#and its just very hard for me personally to find friends on tumblr because im very particular about writing

[fatuifucker]

its been a day and i still am upset about that interaction with that person they literally didnt do anything wrong but i keep thinking about 4th grade me getting excited when someone likes the same thing as me only for me to not impress them and then i go back home crying and wondering why i have no friends

[dreemurr-skelememer]

Hello :D

I have been following you for the last year or so (a few days after I got my Tumblr lmao) and I absolutely love your art!

I have been wanting to study your art style for a while but don't really know where to start,,,

Could you please show me a small portion of your art process, if it isn't too much trouble of course. Thank you and have a nice day!

hello. oh my god. this took forever to find.

im sorry it took 2 WHOLE FUCKING MONTHS for me to respond to this but i wanted to put it off until i felt happy with my art process again, so here it is

my fall 2024 rendering tutorial!

(this will be very very long)

FLATS AND WHATEVER YOU WANNA DO WITH LINES GIRL. then make sure to recolor the lineart to better match your base. trust me it helps, bold dark lines are Not your best friend when rendering. wait for that post-rendering

i start off with a doodle or a sketch, and then filling it in with flats and other details such as blush

FIGURE OUT YOUR LIGHT SOURCE. FIGURE IT OUT GIRL YOU CAN DO IT you can make it as simple as possible, make it as big as possible, dont even THINK about the details.........just make it really fucking big so you at least know where the shadows and the light goes THEN add smaller shading details LISTEN TO ME. LISTEN TO ME OKAY!!!!!!!!

my key point with this is for you to learn lighting fundamentals.

it's SOOO ANNOYING but alas......they are all correct. it helps a lot.

one thing i also really want to point out is that i like creating a big shadow shape first before fixing up the little details (such as folds and whatever) because it helps me focus on the way the lighting actually works instead of tunnel vision-ing into making the shading make sense on the clothing.

contact shadows (i dont remember if thats what theyre called okay) theyre fucking ugly because im not actually thinking sorry 💔

okay so basically:

contact shadows (if that's what they're called) are the spots in shading and lighting where light will NEVER hit.

shadows are still influenced by the colors and lights around it (it's why a blue shadow and a yellow shadow feel completely different, despite both being shadows) so it's not always COMPLETELY dark.

BUT! there are small points in shadows where light never hits, and they're almost always super dark or pitch black.

it's hard to explain shadow and light so briefly for a tutorial, but you'll notice it when watching fundamental studies and when trying it out for yourself

YES i unclipped the multiply layer YES its ugly and terrifying but it makes coloring the multiply layer easier okay the colors merged w multiply so now it looks cool and has depth overlaying colors that actually make sense

so basically what i did was color the multiply layer that i used to shade the overall drawing

adding a band of red/orange/yellow around where the light hits, and blue where the shadows get big and wide, gives it a fake ambient occlusion effect in the way that a person would get if they stood under the sun with a clear blue sky

the colors don't have to make sense, especially because i never draw backgrounds, but coloring the shadows really help it give a sense of depth and extra subtle detail and effect that just helps make the painting look nicer

around the end, i also put in colors (in an overlay layer with a low opacity brush) that actually make sense in context of the drawing, which is the lit cigarette and the yellow eyelights

mostly because none of the colors were making sense and i needed to actually make use of the lighting that DOES exist in the drawing lol

adding a muddy golden yellow pin light layer (opacity turned down to like 40-50%) to make the light colors less ugly lol

i SWEAR by the fucking pin light layer style. it's so useful and so so underrated.

i used an almost brown-ish gold color on stop of all the layers, and with the pin light layer, it helped make the bright (almost blue-ish) white colors more warm and more yellow. it just helps make things more warm (something i prefer)

i could probably show what it looks like without adjusting the layer opacity to truly show off what i mean (like in the coming section) but i sadly forgot to do that lol

make a layer on top of your drawing with this color in these ranges YES the drawing is fully merged NO don't be afraid, the base was fucking ugly anyway 💔 make this layer into an exclude/exclusion layer style TRUST turn down your exclusion layer opacity from a range of 10% to 40% literally until you're happy with the contrast and the way the color over the drawing. use your eyeballs. i know you can do it im so proud of you

this is pretty self-explanatory instruction-wise, so i'll go into why i do this instead

i really like art that seems like it has low contrast, with almost mid-gray shading and lines. i don't personally use dark and bold lines and shading, unless i find it necessary for the tone of the piece, so using this method helps lower the contrast of the art and make it look "pleasantly muddy" in the way that it's easier and softer on the eyes.

the inverted blue color also helps makes things warmer!

the exclusion layer style is still a bit of a mystery to me but i really like the effect it gives, even if i don't completely get how it works lol

if you want an alternative method to this, and if you have access to it (because i primarily use sai and sai only),

i absolutely encourage you to play around and experiment with gradient maps.

there are so many out there you can make yourself or even get from others that just give the painting an extra amount of depth and color variation. they're SO fun.

personally, if sai2 gets a gradient map update, it's over for y'all it will literally be so over no one will be able to stop me

then i merged everything and actually adjusted the contrast back up because it was looking too muddy for me 💔 but the color adjustments are still there so all hope is not lost here's a comparison of the adjusted contrast in black and white (adjusted on the left) (newly merged layer without adjusting the contrast on the right)

as you can see, i actually turned the contrast back up (despite talking all about how i liked things with less contrast lol)

i wanted to demonstrate that doing adjustments should be done in moderation, and is why i adjust layer opacity often when making color effects

you are free to play around with colors to help your style, but don't lose your initial idea and colors along the way.

you still need to trust your own colors and intuition!

along with that, i just want to say that it's completely okay to change your mind mid-painting, and it's okay to make somewhat drastic changes.

don't be afraid to change things you don't like or change your mind about certain aspects way later on

that's basically the whole thing of this!!! don't be scared!!!

now im gonna hold your hand when i say this..........but you need to learn how to render by yourself. it seems like i can teach you but i literally can't, because rendering is different on every piece and depending on how clean your base is. i have to render A LOT because of how fucking ugly my sketches are LMAO to simplify it, think of it as obsessively cleaning up every detail you can see, but with a color picker and a clean, hard edged brush. if you have shit lineart, you don't have to redraw it cleanly over and over, just paint over it. that's basically what rendering is

THIS especially is where you need to be brave and stop being scared.

like i said, i can't teach you how to render, and it's something you have to discover yourself because rendering is something that will always be personal to every single piece you make. the way you render on every piece is different.

on one piece, you will barely need to render, and on another, rendering is more than half of your ENTIRE process.

don't be afraid to paint over your old art.

rendering is a process that's both very perfectionist yet also very careless.

find your balance and just go for it.

and then that's it……..u did it………..now yuo know how to paint and render. it's literally just layering shading and lighting knowledge until you think it makes sense and looks okay lol additional note: since i render in only one layer (you don't HAVE to do this, but it'll be harder for you…), i also made slight adjustments with the transform (and liquify, if you have it) tool to make things more proportionate. (i drew the head too big lol)

if you compare the finished piece to the final unrendered base, you can see that a LOT changed, including a bit of subtle proportion adjustment.

particularly, the sleeves changed A LOT (because i really didn't like them)

but it's also over all cleaner and more coherent, instead of having haphazard colors and shading just thrown about.

rendering is when you finally use all 100% of your brain to finalize and figure out where the shading should go, where to clean up your lines, where to ERASE or ADD BACK in lines, and make sure all your colors look coherent.

it's not as intimidating as it seems, i only use a hard edged brush with a little bit of color mixing and my color picker.

it's like dragging and dropping colors to cover up mistakes, it's really quite fun when you get used to it

i wish i could explain it clearer but it's hard to describe without visuals!

i hope this helped, and i hope all my yapping isn't annoying (art as a special interest beloved)

have fun studying and trying to render in my art style!

