#and is definitely not touch averse or autistic in any way.

[rjalker]

[ID: A Screenshot of a tweet by Electronic wife / skarchomp, from July 20th, 2023, 2:14 PM, that reads "I think I should be able to start hitting people with sacks of doorknobs if they talk like this to me".

Below this tweet is a screenshot of a tumblr reply by user sweaterlatethannever, that reads, "Okay but as much as I support Hobie obviously listening to punk, I love the idea of him being a secret Swiftie and supporting her journey to take herself back (that's pretty punk of her) his favorite album would be Reputation ofc.".

Below the image of the tweet is another, expanded screenshot of the reply above.

Below these is a reaction gif of a person against a purple-gradient bckground, gesturing and pointing emphatically at the words, "All of this".

End ID.]

[ozziesemporium]

Ok so new random idea.

So you know those "Mean evil gf of the current polycule abuses the skeles and Reader until they move out and then they realize that the gf was evil and bad and they fall for Reader" trope, right?

I was thinking about the idea that there was no real evil gf but rather Reader doesn't like having roommates, but their roommate (who was the one exception) had chosen to take in a bunch of people (the skeles) without consulting Reader out of a people pleasing tendency. The roommate isn't dating the skeletons but they are friends with at least one of them.

The general idea is that Reader (who is autistic because I am and I want an autistic character that isn't mainstream media's sanitized autistic):

Is contact averse, aka doesn't like being touched (esp by people they don't know)

Is very blunt and goes for the most direct way of explaining something, sometimes using harsh language

Like routine, and becomes irritable when that routine is interrupted

Doesn't like strangers being brought over (parties or otherwise)

Not social at all, leading to them being in their room a lot of the time

Suffers from severe germaphobia, so they clean dishes if other people touch the insides, and doesn't want anyone dealing with their laundry

They're generally hard to live with, but this friend understands that none of this is them trying to be difficult to live with and just them trying to manage all the stress of their job and other things that makes them able to afford this near mansion in a nice rural neighborhood with a bunch of land.

The skeles don't know a lot of this at first and as such get on Reader's nerves constantly, along with the fact that they think Reader keeps washing things they touch/flinching from contact because they're monsters. Reader tries to explain, but the roommate being given more leeway lead to the skeletons being suspicious at best most times.

Eventually, Reader says that they're moving out and they're gonna continue paying a portion of the rent, but the old roommate and the skeletons will be paying the rest.

Eventually, one of the skeletons comes home saying that they saw them helping out a monster who was being harassed by a human. The skeletons are surprised and confused until the roommate explains (FINALLY) that Reader is autistic and those rules were put in place because they didn't need additional stressors given that they have a high stress job to pay the bills of that place.

When they find that out, everything starts to slot into place and they feel awful. Some skeletons try to apologize directly, some try to convince them to return, some simply tell them to come home, saying that their behavior will change.

However, Reader tells them no. They don't want to deal with screaming matches and things being thrown and things being burnt and all the stress having roommates brings by default. They say that they might've been able to overlook the behavior had they been given time to think things over, but as things stand they don't believe any of them, especially since some were outright rude upon first meeting them.

They don't blame them for not knowing if something stressed them out, but some of them definitely knew and did it deliberately in some sort of twisted sense of karma or justice for them being difficult.

They tried explaining their behavior before, but nothing actually changed and the stress of living with them simply became too much to handle, so they had to prioritize their own mental wellbeing instead of being a "pushover" like their friend. They end off by saying that they shouldn't have do give a psychologist's diagnosis to explain why they don't want people touching their things and putting their hands inside things they eat/drink out of.

The rest of the story can follow them actually putting in the effort of getting to know Reader outside of the house and the ensuing romantic shenanigans. It could be the set up to an extremely slow burn since Reader wouldn't forgive fast nor forgive easily.

Idk, just putting this here so I can at least have it somewhere I can read it. Y'all can use this prompt if it speaks to you, just tag me.

[prettysymbiosis]

I'm watching the dan union chapel thing for the first time finally and I have some thoughts - not arguing any points just sharing my takes. Long post 🙃

• I think he was genuinely pissed at phil about the eye emergency thing and the not helping with the event itself thing and he was gratified when we were cheering for him because he just needs a little validation from the girls about his shitty male partner sometimes.

This is just interesting to me because 99% of the time we're like uwu heart eyes they love each other, because they do. But they get genuinely upset with each other too and I don't think they're 100% above trying to get us to take their side even though they're generally very averse to getting too real with us (I do think dan is more inclined to do this overall).

That being said, the stories he shared about phil were genuinely funny and domestic and I'm sure he was sharing them for that reason too.

• I think he was genuinely bothered by the pissyourselffordan thing. I know this could be a hot take because he did mention piss a lot unprompted lol and I DO think he thinks it's funny, but I also know how much he yearns to succeed despite being the deeply unlucky nonbinary popstar that he is, and I think he feels embarrassed and discouraged to some degree when these kinds of things happen.

Like he mentioned that harper collins didn't promote the event on any of their platforms because of it – so he lost whatever exposure and therefore success that would've translated to for his actual work. He kept saying it was a "disaster" and I feel like while he was leaning into the genuinely funny and unique side of it, he wouldn't have chosen for it to go that way.

One thing I will say is that we know dan hates advertising and thinks it's terribly cringe, so when you add that to his inferiority complex this probably felt inevitable and maybe even weirdly welcome.

• I've seen folks discuss the neurodivergent vibes dnp have and some have said dan is more adhd and phil is more autism. Now, disclaimer that I don't think it's usually accurate or helpful to categorize ways of being too concretely and most people have many different things going on, including dnp. But all of that to say that dan reads as very autistic to me sometimes, whereas phil reminds me more of people I know with adhd.

Dan literally says he "can't be normal" during the eyedrops story because of his physical aversion to having his eyes touched. The chapter he reads in his book (the book he's said many times is for his "younger" self) is about working on the need to know exactly how everything is going to happen in any given situation.

This is definitely something that is part of anxiety as well, which he also struggles with, but in the context of all dan's other particularities (his exacting food preferences, the way he obsesses over his interests, that he stims when he's keyed up, etc) it's giving 'tism to me.

Not necessarily saying anything new with any of this but I want to get better about actually posting more :) I'll probably have more takes as I keep watching because I haven't even touched the gender of it all yet

[clavidy]

guy who is definitely one of your dps mutuals here. you should do at least one of these five or i will throw pebbles at you. any character because i have definitley watched hit film dead poets society 100%.

AHHHHH YAYAYAYY!!

Im just gonna do what I want character-wise bcs you didn't specify but I'll try and do all the ones you asked for!! :DDD

1, appearance hcs:

Knox's teeth are chipped at the front and partially fake, he fell on his face while trying to ride a unicycle and impress a woman.

Meeks has bunny teeth, has had heavy-duty braces for YEARS trying to fix them. He doesn't mind them, actually, but his dentist said that he should and he went along with it. He has a bunch of birthmarks!!

Todd's nose is always a bit red and his lips are always pink. He just permanently looks cold and sickly. His eyes are blue-gray, and he has some slight freckles on his nose.

Neil has the longest, most gorgeous eyelashes known to man and is covered in beauty marks. He's pretty, that's it.

Cam is a daywalker!! While Meeks has a ton of freckles, he has absolutely none. He also used to have braces, but he didn't really need them. He has absolutely perfect teeth now, though. He also, like Charlie, spends a ton of time on his hair every morning. It's the only time they get along.

2, weird quirks:

Todd tends to chew on anything near his mouth unconsciously, but he doesn't really like gum. He overuses lipbalm, specifically mint.

Neil likes to stare into bright lights and follow the spot it creates afterwards. His mother jokes that this quirk of his is the reason he needs reading glasses, and his father's face gets very pinched every time she does.

Pitts drums his fingers on everything. He likes to create little beats with Meeks.

Charlie tends to doodle on everything, whether that be paper, desks, his skin, or his friends', usually his friends'. He often doodles naked women. He's a very bad artist.

3, disabilities:

Meeks has problems with his knee joints and uses forearm crutches on bad days!! He's also very asthmatic

Cam has chronic migraines :(

Spaz is hoh and uses crutches as well on top of his asthma and allergies, the poor guy

Todd is autistic!! (he's just like me fr)

4, love language!!:

Neil is a very touchy person, as he communicates his affection that way, but he personally likes honest conversation and spending quality time with someone the most. His "guilty pleasure" (in his mind) is words of affirmation.

Todd thought himself touch-averse until he met the poets (namely neil) and suddenly, he wanted to be as close to them as possible. He enjoys spending quality time with and doing acts of service for those he loves, and he likes receiving words of affirmation and the same quality time back.

Meeks, Pitts, and Charlie all like giving and receiving physical affection, though Meeks also likes quality time, Pitts likes words of affirmation, and Charlie is... Charlie.

Cam likes words of affirmation and quality time! He's very touch-averse and slow-moving.

