#im so so so scared i wont have a job this summer

[hermoglobiini]

.

[guinevereslancelot]

i'm so bummed i accidentally turned town a job interview for a job where I could have worked with a good friend and mentor 😔

[pumpkinsy0]

papercut brokeback mountain au hcs. perhaps. Maybe. 🙂🧍

ive never watched brokeback mountain,,,,but ik ENOUGH to know that if i ever find out who u r,,,u will b dealt w,,,swiftly,,,,,

•BEFORE WE GET ALL ANGSTY, can i say that before i rlly knew of the plot,,,i thought brokeback mountain was like,,,,a sex joke,,,im not even trying to b funny, i rlly, truly thought it was, but it doesnt matter bc i can say that curly would b making jokes about it anyways and ponys sick of it

•i think its fitting to say curlys jack and ponys ennis, and i say that bc like i said, curly doesnt care who hes doin and to a degree pony doesnt????but he cares more so about what ppl think, and curlys not rlly like that

•idk exactly how it happens in the movie, but maybe instead of them just like being adults all throughout most of it, its more so like a “u see them grow up and get closer” thing, it started out as a summer job and every summer they were excited to see each other every summer and kept in touch over the course of the year till they saw each other again, but it is mostly about them in their 30s or 40s, middle aged papercut gets a rare appearance

•this also means that curlys teasing pony for his name, a cowboy w the name pony???, curly def had a few things to say bout that one, in return pony teased curly about his last name being shepard considering they were dealing w sheep

•when it comes to pony and him being afraid to show himself, i think that would piss curly off a lot more, bc pony would reciprocate and then other times literally push him away, and curly hated how “complicated ur making this”, its even worse bc pony does in fact have a way w words and curly wont 100% admit it but it makes him feel special so for pony to like him one minute then push him away the next???yea hes goin through it

•w the postcards theyd send each other, this is gay as hell, but im a sucker for indirect kissing w papercut, so maybe they kiss their postcard before they send it off

•pony would even draw curly and let curly keep em and he’d have a lil note at the bottom w it, this is a cruel world we live in just let them kiss in a deli store💔💔

•they swap hats and coats a lot, the coats dont fit, but thats ok, it still smells like em so they keep it

•honestly for this au, id say its a mix of curlys parents being homophobic and pony being scared to b out w it, everyone else knows just, doesnt say anything, kind of like a dirty secret?????

•instead of saying i love u, they just say “i swear”

•what if nothing bad happened and we were all SUPER just say that pony and curly accidentally got into lavender marriages and their wives r rlly just gfs and pony and curly r bfs hahahah, but nobody says anything (im gonna lose my marbles)

•if we wanna go the “one of them dies” route (i hate u deeply) instead of what happened w the ashes, lets say that years ago, they had one of those “when i die, i wanna b a _____” OR the other always just say em as a certain animal, and when they die, everytime they see that animal, they thing if them!!! think of like,,,red dead redemption w that buck and coyote when it comes to arthur morgan

[akaakeis]

HEY HEY HEEEEYYYYYYY bokuto moment

HI SAV<33

first of all shut up and pretend I didn't see ur sideblog posts THE THING IS I LOVE LOVE LOVE SENDING ASKS BUT LIKE I DIDN'T KNOW IF ITD BE FREAKY TO SEND RANDOM ASS ASKS TO YOU EVEN THO I BLEAT IN UR DMS EVERY OTHER SECOND

N E WAYS HIIII im having lunch rn !! IT RAINED SO BAD SO ITS LIKE 5PM AND IM STILL IN MY UNIFORM AND STUFF i had like.. stuff planned on my schedule and stuff :cccccc

dude the way i do NAWT feel like writing at all but also im dying to get yns pov in the first chapter like PICK A FUCKING SIDE OMFG literally had to pause writing this to think

TODAY I CORRECTED THE ENGLISH TEACHERS GRAMMAR IT WAS SO FUNNY LIKE I WAS WRITING AT THE BOTTOM OF THIS HUGE ASS WHITEBOARD SO I WAS KNEELING ON THE GROUND AND SHE GOES TO CORRECT SOMEONE'S (ALREADY CORRECT) GRAMMAR AND I LOOK UP TO HER LIKE UH NO THAT'S RIGHT ACTUALLY AND SHE DIDN'T EVEN QUESTION IT JUST TOOK IT LIKE A CHAMP??? LIKE GIRL WHEN EVEN U KNOW UR WRONG????

THE SENTENCE WAS monica went to her grandmother's house for summer vacation AND SHE MADE IT WEIRDER SOUNDING "during vacation" LIKE GIRL NO??????????? sorry for ranting god im such a hater

AND LIKE THESE FUCKASS TEACHERS WONT SEE MY TEXTS (i love them) BUT THE EXACT SECOND I PULL UP TO THEM AT SCHOOL IM GETTING MY CHEEKS TUGGED AT LIKE "oh em gee alina u did such a great job we r sooo proud of u" DIE. AND IM SO SCARED CUZ IM NOT STUDYING PROPERLY OR ENOUGH I THINK AND MY SCHEDULE IS SO FREAKY AND WEIRD AND THE !! RAIN !! EW 🤮🤢🤮🤢 not that i hate the rain, it just conveniently happens NOT when im at home ready to go to school, but rather otw to school or otw home so i'm just late everywhere. also MY WATER BOTTLE DISAPPEARED?? AND THERES A GIRL W THIEVING TENDENCIES IN CLASS LIKE IM NOT POINTING FINGERS BUT BUT BUUUUUUUT um. ANWYAYS I SAW A SUBMERGED MOTORCYCLE AND ALSO MY CHEM TEACHER TAKING PICS OF THE FLOOD LIKE WTF HE WANT THEM FOR "look wife im not cheating im actually trapped in school"

dude.. biceps r so..... like... kuroo... IM LOWK A KUROO ENTHUSIAST HE IS SO YUMMY LIKE U JUST KNOW HED LET U BITE IT (my intrusive thoughts r like. if he existed irl. nom nom time) NOT EVEN IN A SEXUAL WAY BTW I JUST NEED A CHOMP

