#and if everyone else was already in the know and i am not contributing anything then forgive

[sisterdivinium]

Not sure anyone is interested (or unaware as I was), but if you're going through abstinence for a certain Dutch actress and can content yourself with less than a leading role, there are at least two films up on yt that I've found...

[transmasc-tabris]

More screenshots (bonus, managed to find Bull a shirt and don't know how to feel about that)

[deadtired-highkeyenergetic]

Heya! I love your "half a bed" fic!!

You said to drop any "only one bed"-trope ideas in your inbox so I'm hoping I did this correctly? But I'm thinking for Asterion x Tav that since Cazador controlled Star so much, he doesn't really own anything for himself? And maybe Tav notices and because the others are already asleep, she offers for him to share her bedroll? He's snarky and rude and she's unimpressed but it's the start of a mutual very strong infatuation and eventually relationship?

Heyo sorry it took so long!! Had some trouble overcoming the writer's block for this but hey I did it in the end! Hope you like it!

"I don't recall giving you my bedroll." You raise an eyebrow at the pale elf who has taken to using your bedroll every night ever since you first offered to share it with him.

He yawns, flashing his fangs at you before grinning, "we're sharing it, are we not? That means I have every right to lie on it."

"It doesn't mean you can take up the whole thing! Where am I going to sleep?" You attempt to shove him to one side but he refuses to budge an inch. "Move!"

"Nope." He pops the 'p' on purpose, knowing it will irritate you. You scowl and shove harder, half ruing the night you offered to share your bedroll. He laughs at your futile attempts, a genuine smile playing on his lips until you give up and flop onto him, causing him to yelp in surprise. You glower when he complains about you being too heavy, giving his side an annoyed poke but you can't really bring yourself to be mad at him even if he just stole your sleeping spot.

Then again, you always had a soft spot for the vampire spawn.

The first time he shared your bedroll was early on in your adventures. Everyone else had gone to sleep but he had remained outside, seated by the dwindling fire with the excuse that he wasn't tired yet. You'd woken up in the middle of the night to relieve yourself, noticing that even though the fire was long gone, he remained outside his tent.

"Still not tired?" You ask, slightly concerned.

"No." He answers curtly, leaving no room for further questions. You sit next to him, much to his chagrin and he shifts away ever so slightly. You notice it, of course, but choose not to comment on it.

"You should still try and trance, you'll need your strength for tomorrow," you hum, looking up at the night sky. The stars are bright tonight, shining in stark contrast to the dark sky.

"Shouldn't you take your own advice?" He snorts.

"Well, I'm not the one who has been out here the whole time," you retort, suppressing a yawn. He notices, however, the twitch of the corners of your lips and rolls his eyes.

"Go and sleep, idiot. Can't have our dear leader collapsing midway because they didn't get enough rest can we now?"

"Is that concern I hear?" You smirk.

"No." He scowls, sending a glare your way. You give him a look of disbelief, which then morphs into amusement and you grin.

"You're terrible at hiding it you know?" You huff, giving an amused shake of your head.

"Hiding what?"

"Your concern for my well-being."

"What concern?"

"That concern." You fold your arms across your chest, undeterred.

"Tch, stop bothering me and go back to sleep." He snaps, looking away. You, however, remain undaunted by his attitude.

"Is there a reason you can't trance?"

"Stop it and go back to sleep."

"There has to be a reason. Nightmares perhaps?"

"Shut up and stop asking so many questions."

"I'm trying to help you here."

"Then stop trying to help me. I don't need it."

"You don't want it, you mean."

"Yes, finally, you get it. Now leave."

"No." Your response surprises him.

"No?" He asks incredulously. "What do you mean no?"

"I'm not going to leave you to deal with your problems alone. We may not be friends yet, but we are companions. If you're stuck dealing with your own problems, you're not going to be able to fully contribute to the party and that's an issue. So we're going to solve it together, with me helping in whatever way I can and you doing the rest." You put your hands on your hips, daring him to talk back.

"And what if you can't do anything to help solve 'my problems'?" He sneers.

"Then I'll accept it and rely on you less so you can sort your own issues out first." His eyes widen slightly and you can see the panic that flashes across his face. Your heart aches upon seeing his reaction but you steel yourself, reminding yourself that it is for the greater good of the party.

"I —" He pauses, looking down. He sighs, looking back up at you reluctantly, all the fight having left his body. "I don't exactly have a bed roll to sleep in, you see. Cazador never allowed any of his spawn to have any personal belongings, everything belonged to him and he 'loaned it to us out of the kindness of his heart'. Trancing on hard ground is…difficult."

"We can share my bed roll if you're comfortable. Each of us can take a half, it should be big enough for us both."

He blinks, surprised. "Are you…sure? We…" He swallows hard.

"We've slept together before, don't tell me you're squeamish about sharing a bed roll." You raise an eyebrow.

"I'm not. It's just that…"

"Don't worry. I'm not some horny bastard who can't go a night without lying with someone. We can have our own side of the bed roll, no physical contact required." He still looks uncertain, and you sigh. You can't exactly fault him, he's dropped enough hints about certain aspects of his past and you're not going to tear open any of those wounds.

He laughs, the sound ringing hollow. "Are you sure about that, darling? It would suit my taste better if you were~"

It's your turn to roll your eyes. "Yeah, right. Anyways, are you going to take me up on my offer or not?"

"I'll take you up on it if you don't mind, darling." His usual smirk replaces the quiet sad look on his face.

"Well, come on then. We don't have much time left."

You can't help but smile upon remembering that night. He'd come so far since that night, the two of you had grown more comfortable with each other, and even after you had bought a bed roll for him, he still preferred sneaking into your tent to steal half your bed roll.

"What are you smiling about?" He pokes your cheek with a huff.

"Nothing." You grin. He rolls his eyes in response, running a hand through your hair. You bury your face in his chest, letting the gentle feeling wash over you. He presses a kiss to the top of your head, loving the way you sprawl on top of him without a care in the world. He's a vampire, for goodness sake, and yet you bare your neck to his fangs like that, not the least bit worried he take advantage of the situation and drain you.

"Hmph." He wraps his arms around you, nuzzling into your hair. As much as he complains about it, your weight is comforting. It reminds him that he isn't alone anymore, that he has you to turn to when he needs someone to lean on, and that you have him to lean on in return.

"Good night, Star." You yawn cutely, stretching your limbs.

"Good night, love." He murmurs back, pressing one last kiss to your head before he drifts off into a trance. You watch him for a while, smiling softly at the way he slowly relaxes as the trance takes hold, worries forgotten for the night.

Wrapped in the cocoon of your vampire lover, you too drift off and let sleep claim you, knowing that when you wake, he will be the first thing you see just as he's always the last thing you see before you sleep.

[sturniozo]

Our Lips Are Sealed II

Masterlist

AN: Hey guys this is just a quick note to tell you, I decided to make y/n in this story autistic. As an autistic person I haven’t seen a lot of autism representation in x reader fics for the triplets. I’ve seen headcannons and one shots but not full fics with multiple parts, so here is one!

Anyways, enjoy! I love you guys so much! xx - Angel

Nate always brings me along when mom’s gone and he’s hanging out with his friends. I don’t mind it, I’m not much for making friends of my own. I didn’t really know how to talk to people. It mostly made me uncomfortable to start conversations, or keep them going.

And it was different. Everything was different. It seemed to be so easy for Nate to be friends with everyone, why was it so hard for me? I remember talking to people, and they’d give each other the look. That look for just a moment. I knew what they were thinking too. They were thinking I talk too much, or that I was too loud or too excited.

It just came so easy to Nate. But he never made me feel bad about it. He’s my big brother, and he always looked out for me. That’s why he brings me along with him to hang out with his friends. He knows. He knows how hard it is for me. He knows how to make it better.

So here I am, sitting on three of a stone fence with Nate, Nick, Chris, and Matt. I listen to them speak to each other, not contributing to the conversation. Seemingly lost in my own world as I just listen.

“What do you think, y/n?” Chris asks me. My head lifts up from looking at my feet.

“I-“ I stammer. They were talking about who would sleep in what tents during three camping trip.

“There’s no way I’m letting y/n sleep alone, I’m sorry.” Nate says while he waves his hands around in a ‘no’ sort of way.

“Then what do you suggest?” Matt asks him. “The tents are only big enough for two people each. Someone’s sleeping alone.”

“Not me, I can’t do that.” Chris says with a laugh.

“I’m not sleeping alone in a tent in the middle of nowhere!” Nick says. “No way.”

“Well, I’m not sleeping alone.” Matt says.

Nate shakes his head. “Not y/n.”

“Who’s gonna share a tent with her then?” Chris asks.

“I think you guys are forgetting mom…” I say. “Our mom will be there” I look at Nate.

“Mom already told me she’s going to be alone in her tent, she’s got the air mattress since the ground is hard on her back.” Nate says. “She told me to sort it out with you guys.”

“We can get a bigger tent and all of us can spend the weekend in the same tent.” Nick suggests.

Nate nods. “I’ll ask mom.”

“We can get the tent.” Chris says.

“Camping grounds only allow one tent one each area.” I chime in. “Mom will need to know there’s only going to be two tents instead of four.”

Nate nods. “I’ll just need to tell mom she doesn’t need to register for four camp areas.”

“Sounds good to me.” Matt says.

“I really did not want to sleep alone.” Nick laughs.

I go back to just listening to them speak for a short while. I stare at my shoes that hand over the edge of the stone fence.

Chris sits next to me, and on the other side of me is Nate, then Nick, then Matt. Chris scotches a little closer to me, leaning over me to take the joint from Nate that they had lit up just a moment ago.

Nate always passes over me during the smoke sessions. He keeps it away from me, not as an ‘Y/n isn’t going to smoke’ thing, but more of a protective brother thing. I have asthma, and I’m a minor. Nate’s just looking out for me.

Chris blows the smoke out from his lungs in the opposite direction as me. He hands the joint back to Nate. “Is anyone else hungry?” Chris asks as smoke flows out past his lips as he talks.

“Yeah.” Nate says as he passes the blunt to Nick.

Chris jumps off the fence. Matt follows, doing the same. Chris stands in front of me. “What help?” He asks me.

