#and i’ve made connections with people i know won’t respect that part of me

[a-bucket-in-the-void]

the first thing i’m doing when i come out is driving two hours to the place that i first saw a queer space in real life and switching out my pronoun pin that i got from there from he/they to he/him

i need that closure

[moreespressoformydepresso]

I promise I’m still alive and writing but I’ve been working a lot, I’m planning a vacation and I’m still not over the person that showed me how shitty people can be who I recently realized may have actually been cyberstalking me so it’s taking me longer than usual to do anything.

It did give me this AU tho:

The tributes are saved because they’ve been through so much shit it made them become expert therapists.

It all started when Lysistrata confided in Jessup about a bad friendship breakup she had and he not only reassured her that she dodged a massive bullet, but he ended up giving her some pretty good advice. When she told Coriolanus about this, he hesitantly opens up to Lucy Gray about his struggles and her compassion and good suggestions snowball (ha) into him getting his ass hauled to actual therapy. All hail his therapist, who works overtime to fix the mess that is Coriolanus Snow and is tipped generously once Tigris gets her fashion business off the ground.

Livia complains about the general mean girl/boy-ness of her friend group and Facet hesitantly but kindly informs her that she’s been gossiping about them behind their backs too and maybe she should try to work on herself so the better friend groups will want to hang out with her. Lo and behold once she shows her real self she gains a less toxic circle of people around her. Not even she knows when she started considering Facet part of it, but damn it all if she won’t use her mom’s bank connections to make sure she won’t lose the person who singlehandedly managed to change her life for the better.

Palmyra doesn’t think she’s mean, but Velvereen opens her eyes to the idea of passive meanness. Actions can be bad, but sometimes inaction is worse. Not telling her friends to stop insulting some poor kid isn’t being ‘neutral’, because silence is taking the side of the agressor. Velvereen only said it in regards to Palmyra’s social life, but it doesn’t take the mentor long to take a step back and apply that logic to the games. She doesn’t like them, but she sure as heck never did anything to stop them, did she? Maybe it was time to change that, and maybe it was time to share her newfound wisdom with her classmates.

Marcus doesn’t like Sejanus. Not at all. But he deserves better than this. So he points out all the ways in which Sejanus’s friends… kinda suck? Because they’re not as mean to him as other Capitol people but that doesn’t make them good. So he suggests owning the title of District Scum more than he already does and no longer doing anything for them so they realize how much he’s done for them despite their snotty attitudes. Sejanus tries it, and several people’s weeks are ruined because of how many nice guy things Sejanus was doing. He gains a lot more respect, and his voice suddenly has a whole lot more impact. Marcus didn’t foresee a sudden pushback to the games thanks to his little comment, but he’s not complaining. Not in the slightest.

Festus saw himself as a good individual. He had some less “savory” tastes like dog fighting, sure, but that didn’t make him a bad person. He was even feeding his tribute, because not doing so would be heartless. He’s a good person! Well, Coral rips that fantasy apart and enjoys his resulting metaphorical tears for breakfast when she breaks it to him after he asks her why she hates him so much: feeding her is less than the bare minimum, and he’s doing it with massive ulterior motives too. She lays out all the shitty things he’s done and wow does that force him to reflect. She may not have intended it, she was merely blowing off steam, but… that truly changes him. Because he suggested executing any District citizen that doesn’t watch the games… the games where their children are being murdered. Then he starts seeing, actually seeing the tributes instead of looking at them like circus animals, and he realizes they’re not being murdered by each other because none of them have a choice. They’re being murdered by the Capitol and everyone in it who only see the barbaric death and ignore the cause of it. Then he sees how close the tributes from 7 are, the kids from the district that brings his family money. The reason for his own wealth and status… maybe there’s more that Festus had been unable or unwilling to see, and while he’s working on figuring out how to end the games, maybe it’s worth asking about the conditions of the people who suffer for his comfort.

Pup Harrington knows about war. His dad’s a general, how could he not? But talking to Lamina gives him some insights he’d never had before. From the other side. War’s cruel, but he’d never wanted to realize it’s cruel for all sides. Even the one he doesn’t like. And when he sees her crying, he sees his own friends and family all those years ago. At first it annoyed him, but then when he confided in her in a moment of frustration, she opened up to him and showed her she understood him. Then he realized her tears annoyed him because they made it harder to distance himself from her. They made it harder to see her as an animal. From that moment on, he vows to get her out of these games. It only takes one more conversation with her for him to realize that if the most surefire way of achieving that goal is getting all the tributes out and stopping the games as a whole just to make her happy and ensure her safety, then the consequences be damned he’s gonna make it happen!

Arachne was happy with her tribute. She’s big and muscular and has a pretty good chance of winning. Not as good as Livia or Lysistrata or Clemensia, maybe, but good enough. But Brandy is district, so of course she’s gonna tease a little. At first the girl steals a knife and lunges for her throat, but she stops. For some reason, she has mercy. And then she talks. About home, about her troubles, her insecurities, all the things Arachne had never even thought district people would have because they weren’t human. When she’s done, Brandy turns to Arachne and sits down cross legged. “So, which one of these made you think bullying a starving child with food would make you better? How did you think this was a good idea in any way?” And Arachne has no answer because she hadn’t thought about it. She was Capitol and this girl was District, they both deserved what they’d gotten right? Arachne just did these things to people below her because… because why? Because that’s all she’s ever been taught to do. It’s how things were. And in a way it felt good to remind others (and herself) of her status. But this girl shared so many problems that Arachne could relate to… maybe it was worth asking a few more questions. And maybe it’s time for her to use her Crane status for a selfless goal for once.

Vipsania is competitive. Very competitive. Since a big part of her victory is going to be performance, she tries to figure out a way to exploit her tribute’s clear affinity for entertainment. It starts by forcing him go perform for food in the zoo, and things go according to plan for a while. That is until she gets into another fight with her parents about her plans for the future. They just don’t get it! When she rants about it to her classmates in the zoo, her tribute overhears and calls her over. She wasn’t here for him, she was just going along with her friends since they had plans for after this, and she hasn’t talked to her tribute since the interviews where he’d been chained to the table. Vipsania doesn’t know what made her decide to waste her time on this, but she does. He asks her why she’s so against the career paths her parents want for her, and it’s so stupid because isn’t it obvious?! She’s not them! But the boy, Treech, isn’t satisfied. He looks at her with stupidly soft sympathetic eyes as he asks her why she’d think going into those careers isn’t “her”. It’s stupid and it’s none of his business and he’s just a tool for her victory and she knows he knows that so why does he care? But she indulges him, if only to get it off her chest, and he listens. He listens to her rant and rave just quietly enough to not disturb anyone and by the end of it he’s far more understanding than anyone else she’s ever talked to. He doesn’t belittle her or try to get her to “see her parents’ perspective” like others have done, he validates her feelings instead. He tells her what she wanted to hear: she’s right to feel this way. But then he tells her what she needs to hear: “have you ever told them this? Have you explained to them why you feel this way instead of just stating that you do?” She hasn’t. Treech suggests she try, so she humors him. It works. Once she sits down with her parents and lays it all out the way Treech helped her figure out, they actually listen and change their minds. The whole situation gets her thinking about her view of her tribute. She hadn’t been subtle about how she views him, and still he went out of his way to help her. To be kind and supportive and helpful to someone who treated him badly. What did that say about what she’d been taught? What did that say about her? It doesn’t take her long to realize what she has to do. Vipsania is competitive, and she refused to lose Treech’s life to the Capitol’s (and her own) cruelty. She would repay his kindness no matter what.

And the list goes on. I’ll type out the other possible problems and give more depth at some point in the future but I need to go to bed lmao (also the tag limit is 30). Either way, the mentors get free therapy and a conscience for the lowly price of staging a coup. They sabotage the pre-game program to buy time and when Gaul orders the games to start her lab is suspiciously bombed, giving Felix the time to drop trying to convince the president to withdraw his support for the games and go full blackmail instead. The president is annoyed until he’s forced to meet Dill and starts making arrangements to get the tributes checked over in the hospital before sending them home with communicuffs to stay in contact with their mentors if they wish.

[scarybabe]

I was reading your most recent ask discussing the toxicity of some members towards people who started skinny but chose to get fat.

I find it interesting that a community that claims acceptance of all body types becomes toxic when one chooses to change that body type. I definitely think that fatphobia is a large part of the equation there, and this could easily be tested by seeing if people who have been thin their whole lives react as negatively to someone who consciously chose to loose weight. At the same time, I've seen (anectodally, so take with a grain of salt) toxicity from the FA community whenever one of their favorite models decides to lose weight of their own volition. Do you have any idea why that might be? I would love to hear your thoughts on it.

I think that people only like change when that change corresponds with their personal tastes, and disapprove when the change is making us less attractive to them.

When I was petite & known for my inflations and stuffings, I definitely caught heat from a big share of my content consumers because changing my appearance so much diminished my ability to give the crazy before and afters i made myself known for. And at some point in the future whenever I lose weight after hitting my 300+ lb goal, I know people will be upset because they either wanted to see me even bigger or expected me to stay the same size forever.

My point is that people’s tastes and preferences are all over the place and unless you stay exactly the same forever, you’ll always disappoint somebody.

People often forget with weight gain models especially that there is a human connected to all the sexy body fat that y’all adore. You should always put the well-being of the human first, and if someone wants to gain/lose weight for their own happiness or well being you shouldn’t interrogate them or shame them for doing what they need to feel good in their skin.

I also think honesty and transparency is huge - I’ve been very open about my weight gain being a semi temporary thing from the BEGINNING and everyone knows they’ll be getting pregnancy content from me someday in the semi near future❣️ and as great as I usually feel at my current size, not being genetically predisposed to carrying this amount of weight has given me some lower back pains from gaining so fast - basically I know I will have a better experience being pregnant if I’m strong and fit (I’ll remain fat don’t worry, just not quite as fat). I basically plan on lifting weights and eating intuitively until my body finds the size it’s happiest at and I don’t care what the number is as long as I feel capable and strong ❤️ it could mean even just losing like 30 lbs lmao - I’m not concerned with being petite ever again, just losing the back pain and gaining muscle.

All that to say that setting expectations also affects people’s reaction to someone changing their size as well - knowing and expecting it will still make some people upset sure, but at least it won’t be because they feel “lead on”. And to go even further - just because I like to share a lot about my planned body transformation trajectory doesn’t mean that a content creator is required to disclose their personal health status & plans outside of what they choose to share and nobody is entitled to that. By sharing as much as I do, I don’t want to set a precedent for expecting THAT MUCH from everyone - just be thankful to have creators who do let you in on our personal lives and for those of us that don’t, respect their boundaries.

