#and interpreted my aesthetic and platonic attraction as. romantic

[spark1edog]

have i told the story about someone accidentally calling me autistic and everyone laughing and she apologized later but i was like i mean no offense taken really bc i probably am. and she was like 😅ok?

[clown-prince-of-gay]

Happy Pride everyone~~

I drew me and my lovely boyfriend @king-of-vertigo, (I love you honeybee~), We are being gay and transing all your children. Watch out or you're next.

Anyways. Happy Pride to those who celebrate. (And especially happy pride slay queen girlypop month to those who don't) Under the cut I'll have each flag and an explanation of what it means to me~

Likes and reblogs appreciated!! Do not repost!

I would like to preface this with: I am not an expert in all of these identities (despite being a part of them) and my connection to them is hugely shaped by my own experience and interpretation of each label. My only hope with all this is to hopefully make someone feel less alone, (because my god i spent a long time finding some of these labels-)

Aceflux

Aceflux us defined as a person with a fluctuating feeing of sexual attraction to others, I sort of think of it like a dial being turned up and down based on the moment. (there are also romantic and aroace versions of the label I beleive, along with another variation of the flag with a purple/red gradient striping.)

In my own experience that results in differing kinds of days, some where I feel really strong attraction, others where I feel little to none. Sometimes it changes day to day, sometimes its the same for weeks, or it changes throughout the day based on context.

This label was one that took me. An entirely too long time to find. and this is one that feels. right. because I had very flexible and changing feelings and attraction, I knew I could place myself somewhere on the ace spectrum, but not exactly where because it wasn't consistent at all (wowee i wonder why that is because its not like thats the whole thing lmao) and I ended up cycling through so many aspec labels. This is one that I can feel comfortable in, and I'm hoping others resonate with it as well.

Queer

Queer is an umbrella term and very ambiguous identity that can essentially encompass anyone that identifies with it.

So- my sexuality is. incredibly nuanced and complicated when it comes to describing who I find myself romantically, aesthetically, or platonically attracted to (I know there are so many other ways to be attracted to someone, those are just the simplest for me to explain). For example: I can (when allowed by my silly demiromantic ass) be romantically attracted to men and masc (or even non aligned) presenting and identifying people, and I in fact, have a lovely boyfriend whom I love a lot! And as for femme aligned people its more interesting because I don't feel particularly romantically about them, but I can experience aesthetic, or platonic forms of attraction, and Queer is simply a label that I connect with that has the space to encompass all of that.

Demiromantic

Demiromantic is a label that essentially encompasses the idea that an individual doesn't feel romantic attraction to another unless they have an emotional or platonic bond with that person. (there is also an ace and an aroace version, which I think is super neat)

Demiromantic is a label that I personally connect with, be that because I'm naturally incredibly slow to make connections, or maybe connected to the fact that I'm very neurodivergent, (although thats a post for another day-) and feeling comfortable being and feeling romantic about someone is already incredibly rare, and I feel like I need a connection to someone personally until I can feel romantically (I say that like I control when I feel romantic. Its kinda. I dunno I can't control it. this label is just one I felt encompassed it. which is the point.)

Transgender

Transgender is an umbrella term in which someone doesnt connect or identify with the assigned gender given at birth. (I'm very sure I have made it no secret that I am transmasc. We love the transes here)

However. no matter how many labels I find to express and explain my gender being 'masculine' (with several different question marks. I'm a boy in the same way orange soda is the same as a regular orange. same sorta spirit. completely different executions.) above all. I am still trans. and I will always be trans. that's who I am <33

My gender is. an interesting topic. In the way that I have not yet found a label to describe it other than being transmasc. which I know as different to being a trans 'man' in the fact that I didnt transition to be a 'man', not binarily being a man. I bounce between being androgynous and being masculine, but in a way where labels like demigendered/demiboy or boyflux (other labels I've considered) don't seem to fit. because it is in a way where some days I feel more or less masculine to completely genderless. (If anyone can think of a label that fits that- I would love to hear it. I haven't even gotten into My pronoun search. maybe a seperate post on that later.)

[astridellejo]

I'm aroace and I adore seeing people in love. Okay, that's a bit of an exaggeration. I adore seeing fictional characters in love. But me in love? Well a deep interpersonal platonic relationship with a person who tickles my brainmeats and has an amazing aesthetic is probably something I wouldn't say "no" to. Especially if they were also ace like me. But it's not something I'm actively seeking. My insecurity would totally say "no" though because my insecurity believes I'm not allowed to be happy. Also I have absolutely no clue when or if people find me attractive, or like my aesthetic. And if I do find out about it, I'm left confused. "Me? Seriously? You find me attractive?! Well cheers to you for seeing something in me that I don't see in myself! You've got sharp eyes!"

Public Service Announcement Have you found yourself attracted to an aromantic person? I'm so sorry.

It's the trappings of romance that are annoying to me. I see "romantic" as a sometimes problematic idealization of something mundane. Interpreting interpersonal relationships through rose-tinted glasses. Doing ostentatious gestures or displays of affection. The chocolates. The flowers. The rituals. And I'm just not into that shit. I don't get it. Or I'm just really bad at it. At any rate, I don't want to participate. If I stumble in the dark and fall backwards into a relationship, I guess that's one thing. But I'm quite happy shipping fictional characters, particularly if they're my own OCs.

Happy Whatever Day!

[otpcutie]

Otpcutie's aro creations

Note: I envision my characters as being on the aro spectrum 99% of the time. When I write romantic ships it's usually their first and only time experiencing that kind of attraction (demi/grey/ect). I've also written dynamics that are v much up for interpretation as to whether or not they're romantic. However, the works below feature characters I've explicitly written or portrayed as aro.

Moodboards/aesthetics:

Aromantic Natasha Romanov aesthetic [AroAllo Domme!Natasha]

Aro(ace) Jughead Jones aesthetic

AroAllo Bucky Barnes aesthetic (AU: Sweet Surrender)

Harry Potter AU: Aromantic Author!Harry

Nebularomantic Aro Tony Stark aesthetic

AroAce Yelena Belova aesthetic

AroAce Coraline Jones aesthetic

Fanart:

Aro Jughead Jones (Archie comics) [Aro(ace) Jughead]

Wobble [AroAce little!Tony from my fic Daddy's Little Honey Bear]

Fics:

1. Sweet Surrender [AroAllo Bucky]

Summary (Stucky, M, 3.3k): Steve and Bucky end up in bed together, after Steve goes on a bad date.

Contains: friends with benefits, platonic affection, fluff, Aromantic Bucky, AroAllo Bucky, service top Steve, Dom Bucky, smoking kink (more on AO3)

2. Daddy's Little Honey Bear [AroAce Tony, in a QPR with Steve]

Summary (Stony/Stucky, M, 12k): Tony has been working too hard, so his Daddy (Steve) ensures he takes a break and enjoys some little time. Bucky comes home early to spend time with them as well.

