#but im starting to dream in Korean (for the past few months)

[kashmirichaiwithmehr]

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[katierosefun]

hey uh 8 months ago u posted: "i might compile a list of kdramas that either have very cool queer-coded characters, are explicitly queer, or just have a very queer vibe just to fuck around again so".. did u by chance ever post it? if u havent, no worries, but if u have the time, i would love to get ur recs- especially those w/ queer-coded characters or just a queer vibe (im researching q-coding for something im working)

aaah, thank you for reminding me of that list! i've actually got some time to kill (more like i'm procrastinating going to sleep), so actually, here's a list now!:

beyond evil

this show just immediately becomes number one on my list when it comes to queerness, queer coding, or almost explicitly a queer story in ways that i really just . . . have not stopped thinking about ever since watching this show. basically, this show is about lee dong sik (shin ha kyun) who, twenty years ago, was accused of kidnapping and possibly murdering his twin sister. now, hot shot new detective han joo won (yeo jin goo) starts working in dong sik's small town. when the murders start up again, these two go down a long path in finding out the truth of what happened those twenty years ago. the acting is just phenomenal: yeo jin goo and shin ha kyun are truly an acting match made in heaven, just because both are insanely talented.

what makes this story incredibly queer, i think, is just the relationship between han joo won and lee dong sik. neither are very much so interested in a heterosexual romance, which is interesting, because there are def. female characters that could have been their love interests, but not once is that ever enforced or even implied? i also have a post here somewhere about how dong sik in particular is pretty queer or expresses queer-coded traits (ie. his relationship with religion, his relationship with past male colleagues, his tendency to flirt exclusively with men), and han joo won expresses similarities (ie. unwillingness to engage in romantic relationships with women in particular). but more than that, these two share just such a deep relationship that it's incredibly difficult not to see them as romantic--it's also worth noting that the writer, director, and cast members themselves have very much so worked this story into something that's much more romantic. (ie. the writer and director noting that these two have a relationship that has very much evolved into love, yeo jin goo talking about how he thinks han joo won probably moved in with dong sik, shin ha kyun and yeo jin goo heavily improvising some of the most . . . romantic scenes in the show).

there's a lot of shows that i've been told are queer, only to be very sorely disappointed because i realize those particular recs take a very long stretch, but beyond evil is one of those few shows that i think. genuinely. is queer. i promise you won't be disappointed.

school 2013

and yet another show that i think is perhaps one of the queerest stories out in kdrama history. i'm pretty sure this was both lee jong suk and kim woo bin's debuts as actors too, which is such an iconic move on their part. but basically, this series is about the difficulties high school students go through in the korean education system. while this story is very much an ensemble story, jong suk's character go nam soon is, i think, the main character. he's not very academically inclined, doesn't have too much of a dream...and i think he genuinely is depressed because he hurt and separated himself from his best friend park heung soo (kim woo bin). things become very complicated when his best friend transfers to nam soon's new school, only now, these two are something between enemies/rivals/ex-friends-who-still-care-about-each-other-but-still-hold-a-lot-of-resentment-and-etc. so you can imagine all the angst.

there's some genuinely lovely scenes between the two of them. also worth noting that kim woo bin actually kissed lee jong suk (yes, there are photos) behind the scenes for one of the most dramatic scenes of the show. there's another rather queer pairing in this show (more like a queer . . . trio?), but the story between heung soo and nam soon is just such a key component of the story that i had to mention it first. this show def. has its cheesy moments, but nam soon and heung soo sleeping next to each other time and time again over the course of the series and also very slowly getting over their own hurts is just . . . this is very much so a love story, and i think when this show was airing, a lot of people were speculating the same. (also worth noting that jang na ra, who played the iconic teacher jung in jae in this series, explained in an interview that she genuinely things heung soo and nam soon love each other . . . so--)

sungkyunkwan scandal

ah, yes, but if we're getting a teensy bit past queer-coded-ness and instead moving into explicitly queer characters, i just have to mention this saeguk classic, sungkyunkwan scandal. this show is about an intelligent young woman named kim yoon hee (park min young) who, for the sake of money, pretends to be a man to enter the nation's most prestigious (and still one of the most prestigious universities today!) university, sungkyunkwan university. in the process, she meets her roommates--the stiff son of a government official lee sun joon (park yoo chun) and the wild horse of a student moon jae shin (yoo ah in). along the way, she also meets moon jae shin's best friend, the flirty son of a merchant goo yong ha (song joong ki).

what i really love about this kdrama is that unfortunately, a lot of kdramas will take the whole "gender bending" trope and have the main male love interest(s) go through this whole existential crisis of "oh my god aM i gAy? tHis iS aWfuL", which, of course, leaves a pretty bad taste in your mouth when you're, y'know, a queer viewer. but what i love about this drama is that while it def. starts with that reaction (understandable, given the era), it actually goes into a wonderfully progressive direction? even though the protagonist is a woman, the main male love interest very much so decides "okay, fine. then i'm gay." but it doesn't stop there?

there's a lot of characters who point out in this show that it's not a crime to love someone of the same sex. in one specific moment, goo yong ha confesses to lee sun joon that he has romantic feelings for his best friend moon jae shin--and jae shin and yong ha's relationship is very much so . . . queer. a very genuine gem.

while you were sleeping

okay . . . so full disclosure, this is probably one of those that are more of a stretch, but so many people ship all three leads together, so that's why i'm including them. also, i really do think they're all bisexual and in love with each other, so it works.

basically, this show is about three extraordinary individuals: nam hong joo (bae suzy), jung jae chan (lee jong suk), and han woo tak (jung hae in). these three can see snippets of the future in their dreams. by fate, all of their lives get entangled together, and what's really lovely about this show is that while the two male leads are in love with the main female lead, there's never . . . a real sense of a love triangle? these three work incredibly harmoniously together. (also, some of jung jae chan's scenes with han woo tak can very . . . easily be interpreted as ohhhh, he's got a crush. also, these three characters just radiate so many parts of the bisexual spectrum. hong joo and woo tak are on the very competent, distinguished bisexual side of the spectrum, while jae chan . . . jae chan's on the chaotic side. which is why i love them all.)

nevertheless

okay, so another full disclosure with this one: nevertheless is one of those shows that i just wish was better and also a show that i skipped about like 95% of the scenes, because the show is actually about the art student na bi (han so hee) dating the mYstEriOus student park jae eon (song kang). (spoiler alert: park jae eon is the walking example of a red flag.)

but ANYWAYS, if we look over their scenes (i love han so hee and song kang, they really are both lovely actors . . . and i think to be fair, they both said in interviews that people like park jae eon suck), we can find the genuinely touching coming-of-age queer romance between yoon sol (lee ho jung) and seo ji wan (yoon seo ah). these two are canonically in love with each other, and it's really genuinely lovely. i feel like wlw relationships in kdrama are specifically hard to come by, but this one, for its little screen time, was still so genuinely heartfelt and authentic that (okay, maybe i'm oversharing a bit) i felt as though i was really reading a page out of my own diary? like, the tentativeness and fear of potentially ruining a perfectly good friendship is so real in this show--but they really are quite sweet. :'))

shows i haven't watched, but i've heard very good things in terms of queerness/are now on my watch list because i've heard it's . . . got some queer-coded characters/queer stories:

the devil judge

okay, so i'm planning to watch this soon, so i don't have real thoughts on it so far, but as far as i can tell, it's about a dystopian korea where the legal system is especially fucked up. the chief judge and his . . . clerk? co-judge? share a very . . . . . . interesting bond. that's it. but i do know there's been some parallels drawn to beyond evil, which i still think is the peak of queerness in korean drama, so i suppose that must mean something!

move to heaven

so, while move to heaven isn't literally about a gay couple, this show is about a young man and his . . . uncle (? or friend? idk, i've only watched the first episode of this show) who basically clean out the apartments of those who have passed away, thereby giving some sense of healing to their loved ones. there's one episode about a gay couple, and i've heard it's incredibly beautiful. it's sad that there's obviously going to be death, but i've also heard that it's done with so much genuine respect and love and compassion for gay couples in korea.

unfortunately--and i end with this show on this rec list for this very reason, gay couples are still very much discriminated against in south korea. the discrimination is brutal. same-sex couples aren't allowed to register as a family unit, which interferes with matters regarding medical insurance and adoption, should any of these couples want children. and of course, there's everyday discrimination in the workplace, in school, etc. while i think people have slowly been getting better about queerness in korea, they're still incredibly conservative with queerness. so to have a story that so lovingly depicts a queer relationship means a lot--and i hope that in the future, there'll be more explicitly queer love stories. of course, i think there's a lot of power in queer-coding, esp. within the limited confines of mainstream korean television, but you know, times are changing, and i hope that shows like move to heaven and others will continue to push the envelope in queer representation in korea and beyond.

[iguanasplit]

17 Questions 17 Answers

tagged by @flamingdiva !!! its been a while, its nice to see you again!

Nicknames: Cas, charola, carola!

Zodiac Sign: capricorn

Height: 154cm !

Hogwarts house: ravenclaw definitely

Last thing I googled: “ut your emptiness to melody, your awful heart to song; you don't have to sing it nice, but honey sing it strong.”

yeah guess who didnt know who hozier was until yesterday night-todays morning

Song stuck in my head: crying over you by HONNE ft Beka and RM

Numbers of followers: 1988 i think most of them are probably inactive since around 2018... i lost around 30 or 50 in the past few months... and gained a good amount of porn bots too

Amount of sleep: yesterday i went to like 2:30 -10 so around 8.... im sleeping more than 8 hours but i feel tired often

Lucky number: always been either 3, 5 or 7. they feel nice

Dream Job: illustrator or concept artist

Wearing: black tee and gray jean shorts.( they used to be jeans but mom helped me cut them when the pandemic started bcs i had no shorts haha)

Favorite song: seriously can anyone pick just one song??? I can’t even pick a favorite album.......... SHINee.... SHINee is my favorite song

Favorite instrument: idk... piano? and i always get feelings over electric guitars

Favorite author: a friend of mine

Favorite animal noise: uhhhhh idk i havent thought about this.... dinosaurs? 

Random(s):

Ive been listening to more stuff lately since i got spotify, its really helping me keep moving. theres a very pretty playlist for a fic called Up We go, it sounds very sweet

i decided to listen to the tablo podcast bcs my english listening was very poor so im practising, its really nice

after a long while i started learning korean!

i havent gotten proper diags but so far since i investigated about adhd many things make more sense, music has really been helping

im really picky with physical contact! i have to expect it or get used to peoples skin. i also didnt knew people actually looked at each other in the eyes, that doesnt feel good,i thought it was a movie thing should look into it

ive missed this place. twitter is crowded, many things always happening but its weird and it feels like too much often

my ipads screen is messed up so i use it less, my phone also broke so it has no memory, BUT my resurrection comes from the fact that my mom had her old work computer and now i can use it!!!!!

i should make a letter or something

I tag: @pikayeollie @wishforsomewherenew @forever5hines @jjongosaurus @knjarchipoet @singswithmicoff @jjongalaxy

[yoddream]

The Price to Pay | n.jm

pairing: jaemin x fem!reader

summary: when you’re given your dream job, what will happen to you and Jaemin?

warnings: ANGST, bad writing lmao, depression (not specifically mentioned but it’s obviously there), a shit ton of crying, jaemin being kind of an asshole ngl, mentions of hockey (only because there might be some things that don’t make sense idk maybe they do to somebody who doesn’t watch it), VERY INACCURATE INFO ON BECOMING A TRANSLATOR

notes: here’s part 2 to New Beginnings! idk how to link it lmao im sorry im really bad at this also im iffy on how this came out but at this point whatever i wrote a lot. I’m gonna try to do the bold for korean again (cuz new beginnings on the app is fucking jacked af but on the full website it looks how it’s supposed to) but like just assume that everything the OCs are saying are in Korean and whatever the Dreamies say that aren’t to English speaking people are in Korean

“Please put on your seatbelts as we will begin our descent to Los Angeles, California.”

You did as the flight attendant asked and looked out the window. The ground slowly got closer and closer, and your heart raced with excitement. Despite how you’d felt a year ago, you couldn’t wait to land and start the next chapter in your life. You could still feel the exhaustion from it being in the middle of the night in Seoul, but that was so little compared to all the emotions running through your body.

Once you were out of security, you pulled up FaceTime on your phone and called Jisung. It rang and rang, and you almost gave up when he finally answered the call. He was out of breath, as if he’d just run to get his phone. His face lit up when he saw yours.

“Y/N! You landed safely!” he said. Your parents appeared in the frame, which made you smile.

“I did! I’m heading towards pick-up now, so hopefully I’ll be on my way to the rink,” you told them.

You’d decided you wanted to be an English-Korean translator, so you had been hired as a translator for a new NHL prospect. He was born and raised in Korea, and he knew very little English, so you were going to help him during prospect camp, translating and teaching him English. You expected to be in America until September, but if he made it past both prospect and training camp, who knew what your future held?

“Oh honey, I’m so proud of you,” your mom said.

“We both are. You’re gonna do great, we know it,” your dad added.

You looked around and spotted your name on a sign that was held by a man with a driver’s cap. You told your family you had to go and hung up before walking over. He greeted you with a smile and grabbed one of your bags, heading to the parking lot. You shot a text to the boys, letting them know you’d landed. The drive to the rink didn’t take long, and you were escorted by a security guard through the hallways to an office.

“Ms. Park is here,” the security guard announced before heading back to his area.

“Y/N, it’s very nice to meet you. I’m Rob Blake, the general manager,” a very tall man in a suit said. He held his hand out to you, which you shook. “We’re very happy to have you here. Chi-won Han’s translator from last year has a new job, so we’re glad you can stay for longer.”

“Thank you, Mr. Blake. I’m very excited for this opportunity,” you stated with a wide smile. “So, where should we start?”

Mr. Blake’s assistant gave you multiple papers to sign before bringing you to get your ID made. You proudly hung it around your neck, even though your picture looked absolutely horrible (you just got off an eleven-hour flight). Then, Mr. Blake himself brought you to a conference room where the prospect, his agent, and the coaches were.

“Everyone, this is Y/N Park. She will be Chi-won’s translator.”

You bowed and said, “Han Chi-won, it’s nice to meet you. I’m Park Y/N.”

The boy bowed as well. “Thank you for flying here, Y/N. You have to idea how appreciative I am.”

You then introduced yourself to the agent and the coaches, dropping your bags to bow and shake hands. You told them about your exact role and how to contact you in case you were needed last minute. You’d been given a phone for work with everyone’s contacts in it, along with a rental car since you still had a valid driver’s license. You were then handed the keys to your apartment, which you would be sharing with Chi-won and one of the Kings’ players, Tyler Toffoli.

“Y/N, do you own any skates?” Marco Sturm, one of the assistant coaches, asked.

You shook your head. “I’m not very good at skating, but I’ll definitely do my best.”

“Have Tyler and Chi-won take you shopping for a pair. We really need you on the ice for drills.”

You translated for the hockey player when his head perked up at his name. He nodded shyly, his eyes darting to the floor. You couldn’t help but feel bad for him; he had no idea what anyone was saying, so for all he knew you could’ve been talking poorly about him. None of you would do that, but he didn’t know any better.

“Camp doesn’t officially start until tomorrow. We just wanted you to meet before then so that you can get situated. before the madness,” Mr. Blake explained.

“I appreciate that. It’s past midnight in Korea, so I’m pretty exhausted,” you replied.

“You guys are all set for today. We’ll see you bright and early tomorrow for day one.”

You turned to Chi-won and asked, “You wanna get food?”

He nodded vigorously, saying, “Tyler and his wife were making breakfast when I was called down here.”

Grabbing your bags, you said your farewells to the men before heading out, Chi-won hot on your feels. When you clicked the key fob for the rental car, a new SUV lit up. You let out a low whistle and popped the hatch, tossing your suitcases and duffel in. You and Chi-won then climbed in and decided on a local diner. The car ride was mostly silent, the radio playing softly in the background. When you walked into the restaurant, his eyes widened in fear as the waitress spoke to him. You ordered juice for the both of you and then started translating the menu with ease, watching his shoulders relax at the sound of a language he knew.

The two of you ate in silence for a couple minutes, simply enjoying your food. You checked your personal phone for any messages, but there was nothing. You weren’t surprised, though. The boys were supposed to be asleep, so you expected there to be nothing, but it still hurt to see that you hadn’t even heard from Jaemin. Then again, you probably should’ve expected as much.

“What?” Jaemin asked quietly.

