#and i havent been able to find one since for other reasons
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meow
#hiding the real post in the tags like a loser#finally got myself 2 make the phone call to the therapy office i ghosted out of fear#and im finally scheduled to start therapy!!!#this happened like two days ago but im still thinkinh about it#hopefully ill be working thru my social anxiety that got 10x worse since covid ended#and maybe i wont drop off the face of the earth to everyone but my bf now#from here on its a vent#kinda#but i am. really tired of being so scared to talk to people#i cant even text my mom anymore#its hard to just. give my gfs parents my food order when im at their house#not to mention how many of my friends i dont talk to for. ages and ages because the longer i dont talk to them the scarier it is#i lost my job half because of my social anxiety#and i havent been able to find one since for other reasons#i wish people werent so scary#or intimidating#or whatever other word that almost describes the feeling but never will fully#sighs#tw vent
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There's smth rly fun abt having stories based off of dreams because you just have a bunch of dream based worldbuilding that you just sorta have to work with now. Like oh a ring of infinite dragons run through the earth eternally consuming eachother? Guess I have to explain that now. Also that's sick as hell why didn't I think of that while awake
#rat rambles#oc posting#that damn dream story has captivated me deeply every since Ive had it even if I havent rly done much with it#I have been brainstorming some stuff relating the worldbuilding today tho#mostly what the actual deals of two main characters are#aka grim and the unnamed doggy#because Ive taken stabs at explaining them a couple times but have never rly landed on anything I rly care for#and theyre like The reason this dream stuck with me so hard so that is important#long story short theyre both god created beings that have been in a eternal brawl for what for them has been about 5 years for them#externally its been much much longer since anytime one of them successfully defeats the other they both go dormant for abt 50 years#they dont feel any of that bonus time tho so for them theyve been at this for ages with little to no break#grim usually wins since she was specifically trained to be the victor of the two everytime#but she isnt guaranteed a win by any means and has lost at least once#she likes to not think abt those times tho and pretend they never happened because if she acknowledged them then shed have to think through#the implications of that and she does not have the emotional or mental stability to be able to handle that#shes like. 16 to be clear.#the dog is about 21 or so Id say? Im still figuring things out so idk for sure yet#the basic premise of the story is that after so long of fighting they've both been gradually getting weaker and more exhausted each time#and after one iteration where they were both fighting high in the sky the two in the next iteration find themselves fallen very far apart#grim spends the story trying to find the dog and accidentally getting adopted along the way#and the dog ends up allowing some children to take them home so they can hide and recover and they end up getting attached#it's mostly just abt the two learning to exist as individuals and not weapons and finally beginning to process the trauma this whole cycle#has left them with and eventually breaking the cycle and chosing to stay with their respective new families#this was all stuff that was actually like in the dream which is why it stuck with me so hard but also that dream was mean to me for#dropping all of that and only giving one character a name. god.#tbf its kind of made up for by it being in like the coolest scene in the dream since it was grim naming herself that while talking to the#dog at the end since she had been referred to as a grim reaper or as just a reaper in the dream before that point so it was like a moment#of defiance and also claiming an identity for herself that wasnt just her title#shes a silly billy she also has a scythe that can shoot lasers
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the boogeyman effect following Bbh from purgatory 1 has been a very fascinating phenomenon.
there is alot of residual and lingering opinions of Bad from both characters and fans and its been interesting because having watched Bads pov he really didnt do anything more then what others did in purgatory. Q!Phil is mad because Bad terrorized his team but bad had far less kills then Tubbo, and plenty other teams were around terrorizing others Fit slaughtered Tina and soulfires farmers (most of which then never returned)
Q!Tubbo is mad for ‘day 12’ for a poor decision Bad made, but Bad was carrying the team mostly alone for many many hours the whole 2 weeks (the most out of anyone on the team) I think he could be forgiven for not having the clearest decision making skills running ragged and getting killed.
Q!Bagi feels betrayed by bad and has been more comfortable around tubbo since p1 but tubbo murdered her before she could say a word in p1 and Bad asked for her consent first before doing so.
Q!Etoiles is salty about the 2v1 but he and Fit started it by attacking tubbo alone who then had to run to bad and it was a 2v2 before then becoming a 2v1 as Fit backed away injured
Q!Phil has also mentioned that bad has not taken responsibility for his actions and this is echoed a lot in fan spaces but Bad is constantly taking on blame for things he may have only been adjacent too. He’s said he’s killed a lot of people, he jokes that he’d do it again. He doesnt often show remorse for his actions which I think is more what some are after but he does acknowledge things he doesn’t pretend it never happened. He told Pepito he was a monster. And anytime some express anger towards bad he respects their feelings (that doesn’t mean he’d chose to act differently or feel remorse in such actions but he doesn’t tell anyone theyre not allowed to feel that way)
its a fascinating subject to me because this effect has carried over so strongly within the space despite the fact Bad didn’t even have the highest kills in p1 for soulfire (it was Tubbo by quite a margin) yet Tubbo is often unnamed as the wrongdoer. Bagi set up Bad for death, while it didn’t come to fruition she still did that to Bad. Bad could not do anything but run when red team took on the bounty system which was excruciating to watch. Red also showed no mercy when the boats arrived and killed Bad the sole player for blue leaving his body in a zone that would kill a naked player.
Bad did do wrong he spawn killed Jaiden. However his stalking home bases and killing others in general was no different then all of the other skilled players repertoire. Bad had to play offensively for his team the majority of the time as he was one of the few that could, yet the boogeyman effect holds onto him and warps even his own members perceptions after the fact. Q!Tina as an example very enthusiastic about letting Bad loose in p1 too then scolding him for actions he took under her instruction.
The fan narrative has been the most acutely difficult to manage as the effect is almost to mystic proportions and finding disdain for even mundane actions Bad takes and reading into those as disingenuously as possible always set on more then retribution but truly an end to his character. Which again having watched Bads POV I havent been able to discern anything remarkable that any other character hasnt also partook in.
The difference I have noted is that Bad will always consider himself in the wrong regardless if his actions had justifiable reason behind it. Dapper told Bad to win in purgatory. After purgatory Bad put himself and Dapper down as ‘oh thats just something Dapper would say hes just bloodthirsty, but narratively Dapper has committed self harm in order to protect his siblings and other islanders ((an issue Dapper unfortunately sees in his father and perpetuates himself)) believing he is nothing more then a tool to help those he loves, he would not risk his siblings lives for bloodthirsty humor. Bad knows this but when faced with the hate others saw in him he waves off both his and his sons merit buckling down. Bad and Dapper have dark humor but are always making gifts and finding ways to help others. There is nothing on the island Bad is more set to protect then the eggs and this thought with Dappers message, Q!Bad really thought he needed to go all out to protect them, even still he held back a lot and would 2nd guess because he wanted to be absolutely certain of the egg’s safety.
He wasnt without reason yet with the boogeyman effect looming over his reasons never seem to be able to hold a candle to the more popular characters, and he often concedes a lot to it. He says it with a laugh, tease, and is sassy with it but still he concedes to others perceptions of him as he doesnt want to override others feelings. It can be a bit exhausting as things are blown out of proportion to what they were in originality but on a social breakdown of how things and information travels its very very interesting and I have been enjoying the dive even if it stings sometimes with reflective thoughts.
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This is very speculative, but I'm suspecting Kipperlily is using the Ethereal Plane to spy on the Bad Kids and if I'm right I might have figured how she got found out by the rogue teacher!
First, let me explain my paranoid thoughts about the spying. Since ep 3, we are aware that Kipperlily is hearing their conversations, even if we don't know for sure the extent of it. She, just like Riz, must have a crazy stealth modifier + reliable talent, however I don't think she's relying only on that.
So, there's a scene in ep 4 when the Bad Kids roll for perception to spot Kipperlily. Kristen casts See Invisibility and Fabian rolls a nat 20. Brennan describes, only to Fabian, that although he doesn't see Kipperlily, he feels the "twinge of some kind of sense". Very creepy. That implies that she's there but cannot be seen. She could be invisible, however I don't think that's the case because an invisible person could still be perceived through hearing or touch. Also, Kristen would have been able to see her because of the spell.
With that in mind, the paranoid goblin that lives inside my brain is convinced that she's using the Ethereal Plane to spy on the Bad Kids. The Border Ethereal is perfect for infiltration and spywork, since you pass through physical objects and watch everything in the material plane without ppl there perceiving you. There are a couple of ways to access the Ethereal Plane, with spells or items, but I have no ideia abt the specific method she might be using.
Her being in the ethereal plane explains why Fabian, with his nat 20, didn't notice any physical indicatives of Kipperlily but still felt a presence, like some sixth sense. Now, Adaine did use her Third Eye so she could see into the Ethereal Plane within 60 feet and still saw nothing. But that doesn't mean that Kipperlily isn't there since there's a very easy way to circumvent Adaine: Non detection. This is a third level spell that hides the target from divination magic - for 8 hours they "can’t be targeted by any divination magic or perceived through magical scrying sensors". The Rat Grinders, long time haters of the Bad Kids, are for sure aware that Adaine is a divination wizard, they would be fools to spy on the party without casting Non Detection first. She's the motherfucking elven oracle!
Okay, now about the rogue teacher. In ep 3, Siobhan theorizes the rogue professor is the ghost teacher. I think she's absolutely right! We know most teachers of Aguefort and even if the ghost one was among those we havent seen, the Bad Kids would probably have heard about them if they were teaching something like ranger class. It's plausible that the reason for the party having no ideia who they are and not even passing by them in the halls is that the ghost is the rogue professor. After all, no one knows who the hell they are, it's the whole point of their teaching method. And for a ghost it would be really easy to go undetected since they can travel through the Ethereal Plane, beside the insane stealth.
Indulge my conspiracy theories for a minute. Rogue professor = Ghost Teacher and Kipperlily can wander in the Ethereal Plane, the plane of ghosts. Even with the advantage of being on the same plane as the teacher, it would still be a nightmare to find them since they are a pro rogue. In fact, Kipperlily didn't achive that: the rogue teacher found her.
But how did she manage to have the professor find her? I'm sure it wasn't an accident, she's too calculating for that. So, I started thinking about what would I do in her place and came up with the stupidest ideia. It's utterly ridiculous. But it could totally work and the strategy seems kinda Kipperlily's style.
Remember the Ghost Steak? The one Fig tried to eat when she invaded the teacher's lounge in season one? It's the ghost teacher's lunch, and Brennan reestablished its existence in ep 3 when Adaine used Ethereal Sight, explaining that the school wards are porous enough to allow ethereal travel and other stuff.
So if I was Kipperlily, my dumbass plan would go as follows: invade the teacher's lounge through the ethereal plane and hide inside the fridge. It wouldn't be a problem for me since I'm intangible and can pass through stuff, plus the other professors wouldn't see me even if they opened the fridge. Inside, I wait as long as needed, until the Rogue/Ghost Teacher gets hungry. They finally open the fridge to grab their snack, only to find me looking at them from inside the fridge like a lunatic. Mission complete: got found by the rogue teacher and aced junior year!
It's so mundane and stupid and that makes me more convinced that's exactly what happened. It's too funny to not be true.
#fhjy#fh#d20#fhjy spoilers#fantasy high#dimension 20#fhjy theory#fantasy high junior year#kipperlilly copperkettle#rat grinders
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ALL YOURS (m.) | levi
↬ word count: 11k
↬ slight enemies to friends to lovers except levi has always been in love but he’s in denial, fem!reader, ive decided that this takes place in a time in aot when nobody was dead and titans were the only problem lol, sassy reader, jealous levi, inexperienced levi, sub!levi, typos
↬ summary: ever since you were promoted to captain, all levi ackerman has ever done was shit on the way you run things. turns out he was only acting like that because he couldn’t handle his feelings for you.
↬ genre: fluff / smut
↬ warnings: swearing, begging, levi on his knees for you, oral, vaginal sex, desperate levi lmao
↬ a/n: i havent watched aot in so long so forgive me if i get some things wrong 😭 also im such a slut for sub characters im so sorry
m.list
To Levi, you were the most infuriating, idiotic, and impatient person to ever join the military. Every little thing you ever did he hated with his entire being: from the way you spoke to your squad, to the way you disciplined and trained them, even to the way you made your tea he hated. But, of course, he wasn’t being a hater for no reason.
