#and i think confusion perpetuates confusion

[chithereader]

stir crazy / aaron hotchner

pairing: aaron hotchner x f!reader

word count: 2k

genre: fluff/angst if you squint

cw: omniscient pov, hotch being vulnerable

“My agent has been asking me for the manuscript but it’s just not ready yet. And I’ve still got my day job that keeps me busy enough,” It’s a quiet day at the BAU. No urgent cases or serial killers, just a few feet worth of case files. Leaning against Reid’s desk, Rossi, Emily and boy genius himself have been talking about the next big David Rossi book.

“Oh c’mon, I see you typing away in your office and writing in that little notebook of yours– which I know is for your drafts by the way,” Emily teases. Rossi shrugs it off with a soft smirk and looks to the boy genius who has been uncharacteristically quiet for the past few minutes. 

“Nothing to say, kid?” lowering his head to catch the young man’s preoccupied eye but Reid’s sight is incredibly glued far away. 

It took Reid a good 6 seconds to realize he’s kid before he shakes himself out of the trance and answers, “Well, considering the hours he’s spent typing on his personal laptop as opposed to the office computer and adding the minutes he allots on the jet to jot down on his writing notebook– assuming he’s writing in a similar format to his previous books–  I’d say….you’re actually well into the third chapter of your manuscript.” 

Still with his eyes trained on whatever caught his attention in the first place, Reid unsurprisingly impresses Rossi again because he is indeed a little over halfway into the third chapter.

But Rossi and Emily instantly become interested with what or who Reid has been staring at for the past minute, noticing that even when going off on his boy-genius tangent, his stare had been focused somewhere else. 

Reid jumps in his seat a little as the two level their heads on either side of his to see where his gaze has been glued. He had been so focused on figuring out the worrying sight and what caused it that he hadn’t noticed how much of him wasn’t aware of his surroundings. 

To their surprise, they’re met with a seemingly everyday sight: Hotch, in the pantry, stirring his coffee. And by everyday, they mean that to any passerby they’d think this is incredibly normal. Nothing at all out of place or out of character. 

But to the trained eye- to profilers who also spend almost everyday with the man, they slowly see what Reid must have seen. 

Hotch is stirring his coffee. But he doesn’t even put sugar or creamer in his always black coffee. 

He’s doing it absentmindedly. Literally looking lost in his head. Hotch is a busy guy, a busy boss guy, with millions of things to think about, but Hotch is never absent. His movements are always purposeful, precise, and calculated. Never lacking and never excess. 

Hotch has his head tilted down and to the side. Like a perpetually confused puppy. One of the things that make Hotch Hotch is his posture. His rigid, firm posture. Back always so straight, hands always clenched, jaw always tight– Hotch is never just there, his presence alone is commanding. 

And worst of all, Hotch’s hair is neat. Too neat. Okay, Hotch’s habit of being neat -with his pressed suits and shined shoes no matter where he is- naturally extends to how he styles his hair. Over the years, he’s learned to gel it out of his face for both convenience and aesthetic. But this neat- this neat looks a little too flat and ruffled at the same time. Like he’s run his hand through it a hundred times in a matter of minutes. 

So Rossi and Emily finally understand. The two share a look of understanding, while Reid looks up at them with curiosity and a little worry. 

“Do you guys think he’s.. okay?” Reid asks quietly with a little grimace. He looks between the two, trying to figure out what they’re thinking, “I mean it has been exactly 12 minutes that he’s been stirring nothing into his coffee.” 

“12?!” If Emily had any sort of drink in her mouth, she surely would have spat it out all over Reid–for which he is silently thankful she doesn’t because as much as he adores Emily, he’s just not mentally prepared for… well that. 

Finally, there’s movement in the pantry. Unaware of his colleagues now watching his every move, Hotch wakes up from the trance he was trapped in and quickly retreats back into his office with his now-cold cup of coffee. 

Knowing that Rossi’s the only one to easily get through to Hotch, Emily and Reid turn to look at him, wordlessly nudging him to check on the poor man who spent 12 minutes stirring his painfully plain black coffee. 

Raising both his hands as he stands from where he was leaning, Rossi surrenders “Alright alright! But I am not telling you rascals what he tells me in confidence.” pointing at the doe-eyed pair. 

