#and it makes me tired
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tired of good only coming from irreparable harm. tired of "well, duh" rules coming from horrific tragedy. tired of living through historical events. tired of being told that my empathy needs to be turned on and used like a weapon, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. tired of my trauma being used to hold me hostage. tired of being told i'd be the perfect person to fix everyone else around me BECAUSE of that empathy and trauma. i am so tired. i am so tried. i am so tired.
#current events#<- applicable for the last 30 years#''my'' applies to everyone in medicine and mental health and greater stem right now#there's a reason mental health practitioners are quitting in droves#LIIWMI has a line in it ''thank you kanye very cool'' and it makes me angry every time i hear it#social media is a disease#''well but it's done so much good'' at what cost#so has modern agriculture#at what cost#how many lives#so has the modern textile industry#at what cost!#so has industrialization in general#i ask again: at what cost!#hank green was like modern solutions to old problems have only ever created modern problems that require solutions we don't have yet#and it makes me angry#and it makes me tired#and it makes me upset that we don't have a way to Fix the human condition yet#my mom used to make fun of me when i was little for having a big heart#i think it'll kill me one day#my post
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I can't keep having the same conversations about love languages, mbti, iq, bmi, "brain fully formed at 25" and shit over and over again...
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Brief complaint, then a nap.
#i am tired#i am sad#i am done#i want to be out of this place and this life and my skin#but i cannot leave yet#and it makes me tired#so i sleep because there is nothing else to do and no way to avoid it#and then i wake up#and i am tired#and sad#and done#still#and maybe this time there is something to do#but then it ends and i am back where i started#god i know that happiness comes back#but sometimes it feels like sadness comes back far more often
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above all else a trans woman is a person. above all else a trans women is a woman who goes to the same grocery store as you and buys fruits in the same grocery cart as you and goes home and eats her dinner the same as you. above all else a trans woman is a woman who dresses like you do and talks the same way you do. above all else a trans woman is a woman who wants to be cared about the same way you want to be cared about and a trans woman is a woman who makes friends the same way you make friends. above all else you should care about trans women because they are people. treat her as such.
#pig originals#im so fucking tired. right now. let me know if something here doesnt make sense or whatever but god damn#its always the fucking singling out of transfem people i just. want everyone to have a normal life#i want everyone to have the chance to worry over their clothes or whatnot not whether. they're going to be respected as Actual Human Beings#i want us all to have the opportunity to live quiet happy lives forever#can we fucking do it!!!!! ahh!! ahh im going to explode
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made a sticker for anyone to slap onto their work if they need to
#ramble#i've only interacted with tiktok via osmosis#but something is eating their brain matter and it makes me sad#it's fine if you only want to read light things (all power to you) but don't whine at me because i write about bad people sometimes#i'm so tired
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yeah we might be brothers in christ but so were cain and abel so shut the fuck up before i decide to find a rock about it
#postscript;#if you try to tell me cain and abel were not brothers in christ shut up pls#i've studied theology for nearly a decade. i know more than you.#christ's harrowing of hell exists to retroactively turn all of humanity even before his existence into ''brothers'' in christ#because it is not a literal term it is an evangelist term. bc christianity in all denominations is evangelistic in nature#not being a christian is 1. a moral incorrect choice according to them and#2. not actually possible. everyone is judged as a christian everyone is fundamentally supposed to be christian#calling someone a brother in christ is just calling them christian.#so ergo according to doctrine cain and abel are in fact brothers in christ#but#and this is far more important than any of that#i was not trying to be perfectly accurate to the theological timeline of the tanakh vs torah vs old testament vs new testament vs apocrypha#i was trying to make a silly one line joke on the internet#and all you do when you try to go Well Actually They Werent is make yourself look stupid and pedantic.#so for the love of god stop it with needing to be right online im so bored and tired
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Learning about the Doctor Who specials' expanded budget: oh no, what if they overuse CGI to look more 'professional' and high-budget?
