#and i might combine a few because i have less pages to work with than i thought

[ghostfiish]

Magical Girl Pokedex 0001 - Bulbasaur

Here I go starting a project I've wanted to work on for a while! I love pokémon and designing magical girls, so this seemed like a fun combo~ I plan to go through as much of Kanto as I can manage, starting of course with the very first in the dex, and my own starter of choice from Kanto 💚

[happyhauntt]

— april fic recs, brought to you by happyhauntt.

it's that time again! a wee fic rec post for a few of the fics i read in april that altered my brain chemistry!! i've put a lil comment next to each rec because honestly writers don't get praised enough for their work these days and i wanted to show my appreciation for these talented souls!!

criminal minds.

➡ spencer reid.

in every other life by @irndad. notes: adorableness incarnate honestly.

trouble almost all my life series by @januaryembrs. notes: might honestly have to put this on every masterlist til the end of time.

forgiven by @reiding-writing. notes: um HOW DARE YOU i sobbed my way through this

grishaverse.

➡ kaz brekker.

breakfast by @sophierequests. notes: look i'm a simple human i see badass characters and i fall in love

➡ jesper fahey.

i'm your gal by @atlabeth. notes: NOT ENOUGH JESPER FICS and this one is GLORIOUS

star wars.

➡ poe dameron.

the f-word by @the-little-ewok. notes: i reread this constantly pls it's so good

moon knight.

➡ marc spector.

i should've been there by @januaryembrs. notes: not em out here ruining my life and making me sob AGAIN you simply never miss

9-1-1.

➡ evan buckley.

take my hand by @redocity. notes: cute cute cute cute cute

emergency room by redocity. notes: the ANGST i feel well-fed

won't say i'm falling by @borntobewondering. notes: this was DELICIOUS

➡ buck / eddie.

a bleeding sun on a silver screen by @hoediaz / rarakiplin on ao3. notes: i was fully choking back sobs while reading this. i binged this fic in less than 24 hours and it has changed something fundamental inside me. i will never be the same person again. i'm billing you for my therapy.

good luck, babe by @hattalove. notes: i cackled my way through this, potentially the funniest shit ever.

hate to say i spent it all on masquerades by hattalove. notes: i sobbed and sobbed and sobbed while reading this. this fic is everything to me, it should be required reading for all my friends who want to understand me, it is beautiful and magical and i want it tattooed on my face.

don't wanna let you love somebody else but me by @shitouttabuck / fleetinghearts on ao3. notes: sheer adorableness i will well recover from this!!!!

tried and true blue by shitouttabuck / fleetinghearts on ao3. notes: SCREAMING I'M SCREAMING I MAY NEVER STOP SCREAMING

like a dog with a bird at your door by shitouttabuck / fleeting hearts on ao3. notes: iconic. truly iconic. quite possibly one of my fav fics ever written.

let the world have its way with you by shitouttabuck / fleeting hearts on ao3. notes: you don't understand how hard it was not to include every single one of shitouttabuck's fics on this list and there will almost certainly be more in future but i just want them tattooed on my forehead i feel insane

i have dreams where i kiss you and it's pink by shitouttabuck / fleeting hearts on ao3. notes: the cutest and i mean THE CUTEST shit ever

all my shattered oaths by letmetellyouaboutmyfeels on ao3. notes: i sobbed. i sobbed so hard i think i burst something honestly. everything from this author is immaculate but THIS is the holy fuckin grail and i will truly never be the same again.

let my ink stain your pages by letmetellyouaboutmyfeels on ao3. notes: castle au CASTLE AU i'm a sucker for a castle au and this is EVERYTHING

even in winter there is eranthis by letmetellyouaboutmyfeels on ao3. notes: i think about this fic daily.

your love is an oil slick by letmetellyouaboutmyfeels on ao3. notes: this is everything this is EVERYTHING to me i will reread this weekly for the rest of my life

even the darkest night by letmetellyouaboutmyfeels on ao3. notes: stardust au STARDUST AU aka my favourite movie and my favourite ship combined into a fuckin masterpiece

curl up in my heart and let me keep you by letmetellyouaboutmyfeels on ao3. notes: soft sweet my brain is mushy and i adore this

hoping it gets to you by @bucktommys / hammersmiths on ao3. notes: cute adorable stunning MAGNIFICENT

you're my whole house by @/bucktommys / hammersmiths on ao3. notes: THIS FIC OUT HERE MAKIN ME SQUEAL AND KICK MY LEGS

left unsaid by c_m2 on ao3. notes: this is mcfuckin adorable i'm crying buck deserves everything in the world

say yes to heaven by dylaesthetics on ao3. notes: okay full disclosure this made me cry so much i threw up. also it hit some pretty intense trauma for me. still so glad i read it because it was also kinda healing. and i want everyone else to suffer like i have because fuck i suffered.

if i need to rearrange my particles, i will for you by dylaesthetics on ao3. notes: author you will always be famous bc you're knocking my emotional stability OUTTA THE PARK

honestly, truly, completely by dylaesthetics on ao3. notes: simply fuckin adorable

feels like magic by 42hrb on ao3. notes: there's nothing i adore more than an urban fantasy au and this one is EXQUISITE

fallin' into your ocean eyes by princessfbi on ao3. notes: okay every part of this au is absolutely fuckin perfection i am so deeply in love with it

until now by tearsthissideofheaven on ao3. notes: a reincarnation au??? it's like you know how to ruin my life

if i never hear your voice again by @actualalligator. notes: disability rep!!!! brilliant writing!!!!

life sure can try to put love through it by @capseycartwright / wafflesofdoom on ao3. notes: ahahaha ruin my life why don't you

sometimes its hard to see what the future holds by @/capseycartwright / wafflesofdoom on ao3. notes: olympics buddie au??? didn't know i wanted it but now i can't live without it

all good things come to an end (but it's not the end) by @/capseycartwright / wafflesofdoom on ao3. notes: i will, in fact, devour every buddie!fwb au ever written but this one is especially great

you smiled and it was the most beautiful thing that I'd ever seen by @/capseycartwright / wafflesofdoom on ao3. notes: coffee shop!buddie have become everything to me wdym

it's funny 'cause i've always dreamed of me and you by @/capseycartwright / wafflesofdoom on ao3. notes: yes i did sob my heart out reading this and i'll do it again

'cause darling, you're the one by @/capseycartwright / wafflesofdoom on ao3. notes: icymi i think this author is the best author to ever exist and i want to devour everything they write forever

i don't think that we should have friendly sex, anymore by @/capseycartwright / wafflesofdoom on ao3. notes: !!!!!!! that's it that's the note. brain: faye you can't put this many fics by the same author on one masterlist. faye: bET-

still i call it magic (when i'm next to you) by @clusterbuck / lecornergirl on ao3. notes: urban fantasy is, in fact, my shit.

(this kiss is) something i can't resist by @/clusterbuck / lecornergirl on ao3. notes: NO BC THIS HAD ME CACKLING AND ALSO IT'S BRILLIANT

give me five more minutes, baby (i'm not finished loving you) by @/clusterbuck / lecornergirl on ao3. notes: fake dating or immaculate writing??? both

cuffing season by @/clusterbuck / lecornergirl on ao3. notes: i am still laughing at this and i may never stop

[grimaussiewitch]

Life series alliances and enemies I want to see!

(BIG DISCLAIMER: All of the people in the life series are friends and will choose what happens in an improvised series, me wanting two people to be rivals like Renchanting vs The sand hippies doesn’t mean I want them to hate each other in real life, this is a for fun post as season 6 is coming very soon)

Alliances:

Grian and BigB: They have gotten close a few times but never a long series alliance. I really love their friendship and I want to see them team together more than one episode.

Mumbo and Scar: I loved how they were in early episodes of secret life, a long series alliance would be so cool, especially if Mumbo last longer.

Scott and Tango: We’ve only seen bits and pieces of these two but I think it would be interesting. Some people have been rude about these two teaming so there’s a bit of spite in there too. I just think it would be cool to see.

Cleo and Jimmy: Even less interactions. Why these two? I don’t know, I think they would make a great alliance. Probably best work with a third person so I shall suggest Pearl or Bdubs here.

Ren and Scott: I am not over third and last life with these two. I don’t want them as enemies or fighting to the death, I want to see Ren and Scott be allies. Be bros. I want to see theatre kid Ren with Scott okay?

Lizzie and Etho: Sorry Joel, your wife is teaming with your ex-soulmate.

Joel and Pearl: Please please please please please- I just think they would be neat :3

Scott and Joel: While I really want Joel to take Scott’s final life, I would 100% down with these two teaming. What a great alliance it would be to be with the guy you tried to kill multiple times! In other words, I think it would be funny for me. That’s the most important thing.

Any combination of Skizz, Mumbo and Lizzie: Our guys that weren’t in double life, I need these three to interact more okay?

Martyn and Grian: I know someone asked Martyn to make a one side homoerotic relationship with Grian next season but I would be so down for a team up. Yeah yeah they were in Southlands together but I want just them as a duo.

Ren and Martyn: “hey didn’t they already team?” Yes and? I have been waiting for so long for these two to talk again and Ren might not be in this season again. I don’t have any evidence to say he won’t but I’m not getting my hopes up again.

Lizzie and Pearl: We got a taste of these two in secret life and I think they would have a solid alliance. Plus red life with these two? Two wet cats with a taste for blood? Sign me the fuck up.

Enemies:

Pearl and Gem: “uwu wouldn’t it be so cool if they were together and pearl helped gem win?” Fuck no. I want blood. I want them at each other’s throat. I want Pearl to actively take Gem’s final life. You had murder camel, let me see these two fight to the death okay? Fuck an alliance I want murder and death.

Martyn and Tango: Watchful eyes would see that over the seasons Martyn and Tango have a sort of rivalry or at the very least Tango is bullied/teased by Martyn. Rarely have they been on the same page. Therefore, I want them to be official enemies.

Tango and Skizz: I don’t want them to be actual rivals, it just would be nice for Skizz and Tango to branch out from each other as they have teamed in every season besides third and double life. Being rivals is a treat.

