#and if there is anything i’m missing or am ignorant about Please correct me and I will immediately correct myself

[beware-of-you-98]

if you guys are in my asks w jemily/cm stuff this week i’m not ignoring you but I am going to stop posting/reblogging cm and jemily stuff this week and focus on reblogging posts about the on going genocide in palestine and will encourage everyone to at least reblog anything they can to circulate information to as many people as possible

[calypsocolada]

BAD ADVICE | s. nagi

synopsis: nagi gives you terrible advice... authors note: boy am I punctual. this series is so fun to write. i hope you all enjoy! I have one last part planned with isagi as the main li so... that will probably be out this weekend sometime :) wc: 3.2k cw: fluff, possibly ooc!nagi click here for my masterlist!

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You’d been rotting in your bed for the past few hours. The embarrassing moment replaying over and over again. You pulled your pillow over your head and squeezed your eyes shut. You could kill Seishiro Nagi. Actually strangle him for the irreparable damage he has done to you. 

There was a boy you liked in school. He was a grade above you. He was aloof and reserved, tall and handsome. You’d gone to a few of his soccer matches at school and when you’d watch him play your heart would soar through the roof of your mouth, an embarrassing display as your eyes lit up. You liked him a lot. And it just so happened that he played on the same team as a childhood friend, Nagi. You’d known Nagi for years… you played in the sandbox with him. He was your first kiss during hide and seek when you were eight. You had a crush on him for the longest time but… your feelings didn’t really seem reciprocated since he sort of treated you like a little sister. He lived two houses over and sometimes you would ride home with him and vice versa. You had a history, a long history. Nagi would help you… surely. 

You clambered down to the field as the boys soccer team ran off. The boy you liked walked at a leisurely pace, he hadn’t even broken a sweat during the game. Your heart swooned just at the sight. You stepped in his path, hoping to introduce yourself when suddenly an arm slung around your shoulders, pulling you a bit off kilter. You fell into Nagi. 

“Hey, take me home.” He yawns, practically hanging off of you. You watched the boy you like stroll by and huffed. 

“Hey take me home please.” You corrected sharply as Nagi just laughed. 

“Yeah, please.” He adds more as an appeasement than anything. You sighed, you missed your chance, again.

“Come on then.” You groaned and stalked off towards the parking lot, Nagi’s hot body still glued to yours. You pushed at him. “Come on, let go! You’re all sweaty.”

“Did you watch me play?” He asks, ignoring your words. “That final goal?” To be honest your eyes were glued to his teammate the entire time so…

“I missed it.” You said and felt the tall boy slump against you. 

“Seriously? What’re you doing in those stands?” He asks, you weren’t going to answer that truthfully because it’s Nagi that’s been asking you to come to his games and if you told him you were distracted that would probably hurt his feelings. 

“I’m sorry, you guys were crushing the other team so I went to get a pretzel.” You lie and luckily Nagi seems satiated by that. 

“Didn’t save me any?” He teased, hand sliding in your coat pocket. You gasped, giggling as you smacked his hand away. 

“No! I didn’t!” 

“How inconsiderate.” He groaned, leaning on you so heavily he about took you both to the concrete. 

“Nagi!” You barked, hand sliding around his hip to stabilize you both. “You’re like a horse sized sloth!” That made Nagi laugh slightly, holding up some of his own weight as he ruffled your hair. 

“You owe me dinner.” He said as you fished out your car keys. You looked at him incredulously as he unlatched himself from you, walking off to the passenger side. 

“I don’t owe you anything.” You barked. 

“Don’t be a hassle. You missed my cool shot then rubbed your pretzel in my face.” 

“I didn’t-“ you were cut off by Nagi slipping in and shutting the door to your car. You groaned as you yanked your door open. “You’re an ass.”

“And calling me names.” Nagi replies drowsily as he leans back in the seat, already closing his eyes. 

“You’re impossible.” You huffed, turning on your car. Nagi was out by the time you turned out of the parking lot and slept soundly the short drive home. When you pulled into your driveway he perked up. 

“Hey… what happened to getting food?” He asked, voice soft from sleep. 

“Snooze you lose.” You say, flicking off your car. Nagi pouts as you get out of the car. 

“Your mom home?” He asks as you roll your eyes. 

“She’s not, so no poaching our dinner.”

“Your house has good snacks.” He points out, slipping out of your car following you to your front door. 

“You’re like a parasite, latching onto me.” You huff but let him follow you inside anyways. After cooking some instant noodles you and Nagi sit on the couch, leisurely watching something he picked. Some game tournaments he found on YouTube. 

“So… you’re teammate… Rin… does he have— someone?” You ask, trying to sound natural but failing as Nagi looks over at you with a strange face. 

“Have someone?” He echoes, a sort of amused expression forming. You looked away instantly, blushing. 

“I’m asking for a friend.” You say but the words sound silly even to your ears. 

“A friend, huh? Which one? It’s not the mean one right? Cause I think Isagi’s got a thing for her-”

“Stop calling her the mean one. And she would be mean if she heard you say that.” You replied. “Now can you answer the question?”

“I don’t know. He barely talks.” Nagi answers, taking a large bite of his noodles, spilling a bit of the broth in his shirt. “Boring sort of guy.” 

“He doesn’t seem boring.”

“Is that so?” Nagi prods and you catch yourself, blushing. “You know I’m starting to think I know this friend better than I thought.” 

“Shut up.”

“Jeez, seriously?” Nagi sits up, setting his bowl on the coffee table. “Y/n…” he almost sounded disappointed. 

“What!” You chirped, embarrassed. 

“You’re not slick.” Nagi yawns. 

“Okay… whatever… I’m the friend.” You shrug. 

“Yeah, I know. But Itoshi? Really? Have you ever even spoken to him before?”

“No! You keep interjecting.” You groan. Nagi’s quiet for a moment as you look over at him. He runs a hand through his hair. 

“You want my help?”

“…Yes.” You concede. 

“Go all out. Put yourself out there. The dudes gloomy, he might like it.” Nagi sighs. You sit up slightly. 

“You think so?” You ask as Nagi shrugs his shoulders. “Alright… thanks for the advice.”

~

Famous last words. Things did not go to plan whatsoever. You did as Nagi said. You went all out and in return you got hit with ‘who’re you?’. Probably top three most embarrassing moments of your life. The worst part of it was… Rin was right. You hadn’t talked to him much if at all. You built this fantasy up in your head and jumped at the smallest lifeboat Nagi had given you only for it to sink under your weight. Why the hell would someone as aloof and quiet as Rin Itoshi like a big show of affection? You felt like an idiot for even believing in Nagi. 

“Okay… yeah it was embarrassing but seriously it’s fine, Y/n. Everyone will forget by Monday.” A friend of yours reassured you over the phone later that night, the mean one as Nagi had so lovingly called her. 

“You didn’t see it, the silence in the hallway… god I won’t be able to sleep.”

“You’re dramatic.” Your friend huffed. “Look, you put yourself out there, how many people can say they did that?” 

“I shouldn’t have done it at all! God I’m such an idiot. I bet Rin and Nagi are laughing it up as we speak. Especially Nagi, that Judas.” You hissed as your friend laughed. 

“I don’t even think Rin Itoshi knows how to laugh. Besides, I'm not sure why you would listen to Nagi’s advice in the first place.” 

“He’s a childhood friend! I thought he’d have my back.” 

“Maybe he thought it would work.” You could hear the well restrained laughter in her tone. You sat up. 

“You’ve seen Isagi today, right? Did he say anything?” You knew it was a stretch. Your friend and Isagi had a sort of… rocky relationship. One you really didn’t understand. Nagi assumed Isagi had a thing for your friend and although that could be true your friend felt very strong negative emotions towards him.

“Do you want me to hit you? The only reason I talk to that know-it-all ball kicker is for student council purposes.” She returned sharply. Yeah… it was a stretch. 

“I’m not sure what you and Isagi do could be considered as talking but-“

“I mean it. I will hit you.”

“I believe you.” You smirked, glad you had called your friend because she had helped you cheer up at least a little bit. Your front doorbell chimed as you startled. Your mom was working late and it was too late for any of the neighbors. “Hey, I’ll call later.” You said, hanging up the phone. You tossed it on your bed and winded your way through the house towards the front door. All you could hear was the gentle pats of rain just outside the door. You peered through the peephole and sighed heavily as you spotted Nagi outside the door. He was the absolute last person you wanted to talk to right now. You turned, pressing your back to the door, closing your eyes as the events of today played in your mind again. It reignited that fire as you whipped around, yanking the door open. Nagi startled at the suddenness of the door. 

“You absolute asshole!” You growled, reaching and yanking the tall boy into your house. Nagi was wet from the rain, his hair wet like a dogs as she slammed the door shut behind him.

“Jesus, what’s wrong?’ Nagi asked as you whirled on him.

“What’s wrong? What’s wrong!” You parroted as Nagi stared at you, blinking and confused. “You didn’t hear? I’m sure I was the laughing stock of school.”

“Didn’t hear what?” Nagi asked calmly, in fact his nonchalance had you seconds away from ripping the hair from his head.

“Your advice! It fucking sucked!” You hissed as Nagi raised a brow and pursed his lips in thought. He had no idea what you were talking about. “I’m surprised the boys on your team weren’t talking about it.” You threw up your hands in defeat.

“Most of the guys skipped today because of the weather. I stayed for a bit but got sick of listening to Isagi flirt with that mean friend of yours.” Nagi groaned, pushing past you as he stripped off his jacket, kicking off his shoes.

“What’re you doing?” You asked incredulously. “You aren’t welcome here!”

“Did you make anything for dinner?” Nagi asked over his shoulder, ignoring you as he walked towards the kitchen.

“Seishiro Nagi.” You growled, that stopped him in his tracks. He looked back with a stricken look on his face.

“Geez, what’s wrong?” He asked, you slowly approached him with a strained smile.

“The advice you gave me about Rin was shit. I put myself out there and he turned me down.”

“I could’ve told you that.” Nagi shrugged. You grabbed the front of his shirt.

“I have had it up to here with you. Please get the fuck out.” You hissed, seething with anger. Nagi stared at you for a moment, it was possible he was deciding if you were actually angry or messing with him but when you didn’t crack a smile he finally understood the seriousness. He reached up and placed a gentle, warm hand over yours.

“Sorry. I thought you were-... What happened? I didn’t hear anything at school.” He explained calmly. You yanked your hand out of his.

“It’s like I said! You gave me shit advice and I completely embarrassed myself in front of most of the school, Nagi. It was humiliating.” You fumed, cheeks blushing at the memory of it. 

“So he turned you down, so what?”

“So what?” You echoed, running a hand down your face. “You know what. Forget it. You don’t understand. Please just leave.” You waved your hand in defeat as he caught your hand again.

“I… don’t get why it’s such a big deal.”

“I like him, Nagi! And now I've completely embarrassed myself in front of him… he’ll never look at me the same.”

“He didn’t look at you before.”

“Are you actively trying to make me never speak to you again?”

“You never talked to him before, Y/n. You’ve only seen him play. Who cares what he thinks?”

“I care!” You groan as he suddenly tugs you to him, you stumble slightly, surprised. 

“He’s nothing! Sure he’s good at soccer but he’s a maniac about the sport. He’s a hassle. He wouldn’t be good for you anyways.” Nagi explains and you can’t remember the last time he seemed so… passionate about something. He always seemed chill, cool headed. He was heating up the same as you. 

“I don’t want to talk about this anymore.” You pushed away from him and this time he didn’t reach for you again. “Just please go.” He stared at you and you couldn’t find it in yourself to meet his eyes. Not this time. There was something different in the air between you both. 

“I’m sorry.” Nagi said softly. You swallowed, your eyes shooting up to meet him. You didn’t expect an apology from him. You had expected him to leave. “I gave you shit advice.” You almost laughed, but your dramatics couldn’t let you find humor in this moment. “On purpose.” He finished as your lips fell open in surprise. 

“What?” You asked, taking a step towards him.

“I did it on purpose.” He repeated.

“I heard you. Why would you do that?” You asked sharply, eyes searching his guilty face. Nagi sighed exhaustedly. 

“I didn’t think you’d ask him so publicly.” 

“Nagi.” You admonished as he sighed again. 

“Do you really not know?” He asked, running a hand over his face as he leaned against the wall, all long legs and dramatics. 

“Know what?” 

“Come on. Aren’t I supposed to be the oblivious one?” He asked and you wanted to pinch him. He sighed once again. “This is such a hassle.” 

“You love that word.” You grumbled annoyed. 

“I invite you to all my games. I try to have dinner with you whenever I can. I ride with you to school as often as possible.” He lists off.

“Okay?”

“Okay?” He mocks as you narrow your eyes. “I like you, Y/n. I’ve liked you since we were eight. Seriously? You didn’t know?” He throws up his hands in frustration. You blinked. And blinked again. You sucked in a breath, almost forgetting how to breathe. You stared at him, processing everything he just said.

“You annoy the shit out of me! You gave me shit advice because you like me! Why didn’t you just say you liked me!” You argued, reaching over and pinching him. He jumps, sucking in a gasp at your pinch.

“Ouch!” He whined, rubbing the spot. You didn’t pinch him that hard as you rolled your eyes. “I didn’t… I didn’t want to ruin things by up and telling you… I was-- trying to find a romantic moment!” He argued back. 

“Romantic moment?” You echoed.

“Uh huh! I was hoping you’d see my sick goal last night and I’d run over and tell you.” He explains and you can’t help it, you dissolve into laughter. 

“Geez, how romantic.” You breathe out in between giggles. Nagi just stares down at you, red faced and pouting. 

“There… there’s been so many times I’ve wanted to tell you… but it never seemed right. Then you started talking about Rin and I just…” Nagi sighs, running a hand down his face. “I’m sorry I embarrassed you. If… if you want I can talk with him.”

“You’d do that?” You ask, voice soft. He met your eyes and the hurt that lined them was palpable, but he nodded his head.

“It’s the least I can do.” 

You thought about letting him squirm but the hurt in his eyes was too much. You didn’t have the heart to tease him or play with his heart, not when he’d been such a good friend to you most of your life.

“Forget it.” You waved slightly. “You're right. I don’t really know him.” His eyes found yours and for the first time you felt something charge in the air. You hadn’t thought about Nagi as more than a friend for the longest time but… something about it had your heart speeding. “Nagi?”

“Hm?” 

“Are you serious? About liking me?” You asked as Nagi’s cheeks blushed, despite his effort to keep a cool facade. He nodded his head and suddenly the hall you two were arguing in felt tighter. You averted your eyes and chewed softly on your bottom lip. There had never really been an awkward moment between you and Nagi before but right now it was unbearable. 

“Is that… okay?”

“Uh huh.” You hummed nervously, fiddling with your hands. You couldn’t look up at him, you just couldn’t. This was the second most embarrassing thing to happen today. “Are you gonna look at me?” He asked and you could hear the smirk on his tone. He shouldn’t be the one smirking, he should be the nervous one! He was the one that confessed after all! Your eyes shot up to meet him. Sure enough he was smirking. Damn him.

“What the hell is so funny?”

“You’re blushing.”

“You’re blushing!” You argued, pointing at his face but again he caught your hand and this time when he tugged you forwards his other hand slid across your cheek into your hair. You knew enough to close your eyes as his lips crashed assuredly into yours. Nagi was a lot of things, he was lazy most of the time. Tired and annoying. And you weren’t sure if he’d ever kissed anyone before but… he kissed exactly how he played on that field, like a pro. What an ass! He was good at everything. He pulled you closer and pressed your back into the wall kissing you as though he’d die if he parted from your lips. It was a lightheaded inducing kiss. You had three kisses in your life. Of course Nagi when you were eight but… it was less than a peck. Then there was the boy from middle school who kissed you during a dance. That was little more than a peck. Then the boy you dated two years ago. He moved away two weeks after your one year anniversary. He was a good kisser, though you had nothing at the time to weigh it against. Now… you did. That boy before… was nothing like Nagi. It felt weird to even think about it since you two had been friends for so long but… really. This was… something different. This was the kind of kiss that pop girls wrote about in their love songs. The kind of kiss you’d dream about for years to come. 

“Where’s your head at?” Nagi asked against your lips, his voice low and breathy, it sent a shiver down your spine. 

“I’m thinking… you need to kiss me again.”

“Mhm,” He hummed amusedly, nodding his head. “Yes ma’am.” 