[moonshynecybin]

Hi, new to motogp and i’m a sucker for friends to enemies to lovers and relationships drama and pain so obviously i love marc/vale, i am also think marc is fascinating, but I haven’t found much info detailed info vale’s smear campaign against him/his media savvyness/his entire personality, like i think i grasp the bare bones but, are there any tumblr essay that are required reading to you? Also any good posts about this arm injury (aside for the documentary that i will be watching this weekend)

i love arm. ummmm his documentary is pretty much the story. like the central conceit/plot of the whole damn thing is to chart this latest operation on the injury he sustained in jerez 2020 its GONNA give you most of the information on that. now, that being said. marc is a liar sometimes, so i'm gonna try and gather some resources that might give a better idea on where his arm is NOW, because its something he kind of contradicts himself about !

simon patterson interview with The Race podcast: shockingly candid tbh. i think lil homie was having a bit of a crisis. standing on the edge of a cliff facing down possibly the end of his career. what if the move to gresini sucks ass kinda moment. couching his chances this year pretty aggressively. he ALSO says some stuff about how fucked up his arm still is that hes since tried to mildly walk back cuz hes funny. anyways because im insane i transcribed it:

SP: Did you have to switch teams this season? Did you have to change to something that gave you more of a chance to win after the last few years after how difficult everything has been? MM: Yeah, of course if I change teams its because it was something that I need. And yeah, of course it was a risky movement, but at the same time it was a movement thinking on my career, not on results in a short time. Its like thinking if I have the motivation, if I’m competitive again. You know, I had— three years ago, four years ago I had a very big injury, a hard injury in the arm. And yeah, now its working well, but still is not— I mean its the arm that you open four times. If you ask to a doctor, of course its performing in a good way, but its not the same arm. But I have many question marks inside my head. So, the best way to answer to myself is— do what I want. And yeah, its a risky movement. Why? Because the comfortable movement is to stay where I was, with my people, with my friends, with a big salary, the project. But I decided to jump to a new project and at the moment we will see if I can answer the many questions that I have. SP: It sounds like the reason you did it, the questions you have to answer are all for yourself. It's not about– MM: No, no no no– it's just for me. Because for me— I say many times in my interviews— if I don't feel competitive– and competitive doesn't mean win or win, it means be in that top five top six, and yeah five four podiums, five four victories. Win a championship is super difficult. And especially it becomes more and more difficult when the years are passing and the younger [people] are coming. So the life is the life and every athlete has his moment, and then step by step it goes down. But yeah I need to feel again competitive to continue with my career.  Especially these last four years, has been, I mean– has been a nightmare, but is like it has passed super quick. The other years I was competing. I mean in the last four years I’ve completed half the championship, because I had many injuries, so now I need to find this stability, this pace. To start to create again a good base to fight for some races to the top positions— this is my intention. But to fight for the championship? This is something that still I’m not ready for. SP: You said that you learned a lot, during all of this. Is there things that have made you better? Are there things that youre gonna come back now with like new skills because of the experience? MM: No. I will not be better than before. Because– Yeah, maybe I have more experience, but before I was 100% in physical condition, and I was fresh. People say ‘No, he will come back stronger.’ When you have an injury, of course it's— injury is an injury. When you have an injury like two, three years, you lose the rhythm, you lose the feeling sometimes. And then it's super difficult to repeat all those things. But especially because your body— I mean they say the body is super smart, it can adapt. The body is super smart to adapt to new things, but it also is smart to remember what’s going on there. So yeah. I will be different, maybe— but not better.

theres also this similar quote from jan 2023:

theres also this recent statement from mat oxley talking about his arm and his sort of. show no weakness when it can be used against you philosophy

SO. following with that observation. he's started also kinda. being more noncommittal and vague in interviews/presscons now that he senses blood in the water. show no weakness expose no underbelly type stuff. so theres this in preseason which is actually around the same time as the patterson interview where he's still couching it a bit but hes also very adamant that his arm is working:

and then the BIG change comes around mugello this year, when he was fishing HARD for that ducati 2025 seat and changed his tune uh. QUITE a bit:

finally just some posts psychoanalyzing his ass about arm/injury, MOST of which are fairly recent. here, here, here, here, here, and here. ive also aggregated some recs for content good for learning about him in general here! go with god

[kremlin]

I do computer work but it's not very hard and kind of boring. How do I get to do hard computer work? Do I have to go to grad school?

hi i tend to miss these because of slipshod ublock custom filters im too birdbrained to fix.

i worked for a large american technology company which sold business machines internationally for close to a decade until laid off in successful accounting fraud scheme a few years ago. started as developer, erm, pardon me, i started as

junior developer

which is a role similar to routinely-executed court jester and human meatwave conscript meant to soak up enemy bullets to cause exhaustion of enemy bullet supply and finally guy that comes in big gross truck with a pump and a tank and a big hose used to suck the shit+piss out of portable toilet/malfunctioning sewer etc. this is for when you are 20 years old or so and they hit you with this work to calm your ass down a bit. my case was cloud bullshit on ancient rickety php stack. 5% keystrokes/clicks are php, 95% remainder is jira and other members of the axis of evil. LOT of dick sucking and butt fucking. Going into men's bathroom and making eye contact with cubicle neighbor before entering stall and fearlessly making disgusting noises. microwaving fish lunch thrice daily. you get the idea. meager paycheck but six figures takehome technically

next is staff dev, wait, god damn fucking tumblr, you can't adjust fonts mid-paragraph, and Big Text is just another type of font, in case you wanted Big Specific font. fucking fuck hold on. next step is

staff developer

no effective change besides greatly increased workload (click those motherfucking jira buttons!! suffer coworker's asinine bad-faith code review comments that HE AND HE ALONE must manually accept your responses to, on HIS time, before you are allowed to click the jira buttons that start the human meat sausage factory to get your 20 line maximum change into an RC and then release and then push candidate and then prod push!! pay raise one thousand dollars annually (lol). Emails. Now you deal with project manager too. speculate as to what sorts of grievous head injuries that man must suffer daily to describe his logic. his job is like the guy from office space that brings documents from one desk to another but he randomly reorders the words on the page in-flight. make plausibly-deniable wife fucking jokes about his wife in earshot. you're almost at the top of the suffering function. next is, no fucking cute font this time, senior developer, sounds cool right, lol, lmao, "senior" "developer" is like "tallest" "midgit".

no pay increase no workload increase but now manager emails you about extremely, extremely personal issues he's facing and also makes his most difficult problems from his boss your problems. one week will pass and then they will hit you with the "we're considering you for a team lead position". answer:

NO

answer no as this is the prescribed path, you take that role, you are maxxed out in workload, you are dealing with forty employee's worth of bullshit, another one thousand dollarinos a year raise, employer has solved efficiency problem with your sanity and burnout as variables. you're supposed to quit or kill yourself within seconds of hitting 30 y/o. don't fall for tricks. say "NO" in a creative way such as "i have tabulated some data and made it into excel pie chart quantifying diff. departments work output and am considering sending it to whoever Dave is, the guy that is one or two or three report levels over your boss' head, you know, his boss' boss' boss or whatever. or say "you are harassing me sexually, racistly" that kind of shit. make threat clearly.

