pulling her into a hug. It wasn’t much, but Y/N hoped it would remind Jennie that she wasn’t alone in this journey.
Reaching the doors, Y/N took a deep breath, clutching the tote bag a little tighter. With a determined smile, she pushed them open, ready to bring a moment of love and warmth into Jennie’s busy night.
The faint buzz of music filled the sleek lobby as Y/N entered the studio building, her tote bag securely slung over one shoulder. The scent of freshly brewed coffee wafted through the air, mingling with the faint metallic tang of studio equipment. A few staff members milled about, some reviewing clipboards while others chatted casually. The warm, familiar atmosphere put Y/N at ease.
As she approached the front desk, Minji, the receptionist, immediately lit up. “Y/N! Long time no see!”
Y/N grinned and leaned on the counter playfully. “Hey, Minji. How’ve you been?”
“Busy as usual, but not as busy as Jennie,” Minji replied with a chuckle. “You here to check on her? She’s been practically living here.”
“That’s exactly why I’m here,” Y/N said, holding up the tote bag. “She’s overdue for some real food. Don’t tell me she’s been surviving on just coffee again?”
Minji sighed, shaking her head with mock exasperation. “You know her too well. She’s in Studio 3, probably hasn’t budged from her seat in hours.”
“Thanks, Minji,” Y/N said, giving her a small wave as she made her way toward the hallway.
As Y/N walked through the building, a few staff members greeted her with warm smiles. She was a familiar face here, and Jennie’s colleagues had grown used to seeing her drop by.
“Y/N! What’s in the bag this time?” one producer called out, his tone teasing.
“Tteokbokki, stew, and a side of love,” Y/N shot back with a laugh, making the man chuckle.
“You’re spoiling her, you know,” another staffer added with a grin.
“That’s the plan,” Y/N quipped, her pace quickening as she approached the quieter section of the hallway.
The noise faded as Y/N reached the doors to Studio 3. Through the small glass window, she could see Jennie sitting at the control board, her slender frame illuminated by the soft glow of the equipment. Jennie was in her zone, headphones covering her ears as she leaned forward to adjust the sliders on the mixing console. Her lips moved slightly as if silently singing along to the track playing in her ears.
Y/N paused for a moment, watching her girlfriend in her element. Jennie’s focus was magnetic, her passion radiating from every movement. But even in the dim light, Y/N could see the faint signs of exhaustion etched into her face, the dark shadows beneath her eyes and the way her shoulders dropped slightly as if carrying an invisible weight.
Taking a deep breath, Y/N pushed the door open quietly, stepping inside with practiced stealth. She set the tote bag down on a small table near the entrance and leaned against the wall, watching Jennie work.
Jennie’s head tilted slightly, her attention fully on the music. Her hand moved to adjust a knob, her brows furrowed in concentration. Y/N couldn’t help but smile at the sight, it was moments like these that reminded her of how much Jennie loved what she did.
Finally, as if sensing the presence behind her, Jennie turned. Her eyes widened in surprise before softening into a radiant smile. She pulled the headphones down, letting them rest around her neck.
“Y/N?” Jennie’s voice was warm but tinged with disbelief. “What are you doing here?”
Y/N stepped forward, shrugging playfully. “Checking on my favorite superstar. Heard she’s been skipping meals again.”
Jennie raised an eyebrow, her lips curving into a wry grin. “Who told you that?”
“Oh, I have my sources,” Y/N teased, crossing her arms. “And I’ve got proof too. You’re looking a little too thin, Jendeuk.”
Jennie rolled her eyes but couldn’t suppress the small laugh that escaped her. “I’m fine, really.”
Y/N shook her head, reaching out to brush a stray strand of hair from Jennie’s face. “You’re amazing, but you’re not invincible. That’s why I brought this.”
Jennie’s eyes followed Y/N’s gesture toward the tote bag, her curiosity piqued. She stood and walked over, peeking inside before letting out a soft gasp.
“Tteokbokki? Stew?” Jennie’s voice rose slightly with excitement. She turned to Y/N, her tired expression brightening. “You didn’t have to do this.”
“I did,” Y/N said, smiling. “Someone’s got to make sure you don’t starve while you’re making history.”
Jennie chuckled, stepping closer to wrap her arms around Y/N’s waist. The hug was warm and grounding, and Y/N felt Jennie’s head rest lightly against her shoulder.
“You’re too good to me,” Jennie murmured, her voice muffled.
Y/N kissed the top of Jennie’s head. “I just love you baby. That’s all.”
Jennie pulled back slightly, her gaze tender as she looked up at Y/N. “You’re going to make me cry,” she said with a playful pout.
“Well, before you do that, why don’t you eat?” Y/N teased, poking Jennie’s cheek lightly.
Jennie laughed, her tiredness momentarily forgotten as she grabbed Y/N’s hand and led her to the table. “Okay, let’s see what you made. I’m starving!”
Y/N sat by a small table in the corner of the studio, away from the clutter of Jennie’s workstation. The soft glow of the equipment lights cast a cozy ambiance in the otherwise quiet room. Jennie leaned against the console, watching with unrestrained curiosity as Y/N carefully unpacked the tote bag.
One by one, Y/N placed the dishes on the table. First, the tteokbokki, its fiery red sauce still steaming as Y/N removed the lid. The glossy rice cakes gleamed under the soft lighting, sprinkled with sesame seeds and tiny green scallions. Then came the rice, perfectly fluffy and fragrant, followed by a container of soybean paste stew, its aroma earthy and comforting. A small side dish of homemade kimchi completed the savory spread. Finally, Y/N retrieved a box of neatly arranged fruits. Jennie’s jaw dropped slightly as she took in the sight of the feast before her. “Are you kidding me?” she exclaimed, stepping closer. Her eyes sparkled with excitement. “Y/N, this looks amazing.”
Y/N grinned, clearly pleased by Jennie’s reaction. “Only the best for my Jendeuk,” she replied, pulling out a pair of chopsticks and handing them over.