ANYWAYS I FOUND OUT LIKE RN THAT I GOT 77/90 IN PAPER 1 AND 95/110 IN PAPER 2 OF BANGLA AND I ONLY GOT AN A* BECAUSE OF THE THRESHOLD (171) LIKE WHAAAT. (I GOT 172)

ITS 5:18PM RN AND IM GNA TAKE THE FASTEST FUCKING SHOWER OF MY ENTIRE LIKE CUZ MY HAIR GREASY ASF AND ITS SO EW AND THEN ILL DO CHEM NOTES HASHTAG STUDYING TRUST ME ! ! !

ANYWAYS last anyways of the day HRU MY BABY POOKIE PIE DARLING SWEETHEART POPEYES MUFFIN CUPCAKE HONEYPIE POPSICLE POOKIEBRO HOW WAS UR SLEEP HOW WAS UR YESTERDAY HOW IS UR LIFE WHATS GOING ON AND ALSO ALSO ALSO i forget give me a sec um erm ueueue OH I GOT IT I ABSOLUTELY ADORE U FOR READING ALL OF THE THINGS I SEND U LIKE!!!!! SHIRRJSKSKSOKSKS ILY okbye!!

HEY LINA!!

yeah im gonna act like u didnt see that sideblog post bc i SAID i wasnt trying to hint at anyone... AND NO THATS NOT FREAKY?? idk man i send in asks to ness like every day bc i think its fun to talk that way!! paragraph asks are genuinely so fun to receive!! ALSO USING THE WORD BLEAT IS CRAZY YOU R NOT BLEATING IN MY DMS

omg i hope you had a good lunch!! im answering this like an hour later so i assume u already finished? idk its weird that we're 12 hrs apart 😭 AND NOOO THATS AWFUL :(( sorry to hear that love :( hopefully the rain didn't flood any area and you and your fam are all good!!

HELP THATS SUCH A REAL FEELING i was battling with that yesterday so bad omf... i feel like sometimes we can attach somewhat negative connotations w writing bc sometimes it can feel like a chore? so sometimes it's a struggle to get up and decide to write? maybe thats js me but like yeah 😓 BUT GENUINELY SO EXCITED FOR YOUR APOCALYPSE AU!! ITS BEEN AMAZING SO FAR!! AND ANYTHING IVE READ FOR IT MAKES ME WANT TO LET OUT AUDIBLE SOBS ‼️ that sounds negative but i feel like you get why i want to LIKE GOOD GRIEF anyway write whenever you feel like it!! dont force it <3

THERES NO WAY??? PLEASE THATS SO FUNNY TO ME 😭 I LOVE THAT SHE DIDNT EVEN QUESTION IT OMG? YOU PROBABLY SPEAK MUCH MORE FLUENTLY THAN HER ANYWAY LMAOAOAO BUT PROUD OF YOU!!

okay like maybe im stupid but i feel like both of those sentences make sense? like "monica went to her grandmother's house for summer vacation" makes sense but so does "monica went to her grandmother's house during vacation" it's just that it doesn't specify whether it's during summer vacation so it can sound awkward ig?? idk man ive been stuck reading old english for the last couple of days bc of the hobbit (I DESPISE THAT BOOK IT CAN GO DIE) sigh

HELP?? I MEAN IM SO HAPPY YOURE GETTING GOOD GRADES THO!! AS LONG AS YOURE ABLE TO STUDY JUST ENOUGH SO THAT YOURE CONFIDENT IN THE TOPIC THEN I THINK YOURE GOOD HONESTLY 😨 and the rain sounds like its out to get u thats wild??? PLEASE im not pointing my finger at anyone... im just agreeing here... there's a chance 😭 having classmates with tendencies to steal is such a pain in the ass tho i hope you're able to retrieve your water bottle!! AND HELP I LOVE THE WAY YOU DUBBED THAT "im not cheating im actually stuck in school" had me giggling sm

HELLO? BITING KUROO'S BICEP IS INSANE (but lowkey i would too VERY LOWKEY because i feel like im not super attracted to big biceps and stuff idk?? but just a little chomp 😋😋)

WHATATATAT AT LEAST YOU GOT A* THOUGH ‼️ GOOD JOB!!!

