#i know how to do it but at the same time i cant

[nag-rom]

i CANNOT hold myself back from be a silent reader ANYMORE this shit right here…goodT stuff was written and i’m here for it and here to STAY for the rest of the storyyyyy 🪑

i’m gonna add my comments throughout reading this so let’s get seated cus this is kinda going to be a long one (sorry not sorry 😉)

- ALREADY INVESTED cus reader n jungwon got their little thing going on and it’s cute asf ☺️

- BEST BELIEVE I luv me some best friend to lovers like that’s the way to go 😁

- so they doing all the couple stuff like cuddling, making out, n wearing each other’s clothes but jungwon not gon say anything about it 😩

- ALL HELL BOUGHT TO BREAK LOOSE with sunghoon coming over I JUST KNOW IT 🫣

- not jungwon asking reader if she’s gonna get cute for sunghoon like DAMN can a girl just get cute for herself n herself only 🙄

- there are some many MOMENTS where jungwon can act on his feelings n he’s just hesitant like WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR 😤

- reader n jungwon cute or whateva with this sleeping close to each other in his bed 🥺

- here comes the man of the HOUR n reader is analyzing the shit out of sunghoon but I would do the same thing too ngl 🤭

- n jake egging shit on between sunghoon n reader ain’t doing no good for jungwon (poor boy 😓)

- sunghoon came into the picture (lookin fine asf 😋) n now jungwon starts thinking about how many chances he could’ve acted on his feelings but like your time is bout to be cut short 😬

- yeah man some shit bout to go DOWN in the next chapter n i CANT WAIT to read it n leave more comments 💋

- WHOEVER ends up with reader i hope he makes reader feel LOVED, HEARD, N SEEN 🫡

my reaction after reading the first chapter (i’m invested n you should be too 🫵🏾):

*round of applause to the writer 👏🏾* i just had to follow you cus support for the black kpop writers on here but also you’re work is PHENOMENAL, keep up the good work cus ik people are here to read your works especially the black girlys 🫰🏾

somewhere between yours, and his

chapter one — what we don’t talk about. | chapter two — half-truths and jungle juice

summary. you and jungwon are just best friends. housemates. you know, the kind who kiss when no one’s looking. the kind who sleep too close and never talk about it. the kind who swear it’s nothing, even when it’s everything.

then jake’s cousin sunghoon shows up—quiet, sharp, a little too pretty, and acting like he’s above it all. he’s only supposed to be visiting. just passing through. but he stays. and he watches you. and he starts saying things no one else dares to say.

jungwon’s the one who’s always been there. sunghoon’s the one who makes your skin burn. you’re stuck in the middle of something that isn’t quite love—but it’s not not love, either. it’s messy. it’s reckless. it’s kind of a problem. but it might also be the best kind of trouble you’ve ever been in.

pairing. jungwon x reader x sunghoon.

genre. college!au, angst, fluff, slow burn, smut.

themes. love triangle, messy relationships and decisions, love or lust?

authors note. really hope you all enjoy this. i love a good love triangle with a complex plot—nothing hits harder than wanting two people for completely different reasons. this one’s close to my heart, so buckle up. it’s soft, it’s messy, and nobody’s playing fair.

the morning smells like cinnamon, overcooked eggs, and the same damn candle jake always insists on lighting when girls are coming over—vanilla something. you hate it, but you never blow it out.

light filters through the living room windows in wide, lazy rectangles, catching on dust in the air like static. it’s a thursday that feels like a sunday. slow. syrupy. too warm inside, too cold outside.

you’re sitting on the kitchen counter in shorts and someone else’s hoodie. you’re not sure if it’s jake’s or jay’s or jungwon’s, but it’s oversized and smells like detergent and boy, so you keep it. bare legs swinging. phone in your hand. not texting anyone back.

there’s music playing—lofi, soft and beatless—because jungwon hates silence in the mornings.

he’s in the kitchen with you, halfway through scrambling eggs he’s already messed up once. tongue pressed to the inside of his cheek like he’s solving a puzzle harder than breakfast. his sleeves are pushed up. hair still messy from sleep. he hasn’t shaved.

his voice is hoarse when he says, “you could help, you know.”

you look up from your phone. blink at him, bored. “i could. but i like watching you struggle.”

he cuts you a look, quick and half-smiling. he always does that when you flirt with him like it doesn’t mean anything. you do it more than you admit.

“you’re the worst,” he mutters, but he’s smiling for real now. you see the dimples.

“and you love me.”

he doesn’t answer. just hands you the first plate and turns back to the stove.

jungwon and you have this… thing. it isn’t a thing. but it is.

you’re best friends. but not like “haha we’re besties” best friends. more like i-know-how-you-like-your-toast, i-know-what-time-you-cried-last-week, i-know-you-well-enough-to-sit-in-your-silence best friends. you have history, but not the kind you tell people about. not the kind you even tell each other about.

just moments. stacks of them. sleepovers that turn into shared beds. movie nights that end with you curled into his chest pretending not to feel the way he stiffens when your hips shift.

he never pulls away. he also never makes a move.

you bring the plate to the couch, plop down cross-legged. he follows, and sits beside you, thigh to thigh— remote in hand like always, already queuing up something silly on youtube.

“why do we watch food vlogs while we eat food?” you ask.

“motivation.”

“you’re literally eating.”

“doesn’t mean i’m not planning my next meal.”

his knee bumps yours and doesn’t move. you’re not paying attention to the screen. you’re watching his hands.

he doesn’t wear rings like jake or bracelets like jay. just clean wrists, long fingers, callused in the places his engineering tools left behind.

you like his hands too much.

breakfast turns into scrolling. scrolling turns into dozing. you’re not sure who falls asleep first, but when you open your eyes, you’re leaning into him, his head tilted against yours. breathing even. he’s warm. always so warm.

you don’t move. just stay there, eyes half open, watching the soft rise of his chest beneath his crewneck. watching the light move across the floor.

his arm shifts. wraps around you. not tight. just enough. like habit.

like he forgets he’s not supposed to do that.

you stretch. slowly. limbs falling away from jungwon’s like you weren’t just nestled against his heartbeat. like you haven’t had his mouth on yours before.

not that it means anything. just drunk. just heat and music and mouths moving too close.

just that one night in jake’s room after everyone else passed out—when you ended up on top of him, grinding slow to whatever song is playing. his hands stayed on your waist. yours in his hair. his breath breaking when you moaned into his neck like it’s nothing.

or that second night in the hallway, when he kissed you so hard you almost fell over—half-dressed, giggling—until he pulled away too fast and said,

“we should stop.”

so you stop. you never tell anyone. he never brings it up. but it lingers like a bruise you keep pressing.

you blink hard, shake the memory off, and look over at jungwon. his hand rests against his stomach, head tipped back on the couch. his eyes meet yours. soft. unreadable.

the front door opened. you heard it before you saw it.

then a voice,

“yo.” it’s jake.

“couch potatoes,” jake called from the kitchen. “my cousin’s coming soon.”

jungwon grunted. “huh?”

“sunghoon. remember? i told y’all. he’s visiting for a few days. thinking about transferring.”

“oh. yeah.”

jungwon sits up. rubs his eyes with the heel of his palm like he didn’t just almost hold you all the way to sleep. he sees what you’re wearing. the hoodie. oversized and too familiar. not his.

“you should change,” he says.

you raise a brow. “why?”

“you’re wearing jay’s.”

you smirk. “jealous?”

“just saying.”

but there it is. the flicker in his eyes. that flash of memory neither of you ever name.

you pull the hoodie tighter around you anyway.

that moment hums in the space between you. like an unanswered question. like something half-written.

jake walks into the living room like he owns the place. (which he kind of does—his name’s not on the lease, but somehow he always has the aux and the fridge key.)

he’s barefoot, eating dry cereal out the box. he glances at you on the couch, then at jungwon, who’s now pretending he wasn’t just emotionally undressing you with his eyes.