Knox is... Knox. He communicates through physical touch and likes receiving words of affirmation in canon, so no hcs for him really.

As for music,, ahh I really can't decide. I mean Meeks and Pitts have a canonical music taste, and Charlie would definitely listen to bowie if he was around in the 50s, but he wasn't, so.

All I can think of is that Charlie would enjoy Elvis purely because of his "lewd" dancing and Cam would feel the exact opposite. Cam would probably listen to popular, safe pretentious white boy music like frank Sinatra and classical hits. I feel most of the other poets would have similar music tastes, as all they really know is the stuff Meeks and Pitts play, but Charlie's rich so he has a bunch of records AND a radio at his house.

[sakuralovespossums]

Nikolai Gogol x Autistic Reader

(Because I haven’t been able to find any goddammit)

(Also I’ll be going off of my own autistic traits/experiences)

Warning: this is Nikolai, so expect gore, violence, and morbid thoughts

I feel like Nikolai wouldn’t really know much about autism or being neurodivergent. He’ll prbly go to Fyodor to learn more.

But he does know that you have certain interests, traits, dislikes, and ways of seeing things and thinking that differs from the most other people.

He loves that about you!

He likes to watch you stim and finds it funny and cute.

He’ll then join in cause it looks like fun!

Considering he already moves around a lot whenever he’s excited, I wouldn’t be surprised if it turns out he’s also on the spectrum.

Nikolai values freedom from physical/human constraints. So I feel like he might pity you for your aversions to certain textures, smells, foods, etc.

He can’t imagine how hellish it must be to imprisoned by all these overbearing stimulations.

If only he could shed you of your human body so that you can finally be free from all it all!

He’ll be more upset when he hears about any past negative experiences you may have had with ableist people and societal expectations.

Nikolai HATES being forced to conform!!! How dare they try to snap your wings!!

He’ll prbly teleport off somewhere to go torture/kill some random unlucky person to let out his anger.

Will casually describe his recent killings and tortures of his targets in the DOA to you with his upbeat demeanor. He might even show you pictures!

“This one’s one of my favorites!!! It almost looks like spaghetti noodles, doesn’t it?!”

It’s a picture of a government official having his brain pulled out through his nose.

If it makes you uncomfortable, he’d prbly find your discomfort odd but stop.

Since you tell him a lot about your hyperfixations and special interests, he likes to describe his disturbing knowledge on the human body and all the creative ways to kill and harm them.

Man will randomly bite you like a dog. Have you seen those teeth?

Nikolai would definitely pick you up and toss you around in and out of his cape portal like a toy, if you happen to be short.

Hell, he’ll do it regardless of your height. He’s already taller than everyone.

Sure, you can touch his hair! Just don’t pull or he’ll bite your fingers off, hehehe!!

………………….

When your having a sensory overload/panic attack, he’ll immediately notice and teleport you both out of there to a much quieter place.

Nikolai means well and does like you, but he’s also a rather twisted clown who likes engaging in dangerous “games”

“Hey y/n!!! Wanna play this quiz where every time you lose, you have to stick a needle under a toenail?!”

“What?! You don’t?! That’s too bad! Aw well, maybe next time!”

Nikolai holds a deep resentment towards you for tying him down with human emotions and desires (love, patience, etc) and wants to kill you so that he can free himself.

There have been numerous times where he almost goes through with killing you in some brutal way. Yet he always stops at the very last moment since he can’t bring himself to do it.

Random headcanon: Nikolai would be a huge fan of the Saw and Terrifier movies

[erigold13261]

you are a wise person, and i have a question. how exactly do you describe asexuality and aromanticism? what makes it different?

I don't think I'm that wise, but I guess that is something about yourself that is hard to gauge without an outsider's perspective. (also this is probably gonna be a mess of a post and a bit all over the place because I kinda just woke up and have work soon, sorry lol)

Just by labels alone, asexuality is little to no SEXUAL attraction to others, while aromanticism is little to no ROMANTIC attraction to others. Technically you can still have some attraction (sexual or romantic) and still be aro and/or ace.

Though if you can't tell the difference from sexual and romantic attraction then those definitions don't really help all that much. I've seen plenty of posts and even heard people IRL say stuff like a marriage without sex is a loveless marriage or how once the fun in the sheets dies then the relationship is over.

Which can be a pretty big problem for aro/ace people who show love in different ways that might not be sexual (there are still aro/ace people who have sex either because of high libido, wanting to please their partners, or just liking sex without the attraction part which is another thing that other labels and non-queer people sometimes have a hard time understanding).

This is why, for me, it is hard to explain the difference between aromanticism and asexuality, because not everyone knows/cares about the difference between sex and romance.

I don't know if my lack of wanting to be touched by others is an asexual thing, an autistic thing, or a trauma response. Same with my lack of romantic interest being aromantic or autistic or an introvert thing. To me, these identities are really hard to define or even realize you are part of because it is the LACK of attraction.

I very much thought I was pansexual or bisexual for a very long time because I had that "I feel the same way to everyone" idea, only to later find out I just don't have any feelings and it's a 0+0=0 deal.

I'm pretty sure it was actually a microlabel that made me realize I was actually asexual! (which is why I am a defender of microlabels because I needed to know the specific way I felt was included under an umbrella term before I realized I was actually under that term. I still struggle calling myself trans even though genderfluid is under the trans umbrella).

But yea! I'm Aegosexual, meaning "individuals on the asexual spectrum who feel disconnected from the subject of arousal." You can have sexual desires but not related to you, or have no interest in being a part of the sexual fantasy you have yourself.

I only EVER had sexual desires for fictional characters and never had any kind of desire to be with a real life human at all (which I think is because of my touch aversion). And even with those characters, I never had fully detailed desires or fantasies. Nothing ever went all the way and it's mostly just cuddles and make out sessions.

Really I just put all these pieces together, found a microlabel that worked for me, and then worked backwards because my specific situation fit that label and got me to the Asexual label.

I basically knew by that point I was not sexually interested in others at all. So it wasn't a true surprise that I realized I was asexual. I was able to disconnect sex and romance pretty well so I thought I was homoromantic asexual (or biromantic, again, I didn't realize I was aromantic at the time so I was again doing the 0+0=0 thing but for romance this time lol).

I only recently started identifying as aromantic because I just realized I was okay in never having a relationship with another person. The only person I ever saw myself getting into a relationship with is my best friend and I think THAT was only because of heteronormitivity being pushed onto me that I very much got over.

It doesn't help that most of the time if I don't see a friend (or family member) in front of me/in my life for a while, I just sort of push them out of my mind and forget about them. It's an object permanence kind of situation I have where I just don't connect people to me unless I can see them/interact with them. Which probably helped me realize I wouldn't be good in a relationship as I would be distant and sucky as a partner.

That realization I would be a shit partner as well as only feeling compelled to be in a relationship because of heteronormitivity or because I didn't want to say no to a friend that asked really ended up sealing the deal for me later on that I was aromantic.

Okay, sorry for the personal analogies and stuff. But that is the best way I can describe aromanticism and asexuality. I know I kinda skated around the topics, but to me these labels are feelings, or lack of feelings, that I had to come to terms to and realize what they meant for me.

It also doesn't help that people have different ideas of what sex and romance are. What could be seen as a romantic dinner date between two people could end up just being a casual hang out between two friends. Or sex is just a fun past time instead of a super intimate moment between two people.

If you don't see stuff like hand holding or sex as intimate actions, or have any romance or sexual desires behind them, then you could be aromantic and/or asexual but others would think you aren't.

I know my sister thinks if you have sex you can't be asexual even though I've told her countless times that you can have a high libido, just like the action, or want to make your partner happy all without actually being sexually attracted to them and yet she still says if you have sex you can't be asexual.

It really is hard to define these labels (and other labels too honestly) because everyone has a different idea of what counts as sex or romance. But if you can disconnect sex and romance, and realize you have one or the other (or neither), then you have a better chance of realizing if you are or aren't asexual/aromantic.

For me it was thinking of my future and wondering if I would ever be okay marrying, having a relationship, having sex, doing all the stereotypical "loving" things, and I realized that no. I would not be able to do that.

I will admit, I am a selfish person. I have a hard time caring about other people, but when I do I care deeply about them. But even then, if they are not near me, or if they have something I can't relate to, I end up not actually caring. Though I do still try to be there for friends and family, and act like I do care, but I honestly don't.

I think that kind of mindset also helped me realize I was aroace. As I can't care enough to be a good partner or even try to get a partner, and I know I wouldn't care enough to put their needs over mine (or compromise on sex/romance/touching) at all.

Basically I felt an ick thinking of being in a relationship (whether it was a sexless one, a romanceless one, both, or a "normal" one, I just couldn't do it in my head) and let that help me decide if I was aromantic and asexual.

Probably not the best way to do it, and this was probably not the best explanation at all (because my two sides are highly technical definition or very personal stories when it comes to explanations apparently), but this is how I differentiate the two for others, even though to me they are a connected label of aroace.