You’d shown up at the dorms, wearing one of your boyfriend’s sweatshirts and a pair of shorts. Your hair was a mess from stressing out, so you had the hood up. He had to know what was going on, and you were out of time.

“I’m going back to America,” you repeated. “A major sports team contacted me last month to help one of their prospects. He doesn’t know much English, so I’ll be translating for him during camp.”

“When you do leave?”

“Tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow?!” You flinched at the sudden rise of his volume, the sound bouncing off the walls. There was no way the other Dreamies hadn’t heard him. There was no way the other Dreames hadn’t heard him, and you started to panic. This was definitely not how you expected this to go. “You’ve known for a month, and you’re just telling me now?!”

“I was going to tell you sooner, but since you’re working on your comeback, you’ve had to cancel dates! I didn’t have a choice but to tell you now!” you argued.

“Oh, so now it’s my fault?”

“I didn’t say that, Jaemin. I’m just explaining that there wasn’t a good time, so that’s why you aren’t finding out until the day before my flight. I’m sorry it wasn’t sooner.” Your hands were wringing in the kangaroo pocket, but it was hidden by the island in the kitchen.

“How long will you be gone?” When you didn’t answer right away, his jaw clenched. “How long, Y/N?”

Scared by his tone, you said, “I have no idea. Prospect camp is for a few days, but they’re expecting him to continue on to training camp in September.”

“Are you even coming back? What does that mean for us?”

“I don’t know, Jae!” you snapped. Your voice reverberated off the walls, and you could hear shuffling down the hall. “I don’t know.”

There was a heavy pause. He then asked, “You don’t know if you’re coming back? Or you don’t know what will happen with our relationship?”

“Both.”

“You’re very young to be a translator,” Chi-won stated, snapping you out of your thoughts.

You wiped your mouth with a napkin, giving you time to think of your answer without revealing too much. “My step-dad is from Korea. He and my mom got married when I was nine, but he and my step-brother had to stay there while my mom and I live here. We would visit whenever there was a vacation for school, so I learned it over the years.”

“Do you live in Korea now?”

“Right in Seoul. I moved after I graduated high school last year.”

Chi-won was silent after that. After you paid the bill, you plugged in the address for the apartment building and made the quick drive over. Parking along the street, Chi-won grabbed your bags for you and led you to the apartment. You used the key to unlock the door and walked inside. A man and a woman looked over at the same time from the kitchen and smiled.

“You must be the translator. I’m Tyler, and this is my wife, Cat,” the man introduced.

You shook their hands and said, “It’s nice to meet you. My name’s Y/N Park.”

“Come right in. I’ll show you where your room is,” Cat offered.

You followed her down the hallway to a room that had grey walls, dark wooden floors, and a matching wooden dresser. There was a queen-sized bed with fresh sheets on it and a cream armchair in the corner. Identical nightstands stood on either side of the bed, and there was a bathroom attached to the bedroom.

“Make yourself at home. You look like you’re about to fall asleep standing up,” she joked.

“Yeah, I’m gonna take a quick nap, if that’s okay?” you asked.

“Go ahead.”

Cat closed the door behind her, leaving you alone. You collapsed onto the bed and checked to see if any messages had come in before you’d left the diner’s WiFi, but still nothing. Sighing, you put your phone on the nightstand and let your eyes close, the heaviness becoming too much to fight against.

When you woke up, the sun was high in the sky. You groaned as your arms stretched above your head. According to your phone, it was a little past noon, so you rolled out of bed and headed to the kitchen. Luckily, the password to the WiFi was on the refrigerator. As soon as your phone was connected, it started blowing up with messages and snapchats. The sudden sound made you jump, definitely waking you up. You took some time to respond to the boys and your parents, and it took you a few minutes to notice that none of the notifications were from Jaemin. Sighing, you shoved your phone into your pocket and went looking for Chi-won. You found him in his room, looking at an English book with furrowed brows.

“I’m not starting lessons until after prospect camp,” you said.

The boy jumped, clearly unaware of your presence until you announced it. He closed the book and placed it on the nightstand before looking around the room, avoiding your eyes. Sighing, you sat at the desk that was by the window.

“What’s on your mind?” you asked.

“What if I don’t make it past this camp?” he questioned.

You let out a deep breath and said, “Then you go back to your team in Korea, continue to train and practice, and then next year, you’ll come back. The exact same thing as what you went through last year.”

“What will happen to you?”

“I’ll go back home as well. I’m currently under contract with the team, so if you’re not here, I’m not needed. They’ll let me know when I am. You’re stuck with me.”

///

You and Chi-won walked into the practice rink the next morning, a fresh pair of skates in the duffel bag on your shoulder. You’d gone out with Tyler and Chi-won after dinner to buy them, just like Coach Sturm had told you to. The thought of being on the ice with a bunch of hockey players and falling on your ass was terrifying, but you didn’t have much of a choice.

You headed to the weight room and sat on a bench. Skating wouldn’t come until after they were done for the day, so your bag was simply dropped to the floor. You then pulled out your phone and looked at the last message you’d sent to Jaemin.

You: I know you’re upset, but I would love for you to be at the airport tomorrow.

He never showed up. Everyone else had, but he’d stayed at the dorms. The way the conversation had ended left the status of your relationship up in the air, and you were too scared to ask. Your anniversary was supposed to be in a little over a month, but you didn’t even know if that was something to be celebrated anymore.

The sound of the door opening behind you caught your attention. The players started filtering into the room, shooting odd looks your way. You stood up when Chi-won walked in, moving to his side for when the head strength and conditioning coach started talking.

After a speech, the coach came over and introduced himself, apologizing for missing the meeting the day before. When you assured him it was fine, he transitioned the conversation to the first test he wanted Chi-won to run through. You translated everything as you followed them to the bikes, not missing a single beat. You watched as he pedaled and pedaled, sweat dripping down his face as his leg muscles rippled from the rapid movement. You could hear the cheers of encouragement from the other prospects as they watched the others that were running through the tests.

When there was time for a break, Chi-won took the water bottle you handed him, draining it fairly quickly. He then grabbed the towel from your shoulder and wiped his face and neck, tossing it in the hamper in the corner. He looked around at the other prospects, watching them talk and laugh with each other. You felt bad knowing he wouldn’t take that first step. It was understandable, though. You’d gone through the same thing when you started making trips to Korea; you’d been surrounded by people who understood you as much as you understood them, which was not a lot.

After a few minutes, it was time for more testing. You followed the group around the weight room, mostly watching but translating when needed. Everyone’s eyes were on you whenever either of you spoke, but all your attention was on him and whoever was talking to him.

At the end of the day, Chi-won looked like he was about to drop at any moment. You decided to skip the skating and brought him back to the apartment, using the work phone since it could connect to data. He dozed in the car, his face finally relaxed. You’d never noticed how much tension was there until now. Between the stress of getting past this camp and not knowing what anyone was saying, his head was probably spinning.

When you entered the apartment, Chi-won immediately headed to his room to nap. There was a note from Tyler and Cat that they’d gone to run errands, leaving you alone. You tried to FaceTime your parents, but neither of them answered. You knew the others were rehearsing, so you called Mark, but he didn’t answer either. Feeling dejected, you headed to your room and sat in the armchair. You looked out the window and watched the world below, a sudden flashback to the day you and Jaemin were sitting in the mall’s food court. Your heart ached at the thought of one of the happiest days of your life, knowing there was a chance it was all over.

///

It was the last day of the four-day camp for prospects. You wobbled onto the ice as you tried to skate closer to Chi-won. He looked over and rolled his eyes before skating over, grabbing your arm, and dragging you to the group. A few of the players laughed, but you didn’t care. You would be laughing too if you’d seen it.

Yesterday, they’d run drills, so you got to see Chi-won on the ice for the first time, and you could see why he was their first-round pick the year before. However, the true test was the scrimmage scheduled for today. Drills could be run over and over until you got it right, but in a game if you made a mistake there was no going back.

Once the teams were split, Chi-won helped you to the bench. You could hear your personal phone ring with a FaceTime call, but you ignored it. It was most likely Jeno, calling to talk to you before he finally went to bed. He loved to call you before he went to bed, which annoyed Jaemin whenever you were on a call with your boyfriend. You wished you could answer, since you hadn’t had much interaction with anyone. You mostly translated back at the apartment, leaving you craving to talk to someone, but you felt too awkward talking to Tyler and Cat.

The scrimmage was exhilarating to even just watch. Chi-won was fast, despite how large he was. He wove through players, making fantastic plays. His stick work was quick, and he seemed to know where his teammates were, making passes without looking. There was no doubt in your mind that they were keeping him, but seeing the looks on the coaches faces made it that much better. Chi-won played fairly, probably too much; he always passed the puck for a goal instead of taking a chance himself.

During a break, Coach Sturm was going over a couple plays to Chi-won’s team. You translated as fast as you could, trying your best to make it sound clear and right. Hockey pretty much had its own language, so you assumed it was working when he nodded along. As he was about to head back onto the ice, you grabbed his attention.

“Shoot the fucking puck, man. You’ve made plenty of great passes. They want to see what you’re capable of.”

His eyes widened, but he nodded and bumped your held-out fist before skating back to the face-off. You watched the puck drop, and the game was on. Your eyes never left the player you were there for, his form zipping across the ice with a breakaway. He was denied, but you could tell there was a fire lit under his ass. There were still amazing passes, but he was taking shots on goal more. The goalie was just unbelievably good at his job,

There wasn’t much time left in the scrimmage when Chi-won was skating towards the goal, him against two defensemen. His feet moved in a way you couldn’t explain, and he slipped past the opposing players, taking a shot on goal. You nearly jumped with joy as it flew past the goalie’s shoulder, and you didn’t miss the smile on his face as he celebrated with his teammates.

At the end of the day, Chi-won was asked to dinner with some of the other prospects. He nodded his head with a grin, so they told you the restaurant. Your phone connected to the Bluetooth as you were typing it into the map, and “My First and Last” immediately started playing through the speakers. Chi-won sent a look your way but said nothing.

The other players made sure you and Chi-won had seats next to each other so you could easily translate for him. They asked him questions about his life in Korea and his teammates. He talked about his family, his girlfriend Eun-ji, and his friends. You were learning more about him by doing your job rather than conversing with him yourself. You could feel something heavy settle in your chest as they all talked to each other, only looking to you when you translated.

When you were back at the apartment, Chi-won collapsed onto the couch. You sat in an armchair and stared at the ceiling, thoughts of Jaemin running through your head. It’d been five days since you last heard from him, and you were still hesitant to reach out. He was probably in the same boat, but what if he didn’t want to hear from you? What if your relationship was over and you didn’t know it? You hadn’t talked to the other boys about it, not wanting to drag them into your drama.

“You’re thinking too loud,” Chi-won complained.

“Sorry,” you said quietly. “How do you think camp went?”

“I think I did well. My whole body hurts, though. I wish Eun-ji was here. She gives amazing back massages. I would be in constant pain if it wasn’t for her. I’m definitely the luckiest guy in the world.”

That’s what Jaemin tells me. “Is she gonna be starting college this fall?”

He nodded. “She wants to study sports medicine, so she’ll be studying at Seoul University. I’m so proud of her.”

You looked at the time on your phone before realizing that it was your work one. Your personal phone was still in your duffel, which was in the car. Cursing under your breath, you rushed downstairs and grabbed your phone from the bag.

Jaemin💕: 3 missed FaceTime video calls

Shit. Just in case your relationship wasn’t fragile enough, you’d missed three calls from him. It was the first time either one of you had tried reaching out since you stormed out of the dorms in tears. Worried, you headed inside and returned to the apartment as fast as possible. You tried calling Jaemin back, but he wasn’t picking up. It was about ten in the morning where he was, and he never slept in too much no matter what time he’d gone to bed, so you knew he was ignoring you. Trying again, you cursed and swallowed around the lump in your throat. He finally picked up, and he was not happy.

“Hey,” you said as you moved to your room.

“Hey. Where were you?” he asked.

“We were at camp, and then we went to dinner after,” you explained.

His eyebrows raised. “You went to dinner?”

“Yeah.”

“Was it a date?”

Your eyes widened in shock. “What the fuck, Jaemin? Of course it wasn’t a date! Why the hell would you ask that?”

“I mean, you did say you didn’t know how this would affect our relationship,” he snapped.

“That doesn’t mean I would cheat on you. God, do you really think that low of me?” You could feel the sting behind your eyes of tears forming, but you tried to hold them back.

“I don’t know what to think anymore, Y/N. You waited until the day before you were leaving to tell me about it—”

“I didn’t have a choice, and you know it!” you exclaimed. “You know what? I’m done. I can’t do this right now.”

You hung up and threw your phone across the room, muffling sobs into your hands. Being here, having the job you’ve worked towards the past year, it was supposed to be exciting, yet you were dealing with possibly the worst heartbreak yet, and you didn’t even know if there was a relationship to salvage anymore.

Your phone was ringing with a FaceTime call from Jisung, but you ignored it. He couldn’t see you like this; even though you were partially in the wrong in the fight, he would completely lose it and attack Jaemin. You didn’t want to be the cause of something happening to NCT Dream. It would have to stay to yourself, just like everything else about your life.

///

You’d been in America for two weeks, and you were absolutely miserable. You didn’t talk to the boys as much, ignoring some of their calls so that when you did answer, there was too much to talk about for you to think about Jaemin during the calls. You hadn’t talked to him since your last argument, and you didn’t know what to do. Jisung didn’t now, but it was clear he was suspicious of something. You just wanted to go home, but Chi-won had to stay in California for more training and practice. He’d been invited to training camp in September, so it was easier for him to just stay here until he knew his future with the team post-camp.

Chi-won’s English was improving a little, but it was clear he wasn’t confident in himself. Learning a language was hard, and English was one of the most difficult. From conjunctions to words sounding the same but being spelled different to even the sentence structure, you didn’t blame him for feeling self-conscious and frustrated. You had talked to Jisung, and he’d agreed to speak with Chi-won.

“Chi-won, can you come here for a minute?” you called out.

He walked into the living room, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. He looked at your phone, jaw dropping when he saw Jisung on the screen. You held it out and said, “My brother wants to talk to you.”

He took the phone, sending a glance your way before looking back at Jisung. You moved to the kitchen to make breakfast, giving the boys some privacy. You could hear Jisung’s laugh through the tiny speaker, and it made your heart ache. Not seeing him every day felt like torture. You were so used to talk to him every day, but the both of you were too busy with your jobs, not to mention that you were still unsure of what the others knew about you and Jaemin.

As you were making some fried eggs, Chi-won joined you, holding your phone out with Jisung still on the screen. The hockey player sent a look that told you there would be a conversation later, and then he disappeared to his room. You looked at Jisung and smiled, asking him how it went. He said it went well, that Chi-won seemed to really listen to what he’d had to say. A door had opened behind him, and Chenle walked into the room. His face lit up when he saw you, and he ran over and jumped on Jisung’s back.

“Y/N! I haven’t talked to you in so long,” he said, suddenly pouting.

“I know, I’m sorry. Prospect camp was crazy, and I’ve been busy with teaching Chi-won English,” you replied. “I wish you guys were here. You’d love it.”

“We’ll have to visit sometime. Jisung, we gotta head to bed. We have practice tomorrow morning,” he said.

“Sleep well, you two,” you said with a smile.

“Love you!” they shouted, and then the call ended.

You finished breakfast and called for Chi-won. He joined you in the kitchen, taking his plate from you without a word. The two of you sat at the breakfast bar, eating in silence. Tyler and Cat were in Canada for a wedding, so you were alone with him. You waited for him to say something, anything, but he didn’t. Instead, he washed the dishes and went back to his room. He returned a few minutes later in workout clothes, so you changed into your own outfit and silently followed him to the gym downstairs. He started out on the bike while you went to the treadmill, starting a light jog.

After a few minutes, Chi-won said, “So, your brother is Park Jisung.”

“Yup. Has been for ten years,” you panted.

“I didn’t even know he had a sister.”

“No one does. It’s too dangerous.”

“That must suck. I can’t imagine keeping my sister a secret,” he said.

“Seeing him live his dream makes it all worth it. Besides, once I’m living here permanently, we’ll be able to tell everyone who I am.”

///

Getting out of bed was harder and harder as each day passed. You could feel yourself settle into a deep and heavy depression. and it seemed like the people you were living with were concerned. You never felt hungry, you were having trouble finding the motivation to shower, and you were ignoring every call that popped up on your phone.

There was a knock on your door before Cat poked her head in. You glanced at her before turning your attention back to the window. She sat in the armchair and leaned on her elbows, sending a smile your way.