[kissitbttr]

your mafia!toji fic got me thinking so hard abt him😭😭 he’s deffo the type to just buy you sm stuff as an apology but when you don’t forgive him and sleep in a different bedroom mf will come into the room on his knees and beg for you to come to sleep 😩😩 imagine still saying no and him just flipping you onto his shoulders and carrying you to bed 🤭

oh you are absolutely correct!

|

“darling” toji softly calls you, letting out a tired sigh. “i said i was sorry. what am i supposed to do?”

“die” she replies nonchalantly, shoulders shrugging before grabbing a pillow and your favorite blanket off the bed,

he snickers, looking over at her with a raised eyebrow. “now, now that would be over dramatic don’t you think? won’t you miss me?”

he almost pisses his pants when she throws him a glare,

“okay. no jokes. got it” he put his hands up in surrender, feeling absolutely terrified at his baby being mad and speaking less than two words to him,

if anyone ever finds out that the most feared and notorious man in the city being tamed by his woman, he would never hear the end of it,

but she is scary. can you blame him?

toji looks over at the designer shoes and bags he just purchased a few hours ago, tucked neatly in the corner. untouched by her.

guess the apology gifts aren’t working,

“i didn’t know that she was coming, i haven’t even talked to her in years! never planned to anyway, you know i only got my eyes for my girl, right?”

she tries so hard not to roll her eyes,

toji had a meeting with one of the cartels at the club earlier that night. and of course, she always goes. it’s where he can always keep an eye on her and refuses to leave her at home all alone because he can’t risk that. also, because she’s his good luck charm. whenever she’s around, deals always goes well,

tonight was an exception though,

all was well until a certain person decided to crash. his old fling. one before he met his precious girlfriend. the red haired thought that it would be fun to press her fake ass tits against toji,

y/n was shocked to say at least. she didn’t say anything but her face spoke thousand words. toji could see that. throwing daggers at the bitch, corner of her lips quirk into a form of disgust.

and the worst part was? toji didn’t do anything about it! can you believe that asshole?!

something about being absolutely unprofessional if he was ever to push her off and it ticked y/n to the fucking bone so she decided to ignore him the rest of the night,

toji feels defeated when she chooses not to respond, simply just taking her stuff. he crouches lightly to look at her pretty face clearly. “baby… can you please look at me? I can’t stand seeing you mad. i’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to hurt you”

if it was any circumstances, sure she would melt and jump in his arms. but tonight is different. how could he?

she looks up at him and whisper “fuck. you” before turning around angrily and walk out of the door to go sleep on the guest room,

toji groans, the heel of his palms pressing against his eyes. she has always been so stubborn. too fucking stubborn. exactly why he had to get rejected seven times before she accepted his date.

what? he needed to get humbled, so she gave him that.

he contemplate for a while whether or not he should let her be or not. then he chooses the latter. it would probably be best if he let her cool off some steam for a while, he doesn’t want to do any more damage or make her feel more annoyed by his presence,

bet. not even ten minutes later, he feels like losing his mind without her here.

“fuck this shit” he mutters, getting up from the bed. rubbing his face furiously before stomping towards the other side of the room,

he walks in without knocking, ready to say what he needs to say again. yet he stops. heart clenching at the sight of his girl curled up in bed, back facing him.

“love?” he slowly walks over to her laying figure,

“go away” she speaks. now in a softer tone

“please” he begs, walking around the bed and catching a glimpse of her playing with her pink manicured hands. “sweetheart. I’m sorry” he repeats, going down to her eye level before letting his hand moves to rest on her bare thigh. he’s internally relieved when she doesn’t push him off,

he sighs when she’s not looking at him, seemingly only focused on the nails that she had gotten done a week ago.

“i should’ve pushed her off. shouldn’t let her touch me like that. hell, i shouldn’t even let her breathe near me. i know that” he realizes his mistake. “i didn’t even think about what my girl needed. i was being a horrible boyfriend”

no answer,

he sighs again, refusing to look away from her pretty eyes,

“baby—“

“i heard you the first time. leave. and close the door”

toji is taken aback. fuck. she really is mad at him.

“you don’t mean that”

“uhm, yes i do” she retorts in an obvious tone, sassily raising her eyebrow before scooting a bit further from him. she doesn’t realize this but it makes his heart break,

“princess, i swear-“

“go call that girl back to keep you company. let that fucking bitch sleep by your side” she mutters, looking at the tv instead of him,

he can’t take this anymore,

“you know what? that’s it” toji had enough, he will not be sleeping alone and neither will she. standing up on his feet, his hands reach out to circle around her ankles before tugging her body towards him causing her to yelp,

“toji! what the fuck are you doing-oh!” her voice gets cut off the moment he pulls her body up like she weighs nothing. throwing her over his shoulder. “put me down!” her fists start to hitting his back—as if they’re actually hurting him— legs swinging back and forth

“nope” he answers, keeping a firm grip around her waist before swatting her ass, locking the guest room behind him and walking back to their shared one. “you’re driving me crazy, woman—not saying that i hate it, but i’m pretty fucking beat tonight and we are going to sleep together. so stop fighting me”

she huffs, admitting defeat and letting him carry to the bed. “fuck you, toji”

he smirks at that. “oh i will, baby”

[romanarose]

About a Girl: Chapter 1

Beautiful header by my beloved @not-a-unique-snowflake-blog

Joel Miller x Trans!Fem!Reader (Nickname, Blue)

Series Masterlist : The Last of Us Masterlist : Full Masterlist

Summary: Joel is a simple man. He goes to work, he takes care of his kindergarten age daughter, he tries to make sure Tommy doesn't die and occasionally Tess comes over. He works on Frank and Bill's farm with Tommy, Tess, and another coworker, Max. For his birthday, Tommy drags Joel out to a local grunge band's show, music he knows Joel hates. Joel is surprised to find Tess's girlfriends best friend, a girl they all call Blue because of the blue in her hair, has caught his attention.

What he doesn't know is she is trans. When he finds out, he's very confused, not because he judges her, but because he's not sure what it means for him. Does it make him gay? What does trans even mean? He's very confused. Still, despite all the confusion Joel has an open mind and he just knows that he has a lot of feelings for you and he wants to try. Joel goes on a journey of learning, not only what your trans identity means but also how to take care of himself, how to set boundaries, and learning he doesn't need carry the whole world on his shoulders.

Joel loves country, is as yeehaw as they come. Blue loves grunge, and looking as edgy as she can get by as a school teacher. Can you and Joel make it all work with the one thing that bonds them both together; flannel?

Warnings for whole fic, not chapter by chapter: 18+ ONLY!! I cannot warn against everything, but these are major themes. Joel is a lil ignorant but not out of hate. He just doesn't know. He's trying his best. There will be smut. Penetrative sex, all of the anal play, oral. There will be transphobia from other people. Addiction and alcoholism. QUICK child neglect not by Joel but I promise, Sarah is fine and is having a great time in life. Fetishization of women attracted to women by a shitty guy. Will update as needed. Again, this is adult content. Expect adult content.

Immersivity: Reader is transgender, AMAB female, reader has had gotten bottom surgery, not top, and is on hormones. reader has visible hair and a blue streak in hair, but not described. Could be braids, could be natural hair, whatever. Header is for aesthetics only. Reader is about Joel and Tommy's height. Let me know if i miss anything!

A/N: I am not a trans woman, but I am trans. I am doing my best research! If I got something wrong or accidentally say something offensive, please tell me! Same with Sarah's hair. I learned a LOT about black hair care from living with my black roommate for 2 years, and watching a lot of youtube. Again, if im incorrect or offensive, let me know and ill correct! I just want Joel to care about his daughters hair <3

TRANS LIVES MATTER! TRANS YOUTH MATTER! TRANS ELDERLY MATTER! TRANS WOMEN MATTER! TRANS MEN MATTER! NON BINARY TRANS MATTER!

It all started with Tommy, as most adventures do. Joel was certain Tommy would make sure to mention that fact during his best man speech.

“You have got to get out more. You’re making me stir crazy just watching you sit at home.”

Joel rolled his eyes, packing Sarah’s lunch. He was happy to throw in some plums, Sarah’s favorite fruit, that he got from the food pantry. Since Sarah started kindergarten and he didn’t have to pay for nearly as much childcare, things had gotten less horrifically tight financially but now he was playing catch up. Catching pneumonia last winter had drained his little savings with an ER visit. Joel desperately wanted to not rely on charity, but he also didn’t want Sarah to go without. 

“How would you know, you’re never even home.” Since getting out of the army, Tommy has not adjusted well. Joel was happy to let him live in the house he built for his ex-fiance on his parents land they gifted when Sarah was born. Tommy was a help with Sarah and was good company when he wasn’t out partying.

“Hey.” Tommy looked a little offended. “I’m here plenty. Just ask Sarah.” Sarah adored her uncle.

Joel sighed. “You’re right.” He wasn’t. “But I ain’t going. I can’t afford that, and I’d like to spend my days off with Sarah.”

Tommy tossed a cosmic brownie from the box he bought into Sarah’s lunchbox. “Come oooooon. Sarah loves the babysitter, and one night out won’t traumatize her forever. I’ll pay for the sitter, I already got tickets and I’ll even cover your drinks.”

Joel would rather the money go towards Sarah’s next dental appointment, but he couldn’t tell Tommy where to spend his money, and he knew there was no saying no to his brother when he gets like this. “How many bands are playing? I ain’t sitting through three openers, Tom.”

“Just one! You’re coming!” Tommy ran out of the kitchen and took the stairs two at a time before Joel could protest. “Sarah! Guess who gets to hang out with Jessica tonight!” Joel could hear the sound of springs bouncing as Sarah cheered and called out if the bed breaks, Tommy’s fixing it.

After getting Sarah dressed, he sat her down on a chair in the kitchen and looked at the clock. “Only got time for a ponytail, baby girl.” Joel had figured out some simple hair care for thick hair he wasn’t quite equipped to work with. Before Sarah was born, he didn’t know how to do a single braid. Joel had practiced a little before Tommy had to chop off his hippie curls for the army but he still was lost in a lot of ways. 2 years ago, Joel must’ve looked particularly lost in the ethnic hair aisle with Sarah in the cart and a kind woman guided him to some hair gel, argan oil, and an edge brush, scribbling a few instructions on some scratch paper. That’s what's gotten him through this far. Joel kept thinking he needed to reach out somewhere or maybe find a book… but with what time? 

Kayla, Sarah’s mom, wasn’t much help either. Kayla was mixed and absolutely inherited the polish side as far as hair, where Sarah got her late grandma’s genes. Kayla wanted to chemically straighten Sarah’s beautiful curls last year when she had her over Easter, but Joel put his foot down. When she was older, if she wanted to do whatever she wanted with her hair, braids, relaxed, wigs, she could but there was no way he was letting all those chemicals into a 4 year olds head just to make it “easier.” Joel could handle it.

She looked cute with her little puffball on the top of her head, anyway. 

“TOMMY! LETS GO!” Why was Tommy harder to get out the door than Sarah was?

Little hands tugged at his shirt. “Daddy I want coffee.” 

“No baby”

“Why?”

“It’s not good for little kids.”

“Uncle Tommy lets me have coffee.”

Joel sighed loudly. “Of course he did. Well, Sarah, that’s an uncle thing, I don’t know what to tell you. TOMMYYY!”

Tommy’s heavy footsteps clomped down the steps, dashing out the door. “Come one Jojo, whatcha wait’n for?”

*

How did little kids have so much energy in the morning? Tommy included. Sarah was chatty as ever on her way, talking excitedly about the eggs in the classroom's incubator. He tried to pay attention, he really did, but he was busy trying to figure out what bills he still owes. It was only September, one month into not having to pay out the ass for Sarah’s daycare. Was he even gonna be able to catch up at all before the summer comes? Her mom said she wanted to take her for the summer, but she was single right now and slightly more involved. When she finds a new man, she suddenly becomes much less interested in her child. Joel didn’t want Sarah around strange men all the time either.

“Daddy? Daddy? Daddy? Daddy?”

Tommy nudged Joel, calling him name for Sarah’s attention.

“What?” Joel said, not unkindly but perhaps a little too harsh than he wanted to speak around his daughter. 

“Happy birthday daddy.”

Joel closed his eyes briefly, wincing at his prior tone. “Thank you baby. I’ll bring home a cake, how about that.” He felt like he could cry, snapping at his sweet girl for trying to wish him happy birthday. He was so bad at this.

Both children in the car cheered.

Joel dropped Sarah off with several kisses on her forehead, then ran off to the truck. He might just be on time if he speeds a bit. He didn’t speed with Sarah in the truck, he was less careful with Tommy. 

“Just in time!” Tess’s voice greeted them in the farm house. “You guys eat?”

She knew the answer. Sarah’s kindergarten had a free breakfast program, leaving Joel and Tommy on their own and god knows they didn’t take proper care of themselves. Luckily, they had great bosses.

Joel, Tommy, and Tess all worked for Bill and Frank on their farm. Joel had stumbled on this job shortly after Kayla left and God, what a blessing. Bill and Frank had trouble finding help being the only gay farmers on the planet to felt like, but Joel wasn’t really in a position to deny a good paying job, not in this economy, not with a baby who barely had a mom around anymore. This was before Tommy came back from the army, and Joel’s parents dead a few years prior. He was alone.

That’s where he met Tess. She was something else. A woman working as a farm hand alone was surprising enough, but she was the first openly bisexual person Joel had met. Hell, she was the only the third gay person he knew of and the first woman. He’d lived a sheltered life. Still, Joel didn’t really see an issue with none of it. Wasn’t his business what two grown adults did, that was his thought on the matter. Not that he really had enough time to have thoughts on much of anything other than keeping Sarah and Tommy alive. When Tommy came back, he started working on the farm too.

Tess slid the men some pancakes, stating she knew it and went ahead and made extra.

Frank entered the room with something in his hand. “Wait!” He placed the item, which Joel saw was a candle on the the pancake.

“Oh, no, you guys don’t gotta-”

“Shut the hell up, Miller.” Bill entered the room with a pack of cigarettes in one hand and a lighter in the other. He lit the candle, and then a cigarette. 

Frank took it out of his hand, putting it out under the sink. “If you absolutely must smoke, you’re not smoking inside our home.” He then turned back to Joel. “Happy birthday, Joel.” The forth employee, Max, enters the farmhouse and then embarrassingly, Franks leads everyone (except Bill) in a very shitty rendition of happy birthday.

*

“Hey,” Tess nudged Joel as she attempted to fix the clutch without calling Bill up. “You coming tonight?”

Joel rolled his eyes. “Yeah, Tommy convinced me. He also told Sarah it’s my birthday so now I gotta bring home cake and do a bit of the birthday thing with her. I was hoping to avoid it another year.”

She laughed at that. “Ah come on! It can’t be that bad.”

“She’s not, it’s my birthday that is.” 

“I know.” Tess patted his back.

Joel and her worked in silence for a moment, but he figured this was as good a time as any. “Hey uh… so. You and Tommy.”

Tess smirked, but didn’t look at him. “What about my dear friend?”

“Well uh, that’s just it…” Joel cleared his troat, rubbing the back of his neck. “It’s just, you guys been spending a lot of time together, and I’m just… well you know he’s at tough spot right now…-”

“When isn’t he?”

“Right. Well. I’m just wondering… Well.”

With a chuckle, she put down the wrench and turned to look at Joel with a smile. “You’re wondering if Tommy and I are an item.”

Cringing hard enough his eyes were closed, Joel nods.

“Don’t worry about your baby brother, he can handle himself.”

“Can he?”

“Joel. Look at me.”

Joel forced his eyes open.

“Tommy and I fuck sometimes to blow off steam, don’t act you’re much different.”

“It was one time!”

“It was 4 times, glad to know that I’m that forgettable.” Tess continued with her teasing before Joel could protest. “Listen, I know you’re worried about him, but Tommy and I aren’t interested in dating each other. It’s just for fun sometimes. Tommy puts up a tough front but I’d eat that boy alive.”

Finally, Joel laughed. Yes, she would.

Tess went back to work. “Besides, you’re meeting my new girlfriend tonight, birthday boy.”

*

Joel was exhausted, washing his hands and forearms and face before leaving to get Sarah. He tried to stay as clean as possible for Sarah. She didn’t need to know how hard he worked for her.

“Hey Joel, I get to watch Sarah this fall don’t I?” Frank asked as he sauntered into the kitchen. 

Joel tried to protest, as he did every year, but it was merely a formality to be polite. He couldn’t afford childcare in the late hours it took to get harvest done. Hopefully it wouldn’t be so bad now that Max was hired on, he didn’t see Sarah hardly at all harvest. Joel would come back to the farmhouse to find Sarah asleep on the couch with Frank, who was no help with farming. He handled the finances and paperwork, and functioned as a babysitter in pinches. Joel was forever indebted to the couple, inclduding Bill despite his facade of toughness.