“so listen,” jake starts, crunching mid-sentence, “y’all know that party at gamma tonight?”

you raise an eyebrow. jungwon grunts like yeah.

jake waves it off. “yeah, well, i’m thinking we skip it. bring the party here. you feel me?”

you blink. “wait, what?”

he shrugs, like it’s nothing. “just for the vibe. for sunghoon. bro’s swearing we’re lame over here. like we don’t got it. like this whole school’s boring as hell.”

“so you wanna throw a whole function just to prove a point?” you ask.

jake points at you with a finger full of cereal. “exactly.”

you glance at jungwon. he shrugs like he’s indifferent, but he’s already pulling out his phone to text jay.

“i mean,” jake continues, flopping down into the armchair like he’s pitching a business plan, “we’re already here. it’s our house. no one’s gotta worry about getting home drunk. and he’ll get the vibe. and maybe finally shut up about how ‘lit’ the city is compared to this place.”

“what city is he even from?” you ask.

“malibu, by way of seoul. but, like, the rich part,” jake says, making a face. “he thinks he’s better than everybody.”

“is he?” jungwon mumbles.

jake throws a cushion at him. you dodge it instead.

“nah, he’s cool,” jake says after a beat, “he’s just got that face, you know? the kind you wanna punch even when he’s being nice.”

you snort. “sounds promising.”

“don’t worry. you’ll love him.” jake grins at you. you do not return it.

jungwon taps something into his phone. “jay says he’s down. sunoo too.”

you sigh. “so it’s really happening.”

“oh, it’s happening,” jake says, standing up and already heading toward the bluetooth speaker like a man with a mission. “by the weekend, this house is gonna remind sunghoon exactly why we don’t need to transfer anywhere.”

he disappears down the hall, yelling something about liquor and chips.

you and jungwon sit in silence for a second, and the air changes.

he stretches his arm behind the couch, eyes on the ceiling. “you gonna get cute for him?”

you look at him sideways. “who?”

he doesn’t look at you. just shrugs, like the question was nothing. “the rich cousin.”

you smirk. lean back against the cushion, letting your bare leg press against his jeans. “you want me to?”

he doesn’t answer. but he doesn’t move away either.

the silence stretches.

not awkward. not yet. but thick—like you’ve both just remembered something you’re supposed to forget.

the tv’s still on, playing some random food vlog neither of you are watching. your leg stays pressed to his, warm through the denim. his hand is right there. resting on the couch cushion between you, fingers curled slightly like he’s about to move but doesn’t.

you glance down at it. then at him. his jaw is tight. his eyes are still on the ceiling like he’s trying not to look at you. you slide your fingers across the space. slow. just enough to brush his. and when you feel his pinky twitch against yours—you don’t stop.

your hand finds his. you don’t hold it, not really. just… let your fingers tangle halfway. and he lets them.

his breath hitches, barely audible.

you look at him. he’s already looking at you. eyes low. soft. like he’s scared to blink.

you both lean in at the same time.

no one speaks. your nose brushes his. your fingers tighten just a little. his lips part—just enough. your eyes flick to his mouth.

and that’s when it happens.

his phone rings.

it’s loud in the silence. ugly and immediate. the default ringtone, buzzing across the table like it’s mad.

jungwon jolts back like he got burned. you both jump a little, breath caught mid-moment. he pulls his hand away fast, clearing his throat like it helps.

“…it’s jay,” he mumbles, already grabbing his phone.

you sit back slow, trying to look chill while your heart hammers against your ribs.

he answers.

“yo… yeah, we’re here. no, she’s—she’s right here. yeah, we told her. yeah, it’s fine.”

you stand quietly. walk past him. don’t say a word. you head straight for your room, the door clicking shut behind you.

he watches you go, phone still pressed to his ear, heart in his throat. he doesn’t say it out loud, but it’s all over him. he wishes the phone hadn’t rung. he wishes you had kissed him. he wishes he’d let it happen.

even though you never talked about it, you still slept in his bed that night.

he didn’t say anything when you walked past your room and climbed under his covers—just lifted the blanket like he always does, turned off the light, and let you curl into his chest like nothing almost happened.

he held you all night. he didn’t try anything. he didn’t say anything, either.

but you felt him kiss your forehead when he thought you were asleep. and when he finally drifted off, you stayed awake a little longer, watching the way his fingers twitched against your arm like he was dreaming about holding you tighter.

you didn’t bring it up the next morning. neither did he.

and then last night—same thing. no talking. no explaining. just his bed and his body curved around yours like a habit that never got broken.

now it’s friday, and jake’s tearing through the house like a man possessed.

he’s blasting music from the kitchen, half-dressed, holding two bags of red solo cups and yelling about how no one’s done anything he asked.

“we literally skipped class for this,” he shouts, tossing chips onto the counter like that solves something. “the least y’all can do is act like you’ve been to a party before.”

sunoo is lighting candles in the living room like it’s a spa retreat, muttering to himself about ambiance and scent mixing.

jay in his room changing for the third time.

jungwon’s wiping down the kitchen counters, pretending like he doesn't get the best sleep of his life when it's you on his chest. like he isn't utterly in love with you. it doesn't help that you're still in his hoodie, the same one you've been sleeping in for the past two nights. all he can think about is how you’re so...beautiful, and so his. at least that's how it makes him feel when you crawl into his arms. when you wear his clothes. when you kiss his cheek in the middle of the night because you think he's sleeping. so why can't he just...go for it?

and you? you’re sitting on the edge of the armrest, sipping something pink and dangerous out of a plastic cup, watching the house shift into something new.

the lights are dimmer. the music’s louder. the vibe’s getting blurry around the edges.

that’s when you hear it— the knock at the door.

not loud. just one, then another. like he’s not here to make a scene. like he doesn’t have to.

jake practically leaps across the room to open it, and there he is.

sunghoon.

black jeans, black hoodie, black duffel slung over one shoulder like he didn’t try but somehow still looks better than everyone in the house. his expression is blank. his face is sharp. he gives jake a nod, steps inside, eyes sweeping the room.

and then he sees you.

he doesn’t smile. he just looks.

and something about it makes your skin feel too tight.

you don’t say anything. neither does he. but the shift is immediate. like the air’s not yours anymore.

he’s taller than you expected. taller than jake, even. but lean—built like someone who moves fast but never runs. he doesn’t look like someone you’re supposed to be impressed by. he looks like someone who knows you already are.

his face is sharp. every angle defined like it was drawn with a ruler and no eraser. a high nose bridge. cut jawline. straight brows that make his expression unreadable. but it’s not just the bone structure—it’s the stillness. the way he doesn’t fidget. doesn’t smile too fast. doesn’t feel the need to do anything but exist.

your eyes meet for half a second. long enough to register how clear his skin is. how cold his stare feels. you look away first.

“this is my cousin,” jake announces, slapping a hand on sunghoon’s shoulder. “sunghoon. just got here from cali. he’s here for the weekend. maybe longer, if he likes it.”

sunghoon nods. looks around, taking in the living room like he’s scanning for threats. his eyes settle on you again.

“yo,” he says, voice low and casual. he nods once. “you’re…?”

jake says your name at the same time you do. sunghoon’s mouth twitches like he wants to smile, but doesn’t.

“cool,” he says. “nice to meet you.”

his voice isn’t cocky. it’s calm. a little too calm. you just nod. no words. just sip your drink and look somewhere—anywhere—else.

but he keeps looking. not long. not creepy. just… like he sees something he doesn’t quite get yet. and he’s deciding whether or not he wants to.

“you good?” jake asks him, grabbing a cup off the counter.

“yeah.” sunghoon sets his bag down by the door. “just tired. this place is nice though.”

“he thought we were lame,” jake tells you, clearly offended. “texted me last week like, ‘if your school’s so fun, why’s everyone online acting depressed?’”

“i said that once,” sunghoon mutters, taking the drink jake hands him. “and i wasn’t wrong.”

“he’s a hater,” jake says, then points at you. “she’s gonna change your mind.”

you blink. “what?”