[jamarrseternalsunshine]

about me <3: UPDATED

This about me is for the new people that followed me & want to know more about me :)

My name is Tina but y’all can call me Tee Tee (my tags on here are #jamarrseternalsunshine, #teeteepeeps, #teeteeaddresses, #teeteeanswers etc.)

I’m 23 and an August Leo

I’m White Asian and Hispanic

My tumblr name is basically referenced to Cincinnati Bengals WR1 Ja’Marr Chase with Ariana Grande’s song Eternal Sunshine off her latest album (btw F Dalton Gomez!)

I’m a Bengals & Team Breezy fan until my casket drops!

Anything else you want to ask about me, drop it in my inbox <3 

Who I Love:

Ja’Marr Chase:

Ja’Marr has been a part of my life since I was 19 years old. I’ve been a fan of his since his LSU era and broke down on the phone when I found out he was drafted by the Bengals.

He has interacted with me plenty of times through Instagram story views (idk if it counts as interactions or what not), 5 times through Twitch (the man knows my name for fucks sake and if you need proof, message me ;) ) 

I go into defensive mode about him, his family and people that he loves dearly (so if you’re on my page to disrespect him, know that disrespect towards anyone including my mutuals here on Tumblr will not be tolerated and will result in you being blocked <3)

Tee Higgins:

The story on this one is crazy as fuck but basically I have kind of a personal connection to him via my close friend in Tennessee who played football with him at Clemson. NO I did not meet Tee, nor have I spoken with him face to face and NO if I don’t like you or know you, I will not arrange for you to meet him end of story (only person that will get that connection is my girl @partywitbarbiee <3)

Tee’s a fucking sweetheart and I’m praying that his jellyfish loving headass doesn’t get traded anywhere (because I just got his jerseys in and I don’t wanna get new ones if he goes to another team!)

Andrei Iosivas: 

Andrei is a complete sweetheart! He’s interacted with me a few times through DM (no homewrecking shit just made an edit and he just so happened to see it and he said it was fire THATS IT) 

He’s from where I’m from and if you were to come to me and you go to his high school, his teachers will tell you what an absolute sweetheart he is!

WE ARE LOGAN HARLOCK STANS HERE (Logan’s Andrei’s longtime girlfriend that he met while he was in college)

CHIQUITAAAAA <3 (Joe Burrow):

This is my chiquita (baby girl, iykyk) Joe Burrow. 

Yes, he’s done things that are questionable in people’s eyes but at the end of the day… this is my pookie bears best friend, and my QB.

I didn’t see the hype until my friend in Cincinnati and @wickedfun9 really increased the hype and my love for him

Contrary to popular belief, Joe is an actual sweetheart. My friend (the one I told yall about who was my source) actually met him at Training Camp last year and she has pictures with him at previous games and told me he’s a sweetheart and very angelic (no I’m not a part of Joe’s PR so shush <3)

WHAT ISN’T ALLOWED ON MY PAGE:

ANY FORM OF DISRESPECT TOWARDS ME, MY FRIENDS, MY POOKIE BEAR, HIS BESTFRIEND ETC.

No slander whatsoever about anyone, keep it respectful or keep it the fuck pushing <3

SLANDER ABOUT PEOPLE’S KIDS (if you aint got kids take some tape and put it over your mouth because I will get really disrespectful and you won’t like what I have to say <3)

WHAT IS ALLOWED ON MY PAGE:

ANY FORM OF LOVE, RESPECT AND KINDNESS TO ANYONE THAT I LOVE AND WHO YOU INTERACT WITH HERE.

Fact checking (because even I need fact checking sometimes)

Y’all asking about me and what I like doing

Compliments to my page (because my only priority for this page to be a refresh for people coming into the sports world)

[accio-victuuri]

CPN : XZ interview bits that made us 👀

I missed XZ and his long interviews, so this one he did for weibo night 22’ was such a treat. It truly gave us an insight on the things he did for the past few months and he is such a good person to interview! he is generous with his answers and is thoughtful with them too.

now let’s see what sections peaked our interest & it’s cpn connection. everything is fake ‼️‼️‼️

disclaimer that interview like this can definitely be enjoyed without the cpn-glasses on. that’s how it should be. but since i’m a turtle and this blog does cpn, i can’t help but point certain things out. the general point is, we see connections between them in these things cause we pay attention.

He is so very pretty and glowing in this interview. compared to his weibo tv & drama stint, where he was still smiling and all but you can tell that the mood is a bit off. Maybe it’s because he was able to spend time with wang yibis. 💕

• His goals and what he wants to do next truly mirrors that of WYB. even in WYB’s short speech, he mentions that he will work harder. I’ve said this multiple times but the goal they had in 2018, when they were still newbie actors still stands today. They never stop learning and want to improve. If they are gonna do something, they are gonna do it right. It would be easy, with their fame, to just go with the flow and let their fans do the rest. but no, they respect the profession and are willing to do the work.

I also like it when he says that people will see his growth in his works. It’s a WYB type of answer. I won’t tell you, see for yourself. I’m so excited to his new dramas tbh! Ace Troops was filmed 2020 so I can only imagine how much he has improved since then.

• The part of the interview that moved us, was him talking about a puppy-style warmth and how smiley he was while saying it. The kind of sweet smile you see when certain topics are brought up ⬇️⬇️⬇️

funny thing is, after he said it, the interviewer was like — what do you mean? what kind of warmth is that? puppy like? lol. sister, it’s okay if you don’t understand — but certain kind of people will. *ehem* bxgs.

Puppy is of course, his one & only —WYB. I never got this bit before, that one thing he sees in Yibo is that he has that warmth in him. People who meet WYB will say that he is too cold and quiet but he was never like that with Yibo. He was basking in his warmth although out that summer and beyond. Also WYB’s devotion to him was probably something else and we all saw it. 🥹🥹🥹🥹

( this puppy yibo please. no wonder ZZ went to BAH filming to see him. allegedly. )

• HAHAHAHAHAHA! I have no words but Himalaya podcast incident. A legendary fandom cpn if you ask me. 😂😂😂😂

He should make one from this genre! It would be amazing!

• ZZ has always been someone who loves watching movies, especially foreign ones. both for enjoyment and also now that he’s an actor — for studying. this reminds me of WYB being asked by CE to watch The Godfather and other films as a reference for his role as Mister Ye. I wonder if when they are together, they sometimes pick a classic movie to see.

I love them! Go on and explore more films ☺️

• Oh! The character development! I’m so proud of him for eating well now 🤍

While I do think this is something that he has discovered this fact on his own, I can’t help but think back on the time in 2018 when WYB was nagging him to eat. At the time, there was his “little friend” who always reminded him that food is important. It’s these changes because of each other that make me soft!!!!

• Lastly, there is talk about ZZ choosing Deep Sea as a movie that he watched during the Spring Festival. I mean, we all know that he will not say Wuming. Even if he watched and loved it. Saying that will go on HS, and not in a good way, it will cause another rift between fandoms and it’s better to keep each other’s name out of their mouth.

Turtles have noticed that he said a lot of “fillers” and did not just answer the question directly like he did with others. So it’s like, he has something on his mind but ended up answering different. He also stopped and stuttered a bit and we take that as a cue that he is trying to hide something. LOL. Not to say that he didn’t enjoy Deep Sea, i’m pretty sure he loved it like he said he did.

even though Hidden Blade ticks all his boxes, I mean, come on! :

interview screenshots with translation was taken from this video.

- END.

[silentstorms23]

Tangled in Temporary Feelings: A Pansexual Black Girl’s Lesson in Self-Worth

As a pansexual Black girl navigating the world of online dating, I’ve had my fair share of disappointments. My past experiences with women left me feeling unseen and undervalued—whether it was my ex, who didn’t show much affection, or others who wanted me to be someone I wasn’t. I’ve been criticized for not being adventurous enough, and when I tried to step out of my comfort zone, they’d pull back or lose interest.

So when I joined a dating site, I wasn’t looking for anything serious—just something casual, simple, and maybe a little fun. No strings, no drama, no heartbreak. But here’s the thing: no matter how much you think you can control the narrative, life has a way of complicating even the simplest situations.

The Hope for Something Different

When I first met her, I thought maybe this time would be different. She wasn’t looking for anything serious either, which I thought was perfect. Just two girls who wanted to vibe, nothing more. But early on, things started to feel off. Every time we talked, she kept mentioning her financial struggles, almost like she expected me to step in and help. We had just met. It felt weird, and honestly, it was uncomfortable.

I’m not the type to let people use me, especially not financially. I wanted a connection, a friendship at the very least, but it became clear pretty fast that she wasn’t interested in who I was—just in what I could offer. And that hurt. Even though I wasn’t looking for a relationship, I wanted something real, not transactional.

A Messy Back-and-Forth

After a while, she ended things by saying she didn’t want a relationship, even though I had already made that clear from the start. I told her I didn’t think it was going to work out, and I should have walked away right then. But before I did, she made sure to throw in one last jab, telling me about another girl who was giving her money and sleeping with her. It felt like she wanted me to be jealous or upset, but I wasn’t. I was just done.

Then, about a month later, she messaged me out of the blue. She said she missed me, but if I’m being real, I didn’t miss her at all. Still, part of me wanted to believe that maybe things could be different. Maybe she had changed. She told me that her situation with her so-called girlfriend didn’t work out, and she wanted to start over with me.

Against my better judgment, I gave it another shot. I guess I thought if I gave it time, maybe we could have something different. Spoiler alert: we didn’t.

The Birthday Betrayal

This time around, things felt a little better—at least at first. She asked me to be her girlfriend, and I agreed, thinking maybe I could make something real out of this. But two days after my birthday, she told me she had a threesome.

It wasn’t just the act itself—it was how she said it, like it didn’t matter, like I shouldn’t care or be upset. When I told her how much it hurt, she apologized, but it felt empty. She asked me, “What more do you want from me?” as if her apology should erase the pain. But in that moment, I realized something: I didn’t want anything from her anymore, except maybe to stop pretending she cared. She wasn’t capable of giving me the love or respect I deserved.

Playing Along Until I Find What I Deserve

I came to a hard truth: she couldn’t give me what I needed, and deep down, I knew it. But instead of walking away, I stayed. I don’t even know why. Maybe I didn’t want to be alone, or maybe I was just hoping for something different. I was fooling myself into thinking things could change, even though I knew they wouldn’t.

I’ve reached a point where I’m just playing along until I find someone who can love me the way I deserve to be loved. It sounds messed up, but it’s easier right now to pretend than to completely let go. I know this won’t last, though. I won’t let it.

