#and i have no fucking regrets about it either

[angstywaifu]

Black Dahlia - 33. An Unlikely Hero

Summary: Celebrations for Reunification Day are well under way. But it's not a day for all to celebrate. Something a certain family member makes sure she doesn't forget.

Garrick Tavis x OC (Dahlia Aetos)

Black Dahlia Masterlist | Masterlist | Support Me

The party was now in full swing, the crowd a mix of pale blue, cream, navy blue and black. The one time of year all the Quadrants interact in celebration of our win over the rebellion. I wave at Austin, Liz and Kai who are with the rest of our squad. I want more than anything to go join them, but I’m stuck with Dain for the evening. Garrick was right, for someone who normally didn’t care about people I sure gave a damn tonight.

”Well I hear you two are excelling in the Quadrant.” A familiar voice says from behind, turning to see General Sorrengail looking at Dain and I. “Sounds like I have some promising prospects for our front line when you two graduate.”

”Thank you General. Hopefully we can serve our nation proudly.” Dain says with a smile I swear he reserves for when he’s sucking up to his superiors.

”I’m sure you will. With signets like yours on our side, nothing can stand in our way.” She says with a smile that doesn’t quite meet her eyes. She almost looks… worried. Why would she be worried? “Anyway, I have a lot of people to see. Enjoy the night.”

I watch her leave, unable to shake the look in her eyes from my memory.

”I see your usual entourage are missing.” Dain notes as he scans the crowd.

I scoff, “Can you blame them? Were celebrating the death of their parents. If you were in their shoes would you want to be here?”

He narrows his eyes at me. “They aren’t the only ones who lost someone on this date.”

Ouch, low blow. And he knows it. I swear I see regret in his eyes before I turn, his hand grazing mine as I walk away, heading for the staircase I know will take me back up to the corridor leading back to the quadrant. I hear him call out to me but I ignore him. He knows I am well aware what today means for us. It had been years since I’d been reminded due to this celebration taking priority. But I still fucking knew.

”Disappointing. Just like always.” His cold voice drawls from behind me as I reach the corridor.

I turn and see my father leaning against the wall, his gaze down on the crowd below. He’d been watching me. Probably waiting for me to sneak off.

”Like I said in that tower, I’m use to being this disappointment. Just another day for me.” I tell him sternly, noting the tick in his jaw at my words.

”And always will be it seems.” He states as he turns his attention to me. “First your mother. And now you fall in with that lot.”

”You know that day wasn’t my fault.” I hiss at him as I bawl my hands into fists at my side.

”It was entirely your fault. If you hadn’t gone running off with those infantry boys, nothing would have happened. If you had been in training like you were meant to, nothing would have happened. And today wouldn’t be tainted by what you did.” He snaps at me as he stalks over to me.

”I didn’t throw the rock!” I nearly yell at him, instantly regretting it as fury washes over his features.

”You might not have thrown it but you were the reason it was thrown. And you chose to throw yourself in with those marked ones. You made those choices, and you will deal with those consequences.”

I shake my head, chuckling nervously at his words. “Trust me, I deal with them every day thanks to you and your lies. But don’t worry, those marked ones you’re so worried about aren’t an issue any more.”

I hated to speak the words, but they were true. I’d already noted how Xaden had been more reserved around me. How much quieter Bodhi had gotten with me. Even Imogen had been around less at training. Either due to me reverting back to the usual cold demeanour I’d had prior to coming here, or due to what had happened with Garrick. Either way, I’d already noted the shift since that night.

”Ah, they finally figured out the disgrace you are. They were going to find out eventually.” He sounds almost pleased by the idea.

”She’s not a disgrace.” Someone calls from behind me, my body going rigid at their voice.

No. Why the hell was he here? He shouldn’t be here. Not today. He should be far away from here. He didn’t celebrate today, and he’d made it clear what he thought of me attending. And yet he was here. Right behind me and…. defending me?

”Please, that’s rich coming from someone like you.” My father shoots back as he narrows his eyes while looking over my shoulder.

”Well aware. But she’s not a disgrace.” Garrick states, his footsteps getting closer and closer.

”And what would you know about her?” My father says cockily, as if he has the upper hand.

”A lot more than you it seems. She’s strong, determined and a hell of a strategist. Hell she’s been running circles around me all year with out blinking an eye.” Garrick rattles off with ease. “And it’s not just me she’s doing it to. She could probably run circles around most of the Wingleaders without a second thought.”

”She’s only like that because of me.” My father lying through his teeth.

”No.” I say loudly, my father shifting his attention to me. “None of that was because of you. All of the was because I was trying to get your approval. When I was young and naïve enough to think if I could do better than Dain that you would love me again.”

”There is nothing you could do to get my approval after killing your mother.”

The words leave his mouth so easily I barely register what he’s said at first. But he said it. He said the words he’s only ever spoken to Dain and I. I look over my shoulder at Garrick who is right behind me, as if standing guard. He doesn’t even seem phased over my fathers words.

”Is that what you tell yourself at night to make you feel better?” Garrick says without missing a beat.

My fathers eyes meet his again. “How dare you speak to me like that cadet. How dare you stand there act like you know better than me.”

”And I will continue to do so, because it’s abundantly clear you know nothing about your own daughter.”

As I look at Garrick, I don’t think I’ve ever seen him this angry. Not even at me. The way he looked at me earlier feels like nothing to how he’s glaring at my father. He was the epitome of if looks could kill. And for the first time since I was a kid, I was actually worried for my father. But I can’t help but feel something else. A feeling I can’t describe because I’ve never felt it before. Not even an hour ago Garrick was pushing me away, being completely shut off to me. And now here he was defending me like I mean something to him.

”And you think you do?” He snaps back at Garrick.

Garrick fucking smirks at my father while crossing his arms across his chest and leaning towards him as he looks down at him. “Definitely. Because if you did you’d realise how amazing she is without any of the so called help you denied her of.”

My father scoffs, taking a step back from Garrick and I. And with a shake of his head he turns and marches down the stairs I’d just come down from. I breathe a sigh of relief as I watch him disappear into the crowd below. Garrick might have won this one for me, but I knew this was far from over. Especially with Garrick stepping in.

I turn and look at Garrick, unsure what I should say. There’s a part of me that wants to yell at him for defending me like that and stepping in. But there’s another part of me that isn’t quite sure how to feel about it. No one had ever defended me like that. Especially not to my father.

”Why?” I ask him finally as I turn to look at him.

Garrick shifts his weight from one foot to the other, his eyes flickering with something I can’t quite place. Hesitation, maybe. Or guilt. “Because it was the right thing to do,” he says simply. “No one should talk to you like that, not even your father.”

His words hit me harder than I expect them to. I cross my arms, partly to shield myself from the sudden vulnerability I feel and partly to keep my hands from trembling. “You don’t understand. It’s… complicated. My father and I—”

“It doesn’t matter how complicated it is,” he interrupts, his voice firm now. “Respect isn’t something that should come with conditions. You deserve better than that.”

I blink at him, stunned. No one had ever said anything like that to me before. The air feels heavy between us, and for a moment, I don’t know what to say.

“I didn’t ask you to fight my battles,” I murmur, though the words feel weak as they leave my mouth.

Garrick lets out a soft laugh, but there’s no humour in it. “You didn’t have to ask. Sometimes, people need someone in their corner, even if they don’t realise it.”

I look away, the knot in my chest tightening. I hate that his words make me feel seen in a way I’m not ready for. “You’re awfully quick to play the hero,” I say, trying to keep my tone light, but it comes out sharper than I intend.

“I’m not trying to be a hero,” he says, his voice softening. “I’m just trying to be… someone you can count on.”

The sincerity in his voice disarms me, and I feel my defences crumbling, piece by piece. I shake my head, letting out a shaky breath. “You don’t even know me, Garrick. Not fully.”