“So, Chi-won and Tyler talked to the team, and they decided that if you want, you can go back to Korea until it’s time for training camp,” she told you.

You sat up slowly and asked, “What?”

“We can all tell how homesick you are, and Chi-won said that you had an argument with someone that sounded like your boyfriend. They have a back-up translator, so you can go home for a little bit,” she explained.

“He told you all that?”

“Well, he used an app to translate, but yes.”

Leaping out of bed, you hugged her tightly, mentally thanking yourself for having showered that morning. She laughed and hugged you back before telling you to start packing. You started throwing your things into suitcases and your duffel bag as she left, and tears started streaming down your face in happiness.

You hugged Tyler and Chi-won in thanks before rushing to the airport, not wanting to stay in America any more than you had to. You called your parents and Jisung once you had a ticket purchased, and they promised to keep it a secret. Jisung was practically vibrating in his seat once he heard the news, and you couldn’t wait to hug your family again.

Somehow, you managed to sleep on the flight. When you landed, it was about three in the afternoon. You raced towards your family as soon as you spotted them, leaping into Jisung’s arms. He lifted you up and squeezed tight, as if you would disappear if he let go. You then hugged your parents, not afraid to let the tears fall down your cheeks.

“I missed you guys so much,” you sobbed.

“We missed you too, sweetheart,” you dad said.

When you were home, you took a couple hours to settle in before taking Jisung with you to the dorms. Not only did you have some boys to surprise, but there was a certain boy with blue bangs you needed to speak to. Jisung seemed to be excited to be on the other end of the surprise.

As you walked into the building, your stomach twisted into a giant knot. You didn’t know how Jaemin was going to react. Before you could dwell on it too much, Jisung opened the door to the Dream dorm. Jeno and Haechan were playing video games in the living area, but they stopped immediately when they looked at you.

“Sunshine!” Jeno shouted. He threw the controller on the couch and ran over, scooping you into a bear hug.

“What are you doing here?” Haechan asked as you managed to pry away from Jeno to hug him.

“They let me come back home until training camp starts,” you explained. “Where are the others?”

“They’re in their rooms. Jaemin’s napping, but Renjun and Chenle are playing PUBG,” Jeno explained. “It’s good to have you back. Jaemin’s been moping every since you left.”

So they didn’t know. “I’ll go see Renjun and Chenle first. Jaemin must be really tired if he’s napping.”

You walked down the hallway and quietly stepped into Renjun and Chenle’s room. They were too busy looking at their phones to notice, so you sat by Renjun and asked how he was doing. He glanced at you and then did a double take before tackling you to the bed. Chenle complained, but when he looked up a screech left his mouth instead as he piled on top. They started asking you a bunch of questions at once, but you shushed them and explained why you were home. Chenle didn’t want to let go, but you explained that Jaemin didn’t know yet.

Jaemin looked so peaceful as he slept. You could just stand there and watch until he woke up, but the conversation needed to be had sooner than later. Quietly closing the door, you walked over and sat on the bed as gentle as possible. Your fingers carded through his hair, pushing it away from his forehead. He sighed in his sleep, melting under your touch. You called out his name lightly, but he didn’t stir. You tried a couple more times, and his eyes finally opened. He stared at you for about ten seconds before grabbing you. You were suddenly thrown on the bed, and he pinned your arms down before kissing you.

Kissing Jaemin felt like a dream, especially after what you two’d been going through the past few weeks. He pressed kiss after kiss to your lips, finally pulling away with a frown.

"I’m really sorry for how I acted the past couple times we talked. I trust you, and I support your career,” he said.

“I forgive you. God, I forgive you. I’ve been so miserable the past few weeks. I should’ve tried harder to tell you sooner than when I had.”

“Let’s just forget this, okay?”

“Deal.”

He leaned down to press your lips together again, not leaving any space between your bodies. He trailed kisses down your neck, sucking a mark into your skin at the base of your throat. When he moved back to your face, he whispered, “I love you.”

That was the first time either of you had ever said those words. Whenever the two of you were together, there was a good chance another Dreamie was with you, so actual dates were rare, which meant that neither of you felt like it was the right time to say them. However, the past three weeks, had proven that it didn’t matter how much time was spent alone.

“I love you too.”

It was about half an hour before you two emerged from the room. The others made fun of the hickeys that were all over your necks, but in that moment you didn’t care. You and Jaemin were more than okay, and that was all that mattered to you.

[brynnmck]

 Tagged by @agirlnamedkeith, @pretty--thief, and @samirant, thank you! <333

What is the colour of your hairbrush? Mostly black, with a green ring on it.

Name a food you never eat: I have quite a few foods I can’t eat anymore thanks to some random health issues I developed a few years back (friends, aging is great from a mental/emotional perspective, Not Great from a physical perspective) but in terms of voluntary stuff, green peppers. I’ve outgrown a lot of my childhood food dislikes but that one is in my SOUL.

Are you typically too warm or too cold? Too cold, definitely.

What were you doing 45 minutes ago? I was in a boring meeting!

What’s your favourite candy bar?  Probably Snickers? I really like 100 Grand too, though. And Butterfinger. And Twix. And I want Claire Saffitz to make all of them for me.

Have you ever been to a professional sports game? I’ve been going to Major League baseball games since I was a kid (it was my dad’s favorite sport), and the past few years, I’ve been to 20-30 games a season. I usually go for my birthday, too, which is in a couple of weeks, and it’s just kinda sinking in that there will be no birthday baseball for me this year. :(

What was the last thing you said out loud? Just saying hi to my husband. 

What is your favourite ice cream? Coffee Heath Bar Crunch. I can’t have caffeine anymore so this summer I’m gonna try to make a decaf version for myself. (WHY IS ALMOST ALL COFFEE ICE CREAM CAFFEINATED. There are so many reasons people can’t have caffeine! Sigh.)

What was the last thing you had to drink? Water!

Do you like your wallet? Sure? It’s a nice blue and it holds my stuff.

What was the last thing you ate? Fruit and Greek yogurt for breakfast.

Did you buy any new clothes last weekend? I didn’t! I actually ordered a couple of soft bras from TomboyX on Monday, but nothing on the weekend.

What’s the last sporting event you watched? A replay of an old Mariners game a couple of nights ago. If we’re talking live sports, I watched about half of a Korean baseball league game a few nights back, which was delightful.

What is your favourite flavour of popcorn? Butter!

Who is the last person you sent a text message to? @ajoblotofjunk 

Ever go camping? Not in a long time. My husband has been getting the urge to go lately, though, so maybe we will!

Do you take vitamins? I take supplements due to the aforementioned health issues. And vitamin B.

Do you go to church every Sunday? Lol no. My mother is very Catholic and she brought us to 6 am Mass every weekday when I was a kid. It was well-intentioned (her dad had a pretty volatile temperament and she always felt safe at church, so she subconsciously wanted us to feel the same way) but it did not sell me on the experience! Heh.

Do you have a tan? I live in the Seattle area and it’s May, so... lol no. I’m also pretty pale so I don’t get that tan anyway, but. I usually get a little something going in the summer, enough to have tan lines anyway.

Do you prefer Chinese food or pizza? Tough call, but I’m going with pizza.

Do you drink your soda through a straw? I don’t drink soda anymore (though I drink a LOT of carbonated water), but I’ll drink my drink through a straw if I get it at a fast-food place. Otherwise I don’t usually use one.

What colour socks do you usually wear? Most of my winter socks for work are black. Otherwise it’s a pretty random selection of colors.

Do you ever drive above the speed limit? Sure. Usually 5-10 miles over, rarely more (or less) than that.

What terrifies you? Climate change. Global pandemics. You know. Just generally suffering (both mine and other people’s).

Look to your left. What do you see? Through window of the room I’m sitting in: my neighbors’ house, and a cherry tree in their yard.

What chore do you hate most? Cleaning the bathrooms.

What do you think of when you hear an Australian accent? The hot Australian woman who’s been on Gold Rush recently, or a dear fannish friend of mine I haven’t talked to in years who is actually from New Zealand and I KNOW IT’S VERY DIFFERENT but it’s close enough to make me think of her!

What’s your favourite soda? I used to drink a lot of Diet Mountain Dew. I really miss ginger beer, too. I love a good spicy ginger beer. Root beer too.

Do you go in a fast food place or just hit the drive-thru? Drive-thru all the way. Isn’t that part of the advantage of fast food?

What’s your favourite number? I don’t really have one!

Who’s the last person you talked to? My husband!

Favourite cut of beef? Boneless ribeye. I finally bought a propane grill a couple of years back and I have now learned to make a badass steak, if I say so myself.

Last song you listened to? Eve 6 - Inside Out. A few months ago I suddenly remembered that this song existed and so I bought it and now I have to listen to it at least twice every time it comes up, ha.

Last book you read? An as-yet-unpublished Rose Lerner novel, because I am very lucky! (It’s a wlw Gothic. SUCH A GOOD CONCEPT.)

Favourite day of the week? Saturday

Can you say the alphabet backwards? In this economy??? Idk, I could probably figure it out, but it would definitely be work.

How do you like your coffee? I love a caramel macchiato, especially iced so you get those weird globules of caramel coming up through the straw. But a nonfat decaf double latte with a little bit of some kind of syrup is my go-to these days--hot when it’s cold out, iced when it’s warm out.

Favourite pair of shoes? I have these 40s-ish heels that tie over your instep with a little bow and I love them. I also have some extremely cool red velvet with black cording peep-toe Louboutins that I bought off some discount site years ago, except I can’t wear them for long because they’re about a half size too small. But they’re SO PRETTY.

Time you normally get up? In isolation, I’m discovering that my natural sleep schedule is about 2 am - 10 am. But I have a daily meeting at 9:30, and I try to get my workout done before that, so I get up at 8-8:30ish. I am discovering through this meme that SO MANY of you are morning people! What is that like???

Sunrises or sunsets? I love sunrises but I am not remotely a morning person, so. I see a lot more sunsets, and I love them too!

How many blankets are on your bed? Just one duvet.

Describe your kitchen plates. We have some with blue perimeters and kind of a white/oatmeal middle that we inherited from my in-laws, and the ones we actually bought on purpose are white on top and either sage-y green or charcoal black on the bottom.

Describe your kitchen at the moment. Somewhat messy, or at least there are dishes to do. I made some pretty epic cauliflower mushroom risotto with shrimp last night, though, so it was for a good cause.

Do you have a favourite alcoholic drink? Perfect Manhattans with rye are my go-to, or a Quebecois, which is basically a perfect Manhattan with a little bit of maraschino liqueur added (and ideally a lemon twist, though we’re usually too lazy for those). In the summer, I’m getting really into gin these days: either gin and tonic, gin and some kind of citrus spiked seltzer, or a Last Word. I also really love a good craft beer, and sparkling wine too.

Do you play cards? Not really. We used to play a shit ton of gin rummy in high school, but I haven’t really played cards much since.

What colour is your car? Blue!

Do you know how to change a tire? Theoretically yes, though the one time I actually tried to do it myself, I had a hell of a time getting the lug nuts off. I was fortunately in my driveway at the time (good place for a flat tire!) and my neighbors kept coming by and offering to help, and I was like NO I WANNA DO IT. I think I did need help eventually, though. Stupid pneumatic tools at tire installation places!

Your favourite state? That rare, usually-brief phase of writing where everything seems to fit and flow and you’re a genius and you understand all the secrets of the cosmos. Also Washington.

Favourite job you’ve had? My current one. It’s not my dream job, but it pays well and I like my team and I get to learn new stuff fairly often and I can work from home in the midst of all this, so. I am very lucky!

How did you get your biggest scar? The summer after my freshman year of college, I was part of a summer stock theatre troupe, and we performed half the summer at my college, and half the summer in a very small town in eastern Oregon that had an outdoor stage. One of my entrances involved running over the grass to get to the stage, and one night the grass was wet, and my costume involved ballet slippers, and I slipped and fell onto the stage stairs in front of the whole audience. It hurt SO MUCH that I got very light-headed onstage while I was trying to get through the scene, lol. Anyway, my costume also involved harem pants that had elastic around the calf/ankle area, and I got a friction burn from those, which ended up scarring because the skin over your shins is very thin! (I also got a few massive bruises on my leg that didn’t go away for weeks, so eventually my mom nagged me into going to the doctor, who promptly started gently hinting to see if my boyfriend at the time was responsible for the injuries. Which was actually pretty cool of the doctor! But then I was like, lol no, trust me, a hundred people saw me bite it, this is 100% dumbass mistake.) And that’s my scar story.

Tagging, if you want to do it: @ajoblotofjunk, @snowymary, @halcyon-red, @it-may-be-dull-but-im-determined, @unadulteratedkr, and anyone else who feels like doing this!

[ethereal-lix]

PLEASE you’re still as sweet as i remember you being 😭😭

covid’s such a mess pls.. a lot of people showed their true colors these past few months LMAO

i had this huge argument in a group chat w some old friends a month or two ago.. if i knew they were secretly homophobic and racist i wouldnt have been friends with them in the first place </3 i ended up losing,, almost all my friends,, bc of that argument lmao but i think it’s better off this way !! dont need people like that in my life pshh

OMG ?? SHAE UR SO TALENTED 😪😪 i bet your vocals r sooo good omg !! AND PLS KOREAN CLASSES TOO ?? wow i cud only dream of being as productive as you </3

yes !! stronk cat !! the problem with the no character count now is that i can just keep typing and typing lmao 😭😭 im sorry if i start sending in whole essays I LITERALLY CANT HELP IT I HAVE SO MUCH TO SAY

KLDKLJDSFLJK WELL YOU MAKE IT SUPER EASY TO BE SWEET !!! covid really did bring out peoples true colours tho. some people are just ridiculous  YOU ARE BETTER OFF !!!!! YOU DONT NEED RACISM AND HOMOPHOBIA IN YOUR AWESOME AMAZING LIFE!!!! YOU DESERVE BETTER!!! i am sorry that you lost friends, that never fun :((( KSAKJDAS I WISH I WAS TALENTED BUT I AM WORKING ON IT LOL lmaoooo im not productive tho i had like 5 classes and then had to stop because my boss would have me working sooo many hours that i couldnt keep my class or i had no money for the week :(  IT IS OKAY I LOVE LONG MESSAGES AND I ALSO SEND ESSAYS WHEN TALKING TO PEOPLE SO WRITE AWAY !!!!! I DONT CARE ESPECIALLY CAUSE ITS YOU AND I LOVE YOU AND IVE MISSED YOU !!!!

[nataschasfm]

            hello  everyone  ,  i’m  lia  !  i’m  21+  ,  prefer  she / they  pronouns  ,  reside  in  the  est  timezone  ,  and  i’m  super  stoked  to  be  here  !  i  have  been  wanting  to  write  out  an  older  muse  for  quite  some  time  now  ,  and  i’m  really  happy  that  i  stumbled  upon  manhattan  at  like  ...  4am  the  other  day  !  i  won’t  bore  you  with  my  own  intro  because  i’m  incapable  of  condensing  my  writing  (  a  true  lover  of  details  )  ,  but  please  feel  free  to  message  me  on  discord  if  that’s  the  best  place  for  you  when  it  comes  to  plotting  ,  or  we  can  keep  it  in  the  im’s  !  i  will  admit  to  natascha  being  a  relatively  new  muse  ,  so  please  excuse  me  for  any  kinks  i  may  work  out  as  time  progresses  ,  but  i  can’t  wait  to  read  everyone’s  intros  and  plot with  your  amazing  muses  !

            bae  joohyun  .  cis  female  .  she  /  her  //  you  don’t  know  ?  that’s  NATASHA  SUH  !  they’re  a  THIRTY  year  old  fashion  stylist  and  entrepreneur  from  OJAI  ,  CALIFORNIA  .  as  part  of  manhattan’s  elite  ,  the  amaranth  is  known  to  be  POISED  &  OBTRUSTIVE  .  most  people  recognize  them  by  trying  on  ten  outfits  before  picking  the  first  ,  the  sound  of  luxurious  suitcase  wheels  on  airport  floors  ,  the  soft  scent  of  vanilla  lingering  in  shower  steam  ,  and  the  gentle  sparkle  in  her  eyes  when  she  gets  what  she  wants  .

NAME  :  natascha  suh  .

NICKNAME(S)  :  sascha  ,  primarily  .  nat  and  tasch  .

AGE  +  DOB  :  thirty  +  february  19th  ,  1990  .

HEIGHT  :  5′2″  .