was worth mentioning before, throughout all of this make as many friends and as much of a splash for yourself as possible as its time to trade on that goodwill, tell your boss you want an open relationship and you're going to fuck and suck other managers, and then find the good one with the good team of old fucking geriatric guys who could never be fooled into working more than a reasonable amount daily and also can kill people with their minds since they have been sitting on the bleeding edge of computing since 1969. their boss will usually be, suspiciously, one report rank higher than everyone else. e.g. their boss has a whole other boss + his reports under him. usually small team. go to their boss, say, hi, look at me, look at my beautiful plumage and captivating mating dance, please hire me, pleassseee. his team will say no, they will say things like "I don't know about that kiddo", "That guy seems like a candy-ass", they will read your papers and look at you in the eyes and say it is not compelling, the boss will kind of hire you anyway. if he doesn't you're fucked. if he does you're now a

STAFF ENGINEER

for fifteen minutes and then

ADVISORY/SENIOR/SPECIAL ENGINEER

and the suffering is over. no code minimal jira + squad of gremlin zerglings under your boss whom you can rank-pull and delegate bullshit to, they will be mostly suckers, take advantage of this. 80% of keystrokes/clicks will be in production of beautiful wonderful lovely .docx and .xlsx's, what a godsend, only in an emergency are you allowed to fuck with your zergling's code, usually in a cool way with bullshit procedure removed.

i worked on high performance computing shit. "what the fuck do you mean 2PB or so in and out a day on flash memory", "what the fuck do you mean special infiniband intel MPI library on CD-R stored in Craig's filing cabinet???". Meetings with company people: webcams off, responses optional, snideness allowed. Meetings with client: you must have your dress shirt starched and white glove the shit out of those motherfuckers. timezones = skill issue. i don't care where germany is, i don't give a shit, wake up at 3am for a 20m meeting i take on the toilet or while eating a boiled lobster complete with cracker + lobster bib. customers countable on one hand, invoices to customers not countable with 32 bits. no fucking mistakes ever allowed except for like whitepaper drafts, you cannot fuck the pumpkin on this one, your actual job relies on your ability to hit a button and suck down a week's worth of compute and millions of dollars, boiling swimming pool's worth of TDP, one mistake that leads result data to being able to be characterized as flawed and your balls are getting ripped off. Quarterly IRL meetings = normiepilled normiemaxxing. Dress sharp. leave at 5pm on the dot, go to bar with Old Fucker coworkers, drink wrecklessly with them, have a blast, let them give you a tour of a lab you are absolutely 100% not allowed to be inside, buildings that have posted weight limits per sq. ft. exceeding 250lbs, such a blast. every paycheck a FORTUNE every dinner a banquet every meeting an email every keystroke life or death. you get to meet /lib/doug mofos too one of whom i wrote a very poor kind of poem thing about. thats about it. hope this helps

[s0m3b0dy2u]

"but roman..."

"why didnt you script youre immune to hate" / "why did you literally script haters into your dr???"

three words: because it's funny.

I scripted that hate doesn't bother me, and that i think it's funny. also, im very petty and i cant do dumb shit just to spite the haters if there are no haters. i did script that my friends dont get any/get very little hate. for example, people only think good things about theo because he literally posts the most gorgeous photographs, shes amazing at their job, and hes just the kindest person to literally everyone they meet. nico has haters in the way any loud and obnoxious youtuber will but theyre very few and far between and he also finds them funny, but in a slightly different way then i do. felix's legitimate work is amazing, and theres so little room for criticism to begin with, and most of his shitty takes are on tumblr, so hes safe. venus gets the same kind of hate anyone that makes the kind of music she does will, also largely angry christians like i have in my hatebase. she, of course, is the best at handling hate out of any of us. shes absolutely brutal. shes also the first to clap back if any of her friends get any hate to begin with. of course, she has the largest fanbase out of all of us so... yk how that goes, im sure. she also like... thrives off of drama.

also, i've litterally written whole critical articles about myself, if anyone wants to read them

Blasphemy Disguised as Art: The Dangerous Message of Empire’s 666

Style Over Substance? The Fall of Rome’s Theatrics

etc.

the first one is my favorite (˶˃ ᵕ ˂˶) .ᐟ.ᐟ

lets talk about 666

the only reason the ep (or even me in general) blew up as hard as it did is because of christian supremacists.

!! i dont hate christians or christianity, and i do not intend to mock the religion itself !! 666 is about my own personal struggles with religion !! also, the christians im talking about here are the kind that hardly live like christians--the ones that dont live and lead with kindness, but instead anger, and the kind that would condemn you to hell if they saw you walking down the street holding hands with someone of the same sex because "its a sin." the bible says we, as humans, are in no right to judge one another, etc. etc. etc. the reason i didnt script people like this out in this dr is because theyve greatly helped shape the person i am today--for better or for worse. (i feel the need to mention, now, i did script out homophobia, transphobia, and other forms of discrimination) !!

these people, maybe they saw the album cover, read the lyrics, or even just read the album and song titles, whatever it was they got so pissed. most of them havent seen anything else about me, and just jumped to the "hes encouraging devil worship" "he thinks hes better than God" etc etc etc. this lead more and more people to seeing my stuff and so... yeah

also the people that are like "EMPIREs too theatric" "romes too dramatic" like... no shit?? thats my whole thing?? idk what to tell you. my fans eat it tf uppppp too.

the people that are like "mmm maybe try making happy music now?? :/" piss me off tho like no???? my whole thing is doom and gloom. i am death incarnate, im fuckin--IM A VAMPIRE OK IM SUPPOSED TO BE VAMPIRIC ૮₍ ˃ ⤙ ˂ ₎ა /silly

also theres nothing funnier than tiktok comments like "you need jesus" and "go read the bible" pllssss what????? (╥﹏╥) lmaoooo

and like keep hating, all youre doing is making me more famous??? idk like....

i also love ironic haters

like yes, lets pretend we hate each others guts while were sitting in a cozy lil cafe tg

lets say we hate each others music and then drop a collab not even a week later

૮꒰˶> ᴗ <˶꒱ა

uhhhh rant over

if youre still here, how was your day/morning? remember to take care of yourselves, drink some water, eat something--even if it's just a little bit--and take a break if you need to. i love you all <3 have a nice day/night

[ohmygs-blog]

hi my loves <3 warning for u as this will be a bit of a long post bahaha but hopefully it will help explain to u guys :) i haven’t been very active on this account, or my second account as a lot of u guys have noticed. i appreciate all of the different dms and inboxes checking in on me and i’ve missed u all !!! and i promise i’m okay !!!

ive been doing a lot of thinking in the past couples weeks and i 100% do not plan on leaving this account or my writing anytime soon.

honestly i don’t have the words to explain what i mean or have been feeling but ig the best way would be; i’ve been losing the excitement that comes with posting and writing on tumblr.

im not sure what changed and that's what majority of where the frustration i have is coming from. i don’t want to say ive outgrown this because i don’t think i have, its just the struggle of thinking of ideas and messages that match with the little personas ive created.

i’ve talked abt it before and taking inspo from the dreamies irl personalities i’ve tried to create my own personas of them and it’s important to me idk hahaha. what i’m getting at is ive become a bit of a perfectionist and if i don’t think an idea of mine matches w their character its discouraging if that makes sense idk???

instead of the excitement, ive honestly just been stressing myself out and finding anything i can to pick at and tear down. which leads towards more stress because i honestly love writing and seeing all of ur comments & messages and interacting with u guys and when i feel like i have nothing to offer i feel bad ahahah.

