#and im very hurt
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I was really productive today and i'm trying to be proud of myself but theres nothing like being reminded by my family that they consider me lesser and an after thought to kill my mood and motivation
#vark posts#dont rb#all i did was ask my dad and my sister if they wanted to play mc and an hour later i get some half assed 'idk'#ik that might not seem like much but this happens everytime i make some attempt to spend time with them#whatever i suggest is never good enough and i'm lucky if i even get texted first#they never personally inv me over and everytime ive pointed it out theyve spun it around on me#they even go so far as to ignore me and put me down in person#maybe its time i go low contact#i so badly want things to go back to how they used to be but nothin good is gonna come out of putting myself in this situation over and ove#i responded to the idk text with 'you can just say no. its not that big a deal' and ik thats gonna piss my dad off#so i havent looked at my phone since#nothin like family trauma to make me use desktop tumblr lol#sorry to vent this like all happened at most 10 mins since posting this#and im very hurt#anyways fuck them check out the shit i did today#i took out the trash + worked out + did the dishes + started a russian study journal#+ cleaned and disinfected 1 of 4 cobweb and spider covered chairs so now we have a chair for the dining table!#cleaned the chair outside on my apts front porch while it was raining so it was actually pretty nice and peacful#wasnt playin any music or anything just listening to the rain and letting myself get swept up in chair cleaning lmao#im a bad bitch as soon as im left home alone all day
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lead balloon (the tumblr post that saved me)
if this comic resonated with you, it would mean the world to me if you donated to this palestinian family's escape fund.
--
no creative notes because this isn't that kind of comic.
I know I don’t owe any of you anything but I still felt compelled to write about my long term absence. And I feel far enough away from the dangerous spot I was in to be able to make this comic. I have a therapist now, and she agreed that making this could be a very cathartic gesture, and the start of properly leaving these thoughts behind me. I am still, at seemingly random times, blindsided by fleeting desires to kill myself. They’re always passing urges, but it’s disarming, and uncomfortable. I worry sometimes that my brain’s spent so long thinking only about suicide that it’s forgotten how to think about anything else. Like, now that I've opened that door for myself, I'll never be able to fully shut it again. But I’m trying my best to encourage my mind in other directions. We'll see how that goes.
I am still donating all proceeds from my store to Palestinian causes. So far, I've donated over $15K, not including donations coming from my own pocket or the fundraising streams which jointly raised around $10K. In the time since I made my initial post about where this money would be going, the focus has shifted from aid organisations to directly donating to escape funds.
If you'd like to do the same, you can look at Operation Olive Branch, which hosts hundreds of Palestinian escape funds or donate to Safebow, which has helped facilitate the safe crossing and securing of important medical procedures for over 150 at-risk palestinians since the beginning of the genocide.
#cw: suicidal ideation#cw: suicide#cw: self harm#cw: mental health#cw: depression#i made the balloon the main representation of my self destructive urges for a reason but im not going to explain it#i tried to keep a lot of the details in this vague#it would be my worst nightmare if this comic encouraged someone to hurt themselves#so. please dont#for a long time even the thought of making this comic felt so insipid and narcissistic#with the state of the world as it is#having the only threat to your life be yourself felt so privileged and trite and shameful#but doing this comic made me sit down and process things in full#and im just. very grateful i didn't give in to my thoughts back when i sincerely felt i'd be more useful to the world dead#i also feel the need to say that this wont represent everyone's battle with mental illness. its unfortunately different for all of us#there is no fix-all#and im afraid this might be one of those comics that either resonates a lot or misses the target by a mile#i made it for myself foremost. and now that its done im glad i did it#thank you for reading#and please stay alive#stillindigo art#stillindigo comics
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05 x 04 | Still not boring ❤️🩹
#THIS EPISODE KILLED ME#HURTED ME IN A WAY I DIDNT THINK WOULD HAPPEN#im so glad wilson came back i missed him#though i do enjoy lucas very much#house md#malpractice md#hatecrimes md#hilson#wouse#gregory house#dr house#doctor house#greg house#james wilson
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Patience and responsibility....that's a promise....right?
Part 27 First || Previous || Next
--Full Series--
An exorcism? In my family-friendly Deltarune? It's more likely than you may think. The backgrounds here were very interesting! Much more complex than how I usually do them (especially that computer).
Player POV:
Feral energy.
