#and i think thats my brains way of practicing ???
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oo u want 2 draw soo bad..
#i hate that my ability to draw is so conditional#its soo frustrating but i dont know how to break it. this has been the one thing thats never changed.ill never be free#times like rn i just do studies but its soo fking BORINGGG euuhh...#but if i try 2 draw something for funsies i just stare at the blank canvas. literally immobile. & u know how people r like just draw#something anyways. a line. something. and its like no i cant do that oi cant even do that u underestimate my freak#i want 2attack myself from the pov of someone else#i think im having the realization tht i will never be able to do art stuff frls and its driving me crazy i think.#like im actually sick and unwell frm the thought of it.my friend commissioned me and im ab 2 send the money back#after two weeks bc i cant do it im literally frozen dude.i want 2 cry and die and explode into a million pieces#wait im back to add more.idk if anyone feels the same way but its like. i know its entirely a Me issue its a mental block issue#theres something thats not connecting in my head but its like.why is it so easy for everyone else ykwim...and thats a lie too right#like everyone else struggles w art and its not.it cant exist Without you struggling and practicing hard and trusting yourself#but in my brain im just convinced that like.i cant do this i cant do this like everyone else can do it like second nature and it freaks me#tf out#but also its the one thing i want to do more than anything else in my life and so like if i cant do it i dont know what to do.ughh.#not me freaking the fuck out rn lawl.lols.even#and on top of it i feel like i cant express myself well and i think my friend. < SOOO awesome and well meaning and NICE and legitimately#pushing me to try and believe that i can do this stuff but i feel like they wont understand the sort of like.mental block im struggling wit#like its less that i hate my art or something i dont its more like.i just feel soo physically restrained and incapable of doing it.suddenly#i cant think and i cant do anything.i have no creativity i have no ideas my mind is quite literally blank and empty
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me waking up at 6am this morning and immediately having the thought "maybe Guz still gets angry a lot because strong emotions are difficult if not impossible to control esp if its rooted in abuse trauma BUT he learns how to apologize, and thus - especially in the beginning - he would lash out as an automatic response but quickly realize what he's doing and apologize for it and we'd move on and be okay" like it had been beamed into my brain from some divine source.
also junebug (waves. thats literally just me.) would have to do their own hard work to learn to not automatically fawn when someone starts seeming the littlest bit potentially displeased or unhappy (because that is unhealthy for all parties involved). they'd BOTH be putting in the work to make it work !!!!!! 🎉
#i keep looking at my extremely strong fawn response and idk what to do about it#but in pkmn world if i got away from parents then I'd probably have some kind of chance at unlearning it fjfkdl#u cannot get better in the place u got sick or whatever the saying is#anyways uhhhmm i think so much about them and the ways in which they make things work even with all the trauma on both sides#by they i mean both Guz and Junebug fjdmfkl#it may not look healthy to outsiders with no knowledge of trauma but it IS genuinely healthy. it is steps to make things work!#so yeah he might yell for a minute but then he immediately apologizes and steps back and they talk it out together#anger especially is a difficult emotion to handle and if you've been physically abused i think yelling is like... pretty mild tbh DBDJLDL#i feel like sometimes a person will never be able to reach NormalTM. sometimes u do the best with what u ARE able to do#and i would be very happy to make space for his automatic anger reactions as long as he recognized it and apologized for it#and im sure it'd lessen over time as we both work through our shit bc brains do slowly rewire themselves over time and practice#and he would also be happy to make space for my (likely tiring and irritating) automatic fawn response as long as i made sure to catch it#and backtrack it and apologize and then work through whatever was coming up that triggered that response#we both are somewhat burdensome but thats okay bc we are happy to carry that burden for each other as long as we're both trying !#UMMM ANYWAYS LOL. i could ramble about trauma work and recovery and making relationships work ALLLL day sdfjkl#💜a boy and his bug🪲#💜so good at being in trouble#junebug🪲
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Not being good at art is the most frustrating thing in the world
#im such an imaginative person#i have ideas for characters and creatures and landscapes and animations#but no matter how vividly i visualise them my hands cannot replicate it#and the fact that it would take years of practice to draw something i can picture right now pisses me off so much#all of these amazing ideas only exist in my head and not being able to have a proper visual of them makes me so angry#i know art takes a lot of time and effort and practice#but its so so so so frustrating in a way that i cant totally put into words#im willing to put the effort in#but it really frustrates me that i could practice for weeks and see only a tiny bit of progress#i think this is why i struggle to learn new skills#my brain knows the theory but it doesn't know how to put that in to practice#i know how to do it but at the same time i cant#god i hate this#i wish id gotten into art when i was young like my parents and sister#their so incredibly talented and i know it took a lot of work for all of them to be that talented#im a good writer but its so frustrating that i cant have a visual representation of my characters and creatures and world#in a way that satisfies me#anyway thats my rant about art sorry#edit: nearly started crying trying to draw a simple face shape so thats fun
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GAAHAHHHHH
#venting in the tags#maybe its just past darkness and the Bad Thoughts which i shouldnt listen to are clouding my brain too much#but i feel so fucking weird and inadequate over everything rn#im unable to work on drawings as i usually would have and its kinda plaguing everything which it should like yeah i love drawing but#i cant let just one aspect of me ruin everything. right? the fact that i havent been able to draw as well as i usually can should make me#feel sick to the stomach and unsure about everything i do but it happening and i hate it.#plus i got the ipad id saved up from the comms to buy and its fun and nice and all and maybe i just need more practice with it but i feel#like im not able to draw on it even more? and i spent the whole day trying to get used to it but its just not as good?? and then when i went#back to the no screen wacom i couldnt get a hang of it becuase idek its just not happening#and also the fucking art block wants me dead i swear i want to draw so bad and i have so many ideas but the moment i start anything its just#crumbles down into nothingness and i hate everything i do and gods fuck i want to cry but i can because there are people at home and#usually im a big 'crybaby' when im at home but i dont fucjing wanna be like that anymore like i can handly my shit myself im fine.#i dont need to just fuckinf cry abiut it becuase thats not gonna fox anything but also i feel like crying might just make me feel better#but then id have to hear shit from my family and i know theyre just teasing in a /pos way but i dont wanna fucking deal with that#plus my brother iust talking to him os annoying sometimes like he talks about things so condescendingly and fucking hel dude shut#the fuck up i dont need you telling me that my art is something people can 'just do' and the fact that i was able to get the ipad#'basically for free since i got that money from the little drawings i make' as if they dont fucking mean anything to you like#shut the fucking fuck up dude i worked hard on those and even though i dont like my own shit sometimes i still fucking work hard on those#fuck you you bitch#i think a lot of things are just piling up and i need to sleep#tomorrow will be a new dawn and a fresh start and maybe ill hate myself less#ps. note to anyone reading the tags#im fine i just needed to yell out and express my frustration a bit. some sleep will help surely.
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I want to talk more about self insert and self ship stuff but my god I feel like I need to be sat down and applied torture methods to be able to talk without being like *avoids topic with deflection avoids being nice by being mean avoids saying positive things by deflection etc etc*
#val.txt#like i have been thinking tboights but i also dont know how to put those thoughts into coherent strings of text#and im into way too many things that hardly anyone cares about and most of my selfship and insert lore requires like.#deep introspective thought and an understanding of the source material that makes one seem mentally unwell in how much detail they know#like yeah its one thing to be like 'yeah such and such character is my ex' or 'we are reincarnated soulmates'#but it is entirely another for you to actually understand the painful backflipping i have to do to even#a) allow myself the pleasure of being able to imagine we are kissing eachother#and b) the absolute mental gymnastics and lore ive had to fuck with to make my ships even exist in the first place#its practically impossible to hold a conversation with someone who doesnt know the source of my ships or inserts#simply because of how much my logical brain has to work through to be able to have me be even remotely happy#and idk if thats because of how i treat self inserting and self shipping or if its the acearo talking. perhaps both being in the same space#kind of makes it hard to exist in the current state of the selfship community#idk maybe im just a little insane lol
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#idk if ive told yall this yet bc ive been a bit mia#but im starting to dream in Korean (for the past few months)#but not incomprehensible Korean#like entire conversations and full sentences#and i think thats my brains way of practicing ???#for example a few days ago i had a dream that jin from bts was congratulating me on smthg(??)#and we spoke entirely in Korean 💀💀💀#(for context i can read and write/type hangul and partially understand korean -> KEYWORD: PARTIALLY)#its such a wild experience#bc i already used to think in 3 languages#now theres a 4th one 😀#watching variety shows (ESPECIALLY svt content !!!) and kdramas has like rewired my brain or smthg ->#(i also make an effort to teach myself ykwim)#(and learning from urdu/punjabi is SUCH an advantage !!!!! AND IK SOMEONE ELSE WHO AGREES WITH ME ON THIS IN HER LEARNING JOURNEY TOO)#mehrtalks#langblr
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ah i love having a body that doesnt absorb medication when i desperately need to be medicated for depression
#its like a every 6 months thing#like everything just dropps off the edge of a cliff once in a while i need to be able to take soemthing to fix it just over those times#BECAUSE I CANT HANDLE THE SIDE EFFECT OF MEDICATION WHEN THEY DONT DO WHAT THEYRE ACTUALLY SUPPOSED TO#I STILL CANT LOSE WEIGHT FROM THE PAIN MEDS THAT DIDNT HELP MY PAIN#BUT FUCK I THINK THEY DID STABLEIZE MY HEAD A BIT#BECAUSE IVE BEEN FUCKED UP SINCE OCTOBER IN WAYS I HAD BEEN ALL SUMMER#BUT I CANT GO BACK ON IT CAUSE MY PAIN IS WORSE WHEN I GO OFF IT#cant take a fucking xanax#i dont even need any of that stuff today though im most just frustrated woth my body and living space#im so tired#and i want out i hate this house and my body just gets on the way of my life#i feel heavy and. icant even make decent meals for myself and maybe thats just right now that i cant cook or bake#but what if i do get to move and i do get to be semi independent but cooking is still a no go for me and im living on#bagels and freezer chicken fingers all my life?#i dont even LIKE FREEZER CHICKEN FINGERS THEYRE GROSS AS HELL!!!!!!!!! AND IM ALWAYS STILL HUNGRY AFTER!!!!!#im so tired and sore pls#im so happy its becoming winter but its so hard to enjoy when my winter coat is even too heavy for me#i cant do anything i enjoy not even knit or practice languages#my brain is suffering because if this body#theres no treatment for cfs and i swear thats so much worse than my pain is
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falling back into mental health hell sucks more because now im AWARE that its happening irrationally. brain just does it.
