#I like the hands still at least so thats something
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*tw!!! daddy kink!!! + a lotttt of size kink stuff!!! fem bodied reader*
I know he gets such a likeâŚalmost âselfish loverâ rep but in my humble daddy issue biased opinion, toji would 100% talk you through it likeâŚ
Everyone already finds him so intimidating, if not from his stature and general appearance, its his gruff voice and combative personality. He doesnt even mean to do it, he just always has that trademark scowl on his face that makes people afraid to say excuse me in grocery stores :(
Not you though, you still served him with your bright smile as he checked out of the store. You asked how he was and giggled at his flirty response of âwhy, ya wanna make my day better?â. I meanâŚother than his kids he never had people willingly make small talk with him, let alone laugh at his old man jokes.
Godddd he just gets so flustered when you look at him with your big doe eyes and say have a fantastic day :(
Thats why when he sees you on the dating app megumi downloaded for him (against his will), he feels his heart skip a beat. I just know heâs all nervous, thinking how dirty he is as a self proclaimed âold manâ finding such a pretty young thing attractive- i mean you could literally be his daughter. All these worried thoughts flitted through his head while he tried to decide, not realizing his thumb was just a littttttlllleeeee too close to the screen as he accidentally matched with you.
Oh.
Oh.
I mean it was an accident for him, but was it an accident for you? It couldnt be if you were texting him already, a message reading âhey there stranger :)â popping up on his phone.
And when you liked his simple response of âHello.â, responding with âanything i can do to make your night better, toji?â, that couldnt just be a typo or misclick, right?
You made him feel like a teenager again, the butterflies he felt only becoming more intense when you asked him to come over nâ tell you in person :( he nearly jumped out of his skin trying to get ready, hands fumbling with that pinstripe button-up heâd been saving for something special (gumiâs grad orâŚ.i guess his first date in forever). It was only at times like this he wished he had someone to call to help him chill out.
Maybe after tonight thatâd be you though? He hoped so at least, and even when you pulled him into your apartment, pushing him on the couch while he stuttered about getting to know each other first, he knew you were the girl for him.
It did take a while for him to actually get up to your speed- he didnt wanna break you or anything. You were just so, so desperate for him, tugging at his shirt while you grinded your clothed cunt against his beefy thighs, filthy words coming out of your mouth only making it harder for toji to take it slow with you.
âGod youâre so big toji, feel like even jusâ your fingers can split me in half.â
âCouldnât stop thinking about you, knew youâd treat me better than all the guys my age. Ya gonna fuck me right toji? Please?â
âCâmon tojiâŚknow you wanna breed me, bet itâll only take one time for me to give you a baby. Dâyou want that daddy?â
It was no later you said that word that he was picking you up, throwing you onto the tiny mattress your studio apartment held. Yeah, he definitely wasnt getting out of this alive- but neither were you judging by the way his big hands began to unbuckle his belt, unzipping the pants you so graciously left a giant wet stain on, the outline of his cock in his boxers making your mouth water.
âSee what ya do to me, pretty?â His deep voice spoke, one hand giving his throbbing dick a few much-needed strokes while he stared down at you like a wolf. âNothinâ to say anymore, hm? Câmon, i liked hearing it all.â
He hadnt even pressed himself against you before you let out a whine, his hands resting themselves on your sides already being enough to make your hips jump. If it werenât for the fact he was now intent on hearing more of those pretty sounds from you, heâd have let out a whine himself from how soft your skin felt against his worked hands. And when he slowly pulled your panties down your thighs, clenching his jaw at the sight of strands of wetness sticking to your pussy, he nearly came in his pants.
âPoor girl, bet this sweet pussy hasnt been treated right in forever hm?â The question nearly brought tears to your eyes, both from the truth of it and from the fact he began to thumb at your glistening cunt, the rough pad of his finger being the exact pressure you needed on your pulsing bundle of nerves. âT-toji i might cum alr-âyou began, but you werent able to get your sentence out before his hand came down to slap against your cunt.
âWhat happened to my good girl from earlier? Yâknow not to call me toji, little bird. Whats my name?â He whispered against the shell of your ear, fingers covered in your wetness now coming to play with your hard nipples.
Clinging to his shaggy hair like it was your lifeline, you nearly cried out as you came undone for him, the desperate moan of âthank you daddyâ falling from your lips. He smiled as you writhed below him, your body convulsing while he let you ride what would be the first of many orgasms that night.
#chosove#jjk drabbles#jjk smut#jjk x reader#jjk x you#jujutsu kaisen x reader#jujutsu kaisen x you#toji drabbles#toji x y/n#toji x you#toji smut#toji x reader
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what are the other 11 points on your marriage hints list tho đ¤
hello! 𧥠first of all thank you so much for the message! i'm happy to show you all the points i have written down so far including the one you have seen already with a bit more explanation let me warn you that some of them may be silly or a far reach, i'm aware of that but still wanted to add them so i have them all gathered and it will be easier to look at the "big picture" tbh i think a lot of these on its own wouldn't mean much but if you put them together like this i feel like the message couldn't be clearer: Kantbison AND Fadelstyle marriage is bound to happen! đââď¸đ
without further ado, lets get started đ¨
"The Taming of the Shrew" ends with both couples married and THK is after all an adaption of it (a loose one yes, but still) and P'Jojo was so happy to make use of his english literature knowledge for this
Kant calling Fadel "Brother-In-Law"Â once back in episode 5 where it was mistranslated in the subs (i think this time it was definitely mostly to tease fadel)
(cr: https://twitter.com/mileSmile__/status/1869409529139786009) and during episode 9 (where i think hes definitely more serious about it and this time Bison is also there to hear it and react to it hehe)
Kant calling Bison "househusband" also happened in episode 9:
"Such a mad marriage never was before" on the books happened at least twice on two different Shakespeares books Babe was reading first picture from episode 1 and the second from episode 6
Styles fake choking scene where he asks Fadel if he wants to marry him with ring! he came prepared
The upcoming scene of Kant on his knees even if its not a proposal per se (and i actually think it likely isn't) its still symbolic for one
Fadelstyles make up scene in episode 6 which has a pun about marrying post and explanation below by @airenyah who is the only one i have seen point it out and talk about it which i'm very thankful for đ
Ring on Bisons right ring finger shown multiple times (sometimes on its own, sometimes together with other rings) but i think one of the most important and beautiful scenes with it is the northern lights scene in episode 6:
Style officiating JimmyPopcorns marriage also the preperation of it all with which Fadel surely helped as well
Khaotung saying the ending is something they have never done before which could mean a lot of things but is at least potentially about marriage (sadly i don't have a source of this, if someone else has it i would be very thankful if you could share)
That picture of the fancy table similar to above it could be for a wedding but it could be used for a lot of other things too
Rings worn by Khaotung on his right and left ring finger during THK EP1 event đ (not a new moment but new addition to the list) Wether a wedding ring is worn on the left or right finger depends on country and culture. Based on what I have read Thailand leans towards wearing it on the left finger (but please correct me if i'm wrong). Now in the series Bison often wears rings on his right hand (either just on his ring finger or both ring finger and index finger) which i think might also be reflected by Khaotung wearing two rings on his right hand in the below picture. But I don't think I have ever seen Bison wear a ring on his left hand before (outside of fitting pics), especially not on his ring finger so if the other rings on Khaotung right hand are inspired by Bison, then the ring on the left hand might be too. Which is to say that I believe the left hand ring could be Bisons future wedding ring. I think it also has a cross on it (my best guess) which we know by now fits Bison perfectly. đđ
(credit: https://x.com/ktmwsnw/status/1874743229419253911)
thats it so far! i hope it didn't disappoint and i am always happy to hear your or others thoughts about it, also always thankful about corrections or additions :)
#the heart killers#the heart killers the series#thk#thk marriage#thanks again for the ask#it made me happy#and this is important to me#i've always wanted a marriage for them but at the start it just seemed like a pipe dream#i am so happy its no longer just a dream but there are so many scenes that support it for both kantbison and fadelstyle#and you know with this many it truly can't just be a coincidence#i'm one of the biggest KB & FS marriage believers and i hope many more people will join <3#some of it is me overthinking but i hope it still makes sense where i'm coming from#its not supposed to be scientific haha
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Monty, Charles, and Edwin (Arranged Marriage AU: Chapter 2)
It's a flash of movement, so quick that Monty isn't even sure if he blinked and missed it. One moment the pistol is casually twirling between Charles' fingers, the next the shot goes off with gunpowder and a bang, followed by a shout of pain and the flash of keys being tossed through the air. Charles doesnât even flinch at the recoil, merely extending his free hand to catch the keys in hand as Brad clutches at his now bloody, ruined palm.
