#and i’ve made connections with people i know won’t respect that part of me

[a-bucket-in-the-void]

the first thing i’m doing when i come out is driving two hours to the place that i first saw a queer space in real life and switching out my pronoun pin that i got from there from he/they to he/him

i need that closure

[tickettride]

I’ve just seen a face | 1

𓂃 ࣪˖ ִֶָ𐀔

pairing is johnny davis x f!reader

in which the man you've been staring at all night long at a party meets you in the kitchen, and suggests to walk you out where it's safer. the only danger is not being able to stop kissing him.

word count: 2k

warnings: 18+ (mdni), alcohol, mention of weed, men being creeps, smoking, sexual tension, kissing and a touch of fluff?, "girls are prettier without glasses" speech (ugh), maybe a few mistakes and nonsense

• read the second part here

The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it. Resist it, and your soul grows sick with longing for the things it has forbidden to itself, with desire for what its monstrous laws have made monstrous and unlawful. — The Picture of Dorian Gray

 

Johnny’s lips hovered over yours, mixing his warm breath with your shaky exhales. You had never felt so connected to another human being before. Never felt your soul leaving your body that way. And here you were now, nose-to-nose with a man you didn't even know.

A deep, unwavering sexual tension had tethered you to Johnny for hours. Even since you had stepped into the house, actually. It had been hard to see right through the smoke, even more since you had decided to ditch your glasses for the night, just for the experience. Well, it had been a fucking mistake. All the faces were blurry, and you swore you introduced yourself twice to the same people, all of them hoisting their beer and exchanging looks you didn't quite understand.

It doesn’t matter, your friends told you. They won’t remember anything the next morning. You supposed it was a relief, to think people would forget about you in just a few hours. At least until you saw that guy who had been standing in a corner the whole time. 

No, not a guy. A real man, with broad shoulders and a certain way of carrying himself. Even from across the room, you knew he was respected.

It had taken you longer than necessary to reach the kitchen behind a group of wobbly men, bumping into shoulders and apologizing inaudibly. Someone talked to you but you barely paid any attention, giving a small "okay" instead as you focused on getting to the kitchen in one piece.

Rubbing your eyelid tiredly, you nearly scratched your eye out when a hand closed around your wrist, though it felt warm and gentle.

“Hey.”

The man from the corner was looking down at you, worry flickering in his eyes. So close to you, he was even more handsome. Full lips, a face that carried memories. Clearly, he had seen a lot.

“Ya need help?”

“No?” You dragged the syllable, confused as you shot a look at your friends. The three of them had crashed on a couch, their loud laughter drawing attention. You might have looked drunk though, you gave him that. “I’m just headin’ for the kitchen. Gotta drink some water before I start feelin’ all…”

Your vague hand motion made his lips twitch in amusement, which pulled a smile to your lips too. It slightly faded when he removed his hand from you, and you turned back around.

So he had noticed you.

A strong scent of alcohol and weed burned your nostrils when you walked over to the sink, your eyes sweeping over the room to find where the glasses were stocked. Littered cups filled with some sort of alcohol mix had your nose wrinkled up at the smell, wondering what was wrong with those people. Did they really enjoy drinking this? Finally, stacked glasses that seemed clean enough caught your eyes.

And now that same man was standing at the threshold.

“I’m old enough to be left on my own, y'know," you said sarcastically, almost nervous to be left alone with him. Was he one of the creeps? Or just a man bored to death?

In response, he nodded like you had made a great point. “Just don’t want ya to feel unsafe, is all.”

You shrugged, retrieving a glass, checking it was somewhat clean, and filling it with water. “I know how to throw a punch. I've been taught the basics.”

“Show me, then.”

The three words made your heartbeat faster. With your free hand, you closed your fist, barely thinking. 

“Nah. Ya’d break your thumb like that.”

Your gaze flitted to your hand for a second. “Yeah. Probably.”

Another nod was addressed to you, and a moment of silence wrapped you both in a comfortable bubble. You drank the water silently while he kept his eyes on you, which would have looked truly odd did he not seem safe. He looked exhausted, though. Maybe a bit entertained. Maybe like he’d been waiting for someone like you to light up his evening.

“I’m Johnny.”

You gave your name back, watching his smile that definitely shouldn’t have caused a hot nudge in your lower body, considering he would surely move on from you the next day.

Still, the tension choked you as he stepped further into the room, picking up a bottle of beer in a bucket. Your hand tightened against the glass when you opened your mouth to ask where he was from–the usual small talk you used when silence made you uneasy–and instantly closed it as two bearded men barged in, ruining the moment.

“I say, "You ain’t goin’ nowhere, motherfucker",” the first one spat, waving a gun in the air. “I captured you.”

Swallowing thickly at the sight of the small handgun, you set the glass back down into the sink and glanced over at Johnny. Your senses returned to you enough to do some calculations. From what you could see, you could slip beside him and make your way back to your friends swiftly. But those two creeps had spotted you, standing there like an outsider or just a woman, and nerves started filling your body as you hyped yourself up to take the few steps toward freedom. There was no way you were staying there to risk being shot accidentally. What a stupid end that would make.

Johnny’s brow furrowed at those guys and back at you, sensing your discomfort. He tipped the drink to his mouth, taking a long sip as you took a deep breath. 

“I think I’ll head out,” you announced quietly, ignoring the men’s hot gazes on your back.

It was a shame to leave so fast, but maybe you just weren’t meant to be talking to Johnny. You believed in all that stuff fiercely.

Johnny’s head turned around, watching behind him before meeting your eyes again. “I can’t see your friends.”

“Oh, they must be smokin’ somewhere out there.”

Giving a small nod, he stepped closer to you and left his beer near the sink. “I’ll walk ya out.”

You cleared your throat, trying to alleviate the lump forming from the thoughts racing through your brain. His hand settled on your lower back as he guided you to the back door, and you didn’t think once. Perhaps you'd finally have that time alone with him, after all. He didn’t look like he wanted to leave either.

The cold breeze hit you in the face as you squinted through the darkness, praying hard not to fall or trip or do anything embarrassing in front of him. And that was exactly what you did. The couple of stairs were poorly lighted, and there was only one idiot to miss that one step. You.

“Shit,” you stumbled, chuckling awkwardly when you felt Johnny’s hand on your waist, making sure you were not collapsing.

“Alright?”

“Yeah,” you replied quickly, unable to stop yourself from smiling. 

Maybe it was his big hands on you, or maybe it was just the one beer you had drunk, but the wind seemed less cold, less aggressive on your skin. God, he looked so... attractive.

A small smile graced his lips as he gazed down at you, almost checking you out. “Should’ve slowed down on the beers.”

Another giggle escaped your lips, trying not to shrink under his gaze. “It’s not about the beers, promise. I just can’t see nothin’ without my glasses.”

“You lost ‘em?” Johnny asked, a wrinkle appearing between his brows. 

“No. Um… I’ve been told girls are prettier without glasses.”

He made a sound. Kept frowning. That was your cue to blabber on. 

“Not that I found myself… unattractive. I just thought I could try one night without wearin' them. Which was really stupid, considerin’ I’ve almost died at least twice.”

You pursued your lips as you caught a whiff of his scent on his leather jacket, willing yourself to shut up and flee. As you were supposed to. And yet, as dumb as you sounded, Johnny’s eyes were fixed on yours and did not leave for a moment. He was listening carefully, blocking out the world to hear your silly explanation. 

“You’re not unattractive,” he said in a low voice. "I bet they make ya look even prettier."

“How would you know?” your tone matched his, your blood heating another degree. 

Johnny came closer, raising his hands to run his thumbs above your cheeks, where your glasses usually fell. His eyes were ringed with dark circles, but they were beautiful. Dark. Full of fantasies. 

“Just imaginin’,” his raspy voice sent a hot shiver down your spine. "I've been lookin' at ya since you walked in, but I hadn’t noticed those freckles right there."