#like. not much has changed from like. 4 months ago.#why now am i struggeling.#sure there are some factors that could contribute and ofcourse once youve had a few bad days its easy to spiral etcetc but.#but my brain just decides to be shitty.#whenever bad thoughts happen i KNOW thats not the real me but. literally what can i do about it.#the only thing i can do is suck it up and continue.#=-=#in other news im skipping school again. under the pretense that ill work on other school stuff at home.#but the way its going rn. .............#erm.#hi.#im sorry it. really hitting me rn.#it been a while since ive cried from just. sadness. so.#guy tries to escape loop. NOPE. back in loop again.#augh.#what to do.#sillyposting#haha yess so silly <33#guy thinks he might need to make an emergency appointment with his councilors but. surely he can hold out another week.#im like. practically fine btw. just mental stuff atm. not down that far again.
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beauty and brains⋆.ೃ࿔*:・🎀☕️
in this post we'll talk about how to implement continual learning into ur life and how to nurture ur intellect and ur beauty, like elle woods for example…💬🎀
MINDSET ;
first off lets take a look at ur mindset. you need to be willing to learn and if ur stubborn then ur not gonna allow urself to learn and become smarter so for that reason mindset is the perfect place to start when ur starting ur beauty and brains journey.
perspective is EVERYTHING when it comes to learning. if u have the belief that "i hate math so much, im so not good at it etc etc" you're already setting urself up for failure. remember that we are in charge of our own learning.
figure out the sources of ur limiting beliefs about urself and challenge them. ask urself "why do i think im bad at math (or any other subject)" and the answers that u give urself, CHALLENGE them.
UNDERSTAND THAT ;
before we go any further understand that no subject is too complicated to learn and if ur experiencing that then ur learning it the wrong way…💬🎀
if ur having a hard time understanding a subject in school because of the way ur teacher explains it, ask another teacher at ur school and if that doesn't work turn to online resources OR just ask chat gpt. i ask chat gpt to help me break down math problems and explain how to do them and it works rly good for me.
READING ;
from my own experience i feel like reading is so so important. bcuz reading helps u to expand ur vocabulary and improves comprehension and so much more. personally i love to read so this isnt hard for me to do but if u originally dont like to read here are some ways to romanticize reading.
♡ start with topics/genres that u love
♡ set small goals (like reading for 5-10 minutes a day) and then building upon those goals
♡ experiment with physical books, e-books etc to figure out what u like best
WHAT U WATCH ;
i watch a lot of discussion based youtube videos, and video essays, documentaries etc and i have learned so much from them and they're actually one of my favorite ways to learn things. so i highly recommend watching some. watching things like this is so important because they provide a deeper understanding of real-world issues, cultures, and events that we might not encounter in our daily lives.
HOW TO UNDERSTAND ;
understanding what u read and what u learn is so so important. the way i make sure that i understand what im learning is through writing papers. writing papers about things that interest me or things that i learn has helped me to retain what i learn instead of forgetting it all.
another key thing to remember is PRACTICE. if u dont practice what u learn you'll literally forget it. use everything that u learn and if u can't physically use it, imagine urself using it.
MAKE IT A GAME ;
this is where the beauty aspect of the phrase "beauty and brains" comes into play. make learning like a GAME. i think thats how u get smart the best. just implement it into ur daily life.
for example if u have a habit of watching an episode of ur favorite show a day (or multiple) between episodes read for x amount of time. if u go for a run everyday listen to an audio book whilst running. think of that scene in the movie legally blonde where elle was reading her textbook while working out.
#honeytonedhottie⭐️#it girl#becoming that girl#that girl#it girl energy#advice#pink academia#self improvement#self development#self growth#dream girl tips#dream girl#dream life#hyper femininity#hyper feminine#girly#girl blogging#girl blog#girl blogger#fabulous#fabulously feminine#glamor#glamorous#legally blonde#elle woods
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Astro notes : Short N Sweet <3 Mercurial Design.
Mercury in the 1st - Comical. Socially abundant. Can be very quiet or loud. No in between. I love them actually. Would love someone that can match their flow, however most can never keep up with their every flowing wave. Their like the wind in human form. Their mind is a capsule of all the memories and experiences they've accumilated with time. Very interesting beings and could show you everything and nothing at the same time.
Mercury in the 2nd - This group has common sense enough to figure things out in such a small period of time that they can do almost anything to get what they want. They have issues with exploring things at first hand (taurus is the original ruler of the 2nd) so they can be a little stubborn but over time they quickly learn for new things to come to them from time to time. Very deep thinkers. Can be very open minded when they WANT to be.
Mercury in the 3rd - Intriguing personalities and are the gift that keeps giving. Soft spoken and has a mind thats free to any and everything. Really reluctant on having new friends but can become the bestest of friends later. they can really shy at times. There most open to conversations with strangers, it seems as they can let their whole world out from their mind and open a door to someone who is willing to listen. Beautiful spirits.
Mercury in the 4th - Sweet childlike personalities and honestly their mystique is one of a kind. Going into their world is like walking into a magical novel filled with fantasy, and coming out and it all disappears. Like a spell. Very captivating artists, and most keep the good stuff in a treasure chest, only the real ones will get a chance to open up whats inside.
Mercury in the 5th - Playful. Soft spoken. Interesting. Knowledgeable. Carefree. Those are the 5 things that is most prominent about their character. They will speak to you through song, writing, or even through and instrument. They work real well with their hands, if you can catch what I mean ;) Smooth charmers and could be a mini casanova so watch out for them. Very seductive.
Mercury in 6th - Talkaholics. Chatty Patties. You get my drift lol. Their caring to the ones they love and are advocates for everyone or everything such as animals and plants or even homeless people. You cannot get away with being mean to someone if they catch they are going to say some lol. Can be very mean spirited to the ones who deserve it. Overall, very practical and humane about things that need most of our attention. They aren't boring, their routines can switch up a lot depending on their mood so be easy on them.
Mercury in 7th - Charming individuals whose seductive prowess come out like a lightning bolt. Everybody likes them. Children come up to them the most tho. They have an angelic presence to their personalities and can get anyone to be on their side. Charismatic. Be careful, because the same way they can use this gift for good, they can switch and you know... do some damage ;)
Mercury in the 8th - Something about their wordplay is very special and potent. They have a gift with words that can transform the way you feel, think, breathe, etc. They have knowledge and insight about the world that most will never accept to be the truth. So they guard these secrets with their life, holding on until the ashes fall away connecting back with the wind. And allowing the circle of life to continue. The mind transforms a lot and they become a new person every once and a while. Be easy on them, their brain can take them to many stages psychologically.
Mercury in the 9th - Have a wit and charm to them that keeps the energy going. They aren't use to having people wanting to be around them or being attracted to them a lot however this happens more often than not. People love what they have to say, and want to hear more of how they view things from time to time. They are really interesting to say the least. Like what all do you know?
Mercury in the 10th - The audience admires these beings. Naturally charismatic and people love to see them on the big screen. They literally have a tv personality and can go viral at some point in their life. Gotta watch out for the people who always have their hands out, their naturally giving and love to share their time and energy freely.. a little too much. Keep your circle small.
Mercury in the 11th - Have a natural knack with entertaining all sorts of groups. Can commit to a cause like no other and get as many people on board. Very persuasive and social skills are through the roof. The social awkward become to most popular. The loner because the one everyone knows. These individuals are great with turning something that was 'lame' into someone fun and cool. Very different from the crowd, which what allows people to see them for their soul and not their flesh.
Mercury in the 12th - Spiritually inclined to feel the waves of the universe. Captivating the stars in the night and then going home to serve the divine with a painted canvas. A gifted creator who's only purpose is to live and die. To create and conquer the mind. The brain is the place of peace, when it wants to be. And when its not, they transmute that energy into something no other than. Something creative. Something special. The universe uses them as the vessel to give a message to the audience who desires to hear the words of God. You will never get another one of them in your life if you ever meet them.
