#and i know the people who wax poetic about how you could have gone to college and rented off one minimum wage paycheck...

[uncanny-tranny]

Something that bothers me a bit about Americans talking about The Golden Age of the economy is... It wasn't a golden age, not for everyone.

People seem to universalize the fact that you could afford college and rent when... That was true for specific people. It wasn't the universal - especially those who were Black, or Indigenous, or for PoC in general, or women, or queer and trans people. Universalizing any stage of America's history only tells one story. You don't acknowledge the stories of anyone else when you do this.

This just reminds me of Paris Is Burning, and of what was said about the ballroom participates, many of whom were BIPoC and/or queer:

[Video Description: A clip from the documentary Paris Is Burning (1990). Pepper LaBeija is sitting on a chair and she is saying:

Those balls are, more or less, like our fantasy of being a superstar, you know like the Oscars or whatever. Or being on a runway as a model. You know, a lot of those kids that are in the balls, they don't have two of nothing. Some of them don't even eat. They come to balls starving, and they sleep in the under twenty-one, or they sleep on the pier or whatever. They don't have a home to go to, but they'll go out and they'll steal something and get dressed up and come to a ball for that one night and live the fantasy.

/End of Video Description]

[avocado-writing]

Could I request headcanons for Astarion, Gale, Wyll, Halsin, Dammon, Rolan, and Zevlor react to his gn crush confessing to him while obviously waiting for rejection?

absolutely my love, here you go!

Astarion

Is not surprised you’re confessing (he knew how you felt it wasnt subtle lol), but is surprised that you seem so defeated about it

sort of annoys him? Upsets him? Of course he’s going to feel the same way, how can you think so little of yourself? He’s of the opinion that you’re wonderful. it’s so easy to fall for you.

but then he hesitates: he knows how easy it is to think poorly of oneself. He can’t judge you too harshly.

takes your hand, tells you that you’re lovely, and invites you out for coffee the next day. just the two of you. his heart skips a beat when you light up.

Gale

admires how courageous you are. can see you’re shaking as you admit your feelings.

”why do you think I wouldn’t feel the same way? you are one of the most spectacular people I’ve ever met. Anyone would be lucky to have you. I’d be lucky to have you.”

smiles when he sees how you start to grin, puts his hands on your waist and brings you in for a kiss.

if you’re a magic user dancing lights erupt from you because you’re so overwhelmed ✨

Wyll

Oh, sweet Wyll. Gobsmacked that you think he’d turn you down.

takes your hand and guides you somewhere where the two of you can be alone.

when you have your privacy he asks if he can kiss you.

you feel heat rise in your cheeks but nod, and he gives you the most astounding first kiss you’ve ever had lol

then he takes you out for dinner and holds your hand across the table the whole meal

(when you’re together properly he makes jokes the whole camp was asking “wyll they won’t they” about the two of you and you groan lmfao)

Halsin

another one who takes you to a private place to talk.

brushes your hair out of face and then cups your cheek in the same gesture, begins to wax poetic about how perfect the oak father made you and how you are without fault.

has echoed your feelings for a long time now and is glad you made the first move which takes a lot of the weight off your chest

he scoops you up in his big arms and swings you around until all the worry is gone and you’re laughing 💕

Dammon

his heart hammers in his chest when you tell him. he’s only a blacksmith!!!! he doesn’t know how to handle this!!

I imagine you confess to him while he’s working at his forge so that not all of his attention is on you, it’s better to soften the blow when he says he doesn’t feel the same.

puts his tools down, takes off his gloves, and holds your hands. tells you he’s admired you for a long while and is glad you feel the same.

you squeak when he kisses you but his soft touch keeps your grounded ❤️

Rolan

is offended how nervous you are (you don’t find him THAT intimidating do you?! He’s been trying to be nice because he likes you!) - and also a bit annoyed because he’s been working up the courage to confess for ages but you got there first

”Good, I like you too >:(“ “you do?” “Yes >:(“ “then why do you seem so grumpy about it?” “I’m not grumpy! >:( >:( >:(“

you kiss him on the cheek and he’s so flustered he loses control of the spell he was transcribing and magic missiles his office window to pieces lol

Zevlor

this is a battle of the least self-confident lol. you’re like “I don’t think you like me” and he replies “my dear you have so many better options than me”

so it turns 180, with you convincing him that you do like him and listing all his merits!

eventually youre at a stalemate. and then you just kiss each other, trepidatious at first and then getting more passionate as you relax 💕

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

Hmm I wonder if Crowley and the school staff, Riddle, Dence, Ruggie, Azul, Jamil, Epel, Rook, Idia, Malleus, Sliver and Sebek found out that some certain people skipped the school and went to the amusement park? Also how would they react?

I’d imagine they'd mostly have the pretty normal and expected initial reaction of being shocked that the others snuck out on a school night to a sketchy theme park and managed to come back from a human trafficking operation in one piece. To give a little more detail to each:

Riddle would collar Trey, Cater, and Ace, then lecture them for breaking various school rules, putting themselves in danger, disobeying his command to not sneak out and skip school, etc. He especially lays into the seniors for "not setting a proper example" for the Heartslabyul students.

Deuce awkwardly stands off to the side and watches as they get berated, occasionally nodding and going, "That's right!" in response to their dorm leader. (Ace gets annoyed and tells Deuce off, probably saying something like, "Don't act like YOU weren't interested in going earlier, dummy!")

Ruggie wails about how he would've enjoyed hanging out at a place that offers free everything. He makes jokes to cope with the situation, like poking fun at how the "straight-laced" Jack has a rebellious streak and how Leona's soooo responsible and selfless for chasing after his juniors. Ruggie also jokes about how he's glad his walking wallet "best" employer Leona-san made it back safely... and hey, he wouldn't have happened to have brought back a souvenir for his ever-so loyal hench-hyena, would he?

Azul tries to present as cool and uncaring to the twins; he tells them that if they fucked up and lost their autonomy because of their poor decisions and giving into their curiosity... well, that's their bad and they deserve the consequences of their actions. Jade and Floyd pal around with him, draping themselves over his shoulders and teasing him about how "It's okaaay, just admit that you missed us, admit that you were worried!" Deep down, Azul really was (but he'll never say that out loud and let the twins have an upper hand over him).

Jamil has a fucking heart attack knowing just how close he was to a dead and/or missing Kalim. Not because he cares or anything, but because his own ass would be grass if anything happened to Kalim. Jamil looks him over like five times to make sure not a hair on his head is harmed (all while Kalim is laughing, reassuring Jamil that he's fine, and telling him stories about all the fun times he had at Playful Land). When Kalim starts to suggest inviting Fellow and Gidel to their next banquet, Jamil silences him with a firm, "ABSOLUTELY NOT!!"

Rook waxes poetic about how he's so relieved that their beautiful Vil has returned to them. He'll faithfully fetch Vil whatever he needs to rest and recover from such a heart-pounding adventure!

Epel grumbles about how he wishes he could have gone too ("'N shown those puppets what fer!!"), only to get bonked and told off by his dorm leader. (Ace will tell him stories later, which makes Epel super envious.)

Idia tells Ortho that "touching grass" does them no good, it only brings misery and suffering like what he went through at Playful Land! The worry dies down and is replaced with keen interest the more Ortho tells him about the island's operations. They have a jammer that prevented Ortho's normal functions from working? Idia takes it as a personal challenge--who do they think they are, trying to trump this genius inventor? He'll show them what he's made of by powering up his little brother!

Sebek loudly insists they need to go and dismantle the shadowy organization responsible for attempting something so foolish as to entrap and sell THE Lilia Vanrouge off! Who do they think they are?! Man's absolutely appalled and enraged but also choking back tears at what he perceives is Lilia's nobility, so willing to throw himself into the heat of battle to save others!! Sebek tells Ace he should be "grateful" that Lilia saw it fit to save "such a pathetic lot of humans" from absolute destruction.

Silver frets over his father, but he's ultimately proud of him for acting the role of a reliable senpai and looking out for his underclassmen. (This is the reason he assumes for Lilia going to the shady park.) And, of course, he's glad to have his father back home with him. He insists on looking after him the day of his return, saying that Lilia has gone through a lot lately--and as the triumphant hero, he deserves to relax!

Malleus isn't worried about Lilia (he knows that Lilia can handle himself just fine) so much as he's disappointed that he wasn't invited to go along. He's curious about all that Lilia experienced in Playful Land and listens to his tales with wide eyes. Malleus is not really paying attention to the dangers present (after all, he is confident he could blow it all away if it dares to encroach on his autonomy). Lilia laughs and says they should take a trip to another amusement park sometime.

The staff would be collectively sad that their students would act out like they have. This is especially true of Trein, who is more disappointed than mad. He chastises the boys in a way that makes you feel bad for making like... a grandfather upset. He wonders if he has somehow mentored his students incorrectly or instilled the wrong values in them.

Crewel expresses his disappointment in a different way. He's harsher with his students: "Since you bad boys thought it fit to skip Crewel-sama's lecture, you must have already mastered the materials. Pencils out for a pop quiz!" That's his tough love out on full display, stemming from the desire to ensure that his students can survive on their own out there in the cruel wide world.

Vargas tries to not linger on the negative feelings for too long. He'll encourage the boys to get back on their feet and moving. Movement means more blood circulation, and less of a reminder of the stiff puppets the kids almost turned out to be. Vargas never vocalizes his intentions for fear that him having a negative outlook might influence his students. So instead, he wears a grin and belts out a hearty laugh to keep their spirits high.

Sam will listen to his customers' woes, just as any good shopkeep would! There's a lot of useful information to pick apart from the people who drift in. A strange business like Playful Land? It piques Sam's interest in the mysterious and the unknown--he's delighted with such fantastical tales, and invites his customers to tell more. Sam's always here to lend an ear! And hey, if you get thirsty from all the gabbing, why not buy a drink from the Mystery Shop since you're already there? :)

Crowley wipes his brow and sighs in relief... What could have been a massive PR nightmare was just narrowly avoided!! (He still crows at the students that snuck off though, since he's suuuuuch a caring instructor that deeply cares about their education!!)