Your heart hammered in your chest. It was all going so fast, but the mere thought of slowing things down was absurd. You couldn’t think of anything but feeling his lips on yours. Moving your body with his. Feeling so wanted he might die, and you as well. You usually were careful and rather shy when it came to flirting, but why would you resist the temptation now?

The party didn’t matter. The people out there didn’t matter. Hell, even your friends didn’t matter. It was only you and the man you had checked out (ogled) all night, the man who had made sure you were feeling safe, the man who had caught you in his arms like they did in the movies. 

It did feel like a movie anyway. None of this felt real. 

“I can’t see much, but you look pretty attractive too,” you dared to say, though you wished you had sounded bolder. 

His lips nearly touched yours. The top of your noses did, causing you to chuckle. What was even happening?

“See me better now?” Johnny muttered, angling his face.

"Much better."

"Good."

You had known a few men, kissed a few of them, but nothing had ever come close to this particular moment. Nothing had ever felt so exciting, so hot and passionate. You didn’t want him to forget you. Fuck, you were sure you would think of these minutes until your last breath. You needed to have him, even for a short moment.

Nose-to-nose with a man you didn't even know.

“Johnny?”

“Mmm?”

“I’m gonna kiss you now.”

Emboldened by his widening smile, you closed what little distance was left between your mouths and pressed a soft kiss against his lips, just testing the waters. You hadn’t expected it to feel that good. Like a taste of heaven. Gripping his shoulders, you drew yourself high against his chest and slipped your tongue into his mouth, a tiny sound mixing with a groan of his. His hands pressed against your back, holding your waist like a fragile doll as yours slid to the back of his head. Fuelled by the need to make him moan again, you wrapped both arms up around his neck until you were shamelessly making out on the grass, wishing he could do something to alleviate the burning in your body. It was bewitching.

You were out of breath when you landed on your feet again, as though you had just taken a trip to the stars for a minute. Clearly, Johnny was as dazed as you were. 

Looking over his shoulder, you found no less than ten faces peering out the window, and a couple more watching from the front porch. Smoking. You bet your friends had seen it all. 

“Shit,” you whispered, at a loss for words. 

Johnny ran his thumb over your lip, his eyes tracing his own movements as he did. ‘Tell me where ya live.”

Forgetting everything about the safety rules you had always followed when it came to men, you whispered, “Next to the shoe store. I work there on weekends.”

The detail had slipped out, but you just wished he would suggest picking you up someday. Don’t let him forget you, your brain kept saying. You couldn’t be anticipating the saddest goodbye of your life yet.

“You’re workin’ tomorrow?”

A bit of hope flickered in your chest. Men usually fucked off after getting what they wanted, but he seemed really into you. That was unreal.

“Tomorrow’s Friday,” you grinned playfully, chuckling as he nodded. 

"Tomorrow’s Friday," Johnny repeated, realizing his mistake. "Guess I don’t wanna spend one day waitin’ to see ya again."

“Me either,” you admitted lowly, removing a strand of hair sticking to your lips. “You can—you can still come on Saturday, if you want to.”

“You’ve been on a motorcycle before?” 

You shook your head, wondering why you felt so bashful all of a sudden. Johnny’s lips curved at your hesitancy, holding your gaze for a moment. His eyes full of promises again.

“Hmm. Ya should leave before I keep ya out here with me,” he declared, snapping you out of your thoughts as he squeezed your hip gently and stepped backward. 

And with that, the moment was gone.

“Saturday, then?” you asked, just to make sure. 

You sounded almost desperate, but you couldn’t care. There was something scary about being so attracted to someone so fast. What if a simple change of heart left you heartbroken?

“Saturday,” Johnny confirmed, making it sound like it was years away. 

You dropped your gaze for a second and raised it again to look at him one last time, the steadying sounds of your breathings filling the cold air. Johnny broke the eye-contact to check that your friends were still standing in the distance.

“Ya need help walkin’ over there?”

The question made you smile. “I’ll be alright. I’ll try to walk in a straight line and avoid people."

Johnny’s stare could have been a good reason to stay with him and let him keep you, but after a second of hesitancy, you willed yourself to utter a small ‘Well, see you, then’. You made a beeline to your friends, blinking a couple of times as though your vision would become clear again. 

You shot one look behind. Johnny was waiting for you to reach the others, not moving.

They all shouted in your ear when you stepped on the tiled floor, but you weren’t listening. Just thinking of how fast it all could change when you least expected it. You weren't fully sure he'd really show up in two days, so you crossed your fingers during the whole ride back home and hoped he wouldn't forget. You were already longing for this man’s touch.

[moreespressoformydepresso]

I promise I’m still alive and writing but I’ve been working a lot, I’m planning a vacation and I’m still not over the person that showed me how shitty people can be who I recently realized may have actually been cyberstalking me so it’s taking me longer than usual to do anything.

It did give me this AU tho:

The tributes are saved because they’ve been through so much shit it made them become expert therapists.

It all started when Lysistrata confided in Jessup about a bad friendship breakup she had and he not only reassured her that she dodged a massive bullet, but he ended up giving her some pretty good advice. When she told Coriolanus about this, he hesitantly opens up to Lucy Gray about his struggles and her compassion and good suggestions snowball (ha) into him getting his ass hauled to actual therapy. All hail his therapist, who works overtime to fix the mess that is Coriolanus Snow and is tipped generously once Tigris gets her fashion business off the ground.

Livia complains about the general mean girl/boy-ness of her friend group and Facet hesitantly but kindly informs her that she’s been gossiping about them behind their backs too and maybe she should try to work on herself so the better friend groups will want to hang out with her. Lo and behold once she shows her real self she gains a less toxic circle of people around her. Not even she knows when she started considering Facet part of it, but damn it all if she won’t use her mom’s bank connections to make sure she won’t lose the person who singlehandedly managed to change her life for the better.

Palmyra doesn’t think she’s mean, but Velvereen opens her eyes to the idea of passive meanness. Actions can be bad, but sometimes inaction is worse. Not telling her friends to stop insulting some poor kid isn’t being ‘neutral’, because silence is taking the side of the agressor. Velvereen only said it in regards to Palmyra’s social life, but it doesn’t take the mentor long to take a step back and apply that logic to the games. She doesn’t like them, but she sure as heck never did anything to stop them, did she? Maybe it was time to change that, and maybe it was time to share her newfound wisdom with her classmates.

Marcus doesn’t like Sejanus. Not at all. But he deserves better than this. So he points out all the ways in which Sejanus’s friends… kinda suck? Because they’re not as mean to him as other Capitol people but that doesn’t make them good. So he suggests owning the title of District Scum more than he already does and no longer doing anything for them so they realize how much he’s done for them despite their snotty attitudes. Sejanus tries it, and several people’s weeks are ruined because of how many nice guy things Sejanus was doing. He gains a lot more respect, and his voice suddenly has a whole lot more impact. Marcus didn’t foresee a sudden pushback to the games thanks to his little comment, but he’s not complaining. Not in the slightest.

Festus saw himself as a good individual. He had some less “savory” tastes like dog fighting, sure, but that didn’t make him a bad person. He was even feeding his tribute, because not doing so would be heartless. He’s a good person! Well, Coral rips that fantasy apart and enjoys his resulting metaphorical tears for breakfast when she breaks it to him after he asks her why she hates him so much: feeding her is less than the bare minimum, and he’s doing it with massive ulterior motives too. She lays out all the shitty things he’s done and wow does that force him to reflect. She may not have intended it, she was merely blowing off steam, but… that truly changes him. Because he suggested executing any District citizen that doesn’t watch the games… the games where their children are being murdered. Then he starts seeing, actually seeing the tributes instead of looking at them like circus animals, and he realizes they’re not being murdered by each other because none of them have a choice. They’re being murdered by the Capitol and everyone in it who only see the barbaric death and ignore the cause of it. Then he sees how close the tributes from 7 are, the kids from the district that brings his family money. The reason for his own wealth and status… maybe there’s more that Festus had been unable or unwilling to see, and while he’s working on figuring out how to end the games, maybe it’s worth asking about the conditions of the people who suffer for his comfort.