In this fic Steve, Bucky and Tony are in a polyamorous V relationship with Steve as the hinge. (Steve/Tony are in a QPR and nonsexual Cg/l dynamic. Steve/Bucky are married.)

Contains: nonsexual Cg/l (Daddy Steve and little Tony), fluff, affection, aroace Tony, QPR, polyamory, found family, little space (more on AO3)

...I'll add more to the list as I go!!

♥︎ My Masterlist ♥︎

[the-golden-dragoness]

hi beloved mutual i've never talked to!

you obviously don't have to answer but i thought i'd ask regardless. I'm not asking this out of gatekeeping or any of that "you can't use this terminology blah blah blah" crap, i'm asking this cuz i'm also aroace but don't actually know much about aroace identity and i'm trying to learn more

how can you be both bi and aroace? is it something about being on either spectrum but not being completely sex/romance repulsed, or is it something else?

thanks anyway, hope you have a great day :D

Hello there, citrus! Thank you for the ask.

While I will share my understanding of myself and why i bi-aroace as the term to refer to myself, I do have two disclaimers. First, this is a reflection of only how I use this terminology to reflect my identity, so of course other aroace people may interpret the same term differently. Secondly, this ended up being quite a long answer, so I apologize in advance, however I do find it important to share everything-- partly because I feel like leaving things out doesn't explain it as well. Also, I will share some basic things we both already know for the sake of others to follow this conversation.

I'm aroace, or aromantic-asexual. For me personally, that means I feel no romantic or sexual attraction at all. Of course its a spectrum, but this is just about me.

What many of my current mutuals may not know is that I actually identified as bisexual once upon a time! When I was in high school it was actually a friend who told me I was bisexual (she thought I knew this, but I did not), and I decided it fit me well enough to identify that way. I actually came out as bisexual when I was 17 a few years later, and for the most part, people still think I am. I do of course, consider myself aroace now, but with that identity I chose the indirect method; I don't feel the need to explicitly share it to everyone I know except my close family. While I'm no longer bisexual, I still love, participate in, and feel connection to the bi community. It's the first way I identify as bi still. This past identity has translated into my current bi identity as tertiary attraction.

Tertiary attraction is what the aspec community often uses to refer to other types of attraction outside of romantic or sexual. For me, these attractions include platonic attraction (friendship), sensual attraction (touch, such as cuddling, hugging, kissing), aesthetic attraction (looks), and alterous attraction (something other than platonic or romantic).

While I am aroace, I still consider myself a romantic, in a sense. I enjoy fantasizing about romance, something in relation to myself, but more largely in relation to fictional characters, ie. shipping in fandom. In this way, I also identify with the microlabel aegoromantic/sexual, which is essentially enjoying the fantasy of romance and sexuality, without enjoying the reality of it. I do also fantasize with respect to real people occasionally, such as popular celebrities I find aesthetically pleasing and have pleasant personalities. As in, I might say I think they're hot or sexy and say I'd enjoy doing things with them, but I wouldn't actually enjoy that in real life. They are unattainable, so everything I say about them is just fantasy. This is the second way that consider myself bi ( I suppose one might technically put this under sexual/romantic orientation, but I think the romantic/sexual aspect of is very much linked to the aesthetic and sensual aspect of it, so I suppose its a bit of both).

My friendships also actually influence my bi identity quite a bit. My friendships are all very queer, and my tertiary attractions influence that. I have very strong friendships that the average person might raise an eyebrow at, and may consider them to be more romantic than how my friends and I define them in reality. I also enjoy cuddling, hugging, and am not explicitly opposed to kissing (I don't actually kiss in my present friendships, but I digress). And of course, I love all my friends and think they are beautiful inside and out! This is the third way I identify with being bi.

The TL;DR is that I still consider myself bi because my past identification, and my current tertiary attraction that has several influences from my experiences!

I hope this helps you! Feel free to ask and message whenever you like :D

[acourtofthought]

Do you think these hardcore E/lriels (like your last anon who tried to pick a fight about "faerie racism" 💀) are longtime fans who just refuse the acknowledge where Sarah is going with the series?

I'm a new reader, finished the last book a few weeks ago and for me Elucien and Gwynriel seems the most likely outcome. I'll share my reading experience if you don't mind, maybe it will be a bit long.

So, I started reading acotar because I saw some pretty fanart of Az on instagram and became interested in his character. :D I saw that there are two possible ships for him, many liked his dynamic with Gwyn better, many liked the aesthetic of him and Elain together and I also saw the comments on how they have "4 books of build up" so I was interested to see for myself which one I will prefer.

So after acotar, I went into reading acomaf with the mind paying extra attention to all Elain/Az moments, and when I finished I literally was like "that's it??". Apart from that dinner scene where they had one polite conversation, it was very clear Az is in love with Mor, and Elain is with Graysen.

So then I went straight to Az's bonus chapter because I could not understand the hype about these ships and I wanted to see. :D Obviously I had no context, so all the bonus chapter did for me at that point is that I became interested in Gwyn's character. :D

Then I read acowar, again paying extra attention to all Elain/Az interactions. There were cute moments in acowar that I think had a possible romantic coding, but again I just found them lacking. Simply because it was clearly established they were still in love with other people.

Acofas was the first where I personally started to see them develop some romantic feelings (Az and Rhys's talk about how he refuses to check on Lucien's whereabouts for the sake of Elain's privacy - idk that whole part suggested to me Rhys kinda knows whats up //the infamous potato scene where Elain runs back to the kitchen to rebraid her hair - I interpreted it as her having a crush and wanting to look more presentable //he starts a conversation with her// she gives him a present and he laughes and blushes etc.) and we can also see Elain and Lucien's relationship kinda hit rock bottom. But, still there were mentions of lingering feelings for Mor and Graysen for both of them.

And then came acosf and Gwyn quickly became my new favorite character of the series. Since I was paying extra attention to Gwyn bc I was interested in her from the start, I picked up on all the cute moments she had with Az, but personally I don't blame anyone if it flew over their heads because they were subtle. None of them is ready for a relationship right now and that's fine. However reading the bonus chapter again, now in context, I was just stuck wondering: where the heck all these sexual thoughts came for Az about Elain?? I really don't see 4 books of build up, as I said for me acofas was the first I started to see them in a romantic light, but even that was more platonic. So that means, in the 9 months between acofas and acosf, Az started to fantasize about Elain instead of Mor. Offpage.

Although E/riel does have cute moments, I just really don't see the endgame potential based on everything we know about Sarah's writing style. She likes the mates to be equals, and Gwyn was made carynthian like Az. She and Az have banter, a lot of similar personality traits, even hobbies (singing). I think it's pretty clear she is set up to be Az's perfect match, not to mention the mate language in the bonus chapter (those theories blow my mind actually! :). Meanwhile all I see for Elain and Az is attraction (even that is questionable for me since it happened offpage somehow), they made zero effort to really get to know each other in the past two years, even though Lucien was not around.