You were a good fighter. Talented, agile, naturally gifted and athletic. You were capable of ridding a large area of titans within minutes, something not many scouts had a skill for. And although Levi had always silently admired that about you, that was the only thing that kept him from trying to get you kicked out. The two of you were opposite in personality: like opposite ends of earth, sun and moon, fire and water, the two of you had nothing in common and were never able to agree on anything.
“Everybody likes the new captain more than Levi,” he had overheard one of the other scouts whisper in the dining hall after you got promoted.
“Well, yeah. She’s so much nicer and a way better captain than Levi. She’s pretty, too.”
Pretty? Please, were those scouts blind? There was nothing pretty about you. Except for the fact that he seemed to be at a loss of words whenever his eyes looked into yours and the fact that whenever you pulled your hair out of your ponytail he got a whiff of your shampoo and took in a breath just to get a sniff of your shampoo and the fact that when you walked into a room you stole the attention of everybody there and the fact that you were so confident in your ability to run a squad and the fact that he did you find you pretty but he would never admit it and would rather feed himself to the titans than say so. But other than that, you spoke too much and too loud, you were taller than him, and you were annoying.
•••
“We’ve got a couple new scouts coming in,” Erwin spoke as he pulled out a sheet of paper from his desk, looking at the list of the new names of soldiers. He had called you and Levi into his office to discuss “important” things.
“I know you’ve just been promoted,” he looked up from the paper and into your eyes. “But these new recruits need some training and no one else is available to train them. Since you’re still a new captain yourself, I think it would be a good idea for Levi to help you and maybe teach you some things.”
Did he think you were incapable of training some new kids just because your promotion was recent? What kind of stupid logic was that? You were perfectly capable of training the new recruits all on your own and did not need that grumpy old short guy to help you.
“Sir, do not worry. I don’t require the assistance of captain Levi to train these new recruits. I think I know how to do that already,” you kept your hands behind your back and in clenched fists; your ego had taken a blow due to the fact that Erwin believed you needed help to do your job. Besides, you had a squad of your own and trained them yourself, so what made Erwin think you needed help?
“I think you do,” he replied flatly. “You’re a great captain and you’re good at training, but I think you’re too soft on your soldiers. Your soldiers need more discipline themselves…” he continued to list more stupid reasons as to why you needed Levi’s help, but you spaced out. Sneaking a peek at Levi standing beside you, you eyed his resting bitch face, absolutely no trace of human emotion on his face. Why was he being so quiet? Was he already informed of this before you? If so, why did he find out before you? Was he okay with doing it and that was why he wasn’t saying anything?
“They’ll be here this afternoon,” Levi turned to look at you, his voice stern and cold. “Their training will begin as soon as they arrive and if you’re late, you’ll be cleaning all the horses for tonight.”
“I’m never late,” you corrected.
“At yesterday’s meeting you showed up six minutes late. You are always late.” he told you bluntly.
“Well then, it’s settled. Try not to kill each other in the process of training the new recruits. We need to set an example and show them that the two of you are capable captains.” Erwin said proudly.
“Only one of us is a capable captain,” Levi says, rolling his eyes and turning to leave the room. Your eyes twitch in annoyance and your footsteps follow Levi’s out the office door. What the hell was he thinking? It would be such a waste of time to have both of you train the new recruits, so why would it be the two of you? And why did he say you’re always late? You’re never late! And if you weren’t a capable captain, why were you promoted? All Levi has ever done is shit on you and take any chance he can get to throw shade at you.
“I’ll have you know I’m a very capable captain. In fact, probably more capable than you. That’s why everyone likes me more than you,” you start lecturing him, catching up to his footsteps quickly as you follow him.
“People only like you more because you are nicer. Niceness does not kill titans; skills and weapons do.” he refuses to look at you, choosing to stare straight ahead.
“I know that.”
“Do you? Because since you became captain and began training more recruits, we have had a higher number of deaths since your dumb promotion.” he finally looked at you, eyes filled with such hatred it was like he could murder you if he stared long enough.
“That’s not true!”
“Of course you think that,” he rolled his eyes, his flat and monotone voice gone; he was beginning to get pissed. “You would know our deaths have been higher than usual if you bothered to put in effort and actually read the mission reports.”
“I do read them,”
“No, you do not. Because if you did, you would realize that the way you discipline and train our soldiers is doing them more harm than good. And you would change your ways of training. But instead, you hang around drinking with the others and making jokes and pulling pranks instead of doing your job properly.” Levi lectured, his voice laced with annoyance and hatred.
You always knew Levi thought you did a bad job as a captain, but you never thought he would actually say it to your face. He never said much to you, but when he did, it was just insults and lectures about everything you did wrong as a person.
“At least I leave time for fun! You’re all work and no play and this is why nobody likes you, Levi. Why do you think everyone calls you an old grumpy man?”
“Our soldiers are out here dying and you want to have fun? Are you that stupid, or do you just not have a brain? We don’t have time for your dumb little games, you idiot. Do you not care about the lives of our soldiers at all? Are you that much of a stupid brat that you are unable to comprehend that?”
You stare blankly at Levi. He was right. You didn’t realize it until now, but everything he said was right. While you never intended to poorly train anybody or get anybody killed, you realize that the way you did things probably caused the death of a lot of people because of you. Your heart sank and you were at a loss of words. You would never describe Levi as a nice person, but you didn’t think he was going to blow up in your face and insult everything you did. When all you do is stare at him in response, his eyes leave yours and he looks away awkwardly. After blowing up on you and practically yelling at you in the hallway, you grew silent and he was starting to feel awkward.
“See you tonight.” is all he says before he walks off, leaving you alone in the hallway.
•••
You were late. And not even by a few minutes, but by two hours. Two whole hours. After yelling at you in the hallways, you had gone to your room to take a nap and sleep off how you were feeling. Unfortunately, you overslept and nobody bothered to come and get you to wake you up.
Levi was going to kill you.
After sprinting your way to the training area like your life depended on it (because it did), you found Levi standing in front of the new recruits, his chin held high and proud as he spoke to them. When you walked up awkwardly to his side, he turned and rolled his eyes at you.
“Ah, the incapable captain I told you all about,” he begins, his eyebrows furrowing in annoyance because of your presence.
“At least I don’t need a step stool to grab some cups in the kitchen cabinets,” you automatically responded, straightening out your uniform. Your comment earned a couple laughs from the new recruits.
“Don’t forget you’re washing the horses tonight, captain.” his sharp eyes looked up at yours, a mischievous glimmer glowing in them. Ha! He thought you were actually going to listen to him and clean the horses?
“You are not my captain anymore, Levi. We are now equals, so I no longer take orders from you.” you grinned sarcastically. Now that you were standing in front of him again, you began to feel re-pissed from earlier.
“I’ve been a captain longer than you.”
“That doesn’t mean anything.”
“You might be a captain now, but remember you used to be in my squad.”
“Thankfully, I’m no longer part of it.”
Levi turns to you and eyes the pillow mark on your cheek, a smirk coming to play on his lips. When he noticed you weren’t on time, he had thought that maybe you were still mad at him earlier and decided you weren’t going to show up. While that might have pissed him off, he wouldn’t be surprised if that was what you were going to do.
“What the fuck are you looking at?” you retorted after noticing that he was looking at you for more than half a second. His stupid face was a waste of good looks.
“She is a perfect example of what you don’t want to do,” he turned back to the recruits. “Too lazy to show up on time and too lazy to fix themselves up before leaving the room.”
Your eyes twitch in annoyance and you lean down slightly to whisper to Levi. “When I wash the horses tonight, I’ll be sure to miss yours. I know how pissed you off you get when something or someone isn’t clean.”
He knew you weren’t joking. He knew that you knew exactly how to push his buttons. And if there’s one thing he knew about you, it was that you were petty and what you said wasn’t a threat, but a promise. But when you leaned down to whisper into his ear, your strands of hair that softly brushed against his cheek had him hesitating to say anything. He got a whiff of your shampoo and looked away. It smelled like peaches. Your whisper felt like a gentle tickle in his ear, your voice so low and sultry it annoyed him.
You were annoying.
“You don’t want to be on her squad. Trust me everyone, she’d probably get you killed.” Levi tells the recruits, his feet planted firmly where he was standing. He wasn’t moving away from you.
“Captain Levi here would probably overwork you all to death before that happens.” you send a sweet smile to the soldiers standing across from you and Levi.
“Right, well there’s a reason I’m humanity’s strongest soldier and not you.” the not-so-subtle brag had you rolling your eyes.
“There’s also a reason everyone calls you a grumpy old man behind your back,” you smile at everyone and Levi takes a deep breath in annoyance.
“Nobody calls me that.”
“Everybody calls you that.”
“That’s not true.”
“Of course you wouldn’t know. I just said that everyone says it behind your back. Were you not listening?”
“Every time you speak I choose not to listen.”
“Choose not to? Or can’t because your hearing is so bad now that you’re old?”
His mouth twitches. He is annoyed. “I might be older than you, but I’m still stronger than you.
“Oh, are you getting irritated, captain? I’m sorry, I didn’t know you were so sensitive to words. Must be a thing that happens when you get old…”
Before Levi is about to insult you back, the two of you hear a faint voice in the background. “Captain!” both of you turn around. It was Jean.
“Why are you interrupting us?” Levi glares, crossing his arms. “What do you want?”
“Hange told me to come get you guys. We’ve got food in the dining hall to celebrate the new scouts.”
“We’ve barely begun training. They can eat when they’re fin—”
“Dinner is serrrrved!” you exclaim, throwing your hands up in the air in victory. “Let’s go eat, newbies! You’ll need all the energy you can get if you are gonna kill some titans!” as you holler and hype up the scouts, you walk off and direct them all to follow you, leaving Levi in the dust.
As he watches you walk off, Levi’s eyes can’t help but drift to the person walking beside you. Jean.
•••
It’s like his eyes had a mind of their own. Almost like it was against his will, Levi’s eyes followed you around the dining hall. You were the life of the party: charismatic, friendly, and humorous. There was music and food and laughing and you were dancing for the scouts, a bright smile plastered on your pretty face. Normally he wouldn’t think much of it or even care to look, but a certain someone wouldn’t stop looking at you and touching you and being friendly with you.
Jean.
He knew the two of you were friendly, but he never thought it was anything more than that. But tonight, as he was watching you dance, Levi noticed that he wasn’t the only one watching you. Jean’s eyes followed you like you were the only person in the entire room. Jean admired you from his seat, hollering in excitement and hyping you up to the music.
Not that Levi cared. Of course not. Why would he? He totally wasn’t just sitting on some chair in the corner of the dining hall too cranky or upset to talk to anybody because he didn’t like the way Jean was looking at you. Where was Mikasa? Didn't the kid have a crush on her?
Levi scoffs to himself, taking a sip of his tea as he continues watching you. He sees you saunter over to Jean, grabbing his cup and taking a sip of it before smiling at him. Levi’s eyes can’t help but roll back. Why did you look so happy and smiley next to Jean? Why did it look like you were flirting with him? And why was Levi getting annoyed?
Why did he care anyway? He just found you annoying. Your presence, your personality, your entire being annoyed him. He stood up abruptly, setting his tea down and walking out to get some fresh air.
“Enjoying the party?” It was you.
“Did you follow me out here?” He leaned on the wooden fence railing and looked up at the night sky.
“You stomped out like a cranky old man, so I thought I’d check up on you.” you teased, coming up and resting your arms on the railing as well.
“I was doing just fine until you came out here. Don’t you have your boyfriend to go back to?” he couldn’t help but bring up Jean. He was nosy and wanted to so badly know if there was anything going on between the two of you.
“Which one?” you tried to joke, but you forgot he didn’t have a sense of humor because he just stared at you.
“Are you curious if I have a boyfriend or not?” you ask after a beat.
“I don’t care.”
“Bullshit. You must be curious at least a little bit. Otherwise, you wouldn’t have asked.” you tease, leaning towards him and tilting your head and waiting for an answer.
