#and i know it's no ones fault but my own
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i like to think my mental health isn't that bad, and that my disorders haven't impacted me that hard, but then i'll have nights like this where i'll realize just how badly i've fucked myself and it really, really sucks lol.
these past 4 years, can i even call it living? though, i think the worst part is i know it's not gonna stop at 4. i know once this year ends, the next will be just as bad if not worse, and i will have to live through not just that year, but every year after it knowing the only person i can blame for my misery is myself.
#vent#if i had just tried would things have been different?#if i had accepted the help given if i hadn't let my fear control me if i hadn't just given in thinking it would work itself out#would i be happier?#it's all rhetorical. i know the answer is yes lmao#and i know it's no ones fault but my own#no one in my life understands just how bad it is and i don't know how to explain it to them; or if i even want to#because then i'd have to admit i need help. and i know i do. i know something's wrong and i know i can't get better without help#but the thought of actually saying that out loud of actually working through all the things that make me scared and uncomfortable and upset?#it makes me feel sick#this life is all i can really remember. everything before either upsets me and pushes me farther away from the 'real world' or i just don't#remember it anymore.#how could i cope with that? how could i leave this life and...go out..how could i go out and live a real life#when this is the only life i remember anymore?#this sounds pathetic i sound fucking insane lmfao whatever#i don't know if this makes sense#i'm so miserable#i just want to be normal again i want to have friends again i want to be able to go to the store and walk around my neighborhood and#and i don't know#i just want to live
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the thing is there's like, a point of oversaturation for everything, and it's why so many things get dropped after a few minutes. and we act like millennials or gen z kids "have short attention spans" but... that's not quite it. it's more like - we did like it. you just ruined it.
capitalism sees product A having moderate success, and then everything has to come out with their "own version" of product A (which is often exactly the same). and they dump extreme amounts of money and environmental waste into each horrible simulacrum they trot out each season.
now it's not just tiktokkers making videos; it's that instagram and even fucking tumblr both think you want live feeds and video-first programming. and it helps them, because videos are easier to sneak native ads into. the books coming out all have to have 78 buzzwords in them for SEO, or otherwise they don't get published. they are making a live-action remake of moana. i haven't googled it, but there's probably another marvel or starwars something coming out, no matter when you're reading this post.
and we are like "hi, this clone of project A completely misses the point of the original. it is soulless and colorless and miserable." and the company nods and says "yes totally. here is a different clone, but special." and we look at clone 2 and we say "nope, this one is still flat and bad, y'all" and they're like "no, totally, we hear you," and then they make another clone but this time it's, like, a joyless prequel. and by the time they've successfully rolled out "clone 89", the market is incredibly oversaturated, and the consumer is blamed because the company isn't turning a profit.
and like - take even something digital like the tumblr "live streaming" function i just mentioned. that has to take up server space and some amount of carbon footprint; just so this brokenass blue hellsite can roll out a feature that literally none of its userbase actually wants. the thing that's the kicker here: even something that doesn't have a physical production plant still impacts the environment.
and it all just feels like it's rolling out of control because like, you watch companies pour hundreds of thousands of dollars into a remake of a remake of something nobody wants anymore and you're like, not able to afford eggs anymore. and you tell the company that really what you want is a good story about survival and they say "okay so you mean a YA white protagonist has some kind of 'spicy' love triangle" and you're like - hey man i think you're misunderstanding the point of storytelling but they've already printed 76 versions of "city of blood and magic" and "queen of diamond rule" and spent literally millions of dollars on the movie "Candy Crush Killer: Coming to Eat You".
it's like being stuck in a room with a clown that keeps telling the same joke over and over but it's worse every time. and that would be fine but he keeps fucking charging you 6.99. and you keep being like "no, i know it made me laugh the first time, but that's because it was different and new" and the clown is just aggressively sitting there saying "well! plenty of people like my jokes! the reason you're bored of this is because maybe there's something wrong with you!"
