#and it's not like they can't do a series set after Bruce's death

[jasntodds]

Petrichor [8]

Pairing: Jason Todd x Fem!Powered!Reader (little bit of fwb)

Words: 12,980

Chapter Warnings: Swearing, angst, blood, violence, mentions of canon violence, reader goes a little off the rails, a whole lot of arguing, description of drowning (it's a metaphor), mentions of death lol, mentions of canon decapitation (I mean Jason did do that), one of Dick's thoughts is inspired by him killing the Joker in Joker: Last Laugh because I mean hey, I promise I do fix everyone's dynamics with Bruce later I like when the entire batfam gets along, mentions of canon drug use and making a drug

Summary:❝Pylades: I’ll take care of you. Orestes: It’s rotten work. Pylades: Not to me. Not if it’s you.❞

Gotham is home, not just for Jason but for you, too. And now that you’re both finally back home, together, you’re ready to see where this next chapter brings the two of you. He’s your best friend and you’re his. And you both might want a little something more with being back home, the place you both feel most comfortable. Surely, nothing could possibly go wrong now.

A/N: It's long again but it's important lmao Jason is in this chapter, just hang in there lol You can add yourself to the tag list below, ask me to be tagged, or you can follow my library blog @jasntoddslibrary  and turn on notifications if you prefer that!! I love feedback, I swear it keeps me posting on a weekly basis 😭

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The not-to-so funeral, funeral, is mostly a blur. For obvious reasons, the casket was closed the whole time. To you, it didn’t matter. You saw him. You saw him before and you saw him after. His mangled face stares back at you in the mirror. You didn’t need to see him like that again.

Bruce has the funeral within a day and a half, not informing any of the Titans or anyone. Molly only came because you knew and she came time to get there. You want to fight and scream about it but at this point, you're too exhausted. And you're so numb. And in pain, you're numb and in pain which doesn’t make any sense but everything hurts while you feel nothing at all. It’s like drowning but without the panic.

Your head throbs and that’s always the start. Pressure builds as you try to hold your breath because letting in the loss of Jason seems to be the worst possible thing you could ever do. With every breath you take, that’s less he got to take. Your head bangs and throbs, wailing for you to breathe and let the pain in for just a second. And once you do, it’s water rushing into your lungs with a single gasp.

Drowning is suffocating and agonizing. It’s as if your lungs are being stabbed over and over with tiny needles with every breath you try to take. Your lungs are filled with cement and stabbing, weighing you down with every desperate gasp. The water sloshes around, seeping into all of your open nerves with striking electricity. It’s the worst pain of your entire life.

You don’t care anymore. It’s hard and it’s like these are the longest days of your life. There’s just pain and numbness and anger. That’s all there is now. So, you only come out of her room for the bathroom and to watch Jason’s casket be lowered into the ground. You don’t leave your bed or say a word to Bruce for the first two days.

By day three, some of the sadness and exhaustion has manifested into more anger. It's all anger at the world and Bruce and the Joker and yourself. You're even, selfishly, a little bit mad at Jason even though you don't want to be. But, the anger builds until you can't sit still anymore and you set a plan into action.

You warned Bruce. You told him the Joker's death was inevitable. You'd do it if the Joker ever touched someone you cared about, if he ever touched Jason. Jason is dead and as far as you're concerned, your loyalty to Bruce and his morals died with him. So, you start a plan to break into Arkham and kill him yourself.

You wait until Bruce is asleep before you sneak into the Batcave and start your research. The Joker doesn’t get to just get away this time. He killed your mom. And now he killed Jason. You're fed the fuck up with Bruce letting him off. So, you plan and plot and look at blueprints of Arkham, trying to figure out how you can get in, kill him, and get out.

Jason always told you the grudges might help, something you find odd given him not being a grudge holder. But, being mad and wanting revenge against the Joker, is a lot better than dealing with the pain of losing him. So, you plan and plan until the late morning.

Dick and Gar show up that afternoon from San Francisco. Bruce told them you haven't left your room or eaten anything since Jason died. Dick is the one that tries to get to you first, figuring maybe he can break a little bit of the ice like when he brought you back to the tower.

He knocks on your door despite Bruce saying you won’t answer or come out. But Dick tries anyway and when he doesn’t get an answer, he opens the door anyway. You were once in his care. Jason was once in his care.

“Hey, you awake?” Dick asks, sticking his hands in his pockets as your back is faced away from him, laying on your side in one of Jason's favorite hoodies.

You ignore him, keeping your stare at the wall. Talking seems like it will be too much. It'll be him saying he's sorry for your loss and then you'll start crying again. It'll be him giving you a look and you hate getting looks. It's not Dick's fault. You're not mad at him, you can't afford to waste your energy being mad at him when it's already torn between grief-filled revenge and sobbing uncontrollably. The best thing you can do for yourself is ignore him. To ignore everyone. It's to push them away.

“Bruce said you haven’t been eating or leaving your room.” Dick walks further into your room, moving to get a look at you and he can see you're awake now but you don’t look at him. “You need to eat.” Dick states but you still won’t look at him. “I know it’s…hard. I know Jason meant a lot to you. You two went through a lot together. But, he wouldn’t want you to live like this.”

Dick says that on purpose, thinking maybe it’ll get a rise out of you. Maybe you’d say something like he wouldn’t know because he never knew Jason or he didn’t care enough about Jason to know what he would want. But you say nothing, you don’t look at him, and you don’t move. Dick would think you were dead if it were for the blankets moving with every breath you take.

“Okay, well, I’ll be down the hall. Gar is here and the other Titans will be here in a few days. You can come talk if you want.” Dick offers but again, nothing from you so Dick leaves you to yourself.

The tears come back as soon as you hear the door close. The weight in your chest is so heavy you can’t even bear it. You don’t know how. Things get heavy, you put it on Jason. Jason was so good at carrying your weight for you and now he’s gone. And you have no idea how you're ever supposed to carry the weight of losing him. You shouldn’t have to.

It’s not fair. It was senseless and cruel and brutal. And you think he must have been scared in his final moments. You wonder if he knew you’d be looking for him, maybe he thought you’d come to save him like you always did. But you let him down. A sob rips through your throat at the very thought and you can’t do it.

Gar tries again a few hours later. He’s going through it, too. It’s different with Dick. Dick got to know Jason better over the last few months but he didn’t know him like Gar did. They were best friends and they talked everyday. He’s the best friend Gar ever had and he’s going through the loss of it, too. But, a part of him is worried he’s going to lose you with him.

But, similar to Dick, you don't say anything and you feel bad about it even. You know it hurts him, too. They were best friends but it's too damn hard to look at him. You know, to some extent, Jason's blood is also on your hands. How are you supposed to tell Gar that? You can't and you swear you do not deserve the empathy that radiates from Gar. So, you ignore him only for him to sit with you anyway and turn on one of your mutually favorite movies.

Gar doesn't give up and you don't have to talk but he knows being alone in grief is not going to do you any good. Sitting with you is something he can do and if you decide still, not to talk, that's fine. But, he wants to be here just in case you do. And about halfway through the movie, you finally cave and turn around to face him with tear-stained cheeks.

"I know." Gar nods softly. "I miss him, too." Gar says softly.

You let out a sob, slamming your eyes shut. Gar reaches over and pulls you into a hug. The two of you break into each other’s arms. How are you supposed to figure out how to live your lives without him in them anymore? You’ve done it with your parents and Donna. You have done it and you can do it again but how? It’s so damn hard and it just keeps happening. You both keep losing people. How much loss can two people even take before it all becomes too much? You swears this is it. This is too much. Jason Todd was the last straw. You're tired of the circle.

Molly comes by the next day. You haven't been answering her texts or calls which isn't surprising. Molly decided to give you a couple of days to be alone before stopping by again. She needed those couple of days to gather herself, too. Jason was her best friend, too. but, Molly has something interesting to tell you and she hopes, given finding out about the vigilante life, maybe it'll get you to at least get out of bed.

"Hey." Molly calls and you wave your arm haphazardly at her from your bed. "I have something you might wanna know." Molly comes and plops down beside you.

You turn around slowly, eyes narrowing at her. You don't say anything, however, you decide just to listen. A really big part of you wants to push Molly away, too. It seems safer that way. But, it also seems cruel to do it again. You did it once and it was always something you regretted.

"Has Dick or Bruce mentioned the new crime lord?" Molly asks and you raise a brow. Molly asked around about him a little bit and that's what he's being referred to apparently. "Well, two nights ago, he showed up at my apartment with Diego."

"What?" You question immediately, your voice cracked and rugged.

"Yeah, he just showed up with him. He told me to get better locks?" Molly shakes her head. "I have no idea but Diego was fine."

"How would he even know about Diego and you?" You ask and Molly was right, it does pique your interest a little bit. You haven't heard anything about the new guy but it is interesting. New crime lord shows up and he drops off a missing kid unharmed? That shit is weird, even for Gotham.

"I have no idea. But, he seemed...familiar, I think but also really intimidating." Molly shakes her head. "I don't know but I thought you'd wanna know. Did you want to look into him for me?" Molly asks casually and hopefully.

You see through it. You know what Molly is trying to do and maybe it'll work a little bit. You're already looking into how you can get away with killing the Joker. You could squeeze this guy into it. Maybe it'll be a good distraction from the stabbing and suffocating pain of grief. You always did like to run from things that hurt. This is an opportunity to do just that and for a good cause. He knows where Molly lives and that's a problem.

"Are you just trying to get me out of bed?"

"A little bit." Molly laughs softly. "Jason would go after him, or look into him." 

You let out a scoff. "Yeah, probably." You roll your eyes. "Fine, but only because he showed up at your fucking apartment and that's weird as fuck. You do need better locks though."

"Yeah, I'll get to that." Molly quips back.

"Still have a Wayne credit card, want it to buy better locks?" You offer.

"You just wanna spite Bruce."

"And make sure you're safe. Sick of losing people."

"At least you're talking." Molly smiles widely.

"Yeah." You answer shortly.

That night, after everyone has gone into their rooms for the night, you go back to the Batcave and continue planning. But, on top of that, you do what you promised Molly. You start looking into the new so-called crime lord. He showed up at her apartment. That's reason enough for concern and you aren't about to lose another person. And of course, Bruce already has a file on him.

According to the file, he's already decapitated six men of the major drug families in Gotham. You give the screen a grimace reading the words and then going to autopsy reports. Decapitation is a personal way of murder. That seems weird for someone willing to drop off a kidnapped kid but you just keep reading over everything. You find out he also killed Pete Hawkins, this time with a bullet to the head which explains how he found Diego. But, you still find that confusing as you go back to Pete Hawkins' file.

He was just working with the Joker, not other families. Why the hell would the guy target scum like Pete Hawkins when he's going after the families? Going after the families means going after the drug trade in Gotham, not whatever weird shit the Joker had planned with kids. This whole thing is weird and if you were being honest, a little annoying. The Joker was just the first part of your plan.

The next step is men like Pete Hawkins, people working with the Joker. The new guy managed to already beat you to the punch and you find that to be annoying. There are others though, at least, and you can still target them as long as this guy doesn't. You're done with the way this city chews and eats the innocent. Bruce's ways clearly don't work enough. So, you continue your research spread across the new guy and the best way to get into Arkham.

The following night, Barbara comes over to have a drink with Bruce and Dick. Dick convinced her to come talk to Bruce. You can hear them from your room. They're laughing and you don't know how they even managed to get a laugh out. But, it piques your curiosity. Gar told you earlier that he's worried Dick might have you committed if you don't get up and try. This seems like an excuse enough to make an appearance, if for no other reason, than to just listen. They're talking about Jason.

"So, then, Jason corners Mad Hatter and he starts swearing at him like going off." Barbara says and you stop just before the entrance of the room to listen to the story. You lean against the wall, sucking in a breath. "Like 'you short fucking hat-wearing fuck' fuck you'. And Hatter stands there stunned that Robin's cussing him out. And then Bruce came in and do you remember what you said to Jason?" Barbara laughs.

"What?" Dick asks.

"Watch your language." Bruce says.

You gain a soft smile because that sounds like Jason. He'd tell anyone off. He didn't give a fuck who they were. You wish you could have seen the look on Hatter's face. But the smile falls short as Bruce brings up the GCPD finding eight bodies, clearly the new guy that showed up at Molly's apartment. He asks if they know who the killer is and this is why you can't stand him.

He never fucking stops. Jason is barely in the ground and he just keeps fucking moving. At least you're looking for revenge and looking into someone who might be a threat to Molly. Bruce is just doing it because it's Bruce. Not because he actually cares about Jason or the people this guy is gonna hurt. And he has the audacity to call what's going on in Gotham a war. for the soul of the city. You almost walk away but Barbara starts talking and you always liked her.

"I don't know, Bruce. Calling it a war feels like trying to justify all the lives that've been lost."

"I don't know, Bruce. Calling it a war feels like trying to justify all the lives that've been lost."

"Your father and I knew protecting Gotham required real sacrifice."

You nearly scream. He doesn't fucking get it. Innocent people shouldn't have to be sacrificed for a city. That isn't justice and you want to sit down and question his morals right to his face. Innocent people being sacrificed by Bruce and the GCPD is fine, but killing people like the damn Joker isn't justice? The logic doesn't add up and it's like some sick-ass game Bruce is playing here. But with people's lives. Maybe he can't kill them because he's too similar to the bad guys he lets live.

"My father died from a heart attack after being frozen in a block of ice by a man wearing a fucking refrigerator suit." Venom seeps into Barabara's voice.

"Mr. Freeze." Bruce corrects and you nearly bang your head against the wall.

"I know who he is." Barbara snaps back and there's a pause for a few seconds. "That's how you see my father, isn't it? As a sacrifice? You dragged him into this insanity. Just like you did Dick and Jason. And now y/n."

"It was a long time ago." Dick finally chimes in and you want to know how Dick doesn't see that Bruce has manipulated him so damn bad it's almost Stockholm syndrome.

"You know what he did to you, Dick. You almost lost yourself because Bruce weaponized your grief." Barabara says. "And Jason? You took another kid who was lost and angry and alone and convinced him that he'd be invincible if he put on a mask. No more Robins, Bruce. I chose to put the cowl on to go out there as Batgirl when the Joker shot me. That wasn't your fault. But you drove Dick away."

"We worked it out." Dick defends Bruce again.

You roll your eyes and you want to put him under a microscope and figure out exactly why he defends him so much. Apparently, his loyalty is deep but Bruce keeps Dick in the dark. And you know a little secret that might change that. Dick warned you about Bruce. You know he doesn't fully forgive him or trust him. And you're going to make sure it stays that way. You're all sacrifices to the city anyway, right?

"Whether you've forgiven him or not, he drove you away. And he put Jason in the ground. You would think that after everything that the Joker's done to so many people you would have found a way to keep him locked up. But part of me, a big part of me, believes that you want him to escape. So, you can keep hiding from yourself behind that mask. You're as crazy as the fucking Joker." Barbara spits and you smile. She's right and someone should have said it a long time ago.

The room falls silent and you think now is a good time to make yourself known. You agree with Barabra but there are some things you have to say and some things they need to hear, too.

"It's true." Your voice is groggy and cracked as you stand in the doorway, the entire room putting their eyes on you. "Babs is right." You glance to her and offer a nod.

"You're up." Dick's face softens.

"Yeah, heard you guys laughing. Heard the Hatter story. But, let's not get our hopes up here, Dickolas. She's fucking right, it's your fucking fault Jason's dead." You turn your attention to Bruce. "I told you."

"What do you mean you told him?" Dick questions, looking between the two of you.

"I told him Joker was gonna kill someone he cared about eventually, you or Jason and he didn't listen. He never fucking listens." You scoff with the shake of your head as you tug the sleeves of Jason's hoodie over your hands. "I told you, all you had to was let him be fucking Robin or get it through his head that you love him and all you did was fucking fail in both departments." You let out a heavy breath as you lock eyes with Bruce. "And you just...pinned him and Dick against each other so he never fucking felt good enough and anyone willing to actually listen to him for five minutes could figure that out but you just...don't fucking listen. Had you just let him be Robin or been fucking better, he'd be alive!" You let out an exasperated yell.

To be fair, you've been wanting to tell Bruce off for months. You know all of the weird ass training he put Jason and Dick through. Between the cabin and the contract about not letting fear in or whatever, it's insanity. The two of them might have been partially raised by Bruce but from where you're standing, Bruce viewed them as weapons of his own molding. It's wrong even if that was never his intention and all that training was supposed to be to keep them safe. It's still wrong.

"That's not fair." Dick states firmly.

"No, you wanna know what's not fair? The fact I lost my mom because of Bruce. And I just lost my favorite person in the entire world because of him. He was it for me, Dick." You grit your teeth as tears brim your eyes. "So, I don't care!" You turn your attention back to Bruce."You got him fucking killed! Remember what I told you? The guilt eating you alive yet?" You snarl at him as your voice cracks.

"I am sorry for your loss of your mother. I tried talking with Jason--" Bruce starts.

"I don't wanna hear it. Fuck you. I don't care!" You yells at him as your voice cracks. "It wasn't fucking good enough. You might not have taken the crowbar to his face but you might well have." Tears leak from your eyes as you wipe them quickly. "How dare you sit in here and laugh with them over Jason, a kid you never fucking bothered to understand or actually protect. Fuck you, Bruce." You shake your head and you turn to Dick. Your loyalty was always with Jason, not Bruce. "Hey, Dick, you say you forgive him, right? Why don't you go check the Batcomputer and let me know if you still do? You're really gonna wanna see what he's got planned." You taunt.

"What's on the Batcomputer?" Dick looks to Bruce with suspicion. His stomach flips and a part of him actually doesn't want to know. He knows it's not going to be anything good and he really thought, just maybe, things would be a little different. 

"It's nothing." Bruce states. "I understand this is difficult. It is difficult for all of us—"

"It was not hard for you to order the autopsy. For what? He was beaten to death. We all know how he died. You had no fucking problem burying him without his fucking friends being here. His family. All you care about is yourself and covering this shit up so you can move onto the next fucked up kid you can weaponize all over again."

Dick says your name sternly, trying to get you to backtrack to the Batcomputer. "What are you talking about?"

"Pictures of kids, profiles on them. Street kids, that's the nothing Bruce is talking about." You explain as you look between Babarara and Bruce. You might have went digging on the Batcomputer, expecting Bruce to be looking for a new Robin. "Should I tell Dick and Babs what you asked me the day of the bullshit funeral you tried to throw?"

"What did you do?" Barbara asks Bruce, her voice annoyed and protective.

"He asked me if I wanted to be Robin, to honor Jason." You roll your eyes as you let out a cold and bitter laugh. "You never gave a shit about him. You aren't even grieving him. Someone who's grieving doesn't go recruit more kids to fill the role that got another one killed. It fucked up Dick. You killed Jason. What's fucking next?" You look to Dick. "You warned me about him. So, don't sit here and pretend like all's forgiven. You knew he was dangerous. To some extent otherwise, you wouldn't have warned me. Every time he asked me for something, I remembered what you told me and I said no. I won't end up like you and Jason. I am not one of his sidekicks. I am my own fucking person. I didn't get to pick my powers but I get to pick what I do with them. Because of you. Don't pretend like you actually think he changed."

"I'm sorry, what the hell has been going on here?" Barbara looks to Bruce.

"I think it's time we stop pretending like Batman's ways are the only good ones because they don't fucking work. Batman has helped the city, sure, but uh, he's also caused it a lot of harm. And now you've taken my favorite people. So, fuck you and fuck your morals. Babs is right. Fuck you. I'm going back to bed." You turn around before looking back to Dick. "I'm serious, check the Batcomputer." You look to Bruce. "My loyalty was always with Jason. It was never with you. That is the only reason I went by your rules and that's why I'll tell Dick everything. I don't have to protect Jason by protecting you anymore. You were his hero. But you were never mine. I hope that guilt eats you alive like it is for me." You state before walking off, the room confused in silence.

You head back to your room and lay back on the bed. You hate that your eyes start burning as the lump becomes so large you can't even swallow. It's not fair. Everything sets you off. You want to stop crying and shaking. You hate the nausea that comes with it and you miss him so fucking much.

Your hand grips the necklace tight as if the pure strength of your fist can bring him back. Every single second is agonizing. All you wants is for him to walk through those doors again and greet you with some lame pet name. You'll take Acid Fingers at this point. None of it matters anymore.

You close your eyes and you see either his face brutalized or that grin he'd give you right before he had a bad idea you'd follow without even thinking. His canines were always a little pointy and looked like fangs in the right light. Somehow it always suited him. And you miss him.

You remember your first night in Gotham that feels like ages ago. And how it felt to be back with him. The void in your heart, the one you didn't even know was there, was suddenly not so hollowed anymore. You touched the bruise on his face and you thought maybe he'd explode from the contact. You always wondered if maybe he could hear your heart whenever you did something like that. It was always the only sound you could hear. He made you so nervous and happy. A part of you thought, maybe, you weren't meant to be happy in love. You always ran from it anyway but Jason made it so easy. He always made it easy to love him even when it was hard. And you don't know how you're supposed to just...cope. To live every day and never hear his laugh and see that grin again. Or hear his voice. You don't even have a voicemail from him. You want him back.

The next morning, Dick walks into your room. He stands in the doorway and he hates he's even the one to have to break this news. But, someone has to and it needs to be him. And you have to be the first person he tells. Bruce, apparently, took all of the arguments a little too close to heart last night.

"Are you awake?" Dick asks.

You stick your arm up and wave at him haphazardly, not wanting to talk. You're still coming down from last night. Gar came in after, he heard the arguing, and checked on you. But, even trying to talk to him didn't really help. Nothing really helps.

Grief is exhausting. It consumes every part of you. Every muscle, every emotion. Every piece of you is just consumed. It's like a radioactive explosion. No part of you is safe from the agony. And no one around you is safe from the grief that leaks from your pores.

"I need to tell you something." Dick keeps his voice steady and stern.

You turn slowly, peeking an eye at him but not saying anything. You think it'll be something dumb. Something to try and get you to get up again, but not argue or fight with Bruce. Maybe Bruce had a moment last night where he finally snapped and actually cried over it. You don't know and you don't care, but you're listening.

"Bruce broke into Arkham last night and killed the Joker." Dick gets it out in a single breath, anticipating you to blow up. "And then he took off."

Your eyes narrow at him as your jaw squares. If this is Dick's big idea of a joke, he really needs a comedy lesson because that's not funny. But, he has his hands in his front pockets and his jaw is squared, he always does that when he's being serious about something. And that grief that just felt like numbness and agony, is liquified into anger.

You sit up slowly. "He what?"

"Yeah." Dick states with the quick raise of his brows. "He dropped a crowbar on my floor last night."

If it were anyone else, you would probably find it in yourself to actually laugh at the use of a crowbar. It's what he deserves but that's brutal. But, this is Bruce. The one who's been saying the Joker has to stay alive. Now, suddenly, he's gone off and killed him? With a crowbar?

"He killed the Joker?"

"Yeah." Dick nods his head.

That's your last straw here. You had a plan. You were planning to kill him yourself and somehow Mr. Morality himself beat you to fucking punch? How did that even happen? The one time you actually put a plan together and Bruce gets there first? How is that even fair?! You're so sick of this shit.

"Get the fuck out." You snap, shaking your head with gritted teeth.

"Look, I know--"

"No, get the fuck out of my room." You point at the door. "That's bullshit. Get out. He should have been mine!"

Dick hangs his head for a second and he's not even sure how he's supposed to feel about it. He'd be lying if he weren't also planning his own revenge on the Joker. Him and Jason had their issues but he is also tired of the Joker getting to hurt people he cares about. He sat by Babara's hospital bed after the Joker shot her and he swears it was the darkest day of his life since his parents died. Then Jason. Killing is wrong, but the Joker needed to be stopped. Dick wanted revenge, too. But, maybe a part of him is a little hurt because he doesn't think Bruce would have done that for him.

Then, there's the other part, knowing you were ready to go in yourself and take care of him. Which makes him a little relieved Bruce beat you to it. You've never fought the Joker. Dick isn't sure you would have made it out. They'd be burying another body.

"The Titans will be here in a few hours. But, I wanted you to be the first to know." Dick states. "I thought you deserved that." Dick lets out a breath. "And you were right about the kids. You were right."

You pause for just a second because Dick does not like to admit he's wrong often. But he is now. You knew you were right but something is a little bit nice hearing it anyway. And from Dick. But, that does not make you any less angry at the world or at Bruce.

"Yeah, I fucking know and so were you. Too bad Jason didn't see it." Your voice softens just a little and you regret not voicing your concerns about Bruce and Robin to him. It probably wouldn't have done anything but cause a fight, but you should have tried.

"I'm sorry."

"Yeah. Me, too." You shake your head. "Now get out." You lay back down and roll over.

You're going with Plan B.

The agony of grief is turning into boiling rage. How dare Bruce think he gets the right to just kill the Joker now. Of all fucking times. Now he's going to toss his morals aside and kill him? It's a little too fucking late for that. That should have been your job but he went and did it anyway. You're fucking sick of this. So, you change your plan and if you're gonna be mad, you're gonna use it.

You grab the tablet off the nightstand and get up. You grab a notebook from your bookshelf with a marker and sit right in the center of your floor. There are plenty more horrible people that roam the streets of Gotham and you're going after every single one of them. You write down what you deem to be the worst of the worst behaviors and go from there. 

This was always going to be the plan if you made it out of Arkham after killing the Joker. You were always going to go after these people. It's just being sped up a little bit and you aren't going to waste a lot of time planning this time around. Instead, you do research through the tablet and find who you can that were confirmed to be working with the Joker and/or working with Pete Hawkins and then you run over their rap sheets and backgrounds.

You remember you and Jason talking about what you'd both do after Robin. After Bruce. You'd hunt down these people yourselves because they're always the ones that get pushed to the side. They get to escape Batman, they don't make it to the radar. Well, now they are. Molly was always right. Batman protects the rich so you're going to protect the ones Batman doesn't. You're going to make sure none of these victims and potential victims end up like you or Jason or Molly or Diego or any of the others. Bruce's morals were never yours.

You finish your research a few hours later before you head to the Batcave, ignoring the laughter coming from the kitchen. You look at Jason's suit that still has traces of blood over it. Your heart sinks to your stomach and your eyes start to burn. You chew the inside of your cheek before taking in a deep breath. It's not fucking fair but you're gonna level the playing field. Someone has to. Not another person.

Bruce offered you Robin as a way to honor him and that's not honorable. But, you want to send the message. So, you walk over to the case with your suit and open it. You get dressed before you head over to the weapons where you grab the extra R blades that usually go into the Robin suit. You stuff them in your utility belt. You are not knives but they'll do the job just fine. Jason always made sure they were sharp.

The kitchen is filled with Titans, all of them snapping their attention to you as you walk in, the room so quiet you could hear a pin drop. You don't say a single word as you keep your stare in front of you as you walk over to the cabinet where Jason always kept the protein bars. You pluck a few from the cabinet and stick them in your utility belt.

"You're up." Dick finally states with caution. "And going out?" Dick eyes you in the suit.

"Got shit to do." You mutter, slamming the cabinet door.

"You should probably eat something....more filling." Gar chimes in. "Especially if you're going on patrol." Gar keeps his voice hopeful.

You roll your eyes as you walk over to the fridge and grab a bottle of water. The other Titans watch you carefully, glancing to Dick to find out what they're supposed to do in all of this. You didn't talk to Dawn or Hank and neither did Jason. They know what was posted to social media and whatever Gar, Dick, and Kory would tell them. But, they're growing a little more concerned about what they missed in these few months.

"Let me fucking be." You snip. "That's what the protein bars are for." Sarcasm fills the room like toxic venom.

Hank blocks the exit. "Heard you haven't been eating or doing anything. You're eating before you leave."

Of all the people, you do not want to deal with Hank. You can let a grudge for yourself go but for people you love? Absolutely not. Jason can forgive him all the fuck he wants, but you do not. And you will take him out first if that's how this is going to be.

You grit your teeth. "Get the fuck out my way."

Hank crosses his arms. "Not a chance, kid."

"We're worried about you." Dawn's voice is soft.

"I don't fucking care." You snip, looking back at her. 

"Why don't you come sit down?" Kory asks. "Take a breath."

It's not Kory's fault. None of this. She has been nothing but nice to you and Jason. But, she's on their side, not yours.

"I have had enough taking breaths. I need to get some shit done and I am going to do it whether any of you like it or not." You look back at Kory with the shrug of your shoulders. "I'm tired of this shit hurting so I'm...going out."

Gar's worried about you. He's always worried. But, you going out even if it's just to patrol seems like a really bad idea right now. He's terrified you're going to do something reckless and they'll be burying you, too. He can't lose someone else.

"It hurts us, too." Gar says quietly.

You know. You know it hurts them all. But, you were closest to him. You were there. You missed it. You were the one that found him and had to look at him like that. You were the one that wasn't fast enough to save him. Or strong enough. Or careful enough. Jason made you rethink everything you have ever known and for the first time in your life, you weren't fucking afraid of staying. He changed every part of you and it hurts. He's gone and it's your fault and it hurts.

You grit your teeth and feel your eyes start to water. "But it hurts me the most, Gar!" You spin to look at him. "You. Weren't. Here! He meant everything to me." Your voice cracks with desperation."I close my eyes and I see his body. I--" You stop yourself, feeling everyone stare at you, the tension in the room making the place feel a rainforest. "None of you get it." Your voice cracks with defeat. "Leave me alone. I'll be fucking fine." You suck in a harsh breath, hardening your face as you look up to Hank. "Get the fuck out of my way."

Hank looks to Dick and Dick shakes his head. He let Jason down. No matter what Dick believes really happened, it was his job to protect Jason and teach, Jason. He let him down and he won't let you down. Not again. He won't lose another person.

"Not happening."

"Get the fuck out of my way or I'll melt your face off." You hold out your free hand, it glowing in response.

"You won't fucking dare." Hank glares down at you. "I'll take you out, kid."

You stand your ground. "I'm not scared of you. I'm not fucking afraid of anything."

"I'll go with you." Gar finally chimes in, tired of the back and forth.

He's a little worried you might actually try to fight Hank at this point. He knows none of them are going to be able to stop you unless with force. He, for one, does not want to see that happen and what will be the aftermath of that. He doesn't want to help with it either. It's not right. So, he'll just go with and make sure you don't do anything too insane.

"No." You're stern as you look over your shoulder at Gar.

"You take Gar or you're not going." Dick states.

He doesn't want you to leave but he also knows holding you here won't do any of you any good. At least with Gar, Dick knows you wouldn't do anything to endanger him. Gar is always the voice of reason and maybe the two of you alone, Gar can talk some sense into you.

"I don't need a fucking babysitter, Dickolas."

"We don't want you to get yourself killed." Gar states.

"The world has never been so kind to me." Your words are broken as you look to the floor. You shake your head and you want to save your remaining energy for your list so you cave. "Fucking fine." You spin around, Gar jumping up from his seat. "But, you don't get to protest what I'm doing and I assure you, you will not like it."

"What are you going to do?" Dick asks.

"Doesn't matter. There's a new crime lord in town, you have your hands a little full with Bruce out of the picture. He's killed eight people and counting, taking over the drug traffickers right now."

"All the more reason for you not to go out." Dick states.

"I'm not in the crime business in case you haven't noticed, Dickolas. " You let out a scoff. "So, I'm fucking leaving and doing my own shit." You turn back to Hank. "I won't piss off a wanna-be Penguin."

"Make sure she doesn't get herself killed or kills anyone else in the process." Dick warns Gar quietly and he nods.

"Move." You groan up at Hank who reluctantly moves when Gar approaches.

Hank moves allowing you both to pass by, Gar hot on your heels as he stuffs his hands in his pockets. You head outside where your bike is parked and you pop on your helmet. You're running through your plan in your head, trying to figure out how you're going to manage with Gar around.

Gar is not going to like it and then you'll have to listen to him. But, if there's one thing you've gotten good at the last few days, it's tuning people out. So, you could tune him out. You could also just have him wait outside if this is an indoor thing. You don't want him involved. This is your thing. It doesn't need to be on Gar's hands.

"Are you going to tell me what your plan is?" Gar asks as he stands to the side of the bike.

"Nope." You state. "Dick's bike is over there with a helmet, grab it and get on so we can go." You state coldly.