Pup Harrington knows about war. His dad’s a general, how could he not? But talking to Lamina gives him some insights he’d never had before. From the other side. War’s cruel, but he’d never wanted to realize it’s cruel for all sides. Even the one he doesn’t like. And when he sees her crying, he sees his own friends and family all those years ago. At first it annoyed him, but then when he confided in her in a moment of frustration, she opened up to him and showed her she understood him. Then he realized her tears annoyed him because they made it harder to distance himself from her. They made it harder to see her as an animal. From that moment on, he vows to get her out of these games. It only takes one more conversation with her for him to realize that if the most surefire way of achieving that goal is getting all the tributes out and stopping the games as a whole just to make her happy and ensure her safety, then the consequences be damned he’s gonna make it happen!

Arachne was happy with her tribute. She’s big and muscular and has a pretty good chance of winning. Not as good as Livia or Lysistrata or Clemensia, maybe, but good enough. But Brandy is district, so of course she’s gonna tease a little. At first the girl steals a knife and lunges for her throat, but she stops. For some reason, she has mercy. And then she talks. About home, about her troubles, her insecurities, all the things Arachne had never even thought district people would have because they weren’t human. When she’s done, Brandy turns to Arachne and sits down cross legged. “So, which one of these made you think bullying a starving child with food would make you better? How did you think this was a good idea in any way?” And Arachne has no answer because she hadn’t thought about it. She was Capitol and this girl was District, they both deserved what they’d gotten right? Arachne just did these things to people below her because… because why? Because that’s all she’s ever been taught to do. It’s how things were. And in a way it felt good to remind others (and herself) of her status. But this girl shared so many problems that Arachne could relate to… maybe it was worth asking a few more questions. And maybe it’s time for her to use her Crane status for a selfless goal for once.

Vipsania is competitive. Very competitive. Since a big part of her victory is going to be performance, she tries to figure out a way to exploit her tribute’s clear affinity for entertainment. It starts by forcing him go perform for food in the zoo, and things go according to plan for a while. That is until she gets into another fight with her parents about her plans for the future. They just don’t get it! When she rants about it to her classmates in the zoo, her tribute overhears and calls her over. She wasn’t here for him, she was just going along with her friends since they had plans for after this, and she hasn’t talked to her tribute since the interviews where he’d been chained to the table. Vipsania doesn’t know what made her decide to waste her time on this, but she does. He asks her why she’s so against the career paths her parents want for her, and it’s so stupid because isn’t it obvious?! She’s not them! But the boy, Treech, isn’t satisfied. He looks at her with stupidly soft sympathetic eyes as he asks her why she’d think going into those careers isn’t “her”. It’s stupid and it’s none of his business and he’s just a tool for her victory and she knows he knows that so why does he care? But she indulges him, if only to get it off her chest, and he listens. He listens to her rant and rave just quietly enough to not disturb anyone and by the end of it he’s far more understanding than anyone else she’s ever talked to. He doesn’t belittle her or try to get her to “see her parents’ perspective” like others have done, he validates her feelings instead. He tells her what she wanted to hear: she’s right to feel this way. But then he tells her what she needs to hear: “have you ever told them this? Have you explained to them why you feel this way instead of just stating that you do?” She hasn’t. Treech suggests she try, so she humors him. It works. Once she sits down with her parents and lays it all out the way Treech helped her figure out, they actually listen and change their minds. The whole situation gets her thinking about her view of her tribute. She hadn’t been subtle about how she views him, and still he went out of his way to help her. To be kind and supportive and helpful to someone who treated him badly. What did that say about what she’d been taught? What did that say about her? It doesn’t take her long to realize what she has to do. Vipsania is competitive, and she refused to lose Treech’s life to the Capitol’s (and her own) cruelty. She would repay his kindness no matter what.

And the list goes on. I’ll type out the other possible problems and give more depth at some point in the future but I need to go to bed lmao (also the tag limit is 30). Either way, the mentors get free therapy and a conscience for the lowly price of staging a coup. They sabotage the pre-game program to buy time and when Gaul orders the games to start her lab is suspiciously bombed, giving Felix the time to drop trying to convince the president to withdraw his support for the games and go full blackmail instead. The president is annoyed until he’s forced to meet Dill and starts making arrangements to get the tributes checked over in the hospital before sending them home with communicuffs to stay in contact with their mentors if they wish.

[d-z20]

i'm a little out of the loop, is there a reason u didnt write for rio for a while? if u feel comfortable sharing, no pressure :) <3

p.s. your work is succch a delight to read!!

It’s not a deeply personal reason so I’m happy to share :) I’ve put the explanation below the cut as it’s a bit long.

Also I should say I wasn’t writing for all of Aubrey’s characters not just Rio but Rio was the most popular at the time as most of my followers followed me for AAA fics

Okay I should preface this by saying that a character and the person that portrays them hold different spaces in my head. I have separated them into distinct entities that exist at the same time (this sounds deep but basically I’m saying character ≠ actor). This means that when I write fan fiction it is entirely about the character and not the real person portraying them. I, personally, am not comfortable writing stories about real people but I cannot deny the fact that a piece of the actor will always be tied to a character, whether that be their appearance, voice, mannerisms etc. Which leads me on to my next point:

Jeff Baena, Aubrey Plaza’s husband and partner of 14 years, died by suicide at the start of the year. I do not personally know either of these people and did not feel a sense of loss or grief (I’m not a dick, I was upset at hearing that someone died, there was just no personal connection to it for me). However, I am aware that for Aubrey, her whole universe has just collapsed in on itself and yes she probably doesn’t interact with fan fics of her characters but she definitely knows they exist (and that her fans want her to step on them/rail them/be their daddy what I’m saying is her fans are more sexual in nature, not all but it’s common). People in general should be respectful to each other but even more so when one side is experiencing a hardship. There was a statement was put out on Aubrey’s behalf that asked for respect and privacy during this time.

And this is where it links back to never fully being able to separate the actor from the character. Not writing fics about any of her characters was me being respectful. When I see a picture of Rio I think “oh that’s Rio from Agatha All Along” but it’s still Aubrey Plaza playing Rio and that will never change. So for me it felt wrong to be writing fan fiction for this character, there was the constant thought in the back of my head that this person has just experienced something terrible. It made me feel weird, especially since a lot of my fics contain a romantic and/or sexual aspect to them. It was a minor thing that would make no impact to Aubrey but I hoped that it would foster more respect for the situation because there were some truly abhorrent things being said (people saying they “finally had a chance” with her or that her and Kathryn Hahn (a married mother of 2) could be together etc). The internet can be an echo chamber so things can quickly escalate if there is not something to stop the spiral and so my hope was by respecting her privacy it would encourage others to do so and maybe there would be less disgusting things being said.

TLDR: I was doing it out of respect

As for why I’m more comfortable in writing Rio again, I’d say that it’s because the media frenzy around the situation has died down and therefore so have the bad comments but I’ll still call anybody out if I see them making inappropriate remarks (and then promptly block and report them). My fics are here to add to the community and appreciate the work of so many talented individuals in a respectful way. When I see media about Aubrey or her characters I still think about what she’s gone/going/will forever go through and sadly this won’t ever change. The world doesn’t stop for death even if it feels like it has to us, eventually it just becomes another part of who you are and we learn to cope as best we can

[scarybabe]

I was reading your most recent ask discussing the toxicity of some members towards people who started skinny but chose to get fat.

