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venomhound · 12 days ago

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Hazbin Hotel - Sleeping Habits

NOT TALKING ABOUT DIRTY STUFF. We talking about actual sleep-sleeping. Vent post I guess. Been feeling lovesick and missing having another person in the bed. Which inspired this post. Post about what its like to share a bed with Alastor, Vox, and Lucifer and their overall sleeping habits.

Contents/WARNINGS: Gender neutral reader; SFW except like one suggestive thing in Lucifer's section; I can't tell if writing Lucifer is making my own depression worse or better Actual brainrot below the cut ˋˏ✄┈┈┈┈

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Alastor ₊˚ ‿︵୨୧

I know alot of people headcanon that Alastor doesn't sleep or sleeps very little. But Hot Take™ here: Alastor sleeps a completely normal amount. Like, 7-8ish hours. He just hides when he does.

I mean think about it. What emotion does Alastor hate expressing more then anything? Vulnerability. When are you (arguably) at your most vulnerable? When you are sleeping.

So I have it in my head that Alastor throws himself into special hiding places when he needs to rest. His room in the hotel with the bayou pocket dimension is a great example. Alastor probably has a hidden cabin in those woods. He actually considers the cabin his "room" and goes there to sleep. But good luck finding it.

Sleeping in front of someone/with someone is kinda a phobia of Alastor's. I wouldn't be surprised if this started developing after he killed someone in their sleep during his mortal life.

Anyway. When you and Alastor become a thing, there really is no defined point where he 'moves in'. It happens more like your boiling a frog. Gradually. Until you reach a point where you don't even know when things changed exactly.

Alastor slowly spends more and more time with you. More time with you inevitably results in him spending more time at your house. Which results in Alastor bringing, and leaving, more of his stuff at your place.

This cycle keeps going and going until one day the culmination hits you. It happens when your looking in your closet, the once messy and haphazard storage space is now tidy and perfectly split between your clothes and Alastor's. Thats when it hits you. The fact that Alastor is practically living with you now. Yet, not only have you two not talked about it, but Alastor doesn't spend the night. Ever.

Don't get me wrong, Alastor will spend all day with you. But when you tell him your getting tired or are about to go to bed, he bids you farewell, kisses your knuckles, and just kind of... leaves.

At first, you attributed his behavior simply to the time period he was from. But as time goes on you realize its something deeper then that. Although you are never fully sure if Alastor doesn't feel comfortable sharing a bed, or if the demon actually needs less sleep then you do.

There have been multiple times where you started falling asleep beside Alastor late at night. When Alastor got up to leave, you would grab the edge of his coat and plead with him to stay. Alastor would then settle beside you, gently caressing your forehead, and tell you that he would stay until your asleep.

During these times, Alastor will often gently hum if not outright sing to you in an attempt to lull you to sleep. One of Alastor's new favorite things to do is to settle in next to you with a nice book while you snuggle into his side and fall asleep.

Once your sleep, Alastor will gently put his book down and turn to look at you lovingly. Alastor is very much that type of weirdo who likes to watch you sleep. He finds everything about your sleeping self utterly adorable; and will happily gush about whatever you do just to embarrass/fluster you. When I say everything, I do mean everything. If you snore, drool, whatever it is, Alastor finds it endearing.

He will usually stay and bask in your sleeping glory for awhile before leaving. But Alastor always kisses your forehead goodbye. Its a little moment of vulnerability only he knows about.

Alastor is an enigma. While he has no problem staying with you until your sleeping soundly, he refuses to actually stay the night. The only time you can reliably get him to stay in bed with you is during his ruts. Otherwise, the stars just have to align right.

If you actually do manage to get him to sleep in the bed with you, Alastor is very much a big spoon. He likes to protectively wrap his arms around you and embrace you. Pulling your bodies flush together and assuring you both of the other's presence. Alastor will tangle his legs with yours as well; throwing one leg over your hip to pull you ever closer, and sliding the other one in between your legs for even more contact

Alastor won't complain too much if he is already laying there and you decide to wrap your arms around him, spooning him instead. But Alastor's preferred position is as the big spoon by far.

The big downside of sleeping with Alastor is that he will not let you go once he is asleep. I hope you don't have to pee in the middle of the night because this man's arms have you in a deathgrip you cannot escape from. It feels like his subconscious mind is afraid that if he let you go, he would lose you forever.

Alastor also nuzzles his face into the back of your neck and shoulders while he sleeps. Your not sure if this is actually an affectionate gesture or a deer scenting thing.

Alastor's ears always seem to be moving. They twist, turn, and flick around. Reacting to the smallest of sounds and listening for danger while he snoozes.

Overall Assessment: An acquired taste. Just like cannibalism.

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Vox ₊˚ ‿︵୨୧

Has the best internal clock out of the entire Hazbin cast (and thats not a pun). Vox is very consistent with his sleep schedule. He is in bed around 11pm-midnight, and naturally wakes up around 6ish. No alarm needed. Unless he has to wake up extra early for a meeting of course.

Honestly, this guy's internal clock is rock solid. The only times it gets fucked up are when Velvette and/or Valentino (mostly Valentino, lets be real here) drag him out to a party, bar, or club late at night. Vox never has a good time anyway, so he doesn't even know why he goes.

Vox always ends up trashed and staying up until like 3-4am. Not exactly a good idea when your body has been trained to wake up early. His body will wake him up only a couple hours after he went to sleep whether he likes it or not.

This usually ends up with Vox being super sick for a day. Because he is still kind of drunk, but also kind of hungover, living on two hours of sleep, and drinking coffee like its water just to remain standing. Vox is just a complete mess and no one knows why he came into work to be honest.

Vox goes to bed early that night (at 10pm; thats "early" for him), and wakes up the next day mostly recovered and reset. Mostly.

Once you and Vox get together, you help Vox's sleep immensely. Whether purposely or not, you start teaching Vox to prioritize his sleep more and how to get actual rest.

Vox can actually *gasp* take a nap if you do it together. He doesn't even remember the last time he was able to have one. But now he loves it and siestas become a regular thing the two of you share.

You also mess up Vox's internal clock. But in a good way. Yeah, Vox still wakes up like clockwork every morning. But if your snuggled into him and still sleeping, Vox can actually go back to sleep.

Vox's preferred sleeping position by far is the Nuzzle/Cradle. His widescreen forces him to sleep on his back so there isnt exactly many options... But Vox really wants to cuddle and touch you.

So youll inevitably end up draping yourself practically on top of him like a weighted blanket. Your head on his chest, listening to the steady rhythm of Vox's pulse, with his fingers gently petting you… Also like a weighted blanket, you comfort Vox in a way he cannot begin to explain.

Vox will get pouty if you don't like sleeping on his chest or its too hot to do so. He will deny through and through that he does it though. Vox is one of those people who is like 'IM NOT POUTING' as their bottom lip is sticking fully out.

But once you two start sharing a bed, Vox actually has to be touching you in some way. He doesn't know what it is, but he just cant get comfortable and starts getting restless when you two arent touching. So other good sleep positions that work well with him are the Tetherball or the Leg Hug.

For the Tetherball; Vox will just simply rest his hand on your hip while you sleep. This works best if your a side sleeper, cause then Vox can gently hold the curve of your hip. Drawing mindless shapes into your skin with his claws as you both go to sleep. This simple contact is more then enough to assure Vox that your there and safe so he can rest peacefully.

As for the Leg Hug; Vox feels weird about it at first. Sticking his leg out to the side, hoping for some contact. God, he feels desperate. But he needs to feel you. When he does, all his anxiety immediately melts away. When you reach your leg back and tangle it with his, Vox feels butterflies rise into his chest. You really do love him.

Once Vox is asleep, he is... odd, to say the least. He is simultaneously a light sleeper and a heavy one. You figure it has something to do with the technological parts of him and what they deem 'safe' or not. Like, what triggers his internal alarms.

