#and if i do this one im more likely to be able to afford some gifts for the holidays. and it's only until the end of jan... | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

kruxton · 9 months

Text

having a Night. havent been alone w my thoughts in a while and im not liking it

#usualy i'd make up some stupid story to fall asleep but its not working now #some news was broken to me just now and i dont know how to feel about it #i mean i do #ok incoming vent #hate the idea hate it so so much but its so selfish of me to think that way #and the issues all lie within ME and i just. i cant change now #not w all the work i put into adapting to this place i cant just. pack it all up and leave to go somewhere else #my future was set here man. all i had left was to finish a year and a half more of secondary school n get thru my IGCSEs and i'l be set #yeah i didnt have a specific plan but i had come to terms w a solid general one that i actually really liked #and now its all Ruined #'dw you'll be going to a good school over there too! much better than where ur at now' i dont want to #i cant i just cant #i cant leave my life here now not when im so close to finally getting my freedom #i was supposed to graduate top of my class here i was supposed to excel in my extra curriculars i was supposed to be KNOWN #god does that sound horrible of me but i cant change the way i feel and how ive always felt #i was set man. i couldve gotten that scholarship and gone overseas #i NEED that scholarship or my family wont be able to afford to put my siblings into good schools #but now my progress is gone!#yeah idfk how the school system shit works but i highly doubt some prestigious ass school is gonna care abt shit i did in my current one #yeah i could be wrong but what if man #what then. what the fuck am i supposed to do #and im scared i wont be able to make friends there #fuck im prbly overthinking this n being such a fucking pussy but #i cant. be alone #not again i cant do that shit again #i have my friends here!!!! and theyre alright i like to be around them so why cant i just stay #im just so tired #i just want to sleep #but all i can think about is this #vent

7 notes · View notes

andragoras-in-vanity · 2 months

Text

ive gotten new perfume samples since the only perfume ive found that smells like "me" is either 200$ at lush or a bottle of juniper essential oil, and i dont think ive found my scent yet but holy balls i smell like true love rn. peonies and roses and the tenth date where its official and your happy but sex isnt new or anxious. i smell like pink lingerie.

nature wants what i have, real flowers could never. i smell like hickies and honey.

#i fucking love perfume im way too broke for this hobbie #i need to find one thats like oakmoss juniper birch bark fig leaf apples and jasmine #also im wearing blushing peonies from champagne socialist theyre super affordable and have samples for five bucks #there two more etsy shops i want to buy from cause i feel like perfume from indy or semi indy spyrces is just...better?#less...chemically smelling?#but fuck this perfume mixing with my natural smell?? its so good #i could make someone drunk on me rn #as someone sensitive to scents and easily gets migraines im ...adjusting #but honestly if you're not overdoing it with this perfume its nice and light #i think i prefer solid perfumes and definitely want to make some myself but i like buying 'real' perfume #and ill never be able to afford death and decay again since they dont do solids anymore but im looking for a dupe or a similar one #and cs i think might come pretty close THAT BEINF SAID MYRRH AND THE TONKA BEAN DOES NOT SMELL LIKE MYRRH TO ME ITS NOT WORTH IT #but yeah despite the budding headache definitely a lovely perfume i recommend if you like fem scents #champagne socialist perfume