The Hard Truth

This whole situation made me realize that I’ve been settling for less than I deserve, and I won’t do that anymore. I’ve stayed in relationships that didn’t serve me because the fear of being alone was stronger than my sense of self-worth. But I know now that I’m worth more than just someone’s convenience or backup plan.

I deserve real love, the kind that doesn’t make me feel like I’m giving more than I’m receiving. I deserve someone who sees all of me—my pansexuality, my Blackness, my heart—and loves me for exactly who I am. Until I find that person, I won’t settle again.

And I won’t be playing along anymore.

[k-s-morgan]

hi! this is something I’ve thought about a lot - why do you think a lot of the hannibal fandom exaggerates Will and Abigail’s relationship? Like yes, he feels some sense of obligation and yes, hannibal planted the idea of them as a found family from the beginning, but honestly, Will never truly knew her. but in so many fics/edits/posts it’s all “Will loved her so much” and “he would have made a great dad!” if anything, Hannibal knew her much better and Abigail didn’t hide anything from Hannibal, while I feel like she only presented parts of herself the few times we saw her interact with Will. This isn’t any hate for Abigail, she’s a good and complex character but it just baffles me the extent to which people depict her and Will’s father/daughter relationship and the way they infantilize both characters.

Hey! I agree, I think sometimes Will’s relationship with Abigail (and Beverly) is very overrated. An idea of a child and a colleague - this is how I would describe Abigail (and Beverly) respectively in terms of her relevance to Will. But only in terms of the show since fan edits and fics exist to twist canon and focus on the parts people liked. 

Like you’ve said, Hannibal was closer to Abigail than Will was because he actually knew her and got to spend time with her. At first, Will doesn’t seem to see Abigail as any kind of daughter figure at all. It’s Hannibal who keeps cultivating this idea in his mind. Will is startled by it in E2, and he’s startled again in E4, when he’s talking about dogs as his family and Hannibal clarifies that he actually meant Abigail. This is clearly not something Will considered before.

Soon, with Hannibal’s encouragement, he eagerly accepts the idea and starts clinging to it. He’s lonely and he wants to have a family, something stable and relatively normal. At the same time, he refuses to see Abigail as an actual killer - he needs her to be innocent because he can’t tolerate the idea of being drawn exclusively to people with darkness. This alienates her, and she and Will end up not interacting for the biggest part of the season.

In S2, after losing her, Will idolizes her - he imagines closeness that he craved but which was never there. He wanted an Abigail like that - someone who might have been tainted but who remained largely innocent; someone he could protect and fish with; someone he could share his dark ideas, thoughts, and emotions with. Hannibal is the best option for the latter, but since Will saw him as a betrayer at that point, he clung to the image of Abigail even harder because she was the second best option. He hated the idea of contributing to her death, he couldn’t live with it. Seeing her alive in E13 meant that his mistakes were minimal, that things could still be fine, that the dream could become a reality. But it was too late again.

In S3, he uses her image to voice his feelings for Hannibal. Will always loved the idea of Abigail, not Abigail herself - he didn’t even know her. But losing a dream is also intolerable, especially when it happens twice and partly because of you, so Will mourns this possibility of connection that never happened.  

Why such exaggerations and infantilization exist... honestly, I’m not certain. I won’t speak for everyone because every person has their own reasons, but if I had to guess: some have a headcanon of a close Will & Abigail father-daughter bond, and they discuss the show from this perspective; some feel like Will needs more deeper relationships.

From my experience, there is also a group that simply dislikes Hannibal and considers him an abuser who brought only suffering into Will’s life. Such people often play up everything Hannibal does and minimize Will’s actions, presenting him as a vulnerable, naive, innocent victim who never does anything wrong and has to be protected at all costs. “Save Will Graham” and all. That’s the reason they overestimate the depth of Will’s attitude to Abigail: they need to emphasize the monstrosity of what Hannibal has done by killing Will’s ‘daughter.’ I often saw comments like “he murdered Will’s child, someone Will loved above everyone, this is unforgivable,” and they really create the wrong impression. Abigail was a potential daughter figure for Will, but she was never his child. She was a young adult with her own secrets, traumas and personality, and Will barely knew her because she never really trusted him and he wasn’t ready to know and accept her as she was. The number of one-on-one interactions they had can be counted on the fingers of one hand. 

[notafunkiller]

I respect your opinion but I have to disagree about the age part because it is canon in the Mcu that Bucky is over a hundred years old and I could see a friendship/sibling relationship between yelena and Bucky but I’d never hate or send hate to someone sharing their opinion? Can people not share their views with each other anymore? It’s like people don’t want an actual conversation and hearing others takes on things. Which I don’t think they will give Bucky or yelena a relationship it’s never really worked when they have tried to do so in the past the only relationships that work out have been Tony and pepper. Clint and his wife. But also I never got the shipping between male characters when there was nothing but friendship implied and or making characters who were never shown to be in the community (I’m bi I’m in the community). I get wanting representation but I don’t get trying to force that onto characters. Same thing happened on supernatural with dean and cass. Even though Jensen ackles himself has said Dean isn’t gay and they tried to make him homophobic because he didn’t feed into it. There are gay characters so I don’t get pushing it onto characters who aren’t. It just feels icky to me. And girl I loved your theory by the way! I’ve saw your parallel of Bucky and yelena on Twitter and even though I don’t see a romantic relationship between them it shows that they will be able to relate to each other and create a friendship. Bucky should have been in the black widow movie in flash back or something but they never utilized that the black widows and winter solider are connected other than both being with hydra for a time. I know in civil war during the iconic fight scene between Nat and Bucky she says the line “you could at least act like you recognize me” alludes to their shared past. It would have been nice to have seen winter widow onscreen but I’ve never been sure exactly how it would play out. I’m excited for thunderbolts and I was kicking screaming when it was announced Bucky and yelena would be in it. We get to see badass assassins 🥰 they have hated on everything about this movie and made up so many rumors a lot about Bucky dying and I’m like why is that the first thought? He’s one of the originals from the first movies they won’t get rid of him and I won’t be surprised if they don’t try and get Sebastian to sign on for more years especially if the movie does big numbers at the box office. Thank you for being a normal human being in this fandom because it’s gotten exhausting being apart of it so thank you for being an amazing human all love 💗

I totally respect your opinion and it's healthy and normal to have different opinions aboit things. You are wonderfullll 🌸

I have to disagree about the age part because it is canon in the Mcu that Bucky is over a hundred years old and I could see a friendship/sibling relationship between yelena and Bucky but I’d never hate or send hate to someone sharing their opinion?

I understand, but he did not live for 100 years. He barely lived 30+... he was in the cryo or living as a brainwashed puppet for a couple of days per year. He is not a vamoire who lived for 300 years... and she is in a similar situation as him (a bit different, but yeah). I am sure you see my point.

I totally agree about convos! I love having discussions with people who have different opinions... I feel like all parts can grow and learn from it...

And yeses, I rememebr that with Jensen! I was so confused!

Also I believe representation should be made out of love and from the bottom of the writers' hearts when it fits. Making a character gay because it's trendy is so direspectful to the community bc the writers who do it for this reason never write lgbtq+ people right like this. I am so tired of seeing wonderful people being represented in a cliche, not necessarrily realistic way.

And honestly... right/goodnrepresentation in Marvel? No way.

The line in Civil War refers to him shooting a target through her actually (reference to catws - Steve and Nat's talk about the Winter Soldier)

Please, Sebastian's contract was clear so I was not eorrying about him dying in Thunderbolts (unless they make him appear in a different universe in the Avengers movies lmao)

The only rumour I might feel it can be true because the writers have no idea what to do with Marvel overall is kill this branch... this universe and focus on another one and in this way other actors can come back too.

It's lovely to talk to you and thank you too! I love having this conversation and I am also here if you want to discuss more or something else 🌼

[msenvs3000w24]

My Personal Ethics and Nature Interpretation

I think this week’s prompt is one that I have sort of been mentally working through all semester. I’ve taken quite a large variety of courses over the past four years and have thought about the ethics of the different fields, whether that be anthropology, writing or biology. I think it is very important to consider the impacts that we have on the world around us and the people and animals on it. The ethics that I bring into my role as a nature interpreter are shaped by both my own personal morals, and what I have learned since being here at school.

My own moral foundation tells me to be respectful of everything around me and the other people, plants and animals that I share the world with. They tell me to make every effort to understand where other people come from and their perspectives on a situation or life in general. When it comes to nature interpretation, my existing morals make sure that I consider how both the people that I am interacting with and teaching could feel and how my actions affect nature itself. I want to make sure that everything I do as a nature interpreter is accessible to as many people as possible, since not everyone has the same learning style, mobility levels, and ages. I want to make sure that no one feels left out when I interact with them since everyone deserves to have equal access to nature and to learning about nature. My existing morals also dictate how I interact with nature itself. I want to be respectful of any plants and animals that I might come across while out in nature and make sure that I leave no trace of my trip into nature. For the sake of both the environment and future people, I don’t want my presence to harm nature. This also goes back to making sure everyone can access nature. If I, or anyone who goes into nature, damages it, that could jeopardize future interpreter’s opportunities with nature. Ultimately, though, I think the most important part is making sure that nature itself is unharmed. The balance that is struck in nature can be so delicate and I know I would feel horrible if I did anything to risk disrupting it. 

On top of the morals that I grew up with, over my time in this course and university as a whole I have learned multiple things that have impacted my ethics. What I learned in my anthropology courses and ecology courses have taught me more about people and the world around me that has only strengthened my morals. The more I know about the world the more strongly I believe that it deserves nothing but our respect and protection. Especially with the state of climate change at the moment and the ways that my courses have focussed on it. This focus has made the importance of being educated about nature and the world around us incredibly apparent to me. This course has also taught me more about all the different ways that one can be a nature interpreter. This has added to my personal ethics by expanding on my empathy to the other ways that people learn and teach. 

Out of all the ways that one can be a nature interpreter I think the one that now speaks to me the most is a role where I get to interact with the public and with animals. Following my ethics, this role would prioritize making nature accessible to everyone while also protecting it as much as possible from people. To me this means keeping my nature interpretation to areas that are relatively resilient and where my presence won’t cause any negative effects. To try and make my interpretations as accessible as possible I would turn to the internet where I can help connect people that don’t have easy access to nature, with nature. I think that is one way that the internet can be incredibly positive. 

