#and it wasnt me who found it it was someone else
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"Yknow, I rarely see ya smile."
Gepard looked up from his paperwork to the ever familiar face that had taken himself to hanging out in the Captains office. While Sampo's presence had evolved from that of a thorn in his side general nuisence to a more appreciated general nuisence, it was unusual for him to be as quiet as he had been today.
That silence was broken, though, and it caught Gepard quite offguard.
"What do you mean?" Setting down his pen, Gepard had to ponder over Sampo's observation, his brow creasing.
"Well- I dunno, what do you want me to say?" A hint of playfulness still tinged at Sampo's voice as the conman righted himself in his chair. "Its just- I been thinking, and you just rarely smile. Thats all."
"Hm. I never took notice." Though, as Gepard rifled through his thoughts, the more he could pick out the truth in Sampo's words. It wasnt unusual for someone among the ranks to call him stoic- a compliment, for the most part. A sign of his unwavering dedication and loyalty to his home. He picked up his pen again, the scratching across paper resuming- though he was hyperaware of a certain someone vigilantly staring at his face.
"Sampo."
"Yyeeeeesss, Captain~?"
"Staring at me will not get you a smile."
"But what if it does?"
Gepard huffed, shaking his head.
"Youre impossible."
And with that, a somewhat comfortable silence stretched over them, accompanied by Sampo's snickers. It was a comfortable routine they had slowly fallen into, and Gepard found himself lingering in the moment, an occurance rare for him.
A ding went off though, signalling their times end.
"Dr. Natasha?"
A quick glance to Sampo's face told him that his guess was spot on.
"Maaannn, I thought I had at least another hour, cmon!!" Despite his whining, Gepard could see the itch in Sampo's hands- he was never one to sit still, after all.
So he simply set down his pen, intecepting Sampo as he got ready to flee out the window, pressing a somewhat missed kiss to the conmans lips. Sampo returned it eagerly, grinning into it as he caught Gepards hand with ease.
"Dont tell me youll miss me, captain?"
Those ever teasing words danced in their whispered tone, cast across his own dry skin. It drew a chuckle from him, green eyes forever turning starry at the sound.
"You know the answer to that."
With a second kiss and the beginnings of a smile on the corners of Gepards lips, Sampo vanished into the wind, not a trace in his wake.
He might have rarely smiled before, but as he sat back at his desk, he felt as if there may be many more in the near future.
-
A Rare Chance, a Noticable Glance - awriternamedart
brought to you by the realization that gepard smiles once in game at the end of servals story quest (and it could be argued as not a smile) and once in official art which is his white day art
#might be wrong on that#but i could only find one#and it wasnt me who found it it was someone else#gepard could smile more but also what if he didnt#im kidding (am i)#sampard#gepo#honkai star rail#gepard x sampo#gepard landau my favorite white boy#arts snippets
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🦈2
#even tho it was so hard for me. ofc when u can only communicate via the internet so much is lost i think... sm extra things u need to be#more secure kinda? like physical presence does a lot on its own#but yeah.. ok i actually wrote more but u can only have 30tags per post and safari on ur phone does not tell u when it's stopping so half o#what i wrote just disappeared ._. i cant rmbr what i said... and i mean this is just for myself to vent but grr im so annoyed#yeah just that he was sm more patient than i realized. i just was in the start of learning how to live w my avpd#i wasnt able to do a lot. even if i wanted to. he helped me sm to uncover things in myself to start that thing within me#i just desperately wish i had found him earlier and that i've been this far along in my anti avpd limitation abilities.... truly wish that#so im trying to accept it and just think bc i dont have a choice :') i've never wanted anyone like this and that just is how it is#i will always love him simply bc he is who he is#he's so so cool and amazing to me in so so many ways. and i always loved just how he talks and communicates bc it resonates w me#and there are simply sm details i just adore. but yeah... i probably shouldnt think abt that? i feel like.. it isnt my place to think abt i#but it is what it is but it hurts so incredibly much. will i ever be able to let go of him? the love i couldve experienced? the wonderful#person i couldve been with? will i be able to stop thinking abt all his great qualities and how much i wish he was mine? and all the things#wanna do and talk abt with him? he's just.. he just is .. i cant describe it. it feels like more than just earthly love...