#and i love you :)

[gunpowdertimdrakestoker]

Growing up, I loved being a girl. I loved dresses and skirts and the plastic high-heels and wearing mums makeup and wearing nail polish. I loved being a little princess and being a little girl.

When I was 12, I met my best friend. They then identified as a trans boy. They introduced me to the idea of being queer.

I came out as bi shortly after, thinking I had a crush on them. My parents were incredibly supportive and even supported looking further into my sexuality and my coming out as a lesbian.

But my friend also introduced me to the idea of being trans. I was 12 when I was looking into a mirror and deciding I hated my breasts. I didn’t know what to feel. I was scared of being a boy and everything that came with it. I decided I was nonbinary.

The four years following involved me exploring my sexuality and gender. Bi, pan, lesbian, aromantic. Nonbinary, demigirl, demigender, genderfluid, genderqueer. Never truly accepting that I could be a boy.

It hit me in the middle of a dream. My brother called me his brother and I had this “oh” moment. Oh, I’m a trans man. Not transmasc, not sometimes a boy. A trans man. And as a trans man, the lesbian label no longer made me comfortable. I looked deep into myself and found myself unable to authentically see myself dating a man or a woman. Aroace.

I’m an aroace trans man.

It’s taken four years of confusion, name changes and experimentation to come to this conclusion. For some it can be a couple of months. For some it can be years longer. Some people never figure it out.

No matter how long it takes you to come to terms with your identity, you are valid. It doesn’t matter if you keep changing your name every couple of weeks or months, I know I did, and I still might. It doesn’t matter if you change your label every day. It doesn’t matter if you never label yourself.

You are valid. Your experience is valid. Your identity is valid.

I see you. And I love you.

I’m still not certain on my identity but that is part of growing and changing as a teenager. I’ll get there one day. And you will too. No matter your age or experiences. I believe in you.

[spongynova]

Some WIP because kissing your captain against a wall is one way to deal with the away mission after effects!

[calmmyfears]

Sometimes I don't feel brave or strong, but then I remember that the bravest thing someone with chronic illness can do is to keep living and not give up on themselves.

[brewed-pangolin]

A million thank you's to the amazing @temeyes for bringing the enthusiastic menace that is Gym Rat Soap to life.

I can not begin to tell you how much I'm in absolute LOVE with this depiction of him.

I may let loose some very (VERY) NSFW Gym Rat Soap imagines/drabbles that embody Soap MacTavish from the game. But before he graces your screens and steals the spotlight of my inspiration, this is how he appears in my head.

Bouncing around like a madman while I'm trying to maintain some semblance of sanity.

And now he will forever be my snicker (attention) needing gremlin. Powerlifiting his way through the walls of my subconscious until I finally feed him and let him loose onto the unsuspecting Soap Squad.

So much love to you, Tim! 💛

[hookliner]

him calling me good boy is so %*#+#$¥

do it again (please) see what happens (me begging)

[whistlepen]

penelope is so powerful that even when he’s mad at her colin can’t move more than 3 feet away!!! i would laugh but i might just cry

[lifemod17]

The first sunset of October

[sirkassandra]

“Go make sure she’s alright”

Season 3 Ep 4: Coda

[existennialmemes]

Hey, I know it's getting bad again, but please remember that healing is not linear.

You are not "losing" your progress just because you're struggling to do something today that you could do with ease a month ago.

You're not the same you from a month ago.

The seasons change, your stressors change, your ability to cope changes. That's part of the process, not a departure from it.

So please, be gentle with yourself. You are in the Ebb, but I promise you will see the Flow again.

Do not berate yourself. Let yourself be where you are. Offer yourself what comfort you can.

I know this is so hard, but please trust that hitting dips is part of climbing the mountain. It doesn't mean you're going the wrong way.