âYou know the rules, Brad,â Charles says, âSecond chances only for those that prove themselves. And if you waste it, then youâre done. You touch someone against their will, the hand you used to do it pays the consequences. You're damn lucky that it was me and not Crystal who heard first, because at least you can still see. Now fucking scatter, and donât you dare show your face on this side of the tracks again.â
Brad looks like he wants to argue with Charles, to shout at him, but also like he wants to cry. Understandable- thereâs a bullet on the ground that is covered in his blood and viscera.Â
At the end of it, he decides to run out the back door, tail between his legs.
Charles tucks his pistol back into its holster and twirls the ring of keys around his finger. "There," he says, "He'll know not to try that again."
Monty knows that he should be dropping to his knees in fear, begging Charles not to do the same thing to him when he learns what Esther set Monty up for. That now that he's seen Charles Rowland in action, he should be terrified of the consequences of the truth.
And yet, it is also one of the hottest things that Monty has ever witnessed, Charles defending other people like that. It's the first time in Monty's life when he has seen someone actually stand up for people with less power than them, taking a no and etching it into fucking concrete.
-aletterinthenameofsanity, the devilâs gonna make me a free man (gonna set me free)
I know who I am when I'm alone
I'm something else when I see you
You don't understand, you should never know
How easy you are to need
Don't let me in with no intention to keep me
Jesus Christ, don't be kind to me
Honey, don't feed me, I will come back
-Hozier, It Will Come Back
@pappelsiin @itsbitmxdinhere @rexrevri @sweet-like-h0ney-lavender @saffirez
@the-ipre @sunnylemonss @days-light @agentearthling @helltechnicality
@sethlost @catboy-cabin @secretlyafiveheadeddragon @vyther15
@anything-thats-rock-and-roll @queen-of-hobgobblers @every-moment-a-different-sound
@nix-nihili @mellxncollie @tumblerislovetumblerislife @lemurafraidofthunder
@likemmmcookies @wr0temyway0ut @thelakeswillbreakourfall
@sapphic-corgi @occasionaloneshots @troublegoblin
@cairngorm-ard @petesdragon @spacegirlsgang
@fandoms-are-my-lifestyle @frottow @sixbynine-da
#arranged marriage au#dead boy detectives#fanfic#my fics#aletterinthenameofsanity#edwin payne#charles rowland#monty the crow#monty finch#ao3#payneland#cricketcrow#montwin#ghostcrow#edwin x charles x monty#moodboard#my edits#listen i am having FUN with this one#so many words in so little time#this au has seized me by the neck
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OLD ART (at least.. 2.5 years old I think..?) that I did for a MCYT themed prompt exchange. First ep of Wild Life reminded me that I actually drew smol 3rd life Scar with Grian back then lol Old art embarrassing skahsdgjhg... there's plenty of stuff about this I think is super wonky (the face....!?) so I'm really conflicted on even posting it TT;
#I literally haven't posted it anywhere so#...it can go up. for now. but I might delete it later#grian fanart#scarian#<feels weird tagging it as such since I'm not rly a shipper myself#but the prompt I got from my friend WAS a ship prompt so.....#life series#this is specifically based around 3rd life and also involves some watcher grian stuff ? I think#idk man I legit Do Not Remember#I like the hands still at least so thats something
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their kind eyes have captivated me. I love you bunny boys
#precure#wonderful precure#daifuku toyama#satoru toyama#my stuff#i! wish theyd become real cures!! but i will take what has been given because Help at least they got something!!!#im at least so glad theyre not movie exclusive#at least we have episode 49. they were on screen at max like two minutes but what a blissful two minutes they were#in our hearts theyre real cures. i kinda wanna try my hand at designing full outfits but thats another project for another time#what we got was still super cute thouugh n.n#the ribbons being a symbol of their bond..... daifuku keeping his little blue bow........#ruined over a fictional duo for the nth time#this boy and his rabbit......... helpm e
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it doesnt need to be said but its genuinely so funny how at-the-hip charles and erik are in krakoa like they really had the green light- the OBLIGATION- to be as obnoxiously close to each other as possible and abused that right to the fullest extent
#xmen#xmen comic#krakoa#cherik#snap chats#until the divorce of course but until then its actually so funny#how you really couldnt go a page or two without one or the other and the other one was close behind#ice climber ass duo over here. the delightful children from down the lane kind of proximity what the fuck was their PROBLEM#i feel like if one of them was teleported the other would just materialize right next to them thats how close they were#fuuuck what was the issue where sabretooth and co are in like. Brain Prison or something#and victor imagines charles but everyones like 'wait its weird if its just him where's magneto'#ITS SO FUCKING FUNNY and i NEED to know what issue that was .... to add it to my collection ....#also killed me how in immoral x-men issue 1 charles was yappin bout erik bein gone#and- God Bless Who i forget i think it was hope- was just 'can you please shut up about your dead boyfriend im begging you'#moira stronger than me if i had to deal with thing 1 and thing 2 on a daily basis i woulda snapped sooner frankly#ig when you live ten times through The Most Bullshit ever youre numb to most things but still. my god theyre so obnoxious#sorry im cackling at the bit in HoX where charles is about to announce krakoa to the world and erik's putting his hand on his shoulder#and you justs see moira in the back like dawgggg right in front of her .... can you two get a room#GENUINELY no im GENUINELY surprised they dont share a bedroom#im not even talking sharing a bed im taking my shipper goggles off im actually baffled they dont sleep in the same building#obvi id be lyin if i said i didnt love it tho To Be Real .. genuinely love seein them work together as a team .. until they werent </3#in every timeline they WILL divorce each other that's just the rule. actual canon event it cannot be changed or stopped its integral#ok ramble over. but not really not in spirit cause ill never be over this ill die before i am#im gonna go eat now i think i think thats something i As A Human has to do at least once a day
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Everything about Style is just driving me feral with want to have THK right now, immediately.