#maybe i sound insane or too intense or dramatic or smth but.. it feels so much larger than everything#so i struggle sm with letting go bc i want to touch him and i want to love him and i just want to be with him and experience everything w h#but that isnt my place. i know... why.. have i only ever felt like this w him... what do i do with this?? am i crazy? am i going insane? is#there smth wrong with me?#he is worthy of everything and he is so so wonderful but is there smth wrong w me for being so..#for having love that actually truly is all consuming? what is this... it's scary. esp when i cant unleash it. it's like a wild beast i have#to learn how to tame. and i want to be able to find mutual love too. but i cant force anything. will the universe grant me that?#i cant imagine myself ever being able of letting go of him but if that is what the universe has planned then..#ok im actually starting to sound intense and weird and idk O.O i think i think too much#.. it hurts that i wont get to do all of the things and talk abt all the things i wanna do w him. i'll never get to hug him...#if i could ask for only one thing it'd be one hug from him....#maybe is ound crazy but with all my disorders and feeling disconnected from the world.. and finding someone that makes me feel tethered#and safe and real.. and having to let go bc it just wasnt meant for me... why is the universe so cruel.#in the end i care abt him so much i just want him to be loved. i want him to finally feel loved.#someone else.. someone else without avpd can do that for him. i want him to be oh so so loved and .. yeah.. :(#i wish i couldve loved him as he deserves but .. its not my place. not my place... all i want is to hear his voice and live in his arms
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what you’ve got to understand about working conditions in education (and also other care-oriented careers) is that if they’re shit, two things are true at once:
that does not ever excuse being cruel to a kid, no matter what
until those conditions are fixed, education will continue to suck absolute shit
this is because when working conditions for teachers are really bad, many of the good teachers who recognize when they are reaching a point where they can no longer be the sort of teacher the kids deserve due to burnout WILL quit. they will do the responsible thing and go away for their own sake and the sake of the kids. and you end up stuck w a combination of new teachers who are trying their best but won’t last long, burnt out teachers who are trying their best but have nothing left to give and therefore aren’t very effective at actually teaching, and cockroach shitheads who take out their misery on the kids.
we have all had terrible experiences with bad teachers, many of them flat out traumatic, but for fuck’s sake please try to look at the systemic underpinnings of the problem for one minute. spitefully declaring that teachers don’t deserve good working conditions or even the right to complain about bad working conditions because ms. whoever in 5th grade was a bitch is only going to create more of her. if you want good teachers then we need an education system they can survive in
#i get so irritated w the post where like.#95% of it is a good post and then at the end op is like WAAAHHH teachers are complaining about burnout on my post about a bad teacher#like yeah no shit. if the field of education wasnt so hostile to everyone who works in it maybe they could have found a better teacher to#replace that motherfucker with. and then she would not be there to bother the kids any more.#as someone who Has had traumatic experiences w bad teachers.#its scary enough walking into a field i know is pretty much built to chew new teachers up and spit us out#hoping to be able to survive it long enough to do some good and be the kind of teacher i needed as a kid#without people acting as though it is some sort of crime for teachers to want. like. basic human dignity at work and enough money to survive#even people who are nominally pro-workers rights#you guys have no fucking idea how bad the situation is in schools right now#the reason bad teachers didnt get fired perhaps USED to be tenure#but nowadays its the fact that its rare for a school to be fully staffed *at all* bc so many teachers quit or died#so they'll hire and keep absolutely fucking anyone simply because the alternative is No Teacher. and an empty classroom#full of kids who wont learn anything except that the system doesnt even care about them enough to put a teacher in the room.#i have gotten job offers ON SIGHT from principals who know nothing about me and im literally not even legally qualified to teach yet#like before even telling them my name lmao#and im sure everyone else in town who expresses any interest in teaching whatsoever gets the same.