The responsibilities I have as a nature interpreter include my responsibilities to nature, to the people I am teaching, and to myself. My responsibilities to nature are to make sure that I am not harming it and even further than that, that I am helping nature by educating people. My responsibilities to the people I teach are to make sure that the information I am teaching them is accurate, that they are not in danger, and that nature is accessible to as many people as possible. It’s all well and good for me to teach people more about the environment but if no one can reasonably access what I am teaching, I might as well not even do it. Finally, I do have a responsibility to myself and that is one responsibility that often goes overlooked in my experience. For the sake of myself and my work, I have to make sure that I am not getting burned out or over committing myself. I want nothing more than to be able to do everything all the time for other people and the world around me, but that can sometimes come at the expense of my own mental and physical health. So I have to make sure that I prioritize my own health sometimes. With nature interpretation that might just look like taking time just to myself to go for a walk with my dog and relaxing in nature, instead of trying to constantly be in interpretation mode. 

It’s impossible to do anything in life without your personal ethics playing a role and these are a culmination of all your experiences, things you have learned and people that you surround yourself with. This course has opened my eyes to the field of nature interpretation, and it, like everything else, has impacted my personal ethics.

[femmefatalevibe]

Hello, Love!

So I am 16, and this may seem a bit ridiculous but I hope you see this. Basically, I have this schoolmate and we are on the same grade, he’s really good-looking and got a million followers on TikTok. I’ve known friends and acquaintances who had crush on him at some point, including me which I greatly made me feel so drained and insecure because I can’t help but to compare myself with other people who likes him as well. I even reach a point were I was pressured to conform with those popular, rich, teenagers in hopes to be part of his group of friends because they were in fact those type of people he only hangs out with.

The only thing that held me back was knowing darn well that me and my family is struggling financially. Purchasing fancy clothes, brand new shoes, and latest Apple products was something that’s never part of my option, which I must confess, greatly frustrated me because I wanted to impress him so bad that I felt so ashamed of my thoughts sometimes. Seeing my smart, pretty, rich friend who likes him getting her way to be further connected with him, by befriending his friends, getting invited in cool people’s party and took some cute photos with him didn’t make anything better in my case because I had to pretend I am happy for her.

I actually feel envious and guilty at the same time. She liked him first, I would never admit that I have developed a crush on the guy she likes, though. Regardless of my feeling, those are the values I took pride on: never trade platonic relationships for romantic ones. I won’t let a guy be the reason that would get my friendship destroyed.

So, I wanted to detach from him but I don’t know where to start. We never really interacted (I doubt him choosing to sit next to me at auditorium counts) and most of the eye contacts were I think heavily romanticised by my brain because I’m so attracted to him. I even tried confessing anonymously and felt so bad about myself that he never bothered responding. After that, I spend my week imagining our possibility instead of reviewing for my midterms examination, I didn’t got to pass my exams. The lengths it keeps costing me’s not worth it. I just want to get rid of this feelings. It’s severely unhealthy. Is there anything I can do?

Hi love! Please remember: your feelings are completely valid. This is normal to feel when you're 16 (trust me – I was hopelessly attracted/addicted to my FWB at this age, it's okay!). So cool that you get to stare at TikTok-famous star all day! I remember all of my friends were dying to Snapchat with a Vine star when I was in HS lol.

As someone who was in a similar position: fancy private school, less well-off than my peers, it's easier said than done, but seriously – don't let it get to your head. High school feels like it is all-consuming at the time, but details like who has the nicer jacket or backpack are things you will never think about the second you step onto a college campus or office.

If there's one lesson I've learned in dealing with guys over the years it's this: You need to impress yourself and see if there's a connection. Never do anything for a teenage boy/man that would make you feel like you're sacrificing a part of yourself or any type of self-respect.

There's always a chance he will like you if he gets to know you, but the best way to know is to live your best life: Work hard at school and extracurricular activities, socialize whenever you can with your friends, make jokes with your peers, ask to study with your friends along with your boy interest.

Appearing confident in yourself and knowing what you want are two of the most attractive qualities a person can have.

P.S. - Please live by your previous sentiment: Never trade platonic relationships for romantic ones. I won’t let a guy be the reason that would get my friendship destroyed.

This is golden advice that more women need to internalize. It will only do you good and save you a lot of unnecessary heartbreaks in the future.

Focus on your future and create moments of joy – even for small periods of time – in your daily life. Being born into wealth is the luck of the draw, but building the life you desire and learning to thrive throughout your journey, that's an invaluable skill that no fancy iPhone can replace in the long run.

Hope this helps xx

[scrumpledorph-writes]

Koben’s Requisition (Shopping Trip)

I

My wounds have had long enough to heal. Left arm is still a little tender, but I don’t think I can bear sitting around doing nothing all day again. Already deviated from my sleeping schedule by fifteen minutes last night. I should go scope out the landscape around here, pick up a few essentials while I do it: a change of clothes, a spare blaster, maybe some thermal weave if I can manage that discreetly. Date night tomorrow too; so I should get a second change of clothes. A nice one.

No getting around wearing the armor into town again. As much as it draws attention, it at least gives people the proper impression. Not much difference between a body glove and a cat suit to a civilian eye, and just the thought of being propositioned has me recalling all the practice I had on how to snap a wrist. I don’t think the blood would wash out if someone tried to perform an unannounced physical inspection. The blaster rifle should probably stay home though.

Only twenty minutes across the flats to town, this speeder performs exceptionally far above the standard set by all the taxi speeders I’ve been calling. Could be made with illegal parts, or stolen Imperial tech. If that’s the case, somebody will come looking for it. They likely wouldn’t be expecting anyone to put up a fight, and their body wouldn’t last more than a few days on the sands – scouring winds for the flesh, scavengers for the bones, but that would leave a loose thread for whoever sent them. They’d send a bigger force to follow up, one of them might report back, and I’d be left looking for another little nothing planet to start all over on, alone.

I should have this thing inspected. Brayli’s a speeder mechanic, but I don’t know if it would offend her to blend her work and private life, even if I offer to pay. She probably wants to get away from work when we’re together. I could find another mechanic, but then she’d wonder why I didn’t bring it to her; if I don’t think she’s a good enough mechanic to do the job. Maybe I should bring it in now, while we’re not on a date and she’s a speeder mechanic first. Just bring in the speeder I stole off a bounty target, I’m sure that won’t cause any problems. Stupid; bad idea.

Think about it later, stick to the plan for the day so I can at least get something important done. Blaster first, it’s the easiest to carry around. Should just assume anything I can find around here is illegal, so who looks like the most credible illegal dealer? Is that a squadron of Jawas running a stall out of a speeder truck? Never seen that before. They at least probably stole it first hand, so I’d be getting it second hand, which beats third or fourth from any of the rest of these shops. They’re looking at me expectantly—too bad I don’t speak Jawa.

‘Hey miss! You in the suit! Were you hoping to do business with my fine companions?’ Long loose coat, loping posture, smile too wide for his head, voice like a tread on gravel. Shifty, probably a conman. Unfortunately my best bet. ‘I was.’ ‘Ah, but you don’t speak Jawa do you?’ ‘No.’ ‘Ah that’s alright my friend, few people do.’ He’s trying to put his arm around me. Too friendly. Firm hand on the wrist, firmer shake of the head. ‘Ah, straight to business with you, I can respect that.’ He’d better. ‘So, what is it you’re in the market for?’

‘Blaster pistol. Highest power you have. Discretion is no concern.’ ‘Highest power you say? I hope you have your papers.’ He’s laughing, slapping two of his four spindly hands against two of his twig like knees. Trying to draw me in, establish a connection he can exploit. ‘I don’t.’

He’s standing up straight now, but with how crooked everything else about him is it makes him look off balance. ‘Ah ha, well, that’s no matter. Only a joke. Please, feel free to browse. We keep the batteries stored separately, so by all means inspect the merchandise, give the triggers a test squeeze or two.’

Surplus, worn out, stripped, knockoff. I should have expected none of these would meet any official standards. Good thing I carry a pocket tool. There might be one good blaster spread across this entire inventory. ‘Hey hey, whoa lady, what do you think you’re doing?!’ He’s spineless, maybe literally; push a little harder and he’ll fold.

‘You claim to sell blasters. These aren’t blasters, they’re piles of scrap. Most of your customers won’t know the difference until it kills them, but if you cared about that you wouldn’t be selling them.’ Guilt. Not the guilt of knowing his shoddy goods have killed his customers, but of knowing he’s been caught. ‘Let me pull a few of these apart, put together a complete, functional blaster, pay you for the parts since I’ll be handling all the work – then you can put the rest back together and get back to scamming people.’ His face looks more red than an imperial saber and pressurized as a grenade.

‘Two thousand credits for the privilege of picking and choosing.’ ‘A good heavy blaster is worth seven hundred new; five hundred and fifty for your secondhand wares.’ ‘That’s in the core worlds where you can get one made easily, fifteen hundred for the import fee.’ ‘Your Jawa partners stole these off corpses, I can see the kill tallies carved into some of them. Seven hundred and fifty.’ ‘And they risked their lives getting to them before the Tuscan raiders! Twelve fifty.’ ‘Nine hundred and I’ll put the ones I have to take apart back together myself.’ ‘One thousand for insulting the quality of my wares!’ ‘Done.’ Emperor that was exhausting. Used to be able to just serve up a writ of requisition to commandeer things like this. Or arrest the vendor.

I can’t believe it took two hours of sifting through and comparing their whole stock, but I finally have an acceptable blaster. Thick grip, long barrel, wide firing chambers, compact sight. Imperial steel through and through, none of those ornamental engraved wood or softer metal inlays that are popular with civilians. Just a needless point of failure. Reminds me of my academy days, stripping and reassembling a blaster over and over until I could do it with my eyes closed and an alarm siren wailing. Now I just need a holster and some practice shots to get used to the weight.

‘Finished. I’ll take five batteries for it. I’m done haggling for the day, and I know how much a battery costs. Twenty five credits per unit.’ He seems as fed up with me as I am with him, he’s not even feeding me excuses any more.

‘Say, not bad work you did putting these back together. One connoisseur of fine weapons to another, perhaps my wares may not be of the highest quality on the maintenance side of things. That’s why I have to sell them on the street. How would you be interested in a business proposition?’ Oh, he stopped haggling so he could get on my good side. How shrewd. Still, bounty work is inconsistent even under the best conditions. A fallback option wouldn’t hurt.

‘I have other avenues of employment, and I only work freelance. Whatever you’re suggesting would likely be bottom priority. If you’re still interested, keep talking.’ ‘I’m sure you noticed a lot of the problem with these blasters is wear and tear. Jawas are great at finding things and taking them apart, but not quite so good at putting them back together in good working order. How would you like to be my refurbishing specialist? Your blaster’s looking great, and all you had was a pocket tool and a folding table on the street. With a proper workbench and suite of tools, like the ones I’ve got at my workshop, you could probably get these good enough for the Troops!’ Delusions of grandeur. I don’t have time to get wrapped up in some small time scheme.