The way he's all big, bold gestures and confident swagger; the way his introduction includes a literal arms-wide-open welcome. The overalls unbuttoned until nearly the middle of his chest and how he's the only one in the main cast to be (literally) this uncovered (everyone else has 2-3 layers on).
I wonder if this hints to how vulnerable his character is, narratively speaking: how he potentially is the one that starts out with the least information (apparently Kant doesn't tell him who Fadel and Bison are when he makes that deal with Style?); how he may be the least physically familiar with violence because he's just a mechanic (vs Kant's background with crime/the police. Also the way in the trailer Style is constantly in shock when Fadel does something violent around him); how he chooses with his heart even after he finds out the full truth about Fadel ("You know I know everything").
When he describes his life, it's so... innocent? We get a snapshot of what he thinks his life is about and it's: fixing cars, collecting vintage cars, bowling and hanging out with his best friend. Every other character's answers are layers of subterfuge and double meanings but Style's answers create such a contrast by being so unfiltered. This is a character that (at least at this point) is guileless and without agenda.
I'm so excited to see Style pursing Fadel. I'm so excited to see Fadel try to remain stoic and unmoved in the face of Style's unabashed interest and enthusiastic flirting. I'm excited to discover why Style goes from attraction to being willing to risk it all for Fadel.
But also -- in a very different way than what Kant will doubtless be to Bison -- I'm excited to see how Style will become an escape for Fadel. Fadel, who just wants to sleep for 25 hours (he's so exhausted) and live a normal life, maybe open a restaurant that isn't just a front and a cover for the illicit job he maybe no longer wants, who enjoys solitude but wants to find someone to spend it with (he sounds so desperately lonely, my heart breaks for him).
Someone uncomplicated, who lives life fully, who isn't afraid to go for what he wants and who wears his heart on his sleeve.
In less than 5 minutes, this interview shows us the ways they could fit together like missing puzzle pieces, and I am so, so excited to see it fall apart and come together.
#the heart killers#thk interviews#style sattawat#fadel#fadelstyle#style sattawat meta#thk meta#hui talks thk#hui talks thai bl#also can we talk about how well both joong and dunk embody their characters??#dunk doesn't normally SIT this way when he's in interviews#he's much more relaxed and calm overall and doesn't use as much inflections unless he gets really excited#but all his mannerisms feel in character (or at least true to the Style we see in the trailer)#joong too -- the way he slouches and the almost disinterested air he's projecting#like Fadel doesn't really want to be doing this interview (bc ofc he wouldn't)#the way he keeps defaulting back to linking his hands together like he's got something to hide#his body language is so defensive and all his answers look like they're extremely calculated and thought through#joong is rarely this still in a real interview so this feels very distinctly like a character choice#joongdunk#joong archen#dunk natachai#and even if i wind up being horribly wrong about all of this i'm still so grateful for what we got already and what we will get in THK#as long as they don't end broken up although thats what fanfics are for so even that wouldn't be the end of the world to me xD#also someone please yell with me about how pretty the tiny bit of eyeshadow they added to dunk's eyes makes him look AHHHHH
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wanna ask how you feel about the eridan bpd headcanon/theory(?? not sure what to call it!) you're so good at your character analysis and i'd love to see your outlook on it
Since I don't have a degree or any formal training in psychology, I feel deeply uncomfortable diagnosing characters. I've made an autism joke before but only because I'm on the spectrum. He's definitely traumatized and anxious, but I mean those as descriptors of his behavior rather than capital-D Diagnoses. I try to focus on those when I can - the cause and effect of cognition, self-image, and behavior - and those factors may very well match up with DSM criteria, but I try not to touch an actual diagnosis with a ten foot pole unless the author has explicitly stated that X character has Y condition.
#there's a variety of reasons for this#part of it is that im GROSSLY unqualified to be handing out diagnoses when it takes a full on PhD to do that in real life#part of it is that psychology is inchoate and we are still very much in murky waters#for example: complex ptsd isn't even IN the DSM yet#and iirc my therapist told me it was because theyre still figuring out how to classify it (attachment disorder? trauma disorder? etc.)#part of it is that (from my limited and undereducated understanding) there are diagnoses that you can assign by completing a checklist...#but some that require a hell of a lot more testing and ruling out other potential causes#and the cluster-b personalities are (IIRC) not even ones you're supposed to diagnose minors with#bc of fears of self fulfilling prophecy and because minors in general are still developing personalities In General#and like the fact that i can't say that with authority speaks to how unqualified i am to do any diagnosing right? hahaha#and part of it is just because like#unless the story is specifically About That and the author has stated so explicitly#i think diagnosing characters tends to put blinders on analysis#like if i were to seriously go 'eridan is autistic' then it would massively bias my reading and understanding of his character#and we have 0 indication that eridan was ever explicitly intended to be autistic or that the author was trying to do an autism specifically#that doesn't mean that the reading is invalid because like thats what death of the author means#all readings are technically valid including stuff the author didn't necessarily intend#but that's just not the way i like to engage with media and not the way i like to approach character analysis#because PERSONALLY it just feels kind of reductive - but also -#i'd wager MOST of us don't have degrees in psychology#so when i say 'X character has Y condition' it might mean something totally different to somebody reading my analysis#even people who have Y condition aren't exempt because a lot of mental illnesses differ from person to person#whereas if i explain âX character has Y thoughts and Z behaviorsâ there's no ambiguity in that#eridan struggles with noticing that people are suffering and with realizing that he should care#at least part of this is due to his horrific murder-filled upbringing which rendered empathy a detriment & so he learned to ignore it#it could be autism - but it could also be trauma -#or he might just be Like That without actually meeting the diagnostic criteria for autism#& you can't even technically be diagnosed with C-PTSD#or maybe he has a burgeoning personality disorder but you aren't supposed to DX those too early anyway#or maybe hes just 13. see what i mean hahaha. ive reached the 30 tag limit
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The Frozen Lake
It was the third day since he had stopped feeling like dying.
About a week ago he had woken up from his far too lifelike fever dream and a few days later the last spikes of the fever itself had been gone too just like the hallucinations it had brought in his sleep.