Impulse and Skizz: Same as above but more because they are best friends, I would love to see them tease each other lol.

Pearl and BigB: I don’t think this would happen but it would be something new. Especially how Pearl wanted BigB to win limited life when they were the nosey neighbours.

Scott and Joel: Pretty please take Scott’s final life I love the guy but I need Joel to do it please please please-

Ren and Martyn: Yes I want them to be alliances again but enemies? Oh? Oh ho? We had a taste of this with last life’s final four battle royal and Martyn confirming that he was always going to betray Ren. I need to see that.

Bdubs and Etho: Purely for the angst <3

Mumbo and Grian: I love these two so much but proper rivals would go so hard. Bonus if Scar is teamed with one of them lmao.

Impulse and Bdubs: It won’t be brought up but I think the clock grudge lasting all the way to season 6 would be funny as hell.

Bdubs and Joel: Short.

Cleo and literally anyone: She is very scary as an enemy not in a “Cleo would beat your ass” she couldn’t, but in a “they will hurt you with words”

Anyway who do you want as allies or enemies in season 6?

[being-of-rain]

With the help of around 3 days of combined travel time to and from my girlfriends house, I've finished another EDA!

The remaining 20 or so installments in the series are a combination of books I've heard about and am really excited to get to, and books I haven't heard anything about and so am less excited for. Hope by Mark Clapham was definitely one of the latter category. I didn't know what to expect, and at first it didn't inspire much confidence in me. It's whole premise seemed to be that it was set in a bleak, gritty dystopian city, and the first few scenes having Anji being sad about her ex-boyfriend (who had died 10 novels ago now) and a tired police detective who spent too much time sleeping in his office did not do much to win me over. But, surprisingly, winning me over is exactly what it managed to do.

Firstly, the Tardis team is actually kept together for the majority of the novel. That's a real rarity for the EDAs (or Classic Who in general), and a real treat for me. Every time the characters were slightly separated in the first few chapters I thought Here we go. But they kept sticking together. They even found a place to stay the night together. Unheard of, revolutionary.

Secondly, Hope, the titular bleak and dangerous city, actually gets some pretty good worldbuilding - or at least enough to feel like more of a place people live than just a cobbled together collection of dark cyberpunk and post-apocalyptic cliches. And it gets a happy, hopeful ending too (something that I know I shouldn't be too surprised about in Doctor Who, but I guess I'm always braced for something more edgy from the Wilderness Years novels I don't know much about.)

And thirdly, I think the author really got the three main characters, and wanted to give them lots of opportunities (big and small) to shine. Anji felt a lot more defined than a lot of her other appearances, being the main emotional core of this book. She was sort of past missing her boyfriend, her emotions mostly burnt out on that front, but now just felt like it was something unfinished, unresolved. I'm glad she got this story to work through that.

Fitz had the least focus of the three leads, but still felt perfectly written whenever he turned up. It was very fun to watch him have some very Fitz moments, and also do things like investigate a dangerous cyborg cult as a subplot and casually cause a religious schism in it over the course of about a page.

Finally, I was obsessed with the way the book depicted the Doctor. He can't finely control his bodily functions anymore, he can't get through sleepless nights (without far too much coffee) anymore, and he has even has a scar of some sort on his chest. There's a chase in the middle of the book that might be my favourite scene, because the Doctor pursues a killer down a giant structure of metal girders supporting a city and over a frozen wasteland, and it wears him out entirely. The whole time he's thinking about how he used to be able to do this sort of physical activity with no problem, but now he feels every scrape and jolt and extra yard he has to run. It takes everything in him to catch and knock out his quarry, and then he falls unconscious himself immediately after. This idiot is basically human now and he is not dealing with it well.

Though considering how well the book follows up Henrietta Street in that way, it's interesting that it regularly refers to Anji travelling with the Doctor for a 'few months'. The book apparently didn't get the memo that the team lived in 1782 for... well, the majority of 1782, and some of 1783 on top. Still, I liked the continuity of the Doctor growing a beard in Adventuress, keeping it in Mad Dogs, and shaving it just before Hope. I also liked the Doctor pushing the Tardis as far into the future as he could, but then saying he felt disconcerted about landing in a place after the Earth has gone, now that he's bound to it.

So I ended up really enjoying Hope, and the way it let the characters lead the story. Next novel is... Anachrophobia, which I think is one I've heard good things about! Maybe, I can't remember. But I'm looking forward to it anyway, if nothing else because of the cool title and the cool cover. Oh and it's the first novel I've read by Jonathan Morris too! I won't hold that against it.

[woodpengu]

This is a 'Mindful Monday' kind of ramble... Is long; but we're not apologizing.

I have a condition that extends healing time considerably. From this comes a learning experience that is never-ending [sometimes the tone is exhaustive, but this time it's informative].

Anyone under the pressure of complex trauma or many comorbidities/disorders might relate to the frustrating cycle of getting a toe forward only to feel like one's instantly propelled leagues backwards. Or the overwhelming strain that comes up every time one attempts to "keep up with the times" only to burn out seconds after launch. Or taking in the panoramic view of all the steps it'll take to recover and the nervous system shutting down before taking a step forward.

I spend more time in decompression than in progression and idling in neutral [combined]. Or, at least, it feels that way. With all the physiological and psychological conditions that, often, can - and do - trigger each other into a devastating spiral, precision and patience are key practices in getting through the lows. And since there's only one professional I feel I can really count on at this time, there's a lot of trial-and-error coping-mechanism-building going on. So, there's a few keys I've learned over the years thanks to this, things I remind myself that genuinely help reset my nervous system:

As cliche as it sounds, remember to breathe. Taking a pause to breathe deliberately can be like walking through a doorway. Slow the breath. Elongate the breath. Soften the breath. Take literal control of the breathing mechanism and manipulate it to emulate a relaxed state. Leading to...

Trick the nervous system into 'rest and digest' (parasympathetic response) by playing opossum. Can't think our way out of this one; this has to be done by physically relaxing tension, starting small and working through the body. Intentional, careful movements that soften tissues and open joints. Gradual shifts - extending/flexing fingers/toes; rolling shoulders, wrists, ankles, and hips; swaying the neck from side to side; wiggling playfully.

Check posture. Back rounded? Engage the core muscles, tilt the pelvis, drop and pull back the shoulders. Neck tension? Stack the neck vertebrae - don't jut your chin forward. Tight leg muscles? Lunge or horse stance for a bit. Bad posture = poor biomechanics = imbalanced tension = prone to injury/illness.

Willpower is hard when the pressure is on; prioritize what matters and leave the rest. Just because something is good to do doesn't mean it'll always be easy to do. Exerting the will to do something good for health and future self will pay off long-term. Brush, floss, and rinse. Take the shower when gooey-feel is high. Nibble something so taking meds for discomfort won't lead to more sicky. Exert the will to take care of present self so future self struggles less when future becomes present. Get the momentum going.

Operate off of inspiration rather than desperation. How we feel is a determining factor in momentum. Record the idea in the moment it comes up, follow through when time and energy allow. The only one who has the right to punish you for a lack of follow-through or response is you... because you're the only one that knows the full extension of your own circumstances. Everyone/thing else can wait... or they can walk. Let them.

Acknowledge the wins, no matter how small. Observe the bigger picture from the point of injury, illness, surgery, accident, or other significant reference... and pin the overall improvements. Always nod to the encouraging details. It's not toxic positivity to point at something and say, "Look at what I did right; look at how far we've come; it's good to feel joy about this." I walked a mile without needing rest. I wrote a page in a flow state. I remembered to water the plants. I ate when I was hungry instead of waiting until I was starving. I let myself feel angry and then let myself work through the anger instead of burying my feelings. I was honest with myself/another about what I needed in the moment.

This list will likely get added to over time. But these are the things I've learned for 30 days, practiced for 30 days, and adjusted to suit me for 30 days before choosing to share my experience (another lesson definitely worth applying in order to avoid being a misinforming fool). I'm not telling anyone what to do or how to live. This is my way of sharing something that has been working for me with the thought that someone else might be able to benefit and adjust it to themselves.

Take care and may gentleness frequent your sphere.

[otmaaromanovas]

Hey. I was wondering what your favourite books about OTMA/The Romanovs are? I have read quite a few and I’m looking for new recommendations. I love your posts btw :)

Hiya! Thanks for your question.

As you said you have read quite a few books about the Romanovs and want new recommendations, I'll try and think of some of the less common/more obscure books I've read, which I don't see talked about too much!

Once a Grand Duchess by John van der Kiste and Coryne Hall

Admittedly, this book sometimes reads like a long wikipedia page, but has some very interesting information on Xenia Alexandrovna. If you are interesting in the British royal family and their history, the second half of the book has some great info on Xenia's stay at Frogmore Cottage and Hampton Court

The False Anastasia by Pierre Gilliard and Constantine Savitch

Written half by Gilliard and half by Savitch, it combines some of Pierre Gilliard's memories of Anastasia and the Romanovs with debunking the Anna Anderson myth. Some great work here on Anderson's actual identity. However, I will warn you straight away that if you do get this book in its English translation, the translator Edgar A. Lucidi is VERY antisemitic. Throughout the book, he goes to great pains to try and say that Anastasia survived, and has a whole preface about it, including photos of him posing with a pretender. It's frustrating and insulting, especially when he makes actual notes in the text trying to 'debunk' Gilliard and Savitch's writing. I'm recommending this book purely because of what Pierre Gilliard and Constantine Savitch have written, which is very interesting and revealing. If you can read French (I definitely can't!) it's worth getting the original.

Tutor to the Tsarevich by John C. Trewin and Charles Sydney Gibbes

This book is FANTASTIC and really underrated! It's more of a coffee table format, with plenty of photos, but has some really fantastic information. It has a lot of Gibbes' original writings and reflections, published for the first time I believe. Some great anecdotes about Tobolsk and some rare photos of Gibbes and his life after the Romanovs.

The Romanovs & Mr Gibbes: The Story of the Englishman Who Taught the Children of the Last Tsar by Frances Welsh

This book focusses on the life of Charles Sydney Gibbes, later known as Father Nicholas, who was the English tutor to the children. Although it is definitely not as good as Tutor to the Tsarevich, it provides an interesting picture of Gibbes' life. It's quite short, and focusses a lot more on Gibbes than the Romanovs, but is worth a read if you're interested in the tutors of OTMAA.

