#she really is my chew toy.
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
Listening to coinstar by the growlers and thinking about mel so hard I get nauseous
Ridiculous stream of conscious in the tags apologies but not really
#it speaks#white woman moment#its really funny bc like. its very much a her to jfk song#(everyones favorite problematic short king)#but she looks at him with uhhh#like heres this kid(hes 28) standing on the precipice o what she had been all those years ago#but he KNOWS it she didnt know she thought she had mold poisoning from her shitty apartment until she died#and she is projecting so much onto him. which is part of why she doesn't respect him at all#'im a sucker just like you'#its also funny bc like. it is Too Late for Phoenix.also its scary that theyre hungry bc as far as she knows death avatars arent supposed 2 b#but also theyre the first one shes met. and Phoenix is kind of just scary in general.#but being around those two is like. almost flashbacky(jfk also reminds her alot of her ex aroun that age tho audreys dad was Worse)#(she never met him but heard enough stories about the guy and i mean. he fed her to the hunt on purpose.#i dont think jorges dad wanted what was going to happen to happen)#part of why she texted her so fast tbh. not that they hadnt talked at all since the divorce.#i thinj they talked. not alot bc mel WAS in europe and international data rates pre smartphone age oof ouch#and also like. they did irrevocably harm eachother physically and mentally but they do both careeeeee#tho. i do not think melissa wouldve ever dropped everything to go help audrey like audrey would and did for her.#(girl who runs away from her problems x girl who is a dog)#auuughhhhhh#she really is my chew toy.#i also think alot about her sky mafia years but those r fun and sexy little secrets for me#as much as i love Basil's motw campaign i do with it was easier to unentangle her from tma lore.#bc like. normal vampire works well but it loses so much of the flavor. various sea beasts keep the flavor but loose the morality.#for pathfinder if i were to redo her id go with storm oracle and then spec into kineticist. which does work Ok I Guess.#but like. even that its still not what i want#one scene that probably would've never happened in game but i thought ahout if we ever went back to the item storage or maybe a wierd thrift#shop or something was to like. have her come across a violin and pick it up and make it scream horribly. like. really concentrate on making#it make the worst noise imaginable. shes trying to reach that wonderful horrible music avatars mention alot in the earlier seasons#and then realizes everyone else Hates That So Much and jokingly play one of the devil's riffs from tdwdg. tbh i should finally draw that
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
SO LIKE. As much as I roll with the Emanator of Elation Sampo theory, I do have. Some doubts about this specific instance of it. Not that I think Boothill is lying, or that I think Sampo isn't an Emanator, but I wonder if the person Boothill actually met was Sampo.
Just! Sampo is so careful. The only reason we even knew he wasn't of Belobog was due to a dialogue-dependent fourth wall-breaking dream sequence that no other character could have seen. It took a missable dream bubble in an out-of-the-way spot that was seemingly left only for the trailblazer at the very end of a side mission just to confirm him as a Masked Fool. Like it's not just the fact that Boothill mentions this person being an Emanator. It's that he knows they're also a Masked Fool, which is also something Sampo is incredibly dodgy about. Sparkle even seems to call him out on this in her party join line fjkdjaskldj
((But also, Boothill, baby. WHY were you trying to get them drunk????))
And regardless of if you believe him when he calls himself an old timer, he obviously has a lot of experience in doing what he does. He knows what he's doing, he's good at it, and he is viciously capable and competent, unfortunately for his victims smhznskdn
So it just. Feels very unlike him, for him to let his guard down enough to not only let himself get drunk in front of Boothill-
a total stranger btw whom Sampo has absolutely no reason to trust, and a dangerous Galaxy Ranger to boot who has plenty of blood on his hands and a significant bounty on his head
-but to get SO drunk that he lets loose the secret that he's an Emanator.
When Boothill brings this up, he mentions that if Emanators were obvious and known at a glance, it would lead to atrocities. And for as much as Sampo is disliked by his victims (there's an entire anti-Sampo organization in Belobog JFDKLASJFDL), it's all for fraud. He's wanted by the IPC as an intergalactic thief. He scams people out of their money, and only rich people at that. That's mostly all that he's known for. Nothing he does is violent, even though Sampo surely has the capacity to inflict a lot of harm.