He still had been sick though and welcomed Rael telling him to stay in bed until he was perfectly healthy again all too eagerly.
While he still sneezed every now and then, it was at least tolerable now, still annoying but he didnât feel incredibly uncomfortable anymore.
That day, just like the last and also the ones before that, he had awoken late. Against Raelâs order to stay in bed he had found the courage to get up and take a look out of the window. It was a sunny day, which in Coerthas still meant that it was bitterly cold though. But the sun was shining brightly and already high in the sky too which meant it had to be almost midday. He had slept way too long again, way to many hours for a surprisingly dreamless sleep. Or maybe it was exactly the lack of dreams that allowed him to finally rest, after all in the past there rarely had been good onesâŚ
For a moment he considered to go downstairs and ask for a late breakfast if that wasnât too insolent given the late hour but then a knock sounded from the door.
Quickly he hurried back to bed, just in case it was Rael, but the person who carefully peeked into the room a few seconds later wasnât a viera.
âAh, you are awake! Thatâs good!â, Haurchefant exclaimed happily and brought a small tray with hot soup and also something warm to drink. âIt is so late already, you must be horribly hungry. Alphinaud checked in on you earlier but you were still fast asleep and he didnât have the heart to wake you.â
A little uncertain on how to answer to that, Aâviloh just nodded. Haurchefant grinned, put down a mug on the bedside table and handed Aâviloh a comfortingly warm bowl filled with some rather delicious smelling stew.
Instead of fetching the chair from the small desk by the window, Haurchefant sat down at the lower end of the bed balancing the tray with his own lunch on his knees. Rael once told him that ishgardian society had an absurd amount of strict and antiquated rules and so Aâviloh couldnât help but wonder, that although it seemed like a very appropriate distance to him, in Haurchefantâs hometown the fact alone that he dared to sit on someone elseâs bed was probably scandalous.
âI hope you donât mind me having lunch with you.â, the Elezen asked as he noticed Aâviloh staring.
Quickly the Miqoâte lowered his gaze to his bowl of soup. âNot at all.â, he muttered and tried a spoonful of the food just to change the topic. âMhh, this is very good!â, he mumbled, still chewing, surprised by how good this really was compared to the bland food and bitter teas Rael had usually brought him these last few days. It must have been the Vieraâs way of punishing him for running away.
Haurchefant laughed and then for a while they ate in silence.
âYou look a lot healthier already.â, the Elezen stated after a while with an amiable smile on his face before taking a sip from his mug.
Aâviloh shrugged a little embarrassed, since it had been his own fault that he hadnât been well in the first place. âOnly because all of you took so good care of me.â
Haurchefant nodded. âYou know, you had us all horribly worried right?â
âSorry about that.â, he said and guitily looked into his mug.
Curiously Haurchefant eyed him for a moment. âWhy did you do that anyway? Run out into the storm.â
A bit surprised Aâviloh looked up. Had they all thought he had done this on purpose? âThere wasnât a storm when I left! What do I know about weather? I didnât expect it to start snowing, let alone that much!â
That made the Elezen chuckle again but he still looked at him expecting an answer.
âStill⌠why did you leave?â
âI assumed Rael told youâŚâ, Aâviloh replied not sure what Haurchefant wanted to hear exactly. He nodded. âRael did. But maybe I want to hear it from youâŚâ
Aâviloh sighed. His plan hadnât been very smart and he felt a little uncomfortable having to explain his reasons to someone else, when in retrospect it didnât make much sense even to his own ears.
âYou know the⌠circumstances under which we fled Ulâdah⌠I couldnât⌠um⌠the fact that we didnât even know what happened to our friends⌠I wanted to find out, because it doesnât seem fair to me that we escaped while all of them didnâtâŚâ
âMhhâŚâ, Haurchefant nodded thoughtfully but let go off the topic for now. Instead he asked, âAnd how are you feeling today?â
Somehow that question confused Aâviloh even more.
âWhat do you mean?â
âItâs a simple question, isnât it?â, he said still smiling politely.
Of course it was a simple question. Just the answer felt unreasonable complicated to him. To make things even more difficult people who asked such a question usually wanted to hear âIâm fine, and you?â or âVery good, thank you.â for an answer and rarely the truth. They certainly didnât want to hear âA few days ago I was convinced I was going to die and honestly it wasnât that bad, so now Iâm still not sure wether I am happy to still be alive or notâ.
âAlright⌠I guess.â, he mumbled instead. He had never been a good liar and could only hope that this fact wasnât too obvious for the Elezen.
âYou know what?â, Haurchefant proclaimed after watching him thoughtfully for a second. âToday is a wonderful day. We should go for a walk.â
âA walk?!â, Aâviloh exclaimed wide-eyed, as if he had just asked something unreasonable of him.
âWhy not?â
Aâviloh couldnât think of a good reason why not, other than that he was supposed to stay in bed, so he shrugged.
âWhereâs Rael?â, he asked instead.
Haurchefant smirked. âDo you need Raelâs permission to go outside?â
âOf course not.â, the Miqoâte protested. âBut Rael will be mad if I run off again, especially against their orders to stay in bed.â
âRael and Alphinaud went to the observatory earlier.â, Haurchefant explained. âWeâll be back before they are, I promise.â
What was Aâviloh supposed to say against that and also against the expectant look on the Elezenâs face. He took another glimpse towards the window and decided that it looked nice enough to go outside.
âFine.â
âGood!â, Haurchefant exclaimed happily and collected their empty bowls and mugs. âThere should be warm clothes for you in the wardrobe. If you need anything else just ask someone. Iâll wait for you by the northern gate.â
After Haurchefant had left, Aâviloh remained sitting in his bed for a moment longer contemplating on the Elezenâs question. Yes, he felt better again. But better in what comparison? Better than a few days ago when he had felt and also been half-dead? Though he didnât feel sick anymore now, there still was a weigh on his heart. From his plan that had failed so spectacularly and even more so from the dreams he wouldnât have minded to keep on dreaming forever.
Vehemently he shook his head and decided not to think about that now or he would just crawl back under the blanket of his comfortably warm bed again. Instead he got up and took a look into the wardrobe. Almost none of these were his own clothes of course since all he possessed were the ones he had worn on his body that day they fled Ulâdah. Very unsuitable for this climate. But neither did he see the borrowed clothes he had worn that night when he had tried to run away. Everything in here looked even softer and warmer like someone had wanted to make sure he was feeling comfortable. To his surprise the things didnât look that much too big for him either, unlike his last set of clothes. Besides a few Hyur most people here at Camp Dragonhead were grown up Elezen but these clothes looked like they belonged to neither. Maybe it were clothes for Elezen children, he wondered and also thought that in that case someone must have brought them here just for him.