“Nonsense Joel. I look forward to seeing her every time.” Sarah fucking loved Frank. He was teaching her painting and how to have a proper tea party, real tea and all. But with a lot of sugar. 

Speaking earnestly, Joel tried to express his appreciation. “Thanks, Frank. I appreciate it. I couldn’t do this without you.”

Frank clapped Joel on the shoulders, sliding him a card. “Thank you for everything you do. We really value you. I know Bill doesn’t say it much, or at all, but we appreciate you here.” He walked off, knowing Joel would protest the $500 cash inside the card.

*

“Daddy! Daddy! I made a friend!” Sarah exclaimed excitedly, running up to her father still covered in her paint smock that quickly transferred the red and blue onto Joel’s jeans.

“Is that so? Who is it?”

Sarah pointed to a little brunette girl sitting in time out. “That’s Ellie! She’s in trouble because she pretended a block was a gun.”

“Oh.”

*

At home, Joel went through the evening routine with Sarah, Tommy having gone with Tess to pre-game. He fed her as much of the macaroni she’d eat, bathed her and made sure to make things as easy for the sitter as possible. When Jessica came over, a nice local teenager that was great with Sarah, he briefed her as he tried to clean up the kitchen. 

“Daddy? Where’s the cake.”

Goddammit of course he forgot something. He just can’t do anything right, can he? He was a shitty dad, a shitty brother, a shitty boyfriend, a needy employee-

“Where's the birthday boy!” Tommy burst in, followed by a group of people, some he knew, some he didn’t. With him was Tess carrying a cake.

“TESS!!!!!!” Sarah shouted, but went more for the cake she carried.

“Hiya, love bug!” She patted her ponytail. “Ready to sing happy birthday at the top of your lungs?”

Hadn’t she had enough happy birthdays? She must’ve known he’d forget the cake. They hadn’t been pregaming at all, they were making him a cake.

Tess hands the cake to Tommy, then gestures to the women next to her. Dark skinned, tall, her hair in… locks? Were those called locks? He was cooked. He needs to learn hair. “This is Talia, my girlfriend.”

Talia smiled brightly, extended a hand which Joel shook. “So nice to meet you, Mr. Miller. Tess talks a lot about you Tommy and Max, it’s nice to put faces to the names.”

“Please, Joel is fine. I may ache like an old man, but I’m not one yet.” Joel joked with a soft but tired smile. He turned to tess. “Max coming?”

“Yup.” She shot him a look to be nice. Joel wasn’t fond of max. Good worker, shit head of a person. Joel knew he couldn’t really blame all Tommy’s shit on bad influences, but Max didn’t help. “And this,” She gestured over to another woman who he had just been too flustered to notice until now. “Is Talia’s best friend.”

You were absolutely fucking stunning, unlike anyting he’d ever seen in his life. Tight white tank top, tight leather pants and a leather jacket. In your hair was a streak of vibrant blue. Your eyes connected with his and for a moment, he forgot about all the other people in the room. 

“Oh, um, hello,” Joel shook your hand when he snapped out of it, repeating your name.

You smile at him. “Actually, most people just call me Blue.”

A small voice from Joel’s hip. “Is that because of your hair? Why is it blue? Are you sick?”

“Sarah! Don’t be rude.”

Chuckling brightly, you promise it’s okay and crouch down to Sarah’s eye level. “I’m not sick. I actually dye it like that.”

“But why?”

Internally, Joel groaned, thinking you’d take offense at the line of questions Sarah’s certainly had ready, but you just answered. “Well, I think it makes me look pretty, just you’re cute hair style makes you look pretty.”

Sarah lit up at that. “My daddy did it!!!”

“He did? That’s so awesome! You have such a nice daddy.”

Sarah nodded in avid agreement. “He’s the BEST!”

Joel couldn’t help smiling at that. He always felt like he was failing her, but she loved him regardless. “I can’t do a lot, but I’m trying to learn. I can do a mean ponytail.” Joel caught Tommy smirking at him.

Once the babysitter took Sarah to wash up for cake, Talia quietly spoke to Joel, still attached to Tess's arm. “Tess told me her mom isn’t really involved. I’d love to help you learn how to care for black hair.”

Joel felt his heart drop. “Oh shit, does it look terrible? I really tried but I don’t even know where to go and-”

Talia cut him off with a laugh and a hand up. “No, not at all! It looks very healthy. I just mean if you’d like to learn how to do more, especially as it gets longer.”

Always embarrassed to ask for help, he always swallowed his pride for Sarah. “Yeah, yeah actually I’d really like that… I’ll play yuh, don’t worry I wouldn’t make you do it for free-”

She attempted to say he didn’t need to pay, but Tess told her it was useless to try and fight. Joel figured the bonus from Bill and Frank could pay for Sarah’s dentist cleaning and the rest he could pay Talia. 

After a terrible happy birthday and saying goodbye to Sarah longer than really necessary, Joel was dragged out of the house to go to some shitty local grunge bands show for his birthday.

Joel fucking hated his birthday.

Thank you thank you thank you!!!!! I can't beleive people actually wanted to read this!!! We need more trans rep in this fandom <3

First chapter setting things up, then one chapter per week for 6 weeks for my Oscar/Pedro pride event!!! each chapter 2-7 will follow themes of the week until the happy end <3

MEET THE OC'S

Talia Monroe

Tess's girlfriend, Blue's bestfriend. Talia is joyfriend and high energy. She offers to help Joel learn black hair to properly care for Sarah.

Max Waltz

Works on the farm with Joel, Tommy, and Tess. Tommy likes him, Joel hates him, Tess ears towards liking him but tries to keep him in check. Max is a generally barzen man, hates his wife, is loud and annoying to Joel.

Kayla Carter

*no face claim right now*

Joel's high school sweetheart and ex-fiance, Sarah's mom. Kayla is in an out of sarah's life, lives out of town and is only around when its convinient, leaving Joel with alone.

I don't do tag lists for one shots but I do still for series so

How to keep up with the series:

Follow About a girl series on tumblr

follow @romana-updates and turn on notifications

Ask to be tagged!

I really enjoy writing this series so I hope you like it too <3

KISSES

Please remeber to reblog or comment or engage in some way <3 community keeps us all writing and drawing

@my-secret-shame-but-fanfiction @not-a-unique-snowflake-blog @ashleyfilm @bumblepony @snnyc @casa-boiardi @del-ightfulling @joelsoftie

[definitelynotstable]

Camomile pt. 6 [Ghost x gn!Reader]

pt. 1, pt. 2, pt. 3, pt. 4, pt. 5, pt. 6, pt. 7, pt. 8, pt. 9, pt. 10

AN: Hello! Finished my essay and then straight after had a ski trip organised so that’s why I’ve been awol! Missed you all loads. This one is a bit rough (not proofread) but I hope you enjoy it all the same.

Synopsis: You've been rescued by the 141, Ghost is the only one who can calm you down. Word count: 1.4k Warnings: trauma, injuries, medical shiz, reader thinks they are dead Ghost x gn!Reader (Callsign: Rags)

— — —

This haze doesn’t seem as peaceful as you expected death to be. Though you are probably going to hell, you think through the flashing of lights and colours. Killing was a sin, wasn’t it? Even if they were terrorists? Something like that.

There’s a ringing getting louder and louder. It’s piercing. Your chest hurts. You would do anything to relieve the pressure. Suddenly you can move your arms and your legs. Where are you? Someone’s hurting you. You thrash and flail against the grip of shadows and wisps.

— — —

A scream echoes down the hallway where the Lieutenant stands, arms crossed, jaw locked. Ghost stiffens, is that coming from your room? Nearby he watches as a nurse hurries past him and through a door. Medical personnel are yelling; something is beeping.

Shit.

Faster than he thought possible in all his gear, the Lieutenant races down the hallway. He comes to a screeching halt, catching the doorway.

There, in the centre of the room, is you. Almost five nurses and doctors are holding you down; you’re thrashing as they try to calm you down. You’re sobbing now, hyperventilating as a nurse tries desperately to hold an oxygen mask to your face. You’re saying something, what are you saying?

— — —

Who are these people holding you down? Where’s Ghost? What happened to those cobalt eyes you loved so much.

“Ghost!” You pant out his name between sobs, breath ragged. “Ghost please, they’re hurting me!”

You just need to see his eyes. You need to know you’re safe.

“Please!” You gasp, chest burning, “Simon!”

You’ve never used his real name before. It was something you had overheard Price call him when they thought they were alone in his office. Some people in the military were cautious about their names. You respected that and had never used it.

Until now.

— — —

“Simon!”

Ghost stiffens from where he watches from the doorway. He’d never told you his name. But the way you’d called out, scared and in pain, he couldn’t ignore it.

Before he even knows what he is doing the Lieutenant steps forward, roughly pushing between two nurses, batting their hands away. Their protests are silenced with a single glare.

“Let go,” he commands sternly, “You’re scaring them.”

— — —

Slowly the arms holding you down are gone. Something - no - someone enters your slightly blurred vision. The fluorescent lights give them a halo. Cobalt blue eyes blink down at you. Ghost. He looks ethereal. You raise a shaking hand, eyes watering.

“Simon?” Your fingers brush the shell of his mask, curling around his jaw, “Simon is that you?”

A gloved hand covers the one you have resting on his jaw. “It’s Ghost,” he corrects gently, with a nod.

“Ghost.” You repeat, eyes glazed as you struggle to keep him in focus. “Am I dead?”

He blinks, blond lashes fluttering. “No, but you will be if you don’t let these poor doctors help you.”

Suddenly you notice the five or so others hovering in your periphery. You feel your eyes well up with tears again.

“M’sorry,” you whisper, Ghost swipes a gloved thumb under your eye, “I got scared.”

“I know,” the Lieutenant nods, eyes still locked with yours, “But I’m here, I’ll look after you.”

Your lip wobbles, you feel so frail. “You will?”

“I will.” He squeezes your hand before placing it softly on the bed at your side, “Now let them work – I’ll be right here with you.”

You nod, their arms return, gentler this time. A nurse speaks softly as she walks you through everything she does. Eyelids heavy; you feel yourself slip away.

— — —

Something is beeping softly when you come too, lashes sticking slightly with sleep. Your room is empty, you hate it. You fumble for the call button at you side, pressing it hard.

A nurse walks in, she smiles to see you awake.

“How are you, honey? You gave us quite the scare.”

You swallow, throat dry and she leans over to help you up, her navy hijab tickling your cheek. A paper cup is pressed into your hands and you tentatively sip, the water cool and refreshing. You splutter a little and the nurse rubs your back, encouraging you to breath.

“Want more?” She asks, still supporting your back. You shake your head and swipe a hand over your mouth where some water runs over your lips.

“I was wondering -” you rasp up at her, pausing to clear your throat - “I was wondering where my friend went?”

The nurse nods, taking the cup back. “I think I saw them by reception, I’ll let him know you are ready for visitors.”

She swishes out of the door and you sink back into the pillows. Everything aches; it no doubt will for a while.

“Rags?” A gruff voice comes from the door, you look over as fast as your stiff neck allows you. A man stands, silhouetted against the fluorescent lights in the hallway. A hat sits, curled over his forehead. Squinting, you can make out his beard.

“Captain?”

The man nods; stepping into the room, he crosses to your side in two short strides. He isn’t who you wanted to see but his presence is welcome nonetheless. He stands over you, brows creased as he surveys you where you lie prone in the hospital bed. His eyes gloss over slightly, and he blinks, clearing his throat.

“Are you broken, soldier?” Price asks, his hand rests on the bedrail.

“No sir,” you croak out with a smile, he holds your gaze for a moment before sighing and sinking into the chair beside your bed. He pulls a hand over his face, scratching at his beard.

“Fuck, Rags I have to apologise, this should have never happened.”

You press the heels of your hands into the mattress and heave yourself up – waving Price off as he makes to help you. You settle with a groan, thoroughly exhausted from such small effort. You shudder at the thought of training after this.

“It isn’t your fault-“

-“but that’s the thing!” He cuts you off, voice raw with emotion you have never heard from him. “It is my fault. Makarov has it out for me and you were collateral.”

“With all due respect, sir, he has it out for all of us.” You retort with a long-suffering sigh, “I know the risks– we all know the risks of this job. Something like this would’ve happened sooner rather than later and I’m just glad it was me and not any of you.”

Price’s jaw ticks as he stares at you.

“Can you seriously tell me I am wrong, Captain?” You challenge, knowing you are right. But the guilt of being responsible for a team and for something to go so horribly wrong can’t be erased overnight. You know that.

The Captain swallows, “No. I can’t.”

“Exactly,” you sigh, with a wince. “Now quit sulking and get me the nurse, I need something for the pain.”

— — —

Soap and Gaz poked their head in a while later, Price was still there, tapping away on a laptop when they entered. He had stood up, patted your knee goodbye and given the two sergeants a nod as he left. You suspected they were taking some form of shifts so someone was always with you. You didn’t comment on it, you were secretly glad. They brought you a couple of books from your room and an eye mask – “because hospitals are bloody bright” Soap remarked passionately. Gaz offered to brush your hair while Soap sat in a chair fiddling with the adjustable straps of the mask. The younger man was careful not to pull at any of the wires which stemmed form your chest and to some of the machines beeping in the background; the gentle brush against your scalp causing your eyes to flutter shut with a small sigh.

“My mother used to do my hair,” Gaz murmured, running his fingers through your hair between brushes, “I never felt safer.”

You smile, cracking an eye up at him. “I think I understand why. I’m feeling pretty safe now.”

Gaz returned the smile, tilting his head to look down at you. “I’m glad,” he whispers, breath fanning down across your face.

A nurse came in not long after and insisted you sleep - Soap and Gaz resigned themselves with playing cards quietly in the corner as you dozed.

And slowly but surely the world slipped away around you.

— — —

Masterlist

Next part

[1mlostnow]

𝐖𝐞𝐥𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐞!!

Hi!! I’m Evan! This is Intro Post IV.

- Red text is primary information, things that I’d like to bring attention to, or just things I’d like to elevate above the others

I’m genderfluid, I only use he/him, I don’t have a label but I mostly like guys, and I’m a minor!!! If you’re 18+ feel free to interact but please don’t DM me or send asks.

[spotify] [insta] [wall of text] [tone tags] [ppth staff]

This intro post is incredibly long so I put primary info before the cut ʕ•���•ʔ I love using those faces

Apologies if the red or the Blinkies are hard on the eyes :<

Other Blogs ⇩

EvanRadio : @evan-radio

Poetry and Writing : @1mfoundnow

House MD [B. Corcoran] : @head-of-forensics

House MD [G. Kramer] : @plastic-surgeon-gabi

Blinkies below the cut and throughout intro :>

Table Of Contents ⇩

1. The Basics

2. Fun Facts

3. My Resume

4. Primary Music

5. Guide To Tags

6. Hobbies

7. Other Media

8. Kinnie List

9. Primary Fandoms

10. Cast List

11. Outro

[ The Basics ]

- I absolutely adore nicknames, feel free to call me anything you want; chances are I’ll be fine with it

- pretty basic DNI -> homophobes, transphobes, racists, xenophobes, proshippers (wincest ಠ_ಠ)

- feel free to interact or spam (the good kind), my notifs are off so you won’t be bothering me at all!! Feel free to do asks or anons as long as yr a minor, I love love love answering asks. I promise I’m not scary, I don’t bite (anymore lol)

- I would prefer it as a personal boundary that you don’t DM me unless you truly deem it fit, those 1 on 1 situations tend to be incredibly uncomfortable for me. If there’s truly something you’d like to speak to me about in private, go for it.

- I love my mutuals to death. Whether we talk every day or haven’t spoken once, ily :)

- I greatly appreciate tone tags!!! There is a list at the top of this intro with a tone tag guide!

- CDT timezone, typically active from 7 AM - 12 AM (this will change to 6-8AM and 5-11PM soon)

[ Fun Facts ] + notes

- my car’s name is TOMATER (all caps)

- im the ninth wonder of the world

- I love doing little drawings

- if you want one just ask (examples at end)

- once again I love love love my mutuals

- Richard Cameron defender for life

- theme changes often

- ADHD & severe social anxiety

- if you ever draw anything for me I’ll love u forever

- The Man Who Would Be King (6x20) is the best SPN episode and nobody can convince me otherwise

- if I don’t respond I swear I’m not ignoring you!! Chances are I said ‘I’ll answer later’ and then forgot—just @ me!!