Jennie accepted them with a playful pout. “You’re setting the bar way too high. How am I supposed to go back to cup noodles after this?”
“You won’t have to,” Y/N quipped, sitting down across from her. “Not if I keep showing up with meals like this.”
Jennie laughed, a sound that made the room feel warmer. “You’re going to spoil me,” she said, though her teasing tone couldn’t hide the gratitude in her voice.
“Good,” Y/N shot back with a wink. “Now eat before it gets cold.”
Jennie didn’t need to be told twice. She picked up a piece of tteokbokki, the sauce clinging to the soft rice cake as she took a bite. Her eyes fluttered closed as she chewed, a soft hum of appreciation escaping her lips. “This is so good,” she murmured, savoring the flavor.
Y/N rested her chin in her hand, watching Jennie with a fond smile. “I knew you’d like it. You’ve been talking about craving tteokbokki for weeks.”
Jennie opened her eyes, a mock-serious expression on her face. “That’s because you make it better than anyone else,” she declared, pointing her chopsticks at Y/N for emphasis.
“I’ll take that as a compliment,” Y/N replied, laughing as Jennie reached for the stew next.
As they ate, Jennie’s initial excitement gave way to a quieter sense of contentment. Her shoulders, which had been tense and hunched from hours of work, gradually relaxed. She alternated between bites of rice, tteokbokki, and the rich, savory stew, her hunger evident but her pace unhurried.
“You really didn’t have to do all this,” Jennie said softly after a while, glancing at Y/N with a mixture of gratitude and guilt.
“I did,” Y/N replied, her tone gentle but firm. “You’ve been working so hard, Jendeuk. I just wanted to make sure you were taking care of yourself, even if you won’t do it on your own.”
Jennie’s expression softened, and for a moment, she seemed lost for words. She set her chopsticks down and reached across the table to take Y/N’s hand. “You’re amazing, you know that?”
Y/N smiled, squeezing Jennie’s hand lightly. “And you’re even more amazing. I’m just here to remind you of that.”
Jennie let out a soft laugh, her gaze dropping briefly as she composed herself. “I don’t know what I’d do without you,” she admitted quietly.
“Well, for starters, you’d probably be eating instant ramen right now,” Y/N teased, lightening the mood.
Jennie laughed again, the sound bright and genuine. “True. But you know what? I think you’re more addictive than any tteokbokki.”
Y/N rolled her eyes, though her cheeks flushed at the compliment. “If this is your way of convincing me to make this a weekly thing, it’s working.”
Jennie grinned and picked up a piece of strawberry from the fruit box. Holding it up, she leaned forward slightly. “Open up,” she said, her tone playful.
Y/N raised an eyebrow. “Are we really doing this?”
Jennie tilted her head, feigning innocence. “What? I just want to share.”
Suppressing a laugh, Y/N leaned forward and let Jennie feed her the strawberry. The sweetness of the fruit was matched by the teasing smile on Jennie’s face. “You’re ridiculous,” Y/N muttered as she chewed.
“And you love it,” Jennie shot back.
The lighthearted exchange continued as they worked their way through the meal. Jennie fed Y/N more fruit, laughing every time Y/N playfully protested, and Y/N retaliated by sneaking extra pieces of kimchi onto Jennie’s plate. The room seemed to fill with their shared warmth, the earlier tension of Jennie’s workday melting away completely.
Eventually, they slowed down, both full and content. Jennie leaned back in her chair with a satisfied sigh. “I don’t think I’ve been this full in weeks,” she admitted, her voice drowsy with comfort.
“That’s what happens when you don’t eat properly,” Y/N teased, starting to pack up the empty containers.
Jennie watched her with a soft smile, her earlier playfulness replaced by something gentler. “Thank you, Y/N. For everything. Not just the food, but… for being here. For caring.”
Y/N paused, looking up at her. “Always,” she said simply, her voice filled with sincerity. “That’s never going to change.”
Jennie’s eyes glistened slightly as she reached for Y/N’s hand again. “You’re really the best thing in my life, you know that?”
Y/N chuckled, leaning over to press a soft kiss to Jennie’s forehead. “And don’t you forget it.”
Jennie laughed, her cheeks pink as she leaned into the touch. For the first time in days, she felt truly rested, her heart lighter than it had been in a while.
Jennie sat back in her chair, a soft sigh escaping her lips. Her cheeks were still faintly pink from laughing, and her hands rested on her lap as if she were trying to savor the comfort that had settled between them. “I don’t even know how to thank you, Y/N,” she said, her voice quieter now, almost shy.
Y/N, who was tidying up the remnants of their meal, glanced at Jennie with a playful smile. “You could start by eating like this more often. I can’t have my superstar girlfriend surviving on caffeine and willpower alone.”
Jennie laughed softly, shaking her head. “I don’t deserve you.” Her gaze softened, and she added, “But I’m so glad I have you.”
Y/N studied her for a moment, noticing the way Jennie’s posture had shifted, shoulders slightly hunched, gaze lowered. She recognized that look. It was the one Jennie wore when she was trying to carry too much on her own.
“What’s wrong, baby?” Y/N asked gently.
Jennie exhaled slowly, her fingers absentmindedly tracing circles on the table. “I just…” She paused, pressing her lips together before looking up at Y/N. “I’m scared.”
Y/N’s heart clenched. She reached across the table, resting her hand over Jennie’s. “Scared of what?”
Jennie swallowed, her eyes searching Y/N’s as if trying to find the right words. “Of disappointing everyone,” she admitted in a quiet voice. “My fans, my team… you.”
Y/N’s eyes softened, and she squeezed Jennie’s hand. “Jennie, love… you could never disappoint me.”
Jennie let out a small, humorless laugh. “You say that now, but what if this album isn’t good enough? What if people hate it? What if—”
Y/N cut her off by bringing her hand up to Jennie’s cheek, cupping it tenderly. “Hey. Stop that,” she whispered. “You’re incredible, Jennie. You always have been.”