“you got main character energy,” jake grins. “you’ll bring him around.”

you scoff. “he looks like he’d hate main characters.”

sunghoon actually smiles at that. just a little. and then he says, “not always.”

jungwon watches from the kitchen, still wiping the same spot on the counter that’s already clean.

he’s not eavesdropping. not really, he just… hears everything.

the way jake’s hyping sunghoon up. the way your voice dips when you respond. the way you don’t say much, but your body shifts to face him just a little more than usual.

you’re still holding your drink. still wearing his hoodie. but it’s like you’ve already floated somewhere else.

sunghoon doesn’t say much, but that’s the part that bothers jungwon the most.

he doesn’t need to. he’s got that look—cool and unreadable, like he knows exactly how he’s being perceived. like he knows the effect he has.

and you’re not falling for it, not really, but jungwon can see it. the little spark of curiosity in your eyes. the way your lips twitch at sunghoon’s joke. the way you sip your drink slower now, like you’re giving yourself a reason to stay planted in that moment.

he presses his tongue to the inside of his cheek.

he knows he’s not allowed to feel some type of way. he had chances. too many. he never says the right thing.

but watching sunghoon look at you like he’s already picking you apart—like he’s interested and not even pretending otherwise—it makes something cold settle in his chest.

he wipes the counter again, but he doesn’t realize his grip on the cloth has tightened. fuck.

[vonbabbitt]

ojima loredump from a couple years back i wrote for my staff

i can finally post more of these now yay. tw for ojima things

so ojima, as you may recall, was one of the OTHER people who was abused by a parent! hes also the youngest of three boys with his two older brothers being four and eight years older than him respectively! his family was pretty well-off financially and his dad had a pretty prominent position in the business world, so from the outside looking in, all was pretty good! except that by the time ojima was born, his parents' marriage was already in a rapid downward spiral and his brothers were already regularly seeing the fallout from this in the form of physical and verbal abuse. ojima was supposed to be the sort of "patch" that was meant to fix their marriage because his mom thought that having another kid would force ojimas dad to be more responsible/caring/present etc, except obviously that did not happen because having a new baby in the house just made things way more stressful. his parents ended up staying together regardless, but their relationship was constantly in turmoil and for the first few years of his life ojima grew up in pretty much the same environment as his brothers: abusive and socially high-pressure

enter ojimas uncle, his dad's brother and another fairly relevant man in the world of business. hes super friendly and the boys love him and hes fun to be around and ojima in particular is attached to him because when hes out with uncle kenji, theres no fighting or yelling or hitting and everything is cool and hes only three so he has no concept of the fact that this dude is getting……..a little bit too comfortable around him! so things eventually get to the point where his uncle is taking ojima on outings without his brothers present, and from there, things escalate, and ojimas relationship with his uncle very quickly becomes sexually abusive. ojima is THREE of course so he has no idea how fucked up this is but understands that he does not like it and does not want to be around his uncle anymore except that things dont stop there and nobody really finds out about it for another two years despite it being ongoing.

so at age five ojima is talking to his oldest brother, who is now thirteen (his name is tetsuya!) and has a total meltdown. he knows hes not supposed to tell people about what he does with his uncle but hes completely losing it and he trusts his brother. tetsuya, who actually understands whats happening and is pissed, thinks it wise to go to their dad, which does not end well! dad is pissed that theyd make accusations like that about his brother and refuses to indulge the idea that ojima could be telling the truth in any way. what ensues is his dad doubling down on the psychological abuse that ojima is going through at home, and for lack of a better term, basically gaslighting him into thinking that hes lying and everything is fine, despite the fact that shit with his uncle is STILL ACTIVELY HAPPENING at this age!

so by around age six, ojima has his first experience with blacking out. between what his uncle is doing, what his dad is doing, the fact that he cant even trust his own mind anymore and the pressure of having to present all this as being totally fine because of his family's social status, something in him just snaps and he completely dissociates. hes suddenly in this world in his head where nobody can hurt him, nothing bad can happen, and MOST IMPORTANTLY, he is completely in control. of everything. ojima has never, ever been in control and its something he becomes practically addicted to because its the only way he can feel safe. it goes from dissociating once at a particularly bad moment to dissociating constantly to escape how shitty his life is. when ojima turns ten, his brother moves out and its absolutely devastating for him because thats one of the only two people in the world he can trust. from that point he pretty much never sees him again. tetsuya does literally everything in his power to get ojima and their middle brother (his name is toshiharu!) out of that environment, but hes eighteen and hes not their parent and their dad has a lot of sway, so it doesnt amount to anything meaningful. ojima is told that his brother left because hes a shitty person and he hates their family and eventually he learns to internalize that and blames his confession and his supposed destruction of their family for tetsuya leaving and never coming back. the many many attempts for tetsuya to contact ojima and toshiharu go interrupted by their dad and the two dont speak again.

things basically continue with ojima being abused at home and at his uncle's until he turns fourteen, at which point the next big milestone is that toshiharu moves out and reconnects with tetsuya, and now the two are full steam ahead on getting ojima out of that environment. except that its still basically useless because they have no legal say over him and their dad is really powerful so everything is still mostly the same except that ojima is completely alone. hes dissociated a good 90% of the time at this point because hes just incapable of handling the absolute shitstorm of things happening to him. hes in a living hell and maladaptive daydreaming is basically his only escape and the only thing that keeps him going. because of this, hes seen as weird and stupid by other kids at school and is treated like shit there too. theres pretty much nothing left in his life that could be considered good or redeeming except for the two things he enjoys: daydreaming and drawing.

contact with his uncle starts to break off around age fifteen when his uncle starts losing interest due to ojima being older now. ojima gets tremendously fucked up over this, and while hes relieved that its not happening, his brain is so torn at this point that he gets caught in a sort of spiral of wondering why hes no longer desirable and why people keep leaving him, even when they're bad people that ojima doesnt want in his life. in this time between age fifteen and age seventeen, things start to improve slightly because his uncle isnt touching him and his dad isnt constantly brainwashing him to get him to forget about his uncle touching him so for this brief gap of time, he can almost live comfortably. he starts doing some freelance illustration work because his dad wants him to get a job and it turns out hes pretty damn good at it, and he enjoys it a lot, so he spends a lot of his time illustrating. hes mainly motivated by the fact that he wants to give other kids like him a beautiful and vivid place to escape to, so he depicts all these fantastical and whimsical worlds in kids' books to give them that same sort of escape that he needed. his brothers are still desperately trying to get in contact with him/get him out of their old house, but its been years by this point and all he knows is that they both decided to completely abandon him one day and never look back, something that he entirely blames himself for.

despite things getting a bit better for him, ojima basically never grows out of the daydreaming and it takes over his life to some degree, which honestly? its debatable whether its good for him or not. on one hand, its extremely disruptive to his life and is not a healthy coping mechanism by any means. on the other hand, it was literally the only thing that got him through the past ten years alive and continues to be his only escape from the shitty life he has. anyway ojima is sixteen now! the physical and psychological torment from his dad starts to transition into a more familial/patriarchal pressure at this point - tetsuya and toshiharu are gone and severed, which means ojima is the son thats going to take over his business one day. suddenly his dad is treating him like a grown man when hes ever only been treated like a doll for his entire life - now hes being taught about business and social policy and world affairs and all these things he isnt interested in and doesnt understand. he really just wants to draw and dissociate and pretend nothing bad is happening to him. except even though hes not being tormented anymore, things are not good! because he has, obviously, absolutely massive amounts of trauma that he is not coping with. instead of ever dwelling on this or addressing it, which arent really options for him anyway, he goes deeper and deeper into his own headspace to escape it and pretty much locks himself away in this dissociative world to ignore everything that isnt his own art.