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Honestly tho it's the "I don't love you" and "every time I said it was just automatic impulse" that's got me the most messed up. Like u couldn't even let me down softly by saying it just wasn't working out? You had to essentially tell me the whole thing was a lie??? After I TOLD you I had trust issues and felt like everyone is just going to leave me in the end???
Way to make me feel unlovable lol
#speculation nation#tho of course what has me the Angriest is her breaking up with me over text. that takes the biggest fucking cake.#idk there was a lot said in all of that bullshit. including her admitting she was probably self-sabotaging.#i hate being used as a tool of self harm. being shoved away as a form of self sabotage.#like if youre gonna be a messed up bastard whyd you have to include me in it??? fucking bitch.#i let her know just how pissed off i was. called her every applicable name under the sun.#selfish coward bastard asshole piece of shit bitch. tossed in a few Fuck Yous as well. fully deserved.#and yet she just kept on with that sniveling 'im so sorry' and 'i know ill regret this' and 'i just have to do it'#you didnt have to do anything. you couldve had it poly but you just couldnt look last your infatuation.#also her calling days old feelings Love. as if that kind of immediate and extreme kind of feelings arent By Definition infatuation.#she's in the honeymoon faze. found her nice new fixation. said they understand each other like no one else.#but it's only been Days. how well can you know a person in that time? not very well usually.#threw out a nearly 6 month long relationship just like that. what a joke.#and when she'd brought up just last thursday that our 6 months was coming up (on the 23rd)#and mentioned wanting to do something to celebrate it...#im just like. i guess you really cant know everything in a person huh?#i knew she wasnt perfect but she always treated me so kindly. so considerate and attentive.#who knew she'd be the type to drop me for the new shiny fixation? i sure didnt expect it.#id started to trust that she genuinely liked me. even if i didnt understand why.#but now im back to square one. wondering whether anyone can ever like the true me.#i know theres gotta be someone out there for me. i just... have to find them.
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#just this n mUST post because#I just found out the boY at work I was talking to again n was surprised he was being so like warm n shit w hugs#and then I took a trip! came back! one good day!#and then cut me off complete ab#avoidance#won’t come near me at work won’t text back#and then today I see him leaving with a girl from the back#and he is trying to go so that I don’t see them and I did#and believe me …. I’ll find out who she is !#personal#and it just is shitty and weird like be HONEST#why cANT MEN BE HONEST#MEN ARE INSECURE#WEAK LITTLE BEINGS#just say you started talking to someone else it WASNT serious w us but#you can’t just cut me off for the THIRD TIME#and just act like whatever#the third fucking time#maybe this is the the charm that breaks the curse of him
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everytime i think im done ranting i remember something else LMFAO this one is extra long i hit tag limit god mf damn
#self#for instance.....my mom wants me to cut off everyone who is still tied to the school#and im so mad at myself for feeling a certain type of way when the campus manager called me not too long ago basically to tell me she doesnt#trust the girl who did this shit and she wasnt mad at me but was also mad at me for bringing her to her dads house#for reference we were trying to get a cat from the campus managers dads house LMFAO#and i honestly cannot wait to speak to her again and be like 😔 god dammit you were right like you were every single time#i just dont understand the wiring in her head to think the shit she says and does to people is normal and okay and how she doesnt realize it#is literally a mental health break. when i finally told my mom the first thing she said was shes probably off her medication#which.....probably isnt wrong sadly coming from someone who has borderline and very easily can lose it#but the difference is i dont give in to the urges to try to hurt everyone around me in every way i can#and me and her have said before that we thought she might also have borderline because we were very similar#but god damn does she love proving that if she has it its extremely severe or its something else entirely#on an honest note. shes incredibly narcissistic and i know her mom is part of the reason shes that way bc she was given princess treatment#her entire fucking life and then doesnt understand when other people dont treat her the same way#i hate rambling about this and i hate it that it is bothering me so fucking bad but like ???