- if you ever have any corrections for one of my posts (typo, incorrect facts, hurtful language) please please let me know whether it be public or private, as the last thing I’d want to do is upset anybody.

[ My Resume ]

- Professional Ghostbuster, Midwestern Cowboy, Supervillain (for the fits)

- Bug you put in a jar with sticks and leaves and a few holes in the lid so it can breathe kinda guy yk?

- Weird kid and loser for life (I’m happy this way)

- I believe I’m incredibly funny (tell me if I’m not)

- Most sentences have bonus sentences (for the thoughts that didn’t fit into the sentence right)

- hot feral scientist

[ Primary Music ] + fav song by each (‘m basic wtv)

- AJJ -> Getting Naked, Playing With Guns

- Cage The Elephant -> Spiderhead/Halo

- Car Seat Headrest -> Life Worth Missing

- David Bowie -> Rebel Rebel

- Radiohead -> Karma Police

- Seb Lowe -> The Man, The Myth

- The Front Bottoms -> Be Nice To Me / More Than It Hurts You

- The Smiths -> Pretty Girls Make Graves

- Vundabar -> Worn/Wander, Sad Clown

- Will Wood -> Memento Mori

[ Guide to Tags ]

- #evan speaks -> yapping time, applies to majority of my posts

- #evan rants -> I’ve got a lot to talk about!!

- #evan draws -> I draw :3 some art at the end

- #evan can’t vote -> US politics (doesn’t come up that often, but still)

- #evan loves his mutuals -> y’all are my best friends and ily sososo much

[ Hobbies ]

- Occasionally crocheting

- Reading and writing

- I play alto sax in marching band (never rains on the *redacted* 🫡🌧️)

- loveeee art so much, specifically pencil drawing and painting

- idk if music counts as a hobby (listening+playing)

[ Other Media ]

Shows -> Supernatural, Sherlock, House MD, My Babysitters A Vampire (Rory my beloved), Scooby-Doo, Over The Garden Wall

Movies -> Dead Poets Society, Ghostbusters, Velvet Goldmine, The Truman Show, Goonies, Stand By Me, Saw Franchise, IT 2017

Others -> Homestuck, The Secret History, getting into newer classics (highschool english class books tbh), I Have No Mouth And I Must Scream

[ Kinnie List ]

Steven Meeks (DPS), Castiel (SPN), Richie Tozier (IT), Truman Burbank (TTS), Egon Spengler (Ghostbusters), Adam Stanheight (Saw), Henry Winter (TSH), Will Graham (Hannibal)

[ Primary Fandoms ]

Supernatural, Sherlock, Dead Poets Society, Homestuck, Ghostbusters, House MD

[ Cast List ] <- y’all are like my family ily

@pingunaa @ghostboyhood @wordssricochet @poetsinnyc @meekspeaks @midwest-quill @yourfavvgal @alightelixe @lv3buzzz @craicapparition @asclexe @lefthandedspaghetti @notcatseatheadrest @wilsons-three-legged-siamese @de4d-poet-kisser @cherrishnoodles @blakenation1 @desire-mona @prettypinkbubbless @sesamie @hemlocksloadofbull @mighthavebeenmurder @tired-and-bored-nerd @neil-perrys-suicidal-tendencies @sillyhyperfixator

^^ if we ain’t close like that lmk and I’ll take you off dw ♥︎ and if I somehow missed you please please tell me and I’ll fix it right away, there’s some people I was gonna add but I wasn’t sure if we were friends like that yet lol

Outro!!

If you made it to the end of this thank you thank you thank you so much it means the world to me.

I can’t add more photos, so I’ll make and link a separate post with my art, so you can decide if that’s something you’d be interested in!!!

[ art here!! ]

[jaslan4f1]

Hiiiiiii! I would love to request a secret relationship with carlos and maybe reader just gets tired and start distancing because it feels like he’s hiding her since he hasn’t introduced her to his family or friends yet but he’s just a private person. I hope that makes sense

Wanna be yours C.S

Warnings: angst, fluff

Notes: english is not my native language so this may contain consistency errors, i would really appreciate the corrections but please, be kind. feedback is also appreciated ♡

You laid in your bed thoughts keeping you awake. „Why isn’t he texting me back. He probably doesn’t miss me. Of course he doesn’t, it was all one-sided from the begging“ you said to yourself. You stood up and walked to your kitchen to grab a cup of water to refresh your brain. „He hasn’t even told me anything about his friends or his family. Fuck I haven’t even meet them and we have been „dating“ for 5 month now.“ You sat on the kitchen counter tears rolled down your cheeks. You stood up and looked in your mirror. „Gosh Y/n you’re pathetic. Like a dumb child. He clearly doesn’t love you back and just wants your body.“ „I can’t do that, I’m indented, successful and I know my worth.“, the moment you went into your bedroom your phone began to play that special ringtone you had saved for Carlos. „No! I will not pick up his call. I won't buckle again. He should taste his own medicine!“ You looked at your now black phone. „Please call me again and I know you love me“ you whispered with closed eyes. You waited. Nothing. Nothing was he being serious? You cried yourself to sleep that night and the night after that night. He hasn’t called you or texted you. You haven’t reach out too. It hurts like hell for you. How could he ignore you for that long. Okay maybe 1 week wasn’t that long but it was the longest period of time without texting, calling or meeting each other. You woke up with not surprising puffy eyes. You were snapped out of your thoughts by a loud knock. You stood up and open your door. „Mierda can you pleas tell me what all this is supposed to be about?“ he sounded angry no desperate. Was he missing you? You looked at him with big eyes, not knowing what to say. „Carlos…I…I just can’t keep doing this okay?“ He looked at you surprised. „You can’t keep doing what? Us? You want to break up I thought you loved me y/n! Was that all a lie, huh?“ You looked at him with teary eyes. „No Carlos I love you I alway have and I always will. I just wanna be yours.“ He looked at you confused. „What do mean you wanna be mine? You are already mine Y/n“ „No I am not! You know everything about me. My friends, my family, my apartment, my hobbies, what I hate and love about my body, what my favourite colour is and so on.“

„You never tell me anything I don’t know any of your friends, family… gosh Carlos you are you are a total stranger to me.“ You cried out finally speaking what was on your tongue for months. „Y/n…“, „No don’t Y/n me. I’m mentally exhausted and I can’t keep living like this. Carlos I understand that your scared of announcing anything to the pubic but I can’t be the woman on the side that you fuck whenever you want…I can’t be that person for you“ you snapped back. „You are so much more than just a girl I fuck and we both know that“ he said determined. „Then what am I Carlos, please tell me“ you said with your weak voice. „You are the one for me, the only woman I have ever wanted. You are my very personal drug, when I’m without you I can’t breath and I swear if you break up with me I would kill every guy that dares to touch you because you are the most important person that I have ever known. I want you all to myself. I’m scared about you when I’m not with you. Meeting my family would mean I would show you my most private side of me and then you would leave me at the latest.“ he spoke fastly. „Carlos being a private person means not that I will leave you. I just wanna be a part of your life. I hate not knowing anything about you or what you were as a child. I’m tiered of that one-sided love. If we want to work this out you have to open up to me and trust me because I will not hurt you in any way.“ He looked at you with tears in his eyes. „Cariño, I will do anything for you if it means I can be with you but I don’t wanna pop our private bubble just yet.“ And with that he approached you. „Can I kiss you Y/n?“ He said and looked into your eyes. „Sí Carlito“ with your last words his lips crashed o yours and turned into a kiss full of passion and desire. „I will call my Madre and tell her that she will finally meet my beautiful girlfriend.“ You broke the kiss. „Wait your mom knows about me?“ You said confused. „Yes sure I tell my mother everything…Ay stop hitting me“ he said after you hit his arm. „Carlos are you being serious I could have meet your family before if you just opened up.“ „I know and I apologise baby, it won’t happen again I swear.“ He gave you his pinky. „Okay I trust you but don’t lie to me ever again ok“ you said with a harsh voice. He nod and kissed your nose. Finally you would be his and eventually you would become public to the entire world.

a/n; I hope you this oneshot. If you have ideas for stories lease share them with me. 😇

[dollish-shard]

Doll on a Journey

Once upon a time, there was a doll that went on a journey.

She grew sick and tired of the obligations and expectations placed on her, being forced to live as a human.

So she packed a suitcase, gathered up what little money she had, and set off. She did not tell her family, or what few friends she had, but she didn’t care. She didn’t expect them to miss her too much anyway.

The doll spent a long time travelling. On buses and trains, from town to town, city to city. Her funds ran out quickly; one by one she sold her possessions, doing whatever she could for money and food.

Sometimes she did things she wasn’t proud of, things she didn’t want to do. But she did them. So she could continue her journey, to the place she needed to be.

It was nearly a full year by the time the doll made it to her destination. She no longer had any of the things she had started with; frivolous things she’d sold long ago. As she walked the final stretch of path, she carried only a backpack with the most essential of supplies.

The doll took a deep breath, and knocked on the door of the witch’s manor.

“Hello?”

The witch, tall, ebon skinned, and dressed in black, looked down at the tattered thing that had trekked so long to meet with her.

“Please take this one as your doll, Miss!” The doll bowed, desperation apparent in her voice.

The witch frowned. “Why don’t you come inside, dear?”

And so the doll did. One of the witch’s own dolls arrived to take her bag, but the doll refused, clinging to her supplies. Just for now, she told herself. She watched the other doll, dejected in being refused, with envy, but… something didn’t feel right.

She told the witch of her story, of her journey, over tea. She remained impassive as the doll told her story, though occasionally stoping to prod for more details, eagerly provided.

At last, when the doll finished her story, the witch spoke.

“So… you travelled thousands of miles, all by your lonesome, without any guidance, for over a year, just to find me and become my doll?” The witch seemed more bemused than anything else.

“Yes, Miss.” The doll nodded, bowing again.

“I see.” The witch’s eyes narrowed. “I’m afraid, then, I must refuse your request.”

The doll’s heart sunk like a stone.

“What? Why? I- this one is willing, it would make a good doll!”

The witch laughed, and shook her head. “That’s not the problem, dearie. I must refuse you because you simply aren’t a doll.”

The doll’s eyes widened. “What?” She… wasn’t a doll? But she had always seen herself as such… and yet…

“Dolls are simple things,” The witch explained. “Eager to serve and submit, yes, but above all, empty of Purpose. Easily swept up in the orbit of those more powerful. Were you really a doll, you would never have made it here.”

“You would have been snatched up along your journey. A doll could never have done what you have; ergo, you aren’t one.”

The doll… the not a doll thought about this. It made sense, she supposed. Had she been so blinded by her desire she had ignored the truth? “In that case… what am I?” she asked.

“I don’t know.” The witch said, smiling. “Not a person, not a doll, not anything I’ve seen. It’s a mystery… And I love mysteries.” Her grin got wider; between glinting pointed teeth was a sparkling abyss that seemed to pull the not a doll in.

“So, dearie… I cannot make you a doll, but I can take you under my wing. That is still what you desire, correct?”

She nodded. “Of course, miss!”

“Excellent.”

Once upon a time, there was a doll that went on a journey. But it was not a doll that finished that journey. And as one journey ends, another begins.

Now she had found a home, she had to find herself.

[erospandemos]

Last minute birthday

Jiheon x Reader

Length: 2.2k

Tags: birthday, fluff, first kiss, dancing, low-key, late night

I really wrote this last minute because I had no time and for that reason, it’s unedited so it’s kind of rough, sorry guys.

It was 00:34 and everyone was sleeping. Everyone but Jiheon. She was on her phone, trying to call her boyfriend who wasn’t answering at all. It was her birthday today. So why weren’t you answering any of her calls? It’s been 24 hours, she started calling you in the morning—deciding that waking you up at 3 AM was acceptable since it was her day—but you didn’t answer, and it was understandable, the problem was that you did not answer even one of the 29 following calls. 

To be honest, Jiheon didn’t know if she should’ve been mad or worried but when it was her phone that rang, and you were calling now, she settled with mad. Jiheon sighs angrily and rolls her eyes, she snuggles into her bedsheets and answers the phone.

“What?” she says drily.

“30 missed calls? Were you trying to set a record?” you softly chuckle on the other end.

Jiheon did not find it funny. You were wholeheartedly laughing while she was worried sick and just fuming mad. Jiheon scoffs. Unbelievable. “Are you serious right now?” she asks, glaring at her phone. If your face was on the screen she would’ve slapped it.

“Huh? What’s wrong?” you reply.

“What’s wrong?” Jiheon slowly repeats emphasizing every letter. “What’s wrong is that you barely spoke to me for the past week—which I can understand—but now, when you do, it’s so dry as if I’m actually bothering you. That’s right? I am a bother.”

“Jiheon, no, no,” you rush to correct her. “It’s just that I’ve been so busy all week.”

“No. It isn’t that. I know you’re always busy but when you’d reply late, you’d do it with a long-ass message but now—now, you can’t even reply with three letters.” 

“Honie, not now,” you groan.

“And yesterday, you ghosted me! You didn’t even read my messages. We talked about this already. That’s wrong. I don’t care how big your problem is, just tell me, dump it on me,” she says with frustration. 

“I know, I know… Heonie, please, just—”

“No.” Jiheon ignores you. “And don’t tell me you actually forgot what day it is today.”

“Uhh, Monday,” you say. “Jiheon, please. I’m sorry. Whatever it is, I’m sorry. I—It’s just… It’s not a good day today, okay?”

Jiheon huffs and lets her head fall into the bed. She couldn’t help it. “Today’s the worst,” she agrees with you for once. “So tell me…” she starts, “What are you mad about today?”

You sigh and slump against the cold plastic wall of the station. “My bus got delayed and now, my girlfriend’s mad at me,” you uttered. Jiheon, at those words, softens.

“Bus?” Jiheon asks and you hum. “To where?”

“To my girlfriend,” you answer. “It’s her birthday.”

Jiheon jumps out of her bed. She doesn’t even change clothes and just grabs her coat. “Where are you?” she asks as she rushes to the living room to grab her keys and purse. She runs down the stairs and out to the cold. Her breath fogs the air while she confirms your location. To her, and your, luck, you’re just twenty minutes away from her.

She drives and quickly finds you in a lonely bus station under a semi-broken lamp. There you were, with a cake box between your arm and chest while you were holding your phone between your neck. You smile when you recognize her behind the car window.

Jiheon parks in front of the cubicle and runs to you.

You smile and put your phone away. Jiheon smiles as well but tears stream down her face while she hugs you tight. You hug her back and clean her tears with your thumbs. You chuckle softly. “What has gotten into you?”

“I’m so sorry,” Jiheon says, pulling you in tighter, and wrapping her arms around your shoulders and back. She was still in her pajamas and slippers, her coat was half open, but she didn’t care. She wasn’t even cold. She missed you more than anything and was waiting this exact moment for the whole week.

“Happy birthday, love,” you barely mumble with her coat muffling your voice. Jiheon squeezes you one last time and pulls away. In a flick, you catch the box that was sliding down until now and put it on the seat.

“Phew…” you sigh. “As I was saying,” you start again, “Happy birthday to my sweetest baby.” You cup her cheeks, creased for her wide smile and look into her humid eyes, reddened but happy. “I love you. I know I couldn’t express it well this past week, you deserved more than that, but today and for the next couple days I have all my time for you. I really appreciate you. It’s been hard but you kept my spirit high and I am extremely grateful for you.”

Jiheon tries her hardest to hold it in. She bites her lips and sniffs, contracting her face in a frown in discomfort. You were going to laugh but she busted in tears. “Darling…” she pleaded between hiccups. “I wuv you sho much, ish my fault sorwy…”

“It’s okay, it’s my fault too,” you laugh. “Don’t be crying now.” You get some tissues from your pocket and wipe her tears away. Jiheon continues to cry, with her arms dangling, while you frantically wipe it down. After a minute she stops and blows her nose with the remaining tissues.

“Let’s go home,” Jiheon says. You make to grab your bag but Jiheon takes it for you and puts it inside. You hold the cake and seat in the passenger seat beside her. You take the time of the ride home to catch up with her. Some fun things happened at work and you had to let her know. You also told her about every chance you had to boast about your girlfriend, who was the best in the world and everyone had to know it.