Rossi lets the possibilities run through his head as he walks up the stairs to Aaron’s office. Maybe Jack’s having trouble with that one kid again– what’s his name? Or maybe Jack’s having trouble with Mothers’ Day coming up. That’s never been easy. But the stirring and staring into space and the hair? What could possibly– Knock knock. 

Rossi doesn’t even wait to hear Aaron’s voice. He pushes the door open to be greeted with the sight of Aaron finally looking a little more him: writing on his desk knee-deep in case files. 

Aaron looks up for a second and continues writing reports, “What can I help you with, Dave?” Putting extra pressure on penning that last period before closing the case file and grabbing another to open. 

Dave stays quiet for a bit and takes in the sight. Looks fine to me. But his silence halts Aaron’s writing and he looks up to Dave who’s just studying him by the door. 

“You know you can sit right?” Aaron stoically jokes. 

And a joke?! Dave finally cracks and sits down to say, “Boy genius just watched you stir your coffee for 12 minutes which we all know is black. Your hair’s messy and too fixed at the same time, you were standing in the pantry just minutes ago glaring into nothing. And you were slouching with your head tilted to the side.” 

“Honestly whatever it is, it’s none of my business but you just scared two members of your team and I think this may be the seed of doubt in your leadership skills because you’re finally not a robot.” It was obvious that Dave was trying to play it cool, masking concern with humor and sarcasm. 

But Aaron is a painfully private guy. He’d think it over for days before he decides to open up or seek advice from a close friend. Only he has thought about it for days and not saying anything’s been driving him insane he genuinely feels like he could implode at any second. 

Aaron takes one big breath and through clenched teeth he grumbles out, “It’s a she.” Finally staring Dave straight in the eyes, he clarifies, “the it in whatever it is is a she.” 

Realization and more worry hits Dave at the same time which Aaron clearly sees on his face. But Rossi quickly recovers and gives Aaron a soft, comforting smile, “Well what’s so bad about your she that’s got you so shaken up?” 

In Dave’s head, he’s already preparing responses for the worst: 

She doesn’t approve of my job. Well she can suck it. This is who you are. 

Jack doesn’t like her. Aaron, the one thing I like about kids is that they give it to you straight. I think you should take that as a sign

She’s not comfortable with the age gap. She’s way older. She’s way younger. I’m scarred in more ways than one. I’m not sure I still know how to– 

Aaron could see the increasing concern in Dave’s face, “I just–” he started. 

Dave’s thoughts were cut short by Aaron’s voice, thankfully because his mind was starting to reach the point of no return. Anticipating Aaron’s explanation, he leaned forward in his seat trying to read Aaron’s expression. 

“A few months ago, I’d stay here. After a case, when I know my son’s fast asleep and Jessica’s with him- I’d stay here.” Dave kept quiet, intently listening and trying to piece together where this could possibly go. 

“I would choose to stay here and finish reports, make a dent in the never-ending pile of case files because when I’m focused on helping others, I don’t have time to think of how alone I am.”

Before Dave could try and quell this ‘alone’ sentiment, Aaron quickly follows it up “I love my son. And he’s always been more than enough. And I have the team but… you guys have people to come home to. Arms to fall into at the end of a grueling day.” 

“For the longest time, since Haley.. I haven’t allowed myself to feel. To want. And if I’ve just been honest then it’d be known, I want to be loved. All that I carry, I drop all of it at the door and then there’s just this exhaustion that hits me. And all I want is for someone to hold me.” 

Dave takes all of this in, feeling an immense amount of love and sadness for his friend who deserves nothing but happiness but hasn’t for the longest time allowed himself the one thing that can give him that. 

“I know you think that getting into a relationship makes you a bad father, splitting the only time you have left with someone else instead of your son. But the truth is Aaron, Jack’s growing up. He has his sleepovers, camps, and football now. Soon he’ll leave for parties and college, and as much as he adores you he’ll have his own family.”

“I know. And then I’ll be alone.” Aaron’s voice starts to sound rough. Like this fact’s caught in his throat and he can’t speak. Dave studies Aaron and considers all the things he knows are holding Aaron back.

“So give it a shot.” Dave insists. “Don’t make a big deal out of it. Just set a date, and show up.” 

Aaron looks at Dave pointedly, “You make it sound easy–” “You make it sound hard.” 

Aaron appears to recover. He smoothes a hand over his tie and straightens his back yet again. In an instant, he’s back to looking stoic and stern with brows furrowed and eyes glaring.

