#and idk if i'm going anywhere
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So I saw your 2023 in review post and I was wondering what about fandom made you think about pulling away?
What ever you decide to do in the future I just wanted to say thank for posting your works, I've gotten into some new ships and I may or may not have gotten some shipping brainrot from some of your fics :'D
the stifling silence and lack of interaction, to put it shortly. i don't really have a lot of friends to talk to, people who'd like the same things i do, and it makes it hard to keep motivated to write anything. and writing thousands upon thousands words and then getting maybe two words in return. getting super excited to share a fic and then people aren't super excited to read it. i can't keep hyping myself up every time only to crash land moments later. i'm just worn out and tired.
but another reason is the remake. i don't want it lol. i mean, i'm sure it's good! but it's not the same. and in every sense that matters fandom-wise it's replaced the original. sure i can go play the og game anytime, like so many people say ("Just go play your original! Problem solved!") but... it's got nothing to do with the problem. the existence of the remake isn't the issue, it's its prevalence in fandom spaces. every headcanon, every fic, every piece of fanart, every meta post, every opinion, all the gushing posts... remake. and most of the time even untagged remake. and I'm so tired of it. it feels like the thing i love, the characters i love, have been wiped out of existence and replaced with these strangers (again, they're probably really good characters! but not the same characters) so it's increasingly much me watching all the other kids play in their remake sandbox while sitting with my bucket and spade digging at dirt alone (altho i do love that mental image lol :'D)
i'm not saying people can't or shouldn't enjoy it, they absolutely should, and they should have fun with it. but it's not for me. and it means I am left out, just as a fact, as a natural consequence of my own choices. still doesn't mean it doesn't suck balls. so ehh.
BUT ANYHOW. glad to hear you've enjoyed the ficcage :) thank you for the kind words!
#and idk if i'm going anywhere#every other day i am 100% done#every other day i have strength to hope#päivän peili by viikate is the song equivalent of me now :'D#i do have 2.5 fics written too this year#but let's see#i know nothing#anonymous#ask and i shall answer
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louis loves lestat, a part of the tragedy was/is that he loved/loves lestat so much and can't STOP loving him, that's why he couldn't fully kill him, why he lets him come back home after the drop, why dreamstat is even a thing during paris and stayed with him for 77 years, even when he tried to let him go he couldn't move on or forget about him because he LOVES him
#i feel like i'm copying what somebody else said here so if i am i'm sorry xoxo#wahhhhhh guys i am going through it#i don't understand why ppl don't think he ever loved lestat you can see it in his every action his every facial expression idk guys like#i need to rewatch this show so bad guys#i can't find s1 anywhere aaaaaa#when louis says 'if you were the last vampire on earth it would be enough' and then turns to lestat ...that is all the proof you need that#he loves him#once again waaaaaaah#interview with the vampire#louis de pointe du lac#loustat#i have so many thoughts rn but i am going back to reading instead yay
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OLD ART (at least.. 2.5 years old I think..?) that I did for a MCYT themed prompt exchange. First ep of Wild Life reminded me that I actually drew smol 3rd life Scar with Grian back then lol Old art embarrassing skahsdgjhg... there's plenty of stuff about this I think is super wonky (the face....!?) so I'm really conflicted on even posting it TT;
#I literally haven't posted it anywhere so#...it can go up. for now. but I might delete it later#grian fanart#scarian#<feels weird tagging it as such since I'm not rly a shipper myself#but the prompt I got from my friend WAS a ship prompt so.....#life series#this is specifically based around 3rd life and also involves some watcher grian stuff ? I think#idk man I legit Do Not Remember#I like the hands still at least so thats something
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certified spooky girl who got fed up of watching horror movies alone so she went to spend some time in ciudad enamorada to find herself a partner~
#ts4#the sims 4#simblr#ts4 gameplay#*dahlia#idk if this gameplay will go anywhere#i'm mostly testing the new features + a new reshade
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I tried writing just a little more of the third loop and I realized. Within the THIRD LOOP, so as soon as Odile accepts her journal entries are genuine:
she'd totally clock that Siffrin is looping.