3 notes · View notes

bunnihearted · 10 months

Text

📖🖊❄️

#journal dump bc i have too much on my mind #1) i HATE my neighbors. theres never one quiet moment. they stomp around and slam cabinets all the time it feels like #2) i've been reading more recently even if concentration's hard bc of noise. but i also feel like there r too many books i wanna read #but yeah. too little time. so instead i cant settle on a book and kinda dont even read as much as i want to. a stupid problem really #3) it's crazy to say but i wish i had a part time job. sitting at home 24/7 for 5/6 years has been SO terrible for me.#everything feels meaningless. every day is the exact same. im not LIVING. im rotting away and all my issues get worse. im also so fkn bored #and i dont wanna sit at home and do assignments (even if thats what i technically should be doing)#i want a job to go to which takes me away from home + gives me money #then i can come home and sit and rot and ENJOY it. bc now my lazy time is only smth negative and bad for me :/#ofc i hate the mere thought of having some soul sucking utterly pointless job and our capitalist society is a slave hellhole. but.. as it is #im not even able to enjoy ANY of my time bc all my time feels bad. plus im only getting poorer and poorer so i cant afford to buy anything #4) im so fkn bored and going crazy from eating the exact same food every single day for the third month now. im sick of it #everything tastes so bland and disgusting. it's genuinely making me depressed 😭 i wanna eat REAL food. im so tired bc no nutrition :((#i cant do anything except wait for my appt w the doctor next week and hope they put me on a waiting list for surgery.. but ong im sick of it #5) i miss my sisters :/ we live in the same apartment but its like i've completely ceased to exist to them #except when they need to be passive aggressive to me. lol. i miss them. but they just dont wanna talk to me :/#but tbh. most of all... i just want my health issue to be over so my body can function normally again.#i can face anything in life if i can come home to a cup of coffee nd some chocolate ^-^ <333

11 notes · View notes

depresseddepot · 2 months

Text

I'm trying to find ways to slowly ease my way into taking walks (debilitating social anxiety) so I was going to download pokemon go again but my phone is too old :(

#im actually very upset abt this lol #all of the other tricks ive found rely on having a dog to walk #and like i would love to get my own dog but i absolutely cannot afford one lmao #so i guess i just. still can't go on walks #nobody seems to understand just how impossible it is for me to walk down the street when im not trying to get somewhere #like just going for a walk for fun/to look at nature feels like im being killed #people are LOOKING at me and when someone even so much as glances at me while im walking i instantly feel like I'm doing something wrong #or like they're going to misunderstand my sort of odd behaviors #i can't walk slow because they'll think im a stalker. i can't walk fast because ill get out of breath and they'll think im disgusting #i can't keep a normal pace because im too nervous and i just spend the whole time tense and hate myself even more when i get home #like. what the hell am i supposed to do lol #getting a dog is the only way i think i could stop myself from spiraling like that bc of COURSE im walking slow and leisurely.#im walking my dog. my dog wants to smell and has to poop or whatever #im no longer a freaky fat stalker im just some guy walking my dog #this became more of a vent than i was expecting lmao but if anyone has any actual tangible tips for how to go on walks i would appreciate it #when i had to walk 2 miles to class i used to take a small part of an edible right before i got on the bus lmao and that worked WONDERS #but i don't want to have to do that just to walk around my own neighborhood when i eventually move out #i just want to be normal lmao i want to go out and find bugs and look at leaves #i guess i could walk in the woods but what if i get lost #i want to be able to look at stuff. i want to be able to stop and look at a plant while some person passes by me #without feeling like im going to blow up or like they're going to hit me or like IM going to hit THEM #im used to anxiety but i always feel so erratic in public places. when everyone wore masks i was a little better #i still mask most of the time but it doesn't help anymore bc now im like one of the only people that does it #so now instead of blending in AND having my face covered i just stand out more #my face is still covered so it still helps but its like barely a net positive lmao #i want to be able to look around without worrying that someone is looking at me from their window and thinks im a stalker #truly how the hell am i supposed to do that without a dog lol

2 notes · View notes

arolesbianism · 3 months

Text

Anyways incorporating new saint hcs into my semi au Sliver lore means that now saint gets to continuously experience ascending Sliver forever 👍