For example, you can easily just get up from the bed, shake the bed, bounce off it, and Vox wont budge. Won't even move. But then someone sneezes outside his hotel room and he is up instantly.

Because of how light of a sleeper he is, it takes Vox forever to go to sleep. He is one of those people who has to lay there for a solid hour. Even then he rarely goes into actual deep sleep. Vox tends to go into this weird rest mode where his screen will start doing that old dvd logo bounce thing. If his screen is completely black however, it means that he actually managed to fully power down for once.

For the love of god, if Vox actually fully powers down, do not jolt him awake. Vox going into deep sleep like that is rare enough as it is. But waking him up suddenly from it makes him incredibly groggy. It honestly completely ruins his entire day because he feels like he never fully wakes up.

You can always tell when Vox is awake (or semi-awake) because he will be gently petting you, tracing circles into your skin as a way to sooth himself. The moment Vox goes to sleep, he stops. You've also noticed that when this happens, his hands tighten slightly into a protective grip on you.

Overall Assessment: The best one to sleep with on the list if your looking for actual rest. Too protective for his own good even in his sleep.

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Lucifer ₊˚ ‿︵୨୧

I hope you don't like actual rest too much. Because this guy has no idea what a sleep schedule is. I mean, he kinda did when Lilith was around. But since she has been gone everything has just been out the window.

As my fellow depressed people will know, it wreaks havoc on your sleep. One day you cant get out of bed and sleep twenty hours. Then you cant sleep at all and go days with only three hours of sleep total. This guy does that.

Not to mention this man is certainly, most definitely, somewhere on the spectrum. Thats also gonna fuck with his sleep massively. Lucifer will hyperfocus on a project and forget that 'oh yeah, food and sleep are things I need'.

Lucifer will hyperfocus on a new duck he is making and not leave his workshop for over 15 hours at a time. When he DOES leave, its only to make snack/food runs. Passes out on his workbench or tea-table constantly.

So uh. Yeah. Poor guy has no actual sleep schedule. When he starts staying at the hotel, Lucifer is commonly wide awake at 3am and highkey will scare the shit out of people like a ghost. Insomnia to the nines.

Once he is actually asleep, Lucifer sleeps like a dead man. Nothing can wake him up. This is a learned trait. In the height of his depression after Lilith left, Lucifer stopped seeing a point in getting up most days. He started sleeping through alarms, sirens, explosions... He just stopped bothering. What's the point? Its not like he has anything good to wake up to anyway.

Lucifer starts... trying to fix his sleep schedule once him and Charlie reconnect so he can spend more time with her. Well. Attempting would be a better word for it. Lucifer keeps doing that thing where he goes, 'oh yeah I should try going to bed early tonight', then proceeds to stay up past four in the morning. So no progress has actually been made.

Once YOU come around however, Lucifer actually starts sleeping normally again! Eh, kind of. Its a work in progress. But its progress! Which is MUCH further then he has gotten before!

The problem is, you have to trick Lucifer into sleeping. Otherwise he will keep trying to say he is busy, say 'just one more thing' to infinity, or start whining that he isn't tired.

So what do you do? Start kissing him and entice him to bed with the promise of cuddles. Or you can start kissing and nipping at Lucifer's neck with a different kind of sleeping in mind... (｡•̀ᴗ-)✧ He is sure to stay in bed with you if you wear him out first, right?

Another tactic that works everytime is to pretend to fall asleep next to him in his workshop. Sometimes this plan fails right away because you actually do end up falling asleep; but thats not the point here. Lucifer gets the most loving smile on his face as he picks you up bridal style and takes you to bed, only for you to grab his arm and pull him into the bed with you.

You thought it was a pain getting him into bed? Well he is a pain once he is in the bed too.

Lucifer is an actual koala. He can't just be touching you, oh no. He has to be embracing you. He has to be having as much contact as physically possible in order to sleep. It seems like every night his goal is to see what new shape of human knot he can tie you two in.

I hope you run cold or can tolerate heat well. Because like I said this is the ONLY way Lucifer can sleep. Lucifer will do whatever he can to make it work though. If you tell him your uncomfortable, he will change how your limbs are intertwined. If you tell him your too hot, whelp. Time to start losing some layers. And blankets are overrated anyways!

If you tell Lucifer you legitimately cant sleep like a pretzel, it will actually break his little heart. Lucifer will 100% take it as a personal rejection. He will stop sleeping in the bed with you all together so he doesn't "bother" you.

On a much happier note; once you two are tangled up and somehow manage to fall asleep, Lucifer is the cutest thing once he is sleeping.

Lucifer does that thing where he will half wake up in the middle of the night and kiss you before going back to sleep. If you do the same thing (or just generally kiss Lucifer while he is asleep), he will make little happy sounds in his sleep when you do so. You swear they sound kind of like bird cheeps.

Also thanks to >>this combo post<< by @poisned and @heart-of-the-morningstar I now have it permanently in my head that Lucifer talks/mumbles in his sleep.

Before you two got together, it was mostly nonsense or things about his ducks. But now you often hear him muttering your name, how much he loves you, or just saying other lovey-dovey junk in his sleep.

Overall Assessment: Lucifer is extremely difficult to handle, but doing his best. That's what really counts right?

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AN: Just a disclaimer, the thing about tricking Lucifer into bed by pretending to fall asleep in his workshop so he carries you isnt my idea either. It was from a cute fic here on Tumblr but I cant find it at all. ๐·°(⋟﹏⋞)°·�� Please lmk if you know what fic Im talking about! I literally spent hours looking for it.

FURTHER READING ₊˚ ‿︵୨୧

Check out this ADORABLE fic about Vox trying not to wake up his very sleepy s/o >>HERE<< by @timeslugarts

One of my favorite posts is this super cute bedtime and pajama headcanon post by @activesplooger that can be found >>HERE<<

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robinsfilm · 3 months ago

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FURRY NEW BEGGINGS

PAIRING : jason todd ✗ gn!reader.

SYNOPSIS : In which the cat distribution system catches up to you and Jason.

WARNINGS : no serious warnings, just alot of fluff and a short lived (or not) rivalry between the cat and jaybeans.

WORD COUNT : 1k.

NOTES : switching up the theme a bit, can't always find those pretty headers. wE NEED A NAME FOR THE CAT!!!

navigation ; masterlist.

The first time he saw the cat, Jason was returning home from patrol. The rain was pouring down in streets, and he hurried through the storm, eager to get back to you as quickly as possible. The weather made everything difficult—the buildings blurred together, neon signs became unreadable, and the sounds of the city were muffled through his helmet.

But despite the downpour, he didn't miss the small spot of light orange in the corner of his eye. It stood out against the dark, murky colors of the alley it was huddled in. Nestled in a small, soggy cardboard box between two trash bags, something shifted.

What's that?

Jason knew he needed to get home. He was freezing and bone-tired, but his curiosity got the better of him.

What's the worst that could happen?

Turns out, the worst that could happen is making a new, vicious enemy out of a stray cat.

Jason landed swiftly in the dark alley, the shadows swallowing up what little light there was. He approached the cardboard box cautiously and gently lifted the lid, unsure of what he might find inside.

The first thing that caught his attention was a pair of greenish-brown eyes staring back at him, followed by the sight of ginger-striped fur. The creature let out a small, plaintive mewl.

Oh, it’s a cat.

In the box sat a big, angry orange tabby. A very angry orange tabby, actually. The cat gave him a fixed, piercing stare, its fur and tail puffing up as it let out a throaty, warning meow.

Jason instinctively raised his hands, palms open, to show he meant no harm, but it was too late—the cat swiped at him with a paw, claws fully extended!

"Alright, I got the hint! No need for violence, little guy. Well—not so little. I mean, just look at you." Jason chuckled softly, trying to diffuse the tension.