ANYWAY all this to say, that im not closing my account or leaving u lovely ppl behind. i have a couple drafts written and saved in my drafts so ill be posting them and working on requests when inspiration strikes !!!!

• ౨ৎ • ౨ৎ • ౨ৎ • ౨ৎ • ౨ৎ • ౨ৎ • ౨ৎ • ౨ৎ • ౨ৎ • ౨ৎ • ౨ৎ •

in the meantime if ur missing my writing (pls miss me bc ill miss u dearly), here's some of my other socials that i will be active on !!!!

pinterest !!! see what goes on in my brain, fic inspo boards, nct dream bf inspo & other boards :D

twitter !! @/ohmyyygodddd (idk what i’m going to do on my twitter lol but i’ve been waiting to make a 2nd account and i just made it today lol)

wattpad !!! fics below !! pls check them out i’m begging haha i’ve worked so hard on them and i’d love to share them w you guys :D

the alliance: wherein a group of friends can't get enough of their random internet feuds or taking down their enemies !

love department: wherein dani's friends are embarrassed over the lack of love (and boys) in her life and decide they need to help out.

[pokemon-ash-aus]

I'm more curious on what reverse betrayal AU is, i couldn't really find anything in the tags sorry

Damn i SWEAR i wrote it down already. I guess Tumblr's tags are extra extra broken.

OKAY 👏

So everyone knows the canonical fanfiction trope of Betrayal AU's yes? Where the Main character of any fandom (in this case Ash) gets abandoned and spit on by their friends and partners except for the brief few that usually end up being the love interest?

In this case it's

Ash's friends leave him, ash's pokemon leave him except for the strong ones (pikachu is usually leaving him behind but i call bull so whatevs), Ash gets new pokemon, stronger and so much better (also legendaries, whoda thunk), he gets a love interest or a harem (cause why not) and then gets WICKED OP to the point its a bit unbelievable. Theb the betrayers come back and Ash wipes the floor with them while mocking them the whole time.

Its a well known trope, one that i used to adore myself, but i found it lacking after a hot min. The characters were always OOC, and the progression of events started to lean on terrible for me. No hate to the trope, i wrote one nyself once upon a time (unfinished), but it's nit in my wheelhouse anymore.

And so i made the Reverse Betrayal AU, mostly as a kick but really it started on the same premise but executed differently.

Ash's friends gather round, in this case, it had only gone up to alola so im sticking by that. My reasoning was that the little field trip down in Kanto was an excellent opportunity to get the rest of Ash's friends down there as a surprise!

Now, i want to point out the crucial information that Ash acts differently with each friend group. Not intentionally being deceitful, but more of, trying to fit into the type of person they need. For Misty that was a Brat, for May that was a Mentor, for Dawn a Sibling, for Iris an idiot, for Serena a hero. Etc etc.

Alola was the place where Ash *couldnt* do that so he finds himself in a mix of Mentor/friend/sibling role.

But when they all are there, Ash has a hard time trying to figure out what he should be and what he should stray into. And that leans into him being a Brat because Misty is a VERY loud personality in a way no one else was.

And boy do they grate on each other's nerves.

Misty is teasing him playfully, but Ash is biting back HARD. Not because he wants too, but the stress of the situation makes it hard for him to fight back just as playful. Especially with Iris there since her words used to cut before, but now he's painting Misty with the same brush but twice as deep.

And Misty doesnt appreciate this right, so this playfight on her end turns into actual fighting, words of anger and resentment speaking out on both sides.

"I WISH I NEVER MET YOU." Get's thrown out and the entire field goes quiet.

"Ditto." Ash growls.

And they turn away from each other.

And Brock is already trying to placate, he's seen this before a million times but then...

Everyone else jumps in.

Accusations are thrown, some side with Misty some side with Ash. None of these people are friends with each other, they all are connected through Ash.

And so Brock cuts them all off, cause the two were BOTH being uncalled for. And when he turns to Ash to ask what he was thinking.

The kid is outright gone.

No words no nothing and that leaves a deep deep dread in Brock's stomach.

"Oh he left, just like a little kid." Iris sighs, shaking her head as the others glare at her.

"No," Brock's voice trembles and that stops everyone else from really saying anything. "Ash can be rude and angry and wrong all he wants but he doesnt ever leave a conversation mod way- hell he doesnt even run away from a confrontation- this- this isnt right."

And while they look for him it starts ti become more and more clear that... None of these people are /friends/. They know Ash and Ash only.

And that starts *arguments*, screams of whose right and whose wrong and why Ash doesnt need to have a friend like *you.*

Its the take of, instead of Ashbeing abandoned by his friends. Its instead Ash 'abandoning' his friends instead. But its not really true, cause Ash wabts to be with his friends he's just...

Very mad right now.

Whoo i went on a tangent. I have more- somewhere- so ill need to look for it.

[roostertuftart]

is there a kyman (or any other kyle ship) fic that you feel has accurately characterized kyle? lately im struggling so much to find fics where kyle isn't completely ooc be it kyman or style TT

I don’t read ky//man because it just about never feels like an accurate portrayal to me, and the ship makes me intensely uncomfortable for a whole list of personal reasons. More power to you if it’s your thing but I just don’t find that pairing very compatible on a fundamental level, even as an enemies to lovers fan. I guess it just depends on how you see Kyle or the cartman + Kyle dynamic though, and where your comfort levels lie.

One of my fav Kyle characterizations I’ve always shouted out was I Don’t Want Antibody But You by @lozislaw and I cannot recommend good fanfics with a Kyle focus without mentioning @fayoftheforest my beloved/p. but I don’t honestly read a lot of fanfiction nowadays so I’m not a fantastic reference for that sort of thing. I’m trying to get back into the habit but it’s hard with college + the multiple projects I’m working on (comic + animation MAP 🫠) to find the time to even read my friends’ work, let alone the dozens being updated each day by various authors!! One day I’ll get back in the fanfic sphere. Probably. Maybe. Unlikely but… I’m hoping.

If you’re into comics, the Bitchless AU on Twitter is pretty great imo, as is much of what you find on Insta nowadays. Tereredemanaos’ work is gorgeous (they’re more Stan focused but still), and like. Anything by Buggself is also pretty fun. Survivors and Saviors is another good insta comic, and I’ve enjoyed Euphoralide quite a bit since it’s first rendition- It’s now being redone with improvement on art and writing (which is not to say it was ever bad in the first place). 0harpies has a fun werewolf comic in its early stages that seems to be centering Kyle as the focus, and lastly, I can’t not mention the amazing short Style comic by @meteooru that’s been crossposted onto Tumblr as well. Chef’s Kiss of Style comics.

Insta is kinda a treasure trove for South Park content but if you’re looking for long, in depth character studies that are absolutely going to be completed you may be a bit more out of luck, as all of these are in progress, mostly focus on a wider plot over intensive character relationship dynamics, and lastly, there’s yet to be many SP comics that fell into the completed category unless they were intended to be fairly short from the start. Give these comics a try though, if you’re willing to take the risk on them. The art is beautiful and I like all of their various takes on the characters.