AAA ENJOY YOUR SHOWER! I HOPE IT MAKES YOU FEEL BETTER!! AND YES WE LOVE A RESPONSIBLE STUDIOUS GIRL 😋

AND IM ACTUALLY DOING GOOD MY POOKIE WOOKIE SUGAR PLUM COOKIE BROWNIE PUMPKIN PIE HONEY LOML (i laughed an obscene amount while writing that)!! TODAY IM GONNA BE SUPER BUSY.. I HAVE SPEECH AND DEBATE AFTER MY SCHOOL DAY IS OVER AND THEN I HAVE VOLLEYBALL PRACTICE UNTIL... 7 PM???? I THINK???? GOD. AND I SLEPT SUPER DUPER WELL I WOKE UP RLY COZY IN MY BED AND IM STILL HUDDLED UP IN HERE LMAOAOAO 😭 YESTERDAY WAS GOOD!! I DIDNT HAVE ANYTHING I NEEDED TO DO SO I GOT TO CHILL AT HOME AND LISTEN TO MUSIC AND LITTLE PODCASTS (i listen to the bit my tongue podcast by nailea devora SOOO MUCH) AND AWHAGSHHA LINA!! I ADORE EVERYTHING YOU WRITE AND ANYTHING YOU SEND TO ME!! ILL ALWAYS MAKE TIME TO READ SOMETHING YOU SEND ME!! ILY!! <3

[fallish]

i will absoluely take this baton, thank you for tagging @fairlylokai 🥰

1 ) do you make your bed? the truth is i tried for a while and i still do try occasionally but a majority of the time it ends up with me sleeping on top of a comforter because my brain cant put together the effort to pull it back and actually get in. im going to go with no (despite the state of my very made bed that i am currently sitting on at the time of this post)

2 ) what's your favourite number? two-way tie between 58 and 87. iykyk ;)

3 ) what is your job? im a software developer, its kinda a boring title but im getting good at it!

4 ) If you could go back to school would you? it really depends on the day you ask me this one. like generally? fuck no, it was hell on my adhd. on a particularly self destructive day? yeah and i might finish a college application before deciding to sleep on any major life decisions (and then i wont do it! 10pm rule that shit!)

5 ) can you parallel park? yes! i used to be the only one of my friends who could but i live on a street with only parallel parking and i think theyre getting better at it :D

6 ) a job you had that would surprise people? i used to be a camp counselor for one summer! everyone used to always tell me id be bad with kids because i didnt really like them, and i actually tried failing this interview but i guess they needed people, so i got the job. i got on swell with the kids! uh. not so much with the other adults tho. i accidentally made the ice tea spiked at the end of the summer and needless to say i was not invited back. i look back on it fondly :)

7 ) do you think aliens are real? of course. its unthinkable that humans are the only ones around in the whole universe. as they say, life finds a way

8 ) can you drive a manual car? nope. dated a guy who did once, and im ngl i was kinda into it, but i never learned myself.

9 ) what's your guilty pleasure? k pop photo cards 🙈 while I agree that guilt is for the weak, I do think I spend an unreasonable amount of money on those

10 ) tattoos? not yet, but ive got plans. my mom is super against them so while im at home, i cant. when i move out tho, i really want to get a set of wings in honor of ffvii (the first video game i finished)

11 ) favourite colour? i like yellow, like the mustardy kind but im partial to green and black

12 ) favourite type of music? i spend a lot of my attention on the punk/rock so like fall out boy and mayday parade and i listen to a lot of indie shit like glass animals and basement punk like the front bottoms and mobo, and recently im into kpop, particularly zerobaseone. also! i suspenct that no matter what, if i like the rhythm of the rap put in front of me, its highly likely ill enjoy it

13 ) do you like puzzles? i like puzzles so much i made it my job! one could absolutely say i like puzzles lol, me and my sister used to do them a lot and for her last birthday i got her a 10 pack.

14 ) any phobias? im not fond of men with raised voices, but on a lighter note, i wont go more than 5 feet into the ocean because i grew up in jersey on movies like jaws that made me wuite scared of shark attacks

15 ) favourite childhood sport? i uh didnt play sports 🫡 i liked watching hockey though and i still watch nhl hockey now! so that might count?

16 ) do you talk to yourself? oh yeah. all the time. i cant do tasks if i dont talk myself through them. it might not be out loud all the time (i respect public spaces and the quiet associated with them) but theres a constant running monologue i promise.

17 ) what movie(s) do you adore? cheesy answer but i LOVE inception its one of my all time top 5 movies i could watch it in any mood and it would amaze me.

18 ) coffee or tea? i like both, i prefer tea, but im not allowing myself to have either right now. im trying to get myself off of caffeine again because i recently started going back to work and drinking more coffee and what do you know? my migraines made a comeback

19 ) first thing you wanted to be growing up? i wanted to be a famous singer, and sometimes i still want to make music but i dont know, i guess it got away from me at some point. i still make little singing audios and send them to my friends and my mom always says i have a nice voice so the dream stays alive :)

thanks again for tagging! im going to tag @doomcannotbethisadorable @alittlebitofrainbyyourside @sherlockholmeson and anyone who wants to do participate!!

[despite-everything]

i feel like every time i finally feel at peace about going no-contact with my mother something happens again that makes it sickening and one of the hardest things i've done.

i don't think i've ever burst into tears like this before. i dont even cry that often but im just really fucking going through it tonight. my mother texted me photos of the land she's bought down in central texas to build a ranch house on. when i was a kid, my grandparents had ranches. my grandmother was raised on one, too, and its gone back in our family. so i grew up on the ranch for holidays, long weekends, and portions of the summer. when my grandmother died and my parents divorced when i was a preteen, i went with my dad and my connection with that side of the family was almost severed because of my mothers tendency to spread lies and rumors which made me and my father unwelcome. a few years ago, the ranch became public property which is something im grateful for, but its weird to go back and visit, and i live nowhere near there anymore.