ASTROLOGICAL  SIGN  :  pisces  .

MORAL  ALIGNMENT  :  chaotic  good  .

GENDER  +  PRONOUNS  :  cis  female  +  she  /  her  /  hers  .

PLACE  OF  BIRTH  :  ojai  ,  california  .

SEXUAL  ORIENTATION  :  bisexual  .

ROMANTIC  ORIENTATION  :  biromantic  

OCCUPATION  :  fashion  stylist  and  entrepreneur  .

NATIONALITY  :  korean - american  .

ETHNICITY  :  korean  .

LANGUAGES  SPOKEN  :  english  ,  korean  ,  and  conversational  japanese  .

background  .

natascha  grew  up  in  the  beautiful  ojai  ,  california  to  a  neurosurgeon  of  a  father  and  a  yoga  instructor  /  stay  at  home  wife  of  a  mother  .  on  one  hand  ,  natascha’s  home  life  was  very  comfortable  ,  but  she  also  never  really  knew  what  she  wanted  to  be  when  she  grew  up  .  at  three  ,  she  would  have  said  that  she  wanted  to  be  a  princess  .  at  thirteen  ,  she  would  have  said  she  wanted  to  be  a  lawyer  (  much  to  the  dismay  of  her  father  )  ,  but  she  didn’t  really  know  what  she  wanted  to  do  until  she  was  sixteen  and  tasked  with  the  responsibility  of  her  first  car  .

given  a  1995  volvo  850  ,  she  was  suddenly  tasked  with  paying  for  maintenance  and  her  portion  of  the  insurance  .  as  most  sixteen  year  olds  did  in  2006  ,  she  went  out  and  nabbed  herself  a  job  at  the  local  mall  .  during  that  time  ,  it  was  eight  hours  of  work  a  day  to  pay  for  her  most  prized  possession  ,  but  natascha  also  fell  in  love  with  clothes  .  sure  ,  she  had  a  closet  full  of  pieces  that  she  adored  ,  but  she  never  had  an  appreciation  for  what  went  into  styling  .

so  ,  as  she  worked  at  various  stores  in  the  mall  (  she  worked  at  three  up  until  she  was  nineteen  )  ,  she  learned  what  it  took  to  style  the  mannequins  after  begging  each  one  of  her  managers  to be  tasked  with  the  job  .  she  was  always  working  her  hardest  to  show  off  what  she  knew  ,  but  in  the  beginning  it  wasn’t  so  easy  .  she  was  often  told  to  redo  something  ,  to  take  away  a  certain  accessory  ,  or  to  change  the  outfit  all  together  .    

natascha  slowly  worked  her  way  to  becoming  a  stylist  at  neiman  marcus  when  she  was  twenty  ,  but  she  didn’t  want  to  leave  it  there  .  so  ,  natascha  went  off  to  attend  the  academy  of  art  university  where  she  obtained  an  associate’s  in  fashion  styling  .  while  there  ,  it  took  a  lot  of  time  networking  with  various  people  ,  attending  a  ton  of  social  events  ,  and  juggling  a  full  time  job  post  graduation  to  get  the  dream  she  was  hoping  to  obtain  .  natascha  spent  a  lot  of  time  telling  little  white  lies  to  her  parents  about  being  okay  ,  when  in  reality  ,  she  was  constantly  overwhelmed  .

it  took  about  two  years  of  grinding  nonstop  before  natascha  encountered  a  photographer  ,  and  said  photographer  helped  her  land  a  dream  job  :  styling  a  shoot  for  british  vogue  .  next  thing  you  know  ,  she  was  on  a  flight  to  london  about  to  do  what  she  loved  .  a  few  months  later  ,  natascha  nabbed  one  of  the  magazines  from  her  local  bookseller  ,  and  she  was  brought  to  tears  when  she  saw  her  name  published  in  a  true  magazine  .

this  was  only  the  start  ,  because  soon  ,  her  phone  was  ringing  off  of  the  hook  and  she  was  only  twenty - five  !  while  she  loved  styling  for  magazines  ,  natascha  eventually  moved  into  personal  styling  because  she  loved  helping  people  fall  in  love  with  clothes  ,  but  also  helping  them  feel  good  in  their  clothes  .  thanks  to  the  introduction  of  instagram  ,  natascha  was  reaching  more  people  and  able  to  network  much  easier  ,  so  here  she  was  officially  building  a  brand  .  

natascha  was  twenty - seven  when  she  officially  purchased  a  showroom  ,  and  she  was  once  again  moved  to  tears  when  natascha  suh  style  lit  up  on  the  neon  sign  .  she  was  proud  to  see  her  styling  be  posted  on  instagrams  and  on  twitter  ,  being  tagged  and  praised  for  her  work  .  all  of  natascha’s  hard  work  paid  off  as  she  was  soon  being  invited  to  sit  front  row  during  fashion  month  ,  (  and  because i’m  obsessed  with  those  pictures  )  ,  she  was  invited  to  be  the  face  of  miu  miu  !  

currently  ,  natascha  has  her  showroom  in  the  city  ,  where  she  works  primarily  on  personal  styling  ,  but  she  still  styles  for  certain  fashion  shows  and  magazines  .  she’s  worked  with  various  brands  in  the  past  (  and  because  i  love  me  some  badgalriri  )  and  now  she  works  as  a  stylist  with  fenty  !

temperament  .

very  outspoken  and  she  wants  to  be  in  your  business  !  likes  to  gossip  ,  but  doesn’t  really  care  to  know  all  of  your  business  .  generally  ,  she’s  really  chatty  .  she’s  the  kind  of  woman  who  knows  better  than  to  tote  people’s  business  if  they’re  only  sharing  it  with  her  .

can  be  quite  dignified  in  the  sense  that  she  can  sometimes  carry  herself  with  her  nose  in  the  air  ,  but  she’s  not  super  snooty  by  any  means  .  she  carries  herself  as  such  because  in  her  career  ,  it’s  all  about  what  and  who  you  know  .  

she  can  be  quite  dramatic  at  times  and  sometimes  she  doesn’t  even  notice  that  she’s  doing  it  .  sometimes  she  complains  a  lot  and  can  sound  really  bratty  at  times  ,  but  that’s  just  how  she  is  .  overall  ,  though  ,  she’s  very  fun - loving  and  always  looking  to  have  a  good  time  .  natascha  and  drama  DO  NOT  mix  ,  but  she’s  not  going  to  pretend  like  she  doesn’t  have  any  /  hasn’t  had  any  in  her  life  .  

headcanons  .

natascha  grew  up  in  a  slightly  unconventional  home  ,  and  that’s  stuck  with  her  even  until  now  !  she  may  live  in  the  city  ,  but  she’s  always  looking  for  that  laidback  flair  that  ojai  is  known  for  .  her  apartment  is  littered  with  greenery  ,  and  it’s  not  unheard  of  for  her  to  whip  out  a  yoga  mat  from  behind  the  couch  .  

she’s  very  into  her  home  being  her  relaxed  space  ,  and  she  specifically  likes  to  keep  her  home  and  work  life  separate  .  her  showroom  is  very  colorful  and  loud  because  of  all  of  the  colors  and  the  clothes  everywhere  ,  but  her  apartment  is  full  of  earthy  tones  and  really  a  place  of  comfort  .

her  love  language  is  cooking  meals  together  and  remembering  what  she  may  have  told  you  !  as  aforementioned  ,  she’s  very  much  a  chatty  kathy  so  if  you  remember  what  she’s  told  you  in  the  middle  of  her  ramblings  then  she’ll  love  you  forever  .

designer  lover  from  head  to  toe  !  although  i  will  say  that  she  likes  her  lower  end  pieces  as  well  .  definitely  known  for  pairing  inexpensive  jeans  with  thousand  dollar  boots  and  things  of  the  sort  .  to  her  ,  it’s  all  about  looking  good  at  the  end  of  the  day  .

most  comfortable  in  her  apartment  where  she  can  let  her  hair  down  and  she  doesn’t  have  to  wear  pants  !  come  to  her  house  when  she’s  done  with  work  and  chances  are  she’s  wearing  her  pajamas  and  trying  out  of  the  mountains  of  makeup  that  she’s  been  sent  .  so  ,  don’t  be  surprised  if  she  answers  the  door  taking  off  a  deep  berry  lipstick  or  shimmering  eyeshadow  .

[nikitasbt]

Peppermint Candy (박하사탕, Bakha Satang, 2000) by Lee Chang-dong

An established Korean novelist Lee Chang-dong came to the world of filmmaking quite late surprisingly shifting his career from writing plays and fiction. He released his debut film Green Fish in 1997 when he was 43 years old. This film has received wide acclaim and granted Lee Chang-dong a reputation of new influential Korean director. Peppermint Candy (2000) became the second feature-length film of Lee Chang-dong. A piercing tragedy in Peppermint Candy starts with the protagonist Yong-ho (portrayed by Sol Kyung-gu) committing suicide. The rest of the story is told in a reverse chronology disclosing the events of the character's past leading him to climb up the track and face the train in his suicide. The train track appears every time after new flashback of Yong-ho illustrating his way back in time. In his last moments of life, he couldn't stand it anymore. His traumatized mind was reluctant to deal with either present or future, as Yong-ho was now completely devastated. He gets a final release looking into the past as the train goes back in time, in order to revive the background of this emotional breakdown.

The story of Yong-ho is told in connection with two main characters of his life. Sun-im (Moon So-ri) is the first love of Yong-ho he met 30 years ago. They met during a college trip, and she gave him a peppermint candy he really liked. She symbolizes the character’s innocence and pure dreams of having a good future, becoming a photographer, loving a woman. Sun-im enters comatose in the first flashback prior to Yong-ho's suicide. Her last wish was to see him and to hand him a photo camera she has bought him many years ago. Encounter with Sun-im becomes the last drop in Yong-ho's breakdown. But in the other flashbacks, we see how their relationships developed, and how he has lost an emotional link with Sun-im and his innocence she symbolized.

The second character employed to depict the character's tragedy is his wife Hong-ja (Kim Yeon-jin). In flashbacks, we see their marriage not working, and he never used to love Hong-ja or care about her. A flashback shows the time they met when Yong-ho's personality was already corrupted. Many years back he was pulling Hong-ja in front of loving Sun-im just to show the first love he has changed, and there is no way to be together. He marries Hong-ja just for the sake of marrying someone. It comes as no surprise, he ruins the life of Hong-ja traumatizing Sun-im earlier and himself.

Flashbacks connect the tragedy and breakdown of Yong-ho with political events and social problems of South Korea. He's got drafted to the army in 1980 to perform mandatory military services for several years. Before that, he was just a teenager who had no intent to fight. He met Sun-im, and they fell in love. She's been sending him the peppermint candies to the military parts for months while he was dreaming to reunite with his love. However, it was just a dream. The army appeared to be very cruel, and Yong-ho was treated awfully there. Moreover, his unit was sent to quell The Gwangju Uprising in 1980. This day resulted in massacre and Yong-ho accidentally shot the innocent young girl dead. The country and military service have traumatized him this day giving a strat to the destruction of his personality.

Later, we see Yong-ho becoming a police officer. He has a short temper, we see his personality becoming more violent as he tortures the student in the police office. He is not able to get over that day he killed a girl, and now he plots revenge to the world with his cruel methods of work. As time goes by, he becomes even more violent. He refuses to be kind and loving with Sun-im when they meet. Later, he would make one shy attempt to reunite with her, but it won't work. The next time he meets her is the time a few days prior to his own death. He brings peppermint candies to the hospital and talks to Sun-im who is unconscious in a coma. Few hours later, in anger, he sells the camera she left him. She has bought this camera many years ago knowing he wanted to be a photographer, but he refused to take it. Now he destroys from this camera the tape as he wants to have no memories of the past. He cannot get back his innocence as he can't be with Sun-im anymore. The photo camera, peppermint candies and train appear as the symbols of the protagonist's past several times. These symbols are very simple, as well as the whole story. Yet this clarity doesn't make it boring. The director shows this tragedy in a very simple way, but the film is very thought-provoking and deep. Lee Chang-dong demonstrates in this film both social issues of his country and violent political events of the Korean history. We see how dangerous and harmful these things could be on an example of Yong-ho. The breakdown has started when he simply went to the army, but then he would kill a girl, loose his love, torture people, destroy the life of his wife, scammed by the business partner. In the end of this tragedy, he would have nothing left but the memories of the photo camera and peppermint candy. The traumatic events of his past embed the character in the present he is not able to deal with.

Peppermint Candy is certainly a really good and emotionally charged story. Lee Chang-dong created another masterpiece matching the level of his Green Fish. Peppermint Candy was well received both in South Korea and the western world winning quite a few international rewards at different film festivals.

[agirlinhell]

Just in case y’all missed it or didn’t look at Clementine’s updated bio, here are a few things you need to know that are a distinct and unique part of my portrayal of her that I DO NOT want anyone stealing! Beware of spoilers and mature themes and post length! If you see anyone stealing these headcanons, please IM me.

-Clementine is an eclectic witch with an intrigue for the occult and all things magical. She takes elements from African Witchcraft, Animism, Art Witchcraft, Astrology Witchcraft, Crystal Witchcraft, Dianic Witchcraft, Divination, Elemental Witchcraft, Kemeticism, Floral Witchcraft, Green Witchcraft, Hearth / Kitchen Witchcraft, Hellenism, Lunar Witchcraft, Musical Witchcraft, Sea / Water Witchcraft and Hoodoo to make her own type of magic.

-Clementine is demibiromantic and demibisexual - most times she has no preference between men and women, but sometimes this fluctuates in preferences, i.e sometimes she prefers the company of males over females and vice versa.

-When she was younger, from ages eight to eleven, she would start to draw vent art, especially after the incident at the St. John’s Dairy - and often times this consisted of rather dark imagery. She stopped at age twelve.

-Clementine is racially ambiguous. She identifies as Black / African-American, but it is possible that she may be descended from other none-African races further back in the family tree, though this is debatable. Regardless, Clementine does not know her true heritage nor is it likely she ever will, and it’s not like she can take a DNA test. However, regardless of belief, it's highly unlikely that Clementine will ever know her true heritage, and as such, she identifies as Black / African-American, even if there is the possibility of her being mixed.

-Clementine identifies as Cisgender Female / Demigirl so thus she uses she/her/ and they/them pronouns. She’s still experimenting with her gender identity and discovering herself. 

-Clementine is very androgynous, especially in her youth during the events of Season Two. Many individuals at Howe’s thought she was a boy.

-In her default verse, Clementine is eighteen, as it is set a few months after the events of The Final Season.

-Clementine is a proud Scorpio - and a Scorpio Queen at that.

-In her default verse, Clementine is leader and Headmistress of Ericson’s Boarding School For Troubled Youth, to which it is later renamed The Enlightenment - Aasim is the one who came up with the name because the previous suggestions that Violet gave out were considered quite informal but Clementine and Violet sometimes call the school the name they chose as a private joke.

-The Enlightenment is not only a settlement in it’s own right, but it also doubles as a sanctuary for the lost and the refugees from the wars outside of their borders and an actual school in the apocalypse. The settlement becomes formidable and renown for it’s neutrality and safe environment, and survivors from more established communities send their children to learn there.

-Clem was raised in a mild Christian household before the outbreak; she was an agnostic during the events of Season Two to Season Three: A New Frontier, and in present time, she is Pantheistic and a believer of the Greek Pantheon but will occasionally pray to and brings offerings to Egyptian gods such as Bastet and Sekhmet. She mostly prays and brings offerings to Hecate, Persephone, Aphrodite, Athena and Artemis, but will also pray to Apollo, Demeter, Dionysus, Hermes, Hestia, Harmonia, Nemesis, the Muses and the Charites. Yet her patron goddess that she prays to most will always be Hecate, the goddess of crossroads, entrance-ways, light, the night, the moon, magic, witchcraft, knowledge of herbs and poisonous plants, ghosts, sorcery and necromancy. Despite all this, she is very open minded to other religions and faiths, and even those who don’t have a faith.

-She believes in past lives and reincarnation, and that there is life on other planets.

-Honestly, at this point, after seeing humans literally rise from the dead and start devouring people, she’ll most likely believe in anything considered “occult”, “mystical” or “magical”.

-She speaks English (mother tongue), Spanish (intermediate, taught by the Garcia family), French (beginner, self taught, Louis teaches her a bit as well), American Sign Language (in a verse where Louis loses his tongue, self taught, intermediate, post-The Final Season), Latin (self taught, beginner, post-The Final Season), and Korean (beginner, taught by James, post-The Final Season) in default. She hopes she can learn more languages in the future, because of just how essential it is for communication in the apocalypse.

