#live . and come back home so im soooo glad to have her beside me. but unfortunately vet care is quite expensive and . i barely have the fun

[crxwes]

Hello! I hate doing this but my rabbit needs surgery and while I can't afford the more extensive procedure, I'll try my best to pay for the more urgent one , it's about 3.5k~

So if you'd like a commission or just share this post it would mean a lot! Thank you 🫶

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Commissions info; Link to carrd | Link to the form

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[bowtied-pasta]

Party Time

This might turn into a future chapter in one of my fics, im not sure yet. 😅 Anyway! This is a Splendor and True thing, once again. Finley and Damien are mentioned, but Gage plays a bigger part. Dark and Delta are also mentioned, as well as Ben very breifly. Enjoy! 💗

True’s head popped off her pillow when she heard the bumping bass of music kick up from somewhere in the mansion. Splendor was away for a meeting of some kind, having not taken any of them with him for professional purposes, or something along those lines. The music was definitely the party kind though. The kind that got your body moving and you would expect kids in high school to grind on each other to at prom.

That being said, she didn’t know they were allowed to throw parties. It had been a long time since she’d had the privilege of attending one though, so she was curious to see if that was actually what was going on.

Opening her door, the music playing became a little clearer, Bottoms Up by Trey. Her footsteps unable to be heard over the bump of the base that had no business being that loud, she made it to the top of the staircase just as Nicki’s rap began.

Her jaw fell open at what she saw. The entire entrance hall floor was covered in small circles with odd symbols written inside of them. She knew those well. Summoning circles. It seemed a few stragglers were late to answer their calls though, as she watched them pop in from seemingly nowhere and then make their way toward where she knew one of the bigger rooms were. Now she knew the purpose of the room. It was for parties.

Finley appeared from the direction of what True now dubbed the ballroom, walking with authority she knew she had, but not over beings that she didn’t control. She seemed to take in all the circles that had been drawn, huffing as she glanced around the room, freezing when her eyes landed on True. “True, please tell me there aren’t any circles up there.”

True pulled away from the banister for a moment, glancing around for anything she might have missed before shaking her head down at the proxy. Watching her sigh in relief before stiffening as Gage spoke up.

“True!?” She watched him run in, taken a back by the stuff he was wearing. His clothing was perfectly normal, but the guy had somehow glued small glow sticks to his face, they didn’t seem to hinder his speech at all. “True! Get down here, it’s party time. You told me you hadn’t had one in a long time, and I think you’re way over due!”

She sighed, smiling to herself as she walked down the stairs. Laughing a bit at Gage and his chaotically good intentions behind his chaotically crazy actions.

“You didn’t tell me it was for her.” Finley shot at him, arms crossed as she finally seemed to relax a little.

“You didn’t ask, babe. Besides, who’s to say we can’t have a party every now and then?” He shot her a wink as he grabbed True’s arm once she was in reach, dragging her towards the ballroom and away from the troubled ginger, not letting her try and sway True into not participating in what he had planned.

Her eyes quickly took in everything that had been set up. Lights, tables, chairs, food and music. There was no way Gage set this up all by himself, but she didn’t really get a whole lot of time to think about the strategy of setting something like this up. Gage walks her to a corner of the room with a group of what she assumes to be demons, she couldn’t be sure because most of the things that had been summoned quickly took up a glamour as soon as they walked in. The only thing she knew for sure is that they were busy passing around more than just a few blunts, one of them was busy setting up a few bongs. Of course, Gage had dragged her right to the stoners.

“Dark, it’s been a while, glad you and your mate could make it. Should we be expecting Ben too?” He nudged a dark elf looking man with his foot, his glowing red eyes taking in who was talking to him before he said anything.

“Oh, Gage! It has been a while. Yeah, Ben might pop in here soon. I just shot him the message a minute or two ago.” Dark wrapped an arm over the shoulder of the person sitting next to him. Seemingly a girl with brown hair and a red hoodie, her legs thrown over his own as she puffed out in his face. He chuckled as he took a moment to lock eyes and breath it in. “Delta couldn’t resist when I told them there was probably gonna be weed and food. You know how it is.”

Gage laughed as he took an empty seat next to Dark and patted the chair next to him for True to take. She took a moment though, this not being the normal crowd that she usually hung out with, but knew how to not be a total fuck up.

Dark looked her over for a moment, detached interest in her apparent as he took a hit of his own blunt. “So, you add a forth one to your polycule or is this just another proxy?”

Gage laughed a bit, pausing his retrieval of a couple blunts from the center table to wave a hand in dismissal toward Dark. “Neither man, Dots couldn’t make her a proxy if he tried. Way too.... well, its not place to say why or why not she can’t be a proxy.” He cast a nervous glance toward True before continuing. “But were happy as a triangle, and I think Fin would have a heart attack if she had even a single other person to worry about.”

Dark’s gaze narrowed at Gage as he avoided giving him an exact reason for True’s inability to be hired. Glancing between the two before he seemed to smirk a bit and nod. “Yeah, Finley is a bit uptight, but all spitfires have their charm.” He squeezed his mate with his free arm. “And you know, in a room full of people like this... maybe try and keep the stuff about Dots and his reasonings to yourself, yeah?”

Gage sighed as he lit a blunt and passed it to True. “Yeah, I know. But my guest list was incredibly difficult to put together, you would not believe how difficult some of these guys make their circles to draw. The audacity to have a difficult phone number. I wouldn’t have invited them if I thought any of them meant harm. You know me.”

He lit his own blunt as Dark nodded, his hand making its way to card through his apparently sleepy mates hair. Their head having nestled into his neck and their arms wrapped around his shoulders as they got comfortable. “Yeah, but I’ve seen a few that are questionable. I’m sure Finley and Damien are being diligent though. You proxies always seem to be good at that, no matter who’s you are.”

Gage shrugged as he took a few puffs, glancing over at True before doing a double take. “True, you do know your supposed to smoke that, right?”

She looked between him and the blunt, contemplating embarrassing herself even further or admitting she hadn’t ever smoked before. “Uh... well, I’ve never smoked weed before so, I’m not sure-“

“Say no more, I got you. I’ll make sure you don’t get out of hand. I’ve done this before and I promise you’ll be fine.” They locked eyes for a second, her trust in him winning out as she sighed and raised the blunt to her lips. Not unfamiliar with the burn that followed, reminding her of when Tim would show random acts of kindness after hard missions and spare her a cig or two, but she still coughed a bit as she hadn’t done it in quite some time.

“There you go, already almost a natural. I’ll have you high in no time.” Gage patted her leg reassuringly, tossing a friendly arm over her shoulder as they chatted and waited for this Ben person they had mentioned before to show up.

Of course, this being her first time smoking weed, she succumbed to it’s effects much quicker than Gage did. Her head titled backwards, her eyes glazed and unfocused, taking in the way the lights moved on the ceiling above her. She didn’t resist when the bong was passed around the circle once, twice, three times. She lost track of how much she smoked, but Gage kept his promise. She didn’t even remember getting walked out of the ballroom and taken to a little alcove with a fireplace, she didn’t remember being sat down or being given a blanket, and she didn’t remember how long she sat there staring at the fire place either. The entrancing movement of the flames keeping her captive as they swirled before her, her thoughts edging on dangerous territory as she had the sudden urge to attempt to lick them, but the chain gate in front of it prevented her from doing so.

“True? What are you doing down here?” Her blurred attention was caught by a voice that spoke up from behind her, making her turn her head slowly to see who could have possibly found her in such an odd place. Finding Splendor there, a worried look on his face as he took in her appearance. “Oh my, True. How high are you?”

She giggled and made grabby hands toward him. “Splendor! You’re home! Its hi how are you, you beautiful silly man. Now c’mere.” A dopy smile on her face as she waited to be picked up by the tall man.

She heard him sigh before she felt his tendrils wrap around her and lift her, making her giggle a bit more before he wrapped his arms around her. Walking her out of the room as she watched the ceiling design change, her attention taken entirely by her moving background. “You know, I really need to go home.”

“Oh? Why is that True? Where is home?”

“Home is with Splendor, duh. He lets me live there, with him and his proxies. Damien, Finley and Gage... Gage is a crackhead though. He got me soooo high. Uuuggh.”

She felt the person carrying her laugh, making her laugh too. She didn’t know what was so funny about what she said, but his laugh made her laugh. It reminded her of him. “True, why do you need to go home?”

She hummed as images of him shot through her smoke filled brain, a small smile lifting the edges of her lips. “I still need to tell him.”

She felt the strangers pace change a bit, she was pretty sure she was on some kind of staircase, but she couldn’t be sure. The ceiling getting closer to her not even being registered as a possibility in her mind. “Tell who what?”

She nuzzled into the strangers warm embrace as she felt sleep come up on her, way too tired to care much for paying attention to anything anymore. “I still need to tell Splendor how I feel about him. Its very important to me, I’m just not great at telling people about... feelings... and shit..... I don’t feel too good right now. Can I sleep please?”

The stranger was silent for a moment before responding, his arms wrapping a bit tighter around her as he continued walking her towards wherever their destination was. “Yes, you can sleep now.”

Her eyes drifted shut and didn’t open when she felt soft fabric seem to envelope her in a warm embrace. The last thing she heard before drifting to sleep was the stranger, blankets tucked over her at the same time. “Sweet dreams, Schatz.”

[hypmicscenarios]

Chance Meeting (2)

A/N broke it up into three parts but you can read full work on Ao3! 