i basically went no-contact with my mother two years ago when she used my grandfather's death against me in a really terrible way. that was my grandfather who ranched. i long to be back in central texas. i feel so at home there. but im trans and unless i get one of a few very specific jobs (probably in austin) i wont go back and that breaks my fucking heart. my mother still texts me sometimes, and i havent blocked her because ive been informed of major family news from her even though i cant respond. she bought some land a few months ago and is building on the property and is going to move back to texas. she sent me update photos of the land tonight as well as a story about a beautiful coyote skeleton picked clean by buzzards on the property. i was the family member who collected bones from the ranch. i genuinely burst into tears when i saw the photos.

and then she followed up by talking about how she intends to build a small ranch house and a small guest house for friends and family to feel welcome and visit. and i just can't stop crying. that's all i've ever wanted. my grandparents had several ranches, but sold them. they asked every other person in the family if they'd be willing to take it over and manage it except for me - the one person who had always wanted to do that. but no one asked me and it was at a tumultuous time in my parents marriage so i didnt know until years later and too late. and theres almost no chance in hell i could ever afford property like that unless i inherit. and since all the ranches were sold and my grandparents are dead, i don't think that will ever happen to me. the ranch they lived on was The Ranch in the sense that it had a guest cabin and enough space for family to visit and at holidays there'd be 12-15 of us. i fucking miss that so much and theres no way to get it back and i know that but the fact that my mother is managing to re-create that same thing and i can't be part of it without hurting myself immensely is so sickening to me.

like i feel like im rambling and just sound stupid or ungrateful or something but its like ive been coming to terms with the fact that i'll never have an intact family again and im never going to have access to "home" unless i create one from scratch and i miss living in texas even with the bad parts and i miss the ranch and my family and this woman who has hurt me so fucking much suddenly gets to have this amazing life where she's becoming the new family matriarch and creating a place for everyone to gather and be happy hurts so so so much. im scared i will forgive her. ive cut her off then accepted her back before and it only made things worse. if i know whats good for me i'll stay away. but it's like the thing i've wanted more than anything else in the entire world is being dangled in front of me but if i accept it i might as well kill myself.

[spiteless-xo]

Im so sorry this ramble is so long but here u go🙁

The absolute terror that came over me when i saw the email notification for the new chapter😭😭😭ok before i read im gonna put my final insights here,, ive literally been scrambling around my house procrastinating reading it bc im TERRIFIED and honestly im so sad its ending,, ive been reading since like february??? I think???Idk atp but i cannot express how much ive loved this story i wish it couldve just continued forever🥲🥲

Ok my predictions are that this will not be a one way path ik tiff is evil and likes to fuck w our feelings😞 i think smt twisted like reader picking eren but eren not picking reader could happen BC HE REALISED HIS SELF WORTH MAYBE😭😭but im not intricate enough to actually use that to decide but i honestly am at a loss i have no clue,, its an honest gamble but i do think eren is endgame??? Help i have no clue😭 but i do remember someone analysing the smells? Vanilla is more home and comfort so like a foundation? And citrus was for summer and things but i was thinking how summer is a temporary thing where people live out crazy activities for the sake of it but the whole thing abt it is that its temporary like we always have to go back HOME to our foundation aka vanilla aka eren????

Thing is ive been eren for endgame since DAYY ONEE i only almost switched up once during the arc with erens confession (idky😞) but other than that ive stayed loyal LMAO idk if im just being delusional tho convincing myself I think she'll end up with eren but

ALSO my other point right

I wanna take this back to tiff bc she IS the author😋 from what ive seen in her tumblr,, a lot of the reader owns resemblance to tiff?? She's mentioned a lot how the readers job is based off her irl experience in an office and some of the readers habits shes claimed to have herself i remember she was saying how people bashing the reader made her think like 'wait thats kind of me tho’ i remember it too vaguely to quote but ANYWAY off the basis that the reader is in some aspects (not all) a projection in some ways?? Its gonna influence,, we ALL know tiff is a strong jean girl😭 we love that and so u'd think jean would be picked BUT in between chapters i saw a few tumblr posts abt her growing liking for eren? I wont deny that she is DEFINITELY still a jean girl but i think for some form of variation in her work bc i think as far as i know she only has one other eren story on her ao3 and so i think her growing crush ok eren may be enough to win her over for just this fic even if jean remains her favourite?? I have like ten million other theories but i need to read the chapter now i will be back😋😋 (im so scared im shitting my pants)