I find it interesting that a community that claims acceptance of all body types becomes toxic when one chooses to change that body type. I definitely think that fatphobia is a large part of the equation there, and this could easily be tested by seeing if people who have been thin their whole lives react as negatively to someone who consciously chose to loose weight. At the same time, I've seen (anectodally, so take with a grain of salt) toxicity from the FA community whenever one of their favorite models decides to lose weight of their own volition. Do you have any idea why that might be? I would love to hear your thoughts on it.

I think that people only like change when that change corresponds with their personal tastes, and disapprove when the change is making us less attractive to them.

When I was petite & known for my inflations and stuffings, I definitely caught heat from a big share of my content consumers because changing my appearance so much diminished my ability to give the crazy before and afters i made myself known for. And at some point in the future whenever I lose weight after hitting my 300+ lb goal, I know people will be upset because they either wanted to see me even bigger or expected me to stay the same size forever.

My point is that people’s tastes and preferences are all over the place and unless you stay exactly the same forever, you’ll always disappoint somebody.

People often forget with weight gain models especially that there is a human connected to all the sexy body fat that y’all adore. You should always put the well-being of the human first, and if someone wants to gain/lose weight for their own happiness or well being you shouldn’t interrogate them or shame them for doing what they need to feel good in their skin.

I also think honesty and transparency is huge - I’ve been very open about my weight gain being a semi temporary thing from the BEGINNING and everyone knows they’ll be getting pregnancy content from me someday in the semi near future❣️ and as great as I usually feel at my current size, not being genetically predisposed to carrying this amount of weight has given me some lower back pains from gaining so fast - basically I know I will have a better experience being pregnant if I’m strong and fit (I’ll remain fat don’t worry, just not quite as fat). I basically plan on lifting weights and eating intuitively until my body finds the size it’s happiest at and I don’t care what the number is as long as I feel capable and strong ❤️ it could mean even just losing like 30 lbs lmao - I’m not concerned with being petite ever again, just losing the back pain and gaining muscle.

All that to say that setting expectations also affects people’s reaction to someone changing their size as well - knowing and expecting it will still make some people upset sure, but at least it won’t be because they feel “lead on”. And to go even further - just because I like to share a lot about my planned body transformation trajectory doesn’t mean that a content creator is required to disclose their personal health status & plans outside of what they choose to share and nobody is entitled to that. By sharing as much as I do, I don’t want to set a precedent for expecting THAT MUCH from everyone - just be thankful to have creators who do let you in on our personal lives and for those of us that don’t, respect their boundaries.

[nyenvs3000w25]

Nature's Impact on my Life

Younger me always appreciated the outdoors. Spending a lot of time there, nature was a large part of my childhood. Whether at school, at home, with my friends, or traveling, I’ve always wanted to be outside. My hometown in Ontario is blessed with diverse landscapes and almost unlimited access to natural spaces. It's given me the privilege of growing up camping, boating, hiking, and swimming—shaping my connection to the outdoors and who I am today.

Muskoka, 2017

My younger self would be pleased to hear that my affiliation for the outdoors hasn’t faded. If anything, it’s grown with my increased education about the state of the environment. When I started University three years ago, I intended to pursue veterinary medicine—a goal I’d had for as long as I could remember. Over time, my curiosity about environmental issues has grown, and with it, a sense of responsibility to actively contribute to solutions. Learning about the growing impacts humans have on the environment has made me more aware of our obligations to protect the natural world, and I’ve realized that veterinary school may not be my end goal after all. University has allowed my interests to evolve from animal care to broader environmental issues, and my program, One Health, continues to teach me about the interconnections and significance of every living part of our world. In the digital age, nature starts to fade into the background when our focus is swallowed by screens and devices, and technology comes with its own set of environmental costs. While I won’t delve into my frustrations with human-driven climate change and our gross lack of solutions, I will share that this knowledge that I’ve gained through my education has significantly broadened my interest in protecting the natural world.

Sam Ham describes well, that nature interpretation is a process that provokes personal discovery, helping people find their own meanings in the world around them. I like this definition because it ties in the idea of a “sense of place”, and mine is built on the memories and connections I’ve made through nature. My sense of place is shaped by my parents, who always appreciated the outdoors and encouraged me to value it too. It’s grown through my life experiences and people I’ve met—locals with a deep connection to their homes, teachers who always encouraged curiosity and exploration, and professors with contagious passions for conservation and biodiversity. I’ve been around boats and lakes my whole life, teaching me to love the water and everything it sustains. One of my favorite places to be is by water—I think there is great beauty in the way lakes and oceans connect us to something much bigger than ourselves. My development of a sense of place is less about one person or location, and more about the way all these places and people have left their mark on how I see the world.

Jaco Beach, Costa Rica, 2024

I know that my childhood and my education are the greatest contributors to my interest in the environment, and this passion has shaped my goals in life and how I choose to live it. I do my best everyday to be environmentally conscious, and I strongly believe in treating nature with respect—as something to value, protect, and exist alongside.

[jamarrseternalsunshine]

about me <3: UPDATED

This about me is for the new people that followed me & want to know more about me :)

My name is Tina but y’all can call me Tee Tee (my tags on here are #jamarrseternalsunshine, #teeteepeeps, #teeteeaddresses, #teeteeanswers etc.)

I’m 23 and an August Leo

I’m White Asian and Hispanic

My tumblr name is basically referenced to Cincinnati Bengals WR1 Ja’Marr Chase with Ariana Grande’s song Eternal Sunshine off her latest album (btw F Dalton Gomez!)

I’m a Bengals & Team Breezy fan until my casket drops!

Anything else you want to ask about me, drop it in my inbox <3 

Who I Love:

Ja’Marr Chase:

Ja’Marr has been a part of my life since I was 19 years old. I’ve been a fan of his since his LSU era and broke down on the phone when I found out he was drafted by the Bengals.

He has interacted with me plenty of times through Instagram story views (idk if it counts as interactions or what not), 5 times through Twitch (the man knows my name for fucks sake and if you need proof, message me ;) ) 

I go into defensive mode about him, his family and people that he loves dearly (so if you’re on my page to disrespect him, know that disrespect towards anyone including my mutuals here on Tumblr will not be tolerated and will result in you being blocked <3)

Tee Higgins:

The story on this one is crazy as fuck but basically I have kind of a personal connection to him via my close friend in Tennessee who played football with him at Clemson. NO I did not meet Tee, nor have I spoken with him face to face and NO if I don’t like you or know you, I will not arrange for you to meet him end of story (only person that will get that connection is my girl @partywitbarbiee <3)

Tee’s a fucking sweetheart and I’m praying that his jellyfish loving headass doesn’t get traded anywhere (because I just got his jerseys in and I don’t wanna get new ones if he goes to another team!)

Andrei Iosivas: 

Andrei is a complete sweetheart! He’s interacted with me a few times through DM (no homewrecking shit just made an edit and he just so happened to see it and he said it was fire THATS IT) 

He’s from where I’m from and if you were to come to me and you go to his high school, his teachers will tell you what an absolute sweetheart he is!

WE ARE LOGAN HARLOCK STANS HERE (Logan’s Andrei’s longtime girlfriend that he met while he was in college)

CHIQUITAAAAA <3 (Joe Burrow):

This is my chiquita (baby girl, iykyk) Joe Burrow. 

Yes, he’s done things that are questionable in people’s eyes but at the end of the day… this is my pookie bears best friend, and my QB.

I didn’t see the hype until my friend in Cincinnati and @wickedfun9 really increased the hype and my love for him

Contrary to popular belief, Joe is an actual sweetheart. My friend (the one I told yall about who was my source) actually met him at Training Camp last year and she has pictures with him at previous games and told me he’s a sweetheart and very angelic (no I’m not a part of Joe’s PR so shush <3)

WHAT ISN’T ALLOWED ON MY PAGE:

ANY FORM OF DISRESPECT TOWARDS ME, MY FRIENDS, MY POOKIE BEAR, HIS BESTFRIEND ETC.