#if youre going to decide that you can put our past aside period and move on then fucking do that and stop bringing the past up as a way to#hurt me and the people around you???? she acts like shes not done horrible fucking things to people. so sorry i wrote a letter that was very#honest at the time. so sorry that when you found out i apologized for it and said i regret it because 2 weeks after my apology i no longer#regret writing it. if its making school a living hell for you....theres probably a reason for that girlfriend#i am not the person who put that shit in your folder#though i seriously fucking doubt its actually in her folder shes probably assuming it is#and youre the one who made a complete ass of yourself to every educator that ever stepped foot in that building#that has nothing to do with me that you are a literal warning given to every new educator!!!! i havent even been in school there in months#yet IM the problem??? how am i the problem when i graduated in fucking january???? everything since then falls on you#AND YET AGAIN! MIGHT I MENTION! IT IS NOT JUST MY LETTER!!! THERES AT LEAST 2 OTHER ONES!!!!!#BECAUSE IM NOT THE ONLY PERSON SHE DOES THIS SHIT TO!!!!#god sometimes i sit back and realize that theres a reason she regresses as a person and i do not#im not going to sit still anymore and let someone walk all over me and she can thank herself for that#shes who taught me that blocking and running as fast as i can doesnt fix anything#so here we are bitch. youre not blocked and im sure youre sitting at home thinking about how youre right about everything
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speaking of genbu's "serious" sounding tone in his voicebank, i think that might be why he was such a dead ringer for teto pre-synthv-bank-release with just a couple little gender parameter tweaks. wait do my followers know this. sorry i know most of my vocal synthesizer talk is genuinely gibberish to my beloved and loyal long time followers but do you guys know this. for a few years, people had discovered that since utau teto and genbu have this similar strong enunciation and dark sounding tone plus teto can have a bit of a tomboyish edge to her voice anyway -> if u mess with some parameters and phonemes he'll sound close enough to her, so it became a bit of running gag in the community, along with just being a genuine and novel use case for his voicebank. actually recently i found out about someone who made a couple of synthv scripts to set genbus voice to his falsetto pitch and set the tension to drop during each syllable automatically to make him sound like the utau sora amaha. genbu's purpose is to impersonate other vocal synthesizers
#i wasnt familiar with sora until i found that video. apparently she's voiced by lon? like that lon? like the utaite?#which is really neat! every day i find out about another utaite or seiyuu or someone who is involved with vocal synths in some fashion#im still reeling from anju inami providing the voice for a cevio bank! oh and the other day#i learned that the utaite kano was involved with the japanese version of luo tianyi#only to clear up some pronunciations - most of the bank is apparently the original provider. but its really interesting!#also jk jk genbu i love you. you are youre own vocal synth. you dont have to be her (teto). be yourself!!!!!!#i do love when people make teto and genbu have beef though. its so funny to me#tbh ive never been a teto user. shes not bad or anything i just never had any desire to use her utau bank. i keep her sv lite around tho#just in case i feel like making her bully genbu or something. bully that grown ass man#wait is she older or younger. i forgot how her fucked up chimera age worked again. oh well. whether ur 30 or 16 u can still bully him <3#its a family activity. fun for all ages! anyway yeah i was never much of a teto user. tbh i think its just because like#if i want to hear a teto cover someone else probably has already done it far better than i could even think to LOL#i like when other people use her! sasuke haraguchi's use of her in hitomania and igaku has been magnifique#but i think with vsynths i prefer to use voices i like that no one uses much LOL#gives me much more drive to make covers if i know im one of the few doing it HJKDSLJ#whenever i get tired to pitchbending fast syllables (my least favourite part LOL) i think to myself.... i must.... i must....#do it for him (genbu)..... hes not very popular since hes not the only male japanese voice anymore..... i must do it for HIM!!!!!!#(tunes one phoneme and explodes on impact)