“Riou, Riou, Riou,”you said outloud,”hes....kind of cute isnt he?”,you said, looking down at dog in your lap who was flipped over, demanding belly rubs. “Aaaaa D/N, I think Im catching feelings. not serious though! I mean, we’ve never even held a conversation but...he is cute...and hot..ahhh!”,you covered your face. No no, it was only proof that he was way out of your league if you continued to list the good things about him. When it came to love, you definitely had the least bit of experience in that area. Besides, your cute dog came into your life and you just sort of got into your own routine. Love had become the last thing on your mind. However, you couldn’t stop yourself from being curious about him. “Well, we saw him yesterday. I say our chances might be low. I have to get ready for work anyway, I have the night shift,”you said towards your dog. You didnt mind the night shifts, but you would rather not have them. Your job was in a pinch though and you were simply too kind to say no. You were a waiter at a restaurant. The only thing that bothered you was coming home down the sketchy streets at night, but you always carried pepper spray with....and maybe a mini knife disguised as a pen. You always made it home safe though....until today. Everything was cleaned up at work and the guests were gone. Your boss offered a ride but you declined, saying your place wasn’t too far. Also you were considering his exhaustion. He was sweet, but you knew the night had been pretty busy and you were understaffed. So, you walked home yourself. You always had your headphones on, looking down at your phone. 5 minutes into your walk, you felt like you heard something, so you stopped and turned around. Seeing a mysterious man, dressed in all black. It just smelled trouble. You walked a bit faster, then faster, eventually you found yourself running as fast as you possibly could until you ran into another person, half afraid it was him, but your terrified eyes disappeared once you saw it was Riou. You bit your lips, trying not to cry and spoke,”t-theres a man chasing me and he-”,before you could finish, Riou walked forward, his hands clenched, waiting for the man to show up. Which, he did. “Sir, you should know not to pick on women or any helpless and innocent being at all,”he said firmly. What happened next made your eyes almost pop out of their sockets. Riou had single-handily taken the guy down, like nothing! Was he a police officer or something? That was way too smooth. You saw him take out his phone, assuming he was calling the cops, then he walked back to you. You quickly bowed,”Thank you so much Busujima-san! really, you saved my life,”you looked up,”how can I repay you?” He shook his head in disagreement,”I used to be a naval officer, my whole job is based on protecting those who cannot protect themselves, so no payment is needed.but you should be more careful at night, do you not read or watch the news?” You bit your lip and looked away,”maybe...not. I suppose I should though. I definitely would have let my boss drive me home,”you said. You now had a frown because you were a bit sad you were so careless. “Im sorry, I really will start doing that from now on but still, thank you again, I really appreciate,”you said, looking up with the small smile you could muster up.  “Come on, I’ll take you home. do not leave my side.”he stated firmly. You nodded and spoke,”u-uh, yea, thanks, sir yes sir,”you said and mentally hit yourself. Really? Sir yes sir? But you were surprised when you heard a chuckle. or...you think you heard a chuckle. It was gone too quickly. Did he laugh at you? Why did he have to keep doing more things each time to pull him to you?

Once you arrived at your doorstep, you bowed your head,”sorry for making you go out of your way to take me back. Please get home safe.” You looked up and you couldn’t believe his next words. “theres no need to worry, I live right there,”he said, pointing to the door next to yours. You were neighbors?! Since when! You could have sworn on your life that no one lived next to you, least of all him. Oh no...and you had screamed so many times. Did he hear that too? Before you could process it, he spoke,”have a goodnight then Y/N-san,”and he left, opening the door to his apartment and shutting it. You quickly went into yours and slid down as you shut the door, your dog greeting you. “No fucking way....”,you said aloud, ignoring the consistent licks on your face.  This was all too much, thank god you had no work tomorrow. 

Change of POV to Rio’s

He closed his door and took off his jacket. What an eventful day. And he did that person seemed so shock he lived next to her? He was already aware of the fact, so why weren’t they. and how could they be so careless? This L/N-san was an interesting person. and their paths seemed to cross a lot. He also needed to get some sleep. First, he had to take a shower though. For the rest of the night though, he couldn’t get L/N out of his head. A bit irritated as to why, he forced himself to sleep sooner than expected.  The next day, he woke up and figured it was cleaning duty. He took out the trash first, opening the door and seeing L/N standing there. Riou blinked as she got scared and dropped her keys. “sorry for the scare,”he said and went to take out his trash. As he went back up to the apartment, he saw L/N and their dog, who went towards Riou. “Hes fine, I dont dislike dogs,”Riou said, bending down and giving him a couple of rubs. “I never asked his name.” he said, while petting him. “Ah, D/N, thats his name,”they responded. “I see, Im done with my pets,”he said as he stood up, looking as they laughed and said,”you dont really have to state that...but thanks, he loves them.” Riou nodded and headed back to his place. That person definitely made fun of him and his way of speaking, but he less upset, and more couldn’t stop thinking about their smile. Why was that? No...he should turn on some music, do his chores, workout, and forget about it. A couple of hours later, he sat down on the couch. His shirt was off and sweat was dripping down his body. Suddenly, his phone rang and he furrowed his brows,”how much?”,he asked. Dice responded over the phone,”how rude! I just miss your cooking, say say can I come over today please??,”he asked. Riou answered,”by all means. so, how much?” Dice chuckled,”okay you win, I’ll message you the amount.”

Once Dice showed up, Riou let him in,”eat first, money second,”he said, blinking as Dice hugged him. “Ri-chan I missed you so muchhh”,he said, moving his head in Riou’s chest. Riou couldn’t take the physical display of affections and took Dice off of him,”thanks, the food is ready.” Dice pouted as he mumbled,”not even an I miss you back.” They sat down at the table and Dice spoke,”soooo, whats going on with Doctor Isolation in these parts? anything new? give me something, you never have anything.” Riou sighed as he ate his food,”I rescued the person who lives next to me from the attacker on the news, will that suffice?”,he said. Dice’s eyes lit up,”Woah! How cool! were they cute?” Riou lowered his eyes,”why is that of any concern? you should just be glad theyre safe.” Dice smirked,”and...do you know their name?” “Yes, why?”,he answered.  “do you think theyre cute?”  “no comment.” 

“you need more friends you know...or even a partner,”Dice said. “I have you, why would I need more?”, Riou asked. Dice frowned,”I make you hang out with me. I want you to have someone you want to hangout with...even though you never make plans with me.” Riou rolled his eyes,”thats because thats you job.” Dice continued to question him about L/N that he eventually kicked the other out...but of course L/N had to be coming back from work. “Dice n-”

“Hey hey! my names Dice! Im this loners friend,”he said as he pointed at Riou,”please take care of him, I’ll leave him in your care,”he turned around,”They are cute by the way, just like you said,”Dice said with a wink, knowing it would it make him mad. He held onto his bag of money and dipped before he was choked,”Buh-bye Ri-chan!~” Riou sighed and looked towards L/N,”sorry...he’s a handful. have a good day.” and then he left. Its not like he could exactly deny what Dice said, then that would just put him in an even stickier situation! He sighed and flopped down on his couch, planning out Dice’s murder in his head.

[megabadbunny]

For the DxR fic meme: Nine x Rose; 01 G ☯

(Nine x Rose, Jackie’s flat, midnight, Rose’s diary; from @doctorroseprompts )

***

He knows he shouldn’t, and yet, here he is.

(But it’s not exactly his fault, is it? If she didn’t wanthim to see it, maybe she shouldn’t have left it lying around all public in theopen, conspicuous and winking at him and daring him to take a little peek,wriggling its (figurative) hips like a minx in red throwing a perfumed kissover one shoulder. Never mind the fact that it wasn’t lying around in public somuch as it was in her room, that it wasn’t in the open so much as it was tuckedunder her mattress.)

The Doctor glances around furtively, even though he knows noone will catch him in the act; the flat is empty of any other living thing,save for him and the dust motes colonizing the space beneath the rug. Rose andher oddity of a mum have whisked off somewhere or other (“a proper girls’night”, Jackie might’ve said, or might not have, as the Doctor might not havebeen listening) and Jack is goodness-knows-where with goodness-knows-whom, sothe Doctor figures he’s got a good few hours to himself before anyone returns.And he’s got to find some way to occupy himself, hasn’t he?

(Besides, it isn’t as if he went snooping specifically for it.More like, he snooped, and there it conveniently was. Also, he’s bored.)

Plunking himself down on her bed—not nearly as soft or plushas her TARDIS bed, he thinks with a smirk—the Doctor opens the book to thefirst page.

Dear dairy readsthe first line.

The Doctor chuckles. There is no date scrawled anywhere onthe page, but the scribbles and misspellings amidst very careful and deliberatestrokes tell the Doctor these words were written by someone who had only recentlylearned penmanship, and was determined to do it well.

Dear dairy

Hello how are you? Myname is Rose Marion Tyler. It is my brithday today I am 6 years old.

It’s almost impossible to imagine Rose ever being so young;far easier to picture her emerging fully-grown and stubborn-willed and jeopardy-friendlystraight from inception. But the Doctor tries, and in his mind’s eye he canalmost see her sitting on the bed—no, lying on it, stomach-down, her sock-cladfeet kicking idly in the air. Her hair, unbleached and light brown, would be pulledback into a ponytail, held in place by one of those what d’you-call-it’s. A scrunchie. Her head would bend down inconcentration over the diary as she clutched her pen tightly in her small fist.The Doctor imagines the pen to be pink, glittery, one of those gel-things, hopelesslyand wonderfully childish and girly, and his grin broadens.