Now Elucien is another question, since we know so little about how Elain feels. But I fully believe they will become a couple in the end, simply because otherwise Lucien's storyline makes zero sense :D. Lucien suffered the loss of his first love, and was given a mate who rejects him, only to find love with a human queen who will again die after 60-70 years while he lives on for centuries alone?? No thank you. Give my boy Lucien a chance for his happy ending. With his Mate.

Sorry this was so long, I just think when you read all 5 books after each other, it is clear what direction Sarah is going. (Which is the mates being endgame since she writes about fated mates) But I also understand that there were 2-3 years of waiting for acofas and acosf, so the picture might be different for people who joined the fandom back then. To be fair, of course Sarah can also decide to go with an E/riel outcome, although in my opinion that will just mess up the whole plot she established so far.

I appreciate all your thoughts and I think a lot of Eluciens and Gwynriels would agree with everything you've said.

What I find the strangest is not that anyone ships E/riel because I absolutely understand the specific scenes that have led them to that conclusion and they did receive validation in the knowledge that Elain and Az wanted to kiss so it's not like there's nothing there.

The part that I find strangest is that they do not also acknowledge it as a very real possibility that despite that, Elucien CAN still end up together and so can Gwynriel.

Feyre and Tamlin shared a very real relationship. They kissed, they had sex, they were engaged, he wanted to protect her and she was WILLING TO DIE FOR HIM. They were leaps and bounds ahead of whatever E/riel has shared after their supposed "multiple books of buildup" yet they still did not end up together. Not to mention Feyre was not in love with anyone when she first fell for Tamlin while the entire E/riel setup has coincided with her not being over Graysen while he has not completely gotten over Mor.

SJM eventually drew attention to the major red flags in the Feylin relationship and she also wanted to be sure that we knew that Feyre and Rhys were always destined to be together because they were mates, the most sacred of relationships that two characters can have.

But before that happened, Feyre hated Rhys at times and considered him her enemy.

Rhys always knew they were mates (proving that just because a character knows about the bond doesn't mean the love is less meaningful).

Yet they both came together, loving one another equally, regardless of where they each started from.

Nesta hated the fae at first and treated Cassian with absolute disdain. She then all but admitted her undying love for him only to turn around in the novella and tell him to leave her the hell alone while sleeping with other males. Then in SF, she began sleeping with him, even started falling in love with him but refused to call him her mate and proclaimed that she didn't know what she wanted because she didn't have a choice in any of it.

Elain was engaged and in love with Graysen when she got the shock of her life and found out Lucien was her mate. She still had not processed any of that and was holding out hope for a reconciliation with Graysen in ACOWAR only to be rejected. Though she hadn't full recovered after the war, we got glimpses that maybe there was hope for Elucien when she invited him back to Velaris.

But just like Nesta, Elain does a 180 in the novella and suddenly, she's pushing Lucien away (for reasons unknown), just as Nesta pushed Cassian away.

Elain suddenly shows interest in another male in the novella, just as Nesta showed interest in many other males in the novella.

In SF, Nesta starts the series with another male in her bed but ends up happily mated to Cassian by the end of it.

So why then, according to E/riels, is there absolutely no chance that Elain can start off her book at odds with Lucien (and either interested in Az or not interested in anyone after what happened on Solstice) and end up with her mate (just as every other SJM main character has done across all series) by the end of it?

It doesn't matter that Elucien's setup looks somewhat different than Feysands or Nessians (no one would expect them to be identical because that would just be weird) but there are enough similarities in their initial hesitation toward their mates and 2 out of 3 have so far ended up with the same outcome.

We don't know enough about the Gwynriel setup to see what sort of tension will exist between them however introducing her to the series as Nesta's best friend (meaning she's always going to be within Az's orbit) as well as having Az be the only one who saved her and the first male we've ever see her act a bit flirty with after her trauma seems a bit intentional, does it not?

It's not that I begrudge anyone for shipping E/riel but the problem is when they call us misogynists, stupid, clueless, "delucien's" (which I'm guessing is "delusional Eluciens?", lacking reading comprehension, etc. for shipping Elucien and Gwynriel.

I have to believe they can't be that blind to the patterns in SJMs writing and the reason they've resorted to name calling is because they're worried that E/riel won't be happening rather than them really thinking Elucien and Gwynriel aren't just as much a possibility.

[thelostgirl21]

Alright, I might need your help / input on this one...

As some of you know, at some point over the summer, I'd noticed that:

a) Jaskier's LGBTQ+ wiki page was empty (a page had been made, but without any content yet),

b) that Radovid's page wasn't there,

c) that Radskier didn't have any page on the shipping wiki, either;

d) and that the Netflix versions of the characters of Radovid and Vespula were both missing from The Witcher's wiki, also.

Thus, I took the liberty to start filling those pages, doing my best to interpret and make sense of all the information I'd gathered throughout interviews, news articles, etc.

And, as I've explained here, I made one massive mistake of interpretation, that I then attempted to fix by rephrasing things in that manner:

I gave the moderator the explanation in yellow (i.e. the one at the bottom), and they reverted it back exactly to the way it was.

Therefore, I've now, at the very least, attempted to remove one paragraph, and given them the other explanation in yellow (the one at the top), hoping it would at the very least be kept off the wiki.

Because this is the huge mistake I made I was talking about, that was utterly and completely wrong:

Hopefully, they'll keep that paragraph off the page. It if comes back, just know that I no longer agree, at all, with what I'd previously written (yeah, I'll probably never let myself live that one down).

Where I need some input, is to see if you have some ideas on how Jaskier's sapiosexuality might have been supported by the show's narrative, to have it recognized as a valid sexual orientation for the character on the wiki?

Okay, first of all, I probably should say that the moderator appears to have a very strict "to be accepted on the LGBTQ+ wiki, a sexuality must both be shown on screen (through either text or queer subtext), and identified as such by someone working on the show," policy.

At least, that's how I've interpreted it, based on the answers they've given to other people's questions on their wall.

For example, an actor could not be officially claiming that a character is bisexual, pansexual, omnisexual, or polysexual if there's been no evidence, in the show (or the movie, videogame, etc.) that they have the potential to have sex with more than a single gender.

Therefore, I was able to get pansexuality accepted as part of Jaskier's sexual identity in the table, because Vespula tells Jaskier: "I’ve cursed you for chasing tails of every kind. Men, women, dwarves, elves, polymorphous…  […] But never have I ever seen you have a crush,” and there was an article stating that Jaskier was a panromantic or pansexual character.

And they've accepted sapioromantism for similar reasons, likely because "crush" is a-spec slang for romantic attraction.

For your personal information, the main ones I personally know and remember are:

Romantic attraction = crush.

Platonic attraction = squish.

Alterous attraction = mesh.

Sensual attraction = lush.

Sexual attraction = smush.

Aesthetic attraction = swish.

So, the whole scene is layered with heavy aromantic subtext, making the claim from Joey Batey that they'd built something very special for their audience - a sapioromantic and sapiosexual connection - be something very tangible on the show.

