#and i just understood what the other alter was all abt

[elytrafemme]

(kinda gets 18+ in tags srry. i never know how/where to talk abt it) and honestly it's never like i can pull up and talk about like, emotional abuse either. or like atmospheric triggers and shit. because talking about any of that is hard. but it's specifically fucking impossible to ever talk about sexual trauma to anybody ever, which is fucked because like... i'm trying and i'm doing good at it, i'm proud of myself, but it's so like. idk. when something dominates your entire life for an incredible critical five years of your life and entirely transforms how you approach anything it's like... i don't actually know how to express any of this at all. and i guess it's sometimes hard for people to get it. i dunno.

[anachronistic-falsehood]

hi king how was the worm did you enjoy the worm how many Normal Feelings did that fucking d&d ending give you because they fucking. DEMOLISH me every time I think about it

I ENJOYED THE WORM I ENJOYED THE WORM SO FUCKING MUCH. GODDDD. SHAPE IM GOING TO THROW UP AND DIE BADLY. god. okay. alright. locking the fuck in im going to just rant about literally everything holy shit

ok so first of all taylor. TAYLOR. holy shit dude. girl who makes good decisions!!!!! sooo many good decisions!!! amy you have to alter my brain you have to do it to defeat scion you have to do it!!! im going to explode!!! taylor hebert thinking about how things could potentially help in the long term but never ever thinking about how her decisions effect people in the short term!!!! not thinking about how rachel and lisa and anyone else would feel seeing her ruin herself in a crazy attempt to get more powerful to defeat scion!!!!! GOD!!! and after the fact when she was talking with contessa, she admitted she would have done it differently. she REGRETTED IT. she has never ever admitted that she regretted any of her plans BUT SHE REGRETTED THIS ONE. SHE WOULD HAVE DONE IT DIFFERENTLY. HEAD IN FUCKING HANDS. TAYLOR HEBERT ADMITS SHE DID SOMETHING STUPID!!!!

and she's in another world with her dad now. hang on i sent messages 2 the hornfreaker discord that perfectly encapsulate my feelings about her i'll just put them here if i think about her for too long i feel like eating my carpet

ALSO DEFIANT. OKAY. DEFIANT. drives me fucking crazy that taylor was controlling all of the tinkers and having them make a huge fucking machine and the first time she had them use it she "gave defiant the honour of flicking the switch" <<EXACT PHRASING. like she KNEW that was something he'd want to do so she made him do it!!!!!! and i talked abt this in the discord too but i dont wanna scroll back that far to find my messages but when the tinkers left her influence they kept fucking building it!!!! and i just know defiant was the one to convince the others to keep working on it once she wasn't controlling them!!! i just fucking know it!!!! he would have been pissed about being controlled but he and taylor are So Fucking Similar he would have UNDERSTOOD what she was doing and pushed to make her plan happen. AND WHEN THE DEVICE WAS READY. HE WAS THE ONE AT THE SWITCH AGAIN. BUT WILLINGLY THIS TIME. THAT DRIVES ME FUCKING CRAZY. the story started because of taylor and colin and it fucking ended because of taylor and colin. it started with them at odds and ended because of them working together. AUGHHHHH

AND D&D OUAGHHGHHHHH THEYRE SO FUCKING. IMPORTANT TO ME. SHE'S FREE NOW. SHE'S FUCKING FREE. NO TEACHER IN HER CODE NO ONE FUCKING AROUND WITH HER MIND ANYMORE. NO ONE CHANGING HER AGAINST HER WILL. SHE'S FREE AND DEFIANT FREED HER. BUT ALSO SHE FREED HERSELF BECAUSE SHE MERGED WITH PANDORA WHICH WAS LITERALLY AN EARLIER VERSION OF HERSELF. IM GONNA EAT LEAD. THEY DID IT. SHE'S FUCKING FREE. SHE CAN DO WHATEVER SHE WANTS NOW. dude if you had told me back when i was reading the aftermath of the leviathan fight that colin arm master wallis would be one of my favourite characters ever i would have spit on you and cursed your name and thrown you out a window or something. god. he and dragon are so everything to me. im gonna throw up and die. he's no longer zeus he's content being a hephaestus....... "my worst days with you are better than my best days alone" "you saved me" "i never thought i would be a cape wife" im going to eat my carpet

[kopathefox]

I wanna know more abt team dimension in ur pkmn xenoverse au if you can :0]

Oh, good question, I haven’t really thought about it in my entire life, but why not sharing my current team dimension of the Arsism AU, so basically the team is kinda like my mother’s workers, Versil is an annoying AF boss (like my mother), Victor hates him (like me except i only hate her personality not her herself), Dahlia is like my mother’s old secretary (if thats the word for the one who sits in the office & does the job of the boss), she can’t stands dealing with problems (like Sorrel, damn, she hates him soooo much mainly due to the fact he always stopped team dimension & is unbeatable), but unlike my mom’s old secretary, she didn’t quit because she wanted money (in my AU Versil was cheapstake on other people like my mamma so he paid them a low price of 100 poké for a month, lol) and was too unsuccessful to get a proper job, A & B & every robot of the team were loyal to him mainly cuz they are just that way lol, Trey hates fucking everyone in the team & always dreams of killing Versil extremely brutally like in horror movies (yes, Trey’s mind is dark, just like Sorrel) i haven’t even finished the game so I can’t tell the exact info but i know the story pretty well, now to lore stuff:

