#I like the hands still at least so thats something

[rafesbuzzcutseason]

wicked game

chapter 12 - halloween part 1

synopsis: y/n is sarah’s roommate and the embodiment of sunshine. rafe, on the other hand, is her complete opposite. when the boys place a bet that he can't win her over, rafe takes the challenge without hesitation. after all, he never backs down from a dare. the closer rafe gets to y/n, he finds himself drawn to her warmth in a way he never expected, and for the first time, he wants to be more than just the guy with a bad reputation.

but secrets don’t stay hidden for long, and when y/n finds out the truth, rafe is left to face the consequences. now, he has to prove that somewhere along the way, the bet stopped mattering, because losing her was never part of the plan.

masterlist

cw: language, alcohol

it was finally time for the long awaited halloween party. kie and cleo had arrived at yours and sarahs dorm to start getting ready in full pre-game mode. the place smelled of hairspray and alcohol, half a bottle of vodka drunk in preparation for the long night.

sarah was sprawled across the floor with a straightener in hand, kie sat on the edge of your bed experimenting with glitter on her face, and cleo was pouring herself another drink.

you leaned against the edge of your desk, sipping slowly from your drink, doing your best to stay present. but your thoughts kept drifting.

specifically to rafe. and his stupid fake wedding and his stupid mixed messages he keeps giving you.

"you okay?" sarah asked, glancing at you through the mirror, eyebrow raised.

"yeah," you said automatically. too quickly.

kie caught it too. " are you sure? you've barely moaned about rafe tonight and thats how i know something is up."

you and sarah shared a quick glance to each other, not missed by the girls.

"okay. what the fuck did that look mean?" cleo chimed in, stopping mid eyeliner.

"is there something you guys aren't telling us?" kie questioned.

"i'll leave this one to you y/n." sarah turned away with a smirk.

you sighed, dragging a hand through your hair freshly curled hair. "ok, promise you guys won't make this weird?"

"you're not filling me with much hope." cleo stood up from doing her makeup.

you paused, letting silence fill the room. "i think i may like rafe."

kie dropped her dress on the floor, "oh. my. god."

"you're fucking kidding me. the same rafe who has a reputation for being a fuck boy? the same rafe who is sarah's brother?" cleo crossed her arms, confusion present in her face.

"i know i know. i don't understand it either. but things have just been, different. and this whole fake wedding thing has got me so in my head and i feel... upset?" you swallowed.

"you're jealous." sarah joined the conversation.

you hesitated, then gave in. "maybe. i don’t know why it’s bothering me this much. i mean- i do. but i hate that it is. i don't want to like him."

kie came over to you, serious now. "y/n, it’s not dumb to feel that way. you had a moment with him. he's been treating you differently and now he’s parading around campus with some barbie for a fake marriage. it’s performative, but it still stings."

"i feel so stupid," you said quietly, "it’s not like we’re a thing. it’s not like i have a right to be upset."

"but you feel upset," cleo finally spoke, turning to look at you. "that’s real. you’re allowed to feel weird about it."

"and jealous," kie added with a smirk.

you let out a groan, falling back against your pillows. "this is a disaster. i was doing so well being nonchalant and mysterious and now i’m just… in my feelings over a stupid fake marriage."

sarah grinned. "i mean, if it makes you feel any better, emily reed is the least exciting choice. literally no one at zeta delta likes her."

you laughed. "that helps. slightly."

cleo gave you a soft look. "so what happens if he sees you tonight? what do you want?"

you sighed. "i don’t know. but i want to look good when it happens."

"now that’s the energy i like to hear," sarah stood dramatically, grabbing her makeup bag. "sit."

you rolled your eyes but obeyed, letting her start on your makeup. "so you guys don't hate me for this?"

"we could never hate you y/n. we just always want the best for you." kie reassured you.

"exactly. and for you to be happy. even if i don't particularly like rafe, i know you see him in a different way than we do." cleo explained, her tone gentle. "and maybe he sees you differently too."

you blinked, caught off guard by the quiet truth of her words.

sarah leaned in, carefully blending eyeshadow across your lids. "he definitely does."

"cheers to that." kie lifted her cup.

when sarah was finally done, she spun your chair towards the mirror. you blinked at your reflection.

"damn,” kie said, leaning in. "rafe’s gonna need CPR when he sees you."

"not that we’d give it to him," cleo giggled. "but the thought is there."

you smiled despite the knot still turning in your stomach.

you were going to show up, look hot, and maybe, just maybe, make him feel a little confused for once.

"okay,” you said, standing and reaching for your boots. "let’s go."

a/n: oh you guys are not gonna be ready for the next chapter

🏷️: @heartzshiftamy @hoefordrewstarkey @luvrclub  @leleee3 @yktayy9669 @miumiuestmoi @anacamofficial @cokewithcameron @bloodofadoll @shorttandsweett @mysticbby2009 @emmiesummers @wintercrows @drewrry @starkeyxcameron @xxbirkindoll2 @stoned-writer @drewstarkeyslover @hannieskzzz @verycherryblossomhideout @letstryagaintomorrow @@jjsbbg7 @mariamadison6-blog @laniirackssss @xeneasworld @countryclubwhore @drewsphswife @mattyskies @moonywhisp3rs @starkeygirls @lmaolmaos @thereallifebambi @emeloyy @vcnillafairy @rafecameronswhoore @st8rkey @angeldiaryy @therealfairybatman @drewsephrry @vanessa-rafesgirl @dreamybabbyy @pogueprincesa @happy-mushrooms @hannaa20002000 @whoismxtti @darlingstarkey @mattssweetheart @wuluhwuhmaster @harringtonsbowgirl @my-name-is-baby @rrosiitas @davinashifts333@cinnamqnnlatte @fastlovela @stelleduarte @fastlovela @deeninadream @moond0llie @dylsdaily @nonbeliever1

[moontabi]

MUSE (PROLOGUE)

choi seunghyun x fem! reader

summary: seunghyun meets you at a party and you might just be one of the lucky people he likes.

warnings: alcohol, swearing, mentions of jiyong. college au

a/n: this series will get darker it progresses as it’ll lean into heavy yandere undertones so proceed with caution if thats not your thing

Seunghyun was pissed; he hated parties.