[nyarlathotep-thecrawlingchaos]

I just want to say that, guys

For the past, uh *counting on fingers* four-ish months that I've been on Tumblr, which I have seen many refer to as "this hellsite"

(which I also have, affectionately)

I'm actually pretty sure this is about as close to any depiction of "heaven" as it gets in our mortal world. Particularly on the internet.

Like.

I've been able to simp here with no restraint.

Able to post fan fiction and headcanons and experiment with digital art and just be silly and have fun and be myself without concern.

I've been able to just enjoy things, without any anxiety.

Without any anxiety.

Being that I've lived pretty much my entire life dealing with crippling anxiety about literally everything, that's kind of a huge thing for me.

I have no anxiety about posting anything here. None. At all. It's weird af, but it's weird in the best way.

I have actual confidence here, which I've really never had before in my life, and it's nice.

So to everyone that's been here with me over the course of the past few months, to everyone that's been kind, everyone that's been understanding and accepting and just overall wonderful:

Thank you.

So, so much.

You're wonderful. You deserve nothing but wonderful things. I hope that your life is and continues to be as wonderful as you are.

[thepoisonofthepaint]

if you recognize this location you’re mentally ill

[marsapolis]

+° . ๑・° ⊹ . + ° . ๑・° ⊹ . + ° . ๑・° ⊹ . + ° . ๑・° +° .

"while the mountains sang their songs for me

and i was carrying their tune

we gorged ourselves on strawberries

telling stories of our youth

then the sun shone its gospel down

we were soaking it all in

the wind comes and cools our skin

that's when the leaves would start listening"

-a song i wrote about chilling with my grandma

+° . ๑・° ⊹ . + ° . ๑・° ⊹ . + ° . ๑・° ⊹ . + ° . ๑・° +° .

i'm back home!! regularly scheduled updates will be back on track tomorrow night :) thank you to everyone for your patience. also hello to all the new followers :D we've got over 70 people in the family now!!! im thinking of posting house inspo so we can pretend we all live together. but seriously though i really appreciate every single one of you, you've all been so amazing :) love you mwah<3

+° . ๑・° ⊹ . + ° . ๑・° ⊹ . + ° . ๑・° ⊹ . + ° . ๑・° +° .

[yrrtyrrtwhenihrrthrrt]

More Nonsense from My Ambrosius Stan Account Post:

As someone who got on Tumblr a couple years ago not really knowing the culture and rarely posts because I don't think anyone cares about the silly worms in my brain I'd like to give everyone who thought it was funny and left a like or a tag or a reblog a very I Love You and here is some more thoughts about it I had through the day that I thought nobody would care about but am posting now

The account was named @gold_loin_love and gained notoriety for being the only stan account Ambrosius actually followed

During the live stream Ballister answered the questions (that he had his followers submit beforehand) while still in character, despite the fact that he was laughing his ass off and Ambrosius was with him.

Example: "'Do you think Ballister and Ambrosius are going to get divorced?' Absolutely. They're terrible together and honestly not even cute. They probably had some cringy beach wedding with their weird pink child officiating. Ew, next question"

Ambrosius would frequently interject

"Do I think Ambrosius was toxic for cutting off Ballister's arm?"

Ambrosius, stealing the phone: "Yes he needs to be cancelled immediately."

Ballister, taking it back: "Wrong that weird creep deserved it to be honest"

He read a couple questions that were defending him and after giving them his joke answer about how they were wrong, thanked them sincerely

(sad time) The first thing he posted after the events of the movie, during which he obviously wasn't posting although how fucking funny would it have been to be Ambrosius and see Ballister's fake stan account post "lol get his ass I hope he died" over footage of him MAIMING HIM in light of all that was happening was "I'm sorry that I've been gone, the death of the Queen really took a toll on me, she was a real role model and inspiration of mine. I'm especially sorry to Ambrosius. I wish I hadn't run away. I wish I'd been there for you through all this, I know it must have been so hard. I really hope everyone forgives him."