Arrived in House. Siffrin activated the Death Corridor's trap. However, he did not call it the Death Corridor. Mirabelle informed me it was the place when I asked about the trap. This seems to be our third time. Haven't told the others. The brevity of the previous entries makes them more alarming than helpful. But there's still a notable difference. First attempt: ends too abruptly. As a work of fiction, tasteless for implying a sudden death to a trap--may have been the case. Second: Siffrin successfully disarms the trap and names the corridor. Current: Siffrin disarms trap but does not offer details. They were also calm when the boulder crashed down. Siffrin tends to startle at sudden noises. May have their own knowledge of previous attempts?
just like. Odile being super analytical and clocking 'no gdit that's weird talk to Siffrin' and then as soon as she talks to Siffrin (probably during the first snack break) and sees them react to being questioned going 'okay yes you totally know. so since you don't have a journal, how are you getting the information--oh you remember all this. you remember getting horribly crushed by a boulder. That's...'
The only word coming to her mind is 'oof' and she does not want to say that
#siffrin#odile#in stars and time#in stars and time au#IDK IF THIS WILL ACTUALLY GO ANYWHERE I'm just poking at a bunch of fics tonight#seeing what sticks#but it fascinates me for the thought of 'so okay how much would Odile helping but with incomplete info help Siffrin'
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This is going to interest exactly no one except myself, but still.
We've all seen the chaos that is the Flight Radar right?
That's a lot of planes.
But are you ready for the insanity that is the Ship Radar?
Because it's nuts.
(Red are tankers, green are cargo.)
And if you watch for long enough you'll start to realise some vessels do some weird things. Like this tiny tug boat that has been doing exactly this for going on three days straight.
You good??
#i'm sorry i'm sick and bored and i've been spying on the same Coastguard ship for half a week now#because it randomly anchored up in our fjord#which never happens#so i was watching the radar to see how long ot would stick around for#and when it left that evening it went south#and now#days later#it just passed righ outside my friend's house#which is like a 12 hour drive away#and idk that tickled me#but i spend an absurd amount of time looking at this thing and it's very fun#so in case anyone else would find this fun but did know it existed#here ya go!#if you see a boat/ship anywhere#you can find out stuff about it! just like a flight on the flight radar
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#i really don't know what to do with the placements of these galarian forms with how fucked up the galar dex is#well shit i guess cursola has a natdex number‚ doesn't it? fuck. lemme look for it real quick 'cause#if i'm going purely natdex and ignoring regional forms then technically cramorant should come next#but this one came before sandaconda in the. galar dex#UUUGHHH HOLD ON#cursola is natdex 864. compared to sandaconda which is 844. this should be like 20 later#but it's going here because idk what the fuck is happening#and also i already made this post so you get it now#cursola fans rejoice. but like. galarian weezing? that doesn't have its own natdex number but i can't find a model for it anywhere#so cramorant is next?? ugh. pokémon company step up your game please#cursola
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I headcanon that at first Ray is adamantly against the use of nicknames and pet names for himself because he thinks it's silly.
"My name is Ray. It's literally three letters and one syllable long. Just call me Ray."
But Emma can't let that stand. She has "sunshine" and "Em," Norman has "Nor," "Norm," and "Boss."
So her proposed solution is for Ray to change his name so that "Ray" can be a nickname and show of affection. Ray balks at the suggestions she litters throughout their conversations, addressing him as Raymond, Rayner, even Raybert at one point.
Norman is more deft in his timing so the first time he drops a "Raymond" during one of their chess matches he ends up on the receiving end of Ray channeling Isabella with this look
He does eventually come around to them calling him Sunray.
#“Ah‚ to be greeted every morning by the two loves and lights of my life 🧡🖤” / “It's too early for this‚ Norman.”#“Raymond works the best because then we all have that second-syllable 'm' sound going on‚#but Rayner has your name plus all of our initials…” / “Stop.”#literally the largest jump of a tangent from Ruby's 𝘌𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺𝘣𝘰𝘥𝘺 𝘓𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘴 𝘙𝘢𝘺𝘮𝘰𝘯𝘥 edit kdfjgdkj#He is 𝘴𝘰 easy to rile up#but tbf he makes it easy‚ when it comes to them 🧡🖤🤍#Idk if he'd even make an “I'm leaving you” joke at Norman's attempt after everything they've been through at this point#like m'guy you were literally willing to die for them for six years before you even hit double digits#they know your ass isn't going anywhere dkjfhjk#peak comedy is after not saying anything about it for years is this being the way Norman figures out the Isabella-Ray bio connection#The Promised Neverland#TPN#Post-Canon#Norrayemma#Noremray#Emma#Norman#Ray#FSS Chatter#FSS Shenanigans#TPN S1#TPN S1e08#Escape Arc#Emma will also sometimes call him Sleepy Cyclops but that's meant to be more of a sweet callback
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Spoilers for Deep Connections under cut!!!
