#and if they did i would of course be grateful. i'm just autistic and don't celebrate things much at all

[shalom-iamcominghome]

Everyone, pray for me that the guys at my shul don't go through with throwing a party (complete with pagan rituals!) after I convert because I'm Afraid of celebrations. If g-d loves me, He wouldn't torment me so..........

[unproduciblesmackdown]

billions(tm): it's incredible how we just provide a little snippet of material designed to be "guy we all want to push down the stairs immediately somehow" and through this amazing acting alchemy it becomes gold. electric. magnificent. we can't get enough so we will just keep writing this loser character and the actor will somehow keep bringing the dazzling transmutation through his ability

actor will roland: [is aware autistic people are real]

[furiousgoldfish]

got called 'too sensitive' today because I got offended at this situation:

I was minding my own business when a new roommate asked me where I was this morning, and I said at work. They asked what do I do for work (mind you we were living together for 2 weeks this is the first time they asked what I do), and I explained what I do. They commented on how quickly I got back from work, and I said, yeah, I can only work part-time because I'm chronically tired, and they started to make jokes about it, asking 'haha imagine if you had my job and had to work 8 hours' and I stopped them right there, saying 'I'm not able to earn properly, yes.'

Because it's just shitty to make fun of me for not being physically able to work full time, I already struggle to survive because of that, and this is not a person I know well, or feel comfortable joking around with.

And the conversation should have ended right there, but then they had to go and say 'it could be worse. you could be fully disabled' and I froze because I was not up for 'be grateful it isn't worse' talk and I immediately responded with 'it brings me no comfort to know people are struggling even worse, it only reminds me how painful it is for people to live on this planet' and then they didn't stop there, but went on to say 'I have a cousin that is autistic, she can't work even for an hour or anything, can't even make food for herself, and she'll probably end up living in a facility' and I froze completely there because what the hell. I can't imagine in a thousand years that an autistic person would want to be brought up in such a scenario, to make an otherwise disadvantaged person feel 'grateful that at least they're not autistic'. I can't even fathom bringing this up in a situation that compares one person's disadvantage to another's to point out how one has it worse and to shut the other down. I literally don't even talk about my exhaustion, I only mentioned it to answer a question! How did the situation demand this comparison!

I figured this was disrespectful both to me and to the autistic person who is brought up to be a representation of the 'worst case scenario'. Nobody deserves to be represented like that.

And I got offended. I complained to another roommate and they asked me 'who was insensitive here, you or the other roommate?' and I'm like 'how was I insensitive', and the roommate goes 'you didn't understand that the roommate was only trying to comfort you that it could be worse.'

And now that pissed me off even worse. Would you get upset, both on your own behalf and on the behalf of the autistic person who got brought up, with zero respect to their humanity? Or is this just acceptable behaviour for people? On top of struggling I have to listen how it could be worse, and of course, the fully abled are never brought in on that comparison, it's only to make me feel like I don't have the right to speak when prompted.

[peppermint-rat]

Now that I'm thinking about it have another exmo ramble

One of the most damaging things for me was the message that it was sinful to even like, witness/hear "unholy" things. Went to a movie not knowing there was cursing or sexual content? Repent. Downloaded a song that had the fuck word in it? Delete it immediately, repent. It created this constant state of fear about the world outside the church, as it was meant to. Don't look outside, just stay where it's safe and be grateful for that safety.

As an autistic person who had a hard time relating to other kids in general, this added a level of resentment toward non-member kids at school. Because they could swear and talk about sex and drinking/drugs around me and there was nothing I could do about it. I felt like they were harming me. So I snapped and lashed out a lot, which worsened the bullying I was already getting.

It also affected my relationships badly because in order to feel like I could keep those relationships without sinning, the other people had to also follow the standards of the church. To everyone else, I was just super controlling, and maybe I was. But at its core, I was afraid that I would have to lose those connections if I didn't try to keep them safe for me. I'm sure y'all were told a thousand times not to spend lots of time around people who did not fit church standards, because they would eventually infect you. Imagine my horror, then, when my best friends started dating boys before they turned 16. Imagine how hard I pushed my first boyfriend, who was a non-member, to not swear and keep himself "clean" and come to church, knowing I wouldn't be able to stay with him if he never got baptized and properly joined.

In a way, the church was right, because as soon as I stopped caring about what my friends did, I realized their choices weren't actually threatening to me, nor were their identities, which made me relaxed about non-mormon standards and allowed me to realize I was queer which led me to leave the church. So yeah, engaging with forbidden things and forbidden people will absolutely lead you away from the church. They just have to make sure you view that as scary so you don't find out how much happier and how much safer you'll actually feel if you leave.

And of course all this is why the neo-puritan internet culture bothers me so much. It's the same shit all over again. Don't tolerate a second of behavior that might be considered "impure" because it will rub off on you and make you a bad person. Police everyone else or you're at risk of becoming evil. Fuck that, fuck that so hard.

[lionheartslowstart]

POA

Something happened recently that has caused me to confront the fact that I am truly disabled. It's not that I didn't know I was, of course I have since the autism diagnosis, but I really, and I mean really, got hit in the face with it.

I'll explain.

I can't go into too much detail regarding the actual circumstances, but the long and short of it is that I had to give my parents power of attorney in order to solve a housing issue. I trust parents completely and I know it's not something they would ever abuse. They made it clear to me that should I ever want to dissolve it, we could do that, and that the sole purpose for getting it was to avoid any houses issues now and in the future.

We had to go to a lawyer's office to sign the document and have it notarized. It was all very official. Afterwards, I drove home, sat on my bed, and just cried.

When I received the autism diagnosis, I was diagnosed with Level 1 autism. Autism is divided into 3 different levels. However, in my research, these levels seem to pertain strictly to social skills. In this way, yes, I am a Level 1 autistic. But if we're talking about "functionality," I'm not so sure I can qualify as Level 1 anymore. (Seriously, why IS it split by social ability? That's stupid.)

I'm 30 years old, and I'm still financially dependent on my parents. At this point in my life, I can't work a full time job. As a result, I will never be financially independent, and I will never be able to afford housing on my own. I say "at this point," because maybe one day that will change, but I doubt it. And for the record, I count myself lucky I can at least work a part time job, because 85% of autistics can't work at all.

Autism is a developmental disability, and I feel that as I'm getting older, it's become more obvious. Because I'm staying the same. I mean, obviously not completely the same. I've learned and grown and matured, and my friends who have known me for over a decade always comment on how much I've changed, but that's not what I mean. I mean that I feel like an adult and a child at the same time. I mean there are certain things I can't DO, certain things I can't retain or process, because my brain just won't let me. For example, I can't set up health insurance by myself. Every time my mom tries to explain it to me, my brain glazes over. That's the best way I can explain it. And I swear, I am trying SO hard to pay attention. I can't help it. My brain just...won't.

If this is what my life looks like when I'm 30, what is it going to look like when I'm 50? 60? 70? Not good. Not a good quality of life at all.

I'm so jealous of my friends and family. I don't understand how they do it. Even my other autistic friends are able to work full time or go to school full time without incident. (I did go to college full time but I almost ended myself like 3 times and I had to take a LOT of time off throughout.) It makes me feel guilty and bad. Like a loser. A failure. And yes, I know that autism can look different in everyone. I guess this is just one of the ways it affects me personally. But even so, it's painful to watch everyone around you be fully independent, and for whatever reason that's just not you. I mean, I'm independent in other ways. I can live by myself, make my own appointments, work part-time, and form meaningful relationships. I'm really trying to focus on those things instead, but it's been difficult to stay positive. I feel like financial independence is pretty major.

