#and it has not been good for my psychological wellbeing

[thegirlinthedirtyshirtmp3]

genuinely never going to get over the death of you and me being the first nghfb single. like. cmon man. why would you do that.

[emotionalmessss]

hope you’re well ♥️ may i request a headcanon where yan!chrollo’s partner escaped but when he confronts them (or however you write it-it’s up to you!) they are really remorseful like “i knew i shouldn’t have left” on their own volition? thank you! ♥️

A/N: ouu, I really like this idea. I can never say no to Yan!Chrollo lol. I’d be more than happy to answer, and I’ll try my best! Thank you for the request, enjoy! :) (this ended up much longer than I expected)

Warnings: yandere themes, unhealthy/forced relationship, stalking, implied kidnapping, kinda implied non-con, psychological abuse, hardcore manipulation. chrollo is a dick.

Chrollo is no saint, but he definitely has the patience of one–though only to a certain extent. With you, however, he seems to have all the fucking patience in the world. Because of Chrollo’s emotionally complex nature, I kind of feel like it’s difficult for him to form emotional attachments, especially with those outside the Troupe. Connections have never really been a priority for Chrollo, nor do they come easily to him. But, with you, it’s different. You’ve always stood out, and his relationship with you is something that he treasures deeply. In his own twisted way.

Ever since Chrollo first laid eyes on you, he’s been utterly fascinated–a reaction that probably confused him at first, considering his interests usually only involve the wellbeing of the Troupe, books, and stealing valuable objects and Nen abilities. Chrollo has utilized all his available resources to gather as much information about you as possible, spending countless hours studying every single aspect of your life. Say goodbye to your privacy because there’s no such thing when it comes to Chrollo. And sure, a few members of the Troupe probably found Chrollo’s behavior unusual, but they knew better than to question the boss.

Chrollo might be completely infatuated with you, but he’s not blind to how difficult the situation is for you–he is well aware of human nature, and even more familiar with you. In fact, he completely understands your struggles. But, does that mean he’s going to let you go? Fuck no. As far as captors go, Chrollo has been incredibly lenient with you, hoping that you’d eventually realize that there is no one else in the world that could cherish you the way he does. And when you escaped from him, you betrayed that sliver of trust he gave you.

Your escape was successful, congrats. Managing to slip past Chrollo’s defenses was a challenge in itself–and you should be proud–not everyone can outsmart the head of the Spider. But, that’s just the beginning, don’t celebrate just yet. Surely, you’ll have to deal with a fuck load of complications, like starting your life over from scratch, fending for yourself, constantly watching your back, and maybe, just maybe, going as far as adopting a completely new identity. Things couldn’t get any more complicated, could they? Oh, they can and they will. 

It wouldn’t be long before you started to doubt and question everything–your thoughts, your feelings, your emotions, your choices, and most importantly, Chrollo. You might’ve thought you had the upper hand, but somehow, for some fucking reason, Chrollo always has the last laugh. Chrollo would never allow himself to show it, but he would definitely feel slightly irritated with the situation and your behavior. You actually had the audacity to run away from him? Have you forgotten who he is and what he's capable of? It’s not very often that someone would defy him, and part of him secretly applauds your pathetic–yet somewhat amusing–actions. Did you truly believe that he wouldn’t be able to find you again? 

I’d imagine that Chrollo probably saw your sudden absence as nothing more than a minor inconvenience. Annoying? Yes. Unexpected? No. Would he have expected you to be remorseful after escaping? Not entirely. Fortunately for him–and unfortunately for you–Chrollo knows you very fucking well. So well, in fact, that he’s become really good at predicting not only your next moves, but also what goes on in your head. He knew it wouldn’t take long for your mind to overwhelm you–that fresh start of yours isn’t feeling all that fresh anymore, is it? 

Chrollo wouldn’t go find you right away, no, he’d let you struggle for a bit before he made a move. The Troupe would probably question their boss’ somewhat unusual approach to the situation, but they wouldn’t push their luck–they knew better than to risk overstepping any boundaries, especially when it involves you and Chrollo. Just because his love for you is fucked up unconventional doesn’t mean he’s going to act impulsively to get you back, that's not how Chrollo operates, his methods are much more refined and efficient than that. 

But, that doesn’t mean Chrollo won’t be thinking of you. You’re always on his mind. He’d deny it, but the mental image of you–somewhere far away and stressed out, trying to move on with your life–was oddly satisfying. Some might say that’s cruel, but Chrollo sees it as conditioning. And Chrollo is a master manipulator. He may appear relatively passive on the outside, but you should never underestimate him. I feel like nothing is off-limits with Chrollo, and he’ll do anything and everything to make it impossible for you to leave him. Not just physically, but emotionally as well. So, it's really not much of a surprise that you’re remorseful about running away. That’s exactly what he planned. 

From the very beginning, Chrollo has been subtly manipulating and conditioning you, instilling doubt and dependency within you. He’d isolate you from the outside world and from the other people in your life, both physically and emotionally. He kept you by his side, never allowing you to stray too far. Even when you thought you were alone, he was watching. He gave you the illusion of freedom–a door that was occasionally left unlocked, access to his entire apartment, the opportunity to go outside, but only with him. He’d make you question the relationships you had with everyone that wasn’t him, slowly turning you against them. Do they actually care about you? Do they actually understand you like he does? Those were his ways of making sure there was nobody else you can interact with, forcing you to become dependent on him for everything.

Chrollo wouldn’t stop there. There were times when he would let his guard down, allowing you to see moments of vulnerability. He would tell you things–his past, his thoughts–enough to make you believe there was more to him than the monster you feared. When you eventually opened up to him about your own thoughts, he’d listen. He always listened so fucking carefully. He made you feel like he understood you better than anyone else ever had, or ever could.

And it all paid off in the end. For him, at least.

It’s almost been two months without Chrollo and surprisingly, it doesn’t feel as good as you thought it would. In fact, your newfound freedom feels fucking horrible. It doesn’t make sense–you should be thrilled that you’ve managed to escape after being held captive for one year. You had planned this escape for months, spending countless nights going over it again and again in your head until it was foolproof. It worked, yet you were far from satisfied.

Feeling more than a little conflicted about your state of mind, you move to sit on the couch in your living room. The old, faded piece of furniture creaks beneath your weight as you settle into the cushions. It felt cold and unfamiliar. The couch was probably older than you–faded, torn, and pilling–unlike the expensive plush one that Chrollo has. That one felt warm and familiar. Anxiously, you stir your half drank cup of coffee and take a sip, grimacing slightly. Even his fucking coffee was better than yours. 

This new life was supposed to be a fresh start, but instead, it was a constant reminder of everything you left behind. It seems that no matter how hard you try, you just can’t get Chrollo out of your mind. Every little sound–footsteps, doors opening–sent you into fight or flight mode, always on edge. It felt like you were living with a shadow that was slowly closing in, but you weren’t entirely sure if you wanted to run away from it. Fear, longing, and resentment were just a few of the emotions you’ve learned to cope with, but it never got any easier. 

Part of you missed the late night, deep conversations, the way he listened intently, as if your words were the most important thing in the world. Now, your nights are restless, haunted by constant nightmares involving a certain raven haired man. Maybe it's Stockholm syndrome? There’s no way to be sure–therapy costs money, and you aren’t exactly rolling in it. Your hands tremble as you place the mug down, spilling the dark liquid all over the side table. Still trapped in your mind, you get up from the shitty couch and head towards the kitchen, moving to grab a rag to clean up the equally shitty coffee. 

A small creak from behind catches your attention, making you pause momentarily to glance over your shoulder. Like countless other times, there's nothing there. Maybe you don’t even need a psych to diagnose you, since you’re already going insane. Sighing, you grab the rag and start walking back toward the living room. 

“A bit late for coffee, is it not?” The smooth sounding voice instantly makes you freeze in place, suddenly feeling overwhelmed with a rush of emotions. There’s a certain lightness in his tone that’s not usually present–it’s almost like he’s teasing yet chiding you. Either way, you weren’t going to concern yourself with the semantics.

It feels like your body has been completely paralyzed. Yet, somehow, you manage to summon the courage to slowly turn your gaze towards the source of the voice, finding it at the front entrance of your apartment. What you see is enough to make you feel faint, your head spinning and your stomach dropping like a stone–it’s Chrollo, looming in the doorway, his large eyes focused solely on you as a soft, enigmatic smile plays on his lips. Unconsciously, a whimper escapes your lips and your mind suddenly kicks into overdrive, frantically attempting to process the overwhelming reality of what’s happening. All those conflicting thoughts from moments ago flood back into your mind.

You find yourself caught in a whirlwind of emotions, torn between the relief of finally seeing him again and the chilling fear of what this unexpected encounter might bring. You had started a new life here, a life that was simpler, quieter, more peaceful. But as you stand there, facing Chrollo and the flood of memories he brings, you can't help but question–was it truly peace? You must’ve only been standing there–stuck in your thoughts–for a few minutes, but Chrollo seems to notice your dazed state and decides to speak up again, effectively snapping you back to reality. 

“May I come in? We have so much to discuss.” Chrollo says, his voice as gentle and as reassuring as you remember. Without waiting for your response, he's already stepping across the threshold and moving into your apartment, making his way toward the living room. His approach is calm and measured. It’s almost as if he’s been in your apartment a thousand times before, and as if he has all the time in the world. Rooted to the spot, your hand trembles as you clutch the damp rag, watching as Chrollo takes your previously occupied seat on the couch.

“Chrollo?” You find yourself whispering, your voice barely more than a shaky exhale, hesitant and filled with uncertainty. Saying his name after the silence of these past months feels strange, foreign, but oddly enough, you find yourself not hating it. Chrollo doesn’t immediately respond. Instead, his gaze remains fixed on you as he sinks deeper into the couch, leaning back casually and letting his hands rest on top of his thighs. The silence stretches on, lingering too long, and a part of you believes he’s doing it on purpose. 

“You seem troubled,” Chrollo observes, his dark eyes softening a fraction. “Come, sit. Let’s talk.” He insists softly, tilting his head toward the empty spot next to him on the couch, a silent command for you to join him. Despite his calm demeanor, it’s quite clear that he won’t take ‘no’ for an answer. He won’t deny it–your little escape was mildly infuriating. But he wasn’t entirely without compassion–at least, that’s what he liked to believe.

Your chest tightens painfully at his words, each breath feeling like a struggle, as if your lungs are refusing to expand. Your vision blurs as tears gather, threatening to spill over at any moment. You’ve reached your breaking point–the emotions you’ve been painstakingly avoiding have finally surfaced. The ache of remorse gnaws at you, a torrent of regret and guilt that you've been desperately trying to suppress. You open your mouth to respond–to say something, anything at all–but find yourself choking pitifully on a sob, no words coming out. 

The tears start to fall, pouring down your cheeks as you stumble blindly toward the couch, dropping the rag on the ground and barely registering the resigned sigh that Chrollo lets out. You plop down onto the couch next to Chrollo, feeling utterly pathetic about your current state. Not even a second later, Chrollo’s arm slips behind your back and wraps securely around your waist, pulling your trembling body toward his. You don’t fight it, instead allowing your face to bury into the comforting warmth of his chest, while his hand gently cradles the back of your head.

“I’m sorry,” you repeat over and over again, your voice cracking as you sob into his chest. 

Chrollo’s quiet again, the silence only broken by your sniffles and unsteady breaths. His fingers thread soothingly through your hair, softly shushing you. “You’re okay, I’m right here,” he reassures, his voice stripped of its usual firmness, now softer, gentler, almost tender. His expression remains unreadable as he looks down at you, his eyes revealing nothing of thoughts that are undoubtedly coursing through his mind right now. Internally, however, he feels a tinge of satisfaction upon hearing your apologetic pleas. Maybe things can go back to the way they were, or maybe they'll morph into something new, something better. 