[the-starry-seas]

You gotta tell me more about Whisper's problems. How bad could it *really* be for ne and Sol to be drinking buddies?

LOL well-

The biggest thing is, well, y'know. The kind of people who say "an army of child slaves sounds like the perfect way to solve problems" are probably the kind of people who dehumanise said army of child slaves. Jango straight up calls them livestock. Plus the whole barcode and CT numbers thing. Enough to give anyone issues when it's all they know! And that's not accounting for the extra trust issues coming from the fact that the Aces were betrayed by a clone from their own company.

Also I have a really incoherent set of thoughts about clones not having personal autonomy or the ability to say 'no', and the ways that can break them. And about how much worse that is for clones with touch aversion, like Whisper. And about how nonverbal episodes can make anything difficult, but are potentially lethal in a life-or-death situation. And how with emotions being all... fucky wucky, sometimes the only way to feel something is to get punched in the face. Kiss with a fist is better than none, etc etc.

(I also have a lot of thoughts about there being a different version of the clone chip that's installed with "live" programing, when sending a clone back to Kamino for reconditioning would take too much time. These chipped clones have to obey every order they're given, even if it would kill them to do so, and are forbidden from fighting back against anyone hurting them. I have even more thoughts about Whisper being threatened with a chip like that and being scared shitless because ne could never let the Aces endanger themselves to protect ner.)

This is entirely headcanon, but, Kaminoans are transphobic as hell when it comes to the clones. The army was made male on purpose and there's no reason for them to not stay that way. They hear about a clone changing up their gender and consider it a 'programming aberration', something tweaked in the DNA that makes the clone a little cuckoo for cocoa puffs in comparison to the 'real' soldiers. For one thing, Whisper is not fond of being called an aberration. And apart from the effect transphobia has on a kid, it's just stressful to wonder what's enough to get you taken from your family.

But that's not ner only aberration, as far as the Kaminoans are concerned! Or would be concerned, if they knew that Whisper was autistic. Which also brings a whole new set of Shit Whisper Doesn't Want To Deal With. I'm ready to kill someone with my bare hands like a gorilla after 15 minutes in a Wal-mart supercentre, and Whisper spent ner entire life in either a multi-million-people city or a war zone. Considering ne has no idea what a coping mechanism is (presumably some kind of machinery), is it really any surprise that ne has a load of emotional disregulation and anger issues?

The Aces did a lot to protect Ember and keep his deafness a secret. An unintentional side effect of that is that he sees his deafness as a Problem that would get them all killed if anyone figures it out. Did the Aces try to accommodate Whisper's own disability and accidentally teach ner the same thing? Does Whisper think there's something wrong in ner brain, and that ne needs to be fixed to be normal so ne's no longer a problem that ner family has to keep covered up? Yep. It sucks when your family teaches you shame, especially when they never meant to.

Also Whisper is asexual and demiromantic so like. That is also very alienating when you realise that you're not physically capable of feeling something that everyone else considers a defining trait of being human. Which also definitely ties back into the whole angle of Kaminoan dehumanisation, and the whole "ah fuck gotta fix the brain to be normal" thought pattern.

But the big thing is the child murder! In canon, one of the Cuy'val Dar had a fight ring, and multiple cadets died from their injuries. Whisper got kicked into the fight ring when ne was seven years old. Ner first time there, ne ended up killing ner opponent. And ne was efficient enough about it that Priest kept bringing ner back for more fights. Killing other cadets (some of them younger than ner) since childhood has, what's the phrase... deeply fucked ner up.

There's also the fact that ne internalises everything instead of relying on ner family for help or support. Everything is ner fault, therefore ne has to fix it all on ner own, too. It's like a damage multiplier against ner emotional state. The other Aces don't even know about the fight club thing, ne told them it was intensive training for consideration for an ARC program. That's gonna be a fustercluck.

[icalldavidlynchautistic]

As an autistic man, who struggles with severe touch aversion, my first exposure to Eraserhead was after I visited my aunt and uncle in the hospital when my cousin was born, and they handed her to me.

I've genuinely never felt more love, fear, revulsion, and shame in my life. She was so tiny and delicate and wonderful, and they put her in my arms, and I held her against my chest, and I looked down at her, and said "if you dont take this baby back right now im going to puke on her, please for the love of GOD-" and my uncle grabbed her, and I turned around and immediately vomited blood on the floor. Turns out I had clenched my stomach so hard that my ulcer had perforated.

I had PLENTY of time while I recovered to consider the fact that I should, and I CANNOT stress this enough, NEVER be a father, how that would be EXTREMELY unethical of me, I mean, my God, I can't HOLD the baby or my STOMACH WILL LITERALLY EXPLODE. and what if the kid was, and I know this is a long shot, but still, Neurotypical? I'm definitely not equipped for that. God, is this how neurotypical parents feel about us? MY POOR MOTHER. holy shit, what if I had a kid, and that kid liked PEANUT BUTTER. then I'd have to have it (the peanut butter) IN MY HOUSE .. I can't live like that. I immediately consulted my doctor about a vasectomy, and they actually called my therapist about it.

I'm retrospect, the whole situation was hysterical. I had already started working at the movie theater with my uncle by that time, and when I recovered, he did a midnight screening of Eraserhead for me, and I've been hooked on David Lynch ever since. I genuinely felt so relieved that someone understood the EXACT feeling of deep and utter horror, and soul crushing shame that I had felt, holding that sweet child for the first time.

They still made me her godfather, and I love that kid more than any living being on gods green earth. whenever I'm babysitting, we play with my model airplanes, that i used to be so protective of. You have to make sure the airplanes don't crash into each other, and that's how she's learned not to touch me. When she was 5, she told me that she wanted to be a pilot when she grows up. She's 10 now, and she still wants to be a pilot, and yes, I do cry happy tears about it, every time she leaves. I can only hope that as she grows, she'll continue to think of her cousin Scooter the same way I think of my Uncle: a huge, and wonderful influence on her life. But you better BELIEVE I got that vasectomy.

You know, Eraserhead hits real different when you have a baby.

[harbingerofwhump]

hey! do you have any autistic! kaz headcanons?

Hello!

Oooooo hello autistic Kaz my beloved. I will Attempt (going behind a cut because this got long) :

he of course wears his gloves because of his touch aversion, but also for other sensory reasons (leather is a Safe Material, and gloves provide a barrier so he’s less likely to have direct contact with Bad Textures/Sensations)

This child climbed all. The. Time. He likes being high up and it’s not just for the extra privacy. Da and Jordie used to joke that when Kaz was older, he could take over all the roofing work, he was known to hide up in the hayloft of the barn and even tried to convince Da to let him sleep there at night instead of in the house, and there was not a single tree in all of Not-Lij that he hadn’t climbed (and hanged upside-down from a branch) at least once before he and Jordie left.  If not for his leg, he would be silently begging Inej to teach him to walk the highwire and do trapeze post-CK. And once he gets his act together and fixes his and Jesper’s relationship and they just hang out together at the mansion, Jesper takes to sitting on the floor a lot because ADHD while Kaz frequently lays on the countertops, desk, tables, etc... The other crows are confused by this and at first keep trying to offer them both a seat (“nobody’s using the settee, you know” and “the chairs won’t break if you use them”) but quickly come to understand that they are both much more content like this, thank you very much, and it becomes a perfectly normal part of their time together

I adopted @randomcat1832 's headcanons that he uses smaller magic tricks as a subtle stim, and that birds are a special interest (this one is essentially canon though, isn’t it? 😂)

He ALWAYS has several jobs of varying complexity up his sleeve and ready to be pulled off at the drop of a hat. He tells nobody about these until he decides to actually do them. This is so that when he has a shutdown or meltdown, he can mostly hide away in his rooms for days if needed to regulate, and make everyone think he’s just been busy figuring out a job

He’s studied facial expressions and body language almost obsessively for as long as he can remember, trying to learn how to Be Like Other People, and used everything he could find to practice it himself (puddles, windows, mirrors, he even tried to use his shadow for body language when nothing else was around). He actually got very good at this and it’s helped him a lot with things like monitoring the gambling halls, predicting when something’s about to Go Down, and running cons, deciding on a mark, etc.  That mirror he bought with his first payment in the Dregs was used for learning magic tricks but he also used it to continue practicing his expressions and body language

He always has a reason. By which I mean even as a child he adamantly refused to do something if he didn’t know (what he considered to be) a valid reason for doing it. It drove people crazy sometimes but Da also loved how inquisitive he could be sometimes because of it, and constantly encouraged his curiosity and need to know how things work and why things are the way they are.