then ojima turns SEVENTEEN and the world flips. his brothers finally manage to get their case in front of a judge and the ojima family business SINKS LIKE A ROCK. his parents are in jail, and hes suddenly out on his ass. his brothers scoop him up pretty fast and do their best to piece him back together, but ojima is absolutely fucked in the head by this point. he lives with tetsuya and toshiharu and continues working because he loves to work, but he seriously struggles to rebuild the relationship he once had with them because in his understanding, they hate him. thats what hes been told for years. they live in this very tense situation where his brothers desperately want to help him, but they are also traumatized and they do not know what to do for him because hes just an absolute mess. ojima bounces around the idea of therapy for a while and frequently registers for therapy/drops out/registers/drops out repeat repeat repeat because he knows his broken and he knows he needs help, but going to therapy means actually thinking about his past and what happened to him and he cant do that. its terrifying and it hurts and he just wants to be in his own headspace. it leads to a lot of very emotional conversations with his brothers who still just dont know what to do but desperately want to get him help somehow.

and then the killing game starts

[satorupi]

part 2 of innocentgf!reader asking experiencedbf!satoru how to give him a handjob

sum! - things escalate a little past learning how to give your boyfriend a handjob now that he has you in his lap..

c/w! - all smut, any storyline is in pt 1 (click here !! or ^^)

"gonna make you feel so good."

satoru's words send a proper shudder through you, giving him a shaky sigh against his lips as you dip to return his kiss. no need to even beg when he'd give you all you wanted in a heartbeat.

your hips cant forward in a deliberate grind and your moans sync, mingling in the space between your lips. your movements are a little unsteady, but so what? you'd moved past the silly embarrassment at being on his lap like this, only few layers keeping you two apart.

"you're…you're getting hard again," you breath out, pulling out of his space again just to chance a glance down, catching your lip between your teeth at the sight. satoru's chest heaves just a bit as he watches you, throat bobbing in a harsh swallow. long fingers flex on face as he nods at your observation, still trying to maintain his composure. why does it feel like he's the one falling apart when you're the one with no experience? "doesn't it hurt?"

"not yet, no." his voice is barely above a whisper when he speaks, “you’re doing great, keep moving just like that. nice and easy.” he said he'd make you feel good and he's never been all talk no action. satoru's hands lower to grip your hips again, gently spurring on your movement back and forth on his lap. not enough to overwhelm but enough to have your abdomen curling in the best way, pressure to your clothed heat against him increased tenfold it seems. your breathing shudders, glancing up at him again, hands hugging tighter around his neck, keeping eye contact with him.

not having sex doesn't mean you don't know how an erection works. you press your weight down into his chest to get him on his back, hips lifting off just enough to let his erect cock spring closer to his stomach with a gentle smack before you're seating yourself again -- against the underside this time with a shudder, "t-there. don't wanna..break it or something."

he snorts under his breath, hand sliding up the softness of your tummy, slightly rough fingertips toying the top hem of your little sleep shorts, looking at you in silent question. you're so sweet and soft when you whisper your confirmation that he has to take a long breath, fingers gliding under the band of your shorts, tips exploring new skin reverently.

he doesn't push past the other layer of fabric, merely slides his hand down the front of your shorts, your own hips tilting to make it easier for him to touch you like this. he can feel the heat of you as he cups you through your panties — the slick, soaked press of fabric that sticks right to your skin, face getting all hot in his arousal when he feels how wet you already are, soaked straight through. "all this for me? got my pretty baby all worked up from watching?" he sounds breathless, more than you maybe, shifting his hand to cup you fully.

your face burns hotter, nodding anyway. your expectations for how you'd feel having him finally touch you doesn't come close to the reality. his thumb eases down onto your sensitive clit through the sodden fabric slow and easy and you barely bite back a cry, softest circles drawn against the bud.

“I know, baby. feels good, yeah?” he murmurs, eyes half-lidded. your own eyes flutter, forehead dropping onto his shoulder, hips shifting to get closer, to get more almost greedily. "grind on me just like that, I got you." so you do. you keep up with your grinding on his lap. satoru’s going slow as you he can, thumbing your clit over your damp panties, murmuring little praises in your ear. his wrist is wedged all awkwardly, angle all wrong -- but neither of you can bring yourselves to care.

it's everything and nothing all at once. perfect but not completely at the same time and you just want to feel more, finding yourself needing exactly that. "satoru, please.." it's like he already knows what you need -- both of you actually. his hand pulls out from where it's shoved down the front of your pants and you barely go a moment without his touch before his hands are on you again. thumb hooking at the side of the fabric of both the shorts and the gusset of your panties to bare you properly with one hand, other dragging two digits through the slick mess of you easily.

you jerk with a choked sound, clutching at his broad shoulders, lowering onto his chest to press your face in his neck. "fuck," he groans, breath catching. "you're so…god." he sucks in a long breath, counting in twos in his head to keep himself from blowing like a virgin at the sight of you bare. it's hard not to when he's never seen you like this, this intimately.

it's almost too much, the way he parts your folds so gently, like he's trying to coax you open for him. "ooh, 'toru." your hips jerk, little pants warming the side of his skin as you twist and shift -- he doesn't have a free hand to even try to keep you still. one swipe of his finger along the sensitive underside of your clit has you bucking into him with a gasp, rolling directly onto the lengthy shaft of his cock. bare this time, completely different from doing it clothed.

it's almost hilarious how you both tense up, how his stroking halts.

"baby—" satoru rasps, and you're sure you feel him stiffening even more under you. your laughter comes airy, not from humor exactly but from how caught off guard you are. your hips roll again just to test the feeling out, breath skipping at the heavy press of his dick against where you're most sensitive. you can feel everything. the weight of him. the pulse of the vein you'd ran your tongue along earlier. how hot and solid he is. "ooh…my fuck.."

he seems to catch himself when you moan against him, fingers keeping your folds parted, your own hips not halting for a second. arousal smears down the girthy length of him, puffy folds so slick he's practically gliding between them. your hands plant near the sides of his head for more leverage as you chase a feeling you didn't know you needed badly till now, chasing the rapidly rising heat in your belly.

"oh shitshithshit--" not quite eloquent but you can't put into words how good it feels. so close to being inside you but not at all -- but your body reacts like he is. all he is is just thick and heavy dragging against your cunt, head barely catching on your entrance and you're already losing your head.

your hips roll again, dragging your clit right along the underside of his cock and it takes everything in him not to grab your hips and rut upward into your warmth. takes all self control he has left.

“satoru,” you moan, all reedy and sweet.

scratch that. apparently he doesn't have that much control left. not much at all.

he groans low in his throat, keeping you spread against his shaft. the now freed hand slides up to your hip, around to cup your ass. "gonna make it feel better. gonna make you cum.." then he's spurring you into motion. moving you harder along his cock, pressure enough to have you moaning into the air, squeezing his shoulders. "that's it..grind on my cock." the light squelching between you is almost obscene, but satoru doesn’t seem to mind — not with how he’s groaning through clenched teeth, with how he's subtly bucking his hips up into the paced movement of your hips.

you’re flushed, breathing hard between moans, trying so hard to keep your composure. but your thighs are shaking now, coil pulled taut in your abdomen. and it's painfully obvious to him. satoru only pulls you harder back and forth against his shaft, letting your soft clit rub all over him, letting you rut faster. "feels so weird. so weird.."

"yeah?" he hums, face in your hair, memorizing your scent your sounds. "good weird or bad?"

“good. good,'toru.” you whine, broken. “i—i think…”

"i know, i know. y're doin' so.." his hand squeezes the fat of your ass where he has you held, hips bucking up a little harder, cunt slippin' and sliding against him, "so good. be good and cum on me, hm?" his grip is greedier now, no more pretending that he has any bit of control right now. not when you're slick and messy on his dick, making noises in his ear. his balls feel like their drawing tighter by the second and all he can do is pseudo fuck you harder and whisper filth in your ear. if grinding feels this good, he can't even begin to imagine what sex with you--

he kills the thought immediately, harsh throb at the base of him spine a clear warning.

no thinking of sex with you while he's minutes from cumming, got it.

but it’s already too much. you’re panting, shaky in his hold, whining softly each time your clit drags just right along the underside of him. every catch of your entrance on the bulb of him only makes things worse. your fingers slide up into his hair as you quiver, kissing along the side of his face, practically babbling as your entire body tightens up with your impending orgasm.

in one, two beats, an angled grind against your core, your hips stutter -- lips parting against his flushed skin as your breath punches out of you in sob. the pressure in your abdomen bursts like a supernova, orgasm crashing over you like it’s trying to drag him under with it.