There’s another pause, a moment where he lets you compose yourself. He doesn't mention your escape, or the remorse you've shown–not just yet. In truth, Chrollo is not the least bit surprised by your emotional spiral. He knows you well enough to understand that this is not merely a reaction to his relentless pursuit and eventual discovery of your whereabouts. No, this is an entirely different kind of response, one born out of internal conflict.

If it were any other man in this position, they might have felt guilty for putting you through so much torment. But Chrollo is not ‘any other man.’ Far from it. As he watches you break down in his arms, he doesn’t feel any guilt. He doesn’t see your suffering as something he should apologize for. Why would he? For Chrollo, he sees this as a necessary consequence of the bond he’s carefully created. And he can see that you’re finally starting to understand.

During your time together, Chrollo had a way of making you question everything. Slowly but surely, he instilled a sense of doubt and dependency within you. It was never obvious. That wasn’t his style. 

He had a way of making you believe that the outside world was cruel and dangerous. Every time he caught you looking at the door, he’d remind you–without even needing to say a word–that he was the only one who could truly protect you. A raised brow and slight tilt of his head was more than enough to remind you of everything he had told you before. He was never threatening about it, he didn’t need to be. A simple look from him was all it took for you to hesitate, to second-guess walking out that door. 

Would it really be better out there than here? Could you really handle Yorknew City? Surely, there were people out there much worse than him, right? People who wouldn’t think twice about taking advantage of someone like you. You could imagine it so vividly: faceless men with rough hands that wouldn’t give a shit about you, your struggles, or your pleas. They’d only see you as a pretty little thing to use. Chrollo never said it outright, but the implication was always there: he wasn’t like them. His touches, though somewhat unwelcome and borderline possessive, were never violent. 

At least with Chrollo, you knew the rules and boundaries–his rules and boundaries. And he never lied to you, not really. The world really was dangerous. There really were people out there who would hurt you. He made sure that you believed he was the best choice. And who else was there for you, really? Not your friends, the ones he slowly convinced you that they didn’t care as much as they claimed. Not your family, who couldn’t possibly understand the complexity of your situation. No, it was just Chrollo. He wasn’t the monster you wanted him to be. He was something far worse: he was everything you didn’t know you needed. And that was much more fucking terrifying.

Finally pulling himself from his thoughts, Chrollo decides that he’s made you suffer in silence for long enough. “You should not have tried to escape, [name],” he says, his voice gentle but carries a clear note of criticism and disappointment. He deliberately uses your name, refraining from the endearing nicknames he usually employs. It's a subtle punishment, a way to remind you of your mistakes. He knows exactly what kind of impact it has on you–how the distance it creates makes you feel small, like a reprimanded child. “Predictably, it didn’t end well.” His tone is soft, almost conversational.

Chrollo pauses again, his fingers suddenly halting their soothing rhythm in your hair. Abruptly, he withdraws the comforting contact, depriving you of the warmth you didn’t even realize you’d come to depend on. You can’t stop yourself from tensing in his arms, struggling to stifle a choked sob. You can’t see it–not with your teary face buried in his chest–but there’s a faint curl of his lips, a flicker of satisfaction at your reaction. The bastard knew exactly what he was doing. He lets out a deep, exaggerated sigh, his hand pulling away from your scalp completely. Now it rests on the frayed backrest of the couch, lazily tracing patterns on the rough fabric. 

“Running… it doesn’t suit you.” The words are so plain, so final. It's not suggestion or opinion, but a fucking fact. It’s the way he always spoke to you, as if he knew you better than you knew yourself. “It only leads you to pain and suffering. Surely, you’ve realized that by now?” There is no anger or frustration in his voice, just that same steady, disorientating calm that makes you second-guess everything. He speaks as if this entire situation is simply an inconvenience to him, which makes it near impossible to decipher his true thoughts and feelings. 

And then, Chrollo gently but firmly tilts your head up, leaving no room for you to resist him. Not like it would do you any good. Forcing you to meet his gaze, he studies you intently, his dark eyes partially shielded by the strands of raven hair that fall across his pale face. “You’re an intelligent woman,” he murmurs, and for some reason, it felt more like he was mocking you rather than giving you a genuine compliment. “I’m certain that you can grasp the situation.” As he speaks, his grip on your face tightens significantly, hinting at the threat that lies beneath his words. It’s his little way of telling you that you should know better.  

You wince as his fingers dig into the soft flesh of your jaw, more out of surprise than pain. The pressure isn’t unbearable, but it’s enough to remind you of his control. You don’t have much faith in your ability to form a coherent sentence right now, not when your throat feels tight and your thoughts are a jumbled mess. Instead, you nod in response, hoping it’s enough. 

Chrollo’s eyes flicker with approval, and maybe a hint of amusement. It’s impossible to be sure with him. He releases your jaw as he lets out a satisfied hum of acknowledgement, now wiping away a few stray tears from your damp cheeks. The gesture should feel comforting, but instead, it leaves you feeling hollow, like being soothed after a punishment you never deserved. “Good girl.” The praise rolls off his tongue easily, but there’s no warmth in it. “You’re emotional,” he says, almost to himself. “But you’ll understand in time.”

“It’s time to go home. We’ll continue this conversation later,” He adds, reminding you that this matter is far from resolved.

[drdemonprince]

Do you worry about being so open about your sex life under the same name you use professionally? How did you settle on your current approach to talking about kink/fetishism publicly?

That's my question. Below is some background but feel free to ignore it.

I'm asking because, like many people, my kinks are integral to my sense of self and engaging in BDSM has been significant for my psychological wellbeing. I don't like keeping these important aspects of myself separate from the rest of my life and I'm jealous of the people I meet at munches who share openly kinky stuff on their regular Instagrams. But I also have relatives on all of my socials, including a few adult family members who take any opportunity to create drama or get on their high horses, and teenage cousins who obviously shouldn't be given information about my sex life.

I like using social media to connect with people, and it feels harder to do that when big parts of me are walled off. I'm so worried about sharing anything 'inappropriate' that I'm only presenting this bland, watered down version of myself and it makes me feel alienated. Making side accounts is one option, but it feels like compartmentalising and involves more 'personal brand' management than I care to juggle.

That's without even touching on in-person disclosures. How do I embrace these aspects of myself without acting like they're shameful, but also without being obnoxious or unfair on other people who might not want to know?

I know "authenticity" can be an unattainable ideal, especially on social media platforms that necessitate curation, but I do want to stop tying myself in so many knots over this (in the figurative, unsexy way).

Sorry for venting in your askbox.

Yeah, I have a lot of thoughts on this.

I don't worry about the potential of my speaking openly about my sex life ruining my professional life because I hate my professional life and professionalism in nearly all forms. I have nothing but contempt for the academy, social psychology, my employer, the publishing industry, 99% of the organizations that hire me to provide workshops, and a decent-sized subset of my readers who are of the more liberal end of things. Alienating myself from these institutions and people and making myself incompatible with their viewpoints feels as necessary to me as breathing air.

when I was very young I was concerned with making myself palatable to academia and shucking off everything that was unprofessional and hillbillyish and childish and weird about me, but then I learned what success within the academy really entailed. I heard faculty members shrug and say they "didn't really care" about the topics they were studying (topics like racism, sexism, transphobia, etc) and were just publishing work on these subjects to further their own careers. I was trained to use questionable research protocols that generated false positives and specious results. Nearly all the research that I worked on for three years of undergrad and five years of graduate school would eventually be discredited due to failure to replicate. And I realized that I was being taken advantage of all the while, mined for cheap labor on meaningless projects that meant nothing scientifically, making $14k a year in a field where there were no future job prospects.

by the time i finished my PhD I knew that I wanted to be nothing like the people that had trained me and taken advantage of me, and that I had useless skills in a dying field. I was plenty happy to cut the shit by then and be real about who I was, what I believed, and what was and wasn't a virtuous use of my time. This only became more pronounced after I was screwed over by even more employers as a part-time instructor, and then finally hired full-time in a department that was doing good work, but which was constantly getting undercut by those in higher up administrative positions.

My entire career I have essentially been daring people to fire me and they never seem to do it. No matter how much shit I talk about the university and my profession and no matter how much I bear about myself, I just keep getting rewarded for it and allowed to float along relatively unbothered. There's a power in having a lot of audacity. I am not ashamed of who I am and I don't worry about how my employer and colleagues see me because as a whole I have zero respect for any of them or their opinions. (I have some individual coworkers who are great! but they dont represent Psychology or Academia as a whole or its values. my coworker friends are supportive of my freaky trans kinky self).

It's much the same dynamic in my family. I have no respect for the majority of people in my family and I don't concern myself with how they might react to the things I have to say. When I first started writing openly about Autism some relatives found it deeply offensive and talked a lot of shit about me behind my back, saying that I was embarassing all of them by associating us with a disability they found shameful, but my mom communicated to those relatives in no uncertain terms that I was gonna just keep doing whatever the fuck I wanted and they'd have to find some way to deal with it.

My mom had already learned that about me firsthand. I complain about her sometimes but I do have immense gratitude to her for just accepting who I am, even if there are elements of it she can't understand and probably does not feel good about. She learned a long long time ago that I was on my own separate planet and that there was nothing she could do to stop me from running my mouth and living my life, and I'm thankful to her for that. My actions have set the tone with my family pretty clearly: i came out as trans publicly before I told them, I started hormones and changed my name/gender marker without consulting them and then told them it was a fact already and they'd need to get in line. I approach most things about myself that others might take issue with in the same way: it's a fact, it's fucking happening, and you can't tell me shit about it that is going to keep me from doing it. and if you're too much of a dick about it I might end up writing about you in a book or essay so watch out, I guess.

That sounds more vindicitive than how I actually feel most of the time, of course. I just don't think about the opinions of people I don't respect. I care about what my friends think of me, and the people I look up to, and I try to rise to a level that is worthy of them. And of course I do experience fear of ostacism and failure in those respects and have not always coped with it in a confident, principled way. But with my aunts and uncles or my boss? Fuck them. I have no desire to win their approval because I've seen what they approve of and it sucks.

All of this is possible because I am not financially reliant upon my family, of course, and because if I lose my job I would have a back-up plan. I've always done freelancing and side writing gigs, even back when I was a part-timer with really insecure teaching jobs, and so the loss of any one position has never felt that catastrophic to me. I was already released by my PhD program into economically shaky ground and I never had a prayer of having a successful tenure track academic "career", so I'm not afraid of losing that. that's already gone. I feel generally pretty confident in my ability to scratch by making a living doing this or that even if somebody fires me, and I won't have to ask relatives for money so it really does not matter if I alienate any of them. that is an IMMENSE PRIVILEGE and someone not in that position shouldn't compare themselves to me or expect themselves to have that same degree of confidence. sometimes you have to just keep your head down to survive and there's no shame in that either.

as for the question about "authenticity" as an idealized end state and how to reconcile it with social media, here are some of my thoughts: it's not authenticity if it is focused on how other people interpret you. authenticity is letting go of trying to manage what other people think about you. that means you dont ever have to broadcast everything about yourself to the public or on social media, you dont ever have to share something that you dont want to, the pursuit of being perfectly understood is one that will never be fulfilled and there is no need to make oneself unnecessarily vulnerable just for the sake of appealing to people who might not ever understand and accept you anyway. authenticity is more about an energy than about revealment. it's an energy of self acceptance, not necessarily self love, and it's not something that one broadcasts, it's something one cultivates by developing secure, supportive relationships, improving one's self knowledge, and by working through one's baggage.

[ddarker-dreams]

hi locky!!!♡ this might be really personal, but have you thought about SR reader being comforted by her boys after or during an anxiety stage? if you feel fine with it, of course🥺💕 it's just that your SR story is a comfort to me🌸

HI HI i have seen you in my notifs enjoying SR and it's brought me lots of much joy!!!! i consider it a comfort series too, so i'm happy whenever i see it fulfills a similar role for others. coincidentally, i've thought about how anxiety might play a role in SR reader's life. she has a lot to be anxious about tbh hjrktme she doesn't want to take the time to process things and would much rather distract/keep herself busy... it's an element of her characterization i haven't explored enough!