-

Im back!! its been like 6 days since i read it but i just didnt have time to write out my reaction after bc i was so fucking immersed i lost track of time and was late to meet up w my friends💀💀💀anyway it was such rollercoaster omd😭 the letters from jean we’re honestly so cute and i think the year time skip made everything all the more realistic in her choice bc she frl needed that break😭 OMD AND THE WAY I WAS PANICKING when that girl came out the elevator istg i thought it was mikasa,, with all generic eren fanfics if theres ever a third party to make the reader jealous theres some unspoken rule to never use mikasa for some reason and i was dying thinking it was gonna be her😭😭 commonly people use historia so when even a mention of eren having a new gf came up my mind shot to historia i swear i was worrying just as much as the reader💀 anyway back to jeans letters i was honestly like getting a bit swayed that i wouldnt even be upset if reader ended up w jean and especially considering how offstandish eren was when reader went to see him at first he was like not following up on anything like he was rushing to see his stupid gf (it was armin🎉🎉🥳) AND THE READER WAS SO CUTE FOR THAT GUNDAM (tysm tiff its such a silly headcanon that eren collects those and builds them i can see it HELP) and i think it was so cute seeing the reader and sasha as bsfs more bc i think there was long periods of time that that relationship w sasha wasnt as strongly shown so its so nice AND OMGOGMOGM LEVI????? U made the dynamic w them so well how he has that small bit of warmth telling her she can work there whenever she needs its the cutest thing ever i love it more than ever and the way levi talks abt petra UGH u made everything so endearing, and istg the reader has never been real until this chapter bc she is so right saying that a bunch of paper doesnt change him bc I KNEW AS SOON AS HE SAID HE NEVER LEFT TITAN AND BECAME BASICALLY HIS DAD that he was not gonna be endgame,, i always had the theory that titan and the kirstein status is a metaphor for the status jean has from the reader bc shes loved him for so long thinking hes someone that hes really not,, jean was painfully aware how he could make any mistake at work and have no punishment similarly to how even if he hurts the reader she will always forgive him so if he couldnt avoid reaping the benefits of his kirstein status then it means he’d continue to take advantage of the reader but thing is this status dissolved when she took that year away from him which is why I appreciate how realistic it all is logic wise,, Eren evidently changed and omg i wanna know abt the pictures on his wall bc when reader was first there there was mention how there were no family pictures or any sign of him really living there but when she came back there were pictures,, i was trying to figure out the meaning but i cant get my finger on it😭 my guess is that he found more purpose in life?? Idk bc that seems so vague and farfetched i was wondering what ur intentions were with that🙆‍♀️ and i had a theory AGES AGO that piecks ‘bad bf’ before jean or smt was zeke?? Bc knowing how zeke was in that gc and stuff like that it sounded like smt was gonna link together? I just think the added details abt piecks past was left unfinished so i was also wondering abt that😋 anyway ugh the ending was also so cute usually i hate when characters dance in fanfics but it was so cute and fitting for the moment like THEM AT THE POINT omg i loved it i love u thank you SO MUCH tiff for an amazing story i hope u have a good day bb❤️❤️❤️

omg thank you for a such a lovely message 🥰💗🥰💗 i’ll hide my response under a cut here because it’s long

reading since february!! omg that’s like the beginning! i think i dropped the first chapter on valentine’s day

“tiff is evil and likes to fuck with our feelings” 💀💀💀 yes.

ugh the smells!!!!! that was my biggest slip up frfr 🙈 i said way too much when i responded to that ask because i was so excited someone asked!! and you guys were all right of course. eren was home and jean was just temporary (like the summer season)

lmao ok literally. i was still a hardcore jean girlie when i started writing tbaw and even after i decided it was gonna end w eren. so throughout writing tbaw….. i literally fell in love w eren jaeger 🙈 and i almost fell out of love w jean!!! tbaw!jean is so awful he almost ruined jean completely for me

hehehe yes yes you’re 100% right w jean. he’s so used to taking advantage and never getting punished (w reader and titan) that he doesn’t really see a point in changing because tbh his life is pretty good?? but then when reader spent time away from him, her blind infatuation w him wore off and then when he tried to pull that same shit again, she’s like nah bro.

ok this is probably not clear at all, but the deal w eren’s apartment is that in the beginning it’s very sanitized and show-homey because he feels distant and detached from his friends/family after the death of his mom and becoming close w zeke. he’s like internally ashamed of the way he’s acting because he knows he’s in the wrong so he’s almost punishing himself by distancing himself from everyone.

and then after a year when he’s changed and the pictures are on the wall, its because hes worked his way out of that hole of self loathing and is happy with the person he is now. so he’s able to feel more comfortable, even in the privacy of his own home, and having his mom “watch over him” in a sense, and cherishing his previous relationship w jean and his ongoing friendship w armin, etc etc.

yes!! pieck’s bad bf was zeke! i was originally going to have her have a bigger role in tbaw to show like how eren’s past behaviour can affect people, since she was a victim of that treatment when she dated zeke. but i scrapped it because it would’ve extended the story so much and also i didn’t really like writing pieck lol

so there are like lil bits and pieces about the pieck/zeke relationship and how the way he treated her makes her seek validation in men, but it’s super underdeveloped in tbaw.

thank you again for such a lovely comment!! i’m glad you enjoyed it 🥰💗

[zipndots]

Saw the tags.

Here's an invitation to scream about the way people treat having a car/driver's license.

oh look at you, enabler you <33 (i literally moved to my pc so i can type this out just a smidge faster and more effectively. pardon any mistakes)

when my sibling was around my age, even a little younger, it got its permit. cool, right? soon enough my big sibling would be able to take me to school and get us food, i thought. its total driving time in its life is around. 4 hours? and thats me being generous.

fast forward ~8 years and im here with 4 hours of driving time under my own belt, hell, even my own car, because my sibling is physically disabled and i wanted to be able to help. thing is, i get so sick and dizzy behind the wheel out of anxiety that i literally cant go on an actual road without crying my eyes out and having a panic attack.

turns out my sibling was like that too, and thats why it had to stop trying.

my own reasoning to justify this anxiety and this sheer dread is because nobody can actually drive on the road here. i probably know the rules and laws of driving in my state (usamerican, sorry) than the majority of people licensed to drive here. you see people with bald tires flying down the highway at 80mph in blizzard conditions, half the time without their headlights, and no turn signal (either out of sheer laziness or because it is broken). do you know how many people on the road are willingly operating a 2 ton hunk of metal so irresponsibly? too many. too fuckin many. i, as a pedestrian, have accepted the fact that despite having right of way across a street that isnt even busy, will more than likely be run over on a normal day because nobody pays attention to their surroundings.

