#and im like this is stressful for me and the cats and the dog the fact that your doing this construction this weekend
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Words can not describe the feelings I have about Chu Wanning
#you know the drawing of a person shaking the character in their jaw like a feral dog of some kind?#thats me with chu wanning but im holding him softly in my arms#but i cannot stress enough that its with the same energy as the feral person aforementioned#chu wanning#2ha#2ha fanart#erha he ta de bai mao shizun#erha fanart#erha#the husky and his white cat shizun
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if my parents keep talking to me im going to (remembers that suicide jokes are bad for mental health) go outside and dig a hole to narnia
#borbtalks#'borb u got a letter from vsp. why are you paying for vsp. i dont think u need it bc of xyz. oh you're getting mail from y insurance?#they're a good company. im also covered under them. are they cheaper than ur previous one? they must be. did u know medicare has a page#online where u can compare all the plans? well did you? ik you've been on medicare longer than me but idk if you knew :/#sooo do u have a valid drivers license? oh when did u get it renewed? when does it expire? we were looking at car insurance earlier...#oh btw when are they gonna reevaluate u for disability? do u know? when did they last reevaluate u? when do they reevaluate others?#ANYWAY. what if i brought over x's dog. the dog that stresses ur cats out so much that they puke everywhere and spend all day hiding :)#wdym it'll stress [cat] out. what if he. didn't get stressed? :)'#like SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP#cant even walk into the bathroom without her trying to talk to me. can't make dinner w/o her trying to talk to me#and of course im the bad guy in telling her not to stress the cat out#just by saying 'vet says he's not supposed to get stressed out. he's at a higher risk for blockage if he does#which will KILL him.'#same woman who sat next to me while i was the phone w/ the phone company. petting the cat and whispering 'oh borb abuses u doesn't he?#maybe ill just steal you away one day. keep u away from borb. oh yes borb treats u oh so horribly.'#and my dad. sitting on the other side of me. said absolutely nothing.#i get it. im the family's designated fuck up!! the designated brat !!!! and no one gives a shit if my feelings get hurt !!!!!!!#i swear. my mother could smack me and everyone would rush to her side and comfort her stinging hand
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The dog I've been sitting for in the haunted house is the most neurotic dog I've dealt with, which is really saying something. She's not bad but she IS completely bonkers. And she's not a rescue! Same owners her whole life. How do people fuck up an animal's brain this hard?
The only thing I've seen even close was a rescue dog adopted during covid lockdown who then didn't understand what other dogs are and had crazy separation anxiety.
#i feel like this is what it was like to deal with me after my parents failed to teach me anything about being human#like this dog ONLY exists to glom onto people and that makes me sad for her#she has no idea how to dog#and can't be out of sight of a person without losing it#idk the longer i pet sit the more i see the hows and whys of fucked up animals#and it's.......#it's always a human's fault in my experience#i guess bc im seeing dogs whose families care about them enough to get a sitter#but idk why it's assumed by americans that we magically know what's good for dogs even though most of us know very little about animals#i feel sadder and sadder for dogs with no toys#dogs who don't take walks or ONLY take walks and never get to be off leash#dogs who sit in an empty room all day with nothing to do#i understand the impulse to have a smart little animal who loves you#but shit they're too smart to be ignored all the time without going a little bonkers#i legit go and buy chews and toys w my own money when i see a client's dog is bored#and it invariably makes the dog better to deal with#IDK YALL IM STRESSED ABOUT PETS#i know they're not the same but people should get cats instead they're better at entertaining themselves
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It's always really annoying to me when I'm trying to just watch cute videos of cats and dogs being silly and people are throwing in clips of cats/dogs being in clear distress or being intentionally frightened for laughs
Like yeah it might sound like that cat is saying funny words, cursing, or slurs, but that is a very obviously upset and puffed up kitty who's terrified of something so that just makes the video way less "funny" since it's not funny seeing an animal in such high levels of distress
It might seem "silly" for a dog with such a tough reputation like a German Shepherd or a Boxer to run away screaming and whining from a silly mask or costume but that's a genuine fear response and they don't understand what they're looking at is just a costume and won't hurt them so for that split second they are in full fight or flight mode
This also applies to videos of people harassing livestock animals, exotic pets, and wildlife
Can we please just stop making videos of animals in visible terror or discomfort and calling them "funny" or intentionally scaring animals because their reactions might come off as "funny" for some people?