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shaking crying screaming
#get u a girlfriend who wants to get someone to recreate your old childhood stuffie that u lost#and wants to get u ur old favourite childhood book that u lost#bc she knows that ur childhood wasnt great but those parts were and wants to give them back to u#im seriously. dying every second every minute every day i have never experienced a love as kind and thoughtful and good as this#and i am truly obsessed with her she is everything i cd have ever wanted and more#i feel so lucky i cannawt believe this is real life sometimes i stg. SORRY im being extremely sappy but it’s just soooo#i was not looking for this love it just Happened TM and it makes everything else it took me to get here worth it#me when i am so very devoted and i would do anything to make her happy and i know she’d do the same#i Adore her. i cant even conceptualise how much i love her what the hell man#and not just bc of how she loves me but bc of who she is#ive never met someone more unflinchingly honest but kind and loving and fawking hilarious#and capable and self aware and such a beautiful person inside & out#i love her in all her humanness and i love her with everything in me If im honest.#i knew from before we even got together that i was going to marry her and that feeling hasnt changed#me when i spill my guts on tumblr i am treating it like a diary not a social media site. oop#WHATEVER IM HAPPY AND IN LOVE AND DEVOTED AND !!!!!!!!!!!!!#anyway.#valentina talks#my lover#EDIT IM ENDING IT ALL SHE FOUND MY OMD STUFFIE AND BOUGHT UT IM CRYING SHAKIFNGBSUING THROWIFNUOP AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
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Trying to date makes me so sad...
#rant#is it the advice love comes when ur not looking that makes me sad? hell yeah ToT i havent looked in years#and lo and behold i am still single! love didnt show up when i wasnt looking as they said dudjfjf#is it how a lot of ppl on apps are poly and partnered#and i am not personally. but id like to ask them HOW ON EARTH they found someone they love so i can learn from their advixe#(but rhats a lie. i probably cant learn from their advice ;-; cayse ive been trying to learn from advixe for over a decade now#and well none of it worked did it)#is it perhaps that lots of young 20#year olds like me on dayint apps. and im looking for a serious relationship with someone else whos working and stuff and#generally a 20-22 year old is gonna be more likely foguring out stuff and having fun and not planning long term#is it that im simply demiromantic and demisexual and in a Swipe Right world the months long pace#that takes to develop attraction is just boringly time wastingly slow for pwople who Know immediately if they wanna bang or fall in love#and i get it. if theyre trying to xut their loses and date casually to find a compatible partner. i probably taje too long compared to#other options.#am i gonna just be alone. i wish i wasnt but i really dont know what to do#i havent had a crush in years :c not even a date. . im talking i havent evrn felt simple attraction in many years#:c :c oh im so sad i could cry#i got onto the dating apps today and was recommended 20 21 year olds. 10 poly people. and 10 people who want children#:c then i felt so sad i didnt wanna look at the apps any more
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Introduced my mom to the concept of individuality and autonomy 4 dead 1 injured
#wasnt even about me its about my brother#ny brother (L) bought his girlfriend a really nice promise ring#my moms mad that she wasnt told that he was getting it for her#me:its not your relationship theres no reason for him to ask or inform you#her: its disrepectful#me:its really not#her: hes my son i have a right to have a day of who hes committed to#her: especially more than *Ls girlfriend*#me: L is his own person neither you or his girlfriend have a right to him#*chaos ensues*#i told her one time that if i ever get married and my spouse asks her permission for an engagement and i found out#it would be an immediate no from me#you would have think i told her i shot her husbanf#asking someone elses permission to marry me feels disrespectful towards me#like im my own person and no one whose not in the relationship should be involved in our decisions#apparently thats controversial in my family#my other brother *N* butted into the conversation and shes mad at both of us now#along with L and his gf#and my other other brother *J* tried to state his opinion but hes like 9#max thinks shes relevant#should i be telling tumblr about my family issues#?#probably not#do i care?#not really
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ive had. quite a day.