He was scrubbing his hands down in the bathroom sink of this random frat house, with beer cups and who knows what else scattered all over the tiled floor.

He was disgusted, but he had to remind himself that this was for Jiyong.

He really didn't want to go back out to the crowded halls, the loud, blaring music ringing in his ears as he stood uncomfortably in a corner. He looked down at his watch, watching it tick at a slow pace.

The time was going too slowly, and he desperately wanted to go home.

He was already exhausted, and Jiyong was nowhere to be found, probably off making out with someone in a closed-off room. He knew his best friend would hook up with people, no matter how much a flustered Jiyong would try to deny it.

Another minute ticked by, and he sighed. deciding it was time for him to get out of the filthy bathroom and endure this shitty party again.

He knew if he was patient enough he could finally go home and get that rest he’s been yearning for.

So, he opens the bathroom door and suddenly he’s drenched with something. His nose immediately filling with the scent of alcohol.

“Oh my god I'm so sorry!”

It was the first time he saw you here.

Funny, because he knew most of the people here, partly from overanalyzing and partly because Jiyong filled him in, but surprisingly, he wasn't the one who spotted you first.

You bumped into him, spilling a cup of awful-smelling beer all over him.

You frantically apologized and tried to clean it off of him.

Seunghyun looked down at you, noticing your tight-fitted outfit that showed off a lot of cleavage. He found it a bit excessive, too revealing for his taste. He felt like rolling his eyes, dismissing you as just another drunk college girl.

But Seunghyun still tried to be as much of a gentleman as possible, awkwardly assuring you that it was okay while doing his best to look away from your chest.

He clears his throat, causing your cheeks to redden as you hurriedly try to cover yourself as much as you can, steering clear of his eyes.

Picking up on the fact that you might be uncomfortable, Seunghyun nods; reassuring you once more that it was okay before walking by you.

He silently curses to himself as he looks down at his soaked shirt and questions whether this night can get any worse.

Grabbing a napkin from one of the snack tables, he dreadfully made his way through the sweaty intoxicated bodies and humid air that reeked of alcohol, weed, and god knows what else; and was now standing at the one spot he's been hiding in the whole night.

The music was a bit quieter in this spot, and there were fewer people around compared to the more crowed parts of the house.

Seunghyun liked it better that way.

“Y/n, please just calm down-”

"No! You don't get how embarrassing this is, I feel so uncomfortable and out of place here. and my change of clothes got ruined before I could even put it on!” The whiny voice explained.

"Just forget about that. At least I’m here now!Let's just enjoy ourselves. Don't ruin everyone else's fun all over a stupid dress!” The other voice snapped. 

Seunghyun was trying his best to clean himself off, but in the process, he couldn't help but listen in on the argument.

To be honest, this was the most entertained he’s been all night.

"Ruin everyone else's fun? Are you fucking serious?!" The once whiny voice was now shouting.

Finally getting Seunghyun’s full attention, he stopped what he was doing and followed the voices. Looking up, he noticed it was the girl he had bumped into. You were on the verge of tears as you looked at who seemed to be your friend.

"You're the one who put me in this awful thing anyway, and you know I hate dressing like this. I'm getting so sick and tired of you forcing me to be like you!"

The tears streamed down your cheeks as you reached your breaking point.

"I should've known this would happen. You never respect my boundaries. Ever!" You were sobbing now.

You had a horrible night.

You spent most of it watching everyone else have fun whilst you were stuck in the corner of the room like you were on time out because of how much you hated your outfit.

You hated it the moment you tried it on but since your friend chose it for you, you went with it anyway. You thought a change might be good, but you quickly found out how wrong you were once you were stood in front of what felt like hundreds of lingering eyes and creepy guys trying to hit on you.

It was impossible for you to enjoy yourself.

You've never felt so uncomfortable in your life and wished you hadn't gone out looking like this.

You'd sent your friend multiple texts begging her to get you a new outfit on her way over to the party, which she did; only for it to get drenched in beer when you bumped into someone in front of the bathroom.

Completely ruining the newly bought clothes and destroying the glimmer of hope you had that the night would get better.

To top off your shitty night you ended up in a public argument with your friend who seemed more concerned about the party than how much this was affecting you.

Seunghyun watched your friend walk away, immediately ending the conversation with a quiet “Whatever." as she headed deeper into the building where the ‘real’ party was happening. She didn't look sorry at all.

He frowned, and his gaze found its way back to you. You stood right where she left you, with your head low and your shoulders shaking because of how hard you were crying.

You swiftly exit, not bothering to look at anyone on your way out.

He sighed. He was entertained; but at what cost. Now he just felt bad, not only from how poorly your friend treated you but also because bumping into him was what ruined the clothes you so badly wanted to change into.

Oh well. There was nothing he could do about it now. You were already gone, and he unfortunately still had a few minutes left in this hell hole Jiyong invited him to. So he spent those remaining minutes recalling the situation.

Your friend was definitely now on the very long list of people he disliked, that's for sure.

But at least he understood why you seemed so uncomfortable when you'd bumped into him earlier.