No slander whatsoever about anyone, keep it respectful or keep it the fuck pushing <3

SLANDER ABOUT PEOPLE’S KIDS (if you aint got kids take some tape and put it over your mouth because I will get really disrespectful and you won’t like what I have to say <3)

WHAT IS ALLOWED ON MY PAGE:

ANY FORM OF LOVE, RESPECT AND KINDNESS TO ANYONE THAT I LOVE AND WHO YOU INTERACT WITH HERE.

Fact checking (because even I need fact checking sometimes)

Y’all asking about me and what I like doing

Compliments to my page (because my only priority for this page to be a refresh for people coming into the sports world)

[accio-victuuri]

CPN : XZ interview bits that made us 👀

I missed XZ and his long interviews, so this one he did for weibo night 22’ was such a treat. It truly gave us an insight on the things he did for the past few months and he is such a good person to interview! he is generous with his answers and is thoughtful with them too.

now let’s see what sections peaked our interest & it’s cpn connection. everything is fake ‼️‼️‼️

disclaimer that interview like this can definitely be enjoyed without the cpn-glasses on. that’s how it should be. but since i’m a turtle and this blog does cpn, i can’t help but point certain things out. the general point is, we see connections between them in these things cause we pay attention.

He is so very pretty and glowing in this interview. compared to his weibo tv & drama stint, where he was still smiling and all but you can tell that the mood is a bit off. Maybe it’s because he was able to spend time with wang yibis. 💕

• His goals and what he wants to do next truly mirrors that of WYB. even in WYB’s short speech, he mentions that he will work harder. I’ve said this multiple times but the goal they had in 2018, when they were still newbie actors still stands today. They never stop learning and want to improve. If they are gonna do something, they are gonna do it right. It would be easy, with their fame, to just go with the flow and let their fans do the rest. but no, they respect the profession and are willing to do the work.

I also like it when he says that people will see his growth in his works. It’s a WYB type of answer. I won’t tell you, see for yourself. I’m so excited to his new dramas tbh! Ace Troops was filmed 2020 so I can only imagine how much he has improved since then.

• The part of the interview that moved us, was him talking about a puppy-style warmth and how smiley he was while saying it. The kind of sweet smile you see when certain topics are brought up ⬇️⬇️⬇️

funny thing is, after he said it, the interviewer was like — what do you mean? what kind of warmth is that? puppy like? lol. sister, it’s okay if you don’t understand — but certain kind of people will. *ehem* bxgs.

Puppy is of course, his one & only —WYB. I never got this bit before, that one thing he sees in Yibo is that he has that warmth in him. People who meet WYB will say that he is too cold and quiet but he was never like that with Yibo. He was basking in his warmth although out that summer and beyond. Also WYB’s devotion to him was probably something else and we all saw it. 🥹🥹🥹🥹

( this puppy yibo please. no wonder ZZ went to BAH filming to see him. allegedly. )

• HAHAHAHAHAHA! I have no words but Himalaya podcast incident. A legendary fandom cpn if you ask me. 😂😂😂😂

He should make one from this genre! It would be amazing!

• ZZ has always been someone who loves watching movies, especially foreign ones. both for enjoyment and also now that he’s an actor — for studying. this reminds me of WYB being asked by CE to watch The Godfather and other films as a reference for his role as Mister Ye. I wonder if when they are together, they sometimes pick a classic movie to see.

I love them! Go on and explore more films ☺️

• Oh! The character development! I’m so proud of him for eating well now 🤍

While I do think this is something that he has discovered this fact on his own, I can’t help but think back on the time in 2018 when WYB was nagging him to eat. At the time, there was his “little friend” who always reminded him that food is important. It’s these changes because of each other that make me soft!!!!

• Lastly, there is talk about ZZ choosing Deep Sea as a movie that he watched during the Spring Festival. I mean, we all know that he will not say Wuming. Even if he watched and loved it. Saying that will go on HS, and not in a good way, it will cause another rift between fandoms and it’s better to keep each other’s name out of their mouth.

Turtles have noticed that he said a lot of “fillers” and did not just answer the question directly like he did with others. So it’s like, he has something on his mind but ended up answering different. He also stopped and stuttered a bit and we take that as a cue that he is trying to hide something. LOL. Not to say that he didn’t enjoy Deep Sea, i’m pretty sure he loved it like he said he did.

even though Hidden Blade ticks all his boxes, I mean, come on! :

interview screenshots with translation was taken from this video.

- END.

[silentstorms23]

Tangled in Temporary Feelings: A Pansexual Black Girl’s Lesson in Self-Worth

As a pansexual Black girl navigating the world of online dating, I’ve had my fair share of disappointments. My past experiences with women left me feeling unseen and undervalued—whether it was my ex, who didn’t show much affection, or others who wanted me to be someone I wasn’t. I’ve been criticized for not being adventurous enough, and when I tried to step out of my comfort zone, they’d pull back or lose interest.

So when I joined a dating site, I wasn’t looking for anything serious—just something casual, simple, and maybe a little fun. No strings, no drama, no heartbreak. But here’s the thing: no matter how much you think you can control the narrative, life has a way of complicating even the simplest situations.

The Hope for Something Different

When I first met her, I thought maybe this time would be different. She wasn’t looking for anything serious either, which I thought was perfect. Just two girls who wanted to vibe, nothing more. But early on, things started to feel off. Every time we talked, she kept mentioning her financial struggles, almost like she expected me to step in and help. We had just met. It felt weird, and honestly, it was uncomfortable.

I’m not the type to let people use me, especially not financially. I wanted a connection, a friendship at the very least, but it became clear pretty fast that she wasn’t interested in who I was—just in what I could offer. And that hurt. Even though I wasn’t looking for a relationship, I wanted something real, not transactional.

A Messy Back-and-Forth

After a while, she ended things by saying she didn’t want a relationship, even though I had already made that clear from the start. I told her I didn’t think it was going to work out, and I should have walked away right then. But before I did, she made sure to throw in one last jab, telling me about another girl who was giving her money and sleeping with her. It felt like she wanted me to be jealous or upset, but I wasn’t. I was just done.

Then, about a month later, she messaged me out of the blue. She said she missed me, but if I’m being real, I didn’t miss her at all. Still, part of me wanted to believe that maybe things could be different. Maybe she had changed. She told me that her situation with her so-called girlfriend didn’t work out, and she wanted to start over with me.

Against my better judgment, I gave it another shot. I guess I thought if I gave it time, maybe we could have something different. Spoiler alert: we didn’t.

The Birthday Betrayal

This time around, things felt a little better—at least at first. She asked me to be her girlfriend, and I agreed, thinking maybe I could make something real out of this. But two days after my birthday, she told me she had a threesome.

It wasn’t just the act itself—it was how she said it, like it didn’t matter, like I shouldn’t care or be upset. When I told her how much it hurt, she apologized, but it felt empty. She asked me, “What more do you want from me?” as if her apology should erase the pain. But in that moment, I realized something: I didn’t want anything from her anymore, except maybe to stop pretending she cared. She wasn’t capable of giving me the love or respect I deserved.

Playing Along Until I Find What I Deserve

I came to a hard truth: she couldn’t give me what I needed, and deep down, I knew it. But instead of walking away, I stayed. I don’t even know why. Maybe I didn’t want to be alone, or maybe I was just hoping for something different. I was fooling myself into thinking things could change, even though I knew they wouldn’t.

I’ve reached a point where I’m just playing along until I find someone who can love me the way I deserve to be loved. It sounds messed up, but it’s easier right now to pretend than to completely let go. I know this won’t last, though. I won’t let it.

The Hard Truth

This whole situation made me realize that I’ve been settling for less than I deserve, and I won’t do that anymore. I’ve stayed in relationships that didn’t serve me because the fear of being alone was stronger than my sense of self-worth. But I know now that I’m worth more than just someone’s convenience or backup plan.