He’s not used to being vulnerable, even in the privacy of his own office. Feeling like an open book for others to read makes goosebumps trail up his spine- in a bad way. Dave quickly reads this and decides to lighten the mood. 

“So…. when will we meet her?” Dave asks smugly. 

“Funny.”

“I understand.. your concerns. But I don’t think you’d be so worried about it if you weren’t already serious about her. So, what’s really going on with her?” 

Aaron thought he could get away without revealing much about her. He’s uncomfortable enough talking about himself, and all the more protective he is when it comes to you. Especially as someone who wants to keep your little world away from the harshness of everything else–

He sighs. He knows Dave is relentless and as payback for his concern, he decides he has to give Dave something. 

“I don’t know. Really. I don’t– I told you one day I’m tiring myself out so I don’t have to come home and process my empty bed as empty..”

“Now I’m tiptoeing in my own kitchen so as to not disturb this crazy singing person washing my dishes while my kid wipes the plates. And I watch them for god knows how long, instead of going up to my office to attend to case files whose deadlines are a bit too close for my liking.” 

“I don’t know,” Aaron shrugs. A soft, weak smile grows on his lips at the memory of you.

Dave stands from the seat, a knowing smirk on his face, “Hmm.” Teasing Aaron as he walks to the door and grabs the handle. 

“I think you’ll be just fine, Aaron. Just fine.” 

[tyrannuspitch]

uh oh twilight of the gods got it wrong yet again so here's an old norse homophobia grammar psa

the adjective is argr, not ergi. if you call someone queer(/etc), you call them argr: argr man, argr scum, argr desires, argr behaviour, how dare you call me argr, urgh that's so gay argr...

ergi is a noun. BUT. it's not a name-calling noun. it's not equivalent to faggot. it's what you call the trait itself: queerness, faggotry. you wouldn't say someone "is" ergi; you would accuse them of ergi and spread rumours about their outrageous ergi.

if you do end up saying someone "is" ergi, what you're saying is extremely hyperbolic. you're effectively calling them Queerness Itself. which is probably not what you actually mean. i suppose it could work in some situations, especially if you're talking about a god, but it'll work better if you know you're saying something unusual and you're doing it on purpose.

[vonlipvig]

i love how rachel's play of using the shot in the dark to gauge the reaction of the other players to see if she should play her idol or not was so masterful, but it completely flew over my head because i just assumed you wouldn't be able to use your idol. for no reason at all. sorry rachel that was queen shit i am very aware now.

[badwolfarcadiabay]

[casscainmainly]

op complaining about not curating your fandom experience to ignore racism while not curating their own fandom experience and ignoring people who enjoy canon 😭 although yeah not gonna ignore prevalent racism in fandom is a good thing I think

Yeah this!! Also I'm not sure if OP knows that fanon is nearly inescapable? So many canon fans won't even look through character tags anymore because it's flooded with fanon. OP also tagged Cass, Duke, and Steph, were they expecting Cass/Duke/Steph fans to prefer fanon to canon??

This is the last I'll say about this discourse for a while, but honestly it shouldn't even be fanon vs. canon. It should be fanon + canon fans vs. racism/sexism/ableism. There's nothing inherently harmful about fanon fans, some are great and engage with POC and women, but a lot don't. There's a difference between having comics-inaccurate headcanons, and actively perpetuating racist/ableist stereotypes and excluding women.

Frankly, 'just look away' is not an appropriate response to people calling out fandom prejudice. Fandom should be an inclusive space, but inclusivity means examining and interrogating our biases. Whether or not you like canon, whether you've only read WFA or have read 1000+ comics, this holds true for all of us. I know the conversation is old at this point, but honestly I'd prefer people complaining and being annoying one thousand times over people ignoring the problem.

[5eyed]

yayo! (real name: yolanda). shes xeress crush. i want to give her some tattoos or piercings but i couldnt think of good ones yet..

[samarecharm]

Its so funny that Makoto gets such an awful rep (usually bc of her treatment of Futaba), but going through the game again, Makoto is the one who leads the conversation into getting her to open up for the palace door. She immediately offers up the idea of just being honest with Futaba; no lies or soft words, just straight facts in a calm voice. She knew Futaba wanted the change of heart, badly enough that shed listen without having to be convinced by force. And when Futaba panics about having to open up, Makoto makes sure she has no chance of backing out (‘give me time to open the door’ ‘ten seconds’ ‘WHAT???!’). Its for her own good!!