[liverpool-enjoyer]

hey yall forewarning this is easily the most embarrassing post ive ever made on here. like im not talking normal levels of tumblr cringe/oversharing, i mean youre probly gonna judge me and think somethings genuinely wrong with me. but i really need to get it off my chest so. yolo.

also tldr at the end in case you wanna spare yourself lmao.

mkay so recently i havent been online, because ive been really sad. and the reason im sad is that gavi got a girlfriend. which i realize is probly the stupidest and most juvenile thing to be sad over but hear me out (or dont lmao its a free country do whatever you want).

its not like i ever thought i had a chance with him or anything, im not stupid. but ive known for a very long time that, due to my asexuality (and other things but mostly that), i am never going to have love in my life. so for me, daydreaming and fantasizing about being gavis girlfriend was like,,, how i coped, i guess. it was a form of escapism for me. and now i cant do that anymore bc hes someones boyfriend and fantasizing abt another girls boyfriend just feels wrong. and pathetic.

it doesnt help that all my social medias have algorithmed so that hes all over all my feeds. and to be honest, looking at him just makes me think of his beautiful girlfriend who has everything i could ever want and i feel this horrible awful nauseating feeling in my stomach and i feel envious and sad and a slew of other things. it sucks that someone who once unknowingly made me so happy now does the exact opposite but hey what can you do.

i know it sounds stupid, but i dont think i'll ever feel for someone the way i feel about him. hes the most beautiful person ive ever laid eyes on and oh God i was right this does sound stupid ok lets continue

oh and let me be clear (you hafta read that in obamas voice) im aware that feeling this way toward a complete stranger (or anyone for that matter, but like especially a complete stranger) is EXTREMELY UNHEALTHY. unfortunately, knowing that my feelings and thoughts are unhealthy doesnt stop me from having them.

so yeah. now that ive lost my form of escapism, all i can think about at any given moment is how lonely im going to be. its hard to enjoy much of anything these days when all im thinking about is how im never going to receive romantic love, and now i cant even daydream about dating gavi to cope with it. because all i can think about when i try to is how hard his girlfriend would laugh if she found out some pathetic worm halfway across the world was fantasizing about her man.

so yeah thats it. i know that every time i angst abt my asexuality (which is a LOT like holy shit why do ppl still follow me), my friends tell me that its ok because im going to find someone someday. and i appreciate it, i really do. it means the world. but my friends saying that i'll find love doesnt make it true. plenty of people have died alone and unloved before, and i am going to be one of them.

tldr: a guy ive never met got a girlfriend n im having a depressive episode abt it LMAOOOO

[reilikeslifting]

This is the person who just did their first lift, I totally forgot to ask but, do you have any tips for new lifters ^^

of course! and congrats!!!

new l!fting tip #1: tumblr 101

no tags!!! do not tag ur posts, it makes it easier for non-l!fters to find and report l!fters

censor out brands and l!fting terms!! such as dn@, 3B, etc. (dn@ is did not arrive and 3B is empty box!!! different l!fting methods)

never ever put any defining objects in your photos if you are gonna post! make sure its the haul and ONLY the haul.

remove exif data from your photos so they can’t be traced, personally i dont do think bc im lazy but you should!

don’t put your total in your bio! i used to do this bc i liked to tell ppl i saved $20k-$30k over the year but it’s not smart to flaunt that you’re over the felony limit!

next, #2: how to lyft

so you’ve already completed your first lyft (woohoo proud of u!!) but how can you go about being safer and smarter?

my first tip is always scan the school for cameras! be sneaky tho don’t like just stare at the ceiling, but yk get a feel for how many cameras, what type, and what direction they’re facing. most places are gonna have the dome cameras, those are the worst because they see in every direction. always always try to body block if possible. either get someone else to block you or duck behind something while you’re concealing. better to not be caught on cam!!

nobody in that store is your friend, remember that. always assume that customers are plain clothes LP (disguised security) and always assume that sales associates WILL rat you out. don’t think “oh well it’s just me and one other person in the aisle it’ll be fine” because it’s gonna be the one time it’s not fine.

on that note, be kind to everyone. this isn’t just a lyfting tip it’s a rule i live by but just be kind. they’re gonna suspect you much less if you smile and answer questions and compliment them if you feel so inclined, just be a nice person. i believe this is one of the reasons i’ve never been caught, i’m just very friendly.

concealing!!! where to conceal? i personally like using my bag most often. your bag is important too!!! i use one off amazon (you can type like kawaii heart school bag and it’ll pop up, its black and has a big heart cut out for pins) but i dont have any pins because i dont want it to be too identifiable. its purse enough for people not to tell me to take it off (a lot of places don’t allow backpacks) but big enough to fit a LOT of stuff. structured bags are always a good idea too! that way people won’t be able to tell if you’ve put anything in there. i like to conceal in aisles without cameras most often, but if i have to body block sometimes i’ll put stuff up my sleeves first! another idea is to use a shopping bag from another store. this way people will think you’ve just already bought stuff! the target ones are my favorite since they’re opaque<3

onto the next section, #3: all about tags

de-tagging is definitely a more experienced lyfting practice but you can definitely start with rfids!!

rfids are gonna be the little metal wires in plastic, paper, or sticker tags. these are very common and you’ll see them at places like w4lmart or t4rget. these are easily removable by either cutting them off or disabling them with a magnet. you don’t NEED any tools while lyfting, but some of them can come in handy. if you do find yourself with a magnet, to disable rfids you just need to swipe your magnet against the tag. if you don’t have one, simply cut the metal wire in half. you can use scissors or nail clippers or cuticle nippers or whatever you might have!! if you can’t cut them, simply remove them and i personally stick the tag in the pocket of a really ugly item on clearance so that it hopefully goes unfound for a while!

hard tags! hard tags are any tag from the solid tags you find usually on clothes to spider tags you find on electronics or wire tags on jewelry at hot topic, etc. these all require tools to remove. some will require a magnet, others will require hooks, but it’s definitely worth looking into if you decide to branch out on your journey.

brief mention, #3.5: booster bags!

booster bags are small bags lined with many layers of foil to prevent signals from reaching the towers. just in case you didn’t know, towers are the tall sensors by the front door when you walk in! with a booster bag, you can put any kind of tagged item you want, zip it up, and walk out without beeping. you need many layers however!! the way to test if your bag works it by putting your cell phone in there and asking someone to call you. if the call goes through, there aren’t enough layers!! once the call doesn’t go through you’re set! this however is a more advanced trick so please be careful if you’re gonna try this!

lastly, #4 online “shopping”!

so you’ve heard of dn4ing or empty boxes, well lemme tell you what it all means! did not arrive is when you purchase an item, wait for it to arrive, and then message the carrier and tell them it never arrived. typically our goal here is to get a refund, but any times they wont be as easily persuaded and you’ll end up with a replacement instead. however it’s not impossible and many places are easier others. if you think you wanna try this, she!n or am4zon are a good place to start!! if she!n opens an investigation, it’s just a bluff, go with it!

empty box is another form of online lyfting, it’s when you tell the carrier that your item arrived with nothing in it. the process is similar to the first one, message the carrier etc. however just claim that it’s an empty box!

I HOPE ALL THESE TIPS HELPED PLS LET ME KNOW<333 LOVE YOU GUYS STAY HEALTHY AND TAKE CARE OF YOURSELVES

[amomentspause]

[ Hi hi my lovelies! My name is Keeley (she/her, gmt) and I'm the awkward potato behind Inhye and Seojin~ I so cannot wait to begin plotting and headcanonning and writing with you all! Fair warning, I'm a little bit on the slow side when it comes to replies both ic and ooc, but I'll try to keep up! I started rping on tumblr many, many years ago (actually don't ask me when because it will make me feel old xD) and have been away from the whole thing for almost as long because, well, life. So I may be a bit rusty and behind on all the latest do's and don'ts. Please guide me whenever you can and I will do my best not to sound like a granny ^^

This blog is still under construction, but it will host both my muses. Everything will eventually be clearly separated so you know whose info and posts are whose. But for now, you can find some snippets of their life below, as well as some wanted connections and starter ideas for each of them. If anything takes your fancy, please leave a lil' like on this post and I will potato roll into your im's!