#rat rambles #rain posting #along with everything else theyve ever experienced yay #here have some other miscellaneous saint hcs while Im thinking abt them #as Ive said before I like to think that they are physically and mentally quite young and mostly act on what motions theyve taken before #which since their existence is infinite and all that jazz it mostly means that they carry both the same actions and the same emotions #across all moments of their existence #they don't rly understand the things they do or the mental states they achieve as they have a hard time focusing on any given moment #it also doesn't help that the more they think the more their thoughts overlap with all that has been and all that there ever will be #plus theyre y'know. a slugcat. so generally they arent super built to deal with smth this complex #no one rly would be but especially not some adolescent slugcat #I also dont think of them as cruel or mean in nature #I generally think of them as fairly kind when they can be #not that its easy for them to act on it #theyre also ofc generally extremely frail and sickly but thats mostly due to how thin theyre stretched out #their body doesnt age but it still is clearly strained under the pressure of an eternal existence #anyways for a complete change in tone I also like to imagine their fur isnt actually like mammal fur #idk quite how to describe the vision in my head but think of it as kind of like thick insulated foam almost?#its actually prone to getting gooey and melty when its too warm #they do have quite sensitive skin underneath the coat so its important to keep the coat clean while taking care to not disturb it too much #hense their long thin tongue thats often used for careful and precise grooming #or at least thats the idea. saint doesn't actually take very good care of their coat and its often left worse for wear as a result #a more typical fluffy slugcat would usually be able to survive in the worst of the blizzard's that appear in saint's campaign #in fact in my hcs there are actually plenty of slugcats whove built large communities together in such climates with the advantage that #they can afford to emerge during the blizzards to stockpile on food and then hide away during the calm times #it's not uncommon for groups that hibernate together to eat their coats to recycle nutrients and ensure they won't overhead during their #shared hibernation together #their coats will usually grow back during that time and are usually grown enough to handle the outside world again by the time they need to #communal grooming is also extremely common as maintaining their skin health is one of the most important parts of their survival

2 notes · View notes

pepprs · 1 year

Text

genuinely so angry and scared im shaking. how many other times this week this month this year have i been exposed without knowing it. do people even tell each other anymore. it’s just so grim. it’s so fucking grim

#purrs #delete later #covid19 #i am fighting for my fucking life every day to stay safe and to keep the people around me some of whom are disabled / chronically ill /#immunocompromised / medically vulnerable safe. i am fucking fighting for my life. it’s already hard that i am usually one of two people in #any given room still wearing a mask let alone an n95 mask. hard and bad enough that we get looks for wearing masks and people think im crazy #for my life still being on hold and for my family still basically never going anywhere. ITS FUCKING WORSE that we are still very much in the #throes of all of it and we are in constant physical and quite frankly EXISTENTIAL danger not only of getting sick / becoming (more)#disabled / literally fucking dying but also returning to the absolute hell of lockdown which while important was psychologically damaging in #ways that are difficult to even articulate. like not only have we as a society decided to not give a shit about unpacking all of that and #healing from the trauma and assuming everyone went through the same thing when we very much did not and to just send everybody back to #school and work because 🤑🤑🤑🤑🤑capitalism🤑🤑🤑🤑🤑 but we have ALSO decided to pretend like the freakish unceasing danger just doesn’t exist #anymore and to get rid of every tool we had available to keep us safe or at minimum make people have to pay exorbitant amounts of money to #access them because 🤑🤑🤑🤑🤑capitalism🤑🤑🤑🤑🤑 !!!!!!! im TIRED. im so fucking tired of it. i am so fucking exhausted and angry and scared. and i #HAVE the luxury and privilege of being able to afford n95 masks and covid tests and to be able to work a job that i can do remotely if i #need to and to not be disabled or immunocompromised. what makes me fucking furious is we decided to throw all the people who don’t have #that access or privilege under the fucking bus and forget about them lol. but what do you expect from a country rotten to its core the way #it is lol. im fucking despondent. why are we living in an incinerator.#* the lockdown(s) werent just important they were necessary. and arguably we should have another one even though if we do i genuinely fear #for my mental health both during and afterwards and quite frankly before. im tired. i am grateful for the life i live which has resulted in #part from the different things that have happened because of the pandemic but i also so desperately wish this never happened and every day I #think about what life would be like if it hadn’t happened. the grief of it all is unspeakably big.

13 notes · View notes

z00r0p4 · 1 year

Text

when a potentially quality-of-life-improving medication isn't covered by ur insurance and you want to find every big pharma and health insurance ceo and ship them off in.... some sort of a craft... that absolutely has not been certified by any regulatory body.