Thanksies
#dont mind me bitching again i just hate this so much#like no karen its not funny to shove a fake cat toward your obviously distressed pet cat to make them puff up and make “funny noises”#this doesnt apply to people who were just filming animals and the animal accidentally startles itself or something#im talking about the people who put on those fake cat masks and keep getting closer and closer to their cat even when the cat looks#extremely visibly afraid#or when someone sneaks up on their dog or tries to “prank” their dog#or when you can tell something is stressing out an animal but instead of helping or leaving the animal alone someone whips out a camera#and records the animal in clear distress#getting like right up in their face too#but yeah thats my complaining done for the day lol
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BREAKING NEWS i said yeah on the phone and rascal meowed back at me from across the room hehe
#ALSO. PARENTS JUST INFORMED ME WE MAY BE ADOPTING/FOSTERING A DOG#IT'S SUPER SHORT NOTICE BC HE'S A SHELTER GUY AND HE'S SET TO BE EUTHANIZED SOON#IM. FREAKING OUT I WANNA MEET HIM SO BAD I WANT THE DETAILS BUT IM ON CAMPUS RN#8 MONTH OLD SHEPHERD MIX (not sure what kind of shepherd but ig probably german?). IM COMIN TO GET YOU#this may mess with my 'what if we got a cat after my senior dogs are gone' idea but. but oupy dog#god i love dogs so much uaughhh.... im getting my hopes up so much you guys don't even know#i mean they wouldn't tell us only to say no right#update they are going to meet him + tomorrow we'll bring our dogs and the whole family to meet him#assuming my mom's allergies don't act up around him#but he looks and seems so sweet and goofy and weirdly gentle which is good bc sometimes shepherds can be a bit rough#and that's also good bc like. we have two senior dogs and we don't want him to stress them out or injure them by being a puppy all over them#one of the shelter videos respectfully pans away as he squats to take a shit which is very charming to me#but yeah i really really hope it works out bc like. he seems like such a guy + i love animals So So Much + i don't think anyone else would#swoop in in time if we don't. our shelter is perpetually full and they're a kill shelter#and im choosing not to think about the possibility of us not at least fostering him for the time being#bc i need to keep working and thinking I Killed This Dog By Not Somehow Forcing My Parents Into It is not going to help that#and i have no reason to believe it Will go wrong. all signs point to good atm so im going to trust that#even if it means i eventually get charlie brown footballed by my dogs hating him or something
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new icon time bc the moment we hit double digits on the halloween countdown my brain genuinely straight up forgot it was still summer
#*changes my icon and immediately forgets so I get jumpscared every time I use hold to rb on mobile*#oh yeah and here’s this funky guy. haven’t posted him before#he exists bc my hand shook in the wrong direction when messing around with a completely different Weird Cat concept and I went o shit that’s#better actually#my art?#my oc art#character art#original character#oc art#furry#character design#ignore that this draft is almost three weeks old just don’t even worry abt it#life is. hahahaahaha. so much rn my summer has been Dog and Constant Stress and art is just. not able to be a priority rn#so ofc I have many ideas :’) someday im gonna be able to do things just bc i feel like it for more than five minutes again. someday#i do have like 4? i think? finished pcs of Bear Art from the past few months that i might post for fbw let me know if you want that perhaps#but that’s not for another month or two I think? i should know that im sorry brooks falls bearcam i have failed :(#there’s some stuff in the drafts i forgot I didn’t post too actually#maybe I’ll get around to that with my. very minimal free time the next couple of days (<- probably won’t)#on that note#if you commissioned something from me and I haven’t posted it pls don’t be sad i am simply attempting to survive the summer#my brain is not good in hot weather under the best of circumstances and this has not been those#I Do plan to post them they just take more brain than like. this quick silly doodle for myself to draft out#i know ppl probably are not worried i am simply. afraid.#anyways. look a creature
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ok so i get my cat in the morning right and im kind of nervous cus we have a dog thats been unfriendly to both of our other dogs but shes just a little bulldog whos blind and the others are labs so were not as worried because they dont seem interested in fighting her she just has small dog syndrome but im scared with the cat because our bulldogs so much bigger than her and ik she'll be mean but im just hoping she has no interest in cats. oh also my parents have no idea im bringing this cat home...but i move out in a year sooo like itll only be at their house for a little plus the little guy has no where to go and shes so sweet i cant just leave her. if anyone has tips on how to introduce her to my dog (and parents...) it be greatly appreciated:)))))