And I don't mean that he's exactly a pacifist or anything; Firefly comments that Sampo seems like a highly skilled covert fighter. His voicelines make it sound like he enjoys combat- hell, his ult line makes him sound like a hitman. I like to hc him as being a pretty high ranker in the fighting rings at the World's End Tavern, like we see in the Simulated Universe occurrences.
But I don't think he would enjoy being the cause of uncontrollable violence and bloodshed.
Like yeah he's a dick who scams people on the regs for funsies, but he has lines he refuses to cross, which we see a lot of in how he interacts with Sparkle. More than just not enjoying it, I think he would hate it if he were found out and it caused an incident, especially since he seems so endeared to Belobog and her people now and it looks like he plans to return there. He wouldn't want to bring any of that back to them.
So I just can't imagine him carelessly fucking up bad enough to out himself to a random stranger that could easily put a bullet right through his head.
Sparkle maybe could, though.
Because as we find out later the dreamscape had expanded FAR beyond what it seemed, far enough that the trailblazer had been dreaming since the warp jump in. Most people enter it unknowingly, and don't realize they're already dreaming when they think they're still awake. Boothill and Dan Heng should have already been dreaming during their exchange on the Express that started all this.
And as long as someone knows they're dreaming, completely changing their appearance is easy, even for the common layman. We see this with a couple of NPCs and also Sparkle herself, with her (in)famous impression of Sampo.
Thank youuuuu Sparkle
And yeah, the trailblazer and almost all of the other characters wouldn't know about the expansion until near the very end. None of them realized they were dreaming even outside of their dream pools, and surely none of them would think to be suspicious of another person's appearance outside of the dreamscape like that.
But Sparkle has a script from Silver Wolf.
She knew all the secrets of the dreamscape, and she knew them from the very beginning. There would have been nothing stopping her from appearing as Sampo in front of Boothill and spilling all his secrets.
And she apparently has a long-standing history with Sampo, including trying to get him in on her own much more fiery and aggressive version of Elation.
Maybe all Sampo needs is to be outed as an Emanator, and then when all the violence and bloodshed catches up to him, then he'll finally understand! ദ്ദി(。•̀ ,<)~✩
#honkai star rail#hsr#sampo koski#hsr sampo#sparkle#hsr sparkle#hsr hanabi#boothill#hsr boothill#tbh I doubt Hoyo put this much thought into it- Boothill did say he only found out by sheer luck after all#but it's such an entertaining conspiracy theory for me JKFJASKLJD#Sparkle sucks so bad I hope she commits atrocities <3#she should show up in Belobog. at least just to give Sampo a heart attack and finally rile him up out of his customer service act.#it would be funny#her relationship with him makes me chew concrete AUGH#HOYO GIVE ME MORE OF THEM PLEASE OTL#if it turns out Sampo really IS an Emanator of Elation and the Fools know it that makes all the disrespect he gets like x10 more hilarious.#you guys that is the MOUTHPIECE of your GOD that you WORSHIP and you are grilling him for his religious views (Giovanni)-#- and backstabbing him (Sparkle)#I hope Aha treats him in a similar manner#God's favorite little chew toy uwu#and also my favorite little chew toy#I am going to shake him until the squeaker breaks!!!
113 notes
·
View notes
Text
started playing pillars of eternity the other day.. (shoving my 40 hours of playtime under the rug) its cool i guess.