He was extremely punctual as a child. Da told him to be in bed at 8 bells, or be in the carriage to go to Lij at 6? He was there when that bell chimes and not a second before (but he definitely spent at least 10-15 minutes just hanging out nearby, fully ready and doing nothing else, just to make sure he wasn’t late). He’s still very punctual when he’s older but he absolutely shows up to things early for safety, preparedness, and/or control/power-play reasons. But if none of those apply, he sticks to timelines/schedules perfectly. (This annoys/annoyed Per Haskell to no end and Kaz takes some satisfaction in that. Like "boy I know you've been back for an hour why didn't you just report back to me sooner", Kaz, internally grinning because he is a cheeky bastard (affectionate) "You told me to report back at x time :) " )

While he’s great at adapting to changes in his schemes as he’s pulling them off, a lot of it is because he’s thought out so many ways things could go down and has prepared himself for all these outcomes way ahead of time. Unexpected/unanticipated changes throw him off and exhaust him so much more, even if he is able to get it together enough to make it work out (this is basically canon too, right??)

Sometimes he misses how much less noise/activity there was back in Not-Lij. The Barrel is chaotic and loud and there's constant stimuli that's harder to get a break from than on the farm. He also secretly misses the more structured routine of taking care of the animals and helping with the crops when he was younger, even though he’s very attached to the Barrel and the life he has there now

Speaking of being attached… He doesn’t let himself get attached much but when it does happen, those attachments are very, very strong — whether it’s with objects/belongings, animals, or relationships. He still has his first set of lockpicks even though half of them are broken now. He claims to be annoyed by the crows Inej feeds outside his window but he would actually be completely devastated if they stopped showing up, and it’s not just because he knows Inej likes them. He shut down and wouldn’t talk to anyone for days after he lost a little stuffed toy his Da had saved up to buy for him (he also never, ever let that toy spend the night not in his bed, and cried if he woke up to find it had fallen on the floor overnight). And we’ve all seen how much he secretly loves the other Crows, yeah? He's also just generally very particular about his space and belongings, specifically in terms of other people messing with it/them (also canon?)

Unusual perceptions of, and responses to, pain? Maybe? I dunno I just see him more as the kind of person who ends up going deathly silent when he’s in pain, and it takes more than ‘average’ to get an obvious reaction (or on the other end of it, things that wouldn’t be considered painful or induce much of reaction for others are agonizing to him) and I’ve been told this is apparently an autistic trait so. On the list it goes 😂

There’s canon evidence that he was probably at least somewhat religious (or was raised to be) as a kid (ie: the line that’s something like “he thought this must be heaven”), but I headcanon that while he may have believed in the values of whatever religion (assuming related to Ghezen because Kerch?) he’s never fully believed in any god(s) or afterlife because it’s such an intangible concept and he’s never seen what he considers to be sufficient evidence of the existence of either  (have also been told this is a somewhat common autistic experience so it can be on here too)

Reluctant to call this a headcanon because I haven’t thought it through like. At all. But there might be something there with the concept of ‘autistic sense of justice’ and that playing into Kaz coming to terms with all the things he does in the Barrel in order to avenge Jordie…? Maybe? Idk

I know I have more — and some that are more blatant in their autism flavor — but much like when someone asks “so what music do you listen to?”, I have forgotten every thought and bit of knowledge on the topic that I have ever possessed 😂

[hael987]

Extraordinary Attorney Woo - Ep 1 Thoughts

This WILL contain spoilers and screencaps. Thoughts and opinions (with an ASD focus) on Extraordinary Attorney Woo (2022) / 이상한 변호사 우영우 drama series Ep 1.

This is one of the most well-rounded and detailed autistic characters from a show that I’ve seen before. I can feel that a lot of care and thought has gone into the creation and portrayal of this character. 

The portrayal:

I'm really impressed with the details that I can relate to either my own experiences or those of people I know.

The stimming, the self-soothing, the sensory experiences as well as the accommodations for overcoming it (namely headphones).

Always carrying (and consistent usage of) headphones in environments that may be sensorily overstimulating.

The touch aversion, how she goes out of her way on the train and walking to work to avoid physical contact with strangers. Additionally, even with loved ones and people she knows she still shows this.

The acknowledgement of the necessity of removing the sensory nightmares that are clothing tags. Loved that.

The room decorated fully with her special interest (whales) - the images on the wall, the bedding, the plushies, the figurines. This was a wonderful depiction for me because it felt like seeing my own room (different animals but a similar decorating ethos i.e. everywhere in the room).

The routine of eating the same food every day as well as the sensory challenges that can come with food: "alarmed by unexpected texture or flavour". I especially like how there's very little judgement on this aspect from her loved ones, they support and accommodate this.

Her first appearance in the courtroom where she doesn't answer the judge to confirm her presence/is unresponsive definitely reads like a shutdown.

Overall it's a very detailed, consistent and comprehensive portrayal.

The prejudice and judgement:

The show did a good job of portraying the prejudice and judgement faced, both obvious/explicit as well as subtle.

The explicit prejudice - the disbelief that someone disabled could be competent, that someone autistic could be just as good, if not better, than you.

The casual ableism of referring to "ordinary attorneys" (with strong implications of 'normal') when supposedly actually meaning 'allistic'. I thought they weren't going to address this but I was so pleased when the character who said it immediately apologised and acknowledged what he was doing.

The subtle judgement that autistic behaviours are 'annoying'. The characters 'banning' echolalia and Myung Seok sighing, the implied exasperation, when he sees Young Woo pausing before entering his door. These behaviours harm nobody and have very little actual effect on the surrounding people and yet they're still judged and/or prohibited.

(The ban on info-dumping (about whales) is sadly understandable though in the professional setting, with the emphasis and specific definition society puts on so-called 'professionalism').

The revolving door:

The issue Young Woo had with the revolving door was a great way to show the different reactions one can face/receive when needing accommodations or extra support.

A positive experience -

Joon Ho provides a suggestion and then guides/supports her through it but ultimately lets her accomplish it on her own. He gives her autonomy but also support alongside her and there's no judgement present. He doesn't try to limit her and make her use the other door and instead facilitates an opportunity.

A negative experience -

Soo Yeon sticks her arm in the door to stop it, she "helps" without being asked to and then makes a big show about the inconvenience of it all. She tries to limit what Young Woo can do/should be allowed to do when Young Woo knows herself best and what she wants to try.

Soo Yeon: “If the revolving door is difficult just use the other door […] are you an idiot?” And the reaction:

You're made to feel 'othered' and lesser because of it. When your differences are made to feel like deficiencies. That any extra support or accommodations that you need to succeed or experience life ‘like everybody else’ feel like a burden, that if it's difficult you shouldn't try because you're an inconvenience.

I'm pleased that they showed both aspects as they're both realistic experiences/reactions. You'll have people in your life that will understand your needs and others that won't. People that will try to limit you with your disability when you try to achieve the opposite and others that will support you in your attempts at liberation and growth.

The positive realities:

She has friends, has fun and jokes around. She's not isolated because of her autism.

ASD is not portrayed as some almighty superpower (despite the implication of savant syndrome). It's believable and everything she achieves has hard work just like everyone else. 

Out of everyone, she was the one to spot the truth of the emotions - that the woman, Yeong Ran, did in fact love her husband. It's derived from a logical conclusion based on her understanding of actions and motivations but so what? that's the point. It’s no less valuable than purely empathetic conclusions, it’s just as good, if not better because she’s the only one to truly see it. 

Her opening statement in the court essentially boils down to: 'I have ASD and I might be different but I’m no less than others'.

I think the show does a good job of showing the positives, negatives as well as the realities. It feels very balanced. I like it so far.

[astrophileous]

I see a lot of discussions about the second latest episode about Extraordinary Attorney Woo, mainly about that scene (yes, yes, that one) where Young Woo was having a meltdown after witnessing the accident. Not gonna lie, I inwardly cringed when I saw Jun Ho reached for Young Woo's hands and caged her in his arms. My first thought was, "That doesn't look comfortable at all???" But then Young Woo started telling him to hold her tighter, so that made me sigh in relief.

After that episode, I've been reading posts online from autistic people and their thoughts about the way Jun Ho tried calming her down. At first, I was still wary because I thought the scene might not have shown the proper way to handle such situation. But after reading those posts, I was reminded that autism is indeed a spectrum. In this instance, what Jun Ho did actually helped Young Woo overcame her sensory overload. There are no rights or wrongs, black and white, when it comes to interaction with autistic people, because autism is not a mathematical question that can be solved by a specific formula. In Young Woo's case, being held in Jun Ho's arms was exactly what she needed. That doesn't mean the same thing applies to others who also have autism.

I am not autistic myself, so I can't speak on behalf of those who are autistic, but I imagine that the above case is somewhat analogous to what I experience as someone with ADHD. Because of my ADHD, I require an extra stimulant to help me focus while doing my work. That's why, every time I'm doing homework or studying for a test, I usually have the Pride and Prejudice (2005) movie or any movie from the Twilight franchise playing in the background. This, I found, was the environment that made me the most productive. Yet the funny thing is, this strategy doesn't work at all with other movies. On the contrary, it usually makes me less focused on the task at hand.