I want to interject here and say that I am insanely grateful to my parents. I know how blessed I am. They are my biggest supporters, both emotionally and financially. They love me so much, and if I didn't have them I'm certain I'd be homeless, probably long dead. I know that most people don't have parents like mine, let alone autistic people. I thank them all the time and tell them how guilty I feel and reassure them that I'm not lazy or spoiled, that I take their support very seriously. And they always assure me that they know, and not to worry about it, and they just want me to be happy.

But I do worry about it. My parents have wasted so much money on keeping me alive, it makes me physically ill. If I wasn't around, they'd have more money in their pockets for other things. They wouldn't have to worry about me all the time. I genuinely feel like they'd be better off without me, at least in the long run.

Like I said, the thoughts have been real dark lately, y'all. I've been extremely depressed since we instated the POA. This is my reality.

I don't know if my friends will still want to be friends with me in 10 years. Even my autistic friends. I don't like that I'll most likely never be financially independent. It is my greatest shame and I wish so badly it wasn't true.

People who insist autism is a fad and that people fake it for attention or whatever can eat my entire ass.

I would do anything, and I mean anything, to not be autistic.

[my-autism-adhd-blog]

Hi there, and thanks for giving me a lifetime of validation and confidence in my neurotype to keep pushing through it all.

I'm a writer. I always have been. I love writing, and it's the only thing I consider myself to be legitimately good at. Linguistics is one of my special interests. I love the flow of a grammatically correct English sentence.

Anyway, I have major executive function issues. Specifically with starting tasks. So I already find it hard to sit down and write. But I find it even harder to continue the progress I make in anything. After enough minimal effort, my brain decides it hates this activity and everything related to it, and inside a single hour I'll go from obsessing over a creative task to being indifferent or repulsed by it. But the *feeling* of knowing I had just been so passionate about it a second ago remains. I end up putting myself into a depressive episode every time I try to be creative in any regard.

I've played D&D with my friend group for years, and I've wanted to run my own campaign for a while. But not only does my inability to start completely destroy my progress in worldbuilding and planning, but I can't organize my thoughts at all. I've tried mindmapping and charting and notebooks and binders. When I'm trying to organize my campaign in any way, I revert into this dramatically incapable person. My brain just instantly fogs and clouds, and I don't know how to visually plot my system and lore that helps me in any actual way. But I *love* worldbuilding with a passion. Even when I don't want to engage in it, I am still absolutely fascinated at creating a world from my own brain. Especially one my friends can play in. Yet in this moment, I can't mentally be bothered to do any of it, and I'm subsequently depressed.

I never saw myself ADHD since I aligned with autism so intensely. I still don't find myself relating to ADHD very often. It's also hard enough for me to accept I'm autistic because I feel like an imposter every other hour. My question for you is, how do I overcome this? How do I overcome myself? How can I enjoy an activity I literally love, and continue to enjoy it? These are loaded questions, and of course you'd have to know me personally to answer this the right way. But I just want to know if there's anything I can do about myself. How do I ignite a flame in myself that doesn't burn out in 10 minutes? Moreover, are there any tools available online that help autistic or ADHD or just neurodivergent people focus, plot, plan, and organize in a very visual way? My latest attempt was to find an AI assistant that I can verbally speak with or text, who would do the plotting for me, and ask the questions for me, and I'd just insert my thoughts and ideas. I can't find what I'm looking for. It all feels so hopeless. I can't even amount to a personal desire. I feel this has to do more with depression than anything else, but I'm new to the neurodivergent community at large, as I've mostly dealt with my struggles on my own accord, and learned through books. Maybe there's a billion tools and strategies I've never heard of before. My mind was blown 80 trillion times since downloading Tumblr regarding my mental health, so it's worth asking a profound community member like yourself.

Sorry for the essay, I'm incapable of shortening my thoughts. If I don't type it all out the way I see it in my head, it'll be an itch I can't scratch for the rest of the day. If you do have any advice or recommendations, I would be so grateful. But I'm grateful for your engagement with the community already. You're just awesome.

Thanks for the empowerment and understanding you give me every time I open this app. You're changing people's lives, and that's real.

Cheers ❤️

Hi there,

This was somewhat hard to digest, but I’ll do my best to help.

I couldn’t find much. But I did find one article that lists some ways that might help with executive dysfunction and writing. This excerpt is going to be long, so I apologize in advance:

Executive dysfunction is a term used to describe weaknesses in the cognitive process that organizes thoughts and activities, prioritizes tasks, manages time efficiently, and makes decisions. It’s common in certain disorders, such as Depression, ADHD, and autism. Executive function skills are used to establish structures and strategies and to determine the actions required to move a project forward. So for those of us who struggle with executive dysfunction, dedicating ourselves to a project could get quite overwhelming. Here are some little tips and tricks I’ve compiled throughout my experience.

How to start:

Task initiation is one of the biggest struggles when dealing with executive dysfunction. This is especially hard with writing, since you need time to muster the energy needed to jump into your story. Here are some tips:

1. Start a 1-3 minute timer and force yourself to write something, anything, before it ends. The words that come out don’t matter. You can just write, “I don’t know.” The point is to force yourself into the writing zone.

2. Leave bread crumbs for yourself at the end of each writing session to make picking up where you left off easier. For example, stop in the middle of a sentence or thought, so the next time you write you won’t have to tackle something completely new.  You just have to finish that incomplete thought and continue from there. You could also leave some notes about what happens next, cutting down thinking time in your next session.

3. Try free writing. This is a great way to get those creative juices flowing with minimal effort. Free writing alleviates the pressure of writing something good. Spend a few minutes writing about anything, like your day or a frustrated ramble about your story. It’s like a warm up before your writing session.

How to keep going:

So you’ve started your writing session. How do you keep writing? Most importantly, how do you keep working on your project?  When struggling with executive dysfunction, the regular “set a schedule” approach doesn’t tend to work.

1. Scale down your goal if your big, overarching goal for your project is overwhelming. Try changing your goal to something more manageable and short term. For example, try writing 500 words a day. This might make it less likely for you to lose steam half way through.

2. Try writing sprints if daily goals aren’t working. Instead of hitting a certain word count, you’re setting a timer and writing for its entire duration

3. Don’t feel bad for needing external motivation. Will promising yourself a pizza after you hit your goal motivate you to write? By all means, do so. Maybe you just need a friend to ask you if you’ve written at the end of the day. Find out what motivates you.

4. Find a writing buddy. This can be someone who can sit down and write at the same time to hold you accountable. Or it can be a critique partner that expects you to turn in something by a certain deadline.

5. Try something new. This is one of the best ways to combat how constraining and overwhelming your writing might feel. It’s okay to lose interest in your project for awhile and try something new. Unless you’re racing to meet a deadline, you have no obligation to keep working on a project that isn’t working for you. Setting a project aside doesn’t mean giving up on it. You might only need some time away from it before you are able to finish it.

Trying something new could also mean changing where or how you write. Usually write at home? Try a coffee shop. Do you usually type? Try hand writing. It might or might not work for you. But change could be quite refreshing for your mind.

