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mytheoristavenue · 2 years

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ST Kas!Eddie Munson x Reader 🍋- Pulling your Strings {Kinktober #3}

Summary: After awakening alone in the Upside Down, and learning to thrive there, Eddie returns to Hawkins in search of you, aiming to make you pay for abandoning him.

Warnings: Vampire!Eddie, smut, MDNI, yandere!Eddie, very slight noncon at the beginning, blood, cum eating, mentions of depression, oral (f receiving), shower sex, not my best work tbh 😅

The world in which you stood was cold, too much so for human inhabitation, but one could have easily been fooled by the rusty hue of the air, in which hellish creature flourished as they took wing. You could faintly hear distorted music from the distance, heavy metal, if you hadn't known any better. Curiously, you drew closer to the sound, being able to just barely make out a figure standing atop a some type of portable structure, a tornado of organisms surrounding him. The noise was most certainly emanating from whoever it was, but as you walked, you began to notice that, no matter how much ground you covered, you were unable to make any progress toward the scene.

You began to feel as if the were strings attached to your limbs, and that you weren't actually running, but floating, and lacking any grace at that. Glancing up, befuddled, you found yourself attached to wire that ended at a cross brace, with a ringed hand controlling your movements.

"Master of puppets, I'm pulling your strings." bellowed a voice, and almost a sing-song tone.

"Let me go!" you protested, struggling to sever your binds, finding it impossible, and only burning your fingers in the process. "Whoever you are, just please, leave me alone!"

"(Y/N)..." the stranger chuckled, dribbling their hand and making you tumble to the cracked and irritated ground, before harshly hoisting you back up. "(Y/N)." It called again, this time sternly, before doing so once more, with panic and urgency. The final toll also sounded less matured, your name being punctuated with a cracked, pubescent flare.

Your eyes snapped wide, accompanied by a painful gasp as sharp air invaded your lungs. "Dustin?" you realized, pale in the face. The boy sat beside you, Steve standing behind him, and you found yourself laying on a couch, most likely in the home of the former.

"Nightmares again?" the later asked, concerned, with calming hand on your shoulder. You nodded tiredly, sitting up more on the furniture, and pressing a hand to your temple.

"Here," Dustin said knowingly with knitted brows, holding out his hands to offer a few dusty white pills and a glass of water. "For the headache." You thanked him, before taking both and consuming the medicine with a sigh. "It's getting late," he mentioned, flashing you a glance of his digital watch. "Maybe you should just stay the night again, I bet my mom won't mind." he suggested, but you politely declined.

"No thank you, I can't keep putting you guys out. I can sleep on my own." you responded, still rubbing your temple, occasionally stretching your tired arms. "Steve, would you mind giving me a lift?" The man nodded wordlessly, grabbing his keys and cocking his head toward the door. You bid the Hendersons farewell and promised the young to return the next day.

The road home was filled with stolen glances on Steve's end and you pretended not to notice, simply keeping your gaze on the passing trees. "Look, (Y/N), I think it's time we talk about-"

"I'm fine." you interjected. "I don't need to talk about it."

The truth was, nearly a month had gone by since Eddie's passing and everyone seemed to be healing, everyone apart from you. Robin was busy with her new girlfriend, Nancy was busy with enrolling herself and Jonathan in her their dream college, Steve had been able to even go on a few successful dates. Hell, even the Hopper-Byers family was beginning to move on. The city was mending the cracks in the foundation, and life was beginning anew. But for you, every time you closed your eyes, you were back in that hell, the wrong side of Hawkins, being tormented by your guilt.

You were looking for someone to blame, someone to be angry with, someone to forgive. No matter how you looked at it, you couldn't rationalize leaving Eddie there to rot. The others should have passed him by was they were coming back through the trailer, they could have carried him. Nancy shouldn't have left you in charge of Max and the Sinclairs. Then you could have been there to fight off the bats. Eddie shouldn't have gone back, he should have just run.

Reaching your home, you nonverbally exited the car, ignoring Steve's attempts to get your attention. You just wanted to go back to sleep, even if it meant suffering through nightmares. You had long since lost the energy or will power to do anything else.

------

You thrashed among stale bed sheets, stuck somewhere between cognizance and a bad dream. Erecting with a frustrated grunt, you reached over to your bedside table to rummage for a well used bottle of sleep aid and a half empty water bottle. After throwing the pills back, you scanned your darkened room, allowing the mess and clutter to seep into your consciousness. You noted that you should clean tomorrow, though, part of you knew that wouldn't happen.

Sighing, you laid back down on your left side, facing the wall, and closed your eyes, begging to drift off, and at some point you must have.

"Why did you leave me there?" You shot out of your position, eyes straining to search the abyss for signs of life. Did you really just hear that, or was it the beginning of a dream? You noticed a dreadful stench wafting in the air, like rot, and promised yourself to tidy up in the morning, before laying your head back down. "(Y/N)..." the siren called again, making you freeze. Before you had a moment to react, a mass hovering over you, chilling breath hitting your face in an angry pattern as it screamed in a distorted manner. "ANSWER ME."

This had to be a dream, or a hallucination, maybe a side effect of the medication. "You're not real," you breathed, terror eating you up. "Y-You're just a figment of my imagination. A result of my t-trauma." you reasoned. The school counselor told you that this could happen, and that if you could convince yourself that you were in control, you would be, and it would go away.

"Your trauma...?" the entity croaked. Suddenly, you felt a strong grip around your throat, claws threatening to sink into your supple skin, yet you persisted.

"It's just a dream," you told yourself, eyes screwed shut. "Just a fucked up memory of something that never happened." You were beginning to feel a bit dizzy, as if you if you were actually starting to suffocate, and instinctually, your raised your hands to try and defend against your attacker. As you skin reached their wrist, your blood ran cold. You weren't supposed to be able to to touch a hallucination. You cautiously ran your fingers up the void's arm, feeling a stiff fabric beneath, possible a sleeve cuffed with...chains. You became much more in tune with the scene unfolding around you as your vision darkened that much more. You could feel what you presumed to be hair tickling your face and adornments on the hand that strangled you.

"E-Eddie?" you suddenly asked, more in a beg, and the entity's grip loosened substantially. "Eddie is it really you...?" You felt the weight he held onto your lighten slightly as he allowed your hand to shakily travel to your nightstand to find the switch to your lamp. Flicking it on, you fell still at the sight before you; Eddie Munson, disfigured and battle torn, bleeding all over your sheets. His eyes no longer held that milk chocolate warmth you once adored, and in fact, had no color at all, simply a pair of onyx marbles following your every movement. You could see that his wounds from the previous month's events, the ones Dustin had informed you of were still wet and untended to.

"It's me," he finally said carefully, before feeling anger bubble in his chest again. "Now, answer my question. Why didn't you come back for me?"

You felt tears slip down your cheeks. "Eddie, I tried! The gate was closed, I didn't even know what happened until the others came back without you, I'm so sorry!" you sobbed, desperately grabbing for his jacket, to which he harshly pushed you away.

His cold eyes bored into yours as he looked you over. "You left me to die, (Y/N). I thought you cared about me."

"I do, Eddie, you have to believe me!" you plead. "I hate Nancy for sending me with Max instead of you, I hate myself for listening to her stupid plan!" you raved. "I hate everyone! I hate Robin for not letting me go back for you, and I hate Steve for refusing to bring you with them on their way out! I hate Dustin for hurting himself to try to get to you instead of running for help, and I hate Mike for not being there at all!" you paused to take in a shaky breath, engulfed in this raw emotion, before continuing, wiping tears from your eyes. "I hate Max and Lucas and Erica for needing me more than you did, but most of all..." You wept into his chest as he hesitantly closed his arms around you. "Most of all, I hate you..."

"Me...?" he mumbled, dumbfounded. All this time, he'd carried such distain for you, but he never thought you'd hold it for him too.

"I hate you for not running." you sniffled. "You didn't need to be a hero, everything would have gone fine if you did. And it didn't matter anyways, we still lost. Vecna still got to Max, and now she's in a coma she may never wake up from. Dustin broke his his leg trying to save you, and it's your fault." you rambled coldly, before gazing up at him. "You're death meant nothing, and all you did was hurt us."

As your adrenaline began to wear off, you realized you never thought you'd get the chance to say the words you just did. It felt nice to have closure, to be able to stop worshipping the idea of having Eddie back, and instead, make him understand the consequences of his actions. "So yeah," you muttered, pushing away from him. "I guess we did leave you there to die, but you put yourself there, and that was pretty selfish of you."

For the first time in a month, Eddie felt something that wasn't resentment. He felt...ashamed? But why? He died a hero, didn't he? It was at that moment, he became aware of his surroundings. Your bedroom was littered with dirty clothes, molded food and drink that you'd long since neglected to take to the kitchen. There was a vase of dead flowers on your dresser, ones that he'd recognized as the ones he'd given you before spring break, and now that the lamp illuminated you, he could see that your clothes with stained and worn many times over, and that your hair was coated in a layer of grease. That didn't make any sense, you had always been so tidy, why were you living in such filth? Was this...his fault?

"(Y/N)...when was the last time you showered?" he asked suddenly, making you fluster angrily.

"Why the hell does that matter, weren't you going to kill me anyways?" you barked back. "Besides, at least I don't have month long abrasions on my body."

-----

"Just take off your shirt so I can get you cleaned up." you huffed at him as he sat on the closed lid of your toilet. Reluctantly, Eddie began pulling various articles off himself, starting with the bandana that he'd once tied around his head to prepare for combat, following with his shirt. You timidly looked away as he pulled his shredded club shirt over his head, mess of coffee curls falling over his skin as he did.

You gingerly dabbed a few scrapes with a damp rag, preparing for him to wince, but to your surprise, he kept still. "Does that hurt?" you asked quietly, as not to alert your parents sleeping a few walls away.

"Nothing hurts anymore," he answered cryptically, staring ahead at nothing in particular. "'Cept the mental stuff." A beat of silence passed between you as to processed what he'd said.

"If that's the case, I think you should just shower. It'll be quicker that way, and I can wash your clothes during." you suggested, resisting studying his physique.

He nodded in agreeance. "Okay, but you gotta shower too, You smell like shit." he smiled a bit.

"And you smell like a busted freezer full of meat." you quipped, reaching on your toes for a few towels from the high cabinet. "Just..." you began, feeling that familiar, awkward feeling you always shared grow between you once again. "Drop your clothes outside the door, and I'll toss them in the wash. I think I've got something for you to change into in the meantime."

With that, you carefully closed the door, leaving Eddie alone with his thoughts. This was not how he planned this to go. He thought he'd have his Black Sabbath - Iron Man moment, where he'd crawl out of hell and slay everyone who ever did him wrong. He'd never considered that the people that left him behind were feeling the same abandonment that he was. As he stepped into the shower and turned the hot knob, he was almost startled by the heat of the water. It boiled against his injured skin, it would've hurt if he could feel pain. That was odd, he always enjoyed hot showers before; maybe he had been cold for so long he'd forgotten what warmth was, what it felt like to be comfortable.

Eddie surveyed your selection of washes, recalling the times he'd belittled you for using so many. Shampoo, conditioner, body wash, moisturizer, face wash- what was it all for again? He and Wayne always shared a 2-in-1, how was he supposed to use all this? Suddenly, his thoughts turned to his uncle and his brows furrowed. The one person who always believed in him, defended him, and he probably had no idea what actually happened. And what about Dustin? Was he really going to kill him, even after he'd hurt himself in an effort to save him? Why was he so intent to hurt the people who cared for him. It then dawned on him that perhaps, his mindset was a product of environment, or maybe he was given new life for a reason- a more heinous one at that.

While Eddie pondered the meaning of his existence in your bathroom, you busied yourself with collecting his clothes, as well as a few of your own, and tossing them into the washer, before cleaning up your room as best you could in the time you had. A part of you was deeply embarrassed to have someone you'd thought so highly of see you in such a state of depression. Halting for a moment, you picked your shirt from against your sweaty chest, before sniffing it and instantly regretting it. You did smell bad.

Just as you were about to go back about your task, you found yourself pivoting too sharply, knocking a glass of old water to the floor, shuddering at the sound it made as it shattered. Kneeling down, you carefully collected the pieces and disposed of them, deciding you'd slip into the bathroom, just to grab a towel to toss over the spill.

Gently, you rapped on the bathroom door, perhaps a bit too much so. "Eddie? I'm just gonna get a towel real quick, I won't look." you reassured before cracking open the door. You swiftly did as you promised not to, without purpose of course, but you were awestricken to find him just facing the shower head, back to you, just basking in the warmth of the droplets hitting his skin. You blushed and turned away, quickly rummaging through the cabinet to find what you needed, planning to exit without being noticed.

"(Y/N)?" Shit. You turned back to him, trying to avoid his gaze, finding him glancing at you over his shoulder.

"Y-Yeah?" you stuttered, still doing your best not to look at him.

"Do you wanna shower with me?" he asked softly. "I don't wanna be alone." You felt your heart skip a beat. This was definitely a dream.

-----

You faced his back as he faced the head of the faucet, luffa in hand, gingerly scrubbing grime from his flesh as he seemingly took inventory of his wounds. Neither of you spoke as you moved on to pouring shampoo into your palm and massaging it into his scalp, making sure to sort out any knots with your fingers. As he turned toward you to rinse it out, you turned away to lather your own hair. This went on until you'd cycled through all of your typical routine. "I'm sorry." he whispered suddenly.

"For what?" you asked, your words reverberating against the shower wall.

"Leaving you." he answered, shame laced in his voice.

"I forgive you." you smiled, neglecting to give him room to think there was a possibility that he hadn't done any wrong. "But you have to stay in Hawkins,"

"I can't." he stressed, his shoulders slumping against yours. "I have to go back, I wish I had a choice."

"Why?" you wondered aloud. "Are you afraid that nobody will accept you, or that you'll still be in danger?"

"Neither," he sighed. "Everyone will be in danger if I stay. I'll hurt people." he worried.

"That's ridiculous, Eddie, you're kind." you reassured him, instinctively turning to face him, only to find him doing the same. There could no longer be any secrets kept between the pair of you. You were both naked and on display for one another. "I know you could never hurt me, Eddie."

"That's not true," he argued. Things have changed, I've changed." his hands found homes on your shoulders, gripping them in hopes that you'd understand, before letting his stare fall downcast. "I'm a monster, (Y/N)."

"You are not a monster!" you scolded. "Why would you think that?"

"I wish I could show you..." he lamented, resting his head against your shoulder as warm water dripped from his hair and slid down your bare body.

"Then show me..." you whispered, desperate to understand. That awkward silence fell on you again, but this time more comfortable, like a wool blanket on a hot day, suffocating, but soft. Slowly, Eddie began to stand straight again, his hands finding your cheeks as he pressed the gentlest kiss you could ever imagine to your lips, inviting you to do the same. When you did, you instantly withdrew, finding him sharp as a goat head sticker. "W-What was that, did you bite me?" He shyly shook his head, looking anywhere but you as his fingers hooked into his cheeks and revealed two rows of jagged and yellowed pearls, punctuated by a pair of very prominent canines. "Your teeth are...different." you thought out loud, waiting for him to explain.

"You won't believe me if I tell you why." he stated flatly, removing his hands from his face and letting his lips fall back over his jaws.

"Tell me anyways." you insisted reaching up to touch where he just had.

Hesitantly, Eddie explained what had happened after he awoke, how Vecna had come to him and given him new life. He explained that ever since, he'd had an insatiable hunger, unfathomable strength and speed, and that the bats that once took his life, were now at his command. He had learned to not only live in the Upside Down, but thrive. For you, the last month was beginning to fall into place, and you were starting to piece together what had been happening to you.

"Have...you been haunting me?" the question shot out of your lips and into his flesh like a hollow point bullet. The answer was no, but it also wasn't as cut and dry as he would have liked it to be.

"Not exactly," he sighed, rubbing the back of his neck. "But...I was aware."

"What do you mean ' aware'?" you pressured suspiciously.

"He's been tormenting you...but I was in on it. I'm so sorry, (Y/N)." Eddie confessed, knowing that he was the one who chose you to be targeted, and that it was the visage of himself being used against you. "I was angry, and he amplified that..."

"Master of Puppets...It was you! You were the one controlling me in my dream!" you discovered. "I can't believe I didn't realize sooner!" You began to shout, panicking him that your parents may hear, to which he slapped a damp hand over your mouth.

"I know, I know you're mad, but I can protect you now!" he whispered, unknowingly pressing you against the tile. He sighed tiredly, leaning against you and resting his head on your shoulder again. "I swear to God, I'll keep you safe."

Despite your anger with him, you felt desire brewing in your stomach, desire to have him as you always fantasized you would. Cautiously, you pushed him away, before tilting your head to catch his lips again, an action that he received well.

-----

Eddie buried himself into you as deeply as he possibly could, one of your legs hiked up over his shoulder, and his face in the crook of your neck, teeth crazing the supple flesh on your shoulder. Meanwhile, you held a pair of his fingers against your tongue, slurping on them to somewhat quiet. He steadily rocked into you, having no destination, or plan, just needing your warmth as close to him as possible, and reveling in the small sounds you made around his appendages. Occasionally, he'd whisper sweet nothings into your ear of how much he needed and missed you or how good you felt wrapped around him.

You found yourself in unadulterated bliss, having the man you'd pined over for years finally inside you, making love to you gently, his fangs threatening to sink into you. Primal and still unfamiliar urges tempted him to feed on your delicate throat but he resisted, the thought of potentially hurting or worse, killing you fending him off. As he thought, he failed to notice his pattern of thrusting slowing to a near stop, something you felt the need to comment on.

"You okay?" you asked breathlessly, chest heaving as you pulled your head from the wall. He nodded wordlessly, face hidden in your shoulder.

"I just don't want to hurt you." he whispered, panting a little from lack of energy. "I've been gone too long, just tired is all."

"Don't vampires get energy from food?" you asked, coming up with a terrible idea.

"I don't like being called that...but more or less." he confirmed, taking a second to rest.

"Sorry..." you trailed, feeling embarrassed about classifying him the way you had. "Well, um, maybe...I could-"

"No." he immediately pretested. "I'm not going to bite you. I'll just find something on the way home."

"But..." you insisted. "You don't have to take it all, right? You could just take a little bit..."

"I don't want to hurt you, babe." he reminded you, to your disappointment. "I-I couldn't forgive myself..."

You slyly tilted your head to the side and looked away, exposing delectable veins for him to fight with himself over. "What if I want you to hurt me...?" Eddie's breath caught in his throat before returning, this time heavier than before. It was obvious that he was starving for you, but was still holding himself back.

"I'm telling you, it's not a good idea," he pushed away slightly, eyes still locked on your throat. "I don't know if I'll be able to stop myself."

"Then I'll stop you." you reassured. "I promise I won't let anything bad happen."

With that assurance, and Eddie's lack of willpower, he slowly drew back into you, his nose gently nuzzling your shoulder as he held you carefully. He'd never bitten a human before, only bats and other small animals he came across in the Upside Down.

You couldn't deny that it was agonizing. The pain of the puncture seared to the fiber of your very being, but to some end, it was ecstasy. You could feel the vacuum of his mouth slurping your warm blood, and beyond that, it felt amazing to be so needed. Past the hurt, you felt something else happening within your body. Eddie's member, still within you began to pulse and slowly thrust, gaining momentum with each passing second.

Inside of him, he could feel energy restoring itself, his own blood flow increasing, and his arousal maximizing exponentially. He couldn't help but fuck into you while he still was able, clinging to you and using you, stealing your life away in all forms. Before long his pace and intensity became maxed out by human standards, and you felt a gargled moan bubble out of your chest at the swift progression.

You were ensnared within his arms, his jaw still locked on the side of your neck, and cunt still desecrated by his will, serving out his desires. You clenched yourself around him, purely out of instinct as your vision began to fade, a sign of his feed having begun to take too much of a toll on your body. You felt unable to bring yourself to stop him however, fearing that doing so would end his revenging your body.

His strained groans filled the bathroom, elevating in volume and guttural need, signaling his untimely and incoming climax. "Please, just hold out for me a bit longer..." you plead, dreading the ending of this pleasure, to no avail.

"Cumming, (Y/N), fuck, I'm cumming!" Eddie whined, withdrawing his fangs from your throat as he felt his essence overfill you. "I'm sorry," he sighed exhaustedly. "I'll make it up, I swear." he promised, using you as support once again.

"It's okay, baby," you cooed, dizzier than ever now. "I'm just glad your satisfied." Your head slumped against his, before you noticed his body sliding down yours. "What are you doing?"

"I'm gonna make you cum all over my face, pretty girl." he replied, sitting on his knees and delving into you, once again hiking your leg over his shoulder. He plunged a pair of fingers inside you before you could have time to protest, pumping into your sex, his fingers becoming sticky with what he left behind. To accompany this sensation, he flattened his tongue over your coated mound to find what area soothed you the most, before zeroing in on it.

One of your hands rested against the wall beside you, and the other tangled itself into his hair, forcing him to stay put, not that he minded. Shortly, your own orgasm crashed against you, having not had long to go before. You were brought to a shuddering, loud, and messy end by him, the man you'd longed for for so long. With all of your adrenaline draining from your body, you began to slide town the tile, to which he laughed and held you up as your vision finally darkened, for good this time.

-----

You awoke some time later, how much by, you couldn't be sure. Memories cam flooding back to you, and for a moment, you could have mistaken it for a wild lucid dream, if not for the stinging soreness still present in your shoulder. Reaching up to graze your fingers across it, you found soft, clean gauze when your impacted skin should have been. Just out of your peripheral, you could make out a lump in your sheets, matching up with the pattern of breathing you noticed hitting the back of your neck. Rolling over as much as you could without upsetting your injury, you found Eddie, sleeping soundly behind you, still lacking clothes. Upon realizing this, you frisked yourself, finding that you were enveloped in comfortably loose clothes. Did he dress you?

Regardless, you were simply glad to have him back, and in love with you, none the less. You felt sanguine as you drifted off, nestled in his arms, feeling as if everything now was still and alright, and what ever was left could be handled in the morning, just like your messy bedroom.

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goldenempyrean · 2 years

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A Widow’s Care

〚 Notes - This popped into my head and I thought it was a pretty cute idea! Slight AU but we move past that :) Enjoy :D 〛

〚 Summary - The long journey to Melina’s cabin seemed to take it’s toll on Nat and the assain comes down with something meaning it’s up to you and her family to take care of her. 〛

〚 Wordcount - 2150〛

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“Natasha do not fall behind.” The gruff voice of Alexei said as everyone stopped to wait for the redhead to catch up. That in itself was strange. Nat never fell behind.

Everyone was a good few meters infront of her meanwhile she just slowly dragged her feet through the wet soil and loamy leaves. Once Nat had reasonably caught up to you, you slowed your pace to walk alongside your girlfriend who looked noticeably paler then earlier when you’d set off on the hike, “You alright there Natty?” You asked quietly as your fingers trailed down her arm before reaching her hand, taking it in your own, “It’s not like you to lag behind.”

Natasha's hand is clammy and her grip is weak whilst a deep, grating cough wrenches from her lungs as she squeezed your hand, attempting to conceal the fact that she felt wretched and small. She nodded but groaned a little under her breath as she lightly rubbed the bridge of her nose. There was an ache forming deep behind her eyes and it was quickly becoming hard to ignore, especially after that long flight and the several hours of walking through the forest and open windy land. She’s seriously started to regret her decision not to bring a jacket – her thin, white suit was doing little to keep the chill of the wind from biting at her.

“Are you sure?” You asked, knowing this wasn’t her typical behaviour.

Natasha's cheeks were flushed despite the autumnal chill, and her nose was beginning to run. She wiped at it, and then felt embarrassed when she felt the moisture on her fingers before sniffling quietly to herself. That was another oddity. The Black Widow doesn’t sniffle. Infact she pretty much despised it and you could vividly recall the times where she’d practically forced you to blow your nose after hearing you sniffle just once.

“What’s Melina like?” You asked curiously, trying to make some small talk whilst both trying to fill in your mental image of Natasha’s ‘mother’ and distract the assassin from the long walk ahead, “How Russian are we speaking here, like just a casual accent or is she gonna make me take shots of pure vodka?”

Nat gave a weak little chuckle, “She’ll like you, don’t worry moya lyubov'” Though it was reassuring, something else distracted you entirely - her voice came out incredibly hoarse but it wasn’t just you who’d noticed. Yelena’s eared seemed to perk up as she jogged over to the two of you, visibly scanning over her sister with beady eyes, “Natashka, why do you sound like you’ve been gargling gravel. I thought we agreed you wouldn’t do that again?” She teased lightly earning herself a light jab in the ribs.

“Jackass,” Nat tried to yell as Yelena jogged back off ahead, but she didn’t get the intended volume as her voice cracked a little. A comforting silence fell between the two of you continued walking with your hand safely nestled round her waist. But even that didn’t last long as Nat soon pulled away from you, burying her face in her the elbow of her suit as she sneezed rather loudly into it – twice... thrice.

She sniffs and wiped her runny nose using her sleeve, choosing the ignore the brief grimace that crossed your face - although the look was more of pity then disgust, “Bless you sweetie, those were unusually loud for you...are you sure you’re okay?”

“I’m really fine Y/N,” she mutters, trying to muster up enough strength to sound convincing. The way you moved your fingers over her arm feels rather comforting but there was no way she would admit that, refusing to give the impression she's at all needy of your sympathy. She glanced back at you, the corners of her eyes watering a little as another cold breeze of air blew her way, “I’m just a little tired.”