Before I can say anything Nate jumps down. He takes my hand and helps me down off the fence. Chris steps back and shoves his hands in his pockets.

Nick finishes the blunt and throws it on the ground, stomping on it. Chris puts an arm around my shoulders. “Did you have a preference where we eat?” He asks me.

I shake my head, looking down to hide the blush on my cheeks from anyone’s view. Chris lowers his arm from me as we walk to Matt’s car.

Chris opens the door for me and I get into the backseat. Nate and Nick pile in behind me. Chris gets into the passenger side and Matt in the drivers side.

“Where are we going?” Matt asks as he begins to drive.

“Anywheres good with me.” Nate says.

“I could go for a burger.” Chris says. “What do you think, y/n?”

I shrug. “Yeah.”

Matt pulls into a burger place drive through.

“Do you just want your usual?” Nate asks me. Like he even had to ask that, he knows I’ve never changed my order at any restaurant since my first visit to any of them.

“Yeah.” I say and nod.

~

Matt had found a place to park in the parking lot of the mall closest to the burger place. After eating, which we all got out of the crowded van to do, we sat on the cement ground talking once again.

The sun had already set and the air was getting colder. I didn’t bring a jacket, it’s summer and I didn’t think we’d be out for so long. But when Chris saw me shiver just once-

“Hey,” he whispers to me. I look at him and he’s holding out the flannel he was just wearing.

“Hm?” I look at him. He opens it up for me to put on. “I-I’m okay.” I shake my head. Chris laughs softly and drapes the flannel over my shoulders. “What about you, you’re just in a tank top now.” I whisper back to him.

“I guess I’ll just have to hold you close.” He shrugs and wraps an arm around my shoulders, pulling me against him.

I look away from him, my face down as I bite my lip where no one can see my blush. I fiddle with the hem of the flannel as I listen to their conversation, Chris joining back in as if he never had his attention on anything else.

Their conversation goes on, seemingly no one notices Chris’s flannel on me or his arm around me. I try to ignore it myself. But after what feels like forever, when I was finally getting comfortable, Nate notices.

“Are you cold?” Nate asks me. My head snaps up.

I stammer for a second before shaking my head.

“Well not anymore, I can see that.” Nate says as he gets up and sits by me, pulling me to him instead of Chris. Nate looks at Chris as he notices the flannel. “You’re not cold?” He asks Chris.

“Nah, I’m fine.” Chris says.

“Why didn’t you tell me you were cold?” Nate asks me.

“I- I wasn’t. Chris just-“

“Ah, I got a text from mom.” Matt says. “She wants us home. I’ll drop you guys off, come on.” He gets up.

I stand up, taking off Chris’s flannel to give back to him but he presses his hand to my back to stop me.

“You’re good, don’t take it off.” He whispers to me so Nate doesn’t hear.

I stop and get into the back of the van with Nate and Nick. Nate holds a clenched jaw the whole time on the way home. I stare at my hands, silent.

Matt parks in our driveway, and Nate and I get out. Before I could even think of it, Nate pulls the flannel off my shoulders and hands it to Chris.

Nate waves goodbye to his friends as Matt pulls out of the drive way. As soon as they’re out of sight he drops his hand and looks at me.

“Did you ask for his flannel?” He asks. I shake my head. “He just gave it to you?” He asks and I nod. Nate’s jaw clenches again and walks inside the house. I run behind him to keep up.

“Are you mad?” I ask.

“Not at you, don’t worry.” Nate says as he closes the door behind me. He turns around to look at me. “I told you, don’t fall for any of his tricks. Chris’s isn’t a dating guy, he’s a hook up guy. I know you, I know him.” Nate puts his hand on my shoulder. “He’s not looking at you as someone to be with, you know that don’t you?”

I nod.

“Good.” Nate takes his hand off my shoulder and starts to head up the stairs. “I think mom’s asleep.” He whispers.

I creep up the stairs silently and get to my bedroom, shutting the door as quietly as I can. I collapse on my bed, burying my face in my pillow.

I understand Nate is my older brother, and is just trying to keep me safe, whatever that applies to in his eyes. But sometimes I wish he understood. I don’t need an older brother watching my every move.

TAGS: @urfavpouge @savageking3 @tastesousweet @jko3005 @sturniolo0ntop @dwalk41202 @stvrnise @iloveneilperry @luvmxtt @blueeyedbesson @bernardenjoyer @sturniolosreads @mbbsgf @xxsadlovexx @whicked-hazlatwhore @sturnsgirl @keira324 @stuniolobbg @timmyscomputer @meg-sturniolo @sturnioloenthusiast @nickdevora @hearts4chris

[astarionancuntnin]

here's my masterlist with everything i've written! note that:

all fics are explicit and astarion x fem!reader unless specified

series and multichapter fics have their masterlist linked with all chapters and ao3 links

one-shots/requests will have their main theme mentioned in parentheses next to the title, and the full lists of content warnings are available on their linked post/ao3 page

Requests: OPEN!

Current pending requests: 3

- i am more comfortable writing astarion (spawn or ascended) and halsin, but im open to get out of my comfort zone and write other characters! - i write in third or second POV (more experienced with x reader/tav) - comfortable with most types of writing (fluff, smut, angst, hurt/comfort) - i am willing to go extremely dark and kinky (basically ask and if its above my limit ill tell you, but if ive already written about it, im cool with it) - send an ask and ill get started on it! (i am quite busy recently, but i promise to get around to your request sooner rather than later)

fics are posted in chronological order of creation

this list will keep getting updated as i upload more

full list below the cut!

she was a wildfire that couldn't be tamed; he was the night star admiring her ruthless dance

Undisclosed Desires (Denial of feelings, rivals to lovers) (part 1)

Masterlist

astarion and you, along with your other companions, have been traveling together for a few weeks now. he gets on your nerves at least once a day. but as much as you hate to admit it, your late night activites are plagued by him. little do you know, hes aware of the effect he has on you and intends to use that to his advantage.

Bad Blood (Mature, Angst, follow up fic to Undisclosed Desires, Astarion POV) (part 2)

Masterlist (not posted yet)

it was meant to be a nice, simple plan. get the sorceress to fall in love with him to assure his safety. what he didn't plan was to fall for her as well, and all the complications that came along with it.

A Lesson in Taming Your Dark Consort

(all fics in this series are one-shots that surround the dynamic between Ascended Astarion and his consort Malva (my oc evil tav), heavily BDSM driven)

Taming a Tempest (spanking, semi-public sex)

oh, to be the Vampire Ascendant's dark consort. to have eternity and enhanced powers right at her finger tips - only to be denied. but two could play this game, and Malva would make Astarion regret witholding anything from her.

read on ao3

read on tumblr

Dancing on the Edge of a Knife (knife play, orgasm denial)

ever since his ascension, Malva was convinced that Astarion was the only person who could understand her every twisted desire. well, almost. there are some things she still keeps to herself, he simply wouldn't understand this part of her, the one who dances on the very edge of her knife.

read on ao3

read on tumblr

Contributions to Angels of The Night Collection

Blood Sisters (MalvaxMerelind)

Die For You (Lovers to Enemies to Lovers, Ascended Astarion) Completed work!

contains some Shadowheart x fem!reader

Masterlist

the ascension changed the person Astarion was, or so you believed. you broke up and parted ways after defeating the netherbrain, thinking it was for the best, but when you see him again 6 months later at the reunion, you realize you never truly moved on. and neither did he.

Meet Me In The Woods (predator/prey)

read on ao3

read on tumblr

it's astarion's turn to keep watch for the night. everyone's off to bed and he's still gone hunting and nowhere to be seen. you refuse to be the one to fill in for him again, so you venture into the woods looking for where he was last seen.

Midnight's Embrace (weed, polyamory)

astarion x female!reader x halsin

read on ao3

read on tumblr

you can’t recall the last time you had a real, good night of sleep. your fight with the nether brain is approaching fast and your anxiety is only increasing. halsin proposes to try a special brand of herbs to alleviate your mind. turns out this herb also awoke something else in you.

Nothing But A Dream (somnophilia)

read on ao3

read on tumblr

you've agreed to take things slow with astarion, only partaking in nighttime activities when he specifically desires them, and this morning, he wants you. but he would hate to intrude on your precious beauty sleep.

Run, Little Fox (predator/prey, hate sex, mildly dubious consent)

read on ao3

read on tumblr

this brat of a rogue questioned your leadership one time too many, it is time he learns his place, and youll do it the only way he'll listen to you: with a challenge. if you win, he will be held accountable for his actions, but if he wins, he gets to use you every night. it doesn't matter anyway, you'll win... won't you?

Public Display of Affection (A!A, jealousy, semi-public/loud sex, hints of voyeurism feat. Gale)

read on ao3

read on tumblr

his consort - his beautiful, too kind for her own good - forever young lover. she was his, and his only, and he believed it was long overdue to make that statement clear among the rest of their group. after tonight, the only name spiling from her luscious lips would be his.

Death is Not an Escape (Mature, Dead By Daylight AU, heavy angst)

read on ao3

read on tumblr

it wasn't supposed to end like this, they were supposed to get out and defeat the absolute - together. but as a dark fog swallowed them whole, their fates changed drastically.

The Ways of Worship (Priest/Modern AU, Corruption)

read on ao3

read on tumblr

this faith was all you've ever known. so when you wake up a morning with the dreadful feeling that you've lost it, you do the one thing that makes sense - confess to your local priest. when he offers his guidance with the promise of making you whole again, you accept without a second thought. your first lesson begins tonight.

Remember Me (Angst, Audio adaptation)

read on ao3

read on tumblr

you can't make sense of where you are or even how you ended up in this cell - hells, you're not even sure of who you are at this point; any memories of your past are a blur. it's all the more confusing when a group of adventurers come to rescue you, and a particularly worried pale elf takes it upon himself to help you remember who you are.

sleeping next to astarion

A!A's children

your short future with astarion

A!A being possessive of his consort

[peachhcs]

I bet this has been asked but we need ANYTHING on Wills goals

i am in such a blurb roll rn. samy was ecstatic to say the least about these goals

—

even though it was halloween, samy's eyes were glued to the hockey game playing on the tv while the pregame happened around her. everyone knew already that if the sharks, devils, or canucks were playing, she was watching no matter what was happening.

she followed her boyfriend around the screen as he glided across the ice fighting for the puck with his line. they were playing good tonight and something in the girl felt a goal coming. it's been building since the season started and she knew it was in sight for will.

he pushed against the blackhawks players, skating closer and closer to the goal. samy was literally on the edge of her seat as she mumbled things to herself about the game. from the kitchen, hannah laughed at her roommate's behavior.