A Few Years Before the Catastrophe by Sofia Ivanovna Tyutcheva, translated by George Hawkins

This book is *TINY* so you might be better served getting the online kindle edition rather than actually buying it. Sofia, or 'Savanna' as OTMA called her, was a nanny to the children from 1906-1912, before being dismissed by Alix for disagreements over Rasputin and the raising of the children. As I said, the book itself is very short, but paints an interesting picture especially of Ernst of Hesse and Nicholas' personalities. There are some fun anecdotes about OTMA, but not too many. The reason I recommend this book is because I am currently reading Anna Vyrubova's memoirs and she goes on a four page rant about poor Savanna, saying that she was a traitor and sold out Nicky and Alix. Reading Savanna's recollections almost entirely prove this wrong.

The Camera and the Tsars: The Romanov Family in Photographs by Charlotte Zeepvat

This book is BEAUTIFUL! Anything Charlotte Zeepvat writes is worth buying in my opinion. But this book especially... *chef's kiss*. It has so much detail about the whole of the Romanov family, and is mainly in picture form with detailed captions and text too. The photos are high quality. A great overview of the whole of the Romanov family and its many branches.

The Grand Duchesses: Daughters & Granddaughters of Russia's Last Tsars

This book is comprised of multiple different biographies about Romanov Grand Duchesses and princesses over a span of about 200 years. It is very unique in focussing entirely on the women in the Romanov family. There are a couple of errors in it, but nothing too awful. Great if you want to dive in and learn about some of the Grand Duchesses that came before (and after) OTMA.

‘After that we wrote.’: A Reconsideration of the Lives of Olga, Tatiana, Maria, and Anastasia Nikolaevna Romanova, 1895-1918 by Althea Thompson

The last recommendation isn't a book, but a thesis written for their Master's Degree, and focusses entirely on OTMA. It's fascinating, with plenty of great sources sprinkled in. It looks to re-examine how historians have viewed OTMA and aims to create an accurate picture of their daily lives. It's a long academic read, but has fantastic information. You can read it here.

I hope this was helpful! I probably missed out some great gems, but these are the first ones that come to mind which are less common :)

[the---hermit]

30|01|2023

My months of rest and relaxation // day 83

This morning I woke up pretty early, because I had a pretty early therapy session. It was actually nice to go so early, maybe it's just a morning person thing, but for some reason I really enjoyed it. It was also really helpful to reflect on the stuff I am working on at the moment, and I stuggled less than I had anticipated to open up. I want to get back into journaling, because in the past few months I fell out of the habit and now that I'd need that I am really struggling to pick it up again. I am a bit blocked and intimidated to sit with my thoughts. To make it a bit easier I took some time to use my journal to be creative and have fun, and it came really natural, so maybe I should combine the reflection with something more creative to help me out at the moment. I just blased my feel good playlist (which is very simply an All Time Low playlist, because their music for some reason always helps me mentally/emotionally and energizes me at the same moment) and wrote down lyrics all over two pages in different coulours. It's an absolute mess with words going in all directions and on top of each other but it was weirdly liberating, I might do that again in the future.

Productvity:

changed the lightbulb of the small lamp on my nightstand

help my dad fix the entrance door

continued reading The Marriga Portrait by Maggie O'Farrell

Self care:

therapy session

journaled

blasted my feel good playlist as much as I could

[birlwrites]

Helloo!! Uve sometimes described barty as potentially being a romantic partner to regulus and so i was wondering what made u choose evan to be his love interest in ttdl instead? I think u also mentioned the possibility of them being polyamorous and so in what scenario do u see that happening (in the ttdl universe or a whole other one)

Have a great day!!!

okay SO

there are a few reasons that regulus/barty does not happen in atfhv and most of them are supports to the real reason which is that i think best friends are SO underutilized as central pairs of characters. i've read a shitload of works centered around regulus and sirius, and a shitload of works centered around regulus and a romantic partner, and i have also written a bunch of these! like they're everywhere! and there's no inherent problem with that, but i think that with a familial or romantic relationship, the question of 'why us' becomes much simpler and less interesting

so ig the short answer to your question is: it was more about choosing for barty to *not* be regulus's love interest than it was about choosing evan to be

also [insert rant about regulus not often having his own friends in fic]

but as for why i did choose evan!! aghslgkjdhf i'm going to have to do a lot of tracing of my thought process because regulus and evan as a pairing just feels SO intuitive and obvious to me now, but the fact remains that when i got into it the tag was TINY. so like. how did those neurons fire in my brain?

i think it started with survived by, which was the first fic i wrote in which evan really played a role - barty's always had a pretty set personality and vibe in my head, so evan was an opportunity to play around and make someone up. i didn't proceed directly from there to rosewater - there was a period of time when i was experimenting with a few different ships, notably blaise zabini's mom and The Forbidden Jegulus Fic, and i'm looking at my warmups document right now (which is where most of my stories start before they hit ~10 pages and i decide they merit their own documents) and rosewater just sPRINGS INTO EXISTENCE on page 11. so those neurons may continue to be a mystery

but i think generally speaking, to answer 'why evan,' it's because the persona i gave him complements regulus's personality in a very different way from how barty does. they're playing the same game in very different ways, and of all the characters in ttdl, the two of them have the strongest facades.

regulus is very guarded and has a role he's decided to play, and evan just has Massive Fucking Secrets, including a role that was decided for him, but regardless - the process of the two of them growing close enough to develop and then EXPRESS vulnerable feelings is so intense/demanding in a way that it wouldn't be for any other combination of people, because literally any other combination of people would be slightly less hidden away. even them + barty in a triad would be less closed off b/c barty

in the ttdl universe i'm very attached to aro barty, which doesn't prevent there being polyamory but does affect the shape of it - i do think that at any given time the probability of regulus and barty being life partners is basically 100% though. in my head they always have a life together, unless it's like, stga aghshgljkdf, so then the question becomes how does evan factor in, and the answer is 'yes'

like they're very much a trio in my mind - the specific dynamics might change but in terms of the future, almost regardless of universe (rip stga), i envision the three of them together in some way

[erin-bo-berin]

Couple of things in response to your anon queries over the last few days:

- Joe’s playing a prominent recurring character in Fargo. He’s Gator Tillman, the son of the main character, corrupt sheriff Roy Tillman (John Hamm). You’ll be getting more than one episode, don’t worry about that! Also - and I’m sorry if you already know this, but just to clarify- it’s not set in 2019, not the old west. I think people got the cowboy idea because Noah Hawley wrote an (excellent) article for The Atlantic called “It’s High Noon in America,” which was both a political commentary, and a reflection on how entertainment contributes to issues like distrust of authority by creating heroes who go against the system etc. In it, he shared a sample of S5 dialogue between Roy and Gator, which mentioned “high noon”:

Gator: “I swear to God, him versus me, man to man, and I'd wipe the floor with him.”

Roy: “What, like high noon? That only happens in the movies, son. In real life they slit your throat waiting for the light to change.”

I mean, Joe might still be playing a cowboy-ish type character if he works on a ranch I suppose? But as far as I know, there’s nothing to suggest that’s the case.

- Joe is well positioned to have a great career after ST ends. I’m a bit puzzled as to why anyone’s concerned for him to be honest! Free Guy was very well received and many reviews specifically mentioned Joe’s charm and his lovely chemistry with Jodie. One critic even said - and I quote - “Joe Keery proves he’s going to be just fine when Stranger Things ends.” Add to that, although Spree was controversial, it was still received more positive reviews than less glowing ones (thanks, tomatometer), and even negative reviews of the film praised Joe’s performance.

So that’s recent history. Looking at his current work, he has two films in the can, is currently filming Fargo, then starts Cold Storage, and then in 2024 goes back to filming ST. The guy is as busy as an actor could hope for. Going forward, even if none of the films make an impact (and that’s a big ‘if’, because I suspect Cold Storage at least is going to do very well), Fargo will raise his profile even higher than it already is.

Oh, and then there’s his music. We all know he’s genuinely talented in that regard, and so do the critics. But he’s deliberately flown under the radar with it, and so many people are missing out. Djo doesn’t even have a Wikipedia page for crying out loud. Maya Hawke, who has less than a third of the Spotify listeners Djo has, has a wiki page for each album! No hate for Maya - her stuff’s not my thing but it’s cool. I just think Joe’s music manager (who’s different to his acting one) is sleeping on that front.

Sorry for the Joe Keery essay. I’m just a huge supporter because he’s so talented, and is also genuinely lovely. People who’ve worked with him want to do it again, in large part because of his personality. We know the combination of those traits is what changed the trajectory of his character in ST, which was a remarkable thing in of itself. David Harbour, Brett Gelman, and Kevin Pollack have all pointed out how unusual it was, and praised both Joe and the Duffer Bros for it. It’s kind of refreshing to see someone in Hollywood getting rewarded for being a decent person, in addition to having acting abilities.

Joe deserves every success. Long may it continue!

Oh wow thanks for all the info! I’ve never seen Fargo but man I will happily watch it to see him in it.

I’m so excited for him in Cold Storage. I ended up reading the book after someone on here told me it was actually a book first and Joe is just gonna nail the character. Teacake is such a loveable dork lol

I agree though! He’s been doing so good even without ST fame. He’s gotten some big projects coming up and a handful at that. Also his music to keep him busy too and it really is such a shame that his music is so underrated because his music really is so good 🥺

[townofcadence]

⭐

Send a ⭐ for Muse Combinations!

Hmm! This is tough since I'm very lacking in the Persona knowledge department, but I think I have a few in mind!

I think for your kiddos, There's three or four groupings I think could be interesting! Since your muses are persona ones who are on the young side, I think Artair being in Japan means he could work for threads, because he would probably take a fair few of them under his wing and try to help them as the adult. I don't think it'd be a mentor/mentee situation, since he hardly sees himself as a role-model, but he would at least offer support to these kids who are taking on WAY more than anyone their age should ever have to.