You laughed a little at that, raising your eyebrows accusingly. You knew your girlfriend; you knew her tells and her body language, you were surprised that she hadn’t caught onto the fact that you already knew that she wasn’t feeling great. Your eyes met hers and your expression is somber. Nat had always been the picture of physical health, the very image of a well-trained assassin so to see her like this – so run down, you can't help but feel sorry for your exhausted girlfriend. Her stubborn nature and unwillingness to admit needing help didn’t help either though, all she needed to do was to give in but that was definitely not an easy task.

After another set of desperate sounding sneezes the tip of her nose is red and stuffy, and there's a trace of visible sweat along her hairline. Nat gingerly reached into the small side pocket of her suit and pulls out a tattered package of tissues, pulling out one and quickly rubbing her nose with it.

“Bless you.” You mumbled again, rubbing your hand down the widow’s back. You wished you could’ve slowed down or even just stopped to rest but the gap between the pair of you and Alexei and Yelena was continuously growing so with regret you gently urged Nat to speed up a little, “Come on baby, we need to get there before it gets dark.”

She's a grown-up, capable and autonomous, but you want to pick her up and carry her on your back, just to give her a break. That would be infantilizing—but still, on the other hand, it would probably make her smile. Instead, you opted for holding her waist, silently allowing yourself to aid her as the pair of you tried your best to catch up.

By the time the four of you had reached Melina’s cabin Nat looked dreadful and everyone had noticed. It had taken another 2 hours to reach the cabin, it should’ve only taken 1 but along the way Nat’s condition worsened. Her now skin matched the colour of her suit while a crimson flush sank its claws into her cheeks, hanging on tightly as the embers of a fever grew into a roaring fire. At one point Alexei had to carry the poor redhead over a particular rough area of terrain much to the redhead’s horror. She felt humiliated and still was pleading desperately at the claims that she was fine.

“Why won't you just admit it?” Yelena huffed a little. Nat had sneezed and she had blessed her and received a death stare. How was that fair? She certainly didn’t react that way when you blessed her, “Sestra you look dreadful, and I mean that. Wouldn’t it just be easier to give in?”

“’m’ fine.”

"Yep—okay, alright. You're fine, huh?" You took her face carefully into your hands, brushing the hair away from the forehead and temples. "Not sick at all?" Your tone was as dry as a desert stone. With the tips of your fingers, you drew up a line against the tip of her red nose. "And not in any need of some TLC? You're sure, Miss Romanoff?"

Nat shifted a little, her eyes casting to the floor as she coughed again. It seems this time that any resolve to deny on was quickly fading away because she let her head fall onto your shoulder, “Fine... whatever. I think maybe I’m getting a cold...”

“Oh you think so?” Yelena piped up in a teasing tone, but her touch was soft as she gave her sister’s shoulder a gentle squeeze, “You can lay down once we’re inside.”

Alexei led the four of us onto the porch, his heels clicking as he ascends the wooden steps. The cabin is old, the structure made of wood. Yellow light is bleeding through the curtains and there is an earthy, familiar scent emanating from inside. Melina answers the door, arms crossed over her chest and a smile slowly spreading across her lips. She stares. There is curiosity in her brown eyes as she looks over you, “You must be Y/N.”

“Yes Ma’am, that’s me.” You nodded, suddenly feeling a little nervous. The Iron Maiden certainly had a strong aura to her but the older widow’s gaze softened a little as her eyes cast over to the redhead on your arm.

“Natasha?”

Nat looked up to the elder eyes of her ‘mother’. She had aged but still looked the same. The older woman shook her head at the sight of the feverish redhead and mumbled something in Russian as she pressed the back of her cold hand to the girl’s blazing forehead.

She beckons the four of you inside, "Come." Reluctantly, Natasha allows you to assist her through the doorframe, her steps weak and wavering. Her skin is hot to the touch as the older woman leads her over to a chaise lounge and drapes a warm blanket over the redhead's shoulders, “There’s a guest bedroom if you’d prefer to lay down.”

Nat declined the offer and chose to lean against you as yourself Yelena and Alexei began to explain the plan to track down the redroom. You weren’t sure how long had passed though before you felt your girlfriend go a little limp against you, her eyes having fallen closed. You excused yourself and Yelena offered to help as the two of you carried Nat down to the spare bedroom, settling her down in the surprisingly cosy bed before tiptoeing out of the room and towards the kitchen.

“Melina?” You called out the older woman’s name as you stepped back out into the main open area, “Do you have any cold medicine?”

“Cold medicine?” Melina looked over her shoulder as she stood over the sink washing some glasses, “Is Natasha really feeling that bad? I know she was tired, but my girls never needed medicine before.”

You sighed a little, exhaling deeply, “Melina do you have any medicine or not?” There was impatience in your voice but not just that, there was worry too and she seemed to pick up on that.

Melina finished washing the final dish, slinging the dishcloth over her shoulder as she turned to you, “I think there's some in the bathroom, I’ll go check,” as she walked past the older woman patted your shoulder – it was small act but still it brought you a strange comfort. Even if Melina tended to seem cold, it was obvious that she did care deeply for both yourself and Nat.

Whilst you waited, you took a glass and grabbed some orange juice from the fridge, pouring it into the glass. Just then Yelena came strolling in, looking for a drink of her own.

“How’s Nat?” She asked as she rummaged around in the fridge before pulling out two cans of beer, one for her, the other for Alexei.

You shrugged, you knew Nat didn’t like to seem vulnerable infront of others but this was her sister after all so you told the truth, “It’s just a cold.. but I don’t think we’ll be going anywhere for the next few days though. She’s got one hell of a fever.”

 Yelena sighed, “That girl is the most stubborn, self-sacrificing person I’ve ever met. This would never have gone so far is she simply asked us to take it slow,” She shook her head as she cracked open her can, it seemed she noticed your nervous expression though because she softened her tone and came towards you to pull you into a hug, “She’ll be okay though, she just needs to sleep this off.”

“She’ll be right as rain in a couple of days.” The voice of Melina came as she returned to the kitchen with the medicine and some tissues, “This everything you need? I can make a pretty good soup if need be.”

"This is so good, thank you," you said, hoping the older woman picked up on your grateful tone as you took the medicine bottle and tissues from her before picking up the drink you'd previously poured, “I’ll see if Natty’s up to eating when she’s awake, I think she’s still asleep.”

“You don't have to keep saying thank you Y/N. We’re family now so please look after my daughter.”

You nodded and exchanged a final smile before returning to the room, quietly placing the medicine, tissues and drink on the cabinet beside her. Nat was still sleeping when you returned, her chest rising and falling as she quietly snored. You ran your hand over her forehead, noting that she was sweating a little more than before and you hoped that she was finally breaking her fever. So, with small smile you carefully bent down to place a gentle kiss to her warm forehead before settling into the armchair just in front of the bed. That armchair was where you’d stay for the rest of the night, content to watch over her as she got some much needed rest.

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amirsirwrites · 2 years

Note

Hey-hey! I got a request!! (Hope you’re feeling well!)

So.. Spy x Male!Reader oneshot, where the reader bottles up his emotions and hides his negative feelings. Then one day he breaks and starts crying in front of Spy..

Hey-hey, anon! I'm feeling well, thank you. I've finally finished your request, sorry for the long wait. I hope you enjoy it. :)

Spy comforts you ❤️

Requested

Spy x M!reader

------

Death and killing comes with the job of being a mercenary. Most mercs are completely fine with it. In fact, most enjoy it and make a game out of it.

However, there are exceptions to everything and in this case, you are the exception.

Seeing people get shot and torn apart almost every single day of your life has been taking a toll on you.

During some of the battles, you'll freeze and stare at the dead bodies on the ground as your breathing gets heavy and uneven. You know that they'll be fine and wake up in their Respawn point a few minutes later but still.. It doesn't take the pain of seeing them die in front of your eyes away.

One of the other mercs, more specifically your darling, Spy, often notices you doing this. He’s asked you on all occasions if everything is alright. You always wave him off and say you’re fine but until now, he’s not convinced.

Worrying that he might make you uncomfortable, Spy doesn’t try to push any further after that question. However, he’s also noticed that it’s getting worse every single day to the point that it affects you even outside the battlefield, and because of this, he feels that he’ll need to confront you about this issue very soon.

~~~~~~

It’s another day at Gorge. BLU took a huge beating and you won with ease. You were put off the entire time as usual. Everyone was doing their own thing while Heavy and Medic packed all their equipment into the van.

Scout and Soldier were chasing each other.

“Get back here, maggot! I’ll make you regret the day you were born!” Soldier screamed at the top of his lungs, waving his shovel around like a madman. Scout just laughed and pulled a face, pissing him off even more.

Nearby, Demoman, Sniper and Engineer were having a friendly chat together over a couple of beers that Demo had brought along (despite Medic very clearly telling him to try and lay off the alcohol). Pyro was there as well but they were focused on playing with their favourite brand of matchsticks.

Somewhere closeby, you were seated on the ground, knees to your chest, deep in thought. Your eyes were fixated on the blood-stained grass in front of you. It quickly made you feel sick, reminding you of the unpleasant battle earlier. You closed your eyes, trying to think of something more pleasant.

Just then, Spy sat down beside you, wrapping an arm around your shoulder and giving you a kiss on your temple.

“Salut, mon beau. You seem bothered. What’s wrong?” he asked you in a gentle tone.

You looked to him, meeting his eyes.

You really wanted to tell him what was going on but you felt so ashamed. Everyone else was fine with all the killings, why weren’t you? You don’t want to appear silly to Spy or the others so you always bottle up your negative feelings and just do your job.

You thought that you’d get used to it eventually but you were dead wrong. It’s been eating away at you. Most nights, you struggle to fall asleep and even stay asleep due to recurring nightmares. The lack of proper sleep has given you bags under your eyes and constant headaches throughout the day.

During mealtimes, you picked at your food and ate very little, having lost your appetite to the disturbing images that are stuck in your mind - bloody, beaten bodies with lifeless eyes. It made you feel like throwing up your guts.

“I..” you bit your lip, turning away from Spy’s gaze, “It’s nothing, darling.”

You felt his hand on your shoulder tighten a little.

He gently guided your face back to look at him with a hand, “You always say that. I don’t believe you, mon cœur. Please.. tell me the truth. I’m not going to judge you, I swear on my heart.”

He smiled at you encouragingly. You felt so vulnerable beneath his gaze.

Before you had a chance to speak, Medic called out, “Time to go home, everyone. Get in the van!”

The other mercs started to head to the van from their respective places and you quickly took that chance to escape the conversation you were having with Spy, getting up and following them.

Spy sighed as he watched you scurry away. He would have to ask you another time.

The drive back was uncomfortable for you and Spy. The air between you two was tense. The other mercs didn’t seem to notice, chatting away as usual.

You tried to run off to your room as soon as you arrived back at base but Spy pulled you to the side.

“Y/n, please. Just tell me what’s going on. I’m really worried about you.”

You shook your head, “I- I really need to go.”

Then you made your escape to the safety of your room.

~~~~~~

You decided to just skip dinner later on, partly because you couldn’t work up any appetite as usual and partly because you didn’t want to see Spy right now. Perhaps you’ll eventually tell him the truth of what’s going on with you, but for now, you just wanted to be alone.

Wrapping yourself in the warm covers of your bed, you closed your eyes and drifted into an uneasy sleep.

…

You awoke with a start around a few hours later after a particularly bad nightmare. It was one of the terrible ones - back in the battle field, surrounded by dead bodies while you drown in your own guilt and remorse.

Clutching your shirt, you desperately tried to control your frantic breathing. Your chest and throat felt painfully tight as tears slowly ran down your face. Your hand went to the bedside table to grab your phone.

You brought it to your face, ‘2:48 a.m.’

You dropped your phone down beside you and rubbed your face, staying like that for a few minutes. The terrible sinking feeling in your chest wouldn’t fade away though.

Your mind drifted to the only person you knew could make you feel better - Spy. Knowing that he was most likely going to press you to tell him the truth, you hesitated going to his smoking room where you know he’ll be.

That didn’t matter anymore though. You just wanted to be in the comfort of your boyfriend’s arms.

Making sure to be quiet, you made your way to Spy’s smoking room. All the other mercs are asleep by this time, it’s usually just Spy who’s burning the midnight oil, reading and sipping on a glass of his favourite wine.

When you reached his door, you slowly brought your hand up and knocked.

Inside, Spy paused his reading and looked up towards the door. No one has ever come to his room this late and so he thought he might have imagined it for a second but he decided to call out just in case, “Who is it?”

You replied back, your voice hoarse from earlier, “Hey, it’s me..”

Spy already knew about your bad sleeping schedule so he was extra worried to find that you’re awake at this hour. He got up from his seat and rushed to the door to greet you. He pulled you into his arms the second he saw you.

Withdrawing a bit, he cupped your face in your hands and kissed your forehead.

“Did something happen, Y/n?”

You let out a small laugh of self-pity, “Just.. a nightmare.”

Without a word, he stepped out of his room fully and closed the door behind him. He took your hand into his and led you down the hallway to his bedroom. Inside, he took off his coat and shoes and laid down on his bed, signalling for you to come over and lie beside him by patting the empty spot beside him.

You climbed into it and sank into Spy’s open arms, sighing deeply when you felt his arms wrap around you tightly.

You two shifted into a comfortable position - both lying on your sides, facing each other with you buried in his embrace, snuggling your face into the crook of his neck.

He stroked your back comfortingly, allowing you to fully relax before he asked what was on his mind.

“So, Y/n,” he paused, making sure he had your attention, “It’s time to tell the truth.”

You winced at his sentence, knowing that he was right. It’s time you told someone what was going on instead of suffering in silence.

Whispering softly, you asked him, “Promise you won’t judge?”

Spy pressed a light kiss to your lips, “You know I won’t.”

A few more minutes of warm silence passed as you silently built up the courage to finally talk to Spy.

“I.. I really don’t want to kill people anymore, Spy. I know I said that I was completely fine with all the bloodshed and everything during my very first mission but I-”

You had to stop to let yourself breathe. Tears started running down your face once more, accompanied by sharp and painful breaths. Spy guided your head against his chest, letting your tears soak his shirt, still holding you close.

He finished your sentence from earlier, “But you lied, didn’t you?”

You spoke again, your voice rushed and raw with emotion, “I- I can’t stand it anymore! I hate it, I hate having to kill people! I go to sleep and all I can see is their lifeless eyes and blood, I’m sick of it!”

Your chest burned with shame, terrified of what Spy was going to say to you. You thought he might think you’re being ridiculous or stupid.

But no.

He just continued to hold you, rubbing your back soothingly and whispering sweet nothings into your ears. All the emotions you had bottled up over the past few months were flowing out now through pained sobs.

Once you had calmed down a bit, Spy spoke in a soft tone, “Don’t worry. You won’t have to anymore, okay? I’ll have a talk with Ms Pauling and the Administrator and we’ll find another way for you to help.”

You sighed in relief at his words.

You wanted to thank Spy, apologise to him for not telling him earlier, tell him you love him, but he shushed you, “Just rest, mon chéri. You can speak to me tomorrow when you have regained your energy. Je t'aime.”

Spy gave you a kiss on the head and with that, you drifted off to the most pleasant sleep you’ve had in a while, glad that everything would finally be okay.

------

'Salut, mon beau' - Hello, my handsome. (French)

'Mon cœur' - My heart (French)

'Mon chéri' - My darling (French)

'Je t'aime' - I love you (French)

#spy x reader #tf2 spy #one shot #spy tf2 #male reader #slight angst #team fortress 2

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kazilton · 2 years

Text

The Most I Could Do

I’m familiar with intuition. I’m certain in the thoughts that scream themselves in my head, that permeate our consciousness, but never quite reach my lips. I know you can’t help everyone, but I believe you can try. I remember the words, the feeling I got when I knew he was lying. I watched as his family lowered his casket into the ground subsequent to our last conversation just the night before. There is power in the truth left unsaid, and I believe in my gut when it screams for me to listen. Maybe there was nothing I could do, but there’s still faith in the fact that I tried.

“She’s worried about you,” my dad told him.

“I’m fine,” Luke's voice insisted, slightly more exasperated than the last time we spoke. It seemed that way every time he picked up the phone this year. Although he wasn't great to begin with, we took him in for a while and gave him a job years before. His divorce took quite a toll on him, it was the least we could do. I wasn’t aware of much about the situation, yet I knew something was wrong.

Maybe it’s because I’ve been called insightful all my life. In simpler terms, I had a bad feeling about this. That bad feeling tends to lead me to explore, while most people would probably be intelligent and retreat, I tend to be curious and stay. Stubborn could be a more fitting title. Was it the fact that I hadn’t seen him at work in a few weeks? Or possibly the reoccurrence of his name in muttered conversations between my parents? To be quite frank, I’m still unsure. All I recognized was that something was off. It turns out, as per usual, that unsettling feeling in my stomach was right.

Luke’s liver was failing him, but he refused to get himself to a hospital. He’d been through similar struggles in the past, what could possibly be different about this time?

It was gray the day he died. I awoke with a dull pain in my bones, the same for my chest. I assumed it was because of the rain outside, petrichor from the kitchen’s open window usually makes for a calming atmosphere, but I found this day eerily unsettling. It would take only a few short moments to find out why. Those words I remember so well came at a lumbering pace, and time to a dead stop. The air suddenly still and unmoving, the window left agape was futile.

“I have some news,” that’s where it started, the hauntingly familiar tune my lungs liked to sing. Hopefully my words weren’t useless. I didn’t want to feel useless. I don’t like that feeling, it’s cold and unwanting, yet that was the aura that circulated the room that early February morning. I knew he was dead before the rest of the sentence left my dad’s mouth. It was his heart that gave up the fight, and possibly he did too, but I’m proud of myself. Despite everything, I had asked him to help himself. That was the most I could do.

An excerpt from my high school senior year portfolio “Bright”.

#writing #writblr #young poets #poetry #female poets #author #short story #writing prompt #writers and poets #writerscorner

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tteokdoroki · 4 years

Text

awake with you | s.todoroki

♡ pairing: shoto todoroki x fem!reader.

♡ word count: 1.7K

♡ rating: everyone.

♡ genre: ua student!au, angst, comfort, fluff.

♡ summary: during the night, bad things happen but your boyfriend is always there to keep them away. by your side always, shoto todorki makes it his mission to fight your demons and make sure you know that you’re loved.

♡ warning(s): please read ! character death, mentions of car accidents, nightmares, guilt, lack of sleep, but a lot of fluff and the best boyfriend in the whole world :(

♡ author’s note(s): guys! it’s shoto’s birthday, so here i am postiing this shoto request from anon a while back, i hope you all enoy and have celebrating the beautiful boy’s bday <3

♡ masterlist | requests

it was hard for you to sleep.

harder, when shoto wasn’t around.

sometimes it was your thoughts that kept you up; late at night— dark thoughts that swirled around in your head and slowly poisoned your brain with heavy black venom. it was hard to sleep when your mind was heavy with fear, but ever since dating shoto todoroki; those nights became easier and sleep wasn’t so hard to come by.

you weren’t so sure what it was about your boyfriend that made it easier for you to get some shut eye; it’s not like he really knew either. todoroki just didn’t like seeing you in pain, the way your face twisted with discomfort or the way sleepy tears would wet your cheeks under the moonlight— but you had somewhat of an idea, that his fresh peppermint smell and warm arms are what often helped you.

shoto would so lovingly sneak into your room, no matter the time, dusk or dawn— he would hold you tight under the sheets until you drifted off to dream land. even if it meant being teased by the others for stumbling out of your room in the morning, his pretty hair a wild mess creating the image that’d you’d both been up to no good, he’d face it all for you, over and over again.

but tonight, your loving, caring and doting boyfriend was nowhere to be seen— everyone’s second internships had begun and todoroki had chosen to work with his father along with izuku and katsuki, so it was no doubt that they wouldn’t be home until late. what with endeavour being the number one and all.

your friends knew about your struggles to sleep, of course, todoroki bluntly mentioning how you ‘like to sleep together’ to soothe your nightmares ( iida had lectured you about it after, saying it was inappropriate while deku and ochako turned as red as your boyfriend’s hair ) so offered to stay up with you— but you needed rest, today’s training sessions having taken a toll on your body, and wave them off with a smile laced with tiredness.

you could call him, he wouldn’t mind and you know it— but he’s with his father and that takes enough out of him as it is.

you decide, instead, to trudge to the dual quirked boy’s bedroom, instantly calmed by his sweet peppermint scent embedded into every inch of his dorm. you swipe one of his clean sweaters straight from the closet before hitting the lights and snuggling into his bed.

tonight would be fine, todoroki would come home, wrap you in his arms and with the aid of his scent surrounding you— you would sleep safe and soundly.

is what you hoped as you drifted off to the land of dreams.

when you were younger, you watched your older brother, haru, get hit by a car.

the scene haunts you to this very day, crawling up on you while you rest at night— choking you out in your dreams. you see it now, feet glued to the ground as you’re forced to watch the younger version of you, mess with your older brother using your new found quirk. your parents had called it scenery, back then your powerful quirk had been their pride and joy, giving you the ability to create a mirage in a certain targets mind— make them see things that weren’t really there.

back then it was fun to play tricks on your sibling— you made haru see all of his worst nightmares, everything but the road.

everything but the oncoming car.

everything but his untimely death.

you want to scream at little you— tell her to stop and that it’s not funny anymore as she forces your brother back into the road— he’s giggling, he doesn’t know it yet and neither do you. but the words you want to say die down deep in your throat, suffocating you from the inside although they burn at your lungs to burst through.

why cant you speak? why cant you stop her?

adrenaline trickles into your blood stream as you will yourself to run out into the street and protect haru from the oncoming traffic just as he slips off of the sidewalk. your senses are blown out of the water, static noise filling your ears and intertwining with childish screams and the sound of a not so distant honking horn.

you claw harshly at your throat. speak. save him. for god’s sake; do something.

“you’ll kill him! stop! you’re going to kill him!”

the flickering of artificial, yellow light behind your closed eyes has you jolting awake, sweat forming at your brow and hands clenched tightly around your boyfriend’s plain bedsheets. your gaze darts across the room while your heart thumps loudly in your ribcage from the fear that struck you in your dream and finally, your stare settles on a shirtless, bewildered shoto todoroki. his face is a little scratched up no doubt from being on his father’s patrol and he looks exhausted but that doesn’t stop the concern he has for you taking over his expression. “yn—?”

“s-sho,” you hate how your voice caves so easily, the single syllable of your nickname for him falling wetly from chapped lips. todoroki is by your side in an instant, not caring that he’s only half dressed and half awake. he’ll deal with that later.

with tender hands shoto cups the back of your head, letting you sink into the warmth of his flesh. you reach out for your boyfriend and he’s there, taking your free hand in his and giving it a gentle squeeze to help ground you. “love, what happened? why didn’t you call? you know i don’t mind—” his timbre voice fills your ears like warm honey, calming your rapid breathing but all you can do is shake your head.

“nightmare ‘n you were working,” you pant, cutting him off while the death grip on your lover’s hand begins increasing. you feel so far from the ground, the scene of haru’s death dancing across your mind. “i killed him, again—“

shoto watches your body twitch with fear and your usually glimmering eyes gloss over in away that makes him feel sick. you’re not here with him yet, still tangled up in the black string of your bad dreams. the world around the dual eyed boy begins to change and it seems you’ve activated your quirk by accident— showing him scenes of the day your brother died.

you screw your eyes shut as flashes of his body tangle with reality to the point where you don’t know what’s real and what’s not. you’re losing control of yourself so easily, fresh sets of tears stinging their way down your streaked cheeks. trapped. you feel trapped like a bird in a cage even while you’re awake and the sounds of cars and screaming burn at your ears once more.

make it stop, please.

“yn... come back to me love, i’m right here,” todoroki’s calm voice cuts through the suffocating song of death, dragging you back to reality while the effects of your quirk drift away. his fingers, although contrasting temperatures, now cup your cheeks to tilt your face towards him so that your eyes lock with his under the crescent moon. “you didn’t kill him. that wasn’t you. it wasn’t your fault.”

you blink away more tears like a helpless child, chest heaving but todoroki doesn’t give up. “but—“

“no.” your boyfriend says softly, yet sternly, leaning down to place an eskimo kiss to your nose. your eyes flutter shut at his simple gesture, although it raises saftey and warmth across your body— black radiates behind your closed eyelids, no longer plagued broken bones and blood. it’s easy to keep breathing from there, focusing on that as todoroki pulls you into his lap and the sheets fall away from your body.

“no,” you repeat back to him while shoto’s arms settle on your waist and his familiar scent of fresh peppermint fills your senses. “not my fault.”

it wasn’t your fault, that day the car had come speeding down a usually safe road in a residential area. the accident was a hit and run, but being a child made you feel every ounce of the blame. shaking the thought away you curl into your lover’s chest, listening for sounds of his heartbeat while he toys with a lose string on his sweater— the one you wear.

“that’s right, good girl...not your fault, here with me yet, love?”

when you glance up, todoroki is looking right back down at you— brows creased with worry but there’s love in his stare, overwhelming amounts that make you hum into his bare chest, grounded by the feeling of his skin against yours. “present and accounted for,” his chest rumbles with relieved laughter, soothing you even more. “thank you, sho. i’m sorry for making you do this so late at night.”

this time, shoto shakes his head— sending locks of red and white flying. “don’t thank me and don’t apologise,” his words are feather light in the dark while he manoeuvres you both onto his back to settle into bed. you’re about to mention that he’s still half in his suit, but your boyfriend doesn’t seem to care, already closing his eyes. “i’m yours, your boyfriend and i’m going to support you no matter what. i’ve got you, okay? you’re always here for me so i’ll do my best to do the same for you. what kind of man would i be if i wasn’t?”

“a very unmanly man,” you tease with a kitten like yawn, already feeling the confines of a more comfortable sleep, taking over.

todoroki rolls his eyes but pulls you closer to him anyways. “you’ve been spending too much time with kirishima.”