I deserve real love, the kind that doesn’t make me feel like I’m giving more than I’m receiving. I deserve someone who sees all of me—my pansexuality, my Blackness, my heart—and loves me for exactly who I am. Until I find that person, I won’t settle again.

And I won’t be playing along anymore.

[notafunkiller]

I respect your opinion but I have to disagree about the age part because it is canon in the Mcu that Bucky is over a hundred years old and I could see a friendship/sibling relationship between yelena and Bucky but I’d never hate or send hate to someone sharing their opinion? Can people not share their views with each other anymore? It’s like people don’t want an actual conversation and hearing others takes on things. Which I don’t think they will give Bucky or yelena a relationship it’s never really worked when they have tried to do so in the past the only relationships that work out have been Tony and pepper. Clint and his wife. But also I never got the shipping between male characters when there was nothing but friendship implied and or making characters who were never shown to be in the community (I’m bi I’m in the community). I get wanting representation but I don’t get trying to force that onto characters. Same thing happened on supernatural with dean and cass. Even though Jensen ackles himself has said Dean isn’t gay and they tried to make him homophobic because he didn’t feed into it. There are gay characters so I don’t get pushing it onto characters who aren’t. It just feels icky to me. And girl I loved your theory by the way! I’ve saw your parallel of Bucky and yelena on Twitter and even though I don’t see a romantic relationship between them it shows that they will be able to relate to each other and create a friendship. Bucky should have been in the black widow movie in flash back or something but they never utilized that the black widows and winter solider are connected other than both being with hydra for a time. I know in civil war during the iconic fight scene between Nat and Bucky she says the line “you could at least act like you recognize me” alludes to their shared past. It would have been nice to have seen winter widow onscreen but I’ve never been sure exactly how it would play out. I’m excited for thunderbolts and I was kicking screaming when it was announced Bucky and yelena would be in it. We get to see badass assassins 🥰 they have hated on everything about this movie and made up so many rumors a lot about Bucky dying and I’m like why is that the first thought? He’s one of the originals from the first movies they won’t get rid of him and I won’t be surprised if they don’t try and get Sebastian to sign on for more years especially if the movie does big numbers at the box office. Thank you for being a normal human being in this fandom because it’s gotten exhausting being apart of it so thank you for being an amazing human all love 💗

I totally respect your opinion and it's healthy and normal to have different opinions aboit things. You are wonderfullll 🌸

I have to disagree about the age part because it is canon in the Mcu that Bucky is over a hundred years old and I could see a friendship/sibling relationship between yelena and Bucky but I’d never hate or send hate to someone sharing their opinion?

I understand, but he did not live for 100 years. He barely lived 30+... he was in the cryo or living as a brainwashed puppet for a couple of days per year. He is not a vamoire who lived for 300 years... and she is in a similar situation as him (a bit different, but yeah). I am sure you see my point.

I totally agree about convos! I love having discussions with people who have different opinions... I feel like all parts can grow and learn from it...

And yeses, I rememebr that with Jensen! I was so confused!

Also I believe representation should be made out of love and from the bottom of the writers' hearts when it fits. Making a character gay because it's trendy is so direspectful to the community bc the writers who do it for this reason never write lgbtq+ people right like this. I am so tired of seeing wonderful people being represented in a cliche, not necessarrily realistic way.

And honestly... right/goodnrepresentation in Marvel? No way.

The line in Civil War refers to him shooting a target through her actually (reference to catws - Steve and Nat's talk about the Winter Soldier)

Please, Sebastian's contract was clear so I was not eorrying about him dying in Thunderbolts (unless they make him appear in a different universe in the Avengers movies lmao)

The only rumour I might feel it can be true because the writers have no idea what to do with Marvel overall is kill this branch... this universe and focus on another one and in this way other actors can come back too.

It's lovely to talk to you and thank you too! I love having this conversation and I am also here if you want to discuss more or something else 🌼

[msenvs3000w24]

My Personal Ethics and Nature Interpretation

I think this week’s prompt is one that I have sort of been mentally working through all semester. I’ve taken quite a large variety of courses over the past four years and have thought about the ethics of the different fields, whether that be anthropology, writing or biology. I think it is very important to consider the impacts that we have on the world around us and the people and animals on it. The ethics that I bring into my role as a nature interpreter are shaped by both my own personal morals, and what I have learned since being here at school.

My own moral foundation tells me to be respectful of everything around me and the other people, plants and animals that I share the world with. They tell me to make every effort to understand where other people come from and their perspectives on a situation or life in general. When it comes to nature interpretation, my existing morals make sure that I consider how both the people that I am interacting with and teaching could feel and how my actions affect nature itself. I want to make sure that everything I do as a nature interpreter is accessible to as many people as possible, since not everyone has the same learning style, mobility levels, and ages. I want to make sure that no one feels left out when I interact with them since everyone deserves to have equal access to nature and to learning about nature. My existing morals also dictate how I interact with nature itself. I want to be respectful of any plants and animals that I might come across while out in nature and make sure that I leave no trace of my trip into nature. For the sake of both the environment and future people, I don’t want my presence to harm nature. This also goes back to making sure everyone can access nature. If I, or anyone who goes into nature, damages it, that could jeopardize future interpreter’s opportunities with nature. Ultimately, though, I think the most important part is making sure that nature itself is unharmed. The balance that is struck in nature can be so delicate and I know I would feel horrible if I did anything to risk disrupting it. 

On top of the morals that I grew up with, over my time in this course and university as a whole I have learned multiple things that have impacted my ethics. What I learned in my anthropology courses and ecology courses have taught me more about people and the world around me that has only strengthened my morals. The more I know about the world the more strongly I believe that it deserves nothing but our respect and protection. Especially with the state of climate change at the moment and the ways that my courses have focussed on it. This focus has made the importance of being educated about nature and the world around us incredibly apparent to me. This course has also taught me more about all the different ways that one can be a nature interpreter. This has added to my personal ethics by expanding on my empathy to the other ways that people learn and teach. 

Out of all the ways that one can be a nature interpreter I think the one that now speaks to me the most is a role where I get to interact with the public and with animals. Following my ethics, this role would prioritize making nature accessible to everyone while also protecting it as much as possible from people. To me this means keeping my nature interpretation to areas that are relatively resilient and where my presence won’t cause any negative effects. To try and make my interpretations as accessible as possible I would turn to the internet where I can help connect people that don’t have easy access to nature, with nature. I think that is one way that the internet can be incredibly positive. 

The responsibilities I have as a nature interpreter include my responsibilities to nature, to the people I am teaching, and to myself. My responsibilities to nature are to make sure that I am not harming it and even further than that, that I am helping nature by educating people. My responsibilities to the people I teach are to make sure that the information I am teaching them is accurate, that they are not in danger, and that nature is accessible to as many people as possible. It’s all well and good for me to teach people more about the environment but if no one can reasonably access what I am teaching, I might as well not even do it. Finally, I do have a responsibility to myself and that is one responsibility that often goes overlooked in my experience. For the sake of myself and my work, I have to make sure that I am not getting burned out or over committing myself. I want nothing more than to be able to do everything all the time for other people and the world around me, but that can sometimes come at the expense of my own mental and physical health. So I have to make sure that I prioritize my own health sometimes. With nature interpretation that might just look like taking time just to myself to go for a walk with my dog and relaxing in nature, instead of trying to constantly be in interpretation mode. 

It’s impossible to do anything in life without your personal ethics playing a role and these are a culmination of all your experiences, things you have learned and people that you surround yourself with. This course has opened my eyes to the field of nature interpretation, and it, like everything else, has impacted my personal ethics.

[femmefatalevibe]

Hello, Love!