#pillars of eternity#death godlike#dymphna#really shoddily cropped outfit lineup cause i dont want tumblr sniping me for well errrrrm. uhhhhhh emmmm.... yknow nuddy#i made dymphna in game and barely 2 days later i had a fully lined and coloured line up of her thats the fastest ive ever made one#she has the worlds. most disgusting grasp on my brain its insane how attached i am to her alreadyy. i even made her a custom portrait....#anyways josh sawyer count your fucking days for not making hiravias or eder romancable im going to get you.#i dont want aloth thats her chew toy not her boy toy. shes hoisting him on her shoulder and throwing him about#shes 6 foot 3 built like a rectangle and absolutelty trying to convince herself and everyone else that shes the perfect size#to sit in hiravias's lap. (he cant feel his legs anymore)
36 notes
·
View notes
Text
Gods, Agatha is such a diabolical cunt. Never did I think I'd ever love someone more than Wanda, but she's now my new favorite bitch of the MCU. Kathryn Hahn really knocked it out of the park with this one! Her line delivery is just impeccable, and she is marvelous at playing out the bloodthirsty sociopath that you can't help but sympathize with. Like, she knows what she's about and she's not ashamed of it.
I'mma talk about Agatha All Along real quick cause it's late at night and I just finished the show in a sleepy haze and I need to get all these thoughts out while I battle another insomnia episode. So SPOILERS!
I was shooketh to find out that the witches road never even existed and was never real. The original ballad was based on a song her and her son made up while traveling, and it twisted into the ballad of the Witches Road over time. But other young witches believed the ballad to be a real tale, so they came to Agatha and wanted her to guide them down the road. So, she turned the ballad into a bait to lure other witches into a trap and steal their powers. This is how Agatha became a legend as the "only known survivor of the Witches Road". Of course she's the only survivor of the road! She made it the fuck up and then murdered everyone!
Agatha was bitching to Rio about her tormenting her the entire time and making her life a living hell. I was so confused on why Agatha would say this or why Rio would be sticking so closely to Agatha this entire time since her son's death. But that's because Rio has been following Agatha for centuries down the "Witches Road" because Agatha was dropping bodies left and right. And Agatha hated this because she sees Rio as responsible for taking her son, but Rio was just doing her job. Hells, Rio even did Agatha a massive favor by allowing Nicholas to live at all and giving Agatha at least some time with her son. And the little moment Agatha and Rio have where Rio says "as long as I get my bodies" is because there has always been bodies during the "Witches Road" and it is what Rio is expecting of Agatha. Rio only gets directly involved with this one because Billy "broke the rules" and cheated death and she is here to collect him specifically.
It's of no wonder why Agatha seems so erratic and winging it during all of the trials because there has never been trials. The Witches Road has never been real. She gets so frustrated at the beginning trial and yells at the witches to blast her because that is how it has always played out, until it didn't and the road actually revealed itself. She clocked Billy really early on because she realized that he used his mother's powers, induced unnecessary suffering, and killed people to get what he wanted (even if he didn't know that was what he was doing).
The Witches Road only became real because Billy made it real using his reality bending powers. He made the same mistake Wanda did and conjured it into existence because he wanted it to be real so bad. He wanted answers and to find out how to get Tommy back. That is what he expected at the end of the road and it's what he got. And like Wanda, Agatha helped him figure out how to get Tommy and get him what he has wanted. And Billy unintentionally got 3 people killed in the process. But he also helped Jen unbind herself and get her powers back.
And also, Lady Death is now in the MCU!!!! She's literally one of the most, if not the most powerful entity in the entire Marvel creation. She cannot die, cannot be killed, and cannot be injured. And Aubrey Plaza is just *chef's kiss*. She managed to leave such a massive impact by doing very little. I could not have imagined any one better and I'm actually surprised it took so long for her to make her way into the MCU. I would be severely disappointed if this was the last time we ever saw Aubrey Plaza as Lady Death. I know we're gonna see Billy, hopefully we see Tommy, but I need Rio Vidal.
I initially thought Disney was gonna pull the rug out from us and this show was just gonna be another queerbait. But the evil lesbian witches actually kissed, even if it was the kiss of death.