[ask-whitepearl-and-steven]

You don't have to answer this if you don't want to, but how has your opinion changed on Steven Universe now than when it first aired? Like I have fond memories of watching the show while it was airing but now I realize that it had a lot of problems that I feel like a lot of fans either flat out ignore or bend over backwards to make sure their rose tinted glasses stay on.

... okay, fair question. Let's talk about this.

I'll try not to wax poetic too long, but there are a lot of things to be said here.

First and foremost - how has my opinion changed since the show has ended?

Simply put - it hasn't.

When I started watching Steven Universe over 7 years ago, I didn't have much knowledge of it. I sat down, saw a few of episodes and went 'well, this is a silly show for kids with a goofy but loveable protagonist... but it seems like it's also incredibly charming with its delivery and has some nice, more complex themes about loss and healing and grief throughout.'

And if you ask me what Steven Universe is now... I would probably say that exact same thing.

Am I wearing rose tinted lenses? Interesting question.

What ARE 'rose tinted lenses' in this context anyway?

What do these lenses represent? What do they obscure?

Since you didn't go into specifics, I can only assume what you're referring to when you say that many fans ignore the show's problems.

There have been many discussions surrounding various aspects of the show and how it might be read as 'problematic' (ahhh how I've come to despise that word.... without context, it has all the descriptive power of the word 'icky' - none of the critical details and all of the emotional punch of scrunching up your face like a cat that just sniffed a lemon...)

Is this about something as simple as the 'SU doesn't have a consistent size for its characters' debate?

Because that has been gone back to, over and over again, and proven to be a point of opinion. SU favored allowing storyboarders to show off their personal flourish, and even though Peridot was 30% hair in that one episode, it did not overall take away from the plotline being told, which was their goal. If you wanted to watch a show with consistent styling throughout, you can always watch a 3D modeled show, but keeping that up was simply never one of SU's main pillars. And I feel like it didn't have to be.

Is this about something more complex such as the way Rose was presented?

...and how her arc was shown backwards instead of forwards - showing first the person she became in the end, and afterwards revealing all the growth she had to have to get there?

That was on purpose! And I don't think this is a problem. It's a feature, not a bug. Rose was never meant to be an ideal character - she was meant to be complicated and messy, and I think the fact that the fandom is so split in their opinions of her shows that the Crewniverse pulled that off really well!

She fucked over Bismuth! She forced Pearl to be silent! Those are both parts of her character arc that were never resolved because she died before she could resolve it - that's BY DESIGN. Sometimes, you just do something absolutely stupid and cruel, and you cannot go back to fix it.

Is this about the Diamonds? The fact that they were not put in space jail, after being put on trial for space crimes, and then publicly executed for space eco-genocide?

Here's the thing - most people I know who watched and loved SU are fully aware of that. But simply put - Steven Universe was not a story about Revenge.

Steven Universe was a story about love. A story about family. A story about truth, and lies, and hurt, and healing. About how sometimes healing doesn't happen. And how sometimes it will, but you won't be around to see it.

But it's not a story that can be all things for all people.

That is the thesis of my reply: It is a story.

It is not a manifesto. It is not a bible. It is not a Complete Truth.

It is a single story. Made by a group of very talented people, who cared about these characters, who did their best. They made a funny, emotional, well-drawn and complex cartoon show about the things THEY personally wanted to tell stories about.

Does it answer all questions the way everyone wants them answered? No. That's impossible.

Everyone wants a different story. Everyone wants a different solution, a different resolution. A different ending.

Steven Universe is one story. It cannot satisfy all people.

So when you ask me 'has your opinion of Steven Universe changed'? The answer is 'no'.

I went in, expecting to see a story. I saw a lot of what I liked! I saw some parts which I thought were interesting. I saw some parts which, yes, I disagreed with a little.

But overall, it's a good story. And that's what I expected, and that's what I got, which means I'm pretty satisfied. I love that story.

I feel like recently, there's this expectation of media, to be Everything For All People. And it's a bit unrealistic. No one call tell the perfect story. We are all simply telling the stories we want to tell. And people will vibe with that, more or less.

A single story, made by a small group of people, will never be that for you. There will never be an Unproblematic Cartoon that you watch that will be devoid of things you disagree with.

Being critical of media doesn't mean 'Criticize the FUCK outta that media, and the one with the least criticisms is the best one'.

Critical thinking is about evaluating things critically - that means being critical of YOURSELF. Being critical of your OWN reactions. Asking 'why did I like this?' and 'why did I dislike this?'. Asking 'this doesn't mesh with me, but who WOULD it mesh with? It isn't for me, but who is it for? Who would it hurt, but also who would it help?'

Some people HATED how SU: Future ended. They beat their fists on the wall and cried about how Steven was leaving his family behind, and how THEY could never imagine doing something like that, and how he was running away from his problems just like Rose had.

Me? I loved it. I think it was the right choice, and I COULD imagine it and thought it was in character. I thought he needed to be his own person, instead of shouldering everyone else's responsibilities for once. Was one of us more right than the other? Maybe not? Maybe that was the whole point?

Loving things is not about putting on rose colored glasses. Sometimes, choosing to love something with flaws is an act of rebellion. It's about knowing you have differences, but understanding that there is value in the things you DO agree on, and knowing you can consume that.

Healthy consumption of media does not mean throwing the whole cartoon away as soon as you notice something is wrong with it, like a bruise on an apple.

Healthy consumption of media involves critical thinking AND feeding yourself. Acknowledging you may disagree with parts of it, but not starving yourself just because your apples all have small imperfections.

Eat, for fuck's sake. Feed yourself. You'll feel better.

Thassit.

[neonscandal]

Manga With Me: JJK 0, A Coward's Goodbye

Because these thoughts haunt me while I do my dishes, you have to suffer them too. The brain rot is so insidious, it seeps its way into the mundanity of my life and I've apparently managed to convert a few of you so, in case you missed it, let's talk about the final scene between Gojo and Geto in the JJK 0 movie.

This is the face of a man who thinks he's won the breakup.

⚠️ Spoiler Warning: JJK 0 movie

I feel like I don't have to wax poetic about the details of the JJK 0 movie at this point for everyone to be on the same page. Subsequently, we can all agree on the following:

Gojo realized Geto's plan. 10 years means nothing when you know someone, apparently.

Upon learning of Yuta's lineage and, subsequently, what limits he could potentially surpass, he made a calculated risk and sent Panda and Toge in rather than facing Geto himself. You know, for Yuta's character development.

At the close of their fight and upon the safe escape of Geto’s family, Gojo finds him in the alley. Suggests in equal measure that he could have gone to him at any time in the last 10 years the way he clearly has an AirTag on that ass (and the way he quickly located Riko Amanai post-Toji fight...).

Geto articulates that Gojo intentionally sent Toge and Panda in to trigger Yuta's power up (see above re: 10 years means nothing) to which Gojo isn't exactly forthright in intimating that "it's called trust. People with beliefs like yours won't kill a young sorcerer without reason." to which we get the below panels:

One, the exchange over Yuta's ID. Even in this instance and with ten years of distance between them, they're still so silly. But from Geto's retort, we see that, while Gojo seems to speak broadly, Geto knows Gojo's generalization is meant to be received rather specifically. This leads us to this last panel:

... COULD HE NOT JUST HAVE SAID

"I NEVER HATED YOU."

- Suguru Geto

We KNOW Geto assumed that his defection was the end of their friendship. He had to believe there was no going back in order to propel himself forward. But how incredibly sad that, even at the imminent close of his life, he couldn't be honest or direct about his guilt or his affection?

So he died. Too proud to reconcile properly with Gojo. Sheepishly thinking Gojo had hated him during those ten years, barring whatever his censored last words may have been. It's something we don't see resolved until much, much later and only in what I assume to be the inner machinations of Gojo's head. Is that not devastating? Does this realization deserve a place on THE LIST!? Of course it does.

Friendly reminder that Gojo gets jump scared by Geto’s corpse in Shibuya where they recognize same-sex unions.

[sagesolsticewrites]

People Watching

Just a little Benny angst blurb in honor of Whumptober 😇 (this takes place pre-Vika meetcute!) (pls note that this is not associated with any official whumptober prompts, this month just felt fitting for something angsty)

Word count: 1k

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction based off the portrayal by the actors in the Apple TV+ series. I hold nothing but respect for the real life individuals referenced within.

Of course I gotta tag my besties @winniemaywebber and @blakelysco-pilot I love y’all and I have tissues ready for ya 🤭💕

Masterlist

Benny slips away from the dance floor as the band fades into a soft, slow ballad, giving Olive’s hand one last squeeze. A smile plays on his lips as he makes his way back to their table at this club Rosie had insisted they all visit, turning to see Dougie beam and twirl Olive into his arms as the beginning strains of “At Last” begin to weave through the room.

He settles back into his chair, reaching for his whiskey in the hopes it will dull the now-familiar ache growing in his chest.

He loves his friends, he does. He wouldn’t dare reproach them for the new happiness in their lives, especially given what they’d all just been through the past few years. He remembers how Brady had clutched at each letter from Jules in the Stalag like it was the most precious thing in the world, the clear worry on Olive and Val’s faces each time they’d gone up— unsure if they’d make it back down in one piece— Croz waxing poetic about his Jean any chance he could, and in the few moments he’d gotten to talk to Rosie before…

Before Bremen, he forces himself to think.

… he’d seen the longing on his face that only came with having someone precious waiting back home. 

But now he looks out at them all and the joy and relief of being home is overshadowed by a longing lodged deep in his chest.

Olive giggling at what was surely an awful joke from Dougie, practically glowing with joy.

Croz holding his wife close, looking down at her as if he can’t quite believe she’s real.

Rosie, barely audible as he whisks Jo around the floor, teasing her about if he’ll be replaced as cookie taste tester this year, too.

An emerald sparkling on Val’s hand, matching the joyful gleam in her eyes as Blakely pulls her impossibly closer, leaning down to whisper something in her ear that has her smile growing three sizes.

Brady listening, enthralled, as Juliet chatters animatedly in his arms, undoubtedly continuing their earlier discussion about… well, he wasn’t quite sure to be honest. John had confided that he wasn’t either, but “my girl’s so smart, Benny,” he’d said, eyes wide with wonder, and Benny knew that he’d be happy to listen to Juliet ramble for the rest of his life.

