#and i know it's no ones fault but my own
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i like to think my mental health isn't that bad, and that my disorders haven't impacted me that hard, but then i'll have nights like this where i'll realize just how badly i've fucked myself and it really, really sucks lol.
these past 4 years, can i even call it living? though, i think the worst part is i know it's not gonna stop at 4. i know once this year ends, the next will be just as bad if not worse, and i will have to live through not just that year, but every year after it knowing the only person i can blame for my misery is myself.
#vent#if i had just tried would things have been different?#if i had accepted the help given if i hadn't let my fear control me if i hadn't just given in thinking it would work itself out#would i be happier?#it's all rhetorical. i know the answer is yes lmao#and i know it's no ones fault but my own#no one in my life understands just how bad it is and i don't know how to explain it to them; or if i even want to#because then i'd have to admit i need help. and i know i do. i know something's wrong and i know i can't get better without help#but the thought of actually saying that out loud of actually working through all the things that make me scared and uncomfortable and upset?#it makes me feel sick#this life is all i can really remember. everything before either upsets me and pushes me farther away from the 'real world' or i just don't#remember it anymore.#how could i cope with that? how could i leave this life and...go out..how could i go out and live a real life#when this is the only life i remember anymore?#this sounds pathetic i sound fucking insane lmfao whatever#i don't know if this makes sense#i'm so miserable#i just want to be normal again i want to have friends again i want to be able to go to the store and walk around my neighborhood and#and i don't know#i just want to live
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I recall saying this before, but it bears repeating:
There could be a billion trans people in the world and it still wouldn't be a bad thing because being trans is not a bad thing. Even if the rate of people discovering they are trans is "disproportionate" to trends from decades ago, that is not a bad thing. In fact, it's a natural consequence for there being more trans people being able to stay alive, and, overall, being able to live in a slightly more tolerant world. You'd only see that as a bad thing if you actively didn't want trans people to either live or live a life that facilitates wellness.
#trans#transgender#lgbt#lgbtq#ftm#mtf#nonbinary#like even with there being more OPEN AND OUT trans people there are still more cis people by volume#even in my high school with three trans girls and three trans guys (including me) and a few NB people...#...there were still a THOUSAND cis kids going to school with us. imagine complaining when cis people are still 'dominant'#i don't know what my secondary school's population is because it's a big campus so you can deal with high school stats lol#like thank gd we are beginning to live in a world where the trans population CAN grow#i want there to be more trans people. because trans people will continue to be trans#we will continue being trans no matter what laws you put into place. no matter how dangerous you make the world for us...#...we will continue to be trans whether or not you approve. and that's fucking beautiful. i want us to live. i want us to eat well.#i want us to not worry about anything in this world. and that's going to happen one day. it will happen just like the sun rises each morning#if that is a threat to you then that is your own fault - your own self-destructive and sad thoughts about people and our world#and that is not my burden to carry - i have my own.
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thinking about frat boy James who tells Regulus he doesn't do "relationships" and Regulus agrees to just be casual and see other people which is completely fine... until there's a party they both attend with different dates and James sees Regulus with someone else for the first time and he loses his fucking mind
#watching that one episode of gilmore girls with this plot with logan and rory#and it is so!!!!#thinking about my jeg gilmore girls au once again#james would be so jealous though#he would hate it#even if he knows it's his own fault this is happening#and regulus would Know he had james wrapped around his finger he would know exactly what he was doing#listen i might be the sad james guy... but frat boy james.......#jegulus
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Characters that are absolute lovesick disasters but also brutal killers are... definitely something