(Warning, i ended up telling just things about the characters themselves, mainly Versil, instead of facts about the team)

When Versil ran away to commit crimes (cuz the concept of him opening a portal to the xenoverse & making his team members harm pokemon & people was kinda a crime) a certain grunt was like “didn’t you had a wife and a son?” And then Versil shoot him with an RPG & said “we don’t mention emotional stuff” (it happened before mainstory events)

Trey once tried stabbing Versil but he failed miserably & just waited for it to end

The first to find Versil in the spaceship was Sorrel (second was Aster & third were Trey & Alice) & Versil did do all this “manipulative & dark talk” (basically him admitting all his crimes while sweet talking to Sorrel to make him submit) but what was different from the original game (canon) was that in order to get him to open a xenoverse portal & hand him Chrissy (Trishout) was literally torture him to get him to do so (yeah, Versil during the xenoverse incident was a horrible person) & even be a lil bit violent with him, luckily Aster came to save Sorrel

Remember Versil’s X Mewtwo? So i made a place for X Mewtwo in the AU as well, in the AU Versil abused Bingus (x Mewtwo) & treated him horribly, so the moment where Bingus is ordered to block the way to the portal, Aster prepares to fight but Sorrel’s like “dude! Why resorting to violence?!” & spoke with Bingus (btw, Sorrel nicknamed him Bingus, and about speaking part, Sorrel & every furry understands the pokemon language) & even noticed some scars on him, probably from Versil or something and then Sorrel convinced Bingus to join them in the fight against Versil & Dragalisk & so he does cuz duh, Sorrel beated Versil easily in his Alter form (his Alter form is just straight up violent & talks in french) so why wouldn’t he

Victor in my AU hates Trey but not as much as he hates the rest cuz he was his crush’s (whatever Trey’s mamma name is) son, but he literally hates the entire existence cuz he is an antipathy

Dahlia eventually starts hating Victor after the events in the old bunker of team dimension cuz she understood he was just an unstable bitch

Trey got revived mysteriously, nobody knows why, but the reason for it was the crown Sorrel wears in the “completely giving up” animation (where it’s basically summing up Sorrel’s entire adventure & his trauma in short) which is a gift from the 2 gods of the justified dimension (Cypress & Atlas), because Trey’s death was considered “unjustified” & they wanted to make up for Sorrel’s trauma cuz he saved the entire planet so they created it to revive Trey

We all see that Versil has an Entei in the canon, right? But nobody tells us why, so in my AU back then when Chrissy & Versil were edgy teenagers (Chrissy was edgy cuz he was a simp for Versil/Silver & wanted to be like him but he took it to a whole other level) Silver wanted to catch a legendary so he can beat Chrissy but the 3 legendary beasts were too much for him to handle & then Chrissy caught Entei for him in brutal-style (brutal-style is an ancient fighting style of the furries that their ancestor made which is basically fighting without using pokemon & brutally like wild animals) & Silver was staring with an horrified & pitiful look, pitying the poor Entei that got beated up by the crazy, wingless dragon & being horrified at that sight, but then it faded when he finally got a legendary, Aster’s Suicune is a whole other story, completely unrelated to Versil & Chrissy’s edgy & insane childhood story

Im not sure if i told it already but Versil & Chrissy were once married before Clover & Chrissy is the actual second parent of Sorrel, but nobody knows that besides of the Jothoian people, and they will never tell that cuz Clover & Versil dont want to have to deal with having to explain the truth to everyone

In the xenoverse incident Versil was a whole different person than he ever was, he did had changed, but nothing can fix the fact that his son is already traumatised from all that, and he fucking regrets that

Yeah, thats it, sorry for making it unnecessarily long

[sternevogn]

ok hear me out rq. what i'm abt to say may be a tad odd .

but knight enjoyers. hear me out .

i like to think that the knight has a hobby of collecting teeth. no i don't mean human teeth. most of what's on the helmet was already there.

but i like to think he has a taxonomy hobby and branching from that he has a strange collection of fallen teeth he's found; not necessarily from corpses but just things he's found.

i think his favourites are in fact shark teeth and snake fangs ...

ok actually just . let me ramble about the knight for a second idk smth just took a hold of me. sorry .

-------------------------------------------------------

i kind of also think he's gone back to old battlefields thinking about the battles he's seen as way of kind of coping with them. like he walks around and gives himself the time to process what happened.

he definitely does deal with PTSD though, you couldn't convince me otherwise. he has been through things. and because he's very reserved and doesn't really express his emotions- not even to people close to him, like kirk- it gives him a pretty explosive temper, and just... outburst of emotions in general. so when kirk DOES see, he's very careful to be gentle and understanding, and it calms knight down pretty quickly. even though kirk reassures him it's okay to show his emotions, he's very against it and quick to mask again.

going back to the PTSD thing, he has frequent nightmares. often he'll wake up in a cold sweat. and other times he finds himself lost in the memories. kirk will catch it happening sometimes and do his best to ground knight as best as he can. it's one of the rare times the knight will give a soft "thank you" to kirk.

and additionally with the explosive emotions thing, i do think that it's natural but generally harmless- without consequence, i mean. but the thing with alice? yeah, remember that? i do. that's the kind of consequence the extreme build-up causes. no, it's not okay. yes, it's fucked up. it only got so bad it became so violent in THAT sense because kirk wasn't there. kirk, the only person who understood him, was gone. he had no one to turn to, so what happened as consequence? the build up of extreme emotions. from the thoughts plaguing him of vietnam to watching his brother fall apart before running away- never to be seen again, the knight thought- and then finding out about the lunarians, or lack thereof- and THEN the queen absolutely fucking humanity UP- the knight's knowledge of everything weighed so heavily on him and he had no outlet. he was blinded by the horrors of which he and his brother had faced by the hands of man and war. it drove him mad. all of it did.