"Rhys..." Jack stared into his eyes, afraid, still holding back. Because why shouldn't he? He has caused enough chaos in the younger man's life. He no longer felt deserving of being a part of it. "I'm-"
"Stop."
Jack silently watched as Rhys inched closer, slowly and carefully guiding his hand. God, how he wanted to wrap himself around Rhys, and yet even the slightest touch threatened his system to shut down. And when Rhys placed Jack's hand on his thigh, the fear of holding back a thousand moans and curses resurfaced.
He sucked in his breath, as if that would stop him from thinking about every possible way he wanted to touch Rhys. His other hand gripped the armrest, keeping it far enough with intention. Any and all contact was risky, especially when he did not know what was running through Rhys' head.
But then he felt it, at the back of his head. A ping.
He ignored it, still overwhelmed by Rhys' cybernetic hand laying on top of his.
Another ping. A request for... a wireless connection?
"I- Rhys, I can't let you do that," he tried, but Rhys ignored his fears, visibly moving even closer.
"I meant what I said that night," Rhys spoke in a hushed voice, his words meant for Jack and Jack only, "You thought I was out of it, and I guess it was kind of true. I was... angry. At you. At myself. And I know I should've handled that anger like an adult, but dammit, even I need to let loose sometimes. And I guess by getting shit faced, it did kind of open up a door of opportunity in my head. But what I'm trying to say is, I'm really tired of denying our feelings."
Jack gripped Rhys' thigh involuntarily, the man's words affecting him in ways he could not explain. He leaned back further into the chair, trying to gain control of the situation. He did not want to hurt Rhys more than he already has, "Don't say that. You can't say that! Didn't you see what I did?"
"Yeah. I saw everything," Rhys admitted, eyes locked with Jack's, "And it only confirmed what I was afraid of."
"That I shouldn't even be here in the first place?"
"That I keep bringing you back because I need you in my life. This was never a matter of you being useful for me or the company. I just... I hated how everything ended. Deep down, I kind of knew that there could've been something more between us, but I guess it was just a matter of-"
"Wrong place, wrong time."
"Yeah. Like it always seems to be."
"Is..." Jack began, still absolutely terrified that this could all go wrong any second now, "Is this the right time?"
"And the right place, if you let me in." Rhys leaned closer, his left hand gripping Jack's shoulder for support. "I want to feel what you feel, if that makes sense. I just... I want you, Jack."
Some out of context Deep Connections as I try to slowly get back into the groove of making renders. (I tried to be non-spoilery, even though this... might actually be a spoiler of its own? I mean, the real thing is gonna be in Rhys' POV so not really. There's like 2 chapters left between this and where the story currently is on ao3 - link here.)