The ache in Benny’s chest grows, and so does the dark cloud hanging over him that’s been his constant companion since he’d returned stateside as he watches his friends, feeling the distinct lack of someone to sweep into his arms and onto the dance floor.

Any girl would be happy to dance with him, he knew. A soldier, a returning war hero— he could see quite a few young ladies eyeing him as they had been since they’d arrived, having noticed that he was the only one of their little gang to enter without a girl on his arm. He wouldn’t have been opposed— getting to be the dashing soldier to whisk a wallflower onto the dance floor and give her a night she wouldn’t forget, who didn’t want that?— but as nice as that would’ve been, it wasn’t going to ease the persistent longing in his heart..

Benny wanted the connections his friends had; the love that only came with knowing you wanted to spend the rest of your life with that person. He wanted to watch someone walk down the aisle to him, carry her over the threshold of their white picket fence home where they’d raise a gaggle of children and eventually grow old and gray and happy together.

He thought he’d had that before. Hell, he thought he’d had that with Olive before he’d realized the Brit was more like a little sister to him than anything.

But where did that leave him now? Sat alone in a corner, looking wistfully over the dance floor while his friends were looking forward to finally starting their lives together.

He takes a long drink, hoping the burn of the whiskey will ease— or at least distract him from— the pain lingering in his chest. 

Who’d want him?

That voice in the back of his mind that had only grown louder since he’d arrived home wasn’t afraid to speak his fears aloud.

He’d be sought out for a dance or two, but beyond that? A girlfriend, a future wife, a life? Would anyone be willing to deal with everything he’d bring with him into a relationship— Bremen, the Stalag, the whole damn war itself? Not anyone that hadn’t known him before, like Jules with Brady, Jo with Rosie, Jean with Croz, but he was sadly bereft of convenient female childhood friends. Anyone who’d been in the thick of it with him was out of the question; Olive certainly was, as was Val, and even Tatty and Helen had paired off already.

He was alone.

Until he dealt with his demons and made himself a suitable life partner for some unlucky girl— which, let’s face it, was going to take more time than he cared to estimate— he’d be alone. The lost eleventh wheel tagging along after his friends, drifting off to the sidelines for every slow song that played.

The darkness grows deeper around him as he considers that potential future…

Until he’s jolted back to reality to the sound of polite applause as the song winds to a close, and he forces a smile as his friends make their way back to the corner of the room.

They settle back into their seats— a steady seating pattern of boy-girl boy-girl around the table until Benny interrupts, nestled between Olive and Blakely— and as Dougie leans over to ask Juliet something, Olive sees her chance.

“You okay, Benny?”

“Of course, Ol,” Benny grins easily, the shadow over his face falling away so quickly she thinks she must have imagined it. “Just thinking about Meatball— I hope my ma’s not feeding him too much, he’s gonna get spoiled.”

A collective good-natured groan rises from the table.

“Quit it with the dog, DeMarco!”

“We all love him but please come up with new topics, we’re begging ya.”

“Just bring him to the wedding, why don’t ya, Benny. It’s alright, we’ve accepted he’s your plus one for life.”

Plus one for life, Benny thinks with a heavy internal sigh, sounds about right.

[moonlight-prose]

pretty please may i request ❛i once imagined you loved me a little bit, if you’ll excuse the presumption.❜ from the &. 𝐟. 𝐬𝐜𝐨𝐭𝐭 𝐟𝐢𝐭𝐳𝐠𝐞𝐫𝐚𝐥𝐝 𝐬𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐬. prompt list with loki? clawing at the walls tysm 🌷

LOVE IS A SMOKE MADE WITH A FUME OF SIGHS

a/n: i haven't written anything this angsty is so long and it felt good to finally churn out that type of fic. i miss breaking these character's hearts. so babes i hope you know that i went so fucking pretentious with this one it actually made me pick up shakespeare just to title it. (yes it's from romeo and juliet which is ironic cause it's a love between a god and a human). but anyways i hope you enjoy! and of course the gif is crimson peak. it matched the vibe.

summary: you were never meant to be apart of their world, of his home. you were a mortal amongst gods and the time for your parting had finally come.

OR the heartbreak of losing someone who is half your soul.

word count: 2k

pairing: loki x reader

warnings: not explicit, angst, heartbreak, overly pretentious prose about love and pain, mention of death, waxing poetically about losing love, not edited because we live and die by the fucking pen.

The tragedy of love has always been steeped in irony to you. After all, there was something of hilarity bound between the emotions that connected two people so deeply they’d go to war for it. Or perhaps die for it. Maybe this belief came from never understanding it—never experiencing it for yourself. But how were you supposed to know what it looked like? What it felt like, when you had no notion of it even existing in the first place.

Maybe it was a well thought out joke that pulled people in, capturing them in the depths of something so mysterious. You understood heartbreak. Knew the depravity that came from having something ripped from you without a notion of consequence. But love…that remained as mythical to you as Lancelot and Guinevere.

You could feel his eyes on you the longer you stood there, fiddling with the drink in your hand. It wasn’t often that an Asgardian invited a human to visit their land and it was a rarity when it happened with a prince. But that’s where you wound up. Standing amidst legends and myths wanting to flee at a moment's notice. And he watched in earnest, with the hope that you would turn to catch his gaze.

“Excuse me,” you said with a smile to the man beside you who had been talking about the nonsense of science for thirty minutes.

Whether or not he actually believed the words he said became an afterthought. You couldn’t stand there and pretend any longer. You didn’t want to.

Music filled the surrounding space, drowning you in the joyous leisure of having nothing to worry about. What could possibly trouble such powerful beings? Where you were nothing but a small speck in the grand scheme of things. Something trivial that would one day pass and be extinguished just as fast as you were ignited.

You saw the way they viewed you the second you crossed the threshold of the hall. How they seemed to pity you. They would go on. They would continue to carve their names in the history of the universe and you would be but a fleeting memory in their minds. The most you could hope for was to place a smile on their face for a moment before you were gone entirely.

People danced wherever you went, others laughed and boasted about their triumphs. And you could feel the air begin to press out of your lungs. As if they were slowly stripping you of everything that made your body work. You gasped, pushing open a door that led to the courtyard in the hopes that you’d make it to a secluded area before you broke down entirely.

Flames were lit to preserve the warmth. They casted a glow along the architecture of the stone walls—trees placed perfectly along the outskirts. The temptation to hide away here lingered in your chest, but you could practically feel the seconds tick by. You only had a limited amount of time before people made their way outside to view the night sky.

Any other night this would be the most romantic setting to find yourself in. Tonight however you were plagued by a pain that refused to fade.

You wiped roughly at the tears that began to fall as footsteps echoed behind you. It seemed that your time was running out faster than you expected and you’d be caught in the open with no explanation to why you were crying. Maybe if you ran you wouldn't have to deal with the questions. But then the warm glow of the fire flickered an emerald green, sparks flying into the air and you felt the energy around you shift.

“I caught you leaving.”

The smile was prominent in his tone—light enough to presume he didn’t know why you were here. Yet no matter how much he tried to conceal his emotions…you could always read him like an open book. A fact he loathed about you.

“I needed air,” you replied, clasping your hands together.

“You will find plenty out here.” Another step echoed like a shot ringing through the air and suddenly he was pressing a hand to your shoulder. The cold sensation of his touch rippled through you. It flooded your senses with more than you could process at this time.

With a sharp gasp, you pulled away. “Don’t.”

“I’m not sure I understand—”

“Loki,” you sighed, finally giving in. With another breath, you turned to face him—the glimmer of tears now unmistakable in your eyes. “What am I doing here?”

You could see the mistake the second the words left your mouth to hang in the air between you. As if this was the final reckoning of something so delicate. The question had been building for days since he brought you with him. Something to explain that maybe…this wasn’t just a frivolous one time fling that he’d forget about soon after you returned home. But nothing ever came. It seemed he was more interested in showing you off to everyone else, rather than letting you in.

“You’re here for dinner of course.” He smiled, offered you his hand, and faltered when you didn’t take it. When you stood where you were with a somber look in your eyes.

The green color flared to life beside you again, reflecting his emotions and finally giving you an insight into his mind. But it wasn’t enough.

You wanted to know how he felt. What was he too scared to tell anyone? Perhaps he might let you in on it. But Loki had always been closed off even to those he cared about and you didn’t want to be simply another person he tried to love. You needed more than empty words and flowery promises. As you watched him come up with something to say you could see it. He knew that this wasn’t enough; that you wouldn’t be wooed by parties you had no place in with people you held no interest for.

“I think it’s time for me to go home.” You bit down on the inside of your cheek to stop the tears from starting up again.

“My darling—”

“I don’t belong here Loki,” you admitted. “Everyone in there can see that I am not one of you.”

His gaze turned sharp. “One of us?”

“You know what I mean. I’m not a god.” You stood a bit straighter as if facing the oncoming battle.

“So you think because you aren’t Asgardian that we will think less of you? That I would…” He snapped his mouth shut, eyes darker than you were used to seeing them.

“No!”

“Don’t believe for a second that I brought you here under false pretenses—”

“Then why did you bring me?” you exclaimed. “Because it certainly doesn’t feel like you actually want me here. You left me alone in there! As if I was meant to be shown off for some Asgardian amusement.”

He stepped forward, crowding into your space and like the stubborn human you were…you stood your ground. His lips quirked up slightly, admiration flaring in his eyes before that too was stolen away.

“You forget. I am not Asgardian.”

You scoffed, rising up to meet him—your nose brushing so close to his that you could feel his breath against your face. “That is not who I saw in there.”

His eyes dropped to your lips. The darkness from before returning with a vigor that stole your breath away. No matter how much you wanted to remain upset, you couldn’t deny the pull that existed between you. The longing you felt in your heart. Loki released a shuddered breath as his eyes dragged back to yours and something raw clicked into place.

Cupping your cheek, he dragged you forward until his lips met yours. Loki always kissed you as if this was his last time, as if he would never know the sweet taste of oxygen without you. You were the soothing balm against his wounds that refused to close. A piece of serenity in a place that bred nothing but chaos. He dragged you closer, no longer hesitant to lick into your mouth and drag out a moan, because what else did he have to lose?

You knew the malice that existed in him—had seen it first hand. Yet even that wasn’t enough to turn you away from this.

To make you flee from the man who viewed himself as a monster.