6. Write whenever you can. Sometimes the urge to write comes while you’re waiting for lunch to heat up, or right before you go to bed. Motivation can be hard to find with executive dysfunction, and designated writing times don’t always work. Have something on hand you can easily pull out to write with to take advantage of these moments. Jotting down a hundred words as you’re waiting for dinner to cool might not seem like much, but it’s still words contributed to your word count.

Some of these tips might work for you. Some might not. Writing successfully is mostly about finding what works and running with it. These are things I found helpful when I embarked on my first novel and I hope it would at least give you some ideas.

The link to the full article will be below:

If that doesn’t help, I did find this Reddit thread that might have some helpful tips.

Reddit Post

I’m sorry that I couldn’t find anyone else or anything visual. Many sources focused on younger children. So it hard to find resources for older teens and adults.

Maybe some of my followers can give some tips/advice?

If you’d like, we can talk personally so I can try to help. I have an associates degree in English if that means anything. Lol.

Anyway, thank you for the inbox. I hope you have a wonderful day/night. ❤️

[robo--homo]

How to make friends

So I have a superpower: I am incredibly good at making friends with strangers. I can and have gone to bars/parties/events and, in the space of a couple hours, assembled a group of people to talk to out of complete strangers. All of my current friends are people I've met this way, including my best friend of a year who helped me get my job.

I want to give this super power to people, but it involved a LOT of therapy and restructuring my world view. Still; I am autistic and have social anxiety, so please don't think it's something you're not also capable of. At the very least, I can try and give advice for how I approach random people and turn them into friends. May you twist it and use it however it will help you.

Find a place for meeting people.

This is, of course, the first step. Find a place where people go TO meet people. Gay bars work great so long as it's not too loud you can't talk. You do not have to drink. You can go to straight bars if you're into that (this is a joke). Art exhibits. Poetry readings. Open mic nights. Parties. Anywhere that many people come and exist together on purpose. Coffee shops won't do it if there's not an event- most people don't go to coffee shops without a purpose, including "I'm going to sit here alone in peace". That being said, give it a try anyways; if there's one thing I've found in all my time doing this, it's that people are remarkably open to friendly conversation.

Find someone who's alone.

Maybe you can relate to this: you go out to one of these places, maybe you find a seat at a bar, thinking tonight I'm gonna make friends, and then nothing happens. You don't know how. You're too nervous. Have you ever felt like that? Then DING DING DING, congrats, you now know that other people feel like that. Use this to your advantage! Find someone sitting or standing around on their own and approach THEM. If you can muster up that confidence, other people will be so grateful you are able to initiate. You can absolutely approach groups, but I find that finding singular people is easier especially the first few times you try this.

Compliment and question.

Most people love a) getting complimented and b) talking about themself. It is human nature. Either one of these things will get you the kind of response you want, so find something you like about a person or even just something you think is interesting. "I like your Dr. Who shirt! Who's your favorite doctor?" "What's your drink of choice?" "Your hair is so pretty! Did you dye it yourself?" "Have you been to one of these events before?" Do some thinking before you approach and feeling prepared will help you bolster your nerves. Have a few more canned questions to move the conversation along once you've started (if it doesn't flow naturally): what do you do for work, hobbies, etc.

Don't be afraid of clear communication.

Even the most neurotypical cishet will usually respond well to you being open and honest about what you want; queer neurodivergent people will respond spectacularly. "Are you here with friends? Would you like a friend?" "Hey, is it okay if I sit with you? I'm just looking for someone to chat with." Etc. "Is it okay if I join you guys?" "I'm just trying to meet people." People love when you're clear with your intentions. This works for dating, too; I got my last boyfriend by going up to him at a dance club and saying "I can't figure out how to flirt with you but you're really hot."

Be prepared to bail.

I will not lie to you and say this approach works perfectly every time. That's not how people work; sometimes the vibes are weird, sometimes the other person ISN'T in the mood to make a friend, sometimes you're not meant to be friends. Again, having something in your back pocket will help you. Come up with a lie beforehand; pull out your phone and pretend to check a text, "Oh, my friend is looking for me, sorry!" "I didn't realize what time it is! I have to go!" Be polite! We're all robots programmed to give certain outputs, so even if you don't have a lie, just going, "Well, it was nice to meet you! Have a fun night!" can give you a perfectly acceptable way to leave.

Try, try again.

Out of the nine billion or so people on the planet, you're probably not gonna like half of them. Much like there are many fish in the sea, there are many friends! And some of them have nothing in common with you, or just don't match up with what you want. You have to go into this prepared to do it over and over again, because it can take a while to find the people with the heart of gold you will cherish for the rest of your life.

Remember: No one cares.

My personal litany against social anxiety is 'nobody will remember you.' It sounds bleak, but in terms of your little mess ups, it's extremely true! No one will remember if you spilled something on yourself. No one will remember if you stuttered a lot, or you said something awkward, or if you approached them and it went super terribly and you had to stumble away apologizing. At the very most, you are a funny tale of a stranger, but think about your own experiences from the other side- can you actually name any times that another person did any of these things in front of you? We don't record life's little mess ups in other people. A lot of times we straight up don't even notice them. The thing you are the most anxious about in yourself, there's a good chance no one else cares. Be kind to yourself. Worry a little less about the little things.

Like I said at the beginning, a lot of it is world view. I have found through my experiences that people are generally good, or at least generally friendly. Your experiences will be different, but maybe try thinking about things my way for a little bit. Humans are social animals. I talk to people on buses, in lines at stores, at coffee shops, everywhere. It's not just for making friends; a lot of these people are wildly different from me and I will never see longer than a few minutes, but it makes me feel more connected and more generally happy with the state of existence. Weird, funny little interactions still fill up your social meter, and they can make you feel like the world is a kinder place.

[dorianbrightmusic]

On Culture As a Social Ruleboook and Late-Diagnosed ASD

I wanna talk about something to do with late-diagnosed autism and the emotional impact of working out that it was, well, a thing. I'll clarify upfront: this absolutely isn't reflective of all autistic experience. I'm grateful for the fact that I had a choice in being able to get diagnosed, and aware of the fact it's not something that everyone has control over, whether due to support needs + more overt disability, or due to restrictions/treatment of ASD folks. This is only my experience. I'm just hoping it'll resonate for some else.

So I'm studying undergrad psychology at the moment, and something we briefly touched on this year was cultural psychology. Culture, we were taught, is the rulebook of any given society. It's learned through processes of enculturation – implicit learning – socialisation – explicit learning – and acculturation – doing all that all over again once you're in a new culture. I'd like to draw attention to acculturation, because it's linked to a model of culture shock. That is, going to a new culture and realising that you don't understand how society works where you are.

If you cannot operate according to the social rulebook, our lecturer explained, chances are that you stop feeling like you are a competent adult. Agency, contentment – these drain away until you slowly learn the culture you're within.

And here's the thing: since ASD is a developmental disability with a huge, huge social component, hearing these words from my lecturer meant so, so much. Because when you are genetically and neurologically programmed to not understand social norms, learning your own culture without explicitly studying it (assuming you have the support and intellectual ability) feels damn near impossible.

I cannot speak for all folks with ASD. But in my own experience: being an autist without knowing/while in denial feels like being in constant culture shock.