"yeah, when she's focusing on hockey, everything else doesn't matter," the brunette chuckled with some of their other friends.

as soon as the puck slid into the back of the net after will's stick, samy was on her feet, catching everyone's attention at her sudden excitement.

"he scored! he scored! holy shit!" the younger hughes exclaimed as hannah hurried in to catch the replay. samy grbabed her friend's shoulders, shaking her and the drinks in their hands.

"will scored a goal! he scored his first goal!" she was bouncing on her heels making hannah bounce with her, both girls now screaming in excitement.

"no fucking way! oh my god," hannah laughed as they both turned back to see the multiple replays happening. the puck slid in with such ease.

samy grabbed her phone to text will even though he wouldn't look at his phone until after the game. she started spamming him with congratulations and i'm so proud of you and adding a hundred different emojis that definitely contributed to her slight drunkenness.

it wasn't long after when will scored his second goal just minutes before samy and her friends were about to head out for the night. the girl screamed, their neighbors definitely wondering what was going on. she jumped around in excitement, feeling extremely proud of her boyfriend scoring his first two nhl goals on the same night that also put them ahead of the blackhawks.

"they actually might win this! holy shit!" the brunette texted will again, not caring that he was gonna open his phone to probably over 50 messages from her. she couldn't help it.

this moment was so special and she was disappointed she wasn't there in person, but she couldn't be more proud of will. he dreamed of moments like these happening since they were little kids and now that it was happening really didn't feel real.

samy was still out when her phone buzzed and she saw will's name flash across the screen. the girl excused herself for a second to find a more quieter area to talk to him for a moment.

their call connected and samy immediately smiled when she saw will holding up the puck he scored.

"i can't believe it!! i'm so, so proud of you. we watched the game before we went out and it was honestly so amazing. you played so well," the brunette rushed out, her words slurring together slightly.

"i can't believe it either. i feel like i'm dreaming or something," will admitted.

"and you scored two! that was awesome. we were literally just about to leave when i saw your second goal," samy gushed and her words brought a bright pink flush to his cheeks.

it warmed his heart knowing samy still had on the game even though she obviously had plans for the night. it was those little things that proved to will that long distance was gonna be worth it. he didn’t doubt it anymore—and a part of himself still hated what he did to her.

“i love you, baby. have a good night out. text me when you get back to your apartment,” the blonde smiled, not wanting to keep her away for much longer. samy quickly leaned in, kissing her phone camera as if she was kissing him.

“i love, love, love you so much. celebrate those goals tonight!! i’ll text you,” the two shared a laugh before hanging up.

[thetriumphantpanda]

one kiss is all it takes | javier peña

Take The Weight Off His Shoulders - Chapter Four

Chapter Summary | All of the tension between you & Javi comes to a head when you're gathered at the Peña ranch to celebrate Chucho's birthday.

Chapter Warnings | Consumption of food & alcohol, some angst, heavy on the flirting, discussion of drugs & the drug trade but nothing else.

Pairing | dbf!Javier Peña x F!Reader

Word Count | 3.2k

Authors Note |  Well. I am having far too much fun with these guys. I hope you guys are still enjoying this. Just wanted to give a huge shoutout to @undercoverpena for helping me brainstorm this chapter and figure it out when I was struggling and for just being my biggest hype woman. If you're enjoying this then reblogs and comments really do help and if you’d like to support me further, please consider a donation to my Ko-Fi. 

I no longer use taglists. Please follow @thetriumphantpandanotifs to be notified of new updates.

Series Masterlist | Main Masterlist | Ko-Fi | Series Playlist

It’s Chucho’s birthday and it feels like the entirety of Laredo has descended on the Peña ranch. He’s currently sitting on one of the chairs that’s been set out on the back porch, beer in hand, talking to some of his friends from the ranch association. You’ve already been over, wished him a happy birthday with a kiss on the cheek, and pressed a small gift bag into his hand from the rest of the family. The bag is sitting between his feet, and you know he’ll take it in with him later to open on his own. Never one for a fuss, was Chucho. 

Other townsfolk are walking around, or standing in smaller groups, drinking or eating from the spread of food everyone had contributed to. You’re currently sat with your mom, who is talking to some of the women she works with. It’s dull conversation, but you try your best to look at least semi-interested when a question is thrown your way. You’re focused on something else though. Your eyes have been searching through the sea of people for one person, and one person only. Javi. And he’s nowhere to be seen. You bring the bottle of beer you’ve been drinking to your lips, tip it up, but find it empty. 

“I’m just going to get another drink.” You mumble to excuse yourself from the group around you. 

They all smile at you but quickly return to their conversations once you start stepping away. The relief from the cool interior of the house is welcome, as you open the fridge and root through it for another drink. You close the fridge door gently, plucking the magnetic bottle opener off the front when you hear muffled voices coming from down the hall. 

“You know,” You can just make out, so you take gentle steps to the edge of the kitchen to hear better, “If you were looking for something else, we could always use you back on the force.” It’s your dad, and you bet you know exactly who he’s talking to. 

“Go back to shining lights into teenagers’ cars whilst they’re making out and busting petty criminals?” That’s definitely Javi, “That’s not really my scene anymore.” 

You can hear your dad sigh a little, “It’s not really like that anymore,” He offers, “You must know by now we’ve got some kind of drug epidemic here, we can’t seem to crack it, I bet you could blow this whole thing wide open for us.” 

Javi scoffs, you press yourself further into the wall, knowing you should walk away, this isn’t your conversation to hear, “Even more reason for me to stay away,” He answers, “I couldn’t crack it down there, and if it’s anything like that here, it’s going to go far deeper than you could ever imagine.” 

Your dad sighs again, louder this time, because he’s clearly fighting a losing battle, “Well, the offer is there, think about, huh?” 

All Javi does is grunt in response, which you think is akin to something like ‘thanks, but no thanks’, then you hear footsteps coming down the hallway. You don’t move quickly enough to dart back through the doors but do manage to make yourself as inconspicuous as possible at the kitchen island as your dad rounds the corner. 

“I didn’t know you were in here.” He speaks, fishing his own new drink out of the fridge.

“Just came to get another drink,” You smile, trying to make your voice loud enough that Javi can hear that you’re inside too, “It’s pretty hot out there.” 

Your dad clinks his bottle with yours as he moves to head back outside, “Cool off, but don’t hide away in here, okay?” 

You nod and smile as he heads back outside, but you don’t make a move to follow him. After last week, when Javi pressed his lips to your cheek, you haven’t been able to think of much else. Surely, if he’d come all the way to fetch you, brought you food and kissed your cheek, that must mean something? You’d felt absolutely crazy trying to explain it to Liv, recounting your conversation, trying to get her advice on what it meant. She’d been entirely unhelpful, telling you that you were reading too much into it, but she had told you Victor was nice, so you weren’t in the habit of trusting her at the moment. 

You stand at the kitchen island for a while, praying that he would come to you, talk to you, even just say hello, anything would do, but he doesn’t. He stays wherever he is, doing whatever he’s doing, leaving you standing there like someone had stood you up. You sigh, pick up your beer and head back outside. 

It’s probably an hour later, you’re back sitting with your mom and her friends, when he emerges from the house, his own drink in hand. He makes eye contact with you, but when you smile at him, he doesn’t return it, just turns and walks over to the first group of people he can find, almost completely ignoring your presence. It hurts, is what you think, makes your heart sink a little. 

You see him a few times over the next couple of hours as people start slowly heading off. It’s still warm outside, but the sun is starting to set, painting the ranch in a soft orange glow. Your mom and dad left about an hour ago, leaving you where you there to help tidy up. The plan had been for all of you to stay, but your mom had indulged in one too many glasses of wine and needed to nap. 

The crowd had thinned out significantly now, so you think it’s a good a time as any to try and tidy up the porch a bit. There’s a rubbish bag hanging from the railing, there’s a few actually, that you think Javi must have set out in order to keep mess to a minimum, so you start picking up the empty bottles and used paper plates, stuffing them in until it’s full. You move some of the furniture around, back to how you know Chucho likes it. 

“You don’t have to help with this.” 

You turn around, and for the first time Javi is looking at you, talking to you, but still won’t quite meet your eyes, choosing to busy himself with gathering the trash from the other side of the porch. 

“I don’t mind,” You shrug, walking over to help him out a little, picking up some more paper plates to shove into the bag, “Doesn’t seem right to leave you to tidy the place on your own after allowing half the town to come over.” 

He doesn’t really respond after that, silently shuffles around, refusing to meet your eyes. It drives you wild, because there’s no way you’d made up the signals he’d been giving in the car. No-one kisses your cheek if they don’t want you. 

Once the porch is clear of clutter, Javi makes a beeline for the trash bag that’s full, leaning down to pick it up. You follow his movements, reaching down to circle his wrist with your hand, trying to be gentle with him. You’re not expecting him to snatch his arm away from you like you’d just branded him with a hot poker. He even steps back away from you, turning his back slightly, although you can see one of his hands come to his mouth, fingers running over his facial hair and down his chin, other hand on his hip. You think you hear him mutter something under his breath that sounds a lot like ‘don’t’. 

You stand there, dumbfounded if anything. Why is he being so different with you? Hot, angry tears are forming across your waterline, because you’re embarrassed, embarrassed that you’d played into him leading you on. To try and hide the fact you’re about to cry, you turn on your heel, stomping, albeit quite dramatically, around the side of the porch when you feel him grab your wrist, pulling you around so you’re facing him. Nowhere to hide now, you think, giving him your face, letting him see the tears he’s caused. 

“What?” You spit, tearing your hand out of his grip, much like he’d done to you just moments before. 

“Just… wait.” He says hands up in defense. 

So you do, you stand there and wait, shifting your weight from foot to foot, watching as he leans back more of his weight on his back leg, hand rest on the top of his jeans, mouth opening and closing as he tries to think of what to say. 