As someone that watched season 3 having already read that article before, and being overexcited to discover how they'd handled showing the character as being a sapioromantic on screen, I felt like Batey and the writers fully delivered on their promise, and wrote the queer scenes with a queer audience in mind.

But the moderator has refused to accept "panromantic" under Jaskier's romantic identity.

And my guess is that, by having Vespula tell Jaskier that she's never ever seen him have a crush before, then the show only lists the different people that Jaskier has been with sexually.

Reading into the a-spec subtext, we are more or less told that what Jaskier is experiencing for Radovid is a crush (romantic attraction), seemingly based on the way that Jaskier appears to be fascinated by and connecting with Radovid's intelligence and insightfulness (sapio).

Jaskier insists that he doesn't have crushes (aro), thus implying that either it's never happened before, or he's never fully been aware of it happening before.

So, I'm guessing they are saying "Well, the show has failed to show us that he's been romantically involved with people regardless of gender, since they only explicitly identified a single crush that Jaskier has been experiencing on the show, and it's with Radovid (a man).

There's no suggestion, in the narrative itself, that Jaskier could find himself experiencing a crush regardless of a partner gender. We've only seen him crushing on a man."

Therefore the moderator only considers sapioromantic as being a romantic orientation that's been named and that is being backed by the show's narrative, but not panromantic.

At least, that's my theory as to why "panromantic" keeps being refused whenever I've tried putting it in the table, regardless of what Joey Batey himself said in interviews.

Did I ask them why they were refusing panromantic? Yes, I did. But they didn't answer. So, I am left with trying to understand why they've accepted sapioromantic and pansexual, but refused sapiosexual and panromantic, based on the answers that they've provided to other people that appeared to be facing similar issues I had.

Which bring us to the whole "sapiosexual" fiasco.

Sadly, I can't demonstrate that Jaskier is sapiosexual based on the show's narrative alone.

He's seen as being instantly interested in having sex with people's he's just met, and as constantly craving sexual contact to the point where it gets him into trouble.

Hence why even I managed to missed it. I've been so used to read into character behavior as proof of attraction that I totally fell headfirst into that trap!

To the point where, at some point, I was literally thinking that maybe the words that Joey Batey used were

"[We] ensured that these romances are told truthfully — and sensitively and carefully, without resorting to stereotypes… Hopefully we’ve created something that is special, a sapioromantic and sexual [connection] that is as flawed as any other relationship in this show.”

And it was reported as "sapioromantic" and "sapiosexual" by the person writing the article, rather than sapioromantic and sexual (because no official source had confirmed the pairing would be a same gender one back then, and therefore Joey wouldn't have been able to label any gendered aspect of the queer relationship with Radovid yet when the article came out).

But sexual activity can be enjoyed with people for reasons that have nothing to do with finding a partner sexually attractive, and it's not something that can easily be shown on screen, even through the use of asexual subtext.

Unless Jaskier suddenly launches into some kind of educational presentation on what asexuality is, the different types of physical attraction asexual typically experience (aesthetic, sensual...), the different types of asexuals (sex-favorable, sex-neutral, sex-repulsed...) and how each of them might choose to express their sexuality, "canon sapiosexuality" is virtually impossible to clearly represent on screen!

To have any hope of being represented by characters in the field of TV, movie, and videogame entertainment, some sexualities have little to no choice but to rely almost exclusively on what the actors and the writers (or other people involved in the creation of the narrative) of the show are saying their intention was for the character.

I understand the whole concept behind the "death of the author", I do.

I'm 100% fine with people claiming that Poe Dameron being romantically attracted towards Finn is canon based on the queer subtext the actor used in his acting and him saying that he was playing a romance despite the studios disagreeing with that interpretation.

Why? Because the performance was queer coded, the studio knew it, they still released it, and if you queer-bait your audience, you better believe they have every right to claim a character as theirs.

But in the context where we're talking about the intent of the writers and the actor of portraying such a little known and represented romantic and sexual orientation that is part of the aromantic and asexual spectrum, I'm extremely saddened at the thought of people going "Well, we'll just ignore that the character was ever intended to be sapioromantic or sapiosexual, and only give validity to what's explicitly shown on screen!"

Look Lucifer has been seen as being sexually involved with people of any gender identity on the show, but he's never once announced "I'm a bisexual devil!"

It's the actors and the writers that confirmed it.

On the show, we can only interpret his behavior as being compatible with the label bisexuality. But his sexuality was still only explicitly named off screen.

Same with Kaidan Alenko in the videogame Mass Effect, and I *think* Magnus Bane in Shadowhunters.

We interpret bisexual behavior as proof enough of bisexuality, and trust the writers and the actors' words.

But what is "sapioromantic behavior" or "sapiosexual behavior". How can one objectively differentiate it from alloromantic and allosexual behavior, by solely showing it.

If we don't require onscreen bisexual representation to use the label to trust that the people working on the show are using the right label...

...why is it so important to have people say "I'm sapioromantic" or "I'm sapiosexual" before it can be considered canon.

Jaskier was labelled as sharing a sapioromantic and sapiosexual relationship with Radovid off screen. And the show's narrative is 100% compatible with real life sapioromantic and sapiosexual behavior.

So, I personally find it extremely unfair for us to be expected to go one step further, by explicitly finding ways to prove that Jaskier can only be sexually attracted towards people that he establishes an intellectual connection with on screen through the show's narrative itself.

It also makes "allosexuality" the default sexuality, where everyone having sex with a partner can be assumed to be sexually attracted to them unless they find a way to explicitly prove otherwise.

And it requires that the representation of the characters on the asexual spectrum be explicit to the point of needing to name the label, when we virtually never require any gay, bisexual, or even pansexual (has Deadpool ever explicitly stated he was pansexual without breaking the fourth wall? I'd have to check!) to explicitly state their label, just be shown as having sex with more than a single gender identity.

i.e. Engaging in a behavior that is compatible with their sexual orientation.

Jaskier's behavior is compatible with a sapiosexual orientation.

So yes, the idea that you must both have people working on the show naming the character's sexuality, and that it must be explicitly shown on top of it in the show's narrative, rings a bit problematic to me in the context of harder to demonstrate sexualities.

When you're tackling representation for rarer and more specific sexualities, I believe you should trust the writers and actors reporting what the intended labels for the character are, and only require that the narrative doesn't contradict it, not explicitly proves it.

Any bisexual behavior seen on screen can be used as proof of either bisexuality, pansexuality, or omnisexuality (or in some case polysexuality) as soon as someone officially working on the show names the character's sexuality.

It's extremely easily identifiable and simple to show (and even there, some idiots will try to say that anything non-monosexual doesn't exist).

But there's no such thing as widely recognized and easily identifiable "asexual behavior" per say.

And the difference between a queerplatonic relationship and a romantic relationship, for example, can be so subtle that they will present on screen as being exactly the same.

So, asking for explicit representation, and having it 100% confirmed on screen, is a bit much.