#seo moonjo#seo inwoo#jang okju#oswald cobblepot#all brutal and violent and then there's their loved one and it's like 🥰omg hiiiii🥰#they're handling crushes in their own weird way#the type of characters that's in the middle of killing and has to interrupt because their spouse called#like 'hold up i'll finish strangling u in a minute but my spouse's calling'#that post about 'it's not my fault act of services is my love language and all i know how to do is kill'#kang yohan#xue yang#it's those hearteyes#strangers from hell#psychopath diary#ballerina 2023#gotham#devil judge#the untamed#theo raeken#teen wolf#meanwhile the other is the most clueless person alive#edit: i forgot wen ke xing#sorry king#wen kexing
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he is legally blind, your honor
#BRESSY THIS IS UR FAULT!!!! HE LOOKS SO GOOD WITH EYEGLASSES#no guys.. i totally didn't apply my own experience to baby simon haha.......... (my dad was so cheap.....)#AND NO I WAS NOT DEEPLY THINKING ABOUT TSUKISHIMA KEI WHILE DRAWING BABY SIMON- WDYM HE LOOKS LIKE TSUKISHIMA KEI-#soap's the only one who knows he wears eyeglasses cuz ghost still wears his contacts around gaz and price#i like to imagine that the shades he wears on missions are also graded so he doesn't have to wear contacts. esp if he's on long deployments#me thinks he also prefers wearing eyeglasses over contacts cuz he has a hard time putting them on and hates when his eyes dry out#my art#2024#call of duty#call of duty: modern warfare#call of duty: modern warfare ii#call of duty: modern warfare iii#cod#codmw#codmwii#codmwiii#modern warfare#mw2#mw3#simon riley#simon ghost riley#ghost#ghost cod#art#fanart#digital art#digital drawing#sketch#doodle#video games
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Love the idea that Sonic doesn’t know how tie his shoelaces because he’s always wearing shoes without em and he just never learned how
#Amy : Sonic do you not know ho to tie your own shoelaces??#Sonic : I- it’s- it’s not my fault! The ones with laces always trip me up and I hate wearing them!#Knuckles : Yeah ‘cause you’re supposed to tie them up- dumbass#Sonic : Hey- Big talk coming from the guy with LEGO BRICKS fused to his Timbs#my post#sput chatters#sonic the hedgehog#sonic#sth#sth fandom
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Because they are on my mind, please accept one of my favorite Wangxian moments of all time.
Chapter 87
In my opinion, this is one of the most important Wangxian scenes in the whole novel. It is very special to me. It made me tear up when I was doing my read through.
Time and time again, Wei Wuxian has fallen, he's gotten hurt, people have failed him. The people who were supposed to be there for him have either left, he's lost them tragically, or they've betrayed him at some point in his life. His life has been one of loneliness and loss.
He has never had someone who he could rely on so heavily. He has never had a solid safety net before, someone on equal footing to him that he could fall back on and rely on. If anything he has spent his entire life being a safety net for other people. He has spent his whole life being strong for others.
Now, however, Lan Wangji is that safety net for him.
For the first time in his life, he has someone to truly catch him when he falls. He can let himself fall and still be safe. That "thank you" isn't just about Lan Wangji catching him after he fell from the tree, its about everything.
#mdzs#mo dao zu shi#wangxian#wei wuxian#lan wangji#do not get me wrong#we never engage in wen ning erasure in this house (he's my fav character)#in his own way he is a safety net as well#someone that wei wuxian can rely on when he needs to and who will protect him#i think where the difference is that while he CAN rely on wen ning they are walking separate paths#wen ning is not always going to be there by his side to catch him like lan wangji will be#wei wuxian can also let go completely when he's with lan wangji#he can be vulnerable with him whereas with wen ning he still feels like he must be strong#and really thats what wangxian is defined by in my opinion#love devotion and vulnerability#that is not to say that one relationship is BETTER than the other#lan wangji is simply the thing that wei wuxian needed the most#am i making sense? i hope i'm making sense#idk man i'm just yapping at this point#ALSO JIANG YANLI!!!!!#she WANTED to be a safety net for wuxian she wanted to be someone he could depend on#and he did feel safe with her he deeply loved her#but the world they lived in wouldn't LET her be that for him#through no fault of her own she didn't have the POWER to be that for him#that does not discount what she did do for him though#she fought for him where she could#and i love her for that#i can't stand some of the jiang yanli slander i see#i dont know how i ended up rambling so much in the tags#lots of opinions
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hey the computer program created from my likeness saw you from across the bar and we really hate your vibe. we're gonna run an exposé on you to put an end to your unethical business practices