#cats#im STRESSING#also cats name is cosmo and evil bulldogs name is oly lol#and two labs are clyde and shiloh in case anyone was wondering#well technically shilohs only half lab (labradoodle) but clydes fully black lab#plus shilohs not here all the time cus shes my sisters#so im not worried about her and cosmo and shiloh lives with a cat so im not concerned#im gonna get murdered i just know it#but just like what happened with my fish and my sister's dog I know my parents will soon love it#hopefully#me
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i think more ppl need to understand that cats are an invasive species. that is why you keep them inside, because 99% of places they are invasive. god i hate outdoor cats
#theres a feral cat on my property and it stresses me out#we find them in our raccoon traps all the time#we have dogs that will kill them and we are in a wooded area#there are coyotes out here that will kill them#with the influx in cats my rabbits are gone#we spent like 3 years developing rabbit habitat here and they came for like 3 years and now they are gone#i see dead cats on the roads around my house all the time#the reality of outdoor cats is actually animal abuse#and unnecessary death#sterilize your cats and keep them inside#outdoor cats#im not even a cat hater i love cats#i just really wish ppl would maintain their pets properly
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GRRRRR I HATE IT HERE I HATE LIVING WITH MY DAD AND STEPMOM IT'S THE WORST!!!!! I AM FUCKING MISERABLE.
#weed screams#i just wanna snap and yell at them for traumatizing me. I'm so angry. I'm so pissed that I've had to deal with so much bullshit here#I've only been here a week after moving out of the apartment i shared with my brother and I'm already going insane again#i have to buy my own food despite there being plenty in the house. I'm not allowed to bring dishes to my room even for just a few minutes.#there's two large excitable not well trained dogs that bite and scratch me#the cats in the house have to hide in the basement all day (to avoid the dogs) and i feel so bad for them#i feel like im the only one who actually tries to relate to my stepsister. i feel bad knowing she has to stay here too.#my stepmom makes rules without TELLING ME. and then gets all bothered when i don't automatically pick up on em#and the wifi sucks shit so i can't play splatoon#i can't wait to move to New York i just have to wait a little bit longer#enduring the horrors once more till i can escape to the big city#this living situation is both infuriating and saddening. there is NO REASON to justify how stressful it is to be here.#like. when i moved out of this place the first time my mental health improved so suddenly my therapist said i didn't need to see him anymore#that's not a fucking coincidence. my stress and anxiety has a root source and it's this hellhole of a house.
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i am just a small dog girlie and they are my best friends. i love them sm
#I LOVE LARGE DOGS AN EQUAL AMOUNT TO BE QUITE HONEST.. but i feel thats not super unpopular so i talk abt small dogs more#bc i need them 2 know I am with them when other ppl call them ugly or yappy or annoying#or aggressive i hate it when ppl label small dogs as aggressive when its like. Thats bc ppl dont train their dogs#and the dogs are very territorial andanxious and untrained#bc its 'funny'when a small dog is stressed out. eff etc my lecrure i do everytime i start thinkin bout dogs#but yss.. i fr just love dogs#ABD CATS I LOVE CATS TOO!!! i dont believe in the dichotomy i think theyre both good animals. and good for different ppl#abd its finr to have preferences but i hatee the whole like EWWWW CAT OWNER CAT MEAN SND EVIL!! and EWEW DOG OWNER DOG LOUD SND SNNOYING#like ok. whatever dude. what if we just loved our animals. and took care of them. yk. what if the world was made of pudding#and we all were like I personally wouldnt want to have a cat but i think its nice that you have one and that that makes you happy :] yk...#isnt there enough HATE and VIOLENCE in this world!!!#sry guys im waiting for my headphones to charge for my beddybye time so im just talkin. yk how it is#but yas. i love small dogs i love large dogs i get certain critiques for each.. and im glad that ppl are able to say I wouldnt be able to#live with or properly take care of this type of dog. i think thats a good thing#i just wish ppl wouldnt like. blame the dog. for being a dog#yk . idk.. they r our friends guys..#ik irs like. Overly sensitive but seeing ppl call dogs stupid or ugly makes me so sad sometimes#bc like they fr cannot help it whatsoever. we literally bred them to look these ways#i think its fine to be like This dog is sort of silly looking bc i do that. some dogs just are very silly looking#but idk.. no need 2 be hateful. they r all gods creatures Grins..#but anywaysbyas sry j rambled. i talk more abt small dogs even tho i love all dogs mainly bc ot THE HATERS! and also bc well famously my#favourite dog breed is the quintessential small dog. EL WAWA !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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like. we’re on the rez. even if you think my cats will stick to the house (they dont. our one neighbor has constantly seen both of my cats on her porch) that doesn’t mean nothing else will get near the house. a half blind rottweiler is not that great a guard