I do not comprehend social rules; every time I felt I could not function as a capable adult for the reason of 'I do not know how I am meant to do [straightforward task]', it felt like being stripped of competence, autonomy, ability. And when social rules are so, so arbitrary, this happened so, so often. It still does. Without knowing what autism was or knowing/wanting to acknowledge that it was hardwired into me, it felt like walking around as a broken member of society, and largely helpless to understand and thus act with any real decisiveness or capacity.

At 15, I wanted to write an autistic character, so ended up doing some research. I'd honestly known for years in some capacity that I was autistic, but was in a stringent denial, as I thought it was some kind of sin. And slowly, over the course of that research, everything unravelled.

I did not understand my culture – my social rulebook – because I did not belong within it.

I am autistic. I'm fluent in autism. I wasn't failing to innately understand my first culture. I had a pretty damn good grasp on being autistic, and while I don't entirely understand its every nuance in terms of the fact that I have not and cannot live every autistic experience, I certainly had been fairly well enculturated.

I did not understand neurotypical culture not because I wasn't human, but because I was learning it on the fly. I wasn't incompetent. I was trying to translate and failing because there are no textbooks for this.

And this was not initially a pleasant realisation, because there was still the crushed pride of realising I would never be neurotypical. But there was an awful and wonderful and heartbreaking realisation beneath. For the first time in my life, I was human, so help me God.

[haunted-calathea]

I feel like everyone who consumes true crime media has at least one case that they think of more often than the others and that affected them in a deeper way. Rb with yours if you have one!! I'm gonna talk about mine because I need an excuse to talk about it

So mine is the Lacey Fletcher case

A pretty normal neurodivergent girl gets pulled from school and she stops being seen around the town, where she and her parents are active members of the community. Her parents work at a church (I think) and provide support to others, and Lacey went on runs often before she disappeared. Her doctor also stops seeing her, when they inquire about her not showing up her parents say smth like "she's gotten bad anxiety, she can't come to office." And neither her parents nor the doctor arrange for virtual meetings or at-home visits or even consider it as an option. She just can't go to the DOCTOR bc her anxiety is too bad, and that's the end of that.

Tbh I don't remember how she was found or what led to it, but eventually (about 12 years later.) she was found alive, rotting and molding into their couch.

Now, I can't discuss this case without mentioning the most popular and commonly accepted answer: locked in syndrome! The nice pretty bow to tie up this case, she *couldn't* have moved even if she wanted to! Of course! Well, no, actually. First I'll explain what locked in syndrome is bc it's not very common or well known, it's a form of paralysis where you are still fully aware and conscious but cannot move at all. It's horrific, but not what happened to Lacey. We find evidence of this on the couch itself, where there are scratch marks on the arm where she was sitting. If she was locked in, she wouldn't have been able to move her hands to scratch at the arm of the couch.

There were also theories about her parents forcing her to stay on the couch like this, but there was no evidence of restraints ever being used against her.

Some people also like to just say "well she was autistic" like that explains anything??? Autistic people don't just sit on a couch for 12 years straight, that's not what autism does.

So, if there was no physical force and no apparent mental cause, why would she have just sat on her parents couch for 12 years without moving?

There isn't a definitive answer because her parents refuse to admit that they did anything wrong, and so they won't share any details about the 12 years they lived with their daughter rotting in their living room.

Personally, I believe it was a combination of severe agoraphobia and anxiety, it was likely triggered by something (since it happened so suddenly) but we won't ever know because, again, her parents won't say anything.

Yeah that's that. It really fucks with me. I still stay up some nights thinking about how her parents could just go about their day with something like that happening right in front of them. It's terrifying and it might be gross to say this but it makes me feel more grateful to have parents who try to help with my issues instead of just ignoring them. I wish she could have had that.

[garnet-lover-16]

February 3rd - 2025

I meant to post earlier but I was strangely busy. It is what it is though. Lately I've been a little down on myself. I just feel like I don't look very pretty, it's so hard to feel good about yourself when you spend most of your time online (I literally have no friends lol, well I kind of have friends but really I'm just an occasional side character in people's lives). My biggest insecurity is my teeth, they are so jacked up because I am TERRIFIED of going to the dentist. It never is a pleasant experience for me and it bothers me how annoyed they get if you start panicking or not feeling well (hell if I really have to pee, I'm sitting there for hours of course I'm going to need to pee eventually). Overall I just try to prolong not going and that's caused issues because for the past few weeks some of my teeth have been hurting which scares me because I don't want to get another root canal. Ngl I really want to get caps one day but I can't afford it.

(I also rarely smile in photos too, but here is me smiling in a photo because I was at a hello kitty cafe)

But then on the other hand I get creepy dms online and creepy people IRL trying to date me. It's always an older guy, either 30s or older. Though I feel like a nice coworker is trying to hit on me occasionally but I can't tell because I high key am most likely autistic. I can't tell if I'm just ugly enough that creepy men think they have a chance or the fact that I have a high-pitched child-like voice and am young. Like a few weeks ago I had a guy I was helping at work that was really creepy, he was trying to get me to move into his apartment complex (he fucking doxxed himself to me and described where his apartment was). At one point he zips up his fly after sitting down for a while and I really hope he was not gooning in public. Basically I was resetting his phone so he kept walking around and occasionally coming back to me, every time he walked away I went to my other coworkers and manager to tell them that I'm working with a creepy guy hoping that maybe my manager might step in. Nope, not at all. So when I went to the restroom I stopped by one of our super chill coworkers to tell him what was going on. He offered to be there with me if creepy guy tried anything funny, but I declined because I thought the interaction with creepy guy was mostly done (I was hoping I would just hand him his phone and he'd leave). That did not happen however. Creepy guy wanted MORE help, and then he ended the interaction by giving me $30 and telling me he'd ask me out if I was older. Thankfully at that point chill coworker overheard and came to give that dude the death stare which I was grateful for. But the manager had the audacity to come up to me afterwards and tell me I didn't have to deal with that guy. I WENT BACK THERE 5 TIMES YOU HAD SO MANY CHANCES TO HELP ME (insert that one meme of tiger king "I called for help twice"). Also, ROSS I WILL NOT FORGET YOU CREEPY MOTHERFUCKER, THE FACT THAT YOUR FRIEND LETS HIS YOUNG DAUGHTER SWIM IN THE POOL IN YOUR COMPLEX IN FRONT OF YOU CONCERNS ME

But at work this group of guys came in to buy something. It was obvious that they were gamers by their fits and the fact that one of them looked like they were at death's door. I felt instantly bad for them, but especially him because he might be going through something (I looked especially awful when I was at my worst but that's a trauma dump and a half). Though sickly guy was wearing a scarf, and I realized that a certain kind of guy wears a scarf, but specifically a skinny scarf with fringe at the end and usually with just a hoodie. It's sadly not giving Ryan Ross in early PATD, but I think it's interesting that only a specific type of guy would wear one. They typically are chronically online in some way, don't care much about fashion, and in my experience though I can't speak for that guy, immature. I say this because another coworker and my ex wore a scarf like that. Which on my ex was a huge turn off, idk why lol.

Honestly it's probably dumb to post my "diary" online but I have no one to talk to lol. But also no one is probably going to see this, but if you are heeeeyyyy. Thanks for reading I hope this decision doesn't come to haunt me.

