#and im already bad at keeping my word | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

randomapplekey · 15 days

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I'm conflicted about if I should push through finishing art comm or sleep

Have 3hrs of sleep or none? 🤔 (I have class tomorrow)

#sleep deprive thoughts #randomapple thoughts #yesterday and teh day befroe that and teh day before that and tha....#i tried to finish comm but i ended up eaking up with my tablet on the floor (in other words #i fell asleep)#surprised i havent broke my glasses yet from falling asslep while drawing #i rememebr waking up and reading my answers for my assignment and it made absolutely no sense #i fell asleep doing ky assignment and honestly im glad i fell asleep befroe i passed that mess lol #might regeret this later when i #and delete it #anwyays ill try to draw and see i #what happenes #although it usually ends up ugly and i ahve to redo it all over again #okie maybe i should jsut sleep cause imma ahve to redo it again when its ugly cause im too sleepy to keep my eys #open #who needs to be drunk when sleep deprivation is already as bad if not worse lol

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sundial-bee-scribbles · 5 days

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"my education is my highest priority" everything returns to vocaloid

#delete later #shitpost #vocaloid #?? idk i might keep it up. yes ik turning off rbs is a thing now technically but i always keep forgetting and also naaaah.#i might go edit proper tags in later just bc i dont this to show up in main pages but i needdddddd the organization on here #i made this a while back procrastinating on a linguistics reading and then never posted it #AND THE CIRCLE IS COMPLETE BC IM POSTING IT NOW WHILE PROCRASTINATING ON ANOTHER LINGUISTICS READING LMAOO #dudeee i gotta lock in. oh my god. its so bad up in here triple assault. i cant focus on SHIT. WHY DO I ALWAYS GET IDEAS WHEN IM BUSY AHGHH #this might be revealing a bit too much info but pls this is legit what happened LMAOO 😭🥴#we're starting ipa alphabet stuff now and im like 'hey i already know you...' from phoneme fuckery ive had to do for voca shitposts #knowing linguistics is cool cause u get to dissect what makes languages work and i thought that'd be genuinely helpful for things #like i plan to do more english/spanish translation work specifically so yuh. but also I KNOW internally in my heart...#despite trying to give the professional justifications I KNOW my stupid ass is secretly just absorbing all this knowledge for voca purposes #my brand of shitposting goes against the very origin of the word since 'shitposting' originally refers to very low effort low quality memes #so there's been a semantic shift in definition even outside of mine but i still think its really funny. i put a lot of genuine hard work #into making stupid little jokes to amuse primarily myself and maybe anyone else who finds it on the internet. so yea #no but genuinely though its unironically incredible how much shit i've learned direct or indirectly for vocaloid shitposting purposes

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eebie · 1 year

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meteor shenanigans are the most fun to write

#i imagine they mustve gotten so fucking bored on there and just did whatever #To keep themselves from sinking into understimulation hell #Dave rose and kanaya my favorite dynamics to write even though this was my first time doing kanaya i had a lot pf fun with her #But im sure i dont reallt have her character voice yet it comes with practice ig #theyre just so silly together ^-^#like a little trio of birds all hanging out in the same birdbath #My drabbles #homestuck #hc dave mispronouncing silly shit because #he probably barely talked irl bc who tr was he gonna chat with ?? Bro?????? LMAO #and as someone who reads more words than i speak . tha struggle is real sometimes #I used to say variety like viarity. Like rarity from mlp #Anyways one of my friends keeps going on about how someone wont stop bringing up the way they pronounce lasagna So that’s what inspired thi #FUCK I JUST NOTIF3D A BAD TYPO BUT PPL AOREADY REGLOGGED THISSS #I fixed it but its already t0o lateee

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narugen · 1 month

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updated with ch4... i think after i upload this fic and finish my hsmn angst im gonna stop writing for a while (or indefinitely) because wow... haha

#egg boils #kinda feels rly fucking bad #but hey! currently sitting at 130k words published in total :) thats nice #it was a good run but idk its so difficult to find the motivation to keep going and i dont place a lot of emphasis on recognition or notes #or kudos etec etc but still. really fucking sucks when u cant help but prefer the ships no one cares about :/#its one thing with my art bc i know its not very appealing but with my writing its just..#idk im making myself sad so ill stop but wargghghjh #i could too used to being in fandoms where i wrote for decently popular ships i guess?#but then again those fandoms in general were probably more active than kn8 which doesnt have its anime airing anymore #maybe when s2 starts again ill get back into fics #sighs.... :( im glad i managed to get stuff out for hsmn and nrmn while i could though!#hsmn literally have nothing going for them past season 1 so i dont expect anyone to care about them after that #ugh.. mina... mina #IN FACT i think with s2 my already rarepairs will get even rarer so thats not a very fun feeling haha.