If only you hadn’t bumped into him, maybe you would've been partying with your friend right now.

The guilt wasn't going away, and it was starting to annoy him. As he checked his watch, he noticed he had stayed longer than he should have, and it was time to go. His irritation quickly replaced by relief.

Leaving to enjoy his alone time in the comfort of his own home was his reward for being a good friend to Jiyong.

Stepping outside, Seunghyun inhaled the fresh air. His eyes were closed, and a small smile made its way onto his lips. It felt like he'd been imprisoned for a decade. Who knew an hour could feel this long.

However, his smile and once happy spirit crumbled when he saw you.

On the steps leading up to the building, there you were. Sitting slouched over as your tears still seemed to flow.

Seunghyun felt that twinge of guilt again.

He exhaled. Feeling utterly defeated, he walked down the steps with his hands shoved in his pockets, ignoring you as he headed to Jiyong's car. He opened the back door and grabbed the sweater he brought just in case, and walked back over to you.

You hadn't looked up once, nor had you even noticed he'd walked past you. So the slight tap you felt on your shoulder caught you by surprise. You wiped your eyes quickly despite knowing that wouldn't make a difference and raised your head.

There he was. His arm stretched out with a grey sweater in his hand.

Before you could even say anything, he beat you to it.

“I'm sorry.”

You frowned, “For what?”

“For ruining your clothes. I saw what happened with your friend and haven't been able to stop thinking about it since.”

You manage to crack a smile, appreciating his kind gesture whilst also hiding the embarrassment you felt now knowing he witnessed everything. Fantastic, you thought sarcastically.

“Here.” He insisted.

Usually, you'd decline, but now wasn’t the time for that. You were desperate. and you couldn't stand being seen in this dress any longer.

A bit hesitant at first, you slowly took it out of his grasp.

“Thank you.”

“No problem.” He stuffed his hands back into his pockets and watched as you put it on. Your body now covered up with his favourite sweater. “You're Jiyong’s friend, right?”

He nods.

“Okay, I'll have him return it to you.” You smiled.

Seunghyun now had a better look at you and based on the small interaction, you're far from what he thought when he first bumped into you outside of the bathroom.

He actually thought you were quite cute and polite. Seeing you smile up at him made his face feel warm, and it didn't help that you were wearing his sweater too.

He looked away, “Okay.”

As he was about to leave, he stopped himself.

“Do you live on campus?”

The question left his lips before he even realized what he was asking. He swore at himself internally, just wanting to go home but it was almost like he was stuck in place, captivated by the charming girl in front of him.

“No, I don't. I live pretty close, though.”

“Are you gonna be alright? It's really cold, I don't suggest you walk home.”

You found his concern endearing and hadn't even noticed until now how much better you felt.

“Oh no, it's okay. I called a cab, I guess it's just taking a while.” You chuckled.

He nodded, “I'll be leaving now. Goodnight.” he waved as he walked away. Silently patting himself on the back for finally breaking free from the conversation he started.

“Oh, okay! Goodnight! Thanks again!” You rushed out, noticing how quickly he was to leave.

His footsteps stopped abruptly.

“You need better friends by the way.” His voice…It changed. It was darker now, more stern.

Drastically different from the gentler one you heard just a second ago.

Your face went pale, and a chill ran through you.

You couldn't tell if it was because of the cold night air or the now unsettling feeling you got at his words and flipped demeanor.

“You didn't deserve that.”

And with that, he continued walking. Not bothering to wait for a response, but it's not like you had one for him anyway.

You knew he was right.

⋆.˚ ☾⭒.˚ tags: @mashtatosworld @loveesiren @szonyix6277

[the-s1lly-corner]

Pocky game w/ them (Male toon edition)

...excluding the easter toons theyll get their own posts for holidays if i can remember to do it, mains will also get their own post not many requests in the inbox, going to need to go through and purge spam and anons fighting each other- youd think theyd stop/wouldnt bother since i dont post anon crash outs notes: gn toon reader, short and sweet... well as short as it can be given its a LONG post, NO this does not mean character limits are lifted admin just needs to kill some time, pre game, also fun fact didnt know pocky was made in 1966 thats neat- dont know when the game surrounding it started but we can pretend it was around pre gardenview shut down, parts are written out of order + headcanon heavy for some toons in how their mouths work cws: none

Boxten

bro probably accidentally breaks the stick before he even puts it in his mouth, and he will trip over his words as he tries to grab another... and breaks it... hes always so.... hmm... when it comes to romance. he can be clumsy, you know? he doesnt want you to think hes a dweeb or something

let him know its okay to take his time, its not about how quick the game goes by its about whether or not hes having fun. that at least makes him calm down a little

...hes still an awkward kisser though... kind of smacks his face against yours a little too roughly- not enough to hurt but he doesnt know how fast to lean in for it

Cosmo

...sure hes not chocolate but hes a chocolate roll cake, so would this count as cannibalism in some form, or- actually now that you think about it you think youve seen sprout eat strawberries before at least once-

he does end up breaking the stick out of nervousness- youre so up close and the eye contact does get under his skin even if this is far from your first time kissing... it feels different when theres a stick okay! the game makes it feel different!

he does let you have most of the stick though... you have a feeling it wasnt just shyness that made him slowly nibble at his end...

Finn

glass head, youre... not actually sure where his face lies... front back or somewhere in the middle- youve swiped your hand over his face before out of curiosity and you didnt really feel anything but smooth glass

he kind of lets you clack the end of the stick against his mouth- he thinks its a little funny but he is a little sad you guys cant play the game together- he does lighten the mood with some jokes

this does spark a conversation for HOW he eats. does it kind of just. disappear or...? phase through? your head hurts.