The other three I think could be interesting are all within the age range of most of the group, so I think there's a better capacity for a peer type relationship. Violeta-Rosa and Keanu (Hemlock to their friends) are siblings from the Rivera-Flores family, and they could be in Japan for hand-wavey exchange program reasons or something-- they're both close to 18-19, so they might have a lot more connection with others who are also still teenagers! I don't have them up on my page yet because I don't have art for them, but I do have sort of a grasp on their personalities and some of the stuff they're dealing with, so something with them could be fun and interesting because of the close age ranges!

The last one is for a similar reason-- she's a Selkie named Marin who is 17 and impulsive and a bit infatuated with the idea of romance. I don't know how well she'd fit in, but she's in an age range where I feel like she could interact with other teens without there being some kind of age discrepancy which might make other muses feel they have to be respectful or--- less themselves because they want to appear mature.

Anddd extra, but I do have a few younger kiddos which might work, if you want, where your kids are kinda the responsible ones in the situation, kinda a la P4 with Nanako! I have Willow, Kit, and Siren. Siren would be a bit tougher to work with because he has no voice. He can read thoughts (he's like... a baby merfolk siren who had his voice stolen in a sense, and I thought it'd be neat if they communicated via fin movements and thought underwater), and the most he usually communicates with is sign, writing, moving his fins, or pictures he draws. So that might be a no-go, though Siren is also the easiest of the kids to manage.

Willow is kind of the middle road when it comes to managing her. She's twelve and usually pretty good, but there's a lot of negative feelings she's carrying with her. Kit is the hardest to befriend if you come at them from a responsible angle, and is a bit of a wild-child. They are a kitsune pup who stays in a human form a lot, or a fox kind of interchangeably. They're a bit of trouble and a bit bitey and mean in a way of seeming tough and protecting themself (or because they're jealous or petty at times), though usually can be befriended with food and patience lol. But yeah, they're both kinda more complex than the kids in media who are perfect and never fuss or be unreasonable xD

[the-firebird69]

And we're talking about the reimbursement and it happens after the Revolutionary War but to try and shoot for it every year and what they're trying to do is to win the war and to say they used our sun services and all that good stuff and 76 974 is July 4 that's what they wanna say but there's a few things wrong with it the stipe handy doesn't remember the Monday last year he can't recall getting any money he said it would have to be hundreds of dollars by now and it really is and he remembers getting money for the stimulus that was back in 2000 22,021 so 2021 and 23 he's stuck here but he got money in 22 he thinks from the storm and it might be when it was put in it was in his bank did you put into here it's truced bank that would be last year but that's 2000 22 not 2023 and we think he's right but he can check that that was like 700 bucks that's the last you remember is getting a check for of that size so he's trying to recall the sequence of events and the dates and stuff hurricane Punta Gorda it's in September 28, 2022 And that was the year before last year this year he got a renewed contract end of February only two pages they increased his rent by 50 bucks. And started to try and ding him constantly. Doesn't remember getting anymore money from anywhere and that's because George WA was not getting reimbursed steadily and it was not every other year but it was not a reimbursement until the end of the civil war but these guys were paying out a reimbursement or less every so often in a cycle so he's wondering what that is and we don't know no we do it's a cyclical thing and he doesn't know what part of the cycle it is but $700 is not a lot of money and the war seems to be going on but it goes on for several years before ending and it's not ended so maybe the money was for something else and they haven't said the Revolutionary War is over and he didn't really feel nominated. We do know the answer and we do know that he gotta check for the storm and it was in late 2022 and he didn't get something in 23 no OK so it's saying it took 10 months to get a check and he thinks that might be right is going through many months like 4 or 5 months of flood damage everywhere and not being able to move around and trees and power lines down still for months like half a year so getting a check later on makes sense and he applied for it early on and didn't expect it and then it finally came he thought it was 8 months but that might be after he applied he said he waited in a little bit and thought it was too late like three months when he could access a method of requesting it. He thinks he did it in the library and it's true so it comes out to a year to 2023. Tommy F worked on it too he said this is the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. It says you're a rebel and now you got beat up and your forces were beaten down taking hard hits and these people have two but not directly and that's the problem you've been getting hit directly and can see them very clearly and they get hit by other people so they're gonna have to keep an eye on these nukes and see what see what's really gonna happen so he says you're right they need information and they need it from will and Bill and from me and others in a group that's combined and formed some sort of neutral area a little and it's true. And I do thank you for the help in thanking me and said I understand And I do thank you for the help in thanking me and said I understand it's very hard i'm really young. I'm doing the best I can scotty very that's funny OK. Tommy F and he sees it and he's researching it and he has information in people are thanking him and they're talking to him about it. So we're going to print.

Thor Freya

Olympus

that Makes it kinda stupider Tommy F you saying that you just said some kind of club.

I don't wanna get a Johnny Peg even if it has two motors and maybe it does that's pretty good he says it's faster than the victory. Well you might get one of those. I understand that.

ken

Well it doesn't mean much but at least to be somewhat happy on its way out that's funny she he says I mean hey him I mean. Yeah

Hera

Zues yeh ken be a man get whalle oil no ok

and i h ear it

Ken

ahahah lo hwhale oil on antacricta and oh no

trump

Olympus bozo

[christopblog]

Album of the Year 2023

I did it last year so I guess I'm running it back

HONORABLE MENTIONS:

Lankum - False /Lankum Totally not my usual vibe, found this one through RYM front page. Was met with a genuinely great, unique take on Irish folk/maritime music with a heavy helping of drone in the mix. It's a pretty perfect combination, creating a sort of hypnotic gothic pirate vibe that I enjoy quite a bit. Favorite tracks: Go Dig My Grave, The New York Trader (boat song, for the boat song fuckers), Lord Abore and Mary Flynn.

Carly Rae Jepsen - The Lovliest Time I wasn't surprised when this dropped, Carly's been doing this pattern for her last few albums, where she releases a sort of B-side version about a year after the last. Real chris-heads might remember that I had The Lonliest Time, her last studio album, in my honorable mention section last year, so this seems at least consistent. However, I can firmly say that I like this album quite a bit more than The Lonliest Time, I think it's a pretty significant improvement in songwriting and production. Just track for track a better experience, and one of my favorite Carly projects in years. Favorite tracks: Kamikaze, Kollage, Shadow, Psychedelic Switch, Come Over

McKinley Dixon - Beloved! Paradise! Jazz!? Unlike the other two, I'm confident in saying this is the number 11 spot, barely edged out by some of the material I liked a little bit more. There's a chance my taste shifts slightly in the next year and this goes way up on the list. I haven't heard much of anything from east coast Jazz Rap artist McKinley Dixon til this project blew up in RYM/nerd music circles, so I gave it a listen. A really tight little album with some excellent production and bars, a couple of genuinely beautiful songs. I'm a fan now, and I'll absolutely be checking out his future projects. Favorite tracks: Sun, I Rise , Run, Run, Run , Beloved! Paradise! Jazz!? Sun, I Rise is one of my top singles of the year, for the record.

TOP 10 ALBUMS OF 2023:

10. I'm Cheating: Vylet Pony - Carousel and I Was The Loner of Paradise Valley

Vylet Pony continues her streak of appearing in my top 10 album lists by consistently releasing genuinely great new music. Originally, I was going to have her new big studio album, Carousel, in my honorable mentions, but then she dropped a mixtape called I Was The Loner of Paradise Valley about 2 weeks before the end of December. Was I really gonna try to put two different Vylet Pony projects on this list? Especially when, if I'm being honest, I liked the mixtape a bit more than the main album? So, here I am cheating by kind of throwing them together and just labeling this slot "Vylet Pony's contribution to music this year". I'll give both projects some individual attention. Carousel is a cinematic concept album that gives off dark carnival vibes, and deals mostly about facing the darkness inside of you, or the concept of your "Shadow". I think, conceptually, it's much weaker than her last narrative based concept album, Fish Whisperer . It ends up feeling a little overlong, overly dramatic (this is pun because there is a song called flair for the dramatic haha), and a little overwrought at times. However, I think when it hits, it HITS, and she's got a few tracks on here that I'd rank among her best of all time. Still a great project overall that I find myself liking more as time goes on despite my initial misgivings. Favorite tracks: Pony Rock! , Constellation Cradle, Brohoof, Crush Kill Destroy Swag, The Carrion Child, Flair for the Dramatic, Creekflow I Was The Loner of Paradise Valley in turn is a much more quiet and introspective affair, but the songwriting and production is incredibly consistent all the way through. Less individual highlights, but it works much better as an album experience. This one is new and still settling in my brain, so I have less to say about it, but I was quite impressed by it initially at least. Favorite tracks: ECR, Cross, Paintbucket, Brother, Are You Proud of Me?

9. Jessie Ware - That! Feels Good!

After blowing all of our collective minds with her pop disco masterpiece What's Your Pleasure in 2020, Jessie took her time cooking up a follow up, finally releasing the highly anticipated album this past April. I have a bit of a complex relationship with this album, I definitely don't find it as magnetic and sticky as What's Your Pleasure, I still have a hard time remembering singles off of this one if I think back to it, but every single time I sit down and listen to it I have a blast. It's still an excellent collection of extremely catchy, brilliantly produced, sexy disco pop tracks, even if I'd rate it slightly under her last album overall. Regardless, this is some seriously impressive consistency from Jessie, and I wish more people explored this kind of sound because it fucking rules. Great stuff. Favorite Tracks: Free Yourself, Hello Love, These Lips

8. Lil Yachty - Let's Start Here.Easy winner of my most improved artist award, and also winner of my absolutely out of left field award too. If you'd told me a trap artist who, despite a few breakout singles, hadn't really put out anything that great (sorry yachty fans) would pivot into a hybrid psychedelic rock/rap album with heavy soul and stoner rock influences I would have accused you of shitposting. This shouldn't work but it absolutely does, pretty much the whole way through. Yachty's style of autotuned rap and vocals just sit really well in the mix against the slower paced instrumental, letting these big walls of sound build up into some really cool climaxes. Also has a great use of features, some of the guest vocalists on this are killer. I think Yachty has always had a pretty unique singing voice, and this is the best he's ever sounded by far. Excited to see if he'll stick with this style or move on, either way, I'm just glad something this experimental and weird exists. Favorite Tracks: the BLACK seminole, THE zone~, IVE OFFICIALLY LOST VISION, REACH THE SUNSHINE also shoutouts to Poland, it wasn't on this album but it's just as good as anything else on here.