and he knew he fucked up. it ate at him so deeply too, after what he did to alice- he couldn't fathom he'd hurt an innocent person, one who'd had such deep faith and belief in him and his brother. he knew, in a sense, her retelling of kirk's life story was meant to reach people. to show his strife and struggle. but he knew how deeply that story affected kirk, and how he was ashamed of some of what had happened- that added onto it.

the knight grieved. he grieved so deeply for what he'd done, what he'd lost, everything plagued him.

but the memories of his own world- the world he had lost- suddenly surfaced. he realised, "oh. there's more to this." and then he found out about nixon.

he tried to show to the avenues that he really hadn't meant what he'd done- he knew well that his emotions had got the better of him. but he wanted to prove she was still alive. with them. he ended up freeing the alcatraz matter into its natural state, altering his appearance. altering HIM.

next thing you know, he does his best to reverse his mistakes. to make everything right again. so he stopped the queen by killing her (which is something he knew far too well, being a man of war and seeing this as one). and then, he sacrificed himself, as the alcatraz matter instantly copied and replaced all of america.

it was all he knew.

as long as there is a war, i'll keep on fighting.

it's part of who i am.

OK SORRY!!!! I SUDDENLY JUST WENT OFF ABOUT THE KNIGHT'S WHOLE STORY LMFAO anyways yeah uh ! ignore this or Don't i don't care HELP

[spinobsessed]

Support Needs

I was diagnosed with level 2 autism, that means I have substantial support needs. I’ve never really understood what that meant, I tried searching it up on Google, TikTok, Twitter, and here but I couldn’t find an explanation as to what it means to be level two or have “substantial” support needs. I realized I had to look at myself, at all the ways my problems are solved by help from others or myself, to understand. I’m going to be vulnerable for a moment here

My mom has to occasionally help me shower, whether that be motivating me to do so and physically helping me (more when I was in the midst of seasonal depression) or just standing in the bathroom with me sometimes like she does now.

I have accommodations at school for whenever I need a break from something overstimulating or if I need an assignment better explained to me/altered a bit to help me out (ex. I can have a paper version instead of doing it online, I did my history final this way)

My parents let me wear my headphones everywhere, although it’s a bit annoying for them whenever I’m listening to smth and they call me but I don’t hear them. Once we went to a restaurant and where we were sitting was obviously too loud and I was trying to self soothe so they asked the waiter if we could sit someplace else

If my plan goes wrong or my routine can’t be done then my parents help me to figure out something if I can’t do it on my own

My dad cooks the same breakfast -and currently lunch- for me everyday and both him and my mom dont make too much of a fuss abt my picky food taste. They mostly respect that I don’t want to try new things and that eating in general can be stressful for me, I worry abt when I’m on my own and have to work cooking and grocery shopping and all that stuff into my schedule

I still sleep in the same bed as my mom, I physically can’t fall asleep on my own. This is probably more out of growing up sleeping in the same bed as my parents than my autism but still. In 6th-7th grade I wanted to sleep in my own bed in my own room, I had to stay up until I physically couldn’t anymore in order to sleep

My mom helped/helps me with my hygiene in the past and now, she rubs this cream on my face as skincare and also does my hair every morning

These are just what I can remember now, my everyday life is full of this stuff and I worry abt how I’m going to deal with all of it on my own. It feels like such a monstrous task to take on on my own and I feel bad for being so reliant on them at 15. Other girls my age are being responsible for their younger siblings, able to braid their hair (black girl braids), and some even have jobs

All the things my parents do are totally doable, I am capable it’s not like there’s anything physically wrong with me that makes me unable to complete these tasks. Whenever I ask myself “why does this look so hard? Why can’t you just do it?” All I can answer is that I simply don’t know

[night-dark-woods]

Hello Tis the book anon, are u bready for the final shape in less than a week (holy shit 5 days???)

GOD. im very very excited for the new enemy types (i wasn't playing the last time we got a new faction in forsaken! i started tail end of worthy) i think a lot of the design is VERY cool and im very concerned abt the potential of unstop husks. nightmare fuel.

i think prismatic is gonna be fun- ive seen ppl worried abt it breaking the game or whatever BUT i think bungie is in general pretty good with balance (for the casual player) and when it isnt balanced idk i think its usually unbalanced in a super fun way. i am do NOT have the minmaxer's spirit though so i am sure i will not be utilizing it's full potential "correctly" but ill be having fun and thats what im there for.

story-wise... eh? i think they ARE going to land the story they are telling. i just dont *like* the story they are telling. it feels very marvel to me (derogatory) and i dislike immensely the literalization of the concept of the final shape. (oooh they've been ~finalized~ okay why dont we just have a thanos snap situation. what is this *doing* that is different from that).

not to sound like a broken record but i think seth dickinson was putting down something MUCH more interesting when they wrote BoS and unveiling than. this. its very NEAT, it makes sense with the story beats they've been working on, but i think it... flattens the delightfully complicated metaphysics of destiny in a way that pisses me off. i dont think the final shape is meant to be literal. i think the final shape is a way of being like the sword logic is. i think the witness is a neat little deus ex and i think they will tell the story of the witness as they see it Just Fine, but i dont have to like it.