Fuck, why did you have to look at him like that? Head slightly tilted, hair tousled from dancing around, a bright glimmer of hope beaming in your eyes, something he lost a long time ago. His eyes met yours, and he found himself staring at you. Observing, admiring, memorizing your features. He blamed the glistening stars and the shining light of the moonlight that made you look so beautiful. He had found other people beautiful before, but your beauty couldn’t even be compared to others. There was something about you that always hooked his attention, always had his eyes searching for you, and always had his heart beating faster. Although he found you annoying and couldn’t stand being near you, when you weren’t around he found himself searching for you. Thinking of you. Longing for you.
“Are you staring at me, captain?” you teased sarcastically, a smug smile on your pretty lips.
“You’re just so ugly it’s unbelievable someone as ugly as you even exists.” what the fuck just came out of his mouth? It was an automatic response, something he would say out of annoyance but not actually mean. Levi felt himself panic a little, his heartbeat speeding up in fear of how you would respond.
“Oh yeah?” you smiled once more and his eyes wandered down to your lips. He wondered what they would feel like against his own. “If I’m so ugly, why do you keep looking at me? Why don’t you look away?”
You leaned in closer to him once more, your lips close to his if you even slightly moved forward you would be kissing. There was a moment of silence that sat between the two of you. You felt his breath on your lips, your gaze moving down to them. His heart began to race; why did it look like you were about to kiss him? Why were your eyes on his lips? And why were his eyes beginning to drift to yours?
“Levi,” your voice a whisper. His head tilted slightly to the side, like he was getting ready to lean and kiss you. The background noise of music and the scouts cheering inside faded away because all he could focus on was your lips.
“Yes?” He sounded so sweet, so soft. It wasn’t like him at all; he had never been this nice to you. Usually when you tried to get his attention he always answered with nothing but a cold attitude.
“What do you want?”
“If you’re going to say something stupid like you usually do, go bother someone else. Unlike you, I actually have work to do.”
“Don’t fucking talk to me right now. I’m not interested in whatever bullshit you have to say, you brat.”
“Do you—” you began.
“CAPTAIN!” the door behind you slammed open, a slightly drunk Jean stumbling out and holding his beer up. “We’re playing a drinking game, come join us!”
“I’m not interested. Fuck off.” Levi angrily replied.
“Oh. I wasn’t talking to you,” Jean awkwardly said, eyes drifting from Levi to you.
“A drinking game? Sounds fun!” you excitedly smiled, straightening back up and pulling away from Levi. As you began to follow Jean back inside, you felt a firm grip on your arm.
“She’s not interested either,” Levi spoke for you, his hand tugging you back to where you were standing next to him. “We’re discussing mission stuff.” he doesn’t know why he said that. A lie like that just rolled off his tongue so easily and so automatically. If he was being honest with himself, he didn’t want you to go back inside, but stay out there with him.
Jean seemed to notice the hostile vibe from Levi, nodded, then walked back inside. Levi’s hand stayed wrapped around your arm, his grip strong and firm.
“What are you doing?” you asked.
“If you go back in there and start drinking, you’re just gonna get drunk and I’m going to have to take you back to your room again.” he complained, but really it was just an excuse to get you to stay out there with him.
“That was one time!”
“You fucking threw up on me! Twice!”
“Well, where was I supposed to vomit? My bed?!”
“Just don’t throw up at all!”
“How could you say that to a drunk person?!”
“Maybe don’t get drunk and I won’t say that!”
“Ugh, whatever. This is why nobody likes you, Levi.” you roll your eyes, shaking your hand from his grip. You get drunk one time and he decides to bring it up at every chance he gets.
“You think I care about what other people think?”
“I think you care what I think of you.”
“You’re thinking wrong. Maybe if you actually had a brain you wouldn’t say that. I don’t know what Erwin was thinking when he promoted someone as stupid and incompetent as you.”
“Whatever, short bitch.” you snorted.
“What did you say to me?”
“Oh sorry,” you sarcastically apologize, dramatically leaning down. “Lemme lean down to your level so you can hear me. I forgot you’re old, too.”
He scoffs, flicking your forehead aggressively with his middle finger. “OW! What the hell was that for?”
“For being such a brat.”
“What? Me wanting to go and have some fun is being a brat?”
“Yeah. If Jean hadn’t suggested something so stupid, you wouldn’t want to do something so stupid.”
“What does this have anything to do with Jean?” you questioned. Why was he suddenly bringing Jean up? “Wait,” you pointed an accusing finger at him. “Are you jealous?”
“What? Are you stupid? What kind of dumb question is that?” he scoffs again, leaning back on the railing and rolling his eyes. He tried to hide it, but the faint pink on his cheeks was obvious.
You gasped dramatically, covering your mouth. “You are, aren’t you?!”
“No!”
“Would you look at that,” you tilted your head in amusement. “Captain Levi is jealous.”
“Not only are you stupid, but you’re crazy too.”
“Insult me all you want; I know you’re jealous.” you couldn’t help but grin to yourself. Excitement fluttered in your chest and you peeked at Levi, trying to see if he had any sort of reaction.
Although you looked at him and waited for some sort of reaction, Levi was still able to keep himself together. It felt as if his heart was about to explode and his hands were clammy from being nervous and he wanted to avoid all and any eye contact with you because if he even looked at you for one second his facade would break.
You wouldn’t stop staring. Your soft, inviting, and beautiful eyes would not leave his face and the more you stared the harder it became to keep a straight face. He needed to change the subject.
“About the other day after leaving Erwin’s office,” he started. “I’m sorry for what I said. I should have been a little nicer about it.”
Levi apologized? To you? If there was one thing you thought you would never hear from the old grumpy guy, it was an apology.
“Even though what I said is true, I could have worded it better so that you wouldn’t cry.”
“I didn't cry!”
“I know you did. I walked by your room after that and heard you.”
“You listened in on me crying? You’re such a freak,” you poked fun at him. “I didn’t even know you were capable of apologizing. Or even feeling bad.”
“I know you’re a sensitive person.”
“I am not a sensitive person.”
“Yes you are.”
“No, I am no—”
“Would you just shut up and accept my apology?” he burst out, ruthless eyes glaring at you.
Levi was an impatient man. “You don’t apologize to someone and demand for them to forgive you,” you lectured. “That’s not how it works, captain. Of course you wouldn’t know; this is probably the first time you’ve ever said sorry.”
He knew he shouldn’t have apologized because all you were going to do was critique it and annoy him again. “Whatever,” he rolled his eyes, pushing himself off the fence. You knew he was about to leave. “Don’t get too drunk. I’m not going to take you back to your room if you do.”
“I’ll have Jean take me to my room then. Or maybe his.” you brought him up again, just to test the waters and make sure he was actually jealous and you weren’t just crazy. You didn’t actually intend on getting drunk or having Jean escort you back to your room, you just wanted a reaction.
“Do whatever you want.” he brushed you off, waving a hand in dismissal as he began walking away.
•••
Maybe it was the alcohol or the midnight sky or the glistening stars, but since that night you and Levi were able to have a somewhat decent conversation without wanting to throw the other across the room. And since that night, his insults haven’t been as harsh as usual and he didn’t jump at every chance to point out everything that was wrong with you. Surprisingly, he actually began to speak to you as if you were a human and had human emotions. It felt weird at first, and you thought that maybe he was only acting that way because you were forced to train the new scouts together, but even after their training finished, he was slightly nicer to you. If he kept it up, you might even consider him your friend.
He might have begun being nicer to you, but that wasn’t the case for Jean. Jean was getting scolded more often and more harshly than usual, over the smallest things that didn’t even matter. It was so obvious that even the other scouts started noticing.
“Jean’s getting scolded again,” you overheard Armin inform his friends in the dining hall. Your eyes shifted to Levi and Jean a couple feet away. Jean was looking away in shame and Levi was staring up at him, mouth going off and blabbering about how his tea was lukewarm.
“Over what?” Eren asked.
“Captain Levi asked Jean to heat up his tea, but apparently it wasn’t hot enough.”
“HA! He probably deserved it!” Eren cracked up, grabbing his stomach in the process to soothe his laughter.
“But haven’t you noticed too,” Armin lowered his voice in an attempt to be more secretive. You heard your name and all of a sudden their conversation was interesting and now you were listening on purpose. “He’s been so nice to her lately…”
You began to crane your neck towards the young scouts, nosy and desperate to hear what they were saying about you. Nonchalantly taking a sip of your drink, you felt a firm hand grip your shoulder. “Captain,” you looked up.
It was Levi. You never thought much of it before, but now that Levi was referring to you as captain had your heart doing leaps in your chest. It was small and insignificant, but something about him putting respect on your name and calling you with your title made you feel appreciated.
“Come with me. Mission meeting.”
•••
You had forgotten that Erwin asked the two of you to team up and join squads together on an upcoming mission. Since Levi had toned down his attitude towards you, Erwin took it as a sign and assumed the two of you were growing closer. Unfortunately, the mission didn’t run as smoothly as you had hoped.
You sustained an injury, it was light and minor, but it still worried everyone. You had crashed into a tree, a couple tree branches scraping you and drawing blood. You had hastily ripped off a part of your shirt, clumsily wrapping it around the injury on your arm in an attempt to stop the bleeding. Now that you were back in the walls safely, you were trying to wrap your arm up again with bandages with one hand. You struggled, failing to wrap it around your bleeding arm, cursing under your breath and debating whether or not you should go out and ask for someone’s help. Luckily, someone walked into the room to help you.
That someone was Levi.
He walked in silently, his light footsteps were the only sound in the room as he walked up to you. “Need help?”
“No, I don’t. I’m perfectly capable of doing it on my own.”
“Doesn’t look like it. You’re still bleeding.”
“I’m not blind, I can see that.” you remarked, once again struggling to wrap the bandage around your arm. You hissed in frustration and pain. Why wouldn’t the stupid bandage just wrap around you?
“You’re such an idiot,” he commented, stepping in front of where you were sitting. He stood between your legs, your legs touching his. He didn’t make a move to pull away, his slender fingers brushing against yours as he took the bandage from your hands and gently wrapping it around your wound. His hands were soft. Contrasting his personality and attitude, his hands handled you with a gentle touch.
“I told you to be careful before we left for the mission,” he said, securing the bandage around your arm. Your eyes drifted to his slender hands, veins slightly protruding as he applied pressure to the bandage. “And you didn’t listen.”
“You think I wanted to get hurt on purpose?” you retorted, rolling your eyes and wincing at the pain of your injury.
“Does it hurt?”
“Duh.”
“Weakling,” he finished wrapping you up, his eyes staring down into yours. “You need to be more careful next time.” his voice was almost a whisper, filled with a slight touch of concern.
“I know that already.” your eyes stayed on his. His sharp eyes focused on your face, his pupils darting around the details on your face. Was there something on your face? You felt a rush of insecurity and an embarrassing blush grew on your cheeks. “Is there something on my face? Why do you keep looking at me, huh? Got a crush on me or something?”
You watched Levi inhale deeply, his breath lightly brushing against your cheek and you suddenly realized just how close he was standing in front of you. Even though he already finished wrapping you up, he was still standing close to you, his legs brushing against yours. You watched his Adam's apple bob up and down as he swallowed nervously, his eyes going from watching your face to looking away.
“Don’t be ridiculous,” he warned.
“Oh?” you suddenly smiled with confidence. You loved watching him when you irritated him; he got annoyed so easily it was amusing. And when he got irritated, the warning look he shot at you with his eyes sharpened and hard, made you want to push his buttons even more.
“Is it really so ridiculous? Because you can’t seem to take your eyes off me, just like the other night. Am I really so ugly you’re unable to look away?” you remark, thinking about how he called you ugly the other night in a panic when you caught him staring at you.
“Yeah,” he agreed. “I’ve never seen anyone as unattractive as you are.” his eyes dropping down to your lips and lingering on them.
You don’t know why, but in the moment you wondered how he would react if you kissed him. The looks he kept giving you made you weak in the knees and you couldn’t help but want to give into your desires.
“Then why are you staring at my lips, captain?” you challenged, a teasing smile creeping up.
“Because you talk too much,” his eyes darted to yours for just a beat before dropping back down to your lips. “You talk too much…” he repeated, but this time it was a whisper, his lips hovering over yours. “And you’re too loud…” he whispered, his voice laced with a strange sweetness you had never heard before.