Okay this is getting long now and one of my cats is licking my hand so much I can barely type so I must depart

Thank you for getting all the way through this~! Over to Inhye and Seojin...

Seong Inhye

10/10/1994

Apt. 12a

- Connections -

Extrovert, people person, perfectionist. Ambitious, hard working, focused, passionate, creative, obsessive, energetic. Has a sweet tooth, several scrapbooks full of photos, and a dream to turn her apartment into a houseplant jungle.

Some might call her upbringing privileged, and Inhye can't deny that it's true. She just can't see it that way herself.

Her parents were well off and loved her dearly. That love showed itself in their support of her passions. They financed her entire figure skating career from the age of seven, never discouraging her, only ever wanting her to succeed.

Inhye loved skating. She still does. It was nearly all she knew for half her life. But it became apparent late in her career that she'd hit a ceiling. She pushed herself to breaking point trying to fulfil her dreams and make good on her parents' expectations. And break she did.

There are still rumours to this day about her retirement from the sport. She suffered an injury to her ankle, true, but there were rivalries and drama and endless disappointments. It's safe to say that her parents were not pleased when she turned away from it all.

Broken too, was an unofficial engagement that her parents had planned for her since her early teens. No bad blood was lost between Inhye and her potential husband. Her father, on the other hand, has never forgiven Inhye for her rejection of his dreams for her. Needless to say, she and her parents are cordial at best. That's if they even see each other more than once a year.

Despite her bubbly personality, Inhye has had very few in the way of close friends. There was always something that pulled her away or made her put up walls. She's bitterly sad about it and resolved upon moving out of her parents' place that she'd find people to connect with.

Photography had always been her hobby. Just a fun thing to do to pass the time off the ice. But during her recovery, it became a way to understand the world around her, looking at the same rooms and spaces in a different light. She took to it like a fish to water.

She now owns her own small photography studio in Hongdae a few streets away from Gyeogang named Paraiba Photography. Whilst she does many shoots in the studio, from family portraits to maternity shoots, it's shooting on location at weddings that she really loves. She has over fifty weddings under her portfolio. And yes, though she doesn't tell anyone, she does enjoy the perks of the job - like occasional free cake.

Inhye has a strong dislike of coffee. Ironic since she's living above a coffee shop. But in its place, she could drink fruit blend teas all day. Also, again. There's cake.

Somewhat inspired by talking to florists at the weddings she's attended, Inhye has a growing love for flowers and plants. Apartment 12a is filled with tastefully arranged houseplants of various varieties, which Inhye will proudly admit she has conversations with from time to time.

She'd love nothing more than to own a dog. Alas, her schedule doesn't allow for it. Maybe one day.

Han Seojin

28/10/1995

Apt. 15c

- Connections -

Insomniac, coffee addict, hopeless romantic, serial dater, nerd, writer, drummer, keen cook. Younger brother, fun uncle, devoted son. Quiet, thoughtful, bit of a chaotic mess, but ever the optimist.

Seojin was raided by loving parents alongside his elder sister Seoyoon. The family lived above the samgyetang restaurant that his parents owned and his spare time was often spent helping cook or serve in the restaurant.

He and Seoyoon have a great relationship. They bicker and pretend to dislike each other as most siblings do, but both would do absolutely anything for each other.

Three years ago, Seoyoon discovered her husband was having an affair. She divorced him despite the repercussions she knew it might have, and devoted everything to raising her now five year old daughter Jisoo.

Seojin absolutely adores his niece and will often look after her at his parents or Seoyoon's apartment after school. He calls her Jiji and she she has taken to calling him Uncle Jinjin, much to Seoyoon's dismay and Seojin's delight.

He is, without a doubt, a complete nerd. Especially for fantasy. He's an avid rpg lover, devours the most lengthy of fantasy book series, and even DMed a DnD game for his friends back in uni. If you want him to open up a bit, ask him about his favourite books or video games. Just make sure you have at least half an hour to spare.

Though he tends to be reserved, it isn't through shyness. Seojin is often lost in his own worlds or thoughts, and likes to observe and listen. Some people take his quiet as a sign of rudeness, but it's often the opposite. He'd much rather listen to your story than tell his.

He'd always wanted to be a writer - a fantasy novelist if he was to think romantically. But its a tricky business, and so after failing to publish his first novel after graduating uni with a degree in English Lit, he stumbled into ghostwriting. It suits him well, keeping in the shadows, letting the words do the talking for him. He currently doesn't mind others taking credit for his work, especially when it enables him to write, publish and get paid for stories he loves to write. But he still harbours that naïve dream to one day see his work under his own name.

Seojin's friends claim his love life is cursed. He's been in seven relationships, and all have ended with him being dumped. As a bit of a hopeless romantic, he's found it all quite devastating. But it hasn't made him bitter. Far from it. He's eager to try again.

He moved into a top floor apartment to be the furthest away from Brewed Awakening as possible. As an insomniac, being a lover of coffee doesn't help his situation. Hence the need to lessen temptation. So far, his logic has soundly failed.

He shares his small apartment with his two adopted cats, Myeon and Luna. Both run circles around him, like to write their own paragraphs into his work, and have been trained to go on walks with him through the local neighbourhood. One at a time of course.

[my-castles-crumbling]

so like after a period of some not so healthy communication my bsf and I are no longer friends I guess and honestly? all my other friends think its for the best and ig yeah but I guess its kind of hard to fix that void. its not something we can just TALK about, we've tried and always ended up in the same place and we cant really be friends again. not in "this timeline" which ironically is a concept she firmly believes in (of things not happening again in "this timeline") and she has tumblr (she's the one who introduced me to tumblr and your blog though I'm often inactive) and I KNOW she'll see this and I guess that's okay. I'm glad for our times together but its just not possible for us to be friends anymore. we've hurt each other too much, mutually, and we're just very different people compared to those 9 year old peas in a pod that we once were. I don't believe that ill find someone else who's anything like her and I guess I'm glad. she'd be special in my memories like that. being friends again is not an option. my other friends will definitely kill me because every time our friendship has reached a breaking point we've always temporarily resolved it until a new issue arises and the cycle repeats. and they just think its really unhealthy and I get it. I. get. it. but finding no one like her is also a challenge because I've gotten so accustomed to needing someone who gives me comfort like she does. im not that accustomed to other peoples comfort but I guess I'll learn. its only 3 and a half more years until I get out of this hellhole and make genuine friends for life anyway.

it sounds so incredibly petty if I tell you I removed her from all my socials but I did. so that I don't get the urge to reach out, not like she'd talk to me anyway. its. unhealthy. my brain knows that but my heart doesn't. my heart longs to be embraced by her. my heart wants to cry about this problem to her even though its literally about her. my heart just cant accept that it wont be us anymore.

my brain wants to move the fuck on. im becoming a different person and I don't have the same life I once did. I don't need her because she isn't a part of my new persona.

so my brain and my heart are at constant war with eachother. I guess she was my first real female friendship. the first one that went downhill. the other friendships I lost were over petty things and I'm on talking terms with them all. this one is different. it goes deeper than anything else. it makes me want to laugh and sob and tear out my hair in frustration all at once. its the first proper gruesome betrayal because we betrayed younger us. younger us who would've been neighbours and live to see eachother with grey hair. I have an ex who I was IN LOVE with and when we broke up I never cried as much as I'm crying for this friend. of course the circumstances were a bit different but I haven't cried so hard for ANYONE leaving. and now I guess I'm scared they'll all leave.

ill get over it just like I get over everything else but its just so much harder.