[Scarlet Ribbons index]

Warning: Depiction of anxiety/panic attacks.

Giorno

Giorno is checking you all over for injuries that aren't present, given the attack's psychological nature. Once he confirms there's nothing physically wrong, his mind goes back to the long nights he spent without his mother as a child. That level of visceral panic mimics what he's witnessing here. He does what he wishes he had a parent around to do for him — speaks to you in a low voice, reassures you that he's not going anywhere, that it's going to be okay. He'll gently remind you to breathe. Considering he's improvising on the spot, he does a good job. He'd have a lot of questions, ranging from how frequently this happens to if there's any way to circumvent it, but he'll hold his tongue until things settle down. His initial panic further reveals to him just how much he cares for you and your wellbeing.

Bruno

Bruno never loses his cool, but seeing you succumb to this paroxysm out of (seemingly) nowhere almost has him spiraling. He's known you the longest out of all the others, so he mentally derides himself for not catching onto this earlier. The cheeriness you exude masks anything you don't want others to see. He wants you to feel comfortable enough to tell him anything. Due to his protectiveness over you, he might insist on going to the hospital, so long as you aren't vehemently opposed. The powerlessness he feels watching you battle your anxiety is the worst part, he wants nothing more than to make it stop. He might be a bit pushy about getting you to explain what just happened if you aren't volunteering the information. It comes from a well-intentioned place, though.

Fugo

Fugo does surprisingly well considering how delicate the situation is. He excelled at academics, which naturally encompasses psychology as well. He probably understands what's happening here best. This knowledge doesn't translate seamlessly into reality — due to the tension in the air, his words come out more clipped than he intended — though he's still able to lead you through some steps to calm down. It's a touch clinical but it works. Afterward, he's digging through scientific journals and learning everything there is to learn about anxiety. He's especially interested in what may have caused it, so that you can avoid it repeating in the future. He's practically a licensed psychiatrist by the end of the week. Obtaining knowledge helps him feel more in control of an otherwise chaotic situation, so this is his way of making sense of things to help you better.

Mista

Mista snaps into a more serious version of himself immediately. He has excellent interpersonal skills, from your body language alone, he could tell something was wrong before the panic attack actually occurred. It helps that he also knows you like the back of his hand. If this is the first time he's been around for this, he'll use his intuition to infer the best way to help. Should you seem receptive to it, he'll talk to you in a low voice, serving as a grounding figure amidst the tumult. He has this infectious optimism that you can't help but be soothed by. When you're feeling up to it, he'll ask if you wouldn't mind telling him what that's about. He definitely doesn't want you to have to go through it again.

Narancia

Narancia, bless his heart, initially makes it kinda worse. He isn't exactly a mental health aficionado. Since he doesn't see any clear cause and effect, he'll mistake it for a Stand attack. He'll summon Aerosmith and promise to take care of whoever is behind this. When you insist it isn't a Stand attack, he'll start fussing over you, asking how he's supposed to help. He's horrified by the thought of anything happening to you, his best friend whom he loves dearly. Until you're feeling up to explaining what anxiety is, he sticks to your side like glue. If this happens again, he'll do a lot better. It's just the first time where he's at a loss on what to do.

Abbacchio

Abbacchio is at an absolute loss but manages to maintain a composed façade. He might not understand the specifics of what's happening, but he knows he should take you to a private area. It's rather jarring to see you go from your jovial disposition to being overwhelmed by some force he can't make sense of. It twists his heart and churns his stomach. He'll wonder if you've silently been dealing with this all along. He isn't the best at waxing poetic, but he'll be there until it subsides. He quietly apologizes for not being of much help in the moment. When you tell him that just having him present was all you could've asked for, he honestly feels somewhat emotional. He will sit there for hours and listen to you talk about it, if that's what you want.

[codename-adler]

28: Yanko Florescu (22) USC Trojans Backliner

(USC Trojans lineup of OCs)

Ah, big ginger man makes Mateo brain go brrrr!

*Yanko is supposed to have a little bit grown out buzzcut but I couldn't find a gif that satisfied my mental image so. That but cropped. He shaves it every month on the 28th. Call that sports superstitions.

With Jean, Viggo and Nikita, he is one of the tallest Trojans, standing at 6'4. With Nikita also, and Mari, and others, one of the most unproblematic teammate ever. He is so chill, but in a different way than others. Mari is chill because she does not care enough about anyone's bs outside of Exy; Nikita is chill because of his infinite patience and open mind. Yanko? Nothing fazes him, because he is so inside his own mind, minding his own business, that rarely anything else registers, and if something does show up on his radar, he does not have an overly sensitive personality, so he is able to put his emotions aside and deal with what's at hand. He might be on the AS in that area. You tell me. However, nobody on the team, and I mean nobody, has ever seen him lose his cool, either in anger or sadness. He has the occasional goofy-looking smile, or a small private thing. He's very good at straight-faced comebacks. If he's acting silly, his face rarely shows anything but a mischievous glint.

Yanko can appear scary, because he's very tall, very quiet. minimally expressive, and his goddamn fucking blue eyes are very... there. He might seem broody and gruff, but that's because his brain-to-mouth connection isn't always working, and he really enjoys being in his own bubble, so sometimes if you intrude on that time, it takes him a few seconds before he understands what is happening but his facial expression might take over before he has the chance to adapt. He's just a big mountain man, big to survive and adapt to harsh winters, not to harm! But his opponents would differ.

He does resemble Mari a lot, but they really don't have the same vibe, trust me. They are not on the same wavelength. Mari carefully curates how she experiences life so as not to get bullshit and waste energy on things and people that don't matter. Yanko is just that unbothered because he does not see the point. Physical embodiment of 'it is what it is' you know?

His two best friends are George A. and Viggo. Though those two are a piece of work because they always be in impossible situations Yanko has to get them out of, he likes them for their lightheartedness, and because they make him happy. And they know it. They don't tell him to smile more, or let loose. They love him as he is, love how reliable and steady he is, how helpful and generous he is. Yanko likes to simply be in their presence, no matter how loud they can be, no matter the trouble they attract.

Yanko was born in the US to Romanian parents, he studies Psychology at Dornsife and he goes Pro after college. He is a very, very smart and hard-working student/person.

He is the sunscreen dealer, because that man would have burned 5 years ago if he hadn't ransacked a Costco. He's got tubes and balms and jars everywhere: car, backpack, locker, dorm, duffel, emergency kit, etc.

Now the Mateo part.

Yanko has always been of the same opinion as Kevin Day: it's easier to remain heterosexual. Even lower than that: it's easier to remain single. He's not a high-maintenance guy by any means, but all his relationships' beginnings were always just that, beginnings. He has a deep, deep potential and will to invest himself wholly in another person's wellbeing, but girls usually break it off, gently or not, before it even gets there. He's peculiar, he gets it, but it begins to feel draining to have to start over every time. He doesn't want to hear another 'you're too quiet' or 'you never look like you enjoy my presence'. He doesn't want nor have to explain himself, and so if the date really can't see past that, then he's not going to dedicate energy and time to that. After high school, he completely stops looking for dates. Instead, he works on himself, and knowing himself. Plus, Psychology and Exy? Yeah, no, he'll pass on girls.

That's right, girls. Yanko has never dated men, ever, and never even thought about it. If he doesn't even think about dating, thinking of dating a guy is even less probable. It's just not... something he registers. So this... thing, with Mateo? First time for him too. And yeah, Mateo is a weird af choice for a gay awakening, because he might be pretty, but he's a whole-ass bastard. Eh, what can you do.

Because Yanko is very difficult to piss off, to get a reaction out of, he's kind of perfect to handle Mateo and his demons. The catch, though, is that Yanko also suddenly becomes very good at pushing Mateo's buttons. In a way, it helps Mateo to expulse all the shit that pollutes his brain, so he's calmer afterward. But it also gives Yanko special power over Mateo. And Yanko kind of likes that.

He is not in denial, okay? I swear. He's just so fucking oblivious. He doesn't put the finger on the actual thing until he literally kisses Mateo. And he has the galls to be so fucking smug about it. Like the cat that got the cream, Archimedes who figured out his eureka or whatever it is. Mateo is able to make him feel that way. Proud and powerful in ways he never felt before.

Yank takes it in stride like a fucking champ. It's like 'Welp, I'm dating Mateo now. He is my squishy and I like him so much. No, he sucks to you. Now back to our regular program: Exy. Yippee!' It's really, really not that deep. The romance part is more nerve-wracking than the gender part, if anything. He doesn't want to lose the essence of what he has developed with Mateo.

Of course it's much more complicated on Mateo's end, like I said, but Yanko knows, and feels, that he is not a waste of time and energy. That he actually motivates Yanko. He simply waits him out. He's there whenever Mateo needs, whenever he wants, and doesn't ask for anything in return, because what is the rush? It does make Mateo mad and jealous that Yanko is taking this so well, but it's also a steadying presence, that when the world is collapsing around you to take a new uncertain shape, Yanko is just there, same as he always was, ready to back you up, push you further, steady hand upon your back.

Anddd wrapping up on the cool & unproblematic king now!

[littleoddwriter]

Character Analysis: Cooper Abbott (Trap, 2024)

Hello there and welcome to me being painfully autistic (this is meant as a lighthearted joke; but also... yeah)! In order to get it out of my system, I wrote an in-depth character analysis on Cooper Abbott (played by Josh Hartnett) in the movie Trap (written, produced and directed by M. Night Shyamalan). The analysis only focuses on specific points, because otherwise it'd be even longer and more convoluted than it already is. I will make separate posts about the other points I didn't have a chance to mention/analyse (like the relation of Lady Raven's songs to Cooper's emotional journey, technical aspects, acting choices, and pretty much entire scene analyses) eventually, though. This is by no means an "official" analysis, just something I wrote for fun because that's how my brain works and I really needed to get those thoughts out there. But if they spark a conversation, that'd make me very happy, too! Anyone who finds themselves reading this: I hope you enjoy my interpretations, and I'd love to hear your own thoughts if you wanted to share them! But always remember to be kind and respectful!

The points I covered in this analysis:

Surface level traits and facts about Cooper Abbott

Relationship with Riley (and Logan, by extent) In contrast: his wife Rachel

Motivations during the movie (escape, not getting caught, keeping his two lives separate and balanced) Also: motivations for killing (trauma)

Key Conflict + Epiphany: his love for his children and thus, the fear of getting caught

What does all this mean for Cooper as a character, and by extension, us, the viewer?

Disclaimer: In the section for his motivations for killing, I will be taking a look at the claim that he has OCD. I, myself, have OCD and am talking from personal experience and knowledge I gathered through subsequent research and therapy; but that doesn't mean I'm an expert or that you have to agree with my takes, just because I'm looking at it through a more personal lens. Speaking of, when I mention his trauma and abnormal psychology as cause for his murders, I by no means want to say that everyone like this is automatically prone to being a violent or dangerous person. That's not true whatsoever, please remember that. (Once again, I'm talking from experience here, as well.) This is merely an interpretation of a fictional character, who was written to be this way. Also, of course, take what I say with a grain of salt. This is just for fun and not meant to be on an academic level (hence the lack of sources because I was mostly talking from what I just know, and obviously the movie itself, such as interviews with Josh Hartnett and M. Night).

Anyway:

To start off, I want to talk about the most basic, certain facts about Cooper Abbott that we get throughout the movie. Who is he on the surface? How does he appear to others? What do we know about “the Butcher”?

On the surface, Cooper Abbott is a cisgender, white, middle-aged (estimated to be in his early forties) male of the middle class, who lives in the Philadelphian suburbs with his family, consisting of his wife Rachel, his young teenage daughter Riley, and his younger son Logan. Cooper is a firefighter, and most likely has been one for up to twenty years at that point, depending on when he started his training and if he went to college beforehand. He managed to create the ideal family life. He’s a very involved and good father, who deeply cares about his children’s wellbeing and happiness, and does anything he can to achieve that, like buying concert tickets to Lady Raven for Riley as a reward for her good grades, and coming along with her.