I think it's important to remember, although (thankfully) being held by Jun Ho did help, that also doesn't mean it could've had it been someone else entirely. I've read several statements from autistic fans of the show who claim being held also helps them during meltdowns, but only if the other person is someone they trust, while some others say they prefer not to be touched at all during those situations. Just like how my other friend with ADHD, unlike me, can't perform well when a movie (or any kinds of distraction) is being played while they're working.

With that said, I wish that the show had explored more regarding this topic, or at least acknowledged that there is no definitive way to help an autistic person in the midst of a sensory overload or a meltdown. Still, I like how they implied that Jun Ho did his research surrounding autism prior to that incident. It's also one of the things I've seen people comment about, how Jun Ho (as someone who doesn't have autism and perhaps have limited experience in such situation) did attempt his best, with his knowledge, to help Young Woo in those moments. Some people even said that he was actually apologizing when he reached for Young Woo's hands, because he knew about her aversion to touch. In those moments, in midst of his own panic and the surrounding chaos, Jun Ho did his best to help Young Woo with what little information he actually had. Fortunately, it worked. And at the end, it was Young Woo who told him what to do, and what she needed from him right there and then.

This show might not be perfect, but I'm happy it's here. I'm happy for Young Woo and the countless autistic fans who are able to see pieces of themselves in her. I'm happy for Jun Ho who cares for Young Woo so gently that he continues to try and educate himself, even if it means sometimes stumbling along the way. I'm happy that this show can be a safe haven for those who need it. Lastly, I'm happy that that they show us an autistic character being human and living her life--going to work, making mistakes, hanging out with friends, and falling in love--instead of simply being a character reduced to their autism just like the portrayals in prior movies/series.

I'm happy for the show Extraordinary Attorney Woo, and I hope we get to see more similar pieces of media such as this in the future.

[mama-qwerty]

It may have been unintentional, but Sonic, Tails, and Knuckles all show signs of autism!

At the risk of seeming like a killjoy, I'm gonna have to say "eh."

I've seen these types of things before, and while it's fun to pull specific examples like these, I honestly don't know that any of the boys would truly be diagnosed with autism. Mostly because we don't know how much of their behavior was present since birth.

A lot of these 'signs' are better attributed to their upbringing and various traumas they've encountered in their lives. (I'm going by the movie versions, because those are the ones I'm most familiar with.)

Sonic, if anything, is ADHD. He's hyper and easily distracted and has trouble with impulsive behavior. His speed means he cannot sit still, leading to the 'stimming' behavior some see. The imitative behavior is simply because that's the way he learns. He's been alone for 10 years--the only way for him to learn new things is simply by imitating what he sees. I don't see anything that really stands out to me as autism, and I think I've gotten pretty good at noticing those little things since I have a daughter on the spectrum.

Tails . . . well, I could see Tails as autistic, specifically what was once referred to as Asperger's. He's incredibly smart, uses advanted vocabulary for his age, but has difficulty in social interactions. Yes, that could be attributed to his history of being an outcast, but it could also be because his brain is so academic, he has trouble interpretting social cues. And I could see him being hyperfocused to the point of ignoring everything else. He reminds me a lot of my own son, whom is thisclose to being on the spectrum, but isn't.

Knuckles, again, could simply be a product of how he grew up. He was left alone at a very young age, and entered into a hard, violent, dangerous quest most likely not long after. He's been alone, and dealing with who knows what as he grew up, meaning he won't be a big talker, or good with personal interactions. The aversion to touch also stems from that. After he left his village, where would he get any gentle, affectionate physical touch? He'd become accustomed to not wanting anyone to be near enough to touch him, as it would most likely lead to a fight.

But hey, these are all just my takes. I'm not saying they definitely are or are not or have this or that or the other thing. If someone wants to think the boys are all autistic, have at it.

I just don't like how autism is being thrown around as something to explain every single little thing a character does. "Oh, he's anti-social? Autism. He doesn't like to be touched? Autism. He occasionally bounces on the balls of his feet or does a little happy wiggle? Autism. He repeats things he hears sometimes? Autism."

It's a little bothersome autism is being thrown around online like some new fun label to slap onto someone. Like autism is nothing but a few little quirks that make the character "different" but otherwise is okay. There are real issues people with autism have to face, and slapping the label onto a character who isn't designed to be autistic simply because of a few isolated behaviors (that would be easily explained based on the character's childhood) feels . . . I dunno. Wrong.

This is absolutely nothing against you, Anon. You're hardly the first to ever state this opinion. If others want to have this headcanon, that's fine. Doesn't really hurt anyone, I suppose. I just don't share it.

Just my two cents.

[picnokinesis]

Touch aversion ask.

is it guilt ? some kind of punishment or is it a protection.

OK SO it's interesting because it's not really any of those things in either verse - with the exception of protection, actually, I guess that comes into it a lot now I think about it. But let me explain my thoughts on it in each au:

So in Campervan AU, the Doctor's touch aversion is a messy combination of things. A lot of it is actually because she's lowkey autistic, and so touch is very intense for her and she just finds the sensation of skin on skin to be somewhat overwhelming. But then you combine THAT with her fundamental problem with control and it becomes more of an issue. Because she likes to be in control, doesn't like people grabbing her unexpectedly, doesn't like people touching her at ALL - but she can touch other people, if she wants to. We see it in part 4 with Jack, when she gives him a hug because she knows he won't try and hug her back. She has enough control that she's comfortable with it. But she doesn't find much comfort in touch, and thus later in part 4, when Jack seems to want to hug HER, he doesn't because he knows it wouldn't actually help her at all and would probably just overwhelm her more. Of course, her issues with control stem from her childhood (and people who've read this au will probably have clocked that control, or lack of it, is a key theme in this story, and that a lot of Koschei's issues are all about control too). So then when she is expecting touch or feels completely in control (or on very rare ocassions, actually seeking it out) then she can touch people and it's ok. Case in point - Jack grounding her whilst at the hospital, and Ryan at the end of part 3 with the ambulance. It works because touch is intense for her, so it cuts through the noise of her panic attack and provides her an anchor that she trusts, is in control of, and also knows isn't going to grab at her or unexpectedly do something that freaks her out further.

But then in Zombie AU, Theo's touch aversion is all about trauma. She actually liked touch before everything went down - case in point, the flash memories where Koschei touches her show her having zero issue with it and very much being relaxed about it. It's less obvious at this point because we're only four chapters in but as the fic goes on you'll see that Theo's touch aversion means she can't stand touch AT ALL. Even if she was initiating it and completely in control. And it's because of 1) everything that happened in the lab after the isolation chamber exploded and 2) everything that happened in general after the pandemic regarding lots of incidents where she got grabbed or touched in a Bad Way because zombies and desperate survivors but in particular 3) the mass grave incident. Which means when she gets touched? That's a trigger. Unlike for campervan 13 who just has an aversion to it, Theo is very traumatised. She cannot deal with it. She gets vivid flashbacks. And she discusses this a bit with Dan in chapter 3, but it'll become more obvious as thing goes on how it's categorically different to campervan 13's issues - especially when people actually touch Theo hahaha (because of course it's going to happen). I mainly noticed this difference because I read back on some of campervan after finishing zombie au and was just...wigged out by the fact that she actually DOES touch people sometimes! And she can deal with it haha whereas when I was writing Theo, I definitely got into her head a bit and suddenly saw that a LOT of the ways that she approaches things is like...with an extra step that goes in first before EVERYTHING which is "how do I make sure no one is touching me". Campervan 13 does this a little, but she's much more reactionary - if someone reaches out for her, she flinches back. Whereas Theo was already standing out of reach.

And then both of them are then interesting to play off against characters like Grace - who, in both verses, I characterise as being someone who seeks out comfort via touch, and shows/feels love and affection via touch. And it's just fascinating to play with that.

[lesmiserabby]

Hi! I love your blog and all the stuff you post about autism. I'm not diagnosed with autism, but I'm becoming increasingly suspicious of my "supposed neurotypicalness," and had a bizarre question related to autism.

I know autistic people can be picky eaters or have "hyperfixation foods," but do autistic people (or neurodivergent people, for that matter) ever eat/drink a specific way? Not related to the kind of food, but the way one ingests it?

It recently occurred to me that when I drink any liquid, I must swish it through my mouth (kinda like when someone brushes their teeth and swishes water through their mouth), but I do it all the time. With all liquids. And when I try to just, you know, swallow, something in the back of mind screams to (this is going to sound weird. Bear with me.) feel it on my teeth.

I think it's a sensory thing, but I wanted to hear someone's opinion. Could this actually be related to autism? I stim a lot, and I've noticed small sensory issues with bright lights and crowds and especially aversion to physical contact that could suggest I'm autistic, and I wanted to know if this was something to also consider.

I apologize if this is rather weird, and I hope you have a good day!

Hey, not weird at all! I can't speak for other people, and not something I've specifically seen brought up much, but I know that's definitely something for me!