Glisten

hes in a similar boat as some of the other toons, his face is kind of... flat.. he can eat but it takes time and chocolate tends to melt after a while and he doesnt like the idea of smearing it all over his glass. nightmare to clean and he just got his make up done

he does at least let you down gently though, hes not going to instantly shoot you down! hes not a jerk!

also he doesnt want to smack his glass against your face- for both of your sakes... itd be awkward at best and mildly painful at worst depending on the force put behind it

Goob

hes almost as bad as yatta when it comes to treats... you have to reel him in before he shoves the entire stick down his throat- seriously how he didnt break, gag, or otherwise choke was a little impressive. he ate it horizontally by the way.

his sharp teeth do increase the odds of the stick snapping in half, the points can be a little awkward but hes fine with you guys using a short and shorter segment until you both make it work

...he does finish his end a lot fast than you do but hes nice enough to wait in the middle for you to meet him instead of nibbling into your half... even if its tempting...

Looey

you need to be careful with him- like all the other toons he can eat but hes... weird about it. you dont like thinking about toon anatomy or how it works for that long but his mouth is almost like... 2D. watching him eat is weird

and pocky is... well its not sharp but he doesnt like the idea of pushing a stick against him. it might not pop him but still! its a risk that hes not really willing to take!

it was worth a shot, though...! maybe you both can find another way to play...!

Razzle

ooooooooh he is so ready to do this with you- the way you word it sounded so fun so of course hes at least going to give it a try! and hes not going to be shy to admit that hes eager about the games end either!

he does dig into your end a little bit though... not out of greed, he just wants to get on with it and give you a little sweetness in the form of a kiss! buuuuuuuuuuut if you really want him to wait in the middle he guesses he can slow down a little... but only a little!

honestly he might ask for more, he seems like the type to really like pocky in general... and this isnt a hint to play more rounds with him! he genuinely does like the candy!

Dazzle

and honestly if it wasnt for razzle going first and you gently encouragement for him to give it a try he would shrink back into his scarf and gently turn you down

its not that he doesnt want to possibly kiss you, its just that it seems so much more... sillier and different- he cant really put it into words for why its got him hesitating

he doesnt hate it but hed much rather kiss you under normal scenarios... also kissing while youre still chewing something really feels weird, he doesnt much care for it... but at least he can say he tried it, even if just for you

Rodger

he has no mouth... he cant really... play with you... sure he can still eat- how he can you still dont know and it hurts your head to wrap your mind around, and youre not sure if asking him could be seen as rude... the food kind of... blips out of sight? its really weird to look at

but youre more than free to share some of the sticks with him, there isnt much for him to do in the kissing department so hes got to rely on other things to make up for the lack of them

Shrimpo

he thinks its stupid... the candy is stupid! the game is stupid! affection is stupid! youre stupid! ...its no surprise that shrimpo is... an acquired taste and its a wonder to everyone else how you put up with him and his rage

assuming you can even convince him to take part of the game hes going to be snapping the stick in half or breaking it under his sharp teeth.... that... might actually crumble it into several pieces. it feels a little redundant to say it... but he doesnt like chocolate or candy. youre not sure he actually likes anything- for someone so open about what he hates he can be hard to read, and its hard to tell when hes sincere

..good luck with him..!

[sodantics]

OLD ART (at least.. 2.5 years old I think..?) that I did for a MCYT themed prompt exchange. First ep of Wild Life reminded me that I actually drew smol 3rd life Scar with Grian back then lol Old art embarrassing skahsdgjhg... there's plenty of stuff about this I think is super wonky (the face....!?) so I'm really conflicted on even posting it TT;

[dennisboobs]

standing in front of a firing squad would have been easier than reading this script i need to be shot

[crystalpallette]

their kind eyes have captivated me. I love you bunny boys

[xxplastic-cubexx]

it doesnt need to be said but its genuinely so funny how at-the-hip charles and erik are in krakoa like they really had the green light- the OBLIGATION- to be as obnoxiously close to each other as possible and abused that right to the fullest extent

[caligvlasaqvarivm]

wanna ask how you feel about the eridan bpd headcanon/theory(?? not sure what to call it!) you're so good at your character analysis and i'd love to see your outlook on it

Since I don't have a degree or any formal training in psychology, I feel deeply uncomfortable diagnosing characters. I've made an autism joke before but only because I'm on the spectrum. He's definitely traumatized and anxious, but I mean those as descriptors of his behavior rather than capital-D Diagnoses. I try to focus on those when I can - the cause and effect of cognition, self-image, and behavior - and those factors may very well match up with DSM criteria, but I try not to touch an actual diagnosis with a ten foot pole unless the author has explicitly stated that X character has Y condition.

[wackywatchdotcom]

something thats always confused me is why people assumed early on that pomni 'saw something' while she was out in the void... like i dont see it in discussion anymore but that idea always confused me, cus i thought it was very blatantly a 'pomni is not processing what is happening because theres a lot going on and she was already struggling immensely and kinda freaking out before being full on launched into an area that has nothing but distant light and squares and nothing else and you are moving but youre not' thing

[avirael]

The Frozen Lake

It was the third day since he had stopped feeling like dying.

About a week ago he had woken up from his far too lifelike fever dream and a few days later the last spikes of the fever itself had been gone too just like the hallucinations it had brought in his sleep.

He still had been sick though and welcomed Rael telling him to stay in bed until he was perfectly healthy again all too eagerly.

While he still sneezed every now and then, it was at least tolerable now, still annoying but he didn’t feel incredibly uncomfortable anymore.