Grateful for so much effort he picked a few pieces and got dressed. Lazily he ran his fingers through his hair to get rid of the worst knots but the look into the small mirror at the washbasin, where his tired face stared back at him reproachfully, just made him sigh. Once he was ready he took the warm coat out of the wardrobe too and went out to look for Haurchefant. Just as he had said, the Elezen was standing by the gate that led to the north-east, towards the ruins of the Steel Vigil.
From afar Haurchefant already recognised the Miqoâte, his bright red hair a singularity among all the people living here. Pleasantly smiling as always he waved at him and Aâviloh couldnât help but smile a little too and wave back as he hurriedly walked towards him.
âThere you are! I see the clothes fit you nicely.â
Aâviloh nodded.
âThey do. Thank you very much for these.â
Haurchefant dismissively waved with one hand. âItâs the least I could doâŚâ
But he had done a lot more than that, Aâviloh thought. âI think thereâs more I need to thank you for. Rael told me it was you who saved my life.â
âMhhhâŚâ, Haurchefant tilted his head as if he wasnât sure if this statement was entirely the truth. âRael is too humble. They played a bit of a role in that too. After all it was Rael who noticed you were gone. And it was also Rael who didnât leave your bedside and tried their best to heal you.â
Aâviloh remembered waking up and finding the usually quite touch-averse viera cuddled up to him with a look on their face so horribly sad like he had never seen on them before. Rael had pretended it was nothing but it had been a very unconvincing performance. Asked about it Alphinaud had only offered a few sentences about how worried Rael had looked and how they had used all kinds of spells he himself had never seen or heard of before, all of it to try and save him. It had made him feel even more guilty for his stupidity.
So maybe Haurchefant was right. But still it had been him who had risked going out into the storm to find him.
âAnyway. I still want to thank you! Honestly.â, he insisted. But how honestly was it really?
Sure, he was glad to still be alive. After all his plan hadnât been to run out into a blizzard and freeze to death, although some of them seemed to think that was the case. But once he found himself in this situation he had to admit that he had welcomed his fate rather willingly. A fact that shocked even himself a little looking back at it now.
âYouâre welcome. After all you wouldnât be any help to your friends frozen to death out there.â, Haurchefant joked with a wry smile on his lips.
âI guess not...â, Aâviloh muttered, the topic of his friends making his mood visibly sink again.
Of course the Elezen noticed and his smile turned into a playful grin. âBut I acted a little selfish too, you know? I think Camp Dragonhead is a lot friendlier with your company and I would like to have you and your pretty smile around a little longer.â
For a moment Aâvilohâs eyes shot up to look at the others face before he quickly pretended that something somewhere a little bit to his left was a lot more interesting. Sometimes Haurchefant randomly said things, Aâviloh hadnât had the slightest idea how to react to. Not because he was that oblivious but simply because it puzzled him. Nonetheless the air suddenly didnât feel that cold anymore on his face.
Haurchefant was always very kind to him. Well, he mostly was kind to everybody but sometimes he seemed to admire him especially. Him of all people, although there was nothing special about him. Haurchefant sometimes spoke of him like he was one of the greatest heroes of all time and it felt so ridiculous to him. He was just silly, cowardly Aâviloh! What had he ever achieved in his miserable life to justify such admiration? The people called him a Warrior of Light but wasnât that some grand overstatement? Some days he thought all of this had been a horrible mistake. A great misunderstanding! Then he wondered how he had ever gotten entangled in this madness in the first place and also if he ever would get out of it again. But what else should he do with his life anyway...
While Aâvilohâs brain still screeched in desperate search for a proper response, Haurchefant seemed to realise he had flustered him and glossed it over by gesturing to the gate.
âHow about we walk a few yalms? Thereâs something you need to see!â
Still too dumbstruck to speak or to even wonder what the Elezen was talking about, Aâviloh nodded and then proceeded to follow him out into the snowy landscape.
After a few minutes Haurchefant paused and took a deep breath. âIsnât the air wonderful today?â
Aâviloh followed his example, breathed deeply and let his gaze wander over the snow covered landscape with a few pines here and there and the mountains and ruins of the Steel Vigil in the distance. The air was cool and fresh, still cold enough that the warm sun couldnât melt the snow. Instead the rays of sunshine made the scenery shine and sparkle as if everything was covered not in ice but in millions over millions of tiny diamonds.
âIt is.â, he answered and smiled, surprised how beautiful this inhospitable landscape could be, before with a sudden spark of curiosity he finally asked. âWhere are we going?â
âItâs not far anymore.â, Haurchefant said with a grin on his face and pointed into another direction. Shortly after and only a bit further ahead they reached a small lake.
As they got closer Aâviloh noticed that it not only was covered in a layer of snow and ice but also that quite a few off-duty soldiers, given the proximity to the camp he assumed they had to be, were standing right on top of the frozen lake. No, they were not quite standing. It looked more like they were dancing or flying maybe. More or less gracefully they moved over the lakeâs surface in fluid swift strides, some just moving in wide circles and other swirling around this way or that. Aâviloh had never seen something like this and it looked strange and impossible but at the same time very beautiful to him.
The two of them had almost reached the lake by then, Aâviloh a few steps ahead to get a better look at the wondrous people on the ice and he already wanted to ask how they did that, when his attention was drawn elsewhere by a curious squawking sound.
âOh! Look at them!â, the Miqoâte exclaimed, his fascinated smile still turning a little brighter, as he gestured to a small flock of wild geese resting at the shore of the lake. With ruffled feathers they sat closely huddled together at the edge of the ice and suddenly Aâviloh couldnât help but worry about them. They looked so unbothered by his presence, sleeping through the day and all the hubbub around them, looking all exhausted and frozen with their puffed up feathers. Like anything could happen to them and they wouldnât even mind.
Strangely he wondered what he himself had looked like when Haurchefant had found him unconscious in the snow. He must have been a pitiful sight. Had the Elezen thought him beyond saving too, just like he himself had. What if he had found him a little later or not at all? Maybe that would have been better, a voice murmured to him just like it had so many times before and for a moment, tempted by the grief heavy on his heart once again, he almost believed it.
But no, he would be dead then and while he would have liked to imagine that this would mean he could be with his loved ones again, it was not exactly what either of the tribes he had lived with believed.
Vaguely he remembered his father working for hours, digging a grave at what used to be Wellwick Wood. An elderly woman too exhausted by their long journey, his grandmother if he remembered correctly, had died shortly after they had arrived there. With a sad smile on his face his father had explained to his children, who had stared down into the hole in the ground with confusion in their eyes, how by returning her body to the earth there could still grow new life from this death.
Or the drake tribe of the Sagolii Desert, who always burned their dead and left the ashes to be carried away by the desert wind, believing that it would make it easier for the deceasedâs aether to return to the Aetheric Sea and create something new elsewhere.