Mummy and me had aparty in the park and Lottie and Fred cud not come but Shireen was there andMickey to and his gran and my grandad Prentis. Grandad brung cake from thestore it has had a heart drawed on and my name and there were candels.We had ice cream to. And I had prezents there was a barby and shoes and a newbell for my bike…

The list continues and the Doctor rolls his eyes fondly.Clearly, six-year-old Rose had decided to commit only the most pertinent ofdetails to memory. He flips through perhaps the first quarter of the diary, pausingat a mention of Mickey here, a drawing of a flower there, and watches as Rose’shandwriting grows more confident, her entries more substantial. Her diary is amicrocosm of her adventures with mates, days at school, developing crushes, thelikeability of some of Jackie’s boyfriends and the caddishness of others. Atrandom, the Doctor slips a finger between the pages and opens the diarymid-entry, perhaps a year or two along its timeline.

and it felt awful butI didnt say anything bc he was right I dont have a dad but Keisha got angry andtold him to butt out and mind his own business. So then Nick laughed and madefun of Keisha bout her mum and I thot Keisha might cry so I punched Nick in thenose and it bled and the head teacher says I cant come back to school for aweek. Mum says Im in trouble but she didnt stop granddad from buying me a 99 onthe way home and she said next time do a slap its easier on the nuckles.

The Doctor can just picture Rose, eight years old, eyesflashing and stance wide as she bloodies some little twerp’s nose with herfist. Now that—that is a Rose he has no trouble imagining. Laughing, the Doctorshakes his head and flips to a later entry.

8 Nov 1996

Dear diary,

We went to go see Dad yesterday.

The Doctor pauses, hesitates. He knows what the words mean—they’refigurative, not literal, because it would be another eleven years before Rose sawany more of Pete Tyler than old photos and a grave—but the memory of the daynine years earlier still sends a shiver down his spine, clenches something inhis gut in a guilty-sick feeling he can’t quite explain.

Mum told me the storyagain. She seemed all right definitely better than the last time. I think thephotos help. Granddad came to and I don’t think he rly liked Dad very much buthe was nice about him today nicer than on other days. Afterwards Mum went todrop me off with Mickey but he said she needed me so I went on home and she seemeda little happier but she still cried a bit.

The Doctor wrinkles his nose. Something about Mickey theIdiot doing a good turn makes him grumpy. Who does that idiot think he is,anyway?

We had tea and fellasleep in front of the telly. I wanted to make her dinner but there was nothingin and I couldnt find anything in her purse so I went down to Ms Nodd’s bc she’sout seeing her grandson and I got the spare key from under her flower pot and Ilooked in her bedroom and found a few pounds and took them. I bought Mum aChinese from her favourite place and she didnt ask where I got the money so I didnttell her. I dont think Ms Nodd would know it was me that took it but I stillfeel bad I just didnt know what else to do. Ill pay her back when I get somemoney for my bday.

Nice old bird, that Ms Nodd. Much nicer than some of theother tenants on the Estate, with her blue-tinged hair and cheerful smile andwithered old hands that freely distribute home-baked biscuits to errant TimeLords who just happen to be handy with a squeaky front door. The Doctor makes amental note to liberate an ATM of a couple hundred-pound-notes at his earliestopportunity and slip them into her flat.

He reads a few more pages—comfortably silly stuff, all ofit, more crushes and rants about school and discussions of celebrities andfashion and Rose’s favorite things on telly—until his fingers land on an oddlybrittle page, warped in places, buckling. Several of the words are nearlyimpossible to discern, smudged as they are, and it takes the Doctorapproximately .003 seconds to identify the water marks as tears.

(There’s no dear diaryhere, no date. The words simply begin, as if writing anything more than theabsolutely necessary would take too much energy. Like it would hurt too much.)

Granddad’s gone.

The Doctor sighs, and his hearts each break a little foryoung Rose, curled up in her bed and crying bitter tears into her pillow. Tenyears old is far too young to experience the cruelty of such a loss. But it isn’tas if it gets any easier at any other age. The Doctor knows that to be painfullytrue.

Had a heart attack.Doctors said he went in his sleep and didn’t feel anything. I hope that’s true.Mum said he’s with the angels now but that’s stupid. The angels don’t need him wedo. I already miss him.

Mum can’t stop crying.I wish Dad was here.

And there’s that feeling again in the Doctor’s gut, thesquirmy-sicky one. Almost as if his stomach knows he shouldn’t be doing this,like his body is punishing him. It was all well and good reading about the funfrivolities of a carefree primary-schooler, but this sort of thing—this issomething else. Something deep and personal, a compound fracture of emptinessand hurt. The Doctor knows should stop reading now. He really should.

(He doesn’t.)

It takes a few weeks for the mentions of Granddad Prentice tostart fading, but eventually, they do, fading away to be gradually replaced bythe normality of everyday life. Sometimes months pass between diary-entries;other times, years. The Doctor smiles as he glances over recountings of schooldays and formals and skipping classes, of Jackie’s eccentric cluster of boyfriends,of fights with friends and happy makings-up after, of holidays and gossip andhopes for the future. The day Rose and Shireen fall out over a boy is marked byan obscene amount of swearing and words crossed-out and pencil-punctures dugdeep into the page; the day Mickey asks Rose to be his girlfriend is noted withexclamation points and a lipgloss-kiss.

The day Rose meets Jimmy Stone is noted with a single heartthat simply reads Mrs Rose Stone.

Grimacing at the words, the Doctor forces himself to presson.

OMG met this bloke Jimmyyesterday n he was soooo fit reads the next entry. Shireen and Keisha and me went down the pub and he was playing in theband and I thot he fancied Keisha at first but after he asked for my number ♡ ♡ ♡I kno it doesn’t mean nothing so I didn’ttell Mickey cos no point in him worrying and he gets so jealous anyway lol

Awww, poor jealous ickle Mickey, thinks the Doctor. He snortsderisively. Human beings—so quick to such petty reactions. He’s very glad hedoesn’t have to worry about silly things like that.

Still, it’s a little surprising when, just a few pages later,things have already progressed by leaps and bounds. Jimmy kissed me! leaps out from the page, followed by things like Mickey and me had a fight and Snuck out to hear Jimmy play downtownand Went to the cinema with Jimmy and he puthis hand up my sk

Hearts hammering, the Doctor flips past that page before hiskeen eyes have a chance to read any further. For some reason, the thought ofJimmy putting his hand up anything of Rose’s—indeed, of Jimmy or some otherfool even thinking about touching her, anywhere, with anything—makes him burn abit under the collar. Unpleasant, that. Maybe he’d better take a look at Jackie’sthermostat, make sure it’s doing its job, because it certainly doesn’t feellike it.

(Still, he skips the several pages that follow, just to besafe.)

said if Iwalked out that door I’d better not walk back in and you know what screw her.She’s wasted her whole life crying about Dad and never doing anything withherself and never doing anything for me. I hate her I would rather die then belike her

Eyes widening in surprise, the Doctor quickly scans over thenext few pages, his concern deepening by the second.

love Jimmy andno one can tell me any different and if Mum really knew what love was then she’dunderstand

Im so glad I’mwith him now he gets me like no one else ever has or ever will, ♡ him forever

didnt want totake my a-levels anyway not like it means anything out in the real world

moving into aflat together next week can’t wait ♡♡♡

and I love himbut I wish he’d get a job cos the gigs don’t make enough n I can’t covereverything on my own

came home drunkagain last night n wouldnt tell me where he’d been

told me I’dbetter cough up the rest of the rent by next weekend or else he would

And then, nothing.

The Doctor frowns. Whatever he would do is left unexplained, torn away along with a wholecluster of pages in the diary, leaving a ragged little scar behind where wordsand feelings used to sit. The Doctor runs a finger along the page-stumps leftin the spine, and wonders.

What could have happened that was so bad that even the memoryof it had to be ripped away?

The next entry picks up a few weeks later. It does notmention Jimmy. Instead, the page displays only a handful of lonely words:

He wasright. I’m so stupid.

It takes a moment for the Doctor to realize that the diaryis shaking in his hands. But that’s only because he’s gripping it so tightlyhis knuckles are glowing bright white in an attempt to jump out of his skin. Andsuddenly he’s glad, in quite a perverse way, that he has witnessed thedestruction of the Reapers firsthand, because otherwise the temptation to pilotthe TARDIS back in time to ensure that Jimmy Stone never hurt Rose—that henever so much as existed, never so much as blighted this planet with even asingle vile breath—would be so strong that he’s not entirely sure he’d be ableto stop himself.

Forcing himself to calm, the Doctor skips forward, hopefullyto an entry that won’t cause hisblood to boil angrily in his ears. Now phrases like moved back in with Mum today and applied at Henriks greet his eyes, and he feels the muscles in hisshoulders begin to relax.

and a sweet ginger boy’sstarted coming round, Mum named him Jonesy

but the new job’s notso bad

going out to the clubswith Shireen

Mickey stopped by withflowers today and it was like nothing had ever gone wrong

anyway we’re datingagain

nothing’ll come of itbut some blokes won in Bristol last week so who knows, maybe we’ll win a littlesomething n I could get Mum something nice

a little boring Iguess but prolly about the best I can expect for now

So my job blew uptoday???