“You know what?” You scoff, “I’m so fucking embarrassed, Javi,” You can feel your bottom lip start to wobble, more frustrated tears threatening to fall, “I thought-” You start, running a hand over your cheek to wipe away the tears that are forming, “I thought I was picking up on these signals between us,” You motion your hand between the two of you, “Thought maybe you felt the same way about me, I mean, who kisses someone’s cheek and tells them there’s nothing wrong with them if they don’t mean it, right?” You can hear yourself, sniffling through the tears, voice getting quicker and higher in pitch as he just… stands there, “God,” You chuckle, “I really thought I’d stop embarrassing myself at some point, but clearly fucking not.” 

He's still not saying anything, and you’re sick to death of making yourself feel and look like a fool in front of him, so you turn on your heel again, walking away, when yet again his hand circles your wrist and pulls you back to him, but this time, you don’t stop by just turning around to him, he’s tugging at you, pulling you closer, and then all of a sudden his lips are on yours. It’s quick, almost over before you can even register what’s happened, but there was no mistaking the feel of his lips pressed to yours. The tickle of the hair on his upper lip against the skin under your nose. 

When he pulls away, you’re dumbfounded, mouth open in shock, “You kissed me.” Is all you can say, voice high with shock. 

“I did.” 

“Then what the fuck was all that back there?” You ask, incredulous and confused, head spinning with what’s going on. 

All he does is shrug, seemingly unable to explain himself, which makes you more annoyed. Is he fucking with you? All you wish he would do is tell you what the fuck is going on in his brain, what he’s thinking, why he’s behaving in this way. 

“Tell me,” You demand, “Tell me, or I’m going to get in my car and leave.” 

And he’s standing there, and you think you can see the cogs working behind his eyes. His mouth is doing that thing again where it opens and closes without him saying anything. He brings a hand up to brush over his brow, but he still doesn’t say anything. You’d had enough. If he didn’t have the decency to be frank with you, like you’d been with him, then you guess you had your answer. 

For the third time that evening, you turn around and start walking, heading for the steps at the front of the house. He doesn’t try and grab your wrist this time, doesn’t try and touch you, but you can hear his footsteps behind you. You can see your car in front of you, you reach into the pocket of your shorts, fingers hitting the keys when you finally hear his voice. 

“I’m trying to be good, alright?” He calls out to you, “Better,” he offers then, “I’m trying to be better and I just…. Fuck, I hate this.” 

And really that’s all you needed. You needed him to try. To try and explain his behaviour, to tell you why he was giving you these mixed signals. So you turn, walk the few steps back towards him, take his face in your hands and plant a kiss right on his lips. 

It’s like it breaks the dam that the two of you had been trying to hold back, because his hands are on your back, one resting just above the waistband of your shorts, the other fisting at the material between your shoulder blades as he really kisses you this time. Your hands drop to the collar of his shirt, pulling him in closer as you open your mouth against his, let his tongue finally touch yours, pressing your body as close to his as you can possibly get it. You can feel the tension of your shirt being pulled from behind. It’s like he has to fist the material because he wants to touch you, wants to put his hands on your skin under the material, but knows he can’t. 

When you pull away, both breathless, he leans down, rests his forehead to yours, eyes closed. 

“I don’t want you to be good, Javi,” You whisper, “I want you to want me.” 

He opens his eyes then, big chocolate orbs that are pleading with you, “I do,” He answers honestly, “I want you so much, querida, and that’s the problem.” 

“I know.” You try and soothe, but really, it’s all lost now isn’t it, there’s no going back from here. 

Almost like you both finally realise you’re in the open air at the same time, you both step away from each other. Your hands coming to pull your shirt back into position, Javi doing the same with the collar of his shirt. You run your thumb over your bottom lip where you can feel the wetness from the kiss, wiping it away. 

“I should go,” You say softly, motioning your head to the car, and he doesn’t argue, because he knows you should too, because if you stay here there’s only one thing that can happen, “See you around.” 

Like it’s now his signature move, his hand circles your wrist, turning you back to him, “Call me?” He asks, “Call me tonight?” 

You smile, “Okay, I’ll speak to you later.” 

You weren’t really sure how long you were supposed to wait to call him. You got in and your mom was already in bed out for count, your dad sat in front of the TV, cold beer in hand, watching some kind of sports. 

“You help Javi clean up?” He asks as you throw your keys in the dish on the side table. 

You try not to bite at your lip, try not to focus on the heat rising across your cheek, “I did,” You confirm, walking over to the fridge to pick out your own drink, “Most people had already thrown their stuff away, so it didn’t take long.” 

You sit with him for a while, sipping slowly on the drink, trying to quell the memories of his lips on yours, the way he had tasted and the way his hand had fisted so tightly at the back of your shirt. It was everything you’d wanted it to be, all those years of wondering what it would be like, and now you knew, and all you wanted was to know what else he could do, how else he could make you feel. 

Once your drink is done, you give your dad a chaste kiss on the cheek, bid him goodnight, and spend the next hour pacing, trying to concentrate on reading, before you give up. You reach into your bag and pull out the card. Run your fingers over the name embossed there. You pick up the receiver on your nightstand, punch the number in and press call. 

This time, he answers on the first ring, like he’s been sitting around waiting for you to call, just as much as you have. 

“Hello.” You speak timidly, leaning back onto the pillows of your bed, switching the handset to the other ear so you’ll be able to hear anyone wandering around outside. 

“Evening, hermosa.” He croons back to you, but doesn’t offer anything else. 

You sit there for a moment, listening to him breath down the phone, reveling in the fact that he’s doing the same, until it gets to be a little awkward. You start speaking right at the same time as he does, which makes you both pause to let the other carry on, but it only works to make you both laugh. 

“You go first.” He prompts. 

You take a deep breath, “I’m sorry,” You muse, “For how I was earlier.”

“You don’t need to say sorry,” He replies softly, “I’m sorry for being shit at talking about things.” 

There’s another pause, but it’s more comfortable this time, “So…” You trail off, “You kissed me.” It’s whispered, almost like it’s some terribly sordid secret, which you suppose it is really. 

“I did,” He confirms, and you’d like to think he’s smiling on the other end of the phone, “Wanted to do more than just kiss you.” He admits at the end. 

“Oh,” It comes out a little like a gasp, “Why didn’t you?” 

“I told you,” Javi replies with a little sigh, “I’m trying to be good, trying to be a gentleman.” 

“What if I don’t want you to be a gentleman?” You offer. 

“What do you want me to be?” 

You giggle a little, “You sound like I’m paying you to say these things to me,” You hear him scoff at the other end, “I just want to know what you wanted to do to me that didn’t involve kissing me.” 

“Oh, hermosa,” You hear him make a ‘tsk’ sound through the receiver, “I would have kissed you, and then some,” You can hear him shifting around on the other end, “Wanted to put my hands all over you, make you feel good.” 

You bite your bottom lip a little, wanting nothing more than to let your hand wander below the waistband of your shorts, but there’s that little bubble of anxiety that always seems to make itself known to you when you get yourself into conversations like this, your lack of experience, lack of knowledge really, in how any of this is meant to work. 

“I wanted you to do that too,” You admit, “But…” You trail off, not really wanting to admit this to him right now. 

“But what, hermosa?” He coaxes. 

“I’m just-” You sigh, “I don’t have a lot of experience in this stuff, you’ll have to be patient with me.” 

You don’t know what you expect him to say, but it certainly isn’t what he says, “You want me to teach you, huh?” He asks, “Show you what you’ve been missing with those college boys?” 

Your breath catches in your throat, because he’s so right. You want to know what it’s like for someone else to take you apart. You want to know what it’s like when someone sinks into you and really cares about how you feel. You want to know what it’s like to feel someone else’s mouth on you. You want to know what it’s like to curl into someone’s side once all is said and done and fall asleep with someone’s arm wrapped around you, and you want all that with him. 

“I do.” You reply simply. 

“Then say no more,” There’s another silence, “I should let you go,” He says, “But I’ll see you soon, okay?” You hum in response, “And, um, don’t worry okay?” You’re about to ask about what, but you think you know what he’s getting at, “Just… probably best we don’t say anything to anyone, but don’t worry about it, alright?” 

“Okay,” Is your response, because what else is there to really say, “Goodnight Javi.” 

“Goodnight, querida,” He says back, “Sweet dreams.” 

[moments-on-film]

Moments on Film: The Bear Season 3

Now that I have had a few days to process and fully…..digest S3, I am back with my most visceral thoughts.

I must say, distance did not do anything to ameliorate how I felt about this season. There were some beautiful moments, I really enjoyed episode 1, for example, and I truly appreciated the opportunity to learn more about how Sydney comports herself as a leader, Marcus‘s beautifully inspired and fresh creativity as a chef, Tina’s journey, Natalie’s inner struggles, and more backstory on chef Luca.

What I am having so much trouble with this season, is Carmy. I knew this would happen. I knew S3 would be the belly of the beast, as I predicted 🔗 here , but it was still so hard to take in.

Those of you that have read my work know how much empathy I have felt for Carmy. I have rooted for him. I see how much help he desperately needs and I am always hoping he will find a way to course correct when he gets off track. Carmy ditching Sydney in S2 and lashing out at Richie in the finale felt like a punch to my gut. I was so hoping those two relationships would be nurtured this season but in fact they got worse.

I want to be clear, I have had so much compassion and empathy for Carmy and his emotional problems, due to the cycles of abuse he has had to endure. What I absolutely cannot excuse or reconcile this season is how his behavior and actions are hurting, stifling, and traumatizing those around him.

Another thing I really want to uplift is that yes, this is a show that emphasizes found family. But at the end of the day, this is a business, he is in a leadership position, and everyone who works there is an at-will-employee. In my opinion, Carmy has completely failed as a leader, on all fronts. He has never exhibited leadership skills, with consistency. And as supportive member of the “family”, real or otherwise, he is nowhere to be found. Carmy has actually created a hostile work environment that is legally actionable and litigious with his mood swings, verbal and physical abuse and erratic behavior.

It is a stone cold fact.

I was rooting so hard for Sydney and staff to walk out the door this season. That’s how bad his behavior is. Sydney deserves better, plain and simple. Everyone working at The Bear does. Another point I want to uplift is that while Christopher Storer created the show, it is his sister, Courtney, “Coco” Storer who is the chef on whom he based much of the plot. Courtney has also moved from Culinary Producer in seasons past of The Bear to Co-Executive Producer and even “Story By” credit on this season of the show.