With a sudden sharp pain in his heart Aâviloh realised that neither of the people he loved had gotten the burial they would have wanted for themselves. And neither had Aâviloh himself wanted to die in the coldness of Coerthas and be forever forgotten under a thick layer of snow and ice. He had thought about dying before but never had he been this close to it. For a second he wondered if this was something worth speaking to Rael about, but he wasnât sure they wouldnât misunderstand and get mad at him again.
âWhy do you make such a sad face now?â, Haurchefant asked having noticed the smile slip from the Miqoâteâs face. But Aâviloh just vehemently shook his head and focused on the geese again.
âThey must be horribly cold.â, he wondered in a voice that suggested he already planned to take all of them to the safety of his comfortably warm room.
Haurchefant chuckled. âDonât worry, they survived the storm out here after all. They keep each other warm, thatâs why youâll rarely see one of them alone. A bit like you and your friends.â
âMaybeâŚâ, Aâviloh answered thinking about this comparison for a moment. âI just wish it wouldnât always be me who needs to be taken care of. But as proven in Ulâdah and now once again I am simply too weak and useless to keep myself alive, not to mention anyone else.â
The Elezenâs face got a little stern as he folded his arms in front of his chest. âDonât say that, I am sure itâs not true! This was just bad luck! You are neither weak nor useless!â
Aâviloh shrugged. âBut thatâs how I feel right now...â
Slowly Haurchefant nodded before speaking again with a silent but determined voice. âListen. Iâll never forget how bravely you fought for Francel although you barely knew him. You could have gotten yourself in trouble with that and you helped him anyway.â
âItâs not like I did that on my own -â, Aâviloh tried to protest but was immediately interrupted. âBut you still helped! And Iâm sure even without Rael you would have done so!â
Another shrug was all Haurchefant got in response, so the Elezen thought for a second before making an offer. âYou want to make yourself useful, right? Get stronger? I could teach you how to fight like a real ishgardian knight, with sword and shield. Or we have some dragoons at Camp Dragonhead too! Iâm sure thereâs a lot you could learn from them.â
Aâvilohâs face turned to disbelief. âI really donât think I could fight with armor and weapons this heavyâŚâ
âYou canât say so if you donât try! And I have you know that dragoon armors are surprisingly light. How do you think they could still be this agile otherwise? Promise me to at least try training with them a little!â
He didnât really want to agree to that. He knew he would make a fool of himself. But how could he say no with Haurchefant trying everything in his power to cheer him up. Weakly he shook his head and muttered: âFineâŚâ
âPerfect!â, Haurchefant exclaimed with a bright smile on his face. âI think an early reward for your efforts is appropriate then!â
Confused Aâviloh watched him take a small bag off of his shoulders, which he hadnât even noticed until now. For a moment the Elezen was busy undoing a knot before he opened the bag and presented to Aâviloh a set of two weirdly shaped blades attached to pieces of wood with leather straps. He had no idea what these constructs were meant to do and that was plainly visible on his face. âWhatâs that?â
âIce skates of course!â, Haurchefant said as if that would explain it all but the Miqoâteâs face remained clueless, so Haurchefant gestured to the lake behind them. âYou attach them to your boots so you can walk on the ice like this!â
âOh!â, Aâviloh exclaimed as he understood what Haurchefant was planning. âI donât think-⌠I mean Iâve never-⌠You donât really want me to step on that lake do you?â The idea somehow scared him.
âWhy not?â, Haurchefant asked for the second time today with this smile that made the question sound like a challenge.
âItâs just a bit of ice!â, Aâvi objected. âWhat if it breaks?â
The Elezen shook his head and proceeded to fasten the metal blades beneath his boots. âAh, donât worry. The ice is thick enough, it will take at least a few more days to melt.â
âI donât knowâŚâ, was all Aâviloh replied as Haurchefant pressed another pair of skates into his hands. But the Elezen remained determined and took a few wobbly steps through the snow and onto the ice. âSee! I can stand on it and it doesnât break! You are a lot lighter than me, so why wouldnât you be able to?â
Oh, you donât know my bad luck!, Aâviloh thought but Haurchefant didnât look like he would take that for an excuse. Instead he stretched out a hand towards the Miqoâte. âCome one! Believe me, this is going to be funny!â
For a second Aâviloh pondered his options. The idea of nothing but a little bit of ice between him and the water still terrified him but Haurchefant seemed so excited about this and the other people actually seemed to have fun too. Maybe he should at least pretend to try... Reluctantly he sat down on a rock and tried to put on the skates just like Haurchefant had done a moment ago.
âThe clasp on the back too. Make sure none of them are loose⌠Yes, that looks fine!â, Haurchefant helpfully explained. As Aâviloh got up, he almost flopped right back down into the snow. It was a weird feeling to balance his whole weight on only two thin pieces of metal. As he carefully took the first few steps towards the lake Haurchefant reached out for him once more. âHere! Take my hand! I donât want you to fallâŚâ
Hesitantly Aâvi stepped onto the ice and immediately felt like the ground was being pulled away beneath his feet. He struggled for balance, feeling himself falling backwards, so Haurchefants arm was a very welcome thing to hold on to.
With a chuckle the Elezen tried to loosen Aâviâs desperate grip on his arm and instead took each of his hand in one of his own before carefully making slow steps backwards pulling Aâviloh over the ice, which Aâvi could swear was making suspicious crackling sounds below them. There was no way to tell the blades beneath his feet not to move, so all Aâviloh could do was try not to fall and plead to Haurchefant with ears flat on his head and panic in his eyes, as he slowly was pulled further onto the lake. âNo, no, no. Take me back, thatâs a horrible idea!â
âCalm down. Thereâs nothing to be afraid of. I promise.â, Haurchefant said soothingly and continued to explain to him how to move on the ice skates. And in fact the Elezenâs calm voice slowly made Aâviloh feel less anxious. His hands, frantically clasping at Haurchefantâs, relaxed along with his legs. It was still a weird feeling to be standing on the ice but now it felt a lot easier to remain balanced. He glanced at the people around them while remaining as still as possible, studied their movements for a moment and then tentatively tried to mimic the way they slowly pushed their feet above the slippery surface. To his surprise he really moved forward without much effort and also without feeling the sensation of falling again, closer to Haurchefant who had steadied him with his outstretched arms so far.
âSee! Itâs not that difficult.â, he said while making another step backwards so Aâviloh had to follow with another step forward. The Miqoâte, strangely excited about the fact that he was actually moving on these weird ice-blades, laughed happily. âYou are even going backwards!â
Haurchefants laughed. âOne step after the other. Letâs teach you how to go forward first, hm? Iâll let go off one of your hands but donât worry, I still got you. One feet after the other just like you did beforeâŚâ
In fact it almost felt easier now that he could use one of his arms to balance himself. Very slowly at first they floated above the icy surface of the lake but soon Aâviloh got braver. Once he almost lost his balance but for a comparably tall and strong person like Haurchefant it seemed like a very easy task to keep a small Miqoâte on his feet. Almost falling had felt like a shock for a second but only moments later they were laughing about it and in the end Aâviloh was surprised and also a little proud how quickly he had learned and how much fun this was.