Now a grin spreads across the Doctor’s face, lighting it upfrom ear-to-ear. Finally. Took longenough to get here. Now for the reallygood stuff.

Fingers tingling in anticipation, he turns the page.

Nothing.

The Doctor flips through the remaining pages, hunting forsomething, anything, but nothing buta sea of white greets his eyes, winking up at him obnoxiously without so muchas a single date or scribble or scrawl to capture his attention. The rest ofthe diary is completely, utterly blank.

Huffing in irritation, the Doctor sits back, flipping thebook closed with a scowl. It makes a certain sense, he supposes, but still.Really? She’ll write about ice cream and Barbies and school gossip and Mickeythe Idiot but no mention of the TARDIS, no asides about traveling through timeand space, no discussion of Dickens or Slitheen or bitchy trampolines or 900year-old Time Lords taking her by the hand to show her anything her littleheart could ever possibly—

CLANG.

“I just found it!” blurts out the Doctor without eventhinking, pushing off the bed and whirling round to face Rose’s open bedroomdoorway. But no one stands there; indeed, if his superior hearing is anythingto go by (and it usually is), there’s no one within several meters of him, certainlyno one in the flat. And the continuing ding-dang-dongbell’s sound, ringing at twelve lazy but significant intervals, informs himthat his nervousness was for naught—it’s just Jackie’s old grandfather clock,noisily (and unnecessarily, the Doctor thinks with a grump) proclaiming thetime.

It’s midnight. Probably Rose and Jackie will be home soon. Andprobably he shouldn’t let them know he was nosing through Rose’s diary.

(Even if it wasn’t his fault, seeing as they left him aloneand bored and unoccupied in the flat, and even if he didn’t find what he waslooking for—even if he’s not entirely certain what that was.)

As he slips the diary back into its hiding-place beneathRose’s mattress, it occurs to him that there are any number of reasons Rosemight not be writing things in a diary any more—she forgot it at home, or she’stoo tired after their adventures, or too distracted, or maybe she’s even got anew one aboard the TARDIS, hidden somewhere equally silly. But there’s anotheroption too, he realizes; that she’s simply too happy to see the need forwriting things down, that she is too busy living her memories to think of takingthe time to document them. The thought warms him, contentment blooming in hischest, and he leaves Rose’s room with a smile, closing the door behind him.

(He still checks her room on the TARDIS just in case.)

***

part ii

[brokenmusicboxwolfe]

On a post where I talked about my nephew (and the difficulties with my brother)

runningbarefootthroughtheforest said: No ideas, just wanted to say Im glad your nephew has someone like you in his life, even if you are ‘banned’ from him. It sounds like you bring sunshine to his life, and even if thats a rare occurence it may make a world of difference to him <3

Thanks for being so kind. 

I wasn’t planning to really reply (thought I REALLY appreciated hearing that), but I was in a mood tonight. I got started writing, and now it’s 2am and I’ve got this endless rambling about my relationship with my brother no one in their right mind wants to hear about. Rather than erase all that typing (and venting) I’m just going to put it safely behind a click to continue....l

Being there for him used to be one of the ways I would make myself go to my brother’s when I knew what was in store for me there. (The other was to help my parents with that construction job building the extension to my brother’s house.) I had my nephew described as “lighting up like a Christmas tree” when I showed up and that he seemed so much more engaged when I was there. I dunno how much I credit that to me, but I did feel like it was worth enduring a heavy dose of verbal abuse. 

The thing is, it has been so long since I have been able to see him I expect he has forgotten me now. I got to see him for a minute over a year ago when took Mom half way to spend time recovering from her hospitalization at their house (I’ve mentioned our living conditions...). He didn’t show any signs of recognition anymore. Yesterday Mom called me while my sister-in-law was out (Mom won’t call me when they are around to avoid ranting) and I could hear my nephew talking to himself as he played, his voice like a little bird chirping. I realized that I have never actually heard him speak in person because he was a totally non-verbal then. I’m afraid as far as he is concerned I don’t exist.

I know people wonder why I was banned from my brother’s house. “what did you do?” Saying, well the first time I was told never to come back I played a Wallace and Gromit DVD. It was so baffling how me playing it in a room alone could get him shouting I was “the most selfish bitch alive” for my choice of DVD, but there you go.

A few months later I did start going back, but that time I tried to photograph my parents beside the house extension we were putting in, and my brother thought I wastaking a photo of him andmy nephew. He hates photos being taken and threatened to smash my camera, started with the insults, called me a coward when I went into the house to get away from him rather than fight, then mocked me when I came  back out rather than wake my napping sister-in-law. I started crying (trying soooo hard not to) and he lay into me for that. I always told my parents not to defend me since it would reinforce my brother’s peculiar “you love her more” narrative and it would make him more vicious, but it made me feel extra alone as he was attacking me, all in my face and snarling like he would get. I muttered “Sometimes I could just  kill you” which was NOT meant as a real threat at all, and he knew that very well. Still he announced I was to leave or he would call the police and he could say I threatened his life.

And that was that. At first My parents and I thought it would blow over. It didn’t. We thought holidays would be an exception. They weren’t. We thought when Pop got sick he would relax about it. Nope. So that’s been that.

The thing is, it shouldn’t be a surprise. For years he’d been saying he loved Mom, loved but also hated Pop, and just hated me. I think partly Pop and are were disappointments to him, like we should be whatever fantasy he had of what we should be and if only he could bully us right we’d change. Pop and I did tend to think alive, where Mom and my brother thought a bit more alike, the basic mental wiring. But it was a way of seeing us, Mom the one who sacrificed (like about getting a PhD) to join Pop here, Pop the person working so many ambitious projects (like the submarine or the journey round the world in the boat) that never actually were finished, and me the smart sister turned utter loser (and college drop out to his multiple degrees). I knew he hated me, and maybe he was right to at least have no respect for such a pathetic creature, but I somehow had managed to believe that down deep he loved me.

You know, when he was a teenager he pointed a loaded gun to my head saying he was going to kill me, and I was totally calm about it. Part of it was the adrenaline, but part of it was a trust that while he was emotionally freaking out and might accidentally kill me, he did not really want me dead. Would I be so fearless now when I no longer trust his love is in there somewhere waiting to be talked down? I dunno.

Now, for the record, my family was NOT physically or emotionally abusive. Heck, my parents never even spanked us. We were never grounded, given time outs or bullied. While my father would break things when really upset, he NEVER, EVER hurt anyone or threatened to hurt anyone. My parents were  confused how sibling rivalry and child defiance of a father could become so monsterous. They wondered what they did wrong. The thing is, it really wasn’t entirely some failing in out part.

Amazingly my brother was an incredibly sweet child. He constantly told us he loved us, gave us drawings he made and wrote “I love you” on, hugged us, kissed us, laughed and ...  He was exactly the opposite of what he is now.

I can track it, the step by step path that led to this point.

It begins at school. When he entered first grade to be precise.

In first grade my brother got good grades, despite my parents questioning whether he was having difficulty reading. The teacher would reassure them that he was doing just fine....and then he failed first grade. When my parents wanted to know what had happened, the teacher said my brother had seemed so smart she had assumed it would work out. **sigh**

So my parents did what you would expect. They started working with my brother. They had always read to us (and I read as long as can remember) but now they started using work books, flashcards, and anything else that they thought might help. To my brother this was like being punished while I was off doing other things, and how he felt about me began to change.

Now I get this bothering him. I was bothered too. I knew my brother needed help, but I also knew they were spending all this time with him but so little with me. No one helped me with my homework, because I didn’t need it. I was “fine”, I was always “fine”. Where as my brother as a toddler would try to run (and made it once!) across highway 64 with all it’s traffic, laughing as we chased him, toddler me (when I couldn’t find my father and grandfather who were working and supposed to be watching me...the place it big) decided to walk home and famously was spotted by people carefully crossing that crazy busy highway and walking back along the side of the road. I was seen as gaving good judgement, bright, blah, blapg. Stephanie is always “fine”. 

The difference is that while I saw the attention my brother got when no one even cared what I did in school, (they even let me sign my own papers because they were busy and knew I was doing fine...I HATE that word fine!) and was unhappy, I didn’t get angry at anyone. I understood, and other than a few bouts of grumpiness at my parents wishing that they would pay atrention to me a bit. But to my brother it was different. He was angry, and most of that anger settled on me because I was “fine”, a sort of feeling he had that I must be loved more since I wasn’t the one suffering.

Then it got worse.

His second grade teacher was horrible to him. She picked on him and bullied him continually. In front of the whole damn class she would called him stupid and mock him. He was NOT stupid! He was dyslexic!

My parents had to work to persuade then to have him tested. This was not even on the radar of out hick town school in the early 1980s. They had to bring someone in to test him, and when it proved the suspicions it proved no help at all. See, the teachers had never heard of such a thing, so to them “dyslexic” meant “stupid”.   They considered kids “normal”, “smart”, or “stupid” with no nuisance at all. And that damn teacher kept at it, more intently than ever.

Worse for my relationship to him, the teacher and her aide had another angle of attack. “He’s not smart like his sister!” Do you know how horrible that is, constantly comparing a kid to another kid? In first grade my tracher had started that, telling the class “Why can’t you all be like Stephanie?” “You should try to be smart like Stephanie” Do you know what that does? It does NOT make the kids you want to change change, instead they glare at that kid you are comparing them to with pure hate. And now the little brother that had loved me, was being bludgeoned with me as a weapon. 