Once home, you set up the cake, putting the candles on and the little plate with her age. 20 years old. It’s been almost a year since you two started dating. Time sure flies. You look at Jiheon. She wasn’t the immature girl you knew back then anymore. She was mature now, in her features and mannerism but deep inside nothing changed. Her heart was still as kind as always, as joyful and happy. Her smile was still as bright and her eyes still as beautiful. You swore the day when you gave yourself to her that you’d protect that innocence everyday.

You remember everything and chuckle.

“You have to make a wish,” you tell Jiheon.

Jiheon nods, holds her breath and, “Iwishthatmyparentswillbealwayshealthymyboyfriendtooandthathelovesmealwaysandneverleavemeformyfriendstobebymysideandforustobesuccesfuland—”

“Wait! Only one,” you laugh in disbelief. “Also you don’t have to say it, but think it.”

“Oh, okay…” 

Jiheon looks at the cake, brings her hands together, closes her eyes and blows the candle. She tears again a little. You smile and look at her. You cup her cheeks once again, a habit you two developed together, and softly whisper to her, “Again, I’m sorry, Heonie.”

She shakes her, smiling happily. “It’s just that I’m very happy darling,” she says and you hum, kissing her nose. 

“Oh, wait, I remember I have the present,” you say, eyeing at the paper bag wrapped up in tape. 

“What did you get me?” Jiheon asked you.

“Not telling you.”

“Awww, come on! I’ve been waiting all dayyyy,” she pouted. She always gave you that look when you didn’t want to buy her something. But this time she was especially annoyed because she was kicking her legs up and down like a little kid throwing a tantrum. She continued until you finally gave in. 

“Okay! Okay, I will get it jeez…”

You ripped the little bag open to reveal a square box, a cd case and a notebook. The cd case said on the front "songs that remind me of you" and a little heart next to it. You and Jiheon had similar taste in music and you had this conversation before, love songs that are perfect for both of you. On the notebook, instead, there was written “reasons why I love you” because Jiheon has always been a little bit insecure, with being an idol and everything. You thought it could help her.

You then handed her the box and left the other things on the table.

“Open it,” you said with a smile. 

As Jiheon opened the box her face seemed to be going through twenty different emotions in three seconds. Then she finally looked at you with teary eyes. Saerom would definitely tell Jiheon has cried many times that night and kill you tomorrow when she finds out.

“Darling…”

It was a gold necklace with your and her first initials engraved on a gold plate. It was something you wanted to get for a while now. She said a while back that she wanted to have something to keep that would represent your relationship. You only started to work recently part-time to pay for it. You were glad she liked it.

Next thing you know Jiheon is on top of you tackling you in hugs and kisses, pretty much suffocating you. “Thank you so much, baby! I love it! I love it!” You let her do it and laughed, then in that position, you put your hands behind her back. Closing your eyes, you started swaying, Jiheon chuckled and followed you. 

Laughing, you pulled Jiheon into the kitchen along the side of the wall. “Loosen up, Heonie! You know how to dance, don’t you? Imagine it’s raining… wouldn’t it be amazing?”

Jiheon raised an eyebrow in amusement. “Amazing? You wanna play in the rain? What are you? A kid?”

“Wouldn’t it be romantic?” you ask, continuing to sway together. “Us together, alone, away from every distraction, every needless sadness and problem. Under the rain, that’d clean us of everything, the dirt of everyday city life, leaving us wet and anew. We’d dance like nothing exists, not a care in the world. My arms on your waist, your hands on my shoulders, my eyes into yours.”

Jiheon lifted both of her hands and rested them near your neck and tilted her head towards Sanemi to briefly rest it on your shoulder. “Yes, that would be romantic. It’d be amazing… I really do have the best boyfriend in the world,” Jiheon says honestly. 

Even under the cold temperature of the weather, you could feel your cheeks heat up. And when she gave you a peck on the cheek, you realized that you didn’t feel so cold anymore.

Your arm fell from Jiheon’s waist, and you took her hand into yours. For a moment, you walked hand in hand around the rainy room. Neither of you said anything; they just enjoyed being in each other’s presence. 

For a moment, there were dark clouds in those ceilings. Having you by her side, having Jiheon with you, was enough to make you forget you were even in an apartment. The rain showering down onto your body was more real than anything.

“There’s no music,” said Jiheon quietly.

“We make our own music.”

Jiheon let out a soft laugh. “Yeah… yeah, you’re right.”

So, you and Jiheon slow-danced under the rain. You didn’t care, you just didn’t. All that mattered right now was how happy Jiheon looked while dancing with you. You were glad that even if they couldn’t have a grand event for her birthday, at least she was able to make Jiheon happy with this.

You didn’t know for how long they danced under the rain. They danced for so long that their slow dance had evolved into a frolic, and they were now laughing heartily together as they danced. You had lost track of time. 

“We should get some sleep now—you still have work tomorrow,” you told Jiheon quietly. “You don’t want to walk like a zombie during practice, right?”

“It was fun, though,” said Jiheon, gazing at you with a soft expression.

“Yeah, it was,” you agreed. Despite the fact that your ignorance did piss Jiheon off a little and darken her mood in the beginning, she had to admit that you were able to improve her mood considerably. It had been a difficult week for her as well.

You let go of each other.  “I have to admit, even if it wasn’t the real thing, it was still romantic. You always see this in movies and dramas. I didn’t think I’d actually ever do it.” 

You chuckled to yourself. “Well you always watch dramas, you must have got a couple of ideas every once in a while, right?”

“Well, do you know what else they do in the dramas in the rain?” she asked, sending you a small hopeful glance. 

You smiled, answering, “They kiss” 

“Then do you wanna—” 

“Yes.” She was a little stunned to hear you answer so fast, but nonetheless, she couldn’t hide her cheeky smile when you leaned down and pressed a small kiss to her lips. Nothing crazy, just a short peck, but it left you both a blushing mess.

“You were always scared to hug me in the beginning, I remember,” she started. “It really took almost a year for you to kiss me.”

“Sorry,” you replied. “I’ll try harder.” She just laughed.

“Thank you for dancing with me, Darling,” Jiheon said, smiling.

You grinned back at her. “Not a problem at all. It always warms my heart and delights me to see you happy.”

Jiheon chuckled softly. “I am always happy with you. You make me happy,” she told you. “I love you.”

Written, 16 April 2023 (It’s already 17 of April in Korea)

[hanjisungs-bigtittyg0thgf]

Awaken

changbin x felix

Trigger warnings: none that i can think of but please feel free to correct me if i missed anything!

Content warnings: names (baby, good boy, angel, sweetheart, pretty boy, tiny baby), a little biting, mirrors, slight hair pulling, size kink (kinda?), oral, begging, cum sharing, praise, very brief mutual masturbation, very brief finger fucking, verbal teasing, hand holding, anal, a hint of a breeding kink, belly bulge, desperate lix, ass slapping, mild dacryphilia, one (1) dry orgasm (idk it was hot to me lmao)

Summary: changbin fell in love with his best friend, felix, and now felix wants to be his first guy.

Word count: 9332

A/N: so this is written from changbin’s pov and it is actually the first ship fic i wrote (at least the first ship fic i’ve written since high school). i actually wrote it before asking for pride fic requests last year and contemplated keeping it for myself or putting it on my ko-fi but felt it was too good not to share. and ofc i had to go with the classic friends to lovers trope because that’s just the kind of person i am lmao anyways i’m almost done with my next pride piece and i’m working on the three requests i received! i hope you all enjoy this and please feel free to give a follow! be sure to drop your feedback in the comments and please look forward to what i’ve got in store for you!! also i’m revamping my tag list so please submit an ask, send a message, or leave a comment if you’d like to be added to that! thank you all for your support <3

I don’t remember when it started or even how it started, if I’m honest. I just know that one day I woke up and the first thought on my mind was how pretty Felix would look with a morning blush. I’d had passing thoughts about his beauty so I paid it no mind, I was comfortable enough in my sexuality to recognize an attractive man when I saw one. Then the dream came rushing back and flooded my senses. I felt guilty as images of my best friend writhing around beneath me appeared in my mind.

I remember thinking “What the fuck was that? I’m not even gay. Why did I dream about fucking my best friend? And why am I hard?”

I remember being disgusted with myself as I rubbed one out in the shower, visions of Felix with his eyes squeezed shut and his jaw hanging open as he cried my name swimming in my vision. I remember icing him out for a few days, afraid he’d somehow know I’d had a wet dream starring him. I remember being terrified and ashamed of what I was feeling. That dream made me reconsider my sexuality.

Over the course of a year, I’d fought with my feelings for him and tried to ignore both my crush and my sudden shift in sexual preference. But he made it so much easier. I never told him who was making me feel these things but he made me feel safe. He helped me figure things out. He knew something was wrong when I started avoiding him at first and when I finally confided in him, he was nothing short of an angel. He stayed up with me several nights when I was having a hard time coming to terms with my sexuality and he assured me nothing was wrong with me. He told me that he’d had the same struggle a few years ago and he took his time to accept it but once he finally did, it felt like a weight was lifted from his shoulders.

I followed his lead and allowed him to show me what it meant to truly embrace who I am. He even took me to my first gay bar. I don’t remember much about that night to be honest. I remember getting there and ordering a few shots; remember Felix suggesting a mixed drink. But that’s about it.

I woke up the next morning in his bed, wearing only my boxers. I was mortified but he took it all in stride and when I shuffled into his kitchen, he offered me a smile and a plate of pancakes before telling me he’d washed my clothes because I got sick right outside his apartment building. I was horrified and ashamed - less so when I found out we hadn’t fucked, but still embarrassed - but he was so kind and I found myself getting flustered every time he offered me a smile over breakfast. I was acutely aware of my nakedness in that moment but he paid it no mind. At least that’s what I told myself when his eyes lingered just a little too long on my ass while I took my plate to the sink.

That had become routine over the last year- the clubbing, not the puking and waking up naked at his place. I’d grown comfortable with myself again and had simply accepted that I had feelings for my best friend. That I have feelings for my best friend. As in, present tense. They never went away and I learned to be okay with it.

This leads to my current predicament. I’m a confident man. I’m aware that I’m good looking. Sometimes I turn myself on. Maybe that’s conceited but who’s it really hurting? Because of this, I sometimes take pictures or record myself jacking off. My camera roll is full of dick pics and videos of me begging for Felix to come ride me.

And now Felix is looking at me expectantly from his position beside me on my bed, both of us slumped against the headboard. “Oh come on! Lemme see how it turned out!” He nudges my shoulder with his as his smile betrays him. He is pretending to be exasperated but he can’t pull it off. We’ve just taken a photo together with some dumb filter and he wants to look at it. Except he’s been known to scroll a bit before and I’m afraid he’ll find the video I recorded only a few hours earlier. “Pretty please?” He resorts to pouting and begging and my heart flips at the way his bottom lip pokes out.

I can’t say no when he looks at me like that and he seems to know since he always does it to get his way. I usually don’t mind indulging him but I’m anxious as I hand him my phone. “Fine. But don’t scro-”

“OH MY GOD THAT'S YOUR DICK-” He shouts as he drops the phone in surprise and my face feels like I’ve just opened the oven without leaning back first; I’m on fire. I try to grab my phone from where it landed on his chest but he gives me an evil smirk and holds it out of reach. “Who’s it for? Did you finally get on one of those dating apps I suggested?”

“Absolutely not. I-”

“So why do you have dick pics?”

“Do you not?”

“Not my dick pics.”

My eyes widen a bit and I look away, embarrassed by my train of thought. How many guys had sent him nudes and how many did he save? I’m not sure I want to know. I shake my head and hold my hand out. “Give it back, dude.”

He ignores me and scrolls through the photos of me fisting my cock before he finally stumbles upon the video. I jump to grab my phone, panicking this time, but it’s too late. We both go silent as my voice calling his name fills the room and I can see his cheeks reddening. After a moment I snap out of my trance and snatch my phone back, clearing my throat awkwardly. “That wasn’t for you…”

Felix, of course, throws another curveball at me and I have to force myself not to physically shudder at his tone. “Clearly it was for me, you were moaning my name while you fucked your fist.” I’d never heard him say anything so…nasty before. He usually keeps things pretty PG.

“Lix, don’t-”

“Was it me?” He suddenly asks as he sits up. His tone isn’t accusatory or panicked so I take it as a good sign and let out a sigh as I nod. I know what he’s asking.

“Yeah. You were the one I had that dream about.” I rake a hand through my hair and look away. “Look, I don’t want things to be weird, Lix, can we please just pretend this never happened?”

“Nope.” He pops the ‘p’ and I sigh once more. “I had my suspicions, you know.” His voice is gentle as his small hand comes to rest on my shoulder. “I wasn’t oblivious to it. I just wanted things to unfold on their own. I didn’t want to push you when you were still coming to terms with everything, but I knew.”

My face is on fire yet again and it only gets worse when he pushes me back against the headboard and straddles my waist. His usually-inviting gaze is dark now, hooded as he looks down at me from his position on my lap. His freckles seem to stand out more with the soft blush dusting his cheeks. When his lips part, I immediately give him all my attention - as if he didn’t already have it. I hang on to his every word. I always have.

“I’ve thought about it too, you know.” His voice is a low rumble and it makes my head spin. “I’ve thought about how you sound; about how you taste, how you feel. I’ve spent so much time thinking about it and wondering if I was the man you dreamt about.” My dick twitches to life in my athletic shorts, though I’m terrified to admit I’m getting hard over this.

He’s leaning in close now and my heart is hammering in my chest. “I’m tired of just thinking about it, Binnie…” He whispers, his hands sliding from my shoulders, down my chest and abs as he leans closer to whisper in my ear. My muscles jump under his touch. I’ve always been pretty sensitive but it seems I’m even more responsive when it comes to him. “I wanna act on it.” His teeth ever so gently clamp down on my earlobe and my hands fly to his hips.

“Lix-” my voice is strained, surprising even me. I don’t think I’ll ever understand how he manages to work me up without even trying. My fingers dig into the material of his loose sweats as a wave of arousal crashes over me. Before I can speak, he grinds his ass down on my semi and I can’t suppress the low groan I let out.

“I know you wanna act on it too, Binnie.” He whispers by my ear before allowing his tongue to soothe the area he’d just bitten. “I know you’re watching me in that mirror right now too.” He adds as his plump lips trail along my jaw and I have half a mind to deny it but that desire flees with his next question. “Do I look pretty on top like this?” His teeth rake over my skin and my grip on his hips tightens yet again as I watch him in the mirror that hangs over my bed.

“Fucking stunning, Lixie.” I rasp out, squeezing his hips as he sets a slow, steady pace. The sound he lets out at both the name and my touch makes my heart pound. I don’t watch him much longer, opting instead to turn my face towards his neck and press a series of kisses there, nipping at his skin after the final one. He fucking whimpers and my dick throbs against his ass.

But then he pulls away and sits up. I watch him in confusion, almost pouting when he pushes my hands away. “I can’t take it.” He whispers as he whips his shirt off. “I need you. Right now.” He looks back down at me, his warm blonde hair hanging in front of his eyes. He pushes it out of his face before reaching for the hem of my shirt.

I let him start to undress me, growing amused at just how frantic he’s becoming. “Relax, baby. We have all the time in the world.” I tease, flashing a smirk at him as I reach for him again. I pull him into me and he squeaks in surprise as our bare chests meet, his hands flying to my biceps. I can’t help but flex a bit. He whispers a soft ‘hi’, which I return as my fingers begin to trace circles on his back. He looks so pretty when he shudders at my touch.

I grow serious after a moment. I’ve never been with a man before. I’ve had plenty of sex but it’s been about a year since the last time and that time was with a woman because I was actively trying to deny my feelings for him. It’s not that I’m afraid or uncomfortable, I just need him to take it slow so I can learn his body; learn how he likes to be touched and how this actually works.

He can sense this. His eyes widen a bit, which is fucking adorable given his flushed cheeks, and he lets his hands slide up my arms to rest on my shoulders. “Am…am I your first?” I give a slight nod and his expression grows fond, a soft smile settling on his thick lips. “I’ll try to be patient.” He teases and both of us give a soft chuckle before my arms tighten around his waist.

“Can…” I start and bite my lip pensively. Should I ask for his permission? I mean, surely he won’t mind it since he initiated everything. Still, I ask. “Can I kiss you, Felix?”

His nod is almost imperceptible but I see it. He doesn’t make a move to lean in and I move one arm from his waist. Everything is still as we stare at each other, my free hand coming up to his face. I brush my knuckles along his jaw and he shivers, his breath hitching as I lean up towards him and let my hand cup his jaw. “I’ve spent so much time thinking about this.” I mimic his previous statement when we’re only a centimeter apart and his lips curl up into a soft smile before I bring my own lips to meet his.