[mangodestroyer]

Aside from stressors and mental health issues, I think my attention span has also caused me many issues throughout my life.

I mean, I just could not get myself to pay attention in school as a kid. To the point where I wouldn't perform well at all and teachers thought there was something wrong with me (on top of the autistic symptoms I had and speech problems). I also didn't care. It wasn't until middle school that I suddenly decided to care and suddenly became one of the best students. But even then, I didn't pay much attention in class (literally took all my mental energy to do so) and didn't always do assignments.

I graduated hs with a 3.8 and above average test scores. I sometimes got Bs in some of my classes because I just didn't do assignments sometimes and couldn't always get myself to pay attention. And it was hard studying for and sitting through standardized tests. Tbh, I'm grateful I managed to pull off the gpa and test scores I did. But there's also a part of me that knows I could do better, and feels guilty for not being more "on it."

But then I didn't do too well with college when I first started out. My attention span issues got so much WORSE. They've been getting better, but holy shit! My performance was awful!

I'm starting to do well in school again. Two 200 level courses and one 300 level course. I got a B in the 8 week Stats class because I kind of forgot it existed half the time and couldn't really get myself to spend time learning the material. I'm fighting for A's in the other two classes. Getting two A's would bring me up to a 3.5. My goal is to get at least a 3.7 before I graduate. I want to feel like I at least have a good grasp of the material I'm learning about and have a shot at getting into a good graduate program. Which I understand will be hard as a math major.

And yeah, it's the same story. Getting overwhelmed by assignments and procrastinating. Not taking the time to properly learn everything. Not studying enough. And so on.

It's the same thing with interests outside of school. I have so many stories all planned out that I still never got around to writing. So many shows I've planned on watching, for YEARS, that I still haven't gotten around to (I have a very long list and haven't even touched it). Same thing with books. Same with video games. Same thing with any kinds of arts and crafts. Nope! Fucking around and doing nothing is more important, ig.

Idk, maybe it's not that big a deal. Really wouldn't mind learning how to fix it tho. I think going outside helped, but I can't do that rn. It's too cold at this time of year.

I guess I'm also worried that I don't adequately learn the materials in school well enough, and that this will come back to bite me later on. I just always get this feeling like there's so much I'm missing.

[koushirouizumi]

Just Adv-02 Standom Things

You know what I hate most about this situation right now?

How the person who stole my {Meiko} gif in question is now weaponizing the "old days" of FDD {Fictional Digidestined} as a means of ignoring the current situation in which they're blatantly lying about using my Meiko gif for a hatepost they made on 0801.

WHILE I WAS TRYING TO ACTUALLY CELEBRATE 0801 TOO.

And how they're a ~fellow Adventure{s} fan~ from ~the old days~---

Before "D.N.I."s ever existed on this Site, we used banners like these.

ALL OF US HAD THEM. ALMOST EVERY SINGLE ONE OF US. BECAUSE PEOPLE KEPT STEALING OUR SHIT FOR THEIR OWN WEB SHRINES AND NEVER OWNED UP TO IT WHEN CAUGHT.

I literally had one of the first 02 O.C. shrines on the web. If people like that visited my site, they were confronted with this banner on the very first page. It looked similar to the page of the Neo-cities revival I've been working on for over a month now.

This is what I have to emphasize now.

People still will blatantly ignore it, talk over you, try to convince you in their own damn terms "actually, this is the IMAGE STEALING website, so of COURSE I'm allowed to steal your images, creations, fan things and every single one of your O.C.s with their exact palettes too, you didn't create this O.C. you only ~re-colored~ it and those pixels {by hand}!!1!!!!" and "you should be grateful, it means free publicity!!!" and "YOU DONT OWN *COPY-RIGHT* TO OTHERS *ORIGINAL I.P.s*""

They'll wax poetic about the "old O.C. days" on D.A., when I was on D.A. too, I STILL HAVE AN ACCOUNT THERE, and I would have confronted them their about stealing my shit too, and I *might* have gotten a slightly better response from D.A. back then.

They'll post about their O.C.s while blatantly ignoring me DEMANDING them multiple times to remove my gif.

They'll talk about the "~old Adventure fan base~" "~before all these CRINGE AUTISTS ruined it~" all without knowing I WAS AN ~AUTIST~ EVEN BACK THEN, AND I HID THIS FACT BECAUSE OF PEOPLE LIKE THIS.

They'll claim they have ~nostalgia~.

Nostalgia{/c goggles} in DigiAdvs standom shouldn't be a term used to refer to an Adventure fan, or an 02 fan, or a TAICHI FAN OR FAN OF THE ADVENTURE CHOSEN who is showing appreciation towards that and those characters too, until people trash them, people like this making positive works for the Chosen, leave anti-semitic hate comments on their work once they know about your family and the holidays you're trying to recognize.....

They should be used to refer to people like THIS, like these "02 stans" or "Adventure-02-Kizuna" only stans {all while trashing on Meiko and Tri in the meantime} who will blatantly steal your work and reproduce it for their ~anti Tri~ HATE POSTS and mock you and call you "cringe" for confronting them.

But oh it's not just the 02 standom who's been pulling this shit.

It's Adventure stans. It's TAMERS STANS. It's even Frontier stans, even Savers stans, even Xros Wars & Young Hunters stans, even SURVIVE STANS, even stans of all the other entries in the series who have pulled the same kind of shit. FREQUENTLY.

This person actually DID the right thing and removed it, even when I confronted them, even when they BLATANTLY may have even pretended to not even KNOW WHO THE HELL MEIKO WAS (when she's mentioned right there IN THE POST.)

You (general) people who never even fully finished Tri don't know who Meiko is, and yet you'll rb a post bashing a girl called Meiko and not put two and two together...

If this person could remove the gif, the person who stole it can remove it too.

Instead of waxing poetic about ~nostalgia~ for ~the good old days of O.C.s on D.A.~ where they probably believe with their whole chest ~no one would confront you over stealing their things without Permission~ (when WE ALL DID THAT THERE.)

BECAUSE YOU SHOULDN'T STEAL PEOPLE'S WORKS WITHOUT PERMISSION FOR HATE-POSTS EVEN IF WE'RE ON A DIFFERENT SITE.

And then everyone constantly complains about how

"Adventure{s}/02 fan base is dYING" and how they're SO SAD ABOUT IT

all while repeatedly pulling the kind of shit above.

It's sickening. It's sickening, it's gross, this kind of attitude in 02 standom NEEDS TO DIE.

PEOPLE LIKE THAT NEVER RESPECTED OUR WORKS AND FAN CREATIONS TO BEGIN WITH.

[mr-leach]

I admit that my choice of wording using "choosing his own path" was a bit reductive, though admittedly it was more because I was just spewing my thoughts out into a random post and not meaning to intentionally obscure the gravity of the situation.

The way I see it is that Wyll chose to make a personal sacrifice that Ulder could not possibly have foreseen him making. Like, yeah, upon first learning about it, it would have to have been extremely shocking! After all, on the surface, it was completely antithetical to everything he had taught Wyll. What gets me is that, his dad, the person who raised Wyll, and ought to have known him better than anyone, apparently at no point over the course of years thought about who his son is as a person and what might have led to him making a pact with a devil. He couldn't put himself in his son's shoes until literally forced to. To me that's extremely sad! Especially as someone who has such a hard time communicating with others and feeling truly understood, it echoes my own frustrations with people who supposedly love me or purport to care about me.