#found out someone att he old church i used to go to who. hurt me pretty bad. is worming his way back into the community#im not involved in that shit anymore but its like theyve all forgotte.n it wasnt just me either. 4 other kids#his official statement is that hes 'turning over a new leaf'#but a leaf has the same veins no matter how many times you flip it#he cant hide that shit and he wont hurt anyone else.
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exciting day so far
#264 (the couple who pays extra to have their bed made every day (which is crazy)) knocked over a CLOCK in their room#the wife did it on accident luckily she was ok.but i had 2 hunt down maintenance to fix da clock and i thought i found a guy but apparently#he wasnt actually a maintenance guy So i might kms. but he said hed find a maintenance guy for me so..#bc my boss was like ok ryan (head of maintenance (wnd housekeeping but hes a maintenance guy. my boss is the real head of housekeeping lol)#might be in the maintenance shop. and i was like okie went in and he wasnt 💀💀💀 so i just saw a guybwearing black which i thinkk is#maintenance color and i was like halp me ! and he was like erm yeah ill find a maintenance guy for you ^-^#it was so awk tho. my job on weekdays (except tuesdays bc thats the day they get cleaned) is 2 make the bed and its usually umm#shes usually in da shower with her caretaker. not like eith but. ykwim. and the husband is usually asleep on da couch#but i got there like 10 minutes early so they were both up and also yhe husband was like Are you a guy can you help and i was like erm no#and i misunderstood i thought he was having like#a medical or#something else issue. yk. but then i overheard him talking to the wifes caretaker and realized he said CLOCK. and i was like ohhh ok..#but i finished the bed and said okie ill find a maintenance guy t come help asap :]#and he was like thanks 👍 hes very sweet idk if we had spoken b4. well probably but idr much of it#i think ive mainly spoken to da wife b4. shes very sweet shes had a stroke so its a bit difficult to understand her sometimes but shes very#nice.. i ws sooo worried thenfirst day bc allegedly we got there early (aka the time they usually went to do the bed) so now k do it at 9#which is mildly inconvenient but not too bad. ideally id be making the bed b4 i starty rooms 4 the day bc i have like an hour anf a half to#do my morning work. so i could just slot ir in real easy.. but its all good jo worries. but ya so she was kind of irritated the first day#and also it was my first time speaking to someone who had had a stroke. so i didnt realize thats just like. how she ralks and thought she#was just super duper mad. and i was like eep! but its ok.
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While we're here, I just want to add an example of a good response to Harris' video.
In the first half of the video, Harris briefly mentions a creator called Lukeypoo (who now goes by Luke Stephens) who had plagiarised Harris' Bloodborne review, and his response at the time was to deny it, signal to his alt right buddies and insult Harris.
After the video came out, Luke Stephens made a post on his community page regarding it:
For those, who can't see the screenshots, it reads:
A video went up on YouTube last night that showed something I did 6 years ago in early 2017, of which I'm very ashamed. I've talked about it on stream plenty since then and try to be very open about it, but I know a lot of people haven't been watching me since 2017 or have not heard me discuss this before. I don't want to hide from my mistakes or deflect, so very plainly here's what happened:
I was just starting on YouTube and I ripped off a phenomenal video on Bloodborne. It was a fantastic video by hbomberguy and after finding it through a Reddit post I tried to take his 1.5 hour masterpiece and make my own suckier version at around 7 minutes. I copied the premise, jokes, structure, and then pretended like it was all just a coincidence that they were so similar. I was a 19 year old idiot who thought it didn't matter because "he's a bigger creator so it's fine" and "it's just the internet." When I was rightly called out for copying his video I dodged, lied, and even attacked and insulted the appearance of those holding me to account, including hbomberguy himself. I copied someone's video, in parts word-for-word, and I pretended like *I* was the victim and *they* were being unreasonable. Unbelievable. There is no question at all: I was in the wrong, fully.