“at least i don’t spend everyday working with bakugou, now that’s true nightmare.” you counter, narrowly missing a pinch to the side from your boyfriend.

the pair of you sleep soundly that night, wrapped in each other’s arms. you feel safe, knowing that nothing could ever harm you, as long as you were with him. shoto todoroki would give anything for to you to have a goodnight’s rest. no matter what. even if it meant staying awake with you and being late to patrol with endeavour the next day.

not like he cared, he hated his dad anyway.

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heyheyloki · 4 years

Text

U&I

Summary: The reader begins to realize his feelings for Saiki.

Saiki x M!Reader

Word Count: 8711

1. The Best Friends

Being friends with a psychic definitely had its ups and downs. At first, you didn’t notice a thing out of the ordinary with Saiki, well, granted you were kids when the both of you met so naturally you just wanted to be friends and thought nothing more. However, he noticed something odd with you the moment you two met.

He couldn’t read your mind.

Actually forget being about to read your mind, none of his psychic abilities worked on you. He couldn’t see through you and when he touched you without his super thin transparent gloves on nothing happened. You were basically immune to him.

At first, he thought something was wrong with you, or that maybe you had some psychic powers as well. That wasn’t the case at all. In reality, you were a normal human without any powers or tricks. That stumped Saiki even more, but it also became the soul reason he wanted to be your friend as well.

For one, he didn’t have to deal with your thoughts. Two, his image of you wasn’t ruined because he can’t see under your skin. Three, your calmer personality made him relax. And of course all those other things like your kindness and stuff, but those were irrelevant the moment he knew he couldn’t read your mind.

It’s been years since he met you in the park during recess, and now here you guys were, 16 years later and still friends. Oh, there was one thing that bothered him about you.

“What to hang out today?” You asked as you slung your bag over your shoulder.

“Sure.” Saiki said. Yep. That’s right, since he can’t get in your mind, he actually has to move his mouth when he talks to you.

It was a bit weird to others that he never did it with anyone else other than you, but he didn’t care.

On the way home he couldn’t help but notice you eyeing his antennas, the things that keep his powers stable. He turned his head towards you and gave you a curiosity look.

“Do those things poke at your head at all?” You asked, moving you hand up to poke at the top of the pink ball. “Like, does it make your head ichy?”

Saiki shook his head. He knew he had to talk to you at some points, but times like these he didn’t. He enjoyed that about you too, that you don’t force him to talk all the time. You knew it was a bit weird for him to talk, he explained it to you when he told you all about his powers.

“Hm,” you hummed out. Your hands going back at your side and into your pant pockets. “It would for me, if I was you. They just look painful, but I guess you gotta do what you gotta do if you don’t wanna blow up the world.”

Saiki nodded his head, his eyes continuing to linger on you. It was one days like these when he saw you thinking so hard about something that he wished he could just take a peak. At some points, he loved the silence, especially when the both of you were watching movies, but right now, especially in this moment, he’d give anything to know. It was mostly prominent when he’d stare at you during class and you’d have this far out look in your orbs, you drew him in, and perhaps that’s why he fell for you.

Though, there were other factors that won his favor. Mostly the fact that, unlike everyone else, he can’t stare right through you and just see your raw muscles and pumping organs. Instead, he was able to focus on your handsome face and not get side tracked about your racing thoughts. You were the only person in the world that make him feel somewhat normal. That was a love-hate relationship at times.

“Think I could sleep over tonight?” You suddenly asked, “we don’t have school tomorrow.”

Saiki stared at you for a moment just to relish in that fact that nothing worked on you. No telekinesis, mind control, no nothing. He was going to have to win your favor just like everyone else. To him, it wasn’t normal, but looking at you, he didn’t seem to mind the extra work.

“Sure,” Saiki said. He still had trouble talking aloud, hell, sometimes he will actually use telekinesis and wait for your response only to have pure silence. “My parents are leaving for a wedding, so the house should be free for a while.”

When the two of you got to Saiki’s house, it was a bit peaceful until his parents had to head out. You liked his mom and dad a lot, they were like your second family, so you wanted to wish them a good time. It was for one Saiki’s dad’s coworkers.

“Are you sure you don’t wanna come with us?” Saiki’s dad asked his son. “You’ve met Kirishima before, and you can bring [Name] as your plus one date.”

You knew Saiki wasn’t going to be interested in a wedding. He always told you normal happy events for others is misery for him since he can hear the jealousy and pity that the crowd is thinking. You felt sorry that he couldn’t turn it off, but you were glad that you were the only person he could catch a break with. However, when you looking over at Saiki, he seemed to entertain the thought.

It was a new side to Saiki, one that made you confused. It was always either you or no one. You could tell the way he wanted to get away from many of the people in his class that seemed to have declared themselves his friends from a small interaction. Sure, you felt their interest, but it was just a bit sad to you that Saiki could never actually enjoy friends unless they were pure. Otherwise, he could hear all the backstabbing thoughts or otherwise stupid comments that go around in their brain that was thought to be private to them.

“I’m going to have to pass,” you commented. “I don’t have a suit, besides, you two should enjoy the night. It’s been a while since I’ve seen you both go out alone.”

Saiki’s mom smiled widely at you. Her eyes clouding over with a wet film before wrapping her arms around you for a tight hug. “Ah, thank you, [Name]! What would we do without you?”

You chuckled softy at the comment before saying, “Who knows, I rather not think about that.”

When she finally let you go, you and Saiki waved the both of them off as they left. Honestly, you weren’t sure if they’d even make it back at a reasonable time. It was a wedding, after all. Oh well, as long as they make it back drunk and safe rather than drunk and not safe, you didn’t mind. You were sleeping over anyway, so right now, you just wanted to hang out with your childhood best friend.

“What do you wanna do?” You asked with a calming tone.

Saiki turned his head to you. “TV?”

“Sure,” you smiled. However, as soon as you turned to the living room, you noticed the absolute mess his parents left behind. So, out of the goodness of your heart, you said, “How about you find something and all clean up this in the meantime. Sound good?”

Saiki nodded once more. He truly thought your actions were kind, but he rather have you watching TV with him than picking up his dad’s dirty clothes. He knew his father tended to be sloppy, but this was just a mess.

As you were about to pick up a pair of jeans, all the clothes that were strewn about the floor suddenly started to float in the air and shoot into the open washing machine. The trash floated itself into the garage while everything else was moved around to make it look clean until otherwise.

You pressed your lips together as your brows furrowed in annoyance. Once you turned to Saiki and saw his innocence face, you knew you couldn’t be angry but you had to ask, “Do you really want me to watch TV with you that bad?”

“Yes,” Saiki stated.

You sighed, your lips parting as you left the oxygen leave your lungs. “Fine, but let’s both clean up a bit before than. It’ll be a nice surprise and a way to thank your parents for letting me stay the night.”

Saiki nodded. “Okay.”

It took a bit of convincing on your end to let him let you help out. You may not have powers, but you didn’t want to take advantage of his. You knew it was effortless and he made it seem like it didn’t affect him whatsoever, but you knew every time he does something it takes a toll. His powers aren’t perfect.

You both ended up cleaning the living room, Saiki’s room, and now you were in the kitchen sorting the trash. Saiki was using his powers to sort while you whipped down the countertops.

“Good grief,” Saiki said aloud, his voice drawing your eyes to him. He was crouched down with two bags in front of him and the garage floating upside down, it’s contents was either going in the first or second bag.

“What?” You asked curiosity. It wasn’t all the time that he speaks from his mouth without you talking first.

“How could anyone have let it get this dirty in here?” He asked aloud. “I mean, really it’s a wonder we don’t have bugs.”

You were going to respond. That was until he suddenly shut his mouth, a chest deep grunt leaving him as you notice him stare at something on the furniture next to him.

It was a cockroach.

Mind you, the moment you realized what it was you weren’t the least bit surprised when he suddenly teleported. Saiki hates bugs. He could read the minds of humans, as well as animals, but he couldn’t with bugs. He thought they were small minded icky things. Hell, he couldn’t even let his powers touch the thing.

You counted down the seconds before he came back. It was around ten, maybe fifteen. He also teleported right behind you.

“Welcome back,” you greeted and watched as his eyes dart towards the floor.

“Sorry, I may have overreacted.” He muttered. “I just hate them.”

“I know,” you hummed out before looking around and grabbing a cup and piece of paper. Saiki watched you as you let the roach crawl on the piece of paper before placing the cup over it so it didn’t run away. You were quick to put it outside and close the window after so Saiki didn’t worry about it coming back in.

“All gone,” you cheered with a smile. “Now, let’s watch TV, ya?”

2. Saiki’s Pushy Friends

PK Academy was a school were many different personalities and people collided. It was always fun to meet new people in this school, yet on the other side of the coin, sometimes they were more than a little odd. Not like you can speak, your best friend was a psychic. Though, he wasn’t delusional like this one guy in your class that declared himself Saiki’s friend. His name was Kaido. He thinks he has powers and has an evil organization following him around.

Then, you have Nendou. Basically, he’s stupid. Not that you minded, but sometimes being stupid isn’t the best thing in the world, especially now.

It was the sports festival at PK and Saiki and you had to participate in it. You both were on the same team since all the teams were decided by class. This also gave you a good idea of the friends Saiki has made. It was safe to say that Kaido was growing on you. You felt a little bad for the guy, what can you say.

Let’s not forget about Hairo as well. You knew him a bit more from hearsay than the others, plus he was class rep. Though, you had to say, he was a little too overly enthusiastic.

It was kind of a surprise to see Teruhashi, the most popular girl in school, try and interact with Saiki. Though, it was a bit amusing since to him, she’s nothing more than walking muscle. However, you did think he would swoon over her like all the other guys in your school if she was like you. However, you knew Saiki had no interest in romance so you don’t care either way.

Finally, Nendou. You were originally going to say that you didn’t mind the guy that much and thought maybe he would be a good thing for Saiki. However, after just watching him take out one of the antennas from Saiki’s head, you started to wonder how much of a danger his stupidity is to Saiki.

You watched that pink haired friend of yours collapse to the ground with a hard thud as soon as Nendou pull the thing out of his head. You were quick to rush over to him and sit by his side. When you flipped him over, since he fell face forward, worry grew about your body and infected your bloodstream.

You heard protests about turning him over, but at this point all the worried voices drowned before they were even audible to you. His lips were parted as drool leaked from his mouth and went down his chin, his eyes dead and without life as darkness surrounded them. It didn’t take you long to recover and swipe the antenna Nendou was holding and pop it back in its rightful place in his pink locks.

You didn’t know how long it would take for him to wake up, or if he’d wake up at all. All you knew was to sit and wait for him to wake up. To your surprise, he woke up rather quickly. Maybe a mere minute or so after you fixed him up. When his eyes opened, you felt yourself suddenly get surrounded as Saiki’s friends crowed over him to ask how he was.

You noticed him using telepathy to talk to everyone when Hairo said, “You passed out after Nendou took that think out of your head, lucky for you, [Name] put it back right away!”

“Yeah, he saved your life!” Kaido spit out next, their hands placing on my shoulder out of respect and gratitude.

Saiki’s eye then direct to you, his voice never leaving his lips for a moment before you noticed him flinch.

‘Ah,’ you thought. ‘He tried to use telepathy with me again.’

When he noticed, Saiki just nodded in your direction. You knew he was thanking you, he didn’t need to word it out to you. The look in his eyes was enough.

Lunch came immediately after Saiki ended up waking up, and it was understatement to say he didn’t want to be bother with anyone else besides you. He was quick to drag you to the roof of the school to eat.

The both of you sat against the railing, lunch in your laps. You wanted I just forget about the scare that Saiki gave you, but the after effects he was having wasn’t making that easy. He was having trouble, and it was easy to see when his hands were shaking so much that he couldn’t even pick up his food without it falling back in the box.

You side eyed him, his expression one of concentration as he tried to pick up his food again. Though, he dropped it again.

He sighed quickly after that, only looking down at his food as you saw his mind wonder off.

Once you finished chewing whatever food you had in your mouth, you placed your food to the side and moved so that you weren’t side to side, but rather across from Saiki’s body now. He didn’t register your movements until he saw a hand come into his view and pick up an item of food with his chopsticks.

When he turned to you, you had the chopsticks in your dominant hand and your other under the food so it didn’t drop to the filthy ground.

“C’mon, lemme help,” you said. It was easy for Saiki to pick up the worry in your tone, however he knew not to address it or else you’ll just either deny it or baby him. “Open up.”

He obeyed your command after a moment, opening his mouth wide enough for you to place his food in his mouth. The hand that was meant to catch the food if it fell made sure Saiki closed his mouth, his fingers placed a bit of pressure under his chin to shut his jaws before slowly trailing away. The food wasn’t nearly as satisfying as the chill that ran down his spine at your lingering touch that crawled on his skin.

“I could hurt you.” He suddenly spit out. It was pained. “Having my antenna taken out messed up my powers.”

You leaned your head to the side, your eyes never falling from his. “Yeah, I kinda figured.”

“You should go.” He stated.

“Why?”

“I just told you.”

You smiled. “Saiki, you could never hurt me.”

He looked at you like you had something stuck in your teeth. “You don’t know that, I may not be able to read your mind, but I don’t know how my other powers react to you.”

You remained quiet for a moment before shuffling your body side by side again, your head falling to rest of Saiki’s shoulder. You felt him flinch at the contact, his muscles even began to tighten just out of fear.

“Yanno,” you started out saying, your hand coming up to play the antenna that you could reach. “It’s odd to me how these things are the only thing keeping you stable.”

“Is it?”

You chuckled and nodded. “Small things like these verses your powers. The thing that gets me is that these things actually win in that fight. Though, I suppose it does complete the look you have.”

“And what look is that?” Saiki asked as he gazed down at you to see your eyes already on him. He could feel his fingers twitch as he watched you say shamelessly, “The cute, mysterious loner type.”

Saiki’s lips parted as he gazed at you. He quickly recomposed himself when he noticed you waiting patiently for him to respond. He sighed before asking, “Mysterious loner? Where’d you get that?”

You laughed before sarcastically questioning, “yep, I wonder where.”

3. Your friends are my friends

You don’t know how you got wrapped into this, but perhaps it’ll allow you to know Saiki’s friends better.

Currently, you were walking with Kaido, Nendou, and Saiki to a good ramen shop Nendou suggested. You were dragged along when Nendou remembered you from the Sports Festival and as Saiki’s friend. They never really got the chance to speak to you since you’re usually out the door as soon as the bell rings, but today they finally caught you.

At some point Teruhashi joined the group, though you feel like she kinda took over since now the boys, except for Saiki and you, were fawning over her. Saiki and you took it upon yourselves to give them all room to talk to her, so you both sorts trailed behind.

It was silent for a while, the only noise was Nendou or Kaido talking to Teruhashi. However, you caught the, “what does that even mean,” that Saiki mumbled under his breath.

“Hm?” You hummed. “What does what mean?”

It was obvious to you he didn’t realize he said that aloud. But he just seemed to be glad that only you heard that.

“Teruhashi wants me to go ‘oh wow’ or something to her.” Saiki revealed. “I don’t even know what that means.”

You kept your gaze on Saiki for a moment. “So, she likes you?”

“I guess,” he muttered. “I think it’s more that I’m the only guy that isn’t kissing her feet.”

You watched Teruhashi interact with Nendou and Kaido. You know that, normally, she wouldn’t take time to hang out with these guys. However, because of her crush on Saiki, she bares with them. In all honesty, she seems a bit perfect. Being able to deal with them just for the person she adores. It’s easy for anyone to do, and not a lot of people would even bother.

“She seems like a good fit for you.” You suddenly uttered out.

When Saiki heard that, he felt his hands twitch. He didn’t like that, not one bit. What irked him the most was that it seemed natural, like you actually meant it. And, of course, he had no way of knowing if those words were genuine or actually forced.

“No way,” Saiki stated coldly. “Never in a million years.”

“Damn, that’s cold, Saiki.” He heard you say, a teasing tone wedged in your voice.

“Why do you keep calling me Saiki, anyway? We aren’t acquaintances.”

“Hm?” You questioned. “I thought you don’t like me calling you by your first name in public?”

Saiki sighed. “Well now I’m telling you I don’t care.”

Saiki knew this way of showing that you were closer to him than anyone would ever be may have been childish on his part, but when he heard his first name come from your lips in front of his other ‘friends’, he felt more than satisfied.

4. Friendship Can Bring Romance

Being able to rest during class was one of your guilty pleasures. Even if you got called out by your teacher, you didn’t mind. It was better when it was raining outside, the patter of rain when it hit the window made you want to nap.

“Hey,” a voice called out to you. You didn’t listen though, it wasn’t important.

“Hey, [Name],” it called out again. Okay, maybe you should wake up. Then again, sleep. You could always sleep later though.

You fluttered your eyes open as you felt your body being pushed around. When your sight became focused, the blurry figure in front of you showed a blue hair kid. You knew him, but from where?

“Saiki asked me to wake you up, sorry,” he confessed.

Oh, right. That’s Kaido, Saiki’s friend.

“Hm? Where is Kusuo?” You asked in a groggy voice, your hand coming up to wipe your eyes.

“Oh, he went home.” Kaido informed you. “Something just came up, I guess.”

“Alright,” you hummed before the end of your lips pulled upward. “Thank you, Kaido.”

It wasn’t easy for Kaido to wake up the quiet kid. Kaido only met the guy once or twice, and when he was hanging with him, you only stayed close to Saiki. It was kinda odd, but Kaido understood your attachment to the pink haired man. Saiki was Kaido’s first friend, after all, so he knew how awesome the guy was.

Though, he’s never got the chance to speak to you. He knows Saiki never really goes anywhere with you, and somehow you always end up by his side. He just always seemed to miss you when it came to getting the chance to introduce himself so Kaido was pretty glad when you came along the trip to that ramen place, even if it was a dumb and he got distracted by Teruhashi.

Kaido knew you were the closest person to Saiki. He’s pretty sure that not even Nendou is as close to Saiki as you are. And those two are best friends. Kaido didn’t know the extend of how long you two have been friends, but he does know from watching that Saiki has respect for you. So, it was critical that he makes a great impression with you so that he can become closer to Saiki and maybe you as well.

“S-Sure, no problem!” He stuttered, his bandaged hand retracting from your shoulder and holding them up in the air in a surrendered notion.

“Do you live around here at all? I’ll walk you home as a thank you.” You said as you stood from your seat and began to search for your bag.

“What? You don’t have to do that, really, it isn’t necessary!” Kaido spit out quickly, his words jumping all over the place.

“It’s really no trouble at all,” you stated as you put your bag over your shoulder. “C’mon, let’s get going before the rain gets worse.”

The rain eventually stopped when both teens got closer to your house. Kaido’s was further ahead, so he thought it would be better if he just walked you home instead so you didn’t have to walk more than you have to already.

“So, you’ve been friends with Saiki since he was little, huh?” Kaido asked as you explained why Saiki trusts you so much. “That’s pretty awesome! What was he like back then?”

“Pretty much the same.” You answered. “Though he did get more handsome throughout the years, and he used to be kinda sweet. Now, not so much.”

“I see, so you guys have been through it all together.” Kaido replied.

“Basically, though, he did start to worry me a bit since I was his only friend for a really long time,” you confessed. You paused as you looked up at Kaido and gave him a smile, “But I’m glad he finally made a friend like you.”

Kaido could feel his heart beat a million miles an hour just at the words you strung together. He never heard kinder words than those, and he was even more thrilled that he succeeded in making a good impression on Saiki’s childhood friend!

“It’s, uh, n-no problem, really!” Kaido muttered out as his whole face began to fluster, his hands going everywhere.

“Oh,” you hummed out.

“Hm?” Kaido questioned. His nerves going down. “What is it?”

“Did you know you were dragging your scarf the whole time?” You asked curiosity as your hands started to real in the extra fabric.

“What?” He asked out of pure shock. Though, realizing that he doesn’t make a fool out of himself he said, “O-Of course I did! It’s a fashion choice.”

“Not the best one,” you stated as you stepped closer to the blue haired male.

Kaido’s eyes widened as he stated directly into your colored orbs, watching them dance solely for him. It was like getting attention from a loved one, but this attention make him nervous to the point where he thought his face was going to explode with red. Kaido’s lips slowly started to disappear as the scarf started to build up around his shoulders and neck.

“There you go,” you said, “much better. Now your scarf doesn’t get more dirty and you look even better.”

‘Even better? What’s that supposed to mean? Does it.. does it mean he thought I looked good before?!’ Kaido thought.

Kaido let out an awkward laugh as he played with the end of the scarf. “O-Oh, haha, thank you.”

“Sure,” you hummed. “Now let’s get going.”

5. Blessing Turned On Jealousy

What’s that saying, the enemy of my enemy is my friend? Yeah, that’s it. See, that could apply to this yet at the same time it would go a little different.

More like, the enemy of my best friend is my friend. At least for your situation. You see, walking home with Saiki has now turned into walking home with Saiki, Nendou, and Kaido. Not that you mind, but sometimes you really do wish it was back to when Saiki and you got to spend time alone together. However, being friends with Saiki and then having his friends automatically become your friends may have some perks.

Like now. Bumping into Kaido’s mom was totally accidental. But, in the end it payed off. Why?

Because coffee jelly.

“I know it’s not easy being friends with my son because he’s so shy, but please be patient.” Kaido’s mom announced as she placed the coffee jelly down in front of Saiki and you.

“Please don’t say that mama—I mean—mother.” Kaido pleased, his voice cracking as it got higher with embarrassment.

Overall, the beginning was a very nice. Hell, it was damn near perfect. Although, you just had to snoop around. Well, it was more like exploring Kaido’s room.

Your fingertips brushed along the spines of the many books Kaido had stacked up in his bookcase. It was seriously amazing how many books he had, he even had some original copies of some famous old books.

“This is pretty awesome,” you muttered to yourself before your eyes spotted something that didn’t quite match with the others. In all honesty, you were simply curious. However, curiosity did kill the cat. In your case, more like awakened the Saiki K.

“Hey, Kaido, what is the Jet Black Wings?” You asked aloud as the group sat down eating whatever snacks were about. You would always hear either chewing or at least some conversation, but after that question left your mouth it was dead silent. You felt like you killed something, but when you looked over you noticed Kaido’s face beat red. Seriously, his entire face was as red as a blood moon.

“P-Put that back!” He stuttered out, the blue haired boy suddenly running up to you to snatch the book from your hand.

As he reached for it, you held it higher. Even if he was about the same height or maybe a inch or so taller, you just needed to make him miss his hand from grabbing it.

“Don’t be embarrassed, I’m just curious.” You calmly said. “Is it bad or something?”

“N-No! It’s nothing, uh, bad! Just give me it back!” Kaido begged this time around, his hands trying desperately to grab it from you. Okay, maybe you were being a little mean at this point, but it was kinda fun to tease him.

You began to back up as Kaido trying to nab the book in your hand. “Just explain it!”

“No! Never!” He shouted.

You couldn’t help but laugh a little, though, that was your fatal mistake. Having yourself distracted by your own humor, your mind didn’t take into account the pile of prep books scattered about until it was too late. You quickly lost your voice, as well as your balance before slamming your head hard against the wood floors.

“Woah! You guys okay?” Nendou asked out of genuine concern.

As much as you would have liked to answer him, you were too concerned with the pain pounding into your skull like a jackhammer. Seriously, this is gonna give you one massive headache.

You scrunched your nose as your finally gave effort to open your eyes, though, they permanently remained open when you noticed a face staring down at you, a body on top of yours. You guessed that during the fall Kaido tried to save you, but only got dragged along instead.

“H-Hey, um, are you okay?” He asked under his shaky breath.

You only nodded before trying to avoid his gaze in any possible way. The position you were in didn’t help whatsoever in that department. Instead, you hoped that Kaido would take the hint and get off. That plan wasn’t looking too good cause all that was running through his mind was how you looked under him. Let’s say, the thoughts he had left a distaste in Saiki’s mouth.

Originally, he was just gonna let you handle it, but after hearing Kaido’s perverted thoughts about you, that plan blew up.

Saiki stood up, leaving his coffee jelly half eaten before grabbing Kaido by the back of his shirt and yanking him off of you. Saiki gave some strength into that but not enough to launch him into the bookshelf like he wanted too. He knelt down to come to your level and help you up, your massive headache being noticeable when you held onto the back of your head.

“Damnit, that really hurt,” you muttered to yourself but Saiki heard it clear as day.

It wasn’t long after that he took you home as well as the left over coffee jelly. Saiki advised you to stay home a day just to let the pain die down a bit before going back to school, so, the pink haired boy was all alone today. And all alone to everyone else meant to bother him more than usual.

Teruhashi, Nendou, Hairo. All of them. Though, it was a bit weird that Kaido wasn’t bothering with him today. Not that he was complaining, but he couldn’t pinpoint the answer until he heard Kaido’s thoughts, ‘I need to ask Saiki for permission. They’re best friends, it would be rude if I didn’t ask permission to ask out [Name].’

Never mind. He didn’t need to know that.

It was around lunch time that Kaido walked up to Saiki for the first one, the blush that littered his cheeks made Saiki want to gag for a moment.

“So, uh, Saiki, I have to ask you something.” Kaido uttered out lowly. Clearly, this was nerve wracking for him.

“What is it?” Saiki asked telepathically.

“Well, it’s about [Name], yanno, our [Name]?”

‘What other person has that name?’ Saiki thought. ‘And don’t say our, it’s creepy.’

“You see, I, well, I think I like him and I’d like your blessing to ask him out!” Kaido shouted, his body bowing at an almost 90 degree angle.