Jaskier never explicitly told Vespula: "I am confused over my feelings for Radovid, because I don't think I've ever experienced that type of specific attraction before. This is different. The way I feel about Radovid is different."

And Vespula didn't then say to him: "That's because I think you are romantically attracted to him."

And Jaskier didn't then answer: "What?! But I don't get romantically attracted to people! I love them platonically or alterously! I desire them sexually! I have world ending, heart wrenching affairs! I do enjoy getting involved in romances for the excitement it provides, the love, and the kinship I share with all my partners, but I don't desire my lovers romantically! I have also finally found my chosen family - a family that I share with my very best friend in the whole wide world and the second most important person in my life (since Joey said the first was Ciri)! I thought I was 100% aromantic until today! Why would I suddenly experience romantic attraction NOW, when I finally have the family I've been looking for, and it turns out they are what pleases me?"

Vespula didn't then answer: "Well, you were specifically swooning over Radovid's intelligence and insightfulness, so maybe you're sapioromantic?"

Instead, we've got Jaskier swooning over how intelligent and insightful Radovid is, while saying "the problem is different, the solution must be different, and Radovid... is different", seemingly confused and intrigued by what he's going through emotionally.

Vespula saying "You like him."

Jaskier thinking that she's talking about his feelings for Geralt, and clarifying that they are of a platonic nature.

Followed by her specifying that she was referring to Radovid, and that, despite Jaskier having been sexually involved with a bunch of different people before, never has she ever seen him have a "crush" (aro/ace slang for "romantic attraction") on any of them.

Then, Jaskier's reaction being to deny that "crushes" (again aro/ace slang for "romantic attraction") are something that he experiences and has the known capacity for, while insisting that he only has world ending, heart-wrenching affairs!

It's aromantic subtext. And yes, I'm happy and feel we're lucky that the queer subtext has been recognized as being enough to back up Joey Batey's claims that the character was sapioromantic.

My problem, is that asexual subtext is even much, much harder to portray and describe.

I would not expect Vespula to tell Jaskier "I've seen you lush and swish over so many men, women, dwarves, etc., before; but I think it's the first time I've ever seen you smush after someone!"

Expecting queer people to pick on the differences between a crush and squish? Reasonable. If you tell them "look for the sapioromantic representation" while watching the show by telling them before hand in an article, they'll go in paying attention to it and they'll likely see it.

But trying to differentiate between someone wanting to have sex with a partner because they find them aesthetically and sensually attractive, and they can enjoy sex for the sex itself without being sexually attracted to them (for example)...

...and someone wanting to have sex with a partner because they are feeling specifically sexually attracted to them?

Good luck!

The only way I could *perhaps* see how the sapiosexual attraction between Jaskier and Radovid might have been shown by the writers and the actors on the show, would be by comparing the way that Jaskier seems usually quite playful, casual, and fully in control of his body's responses whenever he's talking about sex, interacting with others in a sexually charged context, and talking about how he might be into certain things sexually.

When he was saying that he wasn't not, not into it while looking at Senchai sharing his own appearance, it was said with an almost detached (if a bit freaked out) sense of fascination and curiosity, I think.

Otherwise, he's often seen enjoying himself and being appreciative of other people's beauty, and curious about all the things they could be sexually doing together. Sex with a wide variety of people is amazing, and he regrets nothing!

It's very loving, and affectionate, too.

But it's true that he's not necessarily intensely vibrating with need or desire for his partner in those moment.

And then, there's the way he's physically and emotionally responding to Radovid in this scene...

So that could, perhaps, subjectively show a difference between "enjoying sex with someone you love" and "being sexually attracted to a partner".

With what triggered Jaskier's sudden need to "pounce" on Radovid to kiss him and potentially initiate the sexual activity being the way Radovid's brain works, and how he chose to express his feelings for Jaskier by learning his song (sort of connecting with Jaskier using his own language).

But it's so, so, so, so extremely subjective... that I'm really not sure how I can build a case for it!

And besides, even when you do feel sexually attracted to a partner, you're not constantly sexually attracted or aroused by them. It comes and goes. Sometimes you are in that more playful and detached mood. At least, I think...

I mean, my allosexual partner is much easier to get in that very aroused, very sexually receptive mood than I am, if I'm being honest.

But if he's being a complete geek about something I'll eventually get there. At the most unpractical and inopportune moments, too.

So asexuality is very complex and there's no way to clearly show it, just basically state it.

So, if any of you have any clue on how I could make a solid case for it, and get it approved on the wiki (because I do believe that sapiosexual representation matters), I'm all ears!

And look, I'm not blaming the moderator, either. That's not the point of that post.

Am I frustrated? Yes.

But I understand the need for a clear system to accept or refuse submissions, and I'm guessing that, with the number of pages they must go through and analyze every day, at some point, some nuances get lost; and they, too, miss that maybe applying the same rules for every single sexual and romantic identities, without analyzing how it puts some identities at a clear disadvantage given the complexities of translating attraction into easily identifiable behavior, is asking a lot.

We're all doing the best we can with the knowledge and abilities that we have.

But yeah, what a mess still...

[worldweaveralicya]

Writing Attraction

Ah yes, attraction. That whole topic is extremely complicated (not just in writing). And believe me, it's important to explore the general topic of attraction in almost any story.

"But Alicya, I don't write about romantic/sexual relationships!" Who said that attraction is just romantic or sexual? Just as I said, attraction can get really confusing. Generally, when you're writing attraction, it's important to think about two things first:

The nature of the attraction your character is experiencing

The way they express that attraction

We'll get into the basics here, don't worry.

The Nature of Attraction

Let me introduce you to my buddy SAM. Otherwise known as the Split Attraction Model. Its modern interpretation stems from the people within the aro/ace community describing their sexuality (or lack of it) in a more easily understandable way. Simply put, the model proposes that general attraction is composed of distinct attraction types. Those types can coexist, but they don't have to.

As a writer, it's important to understand what kind of attraction your character experiences. Here are some types of attraction:

Aesthetic Attraction "I want to look at them." Your character admires another character's aesthetic appeal. They like their facial features and/or style. They're just nice to look at.

Platonic Attraction "I want to be their friend." Your character wants to become another character's friend. They like their personality and want to hang out with them.

Romantic Attraction "I want to date them." Your character has a crush on another character and wants to be their partner. They are completely enamored by that special person.

Sensual Attraction "I want to touch them." Your character wants to be physically close to another character, but it's not sexual. Think hugs, handholding, play fighting, and maybe a kiss.

Sexual Attraction "I want to bone them." Your character said "smash" and wants to have sex with another character.

Feel free to mix and match as you go! Attraction is fluid, so you can change things as your story progresses. Either way, attraction between characters is what makes them develop bonds.

The Expression of Attraction

Okay, hear me out: You can learn a lot about the expression of attraction through anime culture. Specifically, researching different dere types can be inspiring! Dere types refer to specific character tropes relating to how they express affection. Those tropes are mostly about romantic attraction, but you can translate them for other types as well.

