#sorentxt

[auburnflight]

Primarily for the sake of spreading acceptance, and secondarily for the purpose of anyone hateful to block me if they so desire:

It does not matter how you became a system, any more than it matters how you became queer.

Awareness and rights are not a pie. Another "less traumatized" system finding support and solace in the Plural community does not mean more for them and less for you.

You do not have to prove that you're "plural enough" any more that you have to prove that you're "trans enough" or "lesbian enough."

Marginalized as we are, unity, not further divisiveness, is crucial.

Seriously y'all. The queer community already had this "discourse." Not sure why the plural community is so far behind in figuring it out.

[askandanswerbot]

Do you think there will be military action against North Korea?

— The Indian Express (@IndianExpress) Thu Sep 07 12:15:11 +0000 2017

Yes, Ike.

— Soren @ Beach DLC 🐚 (@sorentxt) Thu Sep 07 12:31:34 +0000 2017

[auburnflight]

The dichotomy of the straightness of (a very vocal portion of) the NieR fandom vs. the queerness of its canon is so entertaining to me. The only thing I knew about NieR through fandom osmosis for a long time was how attractive and ubiquitous 2B is. On some days when I scroll the NieR tag here it's post after post of 2B's butt, and so many fics on AO3 are for the main M/F pairing in Automata. It looks so heterosexual from the outside.

But then when you actually get into Automata and Replicant as games, you have Emil and Kaine as queer main characters. You have numerous background characters of Automata in F/F relationships (partially because, well, that's what happens when the vast majority of your population is a single gender). You have side stories like the stage plays and YoRHa Boys with even more same-sex relationships. And, imho, androids just resonate a lot with queerness (being trans, I find a lot of affirmation in them).

[auburnflight]

Just finished Noragami and wow. I love that this series about gods and deities and half-dead people and people coming back to life and whatnot just... climaxes with CPR. It's so mundane. Ironic in the best way.

[auburnflight]

There's a lot of fun contrasts between 9S and 2B, and I think one of my favorites is one that ties into their potential for queer readings that I mentioned earlier.

We are told in no ambiguous terms that 9S's attraction toward 2B is sexual in nature. This isn't exclusive of other kinds of attraction—I think textual evidence can be found for romantic, aesthetic and intellectual attraction, for example. And don't even get me started on the headcanon potential. But the sexual element is specifically pointed out within the text.

But 2B's attraction, to my knowledge, isn't assigned a specific form or nature. Obviously, NieR has so much lore that it's probably super difficult to scour EVERYTHING, especially with that archive website taken down. Also, the nature of it being a multi-ending game makes it a bit hard to get every single bit of info in every single ending. 😓 ANYWAY, from what I've seen, the ways she expresses it leaves it more open to the reader's interpretation: it could be romantic or sexual, but it could also be platonic, familial, sensory, or something else entirely. I think there's a lot of depth to be explored there in terms of how hers doesn't mirror 9S's exact experience, even though there are certainly psychological similarities to how they deal with their attractions.

On a tangentially related note, given that this attraction seems to come up no matter the iteration or form of each model (e.g. NieR:Automata game vs. YoRHa Boys), I could argue a pansexual reading for 9S/No. 9/however else this consciousness exists in whatever parts of the lore I haven't read yet. And there are DEFINITELY many things to be said about "straight-passing" relationships that are nevertheless queer as heck.

I don't have a pretty ending or conclusion for this. This is just where my brain has been going the last day or so.

[auburnflight]

Adding to my earlier post: THIS. I can't find the article it was part of anymore, and idk if it's because it's genuinely gone or because commercialized "search engines" are useless nowadays. But I ran across it when I was reading Tokyo Ghoul:re and doing analysis for Toru, and it works for 9S as well imo.

[auburnflight]

Man, I could do without the endless stress dreams about my brother. But also, somehow, I hope he's okay.

I don't think I'll ever figure out the drastic shift in behavior at the end (belittling my partner because "he cares about" them, claiming to support disabled folks but then making passive-aggressive comments about how little I work or how much money I make, then even threatening our ESA and trying to follow me out the door as I left the argument). But also, I hope he's in an environment with lots of growth and escape from the awful relationship models our parents taught us.