“Loki,” you sighed, fingers digging into the leather beneath his armor. It was as soft as his touch, the scent intoxicating you the longer you stood there.

“Don’t…” He could feel the hesitation in your kiss. The uncertainty in your touch.

You still remained unsure of what he wanted from you; what this actually meant to him. And even though he wanted to proclaim it loud enough for you to hear, he knew that you’d never truly understand the depths of his emotions. Loki had always believed he would remain alone in his life. A lost soul doomed to wander the universe for all eternity, but when he met you he hoped that for a moment…he would finally feel the warmth of the sun against his skin once more.

He hoped he would feel alive again.

“You are…” Warm tears fell against your cheeks and he wiped them away gently. “You’re the one I want to be with. The one I choose.” You cupped his hand in yours, desperate to keep his touch against your skin. “But I am not immortal.”

“We gods die too.”

You smiled. “Not in the way humans do.”

Silence washed over the both of you. A solemn understanding that began to infiltrate even his mind. And thus was the irony of love. Two souls so tragically different that even death would keep you apart until the very end of time. You almost laughed, but knew that the situation would only be ruined by it.

“I need to go home where I belong.”

“You belong—”

“I don’t belong with gods Loki. I never have. And no matter how much you want that to change it can’t.”

Within seconds you watched his walls begin to close up again, pulling back any sense of emotion he once showed. Until you were right back where you started. Alone in the middle of a world that didn’t deem you worthy to stand on it. You were the outsider looking in. A mortal who got a chance to dine with the gods of old and briefly pretend you were one of them.

“So you choose them.”

An ache sprouted in your chest, spreading down to the very tips of your fingers. Until you swore you couldn’t breathe. A necessary evil to stave off the heartbreak of what would eventually come down the road.

“My love…”

He pulled away, standing stiff and face void of any emotion. “That word doesn’t belong to me. Not anymore.” Turning slightly, he roughly wiped at his cheek to hide the tears. Meanwhile you allowed them to fall freely. “I once imagined you loved me a little bit, if you’ll excuse the presumption.”

With a final look—eyes filled with a plea to say something—he relented. He nodded his head, took in a large breath, and turned back towards the steps. Once again leaving you behind as he returned to a world you’d never fully understand. You watched him go, a sob wracking your body as he took with him a love that only came around once in a lifetime. As he took part of your soul.

The flames returned to their natural orange glow, once again emitting a warmth that should have flooded your body. But all you felt was the cold touch of a lover lost to you for good.

[omgellendean]

Found a great thread on how social assistance denies dignity to recipients.

(copied it here in case it disappeared)

"I came from poverty and very deliberately avoided 'services' and organizations that could have assisted me. I did not apply for social housing. I lived in places that were definitely not up to code. I worked multiple jobs. Just to avoid being part of system for 'poor people.'

"When I became wheelchair user & alone, I was moved into social housing. The day I moved in almost broke me. I never cried about my dx, about my disability, not even about all my savings being gone or any of the rest. But moving becoming "a client" was the line.

"The only way I could breathe is I told myself - and anyone within earshot - that I would be working again and out of social housing in a year. That was 14 years ago.

"I see all these progressives wax poetic about the wonders of social housing and various programs "for the poor." But there is a price that comes with that "help" - we don't 'help' you unless we deem you "helpless."

"The programs in social housing assume incompetence. "Let us teach you how to budget. Let us teach you how to make a boiled egg." The air is thick with the smugness of "helping our lessers." And judgment.

"So I don't know anything about the people who built that home but I understand why it would feel like more of a home than a shelter or a "unit" in the "housing stock" for "the poor." I understand why that feels like dignity.

To become successful at being poor within the system you need to perform acts of gratitude for things you shouldn't have to. You need to self-flagellate. You need to show you are deferential. You need to prove your situation is shitty as it is.

If you fail to prove your situation is as extremely shitty as they require then they will make sure it becomes worse. If you are on benefits you are not even allowed to pay your own rent - the state decides to handle this for you - because again, assumed incompetence.

"I have been offered home care. I declined. At some point i won't be able to decline but home care can act like state surveillance. And it just takes one ableist aid to make a report 'concerned' about something like a coffee burn.

"I was forced to use power wheelchair not manual for years bc an OT saw me struggle first time I transferred onto the toilet in this apt - because the bathroom is inaccessible. Chair moved a bit, I didn't fall but that was enough to override my choice.

"In GF Strong there was another young woman and we both wanted to get rear-drive power wheelchair instead of mid-drive or front-wheel. GF staff strongly discouraged rear-wheel. She was pressured out of it and she kept rooting for me. When I surrendered she couldn't even look at me

"We knew they broke us. We knew in that moment we were 'tamed' - albeit temporarily, as I had a plan to get a wheelchair on my own. I just couldn't handle another conflict with staff, I was already on thin ice fighting not to be sent to a nursing home.

"The idea of having a home - where you are not a client - and there is no 'staff' deciding if you are poor enough - not "too disabled" to be unsafe - no judgment, no surrendering power, self-worth - sounds great to me.

"Incidentally this is also why the proponents of MAID marketing it to disabled poor people as ‘chance to assert your autonomy’ is so deeply and intentionally malicious. It’s a fake autonomy injected into people state deprives of real autonomy.

"Changed who can reply to NO ONE because I really do not want to read about how "these people" should be given a job. These are some of the good ones. Oh yeah, these poor people impressed you. Literally also not the point of the thread. But why start listening to poor people now.

"Will probably delete the thread and also possibly my account.

"OK turns out I want to say a few more things before I decide if I'm leaving this site for good. YOU may be amazed that some poor people did this. I - an actual poor person who lives around poor people - am very much NOT. And the way you are fixating on this like they cured cancer

"Is just the progressive version of othering us. I'm not amazed. Because I know poor people. So no, not amazed at all. That was not the point of my thread. Not even a tiny, little bit. Stop turning these people into some sort of circus freak version of poor people.

"Stop exceptionalizing them. Stop being shocked. Or at least stop fucking doing those things in a poor person's mentions. OMFG I'm here talking about dignity being stripped form us and you want to turn them into your poster child for the sustainability or whatever."

[tpher]

stop making me care about topher (respectfully)

my immediate thought was to annoyingly wax poetic abt topher to make it worse so i WILL

topher is 16 by the time hes in the show and the td timeline is all fucky wucky so lets say hes been a fan since the start so hes liked total drama for around 3 years. 3 years? not a lot of time but to a TEEN??? that is SO incredibly long. ESPECIALLY if ur autistic/have a hyperfixation like topher did. so total drama, chris in particular, was his LIFE

it is especially very.. unintentionally meta that so late in the show and in one of the most hated seasons you have this character who competes on the show with the intent of trying to make it better. he still loves it (or at the very least chris) but thinks it wasnt as good as it once was (again. chris). and again as a teen w a hyperfixation it hurts to see something u like go to shit. and in tophers case, its what awakened his dream to become a host someday. so what better way than to "fix" the show you loved by taking over, right? topher certainly has the drive and the motivation to try and make his dreams a reality, even if he does waste time and get distracted a bunch.

so imagine after years and years, you finally meet your idol. youre just so excited and wanna let him know just how much of a fan you are to get on his good side in general, but also as a networking opportunity. youve always wanted to be a host, so now youre not only meeting a host but THE host. so you try to talk but he doesnt really care. and youre just complimenting him and its bugging him. and giving him constructive criticism is also not allowed. and you flat out ask if you could just.. explain a challenge to the others at least once and he gets.. mad at you?

what are you doing wrong? nothing, of course. its just him who doesnt get it. its just him who doesnt appreciate all the years YOUVE put into him. he doesnt understand all the time and effort youve put into being camera-ready and taking meticulous care of your hair and skin; including being in posing classes since age 11 and having a suspiciously intricate knowledge on plastic surgery. most people your age barely even know what theyre going to college for, youve got your whole life figured out compared to them

youve waited long enough, you have the looks and the skills, and if he wont give you what you deserve, then its time to take matters into your own hands

so you grow bitter and impatient (and frown wrinkles, oh no!). youve resulted to stealing this mans phone to contact the network yourself.

and then imagine when you finally put in the effort. and you think your dreams are coming true and it was just your idol-- your FORMER idol-- pulling a prank on you. on international television. for millions of people including potential employers to see. which also cost your team the challenge and got you eliminated in such a humiliating way.

everything you had ever worked for is gone in an instant. and its all thanks to who was once your hero. the one who gave your life a clear trajectory

the last we see of topher, he is unable to form coherent sentences and twitching. we genuinely have no idea how hes doing right now

but i hope hes okay

[sergeant-angels-trashcan]

oh no I fully planted the seeds of jaydickate knowing it would probably get horny 😂

i could wax poetic about how soft they can be (and i absolutely think they are) but i think especially when they’re first messing around… they are FERAL. they have awakened some Things™️ in one another. kate goes headfirst into this established complicated relationship featuring more than a little rivalry and she thinks oh this is fine and she’s in control and can make these boys behave… and then she can’t walk after. girl has bitten off more than she can chew and she is loving all of it.

i also just enjoy thinking about how not a single one of them is good at reacting to things in a normal manner so god help us all if one of them gets hurt, the other two are going to burn the world to the ground.

Oh thank god

Thinking about the Worst One to get injured because the combo of the other two is too chaotic. and there IS no worst one because each revenge combo is fucking terrifying.

Kate is injured? That's the fucking crime lord Red Hood, who fears no god or Bat, and Nightwing who people only think is less terrifying than Batman because he smiles more. Goons would pick a fight with Batman over Nightwing. This is the first Robin, who was groomed as a child to be a Talon for the Court of Owls, and the second Robin, who died and then was trained by the League of Assassins. They have both been Batman (I think Jason has, I just don't know when?). I mean this might be the most terrifying option simply because you pissed off Batman. You pissed off at least three, because Bruce would at the very least be angry on behalf of Dick and Jason, and the sword Robin (because Dick and Jason are his favorites you can't change my mind) and probably Black Bat who is arguably also Batman. That's like four Batmen what the fuck is wrong with you. And this is terrifying because Dick and Jason (and Cass and Damian) have the Batman Training but NOT the Batman moral code. Honestly Bruce is the only reason this outcome isn't pants shittingly terrifying. If the boys call her team in? Now you have two angry gods to deal with too. And Jason will gladly lock Bruce in a closet so the voice of reason is gone. Vengeance is mine, sayeth the lord etc etc.