#this was much longer i had to cut it down for legibility#but i do want to say i am aware this post doesnt touch on human rights violations as a result of fast fashion#that is because it deserves its own post with a completely different tone#i am an environmental educator#so that's what i know the most about. it wouldn't be appropriate of me to mention off-hand the real and legitimate suffering#that people are going through#without doing my research and providing real ways to help#this is a vent post about a thing i'm watching happen; not a call to action. it would be INCREDIBLY demeaning#to all those affected by the fast fashion industry to pretend that a post like this could speak to their suffering#unfortunately one of the horrible things about latestage capitalism as an activist is that SO many things are linked to this#and i WANT to talk about all of them but it would be a book in its own right. in fact there ARE books about each level of this#and i encourage you to seek them out and read them!!! i am not an expert on that i am just a person on tumblr doing my favorite activity#(complaining)#and it's like - this is the individual versus the industry problem again right because im blaming myself#for being an expert on environmental disaster (which is fucking important) but not knowing EVERYTHING about fast fashion#i'm blaming myself for not covering the many layers of this incredibly complicated problem im pointing out#rather than being like. yeah so actually the fault here lies with the billion dollar industries actually.#my failure to be able to condense an incredibly immense problem that is BOOK-LENGTH into a single text post that i post for free#is not in ANY fucking way the same amount of harm as. you know. the ACTUAL COMPANIES doing this ACTUAL THING for ACTUAL MONEY.#anyway im gonna go donate money while i'm thinking about it. maybe you can too. we can both just agree - well i fuckin tried didn't i#which is more than their CEOs can say
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I recall saying this before, but it bears repeating:
There could be a billion trans people in the world and it still wouldn't be a bad thing because being trans is not a bad thing. Even if the rate of people discovering they are trans is "disproportionate" to trends from decades ago, that is not a bad thing. In fact, it's a natural consequence for there being more trans people being able to stay alive, and, overall, being able to live in a slightly more tolerant world. You'd only see that as a bad thing if you actively didn't want trans people to either live or live a life that facilitates wellness.
#trans#transgender#lgbt#lgbtq#ftm#mtf#nonbinary#like even with there being more OPEN AND OUT trans people there are still more cis people by volume#even in my high school with three trans girls and three trans guys (including me) and a few NB people...#...there were still a THOUSAND cis kids going to school with us. imagine complaining when cis people are still 'dominant'#i don't know what my secondary school's population is because it's a big campus so you can deal with high school stats lol#like thank gd we are beginning to live in a world where the trans population CAN grow#i want there to be more trans people. because trans people will continue to be trans#we will continue being trans no matter what laws you put into place. no matter how dangerous you make the world for us...#...we will continue to be trans whether or not you approve. and that's fucking beautiful. i want us to live. i want us to eat well.#i want us to not worry about anything in this world. and that's going to happen one day. it will happen just like the sun rises each morning#if that is a threat to you then that is your own fault - your own self-destructive and sad thoughts about people and our world#and that is not my burden to carry - i have my own.
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thinking about frat boy James who tells Regulus he doesn't do "relationships" and Regulus agrees to just be casual and see other people which is completely fine... until there's a party they both attend with different dates and James sees Regulus with someone else for the first time and he loses his fucking mind
#watching that one episode of gilmore girls with this plot with logan and rory#and it is so!!!!#thinking about my jeg gilmore girls au once again#james would be so jealous though#he would hate it#even if he knows it's his own fault this is happening#and regulus would Know he had james wrapped around his finger he would know exactly what he was doing#listen i might be the sad james guy... but frat boy james.......#jegulus
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Characters that are absolute lovesick disasters but also brutal killers are... definitely something