The first scene of the Doctor Who Special:
#:D#[ID: The Fourteenth Doctor looking tired in front of a green screen of space \End ID]#it's still just as cheesy and silly as it was during 10's run#doctor who#fourteenth doctor#the image looks like something a fan would make tbh#the only very jarring part of the budget was how nice quality the camera was throughout the episode#I kind of wish it was a little less crisp because it made everything look a bit off in a way#but I also haven't watched 13's run so maybe it's not as stark of a jump as it felt for me#10 especially always felt very fuzzy and warm in terms of camera quality#tenth doctor#the star beast#twilight-zoned-out#doctor who spoilers#dw#dw spoilers
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I really like the way Giyuu thinks he can make friends with Sanemi is by just hiding red bean mochis in his sleeve and giving it to him whenever. I can just imagine Sanemi having a bad day and it gets 10 times worse when Giyuu comes around because he might think he's making fun of him
Pretty relatable tho I get it Giyuu I get it
#anyways this was just an excuse to draw demon slayer stuff#im getting a bit tired of drawing danganronpa stuff so im taking a break before it makes me hate danganronpa#sanemi shinazugawa#kny sanemi#demon slayer sanemi#shinazugawa sanemi#kny#kimetsu no yaiba#giyuu tomioka#kny giyuu#demon slayer giyuu#kimetsu giyuu#kimetsu sanemi#sanegiyuu#sure why not#which i will continue doing btw
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for the love of god
#don't make me tap the sign#house md#i know its sometimes asking a lot to have nuance on the internet in the year of our lord 2024#the amount of people i see saying 'they dont queerbait like this anymore' IT WASN'T QUEERBAIT. PLEASE#or like 'oh another queerbait show to get into'#im so tired lol
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"karasu search how 2 cheer human up"
"karasu search difference between sad human and zoning out human"
"karasu search how long is it safe for humans to zone out for?"
(+ a longer look at each scene:)
#art#gif#obey me#this was meant to be a quick test. it was not quick. i think this is was the longest i've spent on drawing something since rolling ik#for some reason procreate keeps fucking up the colours on export and i'm too tired to figure out how to make it stop#can you tell that satan and lucifer were animated first?#funnily enough satan showing ik his book was pretty simple but lucifer walking was like. impossible. he kept turning out fucked up#i was so worn out by the end of it that everyone else's animations are way simpler#(the walk still doesn't look right but i've made peace with that.... i should've done some tutorials or smth first)#(such is my hubris: when i try to do new art things it's mainly by brute-forcing my way through it and hoping it works)#jtta ik#obey me lucifer#obey me mammon#obey me leviathan#obey me satan#obey me asmodeus#obey me beelzebub#obey me belphegor#anyway i'd like to experiment more with trying to animate things in future so!! look forward to that?
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You don't wish your disability was worse or more visible, you wish your disability was taken seriously. Please stop confusing the two, I guarantee you would not get the support you need JUST by being more severe or more visible. Please listen to visibly disabled people when we tell you it isn't better on our side
#m/cc#mine#I tried extremely hard to word this nicely because I KNOW people don't mean bad and often even know there are unique challenges#and believe me I know the challenges of invisible disability too!!#I have invisible disabilities!#but as someone who has also been at least visibly 'off' since they were 10 I am SO SICK of invisible disabilities being hailed as like#a unique extra oppression that us lucky visibly disabled people don't have to deal with#there are challenges to invisible disabilities that visibly disabled people DON'T have to deal with!#but you need to understand that *the reverse is also true*#there are MASSIVE benefits to being able to lie about your disability for example#or not dealing with the overt ableism that comes with your disability being obvious to everyone#*I do not have the option to pretend I'm not disabled.* that is never an option I have#I walk weirdly. I use a mobility aid now. my speech and face are 'off.' I lean to one side#for a long time I wore sunglasses 24/7 and often didn't make sense. I sometimes can't speak or won't react to others#for the most part people will always know that at the very least something is wrong with me#and more obviously I have people telling me they'll pray for me; telling me I can't do things I'm already in the process of doing;#wanting to shake my hand to tell me I'm an inspiration for not killing myself; giving me dirty looks for existing in public#and yes. I'm aware that this is very much an in-community issue. I know the average abled person doesn't know invisible disabilities exist#that's why there's so much awareness happening for it#but as a visibly disabled person I get SO TIRED of constantly hearing 'I wish my disability was visible :'('#it's just 'I wish I had your disability!' but from other disabled people
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Gaze upon me, and witness my glory!