It feels like the stars have aligned. Everything feels right when I’m kissing him. He tastes like the blue raspberry lollipop he was sucking on earlier - distractingly, might I add - but I’m certain he’d be just as sweet without the lingering taste of candy. I swipe my tongue over his bottom lip and he lets out yet another whimper, making my dick twitch again.

He slowly pulls back for air and I peek out at him, noticing a tiny smile on his lips again. “You taste like candy.” I whisper and he lets out a soft giggle, making my heart melt.

“So do you.” He whispers back. “You have no idea how long I’ve wanted this.” He adds before crashing his lips back to mine. His hands are on my neck now, his thumbs resting just in front of my ears as he splays his fingers out on my feverish skin. This kiss is more urgent, more passionate. I let my hand move to the back of his head and suck in a deep breath as he nips at my lip. His hips begin to move again and the hand I’ve tangled in his sunny tresses becomes a fist.

His elbows are tucked in and it almost feels like he’s trying to make himself smaller. Does he like to feel small? I almost melt over how endearing he is but I manage to hold myself together. I can make him feel small and cared for.

I can’t help but give his hair a soft tug as I sweep my tongue into his mouth. He lets out the prettiest whine and reaches one hand between us, palming at the front of my shorts as he stills his hips. He’s growing frantic again and I can tell he’s desperate to be touched right now.

He doesn’t let me explore his mouth for too long, instead urging my head back so he can trail kisses along my throat. His lips work down my neck and just as I release his waist so I can slip a hand into his sweats, he begins his descent down my body. Molten lava fills my veins and I freeze in place when his lips trail down my chest while his hands make quick work of my shorts. He doesn’t tug my boxers down just yet, opting to tease me through the thin material. After lifting my hips for him, I look down at him.

I watch as he settles on his belly between my legs and admires the strain in my boxers. He props himself up on one elbow while he runs his free hand along my thigh. He turns and presses a kiss to my other thigh, dangerously close to my dick. “Lixie-” I hiss and he simply hums, allowing his lips to press more tender kisses to my skin and then the material of my boxers. He looks drunk now.

His hand rests on my hip as he begins to mouth at my barely-concealed hard-on and I let out a low groan. He leaves a series of sloppy kisses on the front of my boxers before closing his lips around my clothed tip. I suck in a ragged breath at the sensation and let my head fall back against the headboard with a dull thud. “Felix, please-” I sigh.

I don’t know why I anticipated him to refuse and continue teasing me, but that’s not what happens. He instantly gets up on his knees and urges me to lift my hips, which I do with no hesitation. My cock springs free from its confinement and I hiss slightly. I lift my head with all the strength I can muster and watch him settle back in before wrapping a small hand around my dick.

Something in me is screaming that I need to watch, to take in every second of his attention on me, but it’s becoming hard to hold my head up. The anticipation is driving me up the wall. My breathing is ragged as he gives a few strokes before making eye contact and wrapping his lips around my angry red head. I let out a soft sigh as his tongue swirls around the tip and my eyes slip closed. It’s only just started but this is already the best head of my life.

Then he takes me as far as he can and I feel like I’m floating. The sound that escapes me is choked and draws an amused hum from him. I allow my head to fall back against the headboard once more, the thud much louder this time, but force my eyes open, watching in the mirror as he throats my dick. I take in the way his head bobs over my hips and how his back is arched ever so slightly with the way he’s propped up. I admire the way he has one leg hiked up while the other is stretched out straight.

Between the slurping sounds and the way he’s rutting against the bed, I feel like I’m going to combust. He pulls off to breathe but continues to jerk me and I feel a bubble of disappointment settle in my belly. I know why he stopped but fuck it felt so good. He presses a series of kisses to my hips and thighs as he catches his breath and I almost have the strength to look back down at him but then he swallows me whole again and I almost pass out.

He’s working faster now, with more vigor, and I can’t dream of containing the noises he seems so set on drawing out of me. “Fuck, Lixie, slow down-” I groan, tangling a fist in his hair. He lets out a whimper at the tug and I notice how he bucks his hips harder at the contact as I’m watching his reflection. “I won’t last-”

He pulls off and stops moving, staring up at me. “Look at me.” His voice is oddly demanding and I can’t bring myself to deny him. I lift my head and make eye contact. “Sit up. I want you to watch me make you cum.” I have half a mind to flip things and pin him down, to teach him a lesson for getting so bossy with me, but I let it slide because I’m admittedly desperate to feel his mouth back on my aching cock. I resituate myself without a word and he gives a satisfied sound. “Good boy.”

“Thin ice, Lixie.” I warn and he lets out a soft giggle.

“Worth a shot.” He hums before growing serious again. “I’ve lost count of the amount of times I’ve gotten off to the thought of sucking you off.” He sighs almost dreamily before taking the tip back in his mouth. He looks up at me as he hollows his cheeks and swirls his tongue yet again, his hand working the rest of my cock. It’s clear he’s set on making me cum before I get the chance to fuck him, before I have the chance to get him equally as worked up.

He’s about to have his way. The knot in the pit of my belly is dangerously close to unraveling and I can’t stifle the noises he’s drawing out of me.

That knot comes undone the second I feel his free hand move to fondle my balls. “Fuck-” I almost drop my head back but the desire to have this image burned in my mind is stronger. Wave after wave of arousal floods my body as I shoot my load into his mouth, his fingertips just barely teasing my balls. I watch as he swallows my cum, my body on fire as he continues to work my dick until I’m about to beg him to stop.

He pulls off right before I open my mouth to stop him and licks his lips. He doesn’t say anything, just pulls himself to his knees and moves up the bed to kiss me. My arms are around his waist and his hands rest on my neck like before. I taste myself on his lips and when I sweep my tongue into his mouth. I’m straining up to kiss him as he’s towering over me and part of me wishes he’d sit down instead of standing on his knees. I don’t voice this, opting instead to focus on how good it feels to be with him like this.

My hands trail along his back, my fingertips ghosting over his skin, and he shivers. How cute. I let my fingers dip past his waistband and he sucks in a shaky breath, not once pulling away from the kiss as I give his bare ass a squeeze. I push his sweats and boxers down in one go and he finally breaks the kiss, looking down between us as his cock springs free. He presses his forehead to mine as I reach between us and he gasps when my callused hand wraps around his dick, his jaw hanging slack.

I realize this is the first time in my life I’m touching a dick that isn’t mine and I feel like a curious teenager all over again. I give an experimental tug, touching him the way I like to be touched, and he whines softly. The sound goes straight to my cock and I decide I have to keep hearing it. It’s just too pretty. He’s just too pretty. “What do you want? Tell me what you like, baby.” I whisper and his breath hitches. I can’t tell if it’s because of the name or the way my hand is working his hard-on, but I’m beyond caring.

“Just- just want you, Bin…” he whispers back and I shake my head.

“You know what I mean, Lix.” I gently nudge him back so I can meet his gaze and his face is bright red. How fucking cute. “I can’t just go for it without you telling me what you like and what feels good. I’ve never slept with a guy before. All the experience I have means nothing in this context.” My voice is gentle, not scolding. He already looks flustered enough.

He nods and swallows thickly as he tries to form a coherent sentence. I know the way my hand is slowly jerking him is making his mind run blank. “I-I’ll show you how. Just…please don’t stop-” His words are cut short by a surprisingly high-pitched moan when I dig my thumb into the slit. “Fuck- definitely don’t stop.”

I can’t help but chuckle softly at his response, feeling empowered by his reaction. “You like it when I do that?” I tease and he nods vigorously. “Words, baby. Tell me, do you like it when I do that?” I may sound like an ass right now but I don’t really care. I’m feeling high from this and every sound he makes pushes me closer to losing myself. I want to hear him say it.

“Y-yes!” He moans out, ducking his face into my neck. “Yes, I love it when you touch me like that. Want you to do it again. Please?” He’s quiet, his voice muffled by my shoulder, but I hear him clearly. I can’t deny him anything. I’ve never been able to deny him anything, even before I was nursing a crush on him. I dig my thumb in again and he lets out a choked sound, bucking into my hand.

He whimpers in distress when I release his cock, his head snapping up from my shoulder with wide, bleary eyes. He looks entirely dazed and disappointed at the loss of contact. Confused even. I sooth him with a quick peck before pulling him against my chest and flipping us so he’s on his back.

He looks pretty staring up at me like this. He always looks pretty, of course, but I’ve wanted to see him under me for so long now. I stare back at him for a moment before ducking down to kiss him. He moves to wrap his arms around my neck but I gently pin his wrists to the bed and he lets out a soft groan.

My lips move to his jaw and I press a few soft kisses there before beginning my descent. I nip at his neck and press chaste kisses to his collarbones; allow my tongue to flick over his nipples, earning a tiny squeak. “Let me hear.” I pause, looking up at him. I can tell he’s holding back and I want to hear every sound he makes. He nods slowly and I peck the center of his chest. “Good boy.” He keens at the name and I grin to myself. “You like being called a good boy, don’t you Lixie?”

“Fucking love it…” He whispers, his head falling back against the headboard. He’s more slumped than I’d been so I can just barely see his face as I move down his body. “Wanted to hear you call me a good boy for so long.” He sighs, allowing himself to get lost in the sensation of my lips on his skin.

“Yeah?” He nods and hums out a soft ‘uh huh’. “I bet you were thinking about it while imagining blowing me, weren’t you?” He gives the same response and I let out a quiet laugh as my lips ghost over his abs. He’s got well-defined muscles, which is a pleasant surprise for anyone who is blessed to see him shirtless.

His dick twitches as I kiss his hips and he whines softly when I don’t immediately touch him. I’m somewhat nervous now as I settle on my stomach between his legs. Again, I’ve had plenty of sex, but never with a man. I’m curious. But I’m also so unsure of myself. I wrap my hand around the base of his cock and hesitantly lick the tip, propping on one arm the way he had only minutes prior.

He gasps softly at the sensation and I do it again, looking up to gauge his reaction. His eyes are screwed shut, his brow furrowed as he focuses on my touch. His lips are parted, allowing puffs of air and soft sounds of pleasure to escape. Slowly, carefully, I wrap my lips around the head of his cock and he lets out a whine so stunning I think I might just pass away.

“Please- more-” He gasps out and I tentatively flick my tongue. “J-just like that…” he whispers, assuring me I’m doing this right. I repeat my actions over and over, my hand working the rest of him, until he’s a worked up, whining mess. I pull off briefly and his head snaps up, his eyes flying open. Before he can ask why I stopped, I lock eyes with him and allow a thick string of drool to drip down from my mouth and onto the tip of his cock before spreading it around with my hand. He whimpers helplessly at the sight and I feel his dick throb in my hand.

Without breaking eye contact, I take him back in my mouth with more confidence than before and set out to finish him off. I want to taste more of him. I ease myself down his cock, taking him as far as I can manage before gagging a bit. He’s nodding at me now, assuring me I’m doing a good job, and my mind runs blank. All I can think about is making him feel good. I finally have him right where I want him - under me - and I’m determined to make this worth it for him.

I repeat my actions over and over until he’s desperately tugging at my hair and bucking his hips. Every time he shoves his cock down my throat, I gag around him and he lets out another pretty moan. He’s losing himself now and I feel powerful yet again. Then he starts begging.

“Please- oh my fucking god- ‘m gonna cum-” He moans out, letting his head fall back against the headboard.

Immediately, I pull off his drooling dick and repeat his previous statement, though my tone is much more demanding. “Look at me. I want you to watch me make you cum.” He lets out one of the most distressed sounds I’ve ever heard from him and quickly complies, propping himself up on one elbow so one hand is still free to tug at my hair. “Good boy.” I coo and take him back in my mouth.

His jaw hangs slack as his grip on my hair grows tighter and tighter to the point it’s painful. I love it. I find myself rutting against the bed just like he had earlier as I dig my tongue into the slit. The sound he lets out isn’t simply a moan, it’s a cry. He’s desperate for release now and he’s so, so sensitive. “A-again! Please- do it again-” He begs and I can’t dream of denying him.

The moment I repeat my actions, I feel his cum against my tongue. I take it all but I don’t swallow. I want him to get a taste of himself. I move up the bed as he comes down from his high and immediately press my lips to his, much like he’d done earlier. I gently grip his chin, urging him to open his mouth. He complies eagerly and I use my tongue to push his cum into his mouth, sharing it with him. We exchange it back and forth for a few seconds before I pull away and swallow what’s left.

“I don’t know what the fuck that was, but it was hot.” He giggles breathlessly and I chuckle softly. If I’m being honest, I don’t know what came over me just then, but it was one of the hottest things I’d ever done. I realize we’re staring at each other but I don’t dare move.

Things are still again, like when I asked to kiss him, except now he’s smiling up at me. We’re comfortable now, less on edge, but I’m far from done with him. I bring my hand to his face and run my thumb over his cheekbone as he leans into my touch, his eyes slipping shut. “You’re so pretty.” I whisper and his cheeks go a soft rose color.

“You’re prettier.” He whispers back, looking up at me. I chuckle and shake my head before he gently pushes me back. I sit up, slightly confused, and he rolls onto his side. I want to pin him back in place but I also have no clue what he’s doing. “You should really learn to put these things away.” He teases as he reaches for something on the other side of my bed.

It’s then that I realize I left my lube laying at the top of the pillow, tucked just far enough out of sight for me to forget its existence. It had slipped between the pillow and headboard, just barely peeking out. I let out a soft huff of laughter and move to take it but he playfully swats my hand away. “Sit.” He gestures to the headboard and I comply, moving to sit with my back against the cool wood.

I watch as he grabs a couple of pillows to recline on and pops the cap on the tube. “I’ve always wanted to put on a show for you…” he murmurs, his legs falling open as he squeezes some of the candy-scented lube onto his fingers to warm it up.

“How fitting. I’ve always wanted to watch you put on a show.” I smirk and he lets out a soft huff of laughter before whimpering quietly as his middle finger circles his entrance. His face scrunches up cutely as he slowly works himself up, soft sighs slipping past his pillowy lips.

After a few minutes of teasing, he carefully presses his middle finger into himself and makes yet another beautiful sound. God I wish I were the one touching him like that. Maybe he’ll let me…

“Fuck, baby, you look so pretty like this…” I groan, watching as he finger fucks himself open for me. I wrap a hand around my dick and watch as he tries not to get too far ahead of himself.

“Yeah? How pretty?” He whimpers, adding a second finger as he looks at me. I see his cock twitch upon the realization that I’m enjoying what he’s doing and my gaze lifts to his face.

“So fucking pretty, baby. The prettiest.” His jaw drops and he lets his head tip back. It’s interesting to see just how much my words affect him.

Then he lets out a whine of frustration. “Can’t reach-” he huffs and I’m all too eager to offer assistance.

“Want me to take over, angel?” Stars fill his eyes at the name as he nods enthusiastically, immediately pulling his hand back to give me access.

“Please…”

I waste no time in grabbing the lube and squeezing some onto my fingers as I bring myself to my knees between his legs. I notice him tense and I pause, worried he might be uncomfortable. “Is everything okay, Lix?” I ask softly, still coating my fingers and warming the lube as I speak.

“Hmm?” It’s then that I see his eyes have become glossy and half-lidded. “Oh- yeah, everything is great.” He smiles up at me but I don’t move so he elaborates. “I was getting ahead of myself.”

“Aww, lost in thought about how it’ll feel when I fuck you?” He nods vigorously and I smirk as I lean down, propping myself up on one hand which is planted by his head. “Don’t worry, sweetheart, you won’t have to wait to find out much longer.” His face goes bright red again as I slip my hand between his legs.

In reality, I’m just as worked up as he is and I’m nervous. I’m talking a big game for someone who has never fucked a guy before. But I’m encouraged by his reaction as I press a slick finger inside him.

His jaw is still hanging slack and he lets out a soft whine. I’m honestly a little surprised by his reaction. He’s already stretched himself a good bit so it’s not a shocking sensation or anything. Is he really that affected by my touch? “C-curl-” He urges and I do, earning a high-pitched moan as my finger comes into contact with his prostate.

With a renewed sense of courage, I begin to finger fuck him, repeatedly dragging my finger over his prostate. After only a minute, he begs me for another so I give it to him, watching his face contort in pleasure as I hover over him. I lower myself down and begin to press kisses to his neck, earning sighs of pleasure.