There is something Courtney said a few years ago on a podcast that has stayed in the back of my mind because I always wondered if it would be used as a plot point for Sydney. She shared a story of a restaurant she worked at in Los Angeles. She was promoted to CDC, loved her team and really enjoyed working there. However, it was not all perfect. She was constantly burnt out and at a physical and emotional deficit due to the stress. She suffered panic attacks. She also shared that she was not officially a partner with a stake in the restaurant, and she felt like she needed to have her own back because at the end of the day, no one else did. Although it was a difficult life decision—-she quit.

Forget Michelin stars. If Carmy cannot create and maintain an environment people want to work in, with him, he will end up completely alone. It also may already be too late.

I understand this season is apparently in two parts, I understand that everything happens for a reason. What I can’t understand is how I am meant to root for a character that has contributed to Sydney having panic attacks, has hit Richie, has yelled at Marcus during what must be the worst time in his life and who was about to lose it on Tina if Sydney hadn’t stepped in, saved her, and saved him from himself. Completely unacceptable behavior.

Carmy needs professional help. I have said this many, many times before and I am going to say it again. Carmy. Needs. Professional. Help. He cannot continue to let his triggers and emotions be his master. He is in a leadership position and people’s jobs are depending on him. He cannot offer any more hollow apologies, he has to back them up with consistent action, or I will continue rooting for the staff to leave or for him to step down.

If he doesn’t make the time, energy, and effort to stop the madness, slow down, take a beat, remember all of the gentle and beautiful mentorship he actually did receive through his rise as a chef, lead with his heart, build trust and repair his relationships, especially with Sydney, with Richie, with his sister and her new baby, he will lose it all, because he will have lost the one thing that truly matters, the people he is supposed to care about and the people who care about him.

Does he have it in him to turn this all around? At this point I am not sure. And if he doesn’t, I believe what “grows together”, and they really did, all grow—-will in fact, go together.

©️moments-on-film 2024

[genderfluid-jewish-lesbian]

My Jewish Identity

I am an Ashkenazi Jew. When people hear this, they assume I am Polish. I am not.

My family lived in Ukraine for many years, to the point that I could say I am Ukrainian. But I am not, because at the time it was Soviet Russia, so they would have identified as Russian. Except they didn’t. They said they were Jewish, because they weren’t treated as if they were Russians. 

When people hear this they must think, “oh, they must have such a hard time with the current war up north” I don’t. The Ukrainians that are suffering were never my family. My family got kicked out, and left for America. They left their tiny shtetl, and came to a new land. If they were still alive, they would feel bad, but the people suffering are the grandchildren of the people who hated them. I feel sorrow for the people there, because if my family never left I would be among them. But my family never wanted to leave. 

I live in America. I identify as an American as a child of immigrants would. I am 4th generation American, in some parts 5th, but I don’t feel that way. I am a Jewish American: Jewish first, American second. 

I am also Irish, Italian and Cypriot. When people ask for my ethnicity, I say that I am Ukrainian Jewish, Irish, and an Italian-Cypriot blend. People get upset when I list my Jewishness as an ethnicity. These people are never Jewish. “It’s a religion, not an ethnicity!” To you it is. To the people who oppressed my family, it was very much an ethnicity. It was a justification for killing non-practicing Jews. 

My name is Chaya. It comes from the word “Chai” meaning life in Hebrew. If you do not already know this, it’s pronounced with a k sound, not a ch sound. People have said that the word was stolen from other languages. They are denying my name, one of the must fundamental truths of my existence. My name means life, and they are denying it. They are denying Jewish life. 

People ask me if I’m a Zionist. Am I one for wanting the state of Israel to exist? A homeland of my people? Then yes, yes I am. Can I be one and want Palestine to exist? Yes, I can. Can I be a Zionist and want peace for everyone? I certainly believe so, but people on the internet are telling me I am a nazi. I am a Jew. I know what nazis are. I know what genocide is. I know what ethnic cleansing is. You are telling me I am contributing to it. How can someone say anything more hurtful? My family escaped ethnic cleansing. We have been doing that since the 7th century. It is the reason I am alive. You tell me, that to get a land back from the descendants of my oppressors, I am the oppressor? You tell me I am no longer native. Is there a time limit? Do I have to stay in the land to stop the clock? I couldn’t. My family couldn’t. We are a wandering nation of people who have been kicked out of every place we have stayed. Now we are finally home, and we are told it is no longer our home? By who? Not us, I am sure. Oh, it’s by the people who took our land in the first place! Now the media has put us against each other, and people don’t feel safe in the streets. 

People say they feel safe. Those stories are shared everywhere. Someone else says they feel unsafe, but how can they possibly when someone else, in different circumstances, from different decent, in a different land, with a different level of religion, says they are okay? How can both be the same group and have different experiences? We wouldn’t, if we never lost our land. 

[hotmessmaxpress]

heyyy i am in absolute aww of your abo au and u would love to read about cele’s dynamic in the pack

i was wondering if u could write about cele’s relationship with marc cuz he wasn’t there during the whole marc visiting ranch before the breakup so they have zero interaction and even now he’s in moto2 so i was wondering what their dynamic would be like or whether u could write about him being sad cuz of his injury and moping cuz he can’t race and only marc is free so he takes care of him and it’s a bit awkward at first cuz they’re never alone just the two of them but then they get close and he’s basically marc’s child after that

Rosquez a/b/o au, part 4

This isn't really at all what you asked for (lol I'm sorry!) but I sort of took the injury idea and ran with it! I think this is when Marc really starts to get comfortable being a 'pack mom' of sorts. Thank you for the ask!

Celestino breaks his collarbone and he makes it everyone else's problem. Temperamental and sort of a pain in the ass normally, he becomes insufferable. Everyone has empathy, obviously, because there is nothing worse than wanting to race and being unable to. Still, there are only so many times one can hear Celin whine about being unable to race before you want to cover your ears.

Celin also doesn't want to speak to Bez, which is new for everyone. The two are codependent in the way only two trouble-making best friends can be, and Bez is apprehensive about Celin's refusal to depend on him for emotional support through this.

"You recovered faster from yours," Vale says, when Bez whines about it to him. "Leave him alone and he will get over it."

Still, Celin is driving everyone insane. He lurks around the ranch, and his contributions in the pack group chat are all depressing.

Marc realizes that as the other omega of the pack, he must step in.

He knows Celestino less than the others in MotoGP, simply because they spend less time together. Celin doesn't get as much time in the pack motorhome as the rest of them, and when they are together Bez is usually present.

Marc isn't sure if he's ever spent time alone with Celestino.

Still, he has to give it a shot. He waits until the weekend when he and Vale are home, and he invites Celin over.

You need to get out of your house. Come mope at ours, Marc sends. He follows up with I will come get you.

He sends Vale off to go run errands and says he wants to deal with Cele one-on-one.

"What if he doesn't want to speak to you either?" Vale asks, obediently grabbing his keys but looking incredulously at Marc. Marc gives Vale the softest, most pathetic, stereotypically omega look he can manage, and he watches as Vale has to consciously refrain from coming across the room to hold him in his arms. He knows that Cele will be powerless against him when he looks like that.

"Okay, fine, if you think that will work," Vale laughs. "Let me know when it is safe for me to come home."

He kisses Marc sweetly then he's out the door, presumably to go bother Uccio or the staff at the ranch.

Marc grabs his own keys and drives to Celestino's. He has to put it in the GPS, because he's never driven there alone. Marc parks outside and sees a curtain fall back into place in one of the windows, followed shortly thereafter by a pathetic looking Celestino coming out the door. He's half wrapped in zip-up a hoodie, one half hanging off of his shoulder because of the sling in the way. Marc gets out of the car and opens the door for him, and Celin says thank you in his most pouty voice.

"I don't have anything planned," Marc admits, getting in the driver's seat and pulling away. "I thought we could lay on the couch and watch whatever you want. Vale isn't home and we can eat all the snacks we want."

Celin hums in response, and Marc realizes he has his work cut out for him.

They drive in silence back to the house, and Marc guides Celin into the house. He has blankets and pillows already piled on the couch, and Celin looks suspiciously between Marc and the couch.

"I thought I would ask before I nested," Marc says.

He's had Celin in his nests before, but never alone, and he doesn't want to force the younger man to cuddle with him if he doesn't feel like it.

"Please," Celin says softly, not making eye contact.

Marc assumes that since he's been ignoring Bez he must not have been in an omega's nest since breaking his collarbone.

Marc carefully constructs it to give support to Celin's arm and sling, and then gently pulls the blankets around the both of them.

"Comfortable?" he asks.

Celin hums in response. He shifts around a bit, and Marc waits nervously as Celin tries to get comfortable. He still hasn't made eye contact with him yet, and Marc wonders for a minute if this was a bad idea. He doesn't want to make Celin feel bad if he won't be comfortable with him. His omega instincts are also starting to kick in, and that part of him wonders if his nest isn't good enough for the young, injured alpha.

Celin finally relaxes, and he tentatively wraps an arm around Marc's shoulders. Marc takes that for the invitation that it is, and snuggles close. He tucks his nose against Celin's neck, and scents the younger alpha. His scent is a little depressed, and Marc moves his head in an encouragement for Celin to scent him. The younger man does, and Marc purrs in encouragement.

They both relax a little more at that, and Celin keeps his face pressed against Marc's neck. He has clearly not relaxed like this since the injury, and Marc feels a pang of sadness for the younger man. He didn't have anywhere near the same experience Celin has had coming up through the different categories, but he does know what it's like to feel like you're on your own and isolated. He imagines it must be even harder when the people you surround yourself with have already made it to the place you want to be.

With that in mind it's a little easier for Marc to consider Celin's feelings. He must feel like his injury sets him even further back than the group, without remembering that the pack don't care where he's racing; they love him no matter what.

A shudder runs through Celin's body, and Marc kisses him on top of the head, feeling a rush of affection for the younger man.

"This is nice," Marc offers.

Celin nods, finally separating from Marc's neck enough to relax against the pillows.