He wasnât sure how much time they spent there on the frozen lake but at some point a bell sounded from the nearby Camp. Startled Aâviloh looked up (and almost lost his balance again). âHow late is it? Iâm sure you have more important things to do than this! Iâm sorry if Iâm keeping you from doing your work.â
But Haurchefant just laughed and teased, âWhat could be more important than prove to you that not all of Coerthas is a deadly wasteland trying to kill you? But I think we really should return soon. I donât want you to get cold again and after all we also donât want Rael to find out about this little excursion, do we?â
For a second Aâviloh wished the viera could see him now and wondered what their reaction would be like. The thought made him chuckle.
And as they floated, one last circle around the lake, Aâviloh couldnât help but wonder that maybe it was happy moments like this. The reason he was still here. Moments that made his life worth living.
---
inspired by the poem The Reversal by Leila Chatti
#ffxiv#ff14#final fantasy xiv#final fantasy 14#ffxiv writing#ffxiv screenshots#gpose#Aviloh Tia#Haurchefant Greystone#This ended up sadder than I wanted actually XD#But at least it ends on a good note and thats worth something huh?#I read that poem while I was still writing the last story and thought it fitted A'vi's mood quite well#and that it would be sweet to make him go ice skating although he has no clue what that is and how to do it :D#Did I ever tell you A'vi is his own worst enemy sometimes? I probably did or you figured that out by yourself by now...#If he thinks he can't do something he won't even try#I like to blame that on the expectactions people had for him and which he failed repeatedly but it's probably a bit of a character flaw too#However before late HW it is probably also very easy to talk him into pretty much anything if you have the slightest bit of persuasion skil#oops thats probably a character flaw too... but in this case it is useful at last :D#A'vi will get better soon I promise!#Well obviously he will get worse first for obvious reasons but then he'll get better eventually!#Maybe... I hope... Oh boy I am seriously trying but this sad cat doesn't want to be happy D:#I think getting the Scions back will help a little and so will the happenings of Stormblood I think...#And regarding Haurchefant: I don't think I see this as particularly romantic (I mean from Haurchefant's side maybe given his character)#I should probably make a post one of these days giving some iside look on A'vi's emotions! because it's complicated! XD#he's been alive but not really living for so long now and maybe this near-death-expierence was necessary to make him think about that...#rant over! I'll make a different post another day! this already got out of hand again...#and once again Iâm posting this on a Friday! i might just start calling it FanficFriday! which doesnât mean you get something each week XD
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i think it was the lights im twitching
#i keep trying to tell my mother this isn't normal and she just says it's the autism#it shouldn't do this!! these are like!! almost seizureS!!! autism foes not do that!!!!!!#oighfhghgh okay i think i know what thos is at least#it's always scary at the start because i dont know whaf it is because its just scattershot symptoms#this is something thats happened to me before. so i know what it is and that i will be alright its just ofing to suck#and my heads gonna hurt and my hands are gonna shake and it sgiung to me awful#and i wont be able to talk or think very well#its already sort of happeneing#its a little better now since im not pannicke but its still not good#thos sucks i wish she would do something about this. ir listen to me at leats#marin complains
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something distinctly sad & frustrating internally about watching someone go through something chronically awful & similar on the face of it to your own horrors & wanting to reach out and talk to them about it to offer support & knowing that by nature of the similarity that is almost definitely the last thing they want/need & so you have to sort of watch from afar and psychically beam your words at them and hope it clicks soon
#the paradox of never wanting to be a burden. of becoming someone that doesnt annoy anyone#is that you feel guilt for talking about the pain with others#and so. you falsely but understandably think isolation will be the perfect solution#''if i isolate then im suffering but if no one hears about it no one cares and no one is bothered so i win''#is a fundamentally cruel take. is the thing. and it is so hard to accept that because of the guilt and the feeling that there is no winning#but the thing is when you isolate and suffer people are now both worried about you and feel discarded. feel hopeless. etc.#and i dont think you should do everything for others. and i think when you are making choices for others it is worth being#realistic about what you are deciding for them and knowing when it is irrational#bc the thing is people do care and that does feel uncomfortable#and you do feel guilty for people being ''bothered'' by your suffering#and i understand the instinct to say no! the point of me isolating is so you dont feel bad about me! stop caring!#thinking this is the righteous thing to say to someone when really it is just something that hurts to hear#i'm still learning it too. i'm not perfect at it. i'm chronically suicidal and always going back and forth with myself about all the horrors#two things:#1) guilt is not absolute as an indicator of rightness. learn to recognize when it is lying to you.#2) the best way to unburden yourself to others is to not kill yourself. to find hope or curiousity or whatever will keep you alive and#grab it fiercely with both hands. to start to be kind to yourself when it's hard and to at least recognize the goodness of others#instead of cruelly dismissing them. i don't think therapy is the only answer or even the best answer. i think too much is too expensive#to suggest anything that isnt something you can do on your own#and it is fucking hard and feels impossible and you'll have a lot of bad moments with it but like. i know you can get to a place where#you're not cured but you're not cruel anymore. and it gets easier from there#ugh none of this will ever get to that guy but i just really wish him the best and ill respect his wishes and not think abt it anymore#but just for the record that does hurt bc i care about people and it sucks when im not allowed to but thats his perogative and#he is his own person and i just really hope things look up for him soon bc hes cool and has nice art
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ITS BEEN A FUCKING WEEK. PASS THE DETRITUS
#howling#had a lvl 1 trauma at abt 720#which sucks but we were managing fine#call er back at 750 as protocol to ask if theyve transfused and if theyll need more and to make sure they have a t&s ordered#secretary confirms that both units were transfused + they wont be needing more (lol) + a type and screen WAS drawn just not ordered yet#ok cool. all i have to do is wait for the specimen so i can crossmatch the units#im chilling in bloodbank doing bloodbank things#meanwhile. er calls the front desk (blood bank has a separate phone line. they specifically called the lab line instead)#lab assistant takes the call (like normal). theyre not sure what er said exactly but theyre planning to transfer the patient somewhere#and mentioned 'something like mpp???'#midnight tech was upfront and overheard. immediately asked if they meant MTP#lab assistant wasnt sure but said she had asked if er wanted to talk to blood bank (aka me) and they said no#both the assistant and the tech assumed that they DIDNT actually mean mtp because that would be fucking bonkers#if they casually mention it to a lab assistant and NOT FUCKING BLOOD BANK#and i didnt hear about this phone call until like maybe an hour or two later btw#anyways. yeah no they called an MTP#thats always fucking awful but they DID bring down the t&s partway thru#patient had no history and the only other specimens on file were drawn at the same time#so i order a confirmatory type to make things easier later on. it needs to be drawn by either the nursing team or by a lab assistant#screen is negative so at least we only need to do an immediate spin crossmatch on everything#we get all the units emergency issued + the platelets are ordered and issued normally after the t&s is done since it doesnt need a xmatch#er cancels the mtp. theyve transfused 6 out of the 8 units we sent them. two remaining units being sent to or#or is told directly that the mtp was canceled and that theyd need to call a new one if things escalate again#ok. things are calming down. its fine. i got all the xmatches done and theyre all compatible which is great#we get in a delivery from arc of platelets bringing us back up to 6 on the shelf (we need 5 on hand tomorrow morning for an open heart)#(at this point i find out about the phone call i mentioned earlier)#i get a call from or. my heart sinks immediately#or nurse says they need 2 rbcs and 2 platelets and theyre sending someone down RIGHT NOW to pick it up#we still hadnt gotten that confirmatory btw#im too stunned to say anything else so i just go ok. and hang up
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Despite all odds, I have arrived home safelyđ
Turns out that the earlier goop was the better goop. The adderall goop. The adderall has worn off now though. So I am. Very incredibly out of it.