"I think you should tell me the plan first." Gar's voice is hesitant.

"We're literally outside right now and I can just take off. I can lose Dick before you go inside to get him and tell him you already lost me. So, either get the helmet and let's go, or I'm going to leave."

Gar lets out a defeated sigh as you get on the bike. He rushes over to Dick's bike and grabs the helmet.

"You're...you're not gonna...kill anyone are you?" Gar questions as he walks back over.

"I told you, you're not gonna like it so you can either stay here or let me do my shit by myself. You'll have to fight me to stop me and we know I'll win. So it's your decision." You shrug.

Gar lets out a sigh, hoping he'll be able to talk you out of this. He gets on the bike and puts the helmet on before he holds onto you. You shake your head, sliding down your face shield before you take off. You head to a hideout that one of the men has been using.

You look at the abandoned building and roll your eyes. According to your few hours of research, he wasn't working with anyone closely besides the Joker but he's dead now. So, you figure this can't go terribly wrong and even if does, that would be fine.

"Stay." You state as you put your helmet on the bike.

"I'm coming—" Gar follows you.

You stop dead in your tracks, Gar bumping right into you. You spin around. "Gar, stay. I don't want you involved."

There's a fire in your eyes Gar hasn't seen before and he really doesn't want you to go in there alone. Nothing good is going to come from it.

"You're my best friend. I don't want you to do something you'll regret." Gar's voice is sympathetic.

"I won't regret this. Stay here." You shake your head and spin back around, hoping he'll actually listen to you.

Gar stays behind as he watches you head to the back of the building. Gar debates his loyalty. On the one hand, he knows he'll have to fight you and he doesn't want to do that. You're right, you'll win. He'll lose anyway. And you're his friend, he never wants to fight his friends. All it will do is cause more tension and you're in the middle of grieving your favorite person. That just doesn't seem right. But, Dick told him to make sure you don't get hurt or get someone killed. So, after just a few minutes of debating, he follows you with reluctance.

Gar rushes inside and by the time he gets inside, you're already throwing the R blades, the man pinned on the floor. He never stood a chance. You have a blade in his leg, in his arm, and in his abdomen.

"Please! I'll tell you whatever you want to do know!" The man begs as you stand over him.

"I don't want to know anything." You state, your hands glowing as you shrug down at him. You run over the list in your head, reminding yourself of every terrible, horrible, irredeemable thing he's done.

"I-I know where the Red Hood is!" The man panics and your eyes narrow.

This guy was working with the Joker so was Pete Hawkins. Red Hood killed Pete Hawkins, that makes sense. But, you find it odd anyway to mention it as he begs for his life. You're not here for the new guy. And you almost ask him why he thinks you are but that would mean offering him time and that's not what this is about.

"I don't care." You roll your eyes. "This has nothing to do with him. This is for every kid you turned to the freak ass clown." You stick your hand to his face as his skin starts to melt.

"Stop!" Gar yells, coming up behind you and yanking you away, the man screaming in agony as he rolls on the ground.

"Get the fuck off of me!" You wiggle in his grip, getting free. "Get the fuck out of here!"

"You're not gonna do this! We don't do this!" Gar gestures his arm at the man.

"I'm not a fucking we! I do what I want!" You scream back, shooting a blast of acid at the man as his screams die down. "See? All done."

You walk past Gar as Gar looks at the damage that's been done. He walks over, checking the man's pulse only for there to be nothing left. He just watched you kill someone in under ten minutes. This is bad. He has to snap you out of this. It's not going to bring Jason back. Nothing can bring him back and you need to find a way to deal with it that doesn't involve killing people.

"You can't do this!" Gar yells, you keeping your back to him as you reach the bike. "You can't kill people because you miss Jason! That's not gonna bring him back!"

He can't let you keep doing this. If this is your plan, some sort of revenge filled with grief, that's not you. He knows you, too and he swears it's not. You're the one who always said you weren't violent. It sucks and it hurts. It's always going to hurt, he knows that, but this isn't going to make the pain any less for you.

You look down and let out a hollowed, venom-filled chuckle. It's never going to be about missing him and that's the thing. He'll never get it. But, it's like this void has opened up in your chest, right where your heart used to be. A black hole, sucking everything inside of it but never being full. It's just a vast of nothingness and it's not about missing him.

"I'm not doing it because I miss him! Fuck." You scream, spinning around with your helmet in your hand. "I'm doing this for me and for Jason and for Dick and Molly and Diego and every other fucking kid that Bruce fucked over and the system fucked over because Bruce said that's fucking justice!"

"And do you think this," Gar gestures around him to the building. "Is justice?!"

"It's better than fucking nothing, Gar!" You let out a harsh breath. "We're the people left behind to suffer at the hands of people with bad intentions! Because we have no other choices! I'm doing this for all of us! I'm doing this for the life Jason should have had! For the life he deserved to have but never got the fucking chance because of bullshit circumstances! Just like me and Molly and Dick and Diego and all the others! So, you can either shut the fuck up and get the fuck on board, or try to fucking stop me."

Gar shakes his head and it's like he's losing you, too. Donna, Jason, and you. This is going to get you killed. You're going to go after the wrong person and it'll be the end. And this isn't you. You're mad and in the middle of grief. Grief is messy, it explodes and it always touches more than just the people in the thick of it. He can't just let you do this and end up regretting it.

"We don't kill people." Gar's voice is soft this time and for a split second, you actually feel bad. He wasn't even supposed to be involved but Dick insists on a babysitter. "And I-I don't want to fight you."

"I'm not a we anymore." You shake your head and shrug your shoulders. Your voice is etched with pain and it breaks Gar's heart all over again.

Your teeth grit and it's so painful, it's almost numbing to everything. Every day, it's hard and it isn't getting easier. And maybe you think you deserve the pain and numbness from all of it. If anyone should have known Jason was up to something, it should have been you. You put all of this blame on Bruce, but it eats at you, too. You both missed it. Everyone missed it. And the one fucking time he needed you to see it, you missed it and it got him killed.

"I don't want to fight you either but I will if you try to stop me and we both know I'll win." You suck in a breath knowing Gar wouldn't have it in him to actually stop you.

And maybe you're hoping it's a false sense of confidence. Maybe you think you deserve to fight him, have him not on your side anymore. Maybe you don't deserve it anymore.

You turn back around and get on the bike before putting your helmet on. It's not going to bring him back, you know. And it's not going to make you feel better. But, it's better than letting someone else go through what you and every other kid has so far. This city eats people alive. It takes and takes and takes and that is all it has ever done. You're tired of it. You're willing to live with the guilt of blood on your hands if it'll help even a few kids who've been left in the cold. Maybe you deserve it anyway.

"Dick is gonna be pissed." Gar sucks in a breath as he takes a few steps towards you.

"Kory kills people sometimes. Rose killed Deathstroke. I killed people from CADMUS when they attacked the tower. You killed someone once. Mr. Moral Highground himself just fucking killed the Joker. Why is it such a big fucking deal right now? Why is it so fucking bad right now?" Your voice is almost defeated.

Honestly, you wonder how it's always Gar caught in the crossfire. Maybe it's just because he's too empathetic, always seeing the good in everyone. It's still something you admire. But, he can't stop you and you desperately wish, he'd just understand.

"Because this isn't you." Gar's brows furrow as he stuffs his hands in his jacket pockets.

You look down and clear your throat, feeling the guilt start to eat at your chest. You're not sure what the guilt is though. The guy you just killed or for making Gar give you that look that screams desperation and disappointment.

"Maybe it always should have been though." You shake your head. "You know, he was bad, right?" You ask. "Like, working with the Joker. Joker had a few guys trafficking kids. Was gonna go after one, Pete Hawkins, but uh, Red Hood beat me to the punch so, next best I guess. So, he wasn't just some guy doing something bad." You explain.

"That doesn't make it better." Gar states. "Maybe we could have helped him get out of that."

"Nope, rap sheet five pages long." You suck in a harsh breath. "Okay, where do you stand on Bruce killing the Joker?"

"I-I...I mean..." Gar thinks killing is wrong, but...the Joker was always the worst of the worst. "I don't know."

"Yes, you do. I think you don't like it but you're not gonna go and tell fucking Batman off for doing it. I think a part of you, might actually understand it." You gesture a hand towards him. "I'm not asking you to agree with me, Gar. I can't ask that of you. But I am asking you to just understand. You didn't grow up here and see this shit, okay?"

"I don't want you to kill people and I don't want you to regret this when it does get better. I know you don't want to hear that but it will."

"We talked about it, ya know?" You ask. "What we'd do after Robin and Batman. Team up and go after these guys. These guys rarely make it to Bruce's radar. It's not fair. Most of us aren't rich but that doesn't mean we're a sacrifice. That's what Bruce called us last night. What he called Jim Gordon, his fucking friend. A sacrifice. I'm tired of innocent people being a sacrifice for a city and for rich fucks that don't actually give a fuck about them unless the press is taking pictures and writing articles about how good they are. We did not say we'd kill anyone, but..." You shrug. "In and out of Blackgate and they learn nothing. Something permanent has to be done. So, I'm not gonna regret it."

He does not agree. There always has to be another way. If they all just started killing people because they think they're bad, how can that be justice? How can that be better than what's already going on? But, Gar can't argue it not without going round and round in circles. And he's never said anything about Kory or Rachel killing anyone. So, he decides, maybe he can try a little bit to understand even if he thinks he won't be able to.

"I'm not killing just anyone, I promise. I have a plan."

"That's not reassuring." Gar states.

"I know." You nod. "But, I promise. I know but can you offer me a little understanding, please? As my friend."

You're done arguing. Your throat hurts and your chest hurts. A headache is pecking at the back of your head, it's just exhausting arguing. Everything is exhausting lately.

Gar moves forward and takes the helmet. "Dick is gonna kill you."

"Eh, he'll bitch about it for a while and then get over it because I'm grieving." You roll your eyes. "Make him a hypocrite if he did something about it."

"Not funny." Gar scolds as he gets on the back.

"Wasn't a joke." You quip. "Hold on."

You spend the day not killing people but by tormenting some of the guys on your list. You beat them up and taunt them, threaten them and scare them. Gar still isn't happy with excessive force but it is better than you killing them. He wonders why you even killed the first guy. But a part of him is a little afraid to even ask. Knowing you, you do have a reason for it. And he doesn't want to give you the bright idea to kill all of them.

Your last stop is Jerry's old house. You hate how your hands shake and the lump in your throat grows. It's more now. It's more than the torture that lingers in your bones because with his house also comes the memories of Jason.

That night was the night you knew something was going on with you. You remember that moment in the bathroom where Dick interrupted you and how your heart was thundering so loud you swore it'd wake up the whole tower. You remember how good it felt and thrilling and the look on his face. That was the night he read to you. This is not that house but it reminds you of that night anyway. This house brought back all of your nightmares. You can't kill Jerry right now, but you can do something about the house. He'll, hopefully, get word of it and know you'll come for him one day. The house is the start.

You suck up your fear and memories as you close the distance and shoot acid on the side panel of the house before pulling out a match. Gar stands right beside you and he knows the house. He remembers it when him and Jason looked into you.

"What are you doing?" Gar asks.

"Burning it down." You state as you light the match, tossing it onto the acid, watching the flames burn. "Suit? Flame retardant. Acid? Flammable." You walk around the other side and repeat the same thing until the house is engulfed in flames. "Tested it out last night, just to make sure." You watch the flames and Gar isn't sure how to feel about it. At least no one was inside, you checked, and this is your business. This is your thing. You're not hurting anyone at least. "Gonna lecture me about vandalism?" You look over at him.

"No." Gar shakes his head. "I'm definitely calling the fire department though." Gar sucks in a breath, the fire warming his face a little too much for his comfort.

"Can you give it a minute? Just to make sure there's no saving it." You look at him. "We can stay and watch it burn, make sure it doesn't get too out of control and no one gets hurt."

"Okay." Gar agrees as you move to stand by the bike and watch the house burn. "Does this help?"

"Yeah." You nod your head. "He's not getting life, ya know? Jason, uh, he kept a file on him. He kept tabs so I wouldn't have to." You shake your head. "But, he got a lot of time but he can still come back and pick it up again. At least he'd need a new house and I'll see him coming. Not another kid."

"It is more than Jason." Gar nods his head with a sense of understanding.

"Yeah," You nod, your eyes trained on the house. "He's just the last straw for me. I think he'd find it funny and then ask why I didn't take a flame thrower."

"Flame thrower?" Gar questions. "Why the hell would you have a flame thrower?"

"Molly and me were walking and we hit this house. I don't know how I missed it. But, I did. And uh, I had a panic attack so bad I just...broke right on the side of the road. It was like I was back in San Francisco, in the basement all over again. Molly called Jason and he sat in front of me and snapped me out of it. Then he asked if I wanted to burn it down. He could get a flame thrower from the Batcave and we're both flame retardant." You laugh softly as your eyes burn.

"Oh, so he gave you this bright idea." Gar lets out a soft chuckle. It definitely sounds like something Jason would have said to make you feel better.

"He had some good ideas on occasion." You laugh softly as you hear sirens coming. "Well, someone beat ya to it. Let's head out." You let out a sigh as you grab your helmet and hand the other to Gar. "Thanks for not stopping me." You nod. "I'll tell Dick you tried."

"It's okay." Gar nods as he takes the helmet. "No one got hurt...here." Gar sucks in a breath.

The two of you get on the bike and head back to the manor. Gar reports to Dick when you get back. For a second, he debates even telling him what happened. Some part of him wants to understand because you're his friend. He believes you think you're doing what's right but it's hard for him to understand even though he doesn't give Kory a hard time. He didn't give Rachel a hard time when she killed people. But, Dick is looking at him expectantly and he can't lie to him. So, he tells Dick what happened.

Dick finds you in the Batcave later that night, deciding he'd like to have the conversation without the other Titans around. Dick swears this is the grief talking and the other Titans don't need to be involved. You're right, they have bigger problems right now. Their focus should be there, especially given the events that happened today. He can handle you.

"Do you feel better?" Dick questions as he paces in front of you with his arms crossed.

"Well, I guess that depends on your definition of feeling better." You shrug your shoulders as you exit out of your screens on the Batcomputer.

"Are you serious right now?" Dick fumes.

"Pretty much." You answer simply.

If Gar can't get you to go back on your plan, Dick definitely can't. He's giving you that disappointed look that makes you almost groan. You're not in the mood for not only a lecture from him but another lecture about how you don't kill people.

"We don't kill people."

You almost laugh at the irony. "I'm not a we anymore in case you missed the memo." You snark. "I'd like to go to bed though. If you don't mind." You get up from your spot but Dick steps in front of you to stop you.

"We aren't done here. I know. I know how hard this is for you. But I promise, you will regret this." Dick tries to reason with you.

"I don't think so. We're different people. I don't feel all too bad about it." You lie. You feel a little bad about it. You're not a monster. "I'm going to bed unless you have anything else you want to say." You let out a breath as you cross your arms over your chest.

"Yeah, I have more to say. You're not going out alone anymore. You're taking Gar with you and you're not going to keep killing people. That's not what Titans do and that's not what you do."

"So, Gar is my babysitter? Gar tried and I still killed the guy today. Do you think that's gonna stop me?"

"Yes. You'll start to feel bad for making Gar stick around."

You narrow your eyes at him and he makes a good enough point. But, you're still pretty sure you'll keep up with your plan. You'll just find a way around Gar.

"Anything else or?"

Dick lets out a sigh and of course there's more. His first night, he went into Jason's room and found a formula. But, you've been either screaming, sobbing, or catatonic the last few days and he hasn't had much of a chance to ask anything.

"Okay, look, I need your help."

You let out a laugh. "I can't kill people and now you need my help." You roll your eyes. "With what?"

"Jason was making a drug, what do you know?" Dick cuts to the chase.

You shake your head in disbelief. Why the fuck would Jason be making a drug? Does Dick really have so little faith in him? You're actually offended Dick would think he was making a drug. It's one of the most insane things you've ever heard and you live with Bruce Wayne.

"Wow, okay, yeah that's fucking rich. He was not making a drug, Dickolas." You scoff.

"Look, I found this formula in his room." Dick pulls the paper out of his pocket and hands it over.

You look at it but you've never seen it before and it's definitely Jason's handwriting. It's messy and still somehow legible. But that still doesn't make any sense. Jason wanted to target dealers and the cooks. You always assumed it was because of his mom and once people are hooked, they'd be more vulnerable to everything.

You hand it back. "I have no fucking idea." You let out a scoff and apparently, he was keeping a whole lot from you.

"Bullshit. You knew him better than anyone."

"Yeah, and I missed him going after the fucking Joker, too." You strike back. "I don't know. I've never fucking seen it, he never mentioned it probably because he knew I'd chew him out for it. I don't know." You bite the inside of your cheek hard enough to taste iron. "Look, he's dead, it doesn't matter." The words are bitter on your tongue and they weigh heavy in your throat. But, it's true. You don't want to hear about it. He's dead, he's gone, it doesn't matter.

"I think it does." Dick protests. He doesn't understand how Jason was making a drug and somehow, no one knows anything about this. 

"Why? He's dead. He's gone. Shit isn't gonna bring him back." You brush past him, feeling the caving of your chest start again.

Dick calls your name as you look back at him. "There was something going on."

"Yeah, apparently so but I don't know shit. Wish I did though." You turn back around. The drug is going to eat at you and it'll eat at Dick. You're tired of things eating at you and today is bothering you but not for the killing. So, you change subject. "Hey, okay, uh, you guys actually going after the new guy?"

"We're putting together a case. He killed a woman today, a mother." Dick explains. "Do you know something?"

"No," You shake your head. "But, uh, that guy I killed today, thought I was looking for him. He's called the Red Hood, by the way. Just...thought it was fucking weird and thought you might wanna know. Molly said he showed up at her apartment with Diego Martinez, a missing kid she was looking for. Pete Hawkins trafficking kids to the Joker and he was one of them."

"What do you mean?"

"I don't know. Instead of begging for his life, he told me he knew where the Red Hood was. I, uh, thought it was weird. I think he was lying and uh, I have no idea how he knew about Molly." You let out a scoff because that part is going to bother you until you get an answer.

"Why would go to your friend? Are you sure you don't know anything else about him?"

"I swear, I have no fucking idea. That's why I'm telling you. Shit is weird, even for Gotham. If I knew more, I'd tell you. Weird he'd kill a random woman but Molly said he just seemed intimidating. I asked more about it later and she said Diego was fine and the Red Hood was nice to him. So...again, weird."

Dick lets out a sigh as he runs a hand through his hair. Of course, something can't be simple in Gotham. There always has to be something else going on and Dick agrees, this just seems weird. And it doesn't make any sense. What is his motive anyway?

"Well, good talk." You let out a sigh. "Just thought you'd like that information in case it was useful. I'm going to bed." You offer Dick a nod before you walk off and exit the Batcave, leaving Dick with a bigger headache.

The next day, the Titans are working on the Red Hood case, something about a chess play. Dick went to Jonathan Crane for help over it which he was not happy about. You choose not even to get involved with that one. You have your own thing you want to do anyway and maybe a part of you, doesn't entirely know how to feel about the Red Hood. He did save Diego and maybe others for all you know and he didn't hurt Molly when he could have. Though, he did kill an innocent woman. So, you're just not getting involved right now, instead you mind yourself to your room for most of the day.

But, then you get a call from someone, an unknown number.

"Meet me at the old gym." He says, his voice disguised by a voice modulator.

You pull the phone from your face, looking at it with confusion before you put it back to your ear. "Yeah, who the fuck are you and why the fuck would I do that?" You snark back.

"Meet me at 8 tonight."

"Why?" You question back.

"Just go to the roof. Eight O'clock." He says before the line goes dead.

You pull the phone from your head again and look at the dark screen. What are you even supposed to do with that? On the one hand, it would be really stupid to listen to a random voice from an unknown number. But, it's also weird enough that it makes you kind of want to go. You don't talk to anyone. The only people who even have your number are the Titans and Molly. A lot of weird shit is currently going on and you would like at least one answer. It might be really stupid, but you figure you'll go anyway and you'll just be prepared for it to go south.

Lucky for you, the Titans had some Red Hood business to take care of that involved all of them looking for possible victims. That gave you the perfect opportunity to leave right when you needed to without having to worry about ditching Gar along the way.

You get to the old gym and walk right in, almost no fear in your bones. You walk right through and into the pool area. The pool is gross, slimy. It looks like it hasn't been used in years, which it hasn't. And the smell of algae sticks to the walls, making you grimace behind your mask. So, you keep walking until you reach the stairs that lead to the roof.

Once on the roof, you walk over to the edge, resting your forearms on the ledge. Your stomach doesn't drop anymore. Anxiety doesn't flood your veins and you don't even feel the slightest bit dizzy. You think it's because of the grappling around the city. You had no choice but to get over your fear of heights. But you know that's not all of it. Fear doesn't follow you very much these days.

You feel someone walk up beside you a few minutes later, barely getting a glimpse of them out of the corner of your eyes.

"Who are you and what the hell do you want?" Your voice is flat as you keep your stare on the gloomy city below.

"Really did get over your fear of heights, huh?" The voice questions, a voice modulator changing it. He's a little surprised you came, honestly. But, it's you, of course you did. You hate unanswered questions and he knows that.

You look over to see the new so-called crime lord. He's wearing a red helmet, the eyes white and there's no mouth. He's got a black padded suit on with a red symbol right in the middle of his chest that looks like a play on the Batman symbol. And above his suit, he's wearing a red hoodie under a brown leather jacket. It's a look.

Red Hood.

New crime lord trying to take over Gotham and leaving no one in his wake that crossed his path. He's brutal and ruthless. But methodical, has a plan and is never caught off guard. Smart, quick, sharpshooter. And as you remember every horrible thing you've read, you nod once because you think this is finally it.

Finally, after all these years of suffering and misery, someone is gonna end it all for you. That has to be the reason you're standing here right now. Maybe that guy you killed was working for him. Cross his path in the wrong way, and he'll just kill you. You're so certain that's what it is and you almost feel relieved as you look back to the city.

"Yeah well." You state, bypassing how he'd even know you were afraid of heights in the first place. "If you're gonna kill me, can you just like do it already?" Your voice is so flat and emotionless, Jason freezes.

You've given up. You gave up on the fight the day he died. And he was worried about that. When the drug wears off, it comes back. Every piece of fear he's ever felt floods back over him and one of those fears is always you. How you're going to react to knowing he's alive, how you're going to react knowing he died, how you've been doing. He can see it in the way your eyes scan the city that you're done. And he hates himself for it.

"I'm not gonna kill you. Why would I kill you?" He asks and he's glad his voice is disguised.

"It's what you do." You chortle. "It's fine, really. I'm sure I crossed you or whatever. To be expected." You glance at him once more before you look back to the city. "Just, uh, take my phone and call Dickolas. Make sure he's the one that finds me because if you don't, that means my friend will and I really, really don't want him to deal with that. It fucking sucks." You nod as you roll your eyes. "Consider it my dying wish."

"Dramatic as always." Jason lets out a chuckle. "You know I'm not gonna fucking kill you because you got that combat thing." He says and he's buying time, trying to get the courage to tell you.

You pause, looking at him slowly. One person that knows referred to it that way. It was always Jason. He always said it was a combat thing. And the only people who even know are the Titans.

You look back to the city and you're about to rip his helmet off yourself. He gave the woman a paper with a chess move and a code. The code was Robin, he asked for Nightwing. That's what Gar said before he left tonight with the Titans. Red Hood knows where Molly lives, he has your phone number and clearly knows about the combat clairvoyance. There is one person who would know all of that and he's dead. So, this is getting a bit frustrating and concerning.

"Why are you acting like you know me?" You huff as you look back at him.

He's leaning with an elbow on the ledge, his weight shifted to his right leg. He's standing so casually and it's almost familiar but at this point, you think you're just fooling yourself. You can't do this.

"Yeah, I'm leaving." You push off the ledge and start to walk off but he grabs your arm gently.

You stop and look at his hand on your arm. He's wearing brown leather gloves that match his jacket. This feels familiar, too and you swear anything would feel familiar because you're desperate. It's just the desperation and the grief. But, it feels familiar and you hate it. 

"Wait." He says. "Don't go, alright?" He drops his hand and you let out a sigh, leaning back against the ledge.

"Fine." You let out a sigh and go back to looking at the city. "Can you just tell me what the fuck is going on, please?" You ask and Jason can hear the desperation in your voice. "I have had a shit fucking week and I just....would like to go back to bed." You let out a sigh another sigh. You're tired of the games.

Jason hangs his head and he knows you're going to lose it. You're going to be mad and he's going to have to deal with it. He really, desperately wishes he would have taken the drug before he walked up here. It'd definitely be nice right about now. But, he swore, if he was going to do this, he'd have to do it this way because you would figure it out. That's not the plan and at the end of day, he came back knowing he'd never involve you. You have to know and he wishes this were easier.

But, he takes off the helmet anyway.

"Please, don't be mad."

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A/n: I just wanna say thank you again to everyone who leaves a comment and/or reblogs. I go back and reread them all the time and it makes me really happy 😭 I'm really sorry if I don't always respond I just don't know what to say sometimes lmao or my chronic illness flares up and I just kind of...post and log off and I don't usually comment from Tumblr mobile lol So, I'm sorry if I don't respond but I promise it means so much to me 😭😭😭

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[elena-mayfair]

Choices that define us

Paring: Bruce Wayne x f!reader, Batman x f!reader Genre: Thriller, mystery, with elements of slow-burn romance Warnings: rating T+/M, gore and violence, strong language, themes of depression, depictions of mental illness Summary: "This was supposed to be a new beginning, the beginning of a bright new future…" you recalled the optimistic thoughts that filled your mind when you first set foot in Gotham City. But Gotham City turned out to have other plans for you. "How did I get here?" you wondered. Between the Joker and Harleen and Batman and Bruce Wayne, between near-death experiences and sessions with Professor Crane, in an endless loop of constantly recurring nightmares, attempts to contact Harleen, and the bold decisions. "What am I doing?"Word count: 10.5k Note: Gifs are not mine, credit to the authors.

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***

"No" two letters, one syllable, that's how much Batman answered to your question. For a moment you looked at him surprised, not quite believing your ears. "No?" you asked in a whisper, anger rising in you second by second, "No?!" you stood up abruptly and measured him with a furious look, "isn't that what you do? She needs help! And you have the opportunity to help her and you refuse?!" you asked Batman, who before your eyes turned from an empathetic man into a stern, cold mythical being. He stood in front of you measuring you with an unwavering stare, while his posture betrayed no emotion, "how can you say no?!" you tried but he looked at you with eyes hidden under a mask and in an icy tone ended the discussion, "leave it or I'll have you arrested for interfering with the investigation."

Sitting back in the office, tapping angrily on the keyboard, you tried your best to focus on your work but his words still echoed in your head. The cold and harsh tone of his voice, the threat of arrest, the last glance, his shape looming faintly in the sky as he rose above the rooftops. At that moment, when you asked him for help, you were sure he would agree. After all, you had spent two weeks reading incessantly about how much good he had done for the city, how many people he had helped, how many he had saved, how he had restored hope in the hearts of Gothamites. The words Batman and hope so often appeared side by side, and yet, he refused.

Days had passed since that evening and yet, the echo of his words refused to leave you. Days have passed since you went back to work and yet, every day your own words echoed in your head. "I can't just go back to work and normal life," you said, and each passing day convinced you more and more of the truth of your words. When you first stood in front of the majestic Wayne Enterprises building more than two months ago, you felt joy and excitement. With your eyes open, you were daydreaming your bright future, the growth opportunities you would get, the possibilities to build your new life. Now, as you sat in front of your computer, you felt trapped, like an animal that had tasted a little freedom only to find itself caged again. The numbers didn't line up in equations, the drawings of the project didn't look perfect, and your focus kept slipping away with a longing look out the window. For the world outside the window was frightening, it was full of horrible people doing nightmarish things, but it was also thrilling, alluring, exhilarating. What was mundane work, even for a prominent company like Wayne Enterprises, compared to loud stuffy clubs, to chases with a gun put to your forehead, to late-night strolls along the bank of the bridge, to long fascinating conversations over a mug of coffee when everyone had gone to bed, to the feeling of flying when you soared above the surface of the water in Batman's arms. Some part of you felt ashamed to admit it, but secretly, you longed for it. You longed for that feeling of wild freedom, for the threat that could end your life in the blink of an eye, for the adrenaline pumping through your veins, for the cool thrill of excitement every time he spoke in a cold stern tone. Batman. He possessed your every thought causing you to follow the news every day, forcing you to go out to the observation deck after work every evening longingly looking out for his symbol in the night sky, causing you to replay your encounters over and over again even while at work. Every gesture he made, every step he took, every word he said to you was imprinted in your mind and you could once again see clearly the contradictions colliding with each other. Because in your eyes, Batman was just that, a clash of contrasts like all of Gotham. The Dark Knight, the crime-fighting vigilante bringing pale terror to the faces of criminals by his mere appearance. A defender who put his life on the line to protect those who could not protect themselves. Manece, capable of knocking down several armed assailants in the blink of an eye. A savior, diving into the depths to save the life of a stranger. There was strength and authority in him, under which even his partners yielded, but also kindness and concern, which he did not have to show at all. There was something else, something infuriating, something that wouldn't let you just "go back to normal life." Something that made you stare mindlessly at the computer screen instead of paying attention to your surroundings, oblivious to the approaching footsteps.

"Good morning," a soft voice snapped you out of your thoughts.

"Mr. Wayne," you whispered surprised raising your gaze above the computer screen. Bruce Wayne, stood in the doorway of your office, with a barely discernible smirk wandering across his face. He leaned against the doorframe with his hands nonchalantly shoved in the pockets of his perfectly tailored black suit, and you couldn't help but wonder how long he had been looking at you like that, "I'm sorry, I didn't hear you coming," you stood up abruptly, realizing that it wasn't polite to sit in the presence of the company's CEO.

"It's okay," he replied maintaining a gentle tone, "I saw you were busy, I didn't want to interrupt you. Lucius reported that since you came back from sick leave you are not allowing yourself to be sent home and you are working for twelve hours a day."

"I thought I was contracted for non-regular, task-based working hours," you replied maintaining a professional tone, "I didn't think that would be a problem."

"It's not a problem," he replied softly, "don't get me wrong, I'm glad you're feeling well after that terrible accident you had. But that doesn't change the fact that your engagement caught Lucius' attention, and consequently mine."

"I have wasted enough time…"

"You suffered an accident, a fortuitous situation. You can't hold that against yourself. None of us do."

"And yet I feel I must make up for it," you replied stiffly. Bruce merely continued to stand leaning against the door and looked at you intently, "Excuse me for asking Mr. Wayne, but what brings you here? It seemed to me that the CEO has more important things on his mind than keeping an eye on lower-level employees."

"I'm not checking on you, not on your work to be precise," he replied shortly, "I pay close attention to Wayne Tech, I'm sure I told you that. Besides, I wanted to see how you were doing," he took two steps inside your office and pushed the door behind him without closing it completely, "I hope you don't mind."

"No, not at all," you replied with a smile yet you struggled to hide the irritation caused by his sudden appearance, "this is your company."

"But your office," he smirked, "so, how do you feel Y/N? To be injured in a car accident, that must have been horrible," the blue eyes watched carefully as if observing your reaction.

"Unexpected, that's for sure," you replied, "but I feel fine, physically at least. My shoulder still hurts, but the doctors said that's normal with joint damage. And I'm managing with the rest, a friend is helping me."

"I'm glad to hear it," he replied sincerely, "if you need anything…"

"I'm fine, Mr. Wayne," you interrupted him.

"I thought we were past that," the smirk returned to his face, arching a surprised brow.

"We're at work," you replied in a hushed tone, "forgive me if I don't feel comfortable addressing the company CEO by his first name on professional grounds."

"Forgiven," the discreet smirk irritated unbearably, "speaking of professional ground, wouldn't you mind sharing with me what you're working on?"

"Sure," you replied shortly and sat down at your desk, "this is just the start of a project. Mr. Fox gave me a few others to choose from but the events of the last few days inspired me to do something else," you explained as you opened the files and arranged them across the three monitors. Bruce made his way through the office and stood behind your chair, bringing with him the energizing scent of fresh citrus, smoothed by woody and musky notes.