im constantly hounded by my own mother, who says she understands my feelings and anxieties around driving, on when im going to finally start driving and why i keep avoiding it etc etc etc. she doesnt want to teach me because it scares her. my dad doesnt want to teach me because he doesnt have the time (fair, hes a really busy man). my sibling literally cant walk half the time let alone drive. anyone else i dont trust to be in a car with without holding the "oh shit" handle because theyre impatient, irresponsible, and dont even know how to drive safely themselves.

i cant get a job where im living right now. i just recently learned i have some really bad asthma and that paired with dry air, intense weather (below zero temps in winter, above 100 in summer), and going uphill prevents me from commuting to anywhere close. there was a bus stop once upon a time, but they apparently got rid of it in the route, but never bothered to actually get rid of the stop, so the closest bus stops in either direction are uphill and over a mile away, and i genuinely just dont have the right metabolism to endure that.

every time i mention that to somebody, they always, without fail, say "why dont you just drive?" oh, gee, i dont know, probably the fact that i dont feel safe in something that can easily crush me, next to people operating the same machines unsafely and irresponsibly, and have seen first-hand how bad user error can destroy many peoples lives? combined with the fact that i simply prefer being a pedestrian?

the US is so abysmal when it comes to road safety and accessible sidewalks that its almost so funny it makes me want to cry. i feel disgusting having to use a ride share app or call a taxi and waste 40 bucks on a 20 minute ride because either there isnt a safe bus route/walkway or the route that takes me there via bus takes over three hours, taking up the majority of my day. efficient and safe transport here is so fucking awful and of course they wont fund any improvement on it because they dont see a profit to it. because of cars.

i dont even know how to end this rant. im just pissed off more and want to burn down my local government buildings.

[princevontwix]

what i wanted to put was too long for tags so I'm just gonna vent here

i really feel this. my parents have been encouraging me to get my masters, when I'm almost done with my bachelors. and the major i have isn't offered anymore so idk what would happen. I've also chickened out on going to the career center to get started on literally anything. i haven't taken any internships at all, done any mock interviews, and have no concrete idea on the career i want with my major.

im gravely worried that once i graduate i wont be able to do the job well, esp since I've repeatedly dumped out whatever I've learned from previous classes, which i HATE. as such, I'm nervous that when something I'm expected to have known about comes up during a crucial moment(s) at my job, ill be left smooth-brained, feel utterly incompetent, or worse.

if i do try and get a masters degree, i feel like id be delaying the inevitable. I'm also just not completely confident in being able to manage my own life by myself. it doesn't help that i haven't truly made friends in uni, just people I'm familiar with for one semester and that's it. Middle and high school were easier to get friends bc i was in the same "class of" as everyone else. but in uni, you're sharing classes with people of different years so you don't really get a chance to be familiar with them. i feel like that's also my fault though; I've been forgetful of people's names unless i see them on a regular basis outside of just classes (only two professors i can say arent the case). and those classmates who give me their numbers for future contact, i just never do. i feel overwhelmed by work and by then, id have fast forgotten anything about them to make conversation of.

im scared that ill be incompetent in my future career, that i might only have a few select irl friends at best or only my online friends (which there's no guarantee that ill ever meet any of them in person and strengthen that bond. AND that this last year in uni will be my last retreat to my shell before it completely shatters and I'm thrusted into the real world. there's also this internal pressure on me for being the first in my family to graduate uni (my older siblings have graduated high school).

My older siblings have been living at home for years, which, nothing wrong with that. but i don't want to end up living that same lifestyle. I want to prove to my family that their efforts weren't for naught. but at the same time, i feel like i don't know what to do when the future comes and ill have no insurance for whatever happens. I'm already dreading the days when my parents pass away and what might happen with my siblings when it does. the absolute last thing i want is to end up homeless and with nothing to show for myself.

Earth, our home, is dying to corporate greed and we're massacring each other, hate in our veins. And if i cant make a dent in any of that, then what was the point? what were my efforts for?

And yet...i want to be selfish and create for myself (no matter how cringe it is) and spend time with my online friends. I want to stay in my comfort zone of being in my dorm for the week and home at the weekends. i want to have those long summers where i don't have to worry to much about what to do and just enjoy myself.

How can I ever possibly balance my practical life with my personal life? My work and social lives?

Perhaps i've never truly grown up, and the unforgiving march of time is a reminder that i need to do something with my life and grow the fuck up. Perhaps it doesn't matter what i do as link rot will snuff out my creations and my second death will follow my first death fairly quickly.

Or maybe i really am just overthinking everything. Maybe 10 years or more from the future, I'll come back to this post and laugh at my naivety and how much i was overthinking. If such a possibility exists, maybe it's narcissistic for me to want this, but i would greatly welcome my future self hugging me, telling me that everything turned out well. that I'm living a life my family and friends would be proud of.

that despite the mountainous amount of work my job requires, i managed to make time to tend to my own projects completely unrelated to my profession. maybe in that possible future, my fanstory Rejuvenation has finally been completed, and i have the improved skills to bring my vision out for my art and fanfics (cringe, i know). perhaps in that future, i don't feel any of the loneliness i feel right now.

i just want some assurance that everything will turn out well. right now, my last year in uni is my temporary shelter against all these worries. but once i graduate? it's the point of no return.

I'm deathly afraid of the future and what might not be. i may bide my time and play games, draw, or just chat with friends. but the clock will keep ticking and if i don't play catch-up, I'm as good as dead. i just hope that I'm still eligible to reach Heaven by then.

but for now, i have some schoolwork shit i need to do. procrastination is a poison, one that might cost me everything.