“Maybe not yet,” he admits. “But I’d like to. If you’ll let me.”

I nod, dropping my gaze to the ground as I try to figure out the whirlwind of emotions swirling inside my head. Which wasn’t uncommon in the last few weeks and months since that night in the gym. I look back up, Garrick’s hazel eyes already on me, watching and waiting. There’s a softness and warmth to them I’m not use to seeing and it sends my heart into a chaotic rhythm. The last time he looked at me like this was in that tower after I’d used his signet.

”Garrick….” I start, but I’m unsure what I want to say to him.

”It’s ok,” he says softly, his voice barely above a whisper. “You don’t have to say anything.”

But I do. I want to so badly. But I have no idea how to put into words the whirlwind of emotions I’m feeling. Instead I take a step closer, feeling the space us shrink, my heart now pounding loudly, so loud I’m sure he can hear it. Because it’s all I can hear right now.

He doesn’t move an inch, watching as I step towards him. But his eyes flicker down to my lips for the briefest second, enough to make my breath catch. I swallow hard, trying to stop the slight shake that has started in my hands. Before I can stop my self I raise my shields, closing this distance between us as I grasp his flight jacket in my hands and pull him down to me, pressing my lips to his. Fuck it.

@imtoanonymousforyou @simplyme-fornow @omalmal @lalaluch @wolfbc97 @leptitlu @fullmoon-94 @the-fandom-ness @fan-of-many-bands @awkardnerd @heeseungthel0ml @acourtofsmutandstarlight @fairchild06 @freyagallileaevans @pit-and-the-pen @hannraumari @elliot-rain @thestarseternaal @stupid-and-contagious01 @hyperfixation-train-station @lxnvmvrzx @thebreadisthetruevillian @red0202 @fangirling-galore @craftytrashprincess @taliyahvermillion @xadenswhore @fenixyrie @lagrandeourse @hellodarling1357 @iambored24601 

[yangjungwonisms]

Dress- YJW

warnings: NSFW| dirty talk, semi-public sex, choking(only a little), MDNI 18+

You knew as soon as Jungwon stepped through the door today that you were about to have an interesting night. For one, he was in a much better mood than he normally was after work and secondly, he was clingier with you than usual. Not to say he was ever in a bad mood when he came home but today it was different. He hadn’t let you out of his sight once since he got home, immediately wrapping you in his arms for a hug and planting a kiss on your lips. You two stood like that for a while just enjoying being with each other. But every time you tried to walk away to continue with what you were doing he’d just pull you back into him and pout whenever you tried to leave. “Baby no don’t move please. wanna hold you, missed you so much today”. You never could deny him when he started asking so nicely. “Wonie, what has gotten into you today? Is everything okay”? At that he finally released his hold on you and walked into the next room. You followed him just a little confused about what he was doing. “I’m perfect baby, just missed you is all. Hey, I’ve got an idea, let’s go out tonight. We can get all dressed up and go out for drinks and then go have dinner”. You had to admit, the idea did sound nice, it would give you a chance to actually spend time with your boyfriend which is something you hadn’t gotten to do much of recently. “That sounds like a lot of fun baby. But are you sure everything is okay? You seem different today”. He simply turned to you, smiled and winked before answering “I’m fine baby, I promise. Just wanna take my pretty girl out on the town and spoil her”.

You’d never seen Jungwon get ready as fast as he did tonight. He was showered and dressed within 30 minutes leaving you to take your time. Eventually you had to lock him out of your room because he was starting to become a distraction. It had started with him sitting on the bed watching you with what you can only describe as a predatory look in his eyes. Then when you weren’t looking he had come up behind you placing little kisses up and down your neck. “You look so beautiful princess. Can’t believe how lucky I am to have you”. You turn around quickly dodging his embrace “Jungwon baby thank you but I need you to go away. If you want us to actually leave the house you need to let me get ready in peace”. He walked backwards towards the door putting both of his hands up in surrender “sorry baby, I’ll leave you to get ready in peace” and with that he closed the door behind him. You felt a tiny bit bad for kicking him out of your room like that so you thought you’d reward him later for being so good to you.

Once you had finished getting ready, you walk out to the living room to grab your jacket signaling that you were ready to go. Before you could go anywhere Jungwon looked up at you letting out a wolf whistle “damn my baby looks gorgeous for me”. No matter how many times he complimented you it always made you blush. “Thank you baby, dressed up just for you”. Jungwon was really starting to regret his suggestion to go out, not that he didn’t want to take you out and spoil you, he just really wanted to fuck you more. One look at him told you that. “Hm, I'm the luckiest man in the world, baby. We should get going now yeah”?

The entire ride from your place to the bar was one filled with tension, you were both displaying extraordinary amounts of restraint so as not to jump each other's bones in the back of the cab. The bar Jungwon took you to was very fancy and in a great neighborhood. He was able to steal you two a booth tucked away in the corner. Over the course of your time at the bar you two may have been drinking more than was planned originally. You two weren’t drunk by any means but you weren’t exactly sober either. But the thing that always seemed to happen when you two were tipsy was that you both became less aware of your surroundings and more aware of each other. The touches started out innocent, but quickly became lingering. Eventually that meant Jungwon placing a hand on your thigh, inching it up ever so slightly. If you were sober it might’ve been nearly imperceptible but the slow drag of his palm against your skin made you feel like you were on fire. Without the watchful eyes of anyone else he leaned in and started kissing you, pulling back just enough for it to appear innocent from the outside. “Baby, you look so sexy for me. Can hardly control myself right now”. You didn’t want him to either, one word from either of you and he’d have taken you right then and there even if you were in public. You grab his hand slowly inching it in between your thighs but stopping it inches away from the intended destination. He tries to move his hand so he can finally touch you the way he’d been wanting to all night. “Do you wanna know a secret”? He was hoping you’d say you wanted him just as much as he wanted you. “Tell me”. You pull him into you leaning forward just enough to place a delicate bite on his ear lobe “I’m not wearing any panties”. Once you said that, you released your hold on his wrist. With absolutely no hesitation he moved his hand just enough to come in contact with your pussy. He started to touch you albeit with less urgency than he normally would’ve had. “You do this for me baby”? Your only answer was a nod of your head. “Get your things, we’re going”.

Jungwon was eerily silent the entire ride home, you thought maybe there was the slightest chance he was mad at you for doing that, but what you didn’t know was that he was trying to control himself. But it was another story once he got out of the cab, he was perfectly fine waiting until you had gotten up to your apartment but then when you moved to step out of the cab he saw the briefest flash of your bare pussy and he lost all semblance of control. When you had entered the lobby of your apartment building he did a quick glance around to make sure no one was out there before he dragged you into the stare well. You had no time to protest before he had you pushed up against the wall. “Fuck baby, you’re so dirty leaving the house without any panties on”. Before you could wrap your mind around what was happening Jungwon snuck his hand up your dress wasting no time finding your clit and rubbing it. He’s quick to throw his hand over your mouth, silencing any moans that were threatening to slip out. He’s quick to grab your leg and hitch it up before he starts fucking two fingers into you. “So wet for me baby, was this what you had in mind when you chose not to wear any panties tonight”? All you were physically able to do was nod your head. He’d kept the pace of his fingers slow and steady, you surmised it was to work you up further. Just as he’s finally started to pick the pace up he’s quick to pull his hand out of your dress at the sound of someone walking down the stairs.