...................et tu, brute?

Hi!

I'm so sorry this happened to you.

I think the really sad truth is that some people just...bring out the worst in each other. Like they have an unhealthy relationship, no matter what type and what they do. And it doesn't make them bad people, it just doesn't work.

Friendship breakups are AWFUL too because I feel like people are less likely to take them seriously. But you have to go through a mourning period, just like a relationship breakup. It's hard, and it takes time, and it's okay to have all sorts of feelings about it. But it sounds like you know that this is what's best for both of you, at least for now.

Remember thought that just because friendship didn't work with one person, it doesn't mean it's the same for everyone. Everyone is different, and not everyone will leave <3

Naming you timeline anon

[the-heron]

*putting on a moustache and sunglasses*

So like what’s the deal with ghosted what’s that about

now see the deal with Ghosted is that it's not what happens within the events of the film that captivates me so much, though don't get me wrong i love this film to bits, but rather, it's the idea of what happens after the whole thing that makes me FUCKING NUTS

because the whole thing is relatively cut and dry in the sense that we don't have to guess about what happened before and we don't have to guess about how everybody is feeling in the present. we know (MOST) important characters backgrounds and what they're doing at Falkhill and slowly revealing Paul's context was pretty interesting if not a little abrupt at the end there but its the very last scene of this film down to the very frame that flips the whole hour and a half you just watched over on its head and prevents me from getting a good night's sleep because i can't stop thinking about it

ELABORATING WITH A LOT OF SPOILERS UNDER THIS

explaining the plot of this movie is hard without sounding like im writing a pretentious review and not just talking out of my ass on tumblr but for my followers who haven't watched this movie and dont care enough to: Ghosted (2011) is set in a british prison in which Jack (John Lynch) is a long time prisoner who's wife just dumped him apparently on the anniversary of their sons death (tough break) and is being advised by his friend and cellmate Ahmed (Art Malik) (who does NOT get HALF as much screen-time or plot relevance as he DESERVES,) to find something to put his mind to and be proud of outside of his failures Paul (Martin Compston) is a prisoner who was just transferred out of a Young Offenders prison AS FAR AS WE'RE TOLD... though its noticeable from the beginning that hes not a very good liar and his story is suspicious at best Clay (Craig Parkinson) is kindof The Guy of their prison wing whos dealing drugs to other prisoners and assumes the position of authority over everybody else, though compared to other inmates with bigger cliques, his foundations are shaky. the description of this film on letterboxd calls him "the wing beast" and i have never cried laughing so hard reading something in my life

Clay and Jack both hone in on Paul immediately for different reasons. Jack, after his pep talk with Ahmed, sees Paul as a source of "a little self belief, something to be proud of", but Clay scoops him under his wing for being relatively young and impressionable. This puts Jack and Clay at odds with each other. after some plot, Paul gets into very big trouble with Clay and after An Incident is promptly plopped into Jacks hands, who had requested Paul move into his cell earlier but didn't have a good enough excuse for it. Well You've Got A Bloody Good Reason Now ect ect

Jack and Paul buddy up immediately and its noticable that Paul is sort of filling in the empty space where a son would be for Jack, however we discover that Paul has been lying about his past to everybody, including Jack. he lied about his family and he lied about having only just been transferred from Y.O. and hadn't been telling the whole truth about his sentence. what the truth ends up being, in a nutshell, is that Paul is accidentally responsible for the death of Jack's son, having been the one who started the house fire he died in (we were never even told that Jack's son died in a house fire before this, we are only told this in Paul's flashback at the end of the movie and are supposed to act, like, surprised?? whatever). consequentially, Jack flips his lid and prompts my personal favorite scene in this film in which he beats the living shit out of Paul with his bare hands and immediately regrets it the second the adrenaline wears off, hitting an alarm button within the cell that alerts the guards.

the guards whisk him away and he is put in solitary confinement, which we find out was actually the first sequence of the film where hes shown with an absurdly long beard, and considering every other fucking scene he's in is of him shaving his face, i assume this is to show just how long he's been kept in solitary confinement, which quite honestly was kindof exciting to realize at the end of the film.

and then. the end scene.

after solitary, Jack is put in cuffs and brought to see Paul who looked Extremely Dead after Jack had him, but hes not dead! just almost dead. Jack is sat next to him and tries to apologize but starts to cry, reaching out a hand to hold Paul's but retracting it regretfully. Paul, having looked unconscious not five seconds before, moves his hand to place it over Jack's...

and then the movie ends. and i am left writhing on my floor in anguish BUT NOT BEFORE I EXPLAIN TO YOU THAT THIS

THIS is what the deal is with Ghosted

the pathetic gestures of "im sorry" and "its okay" are what kill me. sorry is nowhere near enough to justify anything that EITHER of them did, NOR should they be forgiven. AND YET.

and what gets my gears going is the thought of what everything looks like AFTER this scene. after they've bonded so close and after Jack already thought that Paul stopped lying to him, thinking that he could protect Paul from Clay now... after they started to fill the spaces for people they were missing in their lives... and after they've RUINED each others lives. They Have Ruined Each Others Lives and yet Paul probably would have had to DELIBERATELY ASK for them to bring Jack to see him because he just BEAT Paul within an INCH of his life and would NOT !! have brought Jack to see him upon Jack's own request!! Paul would have wanted to see him too!! after all this what does their relationship look like now... the image of father and son has been all but shattered in each other's eyes, one can assume, but are they still close... does the guilt and responsibility drift them apart or does it pull them inseparably together? Ahmed tells Jack that "there is no such thing as coincidence, only fate" but what does their fate look like... does it end here or does it mean that they're together indefinitely? the end of this film swings the door wide open and i think about it. way too often. unacceptably often, even.

all in all theres no reason that this should be my favorite film but it is. if nothing else it's made me look into the other actors involved and branch out with a to-watch list as long as my arm that will only get longer once i branch out from there. is it the perfect movie? no this film is mediocre at best. have i made a number of my friends sit down and watch it and listen to me yell incoherently about it? of course i have.