“I don’t know what my goals are, no. Thanks for asking.”

[evilmothblog]

i want to sleep but then im going to wake up and have to get up and im too tired to do that so i cant sleep does that make sense

i know for a fact im going to be exhausted whether i sleep or not so i dont see the point. but i really want to sleep im so tired. but then it will be tomorrow already.

i keep lying down with a rock under me so i can enjoy the feeling of resting without worrying about falling asleep because then i cant feel the rest anymore

i want to sleep but if i sleep i run out of time to rest so i have to do something else instead but even staying awake all night isnt enough time anymore tomorrow comes so fast and then i have to get up and go to class again

i wish summer break would be now already so i could spend a few weeks doing nothing much but sleeping and enjoy feeling well rested before the realization that its already been a month because i spend all my time sleeping and then i cant sleep well the rest of break because i cant let it all slip away so fast i need the break

i just want to go back to when a normal nights sleep was enough and sure its fast forwarding to tomorrow when you have to get up again which sucks but youll be so much less tired so itll be worth it. its not worth it anymore

im just so fucking tired i cant fathom getting a job and having even less time off. what do i do the doctors never found anything except for eventually 'your iron reserves are a little low' but even then taking the supplements for weeks i cant feel a difference im so tired i cant do anything life is falling hopelessly behind waiting for energy to strike so i can do my fucking laundry or something and then its back to waiting. what do i do.

my mom laughed when i said i was scared my legs were gonna start hurting so bad i wouldt be able to walk and id be disabled she thought the idea of me becoming physically disabled was ridiculous but im already disabled because im so tired and now the joint pain isnt helping like what the fuck do i do im failing my classes that they are paying for because im too tired to do any work what happens when they find out what happens when i have to live at home again what happens when i cant live independantly

i genuinely dont know if this is catastrophizing or not because so far the pain has just steadily gotten worse i wish i could be optimistic but i dont think lying to myself is going to help all it did was stop me from realizing earlier how much a walking stick helps

im tired of my therapist telling me i can do it i just have to believe in myself because i can say that all i want it wont make getting up any easier it doesnt make it hurt less

and now i cant sleep even if i wanted to because yet another random shaking episode is back am i actually just dying what is happening to my body

[blessedshortcake]

Delete later

I dont know if its the holidays coming up that has me stressing again or just everything piling up in general but its that time of my existence again when i genuinely consider serious harm to get some kind of significant help or care thats more than "just stop worrying"

I cant take school. Im too burnt out and i dont have time to recharge even tho i only have school twice a week. I have no help from my family because asking them for help will either get me forced to live with an unstable household with my sister or in an unstable household with my mother. In both cases shamed and reprihended but in different ways ig so its a pick your poison moment. I cant win

I havent been to class in months. Im terrified. Im failing i dont have enough grades and none of my classmates know me so i cant ask anyone for help. Im terrified if i drop out the gov will make me pay back the child support ive been Literally living off of since i live by myself and wont be hired anywhere because i didnt graduate yet and here you wont be hired without that for like 95% of job spaces. Youre either a student working or have your diploma or you dont exist at all

I gave up hobbies that cost money ive been doing my best to eat whatevers home so i dont spend extra money ordering in but i just dont have the energy to do this anymore. I want a job. I want a job so bad i want to be done with school i cant do school we literally have ptsd from school and no support from anyone around like family or teachers. I cant apply for therapy again because theres a 6 month waitlist and by then its fucking summer (probably) and even then it takes at least a year to start getting any diagnosis and i never managed to hold down a therapist for long enough. They dont take you seriously here in their eyes we were always just lazy or a little sad or haha teenage anxiety

We cant enter a school building without bordering an anxiety attack even if its just for like an art show or any non education related reasons. We cant learn due to alter to alter amnesia (OSDD i almost never talk about it on here but yea hi system here this is Hell) because in classes we either dissociate too bad due to the panic it causes us to just Be behind a desk taking notes with people to actually remember what we wrote if we did write anything and then if you learn anything at home theres a 10% chance youre gonna be the guy at front to take the test because, again, fear.

What the hell am i meant to do when i feel like the best option here is to either blind myself so i get to be excused since id have to restart my life pretty much or try and pretend i was hit by a car on accident because i cant sign into a ward here. I cant call a crisis hotline like "yea i wanna die it sucks ass here" because my family will again either force me to live with someone mentioned above or kick me out and then what. I cant do this im not gonna do anything harsh that could end me like thats not what im saying here im just frustrated and scared and sad about how hopeless this all feels like

[doggirl08-moved]