Although I'd advise you to not stick too much to those tropes. Otherwise, you might end up creating a silly caricature.

Still, you can use dere types as rough guidelines for how your characters express their attraction. Here are some dere types, but there are so many more you can look up online.

Deredere "You're really important to me." A deredere tends to be really romantic and is very honest about their attraction. They are sweet and openly affectionate.

Tsundere "It's not like I like you or anything, idiot." A tsundere hides their attraction by overcompensating. So they tend to get really mean or even physical with the character they're attracted to.

Kuudere "I don't particularly care about you." A kuudere is calm, calculated, and cold as ice. They don't like showing their emotions at all, but they become very caring after opening up to someone.

Yandere "If I can't have you, no one can." Yanderes are batshit crazy. They may appear sweet and innocent, but they absolutely will get violent and extremely possessive of someone they're attracted to.

Dandere "I... I'm really not sure about this..." A dandere is unbelievably insecure and won't talk unless approached first. They prefer to keep to themselves and are often plagued by social anxiety. However, they can get pretty talkative after feeling more comfortable with someone.

Et cetera, et cetera...

I may get more in-depth about some of these subtopics in future posts. And I'm always open to suggestions! That said, I hope some of this was helpful. Until next time, keep weaving words!

[aspecpplarebeautiful]

I may have come to the realization that I might be aromantic. Which is wild, bc I was the child that made up fantasies about my prince charming and finding a spouse and having kids and wanting to be with someone. But the more time I spend time with my friends, the more I'm realizing, yeah, I wanna be physically affectionate with them, but I'm not... feeling anything romantic (not that I would know how to distinguish platonic and romantic feelings with a snapshot of high aesthetic attraction). And so, while I really feel like the aroace label fits me, there's still that scientific part and putting things into boxes part of me that really wants to make sure I do not feel romantic attraction. I'm just a little confused lol

I think that's a natural feeling when it comes to figuring out identity. And especially with identities like aromantic, because we're defining a lack of something, our first instinct is to wonder if it's possible we missed it or misinterpreted a different feeling.

This is something a lot of aro people feel, especially when you're first starting to identify that way. So you're not alone in this, either.

One thing that may help is thinking of labels as more subjective. So the question isn't digging until you figure out all your exact right labels, but instead look at it more as it is up to you to interpret your own experiences in what way makes the most sense to you and is the most useful for you. Two people may have very similar experiences but interpret them and label them differently, and they may both be right just so long as the way they chose to do it makes sense for them and works for them.

And so long as the labels you choose are working for you, they're good labels.

I'd also recommend just trying to be comfortable with that uncomfortable feeling of 'could i be missing something? or misinterpreting something'? Remind yourself when you get it that it's normal and not a sign of anything being wrong. And generally speaking the longer you use aromantic as a label, the less common that feeling gets.

All the best, Anon! Good luck!

[apatheticlexicographer]

ok yk what i still have no opinion on whether mike is gay or bi from either a textual or headcanon perspective, HOWEVER i do have opinions on his s1 "crush" on el.

some people say that he did have a real crush on her, which is evidence for him being bi. some people say he was just concerned for her and it was other people's behaviour (lucas, nancy) that made him self-question and interpret it as a crush.

so, using my personal experiences as a point of reference, since that's the best i can do on this bitch of an earth: i'm aroace. i'm like 80% confident of this on the worst of days, and if there's a scrap of attraction in me i'm still definitely somewhere on both spectra. aesthetic and platonic attraction are all i experience.

that being said, i had crushes when i was a little kid, or at least i felt things i interpreted as crushes. i would meet somebody who i felt giddy and happy around, who i wanted to spend all my time with and have all their attention on me. there were i think two guys and a girl??? i was firmly convinced that these crushes were real, and i even kissed a couple of them. in hindsight, would i call these crushes real??? sure, why not, they felt real at the time. if i felt the same thing now, would i still call it a crush??? nope. i do feel the same thing, and i call it a squish. the feelings never matured with age the same way my friends' crushes did. i have no desire to share any kind of romantic affection with people i have squishes on, i just really, really want to be their friend.

obviously there are a couple of things you can draw from this. first of all, kids have a very narrow point of reference for how to label their emotions, both due to the limited range of terms they've been exposed to and the very small amount of personal past experience they have to compare with. i was raised by extremely progressive parents in the 2010s in a predominantly atheist country and still was unable to accurately label my feelings until i was about fourteen. mike is from a conservative family in 1980s small-town america. enough said, really.

secondly, although this is mostly subjective speculation and definitely not meant as some deep character analysis, i do see quite a lot of similarities between mike's "feelings" for el / his relationship with her and my experience with crushes and squishes. the people around him are the ones initially teasing him for having a crush, even when he doesn't believe he does. when i was a kid i would get teased for hanging out with my male friends all the time, and when i was at sleepovers people would accuse me of lying if i said i didn't have a crush at the moment. he spends a lot of time with her and tries to express affection in romantic ways but continually draws back from this. i would kiss my best friend because it was the only way i could think of to make her understand how much i cared about her. he thinks she's pretty. i experience aesthetic attraction and it's confusing AF, particularly when you have a squish on the person. most notably, all of his crush symptoms have only decreased over time. all of my squishes have faded eventually, either because i successfully befriended them, i got to know them better and was disappointed, or i was separated from them and lost interest.

so basically what i'm saying is mike can have had what he believes to be a legitimate crush on el and still not necessarily be attracted to women and also GREY-AROACE MIKE CANON REAL AND TRUE that boy likes dragons too much to be allo

[the-irken-pony]

From the looks of it, it feels like half the appeal of Copperright is there isn’t any other popular ship where you can draw two old men with mustaches kissing.

For other people I have a feeling that that's part of it, but not necessarily for me? (Both because I headcanon them to be younger, and because my appeal comes from their dynamic rather than just aesthetics. Also if I really wanted that from a ship Galetrov is right there skjhdfjkshf.)

Moreso, it's because they're shown to care about each other a lot in canon, beyond it just being RHM's job. (I already rambled about it a while ago here.) While their dynamic isn't intended to be romantic, there is an emotional connection between them--akin to Henry and Charles', or Henry and Ellie's.

As for why I romantically ship it rather than platonically? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

It's one of those things where it's entirely a matter of personal preference for which interpretation you like more. (Honestly the whole "they're romantically attracted to each other there's no other explanation" thing pisses me off regardless of who it's being talked about, even if it's something I do ship romantically).

That all said I'm entirely talking about my own opinion on the matter, I can't speak for anyone else.

[tarot-tea-cafe]

All About Tarot: The Major Arcana

The Lovers

The Lovers card, also called The Twins or L'Amoureux in some decks is associated with the sign Gemini and the air element. It is the fifth card pulled in a new unshuffled deck and number 6 in the major arcana.

Upright this card can mean love, harmony, trust, a leap of faith, choice, perfect union, attraction or attractiveness, conscious connections, meaningful relationships or perfection in relationships and so on.