#Syke! Chara has no idea how to do sh*t with Exorcisms#in a society where it's literally seen as a blessing of some kind. It is seen as unethical! Your hurting the silly little guy :(#Why is Azzy so hesitant with this festival??#WHAT THE HECK IS THE ANGELS LANDING DAY??? Azzy get over here-#without a soul?.....I dont know any creatures like that....plants maybe?#That is totally a knock off Mario cart and not a png I found online. DO NOT LOOK INTO THIS#Salt!? owo hehehe#I was very iffy on how much light I wanted here. I kept layering the darkness lmaoo. They kept the lights low in case Toriel woke up.#can you spot the everyman? ;)#hmm your not supposed to be able to read the computer....but I may make an update so people can actually see it?? I hate to leave it grainy#but im a little tired so thats maybe for tomorrow!#thank you all again for waiting so long!#deltarune chara timeline#deltarune chara timeline comic#bread#art#my art#chara#asriel#kris#susie
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he says i hate everyone except you and that is addictive and that is kind of romantic and beautiful because you're young and you're kind of a sarcastic asshole too and you don't like bad boys, per say, but you don't really like good ones either. and you like that you were the exception, it felt like winning.
except life is not a romance book, and he was kind of being honest. he doesn't learn to be nice to your friends. he only tolerates your family. you have to beg him to come with you to birthday parties, he complains the whole time. you want to go on a date but - people are often there, wherever you're going. he's just so angry. about everything, is the thing. in the romance book, doesn't he eventually soften? can't you teach him, through your own sense of whimsy and comfort?
at first - you know introverts often need smaller friend groups, and honestly, you're fine staying at home too. you like the small, tidy life you occupy. you're not going to punish him for his personality type.
except: he really does hate everyone but you. which means he doesn't get along with his therapist. which means he has no one to talk to except for you. which means you take care of him constantly, since he otherwise has no one. which means you sometimes have to apologize for him. which means he keeps you home from seeing your friends because he hates them. you're the single exception.
about a decade from this experience, you'll type into google: how to know if a relationship is codependent.
he wraps an arm around you. i hate everyone except you. these days, you're learning what he's actually confessing is i have very little practice being kind.
#i used to think it was romantic too and then i was like. now i see it as a HUGE red flag#writeblr#it is also almost EXCLUSIVELY said by immature ppl who think this is normal#fyi even if u think it's funny and ur like 'im an introvert it's just TRUE' like. you need therapy (ily tho)#healed introversion is just ''i would prefer to be by myself'' not ''i hate every person'' ... hate is not normal. that is not healthy#im sorry. i know it feels accurate. but if you're walking around with that kind of rage....#1. you're making a LOT of assumptions about every single person u have ever met. which is often unfair and unkind#and also usually involves judging people based on their worst moments or little mistakes#2. you are being unfair to the person who is ur ''exception''#3. there is a VAST difference between ''ur my favorite person'' and ''the ONLY person i like.''#idk i think this is just a personal bias thing tbh#im sure there are people who have this experience normally#but i have YET to find a man who thinks like this and ISNT absolute DOGSHIT. although tbh.... like. im sure he exists#when u hit like 30 some of the things that were once kind of hot now just sound fucking exhausting. like ''im in a band''#edit in the tags: i used to kind of be like this too. but the thing is that like. my life became so much more peaceful#once i started believing that people are generally good. like yes i am mad at the world at large#but it's just.... a very hard way to live. you're not a bad person or wrong for the ways other people hurt you and taught you to be angry.#but that anger will continue to hurt YOU. it will punish YOU. it will prevent YOU from making new deep connections. it will protect you yes#but it will also cause MASSIVE blowback. bc if you lose the One Person... your life will fall apart. i know this personally.#i really recommend just trying to be... cautiously optimistic instead. like. yes#people can be horrible and cruel and there are some communities (incels for example) that aren't worth that optimism#but i think like... most people will hold a door for you . most people want to help you find your wallet .#i hope one day you are able to find peace. i hope that rage eventually smooths over. i know how hard it is PERSONALLY#and i know what must have happened to you. and im deeply deeply sorry we share the same wound.#but i promise - sometimes we all need someone else to help us carry the weight. eventually the rage has to die so that we can let help in#i had to spend years biting at outstretched hands. i still often do. im still very wary . and my heart breaks that you flinch too.#here's the thing: i don't blame you. but we were both acting out of fear and pain. .... not out of healthy behavior. and ... change#was needed. i needed change too. rage was useful for a while. then it just left me isolated and bitter. i had to (with effort)#choose to let that rage go. and let people in . VERY SLOWLY THO LOL
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i love you people of yharnam 🥺 I really do
#decadentart#bloodborne#Ywag im still alive dw. Just busy and very tired and my arm hurts. Smilleee#my stress relief doodles and studies . yay#i decree. let tbem have fun tails . for funn
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just looking at these hand poses was enough to give me carpal tunnel and that's how u know they're prime megu material
#my art#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#megumi fushiguro#yuuji itadori#megumi#yuuji#fanart#jjk fanart#itafushi#sometimes u gotta take a break from drawing megumi to draw different megumi and thats on self care#smiling megu for the soul he said heart emoji i said :D#i tried to do the poses myself and . u kno. im not convinced hands are meant to contort that way guys :( it hurt :(#so yuuji can share my pain i think tht bit is cute#tried smth a bit different w the skin rendering and i rly rly like it holy#very early era vacuumchan inspired :'> lov them SM sighs#also ripped megus jacket directly from a pinterest fit bc one of us deserves nice things :((((#if sukuna wont stop wearing megumi in canon ill just play dress up to cope
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💀: Fewer wounds, more kisses from me.