“oh fuck—look at you,” he groans, pulling back a little to watch you fall apart with wide, reverent eyes, pupils blown so wide it’s like they’re swallowing the blue.

satoru stands no chance, really. you're still rocking like you don't even realize that you are, looking the way you do…

"baby--" his head drops back, jaw clenched as he cums just seconds after you, hips bucking up once, twice, as his release spurts hot and glossy on his abs between you two. he shudders beneath you, riding it out with slow, involuntary jerks of his hips, groaning against the side of your head like the familiar warmth of you is the only thing keeping him grounded.

you stay like that for a second, both of you trembling, stuck in that suspended daze post orgasm. “…holy shit,” he mutters finally, voice hoarse, nose brushing the side of your cheek as he nuzzles in close. “you okay?”

you manage a jerky nod between all your shaking, face pressed up in his neck. "d-didn't think it would.." feel that good? be this messy? you're not quite sure. a slight unconscious shift of your hips has you whining in your overstimulation, hands grabbing at him. it feels like air would be too much against the flesh right now.

"I know, let me just.." he eases the fabric of your panties and shorts back over your heat to help with the sensitivity, thick arms banding around you to keep you to his chest. "did so good for me. made me lose my mind, baby."

you both know you should clean up -- everything's sticky between you, rapidly cooling against you. but it feels so nice to just lay here post…well, pseudo sex. or maybe this counted as the actual thing, you're not quite sure where the line is. neither of you make any moves to get off each other yet, though.

satoru's head tilts to kiss your temple again, hands smoothing up and down your back under your tee. "guess we're a officially past the make out stage." you flush with his comment, breathing out a laugh into his neck. maybe a little past making out, yeah. you're far too sheepish to meet his gaze currently, face remaining pressed into his skin.

you don't take count but it feels like ages before you're sitting up off him, climbing off his lap on wobbly legs. "let's just…we did this already so maybe we can shower now," you pause, chewing your lip as you mull over the words bouncing around your head, "together. now."

as if he'd ever so no to that. he's rolling out his spot immediately to scoop you up with enough ease to make your breath catch. "shower it is, then."

sena's note: took a little but here we are! 😼 wasn't quite sure how to escalate but I don't think this is too bad.

[monstersholygrail]

A Siren’s Song

Preview— Patreon Exclusive

Siren bf x fem!reader— fluff, groping, marking, fingering, edging, brief orgasm denial bc bro is damn desperate for you, soft sex for the same reason, and creampie where he fills you to the briiiim

The moment you feel his face press into your neck, you hum in acknowledgment and grin as he shudders against you. The vibrations of your voice one of his biggest turn ons when it comes to you. There’s nearly nothing about you that he can resist, but the feel of your voice just does something to him he cant control. Even often teasing you about secretly being a Siren yourself.

“And how did you sleep?” You ask, voice still raspy from having just woken up.

Your Siren bf tugs you impossibly closer and at the same time he rocks his hips forward, silently letting you know how deeply you invade his very being. Unwilling to part from you even in rest. A soft sigh escapes your lips and before you know what you’re doing you’re meeting his movements, tingles of pleasure shooting up your spine.

“Oh, I see,” you say through a heavy breath, eyes closing as you bask in the sensation.

Siren bf moves like he has all the time in the world to make you fall apart for him. Now that he’s completed his revenge he sees no reason to adhere to the expectations of a human lifestyle. If it wasn’t for you he’d long since be back in the sea. But any life was worth living so long as he was living it with you.

His hand traces your curves, cock growing rock hard as your softness fills his palms. He worships every inch of you and his lips part in a grin as he brushes his fingers through your soaked folds. You moan lewdly, hips bucking up into him, desperate for his skillful hand.

From the corner of your eye you see him lift a hand. It takes all your effort to focus on it through your glassy gaze.

“So early and you’re already so wet for me, my pearl?” He signs to you as his other hand in your dripping cunt suddenly brushes up your slit to press delicious circles into your clit.

A high pitched keen peels from your throat and your bf presses closer so he can really feel it. Your body shudders with pleasure, so wound tight it takes every effort not to pounce on him.

Instead of slowing down to tease you like you almost expect him to, his fingers swirl around your cluster of nerves, working your puffy clit as two more fingers plunge into your tight heat. He fucks you with his hand, working you over furiously like you’re an instrument playing a masterpiece of his own design.

Moans spill from your lips, only further proving to your bf that you must be a Siren because it’s by far the most enchanting sound he’s ever heard. He’d give anything to hear more of your sweet sounds and it causes a wonderfully wicked idea to spark inside his head.

This is Patreon exclusive fic so you’ll only be able to read it there! Check it out if you’re interested in reading the entire fic and many more. I have a ton of other exclusive and early access fics that you can read there too!!

[bonniesbluee]

riff lorton x puerto rican!reader

this is before he buys the gun and before he gets killed because that NEVER happens ahaha am i right.

he knows he's asking for trouble.

falling inlove with another of bernardo's sister? tony's little scene with maria during the dance was reason enough for him to get away from you. but he cant.

how can he get away from you when you want him just as much.

"we cant keep doing this, y'know?" he sighs as he climbs into your window. "oh hush," you giggle, immediately pulling him inside your room. "maria promised to keep it a secret as long as i keep her and tony a secret. and bernardo and anita are out on a date...so we're alone." he used to flinch at the simple noise of the heavy accents of the Sharks. but you might've singlehandedly made him fall inlove with it.

"alone, huh?" he pulls you into his arms, hugging you tightly. he swears you saved his life. and his will to live. convinced him out of fighting bernardo, (mostly because bernardo is your brother), eased him off egging on stupid fights against the Sharks. he pulls you into your bed, situating you ontop of him, big hands going to your hips.

he's so soft around you, its almost impossible remembering that he's the same boy having altercations with anyone that look at him the wrong when he's all sweet and loving in your bed. "what would your brother say if walked in?" you giggle softly, unbuttoning his shirt slowly. "he'll probably threaten to kill you...make a big deal out of it," you respond, dipping your head into his neck. he grins softly, one hand cupping the back of your head while the other one gropes your ass.

"yeah. sounds about right." he kisses your forehead, rubbing his cheek against your head. "but i dont care." you mumble against his neck, eyes fluttering. "i dont care what he says." he closes his eyes at your words. he doesn't remember a time where anyone has ever been so insistent on being with him. its usually the opposite.

"yeah? you dont care." he lifts your chin up, softly pecking your lips before kissing you properly. "i dont care either." his hands cup your cheeks, turning you so he can pin you to the bed. "i dont care what anyone says or does, they'll have to kill me to ever get me away from you." his words are intense, a stark contrast from your sweet words. but you dont care, if anything you love it.

you love watching his usual jerk attitude face away into a more possessive yet loving attitude. an attitude only reserved for you. "stay the night, please." you mumble, pulling the covers over you both, draping your arms around his neck. and he's way too weak to say no.

so he does what his heart wants and hugs you tightly, burying his face into your shoulder. what will happen in the morning is future riff's problem.