#marvel#mcu#agatha all along#agatha all along spoilers#agatha harkness#rio vidal#lady death#evil lesbian witches#billy maximoff#I'm gonna binge this show all over again this weekend#i'm gonna keep my eyes peeled to the screen and look for every little detail i can find now that i know what i'm looking for#sorry guys - i'm about to become just as obsessed with this show like i was with Wandavision and this is my new chew toy#wanna know something really really funny?#when i first watched wandavision - i had noticed that agatha practically flirts with wanda in every single episode#i couldn't tell if this was agatha flirting in a gay way#or if i was reading more into it because I wanted it to be flirts in a gay way and agatha is just being friendly#and then i watched agatha all along and learned that agatha is a whole ass fruit salad and my suspicions were correct#she was 100% hitting on wanda the entire time and was down BAD for wanda in more ways than one
20 notes
·
View notes
Text
Farewell
#u ever think about how thancred lost minfilia three seperate times#like the first time he had to deal with her merging with God who was actively growing weaker and weaker by the day#the second time he had to lose her to a foreign world on the brink of destruction#the third time he had almost come to terms with the fact shes gone#only to be faced with a child that looks just like her with her name her eyes her hair#and the possibility of getting her back#but also knowing he cant bc that would doom the child to never get to live on her own terms#and he knows minfilia would never want that#and he doesnt really either bc hes far softer than he lets on#anyway. chews him like dog toy#thancred waters#minfilia warde#heavensward#final fantasy#final fantasy 14#final fantasy xiv#ff14#ffxiv#art#my art#xanders art#xanders haunting art#digital art#fan art
140 notes
·
View notes
Text
Here I am being insane drawing and coloring two whole refs for Top Dog in one day
My hand is dyinggg
#He was built with a slimmer more athletic build like Graham but Saul got him addicted to the taste of toon ink and meats#it's taken a tole on his waistline obviously#he's the hungry hungry big bad wolf amongst his toon associates in Sales#He really enjoys working with the toons! he likes making office games to inventivize them to do their work#he hates these cravings of his; he hates feeling like he's going to go numb and snap to having eaten another toon#the chew toy is a gift to The Mingler from Glittermuffin for Top Dog; they told her that they'd do her one favor and she asked for#something that could help Top Dog with his toon cravings so voila! special chew toy for Top Dog to gnaw on if he's starting to crave toonink#Top Dog's weight will most likely fluxuate in my art of him which is why I put he can either be drawn fit or fat#he's a mess and needs to get his schedule and diet back under control#The Mingler is a good friend#toontown corporate clash#ttcc#toontown: corporate clash#imagionary rambles#ttcc au#ttcc oc#top dog#Top Dog is an experiment from the Office Basement from Brian; a clone fusion between Graham and Zak's blueprints
63 notes
·
View notes
Text
Wdym i cant draw for a MONTH..
#starting this sunday 😭#UNTIL AUGUST#ugh 😭#i wanna bring pomni with me but im scared shes gonna be used as a chew toy for either my dog or baby brother#i should just leave her with my older brother and gummigoo#i should bring my tablet with me if im gonna be gone for that long#i was considering leaving it cuz my mom doesnt really like it when i spend a lot of time doing art#and for context i draw literally every day so that combined with my family.. its like mixing oil and water#ill try my best to squeeze in some drawings but i’ll have very little time to do it#sorry guys 😔
9 notes
·
View notes
Text
Mira shenanigans
#She’s named after Princess Miracle Pemberton from the Five Kingdoms series#I was obsessed with it during Covid but it doesn’t have much of a fandom 😭#Srsly we’d get her own toys but the dogs keep eating them 💀#No I do not leave pencils around unless I’m watching her and she’s never eaten them#only chews on them a little and I always take it away when she starts to I promise I take care of my baby girl#I should get her catnip tho… she’d love that#I kinda have to make my own toys for her with string and sticks 😭💀#Sorry my voice sounds weird too#I’ve got the plague (Covid)#Thanks fam for bringing that back with you from Yellowstone XDXD at least it hasn’t hit me as hard as it did them#My lungs r struggling tho..im out of breath#and have a cough that just sits low in my lungs and throat#its really annoying#Just realized me telling her have a copic could sound like a rich girl pick me#I am in no way rich or a pick me please trust I’m so paranoid after someone called me a pick me as a “joke” at school once#it was just the closest thing next to me I could distract her with I practically sleep with them I cherish them so much#Mom bought those for Christmas for me#I hadn’t even asked for anything related to them considering she has my three brothers who are asking fo stuff like Xbox’s and nintendos lo#😭 I love my mom
14 notes
·
View notes
Text
Saoirse has two operating modes
#that second one is how I think she must look when I ask people if they want to pet her and they hesitate#which is really too bad because she absolutely does love to be pet#but when the animal in question looks like it thinks your soul would make a fun chew toy#one is inclined to hesitate#malinois#saoirse#art#my dog
116 notes
·
View notes
Text
"WONDERFUL SHOW TONIGHT, FORREST."