like, i dont have an easily articulatable alternative but im ALWAYS rotating in my mind that the two (three?) beings that escaped the flower game are the vex and the worm gods (& ahamkara?). and i DONT think unveiling is written by the witness. i WILL die on that fucking hill. swagless graycale megamind "no bitches" mcu villain did NOT write that insidious tempting little love letter.

anyway. some relevant lore excerpts connected by red string but no real arguments in my head:

They're majestic, I said. They have no purpose except to subsume all other purposes. There is nothing at the center of them except the will to go on existing, to alter the game to suit their existence. They spare not one sliver of their totality for any other work. They are the end. (The Final Shape; Unveiling)

&

SHAPES AND GLIDERS. I dreamt of existence as a game of cellular automata. In this metaphor, there were only two things: shapes in the game world and the rules of the game world. The rules were the rules of Life and Death. I understood that the sword was the desire to escape existence as a shape in the game and to become the rule that made the shapes. This rule said only "live" or "die"—it had no other outputs. It could not keep secrets. Against it was the desire to become a shape so complex that it could within itself play other games. (Tyrannocide I)

like! the final shape is a shape of THOUGHT. a philosophy of existence *made* real in the way that the vex and the hive effect the worlds around them and exert that philosophy through force of will, bc the metaphysics of the destiny universe allows and operates based on that leveraging of will over the physical world. the philosophical and the real are DEEPLY entwined in a way thats REALLY REALLY INTERESTING and i think its BORING if the final shape the darkness/the witness (bc i do think bungie is conflating them! but imo the traveller is not the gardener and the witness is not the winnower. i will die on this hill) is seeking is to. make everyone into a cube. i joked abt the final shape being a square but i didnt mean it! hello? can anyone hear me? is this thing on?

anyway. tantrum over. i think its fun that cayde and crow are getting to be a little faggy together. i think they should kiss about it.

im excited for the new content release format (episodes?), bc i think a LOT of the issues with the narrative are due to the seasonal model.

i think sjur is finally coming back theres NO way they would bring her up this much and not bring her back. i think in a Nine-themed season. downside is it will inevitably result in what my dear friend jackie and i have been referring to as "hashtag monogamy win" where sjur and mara get back together as a mirror to o14 and then mara tells petra shes always thought of her as a sister or worse a daughter. but if thats the price i have to pay for sjur. thats okay. the writers room is wrong so frequently i just do whatever i want. its like being a comics fan at this point.

also clearly SOMEONE knows what they are doing bc that radio message at the end of last season was. the most in-character thing since probably marasenna lmfao!!! so i tentatively have hope about the writing of it, and regardless am PERFECTLY capable of living blissfully in jackie & my mind palace version of whatever they give us, bc what we are cooking is beautiful and true and divinely inspired. and im very certain seth would approve.

[liil-ee]

I GENUINELY WISH I NEVER DECIDED TO CATCH UP ON THIS SERIES BECAUSE WHAT THE ACTUAL HECK DID I JUST READ AJSJSIXJEJK

⚠️Chainsaw Man Manga Spoiler warning⚠️

okay so the other day I got volume 9 of csm, little did I know, that’s where all the drama begins cause what in the worldddd

(I was planning on reading volumes 1-11 via physical volumes but I couldn’t wait to buy volume 10 so I decided to read it online but I ended up catching up on the entire series ?? 🙂🐸)

So here is my genuine reaction to chapters 70ish thru the current chapters

ok first of all, the character development Denji AND Power have gone through is insane. I didn’t think they could get this close, which genuinely breaks my heart that they didn’t have this for long 💔💔

They both matured for sure, there’s no denying it.

I also wanted to point out the bath scene, I haven’t really seen anyone talking about it enough, but the fact that Denji didn’t fall for selfish desires and actually helped Power bathe instead of making the situation awkward, was so sweet omg 🥺🥺

again, here we can see the difference in how he has matured, before he wanted women for his own desires but now he starts to realize that he is able to have platonic relationships with women like Power

OKAY BUT THIS WAS JUST CRUEL. IM GOING TO START BAWLING WHEN THIS GETS ANIMATED LIKE WTH

FUTURE DEVIL DID 👏NOT👏STUTTER👏 THIS WAS THE WORST POSSIBLE DEATH OMG.

I didn’t think he would die THAT quickly, this chapter literally crept up on me SO FAST

okay, and I had also gotten spoiled on this scene too but I didn’t know the context of it but now I’m sobbing 😭

Denji and Power’s relationship is literally so heartbreaking wth 💔💔 and the fact that Denji was already mourning Aki’s death made this 10x worse

Okay but this page HIT FR

(Ngl makima’s strategy was actually so smart)

ok and then this made me laugh fr I was crying like WHAT IS THIS 😭😭

Kobeni’s short return was so funny for no reason 💀💀 Like my girl is TIRED of dealing with devils, give her a break Fr 😭👏

BUT THIS HAD ME THINKING ALL. DAY. WHY IS NOBODY TALKING ABT THIS???

when I saw this page ⬇️ I was like NO FREAKING WAY… and I turned out to be right 😭😭

BIGGEST PLOT TWIST OF THE YEAR FR 😭

I literally had no idea she died, I guess I wasn’t spoiled too much for this series but yea I was kinda laughing at this tbh like WDYM HE CONSUMED HER ??