#astrology thoughts#astrology theories#astrology#astrology observations#tropical astrology#astro observations#astro knowledge#deja's astro observations
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𝔸𝕕𝕕𝕚𝕔𝕥𝕖𝕕 — 𝙻. 𝙷𝚎𝚎𝚜𝚎𝚞𝚗𝚐
╔. ■ .═══════╗
➤ in which you’ve grown a liking to the roommate of the guy you tutor.
╚═══════. ■ .╝
➤ PAIRING — heeseung × fem! reader
➤ GENRE — romance, smut, fluff, comedy if you squint, f2l, college au
➤ WARNINGS — mentions of drinking, dom! heeseung, big dick! heeseung, sub! reader, unprotected sex, pet names (baby, pretty), oral (m.rec), vaginal fingering, doggy, manhandling, lots of kissing, creampie, multiple orgasms, spanking, slight nipple play, kind of public sex?/ semi public sex. [ lmk if i missed anything ]
➤ WC — 6.6K
➤ AUTHOR — reblogs and feedback are appreciated! (not proofread)
➤ [ enha masterlist ] [ taglist ]
You lift your head from the fiction book it was practically buried in, taking in your surroundings. The cafeteria was huddled with people, either stuffing their faces or babbling too much to care about their cold food. Reaching for your spoon, you fit the last of your rice into your mouth, chewing far too slow, with a sudden foul expression. You stare at Beomgyu, who weirdly stumbles his way towards you. What an idiot.
He makes his way to chair beside you, carelessly dragging it to sit down. You swallow expectedly, pulling a poker face. Beomgyu’s the last person you’d talk to, truly because he was a complete imbecile. The kind that if you were to tell him that he was one, he'd start fake crying and stick his very blue tongue out. (Yes he almost always has a blue fucking lollipop stuck in his mouth, and it TOTALLY irks you.)
Clearly not a big fan of him. So why would said Beomgyu come up to you?
He rotates his chair to completely face yours, letting out a deep breath; smiling at you uneasily. You arch your eyebrow, holding back a snort at how stupid he looks eyeing you.
“Uh..hi.. I’m Beomgyu, Choi—” he says; getting cut off by you before he could finish.
“Choi Beomgyu, I know,” you drawl. Who doesn't at this point?
He swallows nervously; eyes wandering away from yours, “Look, I know this is totally out of character for me, and I would kill to go back but, I kind of need your help” he whispers as if to make sure no one hears him.
Your face contorts into disbelief and confusion. Thats odd.
“Help? Why would you need my help?, don’t you have your buddies for that?”
Beomgyu's nervous, fidgeting with his fingers on the table. “Well, they could try, but it won't really help,” he confesses. “My grades are too low, I can't keep up the act of being okay, you know?” he mutters lowly.
You press your tongue against your cheek, getting what he’s trying to say.
“So, you're asking if I can tutor you?" you clarify, waiting for his nod. He quietly agrees. While tutoring isn’t exactly your specialty, you’ve given it a shot in the past. You could easily say no and leave him without help, but the opportunity to earn some extra cash is tempting enough to give it a go.
“Alright, what's the wage?” you ask in a relaxed tone. Beomgyu seems relieved, attempting to hide his grin.
“Thinking $10 per hour?” he suggests tentatively.
“Not quite what I had in mind,” you respond, unimpressed. Come on Beomgyu, you’re pretty loaded.
“How about $15?” he proposes without hesitation.
“Hmm, on second thought..”
“$25!” he interjects, irritation creeping into his voice.
You smile, content with the improved offer. “Deal.”
“Great, we can meet at my apartment, I just moved in last month; I need to be independent apparently” he says quickly. “Just a heads up, I have a roommate. I totally had to fight him for the apartment, so we’re rooming. He won't be a bother, we'll just have the place to ourselves in my room, he’s never home anyway”.
You nod in understanding and inquire, “Is he from around here?” Beomgyu nods and responds, “Yeah, his name's Heeseung, you know, the one thats’s boring AF?”
You take a brief pause, running your tongue over your lips as you wrack your brain for any sign of a Heeseung among your classmates. Surprisingly, you can’t seem to place him, which is unusual since you typically have a good grasp of everyone in your year. It's possible that Heeseung is just someone who prefers to stay under the radar, which might explain why you haven’t heard of him.
“Weird, I don’t know a Heeseung in our year” you say with confused tone.
Beomgyu shrugs nonchalantly, his eyes rolling in dismissal. “He’s always been like that. Anyway, I’m only still rooming with him because, well, he's almost never home and I can’t cook” he says, eyes bored.
The lunch bell rings loudly, abruptly halting your conversation. You glance at Beomgyu and manage a small smile. “I’ll drop by tomorrow; today's just too busy, you inform him. He gives a thumbs-up in response. With that settled, you start clearing your tray.
╰┈➤
Exiting the elevator, you walk down the corridor, each step bringing you closer to Beomgyu's door. He's waiting for you, his dark hair easy to spot in the hallway. You approach him, greeting him by waving your hand.
You quickly kick off your sneakers and step in, scanning the area with a keen eye. Everything looks neat enough, but the sight of a mop leaning against the wall and the freshly mopped floor makes you wonder. Did he just clean up right before you got here? Seems likely, considering he didn't bother to sweep before mopping. Looks like cleaning isn't really his thing.
Beomgyu gestures towards his room, pulling you out of your thoughts. You follow him inside, and as you step in, you’re greeted by a burst of color. The walls are painted a bold red, adorned with pictures and posters of basketball stars and iconic moments. You can't help but admire the shiny pictures that catch the light, giving the room a vibrant energy. “Cool room” you say, feeling drawn to the bright atmosphere created by all the basketball themed decor.
“Thanks” he says proudly, glancing up at his room.
You glance over at him, smoothly pulling out one of the chairs positioned by the desk, then lowering yourself onto its burgundy red cushion. Beomgyu follows your lead, exhaling audibly as he takes a seat beside you. He picks up a book from his cluttered desk and flips through it, his brow furrowed in concentration. Eventually, he slides it over to you, saying quietly, ‘I don't understand this.’
Examining the content, you meet Beomgyu's gaze with a bored expression. “Beomgyu, this is really basic," you remark casually, flipping through the pages without much interest. You know you’re being fairly annoying saying that. But if Beomgyu wants you to tutor him, he’ll have to deal with it.He gives you a dramatic eye roll and clenches his teeth, interrupting you with a sarcastically sweet tone, “Can we just get to the point already?” You stifle a chuckle, nodding in agreement. “Alright, alright”.
After spending about two hours tutoring, you're ready to wrap things up. Despite Beomgyu's jokes sneaking in here and there, you feel good about how it went. Plus, getting paid $50 is a nice bonus for your time.
You lean back in your chair, letting out a tired yawn. “Well, I guess it's time to head out,” you mumble, reaching for your bag. Beomgyu nods in agreement, rising from his seat. Just then, the sound of the front door being unlocked catches you off guard, causing you to glance at Beomgyu for reassurance. He seems unfazed. Oh. It must be his roommate, Heeseung, if you remember correctly.
You don’t think much of it, heading out of his room towards the door, Beomgyu following close behind. Glancing at the hand holding the door still, you stop on your tracks, awkwardly waiting for this Heeseung to enter. The soft creak of the door’s release draws your attention, as your eyes meet his, times seems to momentarily halt. Were people supposed to be this good looking or was it the lack of love in your life? God, he’s mesmerizing.
“_______”? You hear Beomgyu say, as your mind cuts your train of thoughts. “This is Heeseung, the one I was talking about yesterday” he tells you as you nod quietly in his direction, eyes still fixated on Heeseung.
Heeseung eyes you up and down, humming when Beomgyu introduces you as the girl from class who tutors him. You look familiar. You smile shyly, legs heading towards the end of the door. But what you caught on his face just as you stepped out brings red to your cheeks.
He fucking smirked.
It leaves you pondering, as you mutter a ‘bye’ to Beomgyu, not bothering to look at him. What was that? Did he do that to fluster you? You shouldn’t overthink it. Maybe he does that all time. Whatever, you’re not going to dwell on it. But it does leave you with more enthusiasm to come over to tutor Beomgyu. You’ll hope the only thing you’ll do here is teach.
It’s been about a month since you’ve been tutoring Beomgyu. You’re overall pretty satisfied with how it’s been going; you could see genuine improvement with him.
Other than the fact that you’re effort is going on the right track, you might also be taking advantage of your time there. Your suspiciously long ‘study breaks’ might have not always been for the said purpose. They might have been to make small talk with his roommate; when he arrived home earlier than usual. Or when the times up and you have to leave, delaying your departure so you can see his face atleast once a day. You can’t deny the attraction. Sure, the small talk might be slightly awkward but you atleast get to know him.
You walk out of Beomgyu’s room, on one of your so called ‘breaks’. Today's a good day. Heeseung’s home early!
You make your way towards the kitchen; you must say the counters are well done. They’re like a distraction if it gets awkward talking to him As the door to Heeseung's room swings open, the subtle movement sends a shiver down your spine, causing you to flinch involuntarily. You straighten up, hands crawling up a cabinet to find a glass for water.
You feel his figure behind you, somehow so close yet so far. “On break?” He asks, voice raspy. Must’ve took a nap. “Yeah” you mumble taking ahold of a glass. You turn around, drinking in his figure; oh fuck he’s in a tank top.
You almost stumble walking forward to fill your glass, just when you feel him grab your glass, “I’ll fill it for you. Grab me one too will ya?” he says grinning. Oh does he have to smile like that infront of you?