Normally, Saiki would just say to do whatever since he could read [Name]’s thoughts and see that he doesn’t like Kaido in that way. However, the one person in the world that Saiki actually wants is immune to his powers. He knew he needed to shut this down fast.

‘No way.’ Saiki responded.

“Thank you so much, Saiki, you won’t—wait—why not?” Kaido asked aloud, his voice getting higher the more he freaked out. He thought this would be easy, he means, it was Saiki. The most chill guy ever actually gave him a hard ‘no’ to asking out his best friend. Kaido shouldn’t be surprised, even though he is.

‘Because I said so,’ Saiki strictly put. He knew it was wrong to say this, who was he to say no to something that isn’t his business. Though, the feeling of relief that he still had a chance was more satisfying in the end.

By the time Saiki got to your house it was basically as soon as school ended. He used teleportation to get here as fast as he could, as well as just appear in your room. He wasn’t expecting you to still be asleep, though, he supposed this wasn’t too bad.

The pink haired male carefully walking up to the bedside of his best friend. It was odd to see your hair going in one direction instead of all over the place like normal, and don’t even get him started on the soft snores that came from your nose. Snoring isn’t usually the most attractive thing in the world, but this light snores from you made him think of the habit as cute.

Now, he would normally wake you up. But, just allowing himself to look at you for a moment longer without any consequences never hurt anybody. Saiki sat himself down on your floor, his eyes keeping to your closed ones as they slowly began to travel down to your lips. He doesn’t know what came over him, but it seriously began to freak him out when he started think about Kaido touching his lips with yours. After the freak out, jealousy was spiraling around in the psychic. He never knew that Kaido, of all people, would actually develop romantic feelings for you. If he did, he would have never allowed the both of you to interact the way you did at his house the other day.

Saiki let out a sigh before standing up once more, his hand came up to your shoulder slowly and began to shake it. It wasn’t long after that your eyes fluttered open and gave him that soft smile that caused his heart to skip a beat.

6. School Trip

The school trip was always the most looked forward to activity in high school. This year it was a three day trip to Okinawa. While you were excited to spend some time at a gorgeous place like Okinawa, Saiki was definitely less excited.

As kids talked with their friends in a group or just at their desks, you were currently sitting on top of Saiki’s desk with the pink haired boy sitting in the chair. This wasn’t something you always do, especially since at times Saiki has pushed you off out of retaliation, but after a moment or two of still being there, you knew he didn’t mind today.

“You excited?” You asked him.

“No. I don’t get the appeal.” He spit out, his eyes closing as he moved his head down. “I could get to Okinawa in three minutes.”

“Kusuo, not everyone is like you.” You explained. “So don’t go getting moody on this trip, I’m not letting you ruin it for me.”

“I won’t, I’m just saying a fact.” He replied.

You were about to continue with things you’re excited to do during the trip before Hairo came around to the both of you with a clip board in hand. He was responsible for dividing rooms.

“Saiki, [Name], did you guys decide on your group for the class trip?” He asked politely. “You should have three boys and three girls in your group.”

Saiki didn’t say anything, instead he just rested his head against your forearm. Perhaps he wanted Hairo to think he fell asleep and leave it to you, or maybe he was actually saying that he didn’t care as long as he was with you. Either way, you smiled at the contact and said to Hairo, “Kusuo and I will be rooming, it doesn’t matter who else is in our group.”

“Okay, great!” Hairo exclaimed as he wrote it down. “Kaido and Nendou are still available so I’ll just place Kaido with your group, and then randomly place you guys with a girls group.”

“Thanks, Hairo,” you hummed out as he walked away to probably inform Kaido about the rooming.

You never minded contact with Saiki, in fact, you sort of enjoyed it. However, seeing him still like this, even with Hario now gone, you worried.

“Hey, Kusuo,” you called out.

No answer.

“Kusuo?” You asked this time. And when he didn’t answer again you unconsciously moved your hand up to his head and moved it back to where you could look him in the eyes. Saiki’s face was still without expression, though, those eyes worried you. He seemed, almost, upset.

“Kusuo?” You asked. “What’s wrong?”

He shook his head, signaling that nothing was wrong. You knew he was lying.

You tilted your head, some of your hair moving with gravity to expose part of your forehead. “Why are you lying to me?”

“I’m not.” He said, his voice was steady and yet, that look in his eyes still bothered you.

You knew he wasn’t going to budge but still, just because you’re going to let it go now doesn’t mean that you weren’t about to keep an eye on him.

Throughout the beginning and the first day of the trip, you kept an eye on Saiki. He seemed way more tired than usual, but that didn’t startle you. Instead, it was how he was by your side more often now when Kaido was around. You weren’t an idiot, it was pretty obvious. You didn’t mind Saiki’s attention, but you didn’t want him to think just because you were friends with Kaido that he’d be put second.

“Kusuo, can we talk?” You asked him as the two of you had the room to yourselves. The others were out and about, but the two of you decided on an early night.

“About what?” He asked as he set up his sleeping area.

“Today.” You started out. “You’ve been acting weird around Kaido. Did something happen?”

You watched Saiki carefully, so carefully that you noticed his fingers lightly curl around the blanket. You didn’t want to push him, so instead of pushing him to speak, you allowed yourself to be silent and let him take his time. You don’t remember how many minutes pasted, but you swear it felt like decades.

“Nothing happened.” He informed you. “His thoughts just aren’t for my taste at the moment.”

“His thoughts?” You questioned as you slowly approached Saiki on his blanket until you were right in front of him. “Okay, then, what’s got you all bothered? Let me guess, he’s thinking dirty things, right?”

“Sort of.” He replied.

“I bet it’s about Teruhashi,” you theorized. “Is that why you don’t like it?”

“No, it’s not about Teruhashi.”

“Really? Then who?”

Saiki went quiet once more.

You sighed. Your head moving down to get a glimpse at his face. It wasn’t until you moved your hand over by his, your finger tips brushing with his accidentally to get more stability as you leaned in did you hear him finally confess.

“It was about you.”

To say that you needed a minute to take that in was an understatement. Kaido was a good guy and all, but it was kinda startling to realize he liked guys, as well as girls, since you didn’t suspect that even for a minute with him.

“Seriously?” You asked once more.

Saiki nodded. “He asked me if he could ask you out.”

“And what did you say?”

“No.”

You couldn’t help a smile crawl upon your face with that one. You knew it was a bit hard to read Saiki, especially when it came to you, but you were just beyond happy to hear that.

“Good,” you suddenly shot out. Saiki’s head moving back up in an instant to see your happy features. “I don’t like Kaido like that anyway, saves me from breaking his heart.”

“You don’t?”

“Nope.” You hummed out. You knew this may backfire on you in more ways than one, but right now, you didn’t care. The happiness you felt told you to take a chance and throw out the bait. “I know you can’t read my mind, but I actually do have someone I like.”

Saiki aimlessly stared at you for a moment and took in the words you confessed to him. It was an odd feeling, the rapid beating of his heart, but perhaps this was finally the start of things going his way for once.

On the second day of the trip, everyone went to Emerald Beach. It was one of the many places were people could stare at others and no one would think anything of it. A perverts dream. Though, for Saiki, he just wanted to hang out with you.

“Where’s [Name]?” Kaido asked Nendou as Saiki stood behind the two.

“He said he had to go buy a swimsuit. The one he brought apparently went missing.” Nendou told the blue haired boy.

Now, that want a mistake. Sure, it may have been a dirty trick but Saiki rather die than see you in the swimsuit you brought. After all, you bought a shirt with it. He knew you didn’t take off your shirt often, even at the beach, but he was determined to see you with just a pair of shorts.

Much like how all the guys that crowded around the girls changing house waited patiently to see Teruhashi in a two piece swim suit.

It was a while after Teruhashi came out, and when everyone was in the water that you made your appearance. You had your hands wedged into your swim shirt pockets as you allowed your feet to take in the hot sand that felt magical between your toes. You gazed around for a moment before noticing pink hair sitting under an umbrella.

A devilish smirk crawled on your features as you began to slowly approach the male. This may give Saiki a heart attack, but it was worth it. As you stood over him from behind, you attacked. Your body shot down as your arms wrapped aruund his neck and pushed your chest into his bare back.

“Hey, what’s a cute guy like you doing all alone at a place like this?” You teased, allowing your voice to go on for some time so that he realized it was just you.

Saiki immediately flinched at the contact before noticing it was just you. However, when he noticed the touch of your skin against his, he could feel his entire body heat up. The sensation was new, he’s felt his face go hot before, but his entire body was a new one.

“What took you so long?” Saiki tried to play off.

You just sighed and got a tighter grip on the male, your chest pushing more into his back. “Someone stole my swimsuit. Sadly, I didn’t have enough money to replace the whole thing, so I had to go by some swim shorts.”

“Hm, as least you’re here.” Saiki stated, making sure not to comment on the ‘stolen swimsuit’.

“Yeah,” you uttered as you released Saiki from your grasp and sat down next to him. You gazed out at the beautiful ocean that was filled with laughing people with this loving look in your eyes, all the while not realizing Saiki’s held that same gaze as he stared at you.

When you did turn to him, he completely lost himself in his mind as his eyes wondered about your figure. You weren’t the most fit guy in the world, but you did have these subtle yet enchanting muscle lines along your upper body that made Saiki lose himself.

“I saw that.” You suddenly said. Saiki’s eyes now darting back to yours. “You just checked me out.”

Saiki saw no way out of this one. So, he just confessed it. “So what if I was?”

In all honesty, he just expected you to laugh and tell him that it’s only fair if he does the same. However, the twist was unexpected and, well, definitely appreciated. He watched as you gazed down, this bashful look in your eyes as you did everything to avoid his gaze. Your body language wasn’t helping either. Your fingers were tapping against the towel and the heel of your foot was moving back and forth.

Maybe this trip wasn’t totally for nothing.

7. All That Was A Secret

Spring break. It was one of those weeks that Saiki went to go visit his grandparents all the way in the middle fo nowhere. So, for the most of this break, you were home alone.

It was kind of boring. This break was definitely not one that you looked forward to, more now then before, especially after the beach during the class trip. Those words always ended up repeating in your mind, way too much then you thought they would. Then again, you shouldn’t be surprised. All those days that you’d try to subtly touch him, tease him, it was just a way to relieve yourself of the pent up emotions you’ve had for him for a few years now.

Currently, you were in your room upon your bed, hugging one of your pillows close to your chest. You never tried to dwell on if Saiki felt the same or not, but recently, it’s been clawing at you more and more. It wasn’t like you didn’t think you had a chance, but more if Saiki was more comfortable just staying friends. You would understand, even if it would hurt, you’d do it for him. You’d do anything for that guy.

You sighed before slowly lifting your body off the bed. Today wasn’t a good day for being sad, it was summer break, after all. You knew you had to get your mind off Saiki, and him being away made it a bit easier. So, you grabbed some clothes from your closet and laid them on the bed. You weren’t sure what you were going to do, but you were determined to fine something to take your mind off him.

You let your pants drop to the ground before taking the ones on your bed and letting your legs slip through each of the pant legs. Next, you stripped your shirt off and took in a deep breath. You paused for a moment before dropping the dirty shirt on the ground and grabbing the new one. In all honestly, you never really pay attention to your surroundings when changing. But, does anyone? It wasn’t until your head went through the hole on the top of the shirt did you realize that the bed in front of you was now missing and the wall you were staring at was not the wall of your bed room. When you turned your head, you locked eyes with Saiki in an unfamiliar room.

“Huh?” You uttered under your breath before your eyes widened, your face felling hotter than usual before frantically pulling your shirt all the way down. Once down, you opened your mouth and said, “You can’t do that without me knowing! What if I was in the middle of a shower or something and not just changing?”

“I would have given you some of my clothes.” He replied nonchalantly.

You bit the inside of your cheek before crossing your arms over your chest. “Why did you teleport me anyway?”

“I can’t stand it here.” Saiki confessed. Of course, you knew he didn’t exactly enjoying visiting his grandparents but he has never done this before. “Just hang out with me. I’ll send you back after.”

You sighed. You can’t exactly say no after that, so, with that Saiki and you began to watch a movie. It wasn’t one you two watched before so it was easy to get lost in it. Though, it was also easy to focus on Saiki when he suddenly placed his hand on top of yours as you guys watched. You weren’t too sure if he thought you wouldn’t notice, but there was no way you were going to pull away. After all, it’s not like he placed his fingers between yours, if he did that, you don’t know if you could handle it.

After a half an hour into the movie you finally got the plot of it, and you weren’t amused at all. It was a best friends to lovers troupe. More specifically, childhood friends that drifted apart only to be brought back together by work and now slowly are developing feelings for one another. Let’s just say now, you were a little more than nervous.

Thank god Saiki couldn’t read your mind, because now, you feel like you’d give him a headache. You couldn’t help but ask yourself if he knows and is only doing this to taunt you, or maybe this was all just a big coincident. Yeah, one massive coincident. In reality though, Saiki was just teasing you. He had no idea of your feelings but he wanted to watch the movie with you to implant the idea in his mind of the possibility.

Well, his plan was working. Maybe a little too much. Though, as you were about to spit something out, your eyes suddenly shot down to the floor in embarrassment. Yep, a make out scene. Of course, Saiki had no idea about that, but it was better than just the sappy stuff cause now it was really ingrained in your head.

Once it was over and you had somewhat of your cool back you couldn’t help it. You needed to ask. If it blew up in flames, then so be it.

“Hey, Saiki,” you uttered out lowly. Saiki caught it immediately and turned his gaze on you. “I have a.. question.”

“What?” He asked.

“Well,” your voice trailed off as you moved your eyes down to where both of your hands connected. “We’ve been best friends for a long time now but, have you ever, um, thought about doing...that?

Saiki remained quiet for a moment, his thoughts going everywhere before thinking to himself, ‘All the time, actually.’

As much as he wish he could have said that telepathically, he could never try to say that vocally. So, he just opted for a nod and watched your body flinch. The hand he touched growing warm.

“You’re hot.” Saiki suddenly spit out. This time, you brought your hand back to your body so he couldn’t tell anymore.

“S-So what?” You stuttered out.

To say that Saiki didn’t like this side of you was an understatement. He’s never never seen you so flustered before, and it was really adorable to look at.

“It’s cute.” Saiki commented, his body leaning in just to see your face closer.

You turned your head to the side, eyes darting to the tv just to look away for a moment to compose yourself. You knew that there wasn’t gonna be another perfect moment like this so, you slowly reached over to place your hand on the back of Saiki’s neck. It was warm. When he noticed what you wanted as you started to lean back and gently pull him with you, he complied quickly until he gazed at you from above. Suddenly, he was jealous at the fact that Kaido got to see this view before him.

He stared at you for a moment before watching you bite down on your bottom lip, his mind doing backflips at the want to read your mind, but also at how good you looked under him.

“Kiss me.” You whispered under your breath, just loud enough for him to hear.

“If I do,” Saiki uttered lowly. “I might not be able to stop.”

“That’s okay.”

#male reader #saiki k #kusou saiki #the disaster of psi kusuo saiki #saiki k x reader #saiki k x male reader #saiki x reader #saiki x male reader #the disastrous life of saiki k.#the disastrous life of Saiki k x reader #x reader #saiki k headcanons

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songmingisthighs · 3 years

Text

Hooked

introduction pt. i | pt. ii | pt. iii

ch. lxii - curiosity killed the cat

<< previous | masterlist | next >>

??? × reader, ateez × reader

A freshman hookup rekindled into something new. With an incentive, of course. But what would happen if your 'relationship' led you somewhere you never thought would happen to you ?

The three remaining boys, Hongjoong, Seonghwa, and Yunho rushed downstairs to see what the commotion was all about. Though they were nervous, they were also curious and they were not going to be the only ones left behind with the information.

But when they stepped onto the living area, they were confused at the sight upon them.

San and Wooyoung were nowhere to be found, Yeosang had a look of utter surprise which was a rare sight, a teary Jongho was standing next to Mingi who was fully crying, and in front of them was a person clad in a black hoodie and a pair of black sweats. The person's back was to the three so they didn't know who it was.

"What's wrong? What happened?" Hongjoong asked with all the strength he could muster. The others who stood in front of the person clad in black could only look at the leader but weren't able to utter a single word.

Slowly, the unknown person turned their body towards the three. All eyes widened and their breaths hitched, the sight before them was just too confusing to comprehend.

"What are you doing here?" Hongjoong asked.

"And who are you?" Yunho added.

The person took his hood off to reveal a man around their age, charming with a glint of playfulness as he smirked at them.

But before he could introduce himself, Mingi had beaten him to the punch, "this is (Y/N)'s cousin who also studied here," he said. The man nodded and grin widely, "Howdy, I'm Haknyeon," he then stuck his hand out for any of the three to shake, "Joo Haknyeon, pleased to meet your acquaintance,"

Before either one of the three could shake his hand, however, Mingi lunged forward to try and grab at Haknyeon's sweater. Luckily, Yeosang and Jongho managed to hold the larger guy back.

"Skip the pleasantries, Haknyeon, and tell them what you told us" he growled. Haknyeon only raised an eyebrow and smirked in amusement, "wow, (Y/N) was right when she said you're a ticking time bomb. No one is ever THAT happy, ever tried counselling, big guy?" he poked.

Then he turned around to the three still confused boys with a distraught expression, "It's about (Y/N)," he started.

"Oh God," Yunho yelped out, his hand immediately gripped onto the arm of the closest person which was Seonghwa.

"What about (Y/N)?" Seonghwa asked, voice cracking from nerves. Haknyeon looked like he didn't wanna talk, but the hopeful eyes in front of him struck something deep in him, "she... left," he said.

"Yeah, she left us, we know that," Yunho clarified, "no, she... LEFT left," Haknyeon stressed.

The boys behind Haknyeon let out choked out tears once again as the Hongjoong, Seonghwa, and Yunho felt like their world just shattered.

San and Wooyoung came back from the kitchen, San looking dishevelled and distraught as Wooyoung tailed after him, looking more or less the same but not worse.

"Tell me where she went," San demanded once he fully stood in front of Haknyeon. He was about to grab the stranger's hoodie in his hands but Wooyoung luckily prevented him.

Haknyeon took a step back from San to evade being grabbed, "can't do that, sorry, I promised her," he shrugged simply.

By this point, you could feel the tension in the room. The once sorrowful boys now had veins popping on their foreheads and they seemingly had their brains connected as they took a step towards Haknyeon together. The intruder was cornered in the middle of eight menacing men.

"See, Haknyeon, I told you sticking to the script would've been better,"

All nine heads snapped towards the direction of the kitchen where you stood, hands on your waist and your luggage and bag by your side.

Haknyeon grinned innocently and shrugged, "And where would the fun be there?" he joked, slipping himself from between the boys towards you. He wrapped an arm around your shoulder and grinned widely at the eight now-dumbstruck men, "If you guys haven't figured it out, I was kidding, (Y/N)'s perfectly fine and she's back, she just needs my help to slip in here as a distraction while she slipped from the back," he said proudly.

But the silence in the room was deafening. Neither one of the boys reacted whatsoever. If you look closely, you're sure that neither of them was even blinking.

Seeing and feeling the tension, Haknyeon cringed and pat your head softly, "yeesh, tough crowd. I'll let you handle them on your own," he said simply before leaving from the back door where you came.

When the door closed behind Haknyeon, you finally realized that you now have to face the consequence of your action.

Luckily, you didn't have to break the silence.

"(Y/N)? Is that really you?" Jongho choked out, surprisingly. Out of everyone there, you thought the first ones to welcome you would've been Mingi, San, or Wooyoung, or even Seonghwa.

A smile broke on your face and your shoulders slumped in relief, "Yeah, it's really me, Ho,"

You were about to take walk towards them all when Yeosang stepped forward with a hand outstretched, motioning you to stop.

"You think you can just easily walk in here and we would just so easily accept you back?" he spat out.

Your feet stopped in its track and your heart dropped to your stomach.

"Accept me back? What do you mean accept me back, was I ever rejected by you all?" you couldn't help but ask, feeling like Yeosang didn't mean what he said.

But you were dead wrong.

"You left out of the blue, without any explanation, leaving us scrambling around like headless chicken looking for you. YOU rejected us first," he said.

You furrowed your eyebrows at him, "I didn't reject you guys- oh my God, I had to get away from here for a while and I couldn't tell any of you! I didn't have time because I was pressed, FORCED to leave and having to keep my mouth shut about everything, I was miserable when I left," your voice cracked on its own mid-sentence without you realizing.

A scoff left Yeosang's mouth, "No one forced you to do anything, (Y/N), you LEFT, you CHOSE to do that all on your own," he turned a bit to point at Mingi, Wooyoung, and Jongho, "You left those three crying their eyes out for you, there wasn't a day when Mingi wouldn't actively go out to look for you with one of the others, do you know that your former RA almost got his ass tied to a restriction order?" he then moved again to point at the three oldest, "Hwa hyung and Yunho barely ate, too stressed to even keep food down, Hwa hyung had to take medicine for the toll of stress on his body and Joong hyung barely went out of his room, he tried to distract himself from the fact that you left without saying anything, some of us had to force him to eat and sleep,"

Then suddenly he gripped onto San's hand and brought him forward. Your heart broke at how sunken San looked, bags under his eyes and he seemed visibly smaller and weaker, "and San here got so depressed that he wasn't able to function whatsoever. I had to make sure he got out of his bed and move around every day or else I'm sure that he would've died," Yeosang's voice cracked as tears began streaming down his eyes.

Yunho took a step forward and look around at everyone, "G-guys, let's calm down a bit-"

But he was cut off by Yeosang who had let his emotion took over him completely.

"You left us! You left us broken-hearted and confused and lonely and ruined! So no, you don't get to waltz here so easily, thinking that we'd just accept you with open arms after the crap you pulled. If you wanted to be a wandering tramp, then why even bother coming back? Did you get bored out there? Or were your conquest turned out to be a failure? We were genuine about you, yet you simply shrugged us off like dust," he screamed at you.

You didn't even realize that your own tears had run down your own face. You looked around for the other boys for help, but neither one were looking at you. They were actively avoiding your stare.

Seeing Yeosang's chest heaving heavily with lips trembling, Seonghwa took a step closer to him and pulled him back slowly.

"Yeosang, come on, man, not like this. Not now. Let's take a deep breath first, okay?" he said softly despite his own obvious bubbling emotion.

Maybe it was the raw emotion and the vulnerable state Yeosang was in, but he simply let Seonghwa drag him back slowly until they both retreated to the stairs.

One by one, starting from Jongho then Hongjoong and Wooyoung, then San slowly followed whilst keeping his eyes glued to the floor, they all left you. Your heartbeat quickened when you watched their retrieving figure, backs towards you so coldly.

Not that you could blame them, Yeosang made a point about you leaving just like that without any notice.

All that left were Yunho and Mingi.

As they looked at each other, you could see that they were debating whether to welcome you or not.

Your hope was immediately crushed as they simply gave you a broken-hearted stare and followed the other six, disappearing to their own rooms.

So all that's left was you, out in the open.

All alone.

Vulnerable.

How you wish you could turn back time and changed your decision.

taglist :

@raysanshine @peachy-maia @xuxiable @90s-belladonna @theclawofaraven @sanraes @sungiehan @felix-kithes @nycol-ie @superstarw99 @skkrtnawrskkrt @viv-atiny @the7thcrow @stfu-xeena @laurademaury @multihoe-net @daisyhwa @scoupshushushu @whyisquill @bikiniholic @yunhorights @exfolitae @simplewonderland @verycooldog2 @perfectlysane24 @hannahdinse8 @tannie13 @aka-minhyuk-kun @phebeedee @em0yunho @marsophilia @donghyuckanti27 @se-onghwa @malewife-supremacy @hyunsukream @elijahbabyb @taejichafe @alliecoady98 @rdiamondbts2727 @hakuna-matata-ya @ohmy-fandoms @spacechubbyatiny @stray-bi-kids @imaaroy @fashi0nablee @rindomo @violetwinters @nabihwa @linhyyboo12 @mirror-juliet @bestboiericsohn

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seriouslysnape · 3 years

Text

A Special Surprise

Remus Lupin x Fem! Reader

Warnings: Fluff.

Word Count: 1,643

Request: If you don't mind would you write fluff (with smut or not depends how are you feel about it) with female professor reader x Lupin. He missed her birthday because of full moon. Not like she's mad or anything but he feels bad about it and prepared a surprise for her. Pretty please? ❤️

A/N: I just want to say...I love Lupin.

“Here’s to late celebrations.”

A loud, painful groan sounded from Remus’ throat as he rubbed at his shoulder muscles that were aching each time he moved the wrong way. He felt much more fatigued than usual, just another testament to how rough this last full moon had been. Remus would admit that some of his full moon transformation took more of a toll on him than others. He never really had any indications to let him know how he’d be after the full moon had passed. And this one was surely weighing on him now.

Despite his harsh side effects, Remus had another pressing matter on his mind.

Remus had known beforehand that your birthday was falling on a full moon this year. He had felt a horrible, guilty pit in his gut when he looked at his calendar and saw that your birthday and the full moon were overlapping. That meant he’d miss your birthday this year, and he couldn’t have felt worse about it. You weren’t at all upset with him over it. It wasn’t his fault, and you knew that making him feel bad over it wouldn’t solve anything. That didn’t stop you from being disappointed though.

He knew that you had spent your birthday alone, probably snuggled up in bed and watching all of your favorite Muggle movies to keep your mind off of it. It pained him to know that he hadn’t been there for you on your special day, but it warmed his heart that you were so forgiving. It had been a few days since the full moon had passed, and Remus had been working on something special for you.

Even if your birthday had passed, a late celebration was better than nothing at all. He had to make it up to you.