also I had no idea that this was all one big arc…

When it said “part 1” I was lowkey shocked

ok and here’s where I start talking about the second arc/current arc

Okay, for starters this arc is honestly a lot more interesting than the first one, (I love the characters in the first arc more tho) I literally love the whole idea behind all the tension between Asa and Denji, Asa is a little confusedwhen it comes to her feelings and is convinced that she doesn’t have any feelings for Denji OR Chainsaw Man but which is honestly really funny considering Denji’s personality. And Denji is just as confused as she is. 💀💀

Also I’m loving the whole idea of the alter ego dynamic where Asa’s main obstacle is the War Devil, something she is constantly battling, and is the complete opposite of, Fujimoto wrote her well imo

Also Denji being straight up blunt abt his desires was so funny to me, he is the total opposite of Asa who for the life of her (literally) cannot be selfish

I mean… at least he’s being honest BUT I think I know where this is going…

From the beginning, Denji has never truly understood love, all the girls he “fell for” were just using him, and he only wanted them for their looks, bodies, etc. but now when we bring Asa into the picture, I think she’s definitely going to change him for sure, just like Power and Aki did. I think they’re definitely going to be end game, with Asa he doesn’t really have feelings for her *yet* but I’m sure he will catch on and realize that there’s more to women than just their looks, and Asa will humble him. I cannot wait for this duo to get more and more chaotic 💀💀 I’m living for them fs ❤️

🗣️🗣️SHOUTOUT TO MY GIRL NAYUTA, ABSOLUTE ICONIC QUEEN ❤️❤️

ok and this was literally so funny for no reason

he was so real for this 🤭🤭

I cant believe Asa wouldn’t let him see the penguins 🙄🙄 Smh

Ok but after all this I can finally understand why Csm fans are bawling their eyes out! Thank you for taking me on this experience with you!! 😍😍 😭

[the-astrophel-system]

took those questions from one of the "system ask games" and answering them here. why? bc i wanna answer them, i dont wanna wait for asks, and you cant stop me /lh

🥀 - do you keep track of your alter count? how do you do so?

yeah we do! or at least try to. we personally have done it through journalling and using simply plural. we mainly use sp now, as journalling is more so for communication / vent / memory purposes.

🫀 - do you have non-human alters? what species are they?

yeah! just over half of us are 'non-human', but that varies from part human (fae, hybrids, mermaids, etc) to full animals (cat, fox) and even objects.

🍄 - when did you realise you had a complex dissociative disorder?

i believe the body was 13? eh ill say 13-14 years old, as a bit of a range because there was about a year and a bit of researching and tracking symptoms and whatnot before we really understood / knew we had it.

📻 - do you experience amnesia?

yes a lot. whether it emotional amnesia or grey outs, or forgetting day-to-day things, yeah. a lot of amnesia can happen with switches, though its rarely black-outs for us, and sometimes we have amnesia even when there hasn't been a switch.

🥩 - who was the most recent split?

for personal reasons, not gonna answer this one <33

🦴 - do you have an innerworld? what does it look like?

oh my fuck, we could make a whole post about our innerworld and all the different areas. we do have an innerworld, and its existed for as long as i can remember. its changed over time and some places change how it looks daily, but we can make a whole post about it all.

🦷 - what’s a fun fact about the current fronter(s)?

ooooh a fun fact abt me. i would sayyyy, i named myself after a character in a fanfiction <3

💀 - is your system more overt or covert?

covert. when we're with people we trust and feel safe with, we present more overtly. however with day-to-day, its definitely covert. our switches can be smooth, or sometimes we straight up leave the room and have privacy. we all tend to mask, even if its just a little bit. if you knew we were a system, you might be able to catch a switch here or there. but i think thats only if you know what you're looking for.

🍷 - does your music taste differ from alter to alter? how?

a bit, yeah. mostly all of us kinda like alt or indie music. some of us love musicials while others dont. skye, she fucking loves raps, while others cant stand rap music. some like more heavier music, while pretty much all our syskids like soft songs. we have different playlists on spotify that haven't been updated in months </3

🦇 - do you have any friends with CDDs?

yes we have one with a cdd <3

📺 - are you “heavy” with any type of alter? (e.g. syskid-heavy, introject-heavy, etc.)

we are non-human (57.6%), and 'brainmade' heavy (65.8%). were the percentages needed? ofc not. did i still spend 20 mins figuring it out? yeah.

if you have any questions abt our system, or want us to do another of these (if we can find another) just let us know!

- clem (she/her)

[systemofcryptids]

quick about for a pinned post I suppose.

collective he/it, 19. known alter count: 5(?). we often do not sign off. we do not have a hard and fast system name. diagnosed DID. made this sideblog to keep system shit off my main.

none of us are human, just FYI. various flavors of xenogender and nonhuman.

quick n fast syscourse stances (though I'm not sure what is or isn't syscourse):

- endo neutral (they probly exist? i have no say in what you are experiencing. not my place. I know good endos and bad endos, just like any other group. not really my business. I don't care. I agree with some pro *and* anti endo points, depending on who's fronting and what the topic is. if my stance seems to move, that's why - I'm not firmly on either side)

- pro psych (in most cases! in some cases it's shit. I had a really traumatizing experience with a therapist that put up really bad dissociative barriers around therapy. I'm becoming a therapist to help the people I can, because I have benefitted as well)

my stances will shift if I'm given evidence that's compelling, because I do my best every day to be as rational as I can be. my core belief is that everyone is doing their best to just... be, and to judge people too harshly for that is a fallacy - i won't hold any opinions of yours i disagree with against you as a person. even harmful beliefs need to be understood to be tamed.