[crazylittlejester]

rambling out some thoughts about my modern au war for anyone who wants to hear em (as an apology for not writing anything for that au in a Hot Minute. also sorry for spelling mistakes im dyslexic and the brain fog is Bad today)

ive been seeing a lot of that tiktok trend with skaters dropping to their knees on the ice to ‘the winner takes it all’, and not only would my modern au War absolutely have done that trend, I genuinely think that whenever he’s feeling some big emotion he will choreograph something to a song he’s actively obsessing over, record him skating, and post it, because thats like the only way he has to express himself. thats how he communicates and that is quite literally the only way he knows how to tell people he’s upset or pissed or grieving because he cannot say those things in words

i haven’t talked about him in a while so “lore drop” to anyone not super familiar with this au lmao, but he did NOT come from a good home. he was not raised in good environments (between home and strict ballet studios that taught him that it is more important to be perfect and excel and progress than it is to properly take care of your body and learn its limits) and he is very bad at verbally communicating how he feels (partially because its hard for HIM to properly dissect the issue himself at this point). Like he’s gotten better at it because Twilight and Sky have been putting in WORK for the past eight years, but it’s still hard for him a lot of the time and skating is his outlet. It’s ALWAYS been his outlet, he throws every feeling he’s ever had into every single performance he gives and that’s what makes him so mesmerizing to watch because there is so much genuine realness from him behind WHATEVER he does. like yeah he does have natural talent and he is flexible and his lines have always looked good because of his build and coaches instructors and judges have always liked him for that, but what made him a world champion and what consistently won him gold medals was how terrifyingly powerful and impactful his performances were because he made people feel whatever the fuck he was. ability to do the jumps and turns only gets you so far, the life you breathe into your art takes you the rest of the way

he was so used to being ignored and neglected as a kid that his brain came up with the conclusion that it has to let out EVERYTHING it’s feeling when War finally is the center of attention in his performances and nobody’s looking away and people CANT ignore him. he has their attention, they HAVE to listen, they have to SEE him. and the performance that won him the equivalent of an olympic gold medal, that last performance he ever gave that he quit skating immediately after because of his coach (Cia) will absolutely end up going down as one of the most emotionally powerful programs in Hyrule history because he threw everything he had, everything he is and was, into that. all his anger at feeling helpless, all his anger at not being able to admit what happened to him or even seek help, all that sadness and loneliness and isolation he carried with him for so so long, and he put that out there in front of the entire world as basically a cry for help and while that alone obviously could not tell people what exactly was wrong, that performance DID end up getting him the help he needed because another coach (Impa) recognized there had to be something going on

as terrified as he is to ever return to skating because of what happened and because of the toxic mindset he’d had that he just FINALLY broke out of, War genuinely cannot live without it because it’s been so important to him for so long, it’s his outlet, and losing it forever would destroy him. dance is similar, but its just not the same to him and he misses it so badly and thats why his dumb ass hits the rink for a few hours every day on top of everything else because he can’t let it go

and the rare tiktoks from him where he’s skating out his negative emotions (and not just being silly and fucking around to lady gaga or whatever) still have quite the punch to them. he may not have a coach, but he’s maintained the same level of skill he had when he left because he still practices, and ofc his ability to put life into his performance is never something he’s struggled with because he feels so so much and he has no other way to release overwhelming emotions but through art

there are people in the skating community who do genuinely mourn losing him to retirement, there are so many people who want him to come back

i like showing the silly sides of him in this au (like the side of him that saw the weather was warm for the first time in months and decided to wear a crop top to class and not bring a coat just for it to rain and he was miserable, or the side of him that almost had a heart attack and died when lady gaga released a new album) because the whole au is supposed to be a bit silly and just fun, but he has sooooooo much more going on and so many other layers and i (insane) have put way too much thought into him and this au lmao

[luckyshouse]

thank you so so so so much for making that post abt the scary acceptance of pedophilia and incest as kinks/fetishes/whatever, I've been feeling crazy for thinking this is all so messed up and backwards (and everyone yelling how "it's just fiction so it doesn't matter!" as if propaganda isn't a thing lmao), I'm genuinely experiencing such a huge feeling of relief to see an artist i really enjoy the work of speak about this 🫶 (also thank you for sharing your art here, I'm really glad to have found your art a few months ago during a tag scroll)

i am so very glad that you feeel a lot of relief with me saying that. there needs to be more people saying it because it is creating a space and a dichotomy on this website where you either get to be a catholic antisex puritan or super proparaphilia to the point that you never criticize it. its kept me from exploring my own sexuality so much as a "weird furry" because truthfully i am into a lot of weird stuff that IS taboo but the idea is if you are into that shit, you ALSO have to be ok with proud paraphilias in your community. and this mindset also KEEPS people stuff in their paraphilias. this is why i bring up that pedophilia and incest isn't a taboo kink, because no, it isn't taboo. you go on pornhub and can find teen and family and rape shit literally everywhere. but you know what you cant find on pornhub? hypno. you're not allowed to look that up. not to make this about homestuck but did you know they deleted and scrapped the beekeeper trolls old design and stuff because they were outed for drawing giantess fetish stuff, but then also included a character thats canonically proshipping, made by a proshipper, whos actively into incest on their blog right now? this is exactly what i fucking mean. the whole "incest/pedophilia is taboo" idea only works in the same way that a comedian saying theyve been "silenced/canceled" works. like boy, i sure do hear a lot of you all the fucking time constantly on every website for something thats supposed to be "Silenced" i wonder why! i wonder what those two things have in common? could it perhaps be that its a fascist tool to silence people who push back against their beliefs? hmmmmmm.

it makes me very angry, and very sick. and i hope that more people are willing to speak up about it because i feel like this mindset also purposefully keeps survivors stuck in traumatized states so that there can continue to be the idea of a biological predator because people LOVE to make categories of people they can kill and torture without guilt. the idea that pedophilia starts nowhere and is just some weird misfiring of the brain implies that anything we do or any kink we have is completely independent of the society we live in, which is literally just not reality at all. like you said, somehow they can keep saying that fiction doesn't effect reality, even though propaganda is real and literally works, advertising is real and literally works, misconceptions are caused by fiction to the point they change reality, and then they also can't seem to figure out that OTHER PEOPLE could be using their art to groom literal actual children. its just so irresponsible, selfish and childish in my opinion. and then you could make the arguement that yeah of course its childish theyre so traumatized that they don't have the emotional capacity to understand the reach theyre causing and im like okay. this is the same logic we apply to autistic men sexually assaulting women. "ohh theyre too unwell and have the mind of a child" ok well get their ass in therapy if they're that incapable as an adult and seriously talk to them and tell them the truth. this is WHY its such a common thing for autistic men to become sexual abusers in the first place because everyone and their fucking mother goes "well he has the mind of a baby so he cant control himself" do fucking something about it then.

im rambling about something thats not even really connected, sorry. i just have a lot of very strong opinions of this that i think need to be said.

[reorientation]

im not a goldstar, i had sex with a man about 6 years ago, its what made me realise i was a lesbian - i didnt feel any pleasure when he was inside me and i was uncomfortable when he made me jerk him off.

ive been a lesbian ever since, and ive only dated women. but in the past few years i havent even looked at lesbian porn. whenever i want to get off i watched straight porn. over time its gotten more depraved, getting off on vile kinks that i dont really believe but theyre just fantasy… right?

fast forward to today. i cant get off unless i have a man telling me how he’d rape me in my dms and im seriously considering meeting up with a man soon. the plans are slowly coming together and im excited, i get butterflies whenever i think about it. i keep justifying it that i need to try having sex with a man again to make sure im really a lesbian but deep down i know the truth… i might like women but at the end of the day my body was programmed to love and worship cock.

Sometimes I just love the telling little word choices in these asks. She says "made me realize I was a lesbian", not "realize I am a lesbian". She says "I've been a lesbian ever since", the same way you might say "I've been at this job since then" - something you've been doing, not something you are.

Because you can't even convince yourself anymore, can you? You had one bad fuck and decided that sex - actual sex - wasn't for you. But when you want to get off, that's what you always choose. When no one is watching, when no one can judge you for it, that's what you spread your legs for.

And now it isn't even enough for you to spread your legs yourself; you need to have a man force them open. You need him to remind you that you aren't made for your own pleasure, and that your cunt doesn't get wet so that it can let in a woman's fingers.

You need him to force the truth into you.

[magicluckystars]

would i date my ikemen favourites in real life?

I saw a post a WHILE ago that talked about the idea of their favorite characters meeting their parents, and I was procrastinating on work really bored so I decided to do a spin-off of that!! why not?