Jennie blinked, and Y/N could see the glimmer of doubt in her eyes.
“You work so hard,” Y/N continued, brushing her thumb gently over Jennie’s cheek. “You put your heart and soul into everything you do. That’s why people love you—not just because of your talent, but because of the passion you pour into your music.”
Jennie bit her lip, looking away for a moment. “But what if it’s not enough?”
Y/N tilted her head, waiting until Jennie met her gaze again. “Then I’ll be right here to remind you that it is. That you are.”
Jennie let out a shaky breath, her fingers tightening around Y/N’s. “How do you always know exactly what to say?”
Y/N smiled softly. “Because I know you, Nini. And because I love you.”
Jennie’s smile grew, small but genuine, and she reached up to brush a stray strand of hair from Y/N’s face. “You have no idea how much that means to me.”
“Maybe,” Y/N teased lightly, her tone softening. “But seeing you smile like that? That’s all the thanks I need.”
The moment lingered, a shared stillness that felt heavy with meaning. Finally, Jennie pulled Y/N into a tight hug, her arms wrapped securely around her waist. “You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me,” she murmured against Y/N’s shoulder.
“I know darling,” Y/N replied, her voice laced with gentle humor as she hugged Jennie back just as tightly.
After a while, Jennie pulled away, her energy visibly restored. “I feel like I can take on the world right now,” she said, her eyes sparkling with determination.
“Good,” Y/N said, standing up and stretching. “But maybe start with one track at a time, yeah? I’ll save the ‘taking on the world’ part for later.”
Jennie laughed, shaking her head. “Deal. But only if you promise to keep bringing me those meals.”
“Done,” Y/N said, flashing her a grin as she grabbed the tote bag. “But remember, studio visits come with conditions now. No skipped meals, and no falling asleep in the control room.”
Jennie rolled her eyes, though the smile tugging at her lips betrayed her amusement. “I’ll try my best.”
“No, you’ll do it,” Y/N corrected, wagging a playful finger. “Otherwise, I’ll show up with a megaphone and drag you out of here myself.”
Jennie burst out laughing, the sound rich and unrestrained. “I don’t doubt that for a second,” she said, still smiling.
As Y/N walked toward the door, Jennie followed, lingering in the doorway as if reluctant to let her leave. “Thank you again, Y/N,” she said, her voice soft but steady. “For being here. For knowing exactly what I need even when I don’t.”
Y/N turned, her expression tender. “That’s what I’m here for, Jendeuk. To remind you that you’re not alone in any of this.”
Jennie’s lips parted as if to respond, but instead, she stepped forward, cupping Y/N’s face with both hands and pressing a lingering kiss to her forehead. When she pulled back, her smile was radiant, her eyes filled with gratitude and love.
“I’ll text you when I’m done,” Jennie said finally, her tone lighter but still warm.
“You’d better,” Y/N replied with mock sternness. “And don’t even think about pulling an all-nighter.”
Jennie raised a hand in mock surrender. “Okay, okay. I promise.”
With one last wave, Y/N stepped into the hallway, glancing back over her shoulder as she left. Through the small glass window in the door, she could see Jennie already back at her station, her headphones in place and her hands moving confidently across the console. But there was something different now, an ease in her posture, a brightness in her expression.
As Y/N walked out into the cool evening air, she felt a sense of quiet pride. The city lights twinkled above, and the hum of distant traffic filled the air, but her thoughts were focused on Jennie. She could already imagine the music Jennie would create tonight, music filled with the same passion and brilliance Y/N saw in her every day.
“I’ve got you, Jendeuk,” Y/N whispered to herself, a small smile on her lips. She adjusted the bag and headed home. She was already looking forward to the next time she could surprise Jennie again.
Because loving her? That was the easiest thing in the world.
#kpop imagines#girl group imagines#kpop x reader#gg x reader#blackpink x reader#blackpink jennie#jennie kim x reader#jennie x reader
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Sonic, Amy, and the Koco Lovers
In Frontiers, Amy gets Sonic to help her give the Koco closure so they can move on from their haunted shells. One quest in particular revolves around reuniting a Koco with her lover before it's too late. Since they were too shy in life to confess, they might have a chance at being together in the next life.
Immediately this situation reminds the Sonamy fans who've been here from the beginning about the infamous Q&A magazine section where Team Sonic says & I Quote: "Although Sonic is clearly interested in her, Sonic has always been too shy to declare his feelings."
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(Image not mine, but it's the highest quality I've found thus far.)
What a coincidence that Sonic and Amy would be helping a haunted love story find its rightful conclusion that so similarly mirrors their own. With Sonic in the past literally running away from Amy's advancements yet undeniably harboring the same feelings for her as she does for him. His pride and private personality often conflicting with his true thoughts about romantic love. We all know how Amy loves Sonic unconditionally and how over time her love transformed from being a girlhood crush to being a mature love.
Amy is far from being shy, but the Koco Lovers' predicament seems like a callout for Sonic about his relationship with Amy being stuck in a romantic limbo. Constantly teetering between friendship and true commitment.
When Sonic tries to get Amy to leave the Koco alone to figure out things on their own, while literally gesturing to the Koco trying to find her lost lover, Amy yells at him that they have to see it through. When she asks if he would leave behind someone in need, when one of the many reasons why she loves him is because he will help those in need, he says no BUT he's also worried about her. All the while gazing at her like THIS:
This is by far the most vulnerable we've ever seen him with Amy in the entire series. BY FAR. He's not the type of guy to give up on anyone who needs help, but he's so worried about her and the fact that she's stuck in a digital limbo that he hasn't made any progress in getting her out of yet. She's so focused on helping others that Sonic reminds her that she can't truly help anyone in her current state. After thinking on his words she agrees and tells him to hurry up and rescue her so that way they can find Tails. He grins and tells her it sounds simple enough.