7. Caroline Palochek - Desire, I Want to Turn Into You

She's back, babyy! This was a highly anticipated album for 2023, I really loved her solo debut album Pang when I first heard it back in 2019. She's got an incredible voice, insane vocal control and mastery, and is able to create this luscious sound, with all kinds of little mini vocal runs and intunation tricks. Next level stuff, and she's doing it on Art Pop/Hyperpop tracks that sound like they should be playing on the radio (not derogatory in any way, just impressive). The production is almost the real star of this album, I think it's even better than Pang in that regard, just an excellently mixed and writing project front to back. We get a great range from EDM Dance Pop to a little Flamenco flair in Sunset, to a more choral piece like Hopedrunk Everasking. Insane range, and her voice is the star in every track, she just can't help but kill the performance. I gotta go see her live sometime to see if she can do this in person consistently, it's nuts. I might like this one more than Pang tbh, hard to say. Favorite Tracks: Sunset, I Believe, Blood and Butter, Hopedrunk Everlasting, Billions

6. Paramore - This is Why

Okay I have to admit something here, this is the first Paramore album I've listened to all the way through. I was a little too young back in the day and just rocked a couple of their more popular singles, but after this one it makes me wanna go back and check out the full backlog. What a great comeback album! I know a lot of people really liked their other comeback album, After Laughter, which I tried to listen to this year and just completely bounced off of for some reason. I think maybe because it leans too much into pop and less into the alt-rock/ pop punk that you'd normally expect from Paramore. Thankfully, This is Why is very much that classic sound, but updated for modern times. Hayley Williams still sounds as good as she did back in the day, and we've been blessed with an excellent collection of new songs that are just an absolute blast to listen to. These songs are fun, punchy, and have some real heart behind them as well. There's so much range on this project, from the stellar opening title track This is Why, to the playful and tongue in cheek Running Out of Time, which all are reminiscent of the original Paramore sound. The back half features some stellar rock ballads, like Liar and Crave, capping out with a great buildup on Thick Skull. You can tell Paramore's grown up a little bit, and they're making music for their audience of now 20-40 year olds, and they're even better for it. This one grew on me big time throughout the year, I could see it doing even more. Favorite tracks: This is Why, The News, Running Out of Time, You First, Liar (this is my favorite), Crave

5. PinkPantheress - Heaven Knows

Yes, this is the "Boys a Liar Pt. 2" girl if you have tiktok or listen to the radio ever, that song is everywhere for a reason. I've been a huge fan of PinkPantheress since I heard a single from her debut mixtape To Hell With It , then listened to the rest of the album and found it equally amazing. I think this girl's a huge up and coming talent, especially for how young she is, and I've been consistently impressed at her ability to make these short, absurdly catchy, memorable little drum and bass tracks with her lovely angelic voice on top. I think while To Hell With It edges out this new album when it comes to production and instrumentation, her lyrics are way more impactful and poignant here on Heaven Knows , there's some serious weight to a few of these tracks. Mosquito is kind of a masterpiece in this regard, how it's able to marry the lyrics of a girl being too attached to someone, draining them like a mosquito, with these little whistles in the mix that sound almost like an insect buzzing around. It just matches the feel of the words perfectly. Then you have Ophelia, an incredibly haunting song about getting murdered via forced drowning, but you wouldn't guess if you weren't paying attention, it sounds more like a melancholic break-up song. And then the last proper track on the album, Capable of Love is maybe the best song she's made so far. I'm glad this one turned out so well, and she's quickly cementing herself as one of my favorite new artists this decades. Deserves all the popularity she gets, Boys a Liar is a stellar single too. Favorite tracks: Another Life, Mosquito, The Aisle, Ophelia, Capable of Love, Boy's a Liar Pt. 2

4. Parannoul - After the Magic

I've got a bit of a complicated relationship with Parannoul since they debuted and became a RYM darling a couple of years ago, mainly with their breakout hit To See the Next Part of the Dream , an album I definitely enjoyed but didn't necessarily love. It was clearly very well put together, lowfi shoegaze/noise rock album with a lot of heart and soul put into it, but it never quite clicked with me. After the Magic brings about a much more clean, less low-fi feel to it, really highlighting how incredibly well composed these songs are, and I think that was the missing piece for me. I was pretty blown away on first listen by this one, just a great collection of tracks with deep, layered sound throughout. It's a frequently beautiful, awe-inspiring experience that I highly reccomend. I need to get around to listening to the live version, which is currently rated as the RYM 7th greatest live performance of all time. Excited to keep listening to more from this dude! Favorite tracks: Polaris, Insomnia, We Shine at Night, After the Magic

3.JPEGMAFIA x Danny Brown - Scaring the Hoes

If Peggy drops you know it's on the list, and he's continuing his insane streak of AOTY contender releases this year with a collab album with eccletic rapper Danny Brown. I've always liked Danny when I've heard him on features, but admittedly haven't gone back and listened to his most iconic albums. I think his wacky voice and great flow really works as a contrast to Peggy's more aggressive vocals, but while I enjoyed most of his verses I always tended to come away from each track thinking Peggy outshone him. Maybe just a personal taste thing, hard to say. Regardless, this thing is fucking loaded with bangers front to back, featuring some of Peggy's best production to date. There really just isn't anyone who approaches the kind of sound he goes for in his music, he's dominating his own lane in the best way possible. StH brings wit, speed, precision, and intensity front to back. And apparently Peggy meant to drop a solo album at the end of 23 too? Ridiculous creative output, mans can't be stopped. Extremely pumped for whatever he's dropping this year too, I'm sure you'll be reading about it here next year. Favorite tracks: Steppa Pig, Garbage Pale Kids, Burfict!, Kingdom Hearts Key, God Loves You

2. Mitski - The Land is Inhospitable and So Are We

You hear that? It's the sound of me praising God above because the GOAT is back in form. Look, I was a little worried when Mitski dropped Laurel Hell last year. Real fans might have noticed that album was totally absent from my year-end list for 22, not even an HM nod. And that's because it was... as much as I loathe to say it, as much as I wish it weren't the case... it was... tragically... mid. A few really strong singles that I still love and the rest just kind of blurs together, nowhere near the same bite and impact her lyrics and songwriting usually brings. And that was after a 4 year hiatus, so I thought it'd be ages if I even got another one. Not the case! Mitski's back and she's got a completely new sound, ditching entirely the more electropop/synthpop leanings of Laurel Hell and embracing an indie folk sound leaning hard on Americana, and dare I say it... country? Listen to the first chords of Heaven and tell me that's not got all the trappings of a proper country ballad. Speaking of, holy shit, what a song! Has to be her best in years, maybe even since Nobody. Just absolutely stunningly gorgeous. I think what I was really missing from a lot of Laurel was lyricism, and Inhospitable is chock full of poignant, extremely memorable lines front to back. "Sometimes a drink feels like faaaaamilyyyyyy" "a whoooole cake, all for me" "you believe me like a god, I betray you like a man". That's what I expect out of Mitski, and I am so incredibly happy to say that Laurel was an outlier (a half decent one, too) and that she's still in her prime as one of the greatest songwriters of her generation. It's a little too bad about this next one, or I think this would have sealed the deal for AOTY. Favorite tracks: Bug Like an Angel, Heaven, I Don't Like My Mind, The Deal, My Love Mine All Mine, Star, I'm Your Man, I Love Me After You

Ichiko Aoba - Ichiko Aoba With 12 Ensemble (Live at Milton Court)

I'm not gonna do some bullshit cheating thing where I list this in a separate category because it's a live album, I think that'd be disrespectful to what this album accomplishes. I'll state the obvious up front, yes, this was the year in which I traveled thousands of miles collectively to go see her live twice, and that was after seeing her live for the first time in October of 22. This was a bucket list item for me that I hadn't expected to cross off anytime soon, because it's my opinion that Ichiko is best experienced live, and I'd already made that opinion before getting to have that experience myself just based on her live albums. 0% is probably still my favorite album of all time, Pneuma is up there, and Gift at Sogetsu Hall won an AOTY from me when it came out too. Perhaps I'm too biased not to automatically put a new live Ichiko album at the top of this list now that I've been lucky and blessed enough to experience her in person multiple times, and that's okay. It's an ethereal, otherworldly, perfect experience that I will never forget. HOWEVER. This is not just another live Ichiko album, and I will attempt to rationalize why it deserves the top spot, and this level of distinction. Ichiko typically performs solo with her guitar, with a few notable exceptions (like Pneuma). Her last studio album, Windswept Adan featured, for the first time, a full instrumentation for many of the songs, allowing us to hear what Ichiko sounds like with a backing track. And while I don't necessarily love Adan more than her solo projects, I think the sound curated on that album is wholly unique in her discography, and it makes for some of her dreamiest, beautiful work to date. Milton Court is essentially a live album version of Adan, and it's actually not the first, as she released a solo live album covering the Adan songs in 2021 that is incredible, and I honestly enjoy a bit more than the studio recordings. And despite having heard these songs many, many times, in many different versions, including live in person, I can confidently say that Milton Court is the best they have ever sounded, with the backing of 12 Ensemble out of London. Never at any point do the instrumentalists overshadow Ichiko, her guitar, or her vocals, instead they are able to accompany her as she gives what has to be a top 3 lifetime performance across these thirteen tracks. In particular, this rendition of Dawn in the Adan and Asleep Among Endives are pure perfection, otherworldly bliss. The craziest thing is that compared to the rest of her body of work, the songs on Adan aren't even necessarily my favorites, even if I do love them. That in mind, I can confidently say that Milton Court is my second favorite work from Ichiko, behind 0%. These renditions and performances are just that good. Easiest AOTY of my life. Favorite track: literally all of the, particularly Sagu Palm's Song, Dawn in the Adan, and Asleep Among the Endives.