And yeah, it's safe to say that when Wyll says he doesn't regret a thing, he's not being wholly honest. Like, I don't think he actually prefers being a warlock over finding some other source of strength to fight on behalf of the weak. He was preyed upon as a teenager by an actual devil and given an impossible choice. I think what he really means is, if this scenario was always going to happen to him, if he was destined to have to make such a choice to begin with, and it was completely unavoidable? Then he does not regret the decision he made. He was forced to either hand over his future and freedom or sacrifice hundreds of innocent people and he believes that the choice he made was the only correct one.

Anyway if you don't like people using meta media analysis as a means to examine real world interpersonal dynamics then it's probably better to scroll past and not waste your energy typing out a whole comment lol. Fiction is ...not real. No one is obligated to take any object of fiction as seriously as a real world event. If people want to see themselves in Wyll, as a queer person, as an autistic person, as someone whose parents put a lot of pressure on them to succeed and felt like they fell short if those expectations... that's pretty normal media consumption. Healthy media consumption, even. Sorry if that's not your cup of tea...my honest suggestion is try not to engage with people who like to do that sort of thing! You will only end up feeling very frustrated and getting into unnecessary arguments, I feel like.

Your comment did make me think and better flesh out my thoughts, however, and I'm grateful for that, so no hard feelings! I feel more confident about my interpretation now. I didn't intend for a lot of people to take it seriously as it was just my personal opinion but I'm glad to have noticed others seem to have similar thoughts to my own. It's pretty validating and I missed this feeling in fandom. I hope you can take this response as a (hopefully) gentle reminder to take care of your own needs and not cause yourself unnecessary stress by engaging with people whose way of interpreting media is antithetical to your own. Have a good one!

Thinking about how Ulder Ravenguard was so dead set on hating his son for not being a perfect replica of himself that he refused to listen to a single thing he said. He will not even consider listening unless you, a complete fucking stranger, step in to advocate for him, and even then it's an uphill battle. No amount of love or respect Wyll has for his father is enough to grant him any sort of grace; choosing his own path was so much of a slight in Ulder's eyes that Wyll might as well not even be his own son. The only surefire way to get him to understand is to literally break into his mind and show him what happened, and once he finally sees reason what does he do?

He immediately decides on what Wyll should do with his future now that he's back in daddy's good graces. Even sends him to go and finish a quest he himself started to prove his worth. Sure, when Wyll "fails" he acts forgiving, but his attitude is still that Wyll is just a younger version on himself and should act accordingly. Well now that you've earned forgiveness, son, you can get back to business as usual, clearly... regardless of whether that's what Wyll wants for himself or not.

Like. I have a lot of thoughts about this. For one, I have to wonder if Wyll hadn't made a pact with Mizora, or had made a pact with a divine or neutral patron rather than a devil...how long would Wyll and Ulder have actually maintained a good relationship after that night? Like, Wyll has this habit of talking about his childhood and adolescence in that...barely-fond manner. You know, where the person telling stories feels like they're sharing a sweet or funny anecdote, but to everyone else it sounds... miserable. There were parts of his upbringing that he surely enjoyed, but it is deeply overshadowed by a cloud of resentment that Wyll himself barely recognizes. He loves his father, and truly respects and looks up to him, but it's evident from the stories he shares that Ulder treated him more like a student than a son. Wyll was his protege more than his progeny, it sounds like.

And the way it affects how Wyll talks about himself is heartbreaking. He puts himself down all the time, makes self deprecating jokes, or makes unhealthy predictions of what others might think of him. The only time he doesn't...is when he talks about the Blade of Frontiers. He loves the work that he does so much, he is so passionate about being right on the front lines protecting innocents and doing away with evil, and he even takes pride in his decision to make his pact with Mizora because it's that power that he uses to help people. Like gosh, even when fretting over how others might perceive his devilish form, he concludes that, if people see him as a monster, then they'll get to watch a monster fight evil and save people's lives. It sounds cheezy as fuck but oh my god. Like talk about feeling inadequate and unloved but choosing a path for yourself that you can be proud of in spite of all that.

And then, just thinking of that reuniting exchange in and of itself, and just. You can tell just how used to being shot down Wyll is, even though he really, truly wants his father to understand him. And it takes actually forcing Ravengard to witness what happened to make any progress. Many of us wish we could project exactly what we mean or feel or experience directly into the mind of someone we're trying to get through to. And still it's like he can't see past his own selfish perception of Wyll as an extension of himself. Wyll seems satisfied in the moment, but it's apparent that he's still been misunderstood despite being forgiven by his father. It sucks.

[kakusu-shipping]

Hello there! I can see that you are very much a good writer and Apologies if im asking for something weird, but could you write a small PO3 fic? I.. Sorta want it to have an autistic reader and maybe having the both of them trying to make some cards, just wholesome stuff for the soul

Not weird in the slightest! I haven't written anything directly for P03 yet and I figured I'd get a request for him eventually.

I'm a little worried this may read like. Extremely platonic, leaning familial, because it's sort of maybe a sequel to Save State, so.. sorry if that's not what you wanted. In my head they're connected.

Calling Card

P03 (he/him) X GN!Reader

In which P03 maybe just a little needs your help

"Aaaaalright, that should do it," You wiped your forehead and stepped back to admire your handiwork. Before you, the Inspector tilted his head from one side to the other, happy to be put together once more. "How's it feel?"

"A little loose..." He muttered.

"You've been saying that for 20 minutes, the bolts aren't getting any tighter." You huffed at him, ever the perfectionist.

You'd been in P03's factory for quiet some time now, as he has busy with Scrybe things, you decided to busy yourself with the retrieval and repair of his underlings from the data dump pit he'd been dropping bots into.

Some of them were more grateful than others, but you didn't mind the work. So long as they were whole again, you could keep tightening that bolt to infinity.

"Alright, I'll have another look." You motioned for the Inspector to lean forward to give you access to his neck, when a loud crash in the next room over startled you.

"What was that??" The inspector shot up with wide eyes. You have him a reassuring pat and slowly went to go check the main room.

P03 was shuffling though a deck of cards, his custom card maker from his own take over sat on the table next to him, a little dented, and a lot sparky. He looked irritated.

"P03? What was that?" You asked tentatively. He glanced at you.

"What was what?" He spoke fast, placing his new cards face down.

"The crash?"

He looked at you like you were insane, but there was no way he didn't hear it. It came from this room.

"....I hit the card maker." He finally huffed, "It was jamming, so I hit it." As if to show what he did, P03 knocked his claw gently against the dent in the card maker. Small jolts of lighting shot between it and him.

"Oh..." You approached, looking over the machine. It'd seen much better days, and probably wouldn't see too many more. "Want me to take a look?"

He returned to his cards, "Sure. Knock yourself out."

You were use to his cold remarks. He went though a lot, and was a little salty how quickly his take over had ended. Just be patient, you'd thought, he'll come around eventually.

With a delicate hand you began dismantling P03's card customizer, trying running over a check of what parts seemed most damaged, replaceable, repairable, and of course, why the single to the printer would jam.

Out of the corner of your eye you could see P03 shuffling new cards, the custom ones he'd just made, along with a few automated ones from his CPU scanner.