“I talk too much and I’m too loud? Oh yeah, then what else do you hate about me?”
“You’re too cocky,” he answers you, his arms coming down to rest on the chair you were sitting down on either side of you. You got a whiff of his scent and inhaled the smell of bar soap. “And when you’re hanging around the other scouts, you dance so horribly it hurts to look at.” his head tilts to the side almost as if he was ready to kiss you. All you had to do was move forward the tiniest bit and you’d get to taste his lips.
“You watch me when I dance?” you grin, tilting your head the other way and leaning in just a bit. When you leaned in, you noticed he didn’t make a move to lean away from you. You have never been this close to Levi, so now that you were, you felt a rush of excitement and wanted more of it.
“Yeah, you’re so bad at it, it’s entertaining.” you saw a small grin appear on his face, something you almost never saw.
“Oh yeah?”
“Yeah,” he quickly says before leaning down and lightly brushing his nose against yours, if he moved any closer his lips would be on yours. He exhales against your skin, his breathing uneven as he attempts to hold himself back.
When he doesn’t make a move, you grow impatient and lean in to kiss him yourself. To your surprise, he doesn’t pull away, but instead surrenders to his desires and closes his eyes. He is still for a moment, and you wonder if it is because he regrets kissing you back or if it is because he’s nervous. You lean in to him a bit, trying to signal to him to start actually kissing you back. The faint taste of black tea covers your lips before a sudden realization, and your eyes shoot open.
“Was that your first kiss?” you ask, pulling away and smirking down at him, the new memory of levi moving his lips against your clumsily in an attempt to kiss you made you smile.
His eyes widened in fear and embarrassment. “W-What? No!”
“Oh my, captain. I didn’t know you had this side to you. Wanna kiss again? I'll show you how to do it.” you wink, enjoying the slight blush that crept up on his cheeks as his eyes looked everywhere but yours.
“I’ve kissed people before!”
“Your mother doesn’t count.”
“I wasn’t talking about her!”
You grab his chin, tilting it downwards as you look up at him. “That’s cute. You’re cute. Kiss me again,” you lean in excitedly. After finding out how inexperienced he was, it made you want to kiss him even more. When you’re about to lean in and kiss him again, Levi panics and hastily puts his hands on his shoulder to stop you.
“I—what are you doing?!”
“What? You don’t wanna kiss me anymore?”
“You… you brat. You made fun of me,” there is a slight pout on his lips.
Oh. He was hurt you had made fun of him. Well, you didn’t know he was that sensitive to it. “Sorry,” you tell him. You stand up, stepping away from him because now you’ve just made it awkward and feel the urge to leave. When you wait for his response and it’s silent, you decide to leave.
Levi can’t believe what he just did. He let you kiss him?! What the hell was he thinking? Was he actually out of his mind? Of all the people there, why did it have to be you? All you ever did was annoy him with your stupid face and stupid and arrogant attitude.
But as he continues standing there after you had just walked out, he can’t help but want to go after you and apologize. He can’t help but want to tell you that he was just nervous and excited and that he didn’t know what to do and that he actually did want to kiss you.
Your lips were warm and soft and even though it was a moment, your kiss made him feel safe. Your kiss had him melting, wanting more. More of the kiss and more of you.
•••
It was freezing. Levi should have gone back to his room and tried to light a fire again and cover himself with his blankets and gone to sleep but his mind was too busy with thoughts.
Thoughts of you.
His eyes fluttered closed for a moment as he leaned on the fence outside his room’s porch, breathing in the crisp midnight breeze. In his head, vivid images of your lips on his invaded his mind. A pink blush crept on his cheeks as he recalled the exhilarating feeling of your lips on his. He hastily shook his head; he didn’t want to give into that feeling. He was falling for you and he was falling hard. He had to get his head straight.
Taking a deep breath in an attempt to push away thoughts of you, he walked back into his room and tried to light a fire again. His stupid clumsy hands couldn’t light the stupid fire and was getting annoyed. His mind jumped to an outrageous idea: what if he just visited your room so he could just use the fireplace there instead of wasting his time trying to use his? Was he just using that as an excuse to go visit your room? Of course not. It would be such a waste of matches if he lit his own fire. And, of course, he wouldn’t want to waste his matches…
Levi felt ridiculous. What the hell was he doing, standing in front of your door in the middle of the night and knocking? Was he that desperate to see you he had to come find you in the middle of the night? And what was that dumb excuse of using your fireplace for heat to come see you?
“Levi?” you raised an eyebrow in confusion when you opened the door. “What’re you doing here?”
His eyes immediately looked you up and down, admiring your figure as you stood there in your nightgown, waiting for him to answer you.
“Captain,” he spoke, at a loss of what to say. “Um, well it’s a little cold…”
“Yeah.”
“A-And I was trying to make a fire, but I couldn’t.”
“Okay.”
“So I thought maybe—maybe you had a fire going in your room.” he sounded awkward and rigid. God, why was he struggling to get words out that made sense? He was already mortified enough he came knocking at your door in the middle of the night, but he was even more mortified when he noticed the way you look. Your nightgown was thin, almost see through, and he could see the curve of your breasts through it, your nipples peeking out from the thin material.
“Well, as you can see,” you opened the door slightly wider and showed him your fireplace. “I do have a fire going.”
“That’s what I thought,” he paused, trying to decide how he wanted to ask if he could come in. No matter how much he thought about it in the mere second he hesitated, there was no good way to ask. No matter how he would word it, he’d sound desperate and obvious that he just wanted to come in and see you.
“You already said that.”
He decided to just rip off the bandaid; he already looked pathetic showing up at your room, there was no point in pretending anymore. “Do you mind if I come in? For the… for the fire? It’s a little cold.” he sheepishly asked, nervously rubbing the back of his neck. Jeez, he felt like such a loser.
Until now, he didn’t see you show any sort of reaction or emotion to him knocking on your door, until now.
You tilted your head in amusement, a smirk growing on your face. “Oh? Are you sure that’s the only reason you want to come in, captain?” you teased, leaning down slightly to meet his eyes.
Levi’s eyes couldn’t help but wander down to your cleavage, the cut of your dress was low and exposed you. “What other reason would I have?”
“Oh, I don’t know,” you feigned innocence. But if someone saw us, they could assume you’re here for something else besides just wanting to warm up…” you told him mischievously, your eyes checking the hallway for anyone. His eyes bulged and his breath caught in his throat, unable to come up with a response.
“I’m joking,” you break the silence, crossing your arms and smiling at his response. When Levi wasn’t lecturing you or yelling at you, he was cute. “Come in.” he walked in silently, choosing to sit on a chair as you sat on your bed.
“So what brings you to my room at this hour?”
He didn’t want to outright say it was because he wanted to see you, but he wanted to see you. “I’m sorry,” he began. “About earlier. I panicked, so that’s why I pushed you away.”
“No worries, there’s no need to apologize. I wasn’t mad.”
That was it? Levi was overthinking and worried that he had upset you, but you brushed it off like it was no big deal.
“Oh. Okay.”
“Was that all you needed?”
“Um,” he’s trying to think of something else to say—something else to say, so that he won’t have to leave (really so that you won’t kick him out and he has an excuse to stay), but his mind has been blurry since he stepped foot into your room. He is nervous: hands clammy and shaky, breathing uneven and louder than usual, and eyes struggling to meet yours.
“You look like you want to kiss me.”
“What?! No, I don’t!”
“Oh yeah? Then why do you keep looking at my lips?” you questioned.
He didn’t realize his eyes kept running back to your lips. He stands up abruptly, heading for the door in embarrassment. Levi reaches for the door, stepping forward to walk out. When he’s halfway out the door, he panics, quickly backing into your room, but he bumps into you.
“What’re you—” you had originally stood up to watch him leave and close the door when he backs into your space. You get a whiff of his hair, it smells subtle and clean.
“Shit,” he slams the door and turns around. “I saw someone in the hallway.”
“And?” you look down into his eyes, panic rising in them.
“What would people think if they saw me walking out of your room in the middle of the night?” he nervously says, fidgeting with his hands in front of him, his back pressed against your bedroom door as he looks into your eyes.
“Well,” you start. “Why are you really here anyways? Is it actually because you’re cold? Or is it something more?” your tone sounds suggestive.
“You’ve misunderstood.” he speaks, his voice barely a whisper and his eyes lingering on your lips.
“Did I?” you reply, your eyes dropping down to his lips. He licks them unconsciously, almost leaning in.
“Yes, I don’t like you that way.” a total lie.
“You don’t like me?” you smile and lean closer to him. He stands there firmly, his nose brushing against yours as he finally looks up into your eyes.
“Not at all.” he doesn’t even bother to try and hide the fact he’s lying.
“Then why do you keep staring at my lips? You look like you wanna kiss me.” you told him again.
“No,” he inhales sharply, his breathing uneven as he moves his mouth dangerously closer to yours.
“So what? You hate me?”
“Yes,” he leans in, pressing his lips against yours. His lips are still against yours for a moment before he pulls away, cheeks red and eyes droopy. “I hate you.”
Maybe it was because your room was warm and cozy and inviting, or maybe because it was late at night and he was just desperate and lonely, but kissing you had Levi feeling shaky and nervous but excited. Your lips were warm and soft against his and he found himself wanting to press his body against yours in an attempt to be closer to you.
He had tried so hard to suppress his desires to be with you, to be near you, to want you. But the walls he forcefully put up were crumbling so easily with a simple kiss from you.
He leans in again, this time more aggressive and desperate. You smile into the kiss—he had no idea what he was doing. But the fact that he was so desperate and wanted more so badly he was willing to make a move himself had you feeling warm and fuzzy on the inside. You pull away, his lips searching for yours as you do.
“Gentle now, captain.” you whisper. It felt as if he was in a rush when there was no need for that.
Your hand gently came up to his cheek, softly touching his skin. He leans into your touch, his eyes fluttering closed. It was like he was under a spell: he was so quiet and so desperate, it wasn’t like the usual Levi.
“Still hate me?” you joke.
His eyes open. This time, they’re no longer empty. His eyes are soft, focused on yours, hopeful of what is to come next.
“Yes.”
“I like you, too.” you lean in, kissing him slowly and gently. Your hands snake through his hair, tilting his head slightly to gain better access to his lips. His arms wrap around your neck, pulling you closer to him as he presses his body up against yours. His back is pressed up against the door, and you can feel his rapid heartbeat through his shirt causing you to smile into the kiss. He quickly becomes breathless, pulling away from you, his lips hovering over yours.
As quickly as he pulls away, he pushes himself into you again, longing for more. You kiss him back, your tongue lightly licking at his mouth, asking for permission. He hesitantly opens his mouth into the kiss. Kissing him makes you feel as if you’re drunk. It’s so addicting and so satisfying it makes you want more. You lick inside his mouth, your fingers tightly gripping the roots of his hair. You pull away, your fingers grabbing his hair and tugging on it and forcing him to look into your eyes. He breathes heavily, his eyelids barely open and lips glistening wet.
“Kiss me more,” he breathes.
“Why should I?” you tease.
“I want—no, need more of you.”
“If you want me that bad, beg for it.”
You wanted Levi to beg for it?! As if he wasn’t already embarrassed enough, you were going to make him beg for more? Did he look that desperate you thought you could make him beg for it and he’d pull through and actually do it? There was no way he was going to do that. Absolutely not. He’d rather—
“Please,” he automatically said. Even though his head was telling him not to, his heart wouldn’t listen. His hands run down your back and wrap around your waist. You can feel the warmth of his hands through your nightgown, his hands rubbing at your hips soothingly.
“Hmm?” you pretend you have no idea what he’s talking about. He leans into your side, his breath tickling your ear as he breathes in the scent of your hair. The hands on your hips pull you towards him, his hips pressing against yours, the pressure causing him to twitch in his pants.
“Come on,” he whispers as he tries to control his breathing. He felt unsteady, his breath uneven as he held himself back. “Don’t make me beg.”
He’s embarrassed. “Guess you don’t like me enough to beg,” you shrug, letting him go and crossing the room to sit on your bed.
Levi stays at your door for a moment, debating whether or not he wants to give into your desires. When his hand comes up to lock your bedroom door knob, you smirk. He makes his way over to where you’re sitting, politely kneeling down in front of you. He looks up at you through his strands of hair, his usual sharp eyes looking round and soft like a puppy.