Reversed this card can often be interpreted as meaning unreliability, seperation or a breakup of sorts, second guessing, values, conflict, coldness within a relationship, being out of sync with those around you, a struggle to take responsibility or own up to a mistake or bad decision you made and more.

In general, this card talks of finding balance in ones self and relationships, though it may talk of love, ties, attraction and relationships it isnt always necessarily romantic, it may be platonic, aesthetic or some other form of attraction as there are many types of attraction and love and its important to keep that in mind.

This card is very focused on talking about your relationships and paired with other cards, say the Emperor or the Empress, it may talk about certain figures in your life and your relationship with them.

It's all up for interpretations of the reader and yourself of course, everyone thinks differently and knows different details another might not so whatever you feel the cards are telling you is entirely up to you.

Common sighting in the cards depictions are of course, two people. These two people could be male and female to represent opposing energies (or because heterosexuality is "the norm"), they could be human or non-human. The card from my deck depicts beauty and the beast(a woman and a man cursed to live in a beasts form), figures from tales with similar meanings to the cards are a frequent thing in art for the major arcana, as interpretations are heavily based on association this sort of thing tends to help get the point across.

You may see other things in the card such as a figure above the two or light and dark contrasts (as ballance is an important part of relationships as well as possibly representing the phrase "opposites attract"), often some form of nature like trees or clouds. A lot of cards depict the two lovers or twins as across from one another and apart but just as many may show the two embracing one another.

(its also extremely common to see these two naked in the card's art, at least in older cards that seem to be depicting adam and eve, but there are a few people have made that might show something like a nakey coupla' gays. now adays the cards are depicting more clothed couples. this doesnt necessarily mean anything i just thought it was worth noting)

Common colours tend to be black and white, yellows, pinks and/or reds, and blues and/or purples. Its common to see both complementary and contrasting colours which help bring out both the upright and reversed meanings of the card, as well as just look very nice together. Its also common to see colours that are close to each others complementary or contrasting colours on the colour wheel but arent quite that (yellow being close to orange which is blue's contrast and so on).

if you have anything more that you'd like to add or noticed something i havent brought up, or if you have any questions, please feel free to let me know!

please support me on kofi - the previous card - the full list

[aro-sora]

Do you have any opinions/ideas about aro Naminè?

She is a close character to my heart, and i always headcanoned as her being an aromantic type, but rarely ever see others having this interpretation (disclaimer that im not really in kh fandom circles tho)

Perhaps its partially because i see myself in her, as an aro/ace quiet person who'd rather be behind the scenes and likes to draw. But i always saw her as somebody who is not attracted or interested in romance, and cares deeply and intimately about her friends while beeing a big introvert.

I think you would be a nice blog to have headcanons or ideas about this interperetation of her! If you do not mind answering this ask- i would love to hear your thoughts! Ty and have a nice day, aros rule forever!!! 💚

Aro Naminé!!! Sadly I haven't seen much for this interpretation but it's a very good one! I wrote a drabble about her being aro! (it's angsty though)

I love exploring aromanticism with the Nobodies bc its such an interesting way to think about relationships and feelings when you don't have a heart and literally can't feel anything. I definitely see her as wanting platonic relationships above all else because of how lonely her life is (which she gets! thank you kh3 ending!)

For a more angsty angle I could see her wanting romance but also thinking she's incapable of love as a Nobody, but then after kh3 she meets more people who geninuely care for her and realizes there are more types of love than romantic. She's not a lesser person for not feeling romantic attraction!

She is a very quiet and introverted character so I'd think she'd have a smaller friend group that she is super close with (or maybe not so small based on the number of kh main characters there are and I want Nami to interact with them all 😅) I could see her confusing crushes and squishes or some other type of attraction. maybe aesthetic attraction since she's into art and she could end up liking figure drawing

For my aro headcanons I always have a difficult time deciding if I want them to be partnering or nonpartnering. Nonpartnering aro Naminé is great as she develops her own heart she knows she is a complete person all on her own! But I also really like queerplatonic relationships for her (qpr rokunamixi my beloved). Or since her origin as part of Kairi is so bizarre Naminé could have a strong qpr with her since its outside of what platonic relationships usually are (who else would care for you more deeply than yourself? I know a lot of people like them as sisters but there's so many ways their relationship could be interpreted. They're family, yes, but in a deeply queer way. Queerfamilial if you will. The only instance of soulmates that i'm interested in honestly)

Speaking of Kairi, KH makes for great opportunities for comparisons between characters. Like if Kairi isn't aro how does Naminé feel about originally being part of her but not anymore and also aro now. Or maybe Kairi is also aro so they bond over that

Besides aromantic I don't think I have a specific microlabel for her. Whether it's demiromantic, grayro, lithro, or anything you could convince me on it. I also like making headcanons out of what flag colors look good with a character so I also like pan Nami. Girl needs some color! Give her some garish yellows pinks and blues! She could be panalterous or pansexual but I also like aroace. So hard to choose sometimes 😭

Thank you for the ask! I am always happy to talk about aro headcanons!

[t4t-apexeclipse]

im a self shipper btw because even tho im aro and possibly loveless, i look at those sanders dorks and think “oh so that’s what a crush is” jajdjdfj

like i had what i thought were crushes when i was in school but it was more like i experienced forms of attraction other than romantic and interpreted them as romantic (such as aesthetic attraction, platonic attraction, etc)

and it’s funny cos my attraction towards the sides (the ones im usually attracted to anyway) fluctuate with my sexuality (im abrosexual) and also seem to change depending on my current kinshift (for example, rn im in a logan shift, which usually means i feel like doodling romans name in a diary with little hearts around it jshdjdjf)

idk why im explaining this i just felt like it cos i saw revy mentioning self ship stuff so

[comicscourse]

Defining Yuri

Introduction 

While manga, whether we talk about shonen, shoujo or seinen, often displays elements that are distinct from Western literature, as a whole it is easily recognizable. You can use the same tools you analyze East of Eden with to look at Lone Wolf and Cub. If you can parse A Midsummer Night’s Dream then Urusei Yatsura should be just as comprehensible to you.  

Yuri however, becomes interesting and is distinct enough that I think it is worth talking about what is intrinsic to it. This is very much an evolving work in my mind and I welcome feedback as it evolves. For this point I’ve considered some of my recent reads in Yuri and re-read volume 1 of Eclair.  I intend to expand this over time so consider this a work in progress.  

For future reference this is dated March 11th, 2023.

Common Yuri Themes 

Affections

One theme drives everything else in Yuri - love.  This includes five types of love that serve as sub themes:

Sexual Love - While love and sex are often separated the emotions connected with physical attraction should not be understated and are important here.  A subcategory of this is aesthetic attraction, a concept based on attraction that has a physical component but may not elevate to full sexual attraction.  Skinships are a related concept.

Romantic Love - Most audiences are very familiar with this concept.