#seo moonjo#seo inwoo#jang okju#oswald cobblepot#all brutal and violent and then there's their loved one and it's like 🥰omg hiiiii🥰#they're handling crushes in their own weird way#the type of characters that's in the middle of killing and has to interrupt because their spouse called#like 'hold up i'll finish strangling u in a minute but my spouse's calling'#that post about 'it's not my fault act of services is my love language and all i know how to do is kill'#kang yohan#xue yang#it's those hearteyes#strangers from hell#psychopath diary#ballerina 2023#gotham#devil judge#the untamed#theo raeken#teen wolf#meanwhile the other is the most clueless person alive#edit: i forgot wen ke xing#sorry king#wen kexing
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he is legally blind, your honor
#BRESSY THIS IS UR FAULT!!!! HE LOOKS SO GOOD WITH EYEGLASSES#no guys.. i totally didn't apply my own experience to baby simon haha.......... (my dad was so cheap.....)#AND NO I WAS NOT DEEPLY THINKING ABOUT TSUKISHIMA KEI WHILE DRAWING BABY SIMON- WDYM HE LOOKS LIKE TSUKISHIMA KEI-#soap's the only one who knows he wears eyeglasses cuz ghost still wears his contacts around gaz and price#i like to imagine that the shades he wears on missions are also graded so he doesn't have to wear contacts. esp if he's on long deployments#me thinks he also prefers wearing eyeglasses over contacts cuz he has a hard time putting them on and hates when his eyes dry out#my art#2024#call of duty#call of duty: modern warfare#call of duty: modern warfare ii#call of duty: modern warfare iii#cod#codmw#codmwii#codmwiii#modern warfare#mw2#mw3#simon riley#simon ghost riley#ghost#ghost cod#art#fanart#digital art#digital drawing#sketch#doodle#video games
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#sars cov 2#covid 19#i've interacted with 4 different friends/acquaintances in the past month alone who have all been hospitalised after having a stroke#(and in one case multiple strokes)#one who i visited in hospital over the weekend had a (unmasked) nurse coughing up a lung in her room 👍#and one of them who had to undergo surgery also had to be moved to a different hospital#bc the ward they were keeping him in was full of confirmed covid patients 👍👍#idk how many times it needs to be said before it gets through people's heads but VACCINES ARE NOT ENOUGH#and encouraging ppl to rely solely on them when there are already plans to jack up the prices so you have to KEEP PAYING for boosters#for an ONGOING mass-disabling event is so laughably unrealistic and absurd and flat-out demonic#you need to mitigate the actual spread of covid by WEARING A MASK + fighting for CLEAN AIR/proper ventilation in public spaces!!!!!!#ppl are so eager to forget the whole 'break the chain of transmission' thing and how effective masking is and so this is where we're at#'i got infected and infected other ppl who might die or become permanently disabled but it's no big deal bc no one else wears a mask#so if /i/ didn't infect them someone else would have anyway so it's not my fault and really its got nothing to do with me and my choices'#if everyone is responsible then no one is responsible - that's how it works right?#it's no wonder some ppl go rabid at even the sight of someone wearing a mask and minding their own business#ppl seeking treatment for unrelated conditions/illnesses and then dying from covid caught in hospitals#due to lack of npis/basic mitigation measures - no regulations no accountability#we truly live in a hell (''new normal'') of our own making#anyway none of this is new news at all i mostly thought it might be good to share the info graphic abt signs of stroke#covid has been given free reign and chances are increasing as to how likely you'll encounter it happening to someone you know at some point#also heart attacks and pots and alzheimer's etc etc etc
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crawling out of the shadows with this as an offering
#sad•leonart#rottmnt#rise of the tmnt#rottmnt leo#rise leo#rottmnt leonardo#rise leonardo#and for anyone that cares and reads tags#sorry#still depressed and burnt out and i wish i wouldnt be#wish the little hype this fic got actually got to me but i just look at all my writer friends who have their own fics and their own hype#and their own groups that im not a part of and get sad#thats my own fault tho#this account is dying and actually has probalby been dead since tsob ended#dont know if ill post anything new on it#just updates to this and even then i have about one more chapters worth of words in the document and dont have the energy to try anymore#im going back to my lonely little corner to burn out some more until i either delete everything or can stay logged out#but im nosy#so#one of those options is a lot more likely than the other#k!leo au#i think thats the tag#not that it fucking matters
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yuusha didn’t have anything else to wear so💥