‘So you can peddle them to passersby? Sounds like wasted effort. The Empire has industrial grade contracts.’ ‘Ah that may be true my friend-’ ‘We aren’t friends.’ ‘-My potential business partner; but the local gangs are always looking to expand, and that means they always need new blasters.’ High quality blasters in the hands of the local gangs means higher quality blasters being pointed at me on the job.

‘Do you think I wear this armor because it’s comfortable?-’ It actually is, the body glove was vacuum contoured perfectly to my body, with all the plates machined to match. I used to sleep in it on long operations, just to be safe. But that would undermine my argument. ‘-My primary earner is bounty work. Being shot at by military grade blasters already sounds like a losing proposition, knowing I’m the reason they have them would just be insulting.’ ‘Mm. I understand. Take my comm number. If you ever change your mind, let me know.’ Doubt I’d ever make enough off of this to be able to stop doing bounty work, but fine.

II

That ate up too much of the morning. I was hoping to take a shuttle to the system capital early so I could beat the commute, no way I’d find anything approaching fancy on this planet, but at this time of morning there might as well be a blockade on intra-system traffic. Guess I can pick up those civilian clothes now.

I’m a little surprised to see she has an actual building to operate out of, but the desert winds aren’t kind to lighter fabrics so she must get a lot of repeat customers. Half filled racks of disparate pieces of clothing. A lot more variety than I’m used to. Could branch out from imperial black on imperial black. Not a lot in my size though.

That coat looks reliable, nerf leather lasts almost as long as plastoid. Still has most of its color, looks about my size. ‘Do you have anywhere I could try things on?’ A single disinterested finger from the other side of a holovid. Fine by me, I’ve been marketed to enough today. Over the shoulder and keep looking. Slim pickings for pants, and cloaks aren’t much my thing. Always get worried that there’s nothing under them whenever I see someone wearing one, or worse: that they’re hiding a lightsaber.

One pair of denym pants that looks like it could fit around my thighs. Another durable bit of civilian wear – no reason to compromise on that principle just because I’m stepping out of my armor. A shame it looks like it just came in from a few years sitting out in the suns, but it should do.

Those are some nice boots. Sturdy, reinforced worker’s wear. Maybe I can keep a little black in my wardrobe. The Empire puts everyone in it for a reason, right? Slimming, obscures your silhouette, muffles features. They have a nice clack when I tap the toes, could probably stop a blade if it really came down to it. Vibro-blade would probably still go through them like paper, but normal people take that risk every day and most of them make it out okay.

A nice looking holster. It looks new—brand new; too new. Imperial black, with a belt loop to fit any size and shape of blaster pistol. This is an officer’s holster. What would an officer be doing this far out? Hopefully not looking for me, and if so, hopefully this was picked off their corpse. Doubt the girl behind the counter verifies her sources. I’d have no choice but to buy it just to destroy it; the fact that it fits my blaster well is just a bonus.

This shirt might have been imperial black at some point; another casualty of the triplicate suns. Really need to consider moving to a system with fewer of those. A softer retirement than most imperial uniforms get though; no cuts or burns. It’s also the only shirt here that can fit over my shoulders, so I don’t have a choice.

I’m not sure I like civilian clothes. Even in the regular Storm Corps the glove was vacuum fitted despite the plates being mass produced, but after ten years of custom machined Purge Corps plates contoured to my musculature, these generically cut fabrics feel like they’re strangling me. I can feel the stitches on the jacket strain if I deviate too far from rest, not to mention the cuffs hanging up on my elbows. The pants would probably rip wide open if I had to sprint or lunge at something, even a crouch feels like I’m pushing my luck. The shirt has the opposite problem – loose fitted to the point of bunching and folding under the jacket so badly I’m constantly pulling on the collar to keep it facing straight. Boots and holster fit well though.

Fifty credits for it all, not a single word from the shopkeeper. One of the better interactions I’ve ever had with one. Easier to carry it around than my armor, so I guess I’ll have to head back home and change into it before I head off world. Less likely to get stolen if I leave it in my speeder too. Surely the people around here aren’t that desperate.

I doubt the morning rush has finished yet. The less time I can spend on a crowded ship the better. Maybe I can ask Vranki to order me in that sheet of thermal weave, a crime boss is sure to understand the value of discretion. If she’s halfway competent it should be no problem to source, and if not I should probably start looking for another employer.

‘Hey Trooper. Wish you chose a different code name, kind of confusing when I have to call out regular troopers.’ Good to see he remembers me, I think it’s a faux pas to disarm someone two times. ‘I’ve spent so long being called that I couldn’t think of anything else.’ Not a lot behind the eyes in that nod he’s giving me. ‘Nice blaster by the way! Where’d you get it—I’ve been thinking of upgrading. Just in case a fire fight ever breaks out, y’know? Can barely hit a bottle past ten feet with this thing.’

‘I had to splice together six blasters to make this one.’ ‘Oh no way, that’s crazy. Could you take a look at mine? Maybe it’s just rusty or something.’ Hard to picture this guy ever being a serious threat no matter how good a blaster he has. No rattling, no visible wear and tear. Likely doesn’t get fired often enough for that. Even a pretty good scope, but it’s completely warped. ‘Everything’s fine but the sight, what happened? Did it get run over, dropped off a roof?’ ‘That’s the bit I use to crack open beers when a shift is dragging on.’ Glad I’m wearing my helmet so the disgust on my face can’t sour our working relationship. ‘Don’t do that.’

Nothing seems to change much around here. Still dark, loud, and smoky: all problems my helmet solves. Surprised Vranki has time to see me, I figured there would be a lot more overhead on running a gang. A lot of it must handle itself now that I give it a second thought though: addicts just need some space to dissociate, and I’ve never seen someone paying for sex unhappily. The problem solving flow chart is probably a lot more linear without having to worry about court reprimands or public scandals—just use violence until the problem is gone.

‘Ah, Trooper! Glad to see you up back up and walking without that nasty limp. You here for work, or did you need a little help unwinding?’ ‘Neither ma’am. I would like to make use of your front companies if possible.’ ‘This isn’t Coruscant, why would I need to bother with those? Everybody in town knows who I am and what I do, and the only people who’ve given me trouble over it so far are people trying to compete.’ That’s a worryingly lax attitude, but the sooner I restore my armor’s integrity the better.

‘I need a sheet of thermal weave, but I don’t want my name on the purchase. Could I proxy it through you?’ ‘Of course! Normally that sort of business would start running into exorbitant fees, extortion if I’m being honest with you—woman to woman; but since we’re professional associates I’ll let you off with just a ten percent surcharge. I’m still running a business after all.’ ‘Fine. Give me the price as soon as you have it. If it’s too much, give me a target to make up the difference.’ ‘Oh don’t worry, I have no shortage of work for you if it comes to that. I should have a quote for you by the end of the day, not like it’s illegal or anything. Has anyone ever told you you’re paranoid, dear?’ I doubt it would be worth explaining how criminal activity looks from the enforcing side of the law. The Empire has a loose grip out here, but it tightens every day.

Suns are out in earnest now, traffic should have broken up. Just need to stow the armor at home and head to the spaceport. Things have been happening fast enough lately that I’ll likely be home by the time I’ve parsed them all in a sitrep. Vranki raises a lot of red flags – she makes half the rookie mistakes I spent seven years busting people on, and seems proud of it. She’s only gotten big because there’s no law out here to crack down on her, but once there is her operation is done. I need to not be a part of it by then. There’s no such thing as an honorable discharge from a crime boss’ service, so I might need to ingratiate myself to someone else more discreet and help with a hostile takeover. Should take my next contract from someone else too, better not to establish a pattern before breaking it.

Situation at home is appreciably unchanged. Looks like the wind rustled the shutters though, wish those stayed shut. Better not to invite any prying eyes or opportunistic scavengers in, even this far from town. Armor’s safely tucked in the alcove, casual clothes are on, time to go.

III

Honestly glad there’s no good tailors on Doobinth, I could use an afternoon away from this planet. Waterproofing is easy, but sand infiltrates every crevice in a piece of gear better than any assassin I’ve ever worked with. Maybe I can take Brayli off world for a date some time. I hear the capital is interesting. Not nice, considering it’s a hyper dense ball of iron that cooks you alive if you leave the arcologies—with rivers of mercury flowing across a lot of the surface, but apparently there are some breath taking views. I can’t even imagine how it got chosen to be the capital though.

Hang on a second: why does it smell like exhaust inside the ship, and why does it make me feel...nice? Better look around, just to be sure there’s no leak. It seems to be coming from that woman over there. That Nautolan with pink skin and tight coveralls who needs two seats. What’s Brayli doing on this shuttle? Should I talk to her? If she sees me I have to, it’s not nearly loud enough to pretend I didn’t notice her. We aren’t scheduled for a date until tomorrow though, she probably wants to be alone. Likely left the planet to get a break from me, I shouldn’t be too pushy. Just leave her alone.

‘Hey Koben, is that you?’ Oh, okay, never mind, impromptu short date. Public transportation through the void of space is romantic, right? It doesn’t matter, you need to get up and use your legs to walk over to her so you aren’t shouting across the cabin. ‘Oh, hey Brayli, it’s good to see you! I just happened to be heading to Saraz myself for some-’ Don’t ruin the surprise by telling her you’re going to spend a sizable chunk of your blood money on a dress from a tailor you’ve only heard about on the HoloNet; that would look stupid for two reasons. ‘-sightseeing.’ ‘Lucky you. Some oil baron who only drops by for the winter wants me to supe up his speeder so he can blast across the dunes, and the folks who make the parts for it don’t deliver. Just my luck, huh sugar?’

A pet name. A friendly elbow. That soft, warm laugh she does. How do I respond. Do I put my arm around her? Kiss her? Not in public, surely that’s too far too fast. I’ve been in situations like this before. This is a tightrope, she’s testing you. Fall and it all ends once we land. I recognized it, that’s the first part of the test, now all I have to do is figure out the answer.

‘You alright? You look a little pale, the shuttle making you sick?’ ‘No! I’m fine! I’m sorry. You’re very unlucky. I hope those parts are easy to transport.’ Feels like I just got hit by a speeder. ‘It’s just a few little nuts and bolts. The kind that are just a tiny bit off from industry standard so they can sell you replacements.’ A second part of the test, breadth of knowledge review, I can handle this.