"Some kind of detection system?" he asked leaning closer to the computer screen, placing one hand on the desk the other resting on the back of your chair. The scent of his fragrance lingered in your nose sharpening your senses, making you hyperaware of yourself. "Does this dress show too much cleavage? I forgot to put on my bracelets. Why do I have such a mess on my desk? I should straighten up, I hunch over. My hands look awful with these bloody cuticles," the thoughts ran rapidly through your mind, one after another.

"That's right," you said focusing on the design displayed on the screen, "but not some kind of. A system designed to detect increased activity in the city meant to warn Gotham citizens of a potential threat," you explained.

"May I?" Bruce asked, gently taking the mouse from you, "continue please," he encouraged while clicking through the project files.

"My recent accident as well as the events of the last few weeks that have been talked about in the news inspired this idea in my mind. First the shootout at the docks, then the Joker's escape from Asylum and the chase through central Gotham. Miraculously, only three people were injured…"

"How do you know?" he glanced at you out of the corner of his eye.

"I've been reading online," you replied evasively, "anyway, it all gave me an idea. What if we created a system to detect increased activity in the city that could send alerts to the people of Gotham warning them of potential danger?"

"You'd want to use telecommunication boxes, traffic lights, and radio towers for this," he analyzed points plotted on a map of Gotham.

"Wayne Tech owns most of the telecommunications and radio network in the city," Bruce nodded confirming, "we could use the already existing points spread throughout the city. On top of that, we could install the system in traffic lights, CCTV cameras and coordinate everything by triangulating the signal to the radio towers," you continued to explain.

"What would be detected?"

"At first, I thought to base the system on existing in the city speed limits and coordinate them with traffic lights. In case the limit was significantly exceeded and the registered vehicle ignored the traffic light, the sensors would send a signal to a radio tower, which in turn, coordinated with the telecommunications network, would send out alerts to citizens," you took the mouse out of Bruce's hand and clicked through several files, presenting a diagram of how the sensors would work, "this solution, however, seemed too flawed to me."

"Detecting every increased traffic would send too many irrelevant notifications unnecessarily spreading panic…"

"Exactly! So then I thought about adding a camera system and face detection software, but I think the city government and some of its people could find that…"

"Unethical…" he finished for you.

"Yup!" you confirmed and smiled faintly seeing his visible interest, "having crossed out these two solutions, I started to think what else could be detected. I thought of detecting sounds and the air's chemical composition," Bruce shifted positively surprised blue eyes from the computer screen to you, "criminals are unlikely to operate silently. This method may be flawed, but by my calculations, it has at least a 65% success rate. Sound detection based on specific sound waves to eliminate accidental detection. Sound waves such as those emitted by screeching tires, gunfire, the shouting crowd, the sound of shattering glass, an explosion."

"What about detecting a chemical alteration of the air?" he asked without breaking eye contact.

"An additional precaution to eliminate accidental detections. We would have to design really accurate and sensitive sensors, able to detect the slightest change in the air but based on its chemical composition. I was thinking that the sensors could detect gun smoke fumes, chemicals released during explosions, carbon, nitrogen, nitroglycerine, mercury fulminate, lead styphnate," you listed, "we could present the design to the police and get the chemical composition of the toxins the Joker has used in the past. I was thinking that one more safety feature could be added in the form of supersonic sensors to detect blast waves in an area, but I don't have that worked out yet."

"You worked it all out in four days?"

"I've been working too much," you smiled playfully, "I know that's not what I was supposed to do but…"

"This is good," he interrupted you, "really good."

"You think so?" excitement crept into your professional tone.

"Yeah, really impressive," he returned his eyes to the screen, "it requires the development of new technologies, especially sensors, but the idea itself is really impressive."

"I know it would require a lot of financial resources to implement the project, but if you give me the green light I will refine it! I'll develop new technologies, design the required components, plan tests and proofing methods, sparse risk levels and an implementation plan," seeing his interest you didn't hesitate, "Bruce! Imagine how many needless accidental casualties we could avoid with such a system! We could deploy the system to hospitals, the police and the emergency services, thereby improving response. We could design a mobile application for smartphones, voluntary to install, thus avoiding unnecessary dissenting voices and unfavorable public opinion that would probably want to turn this against us and argue it as an infringement! Bruce! Every time when something bad happened in the city people could just stay home and avoid the danger!"

"You've really thought it all through," he smiled fondly.

"I've had a lot of time to think lately," you replied innocently, "what you think?"

"Keep working on it," he replied, "you have the green light. I'll inform Lucius not to assign you any additional work for the next few months."

"Yes!" escaped happily, "sorry, but I'm really glad that you approve of my idea."

"And I'm really glad that I hired you," he replied straightening up, "send it all to me please. To me and to Lucius. I'd like to study your concept in detail," he added heading back toward the door, "good work."

"Thanks!" the wide smile didn't disappear from your face, "you'll have a link to the share drive tonight."

"Speaking of tonight," he stopped in mid-step, "I still owe you a stroll," he added softly.

You blushed not knowing what to answer. The sudden change in tone and direction of the conversation completely threw you off balance.

"Bruce… I'm sorry but I think this time I'll ask for a raincheck," you replied hesitantly, "don't get me wrong but after my accident, somehow, damn…" you stumbled over your words.

"What about dinner, then?" he asked and that rage-inducing smirk crept onto his face again, "Saturday night?"

"Bruce, you're my boss…"

"Lucius Fox is your boss, I just sign papers and spend money," he smiled wider, "Italian or Asian?"

"Italian," you smiled meekly, "after last weeks Asian is enough for me for the next six months."

"Italian it is," he agreed, "I'll pick you up at let's say 6 pm," he added, then without waiting for your answer he left your office leaving you confused, shocked and happy.

"Bastard is smooth…" you chuckled to yourself in disbelief at what had just happened, "damn smooth…."

***

Twelve miles southeast of Gotham in the Bristol Township amidst the towering hills and green woods a lonely Wayne Manor stood. Huge, lavish, majestic, a symbol of wealth and prosperity hidden deep within the estate behind an iron gate decorated with a stylized W at its top. To casual eyes, it seemed to be a Gothic palace, with beautifully ornate carved walls, and perfectly preserved architecture, surrounded by a beautifully tended garden. For some Gothamites, it was just one of the city's many Gothic buildings, for others it was an unshakeable memory of the great men who had been taken by the city's darkness and whose memory continued to live on in the hearts of many. Yet only a few knew its true meaning. For behind the perfectly painted richly decorated walls hid something more than prosperity and wealth. Beneath the arched vaulted ceiling, below the polished wooden and marble floors, below the firmly set foundations, countless caves spread. Once raw, wet and cold, they had been transformed by a young man who decided a few years back to change Gotham forever. The smaller caves were combined into one huge one, stretching underneath the entire mansion. Stone obtained from the reconstruction was used for creating various elevations and passageways. The natural structure of the cave was preserved but the flow of water was modified, leading all the streams down a single torrent towards the entrance, which in turn was converted into a waterfall hiding behind a driveway. Electricity and heating were brought in. An elevator was installed connecting the property to the cave as well as multiple minor entrances. Digitization was introduced, monitoring and many safety features were installed. Not one, not two, but three training rooms were created, and a special augmented reality simulation room was designed. Some of the natural rocky hollows were transformed into a medical wing, another into a workshop, and another into a laboratory. A huge computer was installed, multiple vehicles were brought in and in time even a small kitchen was arranged. For overtime, the cave became a home not only for one determined young man but for four more. Each so different from the other, each with a different past and different baggage of experience, all united in one goal, to make Gotham safe, to protect those who could not protect themselves.

Life for the men living in Wayne Manor was not easy. Years passed, years spent in sacrifices, devotion, and constant work. Years of loneliness and a sense of belonging. Years of frustration and joy. Years of anger, angst, grief, and understanding. Years of loyalty and love, even if none of them would admit it out loud. Years full of pain and suffering but also joy and warmth. Years kinder to some than to others. But can one speak of the kindness of fate when each of them bore on their bodies and souls countless wounds and scars like badges from battles fought? Can one speak of the kindness of fate when some carried within themselves wounds so deep that it seemed they would never heal?

In the empty cave music echoed from one of the training rooms. The loud deep beats blended together with the sound of fists hitting the punching bag repeatedly. 'Till the roof comes off, 'till the lights go out 'Till my legs give out, can't shut my mouth fists hit the bag rhythmically again and again. Right punch, kick from the knee, left punch, kick, elbow, kick. 'Till the smoke clears out, am I high? Perhaps I'ma rip this shit, 'till my bone collapse sweat poured down Jason's forehead but he didn't stop. He pounded the bag repeatedly and the swollen muscles pulsed under the tight T-shirt. Fist, elbow, kick, right fist, left fist alternating, faster, faster, harder, faster, kick, knee kick, fists again, alternating, as if his life depended on it. 'Till the roof comes off, 'till the lights go out 'Till my legs give out, can't shut my mouth anger, frustration, pain poured out in a hail of strikes.

"I think this bag has had enough Jason," Dick said in a raised voice observing his brother, "don't you want to change the bag to a living target?"

"Go away Grayson," Jason growled without interrupting his strikes.

"I'm just sayin'! A living target is better than a training bag! Promise I'll go easy on you!" Dick's unbearably cheerful tone irritated Jason.

"I don't need a training partner," Jason breathed out through clenched teeth without even looking at him.

"Come on Jay! Let's agree that I need a workout!"

"Then find Drake or little brat," right fist, left, kick, elbow, kick.

"I rather spare with you!"

"I said go away."

"Dude, don't make me beg!"

"Fuck off Grayson!!!" Jason yelled sending the bag ripped from its hanger with a thump through the room, "I won't train with you when I'm in like this cos I'll fucking massacre you!" Panting heavily he finally looked at his brother. To his surprise Dick was not smiling, concern and worry were painted on his face. He took a few steps toward his brother and handed him a towel and a water bottle.

"No, I don't want to talk about it," Jason snarled, downing the entire bottle in one gulp.

"I'm not saying anything!" Dick raised his hands defensively.

"You don't have to!" Jason growled angrily, "you've got this look on your face!"

"What look?"

"The one you give to little shitheads from Brat Justice Leauge! The one that says I'm your friend and mentor you can talk to me," Jason mimicked Dick in a mocking tone.

"Dude I'm just worried about you, that's all..." Dick kept his voice calm, knowing very well how to talk to his brother.

"Then don't! Just fuck off! I don't need your pity!" anger burned in Jason's eyes.

"Jay, you are boiling with rage…"

"What a fucking discovery mister detective!!! Wow!!! Just wow!!! Fucking brilliant detective work!!!"

"Jay…" Dick tried to interrupt him but it was too late. Jason's remnants of self-control were gone, the barriers let go.

"And how the fuck would you feel in my place?! How would you feel?! Every fucking time the Joker shows up, the fucker benches me! Every fucking time! Because what?! Because I can't handle it?! Because I can't handle the Joker?! Because he doesn't trust me?! Because he thinks I'm weak and I'll fucking break as soon as I face the fucking clown!!!"

"No, Jason!" Dick interrupted him abruptly, "Bruce doesn't think you can't handle it! None of us thinks so! Just the opposite…"

"What?! He's afraid I'm going to fucking kill him!"

"Jason…"

"I should do it! I should kill the fucking clown! I should fuck him up with a fucking crowbar, just like he fucked me up!!!! I should do it because neither Bruce nor any of you have the balls to do it! Because your precious moral code doesn't allow you to do it! But it did allow you to have the Joker kill me!!!" Jason grabbed his brother by the shirt and pulled him violently towards him, "I should do it. Not a day goes by that I don't dream about it. I should repay him with death for death. But I won't do it!!! But I won't fucking do it even though I want it and even though he deserves it! I won't do it because I'm not like him!!!"

With his hands gripped on Dick's shirt and his face red from anger, Jason was breathing heavily, and even though he was shouting the rage in his eyes was beginning to dim. For as he looked into his brother's eyes he saw only sympathy, concern and understanding and something much more important to him, trust.

"Better?" Dick asked quietly.

"Fuck you," Jason chuckled but this time a faint smile swept across his face. He let his brother go and proceeded to collect the ripped bag from the floor.

"Good, because we got work to do."

"Suit up?"

"Yup!"

"What's the job?"

"Tim and I interviewed Elliot Mercy employees, but they didn't tell us anything interesting. Crane, on the other hand, hasn't appeared at the hospital or at his home for several days. We need to track him down and interrogate him."

"You and I?"

"Not this time," Dick replied sensing his brother's impending second wave of rage, "You and Damian are tasked with observing the hospital and Crane's home."

"Stakeout with little batbrat? You must be shitting me!"

"Dude, work with me here!"

"What about you?"

"Tim and I have other job to do,". Dick replied evasively hoping Jason wouldn't ask for details.

"You are going after the Joker…" Dick was wrong.

"After Harleen Quinzel more than the Joker but yes."

"And what about Mr. Brooding?"

"Bruce is investigating Arkham," Dick replied, "Dr. Quinzel worked there for almost two years. There is a lot to investigate at Arkham."

"So I'm stuck with babysitting on a stakeout…" Jason muttered with resignation, hanging the bag back on the hook.

"Please don't kill him," Dick chuckled, "One dead Robin in the family is enough."

"Very funny Grayson, very fucking funny…."

Yet they both laughed, understanding very well how much self-control Damian sometimes required of them. Understanding very well that in the presence of death sometimes there is nothing left to do but simply laugh in her face.

***

Batman deeply wanted to share Y/N's belief in Dr. Harleen Quinzel's innocence. His memory was still vividly alive with situations from the past in which he himself had first assumed the innocence of a potential criminal, only to later realize painfully his mistake. He was young then and his head was filled with idealistic ideas and the belief that people deep down are good, only the situations they find themselves in do not allow goodness to flourish. Years passed, and he learned. He learned painfully from his own experiences, and he learned through the experiences of others. He hardened his body, honed his mind, learned to rely on his intuition, learned to see the facts as they were, without embellishing them with needless ideology. Years passed and he changed, his view of the world changed, his view of people changed, his approach to the mission changed. Still, one thing never changed. He always believed that the people deep inside were actually good, that he could help them. And he tried. He tried until no illusion remained. He tried until no other choice remained.

As he walked through the dark corridors of the Intensive Treatment Center, he looked sadly at the cells of all those he had failed and he could not help but wonder if each of them was a lost cause. He knew their stories, he knew the cause-and-effect sequence that led them to where they were now, but still he pondered who they would have been had they made different choices. Who would Victor Zsasz be if he hadn't lost millions in a casino and started murdering people arguing that he was "liberating" others from their pointless existence? How much good could Jervis Tetch, a brilliant neuroscientist, have done for the world if he hadn't gone on a homicidal spree driven by delusions and psychotic manic depression. Would Dr. Robert Langstrom have made a scientific breakthrough had it not been for the experiments he conducted on himself that eventually turned him into a humanoid bat-like monster and led to the death of his wife? How much good could Harvey Dent have done for the city as an amiable and courteous district attorney had it not been for the acid thrown in his face by Sal Maroni? Could the rise of others like Mad Hatter, Man-Bat, Two Face have been prevented? The latter particularly saddened Bruce; after all, they were once friends. Walking into Harleen Quinzel's former office, he wanted nothing more than for Y/N to be right.

*

Dick remembered very well the glory days of the Amusement Mile. The times when the Mile was bustling with life, laughter and joy, resounding with music and lighting up the neighborhood in all the colors of the rainbow. He remembered the times when families came with laughing children to ride the carousels, to feel the adrenaline rush while riding on roller coasters, to see the city from the top of the Ferris wheel. He remembered clubs bustling with music, theaters filled with artists, cinemas overflowing with viewers. He remembered the crowds of excited spectators filling the benches of Haly's Circus which was stationed on the shore of the bay. He remembered donning a shiny, tight red and white costume every night to swing with his parents on trapezes suspended from the ceiling, performing intricate acrobatic tricks to the delight of the crowd. It was the latter that Dick remembered very well, as well as his parents' dead bodies lying ten feet below him.

Only a painful memory remained of the past. The Amusement Mile was long forgotten, consumed by time, rust and decay. Once vibrant with life it now stood abandoned, silent, only occasionally whining metallically under the pressure of the wind. It once brought laughter and joy, but now the only laughter to be found in it was the distorted maniacal laughter of the only clown left in it.

"You okay?" Tim asked glancing stealthily at his brother.

"Why wouldn't I be?"

"Well…you know…" Tim didn't want to state the obvious.

"I'm fine Robin," Dick forced himself to smile, hoping to look sincere, "honestly, I'm fine."

"I wouldn't be," Tim replied zooming in on the entrance, " One time I wandered in there you know? I never told you that. Did you know in some parts of a mile you can still find posters?"

"I know," Dick replied shortly, "there was a time I wanted to burn them all."

"What happened?"

"Batman made me realize that wasn't the healthiest thing to do."

"How does he do that?"

"Do what?"

"He acts as if nothing moves him. As if he has everything under control."

"He doesn't have everything under control," Dick countered, "he tries, but it's not possible, even for him."

"Then why pretend?"

"It's not about pretending Tim," Dick lowered his voice addressing his brother by name, "this is about us. About you, Jason, Damian, and me. I think he's doing this for us. That he has decided in his mind that he needs to be strong so that we could be strong too."

"But displaying emotions is not a sign of weakness," Tim argued.

"You and I both know that," Dick chuckled, "But you know how he is. I'm not sure there's anything that could change him. He carries too much."

"But you are so much like him and yet so much different," Tim continued scanning his surroundings, "You have a life beyond the mission. People you care about. You have Barbara, and you guys somehow made this work! And I see how happy you are together!"

"Don't think that is all sunshine and rainbows! We've got our problems and it can be challenging at times."

"But you make this work!"

"Are you implying that Bruce needs a woman?" Dick chuckled.

"I'm not implying anything but even Joker got himself a girlfriend," Tim rightly pointed out straightening up from his squat, "and there she is…"

The door of one of the buildings opened revealing a female figure. Dressed in a tight-fitting red and black outfit, with two braids tied at the sides of her head, with a gun attached to her thigh, she wielded a baseball bat in her hands.

*

Jason hated many things in life. He hated the color green because it reminded him of the years he spent alongside Batman as Robin. He hated the sound of metal scratching against the pavement because it reminded him of things he preferred to forget. He hated it when the v-belt of his motorcycle jammed, hated the punctured tires as they bent the rims. He hated it when someone disturbed his reading, he hated black coffee, he hated pineapple on pizza, and above all he hated hospitals. Sitting on the roof of a building overlooking Elliot Memorial Hospital, he slowly realized another thing he hated, stakeout. Hours passed, every position he tried became uncomfortable, and Crane didn't show up.

"So, father assigned you with me so you wouldn't get yourself killed by going after Joker," Damian started the conversation as he scanned the hospital windows one by one, "If you ask me, I don't understand father's hesitance toward killing. It's the most effective way of dealing with criminals. Hundred percent success rate."

"I didn't," Jason muttered.

"If you think about it father doesn't at all bring the change he would like to bring for the city. He's only minimizing it temporarily, but the threat comes back sooner or later anyway. It's not a very impressive tactic." for a 15-year-old, Damian was haughty and snarky, in a tone of voice indicating his superiority over others.

"No one asked you for your opinion."

"Mistake. My grandfather has a much better approach from a tactical point of view. Complete eradication of the threat at the source."

"Ra's al Ghul would have happily slaughtered hundreds and thousands of innocents if he had any reason to do so," Jason growled, "The Lazarus Pit perverted his mind. Even you must see that."

"Lazarus Pit brought you back to life," Damian pointed out, "my grandfather didn't have to do that and yet…"

"Listen, kid! I didn't ask to be resurrected! Ra's al Ghul hoped to bring me back to life and create for himself the perfect soldier, which he failed to do. There was no moral virtue in it! Mere calculation and cold logic!"

"He is a great tactician."

"For fuck sake can you just please shut up!" Jason cast a warning glance, "your name is Wayne, isn't it! So think about it, who are you? Are you Damian Wayne, the son of Bruce Wayne? Or are you Demon Head descendant, grandson of Ra's al Ghul?"

"I'm both…" the confidence suddenly vanished from Damian's voice, giving way to downright childlike embarrassment.

"You can't be both," Jason stated, "You're smart kid, too smart for your own good. Think about it, can you really be both? You're here, with me, proudly wearing Robin's outfit, and at the same time you're bullshitting about how you don't like your father's tactics."

"I thought that who like who but you would understand…" Damian tried explaining quietly.

"I understand. But no matter how much I sometimes resent him, and how much I sometimes disagree with his approach, and how much I sometimes wish he would behave differently…." Jason hesitated for a moment and sighed heavily, "no matter how hard it is for me to admit it, but Batman is right."

"It's not like you Todd," Damian quipped.

"Maybe not," Jason admitted, "but sometimes you have to shove your pride up your ass and admit someone else is right."

"From a strategic point of view…" Damian began again in a haughty tone but Jason didn't let him finish. He stood up abruptly throwing a loud for fuck sake, then began to walk away at a quick pace. "Where are you going!" Damian called out after him, "Hood! Where are you going!?"

"Far away from here!"

"But Batman clearly…"

"Crane is obviously a no-show!" he turned on his heel to face his younger brother, "my ass froze to concrete! Fuck it! I'm outta here!"

"But Batman clearly gave us instructions!"

"If you want you can stay. Do I tell you to follow me," Jason growled.

"And where are you going!?"

"I'm going after Wing and Red."

***

Meanwhile, in another part of the city

The white light was hurting your eyes making keeping them open impossible. A huge lamp shone straight at your face, blinding you, hiding everything around you from sight. The light was irritating, causing your eyes to water. You wanted to push it away, smash it, you couldn't. You yanked with one hand, then the other, to no avail. You couldn't move. You moved your wrists and felt the material tightly wrapped around them. You tried to pull yourself up, you couldn't. You were weak, helpless. You wanted to speak but instead of words, a pitiful moan came out. You tried to scream but your voice seemed trapped in your throat. You were choking, the tube pushed deep down your throat made it impossible to breathe. Fright overwhelmed you completely. You tried to get up but someone's hand held you tight.

"She's waking up," came as if from afar.

"Too early…" replied another.

Stinging in the hollow of your hand, a burning sensation like acid spread through your veins. You cried out. Darkness followed.

*

You pulled yourself upright drenched in sweat. For a moment you lost your sense of time and space blinking intensely trying to find anker with reality.

"Breath steady, everything is fine, you are safe," Jonathan grabbed you gently by the shoulders and force you to look at him, "do you know where you are?" he asked softly.

"Yes…" you whispered anchoring yourself in his eyes, "we are in your laboratory."

"Good. Now breathe calmly," he instructed.

"Easier said than done," you chuckled, "since the accident I've been dreaming the same dream, alternating with other nightmares. Every goddamned night."

Jonathan handed you a glass of water and helped you sit down comfortably. You placed your bare feet on the soft carpet thus making sure you were not still dreaming. For a laboratory, the room you were in was uncharacteristically cozy. If it weren't for the medical equipment, ECG monitor and electroencephalogram you were hooked up to, you might have thought you were in a cozy living room with a curved chaise longue and soft fluffy carpet. The design was reminiscent of his office where you met regularly for weeks. Suspicion crept into your head at the realization that Crane had two nearly identical offices in two different parts of the city. Nevertheless, you didn't have time to dwell on it, you were here for another purpose.

"Tell me what you were dreaming about," he instructed in a gentle voice.

"It's hard to say…" you tried to gather your thoughts but your mind seemed as if behind a fog, "I was in some room, a hospital maybe? I couldn't see much because the lamp above my head was shining in my face, blinding me. I tried to struggle but I was tied up. I couldn't see but I think it was the operating table."

"That would explain the spikes on your EEG," he stated, looking at a printout from the machine, "what happened next?"

"I couldn't speak, I had an oxygen tube in my throat," you continued, "and there was someone else there. At least two people. I couldn't see their faces. One held me down and the other gave me the injection," you involuntarily touched the deepening in your arm and to your surprise you felt a small pinprick under your finger, "what the hell!"

"I had to give you a sedative because your heart was racing at over 200 beats per minute," Crane explained, seeing your shocked look.

"Then I woke up…"

"Continuing the test was a threat to your life, we can't risk that," he explained handing you two pills.

"What are those?" you asked uncertainly.

"I thought we trusted each other," green eyes glared above his glasses, "something to calm your heart rate and iron. I need to take your blood for testing," he explained before walking over to you, putting his hand on your shoulder and gently forcing you to lie down again, "relax," he smiled, "I promise to be gentle."

"You better!" you replied with a frail smile and straightened your right arm exposing a vein, "I have an important meeting tomorrow, I don't want to be forced to cover the bruises!"

"And what is this important meeting?" Crane asked tightly clenching the belt above the hollow of your arm.

"That's something you don't need to know about," you smirked, grimacing simultaneously when the needle pierced your skin, "and don't start again with confidence and full transparency! Some things I must keep to myself, and I assure you they have nothing to do with my problems."

"So sure you are able to assess that?" he glanced at you.

"Yup!" you smiled widely, "one hundred percent sure! My problems apparently come from the past and tomorrow's meeting has nothing to do with it."

"If you say so…" he relented while gently removing the needle from your hand, "all done. There's not even a trace."

"You're lucky!"

For a moment you watched the professor as he busied himself around the equipment. He tightly secured the blood vial and labeled it with a date sticker, tore the printouts off the machine and folded them methodically placing them in one of the drawers, then returned to you and began detaching you from the machine. First, he gently removed the sensor grid fitted on your head, carefully so as not to tug your hair, then proceeded to remove the electrodes from your chest and ribs. You watched him. Undressed from the waist up, lying in front of him in nothing but a bra, you didn't feel ashamed; after all, he was a doctor, and he also maintained complete professionalism, focusing his gaze alternately on the electrodes and on your eyes.

"I'd like you to add to your evening medications, two more," he informed, removing the last electrode and handing you your blouse, "one that will help you sleep better, and the other is simply iron."

"Am I to understand that we plan to draw my blood more often?"

"It is imperative. We are subjecting your body to a strong chemical influence. It's my duty to monitor the changes on a regular basis and react accordingly should anything alarming occur."

"Sure," you nodded in agreement and put on your blouse, "Do you think it happened?" you asked, then added upon noticing his puzzled look, "I mean my dream. Do you think it happened?"

"And what do you think?"

"I'm not sure…"

Jonathan only sat down next to you, looked deep into your eyes, and placed his hand on yours as if to assure you.

"We can't conclude anything after one session, but don't worry, I promised to help you didn't I?"

"That you did," you smirked in response. "Not like him…."

***

Contrary to popular opinion, which was often expressed by his boys, Batman did not like to always be right. For two weeks he kept returning to Arkham Asylum, for two weeks every night he hoped to finally find evidence that he was wrong. He hoped for it when he analyzed the breach in the wall in the Joker's cell that strangely reached toward the floor and below. He hoped for it when he forcibly interrogated the inmates, when he talked to the Arkham staff, when he surveyed Dr. Quinzel's office, when he calmly listened to the arguments of Warden Quincy Sharp, who tried at all costs to keep him out of the Penitentiary's lower levels. However, as he stood in the room hidden deep in the lower levels of Intensive Treatment, from which, as it turned out, the explosion had been initiated a few days ago, he could not help but feel disappointment, sadness even, that Y/N's faith in human goodness had lost in the battle against his suspicion of human intentions. "Perhaps if Y/N had arrived earlier in Gotham, Dr. Quinzel would have changed her plans in time, perhaps she would have turned back, perhaps she would not have made the choices she made…" he wondered.

The evidence was unmistakable, the breach in the wall, the traces of blood splattered on the floor, the bullet holes, the knocked-out teeth in the corner of the room that no one has cleaned up till now, the photos and plans hung on the wall, all of it left no doubt, that Y/N was right about one thing. Dr. Quinzel was a victim. A victim who, like all the others he passed along the way, had been harmed by the circumstances in which she found herself, by the man she met on her path, by the choices she made because of him. But instead of running away, instead of turning back, instead of seeking help, she gave in to madness.

"Are you getting this Oracle?" Batman murmured seemingly to himself, yet the voice in the earpiece answered almost immediately.

"Every single bit," Oracle confirmed, "enough evidence to convict her."

Batman squatted wordlessly over a fragment of the detonator that had not been destroyed but had merely flown off to the other end of the room during the explosion.

"I'm sending you more fingerprints for analysis…"

"Sloppy job," Barbara replied, analyzing the image from his camera displayed on the computer on the other side of the city, "the bomb must have been unstable, and constructed in haste, or without much knowledge, that's why the fuse flew off instead of being destroyed," she assessed with confidence, "Batman, those marks on the wall…. blood…"

"The pattern and direction of the spatter, as well as the amount of blood on the wall, suggests that the blows were inflicted with something very heavy and with a wide sweep…" Batman assessed as he stood up from his squat and approached the wall again.

"Could a petite woman have hit a large bodyguard with enough force to knock his teeth out?" Oracle questioned.

"You could," Batman noted, "And you wouldn't need a heavy tool to do it."

"True, but I was trained."

"We don't have enough information on Quinzel to be able to rule out training or the presence of a metagen. The evidence is clear," Batman straightened up and retreated to the entrance of the room placing himself in a way that allowed his eyes, and therefore the camera, to capture an accurate image and send it to the computer, "Dr. Quinzel used this room for months, maybe longer. On the day of the Arkham breakout, she came here from the main corridor of Intensive Treatment and detonated a charge placed on the east wall," he trailed his eyes to the breach.

"The fingerprints match…" Oracle interrupted him upon seeing the results of the analysis.

"Arkham's security guards must have known or at least suspected something because they resisted and tried to stop her," he ran his eyes over the wall, "shots were fired, I assume they were aimed at her…"

"Frank Nelson who was on shift that night is in a clinical coma, we can't verify that," Oracle's voice in the headset interrupted his thoughts, "his weapon was not found."

"It doesn't matter," Batman continued, "bullet marks on the wall suggest a tracking pattern. The guard fired, Quinzel dodged the bullets," he paused with his eyes on the traces of splattered blood, "she reduced the distance separating them and overpowered Nelson with a strong blow with a heavy tool made from a sweep, rendering him unconscious."

"Analysis of the tooth found matches dental records. Well, and there's also the fact that Nelson actually has several of them knocked out."

"We need to find her and stop her," Batman stated thus completing the analysis, "Oracle, give me a status update on Nightwing and Red Hood."

"Dick and Tim are in the Amusement Mile and Jason and Damian are on the move…" Barbara replied almost immediately, "Dick, report!" Batman heard a beep in his intercom and after a brief moment a second voice.

"Nightwing to Oracle. We have eyes on Quinzel. Over."

"Do not engage!" Batman spoke, "Stay out of site. Follow and observe. Hopefully, she will lead us to Joker."

"Copy that!" Nightwing confirmed.

"Dick! Consider her highly dangerous and be careful. If she tires to run, detain her."

*

On the way from Crane's office, you couldn't stop thinking about the situation you were in. Events followed one after another and it seemed you had no control over them. "This was supposed to be a new beginning, the beginning of a bright new future…" you recalled the optimistic thoughts that filled your mind when you first set foot in Gotham City. But Gotham City turned out to have other plans for you.

"How did I get here?" you wondered. Between the Joker and Harleen and Batman and Bruce Wayne, between near-death experiences and sessions with Professor Crane, in an endless loop of constantly recurring nightmares, attempts to contact Harleen and the bold decision to go out for dinner with Bruce Wayne. "What am I doing?" you questioned your choices while swallowing one of the green pills you got from Crane. This wasn't your style. Just a few weeks ago, the vision of seeing Bruce Wayne at the office gave you heart palpitations, and talking to him on the observation deck brought a strange excitement that you tried with all your might to hide. But when he mentioned a walk you didn't refuse because you were afraid, you refused because decency demanded it. And when he did not back down and invited you to dinner, you did not hesitate for a moment. There was no fear or anxiety in you against meeting with this powerful man even though logic told you that there should be. You felt good, confident.

Just as confident when Crane put his hand on yours and, while looking deep into your eyes, assured you that he would help you. You didn't run away with your eyes, you didn't took your hand away, you embraced it. "He will help me… I've got someone I can count on…" you thought, recalling in your mind his intense gaze, a gaze that was almost immediately banished by darkness and an ice-cold voice, "No. Leave it, or I'll have you arrested for obstructing the investigation."