[wsitho123]

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[c-is-for-circinate]

For a long, large part of my life, being queer in a media landscape--finding queerness in a media landscape--has meant theft.

I'm a Fandom Old, somehow, these days, older than most and younger than some, in that way that's grown associated with grumpy crotchetyness and shotguns on porches and back in my day, we had to wade through our Yahoo Groups mailing lists uphill both ways, boring and irrelevant anecdotes from Back In Those Days when homophobia clearly worked differently than it does now, probably because we weren't trying hard enough. I've seen a lot of stories through the years. I've read a lot of fanfic. (More days than not, for the past twenty years. I've read a lot of fanfic.)

When people my age start groaning and sighing at conversations about representation and queerbaiting, when we roll our eyes and drag all the old war stories out again in the face of AO3 is terrible and Not Good Enough, so often what we say is: you Young Folks Today have no idea how hard, how scary, how limiting it was to be queer anywhere Back In Those Days. Including online, maybe especially online, including in a media landscape that hated us so much more than any one you've ever known. And that is true. Always and everywhere, again and again, it's true, we remember, it's true.

We don't talk so much about the joy of it.

Online fan spaces were my very first queer communities, ever. I was thirteen, I was fourteen, I was fifteen--I was a lonely, over-precocious "gifted kid" two years too young for my grade level in an all-girls' Catholic school in the suburbs--I lived in a world where gay people were a rumor and an insult and a news story about murder. I was straight, of course, obviously, because real people were straight and anyway I was weird enough already--I couldn't be two things strange, couldn't be gay too, but--well, I could read the stories. I could feel things about that. I would have those stories to help me, a few years later, when I knew I couldn't call myself straight any more.

And those stories were theft. There was never any doubt about that. We wrote disclaimers at the top of every fic, with the specter of Anne Rice's lawyers around every corner. We hid in back-corners of the internet, places you could only find through a link from a link from a link on somebody else's recs page, being grateful for the tiny single-fandom archives when you found them, grateful for the webrings where they existed. It was theft, all of it, the stories about characters we did not own, the videotaped episodes on your best friend's VHS player, one single episode pulled off of Limewire over the course of three days.

It was theft, we knew, to even try and find ourselves in these stories to begin with. How many fics did I read in those days about two men who'd always been straight, except for each other, in this one case, when love was stronger than sexual orientation? We stole our characters away from the heterosexual lives they were destined to have. We stole them away from writers and producers and TV networks who work overtime to shower them in Babes of the Week, to pretend that queerness was never even an option. This wasn't given to us. This wasn't meant for us. This wasn't ours to have, ever, ever in the first place. But we took it anyway.

And oh, my friends, it was glorious.

We took it. We stole. And again and again, for years and years and years, we turned that theft into an art. We looked for every opening, every crack in every sidewalk where a little sprout of queerness might grow, and we claimed it for our own and we grew whole gardens. We grew so sly and so skilled with it, learning to spot the hints of oh, this could be slashy in every new show and movie to come our way. Do you see how they left these character dynamics here, unattended on the table? How ripe they are for the pocketing. Here, I'll help you carry them. We'll make off with these so-called straight boys, and we only have to look back if somebody sets out another scene we want for our own.

We were thieves, all of us, and that was fine and that was fair, because to exist as queer in the world was theft to begin with. Stolen time, stolen moments--grand larceny of the institution of marriage, breaking and entering to rob my mother's hopes for grandchildren. Every shoplifted glance at the wrong person in the locker room (and it didn't matter if we never peeked, never dared, they called us out on it anyway). Every character in every fic whose queerness became a crime against this ex-wife, that new love interest. Every time we dared steal ourselves away from the good straight partners we didn't want to date.

And: we built ourselves a den, we thieves, wallpapered in stolen images and filled to the brim with all the words we'd written ourselves. We built ourselves a home, and we filled it with joy. Every vid and art and fic, every ship, every squee. Over and over, every straight boy protagonist who abandoned all womankind for just this one exception with his straight boy protagonist partner found gay orgasms and true love at the end.

Over and over, we said: this isn't ours, this isn't meant to be ours, you did not give this to us--but we are taking it anyway. We will burglarize you for building blocks and build ourselves a palace. These stories and this place in the world is not for us, but we exist, and you can't stop us. It's ours now, full of color and noise, a thousand peoples' ideas mosaic'ed together in celebration. We made this, and it will never be just yours again. You won't ever truly get it back, no matter how many lawyers you send, not completely. We keep what we steal.

.

Things shifted over time, of course. That's good. That's to be celebrated. Nobody should have to steal to survive. It should not be a crime, should not feel like a crime, to find yourself and your space in the world.

There were always content creators who could slip a little wink in when they laid out their wares, oh what's this over here, silly me leaving this unattended where anybody could grab it, of course there might be more over by the side door if you come around the alleyway (but if anybody asks, you didn't get this from ME). We all watched Xena marry Gabrielle, in body language and between the lines. We sat around and traded theories and rumors about whether the people writing Due South knew what they were doing when they sent their buddy cops off into the frozen north alone together at the end of the show, if they'd done it on purpose, if they knew. But over the years, slowly, thankfully, the winks became less sly.

A teenage boy put his hand on another teenage boy's hand and said, you move me, and they kissed on network TV, in a prime-time show, on FOX, and the world didn't burn down. Here and there, where they wanted to, where they could without getting caught by their bosses and managers, content creators stopped subtly nudging people around the back door and started saying, "Here. This is on offer here too, on purpose. You get to have this, too."

And of course, of course that came with a whole host of problems too. Slide around to the back door but you didn't get this from me turned into it's an item on our special menu, totally legit, you've just got to ask because the boss throws a fit if we put it out front. Shopkeepers and content creators started advertising on the sly, come buy your fix here!, hiding the fine print that says you still have to take what you've purchased home and rebuild it with your semi-legal IKEA hacks. Maybe they'll consider listing that Destiel or Sterek as a full-service menu item next year. Is that Crowley/Aziraphale the real thing or is it lite?

And those problems are real and the conversations are worth having, and it's absolutely fair to be frustrated that you can't find the ship you want on sale in anything like your color and size in a vast media landscape packed full of discount hetships and fast-fashion m/f. It's fair to be angry. It's fair to be frustrated. Queerbait is a word that exists for a reason.

There's a part of me that hurts, though, every time the topic comes up. It's a confusing, bad-mannered part of me, but it's still very real. And it's not because I'm fawning for crumbs, trying to be the Good, Non-Threatening Gay. It's not that I'm scared and traumatized by the thought of what might happen if we dare raise our voices and ask for attention. (Well. Not mostly. I'll always remember being quiet and scared and fifteen, but it's been a long two decades since then. I know how to ask for a hell of a lot more now.)

It's because I remember that cozy, plush-wallpapered den of joyful thieves. I remember you keep what you steal.

Every single time--every time--when a story I love sets a couple of characters out on a low, unguarded table, perfectly placed to be pilfered on the sly and taken home and smushed together like a couple of dolls, my very first thought is always, always joy. Always, that instinct says, yay! Says, this is ours now. As soon as I go home and crawl into that pillow-fort den, my instincts say, I will surely find people already at work combing through spoils and finding new ways to combine them, new ways to make them our own. I know there's fic for that. I've already seen fic for that, and I wasn't really interested last time, but the new store display's got my brain churning, and I can't wait to see what the crew back at the hideout does with this.

Every time, that's where my brain goes. And oh, when I realize the display's put out on purpose, that somebody snuck in a legitimate special menu item, when the proprietor gives me the nod and wink and says, you don't have to come around the side, I know it's not much but here--there is so much joy and relief and hope in me from that! Oh, what we can make with these beautiful building blocks. Oh what a story we can craft from the pieces. Oh, the things we can cobble together. Look at that, this one's a little skimpy on parts but we can supplement it, this one's got a whole outline we can fill in however we want. This one technically comes semi-preassembled, and that's boring as shit and a pain to take back apart, but that's fine, we'll manage. We're artists and thieves. I bet someone's pulling out the AU saw to cut it to pieces already.

And then I get back to our den, which has moved addresses a dozen times over the years and mostly hangs out on Tumblr now (and the roof leaks and the landlord's sketchy as fuck but at least they don't charge rent, and we've made worse places our own). And I show up, ready for joy--ready for a dozen other people who saw that low-hanging fruit on that unguarded table, who got the nod and wink about the special menu item, who're ready to get so excited about this newest haul. Did you see what we picked up? The theft was so easy, practically begging to be stolen. The last owner was an idiot with no idea what to do with it. The last owner knew exactly what it could become, bless their heart, under a craftsman with more time on their hands, so they looked away on purpose at just the right time to let me take it home. I show up every time ready for our space, the place that fed me on joy and self-confidence when I was fifteen and starving. The place that taught me, yes, we are thieves, because it is RIGHT to take what we need, and the beautiful things we create are their own justification. We are thieves, and that's wonderful, because nothing is handed to us and that means we get to build our own palaces. We get to keep everything we steal.

I go home, and even knowing the world is different, my instincts and heart are waiting for that. And I walk in the door, and I look at my dash, and I glance over at twitter, and--

And people are angry, again. Angry at the slim pickings from the hidden special menu. So, so tired and angry, at once again having to steal.

And they're right to be! Sometimes (often, maybe) I think they're angry at the wrong people--more angry with the shopkeeper who offers the bite-sized sampler platter of side characters or sneaks their queer content in on the special menu than the ones who don't include it at all. But it's not wrong to be mad that Disney's once again advertising their First Gay Character only to find out it's a tiny sprinkle of a one-line extra on an otherwise straight sundae. It's not wrong to be furious at the world because you've spent your whole life needing to be a thief to survive. It's far from wrong. I'm angry about it too.

But this was my den of thieves, my chop shop, my makerspace. Growing up in fandom, I learned to pick the locks on stories and crack the safes of subtext at the very same time I learned to create. They were the same thing, the same art. We are thieves, my heart says, we are thieves, and that's what makes us better than the people we steal from. We deconstruct every time we create. We build better things out of the pieces.