He didn’t tell us any of this at the time. He was far too scared of her. It slipped out bit by bit over then next few years.

One day he hid to try to avoid going to class. I found him and talked to him, trying to be reassuring and comforting. You see, I was having an awful time in school, being bullied every day. I thought, three years older than him, I understood and I was being encouraging when I was saying if I could do it I knew he could. And then I told Pop where he was.

My brother still brings this up as a huge betrayal. It is one of the worst things I ever did to him, though I did it out of love and ignorance.

So it began. My brother’s resentment and hostility. A bubbling rage began to build. He started seeing as opposite, if something was tough for him he would insist it was easy for me. To this day he insists I was popular and happy in school! It’s nuts. Mom laughs at the thought. In that one year in kindergarden I went from so outgoing I spoke to anyone to so introverted I couldn’t make eye contact or order in a restaurant. I went from normal weight to the fattest kid in the class, for the first time in my life started wetting the bed, began to jump at the sounds like someone with PTSD, and would come home crying, begging my parents to tell me why everyone hated me. I was picked on for everything including my breathing! But he didn’t remember preschool me so he didn’t know I’d changed, and he was so lost in his own pain he couldn’t see mine.

And it went like this. Now I am NOT minimizing what he went through. While I had many teachers that openly delighted whenerever I made a mistake and, bafflingly, saw me as some sort of threat, clearly what he went through with that teacher was worse.

Let me be clear again, my brother was NOT stupid! He was one of the top five students by graduation, in college he studied chemistry where he was the only undergraduate working on a project, one a national prize, and after getting his degree went right back to get a degree in computer programming. He could very well be smarter than me!

But elementary and high school were hell. For both of us, to be honest, we just manifested it differently.

 I can only imagine the constant “she’s smart, you’re not” pressure he was under. I know even as an adult his default when upset was to call himself “Stupid!” “Idiot!” Or “Moron!” No matter how often my parents and I tried to tell him otherwise, he never believed us. He was constantly tense and chewed his fingers until they bled. And behind his eyes you could see the pain and rage. He got so he would not want anyone to see him show emotions, even taking his gifts at Christmas into his room to open. He got aggressive and growly, not just in a teen boy way. He would let anyone hug him anymore, not even Mom. We wanted to hug him, we knew he needed a hug, even wanted a hug, but if you tried he’d slug you and leave a bruise. 

With me his aggression just got worse. Violent, not just slugging. Not when our parents were around, of course. Then it was just verbal.  He was disgusted by me. I’d become withdrawn more, fatter, and, as I used to say, “terminally insecure”. Maybe he couldn’t stand my increasing loser status because if I was supposed to “better” than him according to the teachers, then how terrible must he be? He needed me to be better than Inwas, just as he always blamed our parents a bit for not saving him from that teacher, despite the fact they hadn’t known at the time what was going on.

One quick point: what happened to my brother inspired Pop to run for school board right after that. He thought it was the best way to help both my brother and others like him. I think the last straw was seeing that abusive teacher won “teacher of the year” the next year. When Pop asked why they said it was because they were all sorry for her  because just before the vote she has a baby that was born with a serious birth defect. Sympathy is one thing, but “teacher of the year” for a woman that tormented my brother and changed him so completely? In one year he went from loving me to hating me, smiling to scowling, not questioning his own intelligence to never believing in it! So Pop went to the school board, became chairman, and what to you know, the way they treated my brother turned around over night (though how he felt didn’t)! But what about other kids without elected parents?

Anyway, the school years were not happy. Add my brother’s tendency to hold grudges and to lash out when hurt to the target painted on my back by the big mouthed teachers and I became his verbal, and sometimes physical, punching bag. Our parents would be working and he would go into jerk mode. Locking himself in my room to trash it. Calling me the most hurtful things he could. There are still holes in my door from a sword. (Yes, sword. We have a few...) When he would start getting rough I’d pin him, because though we did eventually end up the same height, I was bigger than him. He was skinny and I was just plain stronger. But once restrained, then what? In his rages he would snarl he would hit me when I let go, and eventually I’d have to. My dilemma was I was the big sister, the one that had always tried to protect him and never wanted to hurt him. When I was about 8 I got a blood vessel in my eye busted fighting a bully that was picking on him. I couldn’t hurt him, but when I’d let go he’d keep his promise. As my parents and I would say, he would never pull a punch.

Now my parents would try to get him to stop being such a jerk to me, but it only ever made him meaner. If they were defending me, he semed to think, that must prove they loved me more. They were working and we were on our own, but together out here on the farm, much of the time. Oddly being unsupervised had worked out great when we were little, but as we got older and the relationship got worse it was not great at all.

It’s so weird, looking at old photos. All those happy ones when were little. There isn’t a photo of me NOT smiling until I started school, and there isn’t one where he isn’t smiling and usually hugging me until that year with the teacher. Like OMG! He honestly seemed a different person. By our teenage years there are almost no photos of me smiling, and the few that show my brother smiling are rather threatening. 

We did have one powerful bonding moment one day. We just started talking, just spilling out all the horrible things and bullying we went through at school, that hell hole. We ended up sobbing and just holding each other. It was so intense I actually believed it was a breakthrough, a turning point out of the darkness. Nope. I made that mistake many times over the years.

And yeah, the gun incident happened. I survived, and between that and another incident when he nearly shot trespassers (that had permission we didn’t know about) when scared, I let my folks know I didn’t think he should be around them anymore. It was atypical for the family so it was startling, but his judgement worried me. 

But then came what was the worst turning point for many years. I dropped out of college. It would take a while to explain, but it would make me the sole non-college in the family and the source of shame. It was unforgivable sin. While my brother had given up physical violence (and never hit me again) the verbal abuse got ....unrelenting. How bad did it get? When he would drive home I would hear the car and feel a full on hyperventilate “run away!” panic attack. He’d come home from college and I’d shake at the sound of his voice. I won’t list all the things he said, but it boiled down to my worthlessness.

That said, he still would seem to love and want my company. He asked me to go on trips, like to Germany and Montreal, and despite the fact I would always swear never to travel with him again afterwards. He gave gifts that showed thought, cards, and moments of sweetness would slip out.

Still, I began to notice something else. When things were good, he was wonderful, but when things were stressful he’d get mean. 

Believe it or not, there were a few years I got my hopes up that hehad outgrown it, or worked past it or let go of that childhood rage or...something. He was great, no longer tormenting me. The only teasing was affectionate, without the cruelty. He did little kindnesses, joked, showed concern, and smiled. It was like having the little brother that had been so close to me back. Even at his wedding the two of us kept giggling uncontrollably every time we looked at each other. 

It didn’t last. It took a few years, but it started building up all over again. I expect it was the stress he was feeling with a new marriage to someone with rather set ways ,interpersonal conflict on the job, a new house he’d bought, eventually fatherhood, and the initial denial anything was wrong with the nephew followed by the difficult reality. Then there was the fact that had set in that I was no longer the fattest in the family, but he was...something else to hold against me. 

So the point is, by the time he had a lot of things eating at him. He was having health problems I worried were stress related, that certainly didn’t help his mood. And there I was, unmarried, no kid, only working with Pop not a “real” job as far as he was concerned (HA!), none of the things weighing on him. Clearly, he would assume, my life must be better. That ignores my lived reality, but he always has ignored my point of view. As far as he was concerned I’d somehow cheated. And if my parents let me get away with it, well then, they must love me more.

So he promises to make my newborn nephew hate me. He picks on my continually. When I have a breathing attack and my heart goes nuts, he says to film it if I’m dying so he can watch it over and over laughing. He refuses to help us more than five minutes on the house extension, shouting “I can’t work with you people!!” And on and on. So why did I not see this final break coming? 

He isn’t happy. Even hearing about him through Mom I can tell that. I wish I could help him, but I never could. 

What’s strange is the fact I didn’t feel relieved by the break. Not seeing him meant sparing myself the weekly emotional rollar coaster, the walking on eggshells waiting for the moment he’s have a go at me. Instead I fell apart. I used to never cry, but I started then. I’d have meltdowns over it, thinking my life had hit the lowest it could get...the loss of my brother and nephew.

Of course, Pop started getting sick almost exactly then, and six months later he was diagnosed. It’s all been down hill from there! So I guess when you think you’ve hit rock bottom it might just be a bounce along the rock face as you keep plummeting.

My brother is still furious at me, and honestly I would  apologize whether I feel I did anything wrong or not if I thought it would do any good. But I know him. If I apologize he would take it as proof he was right. He doesn’t do forgiveness, more like gloating and justification for further jerk behavior. I’m not even exactly sure what he would want me to apologize for.

I’ve tried asking Mom for advice, but he baffles her and she says there is nothing I can do. Pop couldn’t help when he was alive either, not only because he didn’t understand it but he was enduring his own continual insults from my brother. I watched Pop sit there sobbing after a phone call with my brother, while Pop was sick but not diagnosed. That makes me angrier than any of the things my brother ever did to me. Apparently, to this day my brother is angry at Pop for not finishing the extension. Well he died damn it!

 The point is, all these experts that lecture how you must go to any length to have a good relationship with your siblings, tell me how the hell I can fix this. All those years of putting up with it, trying to make peace, trying to talk, reflexively saying I was sorry, occasionally arguing back intently and generally enduring sure didn’t help........