Little did they know they were about to unknowingly see the heartbreaking reuniting between the ghost shelled lovers. They're given a flashback to the moment when they reunited on the field of a warzone. The romantic surrounding of flowers their final resting spot as they share their first and last embrace. Amy doesn't understand what's going on and thinks it's happening in real time and Sonic has to hold her back from possibly getting hurt herself. When the flashback is over Amy rushes to where the Koco rushed to meet her lover for them to find the ghost shells together at last for their proper rest.
Sonic turns his attention to Amy as she sinks to her knees and softly laments that they were reunited right before their death. Knowing how too close to home this situation was for her, he gazed in silence for a moment thinking about what he's going to say before reassuring her that they were together now. He lets her grieve for a moment while he explores the area around them to look for more clues. But you can clearly tell that the flashback had an emotional impact on him as well.
When he comes back to check up on her, she tells him that they witnessed a love that transcended time and that she knew she wanted to share that love story with the world. Even though it may take them far apart.
*SCREECHING CAR BREAK*
She's no longer talking about the Koco lovers. She's talking about THEM. AS IN HER AND SONIC.
She's telling Sonic that she knows what she wants to do after everything is over and how they might not see each other again for some time until she returns. Who knows where she'll go or how long she'll be gone for. But she wants to journey by herself or with a small group to tell others about the power of this love story she witnessed. When she comes to that painful conclusion she's conflicted and grieved.
That is, until Sonic kneels down and looks at her like this:
And tells her he knows she'll do great and that he wants to hear all about it when she comes back. Smiling at her and giving her a nod when she gazes back up into his eyes.
I DON'T THINK YOU GET IT: AMY BASICALLY SAID "I WANT TO LEAVE TO SHARE THIS LOVE STORY BUT WE WON'T BE TOGETHER AND THAT SCARES ME." AND SONIC'S RESPONSE WAS "NO MATTER HOW FAR APART WE ARE OR HOW LONG YOU'RE GONE - I'LL BE WAITING FOR YOU & I WANT TO HEAR ABOUT YOUR ADVENTURE WHEN YOU GET BACK."
Along with Amy's desire to share the Koco Lovers' story, there's a silent question within her declaration. Unlike in the past where she openly and proudly proclaimed herself to be Sonic's Girlfriend to everyone around her and how he was hers like some kind of trophy, When she says "It may take us far apart." she's asking him if he loves her the same way. Not as a friend but as a Lover.
Now in the rare trigger lines that you can find within the game, there's a moment where Sonic says "Amy...I should've made up my mind sooner." implying his conflicted thoughts about confessing his feelings for her and keeping his "Free as the Wind" lifestyle. But after everything that happened, I believe that he was finally ready to give her a real response.
Which was: "I know you'll do great. I want to hear all about it when you come back."
With the silent answer to her silent question about if he loves her too being: "I do and I'll be waiting for you to return to me."
Which is why you see her eyes grow wide at his response. Because he didn't joke his way out of it or tell her she was talking crazy about calling them lovers. He accepted her, truly accepted her at long last and was ready to give her his heart fully.
It really puts into perspective that Amy's memory tokens were literal HEARTS and the final quest before the big showdown was the Koco lovers.
Sonic's first "Trial" was love. His reward for completing that trial was finally moving forward in his relationship with Amy.
#Sonic#Sonic the Hedgehog#Sonic Frontiers#Amy Rose#Sonamy#Pro Sonamy#Sonic x Amy#Amy x Sonic#Sonic and Amy#Amy and Sonic#Long Post#Sonic Frontiers Spoilers
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Doey headcanons bc my son is crying
Doey cries offscreen and when he does, his tears are either red, yellow or orange based on what hes feeling: angry + crying = kevin (red), sad + crying = jack (yellow), emptiness or burnout or regrets + crying = matthew (orange) he usually cries during the first months after the hour of joy
Kevin—the kid/humanoid with the angry eyes in Doey's monster form—glows the brightest among the three cuz he's consumed by anger (ik it doesnt exist in his model but imagine💔)
Altho its already shown thru a tape, Doey often does self-therapy and self-talking to comfort himself whenever he's distressed. Since he's the role model of the safe haven (after poppy was captured), he was always expected to remain calm in most situations. And he does it so well that almost no one can sense whether he's stressed or not. He may also not talk much about his feelings cuz he doesnt want to cause any more distress among the already distressed toys.
Blud is ALWAYS confused at what he should feel or think but he just hides it well in the game. And before being promoted as the leader, he mightve always answered "i dont know" to most questions he has no knowledge to answer to or whenever he's in a new situation. Jack is panicking badly but Matthew also tries to calm him down and take reign of Doey. Until anger reaches his head for Kevin to move,,,,, He's just as distressed as the other toys, he was just used to it
He hugs himself cuz he has no one to hug 😭😭😭 he's often outside, searching for scraps of food
He prolly hates himself too, adding his confusion with himself
I kin him sm
His hat is made if metal /j
He's eating other toys, his remorse or mercy for them is gone (idk if he felth what riley felt durinv his first days)
One of the kids hate cold weather
Depending on what he feels (goofy/sad, angry, calm), the one or two hand colors on his body would be more saturated than the other
He likes to play pretend kitchen and tea time with some toys whenever they have freetime. He also lets the toys use his clay to create and mold things
He sometimes says "mommy", "daddy" and "home" out loud without realizing it and the toys would just stare at him flabbergasted
He likes to be the leader but he also doesnt like it
He has so much pent up fustration and rage
He's like the "forced to be a parent" child
When kevin is inactive, he would sometimes playfully call some workers as "mom" or "dad" to mess with them and get some good laughs (he thinks jumpscares are funny) He def did mess with their hearts
Doey and kissy are the best characters so far, too bad we had to kill doey😔
Also, ngl the sounds of vehicles that i hear outside reminds me of Pianosaurus' sounds😭 rlly disappointed that we didnt get to see much of this bud🕯️
Also i have a lil bit of observation for the experiments nos. Those with 1100 to 1199 seem to have no ability to talk while those above 1200 have it so. Meaning their experiments were getting more advanced and painful😭😭 (1006 aint counter cuz he has some kind of robotic voice box mimicker)
-a thought not fully well-thought cuz i need to sleep
Thats all for my ted talk, thank you🍫
#poppy playtime chapter 4#poppy playtime#doey the doughman#pianosaurus#kissy missy#headcanons#siren screams
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longing to long for him ♫ lee seokmin
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♫ pairing, lee seokmin x reader ♫ warnings, non-idol au, ceo au, husband seokmin, reader and seokmin have a baby girl, angst, hurt/no comfort, one allusion to being nude ♫ synopsis, you hate the feeling of being so close yet so far away.