Nodding slowly, you walk back, getting another glass and handing it over to him. Heeseung mutters a ‘thank you’, proceeding to fill it up.
“Beomgyu tells me you don’t recognize me. I sit behind you in chemistry, silly , i was waiting for you to realise” he says with slight confusion laced into his words.
Your eyes become slightly wide, imagining yourself inside chemistry class. It ticks your brain. Of course, that’s why you must have looked familiar to him. “Right, sorry I never caught that”.
Before he can say anything you hear Beomgyu’s whiny voice calling your name, indicating it’s been far too long since you’ve been gone.
Now you’re on your way to Beomgyu’s again. It’s a Saturday, but he requested you to come. Just as you enter your cab, you hear the loud shrieking sound of thunder, indicating rain. Getting in, you sink into the cozy cab seat, the sound of rain tapping on the windows and occasional flashes of lightning outside creating a quite yet filled atmosphere. You gaze outside with a slight pout. It’s quite late as your leaving now, you hope the rain calms down by the time you have to go home.
Stepping out of the cab, rain pours down relentlessly. You dash towards the elevator, hands shielding your head from the downpour. Inside, you quickly fix your hair in the mirrored walls, hoping the rain doesn’t worsen. Looking into the mirror like walls of the elevator, you fix up your hair. God, you really hope the rain calms down.
The elevator’s soft robotic hum faded as you stepped into the familiar corridor, your feet moving automatically towards the well known door. With a sigh, you rang the doorbell, the sound cutting through the quiet. Taking off your sandals, you huff, waiting.
You hear feet walk up behind the door, unlocking it. But you don’t expect to meet eyes with Heeseung, white earphones stuck in his eyes and a song paused on his phone.
“Beomgyu’s not home..? It’s a Saturday anyway, you tutor him on Saturdays too? Geez” he says as you stand still, digesting what he just said.
Before you can answer him, your phone buzzes, a notification.
[Choi Beomgyu], 7:14 PM :
heyy im so sorry but uh i forgot i had plans today.. youve probably reached by now and its raining like crazy and I don't think its gonna stop so you can stay over for the night in my room, i’ll be at a friends’. use one of my tshirts or smtg. also heeseung's home so you wont get killed at night! again sorry!! </3
You internally roll your eyes. Seriously? But you can’t stay mad at him, he seems kind of genuine.
“I think I’ll have to crash here tonight,” you admit, your cheeks flushing slightly as you offer a tentative smile. As if on cue, Heeseung pulls the door open wide, ushering you inside with a dramatic gesture. “Beomgyu asked me to use his room, kay?” you explain, feeling a sudden surge of liveliness.
Heeseung chuckles at you, his eyes fixed on you as he watches you set down on your bag on the couch heading into Beomgyu’s room. You still feel captivated each time you enter his room; you wonder what Heeseung’s room looks like, you’ve only ever seen glimpses of it whenever he came out of it. Black walls or something.
You look around for his closest, quickly landing your eyes on the half-black, half-red wardrobe. Grabbing the handle and tugging it open, you start to look for t-shirts, thats’s something comfortable. And maybe some shorts as well. Yeah, you might look a bit awkward in it but it’s just for one night.
You frown your face, unable to locate any t-shirts. God, where does this man keep his things?
“What’re you looking for so interesting?” you hear a familiar voice say, flinching at it. You turn around to find Heeseung, arms crossed leaning against one of the open doors of the wardrobe. Dangerously close to you, you must say.
“B..Beomgyu asked me to use his t-shirt or something for the night” you explain, licking your lips. “But I just can’t find any”, you say with a annoyed sigh.
Was it just you or did you imagine the look of distate on Heeseung’s when you mentioned wearing Beomgyu’s t-shirt?
“They’re all in the wash, the idiot probably forgot, use mine,” he tells you, staring into your eyes with miniscule smile.
You can’t help but feel shocked by his offer, causing your heart to beat faster. It may seem insignificant, borrowing clothes, but it’s Heeseung. Your voice feels trapped in your throat, a rush of excitement running through your veins. It just feels special when it comes from him. But you definitely can’t say no, can you?
You reply in a quiet voice, trying not to seem overly enthusiastic, “If you’re completely sure...” He responds with a gentle smile while gently tugging at your wrist. Surprised by the gesture, you let out a soft gasp but ultimately decide to go along with it.
Entering his room, directly opposite Beomgyu’s, the matte black walls catch your eye, imbuing the space with a sleek, modern vibe. The abundance of books scattered; if arranged with proper shelving and space could make a pretty mini library.
As you find yourself in the midst of his room, you can't help but admire the coolness of both of your rooms. “You guys have such cool rooms” you exclaim, watching as Heeseung frantically searches through his closet. You hear his echoed chuckle as you walk towards him, taking a peek at his closet. He seems to have just destroyed its neatness. But you do notice the many t-shirts laying flat and wrinkled on the floor.
“There’s a like a billion one of those t-shirts you’re searching for on the floor, Lee” you tell him, bending down to pick up the two you see. “And a pair of shorts too” you add. Heeseung hums in response with a grin, sighing as he pulls out a pretty white t-shirt and a pair of black shorts. Certainly a little too big for you, sure as hell comfortable. Plus it’s Heeseung’s, makes it all the better.
He turns towards you, holding the t-shirt out in display. “I think you’d look nice in this” he tells you trying to contain a smile sheepishly. Did he do all this searching, messing up his well organised wardrobe, just because he thought this one specific one would look good on you? You would kiss him if you could right now.
You try to stay calm, trying to hide your eagerness as you thank him softly, taking it from him. Turning around, you move to leave; but stop on your tracks when you feel his hand on your wrist stopping you. Instinctively you look back, Heeseung’s face mere inches away from yours. If you moved any closer, your lips would touch his. And you don’t know if that’s a risk you’re willing to take.
“You forgot this” he says,handing you the black shorts, brown orbs still looking into yours. You feel some sort of relief when he says that, quickly taking it from him. “Right” you say in response walking away.
As you walk away, you think about what just happened; would he have kissed you back if you did first? Does he like you like that? Or is it just some occurring tension between you two? You don’t know but you’ll let it play out like this.
Standing before the bathroom mirror, you take a moment to appreciate the comfort and loose fit of your attire. The t-shirt drapes effortlessly over your torso, offering a snug yet relaxed feeling. The shorts fit good at your waist too, thanks to it being elastic. Heeseung was right about thinking it’d look good on you. And again, it’s his.
You step out of the bathroom, slowly walking your way into the living room. You spot Heeseung on je couch, a video game console in his hands and eyes fixated on the TV screen. Stopping on your tracks you watch him, completely not noticing you. From what you’ve seen, he’s not as boring as Beomgyu has told you before. You see a second console on the coffee table. It’s so obvious they play together.
“Mind if I join in?”, you ask, your voice brimming with excitement as you make your way over to the couch where he's lounging. With a playful bounce, you settle yourself down right beside him, looking over at him.
His eyes roam over you, and you feel your cheeks heating up. Is he pleased with how his clothes fit you, or does he see something off? Heeseung’s gulp breaks the tension, and he meets your gaze once more, leaving you uncertain about what his look truly means.
“Do I look weird or something?” you say, laughing awkwardly. Please say no.
He almost immediately denies your assumptions, “No, fuck you don’t,” he says swallowing once more, “You look..good, that’s all” he continues. No, that’s not what he wants to say. He thinks you look hot. But best left inside his head. You internally sigh in relief, thank god. Resuming back to what you said, you ask again giggling, “So can I play?”
He nods his head in agreement, grinning. Bending over to grab the other console, you shuffle into a comfortable seating position, hands on your knees. “Good luckkk” you drawl with confidence. Heeseung scoffs at you with a smile, he’d kiss that attitude out of you but he'll watch you play for now.
“I’ve experienced Beomgyu storming out in anger because he didn't win like five times in a row,” he tells you with a cocky smile. Alright, skilled gamer Heeseung. Although your confidence may have wavered, you refuse to let it affect you. Your main goal is to enjoy yourself during your time here.
“Beomgyu acts like you’re so boring, yet he seems to have pretty good friendship with you” you say softly. Heeseung hums in response, “It’s because I only play with him sometimes, not really so often. He’s just over-dramatic, really” he brushes off.
You nod in understanding, “Let’s play then, shall we?”
You don’t think you’ve ever laughed this hard at someone’s face before. Heeseung’s face when you swiftly went past him and won the game has you breaking into peels of laughter. His face is truly priceless.
“Did that hurt your ego?” you say between soft giggles. Heeseung stares at you, holding back a grin. The way you feel confident after winning over him, entices him; He wants to ruin that confidence, he wants to ruin you. “Beginners luck” he replies instead. You continue to giggle at him, laughter dying down as silence pierces through. It’s peaceful, not awkward at all as the both of you sit in the rather calming quietnesss.
The quiet room suddenly got noisy with your unexpected hiccups. You felt them like tiny jumps in your chest, making you stumble as you hurried to the kitchen, your steps clumsy against the relentless spasms. Opening up the very familiar cupboard, you tap against its inner floor, reaching for a glass. Gasping quietly as you land your feet from tip toeing; you lick your lips, turning to go fill it up.
You’ve always liked this kitchen. It gave you a feeling nostalgia; having such a similar one back at your parents house.
“You enjoyed winning so much didn’t you?” Heeseung says with amusement lacing his words. Gulping down the last of your water with an uncontrollable smile, you nod at him. You like having him slightly worked up. It’s entertaining.