I think it can come across as mean and overbearing and even insensitive, especially if you are someone who is sees themself IN Futaba, but Makoto is both incredibly caring, sisterly, and understanding during the entirety of her arc. Like most characters, fandom seems to completely warp and exaggerate very specific moments and traits and sum up entire personalities bc of it. Ryuji and him being stupid; Ann and her being loud and mean; Yusuke being dumb as shit and singleminded for NO discernible reason, etc etc. People took the snooping and her one vaguely insensitive comment (about futaba and her whole Thing) and decided that she was a cunt and a bitch that couldnt be reasoned with.

Its so bizarre. Im aware that every piece of media w vaguely assertive girls has this issue (Sakura, Katara, Aqua, etc etc) but its still crazy that this is prevalent. Shes like the direct mirror of Goro and he does not get this specific kind of hate (usually its ‘he backstabbed and blackmailed us so i hate him’). Sorry. I need to be a Makoto Apologist to protect her from the rest of the world. My girl did nothing wrong shes just weird. She thought she could fight a mafia boss and she was RIGHT! She WON!!!!

[paperglader]

hacks feels like an amalgam of glow, dead to me and grace and frankie IF each of those had leaned into the gay properly (regarding the two mains) and hadn't gotten canceled abruptly.

[hylianengineer]

What's the most evil lab equipment in your opinion 😂

In my very subjective opinion? Ion chromatographs are on my shit list. It's not really their fault - the one I have to work with is old, hasn't been maintained properly, and no one else knows how to use it so I have to figure out everything myself, which is NOT FUN! It's finicky, frustrating, and it requires working with sulfuric acid, which I do not enjoy. It's very very sensitive and if you accidentally contaminate it with ions, you will be troubleshooting for weeks trying to figure out what happened. Ions are everywhere, in everything. In dust, in tap water (and nearly all filtered water, we have a special machine that makes Ultra Pure water with no ions or anything in it), on your skin, on virtually every surface that hasn't been specially cleaned. So if you have extra ions that shouldn't be there, it's a guessing game - are they from the sample? The eluent? Sample vials? Glassware? Is the water filter malfunctioning? Are the ions even there at all or is the detector messed up? You just have to keep trying stuff until it sorts itself out. The one I work with has NOT sorted itself out yet and I've been at this for over two weeks. I'm at my wit's end here.

And bonus answer for non-instrument equipment: drying tins. They're these little aluminum trays to put soil or whatever in when you stick them in the drying oven but they make Bad Noises when they scrape together. Also they bend easily, so if you stack them and then they get knocked around, sometimes it becomes very very difficult to get them apart.

In contrast, the best instrument is the Gas Chromatograph and the best other equipment is micropippettes. The GC is straightforward, easy to use, really hard to contaminate, and rarely has technical problems (plus when it does, they're not my problem - I am not the designated GC expert). Micropippettes are just fun because it's satisfying to click the button to release the pipette tip and launch it into the trash can.

[devilsskettle]

feeling so actively antisocial rn that i can’t even feel passively happy about pride. like great we get a month where people pretend to care about us before going back to either hating us or politely ignoring our existence. but it’s so fun that people get to go out and drink and dance and go to concerts and have fun with their friends!! not me though because i’m working forever and ever. but yay our shitty cishet manager got to see chappell roan. i’m sure that was so special for her

[n4rval]

ough. toriel my beloved

[maaaahri]

Oh no I’m thinking about VtM npcs again

[ying-doodles]

every once in a blue moon I get jumpscared by an email saying someone bought some of my old ass animal crossing fanart from redbubble and I'm just like what the fck-

[character-obsessed-fem]

part seventeen of meeks screenshots!!

this is going to be the last part for a while since i have to hype myself up to watch the second part of the movie and take screenshots every time i see meeks, so that's going to take me a while (especially since i have a busy schedule :3)

for now, enjoy!!

two bonus screenshots i forgot in the first post under the cut!!

[konfizry]

Anyway speaking of the sun did I ever tell you about the tales of arise eclipses

[bostonbakeddeans]

i think that being trapped in a room for 12 hours while various sitcoms play in the background without being allowed to question the premise of the shows should be classified as a hate crime actually