‘Oh! I know what you mean, blasters have that problem all the time. The Empire published standard dimensions for chamber dimensions, seal sizes, firing power outputs, every characteristic that could possibly be regulated, because practically every culture had their own informal standards. Steep fines for intentional propagation of non-regulation part dimensions. The reason they do it is because they need to be able to requisition replacement parts from as many potential sources as possible, for when troopers are on long field operations and left cut off from official support lines. Of course, with how many blasters are rarely used, and passed down from father to son for generations in particularly egregious cases, there’s still quite a sizable market for unlicensed blaster parts. This one here I actually spent an hour just this morning putting together because of how many parts felt like they fit, but started to squeak or jostle upon further inspection. A lot of people think that they can get by with a fit that’s close enough, but with how much stress is placed on a blaster during use, the best result is that your blaster falls apart on you, and the worst is that it explodes in your hand.’ That should be sufficient.

She’s laughing again, and now our thighs are touching. There’s ample space for them not to be if she wanted, which must mean I passed. No other place for it now, so it’s safe to put my arm around her. This is nice. I hope the transport stalls out.

‘Wow, and here I thought troopers just fired blasters. I’m starting to think you’re secretly an engineer just trying to impress me with all that trooper talk.’ Teasing. Lighthearted teasing, I remember this from my academy days. ‘How do you think I got the armor?’ ‘Made it yourself in a workshop. It only looks real; the plates are rusty sheet metal you pulled off a speeder and painted up pretty. I could probably snap chunks off of ‘em!’ She’s grinning, and so am I. I hadn’t realized.

‘No way to prove that now, since I left the suit at home. Can’t risk depressurization with some sharpshooting, and there’s no floor space to spar a few rounds.’ She’s trying to lean in close, but her head barely reaches up past my chest. ‘Oh don’t worry, I’ve got the perfect spot to spar a few rounds at home.’ Now would be a good time to cross my legs, just to be safe while that image runs through my head. ‘Haha, yeah, well—I guess you’ll just have to take my word for it until we get around to that.’

Transport just arrived. I don’t want to get up yet, and neither does she. ‘See you tomorrow night?’ ‘Of course. Oh, nice new duds by the way – I’d been meaning to say. You finally get tired of catching heat stroke in that suit?’ No time to explain how sophisticated the temperature regulation is, only time to smile and laugh. All the time in the galaxy for that. ‘I got tired of having to wipe the sand out of the cracks every night.’ ‘Maybe you’ll get used to desert living yet. Shuttle’s just about empty, should probably head out, catch a taxi before they’re all snapped up. Bye sugar.’

IV

Hard to believe this place is in the same system as Doobinth. Everything’s bright, clean, crowded, and loud. It has its charms, but I’ve been out of big cities long enough I think I’m starting to prefer wide open stretches of nothing. This place looks surprisingly barren for a clothing shop. Figured there would be a lot more on display, but all they have is fabric samples. ‘Good afternoon madame, welcome to my humble boutique. How can I assist you on this fine day?’ His voice is coming out fast and nasal, wonder if it has to do with how much neck it has to traverse. Not used to looking up at people.

‘I have a date tomorrow and need a nice dress.’ ‘But of course, a trifling matter.’ ‘I don’t see any to try on.’ ‘Oh no my dear, you do not -try on- art! Everything we Kaminoans create is art, and art must be made bespoke, one of a kind, by and for those whose ambition wills it into being. Please remove your jacket; my droids will take your measurements and then we may begin holo-projecting potential designs over you.’

All of these designs look awful. My shoulders keep jutting out, my waist is a straight vertical line, and all these silky smooth fabrics just draw attention to how cracked and worn my skin is. I’m stupid, this is stupid. Dresses are for women with the luxury of sitting in a temperature controlled office all shift and taking monthly salon trips. Ones who’ve never had to practice knife fighting or crawl through suppressive fire. Real women.

I’m crying. Haven’t cried once since the Empire took me in, and now I’m crying because I don’t look good in a dress I could never have imagined affording until now anyway. What a joke. ‘Oh please do not cry madame. What troubles you?’ ‘I don’t think a dress is for me. I’ll be on my way.’ I guess she’ll have to be satisfied with these clothes.

‘Oh you must not go! In all my years I have never had the pleasure of working with one such as yourself!’ ‘Someone built like a slab of wrought iron?’ He looks offended. Don’t know how he has the gall to be the one offended here, but that’s self proclaimed “artists” I suppose. ‘That is how you think of yourself madame? Do not say such things!’ I’ve spent the better part of my life taking orders, but a scrawny seamster is a step too far.

‘And why shouldn’t I?! I could go to Coruscant with more credits than I’ll ever see and still not find a tailor who can make me look pretty!’ ‘You would not, that is true, but that is because you would be looking on Coruscant. That is a planet of high society, a world where there is no need for one to hone one’s body. Within those confines of course there would be nobody who would know what to do with a specimen of your caliber.’ That makes a nonzero amount of sense.

‘What is my caliber then, how would you dress me?’ ‘Dry your tears madame—whilst I tell you all I could see from the moment you walked into my shop. Your physique is sublime: a sculpted, chiselled testament to the endurance of the natural form. This could be the result of costly bodily sculpting technology, that is perhaps true, but such technology is unheard of by anyone living this far from the core worlds. An employer of such methods would have no reason to visit my establishment, and thus you must possess a physically demanding employment to maintain it naturally.’ I never figured it was that noticeable. It must be easier to make out through normal clothes than under armor.

‘Compounding this, your posture: the proud and yet restrained bearing of a soldier! Your eyes scanned uniformly across my shop, shoulders level, gait even. Such is not the behavior of a mere athlete or physical laborer. Even in so safe an environment as a shopping district you stay alert – vigilant for threats. Had I a blaster pistol in my hand when you walked in, no doubt you would have taken it from me.’ That is a difficult habit to unlearn.

‘You sound like a detective, but none of that makes me look any prettier in a dress.’ ‘Of course; nothing would make you look pretty in a dress. I knew that from the moment I saw you.’ ‘Then why put me through that?’ ‘Though I gleaned much from your bearing, I am no Jedi: I had no way to see inside your mind.’ Really need to learn not to tense up just from hearing that word some day. ‘I apologize for the distress, but more important than showing you what would work was showing you what would not. Now that you’ve realized a dress does not suit you, I would be happy to tell you what will.’ ‘Go on then.’

‘To accentuate and flatter your powerful form is the purview of a suit, madame.’ Oh, he’s right, these look amazing! ‘From your smile I see you begin to understand, but I will elucidate: there are as many forms of beauty as there are cultures in this galaxy. While you are a human, you are also a soldier – you come from a culture of power, strength, discipline; it would be foolish to force the beauty standards of the cosmopolitan worlds upon you.’

High shouldered, sleek limbed, and just a little imperial black for the under layer. I can see why this place has such a high recommendation, if the real thing looks half as good as this holo-projection it should be the second fanciest set of clothing I ever wear. ‘It’s perfect. I never knew how good red looked on me. I have one request though.’ ‘But of course, it is only fair that the canvas be comfortable with the art placed upon it.’ ‘Do you have any blaster resistant materials?’

That laugh is a lot deeper than his usual speaking voice. Hearty, makes him sound strong. ‘Oh, a daunting task, but you are in luck. Many of the people who care to buy tailored clothing in this system are members of the less savory side of society, and as such would prefer not having to compromise protection for style. I cannot guarantee it will prove immune to high power weaponry, but most common blaster pistols should take no fewer than two shots to damage this mesh. If you find yourself utilizing this property, fear not, because all my works come with a lifetime warranty.’

‘You’ve really surpassed all my expectations, I have to say. When will it be ready, and how much will it cost?’ ‘No more than two hours, and five thousand credits will suffice.’ The credits are easy, but I have no idea how to spend the next two hours. I never appreciated the utility of long patrols until now.

‘Can I ask you a non-work related question?’ ‘But of course madame.’ ‘I don’t know a good way to pass two hours around here. Do you have any recommendations?’ ‘Oh it would be my pleasure. If you are in such a mood as to spend more credits, I would recommend that you purchase a pair of boots to match the suit. Yours are passable, but red leather would certainly complete the ensemble. As for yourself, and please do not misunderstand me – the rugged, down to earth look has a charm all its own – you may want to seek out a salon, if for no more than a manicure.’

‘A salon? That sounds like an excessive measure.’ ‘Consider it a part of the ensemble. Just as one would not expect to see a full face of makeup underneath a trooper’s helmet, so too does one expect not to see a woman in a five thousand credit suit have dirt under her nails.’ For how much he talks, I have to give him credit: it makes a lot of sense. Definitely not just talking to hear the sound of his own voice. ‘I failed to consider that before, thank you.’

V

The boots were easy, managed to find the exact same shade as the suit to avoid any dissonance. Not usually impressed by civilian craftsmanship, but these are almost as comfortable as my old ones. Good flex, breathable, spacious. I’ve never owned clothes that weren’t made for fighting in before; I feel protective of them already.

I’ve never been to a salon before. No that’s not true, I raided an illegal one once, but I’ve never been a customer. ‘Hi there, welcome, can I get your name?’ Oh hell, should probably not leave too much of a paper trail. Been getting too comfortable lately, think of a fake name. Nothing’s coming to mind. Just Hers. Can I use it? It’s not like she’s around to be upset, and it’s the least she can do to make up for everything else. ‘Tessa Revilane.’

‘Well Mrs. Revilane, I don’t see you on the list, but you’re in luck: we just had a cancellation so I can squeeze you in.’ Her smile is fake, but polite. Wouldn’t look out of place placating an officer. ‘What was it you were looking for today?’ ‘I have a date tomorrow and I want to look pretty.’

Just relax. It’s okay to close my eyes around these unfamiliar women with scissors. They’re just civilians, if they were Imperial assassins I would have recognized their body language. The chair is adjusted for my height, and I’m being washed with water instead of sonic vibrations for the first time in years. I should enjoy it.

‘Goodness, you really needed this cleanup. How do you even get your fingernails into this state?’ ‘I wear gloves most of the day. Trim them with a knife when they get too long.’ Wow. These women must take this deathly seriously, I’ve never heard such an affronted gasp from so many people at once. ‘Well, you’ve come to the right place dear. I’ll have them fixed up for you in no time at all.’

The warm water is nice, but being detailed like this by three different people makes me feel like a droid in a repair bay. ‘Not often I work with hair this tangled. This might take a few brushes, and there’s a strong possibility of pulling, is that alright? I can skip it if it would be too painful.’ ‘That sounds fine.’ I’ve taken serrated vibro-blades between the ribs, I’m sure this will be triv-ow. Easy to forget how sensitive the scalp is wearing a helmet all the time.