[filmery]

Stream of Consciousness

from Iron Man

****WATCH OUT FOR LOTS OF GRAMMATICAL ERRORS****

fav marvel opener- flipping comic book pages -never read any whoops

no one is wearing black- back in black

sexist- driver woman

rdj is =iron man

peace sign kid holds- he dies so thats why tony does peace sign

"older guy cant work camera" clishe

uggggh shaky camera

why was he with the troops/ not in helicopter?

zoom into bomb fast- GREAT fast comedic moment just before sadness

he shud not have been conscious after explosion that close

WTF IS THAT UNDER HIS SHIRT WTF- IFITS ARMOR IT SHULD PROTECT HIM

al quaeda to soon

so hes steve jobs- made a frikin computer in his garage

ewww rbj with no beard- bad cgi :( cant u just shave and get over urself?

yes weapons are the key to peace hahahahahahAHAHAHAHAHAHAHhahaha

rip terrence howard as rhody

"too cool for award" cliche

"bald guy is bad" cliche

"hes always working" uhhh besides a few montages.... no he really just parties

only talks to cute girls....... uggggh

military funding? ha more like military debt ahahahahah 20 trillion is iron mans fault

jarvis is wing man after one night stand???? idve thought hed think tony was cheating lol

"girl wakes up with just guys shirt" cliche

"guy wakes up and leaves before girl wakes up" cliche

cat fight ha+2 points

literal and figurative island haha

so tony aint smart, he just uses jarvis

he obvi doesnt know how t4he faa works

i was gonna get REAL mad if tony didnt buy a painting cuz it was "too expensive" but we good

tonys a dick

yet pepper finds him attractive

ksorry

yaaaas rhody calling him a baby cuz he FING IS

im pretty sure laser shows in airplanes are illegal

"im not drinking them gets drunk" cliche

in my opinion from what ive collected, you cant be feared AND respected. fear takes over and you do things based on fear, not fromrespect - also how will blowing up people help them respect you? unless youre talking about getting respect from those u protect and those u kill cuz thats completely differeent then

"i respectfully disagree" or do you "fearfully disagree"

starts out as all techno talk, then turns into baby talk wtf

that shock wave conviently stopped right after it hit them

montage of painful surgeyr cliche

ewww that pipe in his nose as groooooooss

"dont do that but dontexplain" cliche

the dude cant understand english how did he know that tony refused????

why tf wouldnt u test it ANYWHERE BUT THE MIDDLE EAST?????

why cant they just wait and order the missile

k so this scene is srs and all but WATCHING HIM CARRYING THE CAR BATTERY IS SOOOO FuNNY I CANT

"no he wont" OK NOW U CANT UNDERSTAND U POS

"theyll never find u" cliche

why is his friend here?

how does he know how to build it? tbh he probs just had jarvis do it back home

how does the gov not know hes selling weapons to terrorists? we cant be that corrupt can we?

so hes building his ring thing but they DONT FING NOTICE THATS THERES NO MISSILES AT AlL??????

and they didnt question them the entire time

lemme peek but not go in and investigate

"i have steady hands" and then he crashes his car and LOOK! Doctro strange!

when a speech starts with a history lesson, u know its been rehearsed u poser

honestly... hot coal in mouth- worst way to die fml

props to marvel for not telling how fast theyre moving so i cant bust them for not being able to get it done

why the circle around the chest thing

wouldt one of their rules to be able to see u at all times

ctrl i is italicize hahahaha

why did the lights shut off but no the clearly hookedup laptop?

i enjoy the rock music as background music- not ur stereotypical ( yet awesome) hans zimmer score

yaaaaaas bitches run

gun shootsthen rebounds onto him- pretty sure thats not how physics work

if anyone should die, its tony tbh that whiny bithc

-2 for killing an actual good guy

how does not one of those bullets penetrate his suit?

----not enough use of the word penetreate

k no theyd keep shooting

tony: everythings on fire and im dying

ouchie that giant fall

how does he know hose helis are good?

DONT TOUCH HIS SUNBURNT AND BLISTERING SHOULDERS RHODY EWWWW

+2 for cheeseburger yas

-2 for burger king ew

doesnt sheild deal with aliens not terrorists?

newsreels? hes not THAT old

+10000 for ACCOUNTABILITY AND RESPONSIBILTY WOOOOO

k hes obvi doing the best thing here and now everyone gets pissed for him TRYING TO SAVE PEOPLES LIVES EHY IS THAT BAD?????? HE ALREADY HAS a shit otn of money LET HIM BE

fuck u and ur segway obidiah

the other thing..... dont put ur name on it

jokes on u! it was alqueade

+100 for mad money reference!!!!!

...so pepper didnt know about it so whyd he blame her for .3 seconds?

pepper is useless omg PUT YOUR HANDS IN HIS CHEST

why did he say dont take out the magnet but all of a sudden u dont need it?

i wonder if they actually built robots for tonys btterfingers

rhodeys we need pilots speech was just proven again by the aircraft landing in the hudson

so non military= humanitarian now? and if so why that bad?

honestly surprised that jarvis isnt some hot lady voice

k raza with sunglasses= morpheus

why is the mask the most vital part for raza?

tony crashing into wall is why u should ALWAYS WEAR A HELMET KIDS

obadiah is NOT playing the piano

+2 for not trusting obidiah

daaaamn if thats 1% whats 100% capacity

and he still doesnt wear a helmet

k his eye holes are so small how can he actually see?

run before walking leads to lots of problems later in life tony

at leaast he checked atc

goddammkit u made smol child drop ice cream

beginners luck

rip that baby grand he probs didnt know how to play

+2 for that fire extinguisher

+50 for Pepper being a cutie with that gift

how does tony not have his liscence revoked? hes a shit driver and can hire a chaffeur

STAN LEE BABE

RIP COLESON OMG :'(

so just fire pepper and marry her

pepper is totally right and tony should seperate who actually matter to him

how is a lot of olives 3?

im not my company- THEN TAKE UR NAME OFF HOE

no, modern day hell s walking those 15 miles and watching a car and heli and camera lady who are fine and can get there in 20 minutes

i sincerely hope that these footages were planned and not real

is this the news or a documentary?

just realized he never gave pepper her drink lol

yeah, let the kids watch their dad get shot thats fine omg

after that hit, he looks like a lion

why did he say colonel rhodes form weapons development? that name isnt that common

there was 0 time for radio contact omg

the only thing i could think during this scene was SERPENTINE SERPENTINE SERPENTINE

k now im getting a lil tired of the electric guitar

finally obi has been outted geez

im feeling some west side story WITH snaps

why is raza telling obi what he ALREADY KNOWS CUZ THEYVE BEEN IN CONTACT

how has no one noticed that obi just GOES TO THE MIDDLE EAST LIKE ALL THE TIME

this scene between pepper and tony is THE MOTHER of cliched lines

WHY DIDNT SHE SHUT DOWN THE COMPUTER STUPID WEIRDO

he tried to push his hair back hahahaHAHAHAHAHhaha

not scraps obi.... he had his own stuff

im just imagining obi hidig under toys couch haha

that dick took his shirt!!!

yaas beethoven reference

props to makeup people for his paralysis on point!

sorry but paralysis seems to me like U CANT FING MOVE TONY

i thought the old reactor needed a magnet

OF ALL THE CARS TO STEAL RHODY YOU STEAL THE AUDI

goddman all these chains

JUMP SCARE COMING HAHA I KNEW IT

-2 awful jump scare

yes middle age mom- honk at the GIANT FING ROBOT

nooo not the hydrogen powered bus!

gooood iron freezes before stainless tell

daaamn obi is a real bad shot

and radiation now floods the malibu land area and thosands are illed thanks to tonys reactor

sk glad hes corrected the mediait aint iron

coleson never briefed tham

that was longer than 90 seconds

iron man- STOP TRYING TO BE BATMAN

great ending 10/10

affter credit scene: 10/10 avengers yay

[oh-mother-of-darkness]

asks (30)

@novelty--night said: 

Can you recommend any angsty dick Grayson fanfic?

I don’t really read other people’s fanfiction, so I’m afraid the only ones I can give you are mine :/ 

Those are here: 1 2 3 4 5

You might ask Dawn for some others? I think she would know

Anonymous said: 

Hi! I absolutely love your work. Can you please say anything about Steph? Maybe interactions with the Dead Robin Society? Please? Thank you! Your blog is AMAZING!!!!

The Steph content is here:

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 (hc)

1 2 3 (fic)

I’ll go ahead and save the ask for the next time I have Steph ideas :)

Anonymous said: 

I would very much like to join your ace crime-fighting squad, but I am rather tall and not good at concealing myself should hiding be necessary. What should I do?

Hm well we do have several non combat positions available in the organizational sector if that sort of thing interests you, but our standard training program includes a week of camouflage and concealment instruction, so I’m sure we can find some way to accommodate you.

I would also note that if you meet the (single) requirement for membership, you’re already largely invisible soooo

kpopfreaksgeneral submitted: 

Something good that has happened to me

So, short story before all this: i’m 20 years old with autism, and I’ve dropped out of highschool (or i think the danish equvilant to that) when i was about 16-17, because I struggled with keeping up with homework. I was thrown around in the system for years, not getting meds, not knowing what to do.

Last year, I was told about an educations program which is targetted at young people with autism. Basically, it’s made to be suited around how fast you learn, how many hours you can work a day and how you will function most optimally when working. It’s within a certain supermarket chain’s stores that I’ll be taught working in.