"I was always nervous around you because Bez hated you for a long time, but you've never seemed bad to me."

Marc tries not to snort. That's all Vale's fault, once again.

"I appreciate that," he says softly. "You giving me the benefit of the doubt."

Celin smiles. "It turned out okay, right? I was right and you aren't bad."

He sounds a little smug, and Marc smothers a grin.

"I'm glad to be part of the pack."

He snuggles a little closer, and finally reaches for the remote now that they've both finally gotten comfortable.

"I'm glad you are too."

[gyusimp]

°•300 followers gift! •°

⚠️Warnings: NSFW, MINORS PLEASE DNI!, Smut content, Very explicit content, Dark content, Kidnapping at Kyogoku house, Stockholm syndrome, submissive reader, Female reader, Insults, Inappropiate languaje, Canon Gyutaro. Read at your own risk.

I reached 300 followers! I promised a good smut so here's a gift from me to all of you for being so amazing. I have no words to thank all your support and kind words since the beginning of this adventure on Tumblr, writing for Gyutaro makes me very happy and it also makes me happier to know that I am contributing a little to this fan club of his. Thank you very much so enjoy! 💚

Special thanks for @mrsshabana and her interesting suggestion 👀

It had already been a long time. were they days? Weeks? Months? You don't remember, but since that day your life took a 180 degree turn. You entered the Kyogoku house with the hope that you could have a better life than you've led up to now, even if it meant selling your body as if you meant nothing. They say that money is not everything in life, surely someone who never lacked for anything said it and now here you were, in your training to learn to be a refined and elegant girl capable of attracting clients with something more than just your physical.

It was easy for you to be accepted, you were one of the few most beautiful girls that existed within the Entertainment District, the house would grow enormously with you so if they didn't accept you it would be stupid. Your beauty had saved your life but it had also condemned you in a way, without you knowing it. You didn't even imagine it.

He had seen you. At all hours of the day, although you could not see him he could watch you, from the dark depths of the shadows he watched you. Every step you took, every word you said he could hear you and hell, you were driving him crazy, just looking at you made him want things that had never crossed his mind before in all his long years of life. Would he just keep watching you or would he do something to change his reality?

His selfishness took him too far this time. You were perfect, you were his and he would not allow you to be contaminated by the dirt of any insignificant worm. You were clean and beautiful, he wouldn't let anyone get their hands on you until it was his turn. If someone was going to try you, it would be him, if someone was going to stain you, contaminate you or desecrate you inside this house, it would be him and no one else but him. He wanted that just by seeing you, everyone would know that you were his and no one else's, that you belonged to him, that every corner of your body screamed his name.

Gyutaro Shabana.

That was when his sister let him do as he pleased, it would be easy to invent a rumor about the girl's escape or murder, it didn't matter. Like her, her brother always got what he wanted. He took you all to himself, he owned you in the darkest and most secluded place in the Kyogoku house, the place furthest from all human contact that no one had the slightest idea existed, where he could remind you that you were his when he wanted.

The first few days were difficult, this client took you all to himself and it seemed like he would never let you go. That twisted idea had no place in your head, you cried, you got angry but no matter how big a scandal you made you couldn't escape from his side.

Those days are just memories now, vague memories where you still can't understand how your way of thinking changed by being by his side. As if you felt anger and frustration when you saw him, you went from wanting him in the same way and doing whatever this man could think of. It would be enough for him to snap his fingers to have you on your knees in front of him completely at his will, because you were his.

Summer was just arriving, the nights, despite being windy, were still hot and irritating. You were in the same place you had been since he took you in trying to find a way to deal with the high temperatures in the environment. Small amounts of sweat began to dampen your body under your clothes, your loose hair was a torment and that feeling between your legs was too annoying. It wasn't because you felt aroused, just the heat made your panties feel very wet for some reason and that was starting to irritate you. When suddenly, he appeared.

Your heart skipped a beat at the sight of him, your heartbeat quickened, and thrilling joy blossomed from the depths of your chest.

"Gyutaro-sama!" You squealed with excitement.

He walked towards you and you just greeted him as usual. You sat on your knees with both hands resting on the ground in front of you as he continued to move closer to you. You looked at him happily, waiting for his return greeting. Gyutaro watched you from above, from head to toe. He noticed the big blush that was painted on your face, how little hairs stuck to your forehead and shoulders due to your sweating and then he looked down at your chest. Your kimono was slightly open because you were trying to freshen up a few minutes ago, which left the beginning of your breasts exposed, making Gyutaro start to feel hard.

He cupped your chin in his thin, bony fingers and forced you to look into his eyes.

"It's hot in here, don't you think?" he asked, with a lazy smile.

"O-Of course, it's quite annoying!"

He kept looking at you "It's different for demons but..." he placed his thumb over your lips, touching them with his fingertip noticing that they were a bit dry. "I suppose you'd do anything to get some water, wouldn't you?"

Water. That would be the solution, you were dying and you didn't know why but Gyutaro had given you the answer. You were probably dehydrated so that was what would get rid of this unbearable heat.

"Yes! You're right!" You answered agitated. "You could get me some, right? You are very good to me, Gyutaro-sama. Could you get me some water?" You asked, eager to hear an answer as you rubbed your face in the palm of his hand as if you were a cat happy to see its owner after a day without seeing him.

Gyutaro laughed after hearing your request. "Of course! You know I can give you whatever you want, as long as you do your part...would you do what daddy asks, sweetie?" He asked.

"Y-yes! Of course I do!" You responded excitedly, almost jumping in place to get closer to him and hold his hands. "You know I would do anything for you, I'm yours!"

Gyutaro watched you with a mocking smile, he thought you were desperately pathetic and that turned him on too much. He loved seeing you so desperate and surrendered at his feet, willing to leave you in his hands so that he could do what he wanted with you.

"Then you'll have to take care of this." Gyutaro took a part of your hair to pull it and bring your head closer to his hip in an abrupt way, to bury your face in his crotch making his length crash against your face. "Look what you've done, my little slut…you'll take care of it."

Gyutaro pulled your hair again and forcefully threw you to the ground so that you were lying on your back. He didn't wait another minute to loom over you in an imposing way and watch you eager to do with you what he wanted.

He took the red ribbon around his neck and took it off, took your hands and tied them above your head to hold you steady. Immediately after, Gyutaro grabbed the collar of your kimono with one hand and pulled it down with all his might to open it, ripping your obi and the rest of the garment leaving you completely naked since you weren't wearing any underwear. Gyutaro looked at you carefully and made fun of you when he saw your extremely flushed face, trying to cover you but your hands were tied.

"What a pathetic and poor girl...I will make you feel like never before." He said between laughs.

Gyutaro settled on you and took your knees with both hands to separate them and open your legs wide, finding your cunt naked and already very wet. He licked his lips and without wasting another minute he pounced on you to start tasting you.

Gyutaro squeezed your thighs hard, making you moan shakily the moment his tongue made contact with your slippery folds. Your hips moved in circles to one side and the other to try to get more pleasure than what Gyutaro was already giving you. You could feel his tongue and teeth running all over your wet vagina, he didn't take breaks, he just devoured you completely like there was no tomorrow. After his mouth had been in each and every one of the corners of your core, he separated from you with a snap coming from his mouth after having made one last suck.

You could feel how wet you were between your legs, a part of your juices had trickled down your butt, wetting your thighs and crotch, mixing with Gyutaro's thick saliva. When he separated from you, a transparent thread was the only thing that united him between your pussy and his mouth. His lips were wet, drops dripping from the corners of his mouth to his chin and he wiped them away with the back of his hand. You felt very aroused and the best of all is that all this was just beginning.

You gave Gyutaro a submissive but daring smile, letting him know you needed more from him. Sometimes, he just bothered you, stimulating you for a while, making you believe that he would fuck you, but actually, he ended up getting up and leaving on purpose, leaving you irritated and desperate. The times when this happened, you usually ended up masturbating, but it was nothing like when Gyutaro did it to you.

"Aren't you going to continue? I thought you wanted to" you said, feigning sadness. "I need more of you and you know it..." your legs stayed open on your own and you weren't going to close them. Gyutaro was in front of you so your intention was that your open and wet cunt was under his gaze to seduce him. "Sure? You don't want to continue?" You asked, you started rubbing against the futon you were lying on to tease him, Gyutaro untied your hands and you lowered your fingers into your pussy. "I'm yours, Gyutaro...see?" You took your labia and spread them wide to expose your wet folds and swollen, throbbing clit to begin rubbing it with your fingers slowly and carelessly until your movements became faster and more rushed as you began to feel more pleasure. "Don't you want to do this? Don't you want to touch me and do everything you want to me?...that's what I'm for!" Your voice was desperate and a bit demanding begging for him. "I told you you could do whatever you want to me so here I am, see?" You said, and you spread your legs more showing Gyutaro your vagina. "Th-this cunt is yours Gyutaro-o...aahh...it's all yours and you can do whatever you want, whatever you want but I-I need you inside, I need you inside of me...j-just take me and do what you want, open me as wide as you can and fuck me until you can't anymore...fuck this little pussy and make me feel complete! Do it Gyutaro-sama!"

Gyutaro removed your hand from your vagina before you could cum on your own, grabbed your hair and turned you to place your chest on the futon, exposing your back. He took you by the waist with both hands hard and put them under you to squeeze your tits making you gasp. Gyutaro came closer to you and lowered one of his hands towards your pussy to insert his fingers directly into your wet hole. Every time Gyutaro moved and arched his fingers inside you there were wet sounds that caused you to get more and more wet.

Your eyes were blank and a thread of saliva ran down your mouth to your chin while you couldn't stop moaning desperately.

"I love to make my whore happy!" Gyutaro said, full of pride in himself. "Do you really want me to do everything you said? Well...you asked for it."