I'd never noticed before but now that you've brought it up, I absolutely do the exact same thing with liquids. I guess that's a stim that I never knew I had, some sort of satisfying sensory thing going on there that I've never been aware of, and I just spent the past half hour drinking pop while focusing on that trying to figure it out and for me at least, I think it's needing to have the same feeling for all of my mouth and also enjoy the flavour? Somehow never noticed until now, that's kind of cool!

I'm definitely always hyper aware of things when eating, I can't let cutlery or cold things touch my teeth directly, not only does it feel bad, but in the case of the cutlery I can somehow also hear it in my mouth and it's awful.

Hard candy is a challenge for me, I know it's meant to be sucked on but everything in my brain just screams at me to chew it anyway, wouldn't be surprised if that contributed to the broken fillings I just got fixed.

I think that would definitely all count as sensory things/stimming, the mouth feels textures and tastes flavours so there's a lot going on there so while the specifics of how things are consumed isn't something that I've personally seen brought up much, with the focus generally being more on the fact that flavours/textures can be overwhelming and trying to get neurotypicals to understand that with the "picky eaters" stuff, but I really wouldn't be surprised if this is also very common.

If you have any other questions, don't be afraid to ask, and best of luck in figuring things out :) I hope you're having a good day, too!

[demetriandelibinaryboyfriends]

Can you talk about autistic Hawk/Eil

Sure, I’d love to!!!

Credit where credit is due, of course--I got a lot of my Autistic Eli headcanons from @jackonthelongwalk, who’s got a little more authority to speak on the subject since he’s actually autistic and whatnot. I mainly just saw his takes and was like “THOSE ARE GOOD TAKES” and adopted all of them XD Although I DID come up with a few of my own headcanons!!! I’ll just compile everything here.

~Eli tends to be pretty particular about physical touch, and a lot of the time he doesn’t really like it. Over the years, Demetri’s found that one type of touch that Eli’s okay with is shoulder-squeezing, and it kinda becomes their thing. Typically Demetri giving Eli a quick shoulder squeeze helps comfort him and makes him feel safe by basically reassuring him “I’m here for you, I’ve got your back.” You can see Demetri give Eli a shoulder squeeze in 2x09 when he’s comforting him about Moon, and he does the EXACT same one in the school fight in 2x10 just before kicking him into the trophy case. I think it was his way of saying “even though we’re fighting right now, I still care about you” and that kinda helped snap Hawk out of his near-psychopathic rage. In Season 3, he’s still shitty to Demetri, obviously, but it’s more controlled, not as unhinged or feral--even when Hawk breaks his arm, he hesitates a LOT before and regrets it IMMEDIATELY after in a way I’m not sure his UNCHECKED RAEEEGE self would have during the school fight.

~Over the years Demetri develops kind of a sixth sense of when Eli is about to have a meltdown. He’s able to pick up on super minute changes in body language, changes in the way Eli speaks, small alterations in Eli’s general temperament--basically anything that indicates he’s getting overwhelmed. That’s actually how he discovers the shoulder squeeze tactic--Demetri realizes he needs a quick way to comfort and reassure Eli when he can’t go in for a full hug (like they’re in the middle of class or something) so he can calm Eli down a bit and stop him from having a meltdown. Mainly because Demetri knows the bullies will have a field day if Eli cries in front of the other kids, so the shoulder squeeze develops as sort of a way to protect Eli from this.

~At some point after Demetri first started using the shoulder touch/squeeze on Eli, Eli started also using it on Demetri to quickly communicate affection/appreciation. Demetri isn’t nearly as touch-averse or picky with physical touch as Eli, and would’ve been okay with a number of physical touches, but he���s honestly super touched that Eli saw him doing a thing and was like “Oh hey!!! Demetri does this thing to me and it makes me feel safe and loved, so I’m sure it’ll do the same if I do it to him!!!” It kinda becomes their special touch, and becomes somewhat of a silent “I love you” (although obviously these two clueless idiots are led to believe it’s ONLY platonic love for many, many years XD). You can see Eli give a little shoulder pat/squeeze to Demetri at the beach party in 1x09!!

~Eli really does not like being touched around or under the chin, mainly because this is how bullies like Kyler touch him and it’s triggering for him. Demetri basically never touches him here. Even after they get together and start getting intimate, Demetri tends to touch/stroke Eli’s cheeks or the side of his head if he wants to touch his face, but he avoids touching Eli’s chin like the plague because he knows how much Eli dislikes it. This is something Eli really deeply appreciates--even Moon wasn’t able to catch on to the fact that he didn’t like having his chin touched, and he was too obsessed with coming across as “tough” to her to admit that it bothered him. Moon didn’t mean any harm at all, of course, she just wasn’t able to pick up on his more subtle indications that he wasn’t a huge fan of chin touches. Demetri has come to pick these indications up by second nature.

~The whole thing Demetri does at the beginning of the show where he kinda talks “for” Eli (the thing that, ironically, people loooooove to blast him about for being a “terrible friend”) I think is largely done because Eli is autistic. Eli seems to have a lot of social anxiety right from the get-go--he doesn’t even verbally greet Miguel when he first sits with him and Demetri and Demetri introduces Eli. Eli just kinda awkwardly smiles and nods at him. He’s obviously not great with social cues either, which we see later on--he’s so PAINFULLY oblivious to the fact that Piper is super not at all into it when he tries to hit on her in Season 2. I imagine after a number of social blunders in their youth, and seeing just how uncomfortable and anxious social situations made Eli, Demetri took the reigns and did a lot of communicating FOR Eli to take some of the pressure off of him to talk. I’d argue that once Demetri is taken out of the picture, we can see in full force JUST how socially anxious and uncomfortable Eli really is--he seems damn near terrified trying to stand up for himself against Johnny when Demetri’s not there. He’s lowkey stuttering and tripping over his words, his voice is shaking. He nearly leaves the room in tears. He’s used to letting Demetri be his voice, and this seems to be what makes him feel safest and most secure. When this is taken away, he has to find a new way to protect himself--hence, possibly, the entire Hawk persona.

~Eli has a lot of issues with emotional regulation and often feels emotions really, really strongly and gets overwhelmed by them--as an ADHDer, this is a struggle I understand SO MUCH. When Eli gets really overwhelmed with strong emotion, he tends to have meltdowns. These can be either sadness-based meltdowns (like we see in the flashback) or angry meltdowns (like we see when he beats Brucks up). Due to his emotional regulation issues, Eli has a really hard time hiding his emotions or stopping a meltdown once it kinda onsets--this is why he tends to “bawl” at movies. Once he starts crying, he can’t really stop, or reign it in--it just keeps coming. He also can’t really hold it back--his emotions tend to force their way out, whether he wants them to or not. This is also why he goes so HARD when he’s angry--wailing on Brucks, throwing punch after punch at Demetri at the school fight, getting carried away and attacking Robby’s injured shoulder at the tournament. His anger (and other emotions) tends to just kinda explode out, and he has a really hard time reigning them back in and keeping them in check. Demetri, ever the voice of ration and reason, can help with this--and probably has a lot, historically. With Demetri less and less in the picture and their relationship on the rocks, Eli’s emotions just seem to get even more wild and uncontrolled, particularly his anger. Part of the reason I think Demetri and Eli work so well together--Eli tends to get very caught up in his emotions (no shame in that--I’ll admit I do too!), and needs someone to help him keep his feet on the ground and be the pragmatist who helps him keep things in perspective.

~Karate is most definitely a special interest for him. It lowkey takes over his life and he makes it damn near his entire identity--big special interest energy. And Demetri (at first, at least) is lowkey so supportive!!! Like he goes to the all-valley tournament to support and cheer Eli on, despite not having any personal interest in fighting and seeming to think the whole thing is the kind of dumb macho shit that goes against everything his nerd identity stands for XD But he goes to the tournament anyways to clap for his boyfriend best friend’s badassery!!! The real MVP!!! Also special interests in general (not unlike ADHD hyperfixations) tend to be very random, hence why seemingly out of nowhere Eli gets absolutely OBSESSED with karate.

~Just a random little headcanon I have (I think I mentioned it on one of my general headcanon posts), but I like to think after Eli adopts the whole “Hawk” persona, he gets a special interest in birds of prey in general for a little while. Like back before he’s too “tough” for anything even remotely related to “nerd shit,” he watches nature documentaries on raptors and the whole 9 yards and constantly rambles excitedly to Demetri about how badass he thinks they are, and how cool it is that they can “literally hunt mice from the sky and shit” (probably an exact quote from him). Demetri finds this sudden new obsession both amusing and kind of endearing--but as always, he shows an interest in it and accommodates it as best he can. I imagine he’s seen Eli go through a number of special interests over the years, and is a pro by now on how to handle them (my own childhood best friend is a fellow ADHDer, and he was CONSTANTLY getting new hyperfixations--I imagine it was something like that XD).