And people are angry that the pre-fab materials are too hard to find, the pickings too slim, the items on sale too limited? Yes, of course they are, of course they should be--but my heart. Oh, my heart. Every single time, just a little bit, it breaks.

Of course the stories are terrible (they have always been terrible). Of course they are, but we are thieves. We steal the best parts and cobble them back together and what we make is better than it was before. The craftsman's eye that cases a story for weak points, for blank spaces, for anywhere we can fit a crowbar and pry apart this casing--that's skill and art and joy. Of course we shouldn't have to, of course we shouldn't have to, but I still love it. I still want it, crave it. I still thrill every time I see it, a story with hairline cracks that we can work open with clever hands to let the queer in.

That used to be cause for celebration, around here. I ask him to go back to the ruins of Aeor with me, two men together alone on an expedition in the frozen north, it feels like a gift. And I understand why some people take it as an insult. I understand not good enough. I understand how something can feel like a few drops of water to someone dying of thirst, like a slap in the face. If it was so easy to sneak it hidden onto the special menu, to place it on the unguarded side table for someone else to run off to, why not let it sit out front and center in the first place? I know it's frustrating. It should be. We should fight. We should always fight. I know why.

But my heart, oh, my heart. My heart only knows what it's been taught. My heart sees, this thing right here, the proprietor left it there for you with a nod and a wink because they Get It. It's not put together yet, but it's better that way anyway. It's so full of pieces to pull apart and reassemble. I bet they've got a whole mosaic wall going up at home already. We can bring it home and make it OURS, more than it was ever theirs, forget half of what it came from and grow a new garden in what remains.

And I go home to find anger, and my heart breaks instead.

[gryffindormischief]

Prompt: After a busy period in their respective works, married hinny cant find time to be intimate even though the kids are at hogwarts and they have the house all to themselves. Finally having enough of not seeing each other, one of them storms into the office of the other

A/N: A combo of 3 prompts (other 2 listed below)! I won't say any of the are exactly following the prompt because that would be a definite lie. I got carried away with the inspiration and this happened. Hope you like! It's my first hinny in what feels like a super long time??

FF // Ao3

“I am very young, very foolish, and very in love with you.”

AHEM do one where uh AHEM Harry and Ginny are left alone while everyone else is buying their Christmas presents and they ᵇᵃⁿᵍ and Ginny is like ᵃ ᵇᵒᵗᵗᵒᵐ and they almost get caught but like they dont and the next day Ron finds out and is pissed NEY livid at Harry and Hermione and Neville calm him down Jus wondering man 🥺👉🏼👈🏼

----

Operose

It sounds great when your supervisor says ‘shadow me’, at least theoretically it does. Experience, new learning opportunities, the unspoken expectation that this means promotions are in your future. Even better when your husband gets a similar offer from his supervisor and you start to sound like a power couple even if you feel a bit like an imposter, like the 14-year-old version of yourself woke up in your 22-year-old body, like you’ve secretly fooled everyone into thinking you’re competent.

But really that’s not the worst of it, because Ginny’s become a bit of an expert in talking herself out of that kind of mindset. It’s peaks and valleys. The real sticking point of trouble is the fact that between work and family, she and Harry haven’t had that magic combination of time, energy, and privacy to allow for a conversation about everything, let alone some bonding that’s less conversational in the traditional sense.

Regardless, Ginny hardly has enough time to think about what she wants to be doing since she barely has time enough to do what she must. And it might seem the best option is drawing boundaries with the family but it’s nearing Christmas and she can’t resist the little puppy dog looks starting with Molly and running all the way through the group to Teddy and Victoire. Sometimes, in her sleep deprived stupors looking over more gameplay strategy charts than she ever dreamed of as captain in her 7th year, Ginny wonders if Ron’s convinced them all to join his conspiracy to prevent her from getting any. Lucky for her brother, Ginny knows her judgment has to be clouded, because it’s quarter past eight and she’s actually excited she might wrap up ‘early’, which lately has come to mean before ten.

With a long suffering sigh, Ginny lifts her pen - a fancy muggle style one from Harry - and resumes her notes. The inky little players flit about the page when Ginny taps it with her wand and she scribbles away until the door behind her slams open with a heart-stopping bang.

Ginny has her wand at the intruder’s throat in seconds, her wheely chair squeaking across the floor until it thuds against the wall. “What the fu- Harry?”

“Gin - I miss you. Even though we’re together and we share a bed and - ”

“Oh hell Harry,” Ginny groans, surging forward to wrap her arms around Harry’s neck.

Ginny of a few months ago might’ve been shocked, but she wants to hold him more than anything else. In fact three minutes ago Ginny probably would’ve thought her first reaction would be to drag Harry toward her until she hopped her little bum up on the desk and then - maybe she still does want that.

But first she just wants to smell him.

“Miss you too,” Ginny finally mumbles against his neck, “So much.”

“I know you’re busy - I managed to wrap up my must do’s for the next fourteen hours. And Robards is emotionally torn about my overtime and his own improved sleep schedule.”

“So?”

“So he told me to go home.”

Ginny snuggles closer. “And?”

Harry laughs against her hair. “And be back at ten tomorrow.”

“What a guy.”

“Stand up bloke,” Harry agrees dryly, “Are you…”

“I guess…I guess my sense about what is and is not absolutely time sensitive might have become a bit suspect lately.”

“Which means?” Harry asks, pressing his lips to her temple.

Ginny leans back and teases her fingers through Harry’s messy waves. “Which means you and your friend down below can get reacquainted with me and my - ”

With a low groan, Harry hoists her onto the desk and runs his hands up her back, dragging her t-shirt up with them. Ginny follows his lead, picks up on it even, deepening the kiss until Harry pulls away.

“Why’d you pull away?”

Harry’s thumb brushes along her cheekbone, his eyes soft and searching like he’s trying to memorize every inch of her face. “I am very young, very foolish, and very in love with you.”

“Not that young gramps,” Ginny laughs, flicking at the handful of greys that have appeared at his temple.

“Twenty three, Gin! I can’t control my hair’s inability to count years.”

Sighing, Ginny tugs him closer by tightening her legs around his hips. “I’m not complaining, not really. Except your new haircut and those little silvery bits - I nearly tackled you at Sunday dinner last week, family or no. It’s quite disturbing.”

“Well I’m sorry I’m so sexy,” Harry says with a chuckle, brushing her hair back from her face, the softness a direct contradiction to his brash words.

“On days where I can’t do anything about it, me too.”

“So does that mean - ”

A large feline - Ginny’s not a zoologist - patronus leaps into view and immediately pulls Harry’s gaze. His clear disappointment and slumped shoulders are something of a comfort but Ginny can’t really summon up much emotion beyond a long growl. Disappointed rather than satisfied unfortunately.

“I could - ”

“You can’t Harry. Remember one of the things I like so much about you?”

“My arse?”

“Hmm that is a good bit,” Ginny says with a smile, “But the part - the thing I want you to remember no matter how annoyed and short tempered and grumbly I may ever get, I know your desire to protect and do the right thing is part of you.”

He laughs a little, self deprecating, and Ginny brushes her thumb along his jaw. “Not that I won’t say you get carried away at times. But I love you, even the bits that tend to give me unresolved desires.”

Harry leans in, gives her a long, lingering kiss. “Paused, not abandoned.”

Ginny pats his cheek, then nudges his face sideways with a playful tap. “I’ll save your place.”

And she does, at least in her mind, fingers reaching up to toy with the place on her neck Harry had abandoned with tangible devastation. It’s a small comfort as she powers through a few more tasks before bundling up and returning to their flat for a quiet night.

A quiet, lonesome night.

She’s exhausted, sore, and admittedly partaking in something of a pity party, so she’s in bed within 30 minutes of arriving home. Her limbs are weighty with sleep when she wakes to Harry slipping between the sheets as quietly and gently as he can manage. Which she has learned over their year or so of marriage is not much. Mostly, she finds better rest knowing he’s home and safe.

Somewhat clumsily, she reaches backward to encourage some kind of cuddle-style physical contact and Harry takes the hint, slinging one arm over her waist and pulling her close. His breath is warm across her neck when he murmurs some string of unintelligible words that includes her name.

The last vestiges of stress melt from her muscles with Harry’s light squeeze and quiet, “Love you,” until Ginny drifts back off to sleep.

Despite growing knowledge that it’s bad for their health in all senses of the idea, Ginny and Harry’s schedules don’t really let up. They gripe, eat rushed dinners in each other’s offices, melt into exhausted heaps in bed, and to Ron’s great annoyance share heated looks across the family table.

“It’s not even noon and there are children present,” Ron barks one Sunday as winter winds whistle around the Burrow.

Harry jolts from the sudden sound but his gaze is slow to leave hers. In fact he’s still half looking her way when he growls back, “You’re the only one who seems to have a problem with me looking at my wife.”

Charlie muffles his laughter behind a forkful of quiche and nudges Ginny’s side. “Frustrated Harry versus embattled Ron.”

“Hermione’s still not letting it go?”

“You didn’t see how long he paused when she unveiled the matching hats.”

Ginny snickers and looks up since she can practically feel Harry’s eyes on her. He’s smirking like he can guess some teasing of Ron is taking place, Harry has something of a sixth sense for it.

“How bad were they?”

Charlie shakes his head. “So many pom poms, Ginny. He looked like a Pygmy Puff.”

He laughs, but stops almost immediately and shoots a furtive glance toward Hermione.

“Worse than a Horntail when she’s mad, eh?” Ginny whispers, grabbing two drop biscuits and passing one to Charlie. “Eat up. If she heard that little observation it might be your last meal.”

Charlie’s reply is lost to Molly and George’s rising voices. “What do you mean coming over tomorrow?”

“Angie’s parents, it’s not a big deal.”

Angelina flicks him in the forehead. “I told you to tell her a week ago.”

“I know but - ”

“You said you did!”

Molly shoves away from the table, nearly tipping it in her rush. She would have without Bill’s quick grab. “Mum!”

Arthur gives a warning shake of his head in Bill’s direction and rises next to Molly. “Dear we can - ”

“I don’t even have gifts for them yet - they’ll think I don’t - George!”