“Please,” he says again. “Tell me what to do.” his hands come up to grab your shins, his fingers sneaking underneath your dress and caressing your skin gently. His slender hands make their way up to your knees and he tentatively lifts your nightgown to leave a loving kiss on your knee.
He looks back up to see you staring down at him, a playful smirk painted on your face. You can’t help but smile at the fact that Levi was on his knees in front of you, so willing and eager to do whatever you wanted. He looked so submissive—his back slightly arched, shaky hands holding onto you, and voice whiny. You felt a throb in your core, taking a deep breath in an attempt to control yourself so you wouldn’t pounce on him right then and there.
“Come up here,” you whisper softly and he follows you immediately and crawls up the bed, his legs straddling your lap as he nervously sits on top of you.
Your hands come up to squeeze his thighs, his muscles tensing as soon as you do. He wraps his hands around your neck, pulling you closer to him as your eyes move to his neck. You imagine he would look good with hickies. So you lean in, leaving a small kiss on his neck. After a few small kisses, you can’t help but nibble on his skin, biting the sensitive area and sucking on his soft skin. He reacts quickly, pulling you closer to himself and pushing your head into his neck. It is faint and quiet, but a small moan escapes his lips and his hand comes up to immediately cover his mouth.
You wanted to hear more. As your tongue traces his skin and as you start leaving marks on his neck, his head tilts back in pleasure, whimpers beginning to leave his pretty lips. He bites down on his bottom lip, gulping as he tries his hardest to stay quiet. But the more he whimpers, the harder you suck on his skin, and he can’t help but start rocking his hips involuntarily.
“Hnghh,” he whines, his hips rocking against your thighs, desperate for some friction. Your hands move from his thighs up to his ass, grabbing it and squeezing shamelessly as his hips rock faster.
You pull away from him, cupping his ass one more as he whimpers in pleasure. Levi looks down at you, eyes dropping down to your lips as he leans in and licks at your mouth. This time the kiss is sloppy, rushed, and impatient. The more time that passes between the both of you, the more desperate you become. You bite down on his bottom lip, aggressively pulling him into you as you kiss him harder.
“Haaa,” he pulls away breathlessly, his rocking hips slowing down. “I’ve run out of patience.”
“I noticed.”
“I want it so badly. I want you so badly. P-please,” he huffs.
“Have a little more patience, Levi.” you stroke his cheek tenderly. “We’ve got the whole night.”
He blushes, his hands coming up to reach for the first button on his shirt. “It’s a little hot in here,” his hands tremble, failing to undo his button.
You smirk, watching him nervously try to undress. “Trying to give me a show?”
“Stop-stop teasing me,” he pouts, grabbing your hand and bringing it to his chest. “Undress me.” he demands.
“Whatever you say, captain.” your skillful fingers work at his shirt buttons, easily undoing them and pulling his shirt off for him. He’s slender but muscular, and when your eyes admire his figure, you spot his hardened erection through his pants. He doesn’t bother to cover it up out of embarrassment, instead, choosing to grab your hand and guide it to where he really wants it.
You start gently rubbing him through the cloth, his hips slowly, rocking against the friction of your hands. You were surprised he seemed so open about what he wanted—you had thought he was going to be shyer. You stroked his hard dick through the thin material of his pants, his head leaning into the crook of your neck. He breathes in and out slowly, trying to keep his composure but it slowly begins to fade the more aroused he grows because of you.
He whimpers, his hips slowing down to a stop. “I’m ready for more,” he whispers against your ear and climbs off of you, grabbing you on top of him as he lies on the mattress.
“Hmm,” you begin, your fingers slowly undoing his pants. “How many people have you been with, Levi?” you asked innocently, your hands tugging at his pants. He lifts his hips up, allowing you to slip off his pants and underwear. His hardened cock lies against his flat stomach, glistening with his pre-cum.
“Not many,” he answers. “I don’t have a lot of experience.” he continues shyly and looks away in embarrassment.
“Cute,” you grab him, your hand stroking him from his shaft to his tip. You lean over him, sticking out your tongue and letting saliva drip onto his tip, making sure to maintain eye contact with him. His eyes widen, surprised at what you’re doing but pleasured. Your saliva coats him, allowing you to more easily stroke him, your thumb circling over his tip. His hips automatically thrust upwards into your hand, his own hands gripping the bed sheets. You feel him twitch in your hands, smirking to yourself as you bring your mouth down to him once more.
Levi’s mind is hazy and his judgment is clouded. It’s like he’s under a spell from you, he desires so much from you and is so willing to do absolutely anything for you to fulfill those desires. His head tilts downwards to watch you, your eyes hungry and determined. He can’t help but whimper even though you haven’t gone down on him completely, he is just desperate for anything at this point. He watches you smack his cock on the tip of your tongue playfully, your hand expertly stroking his shaft. He moans, making sure to cover his mouth so that nobody else hears but you.
His eyes are still trained on yours though, watery as tears begin to fill his eyes. He feels your mouth take in all of his length, sucking him in as your hands massage his thighs. He feels you forcefully spread his legs wider, and his cheeks heat up. If it weren’t for the low lighting in the room, he would collapse from embarrassment. It was something about him splayed out on your bed, legs spread open by your hands that had him feeling a little too exposed and humiliated. Strangely, he liked it. He enjoyed being underneath you, allowing you to do whatever you desired with his body.
There was something about Levi in tears, whining and whimpering for more underneath you that had you shaking in excitement. His whimpers were like music to your ears and all you wanted in the moment was to hear more of it. He wasn’t afraid to hold back how good he was feeling and it made you want to please him even more. You took him in your mouth once more, your tongue swirling over his sensitive tip. His hips can’t help but thrust again, and you hold him down, pushing down on his thighs with your hands. You come back up, your mouth leaving a string of saliva as you pull away from him. He already looks out of breath, his forehead slightly glistening with sweat as he struggles to catch his breath.
“You look like you need some relief,” you tease, crawling up to straddle him. You begin lifting your dress to take it off, and his eyes immediately drift to your breasts. He watches you undress in silence, choosing to quietly admire you from a distance.
He chuckles quietly, his hands grabbing at your thighs. He rubs up and down at your skin, his eyes focused on yours. “You look like you want to sit on my face,” he replies.
“I think you’re the one who wants me to,” you smirk, moving to hover over his face. You catch a glimpse of excitement and arousal in his eyes.
“I do,” he confesses. “I want to taste you so bad,” he continues, biting down on his bottom lip. “Please—please let me.”
“Well, since you seem so desperate.” you smile, grabbing the headboard in front of you as he grabs you, forcefully sitting you on top of his face.
His tongue immediately comes up to lick you, and he moans. His hands snake back to grab your ass, pushing you further onto his mouth as he struggles to find your clit. You chuckle, angling your hips and thrusting in his face so that your clit gets the stimulation you need. You begin to ride his face, your hips aggressively thrusting as he moans into you. You wonder if he’s struggling to breathe, so you pull away a bit, but he pulls you back into him, his hands squeezing your ass cheeks as he laps at your pussy, whimpering in pleasure. You pull away, his face shining with your wetness and cheeks rosy.
“Not bad,” you tell him, grabbing his chin with your hands. “Now it’s time to open up, captain.” your fingers ghost over his lips and he automatically opens them, taking in your two fingers. His tongue is warm and wet and swirls around your fingers as his eyes close in pleasure. He moans against your fingers as you shove them deeper into his mouth, making sure to coat them in his saliva. When you pull them out, you bring your fingers to your wetness, rubbing at your entrance.
“Fuck,” he whispers, his hand coming up to stroke his dick as he watches you tease yourself. He moans again, watching as you rub your clit, your fingers teasing yourself once more as you insert a finger into yourself. You moan, thrusting into your own fingers and Levi strokes himself faster, captivated by you.
“Please,” he starts, tapping your thigh with his hand politely. Cute. “Fuck me, please. I need you so bad. Please, please fuck me.” he desperately asks, his eyes tearing up once again.
“Oh? How badly do you want it?” you hover over him, rubbing your clit on his dick, your hips slowly grinding against him.
“Ahh,” he moans and grabs your hips and presses you onto his cock. “Please… please ride me. I want you to fuck me so badly, please.” a tear slides down his cheek, more tears swelling in his beautiful eyes.
You feel yourself throb as you hover over him, patience thin. You push yourself into him, taking in his cock and throwing your head back in pleasure. You tighten around him and feel him throb inside of you. You bite down on your lip to contain your moans, making sure to keep quiet. Levi, however, was the total opposite. He was so aroused and so desperate and so turned out it was like he had completely forgotten that the walls were thin and it was late at night and people were trying to sleep. He was moaning loudly, tears escaping his eyes as he cried out to you in pleasure. He was thrusting upwards into you, frantic for some friction. His hands were gripping his bedsheets once again as he fucked himself into you, whimpers escaping his pretty lips.
“Fuck,” you mumbled as you bounced on top of him, taking in his dick. “People are going to hear you if you don’t quiet down.” you warned, leaning down to get closer to his face.
“Hnngh, I’m sorry,” he whispers, tilting his chin up for a kiss. You give in, sloppily kissing him as he opens his mouth to let you in, moaning into your mouth as his hips begin thrusting faster. You pull away from him, breathless as your hand sneaks down to rub your clit. He pulls you into him, holding you close as his hand strokes your hair lovingly. You feel him breathe against your ear, whimpering in pleasure as you continue to ride him. You feel yourself growing closer, so you begin to ride him faster as his moans grow louder in volume.
“H-Harder,” he breathes. “Please fuck me harder.” he pleads and you oblige, your hips speeding up along with his thrusts. He’s more vocal now, whining your name and moaning as if there isn’t somebody sleeping right next door.
“Haaa,” he sighs, face flushed and hips struggling to keep up. He throws his head back against the pillows, panting in pleasure and hands coming up to grab your thighs, fucking himself harder into you. You feel the familiar knot in your stomach, your pussy squeezing down on him as you rub yourself, hips stuttering as a wave of pleasure takes over and you cum, toes curling and holding onto his hands that grab at yours. When he feels you cum on him, he whimpers and bucks into you, unable to hold himself back any longer. You pull yourself off of him and he moans, his cum spurting out and landing on his stomach. His face is flushed and he’s out of breath; he looked beautiful.
His eyes bore into yours, and it is silent in the room except for the sound of both of you catching your breath. As you come down from your high, you climb off of him, your legs trembling. Levi immediately sits up, grabbing your shoulder gently to sit you back down.
“I’ll help clean up,” he assures you, leaving a kiss on your cheek.
After the two of you clean up in silence, he wonders if you are going to let him stay there, or kick him out. Now that the two of you have given in to your desires to have sex, what now? Should he confess his feelings to you now that he’s realized them, or wait for you to say something? What if you just thought tonight was nothing more than a no strings attached sex? His heart sank at the idea. He didn’t want that at all. He wanted to be with you. He wanted to be yours. Watching you finish changing your bed sheets, he awkwardly crosses the room to stand next to you.
“Um,” he starts, and you stop what you’re doing to look at him. “Do you need help? With—with your sheets..?”
“No, as you can see, I’m done.” you gesture to your made bed.
“O-Oh,” he pauses, nervous and unsure of what to say.
You look at him, watching him rub the back of his neck out of anxiety and awkwardness. “Levi,” you start.
“Captain,” he automatically responds.
“Do you like me?”
His eyes widen and he appears to be taken back. “Uh, I—Yes. I… I thought it was obvious.”
“You never actually said it. I was the only one to confess.” you point out.
“Oh.” here it was. Here was the moment he had to pour out his feelings and confess his love for you. The only thing was, he was so horrible with words.
“Um,” he starts. How many times has he said that already? Jeez, he felt so stupid and nervous and embarrassed. “At first—I thought I hated you. I thought you were a horrible captain and bad at your job and annoying and a terrible dancer and I also thought you talked way too much and sometimes it would give me a headache and you’re also really cocky, but—” he stopped himself. Why was he insulting you? He was supposed to confess his feelings and all he did was start insulting you? What the hell was wrong with him?