Before you two could get caught he pulled you out of the stare well and back into the lobby. You knew one look at you two would show how flushed you were and how hard Jungwon was in his pants. The wait for the elevator was torturous, Jungwon was all but flush against your back trying to hide the hard on he was sporting. You two were lucky enough to get an empty elevator. As soon as the doors close Jungwon is back on you once again, trapping you in the corner of the elevator and kissing you like a man starved. You knew your time in the elevator was coming to an end so you snuck your hand in between the two of you and palmed him over his pants. The way his hips immediately start rocking into your hand leaves you both dizzy. If you had the time you would’ve gotten on your knees and given him the best head of his life right there for everyone to see. Instead what you do is pop open the button on his pants and push them down just enough to pull his cock out. You can tell he’s taken aback by the sudden movement. He tries to stop your movements but you’re too quick, taking him in your hand. Your movements are quick and slightly impatient setting a punishing pace for him. “Fuck baby, we can’t do this here, anyone could see”. He was such a hypocrite, having had no issue fingering you in the stare well where anyone could’ve seen you two at any moment. “Hm but do you really want me to stop”? His hips had started to grind forward creating more friction for him. “No please don’t”. That’s what you thought. Taking a page out of his book you speed up your movements and start whispering into his ear, which is a move he always made on you. “Baby, you have no idea how much I need you to fuck me right now”. As he goes to speak the elevator stops, Jungwon is quick to tuck himself into his pants pulling you in front of him to hide what had been going on. He does this in just enough time before someone steps into the elevator. The air is awkward between you two, you could tell by his body language Jungwon was irritated.

You’d no sooner walked into your apartment before Jungwon had you pushed up against it bringing his hand up to wrap ever so slightly around your neck. “Did you think that was funny baby? Answer me”. You should’ve known you wouldn’t get away with your stunt back in the elevator. “Just wanted to make you feel good baby”. He doesn’t buy it for one second, scoffing while tightening the grip on your neck. “Should make you get on your knees for me baby, but I’m too impatient for that. Need to fuck you now”. He takes his hand off your throat to undo his pants and take his cock back out. He’s too impatient to undress you, opting to push your dress up around your hips. He picks you up, wrapping your legs around him. He’s about to push into you before you grab his hand and move it back to your throat. He’d only ever choked you a couple of times, each at your request but never during sex. He’d never be able to put into words how much he liked when you asked him to choke you. He pushes into you, bottoming out in one swift motion. He’d normally wait for you to adjust to him but the way your pussy is sucking him in he can’t find it in himself to care. His pace is so fast that you can’t catch your breath. But it’s also so good that you don’t care about anything else but the way his cock feels inside of you. “Am I fucking you good baby”? You were shocked he even needed to ask you that, especially with the way you were moaning for him. “You- fuck- you always fuck me good baby. Can’t get enough of your cock”. You aren’t sure how he still has the energy to fuck you against the door when he’s pistoning into you how he is. “Always so good at taking my cock baby. Been waiting to fuck you all night”. You’re all but screaming his name at this point, overwhelmed by everything, by the drag of his cock inside of you and how good he smells up close. You’re overwhelmed by the way he’s looking at you and with the sweat starting to drip off of his hair. In short, you’re overwhelmed by him. “Fuck Jungwon, I’m gonna cum, you’re gonna make me cum baby”. His hips falter at that, a telltale sign he himself is about to finish. “Gonna cum too baby. Where do you want me”?

You’re so far gone that when you babble out your answer to him you miss his reaction. “Cum inside me please, it’s okay”. You two had never had sex raw before, even though you were on the pill it just never got brought up. “Princess wants me to cum inside her huh? Fuck- you’re gonna take what I give you then”. With a few more sloppy thrusts Jungwon buries his face into your neck letting out the most sinful moans before cumming inside of you. As soon as he pulls out of you, he all but collapses on the floor pulling you with him. You two lay there for a few minutes trying to catch your breath. Jungwon is content in that moment, but he knows that he’s nowhere near done with you tonight. “What got into you tonight Wonie”? He himself isn’t even sure, he just knows when he saw you once he got home from work that he needed to fuck you good and hard. “You got into me baby. Don’t tell me you didn’t like it. I felt how wet you were at the bar”. He had you there. You were just as insatiable as he was. But before you could go to answer he’s flipped you around so he’s laying on top of you. He leaves kisses down your neck slowly moving his way down your body. “Hmm baby, I’m sorry we didn’t get to dinner tonight. But I’m going to have to insist we skip straight to dessert”. With that, your night was about to get a lot more fun.

[bleedingichorhearts]

𝐈𝐧𝐬𝐩𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧

𝕬𝖚𝖙𝖍𝖔𝖗: No summary, rather tame, but this like a warning of how far Blasius can go. However, I didn’t include everything as to not spoil his story.

𝕿𝖆𝖌𝖌𝖊𝖉: @kit-williams, @egrets-not-regrets, @bispecsual, @gallifreyianrosearkytiorsusan, @sleepyfan-blog.

+@c-u-c-koo-4-40k.

TW // Smut, Tentacles, Things Where It Shouldn’t Be, Crossing Humane Boundaries.

|°𝕄𝕒𝕤𝕥𝕖𝕣𝕃𝕚𝕤𝕥°| {Set Validity}

You’re not quite sure how you got an appendage stuck down your throat with your hands grasping up at Blasius like your life depended on it. You were just trying to move about your own house in the kitchen. Trying to find something to make, swaying your hips then bam! You're suddenly laid back on your own counter with your legs spread open for a certain, bulky marine to take place like he does fit. His armor body completely leaning over yours as the openings in his armor give a squelching sound. The ceramite pieces moving up and down in a breathing-like pattern, telling you that he is not what he seems like from very up close.

“Blasius.” You breathe and talk when you can. Without feeling his tentacles go beyond the humane boundaries of the back of your mouth and down your throat. Feeling like he was searching for something inside of you; trying to push himself further down (without hurting you of course). You were grateful when… throatfucking? With Blasius as you’ve practically trained yourself not to gag at his peculiar actions. His actions that were claimed to be more brutal than what you have read in the books and seen in a couple of movies��

In all honesty? You didn’t think it was too bad. To be… tentacle fucked by the Death Guard. To feel how he could reach places no other sexually active man could, but like a… a doctor could… It was strange, but not bad at all. Pleasurable really. There really wasn’t a time you felt like shit in the morning or at nights or the next… day? Or was it weeks? Either way, you felt too numb and tingly inside to even feel and think about the possible pain he could bring you. If you think he did, you’re pretty sure he would succumb to a lowly puddle as his goal was not to make you feel bad at all. He wants you happy with possible kin growing inside of you.

He creates this… slime around his mass? When he goes to town with you, lathering you with it. It’s nothing harmful sexually or even normally. More like it was just a type of… saliva lobs? Acts like a lubricant and scent marker more or so, but he only produces it when he thinks he’s going to get hot and heavy with you like right now. The joint's of his armor is starting to get slick and drip down onto your clothing. More tentacles coming out to rub the strange slime into your clothing and wrap himself around you the more he can stick and shove his tentacles inside of you, very eager to stuff you with everything he can.

He rumbles down at you, saying the only thing he knows how to speak. “Nest Mother, Nest Mother, Nest Mother.” His words only increasing repetitions when he can smell and feel you weaking beneath him; slowly submitting to his ways of trying to mate with you. He knows immediately what makes you tick. What makes you scream and squirm, and he absolutely loves it. Loves to make you feel overstimulated and at his mercy. He is just doing so well! Isn’t he? Oh, he is! Look at your tearful eyes! Your body is restricting around him too! Let him take care of you like this every day, yes? Yet, he knows you like your independency…

Though, that doesn’t stop him from trying to put a baby inside of you. From anywhere he can: stomach (god damn Xenomorph,) womb, ovary’s, urethra(male.) He will have his damn dream of filling up a nest with his own, blooded kin one way or another. Even at the cost of talking to a Thousand Son to somehow up his chances. Perhaps, he can learn a thing or two from them too.