To others, he appears like the ideal husband and father, and regular citizen. He seems like a completely normal and functioning member of society with good values, a great family, and who works as a first responder in the fire department, which is a noble career to pursue. He generally presents as the perfect example of what the modern man of his status 'should' be. On top of that, he’s incredibly charming and easily makes people open up to him, want to keep him around, and reveal information to him that they wouldn’t (and shouldn’t) give up to other strangers like him. He appears like a friend; even when he’s just met the other person. He’s non-threatening and trustworthy, and also humble. He can be pushy, but backtracks enough with believable excuses and commonly used phrases to make the other person feel at ease and like he’s only a well-meaning person, clumsily and charmingly asking for help or information.

For example, when he asks Jamie about all the extra security at the venue, and later asks to come back to the storage room with him, where he swipes his keycard, all the while making friendly conversation and getting information he needs from Jamie that he shouldn’t even be able to get otherwise. But by letting Jamie witness his “good values” as a family by allowing the other girl to get the shirt first, so as to not start a fight, and telling him he works in the fire department, and helping him with the heavy box, he creates a bond of trust with the other man. In turn, Jamie willingly tells Cooper about the police and FBI presence, due to evidence that led them to believe a serial killer, the Butcher (Cooper), would be at the concert; and later, in the storage room, even going so far as to tell him his secret passcode for security, because Cooper is “on [their] side” by being a firefighter and evidently great father. Another example of that is how Cooper got Riley to be chosen to be the girl for “Dreamer Girl” to get on stage with Lady Raven and backstage later. To achieve that, Cooper talks to one of the spotter’s he sees around, humbly and a little clumsily telling him how grateful he and Riley are to be there, while revealing in a lie that she had just recovered from leukemia, and that all he wanted is for the Spotter to thank Lady Raven for them to put on such a great show and make Riley happy, after having felt “cursed” due to her sickness. All of that is an effective manipulation and a lie, which only Cooper knows, but clearly strikes a chord in the other man that leads to Riley being chosen without her ever finding out how or why.

Then, there is this side of Cooper that nobody knows is his. “The Butcher”, as the media refers to Cooper Abbott’s serial killing. According to the media, the Butcher had been actively pursued by the police and FBI for seven years at the time of the movie, and twelve victims had been found and linked to him, based on evidence. His victims, as far as we know, consist of people of various ages, genders, and ethnicities. The thing they apparently had in common was that they were all good, selfless people. A young father of a two-year old boy, taking care of his parents, while working as a teacher, and even being awarded as “most liked teacher”; and another young man, who is into sustainable agriculture. We are also told about a woman without further details, leading to the thought that his victims come from all backgrounds. The bodies were normally found out in the open, chopped into pieces with a meat cleaver, hence dubbing him “the Butcher”. In the psychological profile of the Butcher, it was determined that he possibly had maternal issues and obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD), which is supported by Cooper hallucinating his mother, and evidently having been punished and severely traumatised by her growing up, such as his extreme need for control in every way. His abnormal psychology becomes more and more evident throughout the movie and will be discussed further down.

Now that the more basic facts are out of the way, I’d like to focus on the two key relationships we witness in the film. His relationship with his daughter Riley, and by extension his son Logan. And in contrast, his relationship with his wife Rachel.

The film starts with showing the audience what a great and secure relationship Cooper and Riley have as father and daughter. He lets her happily, and loudly, play her music in the car while singing along, albeit off-key, and encourages her. He calms her down when she’s stressed about being late to the concert, explains to her to not trust random sellers in front of the venue, and continuously tries to cheer her up and get her excited when she starts getting into her own head about things, and succeeds. We are also shown that he cares about her wellbeing beyond the present moment and that they have a trusting bond where they can talk about anything with each other, which is made evident when Riley opens up about her being left out and possibly picked on by girls at school. Cooper shows her compassion and understanding for her situation and feelings about it, and follows that up by making her laugh again and distracting her from it. As well as being emotionally close, Cooper is also physically affectionate toward Riley by often keeping a hand on her upper back or shoulder, and around her head, such as embracing her, and kissing the top of her head on several occasions, all of which she’s happy to receive and reciprocate, and sometimes even initiates herself, making it a mutually close and loving bond they share.

Throughout the movie, we often witness him showing interest in anything that concerns Riley, be that the slang words she uses, her wanting a tour shirt, and most importantly, her hoping to be picked for “Dreamer Girl”. And, of course, while the latter is merely a way for Cooper to find an escape when he feels cornered, by having been shown all of the previous interactions between them, it’s safe to say that he’d at least shown interest and hope for her to be chosen, regardless of his own predicament. Something that’s also mentioned a lot is Riley’s good grades and the concert being a reward for them, which shows that it’s important in their family to work for what they receive, and that said work will always be appreciated and celebrated, which is also later shown with the whole family eating a pie Rachel baked for the occasion. Generally, Cooper is constantly shown to be incredibly involved in his children’s lives and to care deeply about them and their entire being, such as raising them to be confident and independent people with good values.

In addition to how he is with Logan, it can be interpreted that it’s not much different from how he is with Riley, except maybe appropriate for his younger age. Around the house, we can see drawings done by the kids and family photos that underline this. And when they all sit together around the coffee table to eat the pie, Logan is seated at Cooper’s side with his dad’s arm around him, signifying an emotionally and physically close relationship between them, as well. In the end, when Cooper confronts Rachel and confesses how enraged he is, directing those feelings toward her, it amazes him that he’s only angry because he won’t get to see his children again, once more conveying to the audience how important the kids are to Cooper, and how close their relationship actually is. Even if that, to him, is a huge revelation, which will be explored further down.

In contrast, Cooper’s relationship with his wife Rachel looks a little different. While on the photos around the house, they look happy and close to one another; especially on a photo that was taken at their wedding, there is a clear shift away from that when we see them interact once Cooper and Riley arrive at home, along with Lady Raven. Rachel seems reserved and keeps her distance from Cooper. As we later find out, that might have very well been because her suspicions that he’s the Butcher were more or less confirmed when he returned home with Lady Raven, and had Riley tell her that “dad’s acting strange”. Lady Raven does, indeed, confirm it a few minutes later and tells her that “Cooper is the Butcher”.

The movie’s finale takes place at their home again, after Cooper managed to flee from the police and FBI multiple times, having to let go of Lady Raven for that. There, he sits down with Rachel and discusses with her that he figured out how the authorities even got wind of him being at the concert because he knew it couldn’t have been his own mistake, as he’s too meticulous about that, in order to keep his two lives separate. Rachel admits to following Cooper to one of his safe houses, planting a torn piece of the receipt for the concert ticket, and then leaving an anonymous tip for the police that the house might belong to the Butcher. She says she did it to either get them closer to Cooper or prove her wrong of her suspicions, as it dawned on her over time that perhaps he was this wanted serial killer she kept seeing on the news, because he was often away at night, brought home jewellery that he made up lies about where he got the items from, and smelled of cleaning fluid used at hospitals, rather than the one he would use at the fire department.

Throughout the entire conversation, it is evident that Rachel, while terrified, is also grieving. She just lost her husband and the picture perfect family life she had built with him over the years, and is now confronted with the thought that it had all been nothing but a lie for him. Cooper, on the other hand, doesn’t display such feelings at all. He doesn’t appear remorseful of using her this way, nor does he seem to grief what they had now that he knows it’s all gone because he’d been caught. Instead, he is angry, feeling betrayed, and perhaps even hating her for ruining everything for them all. After all, if it hadn’t been for her, nobody would have ever known about his presence at the concert, and none of the things that transpired would have happened at all. But as mentioned above, his anger is directed toward her for the fact that he’ll never see Riley and Logan again, not because he’d been caught or lost his wife along with his children. In fact, he planned on committing murder-suicide with her as revenge and to keep himself out of prison. All of these things point toward Rachel having never been more than a tool to Cooper to keep appearances as a normal citizen without a sinister side to him. He seemed to have never loved her at all; although, perhaps that was true at the beginning of their relationship for a little while. Even so, his love would have been different to what other people would feel, and it is also revealed that he seems to have never felt strongly before, which further supports that he was never actually in love with Rachel.

Since Cooper is the protagonist of the film, we follow him throughout, only ever experiencing anything from his perspective. And that brings me to my next point: his motivations.

The first aspect of this is pretty straightforward. The entire movie is about Cooper Abbott trying not to get caught by the authorities, thus escaping the concert without being detected, and also without ruining it for his daughter. He becomes increasingly desperate to achieve his goals and keep the balanced life he had worked so hard to build, but finds a dead end at every turn he makes, until the second half of the movie. He’s motivated by his need to keep Riley happy and in the dark, while wanting to stay completely undetected and get out of the venue. He can’t let the authorities even see him as a potential suspect, which is exactly why, after several failed attempts to escape, and managing to get backstage, but being faced with the threat of a police inspection, Cooper asks Lady Raven for a private talk, once more playing the card of Riley’s made-up leukemia recovery. Once he’s alone with Lady Raven, he works himself up to revealing his identity as the Butcher to her, showing her his current victim - Spencer, who is captured in a basement - and explaining to her that he can easily kill Spencer with carbon monoxide poisoning by releasing it from a small box in the basement with one push of a button on his phone. Thus, he effectively pressures Lady Raven into helping him and Riley out of the entire venue without going through the police inspections first, as they’ll ride with her in the limousine.

His motivation, after having been outed as the Butcher, is not to escape, necessarily, but to kill Lady Raven, his wife, and himself, putting an end to everything, now that he has no leverage anymore with Lady Raven having managed to have Spencer rescued, and the police and FBI knowing who he is, there’s no escape for him. 

This brings me to his motivation for killing. We know, on a surface level, that he’d been actively searched for his murders for seven years, and that twelve victims have been linked back to him, due to similar modus operandi and location (presumably, since we don’t know about other evidence linking the murders to one killer). We also learn how he chooses his victims when he tells Lady Raven that he felt “the urge” once he saw her behind the curtain at the concert, and explains to her that it’s almost an odd experience for him to feel that way, but that he thinks it’s when he “see[s] someone who thinks they’re whole”, which “can never be true” because “everyone’s in pieces”. This also explains what his victims had in common by being people too good to be true, so to speak. They were seemingly selfless, genuinely good and caring people that might have felt fulfilled with their role in life.

Later, we also find that Cooper is described as “profoundly different” by the FBI profiler, Dr. Grant, and that he’s never felt any deep emotions before or could build real connections to people, according to what Cooper implied about himself, at least. Thus, supporting the thought that when Cooper says, “everyone’s in pieces”, he’s mostly talking about himself and expecting everyone else to be the same way, because all his life he’d been taught that he’s missing something by not being like the majority of people. That leads to the connection to his mother in his motivation for killing.

Throughout the movie, we’re shown that Cooper hallucinates his mother as an elderly woman, implying that her memory is haunting him. With her being shown as an old lady, it could also be interpreted that she died of old age and that the image in Cooper’s mind is what she looked like when Cooper last saw her before her passing. This conclusion is mostly reached by the fact that, as far as we know, the murders only began seven years prior to the movie’s events, and it is often said that there are specific moments in somebody’s life that could trigger such things as killing. Supporting this is the fact that we’re told that Cooper had often been punished in his youth, presumably by his mother, whose love and approval he always longed for, which might have kept him somewhat grounded for most of his life. And thus, her death could have possibly triggered him to give into his urges because there’s no more love and approval to anticipate from his mother. We get a glimpse of that when Lady Raven attempts to deter Cooper from hurting her inside the car, as she pretends to talk to him in a way that his mother might have by speaking in a harsher tone and threatening punishment if he didn’t stop; but then she turns it around and attempts a level of empathy by calling him a “good boy” and saying that “[he] can choose to be good”. He doesn’t fall for it, knowing that she’s trying to get under his skin with things that the FBI had told her about him; but there is some truth in it.