“S-Sorry. I’m sorry. What I’m trying to say is—I… I like you. A lot. And… and, if you—I would like to be yours. All yours.” he pouted, disappointed in his confession of love.
You smile, pulling him into a sweet kiss. “Well, you could’ve just said so, captain.”
•••
“Did you hear?” you overheard Armin whisper quite loudly to his friends as you sit a couple tables away from them in the dining hall with Levi. He was drinking tea as you munched on a sandwich.
“He confessed his feelings to her! Captain Levi?! Can you believe that? I always thought he hated her!” he said excitedly, hitting Eren’s arm.
“Please, she’s out of his league.” Jean pointed out sourly, a hint of jealousy in his voice.
You thought you were the only one listening in on them, but when you look over to Levi, he’s smirking in victory after hearing what Jean said.
“How do you know that?” Mikasa asks Armin.
“Hange said she saw Levi walking into her room a couple nights ago around midnight,” he begins. “And she said they were loud! Especially captain Levi!”
You eye Levi, and as soon as he hears what Armin says, he spits out his tea, coughing as his eyes widen in embarrassment. You laugh, rubbing his back to soothe him.
“I warned you that someone would hear.” you tease.
“That shithead Hange—” he coughs again, his face turning red. “Shut up, you brat.”
•••
a/n: thank you sm for reading! i didn’t mean for it to be this long lmao
m.list
#levi#levi ackerman#aot#attack on titan#aot levi#attak on titan levi#levi x you#levi x reader#levi fluff#levi smut#levi fic#levi fan fic#levi ackerman fic#levi ackerman fan fic#levi ackerman fluff#levi ackerman smut#dom!reader#dom reader#aot fic#aot smut#aot fluff#aot fan fic#fem reader#sub levi#sub!levi#sub levi ackerman#sub!levi ackerman#levi ackerman x y/n#levi x y/n#fluff
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I absolutely LOVELOVELOVE your Reverse Falls HCs from what I've seen :). I would love to ask more about so much aspects haha.
What is Reverse Ford's main goal in this universe?
What is Ford' and Stanley's backstory?
Mind sharing some info about Reverse! Dipper and Reverse! Mabel?
HOKAY. i will use this ask to talk a little about the reverse stans' backstories because i have Some Ideas. as always full answer under cut bc its got images and rambles galore
in my mind, the gleeful family association with magic & the supernatural starts with caryn's phone psychic business, and ford having "The Gift" while stan ABSOLUTELY doesnt. but in real terms that means just having a really strong intuition and being able to guess well. (at least thats what filbrick and caryn thing. ford genuinely thinks he has some semblance of psychic ability and so does his mom, but they just havent properly honed it yet) and so ford is the preferred child for that, instead of his smarts really. ford is also obsessed with the supernatural still, but it's more focused on the magical aspect.
ford and stan's relationship ends up being close because stan is the only one who believes ford about magic. i mean there are other reasons but thats very important to ford
ford, seeing how stan has always had his back by believing what he says about magic, offers to try and "tutor" stan into having The Gift. drilling him for hours by holding up cards and making him guess, stuff like that. but yknow, since both of them are kinda clamoring to inherit their mom's business, stan kinda ends up relying on ford for everything, and theyre taking on almost a mentor-student relationship when theyre Literally Brothers.
instead of west coast tech, the scholarship ford is being offered is for a famous performing arts school after his teachers saw him take the leads in school plays year after year. they tell him a scout will be at their school's talent show, and ford decides he's going to put on a stage magic show (with stan as his assistant). this time, not only is stan worried about ford leaving, but also, since they've both been working towards a really similar thing (performing for a crowd), he's really worried he'll never get a chance to show off that HE has skill, too! ford brushes him off about this saying that he'll put a good word in for stan when he's at performing arts school and stan is like "ok." and agrees to be his assistant.
in the middle of ford's show, he goes rogue, trying to show the scouts that he can be just as skilled as ford is, and completely screws up the trick he ends up performing. ford doesnt get that internship, ford is furious, so is filbrick, stan gets kicked out, you know the rest.
ford goes to backupsmore and double-majors in both theatre and whatever he majors in in the show. he plans to move to gravity falls because of its high ratings of weirdness. after stan got kicked out, instead of becoming a traveling salesman, he becomes a street magician who doubles as a pickpocket. stealing peoples' watches and stuff. he runs around all over the place
ford digs up four mystic amulets once he gets to gravity falls and stays there for a while, and is like "oh man i can USE these". so how i imagine the amulets to work is that they're kinda like, a conduit through which you can learn legit magic? like casting spells and stuff. but he probably only needs one so he keeps the other three in his house (and that's how the kids eventually find the others)
and of course thats how he starts up the tent of telepathy!
but he wants more. he wants to make the world pay for ever calling him a six fingered freak. and he wants to prove to the world that his magic IS real. he can't just lie sequestered in gravity falls forever. so he goes hunting for more answers about gravity falls' weirdness, and how he might be able to get more POWER to make a show so good the entire world will see... and that's how he summons will cipher! will tells him about the portal, and how itll open up a dimension of weirdness into his own, and ford accepts on those terms, looking out just for himself. then he asks fidds to come help with the portal, fidds walks out on him, he shackles will to him in a deal, but they both realize they don't have the manpower to run the portal. reluctantly, ford calls stan up, telling him to come and that it's important.
...but of course that doesnt go well. stan initiates a physical fight and ford ends up getting sucked into the portal. will is left alone with stan, who tells him he can buzz off because HE certainly doesnt want him around. stan works for the next 30 years to get ford back because he wants ford to finally be the one who has to suck up to HIM and owe HIM something.
at some point, mason and mabel's parents become unable to take care of them and give them to stan. he reluctantly takes them in, but soon after, not only do they find the amulets but also journal 2, and they end up reactivating ford's deal with will, getting passed down to the "next of kin" after stan rejected it. AND THATS SORTA WHERE THE SHOW STARTS. THUMBS UP.
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Markus Sircantus my favourite fanfic writer tell me... How does one cope with Technoblades passing?
IM SORRY THIS IS KINDA OF A SERIOUS ASK- I DON'T KNOW HOW TO WORD THIS RIGHT BUT- When the "so long nerds" came out I just balled my eyes out, I cried all night (it was night for me when I received the notification) and I was really wrung out the morning after it in school, and people got kinda worried about it and I explained it but- I was 18, it felt silly to cry over a person I never met before (and with gaming content) I really liked his content and it was all I watched in the pandemic but I just. Like. Stopped watching. because I got self conscious about being sad about it, and I thought I had moved on? Accepted? The grief lasted a day but I never thought much about it bcz I never watched his content again.
But now I catch myself thinking about him, missing to watch his streams, wanting to watch again his videos but- every time I see a bit of him, hear a little of his voice, MY EYES GET ALL WATERY AND SHIT, I CAN'T SEE HIM WITHOUT CRYING AND IT SUCKS. I don't really have time to get all sentimental eeeewww emotions but I miss him, I miss him so fucking much.
I've been following you for a long time now! But I have to admit that I only recently got the courage to read one of your oneshots that got Techno in it, its been a good while I didn't read your fics ;v; (sorry).
So... Sorry for the long ask LMAO, I'm just wondering how you- probably a person that likes Technoblade more than me- got over it and ON TOP OF THAT WRITES OF HIM! Please show me the path, enlighten me with your wisdom....
(sorry if I was rude somewhere- If you don't want to you don't need to give me an answer, thanks for the time reading it tho! And thanks for your fanfics! It was really a comfort for me in the down times :3)
(also sorry this is anonymous I'm a coward)
Well, Im actually not quite sure how to cope with it at all. Only the passing of time has made it easier for me to swallow, and in all honesty, i still havent been able to watch any of his videos since. I still flinch in hearing his voice when it shows up on my feed. But i write about him without a second thought, and i guess a reason for that is because at some point i accepted that my writing was a way of keeping him alive. My stories are a comfort for both myself and others wanting to continue to find joy at the thought of him, and i desperately needed comfort in the months after he passed, so i just kept writing until the bitterness stopped.
Its also like. Im kinda stubborn about feeling Bad. Grieving sucks and i hate feeling it and i hate crying so much that i refuse to let it linger and ill cram my head with anything else to let the worst pass. I dont think about him being dead. i just think about how happy he made me feel. I focus on the fact that he was really fucking funny and how he was an inspiration for thousands, and i focus on the fact that he still continues to inspire me in making more silly family dynamic fanfiction. I just dont think about it too much, thats all. I dont have any wise advice to share, haha, just that i try to keep my habits for his memory and for my happiness’ sake
#honestly writing dsmp in the height of its popularity was a joy like no other#and im not gonna be like oh i miss it wish it was the same bc i still have it#im still writing#nothing is the same but im still writing so im still happy#eh i dunno for a write i dont have a lot of words to use for this#im not good with grief
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Hi, I have been following you for some time and just read you also have cats. Can we see them or can you tell us about them? I love seeing people's cats but can't have any since I'm allergic.
oh gosh, this is like the ultimate-nicest-ask any person could ever recieve and i still made you wait for the reply, im so so sorry!! classic case of unlucky timing happend - your ask came on the next day after one of our cats had to be put down through euthanasia. im only now feeling like talking about her, hope you'll understand <3
also warning: someone here is obsessed with their cats so prepare yourself for a lot of pictures!!!
so this is her, our obachan that was somewhere around 16-17 yo at the moment of her death (no one knows how old she was for sure, and we called her a necromant bc doctors predicted her death like 10 times and she lived and lived and lived. our friend said that everytime death came for her she just stared at it with her unblinking eyes, forcing it to leave lskdjflkdsjf)
near the end of her life she had no teeth, progressing cancer, brain tumor that caused epilepsia but she still was the god's smallest gremlin, (and the most adorable too) creating havoc everywhere she went
the other cat that we adopted is this little goofball
she literally found us on the street near our home back in ulan ude and just followed us there asking food. she was our neighboors cat, but they left her behind after moving, saying some bullshit like they coudnt catch her (while she was activelly asking to be held when she came to us. she was pregnant too, and very, very anxious)
she is the most shy cat i ever met; text book wall-flower, but now after almost 5 years together she is much more brave!! tho she still scared of blankets and towels for the reasons that makes want to return back to uu and violently kill her previous family
also can anyone tell me what is this
and heres our first cat and the only one we havent adopted from the street but from a different family!! she is the youngest and the cheekiest little seagle that loves to terrorize everyone and since she is very very cute - she gets away with it every time
she also is notoriously hard to catch in a photo, and when we finally able to - she is just chilling in the most bizzare places like in the freezer
on the toilet cistern
on the computer box
on the bysicle seat
inside the drawer inside the box
on the bench
inside the cat bag
i found one (1) picture of her in the bed and it looks like this
like almost anyone who has cat family member - i could talk about their little habbits for hours but i think what i already said is too much so im putting myself on the leash here lkjsdflkjasjd thank you so much for listen to my rumblings!!! i cant deny it feels kinda healing to talk about all of them now and that happened thanks to you @dabenport so sending you a lot of hugs!! ٩(ˊᗜˋ*)و ♡ also i have allergy on cats psldkf;sdkf;lkd;lf so i hope that maybe one day you'll be able to find less allergic cat friends to share your life with!!! im sneezing a lot but its worth it
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hey feel free to ignore this if you want!
ive been following u for a while even tho i havent started learning a language because your posts just seem neat
so i wanna get into learning french, and i have a teacher im gonna reach out to after ive started a lil. i just wanted to ask, where would you recommend an absolute beginner to start? cause a lot of things are too vague and thats overwhelming 😭😭
Hi! Good luck with your French journey!