However, right now he’s just focused on the tight heat of your mouth. How your muscles still pulse with warmth when he’s so far down, nearly going past your diaphragm. His tentacle a bit curled and constricting as he makes sure you can still breathe out of your nose so he can continuously explore the anatomy of a female human. He had too many calls where you have passed out on him, and he gets really sad, and whimpers about it. Believing that he immediately becomes a bad mate towards you for his instinctual actions.

You can feel how everything curls inside of you though. It doesn’t hurt, just… strange. It feels evasive, but it’s gentle. It confuses your brain just a bit. Should it push; throw up this foreign thing out of you? Should it not? You seem to like this thing down you a lot… You’re still taking his tentacles either way. He won’t mind the acid in your stomach. Hell, he eats people. You're the most delicious thing he will tenticalfuck. Anything that tastes of you is better compared to what the grandfathers' brews.

You groan as a squelch sounds out between your saliva coated lips. The tentacles deep in your throat showing no mercy, testing your own limits. Your hands patting Blasius armor that was- is practically curled around you: your hands patting him 3 times. Your senses a bit overwhelmed whenever he tries to push the limits of humanoid you.

He rumbles lowly in response, but ever slowly and purposefully drags his own tentacle out of your throat, mouth then back into his mass with swirly motions. A rather excessive amount of your own saliva and his slime still connecting to two of you by the bottom of your lips and his moving mass beneath his armor. It truthfully should have felt disgusting, sinful, but something in your mind just… blocks those thoughts. You find nothing wrong, nothing dirty about taking in this very much inhumane creature before you with the lower half of his armor trying to rut up into you between your legs.

“Oh, Blasius.” You sigh his name, leaning your back down a bit on the cold counter. A shiver going through your body as your legs try to move around his mass and hook around him, and you do, in a way. Your legs ending up under his armor and squeezing slightly at his mass. The slime of him, and the internal heat of him more sensible there while you can feel his armor cover your legs as well. His gauntlets, full of gleaming tentacles exploring the side of you for a second before he seems to get impatient at your show of submission. What he perceives as submission: lowered forms, rears up and even just laying down. His gauntlets squeezing at your hips, trying to pull you as close as possible. Trying to engulf you with only him.

He rumbles again at you, his shifting helmet looking you up and down like he was asking you off something. He may be impatient, but at least he was asking for permission now rather than before, taking you as he likes. Taking you every time you were already pleasing yourself. Your mind in a blissed state to let him take you then. Yet, over time he has learned to take well, sometimes take foreplay and permission into consideration. Mostly when you seem frustrated; possibly angry at him.

His tentacles swarm around you, spreading that slime all over you. Some appendages slowly slipping up the arm holes of your shirt, bottom of your shirt, the legs holes of your pants, zipper, and waistline. Leaving nothing untouched by him. A low coo coming from him when he finds your heat between your legs. His tentacle automatically dipping between your folds, slowly going up and down, testing you. Feeling how ready you are for him. How wet you are for him.

He can hear you sigh contentedly at him. Feeling how you gently roll your hips back into him, accepting of his actions of mating with you. A sweet, quiet purr leaving him as he moves the tentacle against your entrance to push and curl inside of your pulsing walls. Loving how you mewl out and arch your back for him. His tentacles in your shirt taking immediate attention to wrap around you, trailing down your spine before coming back around to settle on the underside of your breasts, pulling your upper body up a bit closer to his curling form. He was just practically holding you just by himself rather the kitchen counter he placed you on.

He, however, is not much for pleasure himself. Don’t get him wrong, he’ll breed you and keep you warm on his tentacles for weeks if he was in his season, and out of it. He just likes to swim in your pleasure. He can smell your arousal after all, feel it too when he curls his tentacle inside of you just right. Another mewl and a bit of a ramble leaving your lips he violated just moments ago. Your sweet sounds practically praising him as a good mate the more he explores deeper inside of you. The tip of his appendage gently licking at your cervix, preparing you for him just to go a bit deeper than no human man could.

Tilting his helmet, he gently nuzzles against your slime covered collarbone to try and calm you as he felt your body shutter at the sudden touch to your cervix. Again, to you, it didn’t feel painful at all to you, just strange and definitely felt far better than going to the doctors when they have to check you down there with their metal, cold tools. He was a far better candidate to check you… That is if he wasn’t trying to breed you all the time.

He waits until you nuzzle into his helmet, your own little sounds of whimpering coos escaping you, and he finds it absolutely adorable. His appendage inside of you gently squirming against your cervix, trying to get through to your womb when he would have the most success in trying to fertilize you. His tentacle giving a few more wiggles and pops through. Your body shuttering and going limp violently around him, and he thrills at you. Nuzzling back into you, keeping you close while he holds still within you. Waiting just a bit to stuff your little womb full of him.

He may finish; breed you quickly, but not with you feeling like pure jello in the morning. Your body unable to walk for at least half the day, stuck with a very prideful Death Guard that has cleaned himself up quite nicely, but he left you covered in a layer of his slime. His helmet always cooing down at you while his gauntlets keep you down on the bed. Revoking you of your rights to be independent. Actually growling at you when you continue to ignore his clear demand of staying in bed. Not to take a shower that would wash off what keeps you fine and dandy, smelling like him. He figured that one quick…

[benz12313]

Delirium Part 3/3 - Ridoc x Reader 🌶️

{Images are not my own}

Summary: You and Ridoc have been dancing around each other for months, just on the cusp of becoming something more. All it takes is a rough week and a bit of liquor to have you become putty in his hands, and he's been dying for the chance to carry you to his bed. [Takes place during Iron Flame]

Warnings: morning after/aftercare, some angst, fluff, happy ending, Ridoc being a sweetheart, nothing particularly explicit, swearing

Part 1/3 - Part 2/3

Authors Note: This final part made my heart ache writing it, but honestly? I absolutely love how it came out. Thanks for showing this mini-series some love! Now that it's over let me know if you'd like to be added to either of my other taglists. I've got two; All Ridoc Fics and my ongoing fic, Surface Tension's. Either message me or comment! Thank you again, it's nice to have my writing shown some love! :)

Word Count: 2,606

Ridoc’s POV

My body ached, and I nearly groaned and stretched, until I felt the weight resting on my arm. Memories from last night crashed through me, blurry and confused due to the alcohol, but when I opened my eyes to confirm them I froze. Y/N was here. She was really fucking here. Looking divine and sleeping like the dead, makeup smeared over her face and my pillows, and head resting peacefully on my arm while she was huddled in the sheets. Good thing too, because there were scattered piles of fucking snow around the room, letting me know just how thoroughly I’d lost my control last night. 

You know… Aotrom’s voice rang through my head, teasing and I fought back a groan at whatever smart-ass statement he was about to make.

“Not now Aotrom.” I snapped and he chuffed, but for once quieted as he felt my quickly rising panic.  

Not because I regretted anything. Fuck no, I would never regret a single thing about what happened last night. But I knew she would. She was the one who’d run away every time things got too real. She was the one who’d be eye-fucking me one minute and then reminding me, painfully, the next minute that we were just friends. Friends who had now crossed that line and…fuck, just how many marks did I leave on the poor girl? 

My eyes washed over her after lifting the sheets gently, and guilt consumed me. Bruises on her hips and ass in the shape of fingertips, bite marks on the top of her perfect fucking breasts and along her neck, hickies covering her from her neck down to her thighs. And gods, her collarbone was deep fucking purple where I remember making my claim on her last night. A moment of particularly eager loss of control where all I could fucking cling to was the thought of making her mine.  

Well fuck. 

I let out a breathy sigh, and gently pulled my arm from beneath her. She didn’t even stir. My heart ached. Sure, I liked fooling around as much as the next rider. Being always on the cusp of death made one eager to enjoy what life they did have, but this was different.

She was different.