Determined, fearless, you pulled the hood over your head and hid your face in the shadows, glancing one last time at the dark, extinguished "Amusement Mile" sign looming in the distance.

*

"Hood wait!" Damian shouted, following Jason with rushed steps. Jason was older, taller, and although Damian was much more agile, he moved much faster.

"Keep up kid!" Jason shouted as he saw the Amusement Mile sign faintly in the distance, "You don't want Wing and Red to have all the fun for themselves!"

"Don't call me a kid!"

Jason only laughed deeply, amused by his brother's reaction. They may have had different fathers and mothers, but to Jason, Damian was always the little brother. He had never told him this, but he hoped Damian understood it without mincing words. The grapple gun fired high and Jason soared, dragged through the air toward the tall buildings.

"Where the fuck are they…?" he asked quietly, landing softly on the roof, knowing that thanks to the intercom installed in his cowl, Damian would hear everything. He looked around trying to spot any movement, "Quiet…too quiet…" he muttered under his breath.

"Do you think they are not here?" Damian asked landing quietly next to him.

"I think they are…I think they are here. As well as Joker and his chick…"

"Hood, we should not abandon the task. Batman will…" Damian began but stopped mid-sentence. He climbed on his toes and fixed his gaze pointing wordlessly at the figure in the darkness.

"Bingo!"

*

Nightwing and Red Robin observed. Crouching in the darkness, hidden under the cover of the night, they sat on the roof and watched. Their perceptive ears picked up every murmur, their attentive eyes caught every slightest gesture Harleen made. Every glance at her watch, every glance at her phone screen, every methodical tweak of her hair, every affectionate pat on her bat.

"Someone is coming…" Tim said almost inaudibly, "can you hear?"

"Yup…" Dick nodded quietly, "be ready…"

Tim replied with a nod, pulling a Collapsible Bō Staff from behind his back.

"Multiple steps…. ambush?" Tim turned his head then left then right listening for movements.

"I think we might have overstayed our welcome…"

*

The surroundings were eerie. Abandoned buildings with broken windows bore no trace of their former decadence, the empty dark littered streets had long forgotten the joy and vibrancy of life. Even the street lights seemed dark and gloomy, as if trying to scare away stray wanderers. But you were not strayed. You walked confidently ahead with a steady step, minute by minute, decreasing the distance between you and the pin on the map. You wondered what you would say to your friend, what words would be appropriate? Will you contain your anger? Will you hold back your resentment? Will she do the same? What could you possibly say?

"Harleen?!" you stopped in half step shocked, "what the actual fuck?!"

"Call me Harley, everyone does!" Harleen turned on her heel displaying her new look and smiled broadly.

"No one calls you that!"

"You like my new outfit?!" she asked, running her hand over the tight-fitting red and black corset, "What am I saying! Of course, you do! Who wouldn't!"

"What the actual fuck…" you measured her with your eyes from top to bottom. Tight leather pants, corset, mid-waist jacket, baseball bat placed by her leg, gun at her thigh, tattoo on her forearm, all colored in black and red.

"I see you speechless! Imagine what Mr. J said when he saw his new and improved Harley Quinn!"

"Did you lose your goddamn mind!" you growled angrily not believing your eyes. Walking here you imagined that you would find Harleen miserable, weeping, and tormented, instead she looked thriving.

"Hey, no need to be mean ya know!"

"Fucker put the gun to my head!!!" you shouted and your voice echoed through the empty surroundings, "your boyfriend threatened me to blow my brains out and you telling me not to be mean!"

"Oh he was just joking with ya!" she brushed off, "ain't my fault that you never could take a joke!"

"A joke…" you gritted your teeth, narrowing the distance between you, "a joke?!"

"You see… Mr. J found your joke very funny! He was laughing all evening! So no hard feelings, forgive and forget!" she sounded infantile, modulating her voice in a playful way, "what ya think!? We can still be friends!"

"Harl…" you lowered your tone, "you need help. That maniac has you wrapped around his finger. I don't recognize you."

"Mr. J loves me! I don't need any help!"

"Harleen…" you looked at her seriously, "whatever that is I am sure it's not love…"

"You just say that cos you don't know him!" she grabbed you firmly by the forearm, "once you get to know him you'll see!"

You never thought Harleen had such strength in her. Ignoring your screams, she dragged you toward the entrance. You begged, fought, tried to struggle but she didn't listen. Singing cheerfully under her breath she dragged you towards the entrance.

"Let me go!!!"

"You know, I ain't even mad at you! You shouldn't be mad at me either!"

"Harleen, please! Let me help you! Come with me please!" you begged "Whatever he did to you we can fix this! I'm gonna help you! Just please come with me!"

"Mr. J always says….."

"I don't give a fuck about what Joker says!" you yanked your hand from her grasp, "just come with me!"

"You shouldn't say no to my invitation," she frowned, "Mr. J won't like that. He doesn't take no for an answer."

A swish cut through the air. Something metal flew past your head and hit Harleen right in the hand in which she was wielding a bat. She cursed foully.

"You brought them here!!!" she exclaimed furiously with a blazing look.

Jason didn't have to give any orders; he and Robin worked in perfect synergy. They jumped off the roof using the element of surprise and attacked. Batarang aimed at her hand stripping her of her grip on the bat giving Damian a split second to leap into the air and attack Harley. With one swift move, Jason pushed Y/N aside and attacked. Both he and Damian assumed a quick effortless fight but the Joker's new partner turned out to be much more skilled than they anticipated. She leaped back nimbly with two back flips, avoiding Robin's attacks, and delivered a powerful half-turn kick.

"Where is Joker!" Jason shouted furiously.

"Mr. J is not up for a visit! Especially not from a batshit crazies like you!" she chuckled angrily and swung aiming a punch.

Block, counter, punch. Jason delivered three quick, precise blows. Harleen groaned falling to the ground.

"Where is Joker?" he repeated the question, standing over her and crushing her hand to the ground with his boot as she tried to reach for her weapon. Harley groaned in pain. He had her. Weeks of searching were over. He may have defied Batman but he had caught the Joker's accomplice.

"Red Hood to Batman," he spoke into the intercom, "we apprehended Quinzel."

An unknown force lifted him into the air and threw him several feet away. His eyes darkened as he hit his head on the wall.

"Hood!" he heard Nightwing's voice in the distance. He opened his eyes again and saw an utterly hilarious image. Dick, Tim, and Damian trying to deal with two angry women.

Nightwing tried to reach out to Qiunn but Y/N stubbornly kept placing herself between them.

"Leave her alone! She needs help!" she shouted in Nightwing's face.

Tim and Damian attacked Quinn again. A big bat snatched from Y/N's hand flew above their heads trying to hit them. They dodged the attacks nimbly, one by one trying to counterattack. Aimed at Quinn's head, Damian's Batarang missed, Damian never missed. Tim attacked from behind Quinn's back but Y/N reached out in time and grabbed his cape sabotaging his attack.

"Wing would you mind!" Tim threw in the direction of Nightwing who was struggling with the girl.

"Harleen run!" she shouted.

She merely smiled broadly, reached behind her belt, and pointed her gun straight at Tim.

As if in slow motion, Jason watched the flash bounce off the metal, a wide Joker-like smile, her finger on the trigger…. He reached behind his belt and threw the Batarang with all his strength in Quinn's direction. He missed. He never missed either. The clang of metal. Y/N's terrified eyes and her two hands on Nigtwing's chest as she pushed him back with all her strength.

"Harleen don't!!!" she ordered with a shout, situating herself between the aimed weapon and the unaware Tim, "just don't…" she added more gently, "don't make choices that you won't be able to change…"

"You just made yours…" Harleen hissed angrily and dashed to escape.

*

Tim and Damian ran after her. They did not wait for permission or for the reactions of their older and more experienced brothers. They knew what they were doing. During the fight, during the mission, they worked seamlessly with each other. Jason watched them disappear behind a closed door and for a moment considered running after them.

"Hood!" Nightwing called out in his direction, "you good?!"

"Yeah yeah…" he muttered gathering himself from the ground. He knew very well that this question was only there to redirect his attention, "What the hell happened?"

"That is a good question…" Nightwing glanced meaningfully at Y/N who was still struggling in his grasp. Despite her hands twisted to the back held with little force she yanked and pulled in an attempt to free herself from his grip, "please stop. You gonna hurt yourself."

"Let me go!" she hissed fiercely.

"I cannot do that…"

"You are hurting me!"

"Then stop yanking…"

"But Harleen…"

"She made her choice."

"Oh, you are as stubborn as he is!!!"

"Who? Batman?"

"Let go of me!"

"If you try to run I'll stop you…"

"I won't…" she replied but as soon as Nightwing loosened his grip she threw herself running towards the building.

"Where do you think you're going?" Jason asked blocking her way.

"Oh for fuck sake!!! How many of you is there!" she boiled with frustration.

"How come I flew over a hundred feet and hit a wall?" he asked, ignoring her curses.

"I don't know, fucking magic!" she growled, "get out of my way!"

"Is she always like that?!" he asked Nightwing ignoring her completely.

"Last time she was more unsteady on her feet but just as fierce," Nightwing countered in his characteristic playful tone, "are you done?" he turned to Y/N, "we won't let you in."

"But Harleen, she needs…"

"Yes, yes she needs your help yatty yatty yatta…" Red Hood sneered, "you want to go get yourself killed by all means!" he taunted stepping off her way. She, however, did not move. The door to the building opened and Batman emerged from the darkness. He measured her with a stern look and, without taking his eyes off her, spoke.

"Quinzel is gone, Joker was never here," he informed, "the building was a decoy. Two additional exits with quick access. Robin and Red are searching the place."

"Now it's Quinn, Harley Quinn apparently," Nightwing informed him.

"Are you trying to get yourself killed?" Batman turned to Y/N, "You ask me to believe in your innocence and yet I keep finding you in compromising situations."

"I wanted to help her," Y/N began uncertainly only to look at him furiously a moment later and add in a raised voice, "I wanted to help her because you refused to help me!"

"I think I like her…" Jason muttered to Nightwing quietly.

"I asked you to help me! Didn't I! I gave you my reasons, explained my point of view, and asked for help and you said no!!!" she shouted furiously standing at arm's length in front of Batman, "so don't fucking act all surprised that I decided to act on my own!"

"I definitely like her..." Jason grinned under his mask.

"I also said that I'll have you arrested for interfering with the case…" Batman reminded her.

"Then please!" she held out both hands in front of him, "Arrest me!"

For a moment they stood like that. Y/N and Batman in uninterrupted eye contact as if they were fighting each other without words. As if they were challenging each other, soundlessly questioning each other's choices. Jason and Dick were just observing but they too didn't need to exchange words to know what each was thinking. Both were amused and curious by the unfolding situation.

"You have to come with me," Batman finally broke the silence but did not cuff her hands. He only turned around and started walking toward the district exit.

"Hey, I was just kidding…" Y/N chuckled nervously and yet she sped up her pace to catch up with him.

"I'm not arresting you."

"Then why do I have to go with you?"

"You need to see something."

***

Chapter seven: Choices that shape the future

~~***~~

Author note: Well...I got carried away with words. Oops? As I started to write this chapter I had only two major bits to hit and story, well it just happened. Is unfolded as I wrote it, and I had to make sure that it will all come together. I hope it did cos I won't lie, I really really loved this chapter. Mostly because I got an opportunity to more light on beloved Batfamily! Oh, I so love them all and it is a crime that Batfamily is so ignored in the mass media and popular big blockbuster movies! Batman, there is no Batman without his Robins, without his whole family. So right from the beginning, I knew I wanted to bring Batfamily to this story. I wouldn't have it any other way. Hope you enjoyed this very very long chapter! I'm hitting "publish" and starting to work on next chapter :) I've got a feeling it's gonna have more fluff to it. Thank you all for your interactions and shares! I truly appreciate that. And as always Dear Reader, I thank you for reading.

~~***~~

Tag list:@clown-princesa @theclassicvinyldragon @blondwhowrites @batgirlspain @hangmanscoming

[wormsin]

i hope this isnt very out of the blue—it’s just that these two have been rotating in my head for days (though tbh when have they stopped but anw), in your opinions, how do you think bruce and dick’s relationship can be healthy(ier)? like, ignoring the whole “the nature of comic demands them to always be unhealthy for conflicts/dramas’ sake”, (how) do you think they can move forward from all the bad things that have happened between them (especially if one counts spyral into it)?

i am also constantly rotating them and throwing them into rat mazes! endlessly entertaining.

my answer to this question is actually my ongoing series earth-w1 or: It's all part of the fairy tale. (see what I did there?) it's my fix-it AU set a year(?) after Spyral where Bruce and Dick get together. their relationship is very much a work in progress and messy but they are trying their best! hopefully I'll get the time to write the whole character arcs I have in mind for them.

so if we're talking comics Bruce and Dick? and we're not cherry picking the worst moments and dysfunction out? whether platonic, familial, or romantic, their relationship is deeply codependent. they need to grow as individuals before their relationship can be healthy.

they're great at ignoring their past conflicts and forgiving each other (without communicating that), because they always come back to nearly unconditional trust and love for each other. they don't need to open up old wounds between them, but they should. this is how comics deal with their issues—sweeping them under the rug, *maybe* with a few panels of communication where Bruce indirectly apologizes and Dick dismisses his need to apologize.

that's not actually good in the long run, and gives us situations like Dick coming back from Spyral with a cheery "family is everything!" smile, a character dissonance that *I* explain by Dick's desperate "Im okay" maladaptive coping mechanism.

anyway.

this is how to improve their relationship on the surface:

1. they realize that they both want each other around, and then actually spend lots of time together.

2. Dick helps call Bruce out on bullshit and helps improve his relationships. Dick soothes Bruce's emotional dysfunction by being a constant of unconditional love.

3. Bruce reassures Dick of his place in his life and the family, soothing Dick's anxiety about belonging.

4. the foundations of dysfunction in their relationship remain, so as soon as there's a crisis they fall into the same patterns as before, causing strain in their other relationships. Bruce can't be out of control or have Dick nearly-die without losing it. Dick drops everything to emotionally rescue him. Dick doesn't allow others to care for him.

this is how to improve their relationship deeply:

1. Bruce becomes brave enough to let Dick in past his armor, and shares and processes his childhood trauma. he recontextualizes what Batman is.

2. Dick accepts that he is worthy of love himself, and allows himself to be imperfect.

3. they actually spend time together.

4. Bruce makes a genuine effort to make amends for his past actions, regardless of the outcome. most importantly, Jason, whose death fundamentally changed Bruce. I dont think Jason needs to forgive Bruce or even give him the time of day, but Bruce must try and *not punish anyone if it doesnt go how he wants*.

probably the way to do this is to give both Bruce and Dick serious mental breakdowns. and maybe semi-retire them. I imagine them mellowing out a lot more when they're older and retired from vigilantism.

you can make their relationship and characters more, or less, fucked up but I believe the recipe still stands because Bruce's protective control and Dick's perfectionist caregiving are core dysfunctions for their characters.

[aingeal98]

hiii. while you're thinking about Al Ghouls do you have any comic book recommendations for them? I want to know more about Ra's and Talia without the post 9/11 narrative. Or more about the LoA in general.Tha k you!

Absolutely! I know there's a few reading guides out there for Talia that can probably give a better overview with a more filtered and streamlined guide. Such as this one here, which features Talia at her best:

Other than Son of the Demon, when I refer to LexCorp era Talia and her old character, these are usually what I'm referring to. This is who she was right before she got tortured into being evil. For a deeper dive into Talia's history, this reading list is really well put together:

If you're looking for something even longer, with the full history and context of Batman and the al Ghuls, here's pretty much everything I've read for the al Ghuls starting from the beginning. I'm not an expert by any means so I may have missed some relevant story or mixed up the order of a few different single issues, but there's enough here to offer a coherent timeline. If you can't afford to buy the comics, all of these should be available to read for free by typing them into a search engine and adding "read online" at the end.

Also please note that you don't have to read all of these. Some of these particularly in the 70s/80s contain repetitive story beats. Ra's has a scheme to make Batman his son in law, Talia helps him out. Batman opposes it, Talia helps Batman but doesn't fully abandon her father. That's the pattern writers fell into after the initial establishing of Ra's and Talia as characters. Some stories are better than others, and some break the mold entirely or put a fresh spin on it.

This is going to be LONG and I apologize in advance. I like to ramble about things. Tis a key part of this blog.

The 70s, aka the beginning of it all

Note: In all of these the al Ghuls feature in the main storyline, not the side stories such as Robin or Batgirl unless noted otherwise.

-Detective Comics 411: Into the Den of Death Dealers

Bruce and Talia's first meeting. Written by Denny O'Neil, Talia and Ra's creator. Batman fights a bull. It's very charming in the way only this era of Batman can be.

-Batman 232: Daughter of the Demon

Ra's and Bruce's first encounter, featuring Dick getting kidnapped, Bruce fighting a leopard, and Ra's attempting a ridiculously elaborate overprotective dad scheme.

-Batman 235: Swamp Sinister

-Batman 240: Vengeance for a Dead Man

The one where Batman and Ra's dynamic takes a turn for the worse, where Batman realizes that Ra's has a very different set of morals to him and can be ruthlessly evil.

-Batman 242-244

Introduction of the Lazarus Pits. Some racially insensitive moments that are on par for the 70s.

-Batman 257: Hail Emperor Penguin

-Detective Comics 444-445 and 447-448

Ra's framed Bruce for murder long before David Cain stole his idea. I think Cain did it better but this is still fun.

-Black Lightning 2: Merlyn Means Murder

A non Batman related Talia appearance.

-Batman: Where Were You on the Night Batman Was Killed?

4 part story where Batman's rogues thinks he's dead and come together to figure out who did it. Not massively important for the al Ghuls but Ra's being the judge in this trial is so funny to me.

-DC Special Series 15: I Now Pronounce You Batman and Wife!

The one where Ra's gets fed up of Batman refusing his son in law offerings so he just knocks him out and drags Batman to the wedding ceremony. Not my favourite by a long shot but the "marriage" is important for Damian's conception, since in Son of the Demon Batman hilariously enough doesn't want to sleep with Talia out of wedlock until she reminds him that they're technically married if you stretch the law by a whole lot. After that he's all for it.

-Detective Comics 485: The Vengeance Vow + Detective Comics 490: Requiem for a Martyr

Not a huge fan of this issue considering it fridges Kathy Kane and uses a brainwashed Bronze Tiger to do so. It's included a lot in reprints of the al Ghul storylines and does give us a look at the inner workings of the League of Assassins, but I could do without it. Also DC having two master martial art old men called Sensei who look very similar with one being good and the mentor of characters like Richard Dragon and Shiva, while the other is Ra's al Ghuls father and evil, is very confusing. You could tell how much they REALLY loved Kung-Fu based characters in this era of comics.

-The Brave and the Bold 159: The Crystal Armageddon

The 80s, aka seeds of Character Development and Plot!

-Batman 330-335

The start of Dick and Talia's dislike of each other. Also featuring the most terribly racist Fox family plotline I've read. It makes me glad Jace Fox gets to be Batman in the future even if I didn't like that comic either. He deserves to be Robin and Nightwing too as compensation for this storyline.

-Batman Annual Volume 1 Issue 8: The Messiah of the Crimson Sun

I enjoy this story because rather than have Talia working with Ra's and switching sides halfway, she's firmly opposed to her father from the start here. We start to see the beginning of character development compared to the regular pattern of the old comics.

-Detective Comics 526: All My Enemies Against Me!

We get Pre Crisis aka Earth One Jason Todd's origin while also getting Talia and Catwoman helping Bruce, Babs and Dick fight all the other rogues. I really, really love this issue and I can't fully explain why. It just ticks all the boxes for me.

-Batman 400: Resurrection Night!

Another comic I really enjoy, with Talia teaming up with Robin!Jason to help Batman and Catwoman foil Ra's latest scheme.

-Batman: Son of the Demon

Damian's origin. A must read. The tragedy of what could have been and how loved he was by both parents kills me every time.

The 90s aka we're getting darker and edgier now. Also featuring character regression and Bane for some reason.

-Batman: Bride of the Demon

Classic shenanigans but featuring Tim as Robin this time.

-Batman: Birth of the Demon

Ra's al Ghul origin story time! Trigger warning for sexual assault. Definitely not the tone a 70s era Ra's comic would have but not bad in my opinion.

-The Batman Adventures 13 + 17

Set in the Batman The Animated Series universe, it shows this universe's version of Talia and Ra's and is a pretty faithful adaption! Shocking I know.

-Azrael Issues 5-9 + 29-30

Azrael meets the al Ghuls and Ra's considers making Azrael his heir instead. Basically a classic Ra's Talia and Batman story with Azrael there instead of Batman. Not my favourite, it feels like it belongs in the 70s instead of being 90s al Ghuls.

-Batman: Brotherhood of the Bat + League of Batmen

A future elseworld story starting Tallant Wayne, son of Talia and Bruce. Clearly inspired by the baby in Son of the Demon, who would grow up to be Damian in main continuity.

-Batman: Legacy Volume 1 + 2

A sequel to Batman: Contagion, where a deadly virus spread through Gotham and even infected Tim. This time Ra's is in charge of the spread of the second round of the virus, Talia is back under his thumb and seems miserable about it. And also Ra's is considering making Bane his heir and Talia's husband, which probably contributes a fair bit to her misery. Character regression for Talia compared to how much she went against Ra's in the 80s, but one I personally find realistic. Main drawback is that a lot is written by Chuck Dixon and Talia is weirdly sexual at times. An understandable deal breaker for many, but it's the biggest 90s al Ghul story so I felt it important to mention.

-The Batman and Robin Adventures #10

Set in the comic version of the Batman The Animated Series universe, so if you're a fan of that cartoon you'll probably enjoy this.

-Batman Chronicles Volume 1 #8

Talia centred story that sums up her internal conflict between her father and Batman. Gets to the heart of why Ra's, despite his love for her, is not a good parent at all. Would recommend.

-Batman & Spider-Man: New Age Dawning

Crossover goodness for any Spiderman fans out there.

-Batman No Man's Land #0

The Talia cameo here is good imo. It shows layers to her and Bruce's dynamic that we haven't fully seen before. Plus we get to see Helena becoming the Bat of No man's land.

-Batman: The Chalice

One shot that doesn't fit in NML continuity despite being published at the time. I'm adding it anyway because I enjoy how it portrays Ra's and Talia. A nice break from their most toxic era so far (relationship wise).

The early 2000s aka The Brief and Glorious Talia Independence Era

-JLA: Tower of Babel

The tipping point. Ra's goes too far in messing with Batman, and Talia leaves him. It should have been her permanent break from Ra's and his cult, but if you ignore everything from Death and the Maidens onwards and live in denial like me, it still is!

(This comic also had the unfortunate consequence of giving the most insufferable "Batman solos fiction" fans more fodder. But tis a small price to pay for Talia finally freeing herself from Ra's suffocating grip on her life.)

-Batman Chronicles 22

You get good short stories for Shiva, Steph AND Talia in this issue, exploring more of their character without any of the usual entourage around to hog the spotlight

-Detective Comics 750

Talia is so delightfully done with both Ra's and Bruce. She's sick and tired of their shit and doesn't want to be dragged into it any more. If Tower of Babel was her gaining independence from Ra's, this is her gaining it from Bruce.

-Action Comics 772-773

The start of Talia's LexCorp era.

-JLA Secret Files and Origins 3

Flashback story giving more insight into Talia's POV during Tower of Babel.

-President Luthor Secret Files and Origins #1

-Batman Legends of the Dark Knight 142-145

Like the Birds of Prey storyline of this time, these issues make no attempt to stay in continuity with the rest of this era. It's more a generic 90s story than one that fits where the characters are timeline wise at the date it was published. Only reason I'm adding it to the list is because you get Talia shooting the Joker and leaving him for dead. Batman has to dip him in the Lazarus Pit to stop him from bleeding out.

-Superman Volume 2 Issue 170 (cameo)

-Batman: Our World's at War Issue 1

-Superboy Volume 4 #89

-Suicide Squad 2001 #2 (side role)

-Superman: The Man of Steel 120

Talia is trying to take down LexCorp from the inside meanwhile Superman is like "I stopped the evil stuff you were doing!" and she's like "Congrats you destroyed the evidence of LexCorp doing evil stuff in the process." He still doesn't realise she's on his side, which to be fair is part of her whole antihero deal at the minute.

-Adventures of Superman 600

-Superman: The Man of Steel 122-125

Plot starts in 122. Talia appears in 123 onwards.

-Superman Volume 2 Issue 190 + 194 + 198

Batman: Hush Issue 4. (brief appearance) and Issue 9.

Decent Talia characterisation to me, not so decent Lady Shiva appearance. Torn between amusement and disappointment that Talia manages to beat her by hitting her with a chair. (Yes, really.)

-Superman/Batman #6

Batman informs Lex that Talia has bankrupted him and sold the LexCorp building to Bruce Wayne. Sucks to suck, Lex.

After this, there was so much potential. You had a solid basis for Talia as an independent anti-hero, using her connections to team up with villains only to double cross them when the time is right and take them down from the inside. A master at espionage in the making. Instead Death and the Maidens happens. You might as well skip to Robin: Son of Batman and fill in the blanks however your imagination deems fit. It's probably better than what DC came up with.

[popculturebuffet]

Richard Moll Tribute: Batman TAS Review: Two-Face Parts 1 and 2 (Comission for WeirdKev27)

In Loving Memory of Richard Moll 1943-2023 Just one year. Just one damn year after loosing Kevin Conroy another treasured member of the Batman The Animated Series Cast passes. I wasn't expecting this and i'm hoping with all I got this isn't a trend.

While Kevin requested a tribute for Moll it was an easy request: While I sadly can't do a tribute for every tragic death as my schedule is packed, it's why poor Matthew Perry didn't get one even though his death is also truly gutting, but Moll is an actor I loved and still deeply repsect and I'm proud to honor him.

Ironically I first became a fan of Moll not thorugh two face, who I liked fine but wasn't really a faviorite of mine yet, but through his other famous roll that came before this: Baliff Bull Shanon on the NBC sitcom Night Court

If you haven't seen Night Court it's free on freevee and amazon prime so please do when your done here, but for the short version it was a sitcom about Harry Stone, a young judge who was both a goofy prankster and a kind, wise man who judged fairly and always tried to help his staff, played by the sadly also late Harry Anderson.

Bull was big, strong.. but also entirely kind and goofy. He had a childlike sense of wonder to him, missed the point often, but refrenshingly for a sticom he wasn't portrayed as a complete idiot, having a lot of emotinal intelgence. He was simply oblivious. And while VERY sweet he had a habit of reminding people, paitcuarly dan the court's prosectuer and sex pest, that he had his job for damn good reason. Moll was a treasure and never lost his step in the roll though sadly he declined to return for the recent revival and now never will.

So it suprised me when I found out Moll was Harvey all this time. It wasn't that Moll lacked talent or even him doing something after night court, he'd done plenty. It was more the range, perfectly playing Harvey in all the forms the show gave him: early on as bruce's pepppy friend, as a man grappling with his split personality in these episodes, as Harvey's brutal personality.. and later as a horrifying combo of the two as two face. All distinct, all using a diffrent vocal tone, all great.

So we're honoring his finest performance. So join me to remmeber Richard Moll under the cut as Harvey Dent grapples with the other person in the mirror.. and both become something else.

One touch i've always liked about Batman TAS is that Harvey was a recurring character before this two parter. It was only two episodes, On Leather Wings and Pretty Poison, but the former was a nice cameo to show he exists and the latter really showed off Harvey and Bruce's friendship, their easy report, the hint they had a long history we were never privy to, and it made the stakes higher when Harvey got poisoned by Ivy. It's remakrable how much legwork that one episode did to setting up this one. You can watch one without the other, Batman TAS is still largely episodic and one of the best shows ever at pulling that off... but the two enrich each other. While Batman TAS wasn't the first to try and have Harvey Dent around before he got faced, Batman 1989 ATTEMPTED it but then didn't bring back Billy Dee Williams and retconned Harvey to be Tommy Lee Jones because fuck me I guess, it's the work i'd credit with popularizing it as the Long Halloween and the Dark Knight after it made sure to show us who harvey was BEFORE, which makes what he becomes that much more tragic, that Bruce didn't just loose an ally.. he lost a friend.

It also makes what we see at the top of the episode have even more weight: Harvey having a troubled dream as he's harassed by a shadowy version of himself with a growly voice flipping a coin. Harvey is only freed from his nightmare by his assitant Carlos, who informs him the raid they've been planning is on boys.

The target is one of Rupert Thorne's gambling dens.

For those who've forgotten this guy, Rupert was the series mafia presence, head of Gotham's organized crime and slimeball, played by John Vernon aka the dean from animal house aka the character that inspired the dean from futurama. Rupert is the perfect arch enemy for a pre face harvey: it's easy to arrest a guy who kidnaps the police on christmas day after rocketing out of his aslyum on a christmas tree, it's harder to arrest someone who covers his tracks.

It's also hard because Throne's men have a bunch of high end weaponry stockpiled in there including grenade launchers. Thankfully Bat beats Grenade as bruce decided to pitch in to help with his buddy's relection campaign, helping clean house to make it easier on the police. I also like the touch of Harvey being ambivilant, not against Batman's presence but not really cordinating with him like Gordon would.

Unfortunately one of the goons makes the mistake of taunting harvey... and that wakes up the other person. As it turns out Harvey has Disociative Identity Disorder, and his alter, big bad harv, is all of the anger Harvey's surppressed his whole life condensed into a person. And Big Bad Harv suckers the goon before nearly beating him to death, with Harvey waking up from the episode horrified and making a lame excuse. As if things weren't tense enough Rupert Throne's decided to do a bit of digging into Harvey's life: he's become too big a thorn in his side and the irony's a bit too much to swallow on that, so he has Candice, his right hand minon look into that.

We cut to Harvey giving a speech at a big campaign rally Bruce is throwing. It also brings me to Batman The Animated Series Version of bruce who I like a lot: instead of playing up his uselessness or just barely using the identity when necessary, this bruce is a bruce wayne I like to see: a philamprohist who still fights to help people. It makes hiding he's batman harder sure.. but it shows Bruce more as another side of who he is rather than a mask he wears because society won't let him go around beating up people in a mask all day every day.

At the party is Grace, Harvey's girlfriend who wants to bump it up to fiance. It's unknown just HOW long it's been since pretty poison but given Harvey was willing to marry Ivy after a week, it's on brand for him to jump into life alterting decisions and he makes it clear he only hasn't because he's busy trying to get reelected, not getting that the engagment would probably bump up his raitings but whatever. Grace is mostly here so Harvey has more to loose. She's the weakest part of the episode, only being there so Harvey has a love intrest to weep at what he's become when we already have bruce. Though given this was the 90's I woudln't be shocked if Fox wanted to give Harvey a case of the not gays.... which come on. Why WOULDN'T it make sense for Two-Face to be BI-Sexual. It fits too well. Like Batman giving oral.

Every party needs a pooper though and the pooper for Harvey's party is a phone call: THrones men are being let go as someone "misfiled" a warrant.

So naturally out goes the good harvey, in comes the Big Bad Harvey who straight up THROWS his assitant carlos into an ice sculpture cleaving the thing in two.

And nearly beating BRUCE up this time when Bruce tries to calm him down. It's only grace begging him to stop that brings back standard Harvey.

Bruce didn't get to be the world's greatest detective by ignoring the obvious , so he goes to talk to harvey .And I absoutely LOVE Bruce's attitude in this scene.. the man was almost punched in the face by his best friend.. and instead of raging against him or recoling in horror he runs up to help him, recognizing this wasn't just harvey flipping out, but something deeper, correctly guessing Harvey has some sort of mental illness and needs help.