But I am home. And I will take my quick shower. And then I will climb into bed.
I do need to eat. But... later...
#speculation nation#im the special kind of tired where im more tired than hungry#which is to say my every cell is yelling at me to get some fucking sleep.#and i dont think id be much more successful at eating rn than i was this morning.#i ate. half a can of chef boyardee. which was half bc i was so focused on typing and half bc i could barely stomach it.#so i at least ate Something. but not as much as normal.#i did have an ensure in the middle of the day. so theres some nutrients too at least.#i'll eat after i get a few hours of sleep. when the edge is no longer so desperate.#and hopefully i'll be able to stomach things better then.#honestly have all nighters always been this hard or am i just getting older? i havent actually pulled an all nighter since uhhh#well there was kind of one on dead dad day. but that day sucked just in general.#last time i think was april '23 when i read t.rimax volume 9-14 within a 24 hour period while also finishing a final presentation.#even then tho i got like 2 hours of sleep. it was still pretty rough though.#like ok i guess those times were pretty awful and also i did get at least some sleep. which is more than today.#so it makes sense for me to be in worse shape rn. i also didnt get as much sleep the night before last as i wanted to#i got... ...maybe 4 hours sleep??? ummm. which isnt a good thing actuslly. no wonder im so fucking exhausted.#i can barely type right now i will be honest. it was so hard to bike home. it took all my focus to not drive off a bridge#or get pushed into traffic by wind. oh boy the wind sure did try.#then i almost tripped down the stairs at my apartment after grabbing the mail bc i Briefly was focused on my mail đ#barely present. total mess. but at least im home. and i already did all the thinking i need to do today.#i was brave. i perservered. i was tempted to give up around 6 am ish but i was like No. this is getting done TODAY.#so i did it. i turned it in. and i so bravely did my in class work for my 2nd class. even though i was so mentally not present the whole way#i did my thinking... i am home... rest soon.#actually its kind of funny im lying on my couch rn and i think if most other ppl were in my current state theyd fall asleep right here.#but the power of my insomnia is so. powerful. i am not at risk of falling asleep without meaning to.#only time thats ever actually happened are like. a handful of times i was like. the most tired ive ever been in my life. etc etc.#in fact idk how well i'll be able to fall asleep for my nap. i certainly couldnt last night despite how hard i tried.#hopefully this time... i am truly tired enough....pls i need to rest i am so tired đđđđđđđđđ
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Opinion on the TalesGames theory?
I think it's becoming increasingly clear that it's probably just all canon because of sotm being (at least right now with the current info we have) true to the books so like. I wasnt a big fan before of things outside of stuff like ggy where it's just very clearly about something in the games, but with how intertwined the mimic is with just normal tftp books I think it's safe to say its pretty much confirmed now lmao
#i think thats its fine but also planned out very weirdly#having story locked behind paywalls and 20k words isnt a good thing#but also theyre very clearly explaining book stuff in the games so its not mandatory to read them#its just timed very weird with how they reveal all the story in the books and THEN make a game#so its just like. boring#you know about something months/years before its gonna be in a game then its just a recount if ur super involved with the story#like ggy for example#it clearly was always meant to be canon from the beginning but now the book#is definitely going to be 2+ years old at least before getting touched on in the games#its just timed very strangely#if they released books after the game stuff itd be different#instead of the game referencing way less content of a book that was more full and detailed#the book would instead touch on the game stuff and then some adding more details and fleshing it out#like for example if ggy had had its own game and then the book had come out#it would mean exploring more eras of ggy existing and hammering in his cunningness and characterization a lot more#so itd be enhancing stuff instead of making a game that has less content based off of a book that came out a yeat ago#yknow#i definitely think that the stuff with SB is still affecting this scheduling stuff tho and how things have turned out#its just another thing u know is probably supposed to be better and more polisjed and was supposed to ve#but it ended up not being#on one hand personally this means tony becker is canon which yay#pandas.txt#pandas asks#thoughts#discourse
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im trying to remain positive and hopeful about wembley next year
the thing just is that its just going to be incredibly difficult to arrange that whole thing unless something dramatically changes in my life. which is a thing i cant really just. do all by myself cause if it was up to me lmao i would have been employed already
but we try. for what its worth. its gonna take a lot out of me but if it gets me even slightly bit closer to that goal its worth it
đ
#funny how shows closer to me motivate me to try more lmao#its like. quality of life is important. who would have thunk it#i mean. its still out of my hands for the most part whether or not im actually getting a job so like. idk#ive just been looking at numbers and they are huge and saving even the bare minimum a month towards them just isnt possible#without a steady paying job so.... yeah#i cant sell hundreds of worth of 3⏠bracelets a month for a whole year obviously lmao#anyways. at least i have something to look forward to. and thats also important to me. yay check points đ#im gonna get coffee and do something today. i dont know what that is i still feel like ive been ran over and i wasnt even there lmao#night is an absolute mess on main
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this is going to sound really pretentious but are you ever talking to a dude and its like "wow they rlly don't get it"
#rambling in the tags here but#i was talking to someone abt my theory of aliens cus they asked what i thought#and i went on about the universe is for the most part inhabitable and thats why we look on other planets and theres no life#because its so rare for a species to get this far and it would be even more rare for a species to evolve so much that they have the technol-#ogy to move at the speed of light and even the earth has been void of life for extremely long period of time#so if there is aliens which i still believe there is; i dont think they have evolved to the point of space travel at least not enough-#to make it to us#and then hes like#i believe they could possibly be here.... and demons#and i said why and how#he said 'well let me find this tiktok of a demon possession'#my heart literally dropped im not even kidding#i dont believe posessions are real in the first place im sorry but ive experienced something like it first hand and i believe its actually-#religious psychosis#people can believe what they want it just sucks that tiktok is feeding people the worst shit like#remember when tiktokers were thinking giants were real a bit ago ?
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