I totally know what you mean and the trick is to make it less vague. Here is how I approach this problem:
Get yourself some materials. They don't even have to cost money. Find some apps (I love busuu and mango), some textbook you like the look of (can be a pdf or charity shop find) and a notebook (can be virtual but I recommend paper)
Write down the reasons you want to learn French. These can be super broad or super specific. Write as many down as you want. This will help you keep motivated and will help during the next step
Identify what you actually want to achieve in French ie do you want to be able to read books? Talk to people? Travel to francophone countries? Do business in French? Watch movies? Understand music? Based on your answers you'll be able to adjust your planning and emphasize the skills that are most important for you. Ideally your skill set should be well rounded but it's way less overwhelming when you have some clear goals
Set aside a specific schedule for studying French. Every day for a couple of minutes? Every other day for an hour? Every Thursday for two hours? Whatever feels manageable. Ideally, this should be as regular and as much as possible. But that can be really overwhelming and unrealistic if you're busy. Try to find a good balance so that you can make regular progress and have time for revisions to not immediately forget everything
Slowly wade into the material. Most textbooks and online resources will focus first on things like the alphabet and pronunciation, greetings and introductions, numbers, the weather, time, directions, hobbies, food etc. Take it one step at a time
Try to use different resources in addition to apps or textbooks. For example it's difficult to learn grammar just from an app (especially since apps like Duolingo don't really teach grammar) and you'll probably want to have a textbook with exercises and solutions too. But apps are great for vocabulary building and revisions. Music, podcasts and films are great for listening comprehension and immersion. In the beginning you don't even have to understand anything and can totally use subtitles to get a feeling for the language. You can also try a graded reader for A1 after a bit.
It's really important to use the language as early as possible so try finding people to practice with, which can even be online, start writing posts on here even if they're just single sentences, talk to your pet or houseplant. This will also help you gain confidence before you reach out to your teacher.
I hope this was helpful!
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im thinking about getting an ipod or mp3 player of some sort bc im opposed to spotify and streaming services.. have u always had an ipod or did u make the switch back at some point? the only reason i havent done it yet is its kind of intimidating thinking about building up a library of downloaded music + it will be such a big switch in the way i listen to music...which i think is a good thing! i'd like to start using bandcamp more to find new artists i can support w monies but other than that i suppose i can go back to youtubetomp3 like when i was a baby...idk penny for your thoughts on ipods/ the music listening landscape of today?
DO iTTTT !!! i got my ipod from the pawn shop a year ago and never looked back .. Still listen to music on youtube when im at home but i haven't had spotify since 2019. for a few years before the ipod i would just download songs to put on my phone but haveing an ipod is sm more...satisfying 😽 so nice to hold in your hands and pretty to look at. the clicky wheel is totally heartfull ugh! it's just such a lovely litle piece of technology. technology at it's peak really.
U can use soulseek to download music ~~~ become a soulseek cutie! youtube2mp3 works too but soulseek is a whole experience in itself. Plus its muchmore efficient. my ipod dont have much space so it's basically just all my most fav most played albums on there. and then yeah when i want to listen to random one-off songs youtube is always there. Like lately i've been obsessed w building my summer youtube playlist cus it's nice to be able to share that w others too. between ipod and youtube i got everything i need for any situation that may arise.
i dont have beef w spotify like its just the default option rn and i put my music on there for that reason! dont have beef with it it's just not the listening experience pour moi because i dislike all things algorithmic due to my (borderline neurotic) tendencies toward making my own decisions. back when i used it , it rly got on my nerves. But nowadays i'm neutral on spotify ^_^ it helps ppl find my music while i get to be far removed from it so yay ❤️
oops this got kind of long.... TLDR; get an ipod, get soulseek, enjoy the journey discovering & building a library of your own making, for everything else there's youtube ! ty for asking lovely :] pmd9 xx
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I love The Knight (Reverse: 1999) which means that I will be thinking angst about them.
So far, these are the things that I've thought about;
- Oder is supposed to be Alde, who is Oliver's sister and the fianceé of Roland. Considering that Oder died, I feel like he must've been just a tad bit heartbroken lol... Which is funny because in the epic it's reversed... OMG REVERSE 199—
- He's a spirit now, and he's dead. There must be some sort of delay from his death to his 'ressurection'. Imagine if he woke up, wondering where everyone went, having memories of the war, then realizing that he is merely a spirit, or atleast knowing that everyone he knows and loves; families and friends, are all dead. 1200 years is a long time.
- He said that's it's been a "while" that he celebrated the Knight Comic Festival, which is set on his birthday. I feel like he'd be replaying the memories of the Festival in his head during his birthday, perhaps talking to the plants and making up stories about the nature around him. I thought it'll be cool if Druvis III heard The Knight's stories via plants but wasnt really able to pin-point where he is(?). I'm sure they havent met but it'll be cute if they met and Druvis realizes idk it's not canon lol
- The fact that he calls himself as "Someone" and not "I/my/mine" gives me the thought that he doesn't think that his name is worthy enough to even refer to as himself. Sure he'll talk about Roland but he wouldn't explicitly say that HE is Roland. Though at the same time its like he has accepted it since his Monologue says that he'll just start anew and acknowledges that his past will be forgotten. Imagine being the only person that knows your beloved comrades....
- I wouldn't say he's depressed, but he's WAYY too casual about the things that happened, which means that he has already moved on, but hey, he misses them sometimes (or maybe always). In his times of solitude, he'd probably think about how things would be if he didn't die, if Oder didn't die, or just some minor changes in his life.
- Since he's a person of piety, I feel like he'd imagine his friends and family just waiting for him in the afterlife. Perhaps since he's just a spirit now, he'd never see them again. Though like I said, he probably moved on from it, and now that he knows APPLe, Vertin, An-an Lee and the others, he cares about them and wishes not to leave their side so soon. He's loyal to Timekeeper as well too, so that's a plus! We love healthy-minded characters here.
- Usually I think of the character's Insight 2 as something that's canon in their story, whether it will happen in the future, current or in the past. So to see The Knight's Insight 2, where he's bowing infront of an angel, and based by his anecdote and his past, I'm thinking that perhaps he recieved some sort of enlightenment, I mean he has Durandal, and from what I know, the one issuing the "Tap of the sword" uses their *own* sword, and not the sword of the knight (CORRECT ME IF IM WRONG PLS). But then it could also just be the angel giving him a "knighted" ceremony again as a Spirit now that he's uh, dead. He still has value as a knight, and he will faithfully do his duty. I'm so happy that he doesn't resent it and actually takes pride in it.
- Since he's a spirit now, and spirits doesn't really, necessarily eat/drink, he would probably find it filling to just see the team having fun, enjoying snacks and having drinks. Perhaps he'd sometimes think what it would be like to eat/drink again, but in all honesty he'd probably just be happy that he now has someone to talk to.
That's all I have rn...
Additional (Unrelated):
- Him and Dikke would act like parents while APPLe is the cool uncle, sorry I just like to think that Regulus and Matilda would be close...oh and Sotheby too! Sotheby would def be talking to Dikke as a second opinion! Yasss found family
- For some reason I'd think he wanted to be a father at some point but chose to dedicate himself as a knight, and now just 1.2k years later he's..acting upon it to idk, Oliver and An-an?
- APPLe is the first one he connected with deeply after a very long time. But then I fear that APPLe will die at some point and the friends/family-dying thing repeats again :(. And even if APPLe lives he would be devastated about Regulus and the others passing away.
#headcannons#hcs#a knight reverse 1999#reverse 1999#a knight#angst#sotheby reverse 1999#regulus reverse 1999#apple reverse 1999
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Im sorry, can we get nsfw for headcannons for Venti, i miss them🥺
Mime Time- You orginally asked for sfw and nsfw so we get both because we havent talked about them much.
Sfw
Ventri is exactly 8'8 ft. Part of that height is their shoes but I will not say how much. They're more reserved than shy, but they do act timid around you. Most of the gifts they give are visible , but once you get to know each other you start to feel a ring band around your fourth finger
As their name and a few posts imply, Ventri is a ventriloquist along with being a mime. They are able to perfectly mimic voices just by listening to them long enough. Ventri has a number of puppets for different reasons, but the two that matter most are the grumpy clown one they always have and one of you that they use to encourage themselves when they are down.
While Ventri is younger, they often played the "mom" role for their older sibling and make an excellent caretaker. Since they can't normally talk, taking care of you is one of the ways they show their affection. Even before you met you'll find clothes folded on your bed or meals in the fridge. Ventri also can't eat so they like to stare at you while you do it instead.
Ventri is more of a stalker than aggressor meaning they like to follow you around and don't often make contact unless you are in trouble or they are giving something to you. They wear a locket with a picture of you sleeping in it
Like their brother, Ventri has an "imaginary friend" too
They have an excellent singing voice, but you can only hear them sing when they use the right puppet. This puppet in particular is usually used to vent their inner thoughts. When you're in the equation, most of the songs they sing are love songs
Nsfw
Ventri is definitely a bashful lover in the bedroom. They feel a touch uncomfortable without their puppets, but they would never bring one in the bed and have to work around it.
They prefer to use their fingers on you than the actual act. Due to their size there may be some minor issues, but Ventri favors your pleasure over their own. Their tongue has been sewn into their hand too so that definitely does something.
They love when you're verbal/tell them what to do. Your voice is one of their biggest comforts and they like being the one you call on. It'd be hard to catch them in the act because they are very careful about it, but Ventri has used their you puppet in private for reasons you can probably guess.
Without the stitches in their mouth, Ventri likes to leave marks on you. Their bite can be a touch painful so they don't do it unless you consent, but even the smallest nick will leave a scar which is what they want
#Ventri my oc#yandere oc#yandere#yandere x reader#yandere scenarios#yandere headcanons#yandere imagines#yandere x you#yandere insert#yandere blurb#Yandere clown#yandere x darling#yandere x y/n#yandere smut
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just read ur recenmt kanoshin comic and it made me smile so wide with joy. i think the way shintaro just says straight up he wants to be with kano is really good bc in the end thts very shintaro. it takes him one million years but once he knows what it is exactly what he wants he will get it bc hes the protagonist smthn smthn story lol. but kano is litearlly the exact opposite of that. he barely knows what he wants most of the time but the times he does "know," he will just make reasons he cant have it. and in this au there r many potential reasons. maybe the only thing he really KNOWS he wants is his own suffering bahahha. anyway thanks for the kanoshin i havent been able to get myself to draw them lately but maybe i will now bc i feel like jesus starvuing himself in the dessert
U GET ITTTT. love ur kanoshin insights because U Get Me.
kano making up reasons why he can't have what he wants.... and shintaro just going for wants he wants.... i kick my feets with joy when ppl get what im putting down. like, shintaro kind of just had to work through some internalized homephobia. other than that he has no real problem liking kano LOL. he's like oh it's a little weird he's my ex's brother but her and i are cool now im sure she'd be totally ok with it yaaaay. he's a dumb son of a bitch💔
i know i wrote the comic but im so team kano. imagine that as an extremely traumatized, avoidant and filled with trust issues guy, you get in a situationship with a guy you had an ultra big fat repressed crush on 10 years ago, and that guy is the lamest, most self centered person you have EVER met, and at the same time he's your sister's ex boyfriend of 2 years and current father figure to her adopted kids because he is also the kindest most heroic person you've ever met and of course he has kids. with your sister. fuuuck. and he's totally earnest and keeps trying to formalize the relationship but again ur avoidant and cautious AND! he and ur sister played this romantic love story plot together for years and continue to be in each other's lives and they have a freaking family rn so why the hell would you accept his attempts to make things official?? you think no one knows ur sister better than you and you know he's STILL extremely SPECIAL to her, and when he finds that out he Will leave you for her. and it would be completely humiliating to be dumped at that point because all the stakes are against you, raising kids with his ex girlfriend? YOUR SISTER??? come on what were u even thinking kissing him Once are u stupid. even after he dumps you for her you'd see him all the time because he'd dump you FOR YOUR SISTER.
so add to that, you find out THROUGH HER that he agreed to artificially inseminate her. so they will have biological BABY together??? are you joking. id also throw him out of my apartment.
shintaro expecting anything else drives me crazy. and yet he's also not super wrong. kano and shintaro start their thing a lot after shintaro had been inserted in ayano's family unit. he's been around since she adopted the first one, he was the one to help her through it all. so kano can't really have an opinion about it because at that point its been years of shintaro and ayano playing house. and allegedly he and kano are nothing more than casual so what CAN he say about shintaro and ayano? and from shintaros perspective, he doesn't understand why kano even gives him the time of day if he doesn't wanna Date him. he might not be bright on social cues but shintaro is freaking smart he knows kano at the very least enjoys time with him, he knows that's real so what the hecks the problem??? shintaro assumes kano has commitment issues. which ig isnt super far off and maybe also an issue but Definitely not the main problem. like if the whole ayano and kids situation didnt exist, kano Would eventually come around. but shintaro doesnt even think that.
shintaro just fails to see his closeness with ayano as the red flag for kano bc he sees them as isolated parts of his life. SHINTARO YOU'RE PLAYING DAD AND ARE ABOUT TO GET HIS SISTER/YOUR EX GF PREMEDITATEDLY PREGNANT *SHAKES HIM*
he HAS made so much progress in 10 years but shintaro hasnt entirely shaken off his protagonist tendencies... i think the biggest problem here is that shintaro still doesnt recognize himself as the kid's dad lol he just think he's ayano's good friend helping her out every other day. but no he is literally their dad.
anyways a match made in hell ive got doodles of where i wanna take it but.. i dont see kano coming around AT ALL lol no matter how i go abt it the damage is done lmao and at the end of the day this story thingy IS about ayano and shintaro, who are... well... kind of selfish. so... im sorry kano. you are the collateral damage takane was talking about
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Tell me something about Sin that you've been dying to type a bunch of paragraphs about!!