‘Please don’t be offended by my saying this ma’am, but these callouses are so thick I don’t think a foot soak will be sufficient. We have a micro-vibrational cleaner that detects changes in tissue density in order-’ ‘Will it make them pretty?’ ‘Yes ma’am, very pretty.’ ‘Go ahead.’ Never worn an open toed shoe in my life, but I’m here, no use taking a half measure. It tickles. That feels nice.

I’m starting to see why the officers made such a big deal about their grooming, it’s really relaxing once you get used to being touched. The prices weren’t that steep either, for a bounty killing salary. Maybe I should make this a regular routine. Come here once a month, get to know them by name, make small talk. Then they all recognize me when an imperial detachment comes looking. Better keep it to just this once, and put effort into savoring it.

‘Well, we’ve done all we can out here, and if I may say so myself we’ve done quite a great deal. There is an optional full body massage we can have done for you in the back, a masseuse droid handles it to reduce any feelings of awkwardness. If not, we can get to painting your nails and styling your hair and you can be on your way.’ A massage. Never had one of those either, usually just been injected with a relaxant whenever a medical droid’s scalpel was having trouble penetrating. Why not? ‘I’ll take the massage.’

Now this is luxury. Most luxuries serve a practical purpose: they’re a status symbol to separate the wealthy from their servants at a glance. Investments in psychological domination. Jewellery, clothes, fancy speeders, large apartments; things to be seen, not enjoyed. This is different. Nobody will ever notice this but me. I have so many credits I can afford to throw them away just for my own pleasure.

Each manipulator digit feels like it’s giving me a stim injection. I never realized how much tension impairs physical capacity. My physical conditioning regimen has largely compensated for it and kept me effective, but right now I feel like I could do a standing jump over a speeder. The oil feels nice too. Like the cool tingle of hypoxia settling in, but I can lie here and enjoy it without dying. It might not be a good idea to come to this salon again, but surely the Empire would never track someone buying a masseuse bot, right?

Even my clothes feel different putting them back on, everything is so sensitive and providing me so much feedback. I thought with bacta eliminating scarring that there would be no difference, but this must be how molting species’ feel.

‘That was amazing. I’ve never felt anything like it.’ ‘That’s great to hear! Just sit back down and we can handle your hair and nail polish.’ A holodisplay of potential colors, but I don’t need to look. ‘Imperial black please.’ Applied in under a minute. They look pretty. My fingers look...pretty. I look pretty.

‘Is everything alright miss? Are you allergic to the nail polish?’ Crying again. A different sort of crying, not one I’m familiar with. ‘No ma’am. I’m not sure why I’m crying. Just ignore it, and give me the same hairstyle I came in with please. I’m happy with it.’ Not much room for a fashionable haircut under a helmet. Even in the same style, it looks completely different now.

VI

Six thousand credits. Four month’s salary for a set of clothes and a deep clean. I’d have scoffed at that last week, but thinking of how Brayli’s going to react when she sees it is invigorating. It’s going to be great. ‘Hey lady, hand over your credstick!’

Wow, I even look rich enough to get mugged. A back alley is a back alley no matter what planet you’re on I suppose. It only ever makes the situation worse, but I can’t stop myself from laughing at this guy. I’ve had some desperate people rush me with a knife, but this is just ridiculous: he’s grip is loose, his stance is terrible, and that blade looks like it would struggle to cut bread, never mind skin. Oh well, what can you do?

Grab his wrist, angle the blade away, pull him in, punch him in the throat, let him down gently so he doesn’t get concussed by the ground. Over and done, simple as that. Nails are intact, suit is still clean. He’s reeling pretty hard, I should call him an ambulance. Done. What a way to cap off my trip.

I could go for a walk back to the spaceport. Get used to the way these new clothes fit, break in the boots. How to pass the time? Already got everything done today, no topics for a mental evaluation. Maybe a marching tune. It must have been ten years since I’ve whistled one of those. The imperial March is always a classic.

VII

Back home. Probably shouldn’t wear this suit out too much, I can leave it off for the night. It’s still a bit too early to go to bed though. Maybe I can get my workout in early, then spend the rest of the evening practicing with this new pistol. That sounds like a good way to cap off the day. I can’t wait for tomorrow.

[eliotquillon]

character ask game raven pls 🥹🥹

i gotchu anon

one aspect about them i love

everything. jk. not really. as you all know i am VERY fond of raven getting to drive and i personally believe that every god tier hive book features a chaotic raven driving scene because they are always SUCH GOOD FUN. the parts of raven that make me really adore her are the parts that make her feel more human - her swearing at all the brazilian drivers in portuguese, admitting that her tech skills are basically limited to turning her computer on and off again, her complete lack of patience towards otto and shelby’s shenanigans in interception point. i always compare raven to yassen gregorovich from alex rider because “russian assassin with older male mentor figure and incredibly traumatic backstory who won’t hurt children” is a pretty niche trope but the thing that has always made raven my favourite out of the two is how human she feels. she’s funny and she likes cars and she hates fancy dresses and sometimes her temper gets the better of her. raven really feels like a well rounded person and i love her for it

one aspect i wish more people understood about them

once AGAIN i think the hive fandom gets miss raven pretty well, so this is kind of a nitpick. i think i wish more people understood that her relationships with otto and wing are fundamentally very different relationships in the sense that i think raven views otto, however begrudgingly, as her peer and friend, whereas she views wing as a student and mentee (and friend! but in a different way to otto). in a way i think otto is fundamentally better aligned with raven’s personality and philosophy because he’s open to the idea that sometimes violence Is the answer, and he isn’t a fan of moral absolutism - i actually think the real reason why wing got to her so much in rogue was because he was starting to remind her of dmitri’s “you are not a killer” line, because in rogue wing fundamentally does Not understand that killing otto might end up being the lesser of two evils. i don’t think the politician world killing tour could’ve been done by any other combination of people and i think that raven, while she does genuinely care and respect for all of the main six, shares an understanding with otto that she doesn’t have with wing IN THE SAME WAY that her mentoring wing in martial arts is something she doesn’t share with otto. tl;dr raven’s favourite student is less of a question of otto vs wing and more “they all understand each other for different reasons”

one (or more) headcanon(s) i have about this character

she is a Lesbian (which is canon TO ME). i also think she went by natasha as a little girl because it’s the diminutive of natalya and, post bloodline, she eventually starts going by natasha strictly in her personal life to more cleanly separate the line between herself/the raven persona. Because also i think her shoulders are fucked LOL and imo she ends up retiring a few years after bloodline to become a judo instructor or something.

one character i love seeing them interact with

we been fucking knew but OTTO. otto and raven interactions make me so insane. i love them i love their banter my favourite joke in the entire series is in escape velocity when raven threatens to knock otto out and carry him out of the building and he just looks at her and says “nine stone”. mark walden if you’re reading this please give me an otto raven reunification scene post bloodline it is what we all deserve

one character i wish they would interact with/interact with more

SHELBY. SHELBG SHELBY SHELBY. i joke and indeed i jape about raven hating shelby for no reason in interception point but genuinely they did deserve some kind of bonding moment and i think they might have connected over the idea of most of their bio family just being Awful. i’ve headcanoned before that raven sees a lot of young natalya in shelby and that’s why she’s so sharp with her because Shit Hurts but i would much rather be wrong and have them being silly together because they have very similar senses of humour and i think the two of them could tease wing to oblivion

one (or more) headcanon(s) i have that involve them and one other character

raven has been telling otto to call her natalya for five years. He is Yet To Do So. her favourite hobby at enforced nero family bonding dinners is to pick a topic that nobody could possibly argue about and watch nero and nathaniel try and argue about it anyway. so fucking niche but i think she went on a blind date with nile from alex rider in cuba and they both hated it so much that they mutually agreed to never speak again. oh yeah and i also think post retirement she gets really into sports car collecting and her and shelby have mini rivalry about who has the nicest ferrari LOL

[wisteria-lodge]

lion primary + lion secondary

Hey! I’ve been wanting to write to you for some time.

I think I am a Double Lion, for the most part. At least, right now that’s what I feel comfortable with. If I had to talk about my values, right now my loved ones are more important to me than any big cause or my country etc. If anything happens to me, they’ll be the ones impacted the most. Naturally, I prioritise them more.

On the surface, sure this looks pretty Loyalist, but that little “right now.” Just that little acknowledgement that this is how things are now, but maybe not how they’ll be always makes me think that there’s an Idealist primary underneath.

What keeps me going at my worst moments is my desire to see my nephews and nieces. I really want to be an aunt. I want to see my sibling get married, and be there for them. And I will live to see that at any cost.

I am the most important person in my life. It’s my life, it should be centered on me. And this is a attitude I adopted recently after I went to therapy.

I don’t have too many universal values on here. But this one I like. Because the way I see it, the alternative is burning yourself out (and very possibly building up some kind of resentment.) At which point you’ll have made yourself someone else’s problem anyway.

Beforehand I used to run myself ragged trying to find the One True Purpose of my life. The idea of a cause that I could wholly dedicate myself to captivated me. Letting go of that idea wasn’t easy, but I had to because a) it isn’t realistic and b) it wasn’t good for me.

Oh there’s the Lion. This is actually a fun (and probably useful) way of thinking about Exploded Lion. Exploded Lions vanish into the cause - but what is there is no Cause? Probably something like this, hopping around and getting increasingly and increasingly desperate.

The opinion of my loved ones matters to me, but at the end there are some things I simply won’t budge on. And these things are not topics I am willing to waver on, and I cannot fully explain why I have come to value these concepts/beliefs so much. It’s definitely been a process though, little things adding up over time to create like a fort of belief.

Beautiful description of a Lion primary.

As for secondary, I think I am Lion because nothing else fully fits. I don’t know if this is a primary thing or secondary thing, but the idea of changing myself so that other people would like has always been utterly repellent to me.

It is a secondary thing - but in this case, yeah that feeling would be strengthened and reinforced by your primary.

Even when I was utterly desperate for social connection, I was adamant that I would rather spend the rest of my life alone than change myself for anyone. Companionship obtained that way is not worth anything. I don’t think in extreme terms like “spend the rest of my life alone” any longer, but my stubbornness on this remains.

Healthy Double Lions are such powerhouses.

I am at my best when I prioritise myself and do not allow my behaviour to be influenced by the way others behave. I mean, to a certain extent I am willing to, but that’s when it comes to making sure I am not making someone needlessly uncomfortable? That I am respecting their boundaries? I don’t think these things count as “changing my behaviour” though. It’s just being considerate.

Being a Lion secondary shouldn’t just be open permission to be an asshole :) Lion secondaries can always hit the breaks. In fact, they’re really good at hitting the breaks. Lion secondaries can hit a boundary and stop, or at very least lower the volume.