This is especially implied when, at the end of the movie, Cooper is drugged with his own tranquillising powder and hallucinates his mother talking to him; although, as we find out, it’s actually Dr. Grant posing as his mother. She gets through to him by telling him that she’s proud of him for finally feeling such anger, and “not all of [him] is a monster”, and that “it’s good [he’s] stopping the monster”. This scene is also when he reveals that he “thought [he] was pretending, but [he] wasn’t” about his love for his children. So, his motivation for killing would be the trauma of having been constantly punished by his mother for being different and perhaps unruly, when all he ever wanted was her love and approval, only to never receive any; thus, resenting anyone that seemed to have it all together and needing to take it away from them by killing them. This is also represented in his crime scenes, where his victims are found chopped into pieces and scattered all over the location they’re found in, relating back to his comment that “everyone’s in pieces”. 

Something that should be mentioned here is that it is mentioned in the movie that the Butcher might suffer from obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) by Lady Raven as she more or less parrots information she gathered from the FBI to subtly alert Cooper’s family to his true being, while pushing Cooper into revealing himself with those pointed remarks.

Throughout the movie, there are small moments that indicate that Cooper, indeed, suffers from OCD, which mostly presents as an extreme need for control. For example, we see him neatly fold his napkins at the stadium, fixing the towels at home, despite more pressing issues at hand, such as checking on his captive victim via camera, while he's at the concert, and often repeating that “[he’s] in control”, and only revealing his true feelings about his situation when he feels said control slip through his fingers. Only in such moments does his mask break, showing parts of his true self, until he doesn’t hide it anymore once it is out in the open anyway. His OCD is not a motivation for his killings, but it is evidently a component of his abnormal psychology that might have played into his mother’s abuse and his subsequent trauma and response; although he could have also developed his OCD as a result of his traumatic childhood.

In addition, the possibility that he has OCD at all is pretty likely due to aforementioned examples, but also how he finds comfort in planning the captivities and murders, just as much as the killing itself, as he confessed to Rachel. The obsessions and resulting compulsions in people with OCD are often linked back to a need for control and comfort, no matter the nature of the thoughts and urges. Obsessing over particular things is normally the distressing part and the compulsion is then something to soothe oneself and momentarily get rid of the obsessive thoughts and fears, thus finding comfort in them; even if the compulsions end up harmful to oneself or others in some way. On top of that, when Cooper feels himself losing the control he had over the situation with Lady Raven and his family, he can’t hold back his immediate reaction of distress and anger by banging on the closed bathroom door and not letting up; eventually going so far as yelling, “open the goddamn door”, uncaring of his children witnessing him in a state such as this, which should be extremely unusual for him. Everything is lost to him in that moment, and he’s caught up in the desperate need to gain back control, that his reaction is disproportionately intense, in comparison to his usual lack of emotional participation in what is happening around him or to him. When a person’s compulsive need for something cannot be fulfilled once triggered, it can lead to such great distress as was displayed with Cooper when Lady Raven was hiding in the bathroom with his phone, therefore creating more credibility to the claim that the Butcher/Cooper Abbott has OCD.

I’ve mentioned Cooper’s relationship with his children and his realisation that he’s capable of deeper feelings and connections a few times already, and now I’d like to take a closer look at that revelation and the conflict it created for Cooper throughout the entire film.

As stated above, Cooper’s youth consisted of being punished by his mother, not receiving the love, care and approval he needed and longed for, which later translated to a trauma response that led him to commit murders. Among all of that, there’s also that he never got a chance to develop normally as a child, which could very well be the reason for his lack of deep emotions and empathy, none of which he ever received or learned to have.

It can also be thought that because of how Cooper’s mother saw him and clearly conveyed this image to him, he had a distorted sense of who he was, fitting himself into the box he was forced into by his mother as a child and never finding a way out of it. Technically, once he grew up and made a life for himself, he could have realised that she wasn’t right about him; but instead, he was stuck in this specific image that he was convinced of and now believed to be entirely true about himself. This image that he was a monster, that he was incapable of love and real, deep connections to other people, and genuine feelings in general. All of it went so far that he had convinced himself that his fatherhood was nothing but a performance to keep cover. This entire time, he believed that when he showed love, care, and interest in his children and their lives, it was only pretense. It’s only during the movie’s events, when he’s confronted with the threat of losing his children to being found out as the Butcher, that he realises just how important they truly are to him, that it’s not all about having a cover, and that he genuinely feels affection for his kids.

This revelation, as amazing as it is for him at the end when everything is lost for him anyway, is also what creates the biggest conflict for him throughout the movie. Instead of just finding a way to escape undetected, no matter what or how, he constantly has to look out for Riley as well, make sure he doesn’t ruin the concert for her and drag her into this. And he has to stay close to her, which means that he can’t leave for long periods of time to figure a way out; even though he tries and eventually runs out of excuses and opportunities as Riley grows more concerned and therefore aware of his strange behaviour. In the end, he does manage to combine both interests by getting Riley to be chosen for “Dreamer Girl”, but it comes with unforeseen consequences when Lady Raven joins them at their home, and the movie’s finale takes place with Cooper being found out and having to escape custody several times.

To Rachel, he admits that his rage is “unfamiliar” to him, as he “never felt this before” and it makes him “feel out of control”; but the reason for it is “amazing” to him because it’s caused by the knowledge that he won’t see Riley and Logan grow up. And when Dr. Grant later poses as Cooper’s mother and tells him that she’s proud of him for feeling such anger, he also says, with pleasant surprise in his voice, “I thought I was pretending, but I wasn’t”, which implies that his lack of emotional involvement has been part of his conflict with his mother all his life, and that it’s reason for him to have believed that he was incapable of such; even when he clearly cared about his children. It never registered to him, until that specific night, that maybe his mother, and by extension Cooper himself, was wrong about him. 

What does all of this mean for Cooper Abbott as a character, though?

For one, he’s incredibly complex. There are many different layers to him that can be explored at length, and I still have only scratched the surface here. There’s this side of him that only he knows about, the Butcher, but also his childhood, which he probably never revealed to anyone before. At the same time, he’s a picture perfect family man, a firefighter, an unassuming citizen, and deep down, a hurt child that never had a chance to heal. And with that comes the fact that his complexity is merely part of being human; especially a grown adult with forty-plus years of experience. His character is an interesting one to take a closer look at because he poses questions that humans are naturally curious about and want answers to, but are also afraid of truly exploring those darker corners in depth. Cooper allows us to go there because he’s fictional and there’s no real harm done when looking into his murders, for example.

Cooper, at his core, is like an amalgamation of those serial killers whose names we all know, and who are usually described in ways that we witnessed Cooper to be in the movie; and that presents a challenge to the audience. We’re faced with a protagonist, who is a murderer, and a good father, and a traumatised child at heart; and we want him to get away, until we catch ourselves wanting that and remembering who he truly is. But is that all true? Is he truly only a monster? I think that, specifically, is what makes Cooper Abbott as a character so intriguing. He challenges our perception of murderers being those monsters, through and through; especially when we witness him being a great father. It forces us to look into that and wonder how that might relate back to our reality.

To wrap this up, what I think it means for Cooper as a character is that he’s human just like everyone else, uncomfortably so. He’s an exploration of the darkest shades a human has, but also shows the brightest lights we have to offer when it comes to human interaction; especially family. And it’s uncomfortable to witness how the dark and the light can go hand-in-hand like this, possibly without anyone else ever knowing.

[flybynightwing]

I loved your Nightwing-It’s a Wonderful Life fic, and I figured that based on your research for it you might be able to answer this. How did raising Dick change Bruce? Logically it must have, and my general idea is that it gave him something to live for apart from his mission, made him more open to working with others, and made him less violent/aggressive— but is there any canon, Post-Crisis evidence for that?

Because Dick and Bruce's relationship (and Bruce's early career generally) was entirely backfilled after Crisis on Infinite Earths, there are a lot of big gaps in the story, and different authors' depictions of their early years are often very contradictory. And then very soon after Crisis, the Dark/Iron Age of comics begins, meaning that Bruce's characterization very quickly becomes a lot more violent and aggressive than it was previously. You can, and many fans and writers do, attribute those changes to the Watsonian cause of Jason's death, but they also happen retroactively. With the Crisis and the beginning of the grim-dark-ification of comics (and some other more complicated factors that I won't get into here) Dick and Bruce's relationship also becomes a lot more troubled than it had been previously.

All of which is to say that there isn't a lot of incredibly strong evidence for the idea that Dick made Bruce less violent and more open to others, even if I do (obviously) think it's a fairly in-character reading of the mess of canon that we get, because even in flashbacks Bruce kind of becomes more violent around that time. There's definitely some evidence that Dick gave Bruce something to live for, though.

The immediate Post-Crisis version of Dick and Bruce's meeting, Dark Victory, portrays a version of Bruce who is incredibly reserved even in his internal narration. The most effusive he gets is thinking to himself, "The boy... shows promise." But the obvious intended implication is that Bruce has very quickly come to be emotionally invested in Dick, and lets that emotional connection overwhelm his reservedness and (sometimes) his good sense.

(Dark Victory #13)

And of course, in the Post-Crisis explanation for why Dick stopped being Robin, we have Bruce's description of why he recruited Jason.

(Batman Vol 1 #416)

Mostly, though, we get the idea that Dick softened Bruce and gave him something to live for through things that other people say. Most famously, there's Tim "Batman needs a Robin" Drake, talking about Batman's increasing violence since he lost Jason.

(Batman vol 1 #441)

But here, for instance, is young Dick Grayson himself, in Batman: Year Three, which is both a reckoning with Bruce's increasing violence since losing Jason and a partial retelling of Dick and Bruce's original meeting:

(Batman Vol 1 #438)

And then there's Alfred, in the aftermath of the War Games arc, speaking to Dick:

(Nightwing Vol 2 #99)

All of which is to say that there isn't a ton of direct evidence that working with Dick made Bruce more open to working with others, or less violent... but there's a lot of evidence that he deeply needed Dick for his psychological wellbeing, and that a lot of people think of Dick as a vital source of hope and connection in his life.

[ur-frndly-neighborhood-memer1]

THE REAL REASON WHY PEOPLE LOVE DRACO MALFOY!

Man! I can swear that if these toxic Harry Potter fans were old enough to read A Song of Ice and Fire (Game of Thrones) they would totally worship Joffrey Baratheon :D

Imagine being a young girl, reading a fantasy book and then you're introduced to a bad boy who has blonde hair and grey eyes. So you're likely to portray him like this on your mind:

Yeah, he is a bully, just like all dreamy Wattpad boys. So he is totally a boyfriend material for the main girl of the story. Like, if Wattpad has Vini Uehara, Harry Potter fandom has Draco Malfoy!

Yeah yeah, the boy might be racist and constantly despising people for their blood status, and yeah, he might be insulting and abusing them as well, and also proudly follows a racist terrorist who is trying to commit genocide…

But it's all because Draco's dad was bad :(

It's not his fault that his abusive daddy (even though we have never seen him abusing his son) and mean mommy (even though she clearly loved him sm) raised him this way! Stop blaming the victim you heartless jerks!😡🤬

LOOK AT THIS POOR, ABUSED BABY!

That's why fandom is thirsty for- sorry, I mean rooting for Draco Malfoy.

ThE bOy WhO hAd No ChOiCe!!!