- pro self dx (with the proper time and research, though I don't do it myself; all of mine are professionally diagnosed if I don't say otherwise)

- on alter race: complex. (I am white, don't feel like it's my place to decide, but generally i think claiming to have experiences you don't is a bad idea. could be some exceptions maybe??? but not my place)

- on alter age: doesn't exist. (we all feel ageless, or in a vague maturity range. mental age as a concept has a tendency to be ableist. body age matters most, but how you feel personally is also very important, though that's more maturity than age. either way not really my business.)

- ask me abt more cuz I can't think of any rn

unless we're talking about, say, death threats. yeah, I'm not gonna defend you for those. get your shit in order if you're doing that. my ideal internet is civil - you can be at each other's throats metaphorically, but if anyone on either side of any issue is getting into doxxing and threats, no matter how noble the cause, you need to take a breather. i won't do it to you - don't do it to me, or anyone else. we are all people behind the screen with our own concerns.

(the above includes general harassment as well. do not harass people. I will bite you. you can be mean, sure, nobody is gonna shoot you, but if you harass someone I will bite you.)

I'll probly do some syscourse. I'll probly talk about general system stuff. I'm making an 18+ DIDOSDD server that may or may not have a section for endos, I'm still deciding that one (and I'm open to arguments from either side on why I should or shouldn't).

have a good timezone.

- this was mostly written by neo, current host, he/it - an example of a sign off we probly won't do all too often, lol, because sometimes we get real blurry and confused. this one has elements of c and s in it, for example - I didn't write it alone.

[shouldicleanmybedroom]

i love this concept sm!! u got me thinking too many things.. i hope u dont mind the long reply btw!! u just made the wheels in my head turn with your post yk. the begining of your post said someone else made you think abt it but i feel like everything im saying wouldnt work without your lovely post so im just reblogging and adding ideas

i personally love the original chunk of tardis plot and since rtd said he feels its canon i kid of accept it. but i want to believe rose understands that to heal, this man needs routine, so what if rose got him the job because it spoke out to her for some reason?

what if since tentoo is the emotionally repressed/war raged version of the doctor that needed healing, rose made it happen? because when she looked into the heart of the tardis and scattered the bad wolf it also affected the planet ten and donna were on in turn left! meaning that version of rose KNEW about donna and by extension maybe even about tentoo!

and if theres a version of donna in that universe whos to say she isnt JUST AS IMPORTANT as our donna! what if that universe's donna befriended HIM instead?

because she would look exactly the same as our donna. and since tentoo has all of ten's thoughts and memories as well, he might also be more withdrawn to talking to alternative versions of people he knows. (the emotional impulsiveness of donna wouldnt cancel this out i think since doctordonna fully understood what needs to be done, even if she didnt want it to happen because its emotional destruction.)

now that hes a permanent part of this universe hes scared to alter her life, and donna feels the immediate connection with him and doesnt understand why hes avoiding her 😭

meanwhile because rose was given the task of "fixing" tentoo shes trying to make it happen just as much as donna is because something inside rose tells her just how cosmically important they are to each other.

they are my sweeties !!!

Just saw a post about Tentoo and Donna, and then it had me thinking. Do you think, in Pete's world, that it's possible Tentoo missed Donna so much that he found the version of her from that world, somehow managed to get a job where she works, and befriended her? And as he's partly her, she can feel a connection to him that she can't explain, and they quickly become that weird duo everybody knows around there and when Donna loses her job (spills coffee in the computer), Tentoo quits (he basically just follows after her as she leaves the office insulting everyone), and they start working for Rose (Tentoo gets Donna in, but he didn't need to, cause Rose just loves her), and when Tentoo and Rose get children, they make Donna the godmother to the first one?

[change-latwr]

tryinng to make 🤎 in a picrew but it doesn't look right

yet someone insisting thats what they look like

goes back to a picrew another alter made a little while ago

They look the same

Oh

[symptoms-syndrome]

Re: the tags of the post abt what I would change. Take into account I am still loopy (don't know why)

Parts stuff really doesn't interfere into my life as much as other stuff does. That's definitely true. It isn't even necessarily more distressing?

Like, if I take apart all the pieces of my disorder, 99% of them are things I experienced and understood way before getting this diagnosis. Flashbacks, depersonalization/derealization, nightmares, etc etc etc. Even some aspects of parts stuff made sense to me before in a different context, like when I thought I was just psychotic (in the literal sense.) Even amnesia is just...a bigger version of "being spacey."

I feel like I could talk about things much more easily before this diagnosis, because they felt more. Concrete, maybe. I could talk about how, for example, I would feel crushing shame and embarrassment after having a "psychotic episode" where I'd think I was an angel. Or I'd be able to talk about how it feels like so many people know so many different versions of who I am, and how none of those versions feel like me.

But with parts stuff, the knowledge that those aren't just moods or psychotic episodes or figments of my imagination, the idea that they could hear what I say and be hurt by it, it makes it so much harder to talk about things.

Like, if I say things like "I hate when I x," and the part that does x hears that and is hurt, that's a net negative for...the whole of me. Because that part is me and I'm hurting myself.

I liked it much better when things were easily dismissed. I don't need to worry about hurting angel-self's feelings because that was just a little episode of my brain crossing some wires and nothing more.