🐦⬛: Contract's accepted, mi amor.
Music inspiration: A Little Death by The Neighbourhood
#dragon age#dragon age veilguard#dragon age the veilguard#datv#lucanis dellamorte#emmrich volkarin#lucanis x emmrich#emmrich x lucanis#old man yaoi#i kinda dont want to link the part 1 so you can see it on my blog#i know ive done this neck kissing artwork many times lo#what can i say neck is very delish#if you have any fic to share based on my artwork do dm me#im happy to read and definitely share the link on my ao3 also#aight i feel good after 3 days working on this art#neck kisses#hurt/comfort#Whether they end up in dining table 🫣 or they just snuggled up in Emmrich’s cozy room 🥺💕.Choose your own story ☺️
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sweet end 🩷
#okay this is my last fanart#that epilogue healed something in me#that had been rly damaged and hurt for a while#it feels like a nice sendoff for me as I focus more on ocs#🩷🩷🩷🩷 ugh im very happy#c!tommy#dsmp#c!tommy fanart#art#my art#doodles
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(nature au) you said that while dale dislikes dev using a cane in the house he doesn’t really care too much, but what if dev used a cane in public? i can’t imagine dale would be okay with that at all. he’d be pissed, like confiscate the cane kind of pissed
Originally the gag here was just going to be Dev clinging onto his dads arm for dear life while he shivers like a chihuahua but he is just. So small.. I couldnt get it to look reasonable
Bonus:
#The horror of putting Dev in a situation where he would 100% be wearing his sunglasses#Like NOOO the perfectly construction expression of horror I was going to give him#fop nature au#fop#fairly oddparents#fop a new wish#fairly oddparents a new wish#fop dev#dev dimmadome#dale dimmadome#fop dale#fop peri#art#digital art#fanart#I cant tell if I got the tone right with this one#Theres a very careful balance I try to strike with comedy vs horror and Im not sure if I got it#I also try to keep a sort of balance when depicting characters that are just straight up awful#I dont like depicting characters as cartoonishly evil but I also dont want to make him seem overly sympathetic#or like he's 'deep down a good person' because he's straight up not#He's awful and selfish. What he's done to his son makes him deeply uncomfortable with himself#but that discomfort means absolutely nothing when he refuses to change or become a better person#and he does refuse to change. changing is hard#he still keeps hurting Dev at every turn and maybe to tries to justify it to himself as being for Devs own good#but regardless he is still refusing to listen to him and hurting him even more in the process#idk im rambling#I like to keep the abuse balanced out with these nothing little concessions on Dales part#tbh even this concession didnt come from the good of his heart he just wanted to avoid making a scene#also because the visual of Dale deciding CARRYING him everywhere is better than just letting him have his cane is very funny to me
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moment of appreciation again for what is possibly my favourite later game percy quote that everyone always forgets about
(said to vex, of course)
#another thing tlovm hasn't touched on yet that i hope they do (bc next season would be a great place for it) -#both percy and vex struggle so much with anger issues and holding grudges#and the reason they work so well together is because literally a few minutes before their first kiss#they make a commitment to helping each other learn how to forgive even when it's hard - because that's the only way to grow#percy had orthax and vex had saundor both who fed on those impulses and tried to turn them into their worst selves#and they both could very easily have fallen to that! but they don't want to. so they're going to keep each other on the right track#and this is really the pinnacle of it#percy being able to recognise when he really wants to hurt someone and going hmm nope vex seems to be objective here im gonna listen to vex#cr1#c1e99#percy de rolo#vex'ahlia#perc'ahlia#cr thoughts
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So this song fits them so very well right?