And as someone with some mental illnesses and a neurotypical brain not helping either of them, I really like how the episode treats Harvey's illness. The talk about it has aged REALLY well: While it was even MORE stigmatized back then, Bruce's reaction to all of this is recommend Harvey get help and then be utterly PROUD when he finds out Harvey already is doing the work, it's just taking time and the pressure of being a public figure AND hunting a crime lord really isn't helping. Harvey is treated as he should be: as a man who needs help and is struggling with it, not as some monster but as a man who simply needs help after a childhood trauma left him with an extra guest in his head. Harvey is never accused for what Big Bad Harv does and while Big Bad Harv's actions are seen as awful, as they should, no one ever blames Harvey for them if they know. It's something I struggle with: I also have big freakouts where I can't control myeslf. Diffrent type as i'm still ME when it happens, but I can still relate to this episode and harvey's struggle of both letting his pride down to ask for help and worrying about what people would think despite getting therapy being entirely normal.

Unforutnely Candice overheard this as we cut to Harvey in sessoin with his psychatrist, Nora Crest. Nora is a wonderful therapist, helping harvey slowly and making it clear what Big Bad Harv does isn't his fault. She also draws BBH out to try and help manage him better. Unfortunately.... she fails to recognize that Big Bad Harv dosen't WANT to be managed, want to be locked away, or want Harvey to come back again and in the most horrifying display yet trashes Nora's office, breaks a window and tries to attack her before she undoes the hypnosis. Again it's done well as Nora simply misunderestimated HOW bad things were and while sh'es trying her best.. .as she puts it Harvey NEEDS to check himself into a hospital. And I love how that's not portrayed as a bad thing: A dire circumstance, but we've seen how bad harv is. She's not suggesting locking him up in arkham or anything drastic, she just wants him where he can get help and where big bad harv can't hurt people.

Ultimately what holds Harvey back... is a combination of pride and society itself. In a better world Harvey going in to get treatment after two public outbursts would be seen as a heroic act and he'd win the election. Sadly we don't live in that world and Harvey correctly fears the voters would just sterotype him as crazy and he'd loose the election. He TRIES to mitgate it by having more sessions an da reduced work schedule and it works to a point.. but it's clear it's putting a band-aid on an open wound.

This meatball mental surgery DOES enough to get Harvey through the election, and almost to propose to grace.. but sadly dosen't last as Thorne has stolen his medical files and wants a meeting. Once again it's not Harvey that's the issue.. it's that society won't accept that he NEEDS help and it's OKAY to get it. And Throne's all too happy to exploit it.

Thankfully for Harvey his best friend is batman, so Bruce is able to follow Harvey and put a tracker on the car he's taken in. Thorne makes the BOLD decision to confront the man whose DiD is shown to be triggered by extreme stress... in a remote room with only a few guards, only one of them actually armed, and mock his mental illness. We also find out WHY Harvey has DiD: as a kid he hit a bully in the face. Said bully wound up in the hospital and Harvey blaming himself vowed never to be angry again. Turns out it was apendcitis. Hence Big Bad Harv.

And unfortuantely for Harvey's future and Throne's present.... Big Bad Harv comes out. He does manage most of the thugs, with some bat help, but given whose origin this is.. you know this can't end well. And it dosen't: in a truly gutting moment Harvey rushes after Throne, the goon from earlier tries to fire.. and in stopping the guy batman accidently directs his fire at a power coupling in the factory, causing an explosion. Harvey Dent as we knew him .. is gone.

Some time later Harvey's in the hospital in bad shape, with doctors promising they'll restore him with plastic surgery. Instead... we get

I know he was heavily burned, and that his face would be hard to fix.. but how did you think "make him look like a blue goblin man with a bigger eye on half his face" was EVER going to go down well. Does oscorp own this hospital?

While I joke, because i'm a goofy bastard, I do love the nod to Batman 89, with Harvey asking for a mirror in the same way as Jack Napier and Lisa Simpson... only instead of laughing he throughs a raging fit and then gapes in horror when his new visage makes his fiance pass out.

So thus ends part one. One last thing I want to note is how LITTLE batman is in this. Ther'es an action bit with bruce at the beginning of the episode and later at the climax. That's it. It's something TAS did a lot, having a more methodical build up before the third act is all I AM THE NIGHT, but it feels diffrent here as we aren't WITH bruce for most of the episode. He's still present and important to the plot, but he's a supporting character in Harvey Dent's story. There's no breaking things down with alfred, no break from the tragedy of Harvey Dent, and it's why the episode works so well. This isn't a Batman story yet.. it's Harvey Dents.

Part 2, naturally, splits time between both men as both go on their own journey. It's 6 months later and the man who was once Harvey dent has abandoned his old names: No more Harvey Dent, upstanding DA or Big Bad Harv, Harvey Dent's anger and hatred given shape and form... the two have merged. It's something I never noticed before till tv tropes pointed it out: Fitting his dual nature Two Face is a bit of both: he's aggressive, rageful, and quick to anger, berating his twin thugs when they go off script. He'd of killed them by now but damn can they belt a cover of Don't Pull Your Love

Yet we see a tactical side that just wasn't present in Big Bad Harv.. but was in harvey, with the raid being his idea and his attacks on thorne being calculated, using every bit of info on his operations Harvey ever aquiried but going outside a law he no longer belivies in. Two-Face is a new personality.. and a fairly haunted one.

He also naturally now has his gimmick, using coin flips to decide his decisions, hence why he hasn't seen grace in a while as the coin keeps telling him no. After all he lost, after all that happened he now belivies only in chance... the only justice left. And given the system allowed thorne to thrive while Harvey sacrficed his health, his time and ultimately who he was to stop him only to get nowhere.. it's hard not to see why.

It's what, once again, makes this work: it's not just Harvey's DiD that turned him into Two-Face. IT's the main cause, sure, but the regular Harvey still had an obessive, vengeful streak about him: he may of locked his anger away.. but he still hunted thorne, obessed over the case and put beating thorne over his own well being. Being DA was important, beating thorne was important.. but it wasn't worth loosing himself. He was doing the work, had he taken his doctor's advice and checked himself in.. Harvey may of been okay. He wouldn't of had the office but he'd have his mind and the love of his life. Now only rage and a determinatoin to destroy thorne remain.

Thorne naturally isn't taking this sitting down. He has some shit to throw around in anger dammit. After months of Two Face hitting him hard then fading away into the night he puts out a bounty: a million a face. And Cadance, being sneaky and what not, sets her self on the path to the moolah by pretending to be a cop and giving grace a tracker.

Meanwhile Bruce, naturally, is also doing pretty bad. In his dreams Harvey cries out to bruce asking "Why couldn't you save me?"... and Bruce has no answer.. nor one when his own father asks "WHy couldn't you save us son?" Once again Bruce has lost someone he cares about. And while with his parents the guilt isn't warranted, it was a random gunman and he wa sa children, you can see WHY he has it here: You can just feel Bruce replaying the moment he tackled the gunman, again, and again and again, thinking of all the ways he coudl've done it BETTER, all the ways that don't end in Harvey becoming Two Face. All the ways he should be BETTER. We know it was just an accident but Bruce.. can't accept it. He has to fix this, he has to save harvey from himself.

Harvey's decided enough fucking around. He's gotten Thorne weak enough, it's time for the killing stroke. Only Harvey isn't being THAT merciful: he COULD kill Thorne, but like any good super villian Twoey has a sense of irony: Thorne ruined his life and reputation, it's only fair Two-Face do the same

So TF and his minons raid a place where THorne has his most secure files, the ones that outline everything. YOu know your standard maffia macguffin. Bruce naturally shows up ... but tragically he can't help someone who dosen't want to be helped, a harsh lesson of the episode: Harvey is buried deep within two face, impossibly tangled with big bad harv. There's the possiblity he could become harvey again, but he has to want to. But all that's left in harvey is a want for revenge.

Batman does at least spot a pattern: all the clubs and establishments are two themed, and thus finds his hideout, Club Deuce. Unfortunately he's not the only one as Two Face finally decides to see Grace, who thinks the police would be genuinley invested in the health of someone with a mental illness

And triggers the signal. Grace almost gets through to harvey who starts out wearing.. this

Grace takes it off, almost convinces him to get help.. then Thorne busts in

Thorne manages to ransom grace so he can get the files.. and then plans to just shoot everybody because Two Face was stupid to trust him. Thankfully it's time for the bat to make his big entrance, and our hero, villian protagnist and cardboard cutout clean house. Well okay Grace takes out Candance as is standard catfight protocol, but props to her for contributing.

It ends with Thorne in a chadelear and Harvey about to finish this. Bruce begs Two Face not to as there's no coming back from this.... but Two Face dosen't trust int he law anymore and Batman certainly hasn't finished off this son of a bitch, so he plans to play count the bullets.

How Batman stops him.. is creative as it is heartbreaking. When Two Face flips.. batman dumps a bunch of other silver dollars, stolen earlier in the ep, in. Two Face is paralized.. and Batman and Grace are left to mourn what they've lost. The episode ends somberly. No one won here: Thorne is still out there, Harvey is in arkham.. and all bruce can do is flip a coin himself into a wishing fountain.. and HOPE his friend can one day recover. It's all he has left, the same cruel fate his friend is now servant to.

So as you can tell Two-Face is a banger two parter and one of Batman TAS' best. Moll is spellbinding the whole damn time, playing all three versions of harvey perfectly, while Kevin Conroy gets some graet acting himself in both acts, as Bruce trying to be supportive.. and as the Bat desperately trying to save his friend. It's tight, gripping and a masterpiece. Check it out now, thanks for reading.. and rest in piece Richard. Thanks for giving us so much joy, so much sorrow.. and so much of you

[katie-the-bug]

Last post about Left Behind, I promise.

I'm as surprised as you are that the book isn't over yet.

Anyways, for those just tuning in, our cast: Rayford Steele, pilot and newly minted evangelist; Chloe Steele, getting evangelized to; Bruce Barnes, source of spiritual guidance and exposition in unequal measure; Buck Williams, newly promoted magazine editor and reporter; Nicolae Carpathia, the Antichrist and the only character I like; Hattie Durham, Rayford's emotional sidepiece who's moving on to better things, and by "better things" I mean Nicolae.

In Chapter 20 Buck sees Chloe for the first time and is immediately "stunned." Oh god no.

In Chapter 22 Chloe becomes a born-again Christian. Or, technically, she recounts how she became a born-again Christian to Buck, who's deliberately gotten himself a seat next to her on a plane. She decides that Buck's sitting next to her is, rather than Buck being creepy, God answering her prayers. I don't know quite what kind of example this is setting but I don't like it.

In Chapter 23, Nicolae becomes secretary-general of a revamped United Nations, which the authors think means King of the World. Earlier in the story he had set a number of conditions to his accepting the role - such as disarmament of member states, his election being unanimous, and the UN being moved to Babylon (which has for some reason been rebuilt in this universe) - all of which are enthusiastically met. In a better book this would be evidence of a far-reaching ability to manipulate minds, but as it is I can't tell where Nicolae's Antichrist powers end and this world's endemic insanity begins.

Nicolae also discusses plans to create a one world religion as though religion is in any way the UN's business. What do the authors think the UN does?

Throughout the second half of the book Bruce has been emphasizing how horrible the coming years will be and how most new Christians will die horrible deaths. The characters have discussed this multiple times, but if they're anxious about it for longer than a few minutes, the narration doesn't show it. Usually I'd criticize such a thing, but this is, in my experience, pretty on-brand for Christians. I've heard several of my Catholic school teachers treat the persecution of Christians in America as an inevitability, before getting on with the curriculum as though they haven't just given a bunch of twelve-year-olds a new reason to be anxious. (I am bitter.)

After wrestling for a few chapters, in Chapter 24 Buck finally says the magic words (in a bathroom, immediately before a press conference with Nicolae) and becomes a True Christian. The immediate consequence of this is that he can now sense that Nicolae is evil despite having no hard evidence for his misdeeds.

Almost immediately afterwards Nicolae shoots two guys in front of an entire press conference, so I really don't think Buck sensing his evil was necessary.

And immediately after that Nicolae uses his powers to erase everyone's memories of the event - except Buck, who is protected by the plot God. Nicolae had previously something about how the people present will "understand cognitively" that he is in charge, even without remembering it, which sounds like the authors just wanted Nicolae to do something bad without it affecting the plot. Cowards.

At the end of it all Buck tells the Steeles and Bruce that Nicolae is without a doubt the Antichrist. All I can think is that it would be so funny if he were wrong, the Antichrist were someone else, and Nicolae just had powers for no reason. It wouldn't have made for a good book, but the book wasn't good anyway and it would at least be funny.

That's Left Behind for you. My posts about the next books in the series will be spread out a bit more because I'm going on vacation and won't have access to my computer all the time. Still, expect a considerable volume of posts about this over the next month or so, because these books are just so easy to make fun of.

See you in the next book!

[the-delta-42]

Series

My Multi-chaptered Fics/Series

War Circle AU - Miraculous Ladybug - Marinette has an older brother who has the Wolf Miraculous, the head of the War Circle.

The Pirate Prince - Legend of Zelda - Link was orphaned at 3 months old and taken in by the King of the Gerudo, Ganondorf. Fast-forward seventeen years later, a disagreement results in Link leaving and start sailing the seas as the captain of The Fierce Deity, a Pirate ship that is known for hunting down various Criminals and pirates alike, But the winds of destiny throw Link back to his family. Zelink.

To Find Hyrule -  Legend of Zelda - Link never expected to find a home on the waves. Tetra never expected to find a home in a person. A Series of non-chronological One-Shots that'll vary in length that'll follow Link and Tetra, and their growing relationship, as they look for New Hyrule. Set after Phantom Hourglass. I decided there wasn't enough of Tetra and Link, so here's a series of one shots around them. Telink.

To Find Hyrule Reblogged - The To Find Hyrule series in Chronological Order

Agents Like Us -  Zootopia - Before Nick was hustling with Finnick, he was a secret agent with Mammal Military Intelligence 5 and FBI. Now, ten years after Nick left, his old partner has come to call. After all, Nick can't run from Jack, not again. This story will contain Ships. Featuring Nick Wilde, Judy Hopps, Jack Savage and Others.

Rewrite History - Miraculous Ladybug - Bunnyx changing history of Ladybug’s orders, in an attempt to advert a disastrous event.

To the Final Frontier - Miraculous/Star Trek -

Valentine’s Prompts - Miraculous Ladybug - The Prompts from DeviantArt’s Valentine’s day

Bridges AU - Miraculous Ladybug - Adrien and Marinette have a falling out and Marinette is forced through the pain of losing her family. Started out as salt, future parts will retcon things

Marivenger - Miraculous Ladybug/Marvel - Marinette teaming up with the Avengers

Critical - Miraculous Ladybug - Marinette is injured in an Akuma attack and is left fighting for her life

Armed AU - Miraculous Ladybug - While fighting an Akuma, Ladybug is disarmed and exposed to the city of Paris

Hush AU - Miraculous Ladybug - Marinette’s parents discover her secret

Rules of Precinct One - Zootopia - The rules that all Officers in Precinct One have to follow. Zootopia.

Revealed - Miraculous Ladybug - Marinette has a terrible secret revealed after Rose is Akumatized

New Car AU -  Miraculous Ladybug/Transformers Prime - Marinette thought she had a normal car, after her last one was stolen and torched, but it opened her world up for a whole lot of insanity.

Maribat -  Miraculous Ladybug/DC - Genetics are a wonderful thing, unless the substitute Science teacher is an arsehole. Bio Dad Bruce Wayne.

Miraculous Transformers - All MLB-TF cross over fics

In Plain Sight -  Miraculous Ladybug/Transformers - LB-14 and CN-15 were dispatched to Paris under orders from Optimus Prime. Nowhere in those orders was the recommendation for them to crash into a building and reveal themselves to a group of locals.

Autobot City - Transformers: Prime, Rescue Bots & Robots in Disguise 2015 AU

Grief -  Miraculous Ladybug - WARNING! THIS STORY HAS MAJOR CHARACTER DEATH, VIOLENCE AND SOMEONE TAKING THEIR OWN LIFE! IF THIS IS LIKELY TO SET YOU OFF IN ANY WAY DO NOT READ! A moment is all it took. A moment is the cost of a battle. A moment that starts a whole domino effect that leads to the end for so many.

Too Far AU - Miraculous Ladybug - This series has implied and referenced rape/non-con elements. If this is likely to trigger, offend or otherwise make you react in a negative way DO NOT READ! A group from another class believe Lila's lies too well and believe Marinette is working with Hawkmoth. The group decide to take the law into their own hands, only for them to go too far in their 'interrogation' techniques.

Winged Mirabel AU - Encanto - An Encanto AU where Mirabel has wings

Know Better AU -  My parts for Tumblr's Fake Apology AU, but I'm going to remove as much of the salt from it as possible. - Miraculous Ladybug - Marinette hears Nino and Adrien talking and gets the wrong end of the stick, which creates a domino effect that causes a dark secret to be revealed. TW: contains mentions of abuse, past non-con and Gabriel Agreste being a shit person

Family - The Walking Dead -Alvin and Rebecca reluctantly agree to foster Clementine, a troubled child they've fostered before, after her latest foster family send her back into care.

TWDG Wing AU - The Walking Dead - If you were fortunate enough, you were born with wings. If you weren’t, you’d hope a child in your family would born with wings. Lee and his younger brother fell into the former camp, their parents were in the camp with them. Centuries ago, people with wings were once treated as deities, then were hunted, and then treated with the utmost respect. After an apocalypse interrupts Lee's journey to prison, he suddenly finds himself acting as a guardian for a little girl called Clementine. While doing his best to care for, and protect, her, he finds himself on the long road to redemption.

TWDG Reunions AU - After Clementine and AJ are exiled from the school, they make their way to New Richmond and the New Frontier. After reuniting with some old friends and a couple of accidents, the pair forge a new life in the community. Ten years later, they experience a tragedy and an unexpected reunion.

The Black Order - Harry Potter - The Order of the Phoenix wasn't the only secret group that stood against Voldemort and his Death Eaters. But no one wants to talk about the Black Order.

Why? - Miraculous Ladybug/Incredibles/Marvel/DC - In a misguided attempt to help his friend, Adrien takes her sketchbook and shows it to his father. The actions Gabriel takes draw world wide condemnation and causes two families to band together to bring him down.

Hindsight - Miraculous Ladybug - Lila doesn't agree to Adrien's deal, so Damocles never goes back on his decision to expel Marinette. Soon, Mdm. Bustier is in an interview at another school and finds that there are more differences between her previous and current workplace than she expected. A few days later, Marinette is offered a place at another school, while her previous class realise the truth about Lila. After an incident during an Akuma attack, everyone starts to understand that hindsight is 20/20.

Your Royal Highness - Miraculous Ladybug/Assassin's Creed AU - For over 2000 years, three kingdoms, known as Eden, Elysium and Babylon, appeared. For 2000 years, the Assassin's have protected those kingdoms, as well as the vaults that are hidden within them. With the Prince of Elysium in Paris, two Novices are placed as his body guards in a bid to expediate their training. Unfortunately, Hawkmoth appears, leading to one of the Novices to being given a Miraculous. Soon Hawkmoth will understand the meaning of Nothing in True, Everything in Permitted.

Full Moon - Miraculous Ladybug/Harry Potter - At three years old a werewolf, by the name of Fenrir Greyback, bit Marinette during a full moon. Being a werewolf is Marinette's biggest and greatly guarded secret, even more than her identity as Ladybug. And Lila, in an attempt to turn everyone against Marinette, accidentally tells the truth.

The Truth - Miraculous Ladybug - Marinette trying to tell Adrien the truth leads to a series of unexpected events.

Fall of Order - Miraculous Ladybug/Star Wars - On the cusp of starting her Jedi Trials, Padawan Marinette Dupain-Cheng was on her last mission with her Master Wang Fu attempting to gain Mandalorian support in the final days of the Clone War, when Order 66 was broadcast and the Republic became the Empire.

Returns - Lee is confused after waking up in the middle of a forest with Carley and Ben, meanwhile at Ericson's, Clementine is trying to wrap her head around dead friends coming back to life and her unexpected condition.

Master and Padawan - Star Wars: Rebels A.U. The Jedi and the Republic never fell, Anakin didn't fall and Palpatine is dead. After Obi-Wan and Luke bring back a prisoner from Malachor, the Council must decide what they must do with Maul’s captured Apprentice.

Home - In the final year of the Clone War, four years after being forced to leave her home, Jedi Clementine Marsh is forced to take four Jedi and their troops to her home world, after the Wildfire Virus is accidentally released while sparring with Anakin Skywalker's apprentice. Forced to confront her past, Clementine must ensure her men survive while waiting for Republic aid.

The Walking Dead Game What Ifs - Inspired by the works done by @thecrusadercomrade and @bourbonificould. A set on disconnected oneshots based on Telltales The Walking Dead Game with elements from The Walking Dead TV Show.

Ripples - How much of the future would change, if one small detail is changed? Ariana is saved from being attacked, little near a century later her great-great grandson enters Hogwarts at the start of his first year. Ariana never actually thought Harry would be in danger though. (I forgot to post the Chapters here.)

Abused and Broken - An unexpected miracle results in people lost during the first Wizarding war returning to the land of the living. No one knows who brought them back, nor do they know how or why. They just have to fix the broken parts of their families as best as they can.

Harry Potter What Ifs - Coming Soon

Star Wars What Ifs - Coming Soon

[brn1029]

Time for your Rock Report

Fleetwood Mac's co-lead singer and keyboardist Christine McVie has died. She was 79.

"On behalf of Christine McVie's family, it is with a heavy heart we are informing you of Christine's death," reads a new post on McVie's Instagram. "She passed away peacefully at [the] hospital this morning, Wednesday, Nov. 30, 2022, following a short illness. She was in the company of her family." The post continues, "We kindly ask that you respect the family's privacy at this extremely painful time, and we would like everyone to keep Christine in their hearts and remember the life of an incredible human being and revered musician who was loved universally. RIP Christine McVie." Fleetwood Mac also paid tribute to McVie with a statement of their own on social media, saying, "There are no words to describe our sadness at the passing of Christine McVie."

"She was truly one-of-a-kind, special and talented beyond measure. She was the best musician anyone could have in their band and the best friend anyone could have in their life," they added. "We were so lucky to have a life with her. Individually and together, we cherished Christine deeply and are thankful for the amazing memories we have. She will be so very missed."

The B-52's recently announced via social media that they will end their farewell tour next year with a 10-night residency at the Venetian Theatre at the Venetian Resort Las Vegas.

The shows are set to take place May 5-6, 10, and 12-13; August 25-26, and 30; and September 2-3, according to the band. The schedule follows the band's previously announced headlining dates on January 6-8 at the Fox Theatre in Atlanta, which were rescheduled earlier this month after Kate Pierson came down with strep throat.

Rock icon Bruce Springsteen has revealed that he is prepping a box set of five previously unreleased albums, which were mainly recorded during the '90s. In a new interview with Rolling Stone, Springsteen said that the collection would feature songs from the post-1988 period. "I have a box set of five unreleased albums that are basically post-1988. People have always wondered…People look at my work in the Nineties and they go, 'The Nineties wasn't a great decade for Bruce. He was kind of doing this and he wasn't in the E Street Band," he said. "I actually made a lot of music during that period of time. I actually made albums. For one reason or another, the timing wasn't right or whatever, I didn't put them out." "They've kind of gathered. I spent time over one of the past winters completely cleaning out the vault. I have a series of Tracks albums that eventually we'll release," he added. "Some of it is older stuff that the band plays on, and some of it is newer stuff where I was conceptualizing during that period of time. It'll give people a chance to reassess what I was doing during that time period. Also, a lot of the stuff is really weird. There's going to be people that really…I can't wait to see the response to some of it."

[mattzerella-sticks]

So I think I know my main pain point about this 'Gotham Knights' show - it's not a Batman show.

However, from what I've been seeing and reading, it's being marketed as a Batman show...

Except it's not. It's a show about Gotham.

On one hand I get why they can't market it as a Gotham show because, looking at the cast descriptions available to the public, 2 of the main characters (Terry/Tommy/Tyler Wayne and Duela Dent) feel like characters that already exist but couldn't be used - Bruce Wayne and Selina Kyle. And the former is Batman's 'son' and investigating his murder, so technically it is a Batman show.

And when you think about that and ask "Well, why couldn't we get a series where a young Bruce Wayne gathers a group of teens to help solve his parents' murder, one of them being Selina Kyle?" You realize... thats already been done before. With Fox's Gotham.

And that's when it clicked that is the the CW's answer to Fox's Gotham and possibly the HBO Max series coming out soon about the Gotham PD from the Battinson verse.

Which then can explain why we're getting a new character who isn't one of the original Bat-sons, besides projects being developed with others in (i.e. potential Gotham Knights movie with first 3 robins and batgirl), every other established Wayne child already has a personality. Terry/Tommy/Tyler's personality is "Bruce Wayne". That's it. He's Bruce. He was invented so they could use Bruce without using Bruce.

That's not to say this is what the showrunners have planned officially, but it makes the most sense since they aren't using Damian or Duke - though I truly hope that's not the case. Because he should have his own personality, like Dick, Jason, Tim, Damian, and Duke. It won't be fun if it's an obvious copy of Bruce.

Same as how Duela seems like a copy of Selina Kyle, to the point there's no value of having her be the Joker's daughter except for the tension (possibly romantic 🤢) between her working with Batman's son. Or, God forbid, we find out she really did kill Bruce but it was an accident (robbery gone wrong, and either she kept it a secret until now or forced herself to forget and it was covered up).

They could've used wholly separate characters that had no relation to Bruce or Joker but are interested in solving the mystery of Bruce's death and then discover he's Batman. Gotham Academy came to mind at first but another group, recently created and with no history either, would've been the Brat Pack from Titans Academy - three orphans who solve mysteries, one of which was injected with ManBat serum so he's part bat. Why couldn't we have them instead of Tyler/Terry/Tommy Wayne and Duela!

Which is why the most exciting element, to me, in this show are Carrie, Cullen, Harvey and Harper since there are established expectations that I'm looking forward to see being brought to the live screen.

But I don't want to see Two-Face's creation because, again, this falls into the idea that this is a show similar to Fox's Gotham where we are seeing how villains in Gotham established themselves before Batman hit the scene, and played with the argument that "oh, Batman only made things worse because people dressed up in response" by going "actually, these people were getting progressively worse and cartoonish, Batman came on the scene after". I would rather, if we are getting Harvey and not Two-Face, at least have recognition and history that Harvey was once Two-Face, and this is set some time after he has reformed and 'earned back Gotham's trust' then it be like Two-Face hadn't existed yet. Mainly because, if this is a show about legacy and inheritance, they should lean from an earlier model for the show - Batman Beyond - and give the new Bat-Son a new rogue's gallery inspired by predecessors (like the gang of Jokers or that crew), as well as original enemies (like Gotham did with Fish Mooney for Gordon and BB's Doctor Phosphorus and Inque). So far, the only villain we are aware exists in this show is the Joker which... of course. Any others? Not that I'm aware of. If this is Harvey Dent, then we know Two-Face isn't.

Plus it'd be more interesting if this was a reformed Harvey instead of a fresh Harvey, just because it gives us an interesting, not seen as much characterization of the character.

TL;DR I am grappling with being excited for Gotham Knights and being annoyed with it because, while I'm excited for most of the main cast, the way this story goes and choices that were made and can still be made might ruin it - and I've been burned too many times before so I don't have high hopes

[distort-opia]

Oh! oh! I would LOVE to see your recommendations of fics where batman/joker mourn each other, please!

Woo, okay! Thank you for your interest in my brainrot [finger guns]

I had to split this in three slightly different categories that... all encompass a form of grieving (even though in some of the following fics, Batman might be the one doing the murdering). I’ve not included the much darker variety of Joker-kills-Batman fics, which skew towards Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, because technically, Joker doesn’t do a lot of mourning in them. (But there are certainly some out there that’ll make you want to eat glass, haha.)

These are all set in the comics, or in the Arkham or Injustice games, because that’s my jam -- so it’s not a comprehensive rec list for this subject in all Batman-verses. Also, a big massive (obvious) warning for major character death and heavy angst; heed the tags for each fic, as always.

Batman kills Joker (but he’s already mourning):

+ I'll Tell You No Lies by TheMidnightOwl (multi-chapter, rated M, 29.5k words)

Earth-22. One mistake was all it took. In the months that pass after Bruce accidentally kills a hired gun, he must reevaluate his life, his methods, and his mission. He remembers everything the Joker has ever said to him, every taunt he ever made, every similarity they share, and this time he's listening. This time he gets the joke.

A fix-it of the origin of The Batman Who Laughs. Readable without having read any of the Dark Nights: Metal series, more details inside.

+ For the Court of the Crimson King by Cultivation (rated T, 8.5k words)

From Darkseid's brainwashing and the Mobius chair's torture, Batman is split from Bruce Wayne. Batman is loyal and in love with his master's grand vision for Apokolips. Bruce Wayne retains his identity— his humanity— and intends to regain control.

To ensure loyalty to Darkseid, Batman is given his first mission: destroy what’s left of Bruce Wayne.

This is no easy task; there isn’t much left to destroy. The only thing left he can grasp at Wayne would very much like to destroy himself.

+ friend, please by distortopia (rated M, 6.8k words)

Joker will not let a disease, of all things, do him in. He was always meant to die at the hands of the Bat. He hadn’t tortured him enough before; he had been holding back. But now he would present Bruce with an impossible, obvious choice: kill Joker before he killed the world.

Joker is dying:

+ Any Last Words? by gaily-daily (passionateartist) (not rated, 1.4k words)

“I don’t hold conversations with criminals.” Batman says without thinking. It’s instinct to shoot down any and all invitations Joker gives him by now. But Bruce needs to reel himself back. Barbara can't trace the call if he doesn't play along. So with that in mind, he gives a very deep sigh and opens his mouth. “How’s your day going?”

(prompt where person A is dying and calls person B and then carries on a normal conversation while they bleed out)

Either Batman or Joker are dead/missing:

+ Sooner Than You Think by DictionaryWrites (rated M, 1.2k words)

After the events of Arkham City, Bruce doesn't know what to do with himself, and secludes himself in the Batcave.

+ The Bitterest Joke by Dracze (rated T, 4,8k words)

Set during the “Mother Panic Gotham AD” comic.

Joker doesn’t handle grief very well.

+ The Clown by CaptainMarls (rated T, 700 words)

A criminal, dead by the hands of a savior.

After Superman kills the Joker, Batman tries to react and finds he has no idea how.

+ The Next Best Thing by Dracze (rated T, 5k words)

Set during "Injustice: Ground Zero" issue 6 (or Joker's chapter in the game).

You do not take away a Batman's Joker.

+ The Last Five Years by Dracze (rated T, 1.9k words)

Set somewhere around "Injustice: Gods Among US" Year Five, issues 10-14. Knowledge of the comics is not necessary to understand the fic if you know the game or the basic premise, but it will help.

Selina leaves the resistance. Alfred tries to comfort Bruce the way he usually does, only to discover that Bruce is already seeking comfort with someone else.

+ The Truth by freakedelic (rated T, 3.8k words)

Set during Injustice: Gods Among Us. Bruce refuses to break.

“There’s one last thing to try,” Diana says. Kal turns on her.

“Elaborate.”

She fingers the golden lasso always at her waist. “The most powerful breaker of men, my dear.” Her smile is all teeth. “The truth.”

+ Thursday In The Danger Room by Merixcil (rated T, 8.9k words)

Another death in another alleyway. Bruce isn't ready to do this all over again.

+ In Poor Taste by grumpyhedgehogs (rated G, 2.3k words)

The Batman has been presumed dead. Some people handle this news better than others.

+ this knife, like silence by distortopia (rated T, 4.5k words)

One day, Joker disappears. He leaves no trace behind -- not a clue, not a body, nothing. Not even an echo.

Bruce attempts to navigate life, After.

Here you go, anon! May your heart be broken in a tiny million pieces but in the most satisfying possible way; there are so many good writers in this fandom. And if you get to my own shamelessly self-recced fics on here... really hope you enjoy.

[stuckybarton]

Sucker For Pain i

SUMMARY: You were new to the team, but what everyone didn't know was you weren't so new to the God of Mischief. CHARACTERS: Loki Laufeyson x Ex!Reader [Ex to Lovers again?] WARNINGS: Profanities. Suggestive Themes. Slight Angst and horrible self-image. Grammar Mistakes. English not being my first language. [Not Beta’d tho] WORDS: 2,956 CHAPTERS: [1/3] A/N; Life happened and yeah, didn’t have much time to write. Not my best work for this mini-series, but I’m fighting through for this. Hope you guys enjoy~

PART TWO | PART THREE

MASTERLIST || Join the Taglist

"Agent Y/N Y/L/N." You introduced yourself the first moment you were escorted into the compound by Director Nick Fury. Multiple sets of faces both new and old had come to greet you. For a moment you wouldn't even believe that this is was the new life you would find yourself to be a part of from now on.