(More like "the boy who had plenty of choices but he chose the bad with his own freewill" but anyhoo)

Oh also, Draco is supposed to be much more handsome than Harry and Ron even though there was only 1 or 2 people who fancied him while there was at least a dozen of girls who fangirled Harry and blah blah blah…

So, the hottie- sorry, I mean Draco definitely looked like Sean O'Pry even though his appearance wasn't described as attractive or particularly good looking but whatever…

(Certainly not unrealistic and romanticized Draco arts, right? :)

Lastly, it was totally Draco who should have been with Hermione, not loser- sorry, I mean Ron😒

Hermione is a good girl, and therefore it's her duty to redeem Draco. Why? Duh! Because that's how all spicy Wattpad love tropes work!😏

The kind-hearted main girl has to sacrifice her own psychological wellbeing and emotional needs in order to “fix" the bad boy. It's the single most important responsibility of Watty girls after all😂

But hold up there! Draco wasn't actually bad because he was HaNdSoMe!!!!! Okayyy?

Being the Leonardo DiCaprio of Harry Potter universe is Draco's redeeming quality. That's why he deserved Hermione more than Ron or anyone else😌

And of course, Hermione is a mindless object who can't have her own decides. So fandom totally has every right to question/criticize her love interests, right?

As the main girl, Hermione is supposed to choose the rich and charismatic bad boy, not the poor but the funny, kind and caring boy who always tries to make her happy and keep her safe.

Because this is how cliche love stories go...

And this is why some bipolar fools simp Draco Malfoy so much even though he didn't display any clear signs of kindness or compassion.

So my short answer why some toxic fans are so into Malfoy is likely because of their interest in "Alfa Men" (we can simply diagnose them with Stockholm syndrome lol)

[grey-and-green]

Ok, but...trauma responses

(Content notice that there is discussion of trauma and reactions, non-specific mentions of sources of religious trauma. Read with care) 

We can (and have, and will continue to) draw lots of parallels and comparisons to how Crowly and Aziraphale perceive Heaven and Hell and The System. I think it’s clear that both have been very frightened of upper management at various points, and both have felt the need to hide some of themselves from even their own side. The threats are real, the danger is real. Capital “T” trauma (you know, the kind that causes PTSD) is “an experience which is life-threatening or poses a significant threat to a person’s physical or psychological wellbeing”. Can’t really argue that that doesn’t very much apply to their entire millennia-long existence, their entire relationship, every single interaction they’ve had with each other, with their own side, with the other side, with Earth and humanity.  

I’m definitely not an expert at religious trauma, but some themes there include trauma directly caused by a member of the church (someone in the church hurts you, but it’s not related to the religion), trauma being seen to compromise your spirituality (something bad happens and you feel your inclusion in the church or your relationship to your god is in danger) and gaslighting/victim blaming by the church (it’s all part of god’s plan, you must somehow deserve your punishment, etc).  

Sound familiar? 

Crowley and Aziraphale are both traumatized.  

But they are coping in different directions.  

Flight: “I don’t want to deal with this” 

Fearful, avoidant. 

Run away, deflect, withdraw, hide. 

-vs- 

Fawn: “I just want everyone to be happy” 

Co-dependent, people-pleasing, rationalizing.  

No boundaries, lack of assertiveness, can’t speak up for self, easily controlled. 

Crowley falls into the Flight pattern. He’s stuck at “the system sucks and I want to pretend it doesn’t exist to the best of my ability” and when things get tough he literally wants to run away. He’s anxious and scared and puts up masks and barriers and walls as a way to hide and to try to make that anxiety and fear go away. Deflect, withdraw. Hide. AVOID. 

Which, like, yeah, I fully get that? But avoidance without processing trauma is not actually a sustainable coping mechanism? And yelling at house plants isn’t actually therapy? Crowley is quite a bit more aware of and ready to admit that Heaven and Hell are both awful, but knowing that someone hurt you and processing what that means for you as a person and figuring out who you are and what you want because of and despite that hurt...yeah our little cinnamon roll isn’t there yet. And running away from the traumatizer, in this situation, means running away from quite a lot of other things as well. You can’t keep Earth and just avert your eyes from The System. And you can’t run away from The System without sacrificing Earth. (and by ‘earth’ I mean humanity and the universe but also one specific being that also happens to, until very recently, live on earth) 

Aziraphale, on the other hand, is coping by Fawning. Because Heaven is the side of good, yes? Sure, there might be a few bad apples, yes, ok, but Heaven? Heaven is good. And surely GOD is good? Right? Like, ok, it’s not perfect, but I’m sure it’ll all come right in the end because deep down they (the abuser) love me and want what’s best for me and I just need to try harder and be better and then they won’t hurt/threaten me anymore.  

Which, when you think about it, is pretty damn tragic. There are a lot of reasons why Aziraphale finds it harder to opt out of the system, even after Apocolypsn’t, but I feel like this is a big part of it. The traumatizer has done such a good job in framing themselves as ‘the good guys’ and Aziraphale is coping by trying to appease them, to rationalize their actions, to find the hidden nugget of ‘good’ in God’s plan even when he can’t see it, because it must be there, right? Somewhere, deep down, it all has to be ineffably good, right? Because what happens if that turns out to not be true?  

So what does all this mean for them, and for their relationship? 

Even though both of them can see that system isn’t perfect (with different degrees of acceptance of this imperfection) both of them still define themselves in relation to Heaven and/or Hell. We (the audience, the fans, Tumblr) know that they have personalities and qualities that exist separate from Heaven and Hell. But they are, both, in their own ways, still quite enmeshed with the system. Aziraphale’s identity is tied to appeasing his abuser, and Crowley’s identity is tied to opposing his abuser.  

And as long as they view themselves through the lens of their individual relationships to the system, they will continue to view their relationship to each other through that lens as well. Which, honestly, doesn’t bode well and ends up pretty much exactly where we ended up in Episode 6.  

I can’t see either of them actually going to actual therapy (no one in history has needed therapy more, but alas it does not fit the world-building or the story, and we probably won’t actually get to see Crowley on a therapist’s couch crying about sauntering vaguely downward and ‘you go to fast’) but they will need to some kind of character development in season 3 to at least start to change this dynamic. Being apart from each other might help. Aziraphale finally realizing that he’s good because of who he is, not because of his job, would be lovely to see. Crowley and Nina getting drunk together and him processing some Emotions out loud and having some Epiphanies would be great. I don’t know what it’s going to look like in-world, but I think the unsustainability of these coping patterns will need to be acknowledged and Michael and David will act their flawless little hearts out and we’ll get to see some Healing.  

I guess we’ll just have to wait and see.  

[xprojectrpg]

Moment of Awesome - David Haller/Legion: Following his "healing" at the hands of Radha Dastoor, Haller meets with Quentin concerning his newfound ally's methods.

"Quentin. Thanks for meeting me."

Though the double-barreled shotgun Quentin held was only a psychic construct, as evidenced by the fact it was bright pink and glowed, Sydney's gun safety lessons were ingrained, so Quentin lowered it and set it aside before turning to face his visitor. "Jimothy. You seem . . . different. Did you do something with your hair?"

"No. I went to see Radha a couple days ago." The older man paused, as if struggling to find the right word. Then, seeming to find nothing more accurate, he said, "She cured me."

"Of your crippling need to sacrifice your own wellbeing for the sake of helping other people who barely appreciate it?"

"No." Haller looked at the target so recently decimated by Quentin's shotgun and raised a hand.

It happened slowly enough that the process was clear to the naked eye. The noise came first: a tortured snapping, like someone slowly bending a two by four. The wooden posts began to splinter as if unseen hands were rending the wood apart from every angle, shredding them into dozens, then hundreds, then thousands of pieces barely bigger than matchsticks. They hung in the air, a latticework of drifting wood, and the X-Man twisted his hand. The particles began to smolder, then swirl. A column of tiny flames swirled into the air like a swarm of fireflies. With a final snap of Haller's fingers the column exploded outward into a shining cloud.

The tattered paper target fluttered to the grass, untouched.

Ash raining around them, Haller turned back to Quentin.

"My other problem."

It was an impressive display, kind of showboaty considering Quentin's own telekinesis was limited to carrying groceries or packing a bowl, though he could appreciate the drama of it all, particularly the final snap.

"Looks like she just replaced mental illness with compulsory destruction of property," he sighed as he dismissed his psychic shotgun in a puff of pink mist. He would have to take to the Danger Room now to practice, and he really did not care to have any X-Man watching over his shoulder. "Not her best work. But a cure's a cure, I guess."

"I didn't ask for one. She didn't even warn me. She just did it." The words were uncharacteristically sharp. Even as he heard it he tried to rein himself in, but it was difficult. His emotions seemed to be closer to the surface, messier, especially the aspects that had previously been delegated to Cyndi and Jack. Haller took a deep breath and tried to choose his next words with care.

"Look," he said, "Radha saw something she thought was ugly, and instead of asking she just changed it. She went into my mind and made me conform to her expectations of what a real person should look like. Like I was just a piece of broken furniture she found on the side of the road that she could refurbish and sell off again." The counselor shook his head. "I know you respect her, and that she seems to have done a lot of good for a lot of people, but if this is how she thinks -- what are the implications for the world she's trying to build?"

Quentin crossed his arms and defiantly glared at Haller. (Just David now? He wondered. This meant Cyndi was gone. Pity.) "Seems to me she healed a lifetime of trauma and intense psychological impairment, which you've spent how many decades trying to treat? And no one else has ever even come close to it, while she did it in the blink of an eye. Painlessly. She found your problem and fixed you, and I bet she didn't even ask for a 'thank you' in return."

"That's the thing. She didn't fix anything. She just got rid of how I dealt with it. DID is a survival mechanism, not a party trick. If Radha had bothered to ask, I'd have told her the others were created to hold experiences and memories so traumatic I almost lost my mind, and that all she did by removing my ability to dissociate was ungate them for me all at once. Now I remember everything. Feel everything. Unfiltered." Haller took a swift step forward that brought him immediately into Quentin's space, staring the younger man dead in the eyes. A small blotch of brown in his left eye was the only remaining trace of his natural heterochromia, but the ice in his tone could have been Jack's.

"Tell me I'm lucky to remember the sound of fat popping while I burned six people alive," Haller whispered. "Tell me I should thank her for the memory of being trapped in every single one of their disintegrating minds as I tore the tendons from their bones. That I owe her for a memory I didn't even know I had: being trapped in the rubble under my guardian's corpse, smelling charred human meat while the flies crawled over us."

He was breathing hard now, and he could feel the telekinesis shivering just beneath his skin -- close. Too close. This wasn't Quentin's fault. Haller turned away and pressed his hands to his face, steadying himself. He took another deep breath. "Sorry," he said, "but those decades of worthless treatment are the only reason I'm still standing here."

[the-trails-we-blaze]

OC Ramblings | Ariel Nightingale

Ariel finds the humanoid mind fascinating. How people grew up, how that effected their development, how they view the world--it all shows in human behavior, and by extension, their dreams! She reads about dream interpretation, psychology, and sociology, and applies it all to her work as a Dreamer for the Nightingale family.

And!! All that studying of the human mind has inadvertently made her pretty knowledgeable on "Dream Addiction", and she applies that knowledge to treatments and therapy! She's always looking for opportunities to learn more about how and why people think the way they do. She could talk all day long about fascinating articles and lectures she's read about human behavior and the subconsious.

I was discussing all of this with some friends on discord, and they brought up some really good points!

@bionicparrot

To which I agree--I imagine she's constantly fighting an uphill battle when trying to get the word out about Dream Addiction. If anyone does worry about it, they're only interested in quick fixes or covering things up--no one seems to be interested in the long term effects/solutions, let alone the root causes of these problems.

@spaced-out-muses

and I agree, for sure! I'm sure she's been investigated at least once or twice by the Family, maybe even the Bloodhounds specifically. But that's why her work is so important to her--she makes multiple copies of everything. She wants to publish her research on it, but she's well aware that she has to work around the family to get anywhere with it.

And, to be honest, she's prepared to flee Penacony if she has to.

It's a last resort, because she doesn't want to leave anyone who needs her help--and she likes her work! She finds it fulfilling and rewarding! But she's also aware that if she "disappears", all of her work will disappear with her, one way or another.