~The whole “Hawk” persona in general seems pretty autistic, speaking of that--like it’s almost entirely based in mimicry and masking. Like Hawk pretty frequently mimics Johnny’s expressions, body language, and speech patterns, and (at least at first) Miguel’s fighting style. He also starts to mimic a lot of Kreese’s problematic views and general “never accept defeat” attitude in late Season 2 and Season 3, setting his good old Bastardization Arc in full swing. The whole Hawk thing could easily be masking, especially given how exaggerated and overdramatic Eli’s facial expressions, voice, and actions tend to be when he’s trying to be Hawk. When he slips back into “Eli” (or how he was before he adopted the mask), it’s usually around Demetri (i.e. the Doctor Who conversation)--which makes sense, since Demetri “gets” Eli better than most people and Eli doesn’t have to mask or overexaggerate his expressions or statements to communicate effectively with Demetri. They’ve known each other so long and Demetri is so familiar with his body language and mannerisms that Demetri is able to pick up fairly easily on what Eli’s trying to communicate/express without Eli having to work too hard at getting his point across. It’s why Eli’s expressions and body language aren’t nearly as exaggerated around Demetri, even when he’s trying to intimidate him--he knows he doesn’t have to overstate what he’s doing to communicate with Demetri.

~Relating back to the social troubles and social anxiety thing, I think Eli has always had trouble communicating verbally, hence why he’s so quiet at first. And even when he does get more talkative, a lot of it is mimicking other people’s speech patterns and ideas (namely Johnny’s at first)--it doesn’t really feel like him talking. Even alone with Demetri, he tends to prefer to let Demetri do the talking, hence Demetri saying Eli’s a “man of few words.” He often prefers to communicate nonverbally through body language, and when he DOES communicate verbally, he does it somewhat sparingly and chooses his words carefully, not usually bothering to say things he doesn’t mean (if he isn’t masking, anyways). THIS is why Demetri was so ready to accept such a short, concise “I’m sorry for all of it” from Eli instead of a long, drawn-out apology for each individual thing he did wrong. Eli knows he doesn’t have to bother masking to communicate with Demetri, so he’s not going to bother saying something that isn’t genuine. Eli has never been the greatest at articulating his thoughts verbally either, so TRYING to apologize for each individual thing he did to Demetri would be extremely hard for him, and Demetri knows this. This is why he accepts Eli’s apology without question and doesn’t expect him to elaborate on it. He knows Eli’s communicating a lot more than he’s actually saying aloud, if that makes any sense, and he cares more about the entirety of what Eli’s trying to say rather than just the spoken part. And Eli definitely communicates he’s genuinely remorseful through his actions as well--saving Demetri from the Cobras, teaming up with Demetri afterwards to help Deme’s side win the fight, straight up openly  BETRAYING Kreese and Cobra Kai AT GREAT PERSONAL RISK TO HIMSELF (especially if Tory’s threat is anything to go by!!!) in order to go back to Demetri. Honestly, given everything he knows about Eli and how he operates, expresses himself, and communicates, I highly doubt Demetri expects at all for Eli to go on a long, detailed rant about how sorry he is and is honestly just grateful to have Eli back in his life.

~I think at the beginning of the show, Demetri puts a lot of work into helping Eli feel as safe and secure as possible--possibly in part because Eli’s autism makes him feel kinda isolated as a “freak” or “outcast” or what have you. Demetri makes an effort to crack jokes and make Eli laugh when no one else will, possibly to help Eli feel more relaxed and at ease. And Demetri’s reluctance to try out karate could be a kind of misguided overprotectiveness on his part--he’s spent a lot of time building up their own little world for them where he can keep Eli relatively comfortable, and he’s worried anything that interferes with that or shakes up the status quo is going to stress out or overwhelm Eli too much. Demetri wants to keep things as they are, because even if it’s not perfect, and they still get bullied on the regular, at least he KNOWS how best to help Eli and help him feel better (or at least he thinks he does) in their current situation (i.e. “I think we’d rather spend our afternoons playing Crucible Control than getting hit in the face”). If they were put into a drastically different new situation, he WOULDN’T know how he should best assist and support Eli with it, and that scares him a lot--because he’s ALWAYS kind of intuitively known how to help Eli, and the thought of anything changing that makes him terrified that without him, Eli is going to get really hurt somehow.

I think that just about covers everything--might add more stuff if I think of it! Definitely go check out @jackonthelongwalk’s blog for more quality, in-depth autistic Eli content!!!

[t4tlawlight]

Occam's razor is the principle that, of two explanations that account for all the facts, the simpler one is more likely to be correct.

this post is going to cover traits specific to the manga and the television drama, since those are the best adaptations to showcase L’s autism. THIS POST is required reading before you read anything i’m about to type, because it explains what kind of character niche L falls into--an unintentionally autistic coded character. i’ll talk more about that at the end.

i’m going to talk about manga L first, since he’s the original version after all. i’m going to go in order of physical traits, to behavioral, to his character writing. also, tumblr eats posts that have outside links, so i’m going to have my non-tumblr sources in a separate post, here.

anyways, more under the cut!

MANGA/ANIME:

sitting with his legs up and spine bent / sitting on the floor

this is such a big one and its extremely common in ppl with autism. sitting in chairs normally is uncomfortable to outright painful w many ppl with these disorders, myself included. L sitting like that (which, to recall, is a blatant homage to sherlock holmes, another character that is so blatantly autistic coded you can find absolutely ridiculous amounts of writing on the topic) and being like "I HAVE TO SIT LIKE THIS TO THINK PROPERLY" is so autistic. like sitting in a certain way to give you specific sensory stimulus/avoid distracting discomfort and pain is a thing. i found this post (1) written by an autistic person on the topic of sitting in chairs being uncomfortable, and it says as much:

“I suspect that seating discomfort is common in autism (though by no means limited to autistic people). Many of us, particularly as children, benefit greatly from chairs designed to be non-stationary: rocking chairs, “fidget” chairs, and so forth. These can improve focus, compensate for proprioceptive hypo-sensitivity, and alleviate restlessness. In short, many “attention issues” can be fixed simply by providing a little motion for the person sitting. Small change, huge results. That's what accommodations do at their best. They make (often minor) adjustments that have profound impacts.”

so when L says that sitting the way he does, for a specific sensory experience, improves his ability to think, it’s perfectly in line with this idea. Also it’s a good pressure stim.

standing with a slouch / shifting his weight around

to begin: yes! it’s very common for autistic people to stand or walk oddly for a number of different reasons, from physical comorbidity to other issues such as dyspraxia (see: movie L). From an article by YAI (2), an I/DD (intellectual and/or developmental disabilities) community program:

“Kyphosis (a curved spine), collapsed chest, dropped shoulders and even scoliosis are observed in many of our patients. These myriad of postural issues may result from reduced strength, decreased biomechanical stability, or from a sensory impairment, such as apraxia. 

Depending on the scene, L has mild to severe kyphosis which is very common in autistic individuals. Other things mentioned in that article if you want to click on it is instability in standing, where you sort of shift your weight around a lot between your  feet or rest all of your weight on one foot, which L is literally doing the first time we see all of him.

speaking with a monotone voice.

i obviously can’t show a picture for this one and it honestly depends on the voice actor you find for L, but in the anime in particular L has a very flat tone. a lot of this is bc he has a dry sense of humor but. just know that it’s very common for autistic people to have a flat affect (or go the other way into being too loud/emotive).

his eating habits. 

a lot (a LOT) of autistic ppl myself included can only eat certain kinds of food for texture and flavor reasons. HOWEVER there’s a term in the autism community called “samefoods” which is really well put by tumblr users candidlyautistic and autism-asks: 

“Samefoods or samefooding is a community word to describe the autistic trait of eating the same food over, and over and over . . . It is part sensory, part routine driven in most cases. A lot of times we samefood because we need that particular mouthfeel / texture / taste, and a lot of times even after that need passes, it turns into a need for routine until you actively dislike that food again.”