#I don’t need internet hacks for this its more affordable than it could be #and its from a specific type of pharmacy so its not just a matter of using coupons bc they have to do some science to get it to me #but im still mad #like hello yes i already pay in: the mental and emotional and physical toll this condition takes on me so like #maybe just cover the damn thing for me because this is a chronic condition that will never heal and probably never improve WITHOUT some #sort of intervention #like its what i deserve at the very least #im already not able to live off my own labors and im already a burden to my parents but sure #make me feel guilty for one more thing #I know its not the worst thing fr like i could be paying 238928398293 dollars for insulin or something so im glad its well below 100$#but it just. INFURIATES ME. OKAY?#rant over

7 notes · View notes

rainingincale · 8 months

Text

Bro no joke, forgetting that not everyone hates capitalism and then having to try have a reasonable conversation with someone about buying things... *eye twitch*

#to explain we will have person A - person B and then me #so person B is asking me if its ok to buy stuff from ebay - because i am a person that tries to avoid buying from amazon etc #and im like yeah should be because its independent sellers mostly - to be fair though yall. i barely buy anything online because i hate #online shopping. i try to buy things in person instead #anyways insert person A whos like 👁👄👁 oH aRe YoU oNe Of ThOse PeOpLE ThAt DoESNt pUrCHasE frOm AmAzON #yall im sighing just thinking about this conversation omfg its so stupid #anyways queue me explaining that yeah. i try to avoid it if i can because i dont like my money going to some motherfucker who doesnt need #the money (person B pipes in that jeff bezos is on the way to becoming a trillionaire which is Not Good 🙃 . thank you B now i will go on)#A then goes on to explain all the benefits to amazon “what if you want something the next day” i ask if theres really anything you truly #need right away like that. we used to live in times where you would have to wait or find it in a shop. A says “oh but its so cool and #convenient“ and i say sure. because they have the money and grew their business of being more 'convenient' than other businesses #A says “oh but the customer service is so good. if i want a return theyll do it straight away with no questions and maybe even give me #credit too“ and im like yeah. because they can afford to do that. ”sometimes independent sellers are in there too“ ok so buy from them then #If You Must but i can guarantee you mostly dont. not to mentuon theyre probably only on there in the first place because amazon has made it #so its one of the most popular places to use instead of anywhere else #and it went on. i just stopped talking eventually because it eas one of those situations where the other person was not fucking listening to #the point i was trying to make. which is that if you really have to. ok do it whatever. i get that its a bit impossible to avoid sometimes #im not gonna sit here and pretend when ive not been able to get something anywhere else i havent got it from there. but the point is to #actually think about WHY youre buying stuff and WHO the money is going to. because websites like amazon especially have created such a trend #of overconsumption. that you just buy stuff and then buy prime because oh its so cheap and useful and comes right the next day! and you dont #consider why any of these things are true. whos getting fucked over in the process. that you are one of the people getting fucked over!!!#lord i could go on but i shant #point is. genuinely do what you want like deep down i do not care it does not affect me and i know its not so straightforward #but people who just BLATANTLY and actively SUPPORT rich people (forgot to mention A kept talking about how the whole site was smart and that #Jeff was a genius blah blah) can you sit and realise that this whole system and that FUCKING Imbecile of a man are!!¡! a problem!!#i wish i could articulate it better but im leaving it at that #good morning yall xD #le text post

4 notes · View notes

myownprivatcidaho · 8 months

Text

alcohol tasted AWFUL to me the first 21.5 years of my life and then this past christmas break sth clikced and now suddenly.... i like it. and I'm enjoying that i like it and NOW am enjoying drunkenness almost every evening (im much less of a lightweofht than i look but much more of one than i like to think) and im wondering if maybe i shld be ..... concerned.