♫ author's note, trying out a new layout! let me know your thoughts on it 🤍 been listening to same dream, same night, same mind by svt and suddenly had this urge to write something angsty with seokmin so here you go!! hurt no comfort too?? am i going insane?? (yes)
♫ now playing, same dream, same night, same mind, seventeen
♫ word count, 1.8k | for @kstrucknet
"welcome home, seokmin." your voice feels empty as you speak, but you bypass it, allowing your husband to bring you into his chest for a equally-empty hug.
being married to lee seokmin came with its ups and downs.
as the hardworking ceo of his own corporation, passed down to him by his grandfather, he always had a full, busy schedule. when seokmin wasn't busy in his office at home, he was on the road, driving from one meeting to another from sunrise to sunset.
as the youngest couple in the midst of seokmin's business partner circle, you were used to the so-called "advice" the older, married ladies would share with you at company dinner parties, as if it made the reality of your situation any better.
"there's no more time for love or play, now that mr. lee is climbing the ranks. you might as well get used to loveless nights, overdramatic reactions, and distant conversations. it happens to the best of us." one lady had said while stroking your back as if you were a miserable cat, and your skin boiled with anger, hoping that the lady would just drop dead.
the night you and seokmin had said "i do", he had laid down in your untouched hotel bed beside you, face and body still warm from the wedding's festivities. the sparkles in his eyes still haunt your memory to this day, and you could remember his sentence word for word, the feeling of his soft hand on your cheek as he looked into your eyes.
"no matter what happens from now until eternity, you'll always be on my mind."
that sentence was simple, but complex enough to make you teary eyed as seokmin hugged you, body engulfing yours as the sheets seemed to protect you from the harsh cold─the harsh cold being life without lee seokmin in it.
now, all you could feel was that cold.
"how's mihan?" seokmin's voice was tired, layers of disappointments and annoyance seeping into his words. his eyes were tired too, gaze harsh as he stripped himself of his shoes.
his styled hair was still flawless from this morning, and the sharp point of his nose was highlighted by the light shining down on him as he looked at his sleeping baby girl in your arms. she had your eyes and his nose, resting peacefully in her swaddle as you sighed, giving a small smile if only for her.
"she's doing okay. she's been sleeping all day." you say, and seokmin nods, sighing as he leans against the countertop. he stares up at the light, eyes unflinching as he shuts them tightly seconds later. the sigh that leaves his lips is felt, and your heart falls a little bit more, watching him bypass you without another word and disappear into your shared bedroom.
it hurts to see him leave without another kiss or tight hug like he used to do. as much as you wanted to ignore the warnings given to you in the early stage of your marriage, they were like bright stage lights, illuminating the things even you wanted to deny.
love used to be such an integral part of you and seokmin's marriage, and now, no matter how hard you looked or tried to pretend, you couldn't see it anymore. you couldn't remember the last time you or seokmin had said the phrase 'i love you' without sounding tired or empty, and it made your heart ache.
tears pricked the corner of your eyes as you walked to your bedroom, and mihan stirred in your arms, lips turning into a small smile as her tiny fingers clung to your shirt─the faded smiski tee seokmin had let you have the first time you had come home with him.
even he didn't recognize the shirt now. that, or he just didn't care anymore.
sitting on the bed after putting mihan to bed in her crib just a few steps away from you, you wipe the now freely falling tears from your eyes, wedding ring glinting on your finger as you chew at your lip, falling silent as the shower turns off in the bathroom.
soft piano lullabies play from your phone to calm down both you and mihan, and you sigh, turning away from the door as it opens to reveal seokmin's fresh face and toned figure, sweatpants thrown on around his waist as he scrubs his face dry.
your eyes meet for a second, taking each other in, and for a moment, it feels like old times again─the shyness you feel rising up in your body is just like when you saw seokmin nude for the first time, and it makes you turn away again, holding back fresh tears.
seokmin cleans up his mess, throwing his suit in the clothes hamper as he combs his fingers through his wet hair. his dark brown eyes seem to have more shadow under them, and he slowly makes his way to the bedside, crashing onto the sheets without a second thought.
silence goes through the room like a blaring siren, suffocating in nature as you look over to your husband. he's already fighting sleep, letting the silence and drip of the showerhead lull him to dreamland. his face is relaxed now, eyes half-lidded as he meets your gaze.
something lingers behind his eyes, but you don't know what, and before you can work up the courage to speak, he falls asleep, leaving you to long for him even more.
how long would you be longing to have lee seokmin back?
#kpop seventeen#seventeen#svt#svt dk#kstrucknet#lee seokmin#seokmin angst#svt x reader#dokyeom angst#dokyeom x you#seokmin fic#seokmin imagines#seokmin#dokyeom x reader#svt fic#seventeen angst#i'm sick okay#i'm sick and angsty leave me alone#lyr and hurt/no comfort????#who's this diva#(just kidding i'm aching i can't comfort reader or seokmin)#this isn't what lyr does#writing fluff is in her soul#leaving them sad and angsty??#she could NEVER
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Are otherkin, alterkin, nonhuman, and therian the same thing or do they mean different things about a related/same experience?