“Yes Mummy?” George answers with just the right amount of sass to truly send Molly into a tailspin.

Luckily, Percy of all people jumps in and quells the rising fire. “Mum, why don’t you head to the shops, get prepped for tomorrow. It’s still early!”

​​”The parents, the grandparents, the cousins! Family deserves heartfelt knitting.”

“They can have a couple of hats,” Hermione mutters, narrowed eyes darting toward Ron.

“Bloody Buggering hell, I like the fu- ”

“Ron I may cross with your brother but I’m not deaf.”

Harry quietly excuses himself to the garden, and Ron watches him go longingly, “Mate I’ll come - ”

Harry waves him off while Hermione scoffs and disappears with a pop. Bill’s just picked up Victoire and started ushering Fleur to the fireplace so he nudges Ron in the back on his way past, “You have duties elsewhere. The Boy Who Robbed Gringotts can handle himself for a bit.”

Somehow, Angelina and Arthur manage to broker a peace between their spouses and Ginny really wants to avoid accidentally being invited to the impromptu nightmare of a shopping trip so she pats her mother on the shoulder and grabs an armful of dishes. “Go on Mum, I’ll handle things here.”

Soon, sooner than Ginny thought possible, the Burrow is quiet save the slow rush of water as she scrubs each dish by hand. It’s perhaps more manual labor than necessary, but Harry’s got her hooked on - Harry. She nearly drops the plate in her hand when she realizes she and Harry are alone together during the day for the first time in a hideously long period.

With quick, decisive strokes of her wand, Ginny soon has plates hovering over the soapy water and the scrub brush and towel working away. Leftovers are next, packed away and shuffled into the icebox like little soldiers marching off to their barracks.

Then she’s tucking her wand away and practically sprinting out to the yard to find Harry. Only to run directly into him and nearly knock them both unconscious with the force of the blow.

Instead Ginny’s left with a smarting tailbone and a half dazed husband currently looming overhead. She’s not completely displeased.

Laughter slowly rumbles from Harry’s chest. He buries his face in her hair and finally sighs. “Great minds?”

Ginny scratches lightly at his back. “Great minds end up in a heap on the floor?”

Harry runs his fingers down Ginny’s arms ‘til they reach her hands. He presses a short kiss to her lips. “Not much to complain about.”

As she plants her feet on the floor, rag rug soft beneath her toes, Harry drags her arms overhead and holds them in place with gentle firmness.

Her eyes dart to his and he waits, breathing suddenly strained, until she gives a brief nod. At her approval, Harry presses lightly, a quiet instruction to keep her hands in place while he begins exploring behind her ear, down her neck, along her collarbone.

For a moment, Ginny forgets herself and one hand ends up knit through Harry’s soft locks but she soon earns a low growl that sends her heart pounding. “Gin.”

Obedient, she raises her hand back overhead, though she does lift her hips lightly. She’s never good at complete patience.

Harry laughs against her lips while he palms her rear, bringing her hips flush with his. While he continues his exploration of the deep v of her t-shirt, Ginny grasps desperately overhead, one hand finally finding a chair leg she holds onto for dear life.

The rough wood reminds her of their precarious location, the numerous options at their disposal that would suit their needs much better. But it’s been too long and she’s so desperate and half believes if they try and relocate it’ll all fall apart.

Right now, she would like to do the falling apart herself.

Warmth pools low in her belly as Harry presses kisses over her shirt, like he’s too mad with need to even pause to pull it overhead. His thumbs have snuck under the hem, drawing distracting circles above her hipbones, teasing below the waistband of her shorts.

Ginny lifts her hips again, this time without Harry’s prompting and he groans, fingers finally fumbling at the snap on her shorts.

She’s halfway gone already and he hasn’t even discovered she’s wearing his favorite polka-dot knickers yet.

And then, like all good things, the gorgeous interlude is interrupted by her most obnoxious and untimely brother.

“Bloody hell!”

Ginny tips her head backward as much as she can manage, hairs catching on the wood floor. “Can we help you Ron?”

His shock is a bit overdone, in Ginny’s opinion. He’s seconds away from dropping the plate in his hands and they haven’t even unbuckled trousers yet. What a drama queen.

“In the kitchen Gin? In front of my biscuits?!” Ron gestures with the dish wildly enough that an oatmeal raisin drops to the floor.

Harry’s buried his face in the valley of her chest, though it seems it’s more to calm himself than titillate. “Ron?”

Ron truly appears near tossing up his brunch when he answers, “Yes?”

“Buzz off.”

Green pallor turns red as Ron slams the biscuits on the table. “That’ll teach me to try and help my ex best mate.

After one final deep breath, Harry sits up on his heels and levels an unimpressed glare Ron’s way. “Oh bugger off you’re just avoiding Hermione.”

“No biscuits for you! And you can finish the yard yourself.”

Harry nudges Ginny’s knee and she tilts her head back to a comfortable position. Once she’s recovered from the bit of vertigo, she finds Harry looking at her meaningfully. She can only hope her interpretation is correct.

Quickly enough, she learns she knows her husband’s looks quite well since he’s reaching for one of her hands to help her to her feet and gesturing to the kitchen and yard with his free arm. “Ron, since you’re here you can finish up right? Good.”

Ginny only has a half a moment to enjoy Ron’s fish-like gaping before she feels that tell-tale tug behind her navel and watches the kitchen disappear and landing with one pop in their quiet flat.

“Up you get, Potter,” Harry instructs, gesturing toward the bed with a tilt of his head.

She pauses long enough to take Harry in - hands on hips, the twisting cords of muscle in his forearms - and then follows instruction and hops up with a few squeaks of bedsprings. “Come and get me.”

[v171]

My year in books, 2022

It's that exciting time of year where I get to go into too much detail about all of the books I read this year, so strap in for a lot of stats observations, ranting, and not enough gushing.

This wasn't a great reading year for me. Not only did I not read as much as I would have liked (40 books compared to last years 50, and 2020's 60), but I also just didn't like as many books as I usually do.

I do a combination of pulling Goodreads books stats, The Story Graph book stats, and my own book tracking that I'll get into. Let's start high level.

Recitatif was only 19 pages?? I don't think that's right. But Oathbringer is definitely right. I think it took me over a month to finish.

I'll probably repeat myself here, but in an effort to achieve my goal of 40 books while I dragged my feet all year, I kind of loaded up on very short books. So my average book length of 334 makes sense, but would probably be a bit bigger had I had actually just picked up books I wanted to read rather than books just to pad my numbers.

Station Eleven being most shelved?? That was a bit of a surprise considering I read Oathbringer and some other literary heavy hitters like Recitatif, and the Earthsea trilogy. Least shelved being Infinite Ground perhaps makes sense. It's a niche book in a niche genre, but I really loved it. I think I would have expected some others to be a bit less popular, like The Silence or Enter The Aardvark.

Average rating of 3.5.. hmm yeah I guess. My ratings tend to be a bit weighted towards the higher stars because I simply stop reading a book when I don't like it, and I don't rate books I don't finish so I have few 1 and 2 star ratings.

Always impressed by the insanely high ratings Sanderson books get on Goodreads.

HOBOY The Poppy War, I completely forgot I read this first this year. Looking back at my review of this book, I was way too gentle and forgiving for the complete shit that it is.

I still find it interesting how my audiobook/physical divide has shifted over the years, largely due to COVID since I don't listen to them in the car anymore. But I'd have expected, working from home, I would have listened to more audiobooks while I worked. But with the shift in my kind of work, it has become harder to listen to anything while I work these days.

5 Books by Becky Chambers! Yeah that makes sense considering I pushed through her Wayfarer books and picked up the Tea Monk and Robot sequel. Damn I love her books, what a fuckin GOAT. I'm actually surprised there were so many authors on this list, I don't know that I typically read books by the same author in rapid succession, but it was my "Year of Series," so it's now wholly unexpected to have many repeat authors this year.

I would like to try to read more nonfiction next year, but we'll see. This year was supposed to be the Year of Series, and I think I did a good enough job with that, but I could have done better and I really shouldn't make promises that I don't plan on keeping to myself.

This tracks. First and foremost, I'm a SFF girly. Contemporary Fiction being 3rd I GUESS makes sense, but I tend to dump books under that genre when I'm just not quite sure how to classify them.

As expected, ratings are skewed high, but I'm still surprised about how clean of a skew it is. I do think I might have been a bit generous with some of those 4 star ratings though, I have a bad habit of feeling guilty about rating books kinda low. My 4 star rating is supposed to mean "I really liked this book," and thinking back holistically, I don't think there were a lot of books this year that I "really liked." So I'm probably just a liar.

I love these rating breakdown graphs because they really illustrate my preference for genres. I am such a slut for science fiction, I read more 5 star SF that I read books in most other genres. Also interesting to see here that I didn't seem to have a great Fantasy reading year. Mostly 1s, 2s, and 3s.

This breakdown looks like it confirms what I want to be true: that by ratings aren't really biased by book length. I like to think I allow the story to influence my attitudes alone rather than get bogged down with how long it is, unlike some people who live in the same house as me who instantly drops a star rating for every page over 100.

I like this breakdown chart too because I like to look for pattern in my attitude during the year. Doesn't look like there's a lot to observe here other than the fact that I didn't read at all in September and most of October (was traveling out of the country for half of Sept. and catching up on work in October). But again, I also didn't read as much as I usually do this year, so maybe a pattern would emerge with more data. August looks like a funny hot-and-cold month with the books being almost evenly split between 2 and 4/5 stars.

This shows a bit more about the book/page breakdown and how you can see how much I overemphasized shorter books toward the end of the year. You can basically track where I decided to pick up some epic fantasy books (January-Jade City and Poppy War, May-Oathbringer), where the pages exceed the expected number of books, and the opposite months where the number of books exceed the expected number of pages per book (April, November, December). You can basically see me panic to finish the 40 books in November/December where I was averaging 100-150 page books so I could hit my goal. I hate feeling rushed, I need to be more disciplined about it.

And that's basically it! To wrap up, here's all the books I read this year. I'll have a few more posts to make about some of the specific books I read, loved, hated, or otherwise had some strong emotions about.