So Ariel has an emergency escape plan that she hasn't shared with anyone, in case she runs out of options and places to hide. And my friend Lin made another absolutely great point;

Ariel has a LOT working against her on Penacony. Hecklers, the family, the entire economy of Penacony! But she's worried less about where and how the hotel and the family are getting their money, and more about the wellbeing of guests and employees in the dreamscape. She knew what she was getting into--and she's determined to see it through.

[and-then-there-were-n0ne]

Below is a piece on mating psychology I wrote for Onn Health. It is aimed primarily at (heterosexual) men, yet the insights offered here are broadly applicable to everyone.

The two most powerful predictors of happiness and life satisfaction are working in the right profession and finding the right spouse.

You can commit a lot of blunders in your life, but if you manage to get two things right, you will maximize your chance of long-term wellbeing.

Our choice of job and our choice of spouse are central to our happiness because they are where we spend most of our lives—at work and with our families. Therefore, we should devote a good deal of time concentrating on how to make the best possible decision for these two sources of potential happiness. Indeed, making the wrong choice can lead to potential misery.

Interestingly, much of modern advice prioritizes education and career, often relegating relationships to a secondary concern or valuing them primarily for their potential to enhance career ambitions.

Relationships, though, are critical for our health and wellbeing. Studies have found that the effect of poor relationship quality on mortality is as strong as the effects of better-known risk factors, such as smoking and alcohol use, and even stronger than other important factors, such as sedentariness and obesity.

For those who are focused on their careers, choosing the right partner can fuel occupational success. For instance, people with conscientious romantic partners tend to report higher job satisfaction and income, and are more likely to be promoted. This pattern held even after controlling for the study participants’ own conscientiousness. A disciplined and hard-working romantic partner can help us succeed in our own careers.

Indeed, there are examples of well-known men and the women who have helped them in their journeys:

Mr Beast:

“I have someone who I think is very beautiful, very intelligent, makes me better, is constantly pushing me, is okay with me working hard, makes me smarter. And just all these different things. For me, love just makes me a better person.”

Connor McGregor:

“My girlfriend worked very hard throughout the years and stuck by me when I had essentially absolutely nothing. I only had a dream that I was telling her.”

Chris Bumstead:

“She just built this confidence in me… It was a really important moment for my personal growth, champion growth, relationship growth.”

Warren Buffett:

“Susie really put me together. She believed in me. She got me to believe in myself, and that changed my life.” “And I would not only have not turned out to be the person I turned out to be, but I actually wouldn’t have been as successful in business without that. She made me more of a whole person.”

These examples show only one side of the story. In healthy relationships, both partners are expected to receive net benefits and grow.

Research in evolutionary and social psychology has illuminated key findings that help us to understand how people choose mates, as well as the factors that predict relationship success.

George Vaillant, former director of the multigenerational Harvard Study of Adult Development, has noted that “warm, intimate relationships are the most important prologue to a good life.”

Warm relationships supply benefits to both happiness and health.

How do people go about choosing mates? In popular culture, we often hear two different adages when it comes to relationship formation: Opposites attract, and birds of a feather flock together.

The former might make for a good romantic comedy. But in the real world, people tend to mate assortatively. We generally favor romantic partners who are similar to ourselves.

This is especially true for education and intelligence. In the U.S., for example, if your highest level of education is a high school diploma, your probability of marrying a college graduate is only nine percent. In contrast, if you hold a college degree, your probability of marrying a fellow college graduate is sixty-five percent. Interestingly, though, couples’ similarity in intelligence does not seem to predict relationship satisfaction.

Beyond education, we also tend to choose romantic partners who are similar to ourselves in terms of age, political orientation, religious affiliation, and socioeconomic status.

Does similarity predict stronger relationship satisfaction? The answer seems to be no. A meta-analysis concluded that “similarity had very little effect on satisfaction.” This doesn’t mean, of course, that similarity is meaningless for romantic satisfaction. More likely, similarity is necessary but not sufficient for romantic satisfaction. That is, while similarity does not guarantee relationship satisfaction, strong dissimilarities might be “deal-breakers” that would contribute to discontent. Your romantic partner holding the same political beliefs as you doesn’t necessarily mean you’ll be 100% satisfied with each other; but if they take the opposite stance on every view you hold, there’s a strong chance that relationship wouldn’t last very long.

So what does predict relationship satisfaction?

One factor seems to be authenticity. A team of psychologists found that the link between authenticity in relationships and relationship satisfaction is very strong. For instance, people who strongly agreed with statements such as “I share my deepest thoughts with my partner even if there’s a chance he/she won’t understand them” reported being particularly happy in their relationships. Interestingly, the study found that authentic people tended to mate with other authentic people, whereas deceptive individuals tend to attract deceptive partners. This seems to be another example of assortative mating, whereby people find themselves in relationships with partners similar to themselves.

What else besides authenticity predicts relationship satisfaction? A 2016 paper in Evolution and Human Behavior, authored by Daniel Conroy-Beam, Cari D. Goetz, and David Buss explored what makes people happy in their relationships. They discovered that people were less satisfied in relationships when their partners were less desirable compared to other potential choices. However, this was specifically the case for individuals who were more attractive than their partners. That is, people were satisfied with mates who were either more attractive than themselves, or more attractive than alternative choices. In short, when people were with partners who were attractive and hard to replace, then they were more likely to be satisfied. It seems that people aren’t asking themselves, “Does my partner fulfill my relationship needs?” Rather, they ask “Is my partner better than the realistic alternatives?” We aren’t gauging on some objective rubric. Rather, we grade our partners on a curve, comparing them to others we could reasonably hope to pair with.

This gets to the question of how we should approach searching for a compatible mate. An important idea from decision theory that can assist with this is known as the 37% rule, or “the secretary problem.” Suppose you’re looking for the best candidate for a secretary position (or any other job). The rule says that you should estimate how many total applicants are likely to seek the position, interview the first 37 percent of them, and remember the best out of that initial sample. Then, continue interviewing until you find a candidate who is even better than that. Once you find that better candidate, hire him or her. That is how you select the optimal candidate.

The problem with this rule is that it takes a lot of time and energy, especially if you are faced with a large number of possible candidates. You can��t realistically date 37% of all women you might possibly be interested in, and then keep going until you find someone more compatible than the best in that batch. However, researchers have found that a similar rule called “Try a Dozen” can work just as well as the 37% rule. According to this simpler approach, you would date a dozen possible romantic partners, remember the best of them, and then pick the very next prospect who is even more appealing to you. Of course, this is just a theoretical model that sheds light on the challenges of trying to optimize a difficult decision. It has many shortcomings and is not necessarily applicable to all individuals in all circumstances.

Many men try to get the hottest possible partner they can find. But this can present its own problems. As David Buss has said, “Mates, once gained, must be retained.” An average guy might manage to get a few dates with a supermodel. But the supermodel’s array of potential alternative options can introduce potential instability into the relationship. This can lead to jealousy, increased mate guarding, warding off potential romantic rivals, increased stress, heated arguments, and so on.

Of course, the reverse is not ideal. Entering a relationship with someone who is noticeably less attractive than you can give rise to dissatisfaction, conflict, and a wandering eye as you consider possible alternatives. The ideal situation, as Buss says, is “when both people feel lucky to be with the other person.” Of course, if your current pool of mates you could reasonably hope to attain is less attractive than you’d like, there is a simple option: Become more attractive yourself. For appearance, keep up on personal grooming and hygiene; improve your health and fitness; buy clothes that are stylish and fit well; get a good haircut. As a man, you can also level up your attractiveness by earning a promotion at work, switching to a higher paying position, or seeking a cool side job (bartenders, musicians, and volunteer firefighters don’t get paid like surgeons but still appeal to many women).

Many people have noticed that young people are unrealistically expected to know what career they will pursue at the age of 18 or 22. Seldom does anyone point out that the same logic applies to long-term romantic commitment. Interestingly, while there is a lot of guidance for how to choose a good career, far less support is available for choosing the right spouse.

Choosing a mate is not just choosing a mate. It’s also casting a vote for who you will be and who your children will be. [...]

Mate choice also profoundly influences children. If you have kids, your partner’s genetics will significantly influence their intelligence (at least 60% heritable), personality traits (more than 40% heritable), and mental health (more than 30% heritable). And as I cover extensively in my book, healthy, stable relationships benefit children. Having a partner who contributes to such a relationship will be instrumental in your child’s development and wellbeing. 

Given the importance of marriage in a man’s life, it is crucial to choose a compatible spouse. Knowing which qualities to avoid and which to seek out can save you from future emotional and perhaps financial ruin.

People often focus on attributes they would like in a partner, but it is perhaps even more important to know which characteristics to avoid. “Red flags,” in common parlance. [...]

Smith offers a quote in another of his books, The Tactical Guide to Women, “Look for the red flags early in the relationship. If anything pops up early on, don’t let that slide. Most people are on their best behavior in the beginning. They hide it well until around the six-month mark. For example, if she gets drunk and is screaming at you for no reason within the first month, run as fast as you can. Don’t let something like that slide. There are underlying issues there.” This doesn’t mean that they are a bad person or unworthy of love or anything like that. But drinking and yelling is a sign that such a person might not be ideal for a long-term relationship commitment.

What about beneficial traits, or so-called “green flags?”

Smith suggests seeking clarity, maturity, and stability in a potential mate.

Anybody can communicate well when they and the relationship are at their best. Clarity, though, encompasses reliable communication and the ability to communicate during stormy periods. [...] Good relationships require that both partners express themselves constructively, especially during times of stress.

Relatedly, inquisitiveness is an important skill. It cuts through ambiguities and insecurities. Within a relationship, if one person behaves in an insensitive manner, a sign of inquisitiveness would be if his or her partner, rather than expressing anger, calmly asks why and listens. This can open the path to communication and understanding, rather than mutually escalating hostilities. [..]

Emotional maturity is another green flag. Some signs of this skill: She can calm herself when she’s sad or angry, she accepts reality, she keeps commitments, she takes care of relationships and doesn’t burn bridges, she bases important decisions on values rather than impulse, and she possesses the emotional resources to function well among coworkers, family, and friends.

Stability, another positive quality, indicates that a woman handles her personal challenges and cares for herself so that her life (and yours) isn’t a series of crises. As Smith puts it, a woman “who is unwilling to strive for her best state of mental health is unlikely to succeed in relationships.” [...]

This perspective on relationships underscores the importance of mutual support and shared growth. The notion of the “special woman” and “special man” transcends the conventional understanding of romantic partnerships, emphasizing a deeper, more harmonious connection. This link is not solely about love or attraction or sex; it is about finding a partner who understands, encourages, and participates in your life journey. Such a relationship becomes a crucible for personal and professional development, where both individuals are not just companions but co-architects of a shared future.

[k00295251]

Artist Research - Giselle Ballet

03/02/24

The Wilis from the ballet Giselle really resonated with me with me as a concept. I’ve always been enamoured with them since I learnt about them as a child. They are the ghosts of women betrayed by their lovers who died before their wedding day. They take their revenge by dancing men to death at night.

The titular character Giselle is a peasant girl with a weak heart and a passion for dance, though exerting herself could kill her. She attracts the attention of Count Albrecht, a noble who hides his identity from her. She resists his advances but eventually succumbs and falls in love with him. As well has having a physically weak heart, her innocence prevents her from seeing the deception. His pledge of eternal love was a lie we discover as the Duke and his daughter Bathilde arrive in a hunting party.

Bathilde is also taken by Giselle’s beauty and gifts her a necklace as Giselle tells her that she is engaged, unaware they are both betrothed to Albrecht. A gamekeeper named Hilarion who is in love with Giselle discovers the truth about Albrecht and reveals it, as he was consumed by jealousy. Giselle loses her mind and kills herself in response.

Giselle had been buried deep in the forest and became a Wili. Myrna the queen of the Wilis appears and summons her maidens while Hilarion is mourning at Giselle’s grave. They force him to dance until he dies from exhaustion.