I'm trying to figure if I'm one of those identities (on top of my already complex gender identity). I've always felt phantom wings on my back (usually feeling of heaviness on my back), a feeling of being"ground-bound" due to lack of wings, missing the feeling of being up in the sky, etc.
I even taught myself to wiggle my ears to make me feel like I had some "movement" in my ears (simulating how other mammals can move their ears in different ways, though limited due to being human).
I've always wanted a fursuit (which I believe you've mentioned having that same feeling before if I'm not mistaken).
I feel really connected to crows (or corvids in general) and deer.
I'm a little uncertain about terms exactly to describe these feelings.
Hope you have a good day/night💜💜
very good question!
they do mean different things, but can mean the same thing for specific people if they feel so! here are some basic ideas for each, not the only definition but the way i explain them:
therian: identifying as an earthly animal of some kind; some type of biological being that exists/has existed (extinct species for example) on our current earth that is not a human. this can include a lot of things just about any living creature aside from humans.
otherkin: a term that usually applies to nonhuman species from mythology, folk lore, other, similar cultural nonhuman phenomena, inorganic beings or structures, concepts, aliens, objects, and so on. creatures that were once believed to walk this earth are included. this can include elves, dragons, cryptids, angels, demons, and a lot of other different nonhuman species! therians can also be otherkin! it's a matter of preference as to whether people identify as both!
alterhuman: a term that can mean something different for everyone, but it signifies that that person identifies as some type of altered humanity, so maybe they're fictionkin of a human character, maybe they're some type of mutated human, etc. or, maybe they're some other kind of nonhuman or other species. it's a nice umbrella term that can fit a lot of people and mean a lot of different things to different people!
if you feel that you're close to crows/corvids and deer, you can take some time looking into the animals themselves. that's what i do. look at pictures or videos. learn about them. see what their environment and diet are like. see what its like to explore that headspace. if that's not for you, you can try other ways to connect with them such as meditation or trying to incorporate their mannerisms into yours in a way that feels right without interfering with anything productive or safe.
if you identify as a crow, corvid and/or deer, you would be a therian! but could also call yourself otherkin and alterhuman as well!
those are just some thoughts! i get you on wanting a fursuit! it sounds like a lot of fun! if you have more thoughts or questions feel free to ask! take care of yourself!
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⸝⸝ x fem reader
‹‘ 🍙 ’›— food
—Believe it or not, Dazai can be good at cooking at times... under specific conditions of course. Those frozen packs of premade lunch or dinner meals? Just consider it done without much worry of him potentially burning down his own detective dormitory. Although there were indeed the rarer times that Dazai managed to cook up a delectable dish and not making any sort of mistake when doing it... The taste and genuine effort in its quality and how Dazai most definitely tried his hardest to not ruin it for you. You do appreciated his efforts, don't you? How you'd fail to prepare your own food since the huge workload that job of yours enforces upon your already exhausted self. To point you pondered about Dazai's own field of word as a detective. Why is he unbothered from needing to cook... Pity or self satisfaction from admiring you finish his food, whatever it really was, it still didn't disrupt those pesky thoughts off. "...You'd make a pretty decent housewife." You bluff. Coming out your mouth without realizing it sooner. "Making underwhelming food for me."
"Now, don't be like that, bella." Subtly his eyelids close, lashes fluttering ever so gently. He places aside his chopsticks away from the bento he did. The two of you currently sat in each other's sole company in a semi-secluded park area. "I thought you were aware that I'm not for one to dedicate long-term on something so domestic." Probing closer, wiping the sauce which seeps from the corner of those rosy lips of his. You didn't take your finger away just yet, "...Maybe." You say, turning to your side "I mean, it'd be pretty nice. Returning home and always seeing you in an apron."
"...Well, I don't exactly like the sound of that, [name]."
Come to think of it, it really must be a form of torture for Dazai to do housework chores.
a/n: promote gender equality by slut-shaming a man today (i say, despite being, said man)
‹‘ 🌸 ’›— seasonal
—Sparks of loveable cherry flowers blooming to a delight under the shade of clouds—hanging carelessly from the branches of its tree. With petals and small baby flowers fell due to the wind, and Dazai effortlessly catching one into his lithe hand as if clasping a fish out of waters. You, on the flip side, could only manage to have those stuck comfortably together in lush strands of hair on top of your head. How not once—not twice—but thrice has this happened. "...'Samu, help me out?" He turns to your view and was fast to spot the linger of pink petals almost glued to the locks in your hair. Dazai's dimples twitch, a small set of his teeth showing for a brief second as the brunet snickers—trying his damn hardest to not laugh slightly at your... Minor inconvenience, let's say? You place your hands to those hips and snap a glare at Dazai's reaction.
Him never for one taking something so seriously at all times—expected but still disappointed. He starts to pick one out of your head. "Relax, [name]. It's not as if they're difficult to pull out." Dazai murmurs, easily removing one by one until all were gone by now. You stiff a frown, how frustration overtook your nerves and retorting so nonchalantly—harsh at the same time. "Still... I prefer my hair to not get sticky."
"I'm sure they don't feel too similar to apple or orange blossoms, sweetheart." He offers a simmer of sake in a small cup. "...While it would be pretty cute to see your hair always covered in flowers."
"...Would you like it if a ton of tiny petals were sticking to your hair...? It'll be hard enough to wash off!"
8/18 for my valentine's special masterlist -— daily clicks
@emyyy007 @emmzai @adventurinea, @moomuzan, @skibididazai , @iams0up
#my post#—; unclassified scenarios.#2025/01/12#bsd#bungou stray dogs#bsd dazai#dazai x reader#dazai x fem reader#dazai x you#dazai x yn#dazai x y/n
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I've always liked this line of dialogue from SQX, because it does feel like at the end of the day, no matter how much SQX says he can't stand PM, he does still have a decent grasp of his character.
And on the other side of this, these words are just especially pointed towards Pei Xiu, who does have a good relationship with his boss/ancestor, and also going off his backstory, Pei Ming may well have been the first person in his life to acknowledge him and his talents.