Gyutaro took his hand out of your pussy with another loud sound caused by your juices, he took your hip and made you lift it up, leaning on your knees but without letting your tits come off the futon, arching your back. The only view Gyutaro had now was of your ass so in awe of the view he gave you a hard and painful spank that made you moan. Your ass was on top so he didn't have a perfect view of your hole unlike when he just spreads your legs to fuck you. Gyutaro lowered his hand to your pussy again and began to touch you "looking for your hole" while with the other hand he pulled out his hard dick dripping from his pants and when he finally knew where to enter, he rammed you and penetrated you the first time making you scream with a bang painful pleasure. Your hands were clinging to the futon trying to hold you steady but Gyutaro was too strong and moved too fast. "Is that okay? Is that how you wanted me to fuck you?" he asked sarcastically. Gyutaro cupped your pussy with both thumbs and spread it open to expose your swollen folds. "That's how you wanted me to fuck and open you, right bitch? To fill you up and make you dirty with me, to stain you and make you impure! Are you enjoying it now? Is your pathetic cunt better now or will it still be dripping and writhing for me until i destroy it?!" He spoke mockingly.

You were dying in every way, this hurt as fuck but the pleasure that Gyutaro gave you was completely indescribable, his thick cock was demolishing you but that was what you wanted and you didn't care that your legs and your entire cunt hurt tomorrow and during some days. This is why you were by his side, right? Gyutaro took you by the hips as he dug into you, squeezing your ass and showering you with insults and dirty words, he pulled your hair up to see your expression and your eyes rolling up non-stop moaning until he kissed you abruptly without stopping moving. Gyutaro kept going until he realized how tight your pussy was, your body began to shake and your hair was a mess mixing on your face with your tears, sweat and saliva. Your entire cunt trembled and after feeling that perfect sensation of burning and pleasure at the tip of your clit, you cum. You cum all over Gyutaro's dick just like he did inside you, his release so great that it began to overflow through your folds until it seeped out of your vagina and trickled down your crotch, thighs and knees until it dripped onto the futon and created a small thick puddle under both of them. This orgasm was a relief for you, after having come all you could do was fall on the futon without caring how you got daub in your semen and Gyutaro's. Your eyelids were starting to feel too heavy until you started to close your eyes.

You couldn't even get the water that Gyutaro had promised you because after that amazing fuck, you fell asleep or passed out even with Gyutaro deep inside you. Maybe you had reached your limit but... are you sure that Gyutaro too?

[pinpilinpaux]

Alexia Putellas on her interview with SPORT

Are you happy?

How deep! [laughs]. Yes, yes, I am very happy. I had a really hard time during the injury. Until that moment I was lucky that I had never been injured before and it was really fucked up. I worked a lot to be able to have these opportunities now and enjoy competing again. I just want this: to win, to compete, to train, to help the team. I'm happy and it shows on the field, doesn't it?

Did that beautiful goal against Madrid with the outside come to you by itself or did you have time to think about it?

I didn't think about it at the time, I think a lot on the pitch, but I often flow and that's what came to me. Then I analyzed the play and Misa was already cutting me off, and with the inside I don't know if it would have gone in, because I had to wait a little longer. Kika left it for me to finish with the right, but I chained the stride and it fell to me on the outside.

It couldn't be any other way, your 199th goal with Barça to surpass Luis Suárez and enter the club's historical podium. It's not to compare, but to put what you're doing as a midfielder into perspective.

When I started at the club, I never imagined I could reach almost 200 goals. It's a figure we've usually seen more in strikers. I work on many things and efficiency is one of them. I know that I have at least one per game and I have always tried to help the team in that way. I don't think I do it only with goals, but with many other things, but I always work to make it happen.

When you see all this, are you aware that you are one of the best players in history or you don't think about it?

No, no, no. I don't think any of this. I think these things are valued, just like titles and everything you can contribute to a sport or a club, when you are no longer there. Right now I just think about the next game and then the next one. And so on throughout the season.

How did you receive the affection of your teammates after achieving this milestone in Madrid? They celebrated with you and then sang to you in the locker room.

I had nothing in mind, to tell you the truth. And in fact, whenever I score, I don't know what to do. I get carried away by the adrenaline. At that moment I was almost not even aware that it was goal 199, the celebration was more because we were winning 0-4 against Real Madrid at their home. The team competed very well in the match, the level was very high. We all got together on the bench and celebrated together.

Everyone who works with you says you're doing very well physically and, above all, mentally. Where are you at now?

I think the word that best defines it is stability. I knew that after the game against Manchester City. The reaction was that: of balance, that everything was fine and was going to be fine. I felt like I have throughout my career and it's a feeling of enormous tranquility.

When you signed your renewal, after a long negotiation, the phrase 'Alexia is Barça and Barça is Alexia' was repeated. What does this say to you?

A lot. But I think that Barça is not just one player, it's a lot more, that's why it's the best club in the world. But if someone thinks like that... I feel flattered.

During the injury, were you thinking 'I'm going to come back' or 'I'm going to be the best again'?

There are many phases in a process like this. In my case, I went from being at a very high level to having to learn to walk. I don't know if people are aware of what an ACL operation is, but if they are not very apprehensive, they should look it up. They do everything to you in this operation. And when you have to relearn how to walk and run, you don't think about anything else but the immediate. You have surgery and you can't even put your plate on the table to eat.

Totally dependent...

You need help for everything. And I didn't think about anything else but getting back to playing. Then you burn through the stages. When you achieve one thing, you go for another, and another. I'm like that with everything and I was also like that with the injury. And then you think about working to get back to the level you were at.

I really liked your speech in the locker room before the final in Bilbao. You were a substitute and you talked about the importance of all the players on the team, those who were going to play and those who were not.

These injuries also make you learn a lot. I have been in roles that I had not lived before, both when I was injured and when you return to the team and you see that you need to get into the rhythm, that you need time, but at the same time you don't have time because this is the elite. And today I understand much more what a teammate who is not playing a lot or who does not have confidence in herself can feel. And this is something that the injury has also given me.

What did it mean to you to be back in Paris, among the ten finalists for the Ballon d'Or?

It was a different day in my life. Gratitude and happiness for the recognition. It's not why I play, but everyone likes to be recognized if you've done your job well. It is something very subjective, because everyone has their own opinion and everyone votes their own preferences. I just dedicate myself to helping the team, to contribute my virtues inside and outside, and if they recognize it, I am very grateful, to be honest.

It's a long season, but you're off to a great start. Can you see yourself on the stage of the Châtelet for another year?

Ugh... I don't know. It's true, I don't think about it. I'm only thinking about the next game and, at the very most, what I'm planning in the long term is titles, trying to fight for the four again. And in the summer, the Euro. After that, the season is over and it doesn't depend on me.

Two Ballon d'Or for you and two for Aitana, four in a row. Is it a reflection of how well Barça is doing?

One hundred percent. When I won them, I felt it was a prize not only for me but for all of us, for the project. And now I still feel the same way. You have been winning for four years an award that is perhaps the most prestigious and this says a lot about the club, the team, the teammates, the staff, what is created, the fans.... It is the award that makes visible everything that is behind it.

After the classic you wanted to highlight the work of Pere Romeu and all the staff. How have these first months of changes been?

At the beginning we felt, because this is Barça and the demand is maximum, that we needed to finish fitting pieces, ideas and really define what we want to be. And I think that with the passing of these months we have seen perfectly that in the end all we needed was time and I am very happy for the team and also for the staff.

Hence your words...

I think that the preparation phase of the coaching staff can often go unnoticed. In the end, we see everything they work on so that we can execute it on the field, everything they transmit to us and the many tools they give us so that we can almost flow. And I wanted to highlight this after a victory like this, because it was also, and to a large extent, their merit.

When you started playing in Sabadell, you were mixed in a team with girls of different ages and you were always one of the youngest. Now you have a special admiration from Barça's youngest players: Pina, Jana, Vicky... What can you tell me about this rising generation?

The future that awaits Barça is incredible. It is also true that there is more and more competition and it is difficult. When I arrived here, I didn't have or need that adaptation, because it wasn't the same. Back then, when you were 17 or 18 years old, you were already playing every game. And now, perhaps, it's a little different, but the demands are also different. I have a very good relationship with all of them and for them I'm not a mother, because I'm not a mother because I'm 30, but I'm like an older sister. I have a great time with them.

Is it possible for you to tell us why you call Vicky 'stitch' or is it a secret?

[Laughs] Let her tell you, let her tell you.

We write it down for Vicky, then.

Write it down for her, write it down for her.

Now the Champions League is back, which did not start well in Manchester, but you came out to say that no one should doubt Barça. And the team responded.

We really want to be in the quarter-finals and be first in the group, and for that we depend on ourselves. We have two away games left, which won't be easy, and on December 18 City come to Montjuïc. Given how the game went there, we are looking forward to this one.

The other day, against St. Pölten, the girls from your Foundation, Eleven, came to Johan to surprise you. Were you excited?

Very much so. It's a very special project. It was born when I broke my knee, I had a lot of time and it helped me to get through it a bit, because I had a lot of time, which is something I'd never had before. I broadened my vision and started to create things. Everything I do, I do it because it is born from me. It fills me with pride to see that it is already a reality and that I can help other people thanks to what life has given me.

Do you think about a future after your soccer career?

No, especially now that I am very happy. I don't see myself in any other way than as a player for the moment.

[epickiya722]

Hi, I just wanted to say your blog has gotten me through all the my hero academia discourse from the epilogue leaks that have came, out I just find it so frustrating Remembering when chapter 430 came out the leaks taken out of context again. Seeing people hate on midoriya is frustrating to me as a midoriya lover and a bakudeku shipper. Being in fandom is so tiring will definitely be taking a break from my hero academia until Dec 4 when the volume officially comes out.

First, you're welcome!! ദ്ദി ( ᵔ ᗜ ᵔ )

Second, you should take your break!

I'm with you on how frustrating how this fandom can be. I am, too, a Midoriya fan (you already know I'm about to say he's my #1 tied with Miruko) and being a multishipper, I have came to like BakuDeku.

I'll tell you, seeing how everyone is reacting, I frankly find myself highly annoyed.

I don't discriminate, so I'm annoyed with just about everyone right now.

From saying this is canon and this is ruined and whatever else isn't helping anything.

It seemed almost no one learned.

The full chapter isn't out yet and people want to start ship wars.

BakuDeku's now coming for Horikoshi's throat are doing exactly what others have been saying for years, you are really proving what antis and others have been trying to call you folks! They've been calling the shippers "toxic" and now with the leaks out, BakuDeku are acting out. I thought you were better than this! Don't be attacking people, hello? Let alone the fucking mangaka???!!!

You can ship BakuDeku! Don't feed the haters what they want! DO BETTER!!

