#so whhen i twll them: i cant do this anymore my fucking lungs hurt a moment ago just before i waljed the dog for you that youre dogsitting
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#me: breathless#then-me: breathless enough for my lungs to be painful for almost an hour#*bringing up the fuck you enough to telly parents: ENOUGH/ bc i gave them 4 hours of my saturday*#gave them all the energu of my weekend#till my body was shaking#sacrificed cleaning my apartment which is NEEDED#sacrificed resting Which i desperately needed#bc ofc i do that when my parents demand bc no is not a word my paeents undersyand or acvept#so whhen i twll them: i cant do this anymore my fucking lungs hurt a moment ago just before i waljed the dog for you that youre dogsitting#they're also acting theyre doing ME a favor by dogsittiing the dog??? like what#and im like this is stressful for me and the cats and the dog the fact that your doing this construction this weekend#and also this already took longer than they said whichh was expected bc you can never trust what they say#it was already more than they said it would be#and i was like i cqnt#and my fatther was like: can you just help lift this one last thing thats like 5x your weight 3m high bc we cant do it alone#and i was like.... i can try but i cant guarantee i'll make it far#...bc i am willing to be buried by a metal bar doing what my father wants bc he's an idiot who doesn't care#my mother than mentioned it's all unsafe and she's not playing along esp bc of my father's conditions and bc my sister and she are generall#y not as strong as me#and i was like you right i would never risk any of you get struck down by the bar so i won't risk trying to lift the bar and falter bc#my lungs give out on mr#i would riisk myself#and it seems like everyone is fine with my lungs taking a toll#thats just this family#i realized the other day that there was not one situation where i was evver comforted by my mother#that's..#not normal is it?#i've held her when she sobbed more than once and had to soothe her but she's never been a comfort to me#i've never been held when i was breaking or scared#i was just sent to school and pushed to keep going past my boundaries bc oh you're so sensistive :)) so yeah thats fun
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