THANKS FOR THE ASK SOL !!!!!!!!
okay so a joke i frequenly make about sin but have genuine feelings about is that, despite being raised by sol "what are feelings?" badguy, sin ended up being SO emotionally intelligent. like sol would not have ever had any sort of conversations regarding fuckin empathy or the like with sin, he was too busy TYING THE KID TO A TREE when he was busy, yk? (dont have enough time to dig into all of my feelings on sin's upbringing lmao, i could write a whole different essay about that)
ANYWAYS! yeah. sin has a lot of issues in overture, and he feels...like he's full of a lot of rage and resentment over a lot of things. i can't entirely speak on everything as i still have yet to watch a playthrough of the entirety of overture (i know what happens! i just havent seen all of the nitty-gritty interactions with him and others) but i know that he's got a lot more rage in him then he does in xrd. which of course makes sense, since he's still in the process of understanding and eventually re-accepting ky, and he's gotta interact a lot with him on a personal level in overture, notably without dizzy to mediate, which i personally think is likely how things went down before she was frozen.
anyways i wanna move onto xrd because i have a lot of feelings about him in sign, STARTING with his conversation with sol at one point. he's just got out after talking with ram for the first time, and sol is telling him to give it up and sin recognizes this for exactly what it is, that sol is showing his own lack of trust and actively choosing not to follow him in this, and while after this is pointed out sol worries that he's trying to turn sin into him, ky is actually the one to recognize that sin understands him at his core. i mean, of course. sin's spent probably more time with sol than he's spent with anyone else, and i find it interesting that he came out of that, not being cold and callous like sol has become, but the absolute opposite. i think he trained himself to be almost the opposite of sol, to be able to see through the walls that his guardian puts up and really understand a lot of what he's getting at. it makes a lot of sense, honestly!
i'd also like to bring up a line that he says earlier in sign, which is, "my heart always has been, and will be, open to all" and i think the real thing that cements this being absolutely TRUE is that it's towards elphelt, almost immediately after being told directly by elphelt that she's quote unquote "hot shit" akin to ram. look if he was the same person as his father or his extra father he'd be worried! but he's NOT! he very much is the type of person to trust in a person and that's important! because without that they never would have worked with elphelt to the degree they did, they never would have tried to save her and thus figured out fucking EVERYTHING with rev, they never would have gotten ramlethal as an ally, none of it! because sin had trust in them and took the time and energy to pay attention to them and try to actually emotionally connect with them, and he was a big part of the reason that ramlethal realized she had feelings!!!! fuck!!!!!!! hes integral to the plot because he is inherently kind!!!!!!!!!!!!!
also fuck. fucking hell his relationship with ky. again. i could write a whole different essay on this and it WILL be covered in bread fic which yes will be updated i swear it. anyways. it takes a lot to willingly accept an effort to repair a relationship and put in effort yourself. and it takes MORE to realize the other side of the situation, especially when it's familial. i just. fuck dude. sin cares so much about his mother and through that finds a new path of caring about his own father whom he hated for almost all of his life. fuck dude. he called him dad. he called him dad. i cannot stress enough how much it fucked me up the first time i saw that scene i was crying in public about it i love them so fucking much dude. so much.
anyways this is a big old ramble but fuck sin gets narrowed down to "haha stupid large child who eats a lot" by a lot of people and i think more of us should recognize that while yes he is a 5 year old who looks jacked and yes he does have the funny eat move, he is also an incredibly kind and emotionally mature character
#ask#solradguy#guilty gear#sin kiske#fuck everyone im putting this in main tags too#honestly#my writing#it deserves to be in the tag
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thank you for allowing people to vent their frustrations or discuss whats been happening in your inbox, a lot of qsmpblr from what ive seen wants to ignore anything besides brightest side outlooks and they shove everything else down by labelling things like the spreading of the latest updates as "doomposting".
i personally havent seen any actual doomposting (expecting the worst possible scenario, ex. "the server is over and will never come back") from anywhere besides a small handful of people who hate quackity on twitter, the closest i can find here is sentiments like "yeah i dont know if ill be back to actively watching every day even if everything is fixed" or "im so disillusioned at this point that im not coming back until we get concrete proof things are better" where its people personally deciding to (often temporarily) leave the fandom, not any actual doomposting or discouraging anyone to still follow the server because "theres no chance anything will ever be fixed".
so yeah, thank you for allowing stuff besides the most positive of takes in your askbox <3 im too scared to post stuff on my own because of the toxicly positive mindset on qsmpblr, so being able to vent my frustrations in your askbox really helps!
Tbh I don’t blame people who are complaining about what they see as « doomposting ». When you love something you don’t want to wake up every morning learning about another set of bad news on it, instead you want to believe that everything will be fixed and that you will soon be able to enjoy it like you used to.
However the situation IS bad. People are talking about negative things because they ARE happening. And it isn’t just some random drama like this is a situation that affected negatively on people, could even be considered breaching some laws and, also, be the end of the project. I don’t like saying that, obviously, but it’s the truth.
Saying it’s joever already won’t do any good but so will blindly hoping that things will be better. Tbh I’m happy that I haven’t seen much of both of these takes except from the extreme sides of the fandom (out of all the anons I got since it started very few were extremely negative, no hate to them btw feel free to vent in my askbox i just chose not to post them).
People can stop watching qsmp altogether, or just keeping to their fav ccs streams, some can chose to keep watching like they did before for X reasons, others are straight up leaving the fandom, it’s all fine, we just need to understand everyone’s perspective without jumping to judgement.
Side note : One thing I won’t tolerate here is hate on the admins who spoke up though (this + the usual assholery aka random hating, bigotry etc)
Personally I haven’t watched a qsmp stream since the situation was exposed but thats just because I don’t want to support the project rn and can’t enjoy the content knowing what we now know. That’s just me though !
Anyway rant over kkkk thanks for the nice ask anon ! Weirdly I think keeping track of the situation and answering so many people who had questions/wanted to air out their thoughts is what helped me not dwell on my own sadness regarding what’s happening ahah
#qsmp discourse#also if anyone feels like im doomposting u can block me it’s fine#i’m just a rando on the internet if u feel like my blog is too negative rn just disintegrate me#man this blog was created at first to vent about my fav eggs and ship how did i get here
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how would you rate every a' song & ciel song ever! looks
yippeeeeeeeee !!!!!! heart heart
ill start with ciel bc he has less songs lol
Ache&Deny – worlds most predictable baby ( me ) ok anyways im just a reallly big sucker for kenns vocals in this song. the guitar Also gets me so bad really fucked up how its Always there . even when the loud drums come in . eheh :my eyes tear up: i dont have any comments for the lyrics unfortunately ( mg illness doesnt allow it . . . )
Heaven's Door – i really like the instrumentals for this song also . also always a big fan of when lyrics reference religious concepts and stuff like literally wahtever ( htis is just like hanadoll . sorry )
BLACK ANTHEM – religious concepts again. hi i think hes so interesting stares off into space did you know that die fledermaus is thw name of a german operetta . which im pretty sure is why in the intro ( and the instrumental breaks ) there is the opera like singing. so cool right thumbs up emoji
LUV (Your) StiNG – i just think he sounds really good in this one . no further comments :scratches head:
Vibes – i actually reallly lvoe the lyrics of this song it sucks i cant place it higher . sinc ehe only has five songs. bursts into tears sorry ok also random but it just feels really criminal for vibes ro be last. i love this song i just love the others more for various reasons waaaahhhhh
aaaand for a' 👍 im so excited for his headliner release in :checks calendar: october . strained smile
Pinch102gou – worlds most predictable baby pt2 ( its still me ) i dont even have a really good explanation other than the instrumentals have kept me captive for literally forever. oh yeha and i rlly kimuryos vocal performance its very cool . . . the lyrics are ❓️ if im being honest.i still dont know what he meant but its fine. i like it i dont have to understand
SorakaraHuruYume – this song makes me want to shatter into ten billion pieces i have a hard time listening to it purely bc it makes me stupidly emotional whej i thinkna little too hard in fact i havent even fully listened to it in a while bc i keep skipping and avoiding it cause i get really sad LMAO im ill
THE MIRROR HOUSE – this peaked i love it veryvery much the contrast between it and sorakarahuruyume is wild to me. anyways tho i like to look at the lyrics and jst sit down and think a bit its his second song talking abt mirror images . . . hrmmm
Kamukamu Miracle – I LOVE THE LYRICS FOR THIS SONG. theyre truly as fun as the instrumentals if we ignore his mental health streaks . its season one :] hes just a sillyguy :] and whatnot anyways this is Truly a nsfw song to me heart heart
RE:Morse – big fan of mirror imagery and stuff. i feel liek the lyrics here are an interesting glimpse into how a' views himself and his issues . . . . not rlly sure how to articulate my thoughts on this aside from theyre just kinda Separate from his identity raaaahhh what am i saying
Dakara Onegai Dakara – this song fucks i think it should be listened to more 👍 the lyrics are surprisingly ( or not rlly surprisingly bc this is a' afterall ? ) serious despite his instrumental whimsy what do you mean do you want to kill yourself why are you asking us man /silly
Masaka no Massacre! – worlds biggest sin is that i have literally never been able to find a tl for this song. who cares tho ig it can still be peak to me
Papipupepo de Rarirurero – no one loves this song like me. itd be second place if not for factoring in lyrics . the lyrics are ok papipupepo and rarirurero are really fun to say tho and i can spell it out without having to double check myself anymorw . heh
Yoiyami ni ainori – i looooove how this song sounds . nodding the lyrics are also interesting to me with the various meanings of some phrases in it
Crazy≒Nutrient – i rlly like how it sounds. im not gettung into the lyrics :seal eyes:
#HAPPY – the lyrics for this song are really sweet to be honest. a' happiness ambassador . . . . . . . . . . . . . . i like this song 👍 to be honest maybe it shld be a little bit higher but the instrumentals dont strike me as much as some of his other songs and such . but yes i think everyone shld read the lyrics nodding
Calling Cat – everytime i listen to this song i think of lady gaga im sorry anyways its a very solid song tho i think the lyrics are an interesting read . glimpses into his strange as fuck mind as they say(?)
Ningen Yametatte yo – this song is Very heavy instrumental wise. i think it is neat still . . . yeah :]
Yotsuba CLOVER – i wish i liked this song more like. its very good its jusr surprisingly not up my alley . the lyrics are quite nice however so hearttt
Mirai e – this song is alright . j feel like id like it more if i cld find a tl for the lyrics WAAAAHHHHH anyways not too much to say i feel like unfortunately. i do like the music break its very fun sounding everything else was just Average for me. is this mean
S≠O≒S – waaahhh. i have a complicated relationship with this song. i think the lyrics are ok and the music is fun but i juust feel like his other songs are Better im sorry sos i still like you
KKK->E – another one i cant find a tl for my misery but its ok 👍 this one is a weaker a' song imo like i like it but its not very nsfw soundign thay sounds awful hello . you know i mean it just doesn't sound like their bands usual music to me
#✧ letters !#✧ ruya !#me after takign almost 3hrs to decide how to do my rankings#hey ruya we should rank Every drvo together next time i think itll be silly#also can you tell i reordered them after writing the notes . . . . . . . . i had a hsrd time deciding#🎶
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