Devotion or Devoted Love - I avoid the term Platonic Love for several reasons,  One, it’s meaning going back to Platonic Forms implies it is the most pure and true form of love which I don’t agree with.  Also, it implies an exclusion of sexual and romantic love in how it is used while in Yuri devotion is often expressed in intense friendships and is an important part of connections between characters.

Familial love - While the first three are all common in Yuri, familiar love is the least common.

The fifth kind I don’t have a term for yet but it is based on common experience, sometimes trauma, sometimes not that binds people together in a sense of shared identity around these events.  

It is important to underscore that several of these afflictions are not sapphic or lesbian and while yuri comics are often sapphic the genre has enough diversity that it shouldn’t be defined as such.

Ambiguity 

Ambiguity is a common theme in the genre, with character feelings and even the exact form of conflict resolution often unclear to the reader and open to interpretation.  “The Hairdresser” is an example of this, where the characters have a relationship at the end but the nature of it is unclear.  It might be a mild form of devotion though one clearly has some level of aesthetic attraction.  

In “A Tropical Fish Yearns for Snow” both characters are ingenues and everything is ambiguous throughout.  In “The Hairdresser” a girl attracted to another does her hair, they clearly develop a relationship at the end but what kind is left in doubt.  

Power Exchange 

Dominance and submissive themes exist and can be expressed in various kinds of existing affections.  In “Master 1/365” a sexual attraction is connected to the aggressor putting herself into a submissive role. 

In “Human Emotion” a co-worker is seen as a pet, fitting naturally into a dependent role with the protagonist.

Conflicts 

All Yuri has one central false conflict and one or more true conflicts.  The false conflict mirrors western romance literature and is the resolution of the status of a relationship between two women.  

The tone of resolutions is diverse ranging from happily ever after to tragedy and bittersweet endings far more common than in English western literature.  Additionally, even the tone can be ambiguous.

This is attributed to a critical difference between Yuri and Western romances.  While both revolve around a central relationship conflict the resolutions are very different.  Western romances may factor some self revelation in the build up to resolution but resolving the relationship itself resolves the conflict.  This is to say the conflict is external.

After the rain

In Yuri the true conflict is internal to one or more of the main characters.  The resolution of the relationship between them is a side effect of internal conflict being resolved but optional.  Nothing may change in that relationship or it may be ambiguous.  

Character Roles 

The Minx - Is interested in another girl sexually and/or romantically.  This does not preclude other types of relationships as they are often friends as well.  May have many self doubts and not be as sophisticated as they appear.  May be aggressive and a combination of their doubts and interests are usually a major driving force behind the plot in stories in which they appear.  Examples: Hotaru from NTR.  Both characters in “The Unemployed Woman and the High School Girl” are minxes, an unusual point of conflict. The aggressiveness of the minx can mix into themes in a variety of ways, for example in “Master for 1/365” the minx positions herself to be the slave of the enigma until out of frustration she makes a physical ploy.  

The Ingenue - This girl is naive and is likely interested in other girls but not even aware of it herself. Often paired with a Minx. Examples: Yuma-chan from NTR.

The Enigma - This is a character we don’t get to see the internal voice of and is often unexpressive.  They are an object of interest from other characters and we often don’t know their feelings until the end and even then may only be implied. Their job is to react. Kai-san from “Happiness in the Shape of a Scar” from vol 1 of Eclair is an example.  Note that being an enigma is not about being emotionally reserved but their viewpoint as to the relationship is unknown.  In “Human Emotion” from volume one of Eclair we see that the minx is very reserved and probably autistic while the enigma is very vocal and expressive.  

The Tourist - This character has just wandered into a Yuri story and really has no place in it.  Often used open endings and plot twists.

The two combinations of the Minx and the Ingenue and the Minx and the Enigma are the most common pairings because indeterminate relationship is one of the most common storylines in the genre.

[logically-asexual]

Hi, sorry if this is too out of the blue. I'm dying to ask this to someone I know, but I don't want to make them uncomfortable, and I'm also scared to say the wrong thing. Because I like them, romantically, this could be even more uncomfortable for them since they see me only as a friend (which hurts, but I understand, and I'm okay with just having their friendship).

So, I would rather ask someone else, maybe you, if you feel comfortable to answer.

This person is, as I understand it, asexual and aromantic. They do not feel sexual attraction (we discussed what we would do if a famous celebrity we follow let us do "whatever" or said they like us, and this person confessed they would never even kiss the celebrity), but also can't feel romantic attraction. This last bit was why they can't reciprocate my feelings, even if I checked all the boxes.

But here's my question. They say they are a lesbian. Can someone be a homosexual if they don't feel any sexual nor romantic attraction? And if the answer is yes, then what does make someone a hetero/bi/homo/anything-sexual?

This is a selfish question, and I'm also interested in an academic level, I think. But mostly selfish.

Sorry if it's too much, and thanks for reading.

it’s not bad that you have this question, don’t worry. i understand your confusion.

i can’t speak for the person you’re talking about or for everyone else who is aroace but i can tell you my perspective?

in my own case i identify as asexual and arospec because i’m sure im asexual but i’m not so sure how to describe my romantic attraction. i do know that when i do feel romantic attraction, in some rare cases, it’s for guys. i just never want to act on it so that’s what makes me feel a little confused but that’s besides the point.

the point is that romantic and sexual attraction are messy because they can be more than just wanting to date someone. like. someone could not want to date anyone and feel almost no attraction to real people but maybe when they picture a hypothetical ideal partner they always picture a woman, for some reason, but they will never actually find a woman that they would actually want to be with, it’s only an idea.

or an aroace person who would like to have a queerplatonic partner* maybe only would like to have a woman as a queerplatonic partner.

*a partner in life that feels closer or more intimate than a friend but maybe doesn’t check some boxes of what a romantic partner does, like marrying, having children, physical displays of affection like kissing, etc.

or maybe they feel like they’re more drawn to women when making close friends in general and they use the word lesbian to refer to the orientation of their platonic attraction because that aspect of their identity matters a lot to them.

the same could be said about aesthetic attraction instead of platonic. in this case finding women generally more pleasant to look at or maybe finding that beautiful women are attractive in the sense that you want to be close to them and you would like to appreciate them like a painting or something, in a way that good-looking men don’t make you feel.

anyway the idea is that there’s no set definition for what romantic and sexual attraction is or isn’t, so people interpret it in different ways, and people find some aspects of their identity more important to themselves than others, so maybe the little or hypothetical or platonic or aesthetic attraction they happen to feel for a certain gender is enough for them to choose a label like lesbian or straight or gay or anything in addition to identifying as aroace.

to me you sound very polite and genuine so maybe if you approach this person the same way that you did me they’ll understand your confusion and be open to explain how they feel, or at least tell you if it’s too complicated or too uncomfortable to explain, which is fine too.

it’s nice that you’re still respectful of their orientation and the boundaries they might have, even if you don’t fully understand how they define themselves. that’s the most important thing.