So far, it’s going great, I get to work, get taught in it, do something and I’ll have a secured work place afterwards, all over Denmark as long as it’s in one of the chain’s stores.

Also, I’m back on meds, not the some one’s as before, but I got my med’s back.

That’s really great!! I’m glad things are falling into place for you!

Anonymous said: 

something good, besides the obvious of seeing u on my dash: it was really nice and sunny today for the first time in a really long time and it was so warm i laid out in the sun with my roommates dog for a bit just to hang

Ooooh that sounds really relaxing

Anonymous said: 

I got full mark and a bonus for a subject I didn't study well for.. I'm grateful and I think I should study next time so I deserve it XD

Whoop for grades coming out better than expected :)

@shieldshawk said: 

I got kissed by a dog named Sirius Black. Because the people who come to my store are awesome nerds.

!!! Congrats on living the dream

Anonymous said: 

I was on a date that had gone sour this weekend, and I was ready to go back home and call it a loss. When! My friend called me and told me she got into a study abroad program and wanted me to come over and get drunk with her! We had a great time!!!

That sounds like fun! Sorry bout your date ://

@nightwing1536 said: I watched Gordon Ramsay make donuts on YouTube today so that was pretty good

nightwing1536 said: It's awesome whenever I get new glasses cause then oh shit things are clear again!!

nightwing1536 said: Finding Teen Titans and getting into DC Comics was a great thing for me

nightwing1536 said: Once I made myself hot chocolate when I was alone and it was really nice

nightwing1536 said: A lady I don't know very well asked how I was doing once because I was sleeping in my old teachers class room that she sometimes popped into and she was worried so that was a great reminder

nightwing1536 said: I got a pair of really nice dentist people when I had to get root canals! Only two. But they were so nice as my usual dentist guys are mean.

nightwing1536 said: I'm friends with the dentist root canal people now

nightwing1536 said: Eating corn is always a good thing that happens for me

nightwing1536 said: My teachers influenced made me know I'm more than what everyone else thought of me to be. Made me like art as one once said "...your art is really unique, don't ever give up on that." It was a girl with a mole smoking a cigarette. Terrible picture that I let him have but it means a lot to me

nightwing1536 said: Another teacher, the teach I hang with that's now my old teacher, tapped on my desk when I had him first time(known him before ish from club) and he said "If you wouldn't mind drawing me something so I could put it up on my wall? Your style is very unique and I like it." Not sure what my style was besides melting creatures and whatnot but it was nice, gave it to him at the end of the year and he says its nightmare fuel <3

nightwing1536 said: Another teacher told me I was good enough to be in her AP ceramics class, simply because of my dedication to it. I had never taken ceramics before and only ever made a few things in her club. She and I aren't very close this year but I wish we could have been. I'll write her a letter, it's what I did for all my teachers before.

nightwing1536 said: In 8th grade my science teacher said I had potential, I didn't care much at the time but he was a huge inspiration for me to live and continue. He was the first teacher I ever drew anything for, a pic of himself, I remember his head was too pointed in the picture.

nightwing1536 said: Finding you was a good thing too

That’s a lot of good stuff! Thank you <3

@silly-fuzzy-babies replied

Bill Potts on Doctor Who saved my entire life

Oh man I need to catch up then!

@cannibalfood replied

Im almost done college, just have exams left then i graduate, my gpa so far is 3.7, not great, but I'm studying hard for exams

Listen I think most people would agree that 3.7 is a reaaaaally good GPA. Congratulations!

@therealstephaniebrown replied

Well! I'm going in on May 4th to get a new tattoo! A really beautiful thigh piece. I also got in to see a doctor and am starting to take better care of my mental illnesses. Three medications so far to help balance things. Oh, and my boyfriend is flying out to Cali with me to meet my family so he can finally propose to me cx I hope you're okay <3

WHOA CONGRATS!! I’m doing okay now. I wasn’t so much last night, but I’ll be fine

@freres-toujours replied

I got the new Mass Effect game when it came out and I've been slowly working my way through it. I finished off a planet today, and this one was particularly satisfying.

I’m glad you’re having fun :)

@another-nameless-person said

I’m gender neutral and was really scared when I found out I was pregnant(months ago) that my family would treat my gender identity badly but…. They’re surprisingly concerned if they are being rude in any way? My mom even offered to buy me a binder for after I have my baby? Also, they’re all excited for my baby to grow up having someone as open about gender, sexuality and equality raise them? Which is a HUUUGE step for my family. So that’s really something that is really good until next month and I finally get to see my daughter :D

HOLY SHIT YOU’RE HAVING A BABY!!!! I’M SO EXCITED FOR YOU!!! CONGRATS!

@entrthematrix replied

I have been really sick these past two weeks and have not able to stomach any food so I've been on a liquid only diet. But, I had my first bit of real food for the first time yesterday and wasn't sick after, it is a real sign that I am getting better now.

Oh man I’m glad you’re getting better! That sounds terrible

@thelittlechibi replied

We recently released one of our birds into the wild, but he keeps hanging around the house, and last night he landed on my lap out of the blue. Ruined it by having a go at my face and leaving a scratch over my eye, but it's nice to know he's still safe and chill with us.

Whoaaaa that’s super interesting

@pallet-45 replied

I met you!! Ahaha wow that was lame

Aw thanks Danny <3

@minami-the-door-lord:

I saw a stray cat. It let me pet it.

Yoooo that sounds great I would love to pet a cat today

@richardgrays0n replied

One of my best friends just had a baby! And I got to meet him and hold him. He's adorable and so tiny. So very tiny. I love him already and I'm super proud to be his honorary aunt.

!!!!!!! Y’all I love babies so much

Thanks, guys! Y’all are really kind and helpful, and I super appreciate it <3

[survivormarmoreal]

Episode #6: "My brain does not math at this hour. Stay tuned." - Sharky

I'm so sad. Everything worked out just like we thought it would but it's still not what I wanted. Charlie went home and he was actually a really good ally. I feel like I maybe could have done more to try and save him but then I would have lost other allies.

OKAY. LET'S. DISH. This swap also worked out really freakin well for me. My #1 Brian is still with me by my side. I was reunited with Dennis who is part of Four of a Kind, plus he is a challenge BEAST. Nick actually thinks I voted to save him which is not the case but made me looks like such a good ally to him, so I had to do 0 damage control. And I'm finally on a tribe with Matt who I've been wanting to work with. This is actually the best case scenario.

Welp. I knew something was happening but a swap wasnt it. Lucky i talked to Bryce earlier so he has my back. We also have Keaton and Marie but we have to see where their heads at. Nate is talking to me and right now i really like his vibe. Annebelle i havent had a chance to but wasnt able to make it so idk if they’ll be here. Hopefully we can win immunity tonight.

So we swapped. Again. AND I AM THE ONLY FUCKING OG MADIGAN ON MY TRIBE. THIS IS SOME BS. James the lil'bitch had to fucking quit over a fucking flash game so we could have MERGED but NO! I see how it is. At least I have Dennis and Brian (who i would literally DIE for) and nicole as well! Sharky is an FB ORG legend so im looking forward to getting to know him. Nick already seems dry asf so yay? Like I think I can blend in quickly with this tribe, but I am still nervous about what would happen if we merge. IDK if the FBers (its weird to me how im considered one now LOL) will team up or whether we will wither and die and I have to pull out my idol (yah i still have some sanity!) WOO TIME TO CRY AT ENDURANCE

ok well we swapped and im kind of loving it but not. like i love that maynor and nathan are here. but so is kirby! so! i miss dennis and brian seems like a legend so i wanted to play with him but oh well maybe merge if i survive! its awk this live challenge bc marie prob wont be doing it like even during the good times for her timezone KJHFADKSJDF. but! ugh dennis is gonna slay this so sad i have a good sleep schedule yikes. its fun that nicole is on the other tribe hopefully that evens it out for us having marie. annabelle hasnt spoken to me yet either so. hmmm.... maynor wants to work with me so thats GREAT love him wooh!!!

Okay we are actually working really well as a tribe on this challenge. No shade to my previous tribes but I haven't seen this much teamwork in a challenge yet this season. Feels good.

This swap was really good for me i think. And I had 2 swaps today and I was going crazy. I have now Bryce and Keaton both wanting to work with me which is good because now we atleast can make it a tie if the others dont want to work with us. I really like Nate so Im going to try and see where he’s heads at. Marie doesnt talk much and is offline. And starting to talk to Anna. I dont think we are going to win this immunity.

Matt is great. End of story.

3:51 am. Dennis, Matt, and I have really stayed up to pull this challenge together. And we are so close. This would give Brian and I a much needed break from tribal council and considering I can see myself working with all of these players I'd rather us win so I can have as many options as possible when we merge. I just need to stay up for another hour or so to get this done. Matt and Dennis have already stayed up all night to get it done. Also though in the back of my mind I'm clocking how Dennis works REALLY hard at these challenges...maybe too hard. And now I'm rambling...because it is now 3:54 am.

4:21 am. We think we have won. Unsure. My brain does not math at this hour. Stay tuned.