#the goods#max headroom#edison carter#matt frewer#20 minutes into the future#tmitf#if you saw me post and then immediately delete this no you didnt#come on maxheadroomheads if youre gonna be anywhere i know youre gonna be on here......#been feeling craaazy about this show/movie/guy lately like i submitted my last uni assignment and there was immediately a gap in my focus#that let me get obsessed with the first thing i saw. which was him apparently I GENUINELY DONT EVEN KNOW HOW I FOUND HIM he just appeared#one day. and i imprinted on him like a duckling. anyway im only halfway through season 2 please dont spoil anything smiles nicely#< 40 year old show. my own fault if i do get anything spoiled honestly. anyway. i wanna draw more stuff for itttt i wanna use more purples#its the purplest show in the world
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so ive started fishing seriously for the very first time in wizard101 and i gotta say. it sucks
#fishing in wizard101 raises my blood pressure#having fish in areas where the wizard cant reach/fishing from a slightly raised platform. no reason for this at all#one time a fish nibbled the fishing lure like 7 times so i just sat there waiting for like 2 straight minutes#there is no way to know where the bob will land because they don't have a visual que of where its pointed#i've had to reposition my cast so many times because im hitting everywhere BUT in front of the fish#also the fish need to have a bigger radius. those mfers be BLIND they will swim right past it when its inches from.them#this is my own fault for fishing instead of doing the social questing for the spell weaving missions actually#wizard101#wiz101#text posts
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hello dougblr. today i offer you.... this
(The WoW Hardcore Journey Begins)
#if there's one thing you need to know about me. it's i watch things without the intend to make gifs. but then i do it anyways#(it's not my fault dougblr is this fun smh)#dougdoug#own#my gif#doug gifs
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yuusha didn’t have anything else to wear so💥
#girl stop looking at me like that#the way i draw yuusha’s braid so inconsistently#anyways uhhhhh#unintentional sequel to my jamil art this morning???#or honestly this can be considered a totally separate incident#make up your own conclusions i guess because i dont know myself 😔#i just wanted to draw her in jamil’s sweater 😔💪#[—✦-#-✧ my art#twst art#twisted wonderland#twst#twst yuu#twst yuusona#(💜) yuusha#-✦—]#also-#it’s daylight savings here#which means our clock went back one hour#im eepy but cant eep#but also it may be because i steeped my tea for longer than i shouldve#my heart is. palpitating#(and the coffee this morning prob also contributed uhhhhh)#this is all jade’s fault#i’m FINE yall can ignore this fjdndjsj#lil lore update by me
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when I saw spoilers for tmagp 8 they were all along the lines of "Gerry and Gertrude are happy, and also there's some sUbTLe hIntS that all is not as it seems 🤔"
"not as it seems" my ASS it took about 15 seconds for me to decide gerry'd been lobotomized in this universe. it's like 5am and these people presumably showed up at your door with no explanation, and you asked NO questions before inviting them in!? wdym you "barely remember" what happened to you at the institute? how young could he even have been if the institute incident happened about 20 years ago, old enough to remember way more than that surely? the glitch/scratch when gertrude said she didn't think he could help them? is that indicative of someone using entity related powers like it was in tma or does it just mean she's lying? this is so funny to me it wasn't even subtle at all everyone just decided it was more fun to live in denial ig. I mean yeah, for sure. damn.
#IMMEDIATE ZOMBIE VIBES. WTFFF IS WRONG WITH HIM?!?!#gertrude's basically normal tbh creepy and cryptic is what we love about her#i saw so many protocol spoilers before even finishing tma lol (my own fault)#every episode is “why am i gasping? i already knew that?”#also georgie cameo!!#which i think i also saw stuff about but i didn't know she was celia's cult leader at the time so#the context def changes the vibe lol /pos#again this is all very /lh i just think it's so funny i was really not expecting to be punched in the face with creepy on this one#the magnus archives#tma#the magnus protocol#tmagp spoilers#tmagp#tmagp 8#the magnus protocol spoilers#the magnus archives spoilers#tma spoilers#I'm getting so close to caught up-#tmagp first listen liveblog#tmagp liveblog
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Hello Tumblr!!! I love being on Tumblr!! Thank you, people from Tumblr, for being so nice!! :D
(I'm way too sensitive for Instagram, what if I delete my account there and never post again?)