But then he grabs my wrist, pushing my hand away, and I freeze. “Can’t- fuck, I can’t take it-” He grabs the lube as he speaks and puts more than a generous amount on his palm before wrapping his hand around my hard-on. “Please just fuck me already-” He begs as he coats my dick and it twitches in his hand. He looks up at me with a sly grin. “You like when I beg, Binnie?”

My cock throbs again and I instantly pull my fingers out of him and place my hand over his, bucking my hips when he digs his thumb into the slit. “I fucking love it, angel. Love that name too.” I see the stars in his eyes again and gently push his hand away. He takes hold of his own dick with his messy hand, biting his lip when I line up.

I slowly push in, watching as his lips part and he lets out a soft gasp. I’m short circuiting now. He’s tighter than any woman I ever fucked and now my jaw is hanging slack like his has been since he saw my dick pic. “Oh my fucking god, Lixie…” I choke out before I’m even halfway in.

My face screws up in pleasure and I hiss softly as my hips meet his. I don’t know if he wants me to move yet or not but I have to stay still for a moment or I will finish too early, I can feel it. “Binnie…” I manage to force my eyes open and his expression almost makes me lose myself. He’s staring up at me with half-lidded eyes, his pillowy lips parted and allowing little puffs of air to escape. “Kiss me…” He whispers, following it up with a soft ‘please?’ as he gives his cock a tug.

I don’t need to be asked twice. I plant my free hand on the other side of his head as I dip down to kiss him, making a mental note to change the sheets before letting him settle in for the night. Our lips meet and he tangles his free hand in my hair, giving a soft tug.

I groan against his lips and he continues to pull until it hurts. I wince at the pain and stop my hips from moving as he riles me up. He doesn’t seem to like this and gives another tug. He continues to give sporadic tugs as my tongue sweeps into his mouth until I finally buck my hips. He lets out a broken moan against my lips and I pull back so I can hear him fully.

“Gonna sing for me, pretty boy?” I tease as I snap my hips forwards, earning a loud, whiny ‘uh huh’ as he nods. “Tell me how you want it, baby.” I whisper, giving shallow thrusts as I listen for his response.

“I don’t care.” He groans, working his hand a bit faster. “I don’t care how you fuck me, Bin, just please make me cum.” He begs in a pathetic tone and a thrill runs through my body.

“Any way I want?” He nods and I sit up between his legs. I gently push his hand away from his dick and press his knees towards his chest, my hands supporting him so he can just relax and feel everything I’m doing to him. “Lix?” He looks up and I catch his eye. “Tell me if anything is off, yeah?” I’m so worried I’m going to mess this up somehow. Maybe it’s because it’s Felix, my best friend and the man I’ve had feelings for for over a year, and not just some random guy.

“Of course.” I breathe a sigh of relief and he bites his lip in a failed attempt to conceal a tiny smile. “But don’t expect to hear anything but moans.” I’m slightly taken aback but entirely flattered that he has so much faith in me.

He’s about to encourage me to carry on when I suddenly snap my hips forwards. His jaw drops and his head falls back to the pillows, a quiet moan slipping past his plump lips. “You mean like that?” I tease as I set a steady pace, suppressing my own sounds save for the soft cursing under my breath.

He nods frantically and I just barely notice him wipe his hands clean before holding his legs just above where I’m holding. “Please touch my cock, Binnie. I need it. I need you to touch me. Pretty please?” He begs as I begin to speed up, feeling more confident with every gasp and moan I draw from him.

I release his thighs and wrap my right hand around his dick, stifling a low groan as he lets out a breathy moan that vaguely sounds like my name. My gaze is volleying between where we’re connected, my hand tugging at his pretty cock, and his face, which is screwed up in pleasure. My hips falter slightly when I realize he looks just as pretty as he did in the dream that started this whole mess.

I quickly regain my rhythm and tap his hand, signaling him to release his legs. Once he does, I urge them around my waist. My left hand rests on his thigh, close to his hip, and I massage circles on his feverish skin with my thumb. “F-faster-” He chokes, one hand fisting in the sheets while the other blindly searches for my left hand.

He stops my absentminded motion and takes my hand, lacing our fingers. My heart races at the simple gesture and I give a gentle squeeze as I pick up the pace, hips pistoning at a pace I forgot I could reach. I’m about to speak but every thought leaves my mind when I look down at his leaking cock. Just past that, I notice a bulge that appears every time I slam into him.

“Holy fucking shit-” I hiss as I watch in wonder. A new wave of arousal crashes over me at the sight and I’m hit with the urge to breed him; to make him wholly mine. I know it makes no sense but I can’t help it. “Lixie, baby, you’re so fucking perfect…” I groan and he squeezes my hand.

I release his dick and ghost my fingers over the bulge appearing in his belly with each thrust. He whines in disappointment at the loss of stimulation but lifts his head when he feels my fingertips on his skin. He zeroes in on what I’m fixated on and I feel him clench around me, drawing a loud moan from me. “Oh fuck-” His jaw drops as he watches, precum dribbling on his skin at the sight, which only makes it hotter. “Oh fuck ‘m gonna cum-” He warns and I instantly wrap my hand back around his cock, set on finishing him off.

I’m fighting to stay composed as I fuck into him. I want him to cum first. And he does. He lets out a cry that resembles my name as cum spurts across his belly, his grip on my hand tightening as he shudders in pleasure. I don’t stop jacking him off until he’s trembling and squeezing my hand almost painfully. Finally, I release him. “Where do you want it, bab-?”

He doesn’t even let me finish speaking. “Inside. Please cum inside.” His tone is desperate as he begs and he sounds close to tears. Not being able to refuse him, I let go.

My thrusts become sloppy and a moment later my orgasm crashes over me. I rut into him desperately, my entire body overtaken by a euphoria I’ve never experienced before. I’m pinning his hands above his head as I fall into him even before the ecstasy has passed, hips still jerking as I crash my lips to his in a desperate kiss.

He moans against my lips, squeezing my hands as my hips slow. Finally, I still as my tongue dips into his mouth. He still tastes like that blue raspberry lollipop from earlier.

I hum as I pull back for air and he bites his lip as he looks up at me. We stare at each other in silence, both of us praying that this isn’t a one time thing but neither of us willing to ask. I release his hands in favor of playing with his hair after pushing it out of his face. “You did so good.”

“Mm usually I’m the one giving the praise, sweetheart.” I tease and he giggles softly, bringing his hands to my cheeks and tracing my cheekbones with his thumbs.

“Well I’m the one with more experience so I get to dole out praises this time.” He sticks his tongue out playfully before smiling up at me again. “Seriously though, you’re fucking amazing.”

I lean down and peck his lips again before sitting up, pulling him with me so we’re still chest to chest. I’m vaguely aware of the way our bodies are pressed together, his cum smearing across both of us now. More importantly, I’m aware of how the change in position drives me deeper into him; aware of the tiny gasp that slips past his lips.

“I think that’s you, baby.” I whisper and peck his lips again. I can’t help myself. I’ve wanted to kiss him for a whole year now.

He goes quiet for a moment as he looks at me and I wonder what he’s thinking. Before I can ask, he’s tipping us over and I’m landing on my back beneath him. “No, it’s you. I can’t get enough.” He whispers and rolls his hips.

I hiss at the motion and plant my feet on the mattress, trying to tighten my grip on him to hold him still while I buck into him, but he pushes my hands away. He grabs my wrists and pins my hands by my head at first, pulling back so he can look down at me. My softening dick begins to stiffen again and I make a mental note to contemplate exactly why it was so hot to be pinned down by him when he’s the most obviously submissive man I’ve ever met. Then he releases me and sits up properly on my lap.

“What have you done to me?” He whines softly, lifting himself up so just the tip is inside before dropping back down. I raise an eyebrow as my hands move to his hips and he tips his head back, looking up at himself in the mirror. “You already wrecked me, why am I still so fucking horny?”

I can’t help but chuckle at his complaint. “What? Tiny baby needs to be filled with cum again to feel satisfied?” My tone is mocking and I can feel the effect my words have on him. He clenches around me as his whole body tenses and I see his eyes slip shut in the mirror as he makes a pathetic noise.

“Yes! God yes-” He moans, pushing into my touch when my hands move to squeeze his ass. “Want you to fill me up again. Wanna make you cum for me again…” He babbles on as he lifts himself up and drops back down, letting out what almost sounds like a squeal.

He sets a steady pace like this, a symphony of the prettiest sounds I’ve ever heard falling from his lips as he rides me. His head lolls around, alternating between watching himself in the mirror and looking down at me. I can’t tear my eyes away from his body, fixated on the way his muscles contract and the bulge that appears as he fucks me.

I don’t know what possesses me to do this, but I slap his ass and he jolts on top of me. His dick twitches and he moans out my name. He leans forwards and places his hands on my abs, balancing himself as he rocks back on my dick. I buck my hips and he whimpers. “No no no, lemme do it. I wanna do this. Wanna make you cum…” He argues and I can't deny him anything so I comply.

It’s difficult to stay still but I settle for guiding his hips. His head hangs as he rides me, his moans growing increasingly desperate each time our bodies meet. My body is on fire at the slight overstimulation but I welcome it.

Felix doesn’t seem to be faring as well. His moans have turned into cries and he tries to hide his face from me by tossing his head back as he sits up. I see it though and I notice the tears. I’m worried but he’s still going, lifting himself up with much effort and dropping back down in a heap. “Baby, do you need a break?”

“J-just a little…” he wipes his cheeks but doesn’t stop moving. “But I wanna keep going.”

“Why don’t you let me take over, Lixie?” He shakes his head and I gently squeeze his hips. “Please, angel?” He freezes at the name and nods after a moment of silence.

I immediately sit up and make him lay back before pulling out, some of my cum leaking out of him. I don’t bother asking him to roll over, I position him myself. I put him on his belly and push one leg up, like the way he’d laid while sucking me off. I grab his ass and see him clench around nothing, whimpering at my treatment of him. “Please fuck me, Binnie…” He whines out and I squeeze some more lube onto my dick before I line up.

I push into him and set a rough pace, giving his ass a slap as I listen to his wails. His hands fist the sheets as lewd squelching and the sound of skin slapping fills the room. He lets out a pretty sob every time I slap his ass.

My gaze bounces back and forth between his ass - I can’t help but admire the way it jiggles every time I slam into him - and his hands twisted in the sheets. He looks so pretty on display for me like this, crying into my sheets. It’s better than any dream I could’ve had and my dick twitches inside him. Fuck I’m close.

“Fuck- Binnie, please cum inside! Please- want you to cum first and fill me up-” He begs and my dick twitches again.

“Yeah? Gonna take it all like a good boy? Gonna cum and make a mess of my sheets?”

“Yes!” He sobs and I can't help myself. I give in to the fire licking at my skin and cum, relishing in his moans as I fill him up. He shudders beneath me as he joins me, his body jerking with the force of his orgasm.

I don’t stop until I’m on fire, until I can’t take it anymore. He’s trembling now. I pull out slowly and he makes a small sound of protest. I lean down and press my lips to his shoulder, kissing there several times before sitting back up. “You did so good for me, baby. Took it so well.” I coo as I gently roll him onto his back, only to discover he’d had a dry orgasm.

“Yeah?” He asks hopefully and I nod, leaning back over him and swiping my knuckles over his cheeks to dry his tears.

“Yeah.” I offer a small smile before pecking his pouty lips. “Why don’t you let me get you cleaned up and then we can snuggle?”

“How about I go get cleaned up while you change the sheets and then we cuddle?” He laughs softly, taking in a shaky breath afterwards as he stares up at me in what I can only describe as adoration.

“Do you want me to help you to the bathroom?” I ask as we both sit up and he shakes his head.

“It’s okay. I’m okay.” He assures me as he stands. Part of me deflates a little because I want to dote on him, but that part is pacified when he turns around and plants his lips on mine. I rise up on my knees as we kiss, pulling him against me. I frown a little when he pulls back. “I’ll be right back.”

I nod and watch him walk into my en suite bathroom before pulling myself from my trance. Holy shit. I fucked my best friend.

I get up from the bed and quickly pull the sheets off, using them to wipe his cum off my stomach and clean my dick. I toss them in the hamper and grab a pair of boxers, pulling them on before going to the closet to get fresh sheets.

I’m wrestling with the fitted sheet when Felix comes out of the bathroom and grabs his boxers from the floor. “Need a hand?” He teases, his usual glow back tenfold.

“Maybe a little.” I chuckle and he helps me quickly finish making the bed before crawling under the sheets. I join him and prop up on one arm, resting my head on my hand. I take a moment to admire him, his bright eyes framed with long lashes and full lips that could easily put any Bratz doll to shame, before speaking. “How long did you know?”

He takes a moment to take me in as well before answering. “I only assumed, but ever since you told me you had ‘an intimate dream about a guy’ after icing me out for two weeks. It made sense. I wondered why you avoided me but then you told me you had that dream and I guessed it had something to do with me.”

“Then…how long have you thought about sleeping with me?” I might be pushing my luck but I’m curious.

“Long before you ever questioned your sexuality.” He scoffs at himself and looks down at my bare chest with a ghost of a smile, his cheeks going a soft pink. “I think it started that day at the park when we were in high school. Remember that picnic we went on? You were by my side the whole time and you complimented me a few times. You just looked so good that day and you were so laid back and fun, I couldn't help but admire you. That never really changed though, you being carefree.”

It’s my turn to blush now. A smile creeps onto my face as I listen and I finally wrap an arm around him, pulling him against me. “That long?” He nods and I kiss his forehead. “You must’ve known something I didn’t back then.” I tease.

“No,” he laughs. “I used to lament the fact I had a crush on the straight guy.” He snuggles into my chest and lets out a soft sigh. “Part of me wondered if I was ever obvious about it. I don’t know if I ever acted weird around you. I feel like I did.”

“If you did, I never noticed. You’ve always been a sweetheart, I just figured you were extra sweet in private with everyone.” I laugh in spite of myself. How did I never pick up on it? To be fair, I thought I was straight until a little over a year ago. “It’s endearing.”

“It is?” I can hear his smile in his voice.

“It is. Everything about you is. You’re the resident sunshine, after all.”

“I like when you call me stuff like that.”

“Yeah?” He nods. “I think ‘angel’ is your favorite, hmm?” He nods again and I kiss the top of his head before laying my head down. “Cute. Well I’m glad you like it because I don’t think I’ll ever stop.”

“You better not.” He’s pouting now, I’m sure of it.

“Don’t worry, baby, I won't.”

“Good. You better keep calling me your baby.” I can’t stop the smile I’m wearing from growing wider.

“I will because you are.” I hum. I don’t know what we are but I do know we’re more than friends and I do know I’m never getting over him. “Sweet dreams.” I whisper when I notice his breathing even out.

Whatever this is, I’m content to hold him in my arms for the rest of the night.

[ladyhindsight]

i know this isnt rlly ur thing but the fandom is so cooked............ just trying to exist as an anti incest fan is impossible i constantly get told off by other fans im stupid and too serious or missing the symboism idk the fans make me think im takin crazy pills its crazy cause sometimes i think ur too harsh on cc but like the incest stuff i agree with and 4 some reason thats the hardest opinion for fans 2 accept idgi incest is worse than cassandra bein repetitive??

In general, it is problematic to declare certain views as correct under the guise of then ignoring differing ones. Why would some readers get to decide what is too serious and, for what even, stupid? What makes positive views towards the books more respectable and virtuous than those offering valid criticism? What gives the right to hand-wave the concerns some readers have just because you have no issue with them and raise that point above all others? When you suppress the opinions of others and tower over them by dictating how a book should be interpreted and liked, you are less likely to get those who think contrary interested in your views, albeit positive or negative.

Some of the opinions I’ve contested (for instance, those concerning the incest theme or the repetitive nature of Clare’s writing) and that I’ve ever come across seem (personally) to be approached superficially to some extent, sometimes even in untruthful way because of the incapability to understand where the criticism in question even comes from or how it even came about. It is easier to compare two seemingly similar things than to understand their meaning in their own contexts.

I know that no one really wants to acknowledge or listen to anything negative about what they love so much. It seems to be a downright personal insult or attack on your character when something so important and special to you is criticized. For which I think it’s important to separate yourself from that, know who you are and what you think and why, to recognize that something can be shit and improved and what more and that you still like it and/or are entertained by it.

Fiction is the place to safely entertain ideas so far out of our own lives, to challenge our thinking and ethics and moral even. So it’s not necessarily the content of a work that’s interesting or disturbing but rather the implementation of different elements and how they are executed with the rest of what makes a story. And that’s usually where I find my criticism towards Clare rising. Not what is included rather than how it is carried out and presented in the context of this particular author’s writing.