Heeseung walks over towards you, suddenly caging you with his arms. Your hands instinctively grasp at the counter behind you, eyes darting down. His eyes look into yours sharply inching even closer, if you went just a little closer, your noses would touch and at that point you should just kiss. Temptation clouds your mind and ball of confidence strikes you; retrieving your hands from the counter, you pause before connecting your lips to his.
His lips freeze against yours; certainly was not expecting you to do that. But as soon as he hears your soft whine, his arms that once surrounded the space around you, grabbed at your waist. The soft feeling of his lips on yours melts your body into desire, but before you can fall under it, you pull away.Heeseung groans just as you cut contact, looking at you with an puzzled expression. What are you doing to him? You give him what he wants and blatantly take it away. That’s the game you play huh? You tip toe, bending your neck over his as you take a peek at the wall clock fixed in the living room, just next to the kitchen. 10 PM it read. Time does fly when you have fun.
“Sex this late night ruins my sleep” you tell him with a fake pout plastered on your face. “Maybe next time, Lee” you add on as you cup his face, only to kiss his cheek before slipping away out. Heeseung freezes, shock etched across his features as he replays the scene in his mind. He grapples with your intentions, wondering when this “next time” will occur. It’s clear you’re pushing his buttons, you literally kissed him for a hot minute and left him helplessly hanging. You’re good at switching up aren’t you? If he has to play this game to put you in your place, then so be it.
All confidence that resided inside you vanished as soon as you closed the door to Beomgyu’s room. God, did you actually do that? Your ego definitely seems to spike sometimes. You don’t know if you regret it; from the sheer look in his eyes and searing kiss, it was obvious he liked you too. You just might have left quite an impression on him, it was bold of you. The future of your actions lay flat for tomorrow.
You wake up to the noise of the front door being opened, assuming it was Beomgyu, you rub your tightly closed eyes open. Having slept fairly well last night, you quickly got out of bed, arranging the sheets neat. This wasn’t your bed or home to leave untidy, like you occasionally do. Although you think Beomgyu is no better than you.
Walking out you see Beomgyu, helping himself to a cup of ramen. You’d like some breakfast before you leave.
“Hey, got another cup?” you ask with grogginess evident in your voice. Beomgyu finally takes a look at you, pausing at your question for a few minutes before nodding. He turns back momentarily to grab another cup, sliding it over to you. You can’t help but turn your eyes over to Heeseung’s room. Is he still in bed?
“Where’s your ‘boring’ roommate?” you ask him with a hint laughter in your voice. Beomgyu gives you a sarcastic roll of his eyes, “He left for the gym right as I came in” he says replying to your asked question. Oh. You guess the only time you’ll see him again is on Monday.
Finally pouring in the hot water, you close the cup with the paper lid, waiting. As you sit waiting for your meal, lost in your thoughts, your mind wanders aimlessly. Suddenly, a sharp gasp escapes your lips as your attention is abruptly pulled back to reality by Beomgyu, who has made an odd noise while pointing his index finger in your direction.
You look at him with a confused expression, “I thought I told you use my t-shirt? That’s not mine” he says, staring at you for an answer. Halting for short second, you reply back “I looked through your closet, and Heeseung told me that they were all in the wash, genius. So he lent me his”
Beomgyu looks at you with squinting eyes, processing all what you said before he casually hums. Opening your lid back up, you mix your noodles before going in for a much needed savory bite, humming in delight you look up with happy eyes.
“So, What did you do last night?” Beomgyu questions, inching his elbows closer to you. The question is harmless and innocent if you view it the way you should, but in your case, there are only two things memorable — winning over Heeseung and kissing Heeseung. You can’t help smile internally remembering them, you still feel the feeling of his lips on yours if you think about it long enough.
Beomgyu waves his hand infront of you, as to pop your thinking bubble, “R..Right, yeah, I didn’t do much, just played some video games and went to bed, that’s all” you answer stuttering slightly at your words.
His eyes light up at the mention of video games, a grin fighting for freedom on his face, “Who won?” he asks enthusiastically. You’re sure Beomgyu’s hoping for you to say that you had won, recollecting that he always lost to his skilled roommate. Licking your lips in a swift motion, you press your lips together in a tight smile, gazing at Beomgyu.
The look on your face is all he needs to let out a sigh of happy relief, “Fuck yes! Somebody actually beat Heeseung” he exclaims with delight offering you a high-five, which you gladly receive. Slurping up the last of your breakfast, you walk over to throw in the trash informing Beomgyu on the way that you’ll head out after changing back into your clothes from last night.
As if remembering something important, he calls you again, “ _______!, just wanted to let you know, I’m hosting a party at my parents’ place on Monday you know, since the semesters about to end. And they’re not home anyway. Your’re invited if you’re up for it” he blurts out.
“Who's gonna be there?” you question, intrigued.
“Like practically everyone; Yuna, the girl with red glasses, Heeseung, me, duh and—
“I’ll be there, send me the address” you cut him off, rushing back inside and change before you leave.
You apply a coat of rosy lip gloss, pressing your lips together with satisfaction. You look good tonight, clad in a snug black mini skirt paired elegantly with a delicate white lace tube top and your hair down in waves. The top showcases just the right amount of skin, accentuating the look of your slender silver chain. It’s both sexy and cute.
The party’s at 8 PM, and you’ll be just on time if you leave right now. You take one more good look in your full length mirror, nodding to yourself, before finally heading out.
╰┈➤
You stare in awe at the house the party resided in. It’s truly beautiful, and big. The lively music and joyful voices coming from inside indicate that Beomgyu has invited a lot of people. It’s clear he’s gone all out to make sure everyone has a great time tonight. You enter with a soft sigh, clutching onto your baby pink handbag. The music is loud but quite enough to hear people talk to one another. Your eyes scan around the area; looking for Beomgyu. The large table with drinks catch your eye as you spot Beomgyu sipping on a can of beer.
He locks eyes with you as you make your way towards him, managing a small smile.
“Oh my god, you’re like two minutes late” he exclaims dramatically, holding up his phone in the which glowed ‘8:02 PM’. You give him an unimpressed look. That seems to shut him up as he gives you a small pout.
You grab a can of beer from the table, popping it open and taking a sip.
“C’mon, I’ll give you a house tour, you’re probably the only one who hasn’t been here” he tells already walking ahead.
You faithfully trail behind him as he leads you on a tour through each luxurious room, offering short descriptions of their purposes. The surroundings are nothing short of extravagant, soaring ceilings, intricate architectural designs, and an abundance of totally unnecessary paintings on the wall. The overall aura of the place resembles a palace, filled to the brim with people.
As you both progress down the hallway, the fading music suggests you’re approaching the final room. Each room you’ve passed has been bustling with at least five people, engaged in drinking, sleeping, or playing some sort of game. However, between all this, Heeseung’s absence stands out. You’re left to ponder where he is : Either he dipped out on coming or he’s inside the room you’re just about to enter.
Beomgyu gestures towards the door, softly remarking, “And here’s the last room, my childhood sanctuary.” With a gentle click, he swings it open, revealing a truly elegant space. Stepping inside, you instinctively search for Heeseung, your gaze finally settling on him. He acknowledges Beomgyu, waving at him before he buries his gaze on you.
You look away as soon as you make eye contact, pretending to observe the room instead. Other than Heeseung there are few other guys in the room, they’re all sitting on the bed; probably chatting before you came in.
“What are ya’ll doing just talking? The drinks are downstairs, come down!” Beomgyu tells them with annoyance evident in his voice.
“I’ll stay, not in the mood to drink right now” Heeseung mutters, his eyes still fixated on you. Beomgyu looks at you with bored eyes as if silently letting you know that the person who just spoke is infact really boring. You give him a small giggle before telling him that you’d come down in a bit too. You just might have a little talking to do. Beomgyu gives you an expression of ‘you too?’ before leading the other guys out down with him.
As soon as you turn your head from watching them leave to head down, you slightly flinch at Heeseung walking past you to swiftly lock the door. Safe to say you’re not surprised. You slide your handbag off your shoulder, mounting it on a nearby shelf. Just then you feel a gentle tug at your wrist and immediate contact with Heeseung’s lips. You halt for a second before you wrap your hands around his neck, pads of your fingers pressing into the nape of his neck.
His lips feel just as soft as the first time, addicting you must say. He seems just as eager as you are, slyly pushing his tongue inside your mouth with a grin you could tell he had on. You whine into his mouth, signalling him to pull away to breathe. He pulls away slowly, a string of saliva connecting your lips as you pant heavily. God you really need him right now. His eyes look into yours as you giggle at the lip gloss smeared over his mouth. He looks at you amused as you wipe then gloss off with a focused stare.
“What happened to ‘sex ruins your sleep at night’ ?” he asks you mockingly, running his hands over your ass.
“Your dick’s hard” you retort, hands coming down to palm his cock. He hisses as you do so, mumbling a curse.
“I’ll just go fuck another girl” he tells with a smirk, eager to see your reaction. He’s really trying to piss you off huh?
“No you fucking won’t” you tell him with a laugh, connecting your lips back together. He dosen’t complain, immediately melting into the kiss as you still rub his hard on, making him moan into it. You don’t think you’ll ever get over how good his lips feel against yours.
“That’s right, so suck me off will you?” he says against your lips.