But then if Dick is injured...well, Jason and Kate are toeing the nonlethal methods line to begin with. They basically sneeze and they are over it. And without Dick to pull them back with "they suffer longer if you keep them alive" they are going to do whatever they deem necessary. Jason "heads in a duffle bag" Todd and Kate "casually shoots people in the throat" Bishop. Once again, that is the fucking crime lord Red Hood and a goddamn Avenger. To avenge, that's to exact vengeance. That's her JOB. not protect not defend not promote justice. AVENGE. Honestly just call her a fury cos that's what she is. She WILL blow shit up she just might make sure not to do it around Jason. Look, if Kate can keep her shit together there's a good chance Jason will follow her lead and not steal bones. However, she is NOT going to keep her shit together which means there is no one holding Jason's leash. (Well, there is, Kate is holding it, she's just saying 'attack' more than normal. And Jason trusts her moral compass, so he'll do it without question. Not that he wouldn't do it himself for Dick, but it's nice to let someone else make the choice.) And they will absolutely not listen to anyone, not listening to authority figures is a DEFINING part of their time as teenage superheroes. There's like three people they might listen to and none of those people are going to tell them to calm down, and every person who WOULD tell them to calm down they will tell to fuck right off. Specifically Batman and Captain America.

Dick and Kate is the surprise terrifying one. Jason gets injured and nobody is really worried that Kate and Dick are going to go off the rails. They ARE the rails! They are the nice ones! The good ones! Wait what do you mean you found them waterboarding the Joker? Some idiot is going to think that it's JUST Jason. They won't go crazy. He's the Red Hood, this should be expected, right? Its not a surprise. Comes with the job, right? It's not like he's a real good guy--idk who says this, but someone does. And that's when they truth comes out.

This is THEE horrifying combo because first, everyone thinks they will be calm and levelheaded because they are team leaders and established solo heroes, they are respected, they've been doing this since they were kids--

WRONG! what they've actually been doing is stacking up a lifetime of Good Hero chips and now they are cashing in for their murder hall pass. And they are going to get so much more worked up if they feel the response from the Bats et al is not sufficient. if it's a "no one mourns the wicked" moment and you aren't upset because you think Jason is a bad person and he deserved it the cops WILL start finding pieces of your body before you are dead. That's Dick's Little Wing, are you fucking insane? He gets suuuuuuper possessive of Jason and a thousand times more protective of Kate. He will bite.

Hot take i think Dick and Kate are more deeply unhinged than Jason. Jason wears his anger openly, his violence is there for everyone to see. Dick and Kate have to hide that shit, hold it back, because of who they are and who they are seen as. They aren't keeping themselves in check if you hurt Jason. Jason has been hurt enough. Such a source of angst too when Jason is well enough to learn what they did for him and he's all "I'm not worth it you shouldn't have done that for me" which obviously makes Dick and Kate mad because he IS worth it

Also Dick and Jason canonically getting mistaken for each other, Dick steps in as Red Hood so that there's no a power vacuum in Gotham in case word gets out Red Hood is out of the game. I just want Dick to take over for Jason I think that is very hot I think Jason and Kate would literally be on their knees for him. I'm sorry. I'm sorry they are all so into it and I'm sure it means something psychosexually but we're not looking at it that deeply

Either one of the boys getting injured is sooo funny because I do believe that everyone thinks Kate has a no killing rule. She doesn't kill when she and the boys start...whatever...and then she's spending a lot of time in Gotham and generally she doesn't try to antagonize Bruce. Like she wears purple and shoots arrows and has a dog and a shark. She's just a goof! She doesn't kill people!

Except she very much does. She's been not killing people as a courtesy. You hurt her boys, she's done being polite. Kate on a murderous rampage is very hot btw. I think if she has a dark alter ego she goes by Shrike. You know the birds who impale their prey? Yes she could pick up the Ronin identity because Clint and Kate sharing alter egos is something that can be so personal, but also I think Kate should be able to murder people in horrifying ways with a cool costume redesign as a little treat. (Tim would help her with this btw)

fwiw the next most terrifying person for someone to go after when this relationship configuration exists is Roy and/or Clint, and Roy slightly more, because if you go after Clint you have all the other Avengers trying to stop them from exacting their bloody vengeance.

Anyway let's go back to Kate biting off more than she can chew. She wrangles superhero boys as her job. Literally her job. Personally and professionally. She can totally handle this! Genuinely have no idea how they get together though.

Do they have something going on in costume? Do they hook up at a gala? I've talked a little about Hawkeye being into Red Hood and Kate Bishop being into Dick Grayson and honestly Dick and Jason being mistaken for one another makes this funnier or angstier. Like she genuinely thought Dick was the Red Hood and the Red Hood was Dick. Considering how flippy Jason can canonically be, you know, it's not completely stupid. Jason and Dick, who do not see anything in common with each other, are deeply offended by this. Did she not notice the different personalities??? And in her defense she DOES understand the concept of a secret identity, she thought it was him trying to distance his night self from his day self!

She tries to engage their competitiveness to help them break through stuff emotionally and it does eventually work (because they realize they can ruin her more thoroughly as a team but who's counting?) But before that moment there's a lot of uhhhhhh Kate having to sit missions out because she can't walk very well. At some point she enacts a sex embargo because 1. She needs to get work done and 2. They need to come up with ways other than sex to compete with each other.

This turns into Dick and Jay's Kate Sex Ban which involves them making out with each other (as a GOOF) and slamming each other into walls to grind etc in order to make her jealous/get her hot and bothered with NO RELIEF!!!

obviously this backfires spectacularly when they realize they're....kind of...into???? each other?????

One of the defining points of Jason and Dick being less asshole competitive with one another is when some B-tier rogue says something derogatory about Hawkeye. Maybe something about Red Hood setting up so the rest of the rogues can run train on her since he shares her with fucking Nightwing no problem, and honestly Red Hood can do better than Nightwing! Just because you have to work with the Bats sometimes doesn't mean you have to share your slut or something and

You insulted Hawkeye AND nightwing. implying there is someone better than Nightwing???? that Hawkeye could not kick the asses of all the rogues??? thinking the only thing she is good for is sex?!?!?!?!!?

They're going to be scraping you off the pavement bucko.

(Kate 100% sincere when she asks what running train is. And both of them have a split second of "oh what if she learns and she's INTO it???" without speaking or even looking at each other they decide their first pick is Roy, second is Eli. just like. IF she's curious)

of course another option is established jaydick which i love (mostly because it means i don't have to navigate how their dynamic shifts from fellow Bats to boyfriends bc i am bad at it) but ALSO because it means Kate thinks she is Just A Friend and Jason and Dick have been actively hitting on her for four months. this version goes from 0 to 60 so fast because Jay and Dick have ironed out a lot of the kinks in the bedroom between them which means they are incredibly good at working together to Wreck Kate's Shit.

I mean honestly there's no version of this where Kate is not in over her head. Kate is used to being the dominant personality in her relationships in that she's assertive and she's confident in herself, and she does have a habit of going for guys who are...not. At least not at her level. (this is where the team dynamic comes in for me. regardless of how strong willed etc people she dates are, if they're on a team together, she's the leader and them defaulting to her becomes a habit but i digress)

but the boys are very big personalities as well as physically large. kate doesn't have to make herself smaller in any way which i think is a nice chance for her to get even more comfortable in her own skin

what was i talking about

right, so kate isn't used to people who are leaders in their own right towering over her and telling her that actually she will not be calling the shots tonight and then like. holding to that. neither of them are scared of her either

(they are. they are just less scared of her than most men are. and with jason and dick it's like a scared and horny)

And kind of easing over control to Jason "Service Top" Todd and Dick "Praise Kink" Grayson who are tag teaming?!!?!

[jihopesjoint]

I’m sorry if someone has already asked you this but I just discovered your blog and I have to know what your headcannons are of BTS while high

anon… NO ONE has asked me this yet!!!! and you have my whole entire heart for taking one for the team and doing god’s work. i have treated this ask with the utmost importance and i only hope that i don’t disappoint you. also i'm sorry this took me literally all day LMFAO let me just open this with a blanket statement: the sheer number of bangtan giggles that there would be. i think i would die. anyway. onwards and upwards

namjoon

tbh my boy namjoon already speaks like he is stoned. he is ALWAYS waxing poetic and having an existential crisis, and that would increase tenfold if found holding a blunt. he’s making connections, he’s drawing conclusions. the empty chip bag that he has just devoured is definitely a metaphor for fame and how people take everything they love from you and then there’s nothing left for yourself. he’d sit on that for about five minutes before feeling guilty for thinking such thoughts about HIS army, who always refills his metaphorical chip bag.

seokjin

think of the windshield wiper laughs. OH he would be making the stupidest jokes (yes more than he already does). he gets great pleasure from jokes that make people groan. in seeming direct contrast, our gamer guy would be absolutely COUCHLOCKED. but he’d find that for some reason he just isn’t as angry at failures/deaths as he would be sober. and he thinks, “is THIS peace? have i never known it before this moment?” he didn't think he could get any more go with the flow than he already was. but if you think he’s not paying attention to the room around him, think again. he's making fun of everyone else losing their minds, all with eyes glued to the screen.

yoongi

oh bro. yoongi? he’s already an encyclopedia of useless knowledge, sprinkled with existential dread and hatred of the system. my man is ranting and RAVING about the capitalist machine. he doesn't understand why people have to work themselves to death to survive with no opportunity to enjoy life. he's pissed about the fact that he now benefits so greatly from a system he initially set out to be publicly against. and then he'll go on for 15 minutes about stucco, no transition. he's also hearing the most mundane sounds and recording them on his phone because they'll be perfect samples for a track. and then when he listens back to them the next day, he'll be like "what the absolute fuck was this?"

hobi

hobi for the first 20 minutes of the high is a silent observer. it's a little overwhelming right at the beginning, so he's probably a little in his head. he's just taking everything in. but after he crests the peak, he is loosey goosey. music has never made him want to dance more, and he didn't know that was possible. our boy's taste in music is made for getting stoned to. he's wiggling over to the snacks, wiggling with the snacks in his hand. falling to the floor, shouting with laughter when he sees how absolutely ZOOTED his members are. after he wipes the tears from his eyes, he sees yoongi sampling the sound of the ice maker and immediately goes over to be his ultimate hype man.