#im so tired of this painting get me out#im done im doneeee#for some reason i made this canvas big as hell#like 11x17#so i could make this a print. if i was brave.#im not tho so u guys just have to deal with it#tf sentinel prime#ANYWAYS enjoy! I hope you like it!#maccadam#transformers#sentinel prime#transformers one#oh my god I’m so cooked I forgot to add to the end of that sentence#it’s there now
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The Pantheon of Discord
#i stayed up way way too late to make this#i'm so sorry i didn't find a better gif for the mara but i'm tired and it's making me laugh far too much#it's dancing to my music#doctor who#dw spoilers#new who#classic who#doctor who spoilers#the toymaker#the trickster#the maestro#the mara#the gods of ragnarok#sutekh#the legend of ruby sunday#i'm so tired that i almost typed “the legend of ruby tuesday”#my posts#my gifs#gifs#okay good night
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dinosaur in a lab coat - would you trust her with operating the centrifuge
#my art#oc#mockley#anthro#furry#dinosaur#i like the headshot especially so i'm including it too#unintentional redraw of the mockley ref from back in may. this is the natural mockley pose i guess - this is her official render#so i included the symbolism thing again with some slight edits#grhaggh i love her i'm ripping her to pieces with my mind.....my doddery old bint#okay i've got a lot to do tonight. why i did this today of all days i don't know but for people who want art from me#keep yer eyes peeled#also i'm gonna also use this for oc-tober. lol#for the monster prompt. mockley's a monster...literally to us and more metaphorically in her universe#also for ages i was trying to make mockley's species a dinosaur but like evolved. different and weirder#now i'm like embracing full dinosaur i'm too tired to make up a new species i can't....i surrender
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REPLICA PLAYLIST
MUSIC UNDER CUT
I have been receiving requests for any songs that inspired Replica, so here, have my personal playlist. Sorry it’s not Spotify/Soundcloud but they don’t have some of these songs available so uh… guess you’re stuck with YouTube vids. For fun I'll include my personal titles for them (which might give a few hints of what to expect in the future/end).
Replica Main Theme - “Die for You” by Grabbitz Like Father Like Son Like Brother (Omega and Shelldon) - "As Above So Below" by Alistair Lindsay Mikey's Theme / The 1st Vision - "Suzume no Tojimari" by Nanoka Hara Military (Mad) Dogs / Central Park Colony - "Imperium" by Madeon Shanghai - "Icarus" by Madeon Boom Goes the Donnie-mite (Mikey/Donnie vs the Sweeper) - "The Red Zone" by Mitsuoto Suzuki The Day the Sky Bled Red - "7 Seconds Till the End" by Nobuo Uematsu Going Out Like a Boss (Raph and Leo) - "Agape" by Nicholas Britell Remembering the Right Way (Mikey and Leo) - "The Souls of Many" - by Alistair Lindsay Mystic Hands / The 2nd Vision - "Am I Dreaming" by Metro Boomin x A$AP Book 2 Trailer - "Sea Dragon" by Covet 7 Years Later - "Iron" by Woodkid Leo's Theme / Attack on the Labor Camp - "Ego Death" by Polyphia Omega's Theme - "Touch" by Daft Punk Flat Lines (Omega Alone) - "Die Toteninsel Emptiness" by 1000 Eyes Spear - "Monsters" by Tommee Profitt Final Protocol - "The Kraken" by Katie Dey Rise / Epilogue - "Close in the Distance" by Masayoshi Soken & Tom Mills
I will admit, it's a little embarrassing since you can easily see the patterns of what I've been listening to for the past year or two. I swear I listen to more than just videogame OSTs, these songs just jive well with the story and I often find lyrics distracting when brainstorming scenes. Regardless, the music I listen to is such an important part of my creative process and some of these songs really defined the scenes I now have locked in my head. So I figured it was only fair to give them the credit they're due.
I will continue to add to this playlist, and will note in comic updates when one of these songs is applicable!
#lofi Donnie anyone?#also sort of celebration for 19k followers wow#should I do something else for it?#I particularly like Leo's theme being titled Ego Death#very fitting#Also the final song makes me cry because the lyrics are just too dang perfect#I'd like to do an animatic with the song when this story is all done#check out the lyrics if you get the chance#in fact I'd like to do an animatic trailer for the Book 2 Teaser#we'll see though#i can't allow myself to get too distracted from the comic itself haha#replica#rottmnt replica#kathaynesart#playlist#music#spoilers? but like... you know how it ends in the movie so not really?#kind of?#did you see the rise movie?#then you’ve been spoiled sorry#posting again at an ungodly hour#I am tired#save rottmnt#rottmnt#TMNT#Donatello#casey jones
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#if your regular sleep med of choice is Benadryl I’m afraid of you#Idek what my answer is though??? probably melatonin. it helps a lot when I need to fix my sleep schedule#sleep soundly <3333#I also sometimes take ashwaganda if it’s not too expensive or is mixed w other stuff. and drink sleepy teas but not necessarily JUST tosleep#I was on olanzapine and that helped my sleep a lot (at the cost of eventually making me feel so so tired during the day)#anyways you must tell me
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