That day, just like the last and also the ones before that, he had awoken late. Against Rael’s order to stay in bed he had found the courage to get up and take a look out of the window. It was a sunny day, which in Coerthas still meant that it was bitterly cold though. But the sun was shining brightly and already high in the sky too which meant it had to be almost midday. He had slept way too long again, way to many hours for a surprisingly dreamless sleep. Or maybe it was exactly the lack of dreams that allowed him to finally rest, after all in the past there rarely had been good ones…

For a moment he considered to go downstairs and ask for a late breakfast if that wasn’t too insolent given the late hour but then a knock sounded from the door.

Quickly he hurried back to bed, just in case it was Rael, but the person who carefully peeked into the room a few seconds later wasn’t a viera.

“Ah, you are awake! That’s good!”, Haurchefant exclaimed happily and brought a small tray with hot soup and also something warm to drink. “It is so late already, you must be horribly hungry. Alphinaud checked in on you earlier but you were still fast asleep and he didn’t have the heart to wake you.”

A little uncertain on how to answer to that, A’viloh just nodded. Haurchefant grinned, put down a mug on the bedside table and handed A‘viloh a comfortingly warm bowl filled with some rather delicious smelling stew.

Instead of fetching the chair from the small desk by the window, Haurchefant sat down at the lower end of the bed balancing the tray with his own lunch on his knees. Rael once told him that ishgardian society had an absurd amount of strict and antiquated rules and so A’viloh couldn’t help but wonder, that although it seemed like a very appropriate distance to him, in Haurchefant’s hometown the fact alone that he dared to sit on someone else’s bed was probably scandalous.

“I hope you don’t mind me having lunch with you.”, the Elezen asked as he noticed A‘viloh staring.

Quickly the Miqo’te lowered his gaze to his bowl of soup. “Not at all.”, he muttered and tried a spoonful of the food just to change the topic. “Mhh, this is very good!”, he mumbled, still chewing, surprised by how good this really was compared to the bland food and bitter teas Rael had usually brought him these last few days. It must have been the Viera’s way of punishing him for running away.

Haurchefant laughed and then for a while they ate in silence.

“You look a lot healthier already.”, the Elezen stated after a while with an amiable smile on his face before taking a sip from his mug.

A‘viloh shrugged a little embarrassed, since it had been his own fault that he hadn’t been well in the first place. “Only because all of you took so good care of me.”

Haurchefant nodded. “You know, you had us all horribly worried right?”

“Sorry about that.”, he said and guitily looked into his mug.

Curiously Haurchefant eyed him for a moment. “Why did you do that anyway? Run out into the storm.”

A bit surprised A’viloh looked up. Had they all thought he had done this on purpose? “There wasn’t a storm when I left! What do I know about weather? I didn’t expect it to start snowing, let alone that much!”

That made the Elezen chuckle again but he still looked at him expecting an answer.

“Still… why did you leave?”

“I assumed Rael told you…”, A’viloh replied not sure what Haurchefant wanted to hear exactly. He nodded. “Rael did. But maybe I want to hear it from you…”

A’viloh sighed. His plan hadn’t been very smart and he felt a little uncomfortable having to explain his reasons to someone else, when in retrospect it didn’t make much sense even to his own ears.

“You know the… circumstances under which we fled Ul’dah… I couldn’t… um… the fact that we didn’t even know what happened to our friends… I wanted to find out, because it doesn’t seem fair to me that we escaped while all of them didn’t…”

“Mhh…”, Haurchefant nodded thoughtfully but let go off the topic for now. Instead he asked, „And how are you feeling today?”

Somehow that question confused A’viloh even more.

“What do you mean?”

“It’s a simple question, isn’t it?”, he said still smiling politely.

Of course it was a simple question. Just the answer felt unreasonable complicated to him. To make things even more difficult people who asked such a question usually wanted to hear “I‘m fine, and you?” or “Very good, thank you.” for an answer and rarely the truth. They certainly didn’t want to hear “A few days ago I was convinced I was going to die and honestly it wasn’t that bad, so now I‘m still not sure wether I am happy to still be alive or not”.

“Alright… I guess.”, he mumbled instead. He had never been a good liar and could only hope that this fact wasn’t too obvious for the Elezen.

“You know what?”, Haurchefant proclaimed after watching him thoughtfully for a second. “Today is a wonderful day. We should go for a walk.”

“A walk?!”, A’viloh exclaimed wide-eyed, as if he had just asked something unreasonable of him.

“Why not?”

A’viloh couldn’t think of a good reason why not, other than that he was supposed to stay in bed, so he shrugged.

“Where’s Rael?”, he asked instead.

Haurchefant smirked. “Do you need Rael’s permission to go outside?”

“Of course not.”, the Miqo’te protested. “But Rael will be mad if I run off again, especially against their orders to stay in bed.”

“Rael and Alphinaud went to the observatory earlier.”, Haurchefant explained. “We’ll be back before they are, I promise.”

What was A’viloh supposed to say against that and also against the expectant look on the Elezen’s face. He took another glimpse towards the window and decided that it looked nice enough to go outside.

“Fine.”

“Good!”, Haurchefant exclaimed happily and collected their empty bowls and mugs. “There should be warm clothes for you in the wardrobe. If you need anything else just ask someone. I’ll wait for you by the northern gate.”

After Haurchefant had left, A’viloh remained sitting in his bed for a moment longer contemplating on the Elezen’s question. Yes, he felt better again. But better in what comparison? Better than a few days ago when he had felt and also been half-dead? Though he didn’t feel sick anymore now, there still was a weigh on his heart. From his plan that had failed so spectacularly and even more so from the dreams he wouldn’t have minded to keep on dreaming forever.