I would gladly give it all up for her, to be able to call her mine. To hold her, love her, absolutely fucking worship her like the goddamn princess she is. One more glance over and I decided. If she was gonna run from me anyway, I would at least make sure she was taken care of first.

It was gonna take a little field trip first though. Let’s just hope he was awake. 

Y/N's POV

My muscles ached, my head pounded, everything outside the blankets was freezing, I felt oddly empty, and unconsciousness pulled at me to stay under in it’s tight embrace. Warmth ran along my hips, trying to coax me awake, but I grumbled into the pillows and snuggled deeper, the scent of the unfamiliar bedding soothing me. 

I don’t care who’s bed I was in. They could fucking wait for me to be ready to wake up. 

I don’t know how long I had fallen back into unconsciousness, probably seconds, but when I awoke, warmth and wetness was running along my aching core and I halfheartedly swatted it away. 

“Ngh.” I whined, barely there. 

“Princess, gotta let me clean you up okay?” A soothing voice muttered, carefully being quiet. Voice barely above a husky whisper, mindful of my hangover.

I knew that voice. Shit..I fucking know that voice, much too well. My eyes flew open, luckily the room was dark so I could see without adjusting, but I found him immediately. Ridoc. 

Shit.

Shit.

SHIT. 

He grinned sheepishly up at me, where he was sitting on the end of the bed, wet rag in hand, and cleaning up between my thighs. The events from last night crashed through me, overwhelming me.

How did I actually let this happen? Even with the alcohol?

Fantasies are one thing, fantasies are safe. Fantasies don’t throw wrenches into friendships and throw the easy dynamic of our squad to the fucking wind. Tears pricked my vision, emotion overwhelming me and Ridoc cursed. 

“Shit, Y/N, are you hurt?” I met his panicked gaze and my heart ached. I was full on sobbing now, everything too much. I couldn’t even tell him that no, my body ached (deliciously) but I wasn’t hurt. I’d just ruined fucking everything. No big deal right? I shook my head as that’s all I could manage.

“Hey? Hey? Okay.” He threw the rag to the side before scooping me up and pulling me onto his lap. “I’ve got you. Just let it out. I’m here.” He cradled me tightly, my face buried in his bare chest as I sobbed. His hand threaded through my hair, holding me secure and his other arm wrapped around my back, cradling me gently. I flashed back to how he’d held me last night, just like this, like something breakable as he’d pounded into me. I sobbed harder. 

“I…ruined….everything!” I wailed and he stiffened, but then continued running his fingers along my scalp. 

“No. Princess, shh. Nothing is ruined.” He whispered, voice gentle, and so sure of himself that I had to pull back and examine his face. He was carefully neutral, and so serious that it threw me off, making me stop sobbing immediately. Not a hint of a smirk or playfulness. Nothing. 

I’d only seen him this serious one other time. When we learned that Violet had been lying to us and keeping secrets. He’d been so hurt that she hadn’t trusted us. He ranted for days about it when it was just us. 

“Yes it is-“ I tried and he shook his head, eyes narrowing on me. 

“It’s only ruined if we let it be.” He assured, gulping as I realized he was lightly trembling. Was he…nervous? Scared? He wiped the tears off my face and sighed, like he was trying to get the weight of the world off his chest. “You can walk right out that door now and pretend that nothing happened if that’s what you want. I can handle our friends. No one will say a fucking word if that’s what you need. Just…please…don’t think you’ve ruined anything.”

I opened my mouth and closed it again. Open. Close. Open. Close. What the fuck was I supposed to say to that? Did I want to leave? 

‘…if that’s what you want?’

What the fuck did that mean? My head swam, aching, and not in a good way. 

“What…what do you want?” I asked, voice small. It was a question I’d been wanting to ask for weeks. Months if I was going to really be honest with myself. 

He froze beneath me, as still as the little animal figurines he’d make for me when he was bored. The ones made of permafrost that I’d kept safely tucked away in the back of my wardrobe, the coldest part of my room. I looked up to his face again and he was biting his lip, terror in his gaze. I realized it then.

He hadn’t expected me to ask. That much was obvious. My heart broke as I realized he’d really expected me to run. To throw what happened last night away, chalk it up to a lapse in judgement, and try to forget about it. He hadn’t predicted I’d ask him what he wanted, that I’d care enough to ask. 

But I couldn’t just throw last night away without at least asking him. Sure, it was easily the greatest sex of my life…but it was more than that too. The tender seconds, thrown in amongst intense pleasure? The way it was so mind altering, not because of what he was doing, but because it was him. The way he’d reduced me to absolute, fucking, delirium where all I could comprehend was Ridoc? No. It didn’t matter if my instinct was to run, to forget everything, to laugh it off and ignore our friends teasing until they eventually forgot about it too. 

I knew with aching clarity that I would never be able to. 

I had to stop running from him. 

I had to put myself at his mercy if I didn’t want to spend the rest of my life with the constant question of what could have been. 

He was quiet, until he shook his head lightly, making my heart stop and fear clutched my throat, choking me. “I can’t…”

“I can’t tell you what I want.” His words were whispers as his thumb ran along my jaw, eyes anywhere but meeting my own. His eyes finally found the courage to meet mine and they went soft. “Don’t look at me like that.” He laughed, short and hollow, the sound suspiciously resembling my previous sobs. 

“I can’t tell you because then I’ll never be able to let you go. To let you walk away and protect your heart how you need to. I can’t tell you because then last night was real, not alcohol induced horniness. Not a mistake. Not two friends dancing over the line of being something more.” Frustration creeped into his voice and I clung tighter to him as he fucking glared at me now. “I can’t tell you because I know with fucking certainty that you’re gonna decide to throw me away like everyone else does. And if I let myself be vulnerable for a fucking second it will destroy me Y/N. You will destroy me. So no, I won’t tell you what I want. I’ll wait for you to tell me what it is you want and do whatever I need to with whatever you give me.” 

My heart raced at the painful truth in his words. The following words left my mouth with aching certainty before I could even think them. 

“I want you Ridoc Gamlyn.” He froze, the anger that had crept up gone, and his mouth fell open in shock. I continued, “I can’t pretend. I’m sorry but I can’t. I just…I’m sorry for crying…for scaring you…I just, I woke up and I remembered and I thought that you’d hate me for what we’d done. Or that I’d let feelings get involved and I’d have to watch you just…I don’t know…move to the next pretty face…and I’d have to bitterly watch and pretend to be happy for you…and it would just ruin everything with the squad…and fuck this is all hurting my head too much Ridoc.” Fresh tears streamed down my cheeks and Ridoc sighed. 

A small smile creeped on his face as he wiped away my tears again. “I knew you liked me.” Then his grin was teasing, and my heart lurched.

My Ridoc was back, sitting underneath me, quickly beginning to grin like a fool. Eyes drinking me in so warmly that I had to hide my face in his chest to cover the heat creeping up my cheeks. I squealed in surprise when he suddenly lifted me, and erupted in giggles when he gently plopped me back down on his pillows. 

“Ridocccc.” I groaned, shooting him heatless daggers as he went back to where he’d been between my legs when I’d first woken up. He laughed and picked up a small tub of what looked like some sort of tincture. In fact he had a few different unlabeled containers piled to the side on his bed as well as a fresh set of sweatpants that I recognized as my own. “What are you doing?”

“Taking care of you Princess. After care is important, I know it’s a little…delayed…but I’m still a gentlemen.” He flashed me a grin, before gently tossing a water canister next to me, within reach. “And I feel a little bad, I was a little…eager…to finally get my hands on you.” 

“I remember.” I giggled and he laughed, gesturing with a nod and an absent hand wave to look at myself. I did, my eyes widening before warmth crept between my thighs. Remembering just how good it had felt when he’d made the dozens of marks that now covered my body. My thighs clenched at the memory and he laughed, lighthearted, despite the satisfied smirk on his face. 