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coolxatu · 11 months

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starting to realize the story concept ive been kicking around for about 2 years now is actually dope as fuck

#ive already come up with like 17 different characters for it. thats like more than every other story ive planned combined #i honestly should move out of planning stages and start actually writing stuff for it but #the problem is i keep visualizing it more as a comic rather than written word and my people drawing skills are extremely lacking #im picturing an art style thats very moebius and lancer ttrpg inspired and im so bad at super detailed linework #my art skills are limited to impressionist landscapes

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lovsome · 9 months

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seeing my therapist for the first time since before christmas in a couple of days 🫥

#sh mention tw #i am here in bed just thinking of how i can break it to her that i had a terrible few weeks and i did some /bad/ things to myself because as #much as i know it takes time to talk about certain things i know that i am getting worse very fast and im scared of and for myself and i e #feel like i really should talk about the sh but man. is it difficult #i feel so ashamed of myself for it. i tried to talk about it many times already and every time i do my throat closes and i start tearing up #and i just cant get the words out #i feel like a coward for not being able to do it. its just so humiliating. i always think of the act and how insane and innatural it is and #i dont want my therapist to picture it #but im getting worse and that is definitely my main problem and has been for a while so i guess its also no use to keep avoiding the subject #im literally trying to convince myself here hah #jesus…… how fucked up is this

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iliveinprocrasti-nationn · 8 months

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“hey so there’s been a bunch of exposures recently but we’re gonna have the volunteer party this week bc it’s outdoors so we’ll be fine. yeah it’s a bunch of people all talking maskless face to face in relatively close proximity but we’re outside so any transmission would of course be impossible” be so fucking for real

#i love this place i love volunteering there. they have air purifiers around the center and tell people in no other words that if they’re #feeling unwell in the slightest they shouldn’t come in. they’re offering free tests to anyone exposed. they’re doing so much more than so #many other places and a lot of times it’s a place im able to relax a bit #but im just. exhausted. a week from tomorrow will be the three year anniversary of my dad dying from covid so im already in a bad place #plus covid in general is a trigger for me because. yknow. i watched it slowly strangle the life from my father until he was a grey #breathless husk who couldn’t walk three steps or say three words without panting. and that was when we made him go to the hospital #and then the next time he came home it was just his ashes in a bag #but it’s been four years. five if you count the early cases that popped up in 2019. and we’re still dealing with this shit #im just tired of it. im too exhausted to have a full sobbing shaking breakdown so ive gone to the other end of the spectrum and just feel #heavy and hollow. i should probably have a big cry but i don’t have the tears or energy #vent tw #im just hoping my n95 and the air purifiers were enough to keep me from contracting it at all. the worry is the n95 could’ve been loose and #sometimes the metal on the nose loosens slightly but the mask was pretty new overall so im hoping it worked to its full capacity and kept #out any covid molecules so that i didn’t contract any #only time will tell i suppose. in the mean time #im just praying a lot bc that’s the only control i have. i will be saying the shema whenever i get too stressed about it

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piplupod · 11 months

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me like four days ago to an old friend who msged me to reconnect: "yeah no i think things are settling down maybe after this last month of actual hell"

today: mother's medical situation has been handed a kablooey and the next few months are going to be Even Harder

#she is getting a biopsy tomorrow. and um. medications are being fucked with to drastic degrees #and we're going to have to wait several months for surgery when she was supposed to originally get it next month #fucking hell i am so incredibly stressed fjjfkdl i dont want this to be happening at all #i am the caregiver who is in charge of making sure she's conscious and okay at all times when dad's not available #i.e. he is at work or sleeping (shift worker)#and then bc of this im also on 911 calling duty if she ever does have smth happen #which isnt entirely out of the question. augh.#its uhm. a rly fucked thing to have to be the caregiver for ur abuser. im not doing very well tbh fjdkdl #this is also why hiatus is happening rn dhdksl things are so incredibly nightmarish rn #idk how im doing as well as i am <- is incredibly out of touch w reality and dissociating to dangerous degrees #idk!! i am frightened and exhausted and i just am begging whatever higher power may exist to let this be over one way or another honestly #get me out or get me gone or do smth to another of the chess pieces in this game so it can all finally stop #i need to go do 1k more words before bed tonight if i want to keep on track w november writign month #but i also desperately am needing to do my nightly drawing+decompressing fbfjdkdl so idk what to do its already 9pm augh augh #luckily i have dbt tomorrow so i will get to See real live ppl again tomorrow #its been a week since i talked to or have seen anyone outside of family face to face fbkfdl #god i am so fucked fjkfdl this is so so so bad and i cannot do anything abt any of it #i rly fucking wish dbt was helpful for ongoing situations but it seems like its only for short term bad times fjfjdldl #im so gjfkdld this is so fucked and i am aaaaaaaaa #pippen needs 2nd breakfast #vent tw

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daddy-ul · 1 year

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in my head: where the Hell is the word seed on this album [starts checking them off….] not the singles not YMB not Sleepwalk not ….. oh come on [stares at Inamorata] it’s you. isn’t it.

despair. i’ve actually only listened to it 3 times. because it causes me to physically implode. too much to bare. the thought of it all….

*pat pats*

I mean, i know my head wanted to connected dots just to connect them, bc James uses seed as a metaphor/simile quite enough, it's in his repertoire. He uses it even in interviews.

The funny thing is that the first other song that came to my mind after hearing "seed" was not the obvious one, the one with seed in the title.

No, sir.

It was, of course, Bleeding me.

And how could I not? When Innamorata sounds like that, feels like that, is a song like that--

I don't blame you, brain. I don't.