a KILLER FREQUENCY Marie Campbell/Forrest Nash ship playlist on YT
"Good to talk to you again, Forrest. You know, I've really enjoyed our chats tonight." "I guess we've had some moments."
Tracklist under the cut
Is Everybody Going Crazy? - Nothing But Thieves / The Perfect Girl - Mareux / We Don't Have To Dance - Andy Black / Night Issues (Nightcall x Daddy Issues) Mashup/Remix - FuturePastPerson / "Bassically" - Tei Shi / Cold Summer - Mareux / Diet Mountain Dew - Lana Del Rey / Destruction Of Us - Mr.Kitty / Teeth - 5 Seconds of Summer / HUSH - Ari Abdul / DTLA - Mareux / Make You Mine - Madison Beer / FEAR YOU - Kat Von D / Bad Romance - Lady Gaga / Dark All Day - GUNSHIP / Maniac (feat. Conor Mason of Nothing But Thieves) - AWOLNATION
#killer frequency#marie campbell#forrest nash#slashers#video games#marie/forrest (killer frequency)#forrest/marie (killer frequency)#together their first names make the initials for motherfucker :) <3 and i think that's beautiful#playlist#fanmix#“you really plugged mareux 3 times in one playlist huh” Listen. if we're on the assumption that marie is kind of half goth#also this color scheme of their character colors w/ the loading bar u see at the start&end of the game isn't perfect but…it's beautiful ha#gosh im sorry im aware this will be more pleasant listening if u have an adblocker. i hope u do……#p.s. hosted in my sidepiece/bootycall channel. this isnt really what i use/sub from on the daily so u wont get much interaction if any#with all that out the way Pls if u listen let me know what your vibe of this ship is post-whistling night (or in general??) + this playlist#for me forrest was never a target of hate but more someone who Really got in the way to the point of getting on the hitlist#if we keep to the “sense of justice” marie got from him +other strong traits then diff scenarios open up where she considers sparing him#and from there i kinda picture the dynamic At First as Feral beast with Shiny new chew toy (who confirmed Can Flirt Back) but then develops#forrest is bitter/dark/temperamental & sentimental enough to meet her perspectives part way#it all grows into a turbulent friendship that goes into a turbulent romance. and Perhaps peace?? s/o to anyone who's into this lol#excuse the non-fanfic happening in these tags but also imagining them bonding from bad parents lmao but from two diff perspectives#where marie would stab hers and probly forrests once theyre friends if he was hurt by 'em#but i like imagining forrest on more of a “they sucked but it was a different time & they didnt know better”#with someone specifically like marie replying No fuck them severely#“Oh what? Youre gonna get revenge for me? :) By killing their kid who is me? :)” / “FINE Forrest I just might”#and both of them possibly being musically inclined but lol for diff reasons went on another path. they can Play oh boyo this ship's a treat
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
Hm I would love to continue Dee's dol journey and play it more but I feel like I’m starting to run out of stuff
#atm I’m mostly thinking about it and not really playing it much anymore#i know there’s still a lot I haven’t done but I hadn’t expected that the content for the LIs would run out so quickly#now tbf I still have Kylar to explore but I’m just not that I to them so their whole.. thing (gestures vaguely) will happen when it happens#actually I’m being unfair I only mean Sydney when I say that#..and Avery#cause I know you can basically romance everyone without consequences but:#i wont ever romance Robin bc I’d like to uphold that personal moral for Dee#Kylar will happen when it happens but I unfortunately didn’t click with them as much as I had hoped#Eden didn’t do much for me < also unfortunately and unexpectedly#im kinda working on Alex but