(sad time over, silliness resumed) He'd use the account to make fun of Ambrosius and himself in every capacity imaginable

"Check out what Ambrosius wore to the national conference, I love how it's so shiny you can't tell how busy and incongruent the patterns are 😍 we love a maximalist king!!!"

"Ballister Ballhard surprises nobody wearing armor he got at the emo booth of a Renaissance Fair."

There is so much potential for this and I'd love to see more of Ballister being a silly goofball

[alchemicalwerewolf]

I hope you are doing okay, you post a lot of sad things and it worries me about you, take care of yourself, I hope to never see you disappear from my dash for the wrong reasons

people care about you, even when the sky is dark and it's late and you can't sleep, the fact you cannot see the light does not mean an absence of it, somewhere the light is still shining, and even within you small niche ecosystem of tumblr there are people here that care about you. I know because I am one.

*cries*

I don’t know who you are but I love you.

I know the light is shining somewhere. It has to be. I know because I see little specks of light all around. And I’m going to see the rest soon. I will. I know because of people like you.

[mariejordans]

can u recommend some good aus and fics about jordan and marie I'm begging you plsssssss

*gasp* oh my goodness i love this questionnnnn!

okay, i’ll give you my current top five limoreau fics uploaded to ao3, but honestly there’s so many good ones for you to pick from, you really can’t go wrong with anything. also, these aren’t ranked in any particular order just my top five in general!

(warning: a lot of these are smutty bc it’s the most common rating in the marie/jordan tag at the moment, so if smut’s not ur thing, let me know and i can do a top 5 of non-smutty limoreau fics!)

1. you can take my flesh if you want, girl by stormbxrnbitch

rating: E

this author has only two limoreau fics out right now and both are SO GOOD (seriously, i can’t recommend this author enough) but i’m obsessed with this au which is why i put it on the list!

this specific fic is a vampire au in which marie herself is a vampire (a cool take on her canonic bloodbending powers) and jordan’s kinda (super) into it. it’s a three-shot, kinda marie-centric, and just all around super interesting and compelling to read. it’s still a wip and it hasn’t gotten smutty YET, but the author has promised lots of it for the final chapter!

2. Want Want? by Cherrydrama and Levie101

rating: M

i’ve recommended it on here before but seriously, IT’S SO GOOD!

it was written before episode five came out, so it’s a jordan pov, canon divergence fic on what happens after limoreau wakes up in the bed together, and i don’t want to spoil it too much, but i will say one thing: SPARRING/TRAINING AU.

this one isn’t super smutty iirc, it’s rated M, so it’s good if you like spice but not a lot of smut in your fics.

3. The Weight Of You by Georgiathewholedaythrough

rating: M

another canon divergence fic! written before episode five, it’s also a take on what happens after they wake up in bed together, only this time things get…smutty. it’s marie pov, very sweet, very romantic, and funny too.

4. two timing by diaphanouspages

rating: E

this is a slight au (described by the author as “has a weird relationship to the show’s actual canon, but just accept the violent canon divergence and move on”) in which jordan attempts to make marie jealous, which works and then they end up in bed together. starts off angsty and kinda smutty, but also turns sweet towards the end.

also slight praise kink for jordan, so if you’re into that…

5. Reluctant Study Buddies by MercutioTheVelaryon

rating: M

another canon divergence fic taking place after episode 4 ending, but they all go in different directions i swear!

this is a study partners/study buddies au (as stated in the title) in which marie and jordan are assigned to be partners on a project for one of their classes. it gets a bit steamy, but it fades to black so if you aren’t comfortable with explicit smut, this might be for you! also, very funny and the banter between jordan and marie in it is *chef’s kiss*

(also this author has a bunch of other limoreau fics uploaded, which i also really loved, so i recommend you check those out as well!)

THATS IT THATS THE LIST! i genuinely hope it helped even a little bit, and that it gives you the mariejordan fix we’ve all been craving since thursday 😭 also, let me know your thoughts after you’ve read if you want, i’m always down to ramble on about gen v/limoreau nonsense!