-Clementine has up to the middle of her calf on her left leg amputated by AJ after she was bit by a walker - often uses crutches to move around, but this advances to using a wheelchair or riding on her mare, Epona, when she wants to speed up her pace, and this evolves into a wooden foot and then a prosthetic foot via trade with other settlements.

-What is truly concerning, however, is her mental health: Clementine is psychologically damaged. Depressive disorder, PTSD, Anxiety, abandonment issues, suffers with hallucinatory episodes from time to time, she is an insomniac. Survivor's guilt. Self-loathing tendencies. Sociopathic tendencies. Suicidal tendencies. Possible messiah complex. She has the possibility of becoming an addict to drugs or alcohol if she is not careful and has suffered from substance abuse after her exile from The New Frontier whilst in Prescott at a young age. She could potentially have a "hero complex," with her inherent desire to help those around her, despite being unable to help herself, and having a compulsion to make the world right. She dislikes her reality which is mostly portrayed as polluted, dull and disheartening, full of the dead walking among the living, human trafficking, anarchy and homelessness, and struggles to cope with everyday life but it has improved post-The Final Season. 

-Clementine's lived in borderline poverty and homelessness for most of her young life and she has faced the possibility of prostitution at a very young age in Prescott in order to survive and this obviously leads her to having trust issues. Clementine was for the most part, lonely, and did not have friends or family, as everyone else had either betrayed her or died.

-She has heightened senses. 

-Clementine also has a deep fear of illness. She lived for a very long time in the wilderness with the groups she’s been with, especially in Larry’s case and his frequent heart attacks to the point where it indirectly lead to his own death by Kenny’s hands and then lived on the streets of Prescott and received very minimal medical care, for this, she can be absurdly clean to the point it’s a little jarring. Even a simple cold can make her worry as she had no way to provide for herself if ill, it reminds her of the extreme situations she endured. 

-She suffers in silence as a survivor of sexual abuse - she has never told anyone of her experiences. 

-She's self harmed and attempted suicide on multiple occasions in her past, both at a very young age. She hasn’t done either of these things since she was twelve years old.

-Clem still dreams of Lee and her loved ones and talks to them as if they were still there with her. 

-While Clementine is not completely cured of her depression and her mental illnesses, it is also noticeable that she is no longer suffering from it as much as she was before, and some of her mental health is under her control.

-Clem worked as a Former Supply Runner, Patroller, Hunter, Medic and Fighter for The New Frontier.

-She was a Former Spy, Beggar, Thief, Arsonist and Child Mercenary For Hire and has been a Bar Owner and a Businesswoman of many trades - almost that of a Gang Leader in Prescott - all at a young age.

-Clementine ends up taking Tennessee and Willy under her wing and thinks of them almost the same way as she would AJ - her younger brothers or her sons - it’s complicated, but she loves them very much.

-After the events of The Final Season, Tenn shows up quite often in her room at night because he cannot sleep due to the recent trauma he’s endured and asks her for advice or alternatively, to sing him to sleep. She gladly does so. 

-Clementine’s maternal grandmother was a Voodoo practitioner. Clem can still remember her, but only vaguely. Her grandmother had intended on teaching her granddaughter Voodoo but the outbreak hit before she could.

-Post-The Final Season, Clementine and the group takes care of nine stray cats who she’s named Luna, Hazel, Sol, Serena, Rai, Brynjar, Oreo, Pepper, and Stella. She and AJ take care of a little box turtle that they’ve named Franklin. Three stray, friendly foxes also make their way around the school, a white fox, a black fox, and a red fox, to which Clementine and the group began naming Aurora, Agni and Aenar. Determinantly, Clementine has her own horse that she stole from the Delta and named it Epona after the mare began taking a liking to the girl. Clementine rides her often whenever she feels stressed and they share a great bond.

-Clementine’s full name is Clementine Maria Jasmine Cree, but will use the surname Everett in honor of her protector and adoptive father figure. “Clementine” is “Mercy” in Latin, “Maria” is the Latinized form of “Mary” whom is a respected figure in many religions - notably Christianity and Islam - whom is the mother of the savior of the world; it has several different meanings: “sea of bitterness”, “sea of sorrow”, “rebellion”, “wished-for-child” and “mistress or lady of the sea.”, “Jasmine” is a Persian word meaning “Gift from God” or “God’s Gift” and it is also named after the Jasmine flower, which holds significant cultural, symbolic and religious significance in countries like India, Hawaii, Indonesia, Pakistan, the Philippines, Syria, Thailand and the United States. It symbolizes motherhood, love, respect, beauty, sensuality, appreciation, good luck, purity, and romance. “Cree” means “Highly Spirited”. “Everett” - a surname that Clementine takes on as a momentum to her mentor, Lee Everett, comes from the Old English word eoforheard which means “brave as a wild boar”.

-She is directly descended from a Voodoo Queen in New Orleans, she also has ancestral ties to the Maroons and many of her ancestors were bokor or caplata, meaning male and female Vodou witches. Many of her recent ancestors were skilled in music. Her relations tie back to Ancient Egypt and other great African empires, many of them were explorers, travelers and sailors, whilst others were horsemen and feared archers and warriors. Clementine has no knowledge of any of this, nor is it likely she ever will discover this revelation.

-Post-The Final Season, Clementine lets her hair grow out a little longer. She lets her hair loose, especially when the colder seasons pass through as it covers her neck and just past her shoulderblades. When styling her hair, she often chooses protective styles in traditional African styles such as Afro Puffs, Bantu Knots, braids, and cornrows.

-As an eclectic witch, she likes using glyphs, sigils, runes, colored candles, metals, herbs, oils, crystals, special stones, rocks, seashells, animal skulls, flowers and plants to use in her spells and to decorate her room. She has a grimoire that she write her past in, the history of magic and how she initiated, an appendix of crystals, herbs, plants and trees, spells, ingredients, prayers, incantations, rituals, holidays, zodiacs, planets and celestial bodies, gods/goddesses/deities, their powers and how to worship them, the planes of existence, animals, mythical creatures, demonology, dragonlore, necromancy, the dark arts, books to use as references, colors, altars, recipes while cooking / baking in spells, magical objects, spiritualism, mythologies of several cultures around the world, symbols, sigils, the phases of the moon, flower language from the Victorian Era and fan language. Luckily, the school is quite large and the library is being rebuilt and books are generously donated by other settlements through trade. Clementine’s knowledge skyrockets in adulthood, quite impressive for a girl who had once been in first grade.

-In the colder seasons, such as autumn and winter, she tends to wear more to clothing with furs on and inside them if she manages to acquire them. Some of the outfits she wears consists of her own homemade outfits of animal furs she had skinned herself. Clementine wears an Omega necklace that Louis gives her, symbolizing the end of something. In current plots, she wears a opal crystal pendant necklace around her neck, hanging down to about her chest as a gift from The Commonwealth; it’s her birthstone and she believes it could grant her luck among other things. She often makes her friends and family fur cloaks to keep them warm.

-She begins taking an intrigue in playing musical instruments, notably the piano, but has started playing the flute, the violin and the harp. Clem is mostly focused on learning her piano lessons as of now, though.

[doyoung]

Hi this is in response to your post ranting about SM. So sorry but I kinda need to rant too in defence of sm cos he can suck but were going a tad overboard. SM only has so much resources, and they are already spending a lot of it on nct. 127 had 3 cb in 6 months. Non Asia tour? Check. 4 units in 4 years? Check. Songs in Kor, Jap, Eng, Chi, Thai? Check. Other SM groups? Fx hasn’t had a proper album in years, Meus were already very happy when ot4 got a station. Exo has an average of 3 cbs a year.

Also, if 1+ units debut per year with 3 existing units, are there going to be enough fans to support all the units in different regions? I suppose we could be a little more patient. Once again, I just think we could be a little more appreciative of how SM treats nct (compared with their labelmates onos) and I love your blog. Baii

hello~ firstly thank you for being respectful haha and im thankful for getting a response from someone! i love having discussions so i was really excited to have read your messages. i hope you don’t mind, but i’m going to break down your message in order to get my point across. 

- “i kinda need to rant too in defence of sm cos he can suck“  idk but the ‘he’ is making me think, that you think i’m talking about lee sooman? if so, then i am not! i mean he’s no angel but out of any ceo that has ran the company, the artists has and still interact with sooman the most. they speak about him, in one of the dear sm videos you can see them running to him and hugging him, he seems like the most genuine ceos that has even passed through the company and dispite popular belief, he’s not the ceo anymore! i forgot his exact position but he’s no longer the ceo and hasn’t been for year. so when i talk about sm i am not talking about sooman in specific but the company as a whole.

- to point out, you’re saying that they have put a lot of resources into nct and then go on to name the comebacks that 127 have had alone and the tours 127 alone has done. i don’t disagree that they don’t put a lot into nct but what i am saying is that they put a lot into 1 unit in specific. nct is not just 127. i am a strong believer that 127 is the most important unit since they are the representation of kpop starting in seoul then making it’s way globally but with that said they are putting way too much emphasis on just that one unit, even if it’s the most important. 

- i’m going to use the things you’ve stated to clarify myself. = 3 comebacks in 6 months: i don’t really consider dnyl a comeback since it’s not a promoted song and only an sm station. but anywho, before that dream’s last comeback was 9 months ago. take off was a comeback yes but it was given very little promotion, i would say they’ve performed that song like 3 or 4 times in the past almost 2 months. superhuman was promoted in the US long before it was released, and then after it’s release it was promoted in korea as well. = non asia tour: this was only given to 127. their was also asia dates in their tour and it was also only 127.  =  Songs in Kor, Jap, Eng, Chi, Thai = excluding the chinese and thai songs, only 127 were given those songs. keep in mind this is the korean unit being given songs in japanese and english as well. = 4 units in 4 years = no, it’s only 3 years lol and the first 3 units were debuted in the same year. this year is when wayv debuted and their debut album was only a digital release with songs from another unit. then they had a comeback with an actual physical album which only had 3 songs out of 6 being new songs. going back to before wayv debuted, 127 were given SEVEN albums while dream was given 3 albums. 127 debut was a physical album, dream’s was like wayv which was a digital album. u technically has 1 album but idk if that counts since its all units LOL

i think you’ve misunderstood my point as me saying that i want more units which is not what i’m saying. what i want is for sm (the company) to stop pushing 127 and make use of the other 3 units. like i said, before dreams song this year, their last promoted comeback was 9 months ago.  now going back to you saying that they have limited resources. i do agree. but please keep in mind that 127 has albums with songs that have been released on THREE different albums. not remixed, not sung in a different language, it was just re-released. that takes absolutely no resource. what is the purpose of that?? if anything they’re gaining more resources by releasing albums priced as a new album, while the album itself only has like half the contents being new. i don’t know if that’s making sense lol but what i’m saying is they will factor in the recording and editing and producing price into each new song right? but only half the songs are new, but you still have to pay for them even though you paid for them in previous albums, because it’s being advertised as new when it’s not. on the note of songs, 127 has recorded a japanese album at the same time they recorded a korean album and possibly an english album. they also had to learn a choreography for the japanese title song and the korean title song at the same time, while preparing for a tour. my point is that instead of giving 127 all this load, why not split it between other units that are there and doing nothing?? like i said, dream’s last comeback was 9 months ago, they could’ve gotten a comeback instead of giving 127 a repacked and making them practice for regular, simon says, the tour and wakey wakey within a few months. instead of giving them wakey wakey why not give the album to nct u and have those members promote it? or instead of having 127, the korean unit, release a song in english, why not get the english speaking members of the song together in u and have them promote it overseas while 127 promoted in korea?? 

i think you took what i said and applied it to all of sm and their other groups when i didn’t mean that. i am not complaining that i want more for nct, i am complaining that i want things to be more evenly distributed. i do not want more for them because they already have so much but it’s only being stacked in one area when there’s a whole big field. 

and about the tour, what i was saying is that if they want a world tour, why not wait until they actually make us of “to the world we are nct” and have the respective units debut and then do it like that, to evenly distribute the preparations between people instead of having some overworked and some doing nothing.

i am sorry but i am not going to be more appreciated tbh. i’m not saying that i aren’t appreciated because i am so so thankful for what they are being given but for me to be even more thankful will be for me to just allow them to be injured while there are literally units who can be given something to do.

[housewarmth]

All of those soft asks

amandaaaaaaaa i love u thank u sweet child of mine

1. cherry - what is your sexuality?

gay! very gay!

2. lollipop - favorite makeup products?

i don’t know. i like my eyebrownssss makeup

3. daydreams - if you could be anything or anyone, who would you be?

if i could be anything! i’d wanna be an angelhair fern! so sweet and delicate and airy. i wanna be airy

4. october - what month were you born in?

july! big crabby cancer 🦀

7. golden - favorite stationary product?

i really like sticky notes n stickers like that, but i never use them. i just like looking at them. i don’t know what requires their use so i hardly justify them

8. freckles - most-worn article of clothing?

my lil boy pants. easy to move around in when im in the studio. plus, easy access when you’re in desperate need to get laid

9. twilight - best friend?

my studio wife! we’re very different actually, but since were always together people think we’re one in the same

10. silk - do you like k-pop?

uh, not really. my boss is getting into kpop because she wants to embrace her korean-ness so i hear it a lot at work

11. poppy - favorite pastel color?

pastel orange!

12. dimples - most attractive features of a person’s face?

jaw! and their nose. every person i’ve been with i’ve been sooo into their nose. theyre so cute

13. sunkissed - autumn or spring?

autumn! spring is usually a ruff time for me

14. buttery - favorite snack?

OH okay i have a favorite snack that i treat myself with (not because its just so great even though i love it, but because its a process to do and i love the task it gives me). its herb goat cheese with fig butter on pita crackers with half a baby gherkin pickle. it looks adorable really and i like making them one by one as i eat it so i have something to do with my hands. also, just anything with chocolate generally is a real good time 

15. whisper - how much sleep do you get?

hahaha well if you asked me over summer, i’d say 8-9 hours. now i’m getting close to 3-5 hours a night? i’m really feelin the effects of that

16. pencil - do you own a journal?

i guess so! my sketchbooks you could say are my journals, but i sort of journal wherever i can, like on scraps of homework, notes, newspaper, on my phone. i try to compile them but i’m to all over the place to do that

17. cupcake - are you a good cook?

i would say so! my partner likes to cook more but i think i’m more of a better cook. i tend to be a lil bossy in the kitchen

18. honey - favorite term of endearment?

i love callin people luvbug n baby angel. i say luv of my life quite a lot, i’ve got a lot of those

19. clouds - describe one of your favorite dreams?

i wouldn’t say i really remember good dreams, just like recent ones or ones that hit me the most. a lot of scary ones stick more. i haven’t been dreaming much so i got nothin

20. velvet - who was your first crush?

oh this boy named josh. i was around 5 and he was a few years older. we were dating i guess and his mom loved me. she’d buy me huge stuffed animals and hide them in our daycare. he was so sweet with me and i think we were pretty cute together. weird im not into boys anymore after that. or blondes?

21. paper - favorite children’s book?

dr. seuss’s whacky wednesday! i used to make my mom read it to me almost every night. when she got sick of the same thing, instead of making her read something else, i started to learn to read it myself since i knew what it would say

29. skin - what distant relative are you closest to?

i’m not close to any of my relatives. i guess my cousin in germany but i never talk to her really directly

30. aphrodite - favorite actress/actor?

anne hathaway used to be my all time favorite actress since i was a kid. watching oceans 8 sparked it back up again

31. cuddles - do you have any pets?

lots of pets! a lot of fish, a cat my partner and i have, my parents’ cats, and my big baby turtle

32. lace - if you own any dresses, which is your favorite?

i don’t own any real dresses except this babydoll thing i wear out of the shower sometimes

33. sheets - sanrio or san-x characters?

i have no fucking clue what this says

34. cream - frozen yogurt flavor?

my studio wife and this older woman in the studio love going to yogurtland. i got a churro flavor and its so fucking good. i still have some in the studio fridge somewhere.

35. watermelon - do films ever make you cry?

yes all the time. trailers make me cry. i cry at a lot of things for no reason. or maybe a reason but i just don’t notice it. i start to tear up maybe once a day? is that something related to my depression? anxiety? i don’t know. i started to cry last night talking to my partner about drugs and stuff and my family’s history with stuff like that. it’s never affected me before but something about it made me cry and i didn’t know how to make it go away. lol?