“You should see your neck, if you think that's bad.” He chuckled, before opening the little tub in his hands. “Drink your water. Bodhi leant me this bruise cream-“

“Bodhi? Why does Bodhi have bruise cream laying about?” I asked incredulously and his ears turned light pink. 

“Dude’s into some kinky shit…anyway-“

“Why do you know that?!” I asked and Ridoc sighed, looking anywhere but my face as he began rubbing the cream on my skin, and I couldn’t help but relax at the soothing warmth. 

“Just drink your water woman. Goddamn…too early for so many questions.” I hummed in response to his embarrassed mutters, but my throat was scratchy and water sounded amazing. 

So I sipped the water, as Ridoc gently massaged the tincture into my skin. I relished in his touch and then he was slipping a fresh pair of panties and the pants onto my hips. Then he moved upwards, straddling my waist as he applied more tincture.

We didn’t speak, didn’t really need to, as I watched him with affection in my gaze. He’d gently kiss over some marks, soothing almost as well as the tincture would. When he was finished he slipped one of his own shirts over my shoulders, the fabric soft, and practically drowning me in its size. It smelled so much like him though that I couldn’t complain. 

And then he was cleaning off my makeup after grabbing another container, that I finally recognized as my cleanser. He didn’t stop there though, applying my moisturizer and spf as well, nearly bringing tears to my eyes as my chest filled with emotion. He handed me a muffin without a word; blueberry and dusted with sugar on top, my favorite, before sitting me up and beginning to gently comb through my hair. He pulled it into a haphazard ponytail before slipping out from behind me as I munched on the muffin, thankful that the churning that had begun in my stomach lessened. He then moved around me, grabbed my boots, and sank to his knees in front of me, making my heart race. 

“We going somewhere?” I asked softly and he nodded, a pout covering his lips. 

“As much as I’d like to keep you locked in here all day, doing everything that I’m now allowed to do to you…” His gaze heated for a moment before he gave me a single peck on the lips, sighing sadly, “Our friends haven’t seen us since last night, its nearly lunch hour, and you need something more than a muffin to get your energy back.” 

I whined, wanting his lips back and he chuckled, giving in and giving me one more chaste kiss before working on my boots. Slipping socks on, then tugging the boots on and deftly tying the laces. Then he was off me completely, and pulling his own shirt on, much to my dismay. 

“If we have to.” I pouted as I stood, immediately falling back down again. The ache between my thighs catching me off guard and causing Ridoc to laugh. “What did you do to me?!”

“Don’t worry Y/N,” He teased, pulling me up into his arms. “I’ve got you."

@xadenswhore @littlemissmelodie @jobroho @the-lake-is-calling - I hope I got everyone, if I missed you I'm sorry!

[overnightheartbeats]

She only rolled her eyes at his comment, not even worth addressing. Though, the roll of her eyes also communicated her growing annoyance and anger at his lack of a reaction. On the contrary, he was amused? That didn't make any damn sense.

"I don't need to be queen of the university to tell you that you just don't belong. Honestly if you weren't glued to my roommate, I wouldn't even know of your existence. That's how irrelevant you are." It wasn't intentional, her emphasis on my, but she couldn't help it. "Oh, don't act dumb! You know who I'm talking about. Laurel!" Still, as she spoke, she just sounded like a petulant child who wasn't getting her way. And, that really was her right now. Just a child throwing a tantrum. "Unless you already forgot about her," and that, kind of perked her up. Because, if so, maybe she won't have to do all this. "Maybe because you already got what you wanted from her." Laurel hadn't shared anything with her, but she overheard her gushing to her friend. It didn't take much to guess what had happened between them.

"Oh, you didn't say it," humorless laughter followed, flashes of all her classmates going on and on about him filled her mind. "Just everyone else. Like you're god's gift to this stupid fucking place." Laurel raved about him, so did everyone she met. Jenny was sick of it. She completely ignored his quip about Laurel's free will, instead just shaking her head at him. "You're below so much, you're not even close to us," she scoffed at his words. Did he really have such a naive view, just because he didn't come from money? Such a fairytale notion. It's not like Laurel was high up there, not the way Jennys's family was, but she was distinguished enough, she supposed. "I just care about her! In a way you can't understand. I'm here for the real deal, not some college hook up. You're just messing this whole thing up!" Jealousy was not easy to hide.

Her frown deepened at his refusal, a simple no and it had her riled up. "I don't need to ask you for a favor. Just need to get you out of the way, really." Jenny was just talking out of her anger, and had no concrete ideas as to how any of this would work. But, ideas would come soon enough. "No? You're going to regret saying that to me. I'll make her see, just how much of a wrong choice you are. Not worth more time than she has already given you. She's just dazzled by you now, but all things lose their shine. Sooner or later."

Laurel had just finished drying off her hair when she opened his bathroom door. She almost called out to him to ask about dinner ideas when she overheard muffled voices. It didn't make much sense to her, but as she stepped out of his bathroom, the voice became clearer. Jenny? It was her voice, but the things she was saying just didn't match the person she knew. She was quiet as she stepped closer to him, tapping his shoulder to silently ask what was going on? She had heard enough, however. Eli being the wrong for choice was absolutely ridiculous. But, that wasn't what infuriated her. It was the way she was expressing herself about him, and the fact that Eli wasn't saying anything either.

Laurel turned to look at him, confusion washing over her, before she wiggled in between him and the door. Her hair was still damp and a mess when she faced Jenny. Her features were a blend of annoyance and anger, something her roommate was quick to catch on to, because before Laurel even spoke up, Jenny was stuttering and trying to bring in some context to her earlier hateful words. "I...thought you were spending the long weekend at your dad's," she cleared her throat, trying to think of what else to say. "Well, no it's not what you think. I'm just," a nervous giggle fell from Jenny's lips as she tried bringing that sweet side back to the forefront. Harder than it sounded when the object of her sheer hatred stood right next to her. Damp hair, he was shirtless - it didn't take a genius to deduce. "I just, you know that overprotective friend conversation, I owed him that. It's nothing though." The story she was spinning really would only work if he didn't contradict her. And the chances of that happening were slim.

"Save it Jenny. I heard you and I can't stand here and have you spew all of this about him. He is one hundred times better person than you are, and just— you should go. I won't be back, find yourself a new roommate."

Eli chuckled out of amusement, clearly he wasn't even off put by her lame attempt at an insult. "You'd have bigger problems if you couldn't carry your own trash bags." Not that he truly would help her. He had no business with a bully. If he gave her the inch he was sure she'd barge in and make herself at home in his dorm trying to rip him a new one. But, still eyes were on her as she went on.

Surprised eyebrows knitted together as she told him to get lost. "Who died and made you queen of the university, last I checked I belong here. Just because you don't like doesn't mean you get to tell others if they belong or not. Stuck to her? Now, who do you mean?" At this point he was baiting her, he wanted her to be clear since digging her own grave would be her doing not his.

Eli laughed as he shook his head. "I never said I was all that. I'm just a normal human being minding their business. You're the one trying to disrupt that peace." he sighed and rolled his eyes. "It seems to me that you think I'm forcing her to be here. Laurel has got a choice and her own free will. Just because I didn't come from money doesn't mean I'm below you or her. Why do you care so much though is the question?"

"Hmmm that seems more like I'd be doing you the favor and I'm not in the business of doing that for you. So, no." He tried to be cordial given the many insults she had just given him but it was hard standing there taking it. Half of his head turned to see if Laurel had come out yet but also didn't want her hearing this given how much Jenny was talking out of her ass.

[etherealily]

bets // f.odair

Part 1 : Guilt

Part 2 : Art

[3/3] Long + also overdue.

Finnick Odair + fem!reader. Warnings : Cuss words, SFW but discretion advised, mature themes, hurt/comfort

You do NOT have permission to repost and/or translate any of my fics.