#this is me off a bottle of mikes hard lemonade (5%) and a few sips of barefoot moscato (9%)#'more of a lightweight than i look but more of one thab i like to think i am' is .... VERY generous lmfaoooo #anyways. in the past i wouldnt drink except socially & to get drunk but i couldnt stand the taste so id just shoot everything #but some family members are more Alcohol Connoisseurs and sth clicked christmas and im like Damn ......#also walmart has this cheese filled garlic breadsticks. Cole's breadsticks. AMAZING with wine amazing stuff #anyways all that to say i get drunk like thrre nights in a row and may be sorta scaring myself telling myself im on the #Alcoholic Slippery Slope but also .... alcoholism = slippery slope #i dont get drunk schoolnights tho/nights i gotta be up early in the morning and i have a l8 start tmrw so i can afford to have #a little few sippies which go a long way #but yea. ig if this continues too much & interferes with school or work itll be a problem but im sorta just psyching myself out rn #i can have a good evening without alcohol but being a young adult living alone paying most of ur own bills and then getting drunk 3 nights #in a row bc u CAN is ..... scary ghe first time u do it ig #hm i shld tag this #alcoholism //#addiction //#also those breadsticks + wine + PHILOMENA CUNK. great evening to unwind. i DO recommend to all.#also i gotta keep searching cuz i lost a very beautiful & expensive ring today its gold & sapphire i got it 4 mysel #but im letting the boy from work who j love who i got him a job bc i love him think its an engagement ring bc im OVER HIM #but yea i lost it todah & am kicking myself because its VERY beautiful >:-((((#fuck da police but im gna see campus pd tomorrow. ive filed claims w a bunch of offices on campus so PD is the last stop + they may be able #to pull up footage bc its likely someone stole it. :///#n e wayz #back 2 cunk on britain

3 notes · View notes

safyresky · 1 year

Text

🙃🙃

#dont mind me venting in the tags!!#just had a VERY EXHAUSTING LUNCH #my work buds have way more busy/consequential jobs than i do #my one friend is in the stat centre and the other one deals with like 200 plus students who need alternative materials #and they are BOTH having a BAD TIME with this year's freshmen #so they vented which was cool. but then the next 40 minutes of lunch #was spent talking about which airports they like best in the world #bc they are well travelled enough to be able to PLAY that kinda game #meanwhile im sitting there like. i can count the number of trips i have taken involving a plane on 1 hand #they're out here like OH YEAH THIS AIRPORT WAS TRASH THEN I WENT BACK AND IT WASN'T TRASH #FOR FORTY MINUTES #anyway i'd love to travel but cannot afford it. which i know. and im sure one day i will!#but that day is not in the next 5 years lmao #so it kinda sucks to sit for a whole ass 40 minutes and listen to fun travel stories #well. more like. airport rankings #but whatevers!#other downside was that today was a 12pm lunch so now the afternoon is going to DRAG by #gross #i need like some good social vibes now or smth like. good lord #dani vents #dani speaks #personal #ish

3 notes · View notes

coloursofaparadox · 1 year

Text

i ✨️cannot sleep✨️ and vaguing about shit on the internet feels more cathartic than writing it out somewhere else. suffer.

#im having. thoughts. on one hand. VERY badly want woods and chicken farm.#on the other hand. i do actually like friends?#and the likelihood of making friends as a queer person in a small town is uh. yknow. not as good.#but idk if its important enough to me to put my life on hold indefinitely to create more ties to an area that ill eventually have to leave #if i ever want a chance at supporting myself financially or buying a tiny lil starter house?#ideal situation is i start a gay commune with like minded friends. but uh. people have not been good to me #on the whole 'trust em with your plans' front #sigh. idk. id love to be able to afford a place thats still in the general area but that is never going to happen #unless i can spontaneously manifest /literally/ a million dollars #i am done with romantic relationships i think. if one happens at some point? cool. but i am not basing my life plans around it.#and will not sacrifice my own peace and wellbeing just for the sake of one #god. looking for queer friends who want to live on a farm with me platnically and we all have our own space but #also raise animals together and hang out sometimes. and dogs are a requirement.#i just! want! queer commune! where i can go back to my own little bubble and have my own space too!#aaaaahhhhh!!!! albertas real estate is starting to look real good right about now!#ugh. u g h. i fluctuate wildly between 'im very VERY content not speaking to a human for a week at a time' and 'platonic life partner. pls.#maybe i just....take a page out of 18 yr old me's ballsy ass handbook. and uproot my entire life to move somewhere completely new #where i know no one have no connections and in a completely different climate 😎 it worked out last time #i could so just fuck off somewhere. oh my god it is so tempting.

3 notes · View notes

nerdie-faerie · 1 year

Text

Why is it that when I'm sick, finishing work late because a load of people didn't show up and ongoing work drama, stressed about my upcoming essay and still have a hour walk before I can get home, my dad is apparently kicking off and threatening to kick me out when I'm not even there??