I can’t think of examples for singleplayer, but I really like fixing things if that counts for anything. Tinker around with the thing for a bit and it all starts making sense. It needs me to use my head without using it too much. It’s invigorating. I really like fixing things more than creating them.  I would’ve become a mechanic if it paid enough.

Awww. You, and other EXTREMELY LOUD Lion secondary Anakin Skywalker <3

(I would not be surprised AT ALL if this is a Single-Player Lion Pattern)

As it is, I will probably become an engineer. I think bird primaries are so cool. I thought I was a bird primary because it seems like the right way to go about things

You, and all the rest of the Lion primaries.

but it stressed me out and made me miserable.

Yep. (I imagine you probably had some Burning in your past, or even some Burning and Exploding happening at the same time, which would make you my first example of a Burnt/Exploded Lion.)

It’s so cool how their way of doing things minimises bias and they just. They choose based on what seems to them to be backed up by sound reasoning and that’s incredible.

I know right. It’s so cool.

I tried to do that but it just turned me around in circles. Everything can be justified if you try hard enough. I think I’ll stick what feels right over what looks right.

The is the the Lion primary way.

Thanks for reading all this way :)

Thank you for writing in. You seem remarkably self aware, and in a remarkably good place. I think you’ve got yourself and the system pretty figured out, and this was a very relaxing read.

[iam-an-angel]

ONCE I'VE MADE THAT PEACE, I KNOW I'LL NEVER LOOK BACK.

Once I make peace with the realization that you're not meant to be part of my life, that’s where your story in my journey ends.

It’s not out of anger, resentment, or bitterness—it’s a quiet acceptance that some people simply aren’t meant to walk the entire path with you. Not everyone who enters your life is meant to stay, and sometimes the most powerful thing you can do for yourself is to let go.

Making peace with this truth isn’t easy at first, especially when emotions are involved. There might have been times when I fought to keep you close, believing that your presence was necessary for my happiness or growth.

But over time, life has a way of revealing who truly aligns with your spirit and who was only meant to teach you a temporary lesson. And when that clarity comes, when I understand that our paths no longer serve each other, I can’t hold on. I won’t.

It’s a profound shift, really—a quiet decision to prioritize my peace, my energy, and my well-being. No more trying to force connections that have run their course. No more holding onto the hope that things might change.

Once I reach that point of understanding, there’s no going back. It’s not about malice; it’s about releasing what no longer serves me, so I can make room for what does.

When I make peace with this decision, it’s not dramatic or loud. It’s not filled with conflict or chaos. It’s calm, clear, and resolute.

It’s the moment I realize that the energy I’ve been investing in trying to make things work, in trying to keep you in my life, could be better used elsewhere—on myself, on my growth, on people who genuinely align with who I am becoming. And that’s a liberating thought.

It’s not that I stop caring. It’s not that I wish you ill. In fact, I wish you the best—just from a distance. I hope you find your way, just as I’m finding mine.

But I won’t allow your presence to take up space in my life anymore, not when I’ve made peace with the fact that our paths are no longer connected. When I reach that point, it’s truly the end of the road for us, and I have no desire to look back.

This decision is about boundaries, about self-respect, and about knowing when to let go with grace. It’s about recognizing that not every relationship is meant to last forever, and that’s okay.

People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime, and the wisdom lies in knowing which is which. Once I make peace with the fact that your role in my life has ended, I can release you without hesitation, without regret.

There’s something incredibly freeing about that moment. It’s as if a weight lifts, and suddenly, I can breathe a little easier. My energy isn’t tied up in the past anymore.

I’m not wasting time trying to figure out why things didn’t work out or how I could have done things differently. I’ve made my peace, and with that comes the clarity that I need to move forward.

And when I move on, I do so with a full heart. Not broken, not bitter, but whole and grounded in the understanding that I deserve relationships that uplift me, that nourish my spirit, and that respect the person I am becoming.

I’m no longer willing to keep people in my life out of obligation, guilt, or habit. If you’re not meant to be here, I won’t fight it anymore.

So, once I make peace with the fact that you’re not meant to be in my life, that’s truly it. There’s no drama, no second chances, no revisiting old wounds.

I simply close that chapter and focus on writing the next one. And in that next chapter, I’m surrounded by people who genuinely belong, by connections that are reciprocal, respectful, and real.

It’s a quiet, powerful kind of peace.

The kind that lets me move forward with my head held high, confident in my decision and in the knowledge that letting go isn’t a loss—it’s a necessary step toward creating space for the right people to come in.

✨🙌🏾💫

[yohaulticetll]

Dear Aadhi,

I took time to reflect more. It’s so terrifying writing this.

I don’t want to diminish that you took accountability and I appreciate that. But it doesn’t help make the pain of trust being hurt go away. That will take time.

It really hurts because…i think it goes deeper than just the lack of honesty and straightforwardness. I just want friends I can trust. I don’t give a single fuck about the sexual or kink aspects at all. Fuck it all. I don’t give a shit about it.

It’s the pain of how I was treated I guess. It feels like I’m not taken seriously like Luna or Selenius. I gave my trust and allowed myself to be vulnerable and more present around you cause I felt safe and comfortable with you. I gave my trust to you and that’s what hurts. That’s why I don’t feel safe right now and that takes time to build. I just want friends to have for myself. Like…friends that know I exist and be able to become more of my own person and not be so shut in

It feels like since the beginning you didn’t like me and you seemed to think I was spineless and weak. That hurt too but I got over your judgement because you didn’t know me. I just don’t show my strength because I like to be smol and soft but I will do what I need to do if I have to. My softness and shyness is not a weakness. It also was a bit confusing how you said that my perception of you didn’t match you and it was unhealthy before I could explain myself. That wasn’t it at all but I understand why you would feel that way and I’m sorry. I could have communicated that better.

I wanted to feel safe with you and have a connection with you and a part of me still does. I’m just uncertain of how things will turn out as I’m so scared of being hurt again. I’ve existed a long time being treated horribly, and it takes so much to just be out amongst other people. You’re not a bad person Aadhi. I just feel like miscommunication and bad luck has made it feel like you don’t treat me nicely or respect me like you do with the others.

I wish I couldn’t bring up things from the past with your ex and I’m sorry you had to deal with the way they treated you and I am not trying to treat you in any way like them. I really hope things aren’t going to be compared to us because I know we aren’t cruel and we won’t treat people badly. I just don’t know how expressing myself will be mindful of your traumas since I don’t know what I’m doing wrong.

I still respect you and value your mindfulness to have been able to communicate the reasons why you seemed disinterested. I appreciate that you were able to let me express what I felt and appreciate that you communicated things but probably a little late and it had to take me finally working up the courage and taking the time to process to be honest of the pain I have been feeling

My uneasiness came from those things I expressed. I realized why I felt that pit in my stomach. I don’t feel respected or taken seriously. And it’s hard expressing things and just writing this my anxiety is through the roof because I always worry my words will be used to against me in some way.

I don’t know what your response will be or if you will respond at all but I forgive your misjudgments of me and we don’t owe each other anything and you probably just don’t like me entirely for me and that’s okay. I accept that not everyone I meet will like me. I don’t hold any grudge against you because I want to let this go and move on. I just need to be honest with my thoughts and emotions on this for some closure on this pain that’s eating at me.

Whether there’s a chance to try for friendship again, I am open to it but that would also be up to you.

[insyncnews]

"Dunja World - Girl Who Wrote Her Songs In A Bomb Shelter. Wow!"

Image: Dunja World

I first met Dunja at CT Public TV while working on a set. She struck me as friendly and kind, but there was an air of mystery about her. She’s quiet, with an enigmatic presence that has left more than a few people in the industry wondering, "Where did this woman come from? How did she get this far? Who’s behind her success?"

Dunja World is a woman who began writing songs in a bomb shelter and overcame unimaginable obstacles to become one of the most respected figures in the music publishing world.

If you ever get the chance to talk to Dunja, you’ll find yourself in conversation with one of the most fascinating people you’ll ever meet. She has this quirky, knowing look that seems to say, "I know a lot, but I’m not telling..." Trying to get her to open up is like digging for treasure—it’s not easy, but it’s worth the effort.

Those who work closely with Dunja describe her as a true professional, with a meticulous attention to detail that reflects her deep passion and commitment. Yet, despite her deep connections in the industry, she chooses to surround herself with people who are grounded and authentic. In a world where everyone is trying to get ahead, Dunja seeks out the opposite. She’s connected to some of Hollywood’s biggest names, but you won’t find her at every glitzy party. In fact, she rarely attends the ones she’s invited to.

Peter Yarrow of Peter, Paul and Mary recently shared his thoughts on Dunja’s voice, calling it "The most moving, wonderful, heartbreakingly beautiful voice." He added, "I loved it when I heard it, and I had no idea who this might be. But this is a great soul as well as a great voice, and it’s so beautiful." And this was before he even saw her in person.

Dunja is a striking woman with a strong presence—someone who commands attention the moment she walks into a room. But what truly inspires me is her perseverance in the music business. She’s not just releasing songs; she’s releasing songs that span different genres, reflecting both her inner strength and contemplation.

Dunja doesn’t believe in putting a song in a box. She’s releasing an EP that showcases her versatility, with both original versions and pop adaptations. "Why should one song be confined to one genre?" she says. "I can write a song and release it in many different styles. After all, I wrote them—they’re my ‘children.’" While she acknowledges the need to sometimes produce songs in a more pop-oriented style, she is steadfast in her commitment to staying true to herself and her roots.

Her latest project, an EP of six songs, was a collaboration with Grammy-winning producer Ben Wisch, known for his work on Marc Cohn’s "Walking in Memphis." I think Dunja and Ben made a great team with no pressure to rush the project. She said that Ben is someone who insists on authenticity, and working with him means getting real with yourself before even stepping into the studio.

The EP that is just about to be released features some truly talented musicians. Besides Dunja writing all her songs, playing piano, electric piano, and doing vocals, we will hear Marc Shulman on acoustic and electric guitars, Joe Bonadio on percussion, Jerry Marotta on drums, Zev Katz on bass guitar and many more....

Dunja also transformed some of these songs into pop versions to reach a broader, younger audience. One of these tracks, "Fearless," is one of the catchiest songs I’ve heard in a long time. Which is one of the main reasons why I am writing this article. Part of the music video was filmed at Connecticut Public TV, and it’s set to be released at the end of September. It's an uplifting song of overcoming and it's easily going to be a new hit song! It's also already getting attention from the movie licensing world. 

I will be watching out for her music releases closely...

Image: Dunja World on “Fearless” set.

References:

Dunja World YouTube Channel

Spotify