CW: crack, spoilers for: kenshin's route, ikerev prologue, and some of jonah's route, long post,

I am still a beginner writer so characters may be inaccurate/ooc! constructive feedback and reblogs help <3

---

Chevalier (Ikemen Prince)

-I would have to tell him to tone down the ice prince behaviour. how are you almost 30 and still calling yourself "the brutal beast" 😭

-he's really smart so we won't have an issue with that

-we don't have a lot of common interests though

-the "show me your worth" and "when someone is no longer of use, that's that" is a major turn-off

-he's so tall?? +1 for that

final rating: 3.5/10 okay guy with questionable morals, i wouldn't date him

William (Ikemen Villians)

-again, really tall

-we won't have many issues, this man knows how to talk to people

-he can play piano too?! +2

-decent guy overall, so higher than chev

-final rating: 6/10 we could be friends, but he's not my type

Harrison (Ikemen Villians)

-I don't even have to mention the height, do I...

-the "am i lying or am I telling the truth?" thing would probably get old fast

-but he is the most normal (i mean, as normal as you can get in ikevil) out of all the boys

-he is pretty fun so the lying part doesn't matter

-final rating: 8/10 good partner

Vincent (Ikemen vampire)

-he deserves the world.

-I love sunflowers and you're telling me you PAINT THEM??

-he's friendly and a good person so we would get along fine

-that said he also doesn't have many strong opinions so that would be a bit frustrating and I also cant draw for the life of me

-brush is now my child. no he doesn't get a say in this.

-vincent can be mischevious sometimes though iirc so that's good

-final rating: 5/10 could be friends, but not really good friends

Kenshin (Ikemen Sengoku)

-i'm starting to notice a pattern in this list with the blondies with lore...

-i don't know how we'd even get close in the first place, considering I don't like conflict (and this man loves fighting)

-but he's considerate of MC's emotions in several routes so that's good

-YOU HAVE BUNNIES?? MULTIPLE OF THEM?? marry me rn /j

-he also doesn't seem like the person to like loud people but then again he lives with Yuki and Shingen (and they're chaotic in and of themselves)

-one thing i would definitely have an issue with is when he tries to keep the MC "all to himself" by KIDNAPPING HER. oh absolutely not.

-final rating: 3/10 potentially friends, but would NOT date him

Hideyoshi (Ikemen Sengoku)

-don't like the hostility towards MC in the beginning stages but he gets better towards her so it's fine

-i don't know how i feel about his many female admirers

-he's really kind though and pays attention to details (which I do not) so that's a plus

-i can respect his dedication to nobunaga

-the fact he has a MONKEY as a pet is adorable.

-he's also very justice-aligned, so thats also a plus

-don't really have much to say other than he's a good guy 👍

-final rating 6/10 we could be friends :)

Jonah (Ikemen Revolution)

-i'm sorry trying to arrest the MC as soon as she falls into Cradle is a big no

-he can be super nice but at the same time super insensitive to other people and I don't think I can get past that

-also not a big fan of expensive gifts, especially when we just met

-he likes sweets though and so do I so he at least has one redeeming quality

-not much other things to say here.

-final rating 2/10 i don't see how we would even click in the first place

---

gonna end it off here cause i wanna get it out of my drafts and also to avoid it getting too long

but anyways thanks for reading! if you decide to try this please tag me I wanna read it!

bye for now and see you later <33

[fictionfixations]

i dont know how but ive gotten hella fixated on forsaken 😭

5 hours two days ago, 3-4 yesterday, rest is today

i mean people have probably played in longer bursts than me but dude like the rounds are so short it barely feels like times passing at all man

...so. hi. new player. kinda. i question if 10 hours still counts as 'new' and then i stare at other peoples stats that are just full on DAYS and im just sat here like wtf 😭

i mainly use elliot cause im better playing him but i really want to get good at two time their skins look so COOL but i have an aiming problem. its not that big a deal on elliot (except for when my dumbass throws a pizza and it lands in a hard to reach spot so im just sat here watching as the injured survivor proceeds to die like man..)

but im having a harder time getting an actual stab at the killer

id like to think im getting better at having an idea of when to strike (as in when bruhs stunned, LMAO i once was in a lobby with a bunch of two times and i just watched as one two time stuns and then the rest come out of the woodwork to get their stab in, or when theyre doing an attack [on someone else preferably])

i dont know how in the hell people do the one where killers chasing you and you shift lock and walk backwards and stab like DAMN WTH

but like i more often than not miss, sometimes i think im close enough but im not, also i once did the stab with the crouch and i did not realize how far that would take me so i completely missed that one whoops...

but i do really want to get better at two time 💀 a good majority of the few servers ive seen though are in GREAT need of healers

like i mean sometimes ill see a server of like three other elliots but a good chunk of the time its people who are in need of a healer in the team

.but i really want the two time milestone skins

..........but at the same time when im really not bringing anything to the team i just end up biting the bullet and being elliot because otherwise we're fucked

ALSO some killers deal with two time and elliots so differently

like people try to avoid two times more or be more cautious (i had this fun round where i kept moving like i was going in for a stab so the killer backed off even though i was on cooldown, bruh shouldve known because i JUST missed a stab too LMAO)

but i find im targeted more as elliot like PLEASE 😭 and bruh just ignores everyone else to go after me so im just sat here desperately trying to run like HELPP (< also i hate last man standing as elliot so bad man ill be lucky if i havent already used up rush hour earlier and never got to recharge it)

also i actually have such bad timing as elliot

ill take part of the blame because i like running to the generators cause the puzzles are genuinely so fun for me to do so ill just be like if the killer is nearby im just sat here like let me finish this first (...i saw a killer ignore a two time doing the generator and go after someone else. ??? why no apply to me D: well probably because generators make me heal more. i cant remember if its if i do the generators or if people do the generators in general)

i actually cant see the health percentages that well on like side so i have it as like icons so i dont see users but the numbers are bigger for me to spot so i try to keep an eye on that and run around or nearby the killer waiting for my cooldown

but sometimes my timing is so bad i throw a pizza and then the player dies so its like well FUCK

i remember once throwing it at someone and their hp hit 0% but it still counted as me healing someone but they were already dead so like oop

also i never realized sometimes people just dont realize my pizzas are pizzas??? like i have the friend skin so theyre blue triangles so at this point im just like aggressively motioning towards it with my character and being like 'HEY' 'PIZZA'

sometimes two times will like ask me for a pizza at 100% so im not sure if its like a so they know where to run when theyre low on hp but i try to save it for injured ppl (any experienced players reading this feel free to tell me if i should give pizzas then? i like saving cause otherwise im on cooldown and a lot can happen in 30 seconds)

but this one time bruh asked for a pizza, i threw a pizza in a corner and bruh.. didnt notice... so im just staring at this pizza as it disappears like dude PLEASE 😭 (why i wish in game you could see full chat cause i typed HEY and maybe they couldve seen it if i wasnt behind them)

anyways....

is it just me or when you spend a really long time in the lobby you can just watch as the player counts drop until its just you and one other person??

anyway also. ngl feel embarrassed at my not so great two time plays so when i already switched to elliot but i want to switch to two time i just like.. leave the server..... and be two time there so no one is aware that im better at elliot and is like ?? ?why are you two time 💀💀💀

my bullshit reason is if i join a server with a bunch of healers i can be two time and vice versa

....i just really like two time, man theyre so pretty. theyre like everything ive ever wanted in a character. i just dont usually play ones that go right to the killer, like pretttty close to STAB

also i havent gotten hang of the crouching and when to crouch i kinda just run around like a maniac looking for the killer

this also applies to elliot cause im just running around trying to find where the killer is so i can find the injured person like ??? WHERE ARE YOUU?????

also i keep panicking and using a boatload of stamina at once. im trying to like manage it so like i walk when they walk, i run when they run and walk when theyre far away enough but sometimes they just catch up so its like AGHH

also been trying to save rush hour for when i get hit so i can get the boost but its annoying when i get hit with helpless(?) so i cant rush hour 😭

...i have watched many videos on forsaken giving tips and advice on how to survive because ive had this game stuck in my head its crazy

also actually my other issue is i sometimes lag a lot and is the main reason why im killed by the killers.

very memorable reason for frustration during something like THIS (lets be real i panicked at the last ten seconds and used a bunch of stamina so i probably wouldve died anyway but we'll never truly know. because now i kind of throw whenever i get last man standing i hate it that much man. musics a banger but nahhh its not worth it and killers get used to how i try to avoid them anyways lmao)

anyway i did everything i could to minimize lag so cant really help it and best case scenario anyway is to just... not get chased by the killer

probably a tough ask considering im kinda noticeable in the dark but sometimes i also just dont get chased (it might also be because im really not that much of a threat in last man standing idk)

anyway it also helps that a bunch of times people try to save me as elliot so survivability goes up by if my teammates are good or not. like to be fair i might play ass so thats my bad, but sometimes theyre... actually so bad its not even salvageable 😭

also holy shit this is a long post

Something I forgot to mention: once I mistook a clone for the actual dude so I was trying to heal him as Elliot and then it dropped dead 💀

Only realized cause bruh was still alive in the icons

[forsaken-headcanons]

Want some silly and fluffy Elliot hcs cause I love his character? Here some food for you guys

-listens to Laufey. He can’t relate to her songs but loves her voice

-His hair grows quite fast. He tries to keep it at shoulder length, but it usually grows to his back. It does include bangs so hair also does get in his face. He has scared other survivors by coming up to them and asking if they can cut his hair after a round before.