36. sapphos - favorite poet?

im not much of a poetry person but my friend writes some good stuff. shes doing a poetry reading soon at a wine bar oooouuu

37. plush - how many stuffed animals do you still own?

a lot! a lot still at my parents’ house from when i was a kid. some of my mom’s when she was a kid. i have a few here down at my place too. i got this octopus that’s pretty cool

38. roses - what flower do you find most beautiful?

ohhhhh man okay so there’s this big vine plant at my studio job that’s in the middle of the concrete jungle that i swear has all the butterflies in all of la attracted to it. today i got to work and there were 10 butterflies and no joke hundreds of caterpillars at all stages of their cycled in the yard. there’s hardly anything left of the plant now but there are these beautiful flowers on it called a bluecrown passionflower. how sexy is that

39. sweetheart - favorite mug/cup?

my favorite mug! is one my friend made me! it’s blue and sad and everyone comments on it! i love getting to say my friend made me it! i think hes making me another one because he asked me for my address. i don’t wanna get my hopes up but i really…..hope there’s some pottery in that package

40. sunset - what are your pronouns?

she/her! they/them! i’m cool with anything!

ou wow this is so fucking long im so sorry to everyone that has to scroll past this

[all-about-wannaone]

4/100 Ways To Say I Love You

Pairing: Park Woojin x Reader 

Genre: Fluff, Light Angst, Slice Of Life 

Prompt: “Come here, let me fix it.” 

Words: 4814 

A/N: Trust me when I say that I wanted to post this yesterday, but my internet did not cope with me at this point. :( Hence, I could only post this today, but I am so glad my internet is up and running again and I could not be more excited to share this new part of the series with you guys! ^^ I know it’s a little longer than usual, but I hope that you guys will enjoy it as much as I do! Unfortunately, I do have some news for you guys and that would include the fact that written ship requests will now be CLOSED as I want to focus a little on my scenarios and fanfiction requests for now. :’) I’ve seen my inbox and have seen at least 5-6 requests for a “Wanna One mafia AU” and the good news would be that I would be finally kickstarting the request! Thank you all for being so patient and do look forward to it! 

It was probably a given when I say that being a trainee in the Korean pop industry was tough. The competition was extremely intense, with bands debuting faster than ever in such a short amount of time. In 2012 alone, over 400 bands debuted and from then on, the numbers had dwindled, but they were still considerably high. Nevertheless, the dreams of debuting in a team were not easy to grasp either.

In fact, there was never a guarantee to when a company would tell one that he or she was going to debut. All we knew was that we needed to debut by the time we turned 22. If not, we had pretty much wasted our youth, and that was the implication; a signal to tell us that it was time for us to pack our bags and go; find a better, more practical and sustainable job in the mundane working world.

For me, I would never have expected myself to sign on as a trainee for the music company, Brand New Music. It was just a pure coincidence when a young female stranger approached me with a name card while I relished in the taste of my instant noodles at a convenience store in Hangang Park. It was a strange place, to say the least, and I could not help but feel a little suspicious at the sudden offer.

Like they always say, if something was too good to be true, it probably was, and those were all the sentiments that I felt back then.

“Good afternoon, my name is Lee Eunmi from Brand New Music entertainment. We would just like to pass you our name card as an encouragement for you to sign on with our company. If you would like more details, please do not hesitate to send me an email or give me a call via these pieces of information here.”

I nodded and hummed in acknowledgement, still having a mouthful of noodles in my mouth, but my eyebrows did knit together as I took a closer look, scanning the name card’s front and back to see whether it was a legitimate company.

It had an address, a company phone number, a fax number, an official email and even other points of contact, one of them being Eunmi herself. She only chuckled in embarrassment at my reaction, and she said in a slightly awkward manner, “I’m sorry if this came as a little bit of a shock, but I would just like to say that you have been street casted, hence, we would highly encourage the fact that you participate in our auditions this coming Saturday here.”

“S-sure,” I responded, chewing the last remains of my noodles, “I-I’ll see whether I am interested or not. T-thank you very much for the offer.”

With that, she only smiled and gave a polite bow, leaving the convenience store as if nothing had happened. Then, I proceeded to recount the incident to my best friend, and to my surprise, she was extremely excited with a whole bunch of emoticons just to express her feelings.

“Why why? Is this a good thing?”

“Oh my god, is that even a question you should be asking? This is your chance Y/N. Show them what you are made of. You have literally been on the stage your entire life, surely this would only provide you with even more opportunities to learn and grow about what it’s like to be in the much coveted celebrity lifestyle, while pursuing your dreams of becoming a performer, Kpop or not. I’m so proud of you Y/N!”

Even though the words were sent through via a text message, I could definitely sense how elated she was, and after some serious consideration, I had decided to submit my application two days before the audition process. There was truly no harm giving it a shot and my best friend was right; I had always wanted to see what it was like to be considered a celebrity, and I wanted to be a performer, even at a relatively young age.

Memories came flooding back to how my parents had disapproved of my choices, but they gave in to my pleas, realising later how much passion I had for performing and the fact that my second home could well be the stage of any concert hall. Furthermore, this was a rare opportunity, and one that should not be missed.

Hence, I went for the auditions, nervous but determined and that was also the day when I met a few others, namely Park Woojin, who was my age, and Im Youngmin. Both of them came from the sunny side of Korea, also known as Busan, and for some strange reason, we had become quick friends.

Woojin and I realised that we had lots in common, while Youngmin was the equivalent of the older brother that I never had. I found out later on, 30 minutes before the audition began, that Woojin was getting in through Dance, Youngmin for Rap and I was getting in through Song. 15 minutes into the waiting process did they start to arrange us according to the categories that we had signed up for, and we wished each other the best of luck before all of us took the opportunity to show what we were made of.

Fast forward a little over 2 months later, and that was when I received my email of acceptance from Brand New Music. It turns out they had prepared a dormitory for the trainees and all I had to do was to move in and the training programme could begin proper the following day. Therefore, I requested for a week before I started, just so that I could have some time with family and friends before my schedules piled up and timetables clashed. Luckily, the CEO was nice enough and assured me that all will be okay when I sent an apology.

Then, there I was, lying on the bed of my new home that the company had sponsored. For now, it was a relatively small space, given that I was the only female trainee at that point, together with my manager. We did not have much of an age difference, hence, we became almost like sisters. Apart from having a high level of proficiency in administration, she was also extremely caring; ensuring that I ate my vitamins, consumed full meals for sustenance and occasionally snuck in a snack or two into my diet. The best thing of all, hands down, was the fact that I had someone to confide in when times got tough, especially when I had to balance both school and trainings at the same time.

It was only at the dance studio when I had realised that both Woojin and Youngmin had also been accepted under their respective categories, moving in with their youngest male trainee, Lee Daehwi, and Kim Donghyun, who joined the audition programme 4 months after me. Indeed, it was expected to be awkward, especially when we did not share very much about ourselves the last time we met, but it was as if it had become a simple reunion between a group of friends.

After practices, we would sneak out in the middle of the night to the bustling area of Gangnam, indulging in traditional and classic street food or simply spending time in the Hangang Park cycling or just enjoying the view of the city skyline from the other side. Those moments were blissful, especially when we faced such immense pressure of doing well in both our development programmes and school examinations. In fact, we only had each other for the most part, since we did not spend much time with our own classmates either.

Eventually, for some strange reason either by coincidence or fate, Woojin and I had become closer than before, to the point that we would wait for each other at the midpoint between our schools, just so that we could take a bus to our company building. Sometimes, we would spend a little more time in the studio than the rest, especially when my dancing skills were not the best. He was a little more on the quiet side and never said too much, but worked hard to polish my movements and taught me in a succint and efficient manner how I could possibly improve.

Later, we realised that we pretty much basked in each other’s company, and when we did not have any lessons go to, we would take refuge in a coffee house nearby just to talk or study. Sometimes, we would simply head down to Myeongdong or Hongdae to try their signature ddeokbokki sets or go for a few arcade games just to give ourselves a much needed break.

According to Youngmin, who had started to notice how much time Woojin and I had spent together outside of lessons and practices, feelings were bound in the way at one point. Perhaps it was because he was the oldest and had the most experience, but he was not completely wrong. No matter how much Woojin and I realised that we were “too young”, we could not deny what our hearts had been telling us for the past few months.

Call us fast, but Woojin (with lots of help from Daehwi and Donghyun) mustered the courage to confess as we stayed back to practice a little more, and with an open mind, I accepted his feelings. For obvious reasons, the company did warn us of the possible risks that we might run into eventually, but Youngmin had convinced them that it would be okay. He had said that we were just trainees, people that the public knew nothing about. Hence, he felt that we should have been given the chance to fall in and out of love (touchwood) while it still could take place. Surprisingly, the CEO accepted, but he reminded us to be more cautious, especially when we were out and about, away from the protection of the company’s 4 walls.

6 months later and the 4 boys decided to take the bold step of participating in Mnet’s survival programme “Produce 101 Season 2”. In a nutshell, it was the male version of Produce 101. I could not deny that my heart did ache a little at the thought of not being able to see them for the next 4 months or so, but this was their chance; a window of opportunity to achieve their dreams.

As they said their goodbyes with slightly tear jerking hugs and a long farewell, I promised to participate in the votings and watch the episodes, especially when the votes determined their ability to debut in the final 11 in the finale.

“Wait for me, Y/N. I promise I’ll be back before you know it. Don’t miss me too much, take care of yourself, do well in school and don’t fall sick… okay?”

Those were the last words Woojin had sent to me via text, before his phone got confiscated by the producers as a precaution for the trainees’ sake.

The days did, in fact, go by in a flash and as much as it pained me to say it, I had gotten used to the lack of enthusiastic greetings from Daehwi, Youngmin’s short but sharp comments, Donghyun’s happy-go-lucky nature and most importantly, Woojin’s overall company. Sometimes, as I crossed the mid-point between our schools, I would anticipate Woojin running towards me from behind and giving me the fright of my life. Unfortunately, it only left me with a bittersweet feeling that it was not going to be the case.

In a nutshell, Produce 101 had been a tough journey for all of them, and I could not help but feel extremely proud of how far they had come. Woojin had contracted shingles, but he still gave it his all in the performance for “Never”. Sure, they might not have won, but I was still touched by the fact that he continued to perform without giving up. Daehwi and Youngmin pulled through, despite the hate that they had received for scandals and looks (which were ridiculous in my opinion), and no matter what the circumstance, they never failed to keep their bright smiles on at all times. As for Donghyun, it was a pity that he had come home first, but he still exuded rays of positivity and optimism, telling me that he was glad he tried it, knowing that he has to work harder if he wants to achieve his dreams.

On the 14th of June, that was when the boys had finally made their way home. The night was far from young, but I took some time off to prepare for their arrival, cooking up all their favourite foods that they probably never got to eat during the show. Truth be told, thank goodness my mother was still awake so late into the night, especially when it came to the recipes and measurements that were needed for the wide spread of dishes later.

“I’m so glad to be home,” Daehwi lamented in a tired manner, but all was lost when he saw me in the kitchen, “Oh my god!!! It’s Y/N!! Hyung, Y/N’s here!!!”

“Goodness Daehwi, I know you’re excited but keep the volume down! We have neighbours around here,” Youngmin warned in a light hearted manner, only to be faced with a guilty Daehwi, and continued, “Anyway, hey Y/N, it’s… been long. Woojin’s on his way up!”

“No problem. The food should be ready any minute now and before I forget, congratulations for getting into Wanna One, Daehwi. Oppa, all hope’s not lost, you know? I can assure you that you will go far, together with Donghyun.”

Hearing that, he flashed me a sad, but relieved smile, and replied, “Thanks Y/N. Come, let me help you with the laying of the table at least.”

And there he went to take the white porcelain plates and cutlery, but that was also the time when I felt a familiar set of arms wrap around my waist from behind.

“Hey babe.” He greeted, in his low, charismatic and extremely charming voice.

“Hi Woojin. Congratulations on making it to the final line up. Are you feeling better?” I asked, concerned and he only scoffed in response, “Of course, and besides, that was weeks ago. What are you making anyway?”

“Hmm… Tofu stew for Youngmin, kimchi stew for you and Donghyun, as well soybean stew for Daehwi. You know how he hates spicy food, so I hope you enjoy it.”

“I definitely will,” he said, taking in a deep breath to inhale the fragrant aroma of the foods that were being prepared, “Damn, I’ve missed your cooking.”

I smiled at the comment, and turned off the stove, pouring Daehwi’s stew into the heat retaining bowl that I had found, garnishing them with green onions, ready to take them out. Without any words spoken or uttered, Youngmin was already on his way, taking the tray without any hesitation. However, I could not deny that the atmosphere had become a little cold; way too serious for my own liking.

“Woojin, is anything wrong? You guys seem… distant.” I whispered, and he shook his head, before fishing out a necklace from his back pocket.

“There’s nothing wrong with the hyungs, or Daehwi. In fact, it’s probably just me. I wished that I had more time to spend with you before I move into the new dormitory tomorrow with the rest of Wanna One. Hence, I-I’m sorry that I can’t give you the love and affection that you must have missed.”

“Therefore,” He said, walking behind me and sweeped my hair to one side, “Take this as a gift from me to you. I’m not sure how long it’s going to take for me to come home, but let this be a symbol for the fact that I will always remember you, whatever happens. And besides, it’s a couple necklace.”

He showed me the necklace that he wore underneath his collared baby blue shirt, and I was greeted with the sparkling sight of silver and a heart shape with nothing on the inside; just an outline. Out of curiosity, it was definitely normal to ask why.

“If you look at yours,” He said, pointing to where I should look at, “yours is the full heart. Put them together, and you get a complete heart shape because you complete me.”

It was clear that he was probably cringing at this point, and I could not help but get a little teary eyed at his gift. He had obviously put lots of thought into the meaning of the gift, and proceeded to put the clasp together once he had placed the cool metal chain around my neck.

“I know we are young, and probably still have a whole lot more into this relationship, but take this as a promise from me to you that I will always be with you, no matter what happens; physically or spiritually.”

Those were the last few words that remained etched in my mind on Woojin’s and Daehwi’s last day as “Brand New Music trainees”. Their schedules had been extremely packed with advert filmings, variety show appearances, photoshoots and preparations for their upcoming debut and concerts. As for Donghyun and Youngmin, they had been given the green light to debut as the sub-unit of “Brand New Boys”, namely “MXM”, and they too started to get busy with debut preparations as well.

Unfortunately, there I was, feeling as if I had run into a dead end. There were no other female trainees for the time being, and it seemed that there had been no auditions taking place in Brand New itself, but it was understandable. It was still a relatively new company to the market, and compared to big shots like SM Entertainment, JYP and YG, perhaps it was more strategic just to deal with whatever they had first before branching out into debuting more groups and training even more trainees.

Woojin’s necklace never left my neck throughout that process and I was glad that it had been made of a material which did not tarnish, no matter what I did to it. Indeed, he was probably prepared for the fact that I would never remove it, especially when it was my take on a good luck charm. It felt as if he was still by my side, cheering me on and giving me the strength that I needed to trudge on the road ahead.

Little did I expect the necklace to be ruined in such a short amount of time and I was devastated to say the least.

All I wanted to do was to show up at Wanna One’s many fansigning events, given that my CEO had snuck me in, as a surprise for Woojin. As expected, he looked dashing in all the outfits that had been put together tenaciously by the stylist. Yes, he was still a little awkward and shy in front of the camera, but he definitely did give the vibes of a true idol now.

Fans were armed with DSLR cameras equipped with lenses as long as 30cm, snapping pictures continuously of the entire group, or their favourite member. The flashes and sounds of pictures being taken filled the auditorium, coupled with excited chatter and the occasional screams. In retrospect, people probably wondered what on earth I was doing in such a place, but I paid them no attention as I had directed all of it to my boyfriend and his fellow members.

All I did was to say hello, bringing nothing with me and even the members were surprised, but it was only when Woojin looked up after he had received a gift that the reactions got even bigger.

“Y/N!! You came!!” He said in a loud and excited voice, and knowing him, he was probably ready to jump across the table to give me a tight hug, but I only shushed him teasingly, and he seemed to understand.

“I’m… quite surprised to see you here.” He said, while signing my phone case for me, smiling shyly as he saw that I was still wearing the necklace around my neck, “I missed you, Y/N. I’m sorry I couldn’t go back very often and —”

“Miss,” the crowd manager interrupted abruptly, “you need to move along. Please cooperate with us.”

“I’ll see you soon.” I mouthed, before moving onto the other members and greeting them with a polite bow as well, handing them my phone case for autographs too.