So the whole thing just feels extra sad.
#that said it does bug me that px never seems to feel guilt over his own actions only how those actions affect banyue and pei ming#get it together you sopping wet cat of a man!#i've always wanted to write this but don't have the skills necessary#but i think a lot about if pm's faith in px does feel uncomfortable - is he acknowledging him because he sees his worth#or because he's a pei (something that has never helped px in any way in life)#everyone calls px a nepo baby but no no he's a hard worker and earned what he has#if anything i feel like being pei ming's descendant is still dragging him down because he's the only upper court official we know of#who's playing subordinate to someone else instead of managing his own domain#(fandom always thinks he's middle court but no its stated several times that he ascended properly lol)#(and i just find that beautifully tragic and fitting in his own way)#(px: always the understudy never the lead)#aaaanyway this all contrasts in a fun way with sqx who is the actual nepo baby#is also worshiped in conjunction with someone else BUT never reduced to just that relationship#idk just as pei ming's relationship with both shiblings is important to me#i find sqx's relationship with both peis very fascinating and wish sqx + px could be explored more#and also I want to see where swd + px fit into all of this because there's also so much potential there!#(incidentally the thing that started all of this is i was skimming the russian tl for something the other day)#(and noticed this line was translated as 'pei ming would never behave in such a way')#(and just thought that sqx calling him 'pm' here instead 'your general pei' gives the line a different vibe haha)#(it's sounds both more intimate and pointed if that makes sense?)#(anyway can you tell i am very starved for peixuan content? both peixuans)#tgcf#random tgcf thoughts#shi qingxuan#pei ming#pei xiu
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anyway i need to hang out with my brother again he is the one person who i am pretty sure knows literally everything about me so he's the only person i trust that i can absolutely not disappoint. nothing i can do could be worse than the sum of everything i've been doing to that poor man (and him to me) the past 19 years
#especially now that im back into literally the only interest we actually share on a deep enough level to enjoy it together LOL#i mean we were also both into hannibal but thats just not an enjoyable show to watch together its too much effort#but wow that time we read das boot slash fanfic on the bus together that was awesome#and the time we wrote fanfic together lol LITERALLY WHY DID WE STOP#he has only gotten cooler and more comfortable with his gayness since then we need to write fanfic again ‼️#anyway i feel sorry for every person in my life but i dont think anyone ill ever know could ever have as close a relationship to me as him#were platonic soulmates lol but like not in the spiritual sense bc its pretty obvious that its not some supernatural bond#its juuuust shared trauma haha and the fact that our trauma is so complex and layered that only we will ever truly understand each other#there has been a really rough patch where we practically did not talk for 4... 5? whole years im serious. maybe on the weekends sometimes#while we were stewing in our own shit. but now were inseperable i think it actually pisses off the rest of our family because every time#theres some event where we meet again (we live like 5 hours apart) we only hang around for like an hour before we get in his car#and drive somewhere and hang out there for the rest of the day and night and only return at like 3am drunk#in a sense i guess were catching up on all the missed time#to be honest we both had some horrible shit going on in our heads me with the transgenderism and toxic relationship#him with his anger issues and (what he calls) psychopathy. like ill say this much he was not a good person as a child he was a devil#he was quite literally what some describe as born evil like u know those satans spawns kids that cut off babys fingers and dissect rabbits#all that yk. and i was his first and most frequent victim due to availability lol and my parents did not know any of it and if they did#they ignored it. so yeah u can imagine the relationship was a little strained and for a long time i lived in fear of him#also due to all the death threats and attempts on my life HAHA its kinda funny because i can say all this all detached now#but i think to anyone else this sounds mad as hell. like im not talking roughhousing or being mad at each other#he was always scarily calm and hyperintelligent he was actually diagnosed with some form of like super high intelligence that#makes kids capable of being really manipulative and thats what he used at every turn. everything was always calculated that was scary#if he was nice to me i would question if he was trying to lure me somewhere to hurt me yk?#anyway. sometimes those old thoughts come back when were hanging out alone but mostly i know hes changed and worked on himself#sorry oversharing oh wow
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fuck
#like idk i never realized just how bad she hurt me. i didnt even rly realize she hurt me at all#bc there are so so so many ways she sldve reacted so much worse. but like i never thought someone cld just straight up ignore it.#like i get the way i told her was dumb and confusing. ok. i can understand that. whatever#but idk. she said she wished my sister had told her years earlier so that she cldve helped her back then#but then suddenly it's different when it's me. suddenly it's 'but youve always been my little girl' and 'oh i dont know that sounds dangerou#s' and 'are you sure?' and 'how long have you felt like this'#well it's been almost 5 fucking years now and it hasnt changed. i havent changed. fuck#i trusted her. i trusted her to be there for me and to support me and to accept me and she threw it back in my face and never even blinked#i can never ever trust her again and she doesnt care. she doesnt even know bc shes so wrapped up in all the fucking lies she tells herself#fuck. she did everything wrong. fuck. i can never fully trust anyone with this part of me again bc of her#and it's awful bc it's such an important part of me. it brings me so much joy and i think on it often and i love myself for it#but it's just simmering in my chest and every time i think of letting it hit air again i freeze bc i thought it was safe once and it WASNT.#i wanted to get my name changed before high school. i wanted to start the medical process. i wanted all the thing i thought shed do for me.#my wants and my understanding of my identity has changed now but it still hurts.#it hurts so bad to see other ppl my age get all of that and to have the support of their family and to not be afraid to put a name to it all#im happy for them. but it's so awful hearing her point those ppl out w no self awareness like oh thats so good for them isnt that sweet#I AM RIGHT HERE! YOU COULD BE DOING ALL OF THAT! I NEEDED YOU TO BE THAT FOR ME!#and every time she does acknowledge it she gets it completely wrong or it's just to bemoan how little she understands#'oh everyones changing their name now its so confusing' 'im really trying i dont know what else you want from me' NO YOURE NOT! YOURE NOT!#YOUVE NEVER BEEN WILLING TO TRY. NOT FOR ME.#you never fucking loved me you loved the idea of what you thought i would be and you cant fucking let it go even when the truth is staring#you dead in the face. fuck. you complain about how i 'hate you' or 'think youre stupid' well maybw treat me with an ounce of respect and act#like you understand the things youve EXPLICITLY BEEN TOLD. even a little.#but honestly it's too late. if she were to suddenly have a change of heart now i wouldnt give a damn.#the damage is done you dont get to have this part of me and act like youre such a good and supportive mother.#i cant even say i hate her. i love her but shes hurt me more than anyone else ever has and i can never trust her to actually love me or even#fucking see me or support anything about me that actually matters to me#i dont know. i dont know. thinking about it again.#ive thought abt telling my dad. not bc it wld do any good but bc ik he values honesty and maybe hed throw me a 'damn that sucks'#my sister said this is something i have to fight on but she doesnt get it. i have no ground to stand on as far as shes concerned