Oh, the other ship shouldn't celebrate so soon either. "Horikoshi has been hinting IzuOcha since the beginning. BakuDeku's were delusional into thinking their ship would be canon."

Show me you're an ass without telling me. Case and point.

First, can we drop that word, "delusional"? I hate it.

Second, I don't know if anyone is really paying attention, but the most Horikoshi has done with IzuOcha was make it feel one-sided. Izuku barely shown anything towards Ochako except being flustered around her like once or twice because she's a girl. Just like he has done with other girls.

BakuDeku shippers weren't delusional to ship them because look at the manga, just look. They even have a volume cover that looks to be a reference to Spider-Man and Gwen Stacy!!

What I hated about Ochako having a crush wasn't that she had a crush. It's Izuku, why wouldn't she like him? What I hated was the fandom chose to only recognize her for that. Whether you hated or loved Ochako, it feels like injustice to her to think only her crush on Izuku was important and then assume from barely fucking nothing that after eight years, he wants to date her because his possibly drunk ass looked at her and thought "I want to make her my wife, she's so pretty".

Sorry but it's a played out trope.

And after reading his previous works, Horikoshi making the main boy and girl canon don't even seem like his forte. It just don't feel right.

Now, them dating isn't bad and I know some people think "it will ruin Ochako's development" but again... how we know that with very little information?

And Izuku, my favorite green bean... this fandom really doesn't get you. I have unfollowed and blocked so many people within just year alone because of these bad takes about him.

"Bakugou should take that suit back". Bakugou isn't the only one who contributed to that suit. Yeah, he gave the most donation but saying that just makes him sound controlling. Don't do that. Don't make him sound like someone who would deprive someone of something just to control their actions. Bakugou fans, come on now.

After all the years of Bakugou being hated? Don't do that to him. I mean, I'm already disappointed in some of you, but come on.

Izuku ain't do nothing wrong that we know of! Cool your jets, first!

We don't have no full translation. We don't have all the pictures. The leaks gave to little to darn near nothing.

We don't know everything, but apparently it doesn't matter to anybody, does it, friend? (I meant the friend part affectionately!)

Again, I'm annoyed at just about everyone right now about this. Nothing is canon until everything is out on the table and every little detail is seen.

People were acting like 430 was such a terrible ending even before the whole chapter came out and now seeing them go "I guess that chapter wasn't so bad" is so funny to me. Oh, now it doesn't?

[m0llystars]

"it's over" "he won the election" some of you people are actually so fucking weak holy shit. what the hell is giving up in This kind of time especially going to do? none of this shit matters at all until you're able to actually make ur choice. yeah this is all fucking crazy and it's gonna def rile up even more people on the right to vote, but especially considering that this is gonna be people like me's first ever presidential election where i can actually vote too, it's not like it's one way. i wouldn't be surprised if the right's been struggling to attract more people to rally behind them beyond their current base, which has been dwindling, and only leading to them becoming more desperate and more outlandish in what they want to accomplish because they're only ever good at catering to the following they have rather than pulling more people in; and those people are getting mad old and only more nasty and unhinged with time. ofc there's younger people getting pipelined into it, but beyond that? outside looking in, nothing about what they're going on about is remotely fucking sane-sounding to the average person.

polls do not mean anything. propaganda and people making edits of politicians that go hard as fuck now that the guy missed and there's cool pics of it, does not mean anything. if you already know what choice you're going to make, none of this should mean literally anything. have maybe a bit of fucking backbone behind what you believe in. i don't like being public about this kind of thing but one thing i am strongly and forever will be strongly annoyed with is people wallowing in misery and contributing to doomerposting/doomscrolling. you have right to be upset, obviously this is upsetting, but the second you start talking like you have to give up now, that's when you gotta shut the fuck up for everyone else's sake. maybe that's naive of me to still think things can get better, but maybe i'd rather be a bit delusional-sounding to yall than perpetually miserable

[dragon-creates]

I’m looking for an artist to collab with for an AU

Hello! If you don’t know me already, my name is Dragon, the author of the TADC fics 5+1 and Royally Screwed (and also a funnybunny shipper). However, I am coming up with a totally new AU, something similar to the carnival and freakshow au as well as inspiration from Bendy and the Ink Machine, Poppy Playtime and Amanda the Adventurer.

I call it ‘The Amazing Digital REDACTED’ au.

In this au, you ‘the player’ play as Jax, an ex-employee of C&A returning to the abandoned building in order to find the rest of your work employees after a mysterious incident years ago. With hidden knowledge that he must enter the game in order to find them, Jax does just that while managing to retain his memories. Along with his accomplice Bubble (a helpful AI who wants to free the rest of the trapped souls) and some help from his friend Winter (yes Winter from 5+1 will be in this but that fic isn’t canon to this au) on the outside, Jax tries to fix his past mistakes and save everyone – especially a particular jester he loved and lost long ago.

Yup that’s right, Jax will be the main character of this au and you will be playing as him. Let me explain, there is a feature on AO3 that allows you to make multiple choices on how you want the story to play out, like a telltale video game if you understand what I’m saying. You will get to pick and choose how Jax goes about his adventure and receive more than one ending (with a canon ending as well). And yes, this au’s main ship is funnybunny as I believe that it deserves more recognition and I find that these two in this au are very interesting to explore (especially with their past).

However, this fic is going to take quite a long time to make and is going to be bigger than anything else that I have written in the past. That is why I want to team up with a fellow TADC/funnybunny artist (since I am not an artist and do better with writing and characters) and create a separate blog for this au to come up with comics and art together. If you’ve seen the blogs for the Carnival and Freakshow au’s, you know that with their comics and art they explore more of the world, drop some lore, do character sheets and explain the pasts of the characters. This is what I’m hoping for if I team up with an artist. This au will mostly be on tumblr however if it does well I might add it to twitter as well since I’m putting this post on twitter as well.

Here are what I have pictured for the characters so far.

Jax: Past name; Jack. Ex employee of C&A, main character and who you the player will be playing as. Before the ‘incident’, Jax used to work at C&A as part of a coding team, to make sure that there were no bugs before any games were released. While C&A wasn’t on his list of jobs to pick, it was the only one that seemed best due to the pay and the fact that they could pay for schooling for those with children. Since Jax has a little sister named Jane, and has no parental figures in his life, he takes the job in order to help pay for the both of them and to make sure that Jane gets a good education. Unlike his canon TADC counterpart, Jax is more quiet, tired and while sarcastic, isn’t all out cruel to everyone unless they are bad people (think Mike from the FNAF movie especially with his relationship with his younger sister). He becomes quite close with his boss’s daughter however, Penny (Pomni) with him starting to develop feelings for the shy girl. However, after the day of the ‘incident’ Jax is left with nothing but guilt since he knew things that contributed to that day. Now he has a chance to make things right and save everyone, and Pomni.

Pomni: Past name; Penny. Ex employee of C&A and daughter of the CEO Abel, Pomni is an extremely introverted and socially awkward person, due to being traumatised by her mother’s death. She and her father don’t have a good relationship, with reasons that will become clearer later. She was quite close to the past version of Ragatha, but other than her father, she doesn’t really have a relationship with anyone. She likes to work alone to focus on the numbers and accounting part of her job (she understands numbers more than people) until she meets Jack. Though Jack is usually a bit standoffish, he is sweet to Penny due to her shy nature and helps keep an eye on her throughout their jobs so that she doesn’t feel too overwhelmed. Overcome by his sudden kindness and protectiveness, Penny starts to develop feelings for Jax. However, after the day of the ‘incident’ she is now trapped in the game, forever a jester trapped in a box…until Jax shows up.

If you’d like to be an artist for this au and collab with me, you can send me a DM or @ me. Do either of these and a sketch of the characters and I will reach out to you and confirm that you can be my partner for this project.

Here are some visuals on how I envision the characters.

Jax:

Sans the goggles, think of Jax wearing this over his grey and dirty overalls, he could also be holding a makeshift weapon like a bat or a stick so that he can fight off enemies. This version of Jax is much more serious and he is ready to fight in order to get the job done.

Pomni:

(on the last pic, focus on the makeup rather than the outfit)

Overly baggy and childish, with blue and black instead of blue and red. This design is a reminder of her past trauma and as so, is implemented into her circus features. Due to it being too big for her, it makes it hard for her to run and escape, and the ridiculousness of it all is a huge slap in the face that this is her new life now and is fully erased of her past.  Even the makeup covers up any kind of normalcy on her face.

Well that’s it for now, I hope you guys take this into consideration and I hope you all have a lovely day/afternoon/night.

[seeingteacupsindragons]

I am the kind of person who, while I absolutely do not seem like it, is possessed of the naive kind of faith in humanity and persistent optimism that no amount of reality and even my own mental illnesses can actually really extinguish.

There is always, always a part of me that's like, "we can fix this before it gets really bad!" even when I logically know that's not going to happen.

I don't know what the hell that fix would be right now, but even still my brain is coming up with completely unworkable suggestions.

And on a practical level, I just don't know what I can do. Me, personally, because there's jack all I can control about anything else. But yet my brain still thinks something is going to intervene and make this suck less.

Things were so bad and so traumatizing last time. The social infrastructure cracked and started breaking. Things mostly held, barely. Not everyone and everything made it through. What did made it through very different.

It's going to be worse this time. More damage is coming, in ways I don't know if are fixable and will take a long, long time to fix.

It is absolutely going to be worse this time, and my brain is still telling me there's a way out, somehow, someone with power just needs to find it and do it.

But I also realized this morning that for all of the threads and things with lists of things to take care of before things get really bad all just...feel like things that should have already been happening. We should have all been doing most of those things.

"We have to take care of each other because no one else will." Why were we not already doing this? We needed the practice and maybe if we were doing this, we wouldn't have ended up here.

"Donate to XYZ charities." Maybe if we'd been doing that before the crisis point, it would have held better.

"Find XYZ thing you can do and contribute to and--"

And we should have all been doing that anyway.

So I think that in many ways, the work doesn't change, it only gets harder and worse. The things we need to do now are the things we all should have been doing and many of us were already doing.

And that feels deranged to say. "You're not going to do anything different in a terrible situation? How can you not do anything different?"

What am I supposed to do differently?