#ace is a mess #+Extra #personal #apparently hes kicking off about the fact i 'chose to pay off my loan' which isnt true i didnt get any tuition loan this year so i have to #pay it out of pocket and unlike some students i absolutely will not be receiving any financial support to do so so im working to pay it off #and hes apparently fuming about it and is bringing up the fact i owe him money cus when i asked for a nee laptop for Christmas for uni #and repeatedly specified that i just wanted the cheapest most basic option possible and even found several under the budget for gifts #my dad decided to get a more expensive one with a bigger screen which is not what i asked for or needed!! a bigger screen makes it #ten times more cumbersome to take to class for notes and assignments and ive ended up still having to borrow uni laptops regardless all #cus hes got some ongoing issue about me having my own finances & not being financially dependent on him so he keeps making a point about it #hes so transparent that its all a fcking control thing as it has been since i chose what i wanted to do at college and he didnt approve #and i didnt change it and stuck with it regardless because my career plans have nothing to do with him honestly #btching that if i can afford to pay off my loans i can afford to pay him back which i cant! i cant afford my tuition thats why im staying #over summer to keep working so i can pay off my debt im not paying it off i never had it im in debt! and if i dont pay it i wont be able #to continue with uni whereas he technically still owes me 2k he can be fcking patient about his money which i knew this was gonna happen #when he kept insisting there might not be cheap options available despite me finding multiple 🙄#you know i get asked a lot why ive ended up at unis so far north when im from the south and its like i had to get away being half a days #drive away is the only way for my parents to physically leave me alone theyll still hound my phone but thats what airplane mode is for

5 notes · View notes

be-good-to-bugs · 6 months

Text

the crushing despair is back at it again. yay.

#the bin #i hate feeling this way. as my surroundings continue to get worse and worse and i get less and less able to do anything about it.#and my physical health continues declining. what can i do?#i havent felt this horrible in so long. it gets more and more awful every day. i dont feel like i can do this anymore #a lot of it is caused the how atrocious my apartment is at this point. i was left with a horriblw mess to deal with and im so #depressed that i caant do anything about it. i made progress at one point despite it but then things with my sister got worse and everything #got worse and now its back how its been. i. cant do this. and now i jave to worry about where im gonna live in 2 months #i hate feeling this way.#im trying to find possibilities of what to do to feel better but. i dont know. im thinking maybe ill take some days off NOW so i can just #deal with stuff. ive been doing really bad physically a lot recently and my manager knows that. im sure he will understand if i say #my physical health is really bad right now and i need to take the next few shifts off. i just need to know if i can afford to.#im gonna call my mom. i need to have a better idea of my options on where ill be loving before i can budget these next 2 months.

1 note · View note

raiii-bee · 11 months

Text

trying to psych myself up to just accept this long term job... it's less flexible and sudden but ohh my god i need this. Just do it. Just do it. Come on fucker just do it you can do it. WORK BITCH

#raiii rants #i have to be there at 7am. i can do it. ugggh i can do it i have to. i have to. I just gotta do it. DO IT SCARED.#idk why i'm hesitating so bad. if it was earlier in the day i was making this choice i think id be fine. it's just the quick change #like oh shit i have a job now. i have to work 5 days a week starting in the actual morning. i can't just take a day off for this one either #but i NEED money SOON #and if i do this one im more likely to be able to afford some gifts for the holidays. and it's only until the end of jan...

1 note · View note

nomaishuttle · 11 months

Text

budgeting is looking like hooooopefully i should have a pretty good amt of money saved up in time for moveout :] like around 5000 which is faiiiirly good my goal is 3 months costs backed up and obv i currently dont know emrm what the rent will be... hopefully i can find something fairly cheap butwe will see... and if i find one in a good walkable location ill save sm on lyft costs...