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we are deconstructing gender on Google docs tonight boys
#this is stupid LMAO im annotating stuff from a guy from liek the 1400s who prolly didnt even give a shit#when he wrote that In the spirit realm the concept of gender is nebulous at BEST#if not just totally absent#he was like.. ya spirit beings change their genders all the time They switch tey can be combinations they can be nothing#reading that like Hemm…. well 1 big belief Thats held in christianity is that people are spirit beings underneath all the flesh#so what does that mean for the people who are dead set on Sex Organs determining peoples personalities ? idk. makes you think#gender means jack shit basically.#a lot of people raised male tend to behave in certain ways Not because of their sex but because of expectations And norms#and same with people raised female#and that shit goes alll the way back 2 the stone age#obligatory Nothing wrong w falling into gender stereotypes if its stuff u genuinely like!!^_^#anyways i rambled#i would have rambled more if tumblr wasnt trying to kill itself as i was typing#my rambles#my little peewee brain is sometimes capable of coherent thought But calling this coherent migjt be a stretch#bc im hardly in any mind 2 decide if im making sense . its like a fuckin echo chamber up in my brain N every echo becomes more n more warpd#until it eventually sounds normal 2 me ^_^ but when i voice it. the. suddenly i realize Wow thats fucked!#which is why. i usually keep my mouth shut !!!#but thats also bad .real bad If ur opinions always go unchallenged you may as well not even have them#should alwayd know Why you think what u do
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I still don't get this stuff, so, I've got a question: do most allosexuals find random people attractive? and does that mean they look at them and think 'I want to have sex with that person'? not just 'that person is very beautiful' or whatever? like if there's a group of people that are their type or whatever, they might think all of them are. idk, interesting in that way?
and how about thinking about people romantically? I don't get how you would know the difference, and, ugh I'm just so confused and stupid and I'm gonna shut up now
#I'm really confused#I'm definitely not fully ace or aro. like *definitely* not#but I mean. like. people who are into men would just think random guys are hot? right?#I'm pretty sure there's just. something wrong with me or whatever. so it doesn't matter#and I just need to stop thinking about it!#and not talk about it because I sound so stupid. but I don't want to look any of it up anymore because that just makes me feel more Wrong#every time#I don't know. it doesn't matter. there's something wrong with me and it's much more than just that so its#irrelevant#:')#I need to start putting my phone far away from my bed tbh. I always think about stupid shit when I'm half asleep and stupid thoughts#automatically end up on here.#I don't know there's really no point to this I'm just frustrated and sad and overwhelmed#I wish I could just. get over this crap. just stop.#like normally it's fine! it's all just people! they're all the same. maybe they're really pretty or handsome and nice to look at. but that's#it that's all there is. and then someone shows up and I get obsessed and then it's just that person. it's never just. oh that guy is hot or#whatever#it's always just. I go insane.#it's probably. idk completely unrelated to anything. it's probably just my obsessive tendencies#but I don't get it! I really never think about this stuff (at all) except when this happens and then. well. there's not much else really.#ugh whatever I'm just fucking stupid and I'm gonna shut up and delete this tomorrow (for real this time I hope)#okay this is far enough down that no one will read it so: do people just. think about having sex or. whatever. with just. people? like oh#he's hot I want to fuck him? is that why people make out with strangers and stuff? I'm in my 30s why do I still not understand this 😭😭😭#like I'm. not attracted to men or women or whatever it's just. one specific person. and when that's over it's like a switch has been flipped#and there's nothing again#and it's not like. oh I start talking to someone and I learn stuff about them and then I'm attracted to them. that wouldn't even work since#it's been all fictional characters for ages now. like there's no. connection or whatever because. well duh.#ugh I'm too old for this shit#personal
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I imagine that talented musicians must think of chords as distinct from the collection of notes that make them up, because when improvising I can't imagine it's possible to have much fluidity/speed if you're mentally constructing every chord as you play them, but it's equally impressive to me that these people know their instruments so well that they can instantly produce the shape of every chord they can imagine.
#the intimacy you must have with your instrument and with sound and music#to have in your mind some complex sound and produce it on demand without requiring active thought#idk#extremely impressive i think#though i think maybe the human brain is more apt to these tasks than i give it credit for#im by no means a musician but even i sometimes have the thought of 'this sound would go well here'#but then i have to think through what the individual components of that sound are#and then find them on the fretboard#and its not always the sound i thought it would be and any time it starts getting complex it often doesnt fit the way i thought it would#but i suppose if its something i can do to a certain extent with basically 0 musical ability#then it makes sense that its just second nature to someone with years and years of experience and dedication#and theres likely some corner of our brain specifically dedicated to the task or at least one similar enough that it can be easily trained#i suppose being able to process complex sounds and reproduce them is essential for speech because that's how we acquire speech to begin wit#but the sounds of music are way more complex than any sounds capable of being produced by the human body#i suppose thats why you need training though
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