And that's how you end up on your knees, holding onto Heeseung’s thighs tightly while he thrusts his big fucking dick into your mouth. You eagerly suck and twirl your tongue around the lower part of his shaft, making sure to cover it with your saliva. The grip on his thighs becomes even tighter as he pushes his cock deeper into your throat, his mushroom tip brushing against the back.
“J..Just like that baby, god you were made for this” he rasps with eyes closed shut, fingers caressing your hair. You let out quiet moans against his dick, your panties progressively getting wetter. You’re desperate for him inside you.
Continuing to suck him off, you decide to tease him a bit, after all he is, so close to coming. You pull off his dick, retrieving your hands from his thighs and grabbing at the base of it and giving his red tip kitten licks. He groans at loss of your mouth, eyes glaring at your doe eyed ones. “Don’t fucking tease or you won’t get to cum later” he warns you. The thought of not cumming when your pussy was dripping and pulsating like this sent shivers down your spine.
You almost immediately stuff his cock back in your mouth; but you pause when you feel feel Heeseung’s hands gripping your hair, fucking your mouth. It’s sloppy and messy; you feel hot tears well up at your eyes, falling down endlessly as he continues to fuck your throat deep.
“Thats’s a good girl, fuck, ’m gonna cum” he moans, his movements in your mouth gradually easing as he releases his warmth down your throat. Heeseung breathes heavily, his eyes widening with a smile as he gazes at your exhausted expression; cheeks flushed, eyes watery, and most likely a very wet pussy. He bends down to pick you up again, mounting you on his lap as he lifts your skirt, fingers dipping into your soaked cunt.
You whine into his neck, feeling him move your drenched panties to the side, filling your cunt with two of his fingers, sinking in and out of you painfully slow. Heeseung chuckles at your whimpers, finding them cute as he adds a third finger, picking up his pace. He starts pressing wet kisses into your neck, sucking on the shell of your ear which only fueled the building pleasure inside of you.
“Hah—! please, wanna cu..m gonna cum” you groan into his neck as you cream over his fingers, knot in your stomach free as you relieve your high, hugging Heeseung tighter. He brings up his coated fingers up to his mouth, licking them clean.
“Need to fuck you now, but let me eat you out next time, yeah?” he whispers into your ear, as you finally look at him again placing a kiss on your lips. You hum in response, a slight gasp escaping your lips as he flips you on your stomach, ass up in the air; removing the your skirt and sticky underwear. He takes a moment to look at your glistening cunt, slightly swollen from your previous orgasm.
You want to say something you know you shouldn’t, because one, it’s way beyond the truth and two, not when he has you under him like this, no control over him and pussy ready for him to slip into. But you like pissing him off and getting him worked up. Just as you feel his dick poke at your entrance, you whisper, “Small dick”.
You may have said it in a low voice but the way you feel Heeseung stiffen up behind you only confirms he had clearly heard it.
“Oh yeah? Enlighten me on the girl who was fucking choking on this small dick not so long ago” he spits out with amusement lacing his words, cock slipping into your folds whole without notice. You let out a string of choked moans, words breaking down into nothing as he pounds into you relentlessly. Falling face down onto the sheets, you tug on them tighter, body jerking and thighs shaking. To say he felt good buried inside of you was a huge understatement.
He hold your hips tighter, cursing at how you clench down at him each time he goes deeper into you.
“Look at you, cunts sucking me in so good, been desperate for my cock haven’t you?” Heeseung growls with a cruel laugh, leaning down to suck on your back as he still fucks into you. You don’t answer, mind fogged up with cock ruining your pussy as your eyes roll back. One of his hands pull you back up, then grabbing at your bouncing tits, rubbing at your nipples.
He slaps your ass, eyes watching it jiggle with each pound he gives. “Fucking answer me” he demands you, only making you moan louder as you feel his tip brutally hammer at your cervix, pushing you towards the edge.
“Yes! hnng!— fuck yes! gah- please” you blurt out, the need to cum again building up fast.
Heeseung lets out a shriek, cock swollen inside of you as he fills your cunt up with his cum. But he still fucks into you, getting you closer to your high. The way he filled you up only tightened the knot inside you, squirting out on his cock and coating. Your vision sees white as you pant heavily, head throbbing.
Heeseung slowly moves your tired body onto his lap, picking you all over your face as you get back into your senses. “What a way to finally say I love you” he tells you, kissing the crown on your head. You giggle at him, feeling a strong sense of euphoria rush through you.
“I’ve always liked you” you tell him, looking away and playing with his fingers. He chuckles at you, placing another kiss on your lips. “Good, I had a thing for you too” he whispers into your ear.
Suddenly you hear a stiff knock at door, you jolt up in surprise, “Can you please open the fucking door? I need to piss! All the others are occupied!” you hear Beomgyu’s voice outside, desperate to get inside. It makes you realise you literally fucked on his bed, and totally messed up the cheeks. The thought of cleaning it up burns red into your cheeks.
You look up at Heeseung, as if asking what to do. But with the grin he has on his face says otherwise.
“Wait just a little more, I’ve got to make _______ cum again!” he screams out at the door slyly spreading your legs again.
You don’t think Beomgyu has to use the bathroom anymore.
#enhypen hard thoughts#enhypen hard hours#enhypen smut#heeseung hard thoughts#heeseung hard hours#heeseung smut#enhypen x you#enhypen x reader#enhypen x female reader#enhypen x y/n#heeseung x reader#heeseung x you#enha smut#enha fluff#enhypen fanfiction#heeseung fluff#enhypen fluff#heeseung fanfic#heeseung headcanons#enhypen headcanons#enhypen imagines#heeseung imagines#lee heeseung#lee heeseung x reader#enhypen oneshots#heeseung oneshots#enha drabbles#enhypen drabbles#heeseung drabbles#enha
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just realizing my hearing can be summed up as having a fucking nasa computer for hardware but only ever using it to play that vid of a spinning rat with a compressed version of free bird in the background
#making that comparison cuz i literally just bought a $2k desktop after my laptop shit itself and im now watching that exact video#anyways the context for this is that while my hearing capability is much better than average for my age#i have an auditory processing disorder that makes it so my actual ability to hear is dogshit majority of the time#like i can hear really high pitched things (up to 20khz still even on low volume)#but for example speech is something thats hard for me to understand sometimes because it somehow gets garbled in my brain#which i think is why i dont have a hard time with accents since im so used to needing to unscramble whatever the hell i just heard anyways#or like how i cant tell music intervals apart despite taking/being in music for like 80% of my life#i was so happy when my band teacher let me see his hands when i did the interval part of my theory final last spring#cuz i know the difference when looking at it but hearing it i cant tell the difference between a minor 3rd and a major 6th or anything#and its not a lack of practice seeing as id been doing that shit specifically for almost 8 years at that point and hadnt gotten any better#i think he realized there was no way i would pass that part normally cuz he had been helping me with interval training for a while#i could play whichever one when asked to but couldnt tell them apart audibly when i tried to#pretty sure the highest i ever got on an interval test outside of my theory final was like 60% cuz i had to basically guess all of them#even with just single notes i find it hard to tell them apart unless its a G or C#G cuz i was a emo shit in jr high and C cuz that note haunts me in my fucking sleep since i stopped piano lessons like 8ish years ago#anyways yeah welcome to tumblr where i feel its not too abnormal to have somebodys life story in the tags section as context for a joke lol#or maybe im in the minority and most people dont actually do this but i just happen to see a lot of posts that do :p#and now this is very off topic lmfao#yoshi talk
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The rubble smells underneath this building. The smell of dirt, dust, and suit. It’s intoxicating, almost. What’s more intoxicating? Katsuki Bakugou’s scent as you straddle him.
About 2 minutes ago, a building started to fall down right in Bakugou’s path. You were both fighting a villain with a quirk thats almost as destructive as Bakugou’s.
The villain went down but the villain decided that so would you guys. So in one last petty move, he dropped a building when Bakugou was distracted.
You dove towards him, scared to see your agency leader die. Especially since you harbored feelings for him ever since you met him 5 years ago.
You knew that you couldnt make it out in time so in quick thinking you threw yourself on top of him and redirected yourself to an area where you didn’t think that I’d fall on you guys.
It was a close call because it was a tight enough space just to fit the both of you.
“HEY!”
Who the hell is he yelling at?
“Wake up, dumbass! Shit, shit, shit… please be alive.”
You forced your eyes, that you didn’t even know were closed, open. You’re straddled on top of him, with your head on his chest. He’s against a wall, looking down at you with a look that you’ve never seen on him before. It quickly turned to relief.
“Holy shit,” he tightened the hands around your waist, “if you would have died I’d have fucking killed you.”
You moved the get off of him but he stopped you. “Theres no room, you’ll bump your head.”
You groaned at the situation, “Fuck.”
“Ex- fucking - actly, this shit sucks.”
As your brain begins to unfog, you start to digest the situation. Panic runs through your body as you wiggle your body.
“What the hell? Stop panicking.” He attempts to still you but you continue to flail.
“Im fucking claustrophobic! I’m gonna loose my shit!”
Tears well up in your eyes when your back hits against the concrete rock behind you for the 10th time.
“Fuck, you’re gonna- fucking stop!”
You only stop when you hear a grunt escape his lips. You blush as the realization comes to you. You’d been grinding against him while trying to get out. He blushes back, grabbing your head and forcing it on his chest.