Vehemently he shook his head and decided not to think about that now or he would just crawl back under the blanket of his comfortably warm bed again. Instead he got up and took a look into the wardrobe. Almost none of these were his own clothes of course since all he possessed were the ones he had worn on his body that day they fled Ul’dah. Very unsuitable for this climate. But neither did he see the borrowed clothes he had worn that night when he had tried to run away. Everything in here looked even softer and warmer like someone had wanted to make sure he was feeling comfortable. To his surprise the things didn’t look that much too big for him either, unlike his last set of clothes. Besides a few Hyur most people here at Camp Dragonhead were grown up Elezen but these clothes looked like they belonged to neither. Maybe it were clothes for Elezen children, he wondered and also thought that in that case someone must have brought them here just for him.

Grateful for so much effort he picked a few pieces and got dressed. Lazily he ran his fingers through his hair to get rid of the worst knots but the look into the small mirror at the washbasin, where his tired face stared back at him reproachfully, just made him sigh. Once he was ready he took the warm coat out of the wardrobe too and went out to look for Haurchefant. Just as he had said, the Elezen was standing by the gate that led to the north-east, towards the ruins of the Steel Vigil.

From afar Haurchefant already recognised the Miqo’te, his bright red hair a singularity among all the people living here. Pleasantly smiling as always he waved at him and A’viloh couldn’t help but smile a little too and wave back as he hurriedly walked towards him.

“There you are! I see the clothes fit you nicely.”

A’viloh nodded.

“They do. Thank you very much for these.”

Haurchefant dismissively waved with one hand. “It’s the least I could do…”

But he had done a lot more than that, A’viloh thought. “I think there’s more I need to thank you for. Rael told me it was you who saved my life.”

“Mhhh…”, Haurchefant tilted his head as if he wasn’t sure if this statement was entirely the truth. “Rael is too humble. They played a bit of a role in that too. After all it was Rael who noticed you were gone. And it was also Rael who didn’t leave your bedside and tried their best to heal you.”

A’viloh remembered waking up and finding the usually quite touch-averse viera cuddled up to him with a look on their face so horribly sad like he had never seen on them before. Rael had pretended it was nothing but it had been a very unconvincing performance. Asked about it Alphinaud had only offered a few sentences about how worried Rael had looked and how they had used all kinds of spells he himself had never seen or heard of before, all of it to try and save him. It had made him feel even more guilty for his stupidity.

So maybe Haurchefant was right. But still it had been him who had risked going out into the storm to find him.

“Anyway. I still want to thank you! Honestly.”, he insisted. But how honestly was it really?

Sure, he was glad to still be alive. After all his plan hadn’t been to run out into a blizzard and freeze to death, although some of them seemed to think that was the case. But once he found himself in this situation he had to admit that he had welcomed his fate rather willingly. A fact that shocked even himself a little looking back at it now.

“You’re welcome. After all you wouldn’t be any help to your friends frozen to death out there.”, Haurchefant joked with a wry smile on his lips.

“I guess not...”, A’viloh muttered, the topic of his friends making his mood visibly sink again.

Of course the Elezen noticed and his smile turned into a playful grin. “But I acted a little selfish too, you know? I think Camp Dragonhead is a lot friendlier with your company and I would like to have you and your pretty smile around a little longer.”

For a moment A’viloh’s eyes shot up to look at the others face before he quickly pretended that something somewhere a little bit to his left was a lot more interesting. Sometimes Haurchefant randomly said things, A’viloh hadn’t had the slightest idea how to react to. Not because he was that oblivious but simply because it puzzled him. Nonetheless the air suddenly didn’t feel that cold anymore on his face.

Haurchefant was always very kind to him. Well, he mostly was kind to everybody but sometimes he seemed to admire him especially. Him of all people, although there was nothing special about him. Haurchefant sometimes spoke of him like he was one of the greatest heroes of all time and it felt so ridiculous to him. He was just silly, cowardly A‘viloh! What had he ever achieved in his miserable life to justify such admiration? The people called him a Warrior of Light but wasn’t that some grand overstatement? Some days he thought all of this had been a horrible mistake. A great misunderstanding! Then he wondered how he had ever gotten entangled in this madness in the first place and also if he ever would get out of it again. But what else should he do with his life anyway...

While A’viloh’s brain still screeched in desperate search for a proper response, Haurchefant seemed to realise he had flustered him and glossed it over by gesturing to the gate.

“How about we walk a few yalms? There’s something you need to see!”

Still too dumbstruck to speak or to even wonder what the Elezen was talking about, A’viloh nodded and then proceeded to follow him out into the snowy landscape.

After a few minutes Haurchefant paused and took a deep breath. “Isn’t the air wonderful today?”

A’viloh followed his example, breathed deeply and let his gaze wander over the snow covered landscape with a few pines here and there and the mountains and ruins of the Steel Vigil in the distance. The air was cool and fresh, still cold enough that the warm sun couldn’t melt the snow. Instead the rays of sunshine made the scenery shine and sparkle as if everything was covered not in ice but in millions over millions of tiny diamonds.

“It is.”, he answered and smiled, surprised how beautiful this inhospitable landscape could be, before with a sudden spark of curiosity he finally asked. “Where are we going?”

“It’s not far anymore.”, Haurchefant said with a grin on his face and pointed into another direction. Shortly after and only a bit further ahead they reached a small lake.

As they got closer A‘viloh noticed that it not only was covered in a layer of snow and ice but also that quite a few off-duty soldiers, given the proximity to the camp he assumed they had to be, were standing right on top of the frozen lake. No, they were not quite standing. It looked more like they were dancing or flying maybe. More or less gracefully they moved over the lake‘s surface in fluid swift strides, some just moving in wide circles and other swirling around this way or that. A’viloh had never seen something like this and it looked strange and impossible but at the same time very beautiful to him.