Truthfully, that was all I did, but never did I expect that I would end up with a broken necklace, all thanks to fans who got jealous of my interactions with Woojin. They only attacked me after I had my dinner, and I was this close to reaching the comforts of my home.

“Bitch, you didn’t deserve that time with Woojin. You’re so ugly anyway, what the hell would he see in you?”

“I agree, and besides, who are you to hold up the line? He has other fans too, you know? How disrespectful. I bet you didn’t even buy thousands of dollars worth of albums just to attend. Did you sneak in to the venue? I presume so.”

“How dare you spend so much time with our oppa. I hope I don’t see you at the next fanmeet. Not only are you a visual polluter, you’re an attention seeker too. How… disgraceful.”

I tried my best to put all those thoughts behind me, dancing and training with even more passion just to keep my mind distracted. With a tired mind also came very frequent slipups during monthly re-evaluations, and I found myself strictly reprimanded for not heeding the advice from the trainers. It then led to the immense stress and pressure that I felt now, and it did lead to many occasions when I would find myself crying, just because I could not get a step right or experiencing countless sleepless nights.

My body weight began to fluctuate from diets and stress eating, followed by the eyebags that had become significantly more prominent than before. Others began to find the rumours online, spreading hate comments and photoshopping unnecessarily onto my pictures in my SNS, leading to me deactivating it once and for all.

Then came the day when I was still practicing in the dance studio on my own. Only the Almighty would know how much time had passed, and no matter how much my legs (especially) cried for a break, I did not even bother to stop. I knew myself well enough; if I stopped, there’s no knowing where my emotions might go.

So I continued, until I heard the sound of the door open, coming face to face with an unfamiliar figure wearing a black hoodie and long sweatpants to match. I froze at the sight, ready to grab the nearest thing I see as a form of defence.

“It’s just me Y/N. Calm down.” The familiar voice said, and I sighed in relief. However, the atmosphere felt cold, sending shivers down my spine.

“Woojinnie… Why… W-why are you here?”

“Youngmin called my manager a 100 times at least, telling me that I needed to come see you as soon as I could. He said you barely ate, slept and kept yourself locked up in the practice room, as if you lived in it. He sounded so worried, and I would say the same. Y/N, why is that?”

“I’m sorry Woojin. I really am.” I replied, and my voice was starting to shake. Tears were threatening to spill at any time, but I kept it together, clenching my fist.

I walked over to my bag without making eye contact and opened the compartment at the front, taking out a ziploc bag storing all the fragments that I salvaged that night. He was a little confused, but his eyes widened at the sight of the ziploc bag, and I knew that I was probably dead meat.

Woojin was not an emotional person, but a normal human being would not dare to challenge it. Like they always say, the quietest people were always the most intimidating.

“L-look, I-I’m sorry I didn’t protect your gift properly. I tried to, I really did but —”

Unfortunately, he only walked away in the opposite direction, heading towards the storage lockers that the CEO had built in for us. There were 5 lockers in total (for now), and each of them looked the same, but one could clearly tell which one was Woojin’s. He had not said anything yet, turning the lock in silence and opening it with ease, taking out what looked like a small transparent case, the size of a passport, together with a first aid kit.

“Come here. Let me fix it.” He said, in a pretty neutral tone and a straight face.

He’s probably disappointed in me for not taking care of something that held so much value to the both of us. Great job Y/N, I guess you could say that you’re royally fucked for now.

I passed him the ziploc bag and he poured out the contents gently into the other side of the box, looking through the tools that he had and skillfully putting the necklace back together with some random spare metal pieces that he had.

“W-why do you suddenly have tools with you though?” I asked, breaking the cold and tense silence that the both of us have had to endure for an excruciating moment.

“It was a gift from my father,” Woojin replied, eyes still focused on fixing the necklace and putting it back together, “He knew that I liked to make these kind of stuffs, especially when it came to metal pieces like dog tags and necklaces. Hence, before I left Busan, he had customised a pocket-sized set for me to ensure that I will never get bored if I was not dancing or rapping, and it was also my good luck charm.”

His tone was still cold and aloof, so I mustered up the courage and asked, but in a very cautious manner and as if I was walking on eggshells, “Woojin, are you… mad at me?”

He sighed at the question, putting down the pliers and necklace, looking at me with a sad gaze, “I hate to say no, because I would be lying to myself, especially when I had made this from scratch, but,” He paused, before continuing, “I trust you enough to say that this was not deliberate… right?”

“No, it wasn’t,” And he heaved a sigh of relief, but I continued my story anyway, “I was coming home from your fansign and some fans decided to maul me on the way back. I tried to fight back, I really did, but they grabbed the necklace off my neck, snapping it with all their strength. I’m sorry Woojin —“

Before I could say anything more, he had pulled me into a tight hug and muttered something guiltily along the lines of saying how he was immature and a fool to jump to conclusions so quickly.

“No Woojin, it’s not your fault. I’m fine anyway. I was upset too, so I’m glad I managed to salvage the pieces anyway, including the pendants of your initials, just so that I could bring it to a jeweller when I had the time, but Youngmin oppa suggested I should not after he took me to the doctor to ensure that I was okay.”

He nodded in acknowledgement and then proceeded to tend to my already swollen ankles, which were the case from dancing way too much just to relieve my stress. I wanted to continue the conversation, and only told me that I needed to relax, warning me that the treatment he knew was going to hurt a little. Nevertheless, at least the silence was replaced with a little more cordial environment now.

Once he was done, he whipped out his phone and checked the time, eyes widening when he realised that it was already 3am. He packed his things briskly into the locker, but kept my necklace with him as well as his little tool set.

“I’m sorry Y/N. I really need to get going. The necklace is going to take some time but once it’s done, I’ll call you… somehow and… take care of yourself more, okay? Don’t get hurt anymore and… just… trust my h-hyungs okay?”

“Woojin…” I muttered, grabbing him in a back hug before he could take his leave, “I… I miss you.”

“I miss you too,” he replied in a soft tone, turning around and reciprocating my embrace, “but I promised that I will come back. Just wait for me and it’ll be over before you know it.”

Request a scenario here! 

Wanna One masterlist 

[purplesurveys]

209

Your Autobiography. Little kiddies. (Grades 1-5) What color hair did you have? As I’ve never dyed my hair before, it was also black. Did you wear glasses or have contacts? Yep I had glasses starting when I was in Grade 5. I was supposed to have them earlier but my mom thought I just wanted them to look cool, but my vision was actually getting increasingly worse. It took a letter from the school to convince her. Stupid. Did you have braces? I didn’t, yet. Did you go to pre-school or go straight to kindergarten? Those mean the same thing where I live...it’s just the period before you get to elementary school. And I did, I had three years of preschool. Out of grades 1-5, which one was the best for you? I was the happiest in Grade 5. I made friends and was part of a group. Angela and I became closer at the time, too.

Did you have a lot of friends, or just a couple? I only had a handful for the first few years. Like I said, I didn’t start gaining friends until I was in fifth grade. What were your favorite shows? Drake and Josh, That’s So Raven, Zoey 101, Hannah Montana, The Suite Life. What were your favorite movies? High School Musical...it was HUGE all those five years so forgive me. Did you read Goosebumps? I did! My cousin had several copies so I read them all, when I still used to be a bookworm. I’ve forgotten all the titles though. What was your favorite thing to do on weekends? I always liked playing outside...but I think once we installed internet in the house, I never got out of it during the weekends anymore. Pre-Teens. (Grades 6-9) What color hair did you have? Again, black. We weren’t allowed to dye our hair so it would’ve been useless anyway. What color hair did you want? I was really into Paramore then so I wanted red or orange. Was your Middle School a seperate school from Junior High? I only went through Grade 6 and 7 and they were also part of elementary–in other words, the Grades 1-7 I did have is considered elementary. We didn’t start adjusting to and following the K-12 program like the States until in recent years. Long story short, this question doesn’t apply to me. Did you have a lot of boyfriends/girlfriends? I had zero of those. I had a serious crush on Andi before that I would have acted on if she stayed here, but she moved to New Zealand in Grade 6. Did you still watch Disney movies? Of course. Toy Story 3 was released during this period. What kind of music did you listen to? No clue. This was when the worst of my depression started taking place. As such, I have little recollection of the music I listened to, mainly because I was locked in my room for most of these years. What were some of your interests? Writing in my diary because it was my only friend at the time. What was your favorite animal? Dogs. What was your favorite color? Black? Did you draw? I’ve always hated drawing. What was your favorite subject? I liked science in Grade 6 but that changed to English in Grade 7. Did you have any piercings?  I had them but I wasn’t wearing earrings anymore after they got infected in Grade 4. Did you wear make-up to school? It wasn’t allowed and I had no interest in it so no way. What kinds of clothes did you wear? We had a school uniform. What did you do on the weekends? Stay in the room, write in my diary, have plans about running away, fantasizing about disappearing and starting over, never eating...a wonderful childhood to look back on. Smells Like... Teeeenagerrrrs. (Grades 10-12) Did you like your high school? Just to clarify: I had the same school all throughout kinder to high school. I loved most of it, except when it came down to its being Catholic, how we were all expected to act ladylike and modest, and the ridiculous fucking dress code that literally every other school laughs it. Otherwise, great school. Was it as bad as they were on TV? I’m not from the States. Shows here don’t portray life in private, Catholic, and all-girls schools. What color hair did you have? Didn’t change, buddy. Did you have any piercings? See previous answer in previous section. ...How about tattoos? No. It was at this stage that I had to face the fact that I was never getting over my fear of needles and so accept that I’m never getting a tattoo. What age did you learn to drive? After high school. I was 17 but was turning 18 the same month. When did you get your license? I got it in June 2016, two months after my lessons. What was your first car? My first and current car is a Mitsubishi Mirage. What was your style? It was very boyish at the start of high school (think WWE and band shirts), but took a drastic turn when I got into Audrey Hepburn and started having a classy style, more dressy. Did you have a lot of friends or just a few? No friends at the beginning with just Gab, but I worked my way up the friend ladder and got comfortable with a group who welcomed me by junior year. What did you do on weekends? Everything but my homework. Did you have a lot of boyfriends/girlfriends or did you have one or two? Just one. What were some of your favorite bands? Paramore, Against Me!, Cro-Mags, The Clash, Rancid, The Misfits, H2O, The Bouncing Souls, Gorilla Biscuits, The Sex Pistols...list goes on. My punk music phase was at an all-time high in high school. What college were you considering? UP Diliman, which I got accepted to. Did you get along with teachers, etc? I mostly just slipped by them since I preferred to be quiet and let others hog the spotlight. A handful clearly didn’t like me. Young Adults. (College years) What did you look like? I mean we’re at the present now haha it’s not really supposed to be in past tense. I suppose I just look exhausted and indifferent all the time. When did you first move out of your parents’ house? I still live here. I don’t plan to move out until I’ve saved enough from a future job. What college did you end up going to? The school of my dreams with the course of my dreams. Didn’t turn out to be as dreamy as I made it out to be though. What kind of music did you like? Right now it’s really just a mixture of everything. I fool around with a bunch of playlists of different genres on Spotify. Did you like college? I’m liking it more than high school, but it still has its challenges. I definitely love that there is a wider variety of people with different views, beginnings, and opinions–hugely different from the ugly homogeneity I had to deal with in my old school. How long were you there? (2 years, 4 years, mooore) I plan to be in college for only four years. Careers. (Any time of your life) What was your first job? I haven’t had a job yet. Did you like it? Are you still there? What do you do now? Just an undergraduate student hoping to get the fuck out of my family’s house and never look back as soon as possible. Do you like it? I can live with it but it sucks having to head home each day. What do you want to do? End up somewhere that’ll help me survive. Odds and ends. Were you a loud baby or a quiet one? I was a very quiet baby. I hate that I was so boring. Did you collect anything growing up? I collected notebooks, many of which remain largely unwritten. Do you still have anything from it? I think so. What was your first IM screen name? I used my mom’s account since I was never allowed to make my own. When did you first hear about Myspace? 2008. I made an account since it was still a thing back then, but I quickly realized it wasn’t a thing here as I couldn’t find real-life friends there. Everyone was on Friendster. Did you have a VF? (VampireFreaks.) Nope.

Do you party a lot? Ehhh no not really, but I don’t mind social gatherings as much as before. Did you? Well definitely not before. I was the biggest wallflower. Gab taught me to be more confident and be better at handling social events. When did you get your first tattoo? Have you ever dyed your hair? Never tried. Did you study any languages (other than the one you were raised to speak)? Yeah but it was very informal education and I doubt it counts. I just tried out Spanish and Korean on Duolingo but soon forgot about them. Are you still into the things you were into when you were 12? For the most part. I have permanent interests that’ll always stick around–Paramore, Beyonce, Twilight, and wrestling hahaha. How about 15? Same thing, except this list now includes punk bands. Do you listen to the same bands you did growing up? Yesssssss. Were your parents cool parents or were they strict? Abusively strict. Have you ever been in a car accident? Minor ones. The cars involved only had small dents. What was your favorite food as a kid? Corndogs. What is it now? Still corndogs, but now I like chicken curry and pizza and street food and pasta.

[bfknj]

tags masterpost (?)

I was tagged in a few tag games over the past few days and instead of posting them all separately I decided to just put them all on one! If I tagged you feel free to do any or all of these (including people who tagged me!!) As always, don’t feel any pressure to do any, I just think these are fun and wanted to share :)

- - - - 11 questions tag - - - -

Rules: 1. Make sure to post the rules!! 2. Answer the questions given to you by the tagger. 3. Write 11 questions of your own. 4. Tag 11 people

these questions are from @moonmyun !! michaela you had me stRUGGLIN OKAY YOUR QUESTIONS WERE HARD but ily still bless you for the tag you angel :”)

1 who is your bias group? why?

BANGTAN SONYEONDAN AKA MEME SQUAD !!!!!!! honestly they just make me so beyond happy wow holly nobody ever says that about their favs ur original a LOOOT of music is centered around love these days and not to say bts doesn’t do that with a lot of their music but they also tackle a lot of societal issues and I really respect them for that. From 21st century girls w politics, spring day mv and the ferry sinking, suicide in the I need u mv and many other things I feel like they take risks for the sake of portraying what they hold true to their hearts/morals not necessarily what will sell best and I can’t name many other groups who do that as well :( also my boys cute af I love those dweebs IM SO WHIPPED HAH

2 which kpop video do you find the most aesthetically pleasing?

this is hard :(( idk my number one but I really like seventeen hip hop unit’s check in, red velvet’s one of these nights, ladies code’s galaxy, kim lip of loona’s eclipse and crush’s fall ! they don't all match my aesthetic but I feel like they match the songs really well!!! watch them okay 3/5 of them are hELLA UNDERRATED bye

3 if you could instantly learn one choreography, what would you pick?

something by either gfriend or bts?? love whisper or not today or blood sweat tears?? OOOH or red flavor by rv!! tbh though I’m really skinny so my limbs look weird af with a lot of dances rip

4 who do you look up to as a role model (in the kpop community or not)?

there’s no person in particular that really sticks out but I will say I’ve always admired jungkook, and really all trainees for that matter, who leave their families to start training really young because its a process thats hard physically, emotionally and mentally for late teen/early twenties trainees but there’s sO many kids who enter in their pre-teens and idk how they survive also I realized this doesn’t answer your question at all I'm sorry its 1:28 AM I’m just waiting for the DNA mv to drop

5 whose concert would you go to if you could and why?

DAY6 DAY6 DAY6 DAY6 !!!!! THEY INVENTED LIVE SHOWS DONT FIGHT ME ON THIS or shoot maybe dean or crush or heize?? I LOVE TOO MANY TALENTED PEOPLE also I would say bts but although there are countless amazing beautiful armys there are def some crazy scary ones that are known to be horrible at concerts so

6 if you could pick one idol to be best friends with, who would it be and why?

OK YALL IVE THOUGHT ABOUT THIS A LOT IN MY DAILY LIFE SO S/H TO MICHAELA FOR ASKING ILY either boo seungkwan or ahn heeyeon!! I feel like hani would be so fun to have girl time with bc I feel like we’re really similar in some ways ?? IDK I LOVE HER bUT overall I’d say boo seungkwan because istg we are 100000000% the same person only he has a weenie ok just trust me I am boo and boo is me

7 would you want to be a part of a kpop group if you had the opportunity to be?