“God, here- just lay your head down. You’re right on my dick doing that shit.”
Your heart is beating out of your chest. You cant tell if it’s from the fact that your boss is hard against your clothed regions or the situation of being stuck for god knows how long.
“Im sorry, I-“
“It’s fine, it’ll go away. Just stop moving.”
But will it? The way he’s feeling right now with your tits pressed against him and his dick against your crotch doesn’t seem to be fading. He can practically feel the heat radiating from your pussy.
After 5 minutes of silence, he thinks he’s gonna go crazy. His dick is still hard and you’re still on top of him trying your best to not move. The pressure of you against him is unfortunately enough to keep it hard and its driving him nuts.
You both speak at the same time.
“Fuck, can you-“
“What if I help?”
You bury your face deeper into his chest trying to hide your entirely red face.
“What?”
He waits for you to speak, wanting to confirm that you’re saying what he thinks you’re saying. You mumble something so low he almost didn’t hear it.
“I wanna help make it go away. If you wanna.”
Bakugou doesn’t speak for what felt like an eternity. Sure, he wanted to take you out on a date. But he thought he could at least wine and dine you before you start getting intimate. His brain is foggy as he thinks about all the late nights he’s spent looking at press photos of you while he strokes himself.
“You don’t have to-“ “But I want to.”
Neither of you say a word as Bakugou tightens his hold on your hips. He pulls you down hard against his cock. You both suck in a breath.
Bakugou curses as he repeats the motion. You begin to grind with him, angling your body so your clit rubs against where you connect.
Its a back and forth effort. You both work towards chasing your highs. One hand leaves your hips and pulls at your hair. He pulls you back to where your neck is exposed to him.
He latches onto your neck, licking and sucking marks into you between groans.
You put a hand over your mouth. The moans that are coming out are getting progressively louder.
“Move your hand.” He demands.
You shake your head. It’s too embarrassing the way you’re moaning like a bitch in heat.
Your eyes almost roll back at a particular harsh thrust. He rips your hand off while you’re distracted. He puts it at your side. “Move it and i’ll bite you.”
You pull at your hero costume. It’s so damn hot.
He takes it as an invitation to pull up your shirt and grab at your tits. He pulls your bra up, “Fuckkk, your tits are so perfect.”
You borderline whine when he sucks on your tit while playing with the other. All while grinding up onto you.
You feel yourself reaching the edge, “Katsuki- Im gonna.”
“Cum for me then.”
Your whole body shakes as your orgasm runs through your body. You shove your mouth against his. The kiss is hurried and hungry.
He only breaks it when his orgasm practically punches him in the face. He grips onto you so hard that theres no way he’s not leaving bruises. He bites into the juncture between your neck and your shoulder. He bites so hard that you cry out.
His eyes roll back and a long grown forces itself out.
After you both come down you look each other in the eyes as you breathe heavily.
You’re the first one to break the silence.
“Your eyes are really pretty up close.”
He chuckles, “Go on a date with me and I’ll let you see them even closer.”
#hi guys me again#this is my apology#for leaving on and off#ill try to be more consistent#but then again#i might not LOL#bakugou x reader#bakugou katsuki#mha x reader#bakugou smut#mha smut#forced proximity#stuck
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How to get back into your practice after a burnout
Alot of times in our practices, we often just straight up forget. Not going to lie to you I didn't practice much until I got out of my mom's home...which was one year ago. And I also have a theory that since paganism isnt dogmatic and is meant to be ran by a community we fall out really easy, it's natural, paganism is different now. But anyways here is chaos's master guide on how to put on your big girl panties and get back the work.
(disclaimer: just because these things worked for me doesn't mean it's going to work for everyone else, this post is completely upg. I'm just offering advice.)
Starting out small
What never stuck to me is those post that are like: "stir your intentions into your coffee, light incense, pray" because like yeah thats a good way to start off I really dont think itll set in our brains to do this everyday. Instead what I recommend is finding days to practice and sticking to that day. Find a day where you useally do nothing and dedicate it to getting back into your practice.
You could use this day to research on all the things you forgotten (been there)
Or you could just leave offerings out for your deities and call it a day
I think if you uphold a certain schedule your mind will get into the habit of "oh today's witch day, time to do witchcraft" this is basic psychology, and I promise it works 😭😭
Deity work and getting back into it
Little reminder: your gods are not mad at you. They do not hate you. They love you.
I have had so many falling outs with deities because I just couldn't uphold a schedule. Hekate being one of them. Hekate really showed me the way once I moved out of my mother's house, and after so many ins and outs of my worship to her, she still showed me love and compassion. I promise your gods will do the same. They understand our mortal lives more then you comprehend. After all, this is their earth.
Stuff you can do to get back into worship with your deities:
- offerings, big or small
- dedicate days to them, in my schedule Hekate is worshipped on Monday, and Aphrodite on Friday.
- research ways to connect with them more
- don't make big promises that you will get back into your practice and never fall out again, thats just putting yourself in more responsibility, your gods will now expect that responsibility. I've done this before and I definitely got side eyed by Hekate 😭😭
I recommend reading over these lovely post by @/khaire-traveler
Subtle deity worship
I honestly used this alot to get back into worship with my deities 😭😭 these posts go into worship you could do for deities while you are either hiding your practice or just want to do something for your gods. Really helpful post 10/10.
Getting back into witchcraft
I know I kind of went over this already, but I feel like there needs to be some small steps to getting back into witchcraft before we get to rituals, spells and stuff of that sort.
To get back into witchcraft, I recommend meditating, either by yourself or with your deities. Meditation allows you to just focus on the present and let go of all your stresses. I like to meditate with my deities because I get visions from them easily this way, it's easier for me to communicate.
From there you can do research on the basics of witchcraft and work your way up to rituals and spell work... hopefully all of this makes sense
Anyways yeah that's all the advice I have to getting back into your practice, if I have anything else to add I'll reblog this and add more. But yeah! I really hopes this helps at least someone lol.
#hellenic deities#hellenic pagan#hellenic worship#hellenism#witchcraft#aphrodite#hekate#pagan#paganism#witchblr
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𝘽𝙖𝙗𝙮 𝘿𝙤𝙡𝙡.
PAIRING: jake x fem reader
GENRES: SMUT, fluff
CW: jake is a little (lot) pervy, smut and more smut
summary: bf jake is obsessed his little doll gf.
- literally. just a a random ramble. i did not proof read and im dyslexic so pls dont make fun of me thank u ☝🏻
you already knew how much jake loved when you dressed up for him. from your pretty skirts to the little details of jewelry, lipgloss or some cute frilly socks. which is why it made you even more excited to do so. you got up early for class and got ready for hours, you wore his favorite absolute favorite skirt, obviously one that was a little too short. after finishing the last touches on your makeup you were ready to leave.
second period was the only class you two had together, physics, and when 1pm came around you walked in, without looking for him in his seat walking past him and to your own seat. you didn't need to look, you could feel his eyes on you. practically burning holes into your skin. and not soon after you had sat down you heard your phone ding
jake: not even a hi? :(
jake: you look so pretty baby..
jake: how am i supposed to pay attention now...
jake: did you wear that pretty skirt for me?
you watched as your phone repeatedly went off, causing you to turn off your ringer, smiling at your phone as you read the texts that repeatedly came in.
you: you better !! how else am i supposed to study your notes... you are all thats getting me through this stupid class :(
fuck. the more he stared at you the more he felt the fabric of his pants straining. he tried to take a deep breath before pulling his hoodie over his lap. you were just so cute but all his brain could think about was how cute youd look with his dick inside of you.
-
class went by slow as. hell. for the both of you. more for him, you just liked his attention, you knew he wouldn't be completely focused so you did try to pay attention some, taking some notes of your own.
as soon as the professor concluded the lesson jake shot up from his seat like a magnet, he needed to be near you. soon you felt him behind you, grabbing your backpack and putting it on his other shoulder. "hi babydoll," i smiled softly giving your head a small kiss which immediately resulted in your cheeks turning bright pink. his hand had found its way to your lower back, guiding both of you out of the classroom.
"i missed you~" you smiled glancing up at him, his hand carefully moving some of your hair aside. "yeah? wanna come back to my dorm, we can... study" he smiled with a small chuckle. "i still have 1 more class jake.." you pouted - "skip it." "jake-" "please... " he pouted like a little puppy, he was so clingy all the sudden, and you loved it. "fine," he smiled as you both walked through the campus toward your dorms.
"did you like my outfit?" you hummed, "what kind of silly question is that.." - "of course i love it,.. my perfect little doll~" he cooed, gently playing with the lace hem of the skirt between his fingertips. "so pretty for me.." he muttered softly, that alone was enough to make your brain start going fuzzy. thankfully not long afterwards you had both reached jakes dorm, letting you in and leading you to his room, setting both of your things down and plopping his self onto the bed. thank. fucking. god. you two were finally alone. he didn't know how much longer he would be able to keep his hands to himself. "cmere baby,"
jake signaled you over to him, patting his lap for you. you walked over and compliantly sat down in his lap, his hands wasting no time starting to roam your body. "fuck, you make me crazy, you know that?" he finally had no filter. you could feel your heartbeat racing with every touch. he quickly lifted one of his hands bringing it to your chin and guiding your face to meet his. "that was a question doll," - your mind sputtered for a moment before replying ever so quietly, just enough so he could hear, "i know.." ,he hummed contently as you answered him.
jakes hands snaked down, caressing the curves of your waist before running down your thighs, stopping before sliding them up your skirt and gripping your ass. "m,.. just these little panties?... my naughty doll..". your breathing hitched as you felt the wet spot in your underwear grow, trying to shift your hips around to hide it, which only resulted in him pulling your skirt up further. "ive been dying to fuck you all day.." you felt his large bulge pushing against your clothed cunt, earning a small whine from you. Jake smirked as he heard the beautiful sound leave your lips. he wasnt typically this forward with you, but you could see in his expression he was different than normal, his eyes darker, more needy, like he couldn't think straight.