It was a busy time of the school year at Hogwarts, both you and Remus were slammed with course materials and grading essays. Remus knew you’d be holed away in your office until after dinnertime, which gave him a small window to get everything prepared that he had planned. Confusion riddled you when you entered your bedroom to see that your husband wasn’t anywhere to be seen. The bedroom was spotless, the bed was neatly made as always, but there was a slip of parchment folded neatly on the pillows. It was a note from Remus, telling you to meet him at The Great Hall once you were ready and had gotten the message.

Your curiosity was sparked at the instruction. It was well after dinner now, and there surely couldn’t have been any reason for Remus to want to meet you there. You made your way through the quiet corridors of the castle, your shoes clicking with each step you took. You paused when you made it to The Great Hall, the sound of soft music from inside had stopped your walk completely. A smile appeared on your face as you creaked the large door open, revealing a sight that sucked all the air out of your lungs.

The Great Hall was decorated to dazzling perfection. Candles were lit all around the room, creating a warm, lovely glow. The ceiling twinkled with sparkling stars and the floor was dotted with flower petals. In the middle of the room was a circular table, much smaller than any of the House tables that were all pushed up against the walls. The Great Hall was massive as it was, but it looked even larger when there wasn’t anyone inside of it. Remus’ head snapped in your direction when he heard the door open, a sheepish grin appearing on his face as you approached him.

“Remus...what’s all this?” You asked, your eyes darting around the room in wonder.

He held his hand out to you, pulling you in to him once you took it.

“Just a little something for you, my love.” He admitted, a pink tinge dusting his cheeks.

Your hands found his shoulders, a silent note occurring to you as to how tense he was. You had a feeling that this past full moon would be a difficult one. You hated to ever see him in discomfort.

“Is this because you missed my birthday?” You pondered; “Oh, Rem. I told you it was fine. You couldn’t help it.”

Remus shook his head.

“No, no. I couldn’t just do nothing,” He remarked; “I love you too much for that.”

You kissed him for that, causing a bit of his aches to fade away. You always seemed to have that effect on him.

“So...do you like it? I know it isn’t much, I didn’t have a lot of time...” He blushed.

You smiled warmly, smoothing out the material of his soft sweater.

“I love it. It’s perfect.” You assured him.

Suddenly giddy with excitement, Remus guided you to the table, pushing your seat in once you had sat down. The table was presented to you with a spread of food that you loved, adorned with a vase of flowers and candles. Remus had really thought this whole thing out. He filled your wine glass, holding up his own to make a toast to you.

“Here’s to late celebrations.” He cheeked.

“To late celebrations.” You returned.

You laughed gently when he clinked his glass against yours, sipping the rim with ease. Remus couldn’t seem to look away from you. He was taking in your beauty as if he hadn’t seen it a million times in his life. How a human could be as extravagant and beautiful as you was mind boggling to him.

“How exactly did you pull all of this off? The Great Hall isn’t exactly intended for spontaneous date nights.” You questioned, wrapping your lips around your fork as you ate.

Remus smirked proudly.

“I asked Albus if I could have it for the evening,” Remus explained; “He’s a bit of a romantic.”

“Shocking,” You replied sarcastically; “How are your classes? Are the second years improving?”

Remus let out a noise of disapproval, his eyebrows furrowing.

“Please. Must we talk about work?” He queried.

You chuckled in amusement, your hands going up in defense.

“I suppose not,” You obliged, letting your eyes roam over him. His eyes were dimmer than usual, his entire frame seemingly slouched. “Was the full moon that rough?”

Remus only grinned in reassurance with a shrug.

“I’m a lot better now. I’ll be fine in another day or so.” He replied.

Remus’ foot nudged yours, rubbing up and down your calf in a loving way. He never wanted you to worry yourself over him. He had dealt with his transformations for a long time. While they grew harder to deal with as he got older, he always found comfort with you.

The two of you were always so wrapped up in each other’s presence. Sometimes nothing could be said at all, but it was more than words could ever say. Your souls were so connected, so in sync that it was almost scary. Two beautifully different human beings had collided together to create one perfect love story.

If only everyone could have what you did.

“Oh, how did I ever get so lucky?” Remus suddenly asked, catching your attention once more; “How did I ever deserve someone so perfect?”

You grew shy and avoided his gaze to hide the burning blush on your cheeks.

“I could ask myself the same thing. I’m far from perfect, and how I ended up with someone as faultless as you always puzzles me.” You responded as you sipped your wine.

Remus laughed out loud, his sweet chuckle echoing through the room.

“Faultless? I think I must tell you that I am far from faultless,” He admitted; “I’m just about as flawed as I could get.”

You joined his laughter.

“Well, let’s both be flawed then.” You joked.

The two of you continued to talk, just enjoying each other’s company when Remus stood up from his chair after your plates were cleared. He lifted you from your own seat, bringing you over to the empty space of The Hall.

“Remus?” You called when he placed your arms around his shoulders and his hands fell to your hips.

“Shh,” He hushed; “Dance with me.”

The music was playing overhead, filling the room with gorgeous melodies that were relaxing to your ears. Remus’ had a bit of a secret talent for dancing, something that you liked to yourself. He swayed with you, your hearts beating in rhythm together as you gracefully waltzed. He whispered sweet nothings to you, only making you fall more and more in love with him.

“You’re so wonderful. If I could give you the world, I would,” He praised; “You’re everything I’ve ever wanted.”

Your head fell to his shoulders, your lips just grazing the crook of his neck. Your feet moved so well together. Each move was easy and calculated, like your physicality was quintessential to his. You were forever grateful that your paths had lined up. Your life would be so different without him.

“No one’s ever loved me the way you do,” You confessed; “I love you.”

“Oh, I love you. So much,” He professed; “I never want to miss another moment with you.”

The song came to a close, and suddenly there wasn’t any noise in the room. Just your gentle breathing and occasional kisses that he left on your head. Your dancing stopped shortly after, signaling that your night had come to an end. Even though your day was over, you weren’t at all disappointed. You knew that with Remus, you’d have moments like this over and over for the rest of your life.

Remus rubbed your back, persuading you to draw your head back to look at him. His tired eyes were glassy, but full of care and so much love that it made your heart swell.

“Happy birthday, love.”

#remus lupin #remus lupin x you #remus lupin x reader #remus lupin fanfiction #remus #remus lupin x female reader #remus lupin x y/n #remus lupin fluff #remus lupin oneshot #harry potter remus lupin #harry potter lupin #Harry Potter #remus lupin x professor #seriouslysnape

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sugakuns · 4 years

Text

[hc] “do you still love me?” ❤︎ kageyama, sugawara, kenma & hinata

thank you 🥺🥺 also we all know it’s kenma gaming lol

→ sugawara kōshi

Since every match was important to the third years, Kōshi has been staying behind after school every single day.

It started to take a toll on the time you spend with him

Over the past week you had only seen him in the hallways since he started to participate in early morning practice with the younger ones

So to say the least, you felt like your relationship was deteriorating

But you felt awful feeling this way because you knew that he didn’t mean to make you feel this way, but you simply can’t help it

How would anyone else feel after a week and a half of barely speaking to their s/o?

So after a while you decided to suck it up and face him in person and ask the question still causing havoc in your brain

So you found yourself outside the club room, fist raised in the air as you contemplated knocking on the door

Faintly, you could hear the shuffling behind the door which caused your heart to speed up

“Kōshi?”

How had you managed to call for him when you couldn’t even knock on the door?

The door swings open and Kōshi is sure enough there, peeking his head around the corner. His eyes light up as he sees you but it goes unnoticed by your sad eyes

“What’s up babe? Is something wrong?” As observant as ever 😭

he watches as you fiddle with your fingers, seemingly struggling to find the words

“Do you still love me?”

Kōshi splutters with his words, shocked by the question

“Of course I do! What made you think I wouldn’t?”

Even with his arms wrapped around you and his reassuring words, you can’t help but still hear that nagging voice in the back of your head

“..I know that volleyball is your number one priority right now but..you haven’t paid attention to me in like weeks! You never text me anymore and even in school you don’t talk to me..”

Kōshi frowns “You’re my number one priority, y/n”

After the little spill sesh that allowed you to tell Kōshi the way you were feeling, the sweetheart was about to cry 🥺

“Well, there’s no practice today..so let’s go out and I can show you that you really are my number one priority!”

And with that, a big grin on your face and a happy Kōshi! You knew your answer

You had to stop him going on a rant about being a shitty boyfriend before that though

→ kageyama tobio

You knew this was coming

he’s volleyball oriented!!!

between studying and extra practice, he totally forgot about you..which typing it out is bad

he’s reply to your messages late and when he did they were short

the amount of times you seen the ‘read’ at the bottom of your texts was honestly saddening

you decided to pull him at lunch, when you knew he would be at the vending machines

“tobio-chan!”

oh yeah, i have a s/o - tobio kageyama

“Hi (y/n)-chan”

you know he’s awkward with his words but the way he said it so..monotonely was upsetting.

“Tobio..do you still love me?” Cue kags choking on his milk

“W-what do you mean?!” Give him a few moments there’s currently milk in his lungs

“You never talk to me anymore and I don’t know..you just seem so disinterested in me now-a-days” the pout on your face paired with your big, glossy eyes was heartbreaking

Tobio’s obviously very awkward with words so verbal communication isn’t his forté, but he always tries his best to articulate his feelings

“I do love you (y/n)..I’m sorry if it seems like I don’t” he’s nervously scratching the back of his neck as he tries to find the right words “I’ll try my best from now on to be a better boyfriend..”

It’s kinda shit but it’s Tobio, that’s like a literature masterpiece coming from his mouth lmao

babes offers you the rest of his milk as an apology 🥺

→ kozume kenma

he’s most likely more focused on his games but let’s just say Kuroo’s busting his ass abt nationals so practice goes on longer and there’s less off days for him

usually every other day the team gets off but now the only day they get off is Friday

Even then Kuroo manages to get him to practice

There was a time you came over and Kuroo came in behind you and stole Kenma time from you 😡

anywhos, baby is booked and tired

he’s almost always falling asleep in class and during breaks he takes naps

so you never have time to talk to him

“Kenma, can I ask you something before you take a nap?” You ask bravely during lunch break

he nods sleepily

“Do you still love me?” Lemme tell you this boy WAKES tf up

“of course I do” he states so boldly

Kenma has a thing like Kageyama where he finds it little hard to communicate, but when he can find the right words to say he always uses a matter-of-face tone

he doesn’t even realise he’s using such a bold tone

tbh he kinda leaves it there until the end of the school day

“Kenma? Don’t you have practice?”

Boy has his gaming device TUCKED away just for you

“Let’s go to that cafe you like, then we can do something you want to do”

It doesn’t sound like much but if you know Kenma, he just stepped out of his comfort zone

“Kenma, are you sure? I’d be fine watching you play your games..”

He shakes his head with the cute small smile on his face “Today is your day”

→ hinata shōyō

hinata as we know is very volleyball oriented, just like his buddy

but i feel hinata would be more aware (?) that he hadn’t spoke to you for a while

so it would be a big shock if he hadn’t spoke to you

like he makes his best effort to try to talk to you but everyone time he tried to someone would take him away

“Shōyō! I need to talk to you”

“Can it be quick (y/n)? I only have ten minutes to get changed and go to practice!” Shōyō is doing his usual jumping and usually you would find it cute

if it weren’t for the pain in your heart (emo hours 😔)

“Shōyō.. do you still love me?”

poor baby looks like a kicked puppy when you ask that :(

but we all know he’s gonna have some dramatic speech lol

all you can make out of the fast ranting is “im sorry” , “I love you so much” and you’re pretty sure you heard Kageyama’s name in there somewhere

Shōyō is attacking you with such a big bear hug and honestly..I’d kill for one of them because I just know it has so much love in it

“i really can’t skip practice..but i can meet you after your club ends and we can go to my house! natsu misses you..”

you BET you agree because the NATSU Hinata misses you (best girl 🥺)

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sweetsmellosuccess · 2 years

Text

TIFF 2022: Day 4

Films: 2 Best Film Of The Day: The Good Nurse

My Policeman: A stuffy romantic drama that serves as a de facto star vehicle for the beguiling Harry Styles, in an LGBTQ+-positive role as a young husband, who remains stolidly in love with another man for the entirety of his life. Styles plays Tom, a spry young copper back in 1957, who meets museum director Patrick (David Dawson) by chance one afternoon, and eventually sparks a passionate — completely illegal at the time — affair with him, around the same time he woos Marion (Emma Corrin), a sweet-faced schoolteacher. For a time, the three of them pal around together like something out of Jules y Jim: We see them singing boisterously at a club, zipping around in Tom’s car, and going to concerts and gallery shows without a care in the world. Behind the scenes, however, as Marion becomes aware of her husband’s double-life — especially when the boys take off together for a trip to Venice, a getaway that she makes no bones about resenting — things get more tense, until, eventually Tom is arrested for his “perversion” and is convicted, despite Marion’s plea as a character witness. In the aftermath, as we determine from the film’s many present day scenes, as an elderly Marion (now played by Gina McKee), takes in the fading Patrick (Rupert Everett), having suffered a stroke that leaves him virtually speechless, despite the protestations of Tom (Linus Roche, in the thankless role of older Styles), who refuses to have anything to do with his old love. Directed with a finicky fustiness by Michael Grandage, the film seems perpetually bogged down in a malaise. Styles, for his part, is fine enough, though playing a character so regarded and coveted by everyone can certainly be considered typecasting. The early scenes with Patrick and Tom are meant to show their unbridled passion — there are several non-graphic scenes of the two of them lunging nakedly on top of one another, tenderly kissing each other’s shoulder blades — but the chemistry feels off, and very little about the present-day scenes seem to connect to what they once were. Laborious and stodgy, it feels like a prime example of a certain kind of stodgy British romance, all unspoken feelings, and dreams deferred, old chap.

The Good Nurse: Tobias Lindholm is a great filmmaker, whose storytelling talents are particularly suited towards a kind of methodical procedural, be it fictionalized (A Hijacking; A War), or not (the HBO series “The Investigation”). His first American-produced film, a fact-based drama about a nurse suspected of killing his patients in different hospitals for years before finally being arrested, offers him a chance to exploit those skills with a top-rate pair of leads. Those would be Eddie Redmayne, as Charlie Cullen, the nurse in question, a quiet, seemingly caring, self-deprecating sociopath; and Jessica Chastain, as Amy Loughren, the beleaguered nurse who first befriends Charlie as he begins to work at her hospital, and ends up instrumental in finally getting him captured. Lindholm, working from a taut screenplay by Krysty Wilson-Cairns (from the nonfiction book by Charles Graeber), doesn’t traffic in dramatic cliches, and histrionic flourishes. There are few combative scenes here, and fewer still where characters spin into scene-stealing exaltations (save for perhaps one from Redmayne near the end, where his suppressed character’s psychopathic intensity terrifyingly reveals itself). In place of such dramatic fodder, there are the simple facts of the case: Starting in the mid-’90s, Cullen was able to move from hospital to hospital, killing dozens of his patients (one estimate has his death toll topping 400), all without ever being arrested, reprimanded, or even flagged by his former workplaces, who suspected him of malice, but were too afraid of the potential financial culpability in exposing him to make him stop. Amy, a single mother working the nightshift, and coming home to help get her two young daughters off to school in the mornings, has problems of her own — a worsening heart condition that she’s trying to keep under wraps until her health insurance finally kicks in after her first year at the hospital — and, at first, welcomes Charlie’s earnest attempts to comfort her, helping her through her own health episodes at work, so she can keep her job. But when patients start coding on the regular, and Charlie becomes the lead suspect for a pair of local detectives (Noah Emmerich and Nnamdi Asomugha), Amy begins to question her friend, and wants to do something to stop him. As an indictment of a privatized health system that values corporate self-protection over stopping a serial killer from moving freely through the healthcare system, Lindholm’s film is soberly effective. That severity limits the emotional register for Chastain and Redmayne to a degree, but it also encourages the pair of powerhouses to internalize their performances — Redmayne is a study in concealed ferocity, his face a mask of empathy, his manner gentle and compassionate — in a way that challenges both of them to audacious work.

Wherein the author contemplates this year’s offerings and the past decade of covering this fabulous film festival, as he’s poised to embark on a new career path that will more than likely involve him standing up in front of a group of sullen teens, espousing the glories of the Russian masters, rather than taking in a beatific week of international cinema in the early days of September.

#sweet smell of success #piers marchant #ssos #movies #films #tiff #toronto international film festival #2022 #my policeman #harry styles #the good nurse #tobias lindholm #eddie redmayne #jessica chastain

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suchalonelysunflower · 4 years

Text

The Beginning of the After (a.i)

Pairing: Ashton Irwin x Fem! Reader

Summary: Every person has a before and an after. Now it’s Ashton’s turn to deal with the after you created.

Warnings: Angst. Language. Mentions of alcohol. Probably some grammar mistakes (English is not my first language, I’m sorry)

Word count: 4 k

Author’s note: I missed writing for Ash so much! This fic comes with an afterthought question: Is there a bad guy in every story? Remember that Reblogs, Comments, Feedback and Likes are very important! They really help a lot and are more than welcome and encouraged, I love to hear from you guys 💕 Hope you like it and Happy Reading ✨🦋🌻

My materialist // wanna be part of my tag list?

The bitter liquor burned his throat as he swallowed the liquid like it was nothing, it felt like nothing. It was his first drink of the night and he cannot promise it would be his last. He knows he should be ashamed of himself but lately, he doesn’t even know who he is and if he would ever become the person he was again. Truth is, he doesn’t care, not anymore. Not since the day you left.

He could still remember how cold the house felt the day he came back just a little bit late. He remembers how his smile stiffened as he opened the door and couldn’t hear your laugh, or your voice, or even feel your presence anymore. He has almost forgotten how it was to live on his own, already so used to you.

His grip tightened around the glass, knuckles turning white as he felt the ice melt inside the empty glass, trying desperately to feel something other than the emptiness you left, not only at your side of the bed but also inside of him.

How could you just leave him like that? No note, no calls, no texts. It was like you were never there, to begin with.

Before he could realize it, his glass was full once again and he just stared at it. It was almost funny how he found himself in the same situation he was a few years prior, the years before you. And now, after you, he felt like the alcohol mocked him and his failure. But, did he really fail?

It was impossible to know. Not without you here, at least. But the alcohol didn’t know that, the strangers looking at him pitifully didn’t know that. They just knew that a lonely man was standing in the middle of the kitchen, staring at his drink and wishing everything could just stop for a second. Maybe if the world stopped he could break down and still feel as strong instead of drowning his sorrows with past mistakes.

They didn’t allow him to break down. Not in the way he wanted at least, not in the way he needed. They were very quick to jump to conclusions, friends you once called your own now trashed your name like a bad word. Their loyalty blinded them from any common sense, seeing how much he was hurting. One thing you might have forgotten is that you hurt them too with your departure, you were their friend, after all, the only difference is that they transformed the pain into a rage, believing that some things are better to avoid than to feel.

But he couldn't have that luxury, he always said that he was cursed with feeling too much, creating a mixture of feelings that turned into nothing and everything at the same time, and right now he wished he could just turn everything off and go to sleep. Hoping that if he wished hard enough everything would be good once he woke up.

“Hey, Ash!-” Calum called over the loud music, trying to get his attention. But as soon as his eyes met the glass his friend was holding, his smile faded completely.

Ashton could feel the disappointment in his friend’s demeanor. He was disappointed in himself as well, but that was as obvious as the moon glowing at night. He knew drinking would not solve his problems or bring you back again, but he didn’t know what else to do. It was the only thing he remembers before you.

His eyes burned, unsure if it was because of the alcohol or the tears he was trying to hold back for the sake of his friend. Yet, he still managed to smile at Calum, hoping he could believe his bluff. But everyone with a pair of eyes could tell the meaningless smile on his face. His dimples stopped showing once you left and his smile barely reached his eyes anymore. He became a shell of a man he once was.

Calum’s eyes were still on the half-empty glass in Ashton’s hand “It’s my second and last” He said, but judging by the way he was holding onto the glass for dear life, that was clearly a lie.

Brown eyes meet Hazel as they have a silent conversation. Worry and pity clash with the walls Ashton created, ending with a deep sigh and a simple nod.

“There is someone I’d like you to meet,” The curly-haired man said with a smile, wrapping an arm around Ashton’s shoulders.

A small flashback appeared on his mind, he said the same thing the night he met you a few years ago. A shiver ran down his spine as he felt dizzy, removing himself from Calum’s hold.

“No.” That was all he said.

“Dude-”

“I said no, Calum” He knew he might be acting a little bit aggressive towards someone that didn’t deserve it. But he wants nothing to do with meeting new people, especially knowing that his friends were trying to set him up with another lover to try and get him to forget you.

But he was not the only one who was frustrated with the situation “You can’t keep hanging on to-”

“That’s my business, isn’t it?” Ashton said as he gulped his drink in its entirety, avoiding Calum’s eyes as he filled it up again “Listen, I appreciate what you’re doing but I’m not ready. Just because you guys forgot about her like it was yesterday's news doesn’t mean I did.”

Calum was about to say something along the lines of how he hasn’t forgotten you nor forgiven you for that matter, or maybe he’d just throw another insult at the person you became once you disappeared from everyone’s lives. Ashton knew it all already, but he also knew that the truth was that Calum felt guilty over this whole situation, he was the one who introduced you to Ashton, the one who created the beginning of the aftermath. But before he could even muster the first word, Ashton was already walking away.

He pushed through the sea of strangers, not stopping to talk to any of them as he felt the urge for a little bit of fresh air. He knew Calum meant well, all of them did. But he knew the hidden meaning behind these unnecessary parties, the careless comments and light gossip on other people Ashton’s never heard of before, and the unsettling silence that it came after the sound of your name.

Ashton knew he should do it. He should just forget you and move on but things are not that easy for him. He loved you, he still does and he's not sure he should. He once told you he couldn't imagine a life without you, a life without loving you and he still can’t, even after you were the one who left. If you asked him he would say that he loves you like the first day, but the pain is something entirely different that overshadows everything that comes into his path, even the love that you once had.

He managed to get out of the house before he felt like drowning, taking a huge gasp of air as he stepped outside. A crushing weight came over him as he let the suffocating stream of tears fall down his eyes. He breathed once, twice, three times before brushing them away, he wasn’t going to break down here. He counted to ten and told himself that it will all be over once he reaches home, that he will be fine once he goes to bed, and allows himself to shut down for the day, ignoring the cold space next to him as he closes his eyes. Cause reality isn’t real once he gets to sleep, even if it meant sleeping without you by his side. Then it will be another day where he could pretend longer that he doesn’t miss you, that he is strong enough to carry the weight of your unsaid goodbye and fool his friends with laughs and jokes until they stop worrying about him.

He doesn't like pretending, but he has no other choice. His spirit is divided into letting go and holding on to his pretense, scared of both consequences. But he is not himself anymore, who was he before you? and who could he become after you? He feels like a stranger in his own mind, the only person who could bring him back was long gone and you were not coming back.

Ashton drowned the rest of his drink and stared at his watch, counting the seconds until he could finally go home without anyone being on his case.

“You still count the minutes till midnight?”

The voice came from behind him. The urge of turning around got overshadowed by the strength in which his feet stood their ground. He felt how the hair on his back started to frizz as a shiver ran down his whole body. He must’ve heard wrong…

“Ash?”

He gripped his glass with enough strength that it almost broke in his fingers. This couldn’t be happening, not right now. He never wished to be drunk as much as this moment.

He heard a few steps behind him, he couldn’t figure if they were walking away or coming closer. He needed to know. He needed closure. So he did the most foolish thing he could've done and turned around.

Ashton was sure he was seeing ghosts at that moment. His body is completely frozen despite the alcohol running down his veins. You can’t be here standing in front of him, not after all this time. What kind of prank is this one?

“Hi, Ashton,” You said, tucking your hair behind your ear, suddenly feeling small standing in front of him. He noticed that you weren't smiling but you wanted to, seeing him took a toll on you as well.

He, however, didn’t say anything, how could he? It was like you knocked all the air inside his lungs and left him speechless.

You were here, in front of him. You were wearing the sweater he bought you, wrapping your arms around yourself to protect you from the cold air of the night. Ashton would’ve given you his jacket the moment he saw you shiver, but that seemed so far away right now, almost like another life.

He hasn’t seen you in months and now you were here, and all you could say was hi?

“I wanted to talk to you,” You said, voice small as you looked into his hazel eyes, wishing you knew what was going on inside his head. Did he want you to leave? Would he talk to you? Does he hate you as much as you hate yourself?

Ashton closed his eyes for a moment, hoping that this was all a dream, but when he opened them back you were still there, standing like a deer caught in the headlights. The muffled sound of music was long gone as the only thing he could hear was the beating of his heart, pounding so rapidly he thought it might stop.

“Ash?”

“Now you want to talk?”

His voice sounded harsher than he intended, he noticed by the way you flinched at his words. He would apologize but he didn’t know how “You left me six months ago without a word and now you want to talk?”

All his feelings melted together in a wave of unprompted anger. He wasn’t ready to see you tonight, and now you cornered him wanting to talk, something you refused to do the night you broke him. The irony of it all almost made him laugh.

“I-” You stuttered but he didn’t let you finish.

“Six months ago I came to find an empty home. You are not there, your stuff, your clothes, your fucking toothbrush! All gone! And not a single explanation” All the feelings he bottled up were surfacing now. He didn’t care if he was yelling, he didn’t care that you started crying, he didn’t care that he started crying. This was too much. This was not fair.

“Do you know- Can you even imagine how scared I was? Especially after you didn’t pick up the phone for hours, for days! I-I didn’t know if you were okay I-I thought something happened to you and then I get a call from one of your fucking friends telling me not to contact you anymore?! Do you realize how horrible that was? How excruciatingly painful it was to hear those words from a stranger?”