imma be honest the whole farm/wren thing is really tedious#although I’m slowly working on it#and then Whitney…. I’m tempted but also my petty ass doesn’t want to let them win#plus i feel like it would be somewhat ooc for Dee#yeh she doesn’t hate him as much anymore bc there’s bigger fish to deal with now but he hasn’t really changed his behavior at all#again I would be on Whitney if I could retaliate and not let myself be dragged around like a chew toy#dol rambles#ah i forgor the woods and the hawk. so I’ve tried the wolves in one run it was okay but the ongoing 10+ wolf sex encounters tire me out#<not like that
8 notes
·
View notes
Text
Get fucking chomped idiot
#my art#deltarune#kris deltarune#susie deltarune#krusie#kris x susie#utdr#for some reason i find susie really hard to draw idk... but i like this one#ive been wanting 2 draw a suz with facial hair for a while. she's like an early synapsid to me. scaly and vaguely mammalian in nature#whoever drew susie with facial hair first is fuckin bigbrained i think more girls should have dirtstaches#anyways. i bet these 2 would be the fuckin kings of PDA but only in the most weirdo ways possible#kris isnt crazy about hugs or nything that feels 'trapping' unless theyre In A Mood but they love roughhousing and who is rougher than susi#for a while their classmates think kris and susie must fuckin hate each other cuz they're always brawling and biting each other n shit#(both of them are having the time of their life. autism enrichment)#idk the idea of kris being susie's human chew toy (and susie kris's monster chewtoy) is hilarious to me#u could prolly read this as platonic or romantic. just bros bein dudes nothing crazy officer
15 notes
·
View notes
Text
I was gonna give up on building a disc drive in this dog but… looks like we have a shot as long as it’s a collapsible water bowl
#forgot to pack her toy on yesterdays walk even though I had set it aside specifically to bring#she really wanted to play and I found the bowl in the depths of my bag#will keep practicing small throws and catches then maybe move back to the actual frisbee#side note: what the hell are those chewable ring tugs that people use??? i see them in my head#purple and chewed to shit because dogs love it and you usually have a pair so you can swap them and roll them out in succession
25 notes
·
View notes
Text
I regret to inform everyone that today I found out I have a Reaction to squeaky toys. Makes me wanna bite and run around
#like come ON im already a ouppy and now this#few hours ago i went out and i heard some guy call his dog and like make noises with its squeaky toy#and my brain just went#!!!!!!!!!!!!!! dude theres a TOY you need to RUN and CATCH it !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#neuron activation#also earlier me and my bestie were walking her dog and we played with her with some sticks#and the dog really loves just destroying sticks the second she gets them in her teeth#and im like. same girl. same#maybe not with sticks but i loooove to bite things#and honestly. my bite stim is kinda silly cause the sensation of biting usually isnt enough. i need to create damage#i need to shred something to pieces with my teeth. not just bite#paper/cardboard is perfect for that#i love to just. after i finish a big juice box just tear it to tiny pieces#its the best shit#tho maybe. i should get myself some bite stim toy#honestly maybe even straight up a dog chewing toy. whos gonna tell me I can't. maybe even one that makes noises. fuck you#i cant wait to live on my own so i can just own a bunch of pet stuff without having a pet just for myself#i mean i do also want a pet but. i want some stuff just for me#bee buzz
14 notes
·
View notes
Note
Any opinions regarding how writers write guizhong in the general zhongli/reader market?