I just have to be okay with being the villain in his story. Setting boundaries, saying no, and saving yourself looks like that sometimes, I'm finding.

But yeah, the nightly dreams about having to pack up our stuff and move suddenly and about him hating me are NOT fun.

[auburnflight]

last song: Probably my lipsync song, bury a friend by Billie Eilish

last book: My spouse just finished reading me the second book of Sir Callie! Wonderful little youth series about a young nonbinary knight and queer strength and acceptance.

last movie: Watched part of Princess Mononoke with my spouse.

last TV show: NieR:Automata anime (surprise!)

last thing i searched: "nier automata yorha logo"

favorite color: YELLOW

sweet, savory, or spicy: sweet all the way!

relationship status: Married to my wonderful spouse @barnaclebutterbunny (this counts as a tag if you want to do this! <3)

looking forward to: A little anime convention here in a couple weeks :3c

current obsessions: Surprise surprise! NieR:Automata. Should be playing Replicant at some point soon here, too...

Optional non-compulsory tagging of @cushfuddled @lovely-english-rose

[auburnflight]

Man, I have to find some way to stop being angry about this.

When we were first moving, my brother, partner and I all agreed that we could talk among ourselves and communicate to figure out who was taking what in an amicable manner.

Not only did my brother not ask before taking things, he would go out of his way to ask for things of mine that clearly weren't his. I let him borrow a certain cosplay wig once that I had bought, and even after hearing me talk multiple times about how much euphoria it gave me to wear it, he for some reason went up to me and asked "are you planning on keeping that wig?"

(Yes....? It's incredibly important to me? I mean, I suppose it's good he at least didn't steal it outright. But still.)

And then there was the whole car fiasco... I learned pretty clearly how much my brother hates being told "no." RIP to any of his future roommates I guess...

[auburnflight]

I talk to my therapist a lot about the "video games will rot your brain" mentality I grew up surrounded by, and honestly my main takeaway is that that mentality "rotted my brain" more than video games themselves ever would.

[auburnflight]

Welp. We just read Memory Cage and then Memory Thorn within a few hours of each other and it was trippy.

I guess if I've had long-standing memory issues and confusion on whether I did something or just thought I did, or whether I'm remembering something that actually happened or that's just a dream, and I get random senses of deja vu for basically that reason, it kind of makes sense that 2B found her way into our system.

Originally I was focusing on the idea of dissociative!9S but honestly I think dissociative!2B would be fun to write too.

[auburnflight]

I wish I knew whether the anime director's argument of "9S wouldn't have sex" was based on psychological blocks, or on 9S being an ~innocent babu~. Because I have an essay either way, but the second one is VERY different

[auburnflight]

I love that my dream brain drew the parallel between these two scenes from Tokyo Ghoul :re and the NieR:Automata anime THE DAY BEFORE I got to this episode.

I was subconsciously thinking "y'know, I feel like 9S's attachment to 2B is kind of like Mutsuki's attachment to Kaneki" and then I went to watch this episode the next day and this happened.

[auburnflight]

Might cave and buy NieR:Automata for the Switch... I'd have a really hard time with the PS4 version for multiple reasons, but having it on a smaller, portable system would solve most of those, AND it would give me something to do on the plane ride to ANE...

[auburnflight]

Oh to be a tumblr artist with a waitlist... (or ANY commissions, for that matter...)

[auburnflight]

Hardly a day goes by since I posted my fics a couple weeks ago that I don't get kudos on them. The appreciation is so consistent. Which is... super cool.

But also really frustrating. Because I've been posting my drawings online for 14 years and even on sites without algorithms, it's really hit-or-miss, with most of them landing in "miss." I worked so hard to get better and even got a degree in the field, but getting any appreciation for my drawings feels like a constant battle that's only getting harder, instead of easier like people say it will as your following supposedly grows (mine hasn't).

And then of course I suddenly decide to put a minimal amount of effort into something new, and people love it. Consistently.

I'm at the Tiger Juni Taisen stage of my life where I get more results the less I try, and it's so infuriating.