“Samefooding on the other hand is closer to a special interest. When I have a samefood (chocolate ice cream, currently), I really, really want that food. I could eat that food endlessly and not get tired of it. I will get upset if I’m not able to have the food in a day. For me, it usually is kind of routine based as well. For instance, with my current samefood, I have some in the evenings and it’s become part of how I wind down from my day.”

we don’t know exactly why L specifically desires sweet food or if he considers it part of his routine, but what we do know is that he really wants to eat sweet food and avoids eating anything other than sweet food, so it could either be that he’s a picky eater and can’t handle savory or he’s samefooding on sweets!

wearing the same clothes

L wears the same clothes every single day. It’s also worth noting that what he does wear is baggy, too-big clothing, the kind that wouldn’t be tight and uncomfortable. once again, sensory issues are a huge thing for autistic individuals. one of my favorite aspects is that in no adaptation does he wear socks. even L wears shoes, he wears them like slippers, not putting them on all the way. people comment that he seems like he’s poor, but we know for a fact that he’s very rich and that wearing these clothes is a personal choice he made.

not caring for himself/outsourcing his self-care

i don’t think one day is exactly canon, rather it’s an exaggeration of what might actually happen--i.e. L doesn’t have a huge closet full of the same outfit, but he does have several versions of the same outfit on rotation; L doesn’t use a human washing machine, but Watari might help him/encourage him to bathe regularly. One Day is a parody comic, but it was made by the creators for a reason and that reason is that L pretty obviously relies on a caretaker (Watari) for his personal needs. Watari, in the manga proper, cooks and cleans and does most things for L. we’ll come back to this topic when we get to the drama though.

doing stimming behaviors

if you don’t know what stimming is, it refers to self-stimulating behaviors, usually involving repetitive movements or sounds. everyone stims to some extent, but in autism it tends to be more obvious, go on for longer, and sometimes be more disruptive to others. it’s often used to help deal with sensory overload, or used to express feelings--think of an autistic person being happy and flapping their hands in the air.

there are a LOT of instances of L displaying stimming behavior, from stacking his food or things on his desk, to spinning in his chair, to biting his fingers/using them to press on his lips, to wriggling and tapping his toes. here are some specific instances:

there are a lot more. i’ll talk about more when we get to dramaverse, but if you rewatch/reread death note it’s definitely worth noting whenever L does something like this!

detective work as a special interest

ok, first and foremost i want to establish what a special interest is. Tumblr user cartoon has my favorite explanation of what a special interest is that i’ve seen to date: 

“To have a deep, intense, passionate and incredibly focused / narrowed interest in a certain area of study, subject, topic or thing - to the exclusion of other interests. This interest is something that exists for the long-term, most often lasting for multiple months, years, or even you’re entire life “

L says that he only does detective work because it’s a hobby, and he finds it entertaining. We’ve also seen that he’s been at it for quite some time--if you take side content (the wammy’s house comic, LABB) seriously, then he’s been at it since childhood, with unwavering interest. it definitely comes across to me as L having a special interest in detective work, rather than it just being a normal hobby or a job for him, especially since he says it isn’t out of any moral obligation.

germaphobia

Germaphobia is very common for individuals with autism. a lot of the time it’s actually sensory issues associated with “dirty” things, and a lot of the time it’s because features of OCD are heavily comorbid with autism, including contamination OCD and such fears. regardless of the reason, though, L’s aversion to touching Bad Things is a very autistic behavior, and so is his resulting quirk that he tends to hold things in a very odd manner!

muted emotional expression

this is getting more into L’s character, but L tends to feel and express emotions in a very muted way. not to say he doesn’t have them, but for instance in the example above, L doesn’t have a solid grasp on what exactly he’s feeling. he thinks he might be acting irrationally and overemotionally because he logically should be afraid, but he isn’t sure, and none of these emotions present themselves visibly. 

i’ve also seen it said that Ukita’s death is another good example of his muted response to emotion--he tells Aizawa to stay rational and his voice doesn’t waver as he tells him as much, but he holds himself tightly. for someone with poor emotional competence, these physical signs of distress can be hard to read in oneself, but Aizawa (a man who is extremely in-tune with his emotions) can tell immediately.

high logic, low empathy

L is also a character who, like many autistic people, lacks a certain degree of empathy. it’s not that he doesn’t have any, but it’s limited enough--and he values logic over it enough--that he’s willing to make extreme decisions and take a “ends justify the means” approach (such as using people as bait.) in the example above, L takes a moment to work through what it must actually feel like, which rings as very autistic.

bluntness/not caring about social convention

there are so many examples of this i honestly could list them all day, but L is a character who is very to-the-point and doesn’t care about mincing his words. he can be outright rude to the people around him, especially if he considers them not worth basic courtesy. see: Matsuda. 

DRAMAVERSE

if you all knew me you should have known this section is inevitable. i’m not going to talk about every single adaptation because i do not have the time and the only other adaptation that is meaningful in that regard is the movieverse (i am fairly certain that movie L is dyspraxic) but on account of the fact that i don’t care about them i won’t subject you all to them here.

anyway, drama L shows much the same traits as animanga L above (they are, after all, technically the same character) but he displays them in different ways. 

he has a much more advanced degree of germaphobia, with Watari saying he’s sensitive to outside air and spraying everyone who enters his space with disinfectant, but not making them wash their hands or anything like that, so we can kind of tell that his issues are more rooted, again, in a fear of germs rather than any actual medical issue. he wants to feel as though he is clean, not necessarily actually be clean. this is very common in contamination OCD, which has a high comorbidity with autism. (my girlfriend has a very good headcanon post about drama L and OCD that isn’t so much analysis than just plain fun, but it’s worth a read!)

he stims, but he has a different array of stims than animanga L--he chews on his jelly pouch bottles, 

he tosses it between his hands, 

he kicks his feet,

and he bounces in his chair.

he still sits in an unconventional manner. he still samefoods, this time even more exclusively--he only eats Lucky Charge jelly pouches and nutritional bars. Watari onscreen puts his shirts on for him, as well as cooking, cleaning, and mending his clothes for him.

however, there are a few traits that are drama-exclusive that i think really add to an analysis of his autism!

social scripting

social scripting and echolalic scripting are both commonly described as “scripting,” but are very different! echolalic scripting is like echolalia, but echolalic scripting is the recitation of longer passages of dialogue from things the individual has heard before. but social scripting is when you memorize common conversations so you can rattle it off without worrying too much! this can be very handy, such as exchanging basic pleasantries or ordering food, but it can also backfire if someone responds in a way your script’s not set up for. you can find more information on the difference in this video (3). 

now, this relates to L in that there are two separate scenes where L says the same thing, rather inappropriately:

L: When I consider Kira’s personality, could it be that the strong-willed daughter is Kira? Or could that sweet-looking son of yours surprise us by proving to be him? You never know what humans are hiding beneath the surface... Soichiro: Enough. L: Sorry. It was just a joke.

-- Episode 2

L: Light-kun. Oh, I’m sorry... If I called you “Yagami-san,” it would be the same as what I call your father.  Light: That’s okay. Call me whatever you want. L: Then what about Kira? (silence) L: It's a joke.

-- Episode 4

one could say that L just has a terrible sense of humor--and, of course, having a poor grasp of humor is common with autistic individuals--but the fact that he says nearly the same thing as a defense twice makes me feel as though he has it rehearsed as a defense when people react poorly to things he’s said, which happens often.

mirroring and echolalia

echolalia was briefly covered in the previous example, but for those unaware, via wikipedia (4):

Echolalia is the unsolicited repetition of vocalizations made by another person (when repeated by the same person, it is called palilalia). In its profound form it is automatic and effortless.

mirroring, on the other hand, is explained as such, also via wikipedia (5):

Mirroring is the behavior in which one person unconsciously imitates the gesture, speech pattern, or attitude of another. Mirroring often occurs in social situations, particularly in the company of close friends or family. The concept often affects other individuals' notions about the individual that is exhibiting mirroring behaviors, which can lead to the individual building rapport with others.

both of these are very common in autism, and they’re exemplified while L’s character is established watching his favorite TV show, Owarai Paradise. On one occasion, he’s watching the show and this dialogue happens:

Hiroshi: Despite never telling her how I felt, I still got dumped. I am Hiroshi.  Watari: Who was this one again? L: He is Hiroshi. Hiroshi: I am Hiroshi. I am Hiroshi.

-- Episode 2

it’s important to note that in Japanese, “He is Hiroshi” and “I am Hiroshi” are said, at least in this instance, exactly the same, so L is echoing precisely what he’s heard.

On another occasion, L is again watching the show with a glass of wine (seemingly acquired simply to imitate the characters onscreen, as he never drinks it) and when the characters onscreen toast their glasses, L does the same, mirroring them. 

CONCLUSION

I linked a post at the very beginning of this analysis talking about how characters are unintentionally autistic coded, and it’s important to understand how this unintentional coding is different from a headcanon--i didn’t make up these traits. they aren’t something that only exist in my head that i ascribe to L for fun. 

i made this analysis both because i wanted to share L’s autistic coding in one cohesive place, because plenty of people have made lists before, but none that i could find that included so many examples with images and explanations--and i also made it because of the old ryuzaki persona “theory.” 

for those unaware, the ryuzaki persona headcanon suggests that L faked all of these traits in order to make people uncomfortable, to put them off-guard and better mask his identity. i’ve seen posts about people claiming that nobody could actually behave in these ways, that L would surely be unhappy and uncomfortable sitting like that, or eating like that, or engaging in any of these behaviors. I’ve seen some people outright say that L isn’t autistic, but his persona is--that is, he’s pretending to be autistic.

i named this essay “occam’s razor” because, to me, L being autistic is the simplest answer to account for all of these traits. claiming that an autistic coded character is faking it is ableist and it just doesn’t make sense with anything else we know about his character.

but if you want to know more about that, i recommend reading eyecicles’ first!L tag. it’s debunked it in more ways than i ever could.

anyways, in conclusion