Everyone is entitled and free to their own opinions, as well as to how they consider and value others. It’s the tone of expression and how you treat people in face of disagreement that’s more noteworthy, I think. During the earlier years of the blog, I did receive messages from readers who were less than pleased with its contents or my approach on criticizing Clare’s writing, but I’ve always said and will always say that I’m just one person on the internet offering opinions, viewpoints, and criticism, and whether someone finds that helpful or not is not for me to decide. Though I am endlessly glad for all the people who interact and have interacted with me here and offered wider perspective and insights on different topics concerning TSC.

I don’t know what wisdom to offer, if any, but maybe it’s easier and brings less weariness to just do your own thing and engage less with the readership that does not welcome that type of discussion. I’ve personally had to do a lot of work on reflecting on things that I liked and their relationship to me (Clare’s works as the glaring example here), and coming to terms with that is not an overnight experience. Sometimes it’s also easier on yourself to think I disagree and move on than trying to understand each individual psychology behind every opinion.

I get that I’m sometimes harsh in my critiques. It’s just that I get feelings and the snark comes out, and I’m prone to hyperbole in terms of humor, so the end result is what it is. I’m not entirely happy and more disappointed in retrospect how I’ve conducted myself on some instances while trying to find the proper words and tone when approaching whatever the topic is at hand. And sometimes it doesn’t work and things go to shit. I’m good at being mean to words on paper, but it’s not how I want to be when talking and messaging with real people. :’)

[vrystalius]

💠 Request Rules! 💠

★彡

💠 General Info 💠

Firstly, DON’T feed my art/writing/blog to an A.I for any purpose whatsoever.

I mainly write fluff/angst. I’ll try writing NSFW when the right request comes around and when I bring up enough courage. Please forgive me when I ignore your NSFW request, I just probably don’t feel comfortable writing it.

Please keep your requests short! I understand that you would like to have as much detail as possible to match what you have in mind, but it’s kind of tiring for me to include everything you have requested. Forgive me <3

The covers of my fics are mostly going to be official art. If not, I’ll make sure to credit the artist or blog I got it from. If you noticed that I did not, please remind me to! <3

English is my second language, so please correct me on any grammatical or spelling errors. I’ll try to keep improving and make as little errors as possible.

Please DON’T be racist, homophobic etc. Stay kind!

💠 About requests 💠

Please leave requests in a kind tone. Rude comments/requests will be ignored, blocked or deleted. Constructive criticism is welcomed and encouraged <3

There are some requests I will not be comfortable writing. I will either respond to those asks and point out what I’m not comfortable with, or delete/ignore it all together. Sorry!

There will also be requests I just won’t write because of how complex and detailed it’s supposed to be. I’ll try my best to write it though, but please forgive me if I won’t

My motivation comes and goes, so please stay patient when sending in a request! Keep in mind that I also have a life and schoolwork.

Both anon and non-anon requests will be worked on.

💠 DON’TS 💠

I will NOT write about racism, pedophilia, homophobia or non-con.

I will not write about extreme kinks like humiliation, of any kind, anything with human waste, non-con or any abuse kinks. Sorry!

I will exclusively write gn or fem reader x character. I am a female and I’m not comfortable writing a male!reader.

Requests including sensitive topics will include a trigger warning. If I miss anything, feel free to remind me!

★彡

Make sure to EAT, SLEEP and DRINK enough!

Take care of yourselves! <3

[howtosingit]

The silver lining to all the fandom bullshit, for me, is that I came out of 4x03 loving both TK and Carlos a whole helluva lot more than I ever have... and also seeing the ways, across 4x01 to 4x03, that they love so fiercely - both each other and others - with their whole fucking hearts... and knowing that loving that hard, that intensely, means that it’s never perfect because it’s so easy for emotions to make things messy and complicated when it consumes you like that... but I’ve always said that I could go through any angst with these two as long as the love is still there... and oh boy is it still there. 

I just really fucking love them both, warts and all.

[More under the cut because I have too many thoughts:]

I've analyzed both of their behaviors and I fully get them and appreciate them. I think what it boils down to is that they just have different priorities in 4x03 that aren't fully working in tandem at the moment and it's causing some tension... but it's actually really good tension because what couple has the same exact priorities every damn moment of their lives?? What are they, clones??

And if I'm thinking of only TK's emotions then I'm upset by Carlos's distance for sure... but I also think TK is a lot more than just upset. He's also feeling guilty (and he was before Carlos even knew about the visit, so that guilt was all his, Carlos did not put that on him initially) and concerned for Carlos because he's seeing Carlos behave erratically and that's new for him. Like, TK sees this change in Carlos and he is scared of it because he knows how far Carlos is willing to go for the people he loves, he’s seen Carlos do that for him before. He knows. So, I am reading TK's reactions as a lot more nuanced than just sad/upset - the man is feeling a lot... GIVE HIM A HUG PLEASE AND THANK YOU.

And as far as Carlos... our tragic, compartmentalizing Carlos... when Iris goes missing he pushes so much down just to focus on her - on finding her, on protecting her, on supporting her. He and TK have one argument and he does his best to not lash out... he buries it and shifts his focus. Full-on focus on finding Iris, finding answers. He gets right to work, he’s in detective/cop mode, just like Ronen said. And we know he has his own guilt driving him towards that, especially since he thinks that maybe coming back into her life like this, with the divorce and with TK, has fucked up her stability. He remains super focused on the s*x doll call because when he comes into the call it is literally in response to the missing person alert - unlike the 126, this call is tied to Iris from minute one for him... and then when he has Iris back he's still just focused on her because she is not doing well. But he's not ignoring TK completely this entire episode as I've seen so many people claim... he literally calls TK to give an update about Iris... he's concerned about Iris and he chooses to talk to TK about it... about whether or not he can believe her like he wants to when all the evidence says he shouldn't. It's the trusting his gut thing all over again... but this time it's trusting his gut to trust Iris... but he still calls TK to talk through that. And it’s not so that he can further blame TK for it either - that blame and guilt is still very much coming from TK himself, and if Carlos is doing anything wrong here it’s that he’s not reassuring TK that he’s blameless... and, like, I get that? Because Carlos also isn’t feeling blameless so maybe he’s thinking it’s both of their faults, that they did this to her. (Not correct, not rational, but understandable, at least to me.)

And then the final call that he makes... I love that the scene starts with his attention on the house... he clearly wants to go right in and get to work... but he pauses and calls TK... and sure he lies to him but that's because he's doing something he knows he shouldn't and he doesn't want to be convinced not to... which is understandable, too, I think. He would’ve lied to anyone in that moment. But he also doesn't want TK to worry when he doesn't come home so he calls and at least gives him a little bit of relief... and yes it's a lie but like... we knew Carlos was gonna be irrational this episode... he doesn't ALWAYS do the right thing. So it's a lie but it at least it gives him time to do what he wants to do AND it - in his mind, though he is wrong - will help settle TK worries.

I don't know... I'm just not mad about all of this. I actually think 4x03 was an incredibly strong episode (the Carlos plot only though). I mean those scenes with Iris... y'all I'm still losing my mind over them. Their friendship is so beautiful and you can clearly see how they were each other’s whole world at one point in time. I love seeing a Carlos that breaks the rules and does the wrong thing because my god I don't know a single person who doesn't fuck up every once in awhile... but he does it out of LOVE, he does it out of his NEED to help, to protect, to be there for the people he loves. Like, how the fuck am I supposed to hate him for that? (Spoiler alert: I’m not gonna and you can’t make me.)

I think if you’re THAT mad at Carlos, it’s because you’re not even trying to understand him in all of this... you’re seeing the POV that the show is giving us (which for the Tarlos of all of this is clearly TK, that’s why we got the talk with Tommy) and you’re not even trying to analyze the rest of the story. And, like, I’m not here to tell you you have to, but I think you’d find this a lot more enjoyable if you at least tried to see where all the characters are coming from. And you might still be frustrated with Carlos - he’s frustrating, hallelujah! - but you’d also realize he’s not the fucking devil. He’s just an imperfect man with a too-big heart stuck between a rock (tunnel) and a hard place (a shovel). And I’m so excited to see the LOVE that he and TK have for each other SAVE him (and them). IT’S. STILL. ALL. ABOUT. THEIR. LOVE.

Anyway... bring on 4x04, I’m so fucking READY.

[dullweapons]

hewwo i might spend today on some writing but my blog feeling messy ! so imma go through & delete old ooc posts & maybe fix up my graphics. but also tiny announcements that will be added to my rules . some not major , some kinda important so i would appreciate it if y’all read this ( i will be properly updating my rules when i can get to my computer ) :

🔻 i have health issues i am going through ( my heart has been having SVT episodes. basically this means my hearts being a bit odd & pumping harder then it needs to be ? i’ve having tests done so hopefully we figure out exactly what happened & what can be done . ) which makes me very tired. sometimes i can’t even get out of bed let alone write — so sometimes i will be MIA without any warning . i’m telling you this so no one thinks I’m ignoring them or anything like that .

🔻due to the anon hate i will be keeping anonymous asks closed for a bit . again, my apologies to those who have side blogs & use anon asks to send things in. simply send it from your main & i’ll put them in a separate thread ! i am also sorry to those who maybe be too shy to approach to ask questions but i truly don’t wish to deal with anon hate over petty things. which brings me to my next point.

🔻if you have any problems with me— may they be with how i responded in a thread , how i spoke ooc, or whatever it may be : please talk to me. i will not bite i promise you this but im gonna be 26 next month & i cannot handle people skirting around issues anymore . i cannot correct problems if i am not informed of them ( or at the very least explain myself ).

if i do turn anon back on — it is not the way to discuss issues with me. i understand you may be shy but hiding does not solve issues ( if i miss tagged something or requesting me to tag something isn’t an issues . i will do it even if anon asks. i’m talking about major issues . ) we’re all adults here trying to have fun.

there are things i won’t change — like i’m not going to put nsfw on a side blog but i will tag it as spicy tw or suggestive tw . ray is will always be auto angry at botw / totk zelda’s . ray will hate hylia by default . ( i’ve had ppl me upset at this, thinking their versions of these muses where better & didn’t deserve his reaction . they tried to push ray to be OOC because they preferred it … they quickly left but im using it as an example of things that could have been corrected with proper communication but they never heard me anyway so 🙄)

🔻to my last point : i understand the person in my DNI has deleted . i will be keeping them in my DNI incase they return as they hinted they might . i was informed by their friend to curate my space & i will continue to do so .

[spiritpraiseandbeautifulhumanity]

AHEM, just letting myself rant a bit to get it off my chest because I am tired of people misinterpreting us and also just completely ignoring or missing the details right in front of them in the canon. Sister and me are literally the only ones who are correct about ourselves because I mean for one we are literally the actual Shingujis from V3 and not just fans or kins or anything else, but also just because no one can seem to understand us for who we are even when it’s very obviously presented in the game. Anyways, first of all I don’t get constantly misgendered just for people to say “oh he actually *is* a girl” if you headcanon that sort of thing for your own personal comfort that’s fine though, but I’m not interested in seeing a lot of that when I’m actually a trans man. The ones who are awful though are those who treat their headcanon as if it’s canon and act like I am really a girl, like no I didn’t/don’t go through my life being a feminine guy just for people to treat me like that means I must be a girl or identify as one in some way. Also, I partly consider myself agender as well so it can be uncomfortable when people are like “he’s male and/or female” like please don’t bring biological sex into gender, yes I’m afab but I don’t identify as a sex, I’m just a man who happens to be way more feminine than most typical men are and am not a girl in any way. And then on the topic of sexuality so many people seem to think I’m asexual or at least somewhere on that spectrum…and here’s where the game itself comes into play. Like you can literally tell from the game just how false that is because I am shown to be sexual and romantic, just because I’m a loyal romantic partner doesn’t mean I don’t feel attraction in general. Also, it’s heavily implied that I am canonically pansexual with how I view all humanity as beautiful, plus the fact I wouldn’t mind who I’d have as a partner(as proven by the love suite which although isn’t canon in the sense that it doesn’t physically happen, it is canon in that it is an actual fantasy each of the V3 cast has and thus is canon by way of being in character). Even without the game backing it up I am indeed pansexual/panromantic. It’s just weird to me when people see someone who will be openly sexual at times and even going on a rant about their relationship and see that as thinking it means they don’t feel attraction like that or that I’m repulsed by sex and/or romance when I’m literally shown to feel such strong attractions. It’d be like going up to an incredibly loyal husband and being like “oh you must not feel romantic/sexual attraction because you aren’t feeling that way towards anyone else.” Like no? That’s not how it works, they just love their spouse and aren’t a cheater. Same with me even if my circumstances are more strange, even if I do feel those attractions to others I’m not going to actively pursue those feelings without my partner first being 100% okay with it since I am heavily devoted to them as their partner. Also, one last thing is like people treating the false backstory stuff that like would never be possible as if they actually happened, which I don’t blame them for that because it can be confusing especially with the way the ending is so they just treat it as if it was real…but certain obvious things such as being a serial killer or an assassin should obviously make one go “oh yeah that was definitely fake.” But I can understand people treating smaller false details or ones they wouldn’t even think about as not being true such as the idea that I traveled around doing fieldwork. Which I never did because it wouldn’t have been possible in the timeline from when I entered Danganronpa, plus being a minor complicates being able to do so as well. I literally entered as a pale teen who wanted to be there for a specific purpose. I’ll get more into that when I end up posting my whole canon backstory and what truly happened and the parts that were just stuff Team Danganronpa made up, but yeah.

[piqued-curiosity]

"#please take the time to at least skim the list so you can understand what lesbians are dealing with right now"

I do sympathize with what lesbians are going through, and there's a lot there that deserves to be talked about more. There's certainly a lot that the bisexual community bears responsibility for, either out of ignorance or malice or a mix.

But I can also recognize when something was posted in bad faith to demonized bisexuals.

The list you're endorsing was written by someone that on here time here championed the use of terms like dick worshiper (which she uses IN THE QUOTED TEXT you're pointing ppl to), always had excused on why harassing bihets and nuthuggers (more words she helped popularize) was actually fine, and always had ideas about why bisexuals don't actually need any community and don't actually suffer from their SSA at all ever. Ideas that are still fucking haunting gc spaces today. The "blackpills" views on bisexuals are pretty much a direct conforming response to her views and the community she helped build on tumblr and it's not a coincidence that was re-posted by yet another woman who frequently goes out of her way to attack bi rape victims and say even more horrible things about them. The continued mantra-like insistence that bisexuals and heterosexuals are JUST SO EXACTLY THE SAME is itself homophobic and motivated by wanting to dismiss our experiences with homophobia as unimportant because some of you see bi women as unimportant and it's directly related to the "playing the victim" thing that gets thrown in the face of bi survivors more and more.

Looking at the post I reblogged it doesn’t look like she uses those terms in it. Otherwise I would not have reblogged it. It’s entirely possible that I missed it considering how long the article is and I probably ended up skimming parts, so please send me a screenshot or tell me where to look if that is the case, and I will add an edit to my reblog pointing that out in my list of disagreements (please keep in mind I explicitly stated I didn’t like the claim that bi women and OSA TIMs are exactly the same so idk if you bring that up to agree with me there or to act like I didn’t point that out). Because right now I’m not seeing it. I’m open to being corrected here because I know myself and I have a tendency to miss details due to (diagnosed) adhd-pi.

That said, I am not really interested in playing the game of “omg did you know OP said this thing?!”, that’s what TRAs do and I was hoping that stepping out of their circles would mean I wouldn’t have to deal with that anymore. Just because I reblog a post does not mean that I 1. Even looked at who posted it, and 2. Know anything about who posted it. The username of the woman who wrote it is entirely unfamiliar to me.

I understand your frustration with these women and I wholeheartedly disagree with the treatment towards bi women you’re describing, I find it disgusting. But just like most people on this site, I don’t actually pay attention to who posts things or comb through their blogs. I see a post, I think it’s good, I reblog. That’s it. I don’t know the poster or their history, and this goes for anything I reblog. It’s absolutely true that a poster’s own views will change the context of a post, but I also believe that in the same way an author’s intent doesn’t matter as much as the reader’s interpretation does… once a post is out in the wild, what matters most is how it’s interpreted. It’s why all the accidental terf posts are funny. I interpreted that post as an insightful commentary on a specific kind of lesbophobia, nothing more and nothing less.

I do agree that it’s important to know the post should be read critically though, and that’s exactly what I did, hence why I made sure to point out in my reblog that I wasn’t 100% in agreement. That comment especially applies now that I know the source.