The two of them had almost reached the lake by then, A’viloh a few steps ahead to get a better look at the wondrous people on the ice and he already wanted to ask how they did that, when his attention was drawn elsewhere by a curious squawking sound.

“Oh! Look at them!”, the Miqo’te exclaimed, his fascinated smile still turning a little brighter, as he gestured to a small flock of wild geese resting at the shore of the lake. With ruffled feathers they sat closely huddled together at the edge of the ice and suddenly A‘viloh couldn’t help but worry about them. They looked so unbothered by his presence, sleeping through the day and all the hubbub around them, looking all exhausted and frozen with their puffed up feathers. Like anything could happen to them and they wouldn’t even mind.

Strangely he wondered what he himself had looked like when Haurchefant had found him unconscious in the snow. He must have been a pitiful sight. Had the Elezen thought him beyond saving too, just like he himself had. What if he had found him a little later or not at all? Maybe that would have been better, a voice murmured to him just like it had so many times before and for a moment, tempted by the grief heavy on his heart once again, he almost believed it.

But no, he would be dead then and while he would have liked to imagine that this would mean he could be with his loved ones again, it was not exactly what either of the tribes he had lived with believed.

Vaguely he remembered his father working for hours, digging a grave at what used to be Wellwick Wood. An elderly woman too exhausted by their long journey, his grandmother if he remembered correctly, had died shortly after they had arrived there. With a sad smile on his face his father had explained to his children, who had stared down into the hole in the ground with confusion in their eyes, how by returning her body to the earth there could still grow new life from this death.

Or the drake tribe of the Sagolii Desert, who always burned their dead and left the ashes to be carried away by the desert wind, believing that it would make it easier for the deceased‘s aether to return to the Aetheric Sea and create something new elsewhere.

With a sudden sharp pain in his heart A’viloh realised that neither of the people he loved had gotten the burial they would have wanted for themselves. And neither had A‘viloh himself wanted to die in the coldness of Coerthas and be forever forgotten under a thick layer of snow and ice. He had thought about dying before but never had he been this close to it. For a second he wondered if this was something worth speaking to Rael about, but he wasn’t sure they wouldn’t misunderstand and get mad at him again.

“Why do you make such a sad face now?”, Haurchefant asked having noticed the smile slip from the Miqo’te’s face. But A’viloh just vehemently shook his head and focused on the geese again.

“They must be horribly cold.”, he wondered in a voice that suggested he already planned to take all of them to the safety of his comfortably warm room.

Haurchefant chuckled. “Don’t worry, they survived the storm out here after all. They keep each other warm, that’s why you‘ll rarely see one of them alone. A bit like you and your friends.”

“Maybe…”, A’viloh answered thinking about this comparison for a moment. “I just wish it wouldn’t always be me who needs to be taken care of. But as proven in Ul’dah and now once again I am simply too weak and useless to keep myself alive, not to mention anyone else.”

The Elezen’s face got a little stern as he folded his arms in front of his chest. “Don’t say that, I am sure it’s not true! This was just bad luck! You are neither weak nor useless!”

A’viloh shrugged. “But that’s how I feel right now...”

Slowly Haurchefant nodded before speaking again with a silent but determined voice. “Listen. I‘ll never forget how bravely you fought for Francel although you barely knew him. You could have gotten yourself in trouble with that and you helped him anyway.”

“It’s not like I did that on my own -”, A’viloh tried to protest but was immediately interrupted. “But you still helped! And I’m sure even without Rael you would have done so!”

Another shrug was all Haurchefant got in response, so the Elezen thought for a second before making an offer. “You want to make yourself useful, right? Get stronger? I could teach you how to fight like a real ishgardian knight, with sword and shield. Or we have some dragoons at Camp Dragonhead too! I’m sure there’s a lot you could learn from them.”

A‘viloh‘s face turned to disbelief. “I really don’t think I could fight with armor and weapons this heavy…”

“You can’t say so if you don’t try! And I have you know that dragoon armors are surprisingly light. How do you think they could still be this agile otherwise? Promise me to at least try training with them a little!”

He didn’t really want to agree to that. He knew he would make a fool of himself. But how could he say no with Haurchefant trying everything in his power to cheer him up. Weakly he shook his head and muttered: “Fine…”

“Perfect!”, Haurchefant exclaimed with a bright smile on his face. “I think an early reward for your efforts is appropriate then!”

Confused A’viloh watched him take a small bag off of his shoulders, which he hadn’t even noticed until now. For a moment the Elezen was busy undoing a knot before he opened the bag and presented to A‘viloh a set of two weirdly shaped blades attached to pieces of wood with leather straps. He had no idea what these constructs were meant to do and that was plainly visible on his face. “What’s that?”

“Ice skates of course!”, Haurchefant said as if that would explain it all but the Miqo’te‘s face remained clueless, so Haurchefant gestured to the lake behind them. “You attach them to your boots so you can walk on the ice like this!”

“Oh!”, A’viloh exclaimed as he understood what Haurchefant was planning. “I don’t think-… I mean I‘ve never-… You don’t really want me to step on that lake do you?” The idea somehow scared him.

“Why not?”, Haurchefant asked for the second time today with this smile that made the question sound like a challenge.

“It’s just a bit of ice!”, A‘vi objected. “What if it breaks?”

The Elezen shook his head and proceeded to fasten the metal blades beneath his boots. “Ah, don’t worry. The ice is thick enough, it will take at least a few more days to melt.”

“I don’t know…”, was all A’viloh replied as Haurchefant pressed another pair of skates into his hands. But the Elezen remained determined and took a few wobbly steps through the snow and onto the ice. “See! I can stand on it and it doesn’t break! You are a lot lighter than me, so why wouldn’t you be able to?”