SO WE WON IMMUNITY WOOOO! Thank god, live tribals for some reason would make me really nervous so i am happy to be safe! hopefully the merge is soon as well, would love to get there and know i made jury (something which doesn't happen too me that often ngl) Sharky and I really hit it off last night, and i know this cause we established that Betty white is very dom but also caring about her subs. so thats a sentence you just read. If feel like even if I went to tribal, im likeable enough to make into into the majority alliance that could spring up, so I am happy with how I am playing tbh. Will it make me a threat further down the line? probs but i'll deal with that later

Can I just say that the laptop Discord is way better than mobile Discord. But catch me still using mobile discord all the time. Anyways.... It looks like the target might be Marie for tribal. TBH I really hope this tribal goes smoothly and everyone just votes for Marie. She was one and didn't help out in the challenge, as far as I could tell. Haven't seen the ones after I deadass fell asleep on my phone. Bryce and Keaton have my back so that's all that matter. Nate I have to keep an eye on because he threw my name with Marie because he didn't talk to me. (He was telling Keaton this.) I was like bruh why you lying. We literally talked for a couple of hrs after the swap before you went to bed. I'll update if there is any more spicyness. but It sucks though. Now only 2 people to have not gone to tribal is Dennis and Nicole.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vk_Ur9d_wY8&feature=youtu.be

only audio this time. Like switching it up hehe

everything is so quiet i think im going home which is super sad bc the game is pretty fun and i really wanted to work with maynor dennis and nathan somemore but oh well!!! am i a meninist? also i stan annabelle again she like kind of doesnt talk to me but when she does shes a legend league goddess. marie is so inactive that im going to vote her but i wish keaton left instead!

Hello! I am still safe and probably will remain so until merge, so.....this is fun! Lots of fun! Every time I try to contribute to a challenge I wake up and we've already won or finished it. I...is this the work ethic of Discord games? If so, I love being carried like this. Anyways, hoping that anyone who was cordial to me on my last tribe doesn't get the boot. I'm figuring Maria might go just because she has been so inactive (except that one time Keaton called her inact in the chat and she came on like AND WHAT ABOUT IT???). So anyways that's my thoughts on that. See ya at merge (?) or maybe we are gonna have another round before that.

Today is the day i go to my first tribal. Its kinda nerve wracking but also not because everyone seems to be unified to vote out Marie tonight. Its barely 11:22 am so anything can happy until 5 pm. Im just hoping nothing crazy is happening.

Okay so this day off has been really great for me. Especially since we are still expecting a merge. And we all know once merge hits the party don't stop. However, I'm really interested to see what happens with this vote. Maynor is all alone but I need him to make the merge. Aside from Brian he is my best ally. Not to mention Nathan and Annabelle want to work with me. If they go I won't be heartbroken but I could use the allies. Then there is Bryce and Marie. I have no relationship with them but in a merge situation I think Brian could pull them into something. So I guess best case scenario Keaton goes. But also as long as it's not Maynor I would have to readjust my strategy.

OK, so it's been a couple of days!  I said I'd do confessionals daily but it just doesn't work with how little is going on in the game on the winning tribe!  I know that Nicole approached Sharky for some alliance with her and Dennis, but I just... 2 people doesn't make the numbers on the tribe and Sharky will be more loyal to me as opposed to them!

I guess I didn't really talk much about the swap either because it did just happen.  Basically I got majority of my OG tribe (Nicole, Dennis, Sharky, and myself), but I also got Matt and Nick.  I ADORE Matt and so I plan on working with him in the long run of this game if possible, and I'd love to make Nick the first boot from this tribe hehe... he needs to go before he gets his hands on any more items.  He thinks Sharky was the vote against Charlie and not me, so maybe Sharky snapped, but I genuinely don't care at the moment because Nick wouldn't feed me any information like he would feed Sharky since I know Sharky's playing a good social game.  I like Nicole and Dennis but I just don't care about longterm plans with either of them.  Ideally, I'd love my endgame to be me, Sharky, Marie, Bryce, Matt, and Nathan so that I sit perfectly in the middle of people I want to work with, but I don't know if that's their ideal plans with me, soooo!! I love dis game, and I'm really glad I got this day break after my team carried my ass because I just needed some quiet time…

I like this tribe because we won the challenge.. nothing has really happened besides me talking to some people and making some stronger connections... we all see a merge being what comes next and i cant wait for it to happen.

Idk I think this tribal will go ok but people haven’t really been talking to me a whole lot on this swap so hopefully no ones lying to me and I’m getting fucked over tonight we’ll see I guess fingers crossed!!

We swapped and lost immunity and I have no idea what's happening once again. I'm gonna vote Keaton again because of his behavior and hopefully I'm not the one being voted out ugh

Marie is voted out 5-1.

[letters-to-the-people-ive-p-blog]

Trying to make sense of the past... my narc mother (I wrote this a few months ago)

From the time I was little I would be told this story. That I was a loud crying baby, annoying, never let my parents sleep unlike my little sister who was born just two years after me . She was an angel so sweet, quiet, barely made a sound when she needed anything. That she was so quiet and good that they thought she might be deft and banged pots and pans in her ears to see if she would react, if course she made a little sound but no cry like I would. You see from the time I can remember I was led to think I was the bad child and my sister was perfect and could do no wrong. They would have me sit in the front seat of the stoller and Alyssa would pull and rip my hair out of my head, and it was cute and funny. Of course i scrame and cried as hair was being torn out of mu head and i was the one told to stop. My parents would always tell this story as well. My mother and father decided to have 5 kid all about 2 years apart so I got my own room in the house that we still currently live in for maybe 3 years max since I was 2 when we moved here so I had to move into my sister's room since this is only a three bedroom 1 1/2 bath house. I had blocked alot of these memories out for years since for a time me and my sister became close but I was watching one of your videos and it all came flooding back to me. Alyssa tortured me once we moved into the same room. She use to whip me with her clothes for most of the time no reason, or if I said anything she didnt like to the point I had red marks on my body. I would run crying to my mother and without fail every time I was asked what I had done to MAKE her whip me with her clothes. I can not recall one time that she was punished for doing this, I think I would have remembered. We got bunk beds and I had to sleep on the top because "Alyssa wasn't old enough" even though I was terrified of hights. Alyssa would constantly kick me in the back from down below and thought it was funny. I would tell her to stop and I was yelled at for keeping Alyssa awake. And after telling my mom what had happen she would either just off handedly say Alyssa just stop and walk out or laugh and tell the story of how mean her sister Linda was to get and would kick her back or off Linda's bed. I'm pretty sure she told this story even before I moved rooms and planted the idea for Alyssa to kick me in the back. I also distinctly remember my mom constantly telling Alyssa that I pick on her and to stand up to me and to just hit me if I was mean to her when we were about 8 and 10. Honestly I don't remember much of my home life after that besides hiding from eveyone. When I was 9 and my little brother blaze was born the fifth kid, I was yelled at and told I wasn't supposed to do that when I just kissed my baby brother in the cheek by my dad I remember vividly running to my room bawling because I didn't understand what I had done wrong I was just trying to show my new little brother that I loved him. Anyways I ran to my room and hid under this small kids table i had in my room, was followed yelled at from under there and once my dad was done yelling and left I got a pen and wrote about what had happened on the bottom of that table. You see as that small child I had learned to do this from watching the little princess with Shirley temple as she would hide under her bed in that movie and write all the horible things that the caretakers and the girls boarding school has done to her. I fucking related to that. One of my other favorite movies as a kid was Matilda. I don't think there's much explain to do with that. But I use to pretend and try to move things with my mind like her, maybe to feel powerful like her. Also i looked alot like her when I was small, bangs, hair length and everything. I think I probably subconsciously wanted a miss honey in my life to save me from my home life. I can't remember a time where my parents didn't fight, I just don't. I'm not sure they have ever been happy together and from the information I've gathered from my grandparents and one of my dad's brothers my mom has been clearly a Manipulator from the start. And since identifying that my mother is most likely a narcissist and explaining it to my grandpa and uncle they both seemed relieved to understand almost as much as I was on what the hell has been going on with my mother, her actions, and the way she's been treating people. Anyways like I said before my mom and dad have always fought. Loud boisterous and everyone to hear. It is always started by my mother she'll say something such as why are you watching that stupid tv show why don't you do the dishes or laundry for once to my father who has just come home from working a 10 to 12 hour work day and finally gotten to sit down. He loves learning so he offten puts on the science or history channel to relax and all of us kids love watching it too. It's like there can't ever be a moment of peace. There always has to be something wrong or her life is soooo hard, ect. He typically is just confused at this statement and asks why she would ask him such a thing for the reason stated before but she always pushed his buttons to the point that it explodes into a huge fight. And usually ends up with my mom storming off to her bedroom and pouting. She does this to most the kids as well but in occasion if she's feeling extra dramatic she will leave her door wide open pack a bag scream and threaten to leave with a small child clinging to her begging her not to go to the point of crying where you dry heave. She would do this with me and I was that small child for a very long time till I learned that it was all for show and that she would never leave. As a kid into my teens and even now since I was labeled the bad kid in steps I figured I would do whatever I wanted because no matter how hard I tried I was never good enough. This was blatantly clear to me and emphasised even more so with my indoctrination/ brainwashing from the moment I was born by the Mormon church. If I didn't think the way they did I would never end up in the highest kingdom of heaven and I could never go and visit my family they would have to come and see me and they would be very sad or I would end up in outer darkness witch is basically hell. This is frightening to a child and if you're already being told no matter what you do you're wrong at home it felt for a long time that there was no hope for me. Good thing I'm stubborn and question everything. I pissed alot of teacher at that church for asking questions about things that didn't make sense. Also Im so glad I found a passion for reading and learning about new things because that what has saved me on so many accounts.