-is real close to Noob. They are friends in high school and now in forsaken, usually seen taking with each other in the cabin.

-Back in high school, while he was still a sweetheart as he is now, he did many friendly threats and sometime does it with noob during rounds

-He wishes to put Two Time in a mental asylum. They creep him out a bit and sometimes he does threaten to take them to a asylum if he could

-speaking of two time, they are also close with Elliot, somehow. No one, not even Elliot himself can recall how the two became friends, they are almost as close with Elliot as noob is. That’s why they get threats(it’s like “Seriously, what do you see in that guy?” “He(They) make me laugh”/ref)

-Elliot’s fav animal are other people’s pets. He doesn’t mind cats, but he’d love Noob’s cat, Tac. Same thing goes for bunnies and/or rabbits. He generally feels neutral about them but Chance’s rabbit Spade? If he ever met Spade, Elliot would love it so much, it might even make Chance jealous.

-Elliot is the type of person to deny his feelings. If he were to start develop feelings, he’d be quite obvious from staring at his crush and blushing anytime they interact. All the while he’s thinking:(WHAT AM I DOING??!? I CANT BE IN LOVE! THE OTHERS NEED ME) and he def not the one to confess, he would rather be a killer than confess lol

- a pansexual he/him (such basic pronouns 🙄/j)

-really likes lemonade but doesn’t know why

-keeps a pin noob fit him in high school in his hair to keep it from his face

And that’s it! *gets hit by a pizza that sends me away into the air*

GRAHHHH ELLIOT OUR OTHER MAIN!! THE BELOVED!! yoinking all of these actually /silly

these are so cute ohmyg oodness?? especially the noob ones it's just. arghrgr. the trio ever!! we got the unpaid healer, the traumatized survivalist, and the sentinel who probably shouldn't even have rights to have that dagger LMFAO. indeed. the trio ever /sillier

HIM HAVING A CRUSH IS SO REALLL! he'd stare and stare only to look away and glance at the ui thingy and see that half the team is dead /silliest

GODSHD THESE ARE ADORABLEE!!

[rabbit-is-wise]

@ethan-elliott once again im responding in the rbs or else id put an essay in the replies

but yes! many people do genuinely think they’re different. ive talked at length about it in this post as well as touched on it in this one, (and probably others) but i think itd be helpful for anyone who keeps up with these ramblings of mine to properly explain the clancy =/= tyler argument (to my understanding), since my argument is a rebuttal to it.

like i talk about in the first linked post, the two major pieces of evidence are the journal entry written by clancy that describes the jumpsuit video from a third party perspective, and of course scaled and icy meaning “clancy is dead.”

now, im not going to break down those specifially (bc i already did in the first post lmao!), but that’s our starting point. and keep in mind, this is all just what i’ve gathered—other people may not believe the same details, and i generally do not engage with the people who push this theory, since it makes me a bit upset (for reasons i also touch on often), so i’m putting out the disclaimer that i’m not an expert on this side of the argument.

also, a guide for how i’ll be referring to the characters: “clancy” refers to the original clancy, the one who writes the journals, while “tyler” refers to the character who then takes on the name and is seen in the videos, and i will continue referring to him as such post name change to avoid confusion. tyclancy also refers to this same character.

from the jumpsuit journal entry, we then get clancy writing about staying another five days in trench, and then being taken back to dema by keons. it’s some time after this that clancy is killed by the bishops. i can’t offer you anything more on that because it doesnt happen, but see this tweet from the person i usually see pushing this theory (usernames scribbled i dont want to accidentally start anything)

ive heard the handwriting changes at this point—i don’t see it. you’ll just have to decide for yourself on that one i fear. but that’s the main evidence for this event placement.

following this, tyler writes about the events of natn, those videos happen, and then tyler is taken back to dema. while in captivity, he is approached by the bishops to write an album/show, and when they ask him to name it, he chooses to tell the people that clancy is dead. everything there is in his voldsøy letters, minus him saying the name scaled and icy or his intent behind it.

between his captivity and “i am clancy,” tyler chooses to take on the name to carry on the spirit of rebellion. the story then continues as we see it.

asides:

- this person specifically believes clancy gave into vialism, see here:

but i couldnt tell you how far that goes beyond them.

- one of the recent fpe letters mentions what it likely the cave clancy hid in before keons found him and that there are drawings in it because i guess tyler cant have found the cave himself or the fifteen other reasons they would talk about it

there’s probably more, i couldn’t tell you. i scrolled twitter for a while and made myself upset so im not gonna do that anymore.

when i say this next part, i really don’t mean to be rude, i just don’t know how to phrase it gently.

from what i can tell, the appeal of this theory comes from two factors: not remembering the details in journals, and a lack of understanding for how stories work.

i’ve discussed why clancy’s arc is important, because from a writing standpoint, setting this character up and then dropping them for another wouldn’t make sense. a character who haunts the narrative would not be set up like that, especially with zero acknowledgement from tyler. we as the audience would be let in on tyler’s inner thoughts about taking on this name, even if he keeps it from everyone else in-universe. the fact that it hasn’t been revealed in 7 years is reason enough.

we have had many reveals in that time, including an explanation for the jumpsuit video journal entry. but not this? not what would be a pillar of the story? and furthermore, what would this represent within the allegory? what could it represent that the glorious gone do not already embody?

many details that supposedly support this theory are a stretch, or forget the fact that twenty one pilots is still a real band in the real world apart from the story they happen to be telling.

this fandom is a glutton for making things more convoluted than they are. no, the curtains aren’t just blue, but if the setting isn’t trying to tell you about the character’s sadness, maybe the blue means something else. you have to understand the story before you analyze it. there is no subtext without the original text.

your interpretation of “clancy is dead” is exactly how i see it. some people just ignore what’s in front of them. and dont let your newer status discredit you, in 2019 i was also a clancy =/= tyler truther, because we hadn’t had all the reveals yet. i think some people just won’t budge on their beliefs.

the story supports what it supports. i highly doubt we’ll ever get more information on this, since “i am clancy” was meant to get everyone on the same page, so this debate will never end. it probably wouldn’t even if we did get further confirmation, since people just straight up think he was lying in that video. it’s just one of those things.

the new tb letter is a brutal reminder that i am the only person on all of twitter who thinks tyler and clancy have always been the same person i literally feel like this

[that-one-loz-nerd]

Not being good at art is the most frustrating thing in the world

[hinamie]

10 years later

[thebrainrotsreal]

Eve, Kate, Mark and Rex! Nailing some ideas down on how I wanna draw them in the future, and enjoying messing with their designs like usual! Not a fix-it whatsoever just fun + ref for the future! I cannot do realistic styles so translating them into something I can do while still being recognizable is peak. I will mess with Rex's suit more. Trust. I Kate so much now. Look at her <333333

[ph-cutie]

tfw you dont wanna sit on the chair but you maxxed out electrochem instead of volition