Not to mention, the idea of "people in my head" is just so. Cringey. It feels so childish. It feels like with calling it a psychotic episode, I can just be like "haha yeah that was weird, anyway-" whereas with this I have to. Keep it in my heart. I have to acknowledge that it's there all the time. I feel I would garner sympathy and compassion with the struggle of psychosis, but the idea of alters would just garner ridicule and disbelief.

Also disclaimer that I honestly don't even know if I'm still considered psychotic. I was told I was by a previous psych, but now a lot of what were labelled as psychotic episodes are now better understood as part behavior. But I still do have parts that experience moderate to heavy delusions? Along with ofc other symptoms like the word difficulty thing where I say things that don't make sense. I don't know. I don't super care about labels I just know someone will jump down my throat about ableism or whatever for this without that disclaimer. I'm not saying one group is treated better or whatever this is just. My brain logic @ itself.

[papers4me]

S3 E6 is when I knew the anime creators didn't understand Tohru or what Fruits Basket is really about. They just wanted it to be a "perfect girl saves cursed family" story. It ruined the anime for me and I will never watch it again. Tragically I think lots of manga fans don't care or notice how the changes damage Tohru's character. They just want to see the plot and cute scenes animated, but the details and subtlety of the main female character's arc are not considered as important. It's sad!

If we think of the following: why do ppl watch sth they know its story already? Among the reasons are:

To see it come to life! To feel the emotions they once felt reading but this time with the powerful tools of voice, colors, & music to maximize the experience. Books are good & everything & they provide depth & time that moving pictures can't, but visual imagery wins if it's coupled with epic screenplay/perfect adapted plot.

Ppl have different perspective, what one likes isnt necessary what others like. So, some fans might just want to see their novel come to life to see their own fave cute scenes & that's it. In their mind, the books are superior, so they accept beforehand, that they wont see the " story/plot" at its best, so they're excited for certain cute scenes that are related to certain feelings they experienced reading the books. Nothing is wrong with that.

Some are individual fans, so they're here for certain characters, if this character gets their "story" told properly, they're not bothered with how butchered the rest are. Again, nothing is wrong with that.

Some care for the story itself & while they accept that things are bound to change, reduced or cut, they're intelligent in picking up on what harms the overall plot & what doesn't. These fans get called " haters" if they criticize cuz they aren't " grateful". Granted some of them might be disrespectful in their criticism. but those who are respectful get drowned under the "ungrateful/ you dont understand it is tv/anime adaptation not faithful" accusation. Altho, furuba kinda dug its own grave with their " we are faithful to the original work" advertisement. Reading the manga now, nope. They aren't faithful at all in the third act/final arc, except for the ending. Tohru got axed. Akito, too.

I get your frustration with the final arc. You understood what was cut & felt disappointed, I'm discovering what was cut & feeling confused! XD. For all the reasons to cut content, furuba is one of those rare instances where they cut the real good & best part! They cut depth!. The thing is they are blatantly biased. Only certain characters get depth & others meet the ax. But I've never seen a show that cuts its own protagonist! But it's all comes to the anime's understanding of its protagonist: "perfect girl saves cursed family". Notice how the only tohru-cut content is when it is NOT abt "perfect girl saves cursed family". Once the story is abt tohru's own personal struggle & she's no longer saving anybody, it is CUT & the things they cant cut cuz they're part of the ending, the anime water it down: " tohru's se03, ep6" or alter it for cheap drama " tohru's se03, ep6". That is tohru's only focused ep in 3 seasons... she had focused ep in se01, ep5 but that ep only scratched tohru's surface.

-The argument that" C'mon, just be happy we got a reboot! we never thought such day would ever come" & " hey~ the manga isnt going anywhere" is true & wrong. The argument is true cuz:

Yes, be happy the reboot exists. Other anime wish for that.

Be happy 60% of the story (two thirds) is faithful. Other anime with great manga, get butchered anime endings or no endings.

Be happy, we have a finished manga with satisfying ending, other manga are unfinished for good, others are on hiatus, others have disappointing weird endings.

but still, The argument is wrong cuz:

you are allowed to express your own valid dissatisfaction & disappointment with respect. Actually, thats healthy!

Criticism is form of love. You only care cuz the cut/ruined part is 100 times better than uncut part & the comic fillery content in all 3 seasons! They cut the best part not the worst which is.. disappointing.

All forms of art are subject to personal taste & subjective perspective. Those who love everything abt it can gush & enjoy & those who don't can express that. If seeing one side bothers the other, simply block~ one button is all it takes~

Also, unfortunately, female protagonist are mostly way less complex & shallower than male protagonists.. so it is a shame seeing potential female depth cut in favor for the "perfect woman" imagery. That alone warrant valid criticism.

I love furuba se03. its the best part of the entire anime, but yeah~ i could see its " plot" issues from far away even before seeing a single manga panel. Reading the manga now makes me feel mixed feelings & i'm gonna express them, the good & the bad alike. It wont change how precious furuba is to me as a story, but it will be a good healthy outlet to express valid appointment.