The cat's ears swiveled backward and flattened against its head, its body puffing up even more as it attempted to make itself look bigger, more intimidating.

"Okay, okay. I’ll leave you to... whatever you’re doing."

*****

The second time he saw the cat was when he was with you, just returning from a grocery run.

"Who even says that to a worker? It's not like they set the prices," you huffed, recounting an incident at the 7/11 you both had just visited. An old lady had been loudly complaining about the cost of a few products, taking it out on the poor cashier behind the counter.

"I know, baby, but you put her in her place." Jason wrapped his arm around you, pulling you closer. "So, don't worry about it anymore."

"You're right, it's just—" Jason’s ear tuned out your next words as a familiar spot of light orange caught his eye. A pair of greenish-brown eyes glared at him menacingly.

No way... it can't be the same cat...

"Honey? Jay? What's wrong?" you asked, turning to him, trying to catch his attention.

"Huh? Oh, yeah? Sorry," Jason replied, snapping back to reality with a smile. "Something just caught my eye." But when he turned to look again, the cat was already gone.

Annoying little bastard...

"What did?" you inquired, glancing around to spot whatever had distracted him.

"An orange tabby cat that I’ve apparently started a rivalry with." Jason deadpanned.

"You started a what with a what..?" you stammered, clearly confused by his response. But Jason just grabbed your hand and quickly led you away.

*****

The third time he saw the cat was in his apartment. In his goddamn home.

Jason dropped the bag of snacks he’d just bought from the corner shop out of sheer shock. How did the cat find him? Had it followed him? Was this how it spotted him last time near the grocery store? What was this cat’s plan?

Just then, you rounded the corner, emerging from the kitchen with a small bowl of wet cat food in your hands.

Your face lit up when you saw him. "Welcome back!"

"Hi, baby. Who’s this?" Jason pointed to the cat, now holding its tail high with a slight curl at the top. The cat purred softly as it rubbed its head against Jason’s boot.

"Awh! Look, he likes you!" You beamed, your face lighting up with a smile. "Is this the tabby you were talking about? I can’t imagine him being evil at all, isn’t that right?" You squealed with delight, setting the bowl down near the cat.

The cat slowly blinked at you before cautiously approaching the bowl and taking a tentative bite of the food.

Jason tried to ask how the cat got in, where you found it, and why you let it in, but you shushed him.

"Did you just shush me?" he muttered in disbelief, half-laughing.

"I think it’s fate!" you exclaimed. "You found him, he found you, and now he’s here! He belongs with us. Please, Jay, can we keep him?"

Now that was something he never thought he’d hear. Usually, it was Damian asking Bruce to keep some random animal he’d found—not as a pet, of course. Oh no, not at all.

Jason stared at the tabby for a few moments, then at you, with your big smile and pleading eyes staring back at him.

Crap, this is hard. No wonder Bruce never says no to whatever Damian drags into the house. Jason still remembers the cow...

"...Fine."

"Yay!" You celebrated with a little hop.

"How did it even find us?" Jason eyed the cat suspiciously.

"I’m not sure. But you’ve got to get used to him. I think he likes you!" you said as the cat wobbled back over and rubbed its head against Jason’s boot again. "See? Isn’t he adorable?"

Jason sighed softly, then gave you both a small, reluctant smile. "Yeah, he’s a little bit cute, I guess."

"Oh, I almost forgot! We need to name him."

Jason grumbled under his breath. This was going to be a long week—but maybe, just maybe, it might be a tad bit happier than the previous ones.

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sukunasweetheart · 2 months ago

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That schoolboy sukuna art you reblogged got me thinking🤔its a bit basic but still😵‍💫 tsundere bully!sukuna being so mean to popular!reader cause he likes her‼️ Anytime one of his friends suggest that he likes her, he gets 10x meaner. Meanwhile reader genuinely thinks the dude that just tore up her homework HATES her. Then one day he goes too far and really embarrasses her so she starts crying while her friends try to comfort her (he threw dirty water on her or something🤷‍♀️) Obviously readers had enough of him so she confronts him the next time they see each other alone, only for that dude to end up blurting out how much he likes her. Readers standing there flabbergasted😦🧍‍♀️ and then tells him off (he deserves it💀) . They dont see each other until their highschool reunion 5 years later(?) Sukunas matured alot but of course readers still hesitant to even talk to him. Blahblahblah he apologizes, reader forgives him after they hang out a few times and then BOOM dating‼️

This was such a anticlimactic end but i hope you get what i mean. Reader doesn't start liking him until monthsss after the reunion. Sukuna still seeing her as his first love/crush except he's not a weirdo about it anymore. And cause he probably just threw all his focus on taking over the family business (this is canon gege told me)

Literally i lowk fw this idea sooo hard... like childhood bully that grows up around you, little sukuna has always been a harrassing you ever since youve moved into the neighbourhood, and it carries over into highschool as well...

Its like, to the point where you have personal beef with him, always ready to square up when he's around...

but the fact that he never has his lackeys with him when he does bully you, and the one time someone did try to give you some silly treatment while he was watching, he gave him the beating of his life behind closed doors...

Sukuna having silly wet dreams of you and then being extra mean the next day. You retaliate physically, giving dainty little punches and kicks, you know, the kind that does zero damage, but for some reason he backs off easier than usual that day and walks away, muttering something under his breath, something that you can't quite hear clearly.

after all those years of pretending to hate you by calling you names and teasing you relentlessly, sukuna has the gall to confess right after graduation. he just blurts it out kind of accidentally, in the spur of the moment, because he feels like it'll be his last chance to ever come true with his feelings.

except, he ends up getting the scolding of his life, as you tell him off for the pestering way he's treated you, only for him to turn around and tell you he has feelings for you?! you tell him that it was cowardly of him, and he should take this as a lesson to treat the people he likes better, before turning on your heel and leaving him in the dust. you're his first love, and also his first heartbreak.

couple of years later, there's a highschool reunion happening, and although you wanted to avoid it because of the awkwardness of having to meet sukuna, you still ended up going because you really miss your old highschool friends.

you're at a nice restaurant with your buddies, enjoying your time, yet also noticing sukuna's missing presence in the back of your mind... you probably think he's not coming to avoid you. not that you care for it.

things were going smoothly, but then he eventually did show up. late to the party, as if he were the protagonist... everyone goes silent for a moment when he shows up, because he's arguably changed the most out of you all...

the rather bold tattoos done all over his body, piercings, and the black nail polish, how much he's bulked up in muscle. and that black button-up shirt is... well, very erotic. no longer that awkward, juvenile teenager you've always pictured him as. sukuna was never ugly per se, but goodness, this kind of glow up was really unexpected. and it turned out that he ended up taking over his family business, which kept him quite busy the past few years.

you catch his eye for a moment across the table, but you quickly look the other way. maybe he might've gotten hotter over the years, but you're not sure about that damn personality of his.

it seemed like he was finding it difficult to approach you in front of everyone else - he chases after you only when the meeting is over, and everyone had begun to go home. you feel a little nervous about the encounter, but the first thing he does is apologise, which gets you feeling a lot better about him as a person. sometimes, time does change a person.

and then sukuna tells you he wants to take you out for a meal, and asks you for your number... your old, easygoing self takes over for a moment. certainly a meal or two wouldn't hurt, would it?

(sukuna goes home and starts kicking his feet in bed that night, after scoring your number - beginning his lovesick era.)

#sukuna x reader #sukuna #sukuna x you #ryomen sukuna x reader #ryomen sukuna #jjk x reader #sukuna x y/n #jujutsu kaisen x reader #poe answers #thank you for this amusing prompt!