#listen december was absolute hell for me thats why I was barely active anywhere#I'm kind of having a block when it comes to doing stuff in ue lately idk why#I will go back to finishing the requests I prommy#SPrenders#DeepConnectionsAU#rhack#handsome jack#rhys strongfork#borderlands#tftbl#tales from the borderlands
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So everyone's hopping on the Bluesky train now?? I hate being left out so I made an account there, come follow me if you'd like ✨
#Shima speaks#Bluesky#I'M NOT GOING ANYWHERE I PROMMY but a lot of my friends + moots are here too so#I'll be posting there as well as here ^^#Idk how Twitter works since I literally never used mine so. This will be an adventure. Lol
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Every time I try to write lately, I just can't get anywhere with it :/ I can string words together but they feel empty. Events happen, but what story are they even telling? There's no emotion, no depth, so substance at all. I just can't make anything that's about or says anything at all and idk why :/
#it's starting to get really frustrating#I've got 3 wips that are all different stuff that I keep coming back to and none of them are going anywhere#it's like there's no substance to any of it#the events feel soulless and empty#what am I even saying with anything that happens#'oh this story is about intimacy' where's the intimacy then bitch#like yeah they're touching but like what's intimate about it where's the emotions#goddamnit I just want to make something and I just can't#like maybe I could make something that's shit and soulless but I don't want that I want it to be good#and I keep trying and trying every week and I get nowhere with it and then I'm like :/ well fuck now I don't know what to do with myself#and then the bad feels get worse cause the thing that's supposed to make me feel better isn't working and I can't manage to actually do it#ffs#idk what to do but sometimes complaining helps so I'm trying that lmao#who knows maybe it'll help#shut up nerd#text#misc
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The unmistakable sound of footsteps approaching begins to fill the air. Whoever is coming seems to have brought some company along…
They are getting closer… and closer… and closer…
…and closer…
……until..................
"Goooooood evenin'!!" Comes the loud greeting from a certain blond man. A big smile on his face and all.
"We beg your pardon for our prolonged absence. It was completely beyond our control..." Then adds the gentleman standing by his side, apologizing on behalf of both, offering a genuine smile along with the apology.
"...BUT! We're back!" And hopefully for good this time…
#[HI HIIIIIII~~ HOW'S EVERYONE DOING?? 8)]#[IDK IF ANYONE REMEMBERS ME OR MY MUSES ANYMORE?? BUT HELLOOO]#[one million years later but we're backkkkkk]#[i'd like to start by apologizing for completely disappearing for months without any announcement]#[life has been far from kind all this year so far and this has greatly and negatively impacted me emotionally]#[like..very VERY badly (harmful stuff and etc)]#[all to a point where i've had to take some time off from most social media]#[and which is also why i haven't checked or replied to any messages anywhere in a while]#[not that i'm the most social and most active person ever but you get what i mean here ;v;]#[the original plan was to come back here like a month or so ago but as you can guess i was unable to due to the same irl issues]#[i'm not gonna lie i'm still not doing well]#[but i wanted to come back or at least try to]#[since writing for these two and the ogre street guys always brings me joy and i also missed everyone here!]#[i'm still unsure if dropping threads will be the way to go for now or not#because i have no idea if my partners are still interested in any threads we had prior my unannounced hiatus]#[or if anyone's still interested in interacting with me and my muses again ;v;]#[so if we have ongoing threads i'll likely be jumping into your IMs over the course of the days to ask about it]#[i just need to check my thread tracker first because i can't remember what i owed last time ;;;;;;]#[as always: we can start new stuff any time in case you're no longer feeling whatever threads we had]#[and we can also start from scratch if that's best too]#[so no worries there!]#[enough blablah from me for now]#[i missed you all so much!]#[and to the new followers this blog somehow earned in my absence: Hi!! Thank you for following and I hope we can interact soon!!]#[hope everyone has been doing great during my absence!! <3]#;speedwagon says (( ic ))#;jonathan says (( ic ))#;ic#(??#;speedwagon withdraws coolly
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New game interest unlocked
(crow in bottom right belongs to @patchwork-crow-writes)
#ramarl#phantasy star online#long tag warning lol i rambled#so i was introduced to phantasy star online#i think its safe to say i really enjoy the game#thank you mr crow for showing me this game :D i have new creatures to scribble now#there shall be more of these doodles#i promise you that#meant to post this wayyyyy earlier today but uh#my car broke down :') ....again :')#last week it wouldn't turn on and the headlights weren't working so we were like ''ok this is a battery issue and i need a new one''#because jumping the car didnt fix it#so we took my old battery to a shop and they tested its charge before showing us which new one we should get#but the battery had charge???????? so we went back home to troubleshoot#and then found the hooks(?idk what they're called) that connected the battery to the car had something corroded on them#so we grabbed a can of coke and scrubbed away#hooked the battery back up and bam car was working#so the issue was those hooks#until two days ago when my car didnt work again#looked at the battery again and the hooks came loose; tightened them up and bam car working again#and now at this point I'm scared to go anywhere cause what if i get stranded on my own??#so this morning i said ''alright I'm gonna drive myself to church just to be sure that my car works''#AND WOULD YOU GUESS WHAT HAPPENED#at this point i just wish the damn battery was dead and that i could replace it and move on from this#i know they're a bit pricey but jesus this is exhausting#but i can't just buy a new battery if im not sure that's the actual problem because then I'd have a battery and nothing to do with it#i hate having a car sometimes i just want a bus system#or a jeep#but preferably a bus system#sorry rambles thats a long way of saying i didnt post this earlier because ive been working on my car lol
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All right friends. I have a bona fide date on Tuesday. Wish me luck!