As always love your addition<3

[knifenymph]

Hey can you share more on the concept of time not being linear and always workings for you?

no ❤️

HAHA kidding yea sure! i remember abt a year ago, i went thru this period where my brain just .. suddenly couldn't understand linear time and the concept of past vs present vs future. the ideas of memories suddenly confused me so much bc they both felt a part of me but separate from me and happening Now but also not happening now. weird!

ever since, time has just been such an interesting concept and it feels sooo much different to me than just linear.

i haven't done extensive research on it bc it's not something i teach, rather just feel BUT i was reading a book once (the big leap by gay hendricks) that introduced "einstein time" which is a theory abt time that is SOOO different from the linear, newtonian time that we are taught. einstein time is a theory that asserts that time isn't an external thing that happens *to* us, but rather it comes *from* us. that *we* create time, and that it isn't something stagnant, but dynamic - this could lend thought to how "time flies when you're having fun" and just the general fluidity of how we experience time

i haven't done as much research on this theory as i'd like, but that's what i understood from the book! on top of that, i've seen many diagrams/posts abt time being cyclical rather than linear — seeing time as this upward spiral where we go thru the same cycles until we can graduate from them and move to the next part AND that all of these cycles are happening at the same time on top of each other in this Now moment. i'm not sure how to explain it in a clearer way, but it's really cool to think abt. it leads into how both past and future visualization (consoling your inner child / visualizing your future self) are SO powerful - the past and the future arent unattainable/out of our reach/locked in stone. it's all happening right now on different levels/planes n we can alter the things as we please (with certain restrictions that i've yet to fully explore lol!)

but yea! with that, i've noticed that when i come deeper into alignment, i'm never late for anything even when i'm like ... running out of the house lol. either i manage to get there on time, the other person/thing is late, or something is canceled altogether. this also could be a testament to the ways in which i create + form my reality - i've noticed things manifesting near instantly as of late, so it wouldn't surprise me that this would be another expression of my desires reflecting in this way :-)

this is all that i understand of the topic! i hope it piques your curiosity :-) i also REALLY recommend reading the big leap. it's an incredible book and it's super short

[versegm]

Hhhhh I am once again thinking abt how so many servants have difficulties communicating, as in, more than regular humans talking to each other. I’m talking berserkers only being able to express themselves in words fitting their own worldview. I’m talking Phantom being incomprehensible at first glance. I’m talking Astolfo forgetting you might not have the context for whatever the fuck they’re talking about. I’m talking alters and avengers whose very feelings and beings have been so wrapped by outside forces they just don’t have words to express themselves in a way that makes sense. And I mention these extreme cases, but most fate works make it clear that master/servants are actually hard as fuck; type Redline has dude being constantly bewildered by Okita, fgo Kadoc is repeatedly shown having trouble getting what Anastasia is telling him, ect.

And most these characters actually have their own ways of coping with this, don’t seem to mind that much. They’ve long accepted this is the way they’ll always be.

And yet. And yet. When they’re actually shown acceptance- not even love, just acceptance- they go absolutely banana over it. For all they bury their loneliness deep in their heart, they’re actually starving for someone, anyone, to just see them. Parse out the incoherent ramblings and the five layers of cultural differences and reach out for them. Ereshkigal, Dantes, Musashi, they’re all people who have long thought they were doomed to be alone, they were unable to be understood. And yet. And being proven wrong is enough for them to sacrifice everything for your sake.

I am!! Emotional!!

[nyenyerle]

aaa tell me more about ingwion/eonwe i Am Intrigued

Dearest anon!! this took me ages to answer and I feel horrible! </3 I started a draft right away when I got your question, but to write this, I needed to actually sit down and think, which I didn’t have either time or energy for until now. I hope you still see it and like it, but I do plan a second, less theoretical post abt this couple in the near future! Thx again for the question i love you ;,,(

So, for me, Eonwe/Ingwion works best as a sort of decorative background? Or a side pairing in the best case, functioning as a foil relationship in obscure au scenarios. Firstly because there is zero canonicity to it, and secondly because this is thee most unreasonable ship that my subconscious ever graced me with. Without any exaggeration, the origin story is that I was thinking about terrace farming of wheat on Taniquetil (as one does at 2 am) when my brain added this little jubilus to the end of the thought: “...and of course, over there in that haystack, Ingwion and Eonwe are making love.”

I stared at the ceiling for a moment, then thought, are they? Good for them. The Teleri have the Doriath royal family, the fandom Noldor have Silvergifting (typical). Wouldn’t it be actually less strange if the Vanyar, closest to the Ainur, produced their own elf/maia love story too?

I thought about whether this pairing should also lead to a Significant Doom™ like the telerin and noldorin ones, or if they were just chilling. Causing religious trauma to Gil-Galad. I am yet to decide, but War of Wrath has to be significant either way.

If I were to assign crises to them, Eonwe would probably need to rethink his role as an Ainu in the Children’s (eruhíni) relationship with Arda. I can’t see him as an istar and I wonder if he’d have just let M&M walk away with the Silmarils if it hadn’t been for the experiences of the previous 3 decades.

Ingwion could maybe alter his pov a little about his relationship as a Vanya with elvendom’s role on Arda. Is it to sing hymns on the fake continent behind the Pelóri until the Dagorath, and break Beleriand once? I mean, maybe! I know enough second-hand Carthusian jokes to be sure they have rich inner lives Contemplative orders may or may not make the world turn, but Ingwion should think things through at least once.

This story would be basically identity porn in the casing of a relationship crisis, in the middle of an apocalyptic war. All “Then what is it that you love in me?” And they figure it out in the end, and it turns out to be the exact opposite of what they thought they had understood about themselves in the other when they'd fallen in love.

...Aaand I’m going to write a second post with hcs about what their relationship looks like, and meet-cutes and symbolism and such! I have the drafts for it but I didn't want to wait longer to post this.