#ive seen coyotes raccoons and other wild dogs wander nearby.#even if said rottie scares most off doesn’t mean he gets everything plus it just makes my cats bolt if theyre outside and i cant do anything#cause im at work when this happens!!!#i learn of these instances from my brother because he’s the one getting them back inside#im losing hair and the skin around my nails from picking and pulling out of stress i just want to know my babies are safe#and it feels like no one cares!!!! bc how dare i ask them to slightly modify routine#to keep some of the most valuable things to me safe#slush.text
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Ignore me :)
#me: breathless#then-me: breathless enough for my lungs to be painful for almost an hour#*bringing up the fuck you enough to telly parents: ENOUGH/ bc i gave them 4 hours of my saturday*#gave them all the energu of my weekend#till my body was shaking#sacrificed cleaning my apartment which is NEEDED#sacrificed resting Which i desperately needed#bc ofc i do that when my parents demand bc no is not a word my paeents undersyand or acvept#so whhen i twll them: i cant do this anymore my fucking lungs hurt a moment ago just before i waljed the dog for you that youre dogsitting#they're also acting theyre doing ME a favor by dogsittiing the dog??? like what#and im like this is stressful for me and the cats and the dog the fact that your doing this construction this weekend#and also this already took longer than they said whichh was expected bc you can never trust what they say#it was already more than they said it would be#and i was like i cqnt#and my fatther was like: can you just help lift this one last thing thats like 5x your weight 3m high bc we cant do it alone#and i was like.... i can try but i cant guarantee i'll make it far#...bc i am willing to be buried by a metal bar doing what my father wants bc he's an idiot who doesn't care#my mother than mentioned it's all unsafe and she's not playing along esp bc of my father's conditions and bc my sister and she are generall#y not as strong as me#and i was like you right i would never risk any of you get struck down by the bar so i won't risk trying to lift the bar and falter bc#my lungs give out on mr#i would riisk myself#and it seems like everyone is fine with my lungs taking a toll#thats just this family#i realized the other day that there was not one situation where i was evver comforted by my mother#that's..#not normal is it?#i've held her when she sobbed more than once and had to soothe her but she's never been a comfort to me#i've never been held when i was breaking or scared#i was just sent to school and pushed to keep going past my boundaries bc oh you're so sensistive :)) so yeah thats fun
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Having a "there is not enough enrichment in my cage and I'm about the gnaw the arm off the keeper" kind of day. Combined with stress and anxiety and the week being busy and new changes in the household coming Monday and I'm proud of myself for not actually biting someone or bursting into stressed out tears today
#quilleth in real life#we're getting a new doggo mo day (barring anything bad happening between now and then or it like hating us on sight)#which isnt a bad thing! but its a change and im worried about how the cats will do especially Freya wirh her kidneys#and we're going to nyc Saturday to got to the met which again not a bad thing! and was scheduled weeks ago!#but theres like no time between that and being put late 3 dyas this week to like...chill. and get things in order#and like come to terms with the changes#and also we're getting the dog for my husband but ill be alone with it for most of the first month because I work remotely then#and that stresses me out because i have things i need to get done but I have to watch the puppy#and tbh if it were just me i wouldnt have dogs because dogs confuse me. im much better with cats#but idk. husband wasnt doing well with losing our old dog so idk :/
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love living in a house with a younger brother who’s first reaction to something minor (his phone dying mid facetime call with his girlfriend) is physical and verbal anger. like slamming closed the recliner he was in, yelling fuck, throwing his keys into the seat, i think he kicked his desk when he got into his room and continued to yell fuck and stomp around. just….. love it (grinding teeth)