The two of you worked in quiet next to one another, the ambient cold metal sounds of the factory at work behind your every movement.

It was calming, being a working part of a machine. Every cog has it's place and necessity. The whole thing would break without ever piece. No matter how you worked or how weird your function, you were a part of the machine. Felt comforting, in a weird way, to be part of the system.

"Right." You said in a sigh, setting the customization machine back up as you screwed the back on, "That should do it, I think."

"Did you test it?" P03 put his own cards down and looked over the machine.

"I can, if you're alright with that?"

P03 shrugged, "Gotta make sure it works. Just don't make something OP, alright?"

You nodded and turned the machine to face you. It'd been a while sense you made a card. You missed it, really.

Trying not to take too much time you shuffled though the, granted limited, options and created a... hopefully balanced enough card, and sent it to print.

P03 reached to catch it fresh from the printer, bringing it to his monitor to see, "Wow. Wow seriously??" He snickered, a small laugh bubbling though him. You weren't sure if he was making fun of the cards stat line or if he just found the name funny.

Either way, his chortles were contagious. You found yourself stifling a giggle as you leaned to look, "What? What's funny?"

"This! The little character you made on it," He chuckled, "Oh we have to make more of these! Right now."

As P03 grabbed the machine and pulled it to him to print more of your silly little cards, still snickering quietly to himself, you found that hope of recovery bubble up again. The hope that he'd come around, eventually.

You'd just have to be patient.

And maybe make more funny looking cards.

[livebloggingmydescentintomadness]

That repost on blind obedience is offence. It was never child abuse to me. I grew up on blind obedience and it did me good, parents always have the best interest. And I was never called stupid for not knowing something. But of course I cant say anything like that because that post is specifically for those who have endured child abuse. That's BS. I am sure there are many more like me that have preferred parental guidance than doing shit on their own

i'm sorry, hon, but i do not agree. parents are not infallible, and their job is not to raise someone who blindly obeys, their job is to raise a whole, healthy human being, and part of doing that is teaching a child to think for themselves.

that doesn't mean children should be allowed to disobey anytime they feel like it, but the reason that children are meant to obey their parents is because children are too young to understand why certain things are important, or why certain things are dangerous. when parents instruct their children to eat their vegetables and not to touch a hot stove, it's not for the sake of obedience but for the sake of keeping them healthy.

when i was a kid, i constantly asked my mom questions, and i'm extremely grateful that she always answered me to the best of her ability. she never told me "because i said so" and i think i'm a smarter, better adult for not being taught to follow authority no matter what. she understood that i was a small person, not a thing to be ordered around.

maybe your parents really did always have your best interests, but no parents are perfect. and even parents who are loving and supportive often don't KNOW your best interests. parents might genuinely believe that it's in their daughter's best interests to marry a good man, but that daughter is a lesbian and becomes miserable as her parents try to set her up with men and won't listen when she tells them what she really needs. parents might believe that "being normal" is in their autistic child's best interests, so they send them to abusive therapy that traumatizes the child so severely they're never the same.

you can respect your parents without blindly obeying them in all things. as you grow up, you have to learn how to balance respecting your parents with thinking for yourself and realizing that your parents are just humans, and even when they're doing their best sometimes they fuck it up. you can love them and still choose to disobey.

i'm going to say it again: raising children is not about instilling obedience. it is about taking care of small humans and teaching them how to be humans until they're big enough to take care of themselves.

you should be explaining to children how and why the world works, not forcing them to do whatever you want. you should say, "don't touch the stove because it will hurt you" and "eat your vegetables because your body needs their nutrients". you teach them why. you teach them to ask questions, and you answer their questions. and as they grow up, you give them the freedom to disagree with you and make their own choices.

i have no idea whether or not i would say your parents abused you without more information, but i do think they did the wrong thing in teaching you blind obedience. i don't think that that was what's best for you as a human. but that doesn't mean they didn't love you or that you shouldn't love them. i just believe that society needs to change how it views and treats children, because the goal should not be "obedient children" but rather "functional adults".

if you disagree with me, that's fine. but i do think that you should teach yourself to question authority, especially authority that demands blind obedience.

[addictofsupernatural]

Dating a Freak

Boaz Priestly x reader

Summary: You reminisce over the course of your amazing relationship.

Author Note: I'm so sorry this took long.

Requested by: @forest-rav3n

Word Count: 2445

The time spent with Priestly has been the best time of your life. Every day was amazing. It was filled with filled with laughter and love, and it was an adventure. It made you remember how you fell in love.

You first met when you applied for the job at Beach City Grill, with your novelty movie t-shirt and a bubbly attitude. "She's gotta pass the interview first." Piper said.

"I'm cool with that." You smiled.

"Okay then," Priestly then leaned on the counter. "Elvis. Dead or alive?"

"Easy, alive. Next question."

"You're hired." He said. You chuckled and looked at Trucker, who smiled and shrugged.

You then helped with cooking the meat, as well as baking cookies for the kids meals. Priestly would constantly make jokes to you, and you always laughed. Sometimes when he was doing one of his random debates with Trucker, you'd hype the both of them up, just to get a kick out of Priestly getting more excited and energized over whatever they were talking about.

Regulars loved you. You would always make extra cookies for the two old people who would come in, as well as the kid who came in weekly. He was an adult already, but was autistic. He looked uncomfortable when he first walked in since everybody was staring at him, so you couldn't help but smile at him and give him some cookies. He smiled back at you and would come back every Tuesday during lunch.

Sometimes guys would try to hit on you. You'd ask for their order and they'd try their best to get you to come with them after work. Usually your roll your eyes and say, "Tish, you have a customer."

Sometimes you'd just turn them down flat. Either way you handled them, it always put a smile to Priestly's face. Not that you knew.

But there was one day where Priestly wasn't at work yet, and these guys walked in. One of them tried to get you come home with him, and you told him that you weren't like that. He scoffed. "C'mon, you won't get this opportunity all the time. It's not like I'm asking for your face. You just happen to have a nice body."

You threw his order at him. "Just fucking pay and leave. Learn how to take a damn rejection."

He paid and stormed out with his friends. One of his friends stayed behind and told you, "He's right, y'know." and left.

You don't know why their words hit you so hard, but they did. What if they were right? "You alright angel?"

"Um, yeah, yeah," you said with a smile that you could barely muster up. "I just need some time alone for a bit."

You then sat in the storage room and silently cried. Priestly walked in and announced himself before asking where you were. They told him what happened and he rushed over to the storage room. He saw you on the floor, with your face in your hands. "Y/n." He kneeled down.

"Do you think I'm ugly?" Your voice was quiet, and your face was still buried in your hands.

He took away your hands from your face, and you looked up to see his worried face. "You shouldn't have to worry about artificial crap like that. You're awesome in everyway. Like the way you defend yourself from jackasses, or how you make extra cookies for the special needs kid that most people like to make fun of. What matters is that you're a pretty fucking amazing person."

You wiped your eyes and chuckled. "Thanks Priestly. You're always so good to me." You gave him a hug, which made him tense up for a up before relaxing and hugging you back.

"And to answer your question, no. I don't think you're ugly at all. You're actually think you're pretty hot." You giggled.