Let me be very clear: I whole heartedly disown who I was back then and what I did. Politically, religiously, and even morally/ethically I was a person that I hate today. I was an extremist, a bully, a religious zealot, and above all, a prick. This event sparked a spiral in my personal life that I didn't document online, but that has led me to who I am today. Someone who tries very hard to respect my fellow creators, audience, and to uphold a high ethical standard for myself. I strive every day to be a better man for myself, my family and kids, and for the community around me. And that's why I'm writing this, because I don't think we should hide from our mistakes or pretend they didn't happen. I screwed up, big time, and I stole the hard work of an incredibly talented creator and for that I'm incredibly sorry. I was 19, hard headed, and above all arrogant and unwilling to acknowledge I had screwed up. It took a couple years after that before I could openly admit what I had actually done, and that it took that long is all the more shameful.
I don't expect a response or certainly forgiveness, but for what it's worth, I am truly sorry for everything, @hbomberguy
For the last 6 years I've been working my butt off to be someone I can be proud of being and I hope you all can see that the man I am today is not the shameful excuse of a person I was back then.
I've never watched a video or stream by Luke Stephens so I can't attest as to his content, but this is one of the best responses I've seen to any kind of accusation, and so I lean towards believing him to be a better man than he was six years.
I thinks it's important to highlight the good response/s to Harris' video, to remind ourselves that plagiarism is not such an immoral action that from which you can't redeem yourself (though in Somerton's case, I'm less sure of that) if you take accountability for your actions, and to remember that in most cases, we should give people space to grow and become better.
The swiftness and brutality of Hbomberguy’s complete evisceration of James Somerton’s career cannot be overstated.
#i saw this a few days ago and its stayed on my mind#and i havent seen many other people talk about it so i thought i would#also this is unrelated by im not gonna ever put this in an actual post so im going to use these tags to get it off my chest#i rewatched the video yesterday and it aas during harris' speech about how art is difficult and a skill#that i kinda had an epiphany i guess#(have not used that word in a while huh)#because thrice within the last few years#ive come across fics on ao3 where while i wouldnt call it plagiarism the authors did very much steal a considerable amount from my fics#some less than others#one of them used some of the exact same sentences as mine so i guess that one was plagiarism#but they all took a nontrivial amount of ideas or plotbeats or phrasings from my fics#and each time i was in three minds: 1) i found it kinda funny honestly though i cant articulate why; 2) i was flattered because i dont#really think my fics are worth stealing from; and 3) holy shit i baked one of the holy shit two cakes#i wasnt really upset by it especially because i know my work has been inspired by fics i love at times#but after rewatching harris' video#i realised it wasnt that i wasnt upset but that i wasnt allowing myself to be#because i didnt consider my work as something you could steal from? i didnt consider it worthy of that#like not as in ''oh i didnt know my art was that good'' but as in ''oh i didnt know my work was art''#so ive been allowing myself to be upset about it since then#and all those emotions are probably tangled up in the roots of the treehouse luke stephens' response is squatting in#because like#im not going to do anything about it like im not going to accuse the authors of plagiarism#even the one who stole exact sentences mostly because their writing is indicative of a 13 year old and mate im 23#ive been writing since i was 11. i know what its like to be starting out as a newbie writer it just feels mean for me to call them out#and if theyve stolen lines from me theyre going to have done it to other people and im sure theres someone else who feels more comfortable#in approaching them about it#but anyway back to my point#im not going after any of these people in anyway but if i did id want their response to be like this
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The good thing about pain is that it always dulls over time but the shitty thing about it is you can still always feel it peering back at you in the moments you finally feel peace