School is soon RAGHH! This year it is my duty and job to be as weird and friendly as possible but I will not tell others my 3 fav video games in the year 2023 since then everyone will explode my dad is like kylie tell them you play- no...No...i couldnever......hgnghnghngjmk.....unless something idk! But I am super not excited but excited I missed seeing people and walking around and then seeing more people and walking around more and then doing math! Am I excited to do big tests and work now? No!!! But will I make the most out of it yes :)))!! But ya this is my year of being myself now I don't have a creepy stalking nerd breathing down my neck ( So sorry to my old mutuals on my old account who saw me breakdown over that boy! ) and I am still coping with sammie going to a different school but tomorrow im going school shopping yayyy : )!! I probably wont buy much since most stores arent cool enough for me just kidding I am just picky with clothes but this year ill be wearing...BRIGHT COLORS and you know like non bright colors since I am no longer afraid!!! I am super excited to spend my money on keychains and fun little items and be super happy and just listen to music all day and work! My sister called me weird for liking homework and yeah I hate homework but you know what I hate more bad grades! homework reminds me im super smart and plus I am super good with finding answers easily if I ever get stuck!!!! AND ANOTHER THING since ill be a sophomore this is the year of dating for some reason and I am not going to date till college since my studying is super important meaning I am a free man this year and don't have to stress about anything! I am so excited to see my grandma tomorrow she always reminds me im pretty which makes me super happy even if I am like nuh uh most of the time and GUESS WHAT I GET A HAIRCUT FRIDAY!!!!! I don't like doing crazy haircuts minus that one time my hair was super short and I had bangs so ill just be getting a trim and asking if I would look okay with layers :D the women who does my hair is so funny since I talk about horror movies the entire time and school gossip and she always goes they let you watch that??? and your school is insane?!!!!! and im like haha yeah something something drugs something something weird stuff in the bathroom!! But I hope your all excited for me to be myself this year cause I am!!!!! I have been waiting my whole life to be myself and I am no longer scared this summer I realized I live once so I should have fun and be nice and plus people who stare at me cuz my limp and hip are just curious and dumb!!! and people who make fun of others are insecure and probably should go get happy or something yayyyyyy!! sorry for the long post I haven't talked all day minus the 3 short calls I made to my dad :P! ( and my ramblings about my s/i )

[fictionfixations]

i found a fic where midoriya is ranpos reincarnation

and now i have the story outline sorta of a bsd x mha.

also there are references to things and things im trying to exlpain to myself to remember later but maybe you wont and im not gonna explain that haha this is kinda influenced but i also dont wanna write fuckin dostoevsky because how the fuck do you take him down that man is probably smarter and more dangerous then afo imo?? i dont want to make the book a thing (LOOK. the manga is still in its 'what the fuck is happening this is chaos' and the stuff thats mentioned is kinda in that part?? okay so the guy with the perfect crime ability, i know thats been adapted to the anime but the manga hasnt ended, they havent figured out the actual solution to the story thats going on so also 'how the fuck am i meant to do that im so uncreative'

ahaha also the mention of a shatter thing is a reference to some other mha fic but haha go look through my bookmarks i dare you, i copied and pasted an excerpt that explained what happened with shatter. its nice. :))))

okay so just because i started a multi-chapter fic that i actually wanted to finish the next thing i know i have so many documents open with multi-chapter stories and im repeating a mistake i made that ended up with a lotta discontinued fics

instead of being kicked out of the dorms because of outing the guy at the police academy for like cheating on his s/o or whatever, he reluctantly continues and becomes a detective. the youngest ever, and the one who has ended up solving the most cold cases ever.

he becomes tsukauchis problem he is also quirkless. he was never told that he had an ability by fukuzawa-dono. but he is insanely smart, even more then nezu

hes taught by the law enforcement there that not everyone knows what he does, so its important to point things out

ranpo doesnt have much skill in protecting himself, but his knowledge lets him predict some things, as a faux foresight. he gets bested by a new organization (The LOV? except they have more power, and recruit Mushiro Fushiguro or whats its name, the guy with the Perfect Crime ability. Ranpo got involved in the investigation against the LOV. Someone is killed as a threat, and right before his eyes all the evidence is gone, and he has that feeling that something is missing. ..Ah. It's threatening him not to go any further. He does.), and tsukauchi gets hurt, therefore the police department is deemed too risky and is moved to the custody of one Aizawa Shouta. (ofc, erasermic, and shinsou is there) He ends up shadowing Aizawa at his job, having already graduated, and technically class a's senpai.

on the meanwhile, the investigation team collaborates with the Armed Detective Agency from Yokohama, noting the existence of an Ability User they had been chasing down, having been able to figure out that the murder of a certain Mystery novel writer had been in close-ish contact with a man with an ability. 'Perfect Crime'.

like lady nagant, the guy fuckin DIES after they find him and have an encounter and ends up regretting it (because of course ranpo figures it out) but not after giving a very ominous message

they go to the summer camp, ranpo as an honorary member, and trusting in his teammates, gets kidnapped instead in place of bakugo.

afo is interested in the self-proclaimed greatest detective, the youngest one in fact. ranpo feels threatened. he wants him. needs those strategic smarts, but knows that Ranpo would never. Instead, he would make it so Ranpo could never help the other side. He shatters him. for once, his intuition fails him. his teammates are too late.

He was scared. (this is what he gets for being reckless all the time. almost suicidal with how much trust he puts in his colleagues to make it in time.)

think of yosano after she exploded the thing and was all depressed and unreacting.

before this, he meets shinsou at aizawa's place. he bluntly questions why shinsou hasnt used his mindreading. shinsou: what?? aizawa: what have i told you about people not understanding some things? stop being so blunt. ranpo: blink blink oh. Hey Shinsou, did you know that logically you should be able to mind read someone while you're brainwashing them- well actually, its more like you're putting them to sleep, but in a state of sleepwalking, y'know? so their mind is still kinda active and registering things that they're seeing in dreams, and you can interact with them that way and their mind would be much easier to see and read because you're kind of.. in their brain? shinsou: … I CAN DO WHAT NOW? aizawa: ..Ranpo.

shinsou reaches out to ranpo. his eyes stay in their shattered shape but he can see after hes free.

ranpo learns to be less hesitant, but is still paranoid.

[softclowns]

gonna use tumblr for what its TRUE purpose is. venting 😼

[themangoeater]

... jumping into pride month in the worst way vent in tags

[fluffyhunnie]

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