jimin

park jimin. my sweet baby. he knows that mama didn’t raise no bitch, so he’s taken extra hits after everyone’s tapped out. his eyes are basically permanently shut. for the life of him he cannot stop giggling. he’s in that every single thing that happens is funny mode. can’t hold himself upright. we’re talking hands on shoulders, we’re talking heads in laps, we’re talking falling to the floor. kim taehyung is the funniest person to exist in his eyes (yes more than normal). usually he cringes at himself speaking affectionately about his members, but all inhibitions are gone. he loves them SO MUCH, and he’s absolutely not going to shut up about it. he’s making grandiose plans for them to never get around to doing together because they’re not actually reasonable.

taehyung

taehyung is also thinking thoughts, putting things together. we're talking about the brain that brought us borahae. of course, for one good realization, you have to have about one hundred terrible ones. think of the highest thought you've ever had, or have ever heard someone else have, and you might have stepped inside the anomaly that is kim taehyung's head. some shit like, "what if birds aren't singing and they're actually screaming because they're afraid of heights?" and of course, jimin is fully ready to take this thought that he accidentally vocalized, turn it into a bit, and beat it into the ground. legend has it they're still figuring this out.

jungkook

on his most productive day, our maknae is operating as head empty, no thoughts. so there's no doubt in my mind that he's staring at the wall. not a damn thing is happening up there, i promise you. he's just realized AGAIN that he has hands, but he has no idea what to do with them. because he's completely unaware of what's going on in the room around him, he's interrupted taehyung and jimin's bit to ask them what he should do about his hand predicament. but while he was trying to get their attention, his hand brushed over one of the blankets on the couch and goddamn is it not the softest thing he's ever felt. so his focus has shifted entirely to feeling this blanket. rinse and repeat.

[nectaric]

happy birthday, zeus !! (may 24)

in honour of ten years of zeus birthdays (and 11 years of writing him), i wanted to do a little something to celebrate all my amazing roleplay partners and talk about how important y'all have been in either a) influencing my writing, b) influencing my portrayal, or c) being a reason i want to come here and write ten years later.

as many of you know (or are about to learn), zeus has been the actual love of my life for over a decade now. he was one of the first characters i ever roleplayed, and i have stuck with him pretty consistently this whole time. i could wax poetic forever about how much he means to me, and how important writing him has been in my life, but i'll spare you all a glimpse into my crazy. just know, zeus means the world to me. and if he has gone through growth in all the time we've worked together, then so have i. i was an extremely nerdy, extremely obsessive little teenager in her basement bedroom with big dreams and now i'm married, working the job i have always wanted, with a beautiful dog and big plans. it feels kinda crazy that i get to share so much of that with all of you.

and so many of you amazing people have been apart of that journey or have just joined and are giving me reasons to keep writing!

it wouldn't be right if i didn't start off with @ichoric. accepting me into your little roleplay group almost 11 years ago literally changed the trajectory of my life. you are literally one of my best friends in the entire world - we have seen each other grow through so much, have been there for each other through good shit and the bad. not only have you seriously influenced me as a writer through all of our shenanigans (drowning hazel, titans 2, scary ares, the time we sat next to each other on my couch and roleplayed the entire aphrares wedding for hours), but you have genuinely influenced me as a person. forget how much i love your portrayals, and the depth and creativity you pour into them, so much life and love and intensity that is a delight to behold - but so much of becoming who i am now has been with you at my side and i love you so much i'm lowkey crying as i type this. thank you for 10 + great years and i can't wait for more!

@kissofthemuses amber, i think getting to write zeus / hera with you permanently altered my brain chemistry. its crazy to think about just how long we've actually known each other -- but getting to see everything you get up to, all your cosplaying and adventures, has been a gift <3 not only do i feel like i have become a more mature individual thanks to being taken under your wing a little, but i also feel as though my zeus has fundamentally changed because of your portrayal and that's so powerful.

@pistolslinger nat maybe i'm just an emotional goober but you have always been such a beacon of light on my dash, long before you went off and became a crow. writing with you has always been so wonderful and enriching and i just know i can count on your for a laugh or heartbreak or general tomfoolery. never mind that you're so kind and open to everyone you seem to come across, but you're also really talented??? in so many ways???? i still think about our jason n zeus superhero au sometimes. incredible, thank you <3

@stygicniron talk about an og!!! hilary, we have been writing together for so long and every interaction is an absolute gem. you and i have been in the trenches of this fandom and somehow come out the other side relatively unscathed and i know part of that is how kind and wonderful and creative you are, but also because of how talented and solid your portrayal of nico is. i have seen few people have as good of a grasp on a character as you and its always an absolute joy to get to write anything with you. thank you for coming on this journey with me!!

@littleblackqrow khristle, you have been such a constant in my online life for years its genuinely difficult to remember a time before we followed each other and wrote together. the fact that i get to write with you despite fandom changes (because you have impeccable taste) is really so awesome and i've just really loved getting to write with you, talk with you ooc, and just experience being your rp partner for so long. between apollo, qrow, and grif, we've written so many heartwrenching and hilarious things, and i'm just super grateful you've been here !

@rheaeaseandflow marie i think you are one of the people i have been writing with the longest and don't think that goes unnoticed! your rhea is incredible and has honestly helped me to form so many important headcanons and opinions about my own characters that i think is so significant. you have always been this kind, warm, welcoming presence who i always look forward to writing with, and when i think about the "early days" of zeus i often think of you!

@singofus apis i literally cannot imagine this little corner of the rp world without you. i think greek myth and you are one of the first people who comes to mind. i remember when you and i both wrote significantly less muses on different blogs, but now we're here with our hoard, and our beautiful little headcanons we're still getting to develop, and its genuinely made my time here so much more enjoyable! you're so creative and thoughtful and you have seriously influenced so many of my portrayals i wouldn't even know where to start. here's to a lot more writing, and a lot more time well spent!

@asoulunbound krys!!! greek myth without you is like a pb&j without the pb. you occupy such an important space in this community and also just. in my world and i genuinely appreciate how much thought you put into your muses and the generosity you show to others. not to mention, the fact that you and i engage in very similar niche communities makes me feel so much more connected to you and i enjoy getting to write with you and see you on my dash so much !

@seekesotsibteadmist kyrian if there was an award for most supportive roleplayer ever it would be you. i feel so seen by you and you're so encouraging no matter what the circumstances are. i love getting to write with you (honestly, i could be better about it) because i can just feel the love and creativity you throw into S. i always enjoy getting an ask from you or seeing your ic posts and i am so grateful to have you in my little world, so thank you.

@seaprofound another day, another og !! gods sunny i feel like we have known each other for decades at this point - i think of this rpc, and i think about you and the constant beacon of sunshine (pun intended) you have always been. the absolute depth of your devotion to poseida is astounding and your love and care for the people around you is an example i think a lot of us could learn from. thank you for being so authentic and kind and creative and a part of my life for so long!!!

@stolenbythegods beth i know we don't write as much together these days but i will genuinely never forget you or ganymede or how much fun we have had writing together. you are so talented and sweet and i adore your ganymede with everything i have. your portrayal has altered the way i view not only zeus and gany's relationship, but also how i view zeus, and that's a really big achievement in my books. i miss you, and i'm so grateful for you!

@kallistcs unni aside from the level of sheer talent you possess and the care and detail you pour into your portrayals (which i appreciate so much my heart is FULL), you have also always been the one who swoops in and saves my day. i feel like i can always count on you to be the voice of reason to my emotionally driven, passionate rants about vague myth concepts with your frankly impressive knowledge of myth that i both admire and envy (fondly <3). i love having you around and i genuinely enjoy our threads so much i look forward to getting to write them every time i log on (even if i am Slow)

@saccharic MY SON !!! giuli. i'm not even going to talk about writing because you are talented and ily and i enjoy it but that's not what matters here. i remember when you were abt 14 and i have gotten the joy of watching you grow and become so so so successful and such a wonderful little lady and i could not be more of a proud dad. i feel like this is such a rare gift and i cherish it, i really do

this is a shoutout to others who have been a constant on my dash and who have contributed significantly to how much i enjoy being here. you're all wonderful, and talented, and i'm absolutely grateful to have you around <3

@appleyed @eriny3s @eileithyiia @anthcs @tragillary @ofprevioustimes @reastless @deadshe @luxcruor @thecs @withinycu

and to those of you who i haven't written with much yet, but who i genuinely look forward to writing more with! thank you for following me and letting me invade your space <3

@caeloservare @candlewick-corporation @aestasrosis @sunguns @hxntresses @unseenking @allbains @kuokuana @eiiskonigin @noirbeast

[strwbrryfire]

hehe was tagged by the lovely @wisteriagoesvroom thank u dearrr <33

How many works do you have on AO3?

Only 16 total, surprisingly

What's your total AO3 word count?

70k. a lot of what i write is under 4k words lol

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

they're all genshin fics so i am nottt listing those lmao

(& one of them is dead poets society fic i never finished whoops)

Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

i try to! it normally takes me a bit to muster up the courage to respond tho lol but usually yes, as comments are really the only thing that keep me motivated to write

What's the fic you've written with the angstiest ending?

again its a genshin fic and i will not be linking it bc it is very cringe . i havent deleted it or anything but im not proud of it so as far as i know its gone . but yeah i killed off childe bc hes my lil punching bag

Do you write crossovers?

no but ive really thought about doing some sort of weird dsmp/f1 thing to connect the ugliest of my brainworms. mostly because c!wilbur & c!tommy's relationship really reminds me of how i perceive lando and max, at least in terms of their friendship.

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

yep, back when i wrote stranger things stuff, but all the things i wrote for that fandom have been deleted off my page lolol

Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

yes ..,.and the most basic shit youve ever seen in your life

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

yes? it was a stranger things one i think

Have you ever had a fic translated?

yep! yet another ST one. think it was byler iirc

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

no but i would love to!