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jaal-ama-daravv · 7 days ago

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dissecting the alternate emmrich romance path

dissecting emmrich graveyard scene dissecting the argument scene (lich path) dissecting the emmrich romance scene (lich path) emmrich x rook cinematic

Emmrich Romance | Choosing the Lich Path

we begin -

please do

oh this line. oh this line has to be my top 3 favourite in the game. the delivery is beyond perfect. Not only is Rook being direct with Emmrich, which he desperately needs in this moment, it encourages him and instills confidence in him. as emmrich is established as a bit of a coward, this is so important to me.

Rook once again inspiring and encouraging Emmrich to achieive his dreams of lichdom, even at the cost of our precious son, manfred. I do believe Rook is setting their feelings aside here and is being the person Emmrich needs in this moment.

okay vorgoth

as stated in my previous post, desire becomes a big part of this romance. emmrich becomes concerned that Rook will no longer find him desireable or attractive once he turns undead.

case and point as above

should also note that emmrich is predisposed to believe that Rook does not feel as strongly about him as he does, which doesnt really get resolved until Act 3. despite him being so wrong, imo this has alot to do with Emmrich being so blinded by love that he can't see past his fear at the moment, which again changes after the point of no return.

and here we have rook reassuring Emmrich that they do in fact love them an absurd amount. im teling you, its the equivalent of soulmates for necromancers.

man i love this part so much. 'we'll figure out the rest'. is just another way of saying 'our love knows no bounds'

At the end of this scene Emmrich tells Rook that he will never be too busy for them, inferring that Rook is a priority despite his yearning for lichdom.

chosen witness excuse me i have goosebumps

so you're saying, there's a chance that the Lich lords will notice rook later on - i am delusional, or am i

i am dead. at this point I just sobbed. uncontrollably sobbed. 'You are the most magnificant thing to ever happen to me"

no notes, perfect. emmrich establishes that rook is the best thing to ever happen to him. this man loves rook so much. so much it hurts him. he needs to tell her this before it is too late.

the first i love you for them. and of course its the 'in case you die love you'. this is such a huge moment for them. rook reaching out to emmrich for a final goodbye, the fear in their hearts must of been weighing something heavy. knowing that he may not survive - as we go on you can see that there is a moment of uteer grief that washes over rook - the 'what if he doesnt come back'. heartbreaking.

its no wonder they poured their souls out in this moment, even rushed, they needed to say they loved eachother, because despite fear, it was true. and in true, soulmate fashion, you just cant help yourself from falling and going all in, no matter what. youll see what i mean in later dissection posts.

the fear in their eyes as they say goodbye. because they both know this is something emmrich has to do, rook can do nothing but be supportive and hold it together as usual

rook, waiting to see if her love makes it out alive - will she get her love back

the delivery, the emotion, the choking in their voice. 'do you still love me, please still love me'. rook is terrfied in this moment.

sobbing. the relief.

I feel an incredible amount of grief and joy over this romance, it is, I am almost speechless for how meaningful it is.

I know Emmrich's romance isnt as full bombardement of an emotional warcrime like Solas was on us, but Emmrich's is so, so full of angst. and regardless of that dread, it is real, for both of them, forevermore.

bonus:

see you soon for the dreaded argument scene and then the romance scene breakdown

#dragon age #dragon age veilguard #datv #datv spoilers #emmrich #emmrich romance #dragon age emmrich #emmrich volkarin #dav #da4 #da4 emmrich #maeve ingellvar #rook ingellvar

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mirai-e-jump · 2 months ago

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Animage October 2024 Issue Kamen Rider Gavv ft. Chinen Hidekazu & Sugihara Teruaki (translations below)

Publication: September 10, 2024

The Strange Sweets Kamen Rider

The 6th Reiwa Kamen Rider is the first ever to use a sweets motif! The cast and staff talk about the behind the scenes of the birth of the new hero who fascinates us with a gap between poppin visuals and its heavy filling!!

Having passed out due to hunger, Shouma, who comes from another world, was saved by a human boy named Hiroi Hajime. Shouma was in a difficult situation when he confronts the Granute, a monster who wants to kill Hajime, but when he "sets & eats" the familiar like creatures called Gochizo in the mouth on his stomach, he transforms into Kamen Rider Gavv and crushes the Granute. This was the beginning of Shouma's battle to protect humans.

The latest entry in the Kamen Rider series, "Kamen Rider Gavv" only just started in September. Despite the poppin imagery and visuals of sweets as its motif, this is a hard and serious drama that depicts the lonely battle of a young man named Shouma, who hides a grand past and mystery behind him.

This production features Takebe Naomi-san as the Producer, Sugihara-san as the pilot Director who determines the direction of the work, Komura Junko-san as Screenwriter, and Fujita Satoshi-san as Action Director, all of whom have worked on the Kamen Rider and Super Sentai series. In particular, Sugihara-san and Komura-san are the pair that gained attention for their work in "Kaitou Sentai Lupinranger VS Keisatsu Sentai Patranger" and the fans are expressing their expectations.

The story of a fierce battle between the sweets Kamen Rider and the Granute monsters has only just begun, so don't miss a moment of the birth of a new Kamen Rider legend! _

Chinen Hidekazu (Shouma)

The first transformation born from an extreme situation

-Supported by dependable friends and the Director-

"Please tell us your impression of the Kamen Rider series."

Chinen: For me, I've admired Kamen Riders since I was a child, and I love them so much that they're the first thing that comes to mind when people ask, "Who's your hero?" I've lived my whole life dreaming of becoming a Kamen Rider, so I was really happy when I was chosen to be Shouma.

"Are there any works that you find particularly memorable?"

Chinen: It's hard to pick a single work from my generation since I'm so attached to all of them, but……I think "Kamen Rider OOO" might be the one I was particularly enthusiastic about when watching. The dialogue between Hino Eiji and Ankh was interesting, and even as a child the ending made me think, so including its theme song, it's my favorite work. Lately however, I've been super into "Kamen Rider Den-O" (laughs). I'm watching it from the perspective of learning why it became so popular, but I also like Den-O because of Satoh Takeru's (who plays Nogami Ryotaro) amazing performance in which he plays multiple different personalities.

"What kind of person do you feel Shouma is?"

Chinen: I read the script so much that it felt like I was watching myself, as I thought that Shouma was so similar to me. We're very similar in the way that we're abit out of the loop, but also curious and get into the things that interest us. I was glued to the TV when I was a child, and I'd become so engrossed when watching it, that I couldn't even listen to what my mother was saying. However, I feel like I'm far removed from him in terms of his guts and inner strength, his desire to save people even at the risk of his own life, and his ability to fight the enemy. Playing the role of Shouma gives me energy and makes me aspire to be like him.

"We think another feature of this production is that right now, Shouma doesn't have a fixed place to stay, and that he comes into contact with a variety of people wherever he goes."

Chinen: I think alot of people are curious to see what happens next, as so far in Gavv, the story continues to be dominated by Shouma's easygoingness and the fact that we don't know what he's thinking. He seems to have a connection with Sachika-san, who he met in episode 2, so what happens to them in the future is a big point to watch out for!

"Please tell us your impressions of Sachika and the person who plays her, Miyabe Nozomi-san."

Chinen: Miyabe-san is a very refined person, so when we first met at script reading, I was shocked and said, "This person's gonna be a gyaru?!" (laughs). One of the things I like about Miyabe-san is that her mannerisms show the quality of her upbringing, but the more we talked, she really started to look like a gyaru, and I felt that performing together with her was amazing. Sachika-san leaves a strong impression of being a gyaru, but on the inside, she's a stable girl who's able to understand the feelings of others. Seeing her say with a refreshing smile, "I think it's good for everyone to be happy," Shouma respects her and thinks, "She's such a wonderful person" and "I want to be like her," almost like she's the embodiment of peace. When I read the script, I always feel supported and say, "Sachika-san, thank you."

"Shouma's brother sister like relationship with her is also very interesting."