Years in the job for SHIELD before disappearing off the grid to get as much information about HYDRA, everyone had thought you had betrayed them and you had accepted that they would think so lowly of you after all the near-deaths you had to endure on the job. Even with the mission becoming more of a death wish, you had accepted the role Nick had given you all those years ago and now you were rewarded, immensely. A spot on the Avengers as part of the Earth's Mightiest Heroes.

The familiar face of Nat was the first to greet you with a hug. A fiercely tight one, it had been so long since you've seen a friend. Then your eyes fell towards the rest of the team; Bucky Barnes, who you had a few close encounters with during your time with HYDRA. You had witness everything they had done to him and stood on trail to clean his name. Steve Rogers, who, with Sharon Carter, had assisted in guarding Steve while SHIELD was still under HYDRA's control. But among the familiar faces, one stood out the most.

Loki Laufeyson.

To many, the man was a snake, a God that had once brought death and destruction in New York. But to you, he was different, this was the man that you had spent your lonely nights with while under the guise of a traitor. It had once just been a physically thing between the two of you, neither wanting to know about each other's lives. You knew he was a God, a man that had wronged the world, but he had never known about you, the woman that had painted yourself as a traitor for the better of the world. The one that had been called every name on the book for the sake of making sure you did your part right.

Then it got serious between the two of you. Admission of love was told between both of your lips. But it was dangerous for you two to be together especially when you were already told by Fury that you can come back to the surface. You didn't know what side he was on, and you did not have the heart to make him choose if the time would come.

So you two parted. A month ago. The pain still throbbing you like an unattended bullet hole right through your heart. It was still so painful to look at him and not remember him crumbling on his knees begging you to stay. The first sob that escaped his lips and forever haunted your dreams. A never-ending loop in the back of your head as your demons screamed at you for breaking an already broken man.

"I for one am happy you're finally here. Another woman to add to an already Man's Man world in the compound." Nat teased glancing towards the other individuals that had come to know the new face. "With introductions out of the way, you've got a lot of explaining to do for the past few years."

You could only smile at your friend. You did have so much to explain to her, things had been murky between you and Clint, but after everything, Nat had refused to believe you would betray them, betray her, and it was finally a relief to be able to return back home, seeing the people that mean the most to you.

"Tell me about it." You muttered allowing Nat to quickly pull your away from the crowd, but it missed your eyes how he was still looking. Ice blue eyes a contract to the burning gaze he had towards you.

Forget about him. Forget about him. You were here for a new opportunity. No him. Never him.

For the next few weeks, everyone had grown to accept you in your new role as part of the Avengers. You kept up with Steve, Bucky, and Sam during their runs. Sam more than happy to finally have someone that had the same pace as him, but only for you to laugh and out run him just to get a reaction out of the high flier. Tony and Bruce had also found a kinship in you, having provided them enough information about HYDRA's experiments and location made most of their missions easier. Then there was Nat and Clint, your confidant in this new life. Every single moment that was not dedicated to a mission was spent with them; may it be movie night or a simple get together outside the compound, often times bringing Wanda and Vision along just to mess with you and call you a 5th wheel of the group.

But among number of members on the team, everyone had noticed you constantly avoided one Thor Odinson and one Loki Laufeyson. The only real time you would even dare talk to either of the brothers would be during training--other than that, you tried your best to avoid them, Loki most especially. Every single moment that would force the two of you to be in the same room, Loki had a glare while you tried your best to avoid his gaze.

Everyone noticed, everyone didn't seem to worry too much. It comes with having a former-villain part of the team. They thought you would eventually get used to the God's presence just as much as they did.

"You ever gonna tell me what's going on between you and Loki?" Nat inquired avoiding your punch.

What you hated the most about sparring with Nat was her capability of multitasking. Talking and snooping about someone else's business while also kicking their ass in the process--this was the predicament you were in right in this very moment.

"Nothing is going on." You muttered landing back first on the mat after being thrown like a rag doll by Nat. Eyes looking at the ceiling, you wondered if it was a good idea to actually come clean to her about her past with the God of Mischief. "I know what he's done to New York and I think you can't blame me for taking precaution when it comes to him."

Nat now comes hovering on top of you, the narrowed eyes and gentle smirk was all you needed to know--she knew it was bullshit. But when she had stopped pushing you for more information, it was enough for you to just change the subject.

"They found Dominic?" You inquired. One of the first big missions that everyone was focusing on was one of the leading Scientist for HYDRA. With the exposure of HYDRA to the world, some of them had moved away and found themselves in much shadier company, much to everyone's radar now spiking.

Dominic Wagner was, in part, partially responsible for the Winter Soldier program in the modern era. One of the pioneers in moving the project into a much younger sets of test subjects. You lost contact with the man as soon as your got back into the surface, but it had also meant a target was on your back when they found out you were a double agent.

"He's in Russia. Wasting away all the funding for the program with parties" Nat points out. "Still a better way to spend the money that abducting kids everywhere."

You nodded, memories of files upon files for the prospects still haunted you to this day.

"When are you taking him out?" You inquired. In your time with the SHIELD, the red in both of your ledger had made you two a hot commodity if the situation present itself as shoot to kill. Neither of you would hesitate. You knew you would now, after everything, but if it means one less bad people in this earth, you would swallow your new morals.

"Fury wants him alive." She pointed out finally standing back up to her own two feet, leaving you on your back, staring at the ceiling in deep thought. "I know as much as you do, we want him dead for everything he has done, but we need him alive so we can get the others."

You nodded, this was one of the few things you had to get used to as part of the team. Death was best solution in SHIELD--at least in your team, not here. As long as you were part of Steve's team, you would need to choose whether or not killing would be the best option. Hope that you weren't so blessed to be given in your time under.

"I get a first shot when we don''t have any use of him anymore." You muttered finally standing back up with Nat's help. Steps faltering at the sight of the God of Mischief, training with the likes of Peter Parker, Sam Wilson, and Bucky Barnes. A weird mix up, but wasn't hard to understand why.

"Why don't you shoot your shots with him for now." Nat teased, finally making you break from staring at the plain black shirt and green sweatshort-clad Loki Laufeyson. "If we try to ignore the death count during his attack, he is sort-of your type in men." Nat wiggled her brows. quick to avoid you as you attempted to swat her in the ass, eyes now turned away from God and his training partners.

"By type, you mean psychotic with possible Daddy-issue? Then you might just be right." You snort.

"I'm offended you think of me as such, Darling"

Jerking your head to the owner of the voice, how the hell did he sneak up behind you without you noticing. You glanced at Nat in panic and like the traitor that she was, made a terrible excuse of being needed in Bruce's lab. Now being left in the man's presence, you could all but remember the last time you had been this close to the man.

Heartbreaks.

Words that you didn't mean.

Words that he didn't mean.

It still hurt you, and you were sure it hurts him just as much, if not more now, finally realizing why there had been a need for a breakup between the two of them all those weeks ago.

"Here I thought I would have someone to trust. You mortals continue to disappoint me." He hissed.

Your eyes glanced at the other training trio, noticing all three of them were in their own little world to even noticed what was going on between the two of them.

"Tell me, Darling..." He whispered, head leaning towards the shell of your ears. The familiar shiver run through your skin as just his voice. Memories of the very things his silver tongue had whispered had you flustered and breathless, more than from your earlier training with Nat. "Was it satisfying to play with a God?"

Before you could even mutter a word, his constantly gentle hand now covered your jaw, emitting a squeak from your lips and stopping you from saying a word. He was never this forceful, nor did he do anything that would hurt you. Was this the true nature of the man you had finally thought you have been the best part of you. To have loved a man that everyone was right to stay away from?

"Or is it shame finally coming to you, to be ever involved with someone like me?"

You tried to pry his hand away from you, but he was too strong--stronger than you could ever think of being.

"Or is this you taking your opportunity to move from one bed to another? Who will it be this time, Y/N? My oaf of a brother or will it be Soldier out of time? Who will you whore this time?"

And you finally snapped. With a resounding slap, all three individuals had heard your attack on the man and Loki finally releasing his hold on your jaws. A chuckle escaped his lips and only brought the first line of tears to fall from your eyes. You never wanted to believe him to be a monster, but here he was, proving her wrong.

"I am in doubt of the foundation of our relationship for the past years, Y/N. I am the God of Mischief and Lies and the only mortal I had ever truly opened to had done this to me. Lied to me for such a long time, lied about the entirety of our relationship."

"You will never understand."

"Oh no," he chuckled darkly, eyes glaring straight into your own. "I understand well enough to know, you would never love someone like me and I deserve every lie and heartache I am enduring because of everything I have ever done in my past."

Before you could defend yourself and the genuinity of your relationship with the God, he had made his excuse. Leaving you to ponder of the true damage of your breakup with Loki, and the aftermath it had now held for the both of you. He was right, you had lied, and either way, their relationship will fall apart because of those lies.

He was the God of Mischief and Lies.

Yet, he did not expect for this biggest lie to break him the most. The separation had been painful, he had always hoped for a better life with you. Then a month passed since your breakup, he sees you, it hits him like a sharp knife to the chest all over again. He experience the pain of a stab to the chest, but it would never compare to the pain of seeing you in this very compound with the truth of your life that you refused to ever open to him.

This was karma coming to haunt him it seems.

It had been well over a week now since the first time he had actually confronted you about everything. It wasn't how he planned for things to go through. He never wanted to hurt you, but he was a monster after all. A monster that his own father had told his people to avoid. A bedtime story to scare mischievous kids into submission.

He had always thought after everything he had to endure, had to do, had to escape, he could finally live a peaceful life. A life to finally start anew. A life where he could finally change for the best. A mortal woman had made him make those ideas come into reality, you had always became the reason why he would never have his redemption in life.

A bitter idea with no possible resolution.

How could he have ever believed that anyone would ever love someone like him? After everything he had ever done, he was never allowed to be loved. You had proved that somehow.

'Mr. Laufeyson, you are needed for a meeting with the team'

Breaking from his little bubble. He sighed finally returning back to reality, into the little comforts the library could give him. The week had been gruelling for him, three individual witnessed the altercation between himself and you. It had spread like wildfire, but thanking the Gods that no one was able to listen to the conversation.

He had to endure most of the questioning. In everyone's eyes, he was, after all, still under everyone's constant scrutiny. A man that no one could trust. But he refused to say a single word knowing you did the same thing. It was better to keep your mouth shut instead of letting people know exactly what had happened. Somehow that brought a smile on his face. He might not share a future with you, but might as well make the most out of making your life a living hell, as much you did it to him.

Shutting the book he was barely even reading, he placed the book back into the shelf before walking his way towards the meeting room.

He could easily teleport, but he preferred to enjoy his moments of peace without his oaf of a brother breathing down his neck or Stark constantly testing his patience with his quips. It also gave him a moment to school his features, he knew well enough about the mission to know you would also be in attendance. Be more invested in this mission than anyone else.

It was a few things he was relearning about you now that you were out in the open as everyone claims you to be. You were a free spirited being that could meld with anyone you were in the area with. He had watched you throw relentless jabs at Tony during your first few days that had the man surprisingly raise a white flag. But the most dangerous thing he had to learn was the familial relationship you had with one Natasha Romanoff and Clint Burton, two people that he kept his distance with the most.

"Professor Snape has finally graced us with his presence."

Loki has learned since joining the team to choose his battle when it comes to Tony. This was one of those moment. Finding a vacant chair besides his brother, he had taken his seat. A big mistake on his part as he finds from across the table, you sat. In between a glaring Romanoff and Barton.

Wearing a smirk, just to get on the two super spies' nerve, he turned his attention right back into the meeting. He begins formulating a few little schemes to not only get on the two's nerved, but most especially yours.

[redjaybathood]

Jason killing for any bat. Jason killing anyone, for any reason because they hurt a bat. Jason being called in to help deal with a batfam because batfam killed someone and they can't handle it.

I hate it when Jason is shown tracking down Dick or any batfsm's rapist to kill them. Not because I think Jason wouldn't, but because I think he shouldn't. Either the batfam will appreciate it or they won't. If they do, they're hypocrites and if they don't, it's more proof of why Jason is a criminal and no better than the people he kills. At least to them.

As for the helping a bat who killed a person deal, there's usually no prior setting that they batfam have accepted that Jason is a person who will kill certain people. But the moment his history as a murderer has use, they want to exploit it. Not to mention, Jason has never accidentally killed anyone before (except if you count the dude with the immunity. Forgot his name. But I don't count him), which is what happens in the fics I've seen. Every person Jason has killed was meticulously planned. How he deals with that is not the same with how someone deals with an accident that results in a dead henchman.

Jason killing for any bat. Jason killing anyone, for any reason because they hurt a bat. Jason being called in to help deal with a batfam because batfam killed someone and they can't handle it.

At first I considered it a prompt, and I was like, which Bat? Because damn, so many great choices here. As you might have gathered, I love this trope.

In general, why I personally don't find anything wrong with Jason killing someone for someone else... It's based in canon. Not my favorite bit of canon, but it is what it is.

1) Gotham Knights flashback issue - Jason shoots harpoon into the raised hand of a smuggler who's on the brink of killing Barbara. Later, he explains it as "if you get one of us, you're gonna get it" or something like that - I have an exact quote here somewhere but too lazy to look up.

2) Under the Red Hood - "If it had been you he beat to a bloody pulp, if he had taken you from this world, I would've done nothing but search the planet for this pathetic pile of evil death-worshiping garbage and sent him off to Hell!"

3) Task Force Z - yeeting Bane off the roof bc of Alfred.

4) And we need to talk about what happened with Garzonas, and what might have happened with Robbie, and what actually moves Jason here.

This last one is going to be a headcanon, and contradictory to the popular fanon for Jason, and also includes Jason's "always been a killer" characterization from Urban Legends my beloathed - but I'm just illustrating why Jason killing for someone he loves is something that can work.

Old canon: Jason isn't an unreasonable guy. When it comes to personal revenge for him for the first time, it's Two-Face who placed a hit on Willis Todd after Willis went to prison. Two important factors here: Two-Face is responsible and in the eyes if the law Two-Face should bear criminal responsibility, and overall, if the US laws same as where I am, all three (or more) participants: Two-Face as the one who hires the murderer, an intermediary who organises the crime, and the hired killer, all of them should get more time than if they just killed Willis on their own or together.

But! Jason lets Harvey go - more than that, he saves Harvey's life from a tragic accident which would have been Two-Face's own fault.

Well, you will say, Jason let him go because he is better than Harvey, and he's in a good place emotionally, +/-. It just was a shock to his system, finding out that his father's death was a conspiracy and Bruce knew all along. That's why his initial reaction was so violent. But his heart wasn't in it!

Okay, valid take. Moving on.

Garzonas. Or, if you think about it, a series of shitty events.

A series of sex-motivated violent crimes. First, two serial killers: Dumpster Slashers. Then, child porn ring (or it might be after what happened with Gloria, sorry, they were too close in time). Then Garzonas kidnaps and rapes Gloria Stanson for the second time and Jason is too late - he shows up after he hears Gloria screaming. It was already happening. Then it's the aftermath where he's not yet benched! And still continues to investigate violent sexual crimes! And he's only taken off active duty after Bruce discusses it with Alfred, and Alfred shares that Jason stopped talking about his mother but Alfred saw him looking at her photo and crying.

So the prevalent fanon is that Jason is a victim of sexual abuse and sex trafficking. Which I get. There's no really another way of interpreting Bruce's posthumous message where he's like "this one secret you shouldn't have kept; I'm sorry I made you do it, it fucked you up". And then what he told Mia, also a victim of child sex trafficking, this time canonical for 100%, and it was something like, "Me and you have the same experience of doing what we have to survive". This plus Jason having 3 main triggers: children in danger, sexual violence, and drug trafficking, - it all adds up to Jason being a victim himself. And I get it!

But before Garzonas, now we got Jason on-page killing another guy, Robbie. Robbie is Catherine's drug dealer. He is shown leaving their apartment, it's hinted that Catherine traded sexual favors and maybe not consensually - in any case with drugs being involved consent is dubious here. And that's who is Jason's first victim in the current canon, insomuch that Urban Legends is canon.

So. My take on this all is, yeah, Jason is a victim. But it's not and never was about him. He's never taking revenge for himself. It's always for other people. It's not even revenge, it's protection. He, personally, doesn't need protection after he becomes Robin - he is fucking magic now, he has the training, he has Batman at his side, he has Bruce Wayne and his money and social clout - he's untouchable. So why then? Well. Robbie was him protecting Catherine. Garzonas - if Jason pushed him, and that's a big if - was protecting other girls back in Bogatago, because it's clear that Garzonas is a serial rapist and never going to stop.

Even with Barabara and the incident on a ship, Jason was protecting her. He framed it in a bad way, though.

There, so far, are three revenge killings he planned or considered or actually had done: 1) Two-Face, tried and changed his mind; 2) Bruce - a "what if", not actually done it except in DitF movie (you can count it or not); 3) Bane. Bane is the only current comic continuity revenge killing that Jason actually had done, and with Bane being in Task Force Z - already dead, and functionally undead and able to be brought back at any point of time - it's not that much of a murder.

So yeah, Jason is not killing for revenge, he's killing to protect others.

At least it's how I see it, but you of course feel free to interpret it however you like. But yeah, Jason killing to protect a member of Batfam? Basically my jam. Yes, even if they won't appreciate it.

With revenge killing, it's slightly more difficult but I see it in situations like Jason killing Black Mask after he kills Stephanie. Tarantula is more like fandom's wish-fulfilment, we ain't got any decent resolution to that person raping Dick on a roof and making him complicit in a murder. Fandom needs to find some catharsis for that, and killing rapists could be cathartic in fiction. Rape revenge flicks are a genre of its own for a reason. Not without issues, of course. But the issue isn't in the gruesome revenge murders per se. More about it in Melina Pendulum's "Rape Revenge & Promising Young Woman| Realism vs Catharsis"

But basically. If Jason finds out about what happened and Tarantula is somewhere close, somewhere still posing a danger to Dick? Even if it's just Dick's mental state? Hell yeah, she's going down. Hell yeah, it is not going to actually help Dick, and Dick won't be grateful for that to Jason. Hell yeah, I would actually read the shit out of this, if it's not written as something I already have read like a dozen times (problem with tropes is, even if it's something you hold dear to your heart, some variation is still encouraged; the execution of a trope still should feel uniquely yours when you write it. Does it make sense?)

A little aside: Oh, a kingdom for a story where Jason fucking Todd goes against Darkseid in the aftermath of Bruce's death. Oh boy. One of these days I'm going to actually read that arc, and then Darkseid is toast. I can promise you that. Sorry, this was random, but basically: it's me wanting to replace Battle for the Cowl with something less "Jason went batshit bc daddy issues" + a callback to Under Red Hood and Jason is keeping his promise + BAMF!Jason killing a god-level villain, what can I say? And if Bruce or anyone is going to be butt-hurt over Darkseid, it's not about them, you know? (And doubt that they will)

I hate it when Jason is shown tracking down Dick or any batfsm's rapist to kill them. Not because I think Jason wouldn't, but because I think he shouldn't. Either the batfam will appreciate it or they won't. If they do, they're hypocrites and if they don't, it's more proof of why Jason is a criminal and no better than the people he kills. At least to them.

Back to the ask. What was mentioned specifically was a rape-revenge killing. So it would be more understandable/IC if Batfam reacts badly to it - like, back to Dick, with Tarantula killing the, ughhh, I forgot the name, but you know the guy; part of Dick's trauma is that he feels at fault here. He feels he let it happen. He wanted it to happen and it happened and he didn't stop it, so. That's fucking him up. And it would totally fuck him up if it's happening again with Jason killing Tarantula. So yeah! He won't react great!

Look, people, especially Jason antis, love to harp that murder of fictional villains is bad, yadda yadda yadda, well. That would actually show this. Unlike their "Um murder is bad because it's murder and if you don't understand it, you're dumber than a fifth-grader" - screw those people, honestly. But the least they could do is show why it could be bad to kill rapists. For example, if that's objectively not something the victim wants or what would help them - yeah, I could buy it. I won't, like, enjoy reading this. But I will respect it.

Obligatory disclaimer: I do not support revenge murders irl.

(I also do not support an idea of putting a child into a crime-fighting situation, just to be clear where I am on fiction vs reality scale)

As for the helping a bat who killed a person deal, there's usually no prior setting that they batfam have accepted that Jason is a person who will kill certain people. But the moment his history as a murderer has use, they want to exploit it. Not to mention, Jason has never accidentally killed anyone before (except if you count the dude with the immunity. Forgot his name. But I don't count him), which is what happens in the fics I've seen. Every person Jason has killed was meticulously planned. How he deals with that is not the same with how someone deals with an accident that results in a dead henchman.

Okay, so here's where you lost me. I only know 2 fics where a Batfam member kills someone and Jason helps them. One with Dick and one with Tim. And they were great, from a literary perspective. I totally believe that in each of these stories, it's plausible that Dick and Tim went for the kill. And I totally get them calling Jason - I mean, who are you gonna call in a situation like this? A person who you trust and who will bury a body with you. Jason is this person.

But boy did Dick and Tim go off the rails in those stories. I am honestly feeling sorry for them. But again, plausible. If they were driven to murder someone, they're probably a mess. Yeah, they totally can't handle it.

And in both cases, Jason is already a known and accepted killer in Batfam. More or less.

And okay, with your description, I am a bit lost. Is Jason a known killer in those fics you read, or is it the first time he kills anyone and it's an accident? Or is it that the Batfam member who killed someone by accident? And it has to be treated differently than Jason's premeditated murder? Basically, I need to read those fics to tell you my verdict. Feel free to message me if you want to discuss it further.

[ty-talks-comics]

Best of DC: Week of October 23rd, 2019

Best of this Week: Batman: Curse of the White Knight #4 - Sean Murphy, Matt Hollingsworth and AndWorld Design

A Darkness has fallen over Gotham. 

Jim Gordon has always been one of the most trustworthy police officers in the cesspool known as Gotham City. Under his tenure as Commissioner, he cleaned up Gotham PD as much as he possibly could, brought up great officers like Harvey Bullock and Renee Montoya and even formed a long lasting partnership with Gotham's protector, Batman. His role gained him allies and enemies alike and he put his life on the line every day he out a badge on.

Unfortunately for him, his number came in the last issue when Azrael impaled him with his sword, leaving him for dead in an alley for Batman and the Gotham PD to see. This issue follows what happens immediately after.

Gordon is rushed to the hospital and the doctors do their very best to keep him alive. The shots are tense and heartbreaking as we get no dialogue except for the words of the flashback that occurs simultaneously. Barbara is frantic, pushing through Renee and Harvey Bullock. We don't hear what she's saying, but her pain is palpable. She doesn't have the cool calmness she maintained as Batgirl, she's just a girl terrified of losing her father.

As the doctors use their defibrillators, Gordon flat lines and Barbara doesn't even acknowledge Batman as she runs into the night, tears in her eyes. Interspersed between the operation are panels showing a flashback between Barbara and Jim. It acts a bit of foreshadowing as Jim tells Barbara to fight back and hit harder after she tells him that a boy bullied her at school. These two scenes play out in perfect opposition to each other.

Murphy is really good at Panel to Panel storytelling and conveys the happiness and absolute destruction with little dialogue, body language and facial expressions. He wants you to feel the despair that Barbara feels. Pulling in close to Gordon's short breaths as she bangs on the window in the background as he kisses her little forehead in the next panel, it's almost too much.

Hollingsworth colors the operation scenes with cool colors, making everything seem sterile aside from the blood on Gordon's chest. It's bleak and lacks the warmness of the muted pink/purple hue of the flashback. Murphy also does his best to depict how much Jim meant to Barbara by showing her childhood innocence and happiness opposite the fear that she faces as an adult. Barbara is absolutely devastated by what happens to her father and later on, it will drive to her make a reckless decision that will change her life forever.

Tensions are high when the Gotham Terrorism Oppression (GTO) unit meets in the aftermath of Gordon's death. Barbara blames Batman and calls him a coward for operating in the shadows while her father stood at the forefront. Dick Grayson wants to console her, but Renee tells him to stay focused and when he tries to question her authority, she snaps that Jim put her in charge before his death.

Bruce leaves in the middle of the GTO's planning, frustrating Renee as she gets a taste of what Gordon dealt with for years. He goes to visit Leslie Thompkins who's taking care of Harleen Quinzel after she's given birth to twins. They converse and Leslie reveals to Bruce that she and Alfred had known about the journal of Edmond Wayne.

What's interesting about this section is the manner in which they retrieved it. Shortly after Bruce had put on the cowl, Alfred and Leslie found a letter addressed to Bruce and Batman, telling them to go to the oldest part of Gotham. The scene is drawn and colored in a style reminiscent of what I think of when I hear Victorian Era England. There's a lot of smoke, greys, muted colors and vibrant yellows from lamps and fire. The building they enter is very old timey and they meet someone surprising upon their arrival.

While his name is never stated, I believe the Librarian of the New Order of St. Dumas to be Jason Blood. He maintains Blood's red hair with a white streak and his brazenness when speaking to Alfred and Leslie and his lack of care when Alfred�� levels a rapier to his throat is characteristic of a man that has lived for centuries and the knowledge he has attained up that point. He tells Alfred to give the journal to Bruce when he thinks the boy is read and then he just suddenly disappears. Alfred and Leslie have been guarding the secret ever since.

While all of this is going on, Barbara tries to find anything she can about the man who killed her father. Dick tries to talk to her, flipping their roles from the first White Knight series. Dick was angry the entirety of that series, blaming Bruce for the destruction of Gotham City, but now Barbara sees what he was talking about back then. Murphy makes the decision to not have Barbara don her mask, but still wear the ears, signaling that she can no longer hide behind her mask while Dick still wears his.

(From Batman: White Knight #6)

She's rapidly removing herself from the world of capes and cowls, saying it's not working, while Dick reminds her that she chose this life, same as him. She gets a hit on the vehicle Azrael used and sets off after him. She removes the bat ears, heads to the armory, grabs a gun and almost takes a tumbler before Harvey Bullock meets her there. Their relationship doesn't need too many words as both of them want revenge, not justice. 

It's wonderful to see because there's no pretense between them. Harvey wasn't exactly the best policeman before he was under Gordon, but he eventually learned to respect his higher up. He became a better officer and person because of Jim, he'd obviously be in the same mindset as Barbara, knowing that there's only one way for this to end. As they race off in the Tumbler, the background is colored in a beautiful shade of light brown, insisting that the fight is on and blood is boiling.

Dick informs Batman that Barbara and a tumbler are missing, so Batman tracks it and catches up to her and Harvey just as they've ambushed Azrael and his crew. Barbara levels a gun to Azrael's head and cries tears of anger as she goes to pull the trigger. Batman wraps a grapple around the muzzle of the gun and rips it away before Azrael's brain is scattered all over the street. The distraction of Batman's arrival allows the rest of Azrael's crew to get their bearings as they begin to shoot at the Bat and Harvey. Azrael lunges at Barbara. 

With fire spreading all around them, the next few pages are coated with an intense orange and the action is impactful. Harvey screams at Batman to shoot Azrael as he overpowers Barbara. Bruce stands there, not knowing what to do and drops the gun, going for his grapple again. His inaction, however, allows Azrael to knee Barbara in the spine, breaking it with an unsettling "CRACK" sound effect.

Batman retaliates in anger, pleading with Azrael to leave the rest of them out of the fight. Azrael responds by saying that God must have spared Bruce for this moment, for this fight and begins to turn the tables on Batman. He manages to cut the cowl off of Batman before one of his crew pulls him away from the fight, saying that they need to leave as one of their men is lost and they escape. In the aftermath, Batman walks out of the fire with Barbara, his facial expression giving it away that he knows he has utterly failed.

One of the best characteristics of this version of Batman is his inability to recognize or change his ways following his failures. He failed to see how his increasingly dangerous battles with the Joker were destroying Gotham City, he failed to see that his protegés were slowly losing their trust and faith in him and only got worse over time. He tries his best to change throughout this series, but he's always stopped by his own mind. 

It was heavily implied that his aversion to firearms is what caused this timeline's original Robin, Jason Todd, to be killed and now it's cost Barbara her mobility. Batman doesn't often face adversity this much, so it's great to see him continually broken down by the circumstances that absolutely could have been prevented. On the flip side, maybe this is exactly what he needed to actually solve the problem of Azrael. Not by killing him, but by using his motivation and willingness to change as a driving force to defeating the Knight and the remainder of his order.

He can't flinch in the face of danger, not anymore.

[v1rg1nvodkasprite]

Profoundly Immoral and Wicked → Peter Parker (Part I)

Summary

After loosing hope and everyone he cared for, Peter turns to devilish actions while risking his own life and the life of the one person who hasn't lost hope for him.

Warnings: language, mention of death, angst, dark!spiderman, endgame spoilers

Notes: hey guys this is a new series that i'm starting. i really like this concept and it's not written enough honestly. lmk if u want to be added to my taglist here. i hope you enjoy!! x

I paced back and forth in the Avengers Compund, nervously waiting for any news to come through my police radio. It was around the usual time that Peter would cause trouble and now all I had to do was wait. "Maybe he's taking a break tonight," Clint said, taking a bite from the apple in his hand.

I shook my head. "He never does," I said, my gaze never leaving the radio. Clint sighed before taking another bite, shaking his head.

"Attention 486 units, we've got a 10-31 in progress at 97-41 Queens Blvd, Rego Park, NY 11374. Any unit in 10 or less," a voice came from the radio. I was quick to respond, unzipping my sweatshirt to reveal the white, skin-tight suit underneath.

"Need any help?" Clint asked, getting up from the chair and I shook my head. "No, I've got this," I said before junping out the window, my wings expanding to glide through the air.

I made my way towards the bank a quickly as possible not wanting the police to arrive before me. If the police got to Peter before I did, he would most definitely go to prison and I couldn't let that happen. He'd be put in the same place as the villians he defeated. He'd be killed instantly.

I perched on top the roof, observing Peter as he stuffed wads of cash into a bag from a broken ATM. After stuffing the cash into the bag, he shot a web to the next building, swinging himself up to the roof. I few after him, grabbing onto him as he landed onto the roof.

He grunted falling onto the ground as I tackled him. "Get the fuck off of me," he said, elbowing me in the face. I groaned, my hand going to my nose as it throbbed in pain.

"Peter, stop!" I yelled to him, sweeping my wings under his feet, making him fall. "Leave me alone, Y/N," he said, shooting a web at one of my wings pulling me down to the ground.

I got up, trying to fly over Peter but he pulled me back down, kick me in my chest. I fell back, the wind knocked out of me. I groaned getting back up, grabbing a Peter from behind, jumping off of the building and flying in the direction of where the Avengers compound was.

"Let me go!" he yelled, throwing his head back, hitting my face. I dropped him, groaning in pain as he fell in top of another roof. I dived down, landing on the building as I ran after Peter.

"Peter please," I called out to him. "Why are you here?" he stopped, turning around to face me. "Because I want to help you. You don't need to do this," I told him, my face full of concern. "I don't need your help. Last time you tried to help, Mr. Stark died and then May died! You don't get to tell me what's wrong from right when you let them die!" She yelled at me, furiously.

I shook my head, "Peter, you know that wasn't my fault. My dad died to save everyone else. I would've gladly taken his place," I said, a knot forming in my throat at the mention of my late father.

It hadn't even been a year since he died and a few months since May died. I remembered that night lividly. Some how, Harry found out that Peter was Spiderman and decided to kill May to get revenge on Peter for killing his father.

The plan was that Peter would try to distract Harry while I snuck up on him to pick up May and fly her away from the fight but the plan fell through.

Harry turned back to face me as soon as jumped out of the shadows and threw May away from him. I dived down trying to reach May before she hit the ground but was far behind her. Peter shot a web down to try to catch her, only for her to hit the ground as the web attached to her.