#out and about#honestly#idk this will go anywhere#if he's nice and the coffeeshop is good#then i'm calling it a win
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anyone else hate long distance relationships and lack of consistent feelings on their part
#this is gonna be long in the tags sorry#and for the record. everything im going to say in here is on Me and not on my girlfriend and i know the solution is TALK TO HER#but can i have a minute to just. say it#okay. so im long distance with my girlfriend and we've been long distance (5hrs drive) the whole time#we've been together almost 9 months and in that time we've seen each other 4 times.#once in may once for halloween once for thanksgiving and today/yesterday for NYE#the longest trip of any of these was a tuesday night- sunday morning. so like. four full days of being together#but interspersed with family bc it was thanksgiving#okay. so just setting the stage#i love hanging out. i love hanging out on the couch or doing random shit like walkin around a town or grocery shopping with her#like i love being introduced to her friends and family as her partner and doing likewise to my people#like i love hanging out with her forever#but like. UGH my issue is like. any. kind of intimacy beyond literally like cuddling and holding hands?#like lack of consistency on my part. like okay sometimes kissing is fine and we're talking like a peck on the lips and then sometimes#im like. no i dont. want to do this. and obviously im not being Forced to if i asked her to not she would respect that!!#i like the Idea of kissing and sometimes i do enjoy a little peck but sometimes im like not. into it.#and then like. we've been together for a while we've Talked about sex and stuff but we have not had it yet. haven't gotten anywhere close#to it yet#like i like the idea of having sex with her but if i was faced with the reality of that right now i would freak out like just get. really#stressed? panic??? and there's no trauma in my past. i haven't ever had any kind of sex i have no trauma associated#with anything. like i would just. freak out a little. and we wouldn't have sex and that would be fine but. idk.#i dunno if i'm like. ace or something or it's just still too New of a relationship to do that? because despite being togehter for 9 months#when you've had literally less than two weeks of full days together in that time#it feels really fuckin new#i dunno man.#i'm just afraid that im just. idk not built for a relationship.#she was drunk and wanted to snuggle when we went to sleep last night and it stressed me out because i hate not being able to move when#im asleep. i told her this she gave me my room that was fine. but like man. i am never gonna want to snuggle like that#i still dont love kissing#like. for my house. okay i have very specific ideas of what i want my space to look like and feel like
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staaaaares off into the void
#officially spiraling again 🙃#bad thoughts everywhere about my inability to be a human and fear of that never changing#everyone around me can make it work can have lives can hold jobs and not want to kill themselves#why can't i lmfoafksjdhfs#um. yeah. idk. i have counselling on tuesday i think so i'm tryin to just hold on til then#but i'm also out of my antidepressants and the pharmacy has gone over the max 72 hrs without an update on my renewal request#had to take half my dose today so i have half for tomorrow too#so i'm probably gonna feel even worse for the next couple days 🙃🙃🙃#gonna look at doing some writing to distract myself + focus on good things#but i promise nothing idk how it's gonna go#and i'll probably be quiet when it comes to dms even though i just started catching up#bc being social just sounds like too much for me to handle today. sorry ;n;#i'll be fine!!!! promise i'm not like. Planning anything. just needed to vent a little#and as always i feel the need to explain my absence from dms bc god forbid someone misunderstand me that's apparently one of my worst fears#and deepest traumas lmaooooooooo... fuck#sorry. SORRY. sorry for the negative crying on the dash i just genuinely don't have anywhere else to spew it until tuesday (':#━━ ˟ ⊰ ✰ ooc ⋮ don't @ me.#suicidal ideation cw#personal cw#vent cw#negative cw
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