“I’m sorry! I-”

He didn’t want to hear it. “Sorry doesn't cut it, Y/N!” Ashton threw the glass somewhere in the grass, he would clean it after if it broke “Sorry is what you say when someone’s grandma died. Sorry is what you say immediately after you make a mistake. So sorry is not enough right now”

“What are you doing here? Where have you been?! What made you walk away from nearly five years of relationship? Did you just wake up one day and decided to leave me and all that we've been through behind? Did I do something to make you leave?” He whispered the last part, brushing away the tears that were still rolling down his cheek.

“No!” You quickly said “God, no. Ashton, you did nothing wrong! It was me, it was all me!”

“I can’t make sense of anything since you left” Ashton’s voice was hoarse, broken. The anger was coming down but the uncertainty and the heartbreak quickly replaced it “I barely eat or sleep or… Why did you do it? We were happy, weren’t we? Did I fail you somehow? Help me understand how we went from a happy, healthy couple to you running away without a trace for me to follow. Why, Y/N? Why?!”

“I found the ring!” You snapped, sobbing as the truth left your mouth.

Ashton felt like a bucket of water had fallen on him, soaking him and taking every ounce of heat his body could create.

He bought a ring, yes, he even got Luke's help to pick it up. He was planning to propose somewhere along the year to come. He loved you and wanted to spend the rest of his life with you, how could he not? You were everything he wanted, everything he needed, and now… Now he doesn’t know who you are.

You are still standing with your arms wrapped around you as you cry. Soft sobs escape your mouth as you try to mutter a word, anything that could excuse the hurt that you caused him. The Y/N he knew would’ve never hurt him the way that you did, where was she now?

“I found the ring that morning after you left for the studio,” You said, as calmly as you could. Staring into Ashton’s eyes to make sure he was listening “I was rearranging the closet and it just fell from your coat… Next thing I knew I was driving to San Diego”

You saw Ashton’s chest rise and fall with the deep breaths he took. His face was numb, expressionless as you continued talking, not knowing if you’d ever stop “I- I was scared, Ashton. I wasn’t ready for marriage and we never really talked about it before and- Everything happened so fast! So I did the most horrible thing I could ever do and just ran away and there is not one day where I don’t regret that”

“Ashton, I love you. I love you and I never stopped loving you for a second. The minute I realized what I’ve done it was too late, you were probably already home and I knew you’d hate me. I-I couldn’t go back, it was too late and I-”

“Then why are you here?” The words felt like venom for the two of you “Why are you here now, Y/N?”

“Cause I love you. And it took me all this time to realize that I can’t live without you. Do you think you are the only one suffering from my decisions? Ashton, I haven’t left the house for weeks. I cry myself to sleep every night cause I miss you by my side. You consume my every thought and I just couldn't take it anymore, I needed to see you, to say I’m sorry and to ask for you to take me back. I love you and I know you still love me, babe. Please-”

“No.” The word fell out of his mouth before he even realized it.

This is the moment where you both feel could last forever. The time stops as you both take in Ashton’s word: No. And all that he means by that.

“Ash-”

“No, Y/N” He stopped crying, but the pain inside his eyes was crystal clear “Y-You don’t get to do this. You don’t get to reappear in my life after you left me. You left me! You broke me and I had to pick up the pieces, I’m not even healed yet and here you come to open the wound even more”

“I-”

“You are a coward!” Ashton spat, “Five years! We fucking knew each other for five years! I loved you for five years and I thought we could trust each other cause that's what couples do. But no, apparently that wasn't enough. You walked away instead of facing this like a fucking grown-up. You said you were scared? So was I! But I was so sure of my feelings for you that I was willing to fight those fears, I was going to fight them with you cause that’s what we do! We don’t turn away from each other, especially when things get rough and that’s exactly what you did. You abandoned me, body and spirit and took it all with you”

“If you had talked to me that day we could’ve worked it all out. Tell me you are not ready for marriage? Perfect! then we’re not getting married. I didn’t need a piece of paper or a fancy ring to know that I still would’ve wanted to spend the rest of my life next to you. But you… for you, it was so easy to just leave”

“I never said it was easy, Ashton!” You defended, but he didn’t care.

“And yet here you are, six months later. If the guilt wasn’t eating you up would you ever come back?” Ashton asks, taking a step closer to you, already knowing the answer “This is not love, Y/N” He said with a broken voice “This is not how it's supposed to be. You are doing your duty, what you think is the best for you cause you know you fucked up. If you cared you wouldn’t have left in the first place, you would’ve come back the minute you realized this was a mistake cause God knows I would've taken you back then”

He felt like he was being unfair to you but he couldn’t push away past the pain and the anger. He couldn’t understand why you left him, why it was so easy for you to run away while he spent the past few months in an emotional coma. He wasn't allowed to run away from his feelings and yet, you did. You left him alone with no comfort and thought that you could have fixed everything when the damage was already irreparable.

“You have no right coming here and try to undo the mess you created, thinking everything would be fine between the both of us. I’m not the same man you fell in love with and you are clearly not the same girl I fell in love with. Pain can change people and, baby, you completely wrecked me”

“I know” You cried silently “I know, Ash and I have regretted it from the beginning. I was selfish and-”

“That’s right, you were and still are by coming here” He wiped his face with the palm of his hand, trying to compose himself “And I’m not just talking about me. Do you have any idea how much you hurt the boys? Their partners? We were a family and you just broke it like it was nothing. Five years of nothing. I'm glad to know that's all we meant for you”

“Ashton, please!” You begged him to stop talking. You knew you deserved this, that he was right on almost everything he said except on the part that you didn't care. You did more than you should and, you just hoped that maybe, just maybe... “I fucked up! I know, and you have every right to hate me-

“That’s the problem!” Ashton said with a dry laugh that held all the resentment he had towards himself “I wish I could hate you but the truth is that it’s completely the opposite. I should hate you, cause loving you just hurts too much”

His words hurt more than believing he hated you. You wish he hated you “Ashton, I-”

The sound of the back door opening and a slight gasp caught you both by surprise.

“What is she doing here?” Michael asked defiantly as he started walking towards Ashton, followed by Calum and Luke.

“She was just leaving,” Ashton said, looking at you like it was nothing. Like you were nothing.

Everyone stood quiet as the black-haired man stood his ground. You didn't dare to watch the hatred in his bandmates eyes, so you concentrated only in him. Although as soon as you did that you regretted it instantly.

His eyes had nothing to show other than utter disappointment. His voice was firm and cold as steel, whoever this person was, it was not the Ashton they used to know. No, that Ashton died the day you left. The day that marked the beginning of the after.

Your eyes filled with a new set of tears as you took a step towards him “Ash…” But you were interrupted as Luke stood in front of you, blocking you from giving another step “You heard him” Was all he said.

You watched as Ashton started to walk inside next to Calum and Michael, not even sparing a glance towards your direction one last time.

“No, no no no. Luke” You beg to the tall Australian “Luke, please I-”

Luke softly grabbed you by the shoulders and pleaded “Please, Y/N/N. Don’t make this any more difficult for any of us. Please”

And just like that, you watched as Ashton disappeared inside the house, just like you did to him.

“Hey, Ashton!” Calum called over the music, a big smile decorating his face.

Ashton turned around and smiled just as wide as his friend “What’s up?”

“There is someone I'd like you to meet” The teasing in his voice was apparent. Ashton rolled his eyes, knowing the game too well.

He was about to say something until he laid eyes on the most beautiful girl he’d ever seen. Her smile seemed to illuminate the room and her eyes sparkled like a thousand stars. An invisible halo surrounded her as she made her way towards Calum and him, and he knew this was the someone Calum wanted him to meet. It was too perfect to be real.

Ashton stood in complete awe in front of this stranger whose cheeks tinted red the moment she laid eyes on the drummer. He shook his head out of the trance and extended his hand for you to take.

“Hi, I’m Ashton,” He said with a smile filled with dimples.

You took his hand on yours and you both could feel the immediate spark. They were already hooked and they didn’t even know their names yet.

“I’m Y/N, nice to meet you”

“The pleasure is all mine, love,” He said while bringing your hand to his lips and planting a sweet kiss on your knuckles “I have a feeling that this would be the beginning of something”

You chuckled “Something good, I hope?”

Ashton smiled “Something beautiful”

Tags: @iknowyouthinkimbulletproof @theshyspy @talksoprettyjjx @sarcasticallywitty15 @hoodhoran @flaneurcth @notinthesameguey @mystic-232

*if your url is scratch please contact me so we can fix it

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ray-ray-writings · 4 years

Note

Hey Ray! Could you write some soft Schlatt stuff? Soft or angsty really both are good!!! There’s just not enough schlatt content out there for me to spam my friend with. (I’d say go for soft things but my friend is an angst queen) thank you!!!!!

-🌻

I love Schaltt so much and am kind of sad that I don’t get the opportunity to write for him more lol. And how about a compromise? How about something angsty with a happy ending??? Did not mean for this to be as long as it is but it happens lol. Hope everyone has a great night, this is the last drabble for the night! More to come tomorrow!!

TW: Schlatt throws a glass bottle at you and a few curse words

So we’re going to say that you and Schlatt are engaged okay? So you and Schlatt have been together for a really long time server hopping. You kind of let Schlatt pick the places you go because you never really cared as long as you were with Schlatt you were happy. So when you moved to the DreamSMP you were honestly just kind of vibing. You quickly met Quackity and he very quickly became your best friend. You almost had a stroke when Schlatt announced he was running for president. (Joke intended lol). But Schlatt was a failed businessman who never showed any interest in politics so when he told you he was running for president of L’Manberg, you were super shocked. But nonetheless you helped him campaign and supported him 100%. And when Quackity told you that he was going to give all of the votes that Swag2020 got to Schlatt you actually began believing that he could win this thing. And to your absolute surprise, he did just that. He won. JSchlatt won. Your failed businessman of a fiancé actually won the presidential election of L’Manberg. You didn’t necessarily agree with his first decree, but you being the loving and supporting person you are, you stood behind your lover 100%, even when Wilbur stared at you with pleading eyes to do something. You forced yourself to look away and turn your attention to your fiance who was now celebrating with Quackity… Everything was good. Everything was happy….

But after the election, things started to get… bumpy. The presidency began to take a toll on Schlatt and instead of turning to you with his problems, he turned to the bottom of a liquor bottle. It really hurt. It hurt that he felt he couldn’t lean on you and come to you for support on these things. He would come home really late and leave really early so you didn’t see him at home. So you tried really hard to be there for him. You would swing by his office and try to get him to talk to you, but he would only shoe you out, or have Tubbo escort you out, claiming he had a lot of work to do. You’d try to convince him to go on walks or dates with you, but he would again just brush you off and tell you to go away. Finally you’ve had enough and so one night you stay up. You don’t fall asleep when you usually would and you wait for Schlatt to come home. He comes home at like 1:30 am, stumbling in through the door, barely able to stand on his feet with an almost empty glass whiskey bottle in his hand. “Welcome home,” You greet coldly, standing up from the couch with your arms crossed over your chest. Schlatt’s head snaps to you in surprise and he rolls his eyes before he takes a swig from his bottle, “What are you doing here?” He grumbles, wiping his lips after he drinks. You can’t help but let out a scoff and move around the room toward the wall farthest away from him. “Really? You come home drunk off you ass, barely able to stand up, and the first thing out of your mouth is ‘What are you doing here?’ Unbelievable” you spit out, rolling your eyes and leaning up against the wall. Schlatt grumbles something under his breath, slams the door shut and glares at you, “Hi!” he cheers in the fakest peppiest voice you’ve ever heard, “How was your day? Is that what you wanted to hear?” “Yes actually. I would have loved to hear my fiance ask me how my day was! But no, instead I get a bitter fiance who only cares about himself greeting me” you seethe, extremely pissed off at how he’s acting. Schlatt lets out another scoff, “Oh really? Only thinking of myself? You’re the one who wanted me to ask you how your day was, seems pretty selfish to me” he slurs, tipping the bottle back and taking another drink. You cannot believe the words you’re hearing. He really thinks you’re selfish for wanting him to ask you how your day was. “It’s selfish of me to want to talk to my fiance? It’s selfish to want him to look at me for more than three seconds? To talk about our days like we used to? To fall asleep in the same bed again and wake up just the same? That’s selfish?” “Yes! It is!” He blurts out, “I’m the president now and this country needs me and-” “Your the president but it doesn’t mean that you have to ignore me!” You finally shout, sick and tired of him not listening to you. But the raise of your tone sparked fire in Schlatt’s eyes and his voice booms right back, “I never wanted to be president, but you made me! This is all your fault! Being president does mean that I have to ignore you because I have to do the things that come with this goddamn job I didn’t even want!” “If you didn’t want to be president why did you even run?!?” You scream back at him. “Because you made me! I hate you!” He screams before hurtling the now empty bottle at you. It’s like slow motion. You watch the bottle fly from his hand and slowly fly in the air toward your face. You can hear yourself scream in terror as you're able to just barely duck in time for the bottle to shoot over your head and smash against the wall, thousands of glass shards falling to the ground.

It’s silent. As you stand back up, tears are filling your eyes, but you’re able to see the horrified expression on Schlatt’s face. It’s obvious his actions have sobered him up and he now has a clear mind. “Y/N” he chokes out the whisper of your name, such a stark contrast from the volume level just a moment earlier. “Get out” you whisper back, a single tear falling down your cheek. “Y/N” he tries again, taking a single step forward, but you flinch back, your slipper stepping on the broken glass behind you, “Get out” you repeat a little louder. When he makes no move, you begin screaming again, “GET OUT! GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT!!” You scream as you sob. Again, Schlatt remains frozen in place, the whiplash of him being so drunk he can barely walk to him being sober due to him hurling a bottle at his lover has his head hurting and unable to move. When he doesn’t move, you do. “Fine, I’ll get out” You then quickly walk past him toward the front door. Schlatt catches your wrist, “Y/N, wait please” he begs, tears starting to form in his eyes. You rip your wrist from his hand, “Don’t fucking touch me Schlatt” you spit hatefully at him, “I’ve done nothing but wait for you for these past few months and now I’ve finished waiting. You’ve missed your chance” and then you’re gone.

You run, and I mean run, to the nearest house, which just so happens to be Quackity’s. To your surprise, the light is still on. Before you can even knock, the door swings open and Quackity has pulled you into a warm hug. “I heard” he simply whispers in your ear. And it occurs to you that the two of you were in fact screaming at the top of your lungs at each other. “I’m sorry” you whimper in his shoulder, truly feeling bad for waking him and probably a few others. “Shhhh. It’s okay. I’ve got you now, let’s get you inside”. Quackity takes you in for the night, offering you a cup of your favorite hot liquid before tucking you in his own bed. When he tries to leave, you grab his wrist, “Stay… Please” you beg. Quackity hesitates for a moment before climbing in bed beside you. You snuggle yourself into him and put his arms around you so he was holding you. It felt really nice to fall asleep in someone’s arms again, especially your best friend’s arms.

The night goes a lot rougher for Schlatt. He’s the most sober he’s been since he won the election. He has a raging headache and his heart aches, but he knows he deserves it. Schlatt stands there staring at the door for a long time. “Any minute now,” he thinks to himself, “any minute they’ll walk through the door and hug me and tell me they forgive me” but he knows that he’s just kidding himself. When the clock hits 3am he finally looks away from the door. Schlatt lets his eyes roam the living room and they freeze on the glass pile where you stood just a while ago. His heart thumps heavily in his chest and he has to swallow harshly to get the lump out of his throat. He did that. He threw that. Not only did he throw that, he threw that at you. His love. The best thing that had ever happened in his life. He had screamed that he hated you. Quickly, Schlatt rushes forward, drops to his knees and stupidly begins picking up pieces of the shattered glass. He thinks that if he can clean it up, if he can put it back together again, you’ll come back. You’ll come back to him and forgive him and everything will be alright. A sharp pain shoots through his hand causing him to drop all of the glass he’s collected. Deep maroon liquid pours from his finger causing Schlatt to let out soft curses. He quickly uses his other hand and wraps it around the bleeding finger, rises and walks to the bathroom. He holds the bleeding finger under running water while he struggles to pull a band aid out of the cabinet. “God. Y/N would be laughing at me so hard right now. Then they would just float in here and take care of me themselves…” he thinks out loud, “Fuck!” He curses harshly as he thinks about how bad he’s fucked up with you. He manages to get himself bandaged up before he takes a few painkillers, even though he really knows he deserves to hurt. He stumbles his way into the bedroom and flings himself down on your side of the bed, he really just wants to be comforted by you, even though he’s been so shitty. But Schlatt quickly becomes confused when it’s rather cold and does not smell like you at all. He lets out a sigh and rolls over onto his normal side of the bed and is immediately overwhelmed with the powerful scent of you on his side of the bed. The tears return to his eyes as he realizes that you spend every night on his side of the bed in hopes of getting even just a little piece of him. He sobs himself to sleep, face buried in his pillow that smells just like you.

You wake that morning very confused because you wake up in someone’s arms. As you peel your eyes open, you take in messy black hair and the peaceful face of your sleeping best friend and the events of last night wash over you in one big memory wave. Hurt and sadness fall over your feelings again because you think you lost your fiance last night. You don’t get much time to ponder over it because Quackity’s eyes peel open and connect with yours. “You were watching me sleep. You fucking creep” He teases before letting out a huge yawn, moving his arm off of you and stretching. “I was not watching you sleep. I was simply staring at you while I was lost in my own thoughts you dork” you tease right back, also throwing your arm up to stretch. Quackity laughs and rolls his eyes, “Whatever creep” You roll your eyes at him in return, “Whatever’s right dork.” You two lay there for a moment before breaking out in giggles and pushing each other’s shoulder. It felt nice to laugh with someone while laying around in bed again. It felt nice to be happy. After a moment, you two climb out of bed. Quackity gives you some clothes of his to change into so you didn’t have to walk around in your pajamas. You change in the bathroom and do what you need to do before you Quackity in the kitchen for breakfast. You have a nice breakfast together, but as you eat there’s a knock on the door. Quackity gets up and opens it, “Tubbo! What can I do for you?” “Have you seen Y/N? Schlatt wants to see them so he sent me to find them. So have you seen them?” You can hear the young boy ask from the front door. You hear Quackity hesitate at the door, not sure if he should tell Tubbo where you are. So you stand up and walk into view. “Hello Tubbo” you greet the small boy kindly. His eyes light up at you, “Hello Y/N! Schlatt is looking for you! He’s in his office at the office! Shall I escort you to him?” He asks. It’s obvious he has no idea what’s going on. You give a little head shake and take a deep breath before you answer, “No it’s okay. Tell him that I’m having breakfast with my best friend and that I’ll… I’ll meet him afterwards. But also tell him that if he shows up here, I won’t talk to him ever again” Tubbo’s eyes widen slightly, but he gives you a small nod and a smile, “Okay. I’ll let him know Y/N” Tubbo then turns on his heel and runs off toward the office. Quackity shuts the door and turns to you with a concerned look on his face as he rests a comforting hand on your shoulder, “Are you sure you want to do that?” “No” you admit, “But I really should. It’s the adult thing to do” Quackity lets out a small laugh, “Then you’re more adult than I’ll ever be… Come on, let’s go finish breakfast”

The two of you have a lovely breakfast together, but the whole time you’re thinking about what it is you’re going to say to Schlatt once you are in his office. Quackity gives you a tight hug before you leave. You metally prepare yourself on the short walk over to the office building. What you’re going to say, how you’re going to react, you know typical mental argument planning things. You take a deep breath once you’re in front of the door before you raise your fist and knock. “Come in” his deep voice calls from the other side of the door. You slowly open the door, step inside, and close the door behind you before you look up and meet Schlatt’s eyes. You feel your breath catch in your throat. He looks terrible. His eyes are red rimmed and bloodshot, his hair is a mess, the bags under his eyes were extremely dark… It was obvious he had gotten very little sleep last night. ‘Good’ a voice whispers in the back of your mind. Schlatt scrambles to stand when you enter. You two stare at each other for a moment before Schlatt clears his throat and sticks out his arms. “Please. Have a seat… If you want” he stutters out. You cautiously move to one of the chairs and slowly lower yourself into the chair behind you and he quickly follows suit. There’s a little more staring before Schlatt speaks again, “So… Um. How was your breakfast?” he’s nervous, very nervous. “It was good… I know you didn’t ask me here to talk about breakfast Schlatt so let’s just get right to it shall we?” you cut straight through wanting to get this over with. Schlatt flinches slightly at the sharp tone but nods, “I’m so sorry for last night… No for the last few months. I have been an extremely shitty fiance and that hasn’t been fair to you. My behavior, especially these last few months, and especially last night was unacceptable. I’m so sorry and I really hope you’ll forgive me” You wait just a moment to make sure he was finished before you speak. And boy do you speak, “You’re right. You’ve been really shitty and it hasn’t been fair to me… But if you think a single apology is going to fix all of it. You’re dead wrong Schlatt. Dead wrong… These past few months have been hell for me. I’ve tried so hard to be supportive to try and have your back but you just kept pushing me away. I went to bed alone, I woke up alone, I had to take care of myself all while I was also trying to take care of you…. Schlatt last night you yelled at me, you screamed at me. You blamed me for the riff in our relationship. Blamed me for you having a job you claim you never wanted. I never forced you to run for president. I never forced Quackity to give you his votes. I never forced you to do anything you didn’t want to do. I simply stood behind you and supported you…. Last night you threw a glass bottle at my head. Had I not ducked it would have hit me straight in the face. I would have been severely hurt and it would have been your fault. But the thing that hurts the most, the thing that tears me up inside. Schlatt. You told me you hated me. You said you hate me.”

Schlatt is in tears by the time you’ve finished and you’re nearly there too. “I know. I know. I’m so sorry baby. So sorry. I know I’ve been so bad. So horrible. I’m so sorry. It’s not your fault, it was never your fault. It’s mine and I know that. I take complete and utter responsibility. When I ran it was a joke, it was for a joke. I never expected to win, but you supported me anyway. You’ve always supported me and I know I don’t deserve you. I really don’t. Last night, when we were talking, well yelling, I was so drunk out of my mind. I thought you were me. I thought you were me and I was talking to a version of myself, a hallucination. That’s why I screamed at you. That’s why I told you it’s your fault. That I threw the bottle, and why I said I hated you. But when I heard you scream, everything became clear. I finally saw it was you and I knew I had fucked up. I know it’s no excuse, but it’s my explanation. I understand if you never want to see me again. I wouldn’t want to see me again.” Schlatt explains before breaking down into sobs. It all makes sense, the way he acted last night. Why he did and said those horrible things to you. You could tell he wasn’t lying. You know you still have a lot to talk about and work through, but for now, you quickly rise from your chair, move around the desk, before sitting yourself down in his lap and burying your face in his neck, pulling yourself close to him. His arms immediately shoot out and wrap around you and tug you to him so tightly, as if he’s scared if he let’s go, he’ll lose you. You cry in each other’s arms for a few moments, just letting out all of your emotions. The missing of one another, the sadness, and longing. You manage to get yourself under control first, pulling back to look him in the eyes “We still have a lot to talk about and you still have a lot of making up to do, but I’m going to forgive you. Not right now, but I will eventually. We’re going to make this work lover.” You promise your fiance, leaning forward and pressing a small kiss to the corner of his mouth. “I swear to you I will spend the rest of my life making it up to you. You’re my everything my love and I swear that I’ll make this right” he whispers before leaning forward and capturing your lips into a real and proper kiss. The kind you haven’t had in months. And you can’t help but absolutely melt in Schlatt’s lap. You wrap your arms around his neck and pull him closer. You two are going to be alright. Schlatt will make sure of it.

#mcyt #mcyt imagine #mcyt drabble #schlatt #schlatt imagine #schlatt drabble #c!schlatt #ray responds #drabble #🌻 anon #anon #asks

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afoolnottoloveu · 4 years

Text

maybe i’m imagining things ♡

Summary: You don’t really feel like you belong at the BAU just yet (WC: 2.1k) {Masterlist <3}

Pairing: Spencer Reid x gender neutral!Reader

TW: smoking, mentions of death, swearing, mentions of alcohol

A/N: i dont smoke so theres highkey gonna b smth wrong with the description,,, but it just felt right okay, also it was a song reference as well >:(( also, this is for lucy’s fic contest! congrats on 3000 sweetheart <3

Song Pairing: Why Am I Like This? - Orla Gartland

You could remember the feeling, how it started that night at the bar. Despite the conversations of your new team swirling around you, you felt like a stranger. You didn’t think much of it at first, you just thought you were imagining things. You’ll grow into it, you told yourself.

After exactly a year at the BAU, you still couldn’t decisively say you were part of the family. As cases came and went, you felt the same. An outsider. A guest living with a family. You couldn’t blame them, really. As you should, right? They weren’t like this with any of the other newbies; it was you who intruded.

The last case felt no different. It was a family annihilator, and all you could think about were the victims. Unbeknownst to the team, except Aaron, you knew almost exactly what the family of the victims were going through. Your feelings were taking a toll on you, and everything from the jet ride to heading back to the office was a complete daze. Your mind was somewhere far off in the distance, only snapped back by the soft touch of JJ placing her hand on your shoulder before you could walk through the glass doors.

“Are you coming tonight?” She asked as if you already knew of what was happening tonight.

“Uh, w-what’s tonight?”

“We’re going to-”

“O’keefe’s!” Penelope squealed, running out of her batcave with the clicks of heels following.

“Oh, um-” you hesitated, but you remembered how badly you wanted to be a part of their family, and a drink didn’t sound too bad at the moment, “yeah! Yeah, I’ll just meet you guys there alright? M’gonna just grab some stuff.”