Chinen: Director Sugihara Teruaki said to me, "It's like a dog and his owner" (laughs). Still, I think that Sachika-san's all encompassing kindness, and Shouma's simple mindedness are a great combination, and we're also playing the roles with confidence.

"He's yet to interact with Shouma, but we think the role Hanto plays will also be another highlight to look forward to."

Chinen: In some ways, Hanto is also easygoing, but he's the compassionate, hot blooded type, and he too lives by carrying something on his back. I hope you'll look forward to seeing how Shouma and Hanto, who are completely different types of people, interact with each other and what they'll think of each other in their first meeting. Hino Yusuke-kun, who plays Hanto, is the mood maker who makes the set feel relaxed, which is a gap between him and Hanto, but I feel that we're similar in our passion for the production and performance, and the way we put our all into something. To me, Hino-kun is a rival but also like a reliable big brother, and we often consult with each other and visit each other's houses (laughs).

"What were your impressions of Director Sugihara, who also directed the first two episodes as the pilot Director?"

Chinen: As I had no experience in acting, Director Sugihara is a respected teacher who taught me how to perform from the ground up, including how to read the script, and he's like a father figure from Tokyo. He understands each actor's personality and gives them advice accordingly, and he's an amazing person who draws out our potential, so every time I'm on set, I feel happy to film under Director Sugihara. He's a Director I really love.

"Before filming, it seems that you and the Director practiced vocalization together."

Chinen: Yes, even before I could act, my voice wouldn't come out (laughs). I'm really grateful that he took time out of his busy schedule to watch me one on one, and it was an important turning point that led to something changing in me. I want to grow so that people will feel that I'll have changed over the coming year, and one of my goals is to give an inspiring performance that'll be recognized by Director Sugihara with, "You gave it your all."

-Aiming to be as cool as Nawata-san-

"Kamen Rider Gavv, who Shouma transforms into, has a motif based on gummies and other sweets."

Chinen: When I saw the illustration depicted in the proposal, I thought it was incredibly simple, however, my opinion changed when I saw it in person. The armor on the chest and shoulders have a gradient so that it shines beautifully when light hits it, and there's a playful gimmick where a squishy dent will form when it's pressed, so a bunch of detail has been carefully put into it. I'm now so attached to it, that I can't think of anyone else but Gavv. Personally, what I want you to pay attention to the most are the feet. The feet are actually clawed, and this slightly animal like aspect is an important element of the show, so I'd be happy if you make sure to pay attention to the feet as well.

"What's your impression of Nawata Yuya-san, Gavv's Suit Actor?"

Chinen: Nawata-san is an actor who I shape Shouma together with, and he's an indispensable person to me, as I'm able to talk to him about problems that I can't talk about with the other cast members or the Director. He also taught me about acting, like how to create the mood and how to read the script. I'm grateful to Nawata-san's action, as I think Gavv's appeal has tripled, and I feel like the show itself has also become more brilliant.

"Does that also get you enthusiastic about the post transformation dub recording?"

Chinen: That's right. The recording process is more difficult than normal acting because you have to use only your voice to express your emotions and fight scenes in accordance with the footage. In episodes 1 and 2, I had to rerecord so many times that I lost the strength in my voice, and it took twice as long as the planned time (bitter smile). As well as the performances of my seniors in the Kamen Rider series, I also studied the game "Street Fighter" based on the advice of Director Sugihara, and now I feel like I'm getting by. I'll work more diligently to make Nawata-san's performance 120% more appealing with my voice performance, and to become a Shouma who's just as cool after his transformation into Gavv.

"One of the real thrills of the Kamen Rider series are the transformation scenes, but how did you create the pose?"

Chinen: The transformation pose was decided through a discussion between myself, Action Director Fujita Satoshi, Director Sugihara, and Nawata-san. It's a movement that involves rotating your arm, but the final version, which we created after discussing the angles and timing with everyone to make sure it looked cool and appealing, is the transformation pose used in episode 2. Depending on the story, he could transform quickly, so I hope people watch the way he changes based on the situation.

"In the episodes up to this point, the action leading up to the first transformation in the first episode is a scene that can't be ignored when talking about Shouma. There was some action involving wires, and we were also impressed by his performance as he was gradually being cornered by the Granute."

Chinen: That scene was prepared weeks before the shoot, as Director Sugihara and Action Director Fujita came up with a really cool direction. The scene where Shouma is beaten was especially important to give depth to the reason for his transformation, as it took two days to film. In the end, it was in the most extreme situation I had ever experienced in my life, my performance came out unconsciously, and I was complemented with, "Your facial expressions were very good." I could've never done it on my own, the scene was made possible by the advice of Director Sugihara and Nawata-san, who worked beside me, and by all the staff members who created an environment that allowed me to concentrate on my performance.

"It makes us want to go back and pay attention to the expressions on your face. Finally, please tell us your goals throughout filming of Kamen Rider Gavv."

Chinen: I'd like to learn alot about action from Action Director Fujita, Nawata-san and everyone else on the Action Team, and I'd like to improve my acting skills. I've never been in an environment where I could spend an entire year with people who are so good at captivating others, and I don't think it'll ever happen again in the future. I hope to make full use of this experience so that in the next year, I can be an actor who can do it all, from acting to action and recording, so I'll do my best to do what's in front me!

Director Sugihara Teruaki

The vibrant world Shouma comes across

-A dark story with colorful visuals-

"When did you first hear that you'd be the pilot Director?"

Sugihara: I'm pretty sure it was around last Fall, when I was working on the drama, "Tokyo MPD: From Zero to Hero," I received a phone call from Producer Takebe Naomi-san who said, "I'd like to meet and talk with you at once." I heard from a separate matter that Takebe-san would be in charge of the next Kamen Rider, and at the time, I thought I was going to be the second Director, but when I met her, she said, "You're the pilot Director." (laughs).

"At the stage when Director Sugihara joined, how much of the content in the show was decided on?"

Sugihara: Aside from the sweets and monsters motif, we'd yet to decide on the content of the story and the personalities and relationships of the characters. In the beginning, we were a small group consisting of the Producer team's Takebe-san and Takishima Minami-san, Screenwriter Komura Junko-san, and myself. Our three parties worked out the content by sharing ideas from our respective perspectives.

"What specific ideas did Director Sugihara have in mind? Personally, we felt that the visuals of the characters, including their costumes, incorporated the Director's ideas."

Sugihara: You can assume that I'm basically in charge of visual aspects like the impression and fashion. For Shouma's fashion in particular, during the rather early stages, I'd draw an illustration and say, "How about something like this?," and I'd have them look at it while I created his character.

"Not just Shouma's clothes, but also the interior of Hapipare is rich in color, so much so that it's unusual for the Kamen Rider series."

Sugihara: I told artist Fukuzawa Katsuhiro that I wanted to make the visuals as bright and pop as much as possible. Kamen Rider Gavv itself isn't meant to be a continuation of the "ism" seen in the first generation of Kamen Rider, but it includes themes like family conflict and Shouma's sad separation from his mother, so the content is heavy. Because of this, we made the impression of the colors vivid, and were careful to not make them too dark. Moreover, being in the human world for the first time, Shouma's a kid who's impressed by everything he sees, so I was conscious of the world captured from Shouma's point of view and to use rather flashy colors. Conversely, the Granute World and Stomach Family use muted colors, or to just say it outright, they have dirty colors.

"What do you value in your expression of Shouma, the main character?"

Sugihara: I wanted to depict Shouma as a pure kid, someone who suddenly comes to the human world and finds everything he sees as fresh. On the inside, he's not much different from Hajime, who he first meets in the human world, in fact, he's much more of a child than that kid. So he ponders over what he's been told, hurt by the casual mention of "monster" and afraid of hurting others, he's unable to be together with someone else, so he leaves Hajime and Sachika and goes elsewhere. However, I didn't want to make it too dark, so it was hard to depict (laughs). While he carries a dark side, I want him to be a kid who's always smiling when he's with someone, even if he has to force himself to smile.