"But you killed May, you didn't even try to get her. You just let her fall!" he screamed, his throat becoming raw. "Don't you dare say that I didn't try! I'm sorry I wasn't fast enough. I cared about her so don't say that I didn't care or just let her die. I tried, Peter and I'm sorry," I yelled at him, starting to choke.

"She's dead and it's your fault!" he scream at me, shooting a web straight for my chest. An uncomfortable feeling shot through, all of my body cramping up, the web shocking me. Peter had used one of the many combinations my dad put into his suit, tasing me with his web.

I fell to the group screaming out as the jolts of electricity run through me. He stopped after a minute, looking at me for a few seconds as I laid on the ground, not being able to move. I couldn't tell what he was thinking as he watched me but it wasn't long before he short another web off, swinging away.

I waited a few minutes, finally pushing myself up as the rest of my body still felt tight. Of course, I had fought with Peter before and left with a few bruises and scratches but we never crossed the line like that.

I made my way back to the compound, deciding on walking instead of flying. I didn't trust myself to keep myself up as my wings felt like they were on fire.

As made my way up to lab in the compound, I suddenly collapsed. My heart beat was the only thing I heard as a surreal pain in my chest grew. I screamed out in pain as Scott ran to my side.

"Oh my god! Oh my god! Let me- fuck! I'm going to get someone," he said, running away. Seconds later, he came back with Bruce, the pain increasing. Bruce picked me and I felt like small in his arms as he carried me to medical lab, setting me down on the bed.

"She's having a heart attack, give her some aspirin while I set up the ACE inhibitors. Try to keep her calm, okay?" he said, before walking away. "You're going to be okay. Everything's going to be fine, alright?" Scott said, trying to reassure me but it sounded like he was trying convince himself.

I soon passed out, the pain overcoming me. Later, I woke up, my chest still a bit sore but the overall pain had stopped. "How are you feeling?" Bruce asked, sitting down next to the bed. "I'm okay," I said, sitting up. "Woah, woah. Lay back down," he said, pushing me back down gently but with his strength, it wasn't as gentle.

"I'm fine, Bruce," I huffed but he shook his head. "You're not. It seems like you have an atrial septal defect. You basically have a hole in your heart between the two lower chambers," he explained. My eyebrows furrowed together in confusion, "What does that mean? Am I going to be able to go on missions and stuff?"

Bruce sighed, nodding, "Technically, yes but I would t recommend it. The amount of adrenaline that fighting involves could damage your heart over time," he said and I nodded. "You should also take a break from chasing after Peter," he said and I shook my head.

"I can't, you know that. He didn't give up on me when Dad died so I'm not going to give up on him. You remember when I almost drank myself to death everyday. He was the one that made me go to rehab," I said and Bruce sighed. "Yes, I remember. Just take it easy, okay? If he takes it any harder on you, there's a chance it'll get worse. We're looking at you dying, Y/N," he said and I sighed and nodded.

It was still hard to wrap my head around the fact that Peter would ever use that on me. Even during the Civil War, he wouldn't punch me or use any of his webs on me even though I was fighting on Cap's side. I guess he had changed completely. It was going to be really hard to help get back to who he used to be.

taglist

@satanspaghetti , @rencontre-moi-dans-le-couloir , @thewinchesterchronicles , @b-i-g-i-r-l-b-i , @rexorangecouny , @harrysstyleseyes , @weakling-grace , @computersaysnot , @lilibellecms , @jonesyaddiction , @toogoateechild , @boomtownboy , @benders-diamond-earring , @rogertaylors-falsetto

[lavendercitizen]

NIKA GODDAMNIT

That is enough. I am done. I cannot. I will not. I am at my wit's end.

(Me after every single chapter because of the emotional damage this series causes me while also greedily manifesting the next one.)

I don't even know what to say anymore, like I have out-said myself??? Flabbergasted.

I loveddd that beginning, so sweet to see them all being silly and the “what's my thing?” convo ahh :') These flashbacks are so perfectly set, why am I feeling nostalgic lol

"Mazel tov."

The silent scream I scrumpt, the way I read that a good five times. Marry me. I'm not playing right now, marry me. This everything I never knew I needed and I don't think I've ever had a more visceral reaction to two words like that.

You put her outside yesterday. Right?

Okay listen, I know it's just Alpine sitting outside the reader's room which I don't think is very important but WHY did you put such a sneaky emphasis on this? Are you just trying to drive me crazy, because I'm overanalyzing the most random things while reading x

As always, I adore the trio's banter - can't get enough of Sam's various reactions to the time loop either lol. Bless him for trying so hard, man I just love him so much😭

Shot. Stabbed. Crushed to death. Blown to pieces. Dead. Alive. Dead. Alive.

Also love the way you casually crush my heart and move on like it's nothing !! (no seriously, you're wonderful, I can never say it enough). I was super giddy to see Bruce in this chapter (and I am once again gobsmacked about how — even with just a certain amount of words — you write him so...Bruce-like, I mean I'm just going to assume from now on that you can watch any show or movie and pull the characters from your screen straight into your docs). Ofc the theories as to what the blue substance could be are very fascinating too :') I just remember from watching tfatws that I found the whole concept of experimenting with the serum and recreating it to make more super soldiers scary but you going in the opposite direction is even scarier. Don't let them hurt my baby omg😭. Anyway, it's not like I could linger on those theories for very long because you decided to obliterate me with THIS

You don’t say it out loud. The look in Bucky’s eyes confuses you, because even though he seems to put it together at the same time as you, his expression turns strangely warm, almost careful. It’s such a stark contrast to his usual quiet demeanor that it takes you another moment or two to figure it out.

He looks at you as if you’re about to break.

You absolute fucking menace.

Adore the change of scenery with the Schwartzman building and the dialogue between Bucky and her but you just had to go for the kill once more

He doesn’t say it, but you see the determination in his eyes each day, the absolute certainty that today is the day. The last one.

It always is, for him, and his unexpected faith in you shatters you to the core. Meanwhile, you’re not even capable of asking for help.

Have I thought about Bucky knowing he's going to die at the end of the day? Yes. Have I somewhat pushed it into the back of my head like some sort of coping mechanism? Also yes. But have I thought about it to this degree?? have I considered the substantial impact this has on one (1) James Buchanan Barnes, to this degree? No I have not. I have fucking not, and I do not want to anymore. It's 2pm on a Saturday.

(let me live pls🥲)

He doesn’t, so you don’t. It shouldn’t hurt.

hello??? pardon me??

"It’s not about the sex!" The words tumble out of your mouth to the beat of your heart. "He has to fall in love with her, that’s what breaks his loop in the movie. It’s a completely different situation!"

Jail. You're going to jail.

The only thing that made this a little less painful was me accidentally scrolling up and seeing the "lemmings one and two" part again dhdihs I died at that. I guess I can forgive you for the pain you put me through<3

Your actions have no consequences anymore.

I've spoken too soon.

[...]His heartbeat is so loud when you’re this close, so alive, and he holds you through the next shaky fall of tears, warm and steady, hands pressing tightly against your back as if to remind you he’s still here.

Nika I swear to god...

Later, when you lay in bed and had the world stop to listen to your own heartbeat, you kept coming back to that thought. Green wisps of time curled around your fingers like shimmering jewelry, and you asked yourself if those accidents ever felt happy in the moment or if that was something you had to conclude later.

Literally how am I ever supposed to get through this series? Did you know there's going to be another chapter after this?? and another one after that one? Because I have to live with that knowledge.

I loved the insight we got from this chapter, while I could read the fruitless attempts to save Bucky on that mission over and over again, because angst my beloved, I'm so elated that I feel like we finally took one step in the right direction here, with Strange turning up again, and things falling into place.

My brain is exploding, over and out.

time after time [4]

series summary: After what starts out as a fairly normal mission, you find yourself stuck in a time loop. Which would already be bad enough in itself if it didn’t also mean having to watch Bucky die over and over again.

pairing: bucky barnes x f!reader

word count: 9.2k

chapter warnings: description of a panic attack; this writer is still grappling with the events of endgame and the nature of time travel; underneath the banter, tensions are rising

a/n: welcome back everyone. i missed you. 💚

series masterlist | main masterlist | read on ao3

four: groundhog day

“She needs a thing.”

It was one of the rare evenings when Natasha and you weren’t the only ones at the Compound, so you’d ordered take-out and given yourselves the evening off. It felt nice, normal even, a dinner between friends that hadn’t seen each other in a while but comfortably fell back into their old rhythm. You weren’t the new girl anymore, but still new enough to this kind of life, and so it felt like a big deal when they included you like this. For better or worse.

“I don’t need a thing,” you said with a roll of your eyes.

Steve was getting better with his chopsticks, but he was still the last one eating. Rhodey, apparently, was bored out of his mind and tried taking it out on you.

“Of course you do,” he said, “we all have a thing!”

“Rhodey,” you replied sternly. “I don’t want a thing.”

“I don’t have a thing,” Natasha said.

“Oh, please,” you both said in unison.

“Do I have a thing?” Steve asked, grin still easy on his face.

“You have a vibranium shield,” Rhodey said, “that you throw like a boomerang.”

“What’s my thing?” Natasha demanded.

“Do you not notice yourself posing?” you asked, sliding your leg to the side. “It’s such a thing.”

“Had a shield,” Steve said. “And it was magnetic.”

“You’ve also grown like ten inches since the forties, man, is that not enough of a thing for you?”

“Fine, alright,” Steve conceded. “You good, Nat?”

“Of course.” The absent-minded smile vanished from her face, replaced by a wicked grin as she contemplated you. “How about a cape?”

You groaned. “I’m not going to wear a cape.”

“Why not? It’s classic!” Rhodey snorted.

“It’s showy. None of you have a cape!”

“Thor has a cape,” Steve said.

“Thor is literally a god, that’s different.”

“Doctor Strange had a cloak. That’s kind of like a cape. Time power people wear capes,” Rhodey added.

“I don’t want to be associated with Strange!”

It came out sharper than you intended. You all sat in silence for half a minute, busying yourselves with your drinks. You buried your head in your hands. Natasha blew on the rim of her bottle.

You wondered if you should just try and rewind the moment, but you weren’t sure if you had the energy for it. And you didn’t want this awkwardness to last any longer than it already did.

“You know,” Steve said after a while, “Vision wore a cape, too.”

“Oh my god,” you sighed. This was just happening, apparently.

“So did Loki, though,” Natasha pointed out.

“Have none of you seen The Incredibles?” you asked. “Capes are terrible!”

“That’s a cartoon movie, Y/N,” Rhodey said. “That’s nothing like real life.”

“Is that one for the list?” Steve asked.

“You can shoot lasers out of your hands, you’re telling me the danger of getting sucked into a void is more unrealistic than that?” You stole one of the spring rolls off Steve’s plate. “It’s definitely one for the list.”

“If you’re getting sucked into a void, I doubt whether or not you were wearing a cape at the time would make much of a difference,” Rhodey snorted, taking another sip of his drink.

“And you could use it as a weapon,” Natasha added. “If it’s the right material.”

“Like an armor made of fabric,” Steve nodded, pocketing his notebook again. “I’ve heard of that.”

“I was thinking she could strangle someone with it, but sure, armor works, too,” Natasha shrugged. You laughed at Steve’s confoundedly impressed face. “Anyway,” she continued, still contemplating you, “I’ve got an idea you might like.”

“I’m not going to wear a cape,” you said again, but Natasha wasn’t listening to you anymore, turning her attention towards Rhodey again instead.

“Are you sure you don’t want to stay for the night?”

“Nah,” he said with a fond smile. “I gotta be in D.C. early tomorrow. In fact, I should probably head out.”

“Already?” Steve said, one of his arms draped comfortably around the back of Natasha’s chair.

“I thought we were doing poker night,” you agreed. Despite his ribbing, you didn’t want Rhodey to leave yet. You still craved this sense of normalcy that came when people hung out with each other, just because they could.

Just because they wanted to.

“Again,” Rhodey said, stretching his legs before getting up, “I’m not playing cards against you lousy cheats anymore.” He pointed at you and Natasha.

“We would never cheat,” you protested in fake outrage.

“We’re far too talented for that,” Natasha agreed, winking at you.

“Lousy. Cheats.” You weren’t as stiff anymore as he hugged you goodbye, even squeezed back a little. “Call me about your next meeting.”

Steve nodded. “Fly safely, alright?”

“I’ll walk you out,” Natasha said, pushing her chair back so abruptly Steve almost lost his balance.

There was an unease to her steps that became more noticeable on the evenings she took Rhodey aside, and you watched them leave with a slight frown. Considering how effortlessly she’d been teasing your deepest worries out of you over the past months, you couldn’t shake the feeling that her own walls wouldn’t come down so soon.

“Wanna play me for the last one?” Steve interrupted your thoughts, nodding towards the lonely leftover spring roll.

Your stomach grumbled in appreciation as you reached for the deck of cards already placed next to the empty food containers. “You’re not scared I’m gonna scam you, then?”

“I’m not hungry anymore,” he shrugged. “Besides, you have a tell.”

“I do?” And here you thought you’d stopped sweating. "What’s my tell?"

"You don’t like lying."

Your fingers halted for just a fraction of a moment as you were shuffling the cards and you frowned. "That so?"

"Don’t get me wrong, you’re good at pretend." Steve gently took the deck out of your hands. "But when you feel bad about something, it’s like a neon sign above your head. You only need to know where to look."

He dealt the cards.

*****

The sign next to the door tells you it’s still, again, and endlessly happy hour. "Get two of your favorites for the price of one!" it says in Lucy’s beautiful handwriting next to a lovely drawing of two colorful plastic cups.

Inside, the air conditioning is on full blast and the smell of ground coffee is enough to make you sigh contentedly. The queue, as usual, is at least ten deep, so you have some time to watch the people around you while you wait.

You’re late today, and you can see the remnants of a spilled drink behind a little yellow triangle proclaiming "Caution! Wet floor". Apparently it’s busy enough today that no one’s had the time to clean up in the past hour. You still grimace as you step up to the counter.

"How’s it going, Luce?"

"Ask for a frappuccino and I will fucking murder you." Your colleague tugs a strand of hair back under her cap with a sigh. "I swear, if I see another child today, I’m gonna quit."

"That bad?" you ask with a sympathetic smile. Holidays always are, particularly at this store, since it’s only a hop and a fall from Grand Central. You still remember your last New Year’s Eve shift with a shudder.

"Please kill me," Lucy says dryly and then, like always, "Usual?"

"Please," you say, adding the rest of your order. "Love what you’ve done with your face, by the way!"

"Thank you," she says, proudly turning her head so you can admire the other side of her red-white-and-blue themed makeup. "No one’s said anything all morning, can you believe that?"

Yes. Yes, you can, because this is New York and also she tells you every day. "Shut up!"

"I know, right?" She leans forward on her elbows, cracking her back. "You working this weekend?"

The way things are looking, you’re never working again. "Not ’til Wednesday."

"Boo, lucky," she groans as you sign your receipt. "I should go down with my hours, too. I feel like I’m in every day. Hi, welcome to Starbucks, what can I get started for ya?"

Her code switch as she talks to the next customer in line has you shuffle forward to the bar, carefully stepping around the melting puddle of a drink on the floor with a slight hiss as you strain your side slightly too much. The wound is healing, but so, so slowly.

You scroll through your phone while you wait for your drinks to be ready, handing out straws to people and wordlessly pointing them to the restroom before they harass your stressed coworkers. This part of the day in the late morning is your quiet time, and the almost familiar crowd with their incredibly mundane needs is strangely soothing to your nerves in their predictability.

It almost makes you miss work. Almost.

Your name is called, but before you can step up to collect your order, a familiar figure swoops in in front of you. You roll your eyes.

"What are you doing here," you groan.

"I could ask you the same thing," Bucky says, keeping the paper tray just out of your reach with a stern look on his face. "I thought you were sleeping."

"I was. Now I’m getting coffee." You reach for the tray again to no avail, and the stretch doesn’t feel fun at all. Still, you send him another reprimanding glare. "Bucky, I’m slightly wounded, I haven’t lost the use of my arms."

"You were shot," he says sharply as you step back into the sweltering New York sun. "You shouldn’t even be standing up right now, let alone waltz around town."

"Oh, I forgot, the man from the forties has a medical degree. Are you going to prescribe me cocaine?" You won’t admit it, but it’s a struggle to keep up with his long strides. To your great annoyance, Bucky seems to notice and slows down.

"If I would, at least I’d make sure you’d never use it," he says dryly, not looking at you. "That mine?"

"One to the left," you say, crossing your arms and watching as he takes a swig of coffee. Another failure today, it seems. "And I wasn’t shot," you add, muttering, "I was shot at."

"And the living time machine has a PhD in English."

"I have a myriad of talents."

"Mazel tov." The elevator dings before you can add the attempt to kick a super soldier in the shin to your skillset. "Sam ordered pizza, but I assume you knew that already," Bucky says as the doors close.

You curse quietly. The thought of Italian food has started to make you sick to your stomach; one of the many tragedies of your current situation. Bucky grins.

"I take that as a yes."

You grab your own cup of coffee off the paper tray with a little too much vigor, cursing again.

"You alright?"

"Shut up." You take an angry gulp of coffee.

"Tell me," Bucky says, watching you with an unimpressed expression. "Have you always been this stubborn or did you pick that up from Steve?"

"Why," you say blankly, "did you get your being incredibly annoying from him, too?"

He rolls his eyes. "I wouldn’t have to if you’d just sit down and stop moving around so much. It’s not hard."

"I’m fine." The elevator finally stops and you hobble outside with gritted teeth, deliberately not looking at Bucky. Only a few more steps.

"No, stop that," you hear a voice before you turn the corner. "You can’t have that. You’re—you’re lactose intolerant!"

Both of you halt and take a moment to assess the delivery guy next to your front door. A pile of pizza boxes is precariously balanced on his left arm while with his right hand he’s trying to constrain a furious white ball of fluff.

You blink.

He notices both of you staring at him and quickly straightens up. "Oh. Hi! Sorry. I got your pizza and, uhm, your cat? I think?"

Alpine meows angrily.

"He was scratching at your door trying to get in," the guy continues, watching with big eyes as Bucky pries the struggling cat from his leg.

"She," he says, looking back at you with a frown.

You consider the cat.

You put her outside yesterday. Right?

"Sorry," the delivery guy says miserably, catching you before you get lost in thought.

"It’s fine," you say, finally looking at him again, forcing a friendly grin onto your face. "Would you mind bringing these in?"

It’s a coincidence. Of course it is.

***

“So let me get this straight,” Sam says, again. “You’re stuck in a time loop.”

You nod.

“Like Groundhog Day,” you and Sam confirm.

“Or Doubled and Redoubled,” you and Bucky offer.

“What the hell’s that?” you and Sam ask.

“It’s a good story,” you and Bucky say.

“It isn’t, by the way,” you tell Bucky. “It’s depressing as hell.”

“Don’t ever do that again,” he says, a flicker of annoyance in his eye.

You slouch down in one of Alpine’s supposed spots with a deep sigh, ignoring the pain in your side. “And how would you know?”

Sam still looks somewhat unconvinced, despite your little presentation. Apparently, you introducing him to the poor unsuspecting delivery guy every day isn’t quite the same as showing him your blood-drenched hands first thing in the morning.

“And Bucky’s gonna die?” he asks, putting his half-eaten slice of pizza back into the box.

You close your eyes. “He is.”

“How?”

Shot. Stabbed. Crushed to death. Blown to pieces. Dead. Alive. Dead. Alive.

“Does it matter?” You twist your rings around and around, another endless circle. “But it’s connected to the loop, somehow. Just like my powers.”

“What about your powers?” Bucky asks, and you don’t need to look at him to know he’s frowning again. He’s frowning so much these days. Today.

Talking about your powers feels like admitting to all your deficiencies, but you suppose this is your purgatory. Over and over, until sometimes, you reach a new little fork in the road. The tiniest bit of change.

It’s all you can cling to.

“My powers are like a remote control, right? You can pause or speed things up, no problem. Rewinding is the tricky bit.”

You get up with only a slight wince and grab the green whiteboard marker from the table, drawing a straight line on the plexiglass board. Today, you’ve come prepared for this.

“People usually think time is linear, right?” you continue. “And it kind of is, but only in this direction.” You draw a little arrowhead on the left side of the line and then point at the other hand. “This right here, that’s now. There’s a pretty clear path from now to any point in the past, based on what we did with the information we had at any given moment. But, every time we make a decision, it could also go another way, right? Like, for example, if I used the blue marker.”

You draw a second arrow in blue from where the green one points at, ending it slightly above that one. Sam raises a hand.

“Yes?”

“What difference does it make which color you use?”

“In this case, none,” you answer, changing your pen again. “But if I go back in time and, say, turn left instead of right somewhere or tell you where someone’s gonna hit you before they do, that does make a difference, because it influences your decision.”

The red line curves more upwards than the other two, its arrow pointing in a completely different direction.

“The trick,” you say, tapping it, “is in avoiding something like this for random events and staying as close to the original path as possible.”

“What about the other paths, though?” Sam asks. “Do they just disappear?”

“I don’t know,” you shrug, capping the pen. “They do for me. Normally, once I go back, I can’t return to the very first timeline again.”

Things are never the same when you’ve already lived through them once. Your knowledge of the outcome mars everything that comes before, whether you want that or not. That’s what makes this loop so different; because even though you know what’s going to happen, you’re still unable to prevent it.

And that never changes.

“So, essentially,” Bucky comments, “you’re switching realities every time you go back.”

You blink, considering it for a moment. “I mean, I guess so? I haven’t thought about it that way.”

“You haven’t thought about it that way?” Bucky says incredulously.

“Well, I don’t exactly have a degree in time travel,” you sigh, rubbing your temples. “I just do it.”

“That doesn’t mean you don’t think about it.”

“What does all of this have to do with you Bill Murray-ing through this day?” Sam interjects.

“Who’s Bill Murray?”

“No one,” you say sharply. “Right now, time is fucked. Today isn’t moving on, it got stuck on repeat. That’s why my powers don’t work, either, you can’t go anywhere if it’s just the same point in time over and over again. Just one timeline tied into a knot.”

Or a single reality, you suppose. Maybe Bucky has a point.

“So everything just resets each time Bucky dies?” Sam says.

“Just like in a video game,” you confirm, slowly lowering yourself back down.

“That makes me feel so much better,” Bucky says, watching you with another frown.

“A rigged one,” Sam says. “It shouldn’t be that easy.”

And there’s your fork.

Your heart is pounding as you ask, “What do you mean?”

Sam raises his eyebrows. “He’s got the serum, remember? It should be about impossible to kill Bucky in a normal fight, let alone do it over and over again when he knows it’s coming.”

“I heal fast, I’m not invincible,” Bucky counters.

“No, he’s right.” If it weren’t so terrible to go through over and over again, it’d be almost comical how easily Bucky’s been killed over these past few days. You’ve had to take a mental note to keep him away from scissors. With your wound rendering you essentially useless in the fight, it’s often over long before Sam flies ahead through the tunnels, your alarm drowning out the string of curses falling out of your mouth.

“I can’t tell you what happened,” you inevitably tell Sam each morning as he helps you retie your tourniquet because your bandages have vanished again overnight. “I promised Bucky.”

“Are you shooting each other now?” he always asks. “Because you’re not supposed to do that literally.”

“Maybe there’s something that’s messing with your powers as well as mine,” you say now, looking at Bucky again. He puts his cup down, swallowing heavily. What kind of maniac doesn’t like chocolate in his coffee, you wonder.

“Like what?” he says.

“Could be a number of things,” Bruce says when you ask him the same question half an hour later.

It’s nice to see his face, even though you can see the bookshelf on the wall behind him through the projection if you squint. He looks as rattled as he always does, but with that glee in his eye that he gets when he’s presented with a particularly difficult problem. It makes Torres watch him wearily through his own phone screen, propped up against the books on the conference table.

“The most likely one is some sort of substance that’s working to lessen the effects of the serum in your blood,” Bruce continues, addressing Bucky. “Did you ingest anything, breathe something in?”

Bucky looks at you.

“There’s this substance at the lab,” you say. “You don’t touch it, but it’s this weird sort of blue … shit.” You gesture vaguely as Sam snorts.

“That is the technical term, actually,” Bruce says. “Have you noticed any other physical changes? Insomnia, loss of strength, headaches?”

“No changes,” Bucky says. It’s not really an answer.

“That’s the thing, Bruce,” you remind him gently. “Nothing has been changing. It can’t.”

“Fascinating,” he says. “And how long did you say this has been going on for?”

You bite the inside of your cheek. You’ve started tallying up the days on your thigh, just out of sight from everyone, hidden by your clothes. You have to make sure you’re not losing any of them. It seems like it’d make them less significant, somehow.

“Too long,” Sam answers for you, putting his notepad down on the table. You can make out a lot of question marks.

Day twenty-four. It should be July 27th today, but you’re still three weeks behind.

“Right, apologies.” Bruce pushes his glasses up his nose, his nervous glance darting between Bucky and you. “I can ask around, but obviously I can’t tell you if this even does what you’re suspecting without getting a sample to my lab.”

“Actually, sir,” Torres speaks up. “There’s been rumors for a while now.”

Sam stops his pacing as Torres adjusts the angle of his phone while he’s walking.

“The first generation of Flag Smashers were all super soldiers themselves,” he continues. “Now, though, ULTIMATUM have been actively looking for a way to make super soldiers more human again. To level the playing field for everybody.”

One world, one people.

One dead body.

“Meaning what?” Sam asks, his arms still crossed.

“Meaning, according to my sources, they’re trying to develop a way to strip super people of their abilities.”

“That’d mean years of research, testing, a whole roster of scientists they’d have to recruit,” Bruce says doubtfully. “Even if they have the funding for that, they’d need a sample of the original serum or something similar enough to work with.”

Sam sits. The look he exchanges with Bucky tells you he has his suspicions about the latter.

“The super soldier serum was recreated before,” Torres shrugs, oblivious to their silent conversation. “I bet they’re still working with the data they collected back then. Also, these are just rumors at this point. If they’re true at all, they’re still in early stages.”

“Hypothetically,” you say to Bruce, “what would that look like?”

“It’s hard to predict the outcome of experiments like that,” he says. “It’s less than clear how an individual’s actual cells get altered. But my best guess is, they’d try to phase out any advancements one by one, to ensure they’re moving in the direction they want.”

“One by one,” you repeat. “Like, start with the fast healing, for example.”

“Exactly,” Bruce nods. “It’d still have to be administered somehow, though.”

“Eat anything weird lately, Buck?” Sam asks dryly.

“It’s not necessarily something you ate,” Bruce adds at Bucky’s stony expression. “It might also be intravenous, similar to the original serum.”

“What about skin contact?” you ask, a small puzzle piece finally fitting into place.

“Sure, that’s possible. But it’d have to be quite potent stuff.”

“It was.” At least if the stench is anything to go by. You turn to Bucky. “We collected a sample, and you put it in your pocket. It must have broken when the computers exploded, and when I started the loop …”

It was absorbed into it.

You don’t say it out loud. The look in Bucky’s eyes confuses you, because even though he seems to put it together at the same time as you, his expression turns strangely warm, almost careful. It’s such a stark contrast to his usual quiet demeanor that it takes you another moment or two to figure it out.

He looks at you as if you’re about to break.

You suppose he’s not far off, either, as you barely listen to Bruce and Torres saying their goodbyes to Sam and you’re left contemplating all the things you did wrong to end up here, now, again.

The list is endless.

“So what’s next?” Sam says, and you finally turn your head to look at the clock.

“You leave to give your speech,” you answer.

“I’m not gonna do the stupid speech.”

“Yes, you are,” you and Bucky say simultaneously, and you shrug at his scowl.

“Bucky and I need to do something, anyway,” you add.

Sam doesn’t like this any better today than any other day, but he still lets himself be convinced to get changed. You’ve been over this more than once, after all.

“What are we doing, then?” Bucky asks once it’s only the two of you.

You grimace slightly. “I need you to break me into the library.”

***

Before the loop, it’s been a while since you’ve been to any library. For the first time in a while, maybe all your life, you’ve enjoyed owning most of the books you read instead of lending them from somewhere.

So it still feels kind of like a novelty, setting foot into the Schwarzman Building. Even if it’s through the back entrance while the security guard is on his lunch break, enjoying a bit of sunshine on the steps outside.

It’d be so much easier if you had your powers, you think as you watch Bucky get through the locks you show him, more discretely than he probably has to. Stopping the flow of time has always come easiest to you, and in situations like this one, it was your most useful asset. You would have simply halted time and slipped past opened doors while everything waited for you to will it forward again.

Instead, you wait for Bucky.

The routine of it all is calming by now, in a way, his tongue poking his cheek in concentration, the only sound either of you makes the quiet clicks of keyboards and doors and locks until you can finally enter the reading hall through a small, unassuming stairwell leading up to the third floor. He seems to get a little quicker at it every day, as if his body retained some form of muscle memory from the countless redos as well.

The last door opens.

It’s not quite as impressive as entering through the marble-tiled entrance hall on Fifth, you suppose, but when the smell of pages and dust hits you again as you ascend the stairs, you can’t help but release a small, content sigh.

You’ve not been to the Main Branch often, and not in a while, but usually when you’d peruse the countless rows of books, there’d be groups of children and tourists dotted between the densely packed shelves, the reading tables filled with overcaffeinated students and academics and librarians and the usual array of curious caricatures omnipresent in any library. It’d been quiet, sticky, lively, like a school library during finals week, and you didn’t hate it but it wasn’t quite like this.

It’s blissfully quiet.

Every step you take creaks softly as if you’re about to break through the wooden floorboards. Your pace only stays determined until you reach the main reading room, because you can’t help but stop in a spot of sunshine and close your eyes to breathe it in, this peaceful stillness of life and the wonderful, familiar smell of books. Just for a second.

When you open them again, Bucky is staring at you.

“I haven’t been in here since 1936,” he told you five days ago.

“Hasn’t changed a bit, I bet,” you said.

The way he tilted his head seemed so precious. Like he was walking through his memories right in front of you. “Well, I definitely remember the gift shop. And the computers.”

“We need to go downstairs,” you say now, shaking your head to resettle yourself in the never-ending present.

“What are we looking for, exactly?” Bucky asks, following you with his hands still in his pockets.

“Anything we can find on the astral plane. Which, sadly, isn’t a whole bunch.”

You can’t risk using the internal searching system on the library computers when you’re not even supposed to be in here, not unless you want to waste another afternoon getting caught, so the search to find even the right section has been quite tedious. There’s been a lot of running around in circles.

“Why?”

You just assume he’s not wondering why there’s not a lot of publicly available grimoires on magic shit. “Because Strange is an evasive asshole.”

There’s still no sign of life from anyone at Bleecker Street, or any of the Sanctums for that matter. Since no jet or plane would make it to Kamar-Taj in what limited hours you have, it seems the only way to reach Strange is in trying to get back to the astral dimension.

And figuring that out is a bitch.

“Weird," Bucky says, "that you two shouldn’t get along.”

“Fuck you, Barnes,” you snort.

You watch him stride away through the aisles with a small grin, appearing aimless, before he invariably stops in front of the same shelf. With a shake of your head, you continue walking.

"What is it with you and Voltaire," you murmur, not intending for him to hear.

"What’s wrong with Voltaire?" he still replies.

"Nothing," you say, looking down the next aisle over. "Dense, is all."

"We used to have this at home," Bucky says, pulling the volume off the shelf. "I remember my ma tryin’ to get through it, but with the four of us, she never managed."

You turn back towards him, surprised he’s offering you this glimpse into his past. "I didn’t know you had siblings."

It’s a half-truth. He brings up Rebecca rarely enough, but the fact that there used to be even more Barnes children is news to you. You’re almost shocked he’s mentioning it at all. Maybe it’s a mistake.

"Yeah." Bucky’s gaze is still absent, the memories clinging to him like fog. It makes you want to wipe them away gently.

You turn down the aisle sharply, not waiting for him to follow as you push through a door.

The upstairs library is already huge, but it’s nothing compared to the countless rows of stacks hidden downstairs and underground. It’s taken you almost two days to gain some semblance of orientation in this maze, and it takes you almost five minutes to find the shelf you were looking at yesterday. It doesn’t help your confusion in the slightest that the books seem to be mostly organized by size instead of topic.