“We’ll see you down there!” Penelope bubbled, before sweeping everyone else into the elevator. You gave a small smile and wave, catching Spencer’s gaze just as the doors shut. Maybe you had learned to hide it well after all these years, but for profilers, they really had no idea what was going on inside your head.

You couldn’t help but glance up at Aaron’s office through the glass doors. Everyday you debated if the BAU was really for you, every day for a year, now. Not knowing if this was a mistake or not, you slipped through the bullpen and made a beeline for his office. Relatively quickly, you found the papers you were looking for after a quick search through his cabinets. You didn’t want to have the conversation with Aaron, but he was the only person on this floor with them. You shoved them in your purse, just in case. In case of what? You didn’t know either.

You tried to enjoy yourself, you really did, but your head was just filled to the brim with thoughts you couldn’t bear. The fuzzy, stuffy feeling of the bar would usually help you blend right in, but right now it made you sick. You excused yourself from the table, not like you were part of any of the conversations that were happening anyways, and stepped out.

Through your work blouse and slacks, the October wind nipped at your skin. You opened your purse and pulled out a pack of cigarettes. Your habit started young, smoking being one of the only things that could effectively calm you. Your dad was a smoker, but he really tried his best to stop. He wouldn’t be proud of you for following in his footsteps, but so be it.

Placing the cigarette between your lips and lifting your lighter to the end, you failed to notice someone approaching from behind you.

“6 minutes.”

Startled, you fumbled and dropped your cigarette from your lips and it hit the concrete, causing you to loudly mutter a curse. You whipped around to cuss out whoever made you drop it, but you’re met with the same eyes you saw before the elevator closed.

“Jesus Christ, Spencer. I just lit that!” His expression doesn’t change, so you rummage through your purse pulling out the box of cigarettes once again. “And I know what that means, 6 minutes off my life for every cigarette I light.” Faced towards the street, you tried to light it, but failed. As the wind kept blowing out the tiny flame, you kept trying. “To be frank, 6 minutes isn’t a whole lot of time in the grand scheme of things. It’s like, one less shower. I could live with that I think.”

Still not hearing a reaction from him, you turn his way, naturally. He seems to be finding your purse very interesting, and for a moment you think, is pretty boy gonna rob me?, but you finally realize he can see the bold print title and FBI logo on the papers that you grabbed sticking out from your purse.

“Why?” is all he asked, his voice dripping in devastation. You look up to meet his eyes and there’s a gloss over them that you know too well. “Why would you wanna transfer? The BAU is-”

“-the crown jewel of the FBI. I’ve heard it.” You take the cigarette out of your mouth to reply. Unable to meet his eyes anymore, you fixed your eyes on the street once again, but you minded your voice, careful to not let it crack nor reveal too much, “I can’t explain it, Spencer.”

“I think you can, but you don’t want to.” The hurt in his voice was still evident and you had to wonder, why was it there in the first place? He doesn’t really care, his family’s inside the bar.

You brought the joint back to your lips and tried to light it one last time, and you successfully did so, inhaling the smoke and letting it encase your lungs like a blanket. “It’s just-” A long pause lingers in the air before you come to your senses, removing the cigarette from your lips. Blowing out a cloud, the wind carried the gray smoke down the sidewalk, with your eyes trailing. “You know what? No, nevermind. It’s nothing, Spence. I might not even transfer.”

“You wouldn’t grab the papers unless you were seriously considering it, Y/N,” he huffed, intent on finding out the real reason, “Come on, you were gonna have to tell us at some point. Why not start small? Why are you leaving us?” You were getting frustrated from the simple fact that he was right, and suddenly you were very sick of the cigarette you were holding.

“Fine Spencer, if you wanna know so goddamn bad then I’ll just tell you! I just- the BAU isn’t for me! And it’s not the job, it’s- it’s you! It’s all of you! I can’t be in the same room with all of you for anything other than a debriefing without feeling like I don’t fucking belong! You guys are a family, and I still feel like it’s my day one. If you guys can do this job so well without me, then why shouldn’t- why should I even be here?” You didn’t know when the tear slipped, but they just kept coming, and you were over this cigarette, throwing it to the ground and stomping on it a little too hard.

There was a silence. A cold, heavy silence, filled with nothing more than the gentle breeze, a couple cars passing in the distance and leaves falling. You suppressed your sobs as much as you could and wiped your face repeatedly.

Oh god, you thought, did I really just say that? Fuck, fuck, shit, why am I like this-

“If I asked you to stay,” His voice was soft- you knew your response wasn’t the one he was expecting. All you could do was glance at him, not knowing where he was going with this. “Would you?”

“What’re you talking about?” The words were a whisper, you wouldn’t be surprised if he thought it was just the wind. You genuinely didn’t understand what he meant, but in your head, you had already answered his question.

“Y/N, I--I just wanna talk, okay? Can you listen? Is that alright?” His voice was comforting, and with the way you were feeling, it was music to your ears. It reminded you of the way he spoke to children, but you were just too damn exhausted to call him out on it; so you nodded, but you kept your eyes on the street in front of you, watching a taxi pass by.

“You know, when I first asked you ‘why?’ a few minutes ago, when I was saying that the BAU was the crown jewel of the FBI? Well, that wasn’t what I was going to say at all. I was gonna say that the BAU is where you belong, Y/N. We don’t only want you to stay, we need you to stay. You were the one who talked down that unsub today. You can defend yourself better than almost any of us. You treat us like family, with the coffee every Wednesday and checking on all of us regularly. We notice these things, Y/N. Do you? Because it’s almost like it’s second nature to you.”

You had to take several deep breaths before you could gather yourself enough to respond; you closed your eyes as you spoke. “Do you know why I so badly want to be so close to all of you? My- my parents were both killed by- by a sociopath. I was 15. I started smoking then. My aunt took me in and I lived with my cousins. They were closer to each other than to me, though. I- I don’t know, I had a family, I guess. I mean, my aunt and her two daughters were my family, but- I don’t know, I’m not making sense.”

“I’m sorry, Y/N. I didn’t know that at all, I thought they were your sisters. I get it. Well, I don’t, but I know what you’re trying to say. You didn’t have one as a teenager, but you have one now. Everyone inside of that bar thinks of you as their family. I know you don’t see it, but I can assure you that they do.”

You forgot your eyes were closed. They opened to the touch of Spencer’s hand on your arm, and there he was, standing in front of you. You wanted to cry more, but the sight of Spencer in front of you made you smile and your heart swell. You knew every word that left his mouth was genuine, full of love and understanding. You rushed forward and hugged him, burying your face in his chest. He wrapped his arms around you and cradled your head. It was almost funny, you were sure this was the most you had touched the germaphobe like, ever.

Into his sweater you sniffled and mumbled, “What about you Spencer?”

He pulled away from the hug, both of you still clinging to the other, but enough to have to look in each other’s eyes. He tilted his head as if he were asking what you meant.

“Do you- are we family?”

His only response was an airy chuckle and a swift, soft peck to your forehead. Huh, that’s new. You weren’t saying you didn’t like it though, no, not at all. He pulled you back into the hug and said into your hair “We don’t have to talk about that right now. But honestly? I think of you as something else, Y/N/N.”

And that was okay. The warmth of his breath on your hair and his sweater wrapping you neatly like a gift, it was more than okay.

Spencer led you back into the bar after you had fixed your makeup. Luckily, the wind actually helped to dry your tears pretty quickly. The team was gathered around the table, blocking something from your sight. As the two of you approached, you heard Penelope say “Oh, oh oh! They’re here! Y/N’s here!”

The rest of the team turns to you and in front of you, JJ is holding out a red velvet cupcake with a candle in it. “Happy one year!” The team cheered as a chorus. Your eyes widened and your face lit up. Your shock rendered you almost speechless.

“How’d you remember? Oh my gosh, you guys!” you smiled. With everyone egging you on, you blew the candle out, causing an array of cheers and claps.

“Honestly, some of us didn’t. But you know who did remember?” Morgan commented with a wink. You turned to see Spencer scratching his neck, smiling down at you, the look making your heart swell just a lil’ bit more.

You grabbed his arm and pulled him over with you to the table, the team clearing a spot for the two of you. Conveniently, shots for everyone had already been poured out, readily awaiting your consumption. You grabbed the shot glass and raised it towards the middle of the table.

“To family,” you beamed. Maybe I was just imagining things.

Taglist (send an ask to be added): @prettyboy-reid @eusuntgroot @veraiconcos (congrats on 3k again!)

#vicficwriterchallenge #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x y/n #spencer reid imagine #spencer reid #criminal minds #cm #mgg #mgg x reader #spencer reid fluff #spencer reid angst #theas originals

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chaoticpuff17 · 4 years

Text

Something Wicked

part 3

masterlist

Warning: Violence, swearing, angst

Hello my darlings! Please enjoy the next installment of something wicked! I’m working on planning out the ADG one shots for the other boys. Still trying to get Yoongi’s story out of my head. Might just have to write it! Remember that asks and messages are always welcome! love you all--- chaotic puff

“Min Seok?” She breathed out in shock dropping her bag to the floor before running into his arms relieved to see him alright. “What the hell is going on?” She demanded pulling back and smacking him repeatedly across the arm. “Do you know how worried I’ve been?”

“Can you get your dog?” He asked nervously as Jinnie barked at him bristling as he snarled.

“Oh.” She turned toward the dog kneeling down and grabbing his collar. “Shhhh, Jinnie. It’s just Seokie.” She shushed the animal petting his ears and quieting him down so that he was no longer barking. Yhough there was still a low growl emitted from his throat, and his ears wear pinned back.

“What happened?” She asked again turning her gaze back to Min Seok who was still eyeing the dog nervously. Jinnie was not a friendly animal by any means. Years on the street had made him wary, and he only really liked Y/N. “They’re saying you embezzled from the company. The police are looking for you. They came to the office today.”

“I don’t know what’s going on. But I…” He ran a frustrated hand through his already messy hair. It looked like he had been running his hand through it all day. “I didn’t do it, Y/N.”

“Why do they think you did?” She asked feeling conflicted about whether or not she should be calling the police or trying to help him. It had been such a strange day.

“I don’t know.” He groaned flopping down on to her sofa. “I’ve never… I would never…” She sighed eyes serious as she looked at him trying to see if he was telling the truth or not. She couldn’t see any lie in his eyes only subdued panic. He looked tired, so tired. His clothes were all mussed and wrinkled, and his eyes were bloodshot. The day had clearly taken its toll on him. “You know I would never.”

“I don’t know what to think.” She sighed again fingers knotting into Jinnie’s shaggy fur, mind racing as she tried to make sense of the day. “Why didn’t you call me? Why are you in my house?”

“I didn’t know if you would answer, and this seemed like the only safe place to go.” He admitted slumping over head in his hands. “This is all so messed up, Y/N.”

She frowned getting up from her position and moving to sit next to him. “Why did you run? If you’re innocent, why wouldn’t you just tell the police that?”

“I don’t know, Y/N. I panicked. There were police coming to arrest me.”

“Maybe, don’t run.” She huffed shooting him a frustrated look. “It makes you look really guilty. How are you going to explain that to the police?”

“Y/N.” He groaned again turning to look at her, eyes accusing. “You don’t think I did this do you?”

“No, of course not. How could you think that?” She gasped recoiling as though she had been burned.

“I don’t… everything’s been so wrong today. I don’t know what’s happening anymore.” He whimpered looking at her with wide frightened eyes. “I didn’t… you know I didn’t…”

“I know.” She whispered wrapping him in a hug, gently stroking his hair. “We’ll figure this out.” She promised trying not to let him see how worried she was. Her worry wouldn’t help anything.

“Y/N.” Jin’s voice rang through the room hard and stern. “Step away from him.”

Both of their heads shot up to see her boss standing in the door way jaw clenched in anger.

“Mr. Kim.” Min Seok Stuttered eyes wide in shock and fear. “Mr. Kim, please. I didn’t do anything.”

“The police are on their way.” He announced eyes fixed on the woman who looked two seconds away from breaking down. His poor darling. It had been a stressful day for her.

“Sajangnim.” She started, but Jin cut her off.

“Step away, Y/N. He’s a criminal.” He stalked over and pulled her up from the sofa before she even had a chance to comply with his demands. He dragged her behind him gritting his teeth trying to ignore both her protests and the barking of the detestable animal she kept in her home.

The dog would have to go. He thought darkly. It was a nuisance, a filthy creature. It was a shaggy mutt his sweet darling had picked up from the street. Who knew was kind of disease it carried, not to mention its foul temper. Yes, it would have to go. It had no place in the life he wanted for her.

“Kim Min Seok.” Jin growled staring down the other man as he reached for Y/N pleadingly. “You have done enough. The police will be here for you momentarily.”

“Mr. Kim, I didn’t do anything, please!” He begged. Even though his words were directed at his boss, his eyes were focused on Y/N pleading with her to understand.

“Sajangnim,” She pleaded placing a hand on his shoulder trying to divert his attention to her instead of the furious gaze he had kept fixated on Min Seok the entire time. “Maybe there was a mistake. Maybe he didn’t…”

He whirled around half overjoyed by her voluntarily touching him and half annoyed that she was defending that boy. “This man is a criminal.” He hushed drawing her into his arms keeping her tucked safely into his side and away from the other man.

“Perhaps there was a mistake though, and Min Seok isn’t the type of man to…”

Before she could finish the sentence police had entered her home swarming around Min Seok and placing him in cuffs.

“Y/N!” He cried frantically trying to find her in the chaos, but everything was moving so quickly. The dog wouldn’t stop barking lunging at all the strange people in the house forcing Y/N to hold him back so he wouldn’t attack the police officers. Along with that, Jin had placed himself between Y/N and Min Seok so that there was little chance of him finding her anyway.

“Y/N!”

“Min Seok?” She wanted to go to him, but she had to keep Jinnie calm and the human Jin was acting like a human wall keeping her from seeing where he was as the police left her home.

“Thank you for calling Mr. Kim.” One of the officers said bowing politely. “Would you be willing to come to the station to answer some questions for the case file?”

Jin nodded his agreement setting up the details for a visit to the police station in the morning before sending the officer on his way.

After Jin shooed the young man out of the house, he turned his attention back to Y/N. He had never seen her looking so pale and lost before. It was almost as if a gust of wind could knock her off her feet.

“Oh, darling.” He cooed sweeping in and leading her to sit on the coach trying to ignore the way that the dog growled lowly in protest to his proximity to the woman. The dog was quickly becoming the bane of this existence. He couldn’t wait to get rid of the creature. “What a day for you.” He fretted gently rubbing circles into her back. “Why don’t you stay with me tonight?” He offered taking the opportunity to bring her home.

“No. I’ll be fine.” She shook her head wrapping her arms around herself. “I think I’d like to be in my own home.”

“Are you sure that’s safe?” He pushed. He didn’t like the thought of her being here. While it wasn’t a bad neighborhood and the house was nicely put together, it wasn’t nearly nice enough for his darling. He would prefer her in his own lavish apartment like the princess she was. “You had a home invasion tonight, and you’ve been ill all day.”

“Really, I’ll be fine.” She assured him giving him a weak smile. “Jinnie will keep me safe.” She cooed in the direction of the mutt who perked up at the sound of his name.

“Why did you name him Jinnie?” He asked brows furrowed in confusion and dislike of how the dog bore his name. How could she name such a filthy creature after him?

She stared at him wide eyed trying to figure out how she was going to get herself out of this one. “Well he’s… it was…” He looked at her one brow raised waiting for an answer. “Well it started because he was just so handsome, and you always say that you’re world wide handsome.” She trailed off trying to figure out how she was going to admit this, and hoping he would let her off the hook. He didn’t. “He’s my world wide handsome boy. So I called him Jin as a joke while I was trying to coax him into letting me take care of him, and he took a liking to it. It’s the only thing he responds to now.” She finally admitted with an embarrassed cringe.

“You named it after me?”

“Not directly?” It was a flimsy defense, but it was all the defense she had. “He’s a good boy.” She murmured leaning down to rub his ears. “He takes care of me, and I take care of him, even if he is a little grumpy. I found him right after my dad died. He was always grumpy too.” There was a certain soft sadness about her that made Jin’s protective instinct flair. His darling should never be distressed. “You don’t have to worry about me. Jinnie’ll make sure I’m safe. He’s an excellent guard dog.” She told him looking up again to meet his eyes. She still looked drawn and sad, but she attempted to give him a smile.

He wasn’t totally convinced though. It might have been dislike for the dog, and it might have been the desire to have her more in his home where she belonged, but he wasn’t willing to give up just yet.

“I really would prefer if you would allow me to take care of you tonight.” He purred trying to be as charming as possible. How could she refuse him if he offered his help so sweetly?

She shook her head again. “I’ll really be fine. Jinnie scares almost everyone away.”

“Please, darling. For my peace of mind?”

“Really, I’ll be fine, but thank you.”

He sighed giving her a long once over to make sure she was truly alright. “At least take the day tomorrow. You don’t look well.” He gently caressed her hair, and she had to stifle a shudder of unease at the gesture.

“Thank you for the concern, sajangnim.”

She was quick after that point to shuffle him out the door. She had no energy left to deal with him after the day she’d had.

With Y/N refusing his invitation, there was nothing to keep him from attending to other business. It wasn’t enough simply to get this boy out of the way. No. Jin wanted to destroy him. Jin could have been content to let him rot in prison, but it was Y/N that sealed his fate. She had showed concern, real and deep concern for the other man even going so far as to comfort him after he had broken into her home, after she knew he was a criminal. Jin couldn’t stand for this. It was an insult to him, and Jin did not take insults lightly.

He drove to the far edges of the city to the warehouses where his prey was being held for him. After Min Seok had escaped him the first time, Jin was taking no more chances. The police were still looking for Min Seok, but Jin’s mercenaries had him first. They had come in the guise of the police to take Jin’s prey away to await his retribution.

His prey was sitting tied to a chair in the dingy room already roughed up by the men Jin had hired. The sight of him bloody and bruised brought a smile to Jin’s handsome face.

“So you’re the little rat that thought they could take my darling away from me.” He purred circling around the man at a leisurely pace. “That was quite stupid of you, you know?” He tutted pityingly coming to a stop in front of him and leaning in so that their faces were only inches apart. “Did you really think you could take her from me?”

The other man’s head lolled to the side as he glared through the one eye that wasn’t swollen shut. “You’re a sick fuck.” He spit his speech slurred, but there was still a certain amount of venom dripping from his tone.

Jin sighed almost disappointedly straightening up again before backhanding Min Seok across the face. “That’s not how you talk to your betters.” He hissed whipping out a handkerchief to wipe the blood from his knuckles. “Now, I have some questions for you before my colleagues stamp out your pathetic existence once and for all.”

“You see, I’ve been patient with my sweet darling, but she’s been…” He mused for a second searching for the right word before smiling condescendingly at the other man. “Distracted. Now, as you know my darling is a very sensitive soul. This incident with you is sure to be upsetting for her. I’d like the transition to be as easy as possible for her, and you are going to help me with that.” He sneered taking a seat in the chair provided across from his victim. “Now, tell me. What would make my darling more at ease as she grieves for your pathetic existence?”

“She’ll never fall for you or your tricks.” Min Seok sneered blood staining his teeth. “She’s too smart for that.”

Jin made a casual motion over his shoulder and one of his goons came forward to slam a fist into Min Seok’s stomach knocking the breath out of him.

“Let’s try that again. Tell me about Y/N.”

“Fuck off.” Another punch.

“If you cooperate I might be willing to let you live out the rest of your pathetic days in a Chinese prison instead of rotting at the bottom of the East China Sea.” He offered a cocky smirk lifting the corners of his mouth.

“She’d never go for a guy like you.” Min Seok snarled. “She’s an angel, and you’re nothing but a piece of shit.”

The blow was to his face this time. The force of it sent his head snapping to one side, and had him coughing out blood and what might have been a tooth. Jin wasn’t paying enough attention to tell.

“Care to reconsider that?” Jin leaned forward dark eyes glinting. “Do you think that you were worthy of her? You’re right. She is an angel, but you are merely the scum on the bottom of her shoe. Did you think that there was ever a chance for you with her? She was always going to be mine.”

Min Seok lifted his head weakly. “Then why was she dating me?”

That was the wrong thing to say. Jin’s fury was close to boiling over, and that was just the push he needed to send him over the edge. “Rough him up.”

Jin watched perfectly composed as the men he had hired beat his victim to a pulp. He was more of a bloody lump by the time he started begging for mercy than he was a man. Though it took him a pathetically short time to reach that point. And this was the man that his darling had chosen?

“Had enough?” Jin sneered reveling in the other man’s misery, his weakness.

“Please.” He whimpered his good eye now swollen up as well.

“Then tell me about Y/N.”

After that, Min Seok sang like a canary. He told him all about the little things that made Y/N tick. The ways that he had wooed her. He was a pathetic man, completely unworthy of Jin’s darling.

“Her father.” He wheezed struggling against the broken ribs that were pressing against his lungs. He was looking worse and worse by the second. “Her father said, she loves… sh-she loves the aqua-aquarium. He couldn’t take her as… as a kid. She go-goes every month now t-to remem-rember him.” Jin smiled watching as the other man struggled to so much as breath.

“Shhhhh.” Jin cooed standing up and straightening out his jacket. “Thank you for your help. I’ll be sure to take good care of her.” He turned his gaze to his men. “Finish him.”

part 4

#bts #bts fic #yandere bts #bts jin #bts seokjin #kim seokjin #yandere seokjin #ceo seokjin #seokjin x reader #ceo #ceo au #ceo jin #jin x reader #jin #yandere #dark romance #something wicked

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starculler · 3 years

Text

Whumptober 2021: Day 5

Word Count: 6042 || Read on Ao3

Tags/Warnings: Star Wars, Anakin Skywalker, Sheev Palpatine Ahsoka Tano, Rex, Mace Windu, Violence, Implied Torture, Fake Death, loss of limb (fingers)

Another one in by the skin of my teeth lol.

Anakin nodded at the pair of clones, red and white clad troopers from the Coruscant Guard, stationed in front of the outermost doors to the Chancellor’s suite as he strode past and inside to the office they’d always met in. The grand room, and the hall before it, looked as it always had during any of his visits: haloed in the sun’s light and filled with any number of priceless artifacts and fine, if simply constructed, furniture. And all of it painted a bright, rich red from floor to ceiling that gave way to the raised, warm gray flooring nearer the windows. He stopped before that raised section, hands fisted and trembling beneath the larger sleeves of his dark brown robe, and looked up, past the stairs and chairs and desk at its very center to the Chancellor himself, smiling placidly down at him.

“Anakin, my dear boy,” the Chancellor greeted, pleased, and it was all Anakin could do not to scream. “I wasn’t expecting you, but please come. Take a seat. I always have time for a friend.”

“My apologies, Chancellor,” he said neutrally. He offered a shallow bow, jaw clenched as he ground his teeth. It hurt to breathe, a vice wrapped around his chest and squeezing his lungs so painfully tight he thought he might suffocate on the spot. “We just got back from a” — horrible nightmare, he thought and only a hitch in his breath to give it away —“campaign in the Outer Rim. I thought the resupply was also a good excuse to give my Padawan and I some time to rest planetside. I hope I haven’t interrupted anything important.”

“Not at all.” Pal— The Chancellor, shook his head, smile still in place, if a little tighter when he gestured to the chairs in front of his desk and said, again: “Please. Sit. How is your padawan doing? Last we spoke, you sounded quite frustrated. Understandable, of course,” he said, amiable and sympathetic. “Teenagers, especially her age, can be difficult, though I have no doubts that you’re doing your best.”

Anakin walked up the four steps to the platform and not an inch closer even as he offered a tight smile of his own. He tasted sour bile in the back of his mouth to hear the man so much as mention Ahsoka, even if he’d kept her name out of his mouth. Still, he bobbed his head in acknowledgment of the question and answered.

“She’s doing good, Your Excellency. I think we’ve come to understand each other a little better since the last time I was able to speak with you.”

“Oh, how wonderful,” said the Chancellor, sounding, to Anakin’s ears, just a fraction displeased at the news.

“Yes,” he agreed. “It is.”

-- -- -- -- -- -- --

They’d lost so many men.

Ahsoka hadn’t been able to purge that haunting sight from her since they’d hobbled back to the Resolute, victorious but silent. The bodies of men she’d slowly grown closer to lived on the backs of her eyelids, there to see every time she closed her eyes. All of them left behind like so much trash, unburied and with no time to mourn them as they hurried on to the next planet. The next battlefield. The next slaughter.

She shuddered, huddled up in a deserted corner of the ship — so deep in that she’d lost track of where exactly she’d walked — as far from everyone else as she’d been able to manage. Misery clung to her, sticking and ugly, and she knew. She knew it was worse for the men who’d lost their brothers. Their friends. So she sat alone, the tears long-dried on her cheeks, not wanting to interrupt or take up space she didn’t deserve. They weren’t her brothers, but they’d been her men for almost a year and she cared. More than she probably should.

“Hey, Snips.”

She jerked, eyes wide, not having heard her master coming down the corridor. He smiled, a wan, withering thing. Nothing at all like the usual bluster and brightness he showed off in front of everyone. She said nothing as he sat, legs crossed and elbows resting on his knees, in front of her. He looked so tired. Stressed. He hadn’t been the neatest or most put-together looking Jedi she’d ever met, but he’d grown slowly worse since their last trip to Coruscant.

“Hey,” she said, voice duller than she’d meant it to be.