#it's one of those “don't mind me” type of days#i just got my period after almost 3 months without it#so my feelings are all out of place#worry you not i won't delete any of my accounts#but man sometimes i do feeling like giving up#no matter what i do#people will always take my words and have the worst interpretation of them#then block/ignore me once i try to defend myself#once again#i know some of it is my own fault#i'm too sensitive and i should learn how to ignore it better#but ughhh it's so hard#it's happening so often that i'm starting to think i'm the problem#maybe i'm wrong#who knows#//vent
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anonymous blogs are such a fun thing we have on kotlc tumblr, but I feel we as a community have been doing it wrong, so here’s some dos and donts for sending an anonymous ask!
do:
“my conspiracy is that Kenric is actually Gethen and has been a bad guy this whole time”
don’t:
“I know Kenric is only in kotlc for plot purposes but he’s actually so evil and is such a bad character”
do:
“y’all fintan and gisela are actually made for each other PLEASE <3”
don’t:
“bronte x fintan is such a awful ship like they’re literally enemies!!”
do:
“I think umbtrix is such a cute ship name for umber and trix like their names fit together so well!”
don’t:
“I am so tired of people calling umber x trix ‘shadowwind” it doesn’t make sense and it sounds like a crappy warrior cats oc sorry not sorry”
do:
post positive opinions or theories, they of course can and probably will conflict with other peoples opinions but
dont:
make negative posts or shut down other people’s opinions and ships, or just be hateful to characters, because that’s just not fun
#kotlc#keeper of the lost cities#not sure if I have to specify but none of the opinions above necessarily reflect my own#I kinda just made up random examples that don’t hold much significance as for drama#I just think we can be a tad more positive on here that’s all💛#it’s no one’s fault#especially not the confession blogs#I think people just don’t know exactly how to articulate their opinions in a positive way#also sorry to any warrior cat ocs named shadowwind😂
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just because your peers are reaching “life milestones” before you doesn’t mean you’re falling behind in life. You’re not behind in life. You’re not you’re not you’re not you’re not and maybe someday you’ll believe it

#one of those nights folks!#I know when and if a person reaches so called life milestones is arbitrary!!! But why am I so behind???#it’s just. more people I grew up with are getting married and having kids#I don’t even think I want kids!!#it’s just that it goes along with them having the relationships and stability to do so!!#and I’m envious of that!#and it’s pathetic that I still blame all the bullying I went through for my lack of relationships when I know it’s really my own fault#for not bettering myself and going out and meeting people and instead waiting for a future where I’m no longer disgusted with my body#ack sorry if you opened the tags only to be slapped in the face with vent#it be like this sometimes
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cregan’s issue is the same as corlys which is ya kno never seeing his girl heir as an heir period. so just like corlys brings marilda’s boys to rhaenyra to legitimize instead of pushing for baela or rhaena to inherit, cregan decides to remarry for a THIRD time even though he has a granddaughter and SEVERAL daughters who could inherit. they’re perfectly happy to bow to a woman when it’s convenient, when it fits into their own honor codes and benefits them, but when it comes to their own families, their own legacy, only a man is good enough. when it comes to the it it’s like - aegon the younger has BEEN heir, and was already named the next king by the time cregan gets there, BY corlys, who goes along with the green style inheritance of saying aegon iii is aegon ii’s successor through daemon’s line, likely imo bc he just wants the war to stop and thinks getting rhaenyra’s last son on the throne is good enough (bc he doesn’t get it!! it’s why he pushes rhaenyra to name men over women with better claims during the dance; he’s not about disrupting the system, he only supports rhaenyra bc it benefits him!).
baela isn’t being denied the crown because not a single person including baela herself thinks she’s a viable contender and that’s the result of aegon ii being the last monarch & adult targaryen alive in the capital, and not anything cregan or to some extent, corlys, does; jaehaerys’ ideology is what the greens are fighting for and jaehaerys’ ideology is what wins and the person to blame for both jaehaera & baela not being viable contenders for the throne is aegon ii himself. but jeyne arryn is right there!! too bad it doesn’t matter, bc in a situation where cregan and corlys actually do have the power to go “i have the ability to just support my girl heir” they choose a boy. it’s just like cat says it’s just like borros lord misogynist himself says - a daughter is nice but ahhh a son. a son is more important!
#interesting how this has nothing to do with the iron throne tho huh. it’s almost as if they don’t have control over that one.#getting on my soap box#like these men are ALSO suffering under patriarchal delusions but people love to blame rhaenyra for their faults#or assign the greens faults to cregan 💀 buddy that’s YOUR side that made it worse!!!!! cregan & corlys role up to a shitshow & are mostly#trying to stop the fighting. their power is over THEIR OWN HOUSE.#and boy do they use it to screw over baela rhaena sansa and serena!!!!#okay i think i’m done ranting i am on my period and the level of discourse i keep seeing is making me go insane#i know a lot of people are incapable of being normal about women fucjing outside of marriage but the way it just destroys dance discourse.#insane. annoying.
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