Oh, you don’t know my bad luck!, A‘viloh thought but Haurchefant didn’t look like he would take that for an excuse. Instead he stretched out a hand towards the Miqo’te. “Come one! Believe me, this is going to be funny!”

For a second A‘viloh pondered his options. The idea of nothing but a little bit of ice between him and the water still terrified him but Haurchefant seemed so excited about this and the other people actually seemed to have fun too. Maybe he should at least pretend to try... Reluctantly he sat down on a rock and tried to put on the skates just like Haurchefant had done a moment ago.

“The clasp on the back too. Make sure none of them are loose… Yes, that looks fine!”, Haurchefant helpfully explained. As A’viloh got up, he almost flopped right back down into the snow. It was a weird feeling to balance his whole weight on only two thin pieces of metal. As he carefully took the first few steps towards the lake Haurchefant reached out for him once more. “Here! Take my hand! I don’t want you to fall…”

Hesitantly A‘vi stepped onto the ice and immediately felt like the ground was being pulled away beneath his feet. He struggled for balance, feeling himself falling backwards, so Haurchefants arm was a very welcome thing to hold on to.

With a chuckle the Elezen tried to loosen A‘vi‘s desperate grip on his arm and instead took each of his hand in one of his own before carefully making slow steps backwards pulling A‘viloh over the ice, which A’vi could swear was making suspicious crackling sounds below them. There was no way to tell the blades beneath his feet not to move, so all A’viloh could do was try not to fall and plead to Haurchefant with ears flat on his head and panic in his eyes, as he slowly was pulled further onto the lake. “No, no, no. Take me back, that’s a horrible idea!”

“Calm down. There’s nothing to be afraid of. I promise.”, Haurchefant said soothingly and continued to explain to him how to move on the ice skates. And in fact the Elezen’s calm voice slowly made A’viloh feel less anxious. His hands, frantically clasping at Haurchefant’s, relaxed along with his legs. It was still a weird feeling to be standing on the ice but now it felt a lot easier to remain balanced. He glanced at the people around them while remaining as still as possible, studied their movements for a moment and then tentatively tried to mimic the way they slowly pushed their feet above the slippery surface. To his surprise he really moved forward without much effort and also without feeling the sensation of falling again, closer to Haurchefant who had steadied him with his outstretched arms so far.

“See! It’s not that difficult.”, he said while making another step backwards so A’viloh had to follow with another step forward. The Miqo’te, strangely excited about the fact that he was actually moving on these weird ice-blades, laughed happily. “You are even going backwards!”

Haurchefants laughed. “One step after the other. Let’s teach you how to go forward first, hm? I‘ll let go off one of your hands but don’t worry, I still got you. One feet after the other just like you did before…”

In fact it almost felt easier now that he could use one of his arms to balance himself. Very slowly at first they floated above the icy surface of the lake but soon A‘viloh got braver. Once he almost lost his balance but for a comparably tall and strong person like Haurchefant it seemed like a very easy task to keep a small Miqo’te on his feet. Almost falling had felt like a shock for a second but only moments later they were laughing about it and in the end A’viloh was surprised and also a little proud how quickly he had learned and how much fun this was.

He wasn’t sure how much time they spent there on the frozen lake but at some point a bell sounded from the nearby Camp. Startled A’viloh looked up (and almost lost his balance again). “How late is it? I’m sure you have more important things to do than this! I’m sorry if I’m keeping you from doing your work.”

But Haurchefant just laughed and teased, “What could be more important than prove to you that not all of Coerthas is a deadly wasteland trying to kill you? But I think we really should return soon. I don’t want you to get cold again and after all we also don’t want Rael to find out about this little excursion, do we?”

For a second A’viloh wished the viera could see him now and wondered what their reaction would be like. The thought made him chuckle.

And as they floated, one last circle around the lake, A’viloh couldn’t help but wonder that maybe it was happy moments like this. The reason he was still here. Moments that made his life worth living.

---

inspired by the poem The Reversal by Leila Chatti

[spacemancharisma]

.

[orcelito]

Despite all odds, I have arrived home safely👍

Turns out that the earlier goop was the better goop. The adderall goop. The adderall has worn off now though. So I am. Very incredibly out of it.

But I am home. And I will take my quick shower. And then I will climb into bed.

I do need to eat. But... later...

[puhpandas]

Opinion on the TalesGames theory?

I think it's becoming increasingly clear that it's probably just all canon because of sotm being (at least right now with the current info we have) true to the books so like. I wasnt a big fan before of things outside of stuff like ggy where it's just very clearly about something in the games, but with how intertwined the mimic is with just normal tftp books I think it's safe to say its pretty much confirmed now lmao

[the-kipsabian]

im trying to remain positive and hopeful about wembley next year

the thing just is that its just going to be incredibly difficult to arrange that whole thing unless something dramatically changes in my life. which is a thing i cant really just. do all by myself cause if it was up to me lmao i would have been employed already

but we try. for what its worth. its gonna take a lot out of me but if it gets me even slightly bit closer to that goal its worth it

💜

[crescentfool]

i think something that is important to me to remember is that there are small ways i can do things to spark joy for myself and others without waiting for someone else to do it... (conjures up little sparklies from my hands) life is so whimsical!!!

[stuck-in-the-ghost-zone]

"its okay to take a night off and rest and not do anything productive because youve been pushing way too hard and youre getting burnt out" vs "oh fuck oh god i just wasted the 3-5 hours of free time i get after work and now its 9pm and i have to go to bed soon or ill be just as tired tomorrow" FIGHT