I’d absolutely love to be in the entertainment industry and I think the staging, costuming, group dynamics and publicity (variety shows, fan service/interations) in the kpop industry are all really cool but I honestly don't think I have the mental strength to do it lmao idols go through so much and I don’t think I could handle it regardless of how much I enjoy singing/dancing/performing etc.

8 what languages do you speak, and which do you want to learn?

english and some spanish??? I understand a lot because quite a bit of my family speaks it but my conversational skills have gone downhill recently because I haven’t had a lot of opportunities to practice :( with that said, I’d like to be fluent in spanish and - BEFORE YOU COME FOR ME READ IT ALL OK - I’d like to learn korean BECAUSE!!!!! when I was little before I moved I would go to a farmers market by my house and a lot of the older ladies there spoke korean and little holly though it sounded so pretty and I always wanted to chat w them ok THATS WHY I’m not a creepy koreaboo this has been a thing since before I even knew what a kpop was ok bye 

9 what song cheers you up when you’re sad?

fire by bts bc I get hella turnt to that song its a pROBLEM also jackpot by block b, baby/puss in boots by astro, chained up by vixx, not today/bst by bts, knock knock by twice, i think I love you by sonamoo THE LIST GOES ON I HAVE A WHOLE PLAYLIST OK

10 what things do you associate with your bias?

dimples!! pretty hands, closing one eye in selcas, ootds, happiness so cheesy ik sORRY, ryan, studying, awkward dancing, open mouth laughs, second hand embarrassment, sentimental rants

11 what’s your favourite thing to do in your free time?

cry over namjoon tbh I’m one of those people who is constantly listening to music so I’m always doing that and singing along regardless of if its free time or not HAH then I really like reading and catching up on my youtube subscriptions

my questions!

what is your dream job?

favorite book of all time?

what is your current fashion like and what is your dream fashion?

if your best friend was cloned, how would you know which one of the two was your best friend?

what song got you into kpop?

which idol do you think is most similar to you?

favorite kpop lyrics?

if given the opportunity to collaborate with any group/soloist of your choice, who would you choose and why?

what is your favorite physical and character trait of your ult?

which underrated groups/soloists do you believe deserve more recognition? any song recs?

do you read fanfics? if so, what are your favorites?

- - - - song title game - - - -

I was tagged by @kihani, your song choices were 12/10 

rules: spell you your url with kpop songs and tag ten people! (all of these happen to by song recs too so listen nd be happy friends)

mysterious - hello venus

i think i love you? - sonamoo (a fav ok listen pls)

life in color - beenzino

knock - knk 

jelly - hotshot

only u - daze

out of sorts - vixx

night rather than day - exid

she’s a baby - zico

- - - - get to know me tag! - - - -

1ST RULE: Tag 10 people you want to get to know better.

2ND RULE: BOLD the statements that are true. tagged by @sleepysugarmoon, thank you friend!! APPEARANCE: I am 5'7" or taller I wear glasses (or contact lenses) I have at least one tattoo I have at least one piercing I have blonde hair I have brown eyes I have short hair My abs are at least somewhat defined I have or have had braces PERSONALITY: I love meeting new people  People tell me that I’m funny   Helping others with their problems is a big priority for me I enjoy physical challenges I enjoy mental challenges I’m playfully rude with people I know well I started saying something ironically and now I can’t stop saying it ABILITY: I can sing well I can play an instrument  I can do over 30 pushups without stopping I’m a fast runner I can draw well I have a good memory I’m good at doing math in my head I can hold my breath underwater for over a minute I have beaten at least 2 people in arm wrestling I know how to cook at least 3 meals from scratch I know how to throw a proper punch HOBBIES: I enjoy playing sports I’m on a sports team at my school or somewhere else I’m in an orchestra or choir at my school or somewhere else I have learned a new song in the past week I work out at least once a week I’ve gone for runs at least once a week in the warmer months I have drawn something in the past month Fandoms are my #1 passion  I do or have done martial arts EXPERIENCES: I have had my first kiss I have had alcohol I have scored the winning goal in a sports game I have watched an entire season of a TV show in one sitting I have been at an overnight event I have been in a taxi I have been in the hospital or ER in the past year I have beaten a video game in one day I have visited another country I have been to one of my favorite band’s concerts RELATIONSHIPS: I’m in a relationship I have a crush on a celebrity I have a crush on someone I know I have been in at least 3 relationships I have never been in a relationship I have asked someone out or admitted my feelings to them I get crushes easily I have had a crush on someone for over a year I have been in a relationship for at least a year I have had feelings for a friend MY LIFE: I have at least one person I consider a “best friend” I live close to my school My parents are still together I have at least one sibling I live in the United States There is snow right now where I live I have hung out with a friend in the past month I have a smartphone I have at least 15 CDs I share my room with someone RANDOM SHIT: I have breakdanced I have had a teacher with the last name that’s hard to pronounce I have dyed my hair I’m listening to one song on repeat right now I have punched someone in the past week I know someone who has gone to jail I have broken a bone I have eaten a waffle today I know what I want to do with my life I speak at least 2 languages I have made a new friend in the past year

tagging some mutuals bc ily and why do you even follow me I'm a wreck tbh OK i tag: @kihani, @21jd, @lapatronakim, @94seulqi, @gayoongi, @springdqy, @medina-kim, @15minss, @je0n, @cottontae, @taebaeul, @booty-baekery, @lalisl, @babekhyun, @voidpjm and anyone else who wants to try any or all of these!! 

[courtneyloouise]

Do what makes you happy

This is very different to my usual posts but here goes…

Today a new chapter begins. For those who don't know, today I move to Vancouver. I've been waiting for this day for two years so right now I'm ecstatic and terrified, but I guess that's what happens when you choose to follow your dreams and not take the easy and boring path. Ever since I arrived in Steinbach I've sworn as soon as I graduated I would leave, first that was Winnipeg then it was Toronto and then two years ago I stumbled upon a website called Blanche Macdonald Centre, claimed as the best makeup school in the country and was in Vancouver. I remember the website was really fancy and expensive looking and I thought I would never be good enough for that school but I kept stumbling across their website and seeing their name and I fell in love with the school so I applied. I knew it wouldn't be easy but I wasn't the kind of girl who settles for easy, im the kinda girl who settles for happy and accomplished. I knew I would have to move out right after I graduate, live on my own, get an apartment, fend for myself upon a million other tasks but I put my career first, I was already doing that by spending every waking hour in the salon. And I'm that moment I chose my career first knowing it wouldn't be easy but it would be worth it. I knew there was nothing else I wanted to do but be a makeup artist and I wouldn't be happy doing anything else, it was something in my mind I had to do. I had to do what makes me happy, I had to make my instructors proud, I had to go on and do great things and push through the struggles because this is what I was born to do and a boring life isn't fun. So I chose the hard thing, I chose my dream. A few months later they wanted to interview me so the following summer I flew out to Vancouver and toured the school. I fell in love with not only the school but the city of Vancouver it was the city of my dreams. I remember leaving the airport after landing in Vancouver and feeling the costal air, it reminded me of my hometown. Mere hours later I was walking around downtown, it was beautiful, the people, the buskers, the skyscrapers, the mountains. I knew I had to live there. A city on an ocean, what an amazing concept. The city was full of unique people, a word I strongly connected to after living in Steinbach a small world that was a very small old school town and I was always an outsider. I loved the idea of public transport (something Steinbach knew nothing of). Throughout those three days I was in wonderland and I never wanted to leave. On day three of my trip I visited Capilano suspension bridge and then stopped at the waterfront food court for lunch. I remember exactly I sat at a table for two while my mum went to go and get lunch, Chinese and Starbucks. I was amused because at the time my friend was obsessed with koreans and there was a few guys she would define to date so I was snap chatting her and sneaking pictures of them. I was in the middle of typing a message to her and my mum was putting the food on the table and then the moment I had been waiting for. An email from my admissions director. I had been accepted.me and my mum both screamed. So then after that my adventures around Vancouver went from 'I'm in love with this city I really hope I get accepted' to 'this is my future home' I wanted to live there immediately but I knew I wasn't ready. I wasn't ready to leave the people at home, Kyle, heather, and Roxy. And I wasn't ready to leave esthetics. After landing back in Winnipeg we were driving home and I though how dirty and muggy and disgusting Winnipeg looked compared to Vancouver and how I wish I was still there. So then I spent the next year preparing. The past year so far has been the best year of my life, and hopefully it gets even better. It wasn't always easy, and not everyone always supported me. I don't know if it was jealousy or what but countless times I've been called typos for making this decision and selfish. People have told me that I'm selfish for moving out and going to school in Vancouver because according to those small town folk I have to stay close to my parents forever according to people who have never travelled further than this town, and don't ever plan to. By people who want to be married straight after high school and have kids in the next few years. Well to that I say I'm sorry I'm putting my career first, I'm sorry I have goals so instead of living in my parents basement for the rest of my life I'm going to make them proud, while you're working a basic small town job, probably at McDonald's in five or ten years. I started preparing myself mentally and emotionally. Mentally for living on my own right after I graduate but emotionally for leaving the place that had made me so happy and brought me here, to becoming a makeup artist. I'm happier than I've ever been. Except right now. This summer has been the most stressful two months of my life but I know it will be worth it. I'm working ten times harder than any other student attending bmc because I'm working for everything. I don't get this given to me. I worked hard with my instructors and for my esthetics licence and I applied to every single bank in town and got denied a student line of credit. And that's why I'm leaving a month before school starts. I'm going to work my butt off to get a job hopefully I pray to pay for my fees because right now I don't even have the money for that. But I'm going to work hard because I'm a fighter and I'm persistent and this is my life and then in years when this is all worth it and I'm living my childhoods dreams I will be able to say that I worked for it and earned every penny, or dime since penny's are long gone. So here I am. Scared shitless, ecstatic, terrified and unbelievably excited. I'm gonna do this and it's not gonna be easy but I'm going to do it because the best things in life is not easy and I won't give up.

[academiakrp-blog]

SCHEDULE: Math A2, Science A1, Korean B1, Spanish,  Music Theory, Music Composition, Photography EXTRACURRICULARS: Dance Club (founder and president)

KURIN SCHOOL NEWSPAPER, 05.01.17: New student Park Jaehyun has officially joined the third year class! Jaehyun is eighteen years old and has been reported to be ethical, open-minded, and charismatic but also indifferent, careless, and impulsive. His personality will take him far as the captain of the dance club. Let’s welcome Jaehyun to the school and wish him a good year!

OOC!

Name and pronouns: AJ

Other muses: Jeon Hyunwoo (i will get him up by this weekend B) )

Time zone: PST

IC!

Muse name: Park Jaehyun

Birthday (or age): 18 // January 24 1998

Faceclaim: Im Jaebum

School: Kurin Performing Arts Academy

Grade: 12

Desired clubs: Dance Club

Positive traits: Ethical, Open-minded, Charismatic

Negative traits: Indifferent, careless, impulsive

Proficiency: Park Jaehyun was known for his ability when it comes to certain instruments ( piano, guitar ), as well as, his ability to move his body through self-taught dance choreographies. So, by the time he reached his mid-teens, his parents have signed him up for an audition with the Kurin school of Performing Arts. There, he was able to show his capabilities and unleash his full potential, which ultimately led to him being accepted into the academy. From then onward, Jae would continue his studies and work hard towards his goal of becoming a trainee for any top korean companies and make a living by doing what he does best: Music.

Electives: Music Theory, Music composition, Photography

BIOGRAPHY!

1998; White. Pure white would pour into his vision and then he was placed in his mother’s arms. His mother’s whose face was so pale from what she had just endured and stained from joyful tears running down her cheeks. Brown eyes– warm and new– would try to adjust and his attention would eventually fall upon a man’s face. His father’s. And the words that would come through his lips as he looks at you proudly: “Your sister will come along in just a few minutes, Jaehyun.”

2001; At three years old, young Park Jaehyun had bright eyes and a sharp tongue. His mother wanted her children to become surgeons and therefore had him be taught numbers and the alphabets before he entered into school. However, while his parents went to work at the local pharmacy business that they shared- Jae and his twin sister would be sent to their grandparents until nightfall. There…at the small house made for two elders would be where he had the most fun. Throughout the months ( which turned into years ) that they were babysat, their grandmother taught his sister to sing, while his grandfather taught him how to play various instruments– even dance. On certain days, the duo would even switch off, allowing for both their grandchildren to experience what it means to have a hobby. To have something they enjoyed doing from then on.

2005; The anger in his father’s eyes that day was never forgotten by Jaehyun. It was the day that the science fair project was due and everyone’s parents were in the building, waiting to see what their children had created. His parents, in particular, appeared to be the most excited and yet… he had failed to produce anything at all. And when it came to the big reveal, Jae had escaped through the back of the school with his sister by his side. Together, they hid. Together, they whispered until his grandmother came and found them– a look of sympathy written on her face, before she handed the siblings over to their parents. The anger was overwhelming, yes. But the feeling that he had after he confessed his want to become a performer instead was one that would continue to fuel his passion till this day. He has to prove that he could become successful. Not just for himself, but everyone around him.

2008; At the age of ten, the Park siblings were finally given freedom to do what they love, as opposed to doing what their parents loved. Jae was given his first keyboard, which aided him in writing his own music ( some of which were embarrassing, but eh ). And while his parents now supports his dreams, they still tried to have his grandparents talk him into doing something more…sane, in order to guarantee a bright future. However, his grandfather had sat him down during their usual visit and told him: “Keep moving forward and no matter what happens, there will always be a silver lining.”

2011; Those preteen years saw a long list of hardships, but that was only due to the stress of having to prep himself for an audition with performing art schools. His mom– once again– had urged him to reconsider, but surprisingly, his father had said otherwise. Mr. Park actually helped his son train for the big day and eventually, his mother joined in as well, making sure to create signs with his sister in order to cheer him on. So, throughout the stress…Jae could only think of the positives when he remembers back to his fourteenth year.

2014; Sixteen year old Jaehyun was your average Kurin highschool student; his studies came first, but then girls ( no matter how introverted he may seem ) did catch his attention as well. However, his dreams would always be number one in his mind, no matter the circumstances. Which would also be why he started dance club- an organization ran by a handful of leaders, though he would be the first. And those who wanted to start off in hip-hop or street dance would normally flock to him from then onward.

Present Day; Park Jaehyun is in his third year at Kurin Performing Arts Academy and he thought life was only getting started for him. And it was true, yes, but not in the way he had hoped. During the summer before classes began again, their beloved dog, Choco, got hit by a car and unfortunately died. That would be the first time he’s experienced a death of a loved one, but Jae focused mainly on comforting his sister than himself. But after a month, he managed to get a pup of his own- a shiba inu named Chico ( in honor of their past pet ). However, other news would make itself known and this time….Jae would be the one to take the hardest hit. His grandfather was diagnosed with a rare type of pneumonia and although he had overcome it after a long battle- it evidently took a huge toll on his body due to his age. With his grandfather not being able to move on his own anymore and his lungs continuing to fail by the day- Jae fears that his dreams might get in the way of him spending much needed time with his grandparents. But even so, Jaehyun would refuse to see the reality of things. He refused to believe that death was, once again, imminent in his family. He believed that by holding himself strong, his grandfather would continue fighting for a life he might be able to retain again. After all… there will always be a silver lining no matter what happens. That’s what his grandfather believed and that’s what he’ll keep holding onto. And besides…Jaehyun was supposed to play the Kurin rich-kid, who has no worries whatsoever. That was how many people thought of him and his peers, anyway. He needed to live up to his reputation and just keep to himself.

club form

MUSE INFO:

Muse name, age, and grade: Park Jaehyun; 18; Third year

School attending: Kurin Performing Arts Academy

Current clubs (leading or attending): N/A

CLUB INFO:

Starting or joining: Starting

Club name: Dance Club

Additional Notes: For this club, I wish for Jae to be one of the “guides”/“leaders” and for him to be directing the genre of hip hop/street dance.

WRITTEN:

If you are starting: Dance Club is an organization that allows it members to experience the wonder of dance and the joy of performing.  Students are exposed to different styles of dance from ballet to theater, modern, hip hop, tap and jazz- this actually depends on the “guides” of this club, who will help teach their peers about their desired genre of dance. Everyone will learn to see dance as an art and as a way of expression. Sometimes it is just the simple expression of fun and joy and other times there is a poignant message to be relayed.

Dance Club allows even the non-dancer to be part of the excitement of the performance. Everyone in Dance club could also participate in the wonder of ( maybe ) an annual show.

And while it holds the title of “club”, if is far from the connotation of the word. Dance Club requires hard work, loyalty, dedication, and commitment.