"did you want my attention baby?" "m?, is that why you dressed up in my favorite skirt~?" you slyly nodded your head, "words baby,-" he carefully turned your chin leaving one of his hands fondling your ass. "yes jakey... wanted your attention.." you mumbled, he kissed your lips softly in reward. but before you knew it he was giving you the exact attention you were now craving, his lips pressed against yours moving rhythmicly together, the kiss was needy, sloppy, and above all hot. he carefully guided his tongue into your mouth, feeling your hips shift around needlessly, causing him to chuckle a little into your mouth, making you whine. "as pretty as this little top is, i dont think we need it," he whispered before asking and then carefully removing it from your body along with his aswell.
he quickly went to work, trailing wet kisses all over your neck down to your chest, he physically couldn't get enough of you, he would devour you whole if he could. he trailed kisses all the way down to your tits, carefully sucking on the skin, slipping his tongue down to play with your nipples. earning small whines and moans to leave your mouth as your head hung in his shoulder. "jake.." you whinned, you could feel your wetness soaking through your panties onto his pants at this point. he pulled away just to look at the mess you made, "oh baby, look at the mess you made.." he pointed to the wet patch on his pants, your cheeks were beet red at this point. "want some help?" you nodded quickly in response.
he wasnt going to tease you anymore, at this point his dick was painfully hard and he needed to fuck you before he would actually explode. jake quickly lifted up your hips pulling your panties off before setting you down on the bed and taking off his pants and boxers letting his cock finally spring free of its restraints. "what about-?" you asked as you still had on the mini skirt, "keep it on." he smirked
— too be continued?
honestly my first time writing and i kinda think its shit so idk if i should keep going or not, but honestly if at least like 10 ppl actually want me to write the rest, i will!! let me knoww...
#enhypen#enha x reader#enha#enha imagines#enhypen smut#enha smut#enha fluff#enha fanfic#enha fics#jake sim#jake smut#jake enhypen#enhypen jake smut#enha jake smut#enha hard hours#jaeyun x reader#jaeyun smut#jake sim smut#jake enhypen smut
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this isn’t necessarily a request bc it would be a pretty long story but can we talk about rafe channeling his need to be in control into being a dom? maybe when he’s a little older he finally “straightens up” and becomes successful in the city but only bc of how he lets off steam behind closed doors. i see him as not being crazy towards the women he doms and being more mature to not let his past affect how he treats them but he’s very distant and contractual and not really affectionate past routine after care either 🤔 except of course when reader meets him and he doesn’t understand why he can’t stop thinking about her, and bc i’m a sucker for the trope especially if she’s a virgin or inexperienced and normally he’d end the arrangement bc of it but for some reason can’t bring himself to 🙂↕️ so he instead tells her since this is what she signed up for he won’t hold back on the intensity of their sessions (he does anyways at first) and she agrees with no hesitation bc she’s hoping this is how she can get closer to him while being completely naive to what bdsm is actually like. as you can see i’ve been thinking about this concept a lot lol i’d love to hear just your thoughts on the idea!
hi baby, so sorry i'm now getting to this, i've been a bit scattered brain but this is giving me 50 shades of grey from what you talked abt hehe i hope you enjoy my thoughts on the idea <3
warnings: buzzcut daddy rafe, rafe is in his late 20s, virginity loss, choking, unprotected sex, spitting, small mentions of gagging, being blindfolded + tied & i think thats it but lmk if i missed anything
── ・ 。゚☆: *.☽ .* :☆゚. ──
in my opinion, i can see him being in his late 20s around the time he’s moved to the city & successful. he knows just how successful he is due to women practically throwing themselves onto him any chance they can get (that’s so real).
he’s found that he releases all of his pent up frustrations and stress when he doms women to be the best way to relieve himself. of course he doesn’t just kick them to the curb immediately after he fucks them but he also doesn’t do much after the standard and basic after care either which is a big improvement for him versus how he was with women in his past.
for some reason, I can see him seeing several different women but he never sleeps with the same woman more than once. well, at least, not until he meets reader, which he meets her at an upscale bar in the city when he’s out celebrating with his co-workers.
he’s sitting at the bar with his co-workers while she’s making drinks for other customers. she walks over to him and his group, leaning against the bar, asking what they would like & his ears perk up at the sound of her angelic voice, making him whip his head around and he’s in awe.
throughout the entire night, he noticed her not so subtle flirting with him as she worked & he’s consistently stealing glances towards her direction. for that entire night, he barely listened to anything his co-workers said, he was too focused on the pretty little thing that was working behind the bar up until his group decided to call it a night.
Rafe wasn’t sure what it was about her but something about her aura kept pulling him back in & ever since that night, he’s found himself going back to that same upscale bar to see her. it wasn’t until one particular slow night, he finally got the chance to talk to her. the two of them instantly hitting hit off, flirting with one another.
the night ends with her going home with him. they can’t keep their hands off each other as they barge into his apartment, quickly making their way to his bedroom. their hands tearing each others clothing off before he’s pushing her down into his bed.
her moans are muffled by his mouth on hers as his fingers are buried deep inside her sopping heat. he’s relishing the way she can barely take two of his thick fingers, “you’re so fuckin’ tight, practically drippin’ down my fingers”.
“shit, if I didn’t know any better, I’d think you’ve never had a cock in you before” he groans in her ear and he immediately notices how her face turns red, making him freeze in realization and she’s quick to apologize, “fuck, I’m sorry, I was gonna tell you”.
normally he would end the night right then and there, which he’s had to a few times before due to not wanting to have to be gentle with a woman who was a virgin and inexperienced. but with the way you’re looking at him with those big, doe eyes, and for the simple fact that he can’t seem to get enough of you already, he can’t help but let out a heavy sigh, not being able to bring himself to turn you down, not when you're sitting there lookin' all pretty and angelic.
“if you’re lookin’ for a gentle, slow, fuck, you’re not gonna get it here because i won’t be holdin’ back” he mutters, the contrast between his tone and the way he’s caressing her face is far from rough. “i’m gonna ask you this one time cause I’m not gonna be gentle with you. you sure you still wanna do this?” he questions her, studying her face.
she nods, making him grip her chin, forcing her to look up at him, "need to hear you say it, baby". her eyes widen and she pouts, "i want you to fuck me, please, rafe" and he can't help but chuckle at the desperation in her voice.
before she even knew it, she was splayed out on her back with her leg over his shoulder, his hand wrapped around her throat and his cock buried deep inside of her. the harder his strokes, the more his hand tightened around her neck, making her moan and clench around him.
he moves his hand from her throat to grab her face. “open, baby” he commands, squeezing her cheeks, prying her mouth open. she gasps in surprise when she feels his spit coat her tongue before she swallows, causing rafe to groan at her eagerness.
he takes in the sight of her pleasure-ridden face and he can tell she’s close with the way her warm, wet, walls flutter around his cock. he watches the way her eyes roll back into her head, her cries of pleasure as she cums on his cock is like music to his ears.
his own orgasm is approaching and he pulls out of her, wrapping his hand around his shaft, stroking himself before groaning as his pearly, thick, cum paints her stomach.
that was the first time she slept with rafe cameron. she didn’t know what she was getting herself into but she didn’t care, she just wanted him.
ever since that night, the pair made an arrangement and for the past month and a half, she’d meet him at his apartment at least once a week. it started off with choking and spanking at first.
but the more she saw him, the rougher and more intense he would fuck her, whether that was blindfolding, tying her up, or gagging her until she was nothing but a trembling, crying mess.
── ・ 。゚☆: *.☽ .* :☆゚. ──
tags: @oceandriveab / @babygorewhore / @drudyslut / @drewstarkeyslut / @rafesthroatbaby / @rafescurtainbangz / @sturnioloshacker / @heartsforvin / @espressomunson / @crvptidgf / @redhead1180 / @eddieslut69 / @xxbimbobunnyxx / @hallecarey1 / @eternalbuckley / @kisses4angel / @hyperfixationgirl / @emilysuperswag / @maiiuelle / @saintlike05 / @rylie-m / @rafeinterlude / @lilacheavenn / @monkichixo / @native2princess / @ihe4rttwd / @zyafics / @peterpan-neverfails
#𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘳𝘨𝘢𝘻𝘪𝘯𝘨 ✧₊⁺#rafe cameron#rafe cameron smut#rafe cameron imagine#rafe cameron obx#rafe cameron x reader#rafe cameron x you#rafe cameron x y/n#rafe cameron blurb#rafe x you#rafe x reader#outer banks blurb#outer banks smut#rafe cameron fanfiction#rafe cameron outer banks#rafe outer banks#obx blurb#obx smut#rafe obx#rafe imagine#rafe fic#outer banks imagine#obx imagine#rafe x y/n#rafe cameron imagines#rafe concepts#drew starkey smut
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