With a sigh, you carry another stack of volumes to one of the reading tables. The additional trouble with doing research on a single day with everything constantly resetting while you’re running out of time is that there’s really no good way for you to take notes. You only have so much real estate on your own skin that you can comfortably reach in a public space, and there’s a spot right below your elbow that you keep empty.

You’ve been combing through all kinds of books on mysticism, but most of it has been a bunch of baloney and esoteric nonsense. While the theory of an astral plane is already hard enough for you to grasp, the practical step-by-step guide to getting there is either decidedly under-researched or they’re deliberately keeping it from you.

You’re about to put another book to the side after it tells you to meditate when you can hear Bucky approaching from the stacks behind you.

"Any luck yet?"

"Depends," you sigh. "Are you ready to take the next step in redefining your relationship with Jesus? Because, boy, do I have the almanac for you."

"I’m good," he says, and there’s the slightest hint of amusement in his voice. You bury your head in your hands.

Every day, it’s harder to look at him.

He doesn’t say it, but you see the determination in his eyes each day, the absolute certainty that today is the day. The last one.

It always is, for him, and his unexpected faith in you shatters you to the core. Meanwhile, you’re not even capable of asking for help.

"It’s not your fault," Bucky says, and you flinch.

"Of course it’s my fault," you say quietly. "Who do you think got us into this mess."

"So you set out to kill me repeatedly?"

You shoot up straight. "Of course not!"

Bucky just leans against the table next to you, flicking through one of the books without paying it any attention. You press your lips together.

"What difference does it make, though? We’re here anyway."

"If you don’t know that already, I don’t know how to tell you," he says calmly.

None, you think. It makes zero difference, and you both know it, even though he’s nice or smart enough to not tell you to your face.

"I’m sorry," you say, once again, because lately all you want to do is apologize to him, no matter how many times he forgets.

Bucky frowns, but before he can say something else that will undoubtedly break your composure completely, you quickly clear your throat.

"Could you get me this one book down, actually? It’s on the top shelf and, well …" Stretching is still a struggle.

He shrugs and follows you back into the labyrinth. The silence tears at you in a way it hasn’t before, and you twist your fingers in front of your chest. You never look at your rings anymore.

"I never asked," Bucky says casually, dragging the fingers of his right hand along the spines as you keep looking for the book you’re after. "Do you have any siblings?"

Your hands still.

For a moment, you consider telling him. About your family. About the life you used to have, before everything. It seems so long ago, now, almost like a distant dream. You don’t dwell on it too long.

"Ask me tomorrow?" Your voice is thin.

He follows your gaze to the shelf and easily picks out the book you want. His eyes are very blue when he turns back to you, his head slightly tilted to the side. "Are you gonna tell me then?"

You swallow as you slowly take the book out of his hands and hold it against your chest. "Remember to ask me," you say, almost pleadingly, "and I might."

He doesn’t, so you don’t. It shouldn’t hurt.

***

"Here’s what I don’t get," Sam says, leaning back in his chair. "You said you only saw Strange once. Shouldn’t that happen every day, if you’re stuck in a time loop?"

You want to yell, and yell, and never stop.

"Theoretically, yes," you say, again. "Our time, here, is looped. But Bucky’s right."

"Hear that?" Bucky tells Sam. You both ignore him.

"Every time I go back in time, I essentially switch realities, except right now, that’s not happening because we’re stuck on repeat. That’s not true for the astral plane though, because it’s a different reality. So Strange can do whatever he wants, because he’s not part of the loop."

"I’m getting a headache," Sam says.

"Get in line, man," Bucky remarks. "I’m apparently dying."

"We’re missing something," you say, staring at the plexiglass board until your eyes start burning.

"Sanity?" Sam suggests.

"Well, let’s think about this rationally," Bucky says, voice only slightly laced with sarcasm. "How many other times do we know something like this has happened?"

You pull up the list of movies you already had ready for this question, pointing at them one by one. "Endless loop. Saving each other, that’s not working out so far. That one was terrible." You let out a heavy breath of air. "I guess we could try threatening Loki and see if it helps."

"Loki’s dead, though."

"Mhm, right." You scroll to the bottom. "Well, I guess that leaves blowing ourselves up, then. Can’t hurt."

"Sounds like a Friday night to me," Bucky says.

"Alright, lemmings one and two, let’s calm down again," Sam cuts in. "You said it’s because of the mission, right? Why don’t you just sit this one out, then?"

You roll your eyes. "Haven’t heard that before."

"I’m not letting the two of you go in there alone if these guys are dangerous enough to get one of us killed," Bucky predictably says.

"I can call Torres for backup," Sam tries. "Or, I don’t know, one of those guys in midtown."

"Give it up, Sam," you interrupt. "He’s not going to listen. We’ve been over this every day."

"Well, is there any part of the mission we—"

"Any part of the mission we overlooked?" you cut him off, voice getting louder until you’re shouting. "I don’t know, because every time I think I’ve got everything covered, something new pops up, and nothing fucking changes anyway! And then we’re here again, over and over, and I’m starting to go insane!"

Alpine hisses at you from her place on Bucky’s lap.

"You do realize we’re trying to help. Don’t you," Sam says, so calmly that your anger dissipates immediately. The usual wave of guilt hits you, instead, and you bite the inside of your cheek until you draw blood.

"I’m sorry," you say. "It’s just—everywhere I look, there’s a roadblock."

"I know." Sam pinches his nose as he stares at the board. "I’m guessing you’ve tried the Groundhog Day option?"

Your heart drops.

Usually, you see this coming, but your thoughts are too muddled today. You feel the heat rising to your cheeks and Bucky scrunches his eyebrows together.

"What’s the Groundhog Day option?"

"It wouldn’t work," you say sharply, sending Sam a glare. He seems entertained by it.

"And how’d you know that?"

"Because it’s a movie," you hiss. "And a stupid one at that, things don’t work in real life like they do in a Hollywood film!"

"Hey!" Bucky says loudly. "No ignoring the dying man. What’s the Groundhog Day option?"

"You guys fucking breaks the loop," Sam answers before you can stop him. Alpine jumps to the floor and parades away. For the first time, you admire her.

"Oh," Bucky says, after a painfully long pause.

"Yeah. Oh." You don’t meet his eye. "Like I said, it’s stupid. And it isn’t how time works."

"It doesn’t work by you accidentally creating a loop either, though, does it," Bucky says, nodding at your half-hearted drawings on the board.

"Bucky, I’m not going to sleep with you just in case. That’s not even how it works in the goddamn movie," you say with a pointed look at Sam, who shrugs.

"I just thought I’d ask."

"Hold on a second," Bucky interjects, cheeks slightly tinged, "so you’d rather I keep dying than just see if it works?"

"What?" Your face is burning. So are his eyes. "No, I—it’s just not that easy."

"Sounds pretty straightforward to me," he argues.

"It’s not about the sex!" The words tumble out of your mouth to the beat of your heart. "He has to fall in love with her, that’s what breaks his loop in the movie. It’s a completely different situation!"

There’s a beat where the two of you stare at each other before Bucky’s face goes blank of emotion.

"Right." He nods, his jaw set tight.

Something inside you curls. "Sam, could you give us a minute?"

Sam looks between the two of you uncomfortably. It’s clear he doesn’t particularly want to stay, but he doesn’t want to leave the two of you alone, either. "You sure?"

"Not necessary," Bucky says, standing up. "I’m going for a walk."

"Bucky—"

"Don’t," he says, and the iciness in his voice freezes you to the spot. "And don’t follow me!"

You flinch as the door slams shut behind him.

"That went well," Sam says.

"Really?" You glare at him. "Did you have to bring up fucking Groundhog Day?"

"Sorry that my frame of reference for breaking a time loop isn’t wider than nineties pop culture," he says, crossing his arms. "Also, I don’t see what the problem is."

You stare at him and his expectantly raised eyebrows. Your heart is still thundering.

"I don’t fucking have time for this," you say, and turn your back.

***

When you enter the kitchen, it takes you a moment to realize that Sam is still on the phone.

"That’s nice," he says, nodding his head to acknowledge you. "No. Nah, but I’m leaving now. Yeah. Tell them hi from me, okay. Okay. You, too. See ya."

"How’s Sarah?" you ask after he ends the call.

"Good. She’s good." He starts folding up the recycling and you can’t bring yourself to tell him there’s no need. "They’re hosting the barbecue again this year, so the boys are thrilled."

"Sounds lovely," you say, twisting your necklace between your fingers.

"It’s chaos." He laughs. "Man, I miss 'em. Always feels like it’s been too long."

Even longer than he is able to remember, you think with a pang in your heart.

"Why didn’t you fly home for the holiday?" you ask.

"Because," Sam says, rolling his shoulders, "I can’t just be uncle Sam for Cass and AJ today, I have to be uncle Sam for the whole country. That’s my part on America’s day now." He shrugs it off. "Just how it is."

"I’m sorry," you say. It’s hard for you to imagine how he is able to handle all of this pressure, the scrutiny, the weight of everyone’s expectations on his back. You can barely handle your own life, and what’s that, by comparison?

"Don’t be." His neck cracks and he sighs quietly. "Kinda signed up for this, didn’t I?"

You look at the shield, casually placed on the kitchen counter, waiting for him to pick it up on the way out. It’s always looked heavier than it is.

"Besides," Sam continues, "pizza is almost as good as homemade hot dogs."

You successfully swallow down your slight gag. "It’s not that far to Louisiana. There’s still time for that hot dog."

He knows what you’re doing, and so his lopsided grin doesn’t reach his eyes. "Let’s get our cyborg through the day, alright? I’ll see her soon enough."

He squeezes your shoulder and heads for his room to change.

His words tug at something deep inside you, long after he’s closed the door behind him. Something you have to keep locked, normally, deep in the core of your ribcage, like an unruly bird, because otherwise it’ll keep breaking free and rendering you unable to move.

You sit crosslegged on the floor next to your window, your back to the wall, just like she used to. You feel ridiculous, but that birdlike thing inside compels you and you’re weak. The back of your closet seems to scream your name, begging you to keep digging until you find the sad remnants of an embrace in a soft piece of fabric.

You ignore it.

Still, your phone finds its way into your hand, and before you can stop yourself you’re scrolling through abysmally few contacts, your finger hovering over one of them for a whole ten seconds before you press it. There’s no air in your lungs as it rings an infinite amount of times, and then—

"You’ve reached Nat."

Her voice is like a kiss on the forehead and an ice cold shower at the same time. The room in front of you starts to blur.

"I obviously can’t talk right now, but I’ll get back to you as soon as possible. If it’s about one of the kids, try the main office. Thanks!"

"Hey, Natasha," you say a few seconds after the beep, your voice thick. "It’s me. I just … I wanted to tell you that I really miss your voice."

You laugh wetly, because already, it’s fading from your memory again. A tear rolls down your cheek.

"So sappy, I know, but it’s true. I miss you, and I really need you today. Every day, actually." The lump in your throat grows. "Sorry I wasn’t there when you needed me. I love you, Nat."

You end the call and throw your phone on the floor, not caring if it breaks.

Normally, when you cry like this, you halt the world. Your emotions aren’t for anyone to witness, not like this. Not when everything is spinning and every gasp for air makes your entire body shake.

Now, though, you’re left with no other option than to have it keep moving with you, each passing second making the temporal rift between you and her larger.

You are incapable of saving anyone, no matter your promise. Useless.

You don’t hear the knock on the door, only his voice on the other side.

"Y/N? Can I come in?"

You clap your hand over your mouth so hard even more tears spring to your eyes, desperately trying to slow your breathing. You find yourself nodding.

"No!" you shout, and it sounds pathetically whiny.

He can’t see you like this, not when you look as broken as you feel. Your insides are twisting, screaming, yearning for someone to rock you in their lap and tell you everything is going to be alright.

But they’re all gone.

You have no one.

"Please?" he says again, and something about the way he does makes white-hot anger course through you.

You barely notice yourself rising to your feet, blindly grabbing the first thing within reach and throwing it with everything you have left in you. Your lamp crashes to the floor, the screen off center, the bulb shattering into a million pieces. Your alarm clock is next, the screen only cracking before you smash it against the wall and it finally stops its incessant ticking. You sweep everything off your desk with a swing of your blood-stained pillow, not caring about the noise or the damage or anything, really.

Your actions have no consequences anymore.

Pictures and books and clothes all fall victim to your wrath for the second time, and you step on them all, kicking and shoving until there’s a crack underneath your heel and you wince.

The splintered frame hurts more than the shards. You couldn’t care less about your own face, unrecognizable underneath the broken glass, but Natasha and Steve’s wide grins have also been shattered by the fall. It’s almost poetic, in a horrible way, and when you wrap your arms around yourself and stumble backwards, you notice that you’re shaking.

"Please," you whisper, sure it’s too quiet for anyone to hear, sure that by now, he’s long gone.

The door opens, anyway.

You don’t turn away from the picture, tears falling silently now. He gingerly steps over your mess until he’s so close you can feel him right behind you. It takes you another minute to catch your breath enough to speak.

"It’s not fair," you say quietly, voice still quivering. "I know I’m cursed, but why is it that everyone else has to pay? Why her? Why you?"

"You’re not cursed," Bucky says and you laugh mirthlessly.

"No, I am. I damned myself and I’m taking everyone else down with me, and I don’t even know … I don’t know how to stop this."

"Twelve—"

"Don’t—" you start, but you don’t have the energy anymore. It’s all been drained from you. Bucky sighs.

"Powers or not, you’re still in control of your actions."

It only makes you cry harder.

"Can I—" He clears his throat. "Can I give you a hug?"

And it’s so easy to turn, finally, and to find yourself enveloped by his arms, your fingers digging into his shirt so tightly it has to hurt, but he doesn’t say anything. His heartbeat is so loud when you’re this close, so alive, and he holds you through the next shaky fall of tears, warm and steady, hands pressing tightly against your back as if to remind you he’s still here.

At least for now.

"Step on my feet," he tells you softly, so you can tell it’s a request, not a demand. "There are shards everywhere and you’re already bleeding."

You do so, hesitantly, and Bucky clears the way out for both of you, slowly walking backwards with you leaning on him until you reach the threshold.

You barely notice as he sits you down on a bed, only whimpering as he carefully pries your fingers from his shirt to retreat a step from you, taking his warmth with him.

"I’ll be right back, doll."

He squeezes your hands before he lets go, and you fall back on the bed in shameful exhaustion. You can feel your mind drifting, as if you’re in a trance, your limbs heavy by your side. Something at the back of your head seems to tingle, like a memory or an inkling.

And then you feel the pull again.

This time, instead of falling it’s like treading waters, onwards and upwards through a thick, gooey resistance in the air, fighting the urge to open your eyes, incredibly aware of every itch in your body until … you’re not.

You feel very light, somehow, as if you’ve been carrying a heavy backpack that’s no longer dragging you down. Hesitantly, you open your eyes.

Odd angles and off colors, and the still disconcerting sight of your own body sleeping in bed.

Your gaze drops to your wrist. The now familiar band of green symbols is still wrapped around it, but when you concentrate, you can feel the slightest glimmer of your powers in that empty void inside of you.

Different realities. He was right.

"You’re back, then."

A mad laugh escapes you as you drop your hand. "Really? That’s all?"

Strange raises an eyebrow at you, his cloak flapping slightly. He’s sitting at your desk, seemingly without a care in the world, two steaming cups in front of him.

"Did you expect to be complimented for the bare minimum?" he asks, unperturbed. "Because then we’re both in for disappointment."

"You know what?" you say sharply, straightening up. "A single nice word would be great! You have no idea, no clue what I am going through here!"

"What you are going through?" He takes a sip of tea. "Imagine how Sergeant Barnes must feel."

Again, you feel rage bubbling up inside you. "That is all I imagine! Okay? I am failing him every single day, over and over again. And he doesn’t even really know it, which makes it worse because he still thinks that somehow, I’m going to save him, even though it’s all my fault!"

"Contrition. How refreshing." Strange’s cool gray eyes fixate on you. "Sit down."

You stare at him blankly.

"Don’t mistake my presence here for kindness," he says when you show no intentions of moving. "Your powers, left unchecked, continue to be a menace to the structure of space and time, and trust me, you don’t want to start tearing that down."

"Or what?" you say.

"Chaos," Strange answers. "Now sit. Down."

You sit on the edge of your reading chair, not letting him out of your sight for a second. The other mug of tea scoots closer to your end of the table on its own. A sweet, herbal smell drifts over. You eye it warily.

"I can’t well poison you without a body," Strange says, rolling his eyes. You suppose he has a point. "Here’s the deal," he continues. "I am going to help you in exchange for honest answers."

"You didn’t offer your help last time," you mutter around the rim of your mug.

"You were too busy acting tough and shouting at me to ask for it. Most people don’t react too generously to that."

The tea is both soothing and energizing at the same time; you’ve never tasted anything like it. "So I answer your questions and you help me … how?"

"Like I said, the only one capable of ending the loop is the one who started it in the first place." Strange’s cloak points at you. You frown back at it. "But for that, you need a stronger hold on your powers."

"And how do I do that, then?"

Strange’s eyes narrow ever so slightly as he looks at you from head to toe. "Black tourmaline and silver."

Reflexively, you reach for your necklace.

"A bit primitive, but effective, as it seems," he continues. "Your own idea?"

You need him, you remind yourself. As much as it pains you.

"My mother’s," you answer reluctantly.

"Of course." Strange puts his fingertips together in a triangle, thinking. "That’d keep others from sniffing up your powers from miles away. Smart woman, your mother. Quick thinking. But that’s not all, is it?"

"Listen, doc, I’m not going to tell you my life story unless you give me something in return," you say, putting your empty mug back on the desk. "What are we going to do about my powers?"

Strange reaches into thin air and his hand vanishes in a mirror crack. When he pulls it back, he’s holding a book in it that he throws into your lap. "You get to studying."

*****

"Can I ask you a weird question?" you said later that evening, staring at the ceiling. A content sort of exhaustion had started to set in, but none of you were ready to call it a night quite yet.

"Of course," Natasha said from her upside-down position on the couch, continuing to play with Steve’s hand in her lap.

You pushed up to your elbows. "Do you believe in fate?"

"Not really," Steve answered without so much as a pause.

"Seriously?" Nat turned her head towards him. "You don’t think there might be a reason we’re sitting here right now?"

"Sure I do." He booped her nose with their entwined fingers. "We’re here because we chose to be here. Like I chose to take the serum and you chose to escape the Red Room."

The quick shadows dancing across her face made you wonder whether Steve didn’t know everything about Natasha’s past, either. You sat up slowly, crossing your feet underneath you.

"So you don’t think there’s one way things are supposed to go, some grand plan or scheme or whatever, and we just … I don’t know. Pretend we can mess with it?" You fiddled around with your necklace.

"Nah," Steve said with a tired smile. "Everyone can change something."

"That’s putting a lot of faith in individuals, isn’t it?" Natasha asked.

"What do you think, then?"

She thought about it, wriggling her toes in the air. Her nails were painted as red as the roots of her hair. "I like the thought of serendipity," she finally settled on.

You grinned. "You mean, you like the movie Serendipity, you sap."

She threw a pillow at your head and you laughed. "I will neither confirm nor deny that," she said with a charming twinkle in her eye. "But that whole 'fate or free will' thing—I don’t know, I just don’t think there’s a clear cut answer like that."

Steve hummed. "So, happy accidents?"

"Yeah." She smiled at him. "Sometimes. Not fated, just fortunate."

"I think I like that," you said thoughtfully, pressing the pillow to your chest.

"Why are you asking?" Natasha looked at you and you dropped your gaze.

"Just wondering," you mumbled. You were pretty sure she knew, anyway.

Nat had a way of understanding things that bordered on the telepathic, an empathy that always seemed so out of place with everything else you’d learned about her, with what little you knew was in her past.

Whether or not there was a higher power behind it, it had to be a rare miracle in a series of coincidences that Natasha Romanoff had stayed as good as she did.

Serendipitous, almost.

Later, when you lay in bed and had the world stop to listen to your own heartbeat, you kept coming back to that thought. Green wisps of time curled around your fingers like shimmering jewelry, and you asked yourself if those accidents ever felt happy in the moment or if that was something you had to conclude later.

Maybe sometimes there was no way of telling at all.

thank you for reading!! you can follow my library blog @intrepidacious-fics for update notifications 💚

[the-delta-42]

Fic list

Fics that I’ve been inspired to write due to posts made by @lenoreofraven, @galahadwilder, @nerdasaurus1200, @gale-gentlepenguin

My other Accounts:

FF.net  DA.com  AO3 YouTube

Multi-chaptered Fics

War Circle AU - Miraculous Ladybug AU, Marinette has an older brother who has the Wolf Miraculous, the head of the War Circle.

The Pirate Prince - Post BOTW.  Severe AU. Link was orphaned at 3 months old and taken in by the King of the Gerudo, Ganondorf. Fast-forward seventeen years later, a disagreement results in Link leaving and start sailing the seas as the captain of The Fierce Deity, a Pirate ship that is known for hunting down various Criminals and pirates alike, But the winds of destiny throw Link back to his family. Zelink.

To Find Hyrule -  Link never expected to find a home on the waves. Tetra never expected to find a home in a person. A Series of non-chronological One-Shots that'll vary in length that'll follow Link and Tetra, and their growing relationship, as they look for New Hyrule. Set after Phantom Hourglass. I decided there wasn't enough of Tetra and Link, so here's a series of one shots around them. Telink.

To Find Hyrule Reblogged - The To Find Hyrule series in Chronological Order

Agents Like Us -  A.U: Before Nick was hustling with Finnick, he was a secret agent with Mammal Military Intelligence 5 and FBI. Now, ten years after Nick left, his old partner has come to call. After all, Nick can't run from Jack, not again. This story will contain Ships. Featuring Nick Wilde, Judy Hopps, Jack Savage and Others.

Rewrite History - Bunnyx changing history of Ladybug’s orders, in an attempt to avert a disastrous event.

To the Final Frontier - Miraculous Star Trek AU.

Valentine’s Prompts - The Prompts from DeviantArt’s Valentine’s day

Bridges AU - Adrien and Marinette have a falling out and Marinette is forced through the pain of losing her family. Started out as salt, future parts will retcon things

Marivenger - Marinette teaming up with the Avengers

Critical - Marinette is injured in an Akuma attack and is left fighting for her life

Armed AU - While fighting an Akuma, Ladybug is disarmed and exposed to the city of Paris

Hush AU - Marinette’s parents discovery her secret

Rules of Precinct One -  The rules that all Officers in Precinct One have to follow. Zootopia.

Revealed - Marinette has a terrible secret revealed after Rose is Akumatized

New Car AU -  Marinette thought she had a normal car, after her last one was stolen and torched, but it opened her world up for a whole lot of insanity.

Maribat -  Genetics are a wonderful thing, unless the substitute Science teacher is an arsehole. Bio Dad Bruce Wayne.

Miraculous Transformers - All MLB-TF cross over fics

In Plain Sight -  Transformers AU: LB-14 and CN-15 were dispatched to Paris under orders from Optimus Prime. Nowhere in those orders was the recommendation for them to crash into a building and reveal themselves to a group of locals.

Autobot City - Transformers: Prime, Rescue Bots & Robots in Disguise 2015 AU

Grief -  WARNING! THIS STORY HAS MAJOR CHARACTER DEATH, VIOLENCE AND SOMEONE TAKING THEIR OWN LIFE! IF THIS IS LIKELY TO SET YOU OFF IN ANY WAY DO NOT READ! A moment is all it took. A moment is the cost of a battle. A moment that starts a whole domino effect that leads to the end for so many.

Too Far AU - This series has implied and referenced rape/non-con elements. If this is likely to trigger, offend or otherwise make you react in a negative way DO NOT READ! A group from another class believe Lila's lies too well and believe Marinette is working with Hawkmoth. The group decide to take the law into their own hands, only for them to go too far in their 'interrogation' techniques.

Winged Mirabel AU - An Encanto AU where Mirabel has wings

Know Better AU -  My parts for Tumblr's Fake Apology AU, but I'm going to remove as much of the salt from it as possible.

Marinette hears Nino and Adrien talking and gets the wrong end of the stick, which creates a domino effect that causes a dark secret to be revealed. TW: contains mentions of abuse, past non-con and Gabriel Agreste being a shit person

Family - Alvin and Rebecca reluctantly agree to foster Clementine, a troubled child they've fostered before, after her latest foster family send her back into care.

TWDG Wing AU - If you were fortunate enough, you were born with wings. If you weren’t, you’d hope a child in your family would born with wings. Lee and his younger brother fell into the former camp, their parents were in the camp with them. Centuries ago, people with wings were once treated as deities, then were hunted, and then treated with the utmost respect. After an apocalypse interrupts Lee's journey to prison, he suddenly finds himself acting as a guardian for a little girl called Clementine. While doing his best to care for, and protect, her, he finds himself on the long road to redemption.

TWDG Reunions AU - After Clementine and AJ are exiled from the school, they make their way to New Richmond and the New Frontier. After reuniting with some old friends and a couple of accidents, the pair forge a new life in the community. Ten years later, they experience a tragedy and an unexpected reunion.

Oneshots;

Shit be True - Chloe chose the wrong time to screw everyone over.

Marinette and Cataclysm - Ever wondered what happens when Cataclysm is used on the human body?

Wing span - The Classes first flying lesson

Three and Down - An Akuma regresses the ages of the class, literally.

Stressed - *Updated 19/07/2022*  Marinette suffers a stoke at school that seems to be normal at first, but is later found to be anything but natural

The Reveal that Wasn’t - After discovering Chat Noir’s identity, Marinette has doubts that he would truly love her.

All your little tricks - The Downfall of Hawkmoth and his protégé 

Jerks - Adrien does something stupid and gets little sympathy

Secrets - The Class knows one of Marinette’s deepest secrets, and guard it with their lives.

Fallen - An accident occurs when Marinette is relishing in her newest hobby

Betrayal - Chat Noir is forced to betray Ladybug, but can only turn to Marinette to help save himself.

Nap Time - Marinette is sleep deprived and will not get up

Swimmingly - Ladybug can do anything, as long as it isn’t in the water.

An Unexpected turn - Hawkmoth wins, but also loses.

Cry of a Wolf - An Akuma turns people in animals

King Chilli - Kim plays the wrong kind of prank on Ladybug and suffers from the fallout.

Champion - Hawkmoth has Akuma’s, Ladybug has Champions

Cure - Marinette will do anything to save her father’s life, even if it meant selling her soul down the river to do it.

The Shield - Wild accidentally mentions how Time was able to beat the Gerudo warriors of his Hyrule, Buliara want to see him put his money where his mouth is

Fears -  Link finds out about Tetra's most embarrassing secrets. Telink oneshot based on a headcanon I have. Rated T for hinted/mentioned past child abuse

Pockets - A Pseudo Collab between me and @lenoreofraven, I say pseudo because she started and I just jumped on the wagon

Ghosts from the Past - Beckett Mariner has been in Starfleet roughly ten years as of 2380. The Dominion War was 2373 to 2375.

Survivors - A Continuation of Ghosts from the Past

Traitor - Currently in progress

Therapy - Beckett finally gets help

Too Much Salt - Two beans accidentally over season their food

Meet me inside -  Chloe pushes Marinette too far and shit hits the fan

Broken -  The Butterfly Miraculous was damaged when Gabriel started abusing it, leaving invisible scars on his victims. Some scars are more dangerous than others.

@gale-of-the-nomads said I could run with it, so I did.

Off Sick -  Marinette and her family are forced to self-isolate after one of their regulars tests positive

Redemption -  Alya is forced on a spending spree, after finding a pile of gift cards that are almost out of date.

Leap of Faith -  Link's thoughts on his task to save Hyrule. Set right after getting the paraglider.

Ladybug Fainted -  Chat finds out Ladybug's identity because she unified too many miraculous and she collapses leaving Chat in a panic. Alya thought Chat was making a Pokémon joke

Infected -  Ladybug in injured during an Akuma attack that occurred during her patrol while Chat was resting.

A Second Chance -  An Akuma forces Ladybug to call in a disgraced former member of her team, allowing them to have a chance at forgiveness.

Not a Soul -  While Chat is on a work trip, Ladybug comes up against an Akuma that has a taste for souls and Ladybug is left feeling strangely empty.

OoT Headcanon - Not really a fic, but it’s close enough

Crack - Marinette has a habit that leads to a reveal

A Glitch in the Matrix - Max has a hobby that no one can know about

Facsimilie -  Gabriel was right about there being a Sentimonster, he just wasn't right on who it was.

Since You’ve Been Gone -  At the first chance they get, Adrien and Kagami leave Paris to escape their controlling parents. When they return eight years later, they find that life has moved on and not in the way they were expecting.

Breaking the Wall -  Based off of Doctor Who S9E11: Heaven Sent.

Marinette is trapped by an Akuma with only two options; Give up or chisel away at a crystal wall until she is free. The catch? Don't let the Shadow get you.

Princess Justice - After a robbery 'gone wrong', Marinette finds herself attending her mothers funeral. Just one incident away from breaking the camels back. Shadowmoth suddenly finds himself realising that he can't control every Akuma he sends out.

Hamilton -  College Francais Dupont does Hamilton. Goes a well as you'd expect. Something nice and light hearted after my previous fic.

Clingy -  An ungodly early start has Marinette falling asleep on the bus with her classmates and other students. This leads to an incident that Kagami would deny ever happened. She has a reputation to up hold after all.

Creep -  After winning a competition, Marinette finds herself with an unwanted admirer and her friends enter detective mode to track them down.

Innocent Angels -  Marinette is innocent in many areas, she just didn't realise the meaning of her words until too late.

Fetch -  Ladybug has a plan to get the Miraculous back. Unfortunately, it requires an appendage from Monarch.

Disbelief -  Gabriel hits rock bottom, but instead of going up, he decides to cut out the one this he is certain on. He just didn't expect to be wrong.

My Gift to You -  Marinette's mother's birthday is coming up and Marinette doesn't know what to get her. It's only when she finds a forgotten object, that she has an idea. Also part of the War Circle AU.

Nightmares -  Nightmares aren't uncommon, but when five people who all know each other have too similar nightmares, that can't be a coincidence.

Limp -  Lila discovers that Marinette is an amputee. She also discovers that everyone else already knows and that she's the last one to find out.

*This was going to be longer but I felt it was finished*

Ashes to Ashes -  An Akuma goes after Marinette's parents and only stops after the Bakery is in flames, leaving Marinette without her parents and her identity known.

Upper Decks - 25 years after meeting Tendi aboard the USS Cerritos, Mariner has risen through the ranks, whether she wanted to or not. USS Shran, her fifth command, is scheduled with the Cerritos in order to collect some transferring officers. Set dur the Star Trek Online Klingon War Arc.

Road to Recovery - Almost three years after the war with Delta, Clementine suddenly vanishes while fishing, leaving a void in Louis's life. Six months later, she is returned to them. Broken and afraid, leaving Louis and the other survivors of their group to pick up the pieces.

A Sight to Behold - Marinette unintentionally reveals a secret to the class, and no it's not her identity.

Delay - Dolores starts panicking on her wedding day and Mirabel in elected to prevent Mariano from seeing Dolores's dress, at any cost.

Works that aren’t mine, but I’ve reblogged because they weren’t tagged on the home blog:

Know Better, Do Better - A Salt AU that I find interesting. This one is weird because the Author has four of the works listed. This one is by @nobodyfamousposts

Moral dues - This is another one I like, although I’ve been thinking on separating the parts into individual posts, since the length of the full think can make scrolling through it a nightmare. I’m also thinking on adding to it. This one has many different authors contributing to it, however the source inspiration for this post, and story, is @a-ratt who was previously know as Apex Primus

Betrayal au - This is the one post that was sitting in my drafts for so long that there are further parts that aren’t reblogs. This one shows a darker side to Adrien towards the end of it. The original poster for this is @lenoreofraven 

Warm - Gerudo!Link AU. Zelink

Mother Urbosa - Urbosa raising Link

Ganondad - Ganondorf adopting Link

Gerudo Link - Link but he’s a Gerudo Male

Mama Impa - Impa adopts Link

Shiekah Link - Link but he’s a Sheikah

Not mine - Fics that are usually one shots but sometimes are just chapters from a greater story that I haven’t gotten around to looking at.