"This Shouma is beautifully embodied by Chinen Hidekazu-san."

Sugihara: The best thing about Chinen-kun is that he looks great on camera. That's the kind of talent an actor has. Also, the expressions on his face when he eats are really good. Even though he's eating food he usually sees all the time, he eats it like it's a delicacy, looking as if he's eating something he's never seen before and is impressed. In that sense, I think he was the right choice to play Shouma. Still, since this is roughly his first performance, he had to start from a place where he couldn't express his emotions properly, and to begin with, he couldn't even vocalize. I had Chinen-kun stand on one end of Toei's rooftop, and I stood on the opposite end and had him deliver his lines. I gave him relentless acting instruction from the very beginning (laughs). Filming started earlier than usual, so we've already shot several episodes, and I feel that he can now stand proudly in front of the camera as Shouma. With each episode his performance and facial expressions are getting better and better. I have high expectations for his growth over the next year.

-Dedicated action that make the most of the motif-

"We felt that the vibes of Gavv's everyday scenes were different from that of previous Kamen Rider series, but was there anything you were conscious of in your direction?"

Sugihara: In my mind, I had a bright, pop like feeling, but during filming, Chinen-kun……it was important to me how to capture Shouma and the human world from his point of view. I may have only been thinking, "How can I get a good shot of him?"

"In that sense, it's interesting to think that the entire production is being pulled along by Shouma and Chinen-san."

Sugihara: That's right. This is especially true for the first episode, as the story unfolds from Shouma's point of view, so I was conscious of the fact that I wanted to bring the viewers perspective as close as possible to Shouma's.

"Despite the battle scenes also having a fancy sweets motif, from the very first episode, we were taken back by the intense physical battle depicted between Gavv and the Granute."

Sugihara: I'm pretty sure it was Action Director Fujita Satoshi who put out the idea of a serious fistfight at a container warehouse, and with sword fighting in a narrow space. We specified the colors and placement of the containers, and asked the people on location to arrange them accordingly. From there, Fujita and I talked in detail about the composition of the action, and we put it together by discussing the angles while adding in our own ideas as we filmed on site.

"We heard that you and Fujita-san worked closely together to create this."

Sugihara: I also like action quite abit, so I tell Fujita various things like, "Do this sort of thing." Naturally, Fujita has alot of things he wants to do as well, so the two of us are working together to come up with ideas for action sequences and angles.

"Including Gavv's own actions, the way he fights while "eating" the Gochizo is unique."

Sugihara: It was decided in advance that the transformation items Gochizo would appear alot like that of "Pikmin" and "Minions," so I thought it'd be better to use alot of them. Because of that, when Gavv takes damage, his armor breaks and he'll eat the Gochizo one after another……we're calling it "follow up sweets," and I think it'd be interesting to keep changing sweets and repair them as he fights.

"The standard Poppingummy Form has flexible armor, while Zakuzakuchips Form's sword weapon can easily break depending on how it's used, and the use of sweets as a motif was also visually enjoyable."

Sugihara: Inspiration for the action comes from discussions that are almost like casual conversations. I thought about how things like thin baked snacks such as potato chips might be weak to side attacks (laughs). Also, unlike other Kamen Riders, we don't use bullet impacts on Gavv when we depict him being hit (mechanism that detonates gunpowder that's attached to the performer). In his setup, the armor is derived from sweets generated by his own body, so we tried to create the effect of small bead like things flying around him. During filming, we've been throwing beads into the air from the side of the camera. In that sense, it may have a new visual feel.

"What scenes from episodes 1 and 2 were particularly powerful?"

Sugihara: In terms of taking the most time, I'd say it was before the transformation in the first episode. When I was thinking about Shouma's human image, Takebe-san said, "I don't want him to be a hero who fights just because he has powers." You don't fight just because you have the power to become a Kamen Rider, there's a will to fight, and that's where the power comes in. I wanted to create an image of a hero who's able to transform into Gavv because it's Shouma. Since the time of the script meeting, we had talked about how we wanted to portray a different kind of strength from that of the everyday Shouma, who keeps going despite being beaten up by someone he can't even stand up to. On set, Chinen-kun and I worked together to find out why Shouma was feeling that way, and we worked on his facial expressions and gestures one by one, and I was quite persistent throughout filming. We were supposed to film the transformation scene in one day, but we took too long and didn't get to the transformation, so I had to apologize to the staff (laughs).

"Finally, please tell us your enthusiasm for the future."

Sugihara: Honestly, I have no idea how Kamen Rider Gavv will conclude a year from now, but I want to make a show that'll make people who watched it think, "Gavv was interesting." For this reason, I'd also like to delve deeper into Shouma and Hanto, and Sachika and the others characters, and to make each of them appealing. I'm sure that Komura-san will come up with some great developments (laughs), and for my part, I hope that I can take advantage of that, and as the pilot Director for the first time in a long time, to create images that people watching in their living rooms have never seen before.

#kamen rider gavv #kamen rider #chinen hidekazu #hidekazu chinen #shouma stomach #shouma inoue #inoue shouma #inoue shoma #my scans #my translation #animage #hanto karakida #karakida hanto #sachika amane #amane sachika #tokusatsu #toku cast #interview

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wroetojaw · 1 year ago

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Hello! 🤍 Could you write something about Ethan making a risky comment about reader and Harry, her boyfriend, gets mad at him and so? ❤️‍🩹🤭

JEALOUSY HAS A SILVER LINING | W2S

˚ ༘ ⋆｡˚

tags: fluff, w2s x reader

warnings: cursing, mentions of alcohol, just a teeny weeny but of violence, some steamy(??) moments, beware guys!!

a/n: thank you guys for all of the support sending love to everyone hope you guys are well!! <3

"Harry I swear, if you make me late to my own birthday party I'm breaking up with you." You said jokingly, with just a little bit of truth behind your words. He had insisted that you stayed over at his place the night before so that you guys could go to your party together. Your friends had put in alot of effort into planning the party for you and you did not want to be late.

Your boyfriend sheepishly promises that he is almost done getting ready and kisses your cheek hurriedly to 'calm' you before rushing back into his room. And it did calm you down just a little but you would never tell him that.

"Alright alright I'm done! We can g....woah," Harry says, suddenly stopping mid sentence. You were wearing the dress he bought for you on your 2nd anniversary. It was a gorgeous gorgeous black mini dress and god did you look good. "Okay let's go hurry," you rushed, trying to get out of the house on time, before you felt your boyfriend's hands grab your waist, pulling you back.

He kisses you, mumbling under his breath about how beautiful you looked. His mouth started making its way to your neck, leaving a faint-ish bruise before you finally 'came back to your senses'. You put your hands on his chest, gently pushing him away. "We're going to be late," you muttered, feeling flustered after what had just happened. He tries to persuade you into staying behind for awhile. You were considering it but before you let yourself 'fall into his trap', you quickly backed away, grabbing his car keys and pulling him out the door.

When you guys arrived, almost everyone was already there. The moment you stepped into the club, you felt all eyes on you. Even the strangers in the club were looking at you and boy did Harry not like it. He instinctively wrapped his arm around you, hoping the other people would take a hint and back off. He knew you could handle your own if you really felt harassed and needed to fight a bitch, but he would strongly prefer to help you if he had a choice.

As soon as he saw that most of the strangers had looked away and continued doing their own things, he lowered his guard and let go of your waist. You guys made your way over to the VIP booth your friends had reserved and were immediately greeted with open arms.