Anon I am shaking you with love bc this was like a solid 5 hour debate in my head when I first thought abt Guizhong in x readers for Zhongli. When it comes to Guizhong, I love it when people make her Zhongli's past lover! Like I put it in my mouth and BITE, and I also shove close friends in my mouth like it's a gummy. She is so apart of his character devleopment during his past eras as Morax to Rex Lapis to Zhongli. But thats the thing abt her being his past. Sometimes I'll see people writing Zhongli as someone who is still grieving, and still is in immense pain from her passing whether it's in a platonic or romantic sense. They make him someone so encompassed by his own grief that he isn't able to move on from her. I honestly can't see him as someone who still isn't able to move one despite the sheer amount of years that have passed. He still holds her highly in his memory, and will do anything to keep her memory alive (I.e when you have to keep the guizhong ballistas from being ruined in one of his quests). His entire archon quest, AND story quest is literally about him moving on from his past, and starting a new beginning for himself. People writing him still so undeniably not over Guizhong contradicts that fact.
Zhongli also isn't someone who would place his grief on either. I view him as someone who respects each lover he has, and would never see them as a guizhong replacement. He know's his time with Guizhong is done, and a new era for him to give his love as begun. Yet he has his time with her in a special place in his heart.
All in all I LOVE Guizhong being mentioned, or in x reader market bc she is intertwined with Zhongli's lore no matter how you look at it, and I hold it dear in my heart. But it puts a sour taste in my mouth when Zhongli's grief over her death is overplayed, and exaggerated.
#Also Hi anon I love u thanks for this ask#I GOT INTERRUPTED WRITING THIS 3 TIMES GODDAMNIT#all in all I fucking LOVE guizhong#but Zhongli's grief over her death can be really over played#Also can Hoyo make a plush of her pls I want to put her in my mouth like she's a chew toy thanks#Beta ranting hours
8 notes
·
View notes
Text
Fanny, my sweet, beautiful girl
17.11.2012 – 14.04.2019
#my art#artists on tumblr#I cannot accept that it has been 5 years already#I know covid messed with everyone’s sense of time but it simultaneously feels so much longer and so much shorter than that#exactly five years ago I was holding onto my mom for dear life and sobbing as we watched lilo and stitch together#not the best movie to watch when you’ve just lost your first ever pet you know#and then I cried myself to sleep at the next morning we never mentioned her again#I know it’s because it was way too painful for everyone involved. but I do wish I was allowed to process that grief properly#instead of bottling it up and pretending everything was okay until I was reminded of her#feeling like my heart was being shattered over and over again every single time#well anyway. enough of that. I’ve allowed myself a nice long cry today and got most of it out of my system#and once I was feeling okay I decided to draw her#and I can count the number of times I’ve drawn animals on one hand so.. I’m not too sure about the result#but it felt like to commemorate her in some way.#so yeah. here she is. my dear girl. the best dog in existence. she was always so affectionate and kind#which I didn’t always appreciate bc of how young I was. when you’re a kid it feels like pets will live forever#never barked. never bit anyone. her only crime was chewing on my mlp and lps toys that I left out on the floor#but I’m grateful she did that. it taught me not to leave my toys lying around and to clean up after myself#she really was taken from me way too soon. ideally she could still be alive right now. but I’ve been down the road of guilt and regret#there was nothing I could do. I was a child. I can only hope that she knew she was loved right until the very end#even if I didn’t know how to show it properly. and great. now I’m tearing up again#I suppose it’s unavoidable. April 12th will always be a melancholy day. and maybe that’s not such a bad thing#it’s good to have a day when I can freely remember her and cry if I need to. it’s healthy. it’s better than crying every day#she never liked it much when I cried. always tried to comfort me. that’s the kind of dog she was. I miss her so much#when I move apartments and get a dog of my own I’m getting a spaniel. just like she was#well. maybe a different colour so I don’t end up sobbing every time I look at it. but spaniels really are the perfect breed#I mean. cavaliers especially were bred for love and warmth. that’s just what I need. it will be nice to have someone waiting for me at home#and while I don’t necessarily believe in the afterlife… I do hope that Fanny’s watching over me#spiritually comforting me when I feel all alone in the world. it’s a nice thought for sure#and hopefully she won’t mind me getting another spaniel too much. it will be done in her honour after all. to make up for my past mistakes
6 notes
·
View notes