#girl stop looking at me like that#the way i draw yuusha’s braid so inconsistently#anyways uhhhhh#unintentional sequel to my jamil art this morning???#or honestly this can be considered a totally separate incident#make up your own conclusions i guess because i dont know myself 😔#i just wanted to draw her in jamil’s sweater 😔💪#[—✦-#-✧ my art#twst art#twisted wonderland#twst#twst yuu#twst yuusona#(💜) yuusha#-✦—]#also-#it’s daylight savings here#which means our clock went back one hour#im eepy but cant eep#but also it may be because i steeped my tea for longer than i shouldve#my heart is. palpitating#(and the coffee this morning prob also contributed uhhhhh)#this is all jade’s fault#i’m FINE yall can ignore this fjdndjsj#lil lore update by me
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hey the computer program created from my likeness saw you from across the bar and we really hate your vibe. we're gonna run an exposé on you to put an end to your unethical business practices
#the goods#max headroom#edison carter#matt frewer#20 minutes into the future#tmitf#if you saw me post and then immediately delete this no you didnt#come on maxheadroomheads if youre gonna be anywhere i know youre gonna be on here......#been feeling craaazy about this show/movie/guy lately like i submitted my last uni assignment and there was immediately a gap in my focus#that let me get obsessed with the first thing i saw. which was him apparently I GENUINELY DONT EVEN KNOW HOW I FOUND HIM he just appeared#one day. and i imprinted on him like a duckling. anyway im only halfway through season 2 please dont spoil anything smiles nicely#< 40 year old show. my own fault if i do get anything spoiled honestly. anyway. i wanna draw more stuff for itttt i wanna use more purples#its the purplest show in the world
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Rhowan with her spear. Time to add another weapon to the pile of weapons she can use.
#gw2#guild wars 2#gw2 norn#gw2 screenshots#rhowan#can you believe i dont like that no one knows who she is#and im really offended no one knows her anymore#even tho thats completely my own fault#im still mad about it#here's a set of new screenshots of her#mark my words youll be seeing this lesbian more
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when I saw spoilers for tmagp 8 they were all along the lines of "Gerry and Gertrude are happy, and also there's some sUbTLe hIntS that all is not as it seems 🤔"
"not as it seems" my ASS it took about 15 seconds for me to decide gerry'd been lobotomized in this universe. it's like 5am and these people presumably showed up at your door with no explanation, and you asked NO questions before inviting them in!? wdym you "barely remember" what happened to you at the institute? how young could he even have been if the institute incident happened about 20 years ago, old enough to remember way more than that surely? the glitch/scratch when gertrude said she didn't think he could help them? is that indicative of someone using entity related powers like it was in tma or does it just mean she's lying? this is so funny to me it wasn't even subtle at all everyone just decided it was more fun to live in denial ig. I mean yeah, for sure. damn.
#IMMEDIATE ZOMBIE VIBES. WTFFF IS WRONG WITH HIM?!?!#gertrude's basically normal tbh creepy and cryptic is what we love about her#i saw so many protocol spoilers before even finishing tma lol (my own fault)#every episode is “why am i gasping? i already knew that?”#also georgie cameo!!#which i think i also saw stuff about but i didn't know she was celia's cult leader at the time so#the context def changes the vibe lol /pos#again this is all very /lh i just think it's so funny i was really not expecting to be punched in the face with creepy on this one#the magnus archives#tma#the magnus protocol#tmagp spoilers#tmagp#tmagp 8#the magnus protocol spoilers#the magnus archives spoilers#tma spoilers#I'm getting so close to caught up-#tmagp first listen liveblog#tmagp liveblog
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hello dougblr. today i offer you.... this
(The WoW Hardcore Journey Begins)
#if there's one thing you need to know about me. it's i watch things without the intend to make gifs. but then i do it anyways#(it's not my fault dougblr is this fun smh)#dougdoug#own#my gif#doug gifs
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anonymous blogs are such a fun thing we have on kotlc tumblr, but I feel we as a community have been doing it wrong, so here’s some dos and donts for sending an anonymous ask!
do:
“my conspiracy is that Kenric is actually Gethen and has been a bad guy this whole time”
don’t:
“I know Kenric is only in kotlc for plot purposes but he’s actually so evil and is such a bad character”
do:
“y’all fintan and gisela are actually made for each other PLEASE <3”
don’t:
“bronte x fintan is such a awful ship like they’re literally enemies!!”