Freya, Talia, and Faith, the people who had planned the party, were the first few people to greet you and wish you happy birthday. Of course you had other friends outside the Sidemen girlfriends, but you felt the closest to them. After all, you guys have been going out together at least once a week while the Sidemen filmed their videos.

"Y/N you look gorgeous as always! If I wasn't married then, I would have snatched you from Harry." Faith teases, giving the stink eye to Harry, who returns one back before continuing his conversation with the guys. You laugh in response, giving her a tight hug.

You went to mingle and talk to the other guests, and it wasn't long before almost everyone was at least a little drunk. The few who stayed sober were the ones driving everyone home (because we don't condone drunk driving), including your boyfriend, Simon, JJ, but that was only because he was in a diet for his upcoming boxing match, and Faith.

The thing is, when you're even the slightest amount of drunk, just like your boyfriend, you have absolutely no filter. So when equally drunk Talia brought up the 'bruise' on your neck, you couldn't help but tell her what or more so who it came from. When you started revealing more and more intimate details is when Harry quickly cut you off. However, you just ignored him and continued running your mouth.

Now this is where disaster happens. Obviously drunk behz started talking about how good you looked today and before Faith could stop him or slap some sense into him, he said "If I were Harry, I would have wanted to fuck her today too." And then Harry slapped some sense into him. With his first.

Ethan immediately sobered up after that and started apologizing to all three of you guys, you, Harry and Faith. The atmosphere after that had immediately changed. Tobi and Josh immediately went to Ethan to check if he was alright, Simon and JJ came over and tried to calm Harry down, while your friends came over to check on you. Luckily it was about the end of the party so everyone said their goodbyes and went their separate ways.

Ethan and Faith were the last to leave, Ethan still apologizing for what he said. You and Faith both tried to get Harry to talk to Behz, but he stubbornly refused. You asked him to at least let Behz apologise and eventually he agreed, so you and Faith gave them some space to talk it out, while staying around just incase one of them does something stupid.

Eventually, they made up and you made them hug it out. Ethan apologized once again for his words and swore that he would never do anything that stupid ever again. You accepted his apology and hugged him and Faith before you guys went your separate ways.

The ride home was more then just awkward. There was something bothering Harry but you just couldn't figure out what it was. When he drove past your house and headed on the route back to his home, it only piqued your curiosity even more.

When you guys arrived at his house, he turned in his seat to face you. He pulled you in for a long kiss, and only stopped when you needed air. "Move in with me," he says, dead serious. You were shocked. Of course you guys have talked about the future with each other but the last discussion you guys had, Harry said that he was nowhere near ready to move in together. Granted that discussion was a year ago but still, he hadn't ever brought up moving in together since.

"Harry are you sure about this? The last time you," You started off but before you could finish your sentence, he cut you off saying, " I know, I said I wasn't ready, but honestly I've been ready for awhile, I just didnt know how to bring it up. And today, hearing other people express interest in you that fucking killed me and it just made me realise even more that I want to be the only guy in your life if you'll let me. So please move in with me?"

"You don't have to ask me twice." You say as you pull him in for a kiss.

#sidemen x reader #ethan payne #harry lewis #harry lewis x reader #josh bradley #ksi #sidemen #sidemen fanfic #tobi #vikstar #w2s fic #w2s x reader #harry w2s #w2s imagine #w2s #harry lewis imagine

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ligerbombz · 1 year ago

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//coughs up blood, limps back on to my account HI guys im still alive, here's a redraw kind of that one bruabba AU i did ages ago Sorry ive been like really really inactive lately, I decided to take a break from social media for a long long while 😭 Alot has happened tho! I got a higher paying job and a new car (well a "new" used car but its rly nice i like it) and I found out I inherited some land waaay out in the middle of no where (courage the cowardly dog type beat) so I moved out there recently. Its been pretty crazy but fun! Not sure when im gonna be more active again but I hope you guys are all doing well And thanks so much for sticking around this long 🥺<3

#bruabba #jojo's pitter patter pop #leone abbacchio #bruno bucciarati

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bitterbutblue · 3 months ago

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Is it possible to request.. maybe Robin x reader things…?

Because i have ALOT of ideas 😞

the heartbreak time could never mend ☆ robin x fem!reader

~ so i decided to do a more angst route.. sorry anon T-T

robin falls in love with a civilian, but it's not what they want .. um i hope this doesnt hurt too bad

song: cornelia street - taylor swift ~

── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ────

The letter that laid in front of her had been taunting her the moment she got home. She felt her throat close up, eyes stinging with unshed tears when she spots your familiar handwriting on top. Her heart has been aching to push itself out of her body, threatening to spill its own blood on the ground from the day she told you she didn't love you anymore. You remember that day too vividly, you remember that day every night you try to sleep and every morning when you wake up to the empty bed. You remember it too well because you remembered nothing ever being lead up to the point where she decided she no longer loved you.

"What the fuck do you mean, Robin?"

She had her back facing you, her halovian wings tucked in- a sign of agitation.

"I said I don't love you anymore."

Her voice was quiet, too calm for your own liking. She spoke as if it was just factual, as if you hadn't spent the past three years of your lives being each other's most important person.

"I don't want to do this anymore."

The world began spinning ever so slightly as you gripped at the edge of the table, trying to steady yourself. Your breathing grew more and more unsteady. You took in deep breaths, trying to calm that ache in your heart.

"Why?" Was all you could manage out "Why not?"

"Because I've fallen out of love."

Fallen out of love. It happens to people, more often or not. But you swear on your life that Robin had not fallen out of love because you still see the way she looks at you when you run into her on your way back home. You see through her civilian disguise, because you'd spot those eyes from anywhere. In a sea of people you'd recognise those eyes of hers and every time she looks at you and you only, she has the look reminiscent of a view of a harbour late at night. She has the look reminiscent of a heartbeat as one lays on their lover's chest- deep and sincere.

You still see that look in her eyes. You saw it the day you stormed out of her house, you see it the day you came back to get your stuff. You see it when you spot her walking down the streets and you know she hasn't fallen out of love. You know she hasn't fallen out of love because she looks at you with nothing but regret and pain, unspoken words and promises that beg to be let out. Eyes are just a simple human organ, made for us to see- yet eyes can hold more emotions than you could've ever processed and you learned this when she looked at you right before you left. Her facade dropped for just a bit and you see the gut-wrenching pain and regret that hits her almost immediately as soon as you opened the door. She opened her mouth, as if wanting to say something, but nothing comes out. Instead you watch her in silence for a moment, tears finally falling, before turning around and slamming the door shut.

You first fell for her because you worked at a cafe she really liked going to, and she noticed you because 1. you were absolutely stunning, and 2. you always drew the cutest little doodles and notes on her cup that had her swooning. She always talked to Sunday about 'that pretty barista who makes her drink the best' and Sunday had always urged her to talk to you. When she did finally approach you, you didn't recognise her as the idol Robin. You just gratefully accepted her request and she had never felt more light. She never understood what it meant to walk on Cloud 9 until you.

You finally connected the dots- why Robin never wanted to see you outside of her or your home, and why she always wore such dark clothing and sunglasses when she was out. You didn't care, you were just worried about her safety and you told her that if it was safer for you two to break up than to jeopardise her career, then you would be okay with ending things.

That was the day she fell more in love with you- more than ever. That was the day she wanted to be by your side forever.

That was the day she lied, the day she told you she would always put you over her career.

You loved her, you still do. You love her like she's the air you breathe, and you love her like a flame loves the cold air of the night. You loved her too much and too dearly and whenever you love someone too much it always come back to get you.

You remember the day she said those three words. It was on your bed, her laying in your arms after a long day of dealing with performances and fans, paparazzi and newspapers. You hold her close and you hold her tight. She nudged her head into the crook of your neck so that she laid on your chest. She let out a content sigh at the sound of your heartbeat.

"I love you."

You felt your own heart beating faster at her words and she giggled.