#malevolent#john doe#john doe malevolent#john malevolent#arthur lester#tw blood#cw blood#implied child death#cw bones#tw bones#my art#if i need to add more tags just ket me know#idk the original author or the name of the actual song im sorry :((#but this was stuck in my brain and i just had to draw it#theyve been in my brain rent free :[#this was kinda a pain in the ass to color tbh and to actually draw#also i need to practice lettering :///#but its done and im very happy about that i out a lot of thought into it#the stuff in the middle represents the people they hurt/killed (sorry no parker and like some creatures)#also are you guys going insane they are indeed holding hands!!!!?!?! crazyyyyy
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there he is......the man of the house
#mine#ough hello not posted in a while!!#im busy doin portfolio stuff so . not much cat drawinign going on THO i will. hopefully do one tomorrow hehe#i was gna get stickers for my next shop update but its hurting me head so. gna order new prints hopefully!! this week and then#do stickers n postcards next time. i am so low on stock sihfdkggwe#need 2 buy envelopes also....my least favourite thing 2 spend money on#what hve i been up to ....i made a blanket!! maybe i will post picture. it was gna b a cardigan i started it like last year#n then i went 2 sew it together n was like. this pattern is insane also this wool is too thick so. blanky :)#its very good. good lap blanket!!#what else what else....been re reading lotr. im reading it on ebook i lov ebook sm. i love printed books but i jus absolutely cannot#read them. dyslexia gang rise up !!!!#im reading it so much quicker tho n also actually remembering it ....would die for gimli#also started rewatching cr2 >:) i dont . actually like th new campaign so KSDFKJDN rewatch it is#even tho i dont like molly. not that thats gna b an issue for long sifubshbhebwj#im so seepy...so cold.....gna rest now probably n play skyrim hehe#cat drawings tomorrow >:)#okay bye
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i saw them in the cookbook pages and Immediately thought of this meme:
#barnaby: this is so nice. just me and my buddy whipping up a tasty treat#wally: *having six simultaneous crises*#anyway. huh?#this was a pain to scribble and i Dont Know Why#i had to redraw barnaby's face literally five times#but im trying to Expand my skillset by attempting more backgrounds#or background adjacent things... Props!#im very proud of the counter & flower vase off to the side!#and uh. Filters! those as well. i wanted to make this look somewhat like its aged...#scribble garnish#welcome home#welcome home puppet show#man. these two. squeezes them#halloween update made me love them all the more#name a better pair of best friendsssss you canttttttt#they are Top Tier and i hope they get torn apart one way or another#you see i live for the drama the pain the agony the devastation#i see my favorites and i want them to Hurt.#anyway thinking about them baking together melts my stony heart#theyre bonding 🥺#oh man why is that emoji So Fucking Detailed on my laptop. its scaring me. kill it kill it kill it
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Gay panic but it's that AU I drew once or twice.
#link#the legend of zelda#legend of zelda#loz#ganondorf#gay#very gay#something something hurt comfort#Link being nurse#or like you know#trying to help fix but just being a disaster#IDK MAAAAN just#Im gonna figure out dinner#since Ganon figured his SNAAAP
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you never change, do you
#thomas the tank engine#thomas and friends#casa tidmouth#ttte henry#ttte gordon#3x4#senjart#I DONT CARE.#I DONT CAAAARRRREEEEEE!!!!!!!#<— he did in fact care.#thinking too hard about this pic makes my head hurt#its okay if you hate me. its okay if you think Im not the same man that you know. its okay if you refuse to change.#I’ll change for you. because thats how things are always like from the very start#Ill listen to all your stories even though you wont listen to mine#maybe thats how you always are gordon. its okay#youre so selfish. so greedy. so childish! but its okay. thats okay. thats why I’m here to take care of you#you dont want to hug me back? hold me? thats fine by me. anything for you gordon#……#………. WELL#WELLLLLLLL#GOODNIGHT ALL. I NEED TO BE SEDATED
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