#im excited to try to walk more... i might even get myself a little wagon if im near enough to a gricery store n then i can actually go into #a store instead of just doing gricery deliveries!!!! which is exciting #butttt i am trying to keep my hopes In check since. yk. i was excited abt this house too n. yk.#but i also have to tell myself itll be better when i have my own place bc otherwise id go crazy . so im being cautiously optimistic...#bc my likee. my max rent cost is 1750 which for a studio seems like. reasonable max rent. rly id prefer <1500 but yk. how it is with #spaghetti....#NORMALLY ill be making abttt 1000 a check i think. optimistically more since hopefully ill be able to do a lot more overtime ? so worst #case scenario i have to get a place that is 1750/mo 1. id only go with a 1750 if it was 1. the best apartment ever matching Literally every #single criteria on my grading list and 2. this is reiterating the last point bc its also on my grading list but utilities included..#but. fingers crossed il be able t find something cheaper :] there r some good ones for pretty cheap.. ill have to do Vigorous checks si i #dont get scammed bc. legit cant afford it LMAO. i couldnt afford it last time eithe but shrugged.whayever i try not to think abt then bc #its. yk. i ws rly optimistic at that time and it hurts to remember how excited i was for this. but anyways...#this time fingers crossedd itll be different #AAANYWAYS. gn everyone #ohhb thinking abt my apartment (entirely theoretical atm)... guys its gonna be so awesome :] im so excited for hieronymus im #excited for my little wagon im excited to start a garden im excited to pick up hobbied #ik i planned to pick up gardening n all that when i moved here but. we know how that went lmao #so hopefully when im in a place i actually truly feel safe. thatl help #+itll be a studio LMAO so i eont be able t judt dhut myself into my room #anddd im thinking. if i do well with my gardening and keeping thise plsnts alive. ill consider getting a pet. but thats a ways away #obvi ik getting a pet is different from having a plant but. yk theres daily maintenance for both things and i wanna make sure i cn like.#achieve those things daily. if that makes sense... bc ik i have trouble with accomplishing daily tasks sometimes so id wanna make sure i gy #into the habit of Taking care of domething b4 i get a pet.hopdfully that is umderstandable NDNFJFNF. idk yet kf im.gonns get s cat or dog #theorrticlsly.. famously i want a dog And having to take the dog out for walks would be a greattt push 2 make me leave the house. cons is #if im having a rly rly rly bad depression day i can see myself not being able to leave tbe houdr st all aside frkm work and.. i couldnt do #hst w a dog. obv i wanna discourage that behavior but ik id..force through it and i wanns be rly careful #+with sork im full time and am hoping to do lots of overtime. modt dogs need t use the bathroom abt once every 8 hours 😭😭 so i feel id #have to do doggy daycare or sometjing basically its a whole situation...#and id also love a cat and itd be way easier especially if i made a schedule for the litter box and STUCK EITH IT i think id do rly well..#cats r way way lower maintenance so itd be easier t like. yk..

0 notes

swampdrive · 1 year

Text

Specific gripe but hwrow capitalism really crushes art

#ive been getting back into doing adopt designs to cover costs this month and am going to have 2 do it regularly again #and there is a pretty specific niche of What People Will Buy and What I actually Have Time to Create i have to fall into and its just a bit #soul crushing. like I have so many Ideas for Stuff i want to draw but i know wont be marketable or wont sell well etc. which means i just #cant make it! i dont have time to be drawing whenever i want i have work so i have to foce myself to do it when i Really Dont Want to on #the weekends bc if i dont I wont be able to afford transit to my Real Job and its just ahdbfjdndj soul crushing #like ik i should be thankful people want to buy things from me and that i could probably cut down on drawing stuff to sell since i already #made the budget quota for this month but this is also going to be a continuous issue for the next few months for me and im worried i #wont make enough one month and have to start dipping into my main paycheck and thats just a not good trajectory to take #anyway i wish i could draw more weird little men and weird little robots instead of the easily platable fun outfits and very humanoid #android designs ive been doing. like ppl have told me they wld be interested in other stuff but the main bulk of my followers are NOT which #makes anything weird/out of my preset formula i make a risk for me right now :/#ANYWAY to anyone else who bothered to read this A. i hope youre having a fantastic day bud go drink some water and have a snack #and B. if ur an artist who dabbles in adopts and stuff like that jsyk there is a weird market for outfit designs rn?? from covos ive had #with buyers a lot of vtubers want outfits to have models made off of #weird market but ill take it!

0 notes