Desc. : Gasp in a tempest.

══════════════════ 🔹🔹🔹🔹═════════════════

There's a sort of domesticity to this that he despises.

Your features essentially flow under his fingers as he traces them, slowly, devotedly. And he doesn't know why.

He's just willed himself to stop in immaculate timing, because a couple of sharp knocks sound on the door.

You hear them, clearly, but you don't bother. He nudges you as gently as possible. "You hear that?"

"My niece and nephew. They know I nap in the afternoons. This is just to let me know they're home.", you inform, basically whine, before your face is in his chest, trying to get away from the fucking light.

He nods. "I gotta tell you something."

"Now?"

"Now."

He watches you groan, one eye closed as you sit up and try to adjust to the light, before you make grabbing hands for your clothes.

Great. Something to make the situation worse. Harsh reminders. So much for the last thing he'd do. But after you'd come from the market, he'd just... it seemed like doing anything else would just be stupid. Who wouldn't kiss you all over?

"Yeah?'

He's frozen. He's dying. He's terrified. He's never seen you mad, but he's sure that when it comes to your family, you'd wage wars.

"I talked to Snow about you."

"What?"

"I talked to him. I, uh, talked to him to get you out of this fake, um... agreement? Situation? I dunno."

You frown, standing up and disappearing into the bathroom to brush your teeth. "Get out of it?"

"Uh, yeah. Y'know. Come up with a breakup story that doesn't put me in a bad light and doesn't get you stone-pelted in the street."

"You want to get out of it?"

Your voice is quiet enough that he knows he's made a mistake, a huge, fucking mistake, and he hadn't even got to the worst part yet, the hey-so-I-used-you-and-now-you're-a-target part.

"You don't?"

"I-", you sigh, and he breaks. Shit. "I- no, yeah, no, I do.", you assure, nodding vehemently.

"If something's changed-" he'd be fucked. If something's changed, then he'd be completely fucked.

"No, I just, y'know, um.", you mumbled, spitting out your toothpaste. "It's like, me just being all... it's, uh, nothing."

"Wait, whoa, whoa, what do you mean?" No, no, no, please God, don't-

"That night was, like, my first time. So i just, uh, y'know? It's stupid, that's not how the world works, I know, it's-"

Jesus fucking Christ.

He'd taken your freedom, your life and your virginity.

"No, it's not stupid, you just- trust me, you don't want me."

"Why, because of what Snow makes you do?", you ask, softly, and he heavily regrets the lies he spewed to Snow about you. 'Didn't care'. Please. All you did was care. You gave way too many shits about him. "You know I care for you either way."

You're being very careful not to use the word 'love', and he respects it. You're hedging your bets and he's been there.

Kinda hates it, though, because if you did use it, then he'd have a clear plan - get you the fuck out of Panem.

"I- Y/N, you're so smart. You're so good.", he whispers, making his way over to your hands and lifting them, kind of like a barrier between you and him for what he's about to say. "You don't deserve me."

"Finnick--"

"Shut up for a second, baby, okay?", he mutters, kissing your palm. "Just listen."

He's not sure if he expected you to argue, but he sure as hell didn't expect you to comply.

The silence and your fucking eyes urge him to start. And he doesn't know where. His mind seems to desperately try to convince him otherwise, to convince him he could run away and build a boat with you somewhere, and you'd be none the wiser.

But he has to say this, because for all the absolutely evil shit he's been doing lately, he has to at least get an iota of redemption.

"I've been lying to you."

The words ring around the room, ricochet back to him and wrap around his neck like a noose. They wrap around your arms like handcuffs.

He's pretty sure he's stopped breathing.

When did he get this way?

When did he lose hope?

══════════════════ 🔹🔹🔹🔹═════════════════

ONE WEEK EARLIER

He didn't think he should start his birthday off with a lie. But sometimes, you don't have an option.

"It's not that I don't love her."

"Then what is it? Let me guess. You told her your whole sob story and she didn't care?"

He kinda wished that was true. "Yes." See? Lie.

"Shame. I really thought she was the one, y'know?", mused Snow, tapping Finnick's nose twice. If he could, he'd bite that fucking finger off.

But this was a political, mind war, not an actual, bloody one. Not yet, anyway.

"Yeah. Me, too."

"I had a whole thing planned. A whole storyline. She'd be the pathetic, yet down-to-earth, homely wife that let you do whatever you wanted around the Capitol because she loves you, and you'd be the hero-husband, who, no matter how many options you try, will always come back to the District 4 Girl. Poetic, right? Either way, you'd win."

Fucking hell. It disgusted him. Absolutely disgusted him. His whole life had been planned out by someone whose life should have ended ages ago.

"That sounds smart."

"I am a marketing genius, Finnick. A genius.", he declared, laughing as he wrapped a ringed hand around his shoulder and yanked him closer. Finnick grimaced and stiffened, and Snow reveled in it.

"It doesn't matter. Do whatever. Kill her, humiliate her, I don't care."

The thing is, Finnick had come to know Snow over the years. He loved brutal killings, only if they were a) fun, and b) profitable. Killing you would be neither, seeing as Finnick was now, in Snow's eyes, done with you.

He prayed that Snow wouldn't call his bluff.

"Well, I'll have to do that anyway."

What?

"Why?" The panic had begun to seep into his tone and Snow could sniff it out plainly. But he didn't care. Not anymore.

"You said you told her your whole sob story."

No, NO! Fuck!

"You realize, I can't let her live. Not after that."

He closed his eyes, clenching his jaw. "She won't tell anyone."

"How do you know that? She got her fifteen minutes of fame and now she might want more."

"She's not like that and you know it. Don't... I still do love her, and- and she has a family. Don't kill her." Please.

Snow, infuriatingly, never smirked. His eyes forever reflected contemplation, concern, even care, but never malicious intent. So, when he uttered his next words, his face was rife with softness. "She is beautiful, though."

Finnick immediately assumed the closest position to groveling he could politically get - he stood right in front of Snow, looking up into his eyes with a desperation unmatched.

"No. No. I will work double time. I will do everything the Patrons want, just don't... no, not her."

"I thought you'd like a bit of revenge. So she can witness your sob story firsthand. Though, I might agree with her on the stance that it's a mutually beneficial system."

"Please, President Snow.", he tried again. "Not her."

Snow stroked his hair, softly. "My sweet Finnick. How you've grown. You won when you were a child. But you're a child no longer."

"It's not fair. She doesn't know anything about that life." He's close to crying.

"What? Sex? She's eighteen. She should. And it's not like she's a virgin, huh? Having been with you, you beautiful creature, you."

"She hasn't been with-", he sighed.

"Well then, maybe you should get her used to it."

He'd thought that'd be the last thing he'd ever do.

══════════════════ 🔹🔹🔹🔹═════════════════

PRESENT DAY

It's been an hour since you've spoken to him and he finds himself desperately trying to remember what your voice sounds like. He doesn't want to ask you to say something because he's scared you will.

But he has to. Because you're out of time. Because Snow's coming for you.

He's tilting his head as you sit there, watching the sky through the window.

"I'm extremely sorry."

"You said that already." Your voice. Your voice, your voice, your voice!

"I know, but--"

"Who the FUCK do you think you are?!" Good, the rage would help the adrenaline, because your survival instincts better fucking kick in.

"Please, jus--"

"Who the FUCK do you think you are, deciding that YOUR family was more IMPORTANT than mine?! WHO gave you that right? To drag me into your fucked up life and use me like a fucking commodity?!"

"HEY! I helped you, too, I tried to make up for it!

You scoff, almost laughing. "How? By training Faye badly and not finding her sponsors, basically killing her?! Or by dragging me into your fucked up world of cameras and makeup and President Snow's little reality show?! Or by sleeping with...", your voice trails off.