[frankingsteinery]

(for the ask game from a few days ago) could you do Victor for 2, 12, 15 and 24

2. Favorite canon thing about this character?

i had to sit and think because this one was so hard to narrow down. on a surface level i find all sorts of things about him endearing from his mannerisms to his speech patterns, but i think the thing that got me hooked on victor as a character was how emotionally demonstrative he is, particularly for a male protagonist. this also extends generally to his love for nature, for his friends, and his siblings (disregarding the incestuous implications of his relationship with elizabeth...)

i think this was only intensified for me when i started delving into frankenstein academic essays and analysis and then, by extension, the frankenstein fandom, and found that en masse it was people criticizing victor for just what interested me to him in the first place: being emotional, and therefore somehow melodramatic, overreacting, self-centered, egotistical, etc. it was this kind of climate of victor-hate that pushed me to make a tumblr account in the first place. someone had to be the sole victor defender in this barren wasteland

12. What's a headcanon you have for this character?

this is silly and probably not the serious answer you were looking for but like 2 years ago a dear friend of mine and i were joking about how you could catch victor frankenstein in a mouse trap and ever since then his assigned fursona in my head has been a mouse:

15. What's your favorite ship for this character?

by far its waltonstein (robert x victor). im aware clervalstein is vastly more popular, and while im charmed by it in-canon i dont find most depictions of it to my taste. i don't see their relationship as wholly reciprocated–one-sided on walton's end–which is part of the reason why i like their dynamic so much: its established that walton romanticizes the unobtainable, chases the unknown, and that's why he hangs all his hopes on things he cannot feasibly reach. first becoming a famous poet and going down with the greats, then sailing to find the northern passage despite being an inexperienced captain, all the while hoping for this impossibly idealistic image of a companion who would be perfectly tailored to his interests and manners, and then, against all reason, he finds this in victor, wherein victor becomes an extension of this habit, who is dying and too hung up in the past and on martyring himself, because everyone who has grown close to him has been hurt for it, so he cannot love again, or at least in the way walton wants. yet victor still has a reciprocated interest and finds a friend in him, even shares the same sentiment of the importance of friendship, but like he says no man can "be to him as clerval was." its very much wrong place/time but the right person.

ive said this before but i think, too, that if victor had recovered and lived than walton may fall a little less in love with victor. their relationship was founded on their dynamic of sick/caretaker, and beyond that, victor would have already exhausted his story, so there's no air of mystery around him anymore–nothing for walton to glorify or romanticize. ultimately i think even if they had the best of intentions and loved each other, they could not have a healthy or fully mutual relationship, and part of the appeal to me is this tragedy!

24. What other character from another fandom of yours that reminds you of them?

im drawing a bit of a blank on this one because no other character encompasses just what victor Is to me, but theres a whole host of victor-esque characters i could name because he is the literal foundation for the mad scientist archetype. if i was pressed i think id say geoffrey tempest from sorrows of satan by marie corelli (beyond his blatant misogny), and i remember some parts of emil sinclairs early narration in demian by herman hesse reminded me of victor. lucifer/satan from paradise lost also, particuarly the bit where he says he cannot enjoy the beauty of earth for the suffering of his fall, but that almost feels like a cop-out answer.

lastly–and this one is completely unfounded–itd have to be double dee from EEnE.

[sosoribro]

the problem with me is that yes my brain works very hard but no that doesn't mean im smart but unfortunately all my friends have some good useful and logical and (for want of a better word) normal smartness and shut up i know you're reading this dont try to argue with me you know im right you know you have a fucking badass brain okay okay

and they could be like, "hey wanna know word lore. its exactly what it sounds like." and like that shit is awesome im just saying like i wanna know about the sounds my mouth is making that we call words give me your knowledge o great abnormal one

or "hey cool bug its actually a schlorpus glorpus morpus borpus but more commonly called a little guy like how youve referred to it here i like this bug very much do you wanna hear about rocks now" and like yeah of course tell me about all the rocks and all the bugs give me your knowledge o great strange one

or "hey wanna print a brain" or "hey wanna hear about dingusology" or something etc and then you know the drill by now "hey speaking of drills did you know tjsyjfuwjfjeucrjhdhfhwufjeh" and its like wow great amazing i actually didnt know that give me your knowledge o great weird one

but i reckon if i got all my friends into a circle and its the circle where you reveal interesting cool facts and show off how huge and smart your brain is make sure you are very impressive and say lots of cool words circle

it would land on me and i'd be like

"ok so hold on let me get my phone out real quick ok this is billy mcmarbles alright i made him the fuck up" and then start yapping about how billy mcmarbles can turn into a dragon or some shit and all his friends are wizards or something and how the princess secretly really wants to make out with him and also billy mcmarbles is scared that his wizard friends find him weird cuz he has scary dragon powers and the village is scared of him cuz of his dragon-ness but in the end of the story he learns that just because hes a weird dragon boy doesnt mean hes any less deserving of kindess and he learns the value of believing in himself also he marries the princess

and then its the next person's turn and they start talking about space and im thinking "damn why didnt i talk about space i like space too but god they are so much better at liking it than i am wait that sounds so fucking stupid oh my god im an idiot holy fuck nobody fucking cares about billy mcmarbles im not smart i only created an entire world in my brain with a whole storyline and everything but thats not smart thats just storytime but you know where i can talk about my problem now? tumblr dot com that sounds great lets go there"

what was i saying again oh yeah my friends are all so cool and smart hi i love you and your iq of like 800 can you give me some pls i have like 5 braincells and all they wanna do is sit down and have storytime what are they doing oh my god we are cooked hi i love you hi hello

tldr either i am an actual idiot or i have discovered the wonders of childlike imagination and i do not want to go back

im like.... stop... learn some cool facts learn more about space be the space person and im like.... noooo i like my things that ive made up i wanna make more i wanna make more i wanna make more im gonna be the cool person that has fun ideas not good ideas but fun ones fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun

sometimes i think about the saying "imagination is intelligence playing" and that just makes me go like "all im hearing is that i am secretly a big genius and i know everything im just having fun with it lmaooooooooooooo"

this is weirdddd i used to actually know things but then i think at age 13 my brain realized that i can just use my knowledge for whatever i want and i dont have to know normal smart things. my first order is to have more fun"

"are you neurodivergent :3" my friend. my buddy. pal. have a guess.

or maybe im neurotypical but just weird n dumb idk lol

anyway hi friends ur all fucking weird absolutely strange what even are u guys /EXTREMELY POSITIVE LIKE SERIOUSLY hi i love you

[shdwtouch]

alrighty ! :,D I got all the messages sent out <3 I apologize for the length (I rambled, to no ones surprise) and just want to say that a response is not expected or required. I just... wanted to say some nice things to some of the people I care about in the rpc, that have made me feel cared about, that's all. uwu

I am either going to write a general message to send to folks over tumblr IMs, or make a post to tag folks in, for the folks I didn't send messages to but still want to acknowledge ! cuz I don't want anyone to feel left out tbh. there are so many people that mean a lot to me and have positively impacted my rp experience and/or my life in general, and its that season where I want to make sure they know it.

I've really been struggling with apathy and feeling bothersome, wondering what the point is. owo;; like, leave it to me to overthink doing a nice thing until I feel weird / bad about it haha but I genuinely hope the messages and my intentions find people well, otherwise I apologize for being a bother / if I made folks feel uncomfy or weird ?

also just. want to restate what I posted yesterday: I feel like my autism and/or adhd has made it hard for me to quantify relationships, so I just kinda say everyone that I care about is my friend. and I know that isn't always truthful of what the relationships actually is, or how the other person sees it, so… I do apologize if I overstep or make people feel awkward by calling them my friend. if it does make you feel uncomfortable please just say so ! I can't say that I won't feel hurt, but again, I recognize that I may be… assuming more than is true.

I've been thinking about this a lot lately, worrying that the people I consider friends don't see me in the same way. that I'm assuming more about our relationship than is true and making them feel awkward and/or uncomfortable in the process. which is obviously not my intention. I'm genuinely just. trying to be... friendly, kind, supportive, caring. I'm trying to foster the ideals of friendship. and worrying, in the meantime, that I'm not a very good friend because I'm slow and awkward and shy / insecure and tend to overthink quite a bit. so... I am very thankful for the friends I have, if they consider me as such, and sorry if I make people feel weird when we aren't really friends.

anyway. sorry for the ramble / baring of the soul. sending the dash & everyone lots of love and good vibes ! gonna take a lil break then I'll start on the gift asks.