So I am 16, and this may seem a bit ridiculous but I hope you see this. Basically, I have this schoolmate and we are on the same grade, he’s really good-looking and got a million followers on TikTok. I’ve known friends and acquaintances who had crush on him at some point, including me which I greatly made me feel so drained and insecure because I can’t help but to compare myself with other people who likes him as well. I even reach a point were I was pressured to conform with those popular, rich, teenagers in hopes to be part of his group of friends because they were in fact those type of people he only hangs out with.

The only thing that held me back was knowing darn well that me and my family is struggling financially. Purchasing fancy clothes, brand new shoes, and latest Apple products was something that’s never part of my option, which I must confess, greatly frustrated me because I wanted to impress him so bad that I felt so ashamed of my thoughts sometimes. Seeing my smart, pretty, rich friend who likes him getting her way to be further connected with him, by befriending his friends, getting invited in cool people’s party and took some cute photos with him didn’t make anything better in my case because I had to pretend I am happy for her.

I actually feel envious and guilty at the same time. She liked him first, I would never admit that I have developed a crush on the guy she likes, though. Regardless of my feeling, those are the values I took pride on: never trade platonic relationships for romantic ones. I won’t let a guy be the reason that would get my friendship destroyed.

So, I wanted to detach from him but I don’t know where to start. We never really interacted (I doubt him choosing to sit next to me at auditorium counts) and most of the eye contacts were I think heavily romanticised by my brain because I’m so attracted to him. I even tried confessing anonymously and felt so bad about myself that he never bothered responding. After that, I spend my week imagining our possibility instead of reviewing for my midterms examination, I didn’t got to pass my exams. The lengths it keeps costing me’s not worth it. I just want to get rid of this feelings. It’s severely unhealthy. Is there anything I can do?

Hi love! Please remember: your feelings are completely valid. This is normal to feel when you're 16 (trust me – I was hopelessly attracted/addicted to my FWB at this age, it's okay!). So cool that you get to stare at TikTok-famous star all day! I remember all of my friends were dying to Snapchat with a Vine star when I was in HS lol.

As someone who was in a similar position: fancy private school, less well-off than my peers, it's easier said than done, but seriously – don't let it get to your head. High school feels like it is all-consuming at the time, but details like who has the nicer jacket or backpack are things you will never think about the second you step onto a college campus or office.

If there's one lesson I've learned in dealing with guys over the years it's this: You need to impress yourself and see if there's a connection. Never do anything for a teenage boy/man that would make you feel like you're sacrificing a part of yourself or any type of self-respect.

There's always a chance he will like you if he gets to know you, but the best way to know is to live your best life: Work hard at school and extracurricular activities, socialize whenever you can with your friends, make jokes with your peers, ask to study with your friends along with your boy interest.

Appearing confident in yourself and knowing what you want are two of the most attractive qualities a person can have.

P.S. - Please live by your previous sentiment: Never trade platonic relationships for romantic ones. I won’t let a guy be the reason that would get my friendship destroyed.

This is golden advice that more women need to internalize. It will only do you good and save you a lot of unnecessary heartbreaks in the future.

Focus on your future and create moments of joy – even for small periods of time – in your daily life. Being born into wealth is the luck of the draw, but building the life you desire and learning to thrive throughout your journey, that's an invaluable skill that no fancy iPhone can replace in the long run.

Hope this helps xx

[eliotquillon]

character ask game raven pls 🥹🥹

i gotchu anon

one aspect about them i love

everything. jk. not really. as you all know i am VERY fond of raven getting to drive and i personally believe that every god tier hive book features a chaotic raven driving scene because they are always SUCH GOOD FUN. the parts of raven that make me really adore her are the parts that make her feel more human - her swearing at all the brazilian drivers in portuguese, admitting that her tech skills are basically limited to turning her computer on and off again, her complete lack of patience towards otto and shelby’s shenanigans in interception point. i always compare raven to yassen gregorovich from alex rider because “russian assassin with older male mentor figure and incredibly traumatic backstory who won’t hurt children” is a pretty niche trope but the thing that has always made raven my favourite out of the two is how human she feels. she’s funny and she likes cars and she hates fancy dresses and sometimes her temper gets the better of her. raven really feels like a well rounded person and i love her for it

one aspect i wish more people understood about them

once AGAIN i think the hive fandom gets miss raven pretty well, so this is kind of a nitpick. i think i wish more people understood that her relationships with otto and wing are fundamentally very different relationships in the sense that i think raven views otto, however begrudgingly, as her peer and friend, whereas she views wing as a student and mentee (and friend! but in a different way to otto). in a way i think otto is fundamentally better aligned with raven’s personality and philosophy because he’s open to the idea that sometimes violence Is the answer, and he isn’t a fan of moral absolutism - i actually think the real reason why wing got to her so much in rogue was because he was starting to remind her of dmitri’s “you are not a killer” line, because in rogue wing fundamentally does Not understand that killing otto might end up being the lesser of two evils. i don’t think the politician world killing tour could’ve been done by any other combination of people and i think that raven, while she does genuinely care and respect for all of the main six, shares an understanding with otto that she doesn’t have with wing IN THE SAME WAY that her mentoring wing in martial arts is something she doesn’t share with otto. tl;dr raven’s favourite student is less of a question of otto vs wing and more “they all understand each other for different reasons”

one (or more) headcanon(s) i have about this character

she is a Lesbian (which is canon TO ME). i also think she went by natasha as a little girl because it’s the diminutive of natalya and, post bloodline, she eventually starts going by natasha strictly in her personal life to more cleanly separate the line between herself/the raven persona. Because also i think her shoulders are fucked LOL and imo she ends up retiring a few years after bloodline to become a judo instructor or something.

one character i love seeing them interact with

we been fucking knew but OTTO. otto and raven interactions make me so insane. i love them i love their banter my favourite joke in the entire series is in escape velocity when raven threatens to knock otto out and carry him out of the building and he just looks at her and says “nine stone”. mark walden if you’re reading this please give me an otto raven reunification scene post bloodline it is what we all deserve

one character i wish they would interact with/interact with more

SHELBY. SHELBG SHELBY SHELBY. i joke and indeed i jape about raven hating shelby for no reason in interception point but genuinely they did deserve some kind of bonding moment and i think they might have connected over the idea of most of their bio family just being Awful. i’ve headcanoned before that raven sees a lot of young natalya in shelby and that’s why she’s so sharp with her because Shit Hurts but i would much rather be wrong and have them being silly together because they have very similar senses of humour and i think the two of them could tease wing to oblivion

one (or more) headcanon(s) i have that involve them and one other character

raven has been telling otto to call her natalya for five years. He is Yet To Do So. her favourite hobby at enforced nero family bonding dinners is to pick a topic that nobody could possibly argue about and watch nero and nathaniel try and argue about it anyway. so fucking niche but i think she went on a blind date with nile from alex rider in cuba and they both hated it so much that they mutually agreed to never speak again. oh yeah and i also think post retirement she gets really into sports car collecting and her and shelby have mini rivalry about who has the nicest ferrari LOL

[theonlynailah]

6888- Black Woman in Leadership

Today is one of those days. I just need to vent. Had some interesting meetings with leadership, and now I’m a ball of emotions. I feel like I’m in an awkward space, but I’m trying to take my friend Travis’s advice: journal for 6-8 minutes, then let it go. So here it is.

��� Work Feelings: Right now, it feels like I’m paying for the mistakes of my previous director. They left things in chaos, and now everything is falling on my shoulders. I get it—the work must go on—but because things weren’t handled properly before, it probably seems like I’m coming in too hot. There’s that old saying: As a Black person, you have to be three times as good to get half the respect. That’s exactly how I feel right now. I’m doing my best to keep emotions out of it, but it’s hard. I won’t lie—there’s a part of me that wants to call my old director and go off, but I don’t want to be the intro on somebody’s diss track.