do:
“I think umbtrix is such a cute ship name for umber and trix like their names fit together so well!”
don’t:
“I am so tired of people calling umber x trix ‘shadowwind” it doesn’t make sense and it sounds like a crappy warrior cats oc sorry not sorry”
do:
post positive opinions or theories, they of course can and probably will conflict with other peoples opinions but
dont:
make negative posts or shut down other people’s opinions and ships, or just be hateful to characters, because that’s just not fun
#kotlc#keeper of the lost cities#not sure if I have to specify but none of the opinions above necessarily reflect my own#I kinda just made up random examples that don’t hold much significance as for drama#I just think we can be a tad more positive on here that’s all💛#it’s no one’s fault#especially not the confession blogs#I think people just don’t know exactly how to articulate their opinions in a positive way#also sorry to any warrior cat ocs named shadowwind😂
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just because your peers are reaching “life milestones” before you doesn’t mean you’re falling behind in life. You’re not behind in life. You’re not you’re not you’re not you’re not and maybe someday you’ll believe it
#one of those nights folks!#I know when and if a person reaches so called life milestones is arbitrary!!! But why am I so behind???#it’s just. more people I grew up with are getting married and having kids#I don’t even think I want kids!!#it’s just that it goes along with them having the relationships and stability to do so!!#and I’m envious of that!#and it’s pathetic that I still blame all the bullying I went through for my lack of relationships when I know it’s really my own fault#for not bettering myself and going out and meeting people and instead waiting for a future where I’m no longer disgusted with my body#ack sorry if you opened the tags only to be slapped in the face with vent#it be like this sometimes
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cregan’s issue is the same as corlys which is ya kno never seeing his girl heir as an heir period. so just like corlys brings marilda’s boys to rhaenyra to legitimize instead of pushing for baela or rhaena to inherit, cregan decides to remarry for a THIRD time even though he has a granddaughter and SEVERAL daughters who could inherit. they’re perfectly happy to bow to a woman when it’s convenient, when it fits into their own honor codes and benefits them, but when it comes to their own families, their own legacy, only a man is good enough. when it comes to the it it’s like - aegon the younger has BEEN heir, and was already named the next king by the time cregan gets there, BY corlys, who goes along with the green style inheritance of saying aegon iii is aegon ii’s successor through daemon’s line, likely imo bc he just wants the war to stop and thinks getting rhaenyra’s last son on the throne is good enough (bc he doesn’t get it!! it’s why he pushes rhaenyra to name men over women with better claims during the dance; he’s not about disrupting the system, he only supports rhaenyra bc it benefits him!).
baela isn’t being denied the crown because not a single person including baela herself thinks she’s a viable contender and that’s the result of aegon ii being the last monarch & adult targaryen alive in the capital, and not anything cregan or to some extent, corlys, does; jaehaerys’ ideology is what the greens are fighting for and jaehaerys’ ideology is what wins and the person to blame for both jaehaera & baela not being viable contenders for the throne is aegon ii himself. but jeyne arryn is right there!! too bad it doesn’t matter, bc in a situation where cregan and corlys actually do have the power to go “i have the ability to just support my girl heir” they choose a boy. it’s just like cat says it’s just like borros lord misogynist himself says - a daughter is nice but ahhh a son. a son is more important!
#interesting how this has nothing to do with the iron throne tho huh. it’s almost as if they don’t have control over that one.#getting on my soap box#like these men are ALSO suffering under patriarchal delusions but people love to blame rhaenyra for their faults#or assign the greens faults to cregan 💀 buddy that’s YOUR side that made it worse!!!!! cregan & corlys role up to a shitshow & are mostly#trying to stop the fighting. their power is over THEIR OWN HOUSE.#and boy do they use it to screw over baela rhaena sansa and serena!!!!#okay i think i’m done ranting i am on my period and the level of discourse i keep seeing is making me go insane#i know a lot of people are incapable of being normal about women fucjing outside of marriage but the way it just destroys dance discourse.#insane. annoying.
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