#wes babbles#it’s not anger directed at me i know but it’s scary and startling and i hate it because i still have bad reactions to that sort of behavior#because my old ex roommate did that and she made me physically jump and flinch and almost cry at slamming doors#i can feel my back clenching up hard#also he was just facetiming in front of me on speakerphone with his girlfriend?#who sounds like she’s going through a tough emotional moment and like. i’ve been listening to her crying for the past 30 minutes.#i just want to lay down in my bed and relax#but i was woken up this morning after four hours of sleep by everyone being stressed as fuck and yelling at the dog#because he had scratched his eye accidentally and was bleeding and so then it was an hour of me trying to take care of him#straining my shoulders and back from holding him still before my younger brother came back with pain meds and a cone for him#but i’ve been sitting upright on the couch all day and i’m fucking exhausted#yesterday was so long and then today was even longer it felt like#and my younger brother came home early because he was too sick to do football practice#and then he asked me to get him food. so. i’ve just been having a rough day#i tried to get through an introductory video for my online classes but i was in too much pain at the moment#so im just. ough. i just want to lay down#and now im gonna have to take care of his dish because he left it out and now the cats are eating off it#just. oof#i’ll probably delete this so. don’t pay attention i just needed to vent
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Ok but why is it that I can't go even one fucking day in this house without seeing at least one spider all up in my stuff??
It's not just gross, it's horrifying. I'm incredibly arachnophobic, just thinking about it makes me itchy and uncomfortable. BLEH.
WHY WONT THEY FUCKING LEAVE ME ALONE ?!?!?
#theyre always upstairs#which is unfortunately all mine#this is reason number two that two story houses aint for me#every summer its like a god damn spider fest up here#not only that but literally any bug#stink bugs ants flies silver fish pincher bugs every spider thats ever lived#lady bugs have made a visit or two before but i dont mind that#or the silver fish or pincher bugs really#everything else makes me want to scream pull my hair out and burn this fucker down#(only once mom me the cats dog and all our possessions are safe and sound tho of course)#i feel like ive seen the most spiders ive ever seen in life just in the past 3 summers weve been here#seriously reedick#i even get super panicky and emotional during this time bc its like theres nothing i can do#no matter what theyre always here they always find a way in if they werent here already#i fucking hate it#im so stressed#no sleep for me tonight#that last one was right above my bed and i only noticed it when i turned around and it was big and gross#how long was it even in this room?!#was it IN MY BED?!#im nauseous#i hate it here#but my current coping mechanisms are contributing to the unfortunate fact that its guna be difficult to move#cope now bc stress is now or stres now maybe feel better later?#ive never been good with the whole concept of doing things over time for improvement or going thru tough times knowing good awaits#ive missed a lot of life lessons#or didnt pay attention clearly#this has become a very weird post so ill stfu now (not that anyone cares or reads the dumb shit i write anyways)#personal#thoughts
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Sighhhh if i didnt have pets living at my dads house i'd go non contact/low contact with my family
#getting my dog to live with me full time would be easy#id have very little space because i live in a tiny ass apartment#but getting my cat from my dad would be difficult because he likes her. and makes up any stupid fucking excuse to keep her#sometimes i honestly think about rehoming my dog. because i know my dad doesnt want to keep her#and as i said i live in a small apartment. i love her but i have no privacy and i just. have so little energy for a dog#and it sucks because shes very dear to me. i just dont know if keeping her makes any sense.#if she was rehomed i could still at least visit her... id feel like the worst owner ever but at least i wouldnt have to stress about her#i feel like shit about all this. i just want to be low contact or no contact with my family. im so tired of being a disappointment#i have no idea what i should do. i know that keeping a dog at my apartment WHILE no contact restricts me from ever really going anywhere#with a cat its easier. i guess ill just. try for a while to live with my dog. and if it doesnt work ill just have to rehome her#id probably gotta give her back to her breeder#and it scares me. i know i got this dog when i was 15 and a kid and had no idea about what future would hold#but i feel like she'd just be mad at me#i dont know!!!!!!#i just want to be without being constantly judged by my family
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