👥 Friendships & Work Drama: Lately, some coworkers have made work… less fun. I never thought I’d be in a place where work drama felt like too much, but here I am. I’ve mended things with some people, but there’s still one lingering conversation I’m dreading. I’m supposed to go to book club tomorrow, but I’m not sure I even want to. Everyone wants to be my friend, but honestly? I need that boundary between work me and personal me.

🤍 Yearning for a Safe Space: I think I’ve been searching for a safe space my whole life. I thought I had it before, but I was wrong, and I’ve been struggling with that realization. I crave deep, platonic connections, but I also hold myself accountable in ways that make those relationships hard to find. If I’m being real, I think I’m waiting for the day I meet my husband because I believe that will be my safe space. I even sent my friend Travis a message today because I was on the verge of tears.

🖤 Final Thoughts: Honestly? I feel lighter just writing this. I appreciate this space. I know most people won’t read this, but even if one person does, I hope it resonates. There’s been so much on my shoulders, and just getting it out helps.

[rebecca2407]

Part 2:

When I’ve complained about my endometriosis and IC journey, it’s not because I want sympathy—it’s because I’m in pain. These conditions affect my daily life in ways that are invisible to most people, and sometimes I need to talk about it. What frustrates me is how often I get gaslit by doctors who don’t take my symptoms seriously. It’s an ongoing struggle, and it’s draining to keep advocating for myself when people don’t listen. It feels unfair, honestly. I do everything I can to take care of my body. I don’t drink, I don’t do drugs, and I don’t go out partying or engaging in risky behavior. I try to live a healthy life, and yet I’m still stuck with these conditions. It feels like I’m doing everything “right,” but the universe still handed me a rough hand. And that’s hard to accept sometimes.

I know everyone has their own struggles, but it’s hard not to feel resentful when it feels like no one really understands what I’m going through. When I meet someone else who has endometriosis, I make it a point to ask questions, to connect with them, because it feels comforting to be around someone who truly gets it. I met a girl once—she was the sister-in-law of a friend—and we bonded over our shared experience with endometriosis. She was really kind and apologized for what I was going through, and for a moment, it felt like someone understood. But then, out of nowhere, she switched gears. She started to play the victim card. Suddenly, her struggles seemed to be bigger than mine, and I felt like she was trying to outdo me on who had the harder life.

It was jarring. I didn’t know how to react because it was like all the empathy she had for me turned into something else entirely. I didn’t want to take away from her pain, but it was confusing to suddenly be treated as though my suffering didn’t matter, or worse, as if I should feel bad for talking about it at all. She went on to talk about how sorry she was for me, but it quickly became more about her and her situation. That wasn’t the connection I was hoping for, and it made me feel like I was just a tool for her to get validation.

And then, of all things, today she got offended by one of my AI photos. I honestly didn’t expect that. We’re talking about someone who I thought could relate to my struggles and yet, out of nowhere, she felt the need to criticize something I was posting just for fun. That’s when I drew the line. It’s one thing for people to be upset by my life decisions or my pain—it’s another thing when they start attacking the little things that make me happy. This photo wasn’t meant to hurt anyone. It wasn’t aimed at anything other than me expressing myself. Yet she took it personally. It was almost as if she was looking for a reason to be upset, and I just happened to give it to her.

It’s in moments like this that I realize that no matter how much I try to be understanding and compassionate towards others, it won’t always be reciprocated. I’ve spent so much of my life trying to be the nice, understanding person, and I’ve been taken advantage of for it. But when people come at me for no reason—when they criticize things that are harmless or don’t directly affect them—it becomes clear that I need to start setting boundaries. I’m not going to let people walk all over me just because they don’t like something I post or something I’ve said. I am genuinely the nicest person when people treat me with respect, but the moment they cross that line, they get blocked and removed from my life. There’s no room for negativity or unnecessary drama.

I think it’s really telling when people claim to be your friend but then turn on you over something trivial. If someone can’t handle something as simple as an AI photo—something that literally doesn’t hurt anyone—then they aren’t the kind of person I need in my life. If you’re offended by something so minor, it reflects more about you than it does about me. It’s unfair for people to make their problems my problems, especially when I’m doing my best just to get through the day. I’m not out here asking for pity. I’m just trying to live my life in the best way I know how, despite all the obstacles that are thrown my way.

I’ve got enough to deal with, between my health and trying to keep a positive attitude, without having to worry about people who aren’t truly my friends. So, if you’re going to get offended over something as small as a picture or my struggles, then it’s time for me to take a step back. Life’s too short to deal with people who can’t support you for who you are, flaws and all. And for those who feel the need to criticize me or turn on me, it’s simple: I’ll block you and remove you from my life. It’s nothing personal—it’s just self-care. I’m done letting people who don’t have my best interests at heart take up space in my life. If you can’t understand my journey, or if you feel the need to bring negativity, then it’s time for us to part ways.

[iam-an-angel]

ONCE I'VE MADE THAT PEACE, I KNOW I'LL NEVER LOOK BACK.

Once I make peace with the realization that you're not meant to be part of my life, that’s where your story in my journey ends.

It’s not out of anger, resentment, or bitterness—it’s a quiet acceptance that some people simply aren’t meant to walk the entire path with you. Not everyone who enters your life is meant to stay, and sometimes the most powerful thing you can do for yourself is to let go.

Making peace with this truth isn’t easy at first, especially when emotions are involved. There might have been times when I fought to keep you close, believing that your presence was necessary for my happiness or growth.

But over time, life has a way of revealing who truly aligns with your spirit and who was only meant to teach you a temporary lesson. And when that clarity comes, when I understand that our paths no longer serve each other, I can’t hold on. I won’t.

It’s a profound shift, really—a quiet decision to prioritize my peace, my energy, and my well-being. No more trying to force connections that have run their course. No more holding onto the hope that things might change.

Once I reach that point of understanding, there’s no going back. It’s not about malice; it’s about releasing what no longer serves me, so I can make room for what does.

When I make peace with this decision, it’s not dramatic or loud. It’s not filled with conflict or chaos. It’s calm, clear, and resolute.

It’s the moment I realize that the energy I’ve been investing in trying to make things work, in trying to keep you in my life, could be better used elsewhere—on myself, on my growth, on people who genuinely align with who I am becoming. And that’s a liberating thought.

It’s not that I stop caring. It’s not that I wish you ill. In fact, I wish you the best—just from a distance. I hope you find your way, just as I’m finding mine.

But I won’t allow your presence to take up space in my life anymore, not when I’ve made peace with the fact that our paths are no longer connected. When I reach that point, it’s truly the end of the road for us, and I have no desire to look back.

This decision is about boundaries, about self-respect, and about knowing when to let go with grace. It’s about recognizing that not every relationship is meant to last forever, and that’s okay.

People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime, and the wisdom lies in knowing which is which. Once I make peace with the fact that your role in my life has ended, I can release you without hesitation, without regret.

There’s something incredibly freeing about that moment. It’s as if a weight lifts, and suddenly, I can breathe a little easier. My energy isn’t tied up in the past anymore.

I’m not wasting time trying to figure out why things didn’t work out or how I could have done things differently. I’ve made my peace, and with that comes the clarity that I need to move forward.

And when I move on, I do so with a full heart. Not broken, not bitter, but whole and grounded in the understanding that I deserve relationships that uplift me, that nourish my spirit, and that respect the person I am becoming.

I’m no longer willing to keep people in my life out of obligation, guilt, or habit. If you’re not meant to be here, I won’t fight it anymore.

So, once I make peace with the fact that you’re not meant to be in my life, that’s truly it. There’s no drama, no second chances, no revisiting old wounds.

I simply close that chapter and focus on writing the next one. And in that next chapter, I’m surrounded by people who genuinely belong, by connections that are reciprocal, respectful, and real.

It’s a quiet, powerful kind of peace.

The kind that lets me move forward with my head held high, confident in my decision and in the knowledge that letting go isn’t a loss—it’s a necessary step toward creating space for the right people to come in.

✨🙌🏾💫