"Your heartbeat just sped up."

"I know."

You couldn't stop the embarrassment in your voice as she lets out a laugh that sounds akin to the sun rising over the city for a new day. Robin wraps her arms around you tightly, pressing a kiss to your neck, right at your pulse point.

"I love you, and I'll love you forever."

She sobbed in her bed for god knows how long after the door slams shut. She couldn't even call Sunday because she couldn't move without every fibre in her body burning from the pain that had spread from her heart. She sobbed until she couldn't speak and her eyes were hurting from how dry they had gone. She held her pillow tight against her chest to try to calm that ache that spread with each thump but it doesn't dull. It doesn't and it never will.

"Robin?"

"Hm?"

"Check the articles I sent you."

Her heart dropped. Whenever Sunday called her to say that it's almost never good news. She hung up immediately, clicking onto the article in the link he sent and she felt everything just come to a halt.

Robin spotted on the streets with a woman?

Robin coming out as a LESBIAN?

Idol Robin seen holding hands with a WOMAN!

Her phone hit the ground, clattering as she ran to the bathroom. She felt the sickening churn of her stomach as she knelt over the toilet bowl. Her own vision began to blur, the corners going white. Her worst nightmare was happening and it's happening in real time.

"Baby?"

You rush up to her side, panic filling you as you kneel down next to her. You take in the tears in her eyes, the paleness of her face and how she could barely breathe.

"I can't-"

"What's wrong?"

"Stay with me."

You write her a long letter, and you never had the courage to give it to her until weeks after she ended things with you. You blanked out as you were writing, and you weren't even sure if you were making sense as you wrote out what you were feeling. It was a series of emotions, incoherent words stuck together, held together by your anger, your despair. You want her to read it but you also want her to never contact you about it, ever.

You had finally pieced together why she ended things one day after you opened social media to find a post about Robin. You felt your own throat close up as you read the post. Beloved Robin is a lesbian? Fans enraged, netizens demand-

You threw your phone across the room, not caring about the damage you had done (though you did deeply regret it after). You felt your breathing get more and more ragged. She couldn't even talk to you about it. She didn't even come out with the truth about what happened because if she had just talked to you, you would've understood, goddammit. Instead she lied, she lied and she pretends and she smiles for the camera.

It's unclear what hurts more- her lie or the promise she broke. She swore to love you even if everyone was against her yet in her core, she is an idol. In her core, she is not willing to jeopardise her relationship for anything. You never should've believed her in the first place and fuck, you were foolish for believing her.

She smiles for the camera every day, she sings her songs and she greets the crowds with her award winning, bright and cheerful smile. She addresses the rumours and that's what kills you.

Regarding the rumours about your sexuality, what do you have to say to that?

I would like to clarify that those rumours are false- I am not queer or part of the LGBTQ+ community. The person in the images that have been circulating around is just a good friend of mine- a friend since childhood. I never liked to openly talk about my sexuality but I do not think my sexuality should be a topic discussed so openly. What I do in my private life should be kept to me and my loved ones.

Bullshit.

Robin had told you in secrecy, she doesn't like men. She doesn't and she never has been interested in men. You wouldn't betray her trust and out her of course but fuck it hurt to see her do the exact thing she promised you she would never do.

It hurt so much.

Dear Robin,

I don't know how to start this letter, I don't know how to write exactly what it is I feel and what it is I want to even say but there is so much I never conveyed to you that night that I feel like I want you to know before we part ways forever.

You were the first girl I truly loved, and I hope you know that. I know you will move on one day, and I hope when you move on you are more confident in yourself. I hope you have the guts to fucking keep your promise you told me with your future girlfriend and that you don't hurt them like you hurt me. Did you have to be such a coward? Did you have to lie to me about not loving me anymore? If you had just told me the truth it would've hurt less- yet you break two promises with this act of yours. Is it that important for you to maintain this image? Is it worth losing what we had and the future we were planning to build together?

All I have left is the remains of what you promised me and the remains of myself I have to pick up because of how you've left me. I can't walk down the stairs without thinking about that time you were waiting for me there with my favourite flowers. I can't walk into the kitchen without thinking about the day you surprised me by cooking breakfast for me on my birthday despite your busy schedule. I will hurt forever, and I will stay hurt for god knows how long.

A part of me will always be changed, and you will always be a part of me because I myself am an amalgamation of our love and of you now. My sense of self is also tied to you, my sense of identity is engrained to you and I despise that. I despise how a part of me is forever shaped by you. I want to lose every part of you forever because I love you so much. I love you so much and it hurts to know that you will still be a part of me but you will never be with me again. I've never asked much of you, and I don't think I am a selfish person but please just let me be selfish for once- I just want to keep your love, I want to keep you.

i just want you to be proud of who you are. I want you to not have to hide in shame and I hope you stop hiding one day because I know it hurts you too.

Signed,

Yours truly

Dearest,

You will probably never see this letter, and I may just burn this after I write it.

You were my first love too. I never opened myself up to anyone but you caught me with open arms. I never thought I would be so heads over heels for you but the more I got to know you the deeper in love I fell. I knew it was a risk to ask you out and I took that risk because I love you. I want you to be in my life forever but I also want you to know that I'm scared.

I know it's not fair of me to ask you to understand, but I just want to protect you from the media. Selfishly, I put myself first. Selfishly, I couldn't let myself love you because I was scared of what would happen if the media truly found out about you.

I love you, I still do. I wake up every day wishing you were by my side but I need to learn the fact that I had let you go. I had let you go for my own sake and I regret it, I really do. But I don't think it's right for me to come back, to come begging.

I don't think I can love someone as well as I loved you. I think the way I love in the future will forever be influenced by you too.

I will try to be braver for you, I hope you see me on the screens one day and remember us, and how you are the reason why I shine brighter than the stars of the Penacony nights.

I love you, forever and always.

Signed,

Robin.

"What can I get for you today-"

You feel your heart come to a stop when you see the customer that stands in front of you. You recognised those eyes from anywhere, even if it had been years. You had moved to a new city, gotten a new job at a new cafe. And here she stands, no disguise, nothing. Her eyes widen too, jaw dropping slightly. You feel your heart sink when you notice the shorter girl that stands next to her.

The girl that holds her hand tight.

"I'll have a hot chocolate!"

The girl with silvery-blonde hair smiles brightly, her eyes were this beautiful mix of ocean blue and pink that you found yourself getting lost in. Her eyes reflect nothing but kindness, Robin's eyes reflect nothing but pain.

"I'll have a flat white."

Robin's voice is quiet, slightly strained. You just nod, swallowing back the lump in your throat as you click a few buttons on the screen.

"Cash or card?"

"Card, please."

You take a deep breath in, trying to steady your voice.

"Can I have a name?"

Robin swallows.

"Robin."

"Great-" You try to stop your voice from cracking "I'll have your drinks up soon, Ms. Robin."

You turn around quickly. You had to do something else- going to work on the drinks because you could feel the tears threatening to spill. You distract yourself with the loud sounds of the milk frother, the sounds of coffee being dispensed. You take another deep breath in, hands clutching at the countertops as you try to steady yourself and to stop the tears from falling. You reach up, dabbing away at the tears quickly before heading back to work. You pour the drinks into the cup, putting the lids on before ringing up the pair. To your dismay, Robin comes up instead. You notice how her eyes drift down to the sides of the cup, face falling slightly when she notices that the sides of the cups are empty. No names, no doodles, nothing.

"Thank you."

Her voice cracks slightly as she takes the cup. You finally bring your gaze up, making eye contact for the first time in years and you feel your heart clench as you let out an choked gasp. You see the tears that form in her eyes, the tears that mirrors yours.

Please, say something.

"Have a good day."

Pause.

Anything.

"You too."

And she turns around, like a stranger resuming their day- your moments in history, pushed back into the past.

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