logically-asexual

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made a stupid choice bc of crush reasons and now I feel so. Stupid.

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me: im not going to rewatch arcane s1 before watching the second season because the emotional burden of it is not one i feel like dealing with right now.

me, after watching act 1 of season 2: hmm maybe it wasn’t that bad. maybe i can rewatch it.

me, on episode three:

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friends said in the group chat they wanted to do something and volunteered my own house which was fine by me but also i kind of panicked at the short notice and desperately cleaned everything and fixed some halfway put up christmas decorations

then the three that started it all texted me “hey we weren’t too forward right? we can go to [one of them]’s house” and i said “no!! of course not!! you’re welcome here and i love you” bc i do and i had already cleaned and also i was having a bit of an anxiety attack but i knew it would be cured as soon as they got here. so i kept fixing up stuff. also bc my crush might come also, so that would be good, i would like to see him.

and then an hour later they message me “are you sure??? because we can go to [aforementioned friend]’s house” and i said “yes im sure! either way is fine by me” and they go “ok! let us discuss”

and a few minutes later they say in the group chat with the rest of our friends “guys if it’s fine by you we’re going to [aforementioned friend]’s house! you can arrive around 8:30 or 9pm”

so now im sitting in my bedroom. heart beating a thousand times per minute. will absolutely not drive to the other friend’s house because i expected we were doing something like. in the afternoon (this whole conversation started at like 6pm). i don’t feel like driving to downtown at 9pm on a thursday. most likely won’t see my crush. kinda worried that with my “either way it’s fine by me” they’re assuming i will go there and then be disappointed by the fact that i won’t. shaking violently.

i don’t blame them at all i still love them i just. feel bad! and wished to vent.

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i still hate this show btw

lmao? a canon asexual character was the absolute bottom of the list thing i expected to see in goddamn game of thrones but i guess here we are! not complaining!

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lmao? a canon asexual character was the absolute bottom of the list thing i expected to see in goddamn game of thrones but i guess here we are! not complaining!

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staring at his instagram pictures and feeling my heart beat accelerate… thought i’d never feel that again. thought i’d never find a guy who was worthy of it. but there he is.

i hate that i still don’t have any will to like. do Anything about it and yet i feel that Something should be done but. im choosing to focus on the sweet feeling only.

i’ll see him tomorrow!

friends i’m down bad for my crush…

took a selfie of both of us the other day and i just stare at it ….

i still don’t have any motivation to do anything about it but i the feelings and the doe, yearning eyes i unintentionally make at him in front of everyone are getting quite intense.

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friends i’m down bad for my crush…

took a selfie of both of us the other day and i just stare at it ….

i still don’t have any motivation to do anything about it but i the feelings and the doe, yearning eyes i unintentionally make at him in front of everyone are getting quite intense.

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#this is about the phantom of the opera btw #< I didn't even know this was a book. but damn. of all arts created. #THIS IS THE ONE THAT SHOULD BE A MUSICAL #and you're not dumb. some people find it easier to see. some people can't make images in their head. some people have a hard time focusing. #it's just the way your brain works #and as long as you enjoy the art #it's all that matters

thanks for the reassurance 🥰

also yes. the book is very fun BUT

i pondered it and i’m no longer doubting myself about this. objectively the romance and Erik’s dramatic energy is better on the stage, while singing. the gothic aspects of the opera house as a building are cooler in the book but i think the main reason we all enjoy the phantom is the romance haha.

also im weak for stage musicals where the setting is also a stage; ill never get tired of being the audience of a show both out of and within the story.

i think i’m enjoying the musical more than the book it was based on… is it because of valid reasons or because im just… a stupid person who can’t properly appreciate the written word….

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my nails grew like one millimeter overnight and now they’re one millimeter too long and it’s ruining my whole day

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no… objectively.. erik phantom of the opera was made for the stage. he’s just. better. singing on a stage. with a cape.

i think i’m enjoying the musical more than the book it was based on… is it because of valid reasons or because im just… a stupid person who can’t properly appreciate the written word….

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i think i’m enjoying the musical more than the book it was based on… is it because of valid reasons or because im just… a stupid person who can’t properly appreciate the written word….

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when i finally open the conversation after procrastinating a couple hours.

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im crying why does it look like she’s the one with a carboard cutout of phil

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i am not sad but i cant sleep bc im too busy fighting the evil thoughts

i’ve been feeling better i’m trying so so hard to control the self hate and i think it’s working but im also so tired

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i’ve been feeling better i’m trying so so hard to control the self hate and i think it’s working but im also so tired

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my favorite ship dynamic is The Worst Man That's Ever Lived & his beautiful wife

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got an alexa as a gift last christmas and i still don’t know what to do with it

exploring the app where it says “discover all alexa can do!” i see

- open stuff or do actions on my phone? that are two taps away? i guess it’s microscopically more convenient…

- interact with electronics that can be connected to it (i own no such devices)

- play old-people games? tell me the “phrase of the day” or whatever? okay?

… um. that’s it?

am i the clueless out of touch hermit, or is this thing quite pointless?