What's your all-time favorite ship?

very basic, i know, but destiel and also thanzag from hades.

but from f1 specifically, it will always be landoscar . there is So Much potential in those herbs and i love them dearly

What's a WIP that you want to finish but you don't think you ever will?

the rest of profezia del destino, mostly bc lestappen doesnt move me as much anymore. i might make it into maxiel somehow but we shall see

What are your writing strengths?

fuck if i know lmao. i've been told i'm good at imagery.

What are your writing weakness?

mainly, and annoyingly, dialogue. i try too hard to be waxing poetic but i never know how to translate that into dialogue. and also long plots/anything thats multi chaptered. my train of thought just goes somewhere else completely lol

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

i love to do it but i am not good at it, as im One Of Those People who just uses google translate. im definitely trying to improve on that though

What was the first fandom you wrote for?

if i recall correctly, im pretty sure it was 5 seconds of summer. but it could have also been the hunger games. that was a decade ago so i dont super remember lol

What's a fandom/ship you haven't written for yet but want to?

god. i want to write brocedes so bad. and also norstappen bc the vibes are just so rancid and i love it

and also dsmp

What's your favorite fic you've written?

i suppose through sharpened teeth. but in terms of poem fics, ferrari's satisfaction survey is also a fave of mine .

im too shy to tag anyone so if u see this u have been royally tagged!! thank u again wiz <33

[bitletsanddrabbles]

How The Boyfriends Would Describe Thomas

Since I did a breakdown of how Thomas would describe the boyfriends to someone, I figured it was only fair to return the favor. So, here are the boys from the Poly!Thomas-verse describing their lover boy, or at least waxing poetic about why they love him. Line got a bit blurred there.

...for the record, Richard Ellis is a little brat...

Chris: Thomas Barrow is one enormous puzzle. A sexy puzzle, I grant you, but still a puzzle. He’s gay, obviously, and for the most part he’s completely comfortable with the fact. At the same time, when I met him he’d never been in a gay bar? What thirty six year old queer man in the twenty first century has never been in a gay bar? And when I asked him about it, he said he’d been past Turton’s before, of course he had, but he’d just...never thought to go in. Said it was because he didn’t have anyone to go with, but he could have gone to meet people. Watching him, the first time I got him in there and started dancing with him...you’d have thought we’d fallen down a rabbit hole! And it was wonderful, watching him come alive and discover new things he could do, you know? I love that. I could spend my entire life just watching Thomas discover new things that he loves.

Richard: Thomas spent his past nine lives as a cat, and it shows. You know how much I love cats.

Guy: You know those dreadful car commercials that start out with ‘the following are real people, not actors’? Well, dehumanizing as they are, there’s something to it. No matter how many interviews you do, the public never really knows you as a person. They know you as an actor, as this larger than life celebrity who’s got it made and lives on easy street. It’s flattering, of course, all of the praise and proclamations of adoration, and a bit terrifying if you’re like me and keep waiting for them to figure out you’re not really that grand. The thing is, Thomas never cared about any of that. From the moment we walked into Downton Abbey, we were just people doing our jobs...and perhaps getting in the way a little. Or a lot, I was never quite certain. And when I talked to him, he seemed more interested in me, myself than in Guy Dexter, Hollywood’s Heartthrob. I could look for a hundred years and I doubt I’d find someone less interested in the public persona and more interested in the man, and I love him so much for that.

[di-daynamic]

But the Symbolism. . . (II)

This isn't exactly a continuation, more just me ranting about how amazing and perceptive Jace is.

Firstly, to add onto the previous post, another significant thing Jace gave someone was the toy soldier he gave Max. I'm fairly certain it was a relic from his own abusive childhood with Valentine, and he gave it to Max, his younger brother who - while his family certainly had its own troubles - had a happy and fairly idyllic childhood.

And Max died holding it. That's how much it meant to him.

Pretty sure I don't need to elaborate on that.

In City of Heavenly Fire, in Edom, when Simon feels the burst of pain in his chest from when Raphael was killed, Jace knew what it was instantly.

“Raphael,” Jace said finally, in a flat voice. “He’s your sire, the one whose blood made you a vampire.”

But he didn't tell. He kept it all to himself, instantly changing the subject and pretending the cause for Simon's discomfort was something else.

He knew that at this stage, Alec and Clary would absolutely fall to pieces if they thought Magnus and/or Luke and Jocelyn were dead.

And Jace cared for Magnus, if not for his own sake (though they were absolutely friends at this point) then for Alec's. We know he sought comfort from and confided in Luke in the past.

He kept this knowledge to himself. How much agony do you think this must have caused him? Keeping such a vital thing to himself - that the people they sought to rescue could already be dead. He mustn't even have known they were alive until he got there and Sebastian mentioned they would pay for that.

And sure, maybe it was a tad unfair to the others, but I'm not focusing on that right now. Jace's need to protect the people he loves, even at the cost of their own independence, is so obvious in every action he takes, in the tiniest details spread across the books. I love this.

“Clary,” Jace said, a warning in his voice.

Jace wants to stop Clary from giving too much information about his family to Mark, in the tunnels below Faerie to Edom. Why?

Because:

"—My family? Do they know—” “What’s happened to you? A little. And no, they’re not all right.” His eyes closed.

Jace knows the pain of knowing the people you care about, the people you love, are hurt because of you, and yet even knowing that you can't do anything about it.

Jace empathizes with Mark. Clary even thinks it:

Jace didn’t answer her; he looked stunned. She wondered if Mark, brittle and orphaned and alone, reminded him somehow of himself.

Jace was brusque at the beginning, demanding to know about Mark's time with the Fair Folk, but as soon as he realizes the torture and imprisonment and hopelessness of his family being somewhere he could no longer go Mark'd gone through he became sympathetic. He gave him a witchlight, one he'd always had, the symbolism which I talked about in Part I.

It was Mark's 'I'd rather die' that spurred him on. I think that also reminded him of himself, his impassioned speech to Clary as he went back under Sebastian's control.

“They took you because you have faerie blood, but also because you have Shadowhunter blood. They want to punish the Nephilim,” Jace said, his gaze intent. “Show them what a Shadowhunter is made of; show them you aren’t afraid. You can live through this.”

Mark wanted to feel and be useful. Jace gave him a purpose, something to do. Mark saved Idris and all the Shadowhunters there. A lot more would've died if the precautions against Faeries hadn't been put in place.

Jace was a war tactician and a friend at the same time: he gave Mark hope, was kind to him, and even then ruthlessly used his sense of being lost and the same kindness to make him do something for the war effort.

I can't stress how much I love this dichotomy, and how much it reminds me of Julian (also reading City of Lost Souls Julian - the troublemaking wax melting kid, knowing how much he goes through and how much pain is waiting for him, is just awful).

I could wax poetic about how awesome Jace was in the Blackthorns' interrogation. He wasn't as outwardly biased towards them as Magnus and Clary, but he was unequivocally on their side. His arguments were the ones that convinced Robert.

He agreed with Robert at first (and God, I love Julian's thought process about him):

“He has a point.” Jace smiled at Julian and Emma, and the smile was like gold melted over steel. You could see how the softness was a disguise, and how what lay under it had won Jace the title of best Shadowhunter of his generation.

But then, immediately next switched it around. You can see the way it changes Robert. For Jace, it became personal, and if it was personal for him - he would have done the same - it would be so for Robert, his adoptive father. He goes from stern to exasperated, more willing to be pliant.

He's the one who finally convinces Robert to let Julian speak. The final masterstroke. Robert complies immediately, despite reluctance. I doubt Jace planned how the entire thing went down, but this was a clear show of his loyalty and his brilliance. We see how Jace's strategizing mind works. He remains unreadable throughout, even to Julian - master liar and manipulator.

And when he spoke to Mark later on. He tries to put Mark at ease - doesn't succeed fully, of course, but it does sort of work. He reminds him of the witchlight. And of course, he's understood that Julian is the one running the Institute. I'm guessing it's half the official correspondence he gets from running the New York Institute, and half listening to Julian spinning his tale and helping him out there, but still. He guessed something which not even Emma, the love of Julian's life knew about him. It's kind of ridiculously OP, but also really amazing.

In Lord of Shadows, when he first met Kit, Jace knew exactly what to say. We, as readers, know that Jace would love meeting his blood family and as Alec put it, wanted Kit to like him, but to KIt, he seemed simultaneously someone impressive, and someone he wanted to be far away from.

And this:

-- "You’re fifteen years old. You might think you want to die, but trust me—you don’t.”

Am I the only one whose heart is breaking from the PARALLELS? And the certainty with which Jace says it? Jace-Death-Wish-The-SIze-of-Brooklyn-Lightwood-Herondale? This is as cathartic as seeing Jace finally calling Valentine abusive in The Lost Book of the White.

The 'Herondales Can't Resist a Challenge' thing is definitely part of the reason Kit decides to stay at the Institute. There's also, of course, Ty and Livvy and revenge.

Kit felt a sudden tightness through his body. Talking to Jace earlier had eased some of the anxiety he’d felt ever since his father had died. Jace had made everything seem like maybe it would be easy. That they were still in a world where you could give things chances and see how they worked out.

(The 'I didn't hear anything' at the kids' spying antics?? Jace totally did stuff like that with Alec and Izzy when he was younger).

(Also, like he's not the one who convinced Robert to listen to Julian and then present the testimony without involving the kids. This is canon to me.)

Clary leaves Jace alone in the room with Mark, when they're asking him for advice on Faerie. Playing on his prior connection to the Blackthorn. And Jace gets Mark to cooperate within a minute, revealing some information, but not all of it.

Also, the thing with the Herondale ring. Jace got it from Clary, who got it from Tessa, right when he was beginning to accept that he was a Herondale and took the name. To me, his giving it to Kit - and through Clary no less - was an expression of hope that Kit would be able to find the home and family and love and identity he had. And maybe a subconscious subtle manipulation on the fact that Kit never knew his mother and would therefore be vulnerable to Clary, whom everyone - from Emma to Julian - seems to regard as maternal.

And the way he intimidates Kit into not selling it just cracks me up.

(I love him making sure Emma and Julian have Magnus and Alec's numbers in case they run into trouble. He absolutely recognizes the 'chaos follows me around' tendency he has in them. And that he and Clary asked Magnus to help them. I could talk about that for days.)

Just - the way Jace's sarcasm, his charm, his ability to get people to talk and manipulate them, sweet-talking, humour, superhuman fighting abilities, kindness, emotional sensitivity and perception all meld together is genuinely breathtaking. I get why some people don't like his character - but I love him.