No. That look on your face. NO.

"No. No, no, Y/N, no--"

"Is that-- Jesus, is that why you slept with me?! You thought you could have leverage? Or you thought you'd be so brilliant that I'd forgive you?!"

"Y/N, no.", he replies, firmly, trying his damndest to be calm, because he knew you were itching for a reaction, something that would result in a way to express your rage. "No, that was real."

You stare back at him, arms crossed, and he repeats. Maybe you didn't hear him? "That was real."

"What, I'm supposed to suddenly believe you now?"

He groans, his hands running across his face. "Please. Please, I tried to get you out of it, I did! But he's... Snow is coming for you, and I've got to get you safe!"

"My family?"

"They have time. He won't touch them until he's sure you're in hiding and he needs to draw you out. That'll be a month, maybe."

"You are the worst human being on this planet, and I hope you know it."

"I do. I do. But--"

"But what? Hm? But you had a 'good reason'? But your family was in danger? I don't care!", you cry out, and he breaks. Like, genuinely. He's not sure he's standing. He feels like a pile of broken glass, and he can't even warn you not to step on him.

"I'm sorry. But you have to get over it quick, because--"

"What?"

Shit.

He stares up at you, in absolute agony. That doesn't bother you too much, though, because the agony wasn't incited by you. It was directed to you. His agony is regret.

"What the hell did you just say to me?"

Your voice is not a whisper, but it is not a yell, either. You want yourself heard, but by only him.

"I'm sorry."

"I didn't ask what you feel, I asked what you said."

"Please, don't make me say it again. I take it back."

"What did you just say?"

"I said... no, please, let's just move on from this-"

"Say it again or I'm leaving." That was a lie. Both of you know you're leaving either way.

"Please. Please, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I-", he sighs, ready to fall to his knees, but he knows you wouldn't like that, and he doesn't want to guilt you into forgiving him.

You clench your jaw, and he clings onto you, pulling you closer to him as he kisses all over your face. You're about to break and he can see it. "I'm so sorry, I never meant to let it get this far."

"What am I supposed to do now? Hide?"

He tilts his head, nodding. 'I know a place. There's a rock formation, a cave, behind the waterfall. I've been fixing it up since I was sixteen. Y'know, in case I got old and wrinkly and the Capitol was done with me."

He really tries to ignore the hard set of your jaw and the way you snatched your wrist away from his hold as he snuck you out.

Yeah, he knew he fucked up, but for some reason, no matter what worst-case-scenarios you expect, reality is always, always worse.

══════════════════ 🔹🔹🔹🔹═════════════════

ONE WEEK LATER

Your hand clenches on the knife and you start up, before you're met with the sight of Finnick's hands, from behind the sheet of water covering the entrance to the cave. "Hey, hey, it's just me, it's just me."

After your hands stop clenching, it's your jaw's turn. You turn away from him and bury your face back in the pillow, pulling the slightly worn blanket back over you.

"Can you at least talk to me?"

You don't respond. You like Finnick, and you're not sure what words will come out of your mouth if you end up talking to him. Hurtful words, probably. Jesus, you don't even know how to be betrayed properly. You're still worried about hurting him. But then again, no one had exactly touched you the way he had. In more ways than one.

"Please? We have to go over our game plan, anyway."

"My family?"

"Yeah, in a month. You're not high-profile. So he's not too focused on you right now, so your family isn't being targeted. Yet."

"Yet."

He sighs, sinking down next to you, one knee elevated with an elbow on top of it. "Y/N."

"What?"

"You, uh...", he struggles, biting the inside of his cheek. "You are so much better than me in so many ways. You know that. And I know that. And I guess I'm just... I'm sorry, is what I'm trying to say. Sorry about Faye, sorry about the cameras, the makeup, the... the fact that I yelled at you the first night we met, I just... I'm not a good person. I know that."

"Did you reh--"

"Yes, I rehearsed that. The whole way up."

"Is anything in your life real? Or do you try to follow some script in every aspect of it?"

Whoa. He'd hoped you'd see his rehearsals as effort, not fabrication.

"Would it make you feel better if you got to hit me? Or something? Or... or, uh... stabbed me? I mean, y'know that's how Faye--"

Fuck. Fuck him and his stupid mouth that had an affinity towards his own motherfucking foot.

"You think I'm gonna stab you 'cause Faye got stabbed? An eye for an eye? You think I'm you? 'My family's in danger, so I'll put someone else's in danger, too!'"

Ouch.

He's never seen a bear in real life, but he's pretty sure him moving to grasp your hands against his chest so you can't move would be equivalent to poking one. But he does it anyway.

"Listen, you are the first thing I've cared about in a long time--"

"Besides yourself?"

"You think if I cared about myself, I'd be here?! You think if I cared about myself I'd be alive?! No, it's for my fuckin' family, and the next generation of tributes!"

You flinch, but he keeps going, shaking your wrists - and hence, you - as he continues. He's crazy. You could kick him any time, hell, you could even take him up on his offer and stab him, if you wanted to. He's crazy.

"And you... you just... you just got mixed up in it all, and it's fucking your fault that I gave a shit, and your fault that I fell in love with you, and it's your--" Okay, fuck. He's not as good as you at the hedging bets thing.

He can't really tell what the look on your face is, because he's too busy trying to look everywhere but.

The silence screams at both of you over and over until he paid attention to it.

"I can't handle you hating me."

It's said quietly, like an afterthought, like a gasp in a tempest. You wouldn't probably hear him if it wasn't for the fact that you were in an echoey goddamn cave.

"Tell me you don't hate me. Doesn't have to be true. I'm good at living in make-believe. Half the time, I'm on a tropical island, eating fresh fruit or sm'n."

He's rambling. He knows that. He's also acutely aware of your eyes. You're hesitant, and you're stalling. Or maybe his rambling is his form of stalling. What if you tell him the truth? Or worse, what if you actually lie, like he asked you to? Would that mean you cared enough, or didn't care at all? Fuck!

"I don't hate you, Finnick."

He'd have assumed you'd lied to get him to shut his trap, but the use of his name stupidly sprinkles hope into him. That sounded sincere.

"Really?"

"I'm just disappointed."

Oof.

"I figured after everything you told me, you'd value honesty and kindness above all else. If even you don't, then what do I expect from... well, anyone? Who do I trust?"

"No one. Seriously, don't trust anyone. Not completely, at least. And not anyone who's not me."

"Right, 'cause you're the pinnacle of trustworthiness."

"I could've just let Snow get you, you know? I could've just let it happen, because honest to god, Y/N, that was my plan! I was just about ready to abandon ship and then this stupid fucking- god! I started caring, like a fucking loser."

"That's the problem! I'd have understood if you left me in the dark, but what pisses me off is you gave enough shits to actually tell me, so why did you even...?"

He doesn't like this whole conversation. Feels like a figment of his imagination. Because, for one, you're making really good points, and he's at a loss, and that's never happened before because he's Finnick motherfucking Odair and people usually gush over him before they yell at him.

He lets go of your wrists, his hand immediately moving to your hair. His forehead presses against yours - this is the first time he's touched you in a week. "I don't need you to love me. You don't have to love me. You don't have to like me. You barely have to tolerate me. But you need to be serious when you tell me you don't hate me."

"I don't hate you!"

"Promise?" He's so pathetic, he's about to off himself.

You nod, and he kisses you. It seems like it's a script, to him, an actual script, not like bullshit they tell him to do at the Capitol, but this time, you respond in kind (why, he'll never know. Maybe you just needed a win.) , and suddenly you're co-author.

"I lied, y'know?"

"I know."

"No, not the big lie, I mean, I lied about not needing you to lov--'

"I know."

You're still hedging your bets.

And honestly? With the fact that you're kissing