You then began to develop feelings for Priestly. Though you kept it to yourself, everybody else found out about it. Tish teased you about it and made comments on how it was a mystery that anyone could crush on someone as weird as him. Piper, Trucker, and Jen told you that you'd be good together and to go for it. Jen would make the occasional joke about Priestly. Zoe told you that she could sense the same feelings in Priestly as well. Though you were grateful for the support, you weren't confident in what he thought about you enough to do anything about your feelings.

Then there was the whole tampon run. You figured that he would need help and came with him. You kept making jokes when he was panicking on what to get. After you helped him pick one out, you went to grab different items while he stood in line.

You heard people making fun of him, and him retaliating with a speech about having a girlfriend and getting laid. You figured that it'd be the right thing to help him out, and although it was embarrassing for you, it was for Priestly.

You took out the hair tie in your hair, letting your hair fall down your shoulders. You tied your shirt up from the back into a crop top with the hair tie. You walked up to Priestly and gave him a long kiss on the lips. "Hey babe. Got everything?"

He looked at you with a shocked expression, but quickly recovered to get into character with you. "Yeah. I got your tampons for you."

"Aww, thanks babe. But you know I'm not on it anymore this month, right?" You wrapped your arms around his neck and kissed his neck.

"Hell yeah I do. Let's go home." He slapped a 20 on the counter.

"Whatever you say." You grabbed the bag of items and Priestly put and arm around your shoulder.

"Keep the change. Peace." He said before giving them the peace sign that turned into flipping them off. Once you got out of the store the both of you started laughing together. "Well now, we got ourselves an actress."

"It isn't really hard to act that way with you." You said absentmindedly, instantly regretting it. His facial expression changed a bit, and you looked down in embarrassment. Of course he'd feel weird about that. How could he even like you like that? "Um, anyways, we should head back to the grill."

As you and Priestly cleaned up that night, he tapped your shoulder gently from behind. You turned around looked up to the tall nervous looking man standing in front of you. "Is everything okay?"

"Yeah, I just wanted to ask you something important. Just, y'know, don't laugh or anything." You smiled and nodded for him to continue. "Would you, like to, accompany me on a date tonight?" He asked slowly.

"A date?" You asked. He nodded, and your lips went into a wide grin. Holy crap, Zoe was actually a witch, and you loved her for it. "I'd love to."

"Really?" He asked, smiling.

You giggled and nodded, wrapping your arms around him. "Can you give me a ride home so I can get ready?"

He put his hands on his hips and shook his head. "So lazy." He then walked outside and held the door open for you. Once you got to your house, he put his hand over you before you could leave the car. "Wear something nice."

"Like what, my cleanest hoodie?" You teased.

"As much as I'd love to see the hoodie I got you for your birthday, nah. I mean dressing like you're going to a fancy place." You nodded and kissed his cheek, walking up to your apartment number.

You put on a white long sleeved shirt and a flowy peach mini skirt. You'd never really had a reason to put this on before, but wearing it made you feel nervous on what Priestly would think of the outfit. What would he be wearing? Maybe his quilt, and the two of you would both have shirts on. Maybe he did his hair in a different style. All you knew was that you couldn't wait for him to come.

About an hour later you heard a knock at the door and excitedly ran to it. You answered it, and wasn't ready for what you saw. All of Priestly's piercings were out, and the hair color was washed off. He was wearing a nice black blazer with a light blue button up. He looked shy. "Holy shit." You laughed out.

"Would you care to accompany me on this date Miss y/l/n?" He offered his arm.

You hooked your arm into his. "Of course." He smiled and looked down. "You look very nice, by the way."

"You look gorgeous." He opened the car door for you. You smiled at him and gave his cheek a kiss before going in the car.

"You cleaned the car." You looked around.

He shrugged and smiled. "I cleaned the car."

He took you to a nice restaurant, where the two of you talked about anything and everything. Though Priestly tried to remain a civilized gentleman, his true unfiltered jokester self was shining through, and you thought it was the cutest thing ever. Afterwards the you two walked together along the beach, where he put his blazer over your shoulders and listened to you ramble on.

He then took you home and kissed your cheek. "Aren't you just adorable tonight?" You teased.

"Well, do you like me better like this?" He had a nervous smile.

You chuckled and shook your head. "I have no idea what you're talking about. Just because you dressed differently doesn't make you a different person. You're still my Priestly that always puts a smile on my face."

"Your Priestly?" His face was now covered with a wide grin.

"Well, as long as I can be your y/n." He went in for a passionate kiss. Once you pulled back for breath, you asked. "Do you wanna come in?" His facial expression changed to nervous again. "Not for that reason, dumbass. I just don't want this date to be over. I made brownies the other day." He smiled and came in.

You woke up leaning on Priestly as a pillow with the TV still on. You checked the time and saw that your shifts start in ten minutes. In a panic, you shook Priestly awake and told him about the time, hurriedly brushing your teeth and putting on your shoes. "You don't have to worry. I'm always late." He said groggily from the couch.

"Okay, just cause you're cute when your sleepy, doesn't mean we don't still gotta go to work." You said.

"Wait, I have to put on my hair color and get ready."

"Then let's go to your place real quick." You handed him his shoes and pushed him out of the apartment.

As you were driving to his house, he said, "You fell asleep on me." You turned to see his adorable smile.

"You wouldn't let me leave your arms." You smiled back.

"And you're still wearing your clothes from last night."

You looked down, still in the skirt and shirt. "Crap. Can I borrow a shirt?"

"That'd be pretty hot." You both later came in together. Priestly was wearing one of his regular outfits, and you were wearing his Tip me or DIE shirt tucked in under your skirt and a flannel. "We're here!"

Everybody stared at you while you walked behind the counter. "It's not what it looks like." You said before you went into the storage room, with the other three girls excitedly running after you.

After that you two were unbreakable. He would always make sure you were feeling loved, from a simple squeeze on your arm to a passionate kiss. And most of all, he just couldn't help but praise you.

He would try his best to make romantic dates and be a gentleman, but sometimes it was too easy to provoke his playful side. At times he would take you on regular dates, like the movies or a carnival. You would take him on dates as well, from picnics to watching one of his favorite rock bands.

You were the first one to say that you love him. You knew that he was shy when it came to his feelings, so you were okay with saying it first.

It came naturally. The two of you had waited for a while to have sex. It had to be perfect, and he didn't want you to think of your first time with him as a cheap hook up. He wanted it to mean something.

That's why when he took you to a fancy restaurant, and had a walk in the park with Priestly and you acting like children and hopping on the big stones by the walkway. He then took you back to his apartment, where the two of made love.

When you woke up the next morning, you felt him kiss the top of your head before getting off the bed. He told you that he would make you some eggs, and you rolled onto your stomach. You smiled. That's when you said it. "I love you."

He stopped in his tracks, and ran over to the bed, kneeling down. "What?!"

"I love you." You bit your lip to hold in your laugh. You knew he felt the same way, and watching his innocent looking face was almost too adorable. "Do you have something to tell me?" You joked.

He gave you the biggest smile before excitingly jumping onto the bed and smothering you with kisses. "I love you too!" He laughed out between kisses.

After a few months of bliss, Priestly had a plan. He had a plan to watch your favorite movies, to cook you dinner, and to have you feel special. He had a plan, which was in a little black box on his top drawer at home. He had a plan to ask you a question, so you two could go on amazing dates forever.