[jo-harrington]

For ASSB blurb game!!

So I wanted to break away from western/North American cryptids and try drawing inspiration from Filipino mythology? The Manananggal is a vampire with a proboscis-like tongue that preys on sleeping people, newlyweds, and pregnant women. This bloodsucker detaches its torso from its lower half and sprouts wings. What a Girlboss!

Oh ho ho. Drac you gorgeous genius. I love you. Thank you for not keeping this in a box, because a) I’m a mythology and supernatural (not the tv) girlie and this sounded familiar (I was thinking penenggalan…but they're both terrifying and I love them) it gave me a chance to dig into the origins of both a little more and b) the holy order in the Van Helsing movie (in the brief moments we see on screen) had knights from many cultures. So it stands to reason that they would be familiar with (or even come face to face with) creatures outside of Western and North American origins.

And truly…This. This was what I was waiting for. Maybe not Manananggal specifically. But…some kind of vampiric entity. It’s a vampire story! Let’s get some vampires in here.

Maybe not what you were thinking of specifically...but I hope you like it anyway. (It's lengthy and not that sexy...sorry.)

TW: Angst, parental death (both mentioned and alluded to), difficult familial relationships, grief (for many things)

Find other Hymns of Heaven here.

And find the Master List for As Above, So Below here.

January 1985

Dinner at Rick's was a standing appointment.

First Thursday of the month, 7pm, butts in chairs, bring a dessert if you want.

He and Eddie would eat, maybe smoke a little once Eddie re-upped his supply--but Rick's nerves were usually a little more calm when Eddie was around--and then talk about school, and the band, and about you.

Of course the talk about you was less frequent once you started joining them. Then Rick wanted to know everything straight from the horse's mouth.

"Eddie's a liar," the older man cackled the first time he asked you a question over tuna noodle casserole and homemade potato chips, and Eddie went to answer it for you. "A fibber. You've heard his tall tales, I'm sure. He's been telling them ever since I met him. 7 years old and missing his two front teeth. Lied right through the holes."

You begged Rick for pictures and it didn't take long for the dishes to be pushed to the side so you could see polaroids of a smaller Eddie, a less-weathered Wayne, a brighter-eyed Rick, and a woman with fluffy dark curls and the kindest smile you'd ever seen.

Eddie's mom.

Rick waxed poetic about how he had always been a little sweet on her, but once Eddie's dad was sent away she just needed a little extra kindness. The kindness of someone to rally the patience of the regulars over at Benny's, someone to drive her and Eddie home after a shift that one time her car just wouldn't start and it was storming outside, someone who would put her favorite songs on the jukebox because her extra change went to a nest egg so she and Eddie could get their own place someday and Wayne could get his bedroom back.

Eventually that kindness turned into tenderness, then love, and before long they were making plans to move in together. To be a family.

But then she was gone, and those plans became just another could-have-been, should-have-been.

After that first night, after you held both Rick and Eddie's hands with tears in your eyes, the invitation for Dinner was open to you.

Forever, if you wanted.

And Eddie knew you did.

Which was why Eddie was waiting in the van to pick you up.

First Thursday of the month, 6:55PM.

Typically you'd just run out just after 6:45, a saran-wrap covered dish in your hand. Eddie would drive his usual speed of fast, radio set to deafening, to get across town in record time. And the grandfather clock in Rick's hallway would chime just as Rick opened the door for the two of you.

Eddie could set his watch to the routine by now, and he had been tempted to make a joke when you got down to the car that he would.

You were just...running late today.

Which was unlike you.

He gave you a little grace period at first, a minute or two that he could easily shave off with shortcuts and a lead foot. He briefly wondered if you had some lady business going on and thought of offering to run into Melvalds for you when you got downstairs, but those few minutes quickly turned to ten and he knew that he should be well past the point of worry.

He turned the van off, made it into the building, and bounded up the steps to your apartment.

He fully intended to give Rick a call once he was inside and made sure you were alright.

But he found the door ajar.

And all thought of easing Rick's mind left him.

Instinctually and with no care for his own safety, Eddie burst through the door, only to find you sitting on your sofa, eyes wide and wet. You were still dressed in your work clothes, and there was a small wooden crate on the coffee table in front of you.

You startled at the loud bang of your door slamming against the doorstop, and you dropped the object in your hand.

"Shit." You jumped to your feet and covered your face for a moment, before you rubbed your fingers into your eyes. "Shit! Oh no. Rick. Eddie I'm so sorry. Shit."

"Are you ok?" He crossed the short distance and cupped your face in his hands. Without the distance, it was obvious that you'd been crying. "What happened? What's wrong? The door was left open."

"I'm sorry. I lost track of time,” you stammered and grabbed onto his wrists, tightly. Almost too tight for comfort, more like a plea. “A-and there was this box that got delivered and I was just…I’m sorry.”

“Hey don’t worry.” He took a few breaths to calm himself from the panic that had overtaken him when he thought you were in danger, and then leaned forward and pressed a kiss to your forehead. “Dinner's just gonna be a little cold. It’s ok.”

You gave him a smile that didn't quite reach your eyes.

"Let me clean up and then we can go," you offered.

"Sounds like a plan."

But neither of you moved.

You closed your eyes and took heavy, calming breaths. In through your nose, out through your mouth. Your thumbs caressed over Eddie's wrists; whether to reassure him or yourself, he wasn't sure.

Eddie watched your lip tremble every so often, felt your breathing change as though you had something to say...but no words came.

He wanted to say something, to comfort you, but sometimes there were just no words he could say.

Which was especially difficult for him.

So instead of trying to fill the silence in the room, he filled the silence in his own head. Or rather...redirected the noise from worry over you to...

He could see you in his mind's eye. You came home from work, you fumbled with your keys like you always did as you got out of the car. Was it waiting at the door for you? Just...sitting there ominously or maybe the mail man left it at the deli and the owner waved you in to get it.

...the crate.

His eyes shifted over your shoulder and locked onto it.

Small, covered in various labels and stamps; the lid propped against the leg of your coffee table was marked "FRAGILE" and "PAR AVION" in big red letters.

His thoughts immediately turned to the postcard you'd gotten at Christmas, and curiosity immediately got the better of him.

"Did you mail order something?" Your eyes shot open and you immediately stiffened under his touch.

Eddie knew...he knew that wasn't it, but he couldn't help but play dumb and hope you would share this with him. Share the reason you were upset. Let him in for once.

"I know my birthday isn't for a little while but..."

"Umm." Your hands slid from his wrists and you pulled back from his touch slightly; one hand moved to fiddle with the cross on your necklace. "No. My...my dad sent me some things."

It was more than you wanted to say, and he knew he shouldn't have pushed for more but...

"Is it...a late Christmas gift or something?" he asked hesitantly. "He sent you that card from Scotland."

"No...well actually he..." You scrunched your nose a little and swallowed thickly. Eddie could see a thousand thoughts race in your eyes. "He always traveled for work. Ever since I could remember."

"Ok?" That was it? "So it is?"

"I...I guess so...he always sent home things from all these different places that he thought I might like...or would be useful. Books, or...there was this one time he sent home these dried flowers and my mother thought they were for her. But in actuality...well my dad got home and they...hmmm..."

You trailed off with a frown and you looked lost. Your gaze went out of focus, looking through him rather than at him, and your breathing got heavier once again.

A broken, choked sound escaped your throat and Eddie held his hands out, ready to take hold of you, ready to apologize for pushing.

He knew that sound.

But you took a deep breath and became very still.

He had made sounds like those once.

Your jaw clenched.

You made a sound like that once and it had completely broken him, shaken him. He respected you and never asked questions about that night. And now here you were again and instead of trying to make things better he was making them wo--

"He tried his best," you said, the misery that had previously begun to wrack your body gone. "He wasn't a good father. But I wasn't a very good daughter either.

You waved your hand dismissively towards the box.

"I'll get over a...shitty late Christmas gift. Now I'm gonna get changed. And then we can go."

It was said with a tone of finality. You turned to head to the bathroom and although Eddie wanted to chase after you, to let you take out whatever anger and pain you had on him, he knew it would only make you push him away.

The bathroom door shut and Eddie's focus went back towards the crate.

All he wanted to do was grab the lid and shut the contents away. That was all. And he didn't mean to look, but he couldn't help but see.

A bag that looked like something a doctor or a traveling salesman would carry, a large silver crucifix, a dusty jar full of dried heads of garlic, and a stained handkerchief.

His gaze then turned to the object you had dropped on the floor: a worn, leather-bound book. A journal.

He scooped it up and it fell open to a page towards the end that had been bookmarked by a thin gold chain.

Eddie didn't understand a majority of text, handwritten in some sort of shorthand or language that looked unfamiliar. Manananggal was written larger than everything else, underlined, and the letters scribbled over many times to make them bolder.

On the facing page, there was a sketch of a woman, or at least...it looked like a woman. With wings and sharp teeth and claws. Her torso was separated from the lower half of her body and her entrails created some sort of web between them. A tongue slithered from her mouth and crossed the gutter and actually made up the underline.

Eddie briefly wondered if your father was the reason you knew so many folktales and monsters. He always thought it was the coolest thing about you...sometimes he wondered if you knew more than him. He had always attributed it to your religious upbringing...but...given the brief glimpse of the contents of the crate...he wondered if there was something a little more sinister.

He flipped through the pages for a moment, and while there were other, similarly laid out pages before the marked page, the ones after it were all blank.

As he flipped, the chain slid against the rough pages and rested against his fingers, and upon further inspection he found that the chain was actually a necklace with a little round medallion.

A hand holding a sword, encircled by words.

Gratia. Charitas. Solamen.

The door to the bathroom opened and Eddie immediately shut the journal with the necklace tucked inside, and set it atop the crate.

If you thought he had been snooping, you didn't mention it.

You simply gave him a sweet kiss, and pulled him out of the apartment so you could make it to Rick's for dinner

Eddie tried to push all of the questions he had away, he tried to offer you the silent comfort he knew you needed without making it too obvious. He did his best to pretend everything was alright, and that everything would be.

Then a week later, he woke up to you talking to yourself and pacing. And some thing was in his bedroom.