#i try to tell myself its not goung to get to me anymore the way it used to#and i feel closer to that than i ever did before#i have ensured that im surrounded by friends and people who love me or enjoy my company#my best friend is moving jn with me this month for a few months#and im going to have fun and feel the need to have you around become less and less#but i cant pretend that part of the reason i randomly burst into tears yesterday wasnt because of you#and i cant deny the panes of sadness that hit me at random times#but i can do this#fuck it i am doing it already#but it hurts and it sucks and i dread what comes next#i dread hearing that youve found somebody and the awful question of “what do you want to do?”#because i cant say what i want to do. it isnt feasible and it isnt right#i just have to say what i need to do. what the right thing is#at least i can say that after months of this shit that my self worth isnt tied to you anymore#that i understand what i have to offer is significant and valuable and desirable and i need to invest those attributes into someone who#wants it#i just reallg wanted that to be you but its not and thats ok#my feelings for you have been waning ever since our convo a month ago#but that doesnt mean theres no residuals#that doesn't mean im going to be able to accept and watching you with someone else#even as a friend it sucks to see my significance to you dwindle#but its fine its okay. i have other people to invest my time and energy into#and someday i will find someone who feels for me the way i have felt for you
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to give u an idea of how disproportionately popular marshall maximizer is from literally everything else ive gone thru all of the aru sekai bijutsuten & hiiragima tags, up to april 2022 of the hiiragi magnetite tag (bc twitter died violently at that point so i couldnt go farther), & both the magu & marshall maximizer tags on pixiv ive collected a total of 179 images, none of them my own, and 76 of them are marshall maximizer. the next most popular is shuuen touhikou which is 27/179.
#ive found 3 for kanon so im going to fix that when i feel like drawing again thats the lowest amount#hesitant to add my own to this. i would do it if i was sharing it but rn this is just for me#unless someone else out there is desperate for content them hmu i'll find away to share that isnt reposting#theres only one i dont have a source for bc i saved it on my phone back in june & its been deleted since#i know it was For asa for their birthday but wasnt by asa themself but i dont know who did it im so sad#everything else i put names or handles in the file name & the link in the file properties !#its all organized by song title so like. its all here.#i had a good time tonight theres so much good art out there for real
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#gonna rant here a bit abt nothing much but just because I have no one to talk about it with#i kinda like this guy and honestly. its not that big of a deal. but i do think he might like someone else and i have no idea who and its#making me a bit insane. Like. im not too bothered by it bc i think of it more as a whim than anything else. and im not going to cry if he#doesn't like me back. Like. im 18 dude I have no business in worrying too deeply aboyt those sorts of things yk? but i do miss the feeling#of someone liking me back. I do feel like I haven't gotten that in a while and it does make me a bit sad. Yk the whole 'what is so-#inherently unlikeable about me' sorta thing. Should I keep waiting or should I do something or what. like. what do I do. Im trying to stay#focused on uni and my professional future but I cant help thinking about all these other things#I feel like its the being a young adult of it all. that if I wasnt maybe I wouldnt be thinking about it too hard. I already have so much on#my plate as it is. I cant focus on everything and I feel like I cant focus on anything anyway#I thought I was a bad person for thinking about making a move when I had JUST found out that he had broken up w his gf just a couple of#weeks prior to me finding out. but apparently for him it was a long time coming. And now he's completely moved on and likes someone else#and its driving me mad not knowing who it is. Because I also cant fathom the possibility of it being me. I really cant. And its gonna sound#so stupid and superficial but god. he has so many pretty girls in his life and Im just here. Im just me. How could it be me.#when it never is#like I said. its dumb. and im overthinking it but I cant help it. I dont even think I want an actual relationship or anything. but I do#want to be selfish about it. I want it to be me#And I feel terrible because I know this isn't about him. its about wanting someone to like me. and he doesn't deserve that.#I dont know what to do
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