Albrecht was stricken with remorse and comes to mourn Giselle. Myrta summons Giselle from her grave and commands her to entice him into joining the dance. She does so, but her love for him was strong enough to help keep him alive until dawn, when the Wilis lose their power. At the end of the of the ballet he is left alive with his sorrow.

The synchronisation of the dancers, the outfits, the emotion, everything rouse a strange sense of longing to be part of what you’re watching. That is the point of Giselle, of course. Longing for things that are bad for you, sacrificing your wellbeing for what you love, love so intense that you stay tied to it even beyond the grave.

Romantic era art and ballet hits a spot for me. As a child ballet was an escape for me, it put me in a frame of mind where I could put aside my problems and focus on the movement. It feels sort of trance-like, even now. I feel as though the dance itself brings you to an otherworldly place, like you lose yourself in the movement and you don’t think or worry the way you normally do. The muscle memory kicking in when you hear a song you learned choreography for feels good. I’ve always associated it with not quite being alive in the way you normally are. Entering a different plane, being in a place nothing can reach but you, the music and the people you’re dancing with. That may sound a bit cringe but that is how I feel. Evidently I’m romantically inclined when it comes to art.

I felt that kind of vibe more when I did ballet since I dedicated most of my free time to it and had to push my physical limits way more than just dancing for myself, but it still brings me to the otherworldly headspace that distracts from reality.

I think all dance is art and that dance doesn’t just involve moving your body, but moves your awareness and emotional state into a more manageable place. As an autistic person it also really helps ground me and satisfies some sensory needs. I assume everyone has some form of movement that puts them in a similar mind frame, I like to think there’s enjoyable movement for everyone depending on their physical ability and their psychological needs. From each according to their ability, to each according to their needs.

[albion-93]

Now that RWBY Volume 9 is finished, how would you rate it as an adaptation of "Alice's Adventures in Wonderland"?

Just to preface, I am aware that Volume 9 takes visual cues and inspiration from the Alice stories and puts its own twists and turns on them. Either downplaying certain characters, villainizing other characters, or presenting scenarios inspired by those in the book in a way that ties more directly to the prior events of RWBY. So it is by no means a one to one adaptation, nor do I treat it as one.

But, how would one rate it as a spiritual adaptation?

From my initial viewing, I thought it matched a few of core themes from the Alice stories in how it places Ruby Rose as the one who goes through an arc. This volume could be summed up as Ruby's growing up, identity crisis, and reformation. My aim isn't to do a deep dive analysing every facet of the volume and how it relates to Alice's Adventures in Wonderland, but just to focus on Ruby and Alice.

Alice’s experiences in Wonderland can be taken as a metaphor for the experience of growing up, both in terms of physically growing up and coming to understand the world of adults and how that world differs from a child;s expectation of it. Sounds a bit similar to Ruby's journey from having an idealized, exciting and heroic view of the world, and having that worldview chipped away by tragedy, disappointment and regret. Blake warned Ruby against that romanticised view all the way back in Volume 1 after all.

Other inoccuous similarities take strikingly dark turns. Just as Alice's act of curiosity towards the White Rabbit started her odessey, Ruby's slow journey through that intense crucible and her eventual endpoint began with her curiosity and friendliness towards Little. It ends up on a downward turn when that curiosity is shut down by her depressed state and disassociation. Even while Little has not lost hope, the moment Ruby openly states that she can't hold true to that optimism and sends Little away, it spirals down even further when Neo enters the picture.

But things were going downhill well before Neo's big scene. The long death of Ruby's innocence has been a prominent factor since Summer Rose's disappearance, the Fall of Beacon, and the plan to save the citizens of Atlas going awry and a dear friend's second death. This played into her self-doubt and belief that she as Ruby Rose was not enough. At the volume's darkest points, she must face her pent-up grief and frustration, her feelings of mortality and declining self-worth.

The question of her identity, of who and what she is as Ruby Rose, Huntress, and Hero, is also in flux. Just like the denizens of Wonderland and the Ever After exist in a state of fluctuating identity, Ruby's and Alice's sense of self fluctuates when their beliefs are challenged. Alice is asked to identify herself by almost every inhabitant of Wonderland, but after seeing herself change physically and mentally time and time again she is unable to give an answer. The question of "what" Ruby is is an undercurrent throughout, and Ruby questions everything about her and whether its come to any good, or ever will.

Ultimately, Ruby must both grow up and still remain Ruby Rose, one who is able to navigate the harshness of the world (Remnant) and the darkest psychological recesses (Ever After) to be a more complete person. Alice changes her outlook and how she treats the inhabitants of Wonderland and learns not to make the same mistakes again. Instead of learning to be more sensitive to the needs of others, like Alice, she learns the hard way of stretching herself to lead, inspire, motivate and protect others at the expense of her own wellbeing. For Ruby, her youthful imagination and zest for life from earlier Volumes was always going to fade away, but this Volume addresses that with acceptance and self-love, and allowing her to truly keep moving forward.

[sinnohanvulpix]

Full-time postsecondary is NOT for everyone

I know I don’t usually make posts like this, but I wanted to write this for a friend, and for anyone else who might need it. Growing up, I was convinced that there was a set path that all adults had to take in life: go to college or university starting at 18, then get a degree as fast as possible so they could get a find a well-paying job as early as possible. After all, my dad is a university professor, and my older sibling has been happily taking full-time course loads since they graduated from high school. So in the years leading up to my graduation, I was thinking, “surely this is what I’m destined to do whether I like it or not, right?”

Absolutely not!

Unlike my dad and sibling, I have no interest whatsoever in postsecondary right now, much less full-time. Middle school was already overwhelming enough for me to lead to burnout and traumatic levels of anxiety. The only reason I made it to the end of high school was because I switched to homeschooling, which gave me the freedom to do courses at my own pace and in the comfort of my own home. After graduating high school, I did try one course in psychology (the only subject I had any interest in), but even that caused me more stress than enjoyment, so much so that just the thought of doing another course still makes me anxious even four years later.

While society may expect anyone who can afford postsecondary to attend full-time, that just isn’t a healthy goal for everyone. I’d even argue that it’s not healthy for most people, seeing how much it contributes to mental health issues. Although university is a good fit for my sibling due to their strong fondness for learning and comfort in the environment, there are countless people who that just wouldn’t work for. Even though I’ve never gone full-time, I know that it would drain me and traumatize me to no end, seeing how overwhelmed I became just from doing one course in college. The more drained a student becomes, the less they’ll get out of learning, and the less they’ll be able to learn in general. Kind of defeats the purpose of school, doesn’t it?

If you or someone you know is feeling pressured to follow this path despite it not working, please share this message. Nobody, especially not adults, should have their right to go at their own pace taken away from them. Your mental wellbeing is infinitely more important than living up to unrealistic expectations. Do what makes sense for you, and don’t let anyone pressure you to put yourself through an unhealthy amount of stress. It’s just not worth it.

[the-earth-priestess]

hello my friend alice the druid :3 i loved my last reading and im here for another one!!! thank you again 💖 i would like to know if there's anything i should know about my source of income right now

yaaay yaaaay hello my dear friend cinna. 🥺💕 thank you so much for commissioning me. i'm very happy to share my insight with you today! 🍃🦋

your tarot reading:

what does cinna's source of income situation look like right now?

2 of Cups -- something profound is occurring. it looks like your current trajectory holds the opportunity for a business partnership or people who truly touche(s) your soul and makes you feel fulfilled. you may already have the resources and/or connections for it, or it may be on the way. whatever the case, be on the lookout for opportunities and situations where you can find someone or more than one someone who truly speaks to you as a human being.

The Fool -- this Major Arcana card suggests the theme of this reading. new beginnings are on the horizon, and it may be time to dive off the cliff into the ocean below. you may be scared to take that leap. you may be battered by the winds a bit as you dive. breaching the surface of the waters might be rough, too. but you may find that what you discover below the surface is a teaming coral reef full of colour and vivacity, crystal clear waters showing you your chosen path with iridescent light and magic. wonders await, but you'll need to put in the effort. you'll need to take a leap of faith. you can have courage, because this brand new beginning has the potential to make all your dreams come true.

10 of Wands -- your current situation appears to be really heavy. this is a card of responsibilities and burdens, but also of being so close to the finish line. you can ask for help, you know! sometimes it's hard to because we have always been rejected or our needs have been unmet when we do ask. but you need to know that not everyone will turn you away, and no one is a mind-reader. you need to communicate your needs! and you need to prioritise them yourself as well. it can be difficult when you're used to prioritising everyone else but please know you deserve to have your psychological, physical material and spiritual needs met just as much as anyone else. you deserve the good in the world. you deserve to find a source of income that doesn't just provide for your needs, but also for your desires. so you can ask for help, you can delete unnecessary tasks, you can put yourself first.

Knight of Pentacles in reverse -- this card delivers the idea that you may be stagnating right now, or perhaps focusing solely on wealth. you may be preoccupied, distracted, deprioritizing what's important. your soul or heart has a measure of health just as much as your mind and body. remember to nurture it with steady care to lay the foundations of your life. remember that by living by being true to what you want to be, do and are is so important for the wellbeing of your soul. only you can decide where to go from here, only you can decide what your soul needs for it to be healthy, but remember that by being creative you will find enrichment of all kinds in life. and with this success, wealth will pour in naturally.

your oracle reading:

what does cinna need to know right now regarding its source of income?

Bear Spirit for healing -- as you wander the winter wonderland forest, you come face to face with a bear. it reaches out and touches its nose to yours. it looks at you with gentleness, warmth and love. you feel safe. you feel comforted. you feel whole. this spirit is letting you know that profound healing is underway. you're healing right now, and you're going to heal, too. by progressing down whichever path you choose regarding your income, you will find yourself and you will connect with people and you will heal yourself. you will heal what has been broken regarding your material wealth.

Pine Spirit for purification -- it's still winter as you wander, and you brush up against a pine tree, displacing some snow. you find that the touch makes you feel an internal shift. you hear a soft giggle of delight from the spirit as you find that you're feeling cleansed from head to toe, like a renewal of spirit, mind and body. pine is an antiseptic and antibacterial substance, and is used in many rituals and ceremonies in indigenous cultures across the globe. this spirit is reminding you to take the time to practice extreme self-care. try to clutter-clear your home, take long showers or baths, eat well, and empty your mind by journalling or talking to a friend or allowing yourself to cry. maybe even make yourself experience catharsis by watching media! you will find that the more you do these things (the more you take care of yourself), the more comfortable and at peace you will feel, no matter the circumstances. this card could also be an indication of the process of finding your source of income purifying you, and allowing you to get in touch with your true self.

Pegasus for transcending -- as you come across a clearing in the snow, a Pegasus stands before you. he waits for you to climb onto his back, and then takes off into the skies with you. you soar above the forest, looking out across the snow-covered trees and fields. you find that all your doubts and hesitation are all falling away, and you find that you can see everything from up here. Pegasus indicates that it may be time to take a more transcendental perspective. it may be time to ease back on the material aspect of gaining wealth, and focus on your goals, dreams and aspirations. what makes you feel fulfilled to do, and how can you take baby steps to get there? what do you really want to do with your life? what do you want to accomplish? why? ask yourself these questions and more, and really reflect on them. perhaps what you need isn't just a new job, or lots of money, but a whole change of perspective. perhaps you need to get to the core of what's important to you and try to achieve something for yourself going forward. (which isn't to say you haven't achieved anything already.) in this economical climate chasing your dreams, being creative and finding fulfillment are some of the greatest challenges of all, but even if the chances are unlikely, the possibility is still not zero that you can accomplish them. so trust in your heart. trust in yourself. trust in whatever it is you believe in. you will find your way.

thank you for reading cinna! i hope this serves you well. 💕🍃🦋✨

this is a commissioned reading. for your chance of similar treatment, see my pinned for information, rules and terms and conditions.