“How’re you holding up?” She considered the question. Considered lying, but…

“Not… not great.” Anakin hummed, but didn’t interrupt. She didn’t dare look at him as she spoke, not wanting to see how he felt about what she admitted. “I just— I don’t know—” She hooked her fingers into the thick, white fabric of her leggings and pulled her legs in closer. “I wanted to be a Jedi so bad.” She hated how she choked on the words, fresh tears welling in her eyes. “I still do, really. But. But there’s just so much—

“It’s awful,” she whispered and startled when an arm settled over her shoulder and pulled so she was pressed tight to her master’s side. Wrapped up in her roiling emotions as she’d been, she hadn’t even noticed him move. She sniffled, turning to hide her face in his dark tunic. “There’s so much death, master. So much pain. I feel it all the time and I. I don’t know how to—”

The words died in her throat, smothered by an awful sob half-muffled by her master’s warmth. He rubbed her shoulder as she cried, pulled in as close as either could physically manage.

“How do you do it, Master,” she croaked once she’d mostly calmed. “How do you not care so hard?” She felt him still next to her, almost a flinch. Before she could apologize, take the words and this moment back and flee to her room, he answered, his own voice low and soft. Gentle.

“You never stop, Snips. You just … learn. You put it aside when you’re needed, and work through it when you’re not.” He sighed. “I’m not— Well. You know I’m not always great with my emotions, not like Obi-Wan or some of the other Masters.” She nodded in the lull, waiting for him to gather himself. “But the worst of it, the parts that’d only hurt you or the men to see? I keep it locked in a little box with an old fashioned lock and key, stashed away until I have time to meditate or process or even just when I work on a ship or droid.

“Every time we come back from a campaign and I count how many we’ve lost, I feel it so hard I think I’ll never breathe again. Usually, I’ll rely on Obi-Wan if it’s bad enough and he knows he can lean on me if he needs it. You, my young Padawan, can come to me any time you need to,” he said, giving her shoulder a quick squeeze. “Anytime. Any reason. Even if it’s just to sit quietly together.”

Ahsoka nodded, not feeling better but not quite as alone either.

“Can we meditate?” She asked, voice trembling and tiny.

“Of course,” he said. Neither of them moved, not just yet.

“Hey Skyguy?” Anakin hummed a response. “You can count on me too, if you want.”

He said nothing for a long moment, and she saw his other hand twitch from the corner of her eyes — a brief motion, there and done.

“I know,” he murmured, so quietly a human wouldn’t have heard him even though her montrals picked the words up easily. “I know.”

-- -- -- -- -- -- --

Anakin sucked in a deep, bracing breath, willing himself to be still and patient for just a little longer despite how every second he stood there only fueled the pit of anger coiled tightly in his gut. It had been easier, on the Resolute — in space and among his men where he didn’t have to look at the face of a man who’d lied to him for as long as they’d known each other. A man he’d defended against criticism and let whisper in his ear. A man he’d let slowly poison him from the inside until the rot had settled deep in the core of him, a permanent fixture he looked upon with shame and regret. And anger.

“I’m afraid I haven’t come just to visit an old friend, though.” His voice, miraculously, didn’t so much as waver, the words flowing as smoothly from him as they never had.

The Chancellor’s eyes seemed to narrow for a moment — so quick he almost thought he’d misinterpreted it, a trick of the light and nothing more — before he spoke, his tone even and jovial. “And what can I do to help you then, Anakin? Or have you come as Knight Skywalker? On behalf of the Jedi, perhaps,” he said, not a question. Anakin shook his head in answer regardless.

“I’m not here on behalf of the Jedi, Chancellor, but I am here as a Knight of the Order though I act alone.” He swallowed and carefully, slowly, reached down to his belt where his lightsaber hung, singing to him so faintly at that moment that it could have been miles away. The Chancellor didn’t move, didn’t so much as twitch, as he pulled the cool, metal casing from its clip and held it, unlit, in the palm of his flesh hand.

“What have you come here for, Knight Skywalker?”

A chill seemed to settle in the air between them that set every nerve in Anakin’s body aflame, alive and electric through his limbs so that he felt even the faint, phantom pain in his prosthetic. He curled his mechanical fingers into a fist, clenching and unclenching them for a few tense seconds the way he sometimes did before battle, when he worried that very pain might get in the way and cost more of his men their lives. His shoulders strained with the tension creeping into him, and he struggled to keep let it go.

“Chancellor Palpatine, I accuse you of being a Sith Lord and traitor to the Republic.”

The Chancellor laughed like Anakin had told a particularly funny joke, and said: “My boy, I am an old man who has dedicated his life, and a decade already as Chancellor, to the betterment of the Republic. How could I possibly be a-a Sith?” He asked, just the right amount of incredulity saturating the question. “I fear, my boy, that you are tired — this war has taken its toll on us all, and with you needed so often on the front and so firmly in the thick of the worst of it. Well, it hurts, but I’m unsurprised to find even a young man as impressive as you, my friend, might be swayed by this cruel joke under the circumstances.”

“It isn’t a joke,” Anakin snarled, finally losing the firm grip he’d kept on his anger. “I saw you.” The man stilled, thin lips pressed together in a grim line as he sat back in his chair too peer at Anakin like he were a bug. “I saw you,” he said again, breathing heavily, almost panting. “In your office, your private office, just before the 501st shipped out last time. Talking to Dooku.” He spat the name like a curse, filthier than any other word in his vocabulary.

“My boy, whatever you thought you saw—”

“He called you Sidious. He called you Master.” He bared his teeth at the man who’d been his friend, white-knuckled grip on his saber’s hilt tightening almost painfully. “You’ve betrayed the Republic.

“I am the Republic!” Anakin staggered when The Chancellor’s eyes flashed, bright yellow instead of deep brown.

“You’re a traitor,” Anakin bellowed back, finally igniting his lightsaber at his side. “You’ll turn yourself in, or I’ll bring you in myself. It’s my duty as a Jedi,” he said, not at all the confident declaration he’d meant it to be.

“Just as it was your duty to — what was it again? Eschew attachments?” Anakin flinched, but grit his teeth, determined. “My boy, Anakin, please see reason.”

“Reason? What reason? You’re-you’re a Sith!” He widened his stance as the Chancellor finally stood up from behind the desk, leaning forward on his hands against its smooth surface. His gaze burned into Anakin’s, boring in with such intensity he feared the man saw right down to the deepest, most vulnerable parts of him no matter how hard Anakin might try to keep him out. “You were my friend,” he said, nearly a whisper and not at all what he’d meant to.

“I still am.” The Chancellor smiled, but Anakin felt none of the warmth from it that he used to. “I can help you, Anakin. I can help you keep your loved ones safe in these awful times. I can give you the power to keep them safe with your own two hands. Power the Jedi could only dream of.” He paused, eyes gleaming bright and greedy as he said: “I could give you the galaxy.”

-- -- -- -- -- -- --

Rex watched his general putter about the camp, looking more a mess than usual. He seemed not unlike a droid, his every move mechanically rote as he went about his tasks and his gaze distant in that way Rex sometimes saw on shell shocked shinies. He pursed his lips, grip on his bucket tightening a fraction. Their last campaign had been rough: heavy losses and a victory won by the skin of their teeth. He’d seen how it had left the Commander, much as Ahsoka had tried to hide it, and the next one was gearing up to be just as bad or worse if the 212th were held up.

General Skywalker, however, had been worrying him since long before. He didn’t know how much his general thought he was fooling Rex — and it rankled that he might have if not for little moments like this — but he wouldn’t fool anyone if this went on much longer. He’d heard troopers talking, spotting Skywalker up at all hours of the night, amiable enough but also mumbling to himself when he thought no one would see. Rex had done his best to keep the worst of it under wraps: making up reasons for the general’s wandering, erasing the occasional unauthorized flight on his personal junker of a ship, filling in reports that skipped his notice or forging them altogether.

What he couldn’t hide, Rex waved away as a symptom of how busy Jedi generals were in general. Easy to do when the only ones to work consistently closely with them were the Commanders — and Rex, considering he filled the role for the 501st.

He’d considered telling Cody at the very least, if not General Kenobi himself, but he’d put it off. Every time he came across evidence that something was wrong, he’d brushed it off. At first with assurances that the general was just stressed. That he’d course correct on his own and all would go back to how it had been. When it worsened, Rex had asked his general directly, needing to know if whatever had happened would affect his performance — if it would put men’s lives in danger.

Anakin had looked him in the eyes that day and promised he had it handled.

Whatever “it” was.

Rex trusted his general with his life. With his brothers’ lives. So it hurt, a physical pain in his chest, to know his general didn’t trust him enough to let him help. For his general — his friend — he’d do anything, even if it got him decommissioned. Had already, to some extent.

“Captain,” a shiny said, prying his attention away from Skywalker and back to the bustle of setting up camp. “Commander Cody’s on the line for you.”

Rex nodded and shoved his bucket back on his head. He spared one last glance at his general before following the trooper back to the hastily put together command tent, wondering all the way there if this was a sign for him to speak up.

-- -- -- -- -- -- --

Anakin swallowed, mouth dry as the desert planet he’d been born on. The part of him that would always be nine and scared, then nineteen and mourning, found the offer compelling. Power to keep everyone safe: Padmé, Ahsoka, Obi-Wan, Rex and his men. To have the galaxy fall in line so wars like this one never came about again. To break the chains keeping sentients fettered, abused and terrified. To do what he wanted without the constraints the Jedi imposed upon him and all their members. It appealed so well to that not-insignificant part of him that hated his own fear and weakness and the uncertainty of the future.

It scared him, how enticing the offer was and how tempted he was to forsake everything he knew and everything he’d been taught in exchange for that promise. All that held him back was the single, nagging feeling itching at the back of his skull. He probed at it, poking at what lay below the desire and fear until he found th rest of him — the parts the darkness didn’t call to so strongly.

The parts of him molded by the people he loved, nurtured by what he’d been taught at the Jedi’s feet, and built on the foundations his Mom had laid down for him in his childhood. The parts that whispered to him to be cautious. To be vigilant. To remember that nothing so golden, so perfect, came without a cost.

What was the price to be paid for the Chancellor’s offer?

What would he lose in exchange?

Everything, that tiny part of him whispered.

-- -- -- -- -- -- --

Obi-Wan smiled at Ahsoka as she skipped back towards her and Anakin’s troops, all of them nearly finished with the necessary preparations needed to leave this Force-forsaken planet. He watched the troops mingle, chatting and catching up as much as they could. Even his commander had loosened up in the afermath of a hard-won battle, leaned against a crate of supplies as he spoke with Rex.

The only person he hadn’t been able to find in the organized chaos had been his former padawan.

Anakin seemed to have disappeared entirely, not a trace of him anywhere which seemed odd to him. He turned toward Rex and Cody, intent on asking where he might find the wayward knight, only to slow and then stop altogether when he caught the tail end of their conversation.

“—know. But it’s … something.” Rex frowned, hands balled into tight fists at his side. Cody sighed.

“If he’s breaking regs,” Cody said archly, but didn’t finish the thought. Rex, in Obi-Wan’s humble opinion, looked rather much like he wanted to punch the other man.

“I’m not turning him in,” Rex hissed, low enough that Obi-Wan had to strain to hear him. “The general’s just … he’s in a bad way right now and I don’t know how to kriffing help if he won’t let me.”

Obi-Wan pressed his lips into a thin line, drawing back before he heard Cody’s response. He hadn’t known Anakin had been doing poorly, though in what capacity he wasn’t yet sure. He’d hardly spoken to Anakin at all the last few months, busy as they’d both been. Still, if the captain was so worried, enough to bring it to Cody, then. Well.

He made a mental note to himself to check in on his former padawan. He knew the 501st were due for leave soon, a quick resupply over Coruscant that would give Anakin and Ahsoka both time to visit the Temple. Perhaps after, he’d make the call, or better yet: find some time to get their two battalions together outside of battle.

-- -- -- -- -- -- --

He breathed out, a single slow, measured breath, and set his jaw. When he looked at the Chancellor — at Sidious — his choice had been made. Sidious scowled even before Anakin spoke, wrinkled and severe and not a hint at all of the man he had trusted.

“No.” He brought his saber up into Djem So’s opening stance. “I am a Jedi, and I’ll do what I must.”

“So it’s treason, then,” Sidious sneered, pulling a lightsaber of his own from his robes. Anakin felt the last dregs of his hope drain when the blade lit, its blood-red light casting Sidious’ face into eerie relief as the lights in the room grew suddenly dim.

Anakin nodded once, a short, sharp jerk of his head. He breathed in, taking a brief moment to steel himself as the room’s tension and chill grew bloated and oppressive. For a moment neither of them moved. Coruscant itself seemed to freeze, from every sentient on-planet to its very rotation in space. And then, all at once, life exploded back into action.

Sidious leaped out from behind his desk at the same time Anakin surged forward. Their lightsabers scraped each other mid-air, the barest, buzzing touch as he kept that ominous, red blade from slicing at his shoulder. He spun quickly on his heel to meet Sidious’ offensive attack from behind. Their sabers clashed, properly locked and spitting as each of them tried to over-power the other.

He threw the entirety of his weight into every attack, pressing forward and pushing Sidious back. But nothing landed. Anakin growled, moving faster. Pushing. Pressing. But nothing. Fucking. Landed. Sidious whirled, inelegant but effective. Power bolstered by experience and skill. Every slash blocked. Every thrust parried. Every move economical and calculated and a near perfect counter to Anakin’s own aggressive style.

“You have such potential,” Sidious crooned at him, their sabers locked once again, the energy buzzing and crackling loudly in Anakin’s ears. “You could be so much more than you are, my boy.”

Anakin dug his heels in the carpet and pushed, shoving as much of the Force as he could into it even as the effort left his gasping for breath. Gasping, but victorious when it at least shut the Sith up and sent him sailing across the room if not into the wall like he’d wanted. He grinned at Sidious’ responding glower and merely adjusted his grip on his lightsaber with a shrug. Taunting Dooku’s master as much as he dared.

“Join me, Anakin,” Sidious said, unmoving from where he’d landed and looking somehow unbothered behind the anger radiating from him. “Join me and cease this foolishness.”

“Never,” he hissed, and leaped forward with help from the Force.

They clashed. Separated. Clashed again. Neither gained ground, even as Anakin found himself tiring, slowly but surely. He winced when a glancing blow caught his arm, searing and slicing a neat, shallow line from elbow to shoulder. Anakin managed a nastier slash at the Sith’s legs, and nearly laughed when he caught Sidious’ ankle as he leaped and watched him stagger on the landing.

Fury, thick and startling and like nothing Anakin had felt before even on the front lines, oozed from Sidious then. Anakin, sweating and exhausted, stilled. Tense and suddenly nervous. Something slick and malicious wrapped around his throat, and before he’d even registered that it was the Force — Sidious using the Force — it squeezed, cinched closed and cutting off his air.

“I didn’t want it to come to this,” Sidious said, sincerity dripping like poison from his words. “I had a plan, you see. A place for you at my side, and. Well, it might be earlier than I’d hoped, but I’m nothing if not accommodating. Don’t you agree?”

“Shut.” Anakin gagged, the invisble vice squeezing ever tighter as the seconds ticked past. “Up.” He fumbled for the Force as dark spots dotted his vision, but felt it slip through his fingers like sand. “Sith.”

Sidious hummed, paced calmly closer to Anakin like they had all the time in the world. And maybe they did. Those were clone troopers out front, and Anakin had paid a slicer more than enough credits in his attempts to gather evidence against Sidious for at least the vague confirmation that they, specifically, could be controlled. He had no doubts, now, that Sidious, among those involved in this conspiracy, could and would do just that.

The Force squeezed a fraction harder — any more and his neck would snap — before easing, just enough for him to gasp, coughing and spluttering as fresh air returned to his burning lungs. He fell to his hands and knees, blinking back tears and the graying haze that had crept into his vision. He barely noticed when Sidious stopped in front of him and bent to pick his lightsaber up off the ground where he didn’t remember dropping it.

“What a tragedy,” Sidious said, laying a withered hand on Anakin’s head like a child needing comfort. He would have tried to bite the old man’s fingers off if he hadn’t still been struggling to catch his breath, just enough pressure still on his throat to keep him from fully recovering. “The disappearance of Jedi Knight Anakin Skywalker, The Hero with no Fear who tried so hard to defend the Republic’s beloved Chancellor from the Separatist assassin, Ventress. Who took off in pursuit when she fled, without backup despite the Chancellor’s pleas — always a hothead, that one.”

“Shut up,” Anakin croaked, pain straining his voice. The hand in his hair tightened, not painfully. Not yet. A warning to keep silent — a warning to be ignored as soon as he could fucking breath again.

“What a shame,” Sidious continued, “how the young man was caught unawares.”

Anakin’s stomach dropped, fear like ice crawling through his veins as the meaning behind Sidious’ monologue finally started to register. He moved and the pressure on his throat worsened in response. He shouldn’t have come. The thought hit him like a blaster bolt to the chest.

He shouldn’t have come. He should have told someone. Should have tried harder to gather evidence against the Chancellor, even though he’d lost sleep over it for months — trying and failing and trying again only to come up empty-handed every time. Sdious was smart and his plan had been in motion probably for longer than Anakin had been alive.

Even if they’d never believe him, he should have told someone.

-- -- -- -- -- -- --

“Padmé.” Anakin said her name like it was the sun itself and he a man without its light all his life.

She smiled, held his face between the palms of her hands, and pulled him down into one of the softest, gentlest kisses they’d shared since the war had started. He practically melted against her, boneless if not quite relaxed. She pulled back first, brow furrowed and lips pursed as she studied his face. He hadn’t looked great the last time they’d talked over a holo, but now he looked worse.

The bags under his eyes were deep, dark smudges that looked like bruises in the dim light of her apartment. He looked drawn, paler than a man on the front lines more often than not should be, with dry, chapped lips and a gauntness to him that might have been as much a trick of the light as the early signs that he’d not been eating well. His hands trembled against her waist, a fine tremor she felt through the thin nightdress he’d caught her in. She hadn’t expected him to come by, not so late at night and certainly not looking half-dead.

“Anakin, what’s wrong? Should I call a healer?” she asked, smoothing a thumb over his lips, his cheek, under his eye. He shook his head, turning so he could kiss her palm. He ran so warm normally that it scared her to feel him so cold. Like death, she thought and it sent a foreboding thrill down her spine.

“I love you,” he murmured against her skin, his bright, blue eyes never leaving hers. She’d have found it romantic if not for how much it scared her just then.

“You’re scaring me, Anakin. Please. Tell me what’s wrong.”

“ ‘M sorry.” He lifted one hand told hold hers, the same one he’d kissed, and brushed his lips over her fingers. “I’m sorry,” he said again and Padmé thought she might cry from how wretched he sounded. “Don’t leave tomorrow.”

“What?”

“Don’t go to work. Stay here.” He didn’t blink. Didn’t move.

“Anakin, I can’t just— just skip. There’s an important bill we’re trying to pass and if I’m not there—” He squeezed her hand, not painfully but not gently either, and she snapped her mouth shut. “Anakin?” She moved to touch his face again, but he drew back. She gasped, a quiet, hurt noise pulled from her lips.

“Just tomorrow,” he said, sounding desperate. Scared. “Just tomorrow, please Angel. Please.” She swallowed, wide eyed and trembling now herself, but nodded.

“Alright. Alright, I promise, but only if you tell me what’s going on. Okay?” He hesitated, but acquiesced.

“After,” he said and she said nothing else before pulling him to bed by the hand.

He curled up beside her, pressed as close as physically possible with his head pressed to her breast as she kissed the top of his head and smoothed a hand through his unruly hair. She didn’t know how long they laid there, silent but awake before sleep claimed her. When she woke, he was gone and the place in her bed where he’d lain had gone cold. In his place were a note and a datastick.

I’m Sorry, the note read, written in his slanted, messy cursive. Padmé felt tears prick at her eyes, something thick and awful and nauseating curling in her stomach as she picked the datastick up and moved to plug it into the datapad she kept on her nightstand.

-- -- -- -- -- -- --

He closed his eyes, let the pang of regret flow down and into him, then, finally, out. It came so suddenly easy, feeling what he needed before letting go, that he wanted to laugh. Wanted to cry. All his time as a Jedi he’d struggled, and he chose this moment to finally embrace — understand — what it was they’d been trying to teach him all along.

“Get to the point,” he said, trying to sound brave and not like he could fall apart at any second. The hand in his hair pulled, jerked his head up so he could look at those ugly, Sith eyes and Sidious’ grotesque grin. He’d spit if he could, but the Force tightened on his throat like Sidious had plucked the thought from his mind.

“The point,” the Sith hissed, “is that I will not waste the years I spent molding my perfect Apprentice.” Sidious crooned the word like it should mean more to Anakin. Like it shouldn’t make him sick to his stomach. “There is a place for you at my side, boy, whether you are there willingly or not.”

Sidious let him go, so suddenly he nearly fell on his face. Anakin blinked, confused as he pushed himself up, and caught the edge of that same, awful grin. Saw Sidious raise a hand, fingers splayed and pointing at him, and then nothing at all as he crackle of electricity and his own screaming filled the room.

-- -- -- -- -- -- --

Mace’s head throbbed, the same pounding pain that had lingered in his temples for months now. A shatterpoint, he knew, but any specific knowledge about it had remained firmly out of reach. Regardless of his headache — he’d had long years of practice managing it — he strolled into the Council’s Chambers, calm as a Jedi Master should be despite the urgency of the emergency meeting called. Problems, it seemed, just loved to pile up. First, an attack on the Chancellor in his own office the week before, then the disappearance of Knight Skywalker, and now whatever new event had cropped up.

He sighed, taking his seat among the mix of present Councilors. All of them, he was surprised to note, though most had called in via holo. Once he’d been seated, the room quieted and every eye turned to Master Yoda who’d called them together. The old troll’s face looked grim, his ears drooped as he all but hunched over his gimmer stick. Slick, icy dread slithered down Mace’s spine, knowing he wouldn’t like whatever the old Master had to say.

“Master Yoda?” Kenobi’s voice, mildly tinny over the holo, broke the silence when Master Yoda failed to speak up. The old Master seemed to wilt even further.

“Received a recording, we did, from Dooku.” Every Jedi in the room jerked, though none looked more than serenly alarmed at the news. “A datapad, he sent, early this morning. And another a gift.” Yoda’s voice wavered on the last word, just enough to be noticeable.

“May we see the device?” Plo Koon tipped his head to one side as he asked the question, a request made more for Yoda’s benefit than because any of them had any real need to see Dooku’s message for themselves.

Yoda shook his head and said: “With the investiators, it is. Work, they will, to see if a trick this is not. Deceiving us, Dooku may be.”

“Deceiving us?” Master Kolar leaned forward in his seat, a frown marring his features. Master Yoda nodded.

“Bring news, he does, of our missing knight.” Mace saw Kenobi jolt at the statement, wide-eyed. His fellow councilor had been devastated at the news of his former padawan’s disappearance. A few of the other Master’s spared Kenobi a sympathetic glance, before returning their attention to Master Yoda. “Claim, he does, that Knight Skywalker’s death his assassin, Ventress, is responsible for. Chased, he says she was, after thwarting an attempt on the Chancellor by young Skywalker she was.”

“Anakin,” Kenobi started, voice strangled. Mace frowned, rested his elbows on his knees, and steepled his fingers as he closed his eyes. “Anakin has fought Ventress many times, and come out unscathed before. To claim she killed him…” he trailed off.

“A gift, Dooku sent as well,” Yoda reminded.

The earlier chill in Mace’s spine solidified into a pit behind his stomach, a near physical weight as he said, low and pained: “Proof.”

The room was silent. Still. Their combined dread and anticipation thickened the air until it grew hard to breathe.

“Yes.”

Mace opened his eyes. He looked first to Obi-Wan, lips thinned but otherwise wearing a perfectly blank mask, and then to Master Yoda’s own grief-stricken face.

“His prosthetic and saber I have kept here to show you, but the rest. To the Healers for tests it has gone.”

“Healers?” Obi-Wan’s blank facade cracked. Mace was sure Obi-Wan’s face would have been pale as a sheet if not for the blue-tint of he holo-image projected onto his chair. Yoda said nothing for a long time, though Mace didn’t know if it was reluctance or grief that stalled him. “Master,” Obi-Wan whispered, and Mace felt sympathetic tears prick at his eyes for all the grief he could hear in that word alone. “Please.”

“Fingers,” Yoda said, grave and bland and disgusted. “Knight Skywalker’s, the Healers confirmed not long ago.”

Mace heard a few of the Masters’ gasp, and Obi-Wan’s own strangled, horrified noise, but Mace kept silent. Let his eyes slip closed once more, and bowed his head as a wave of bitter grief swept over him.

-- -- -- -- -- -- --

Anakin never woke for long, but when he did there were always two constants: pain and Sidious.

And hope. Always hope.

That Padmé had read what he’d left on the datastick — not enough but a start, and she’d always been so much smarter than him — and forgave him for the lie. For leaving.

Hope that Sidious would choke on his food and die, even if it meant Anakin rotted away in this cell.

Hope that the apologies he’d written to Ahsoka, Rex, and Obi-Wan made it to them, even if he hadn’t included half as much information in them as he had in his Angel’s.

And hope that maybe, one day, he might be saved. That Sidious’ attempt to deceive everyone would, at least this once, fail.

“How much longer will you remain disobedient, my Apprentice,” Sidious said as he slipped into the cell. Anakin closed his eyes for only a brief moment before turning a glare on his captor.

“Dunno,” he croaked, “how much longer ‘r you gonna live?”

Sidious hissed and repaid him with a blast of lightning in response.

Anakin screamed.

#whumptober2021 #no.5 #betrayal #star wars #anakin skywalker #sheev palpatine #fic #violence #implied torture #fake death #loss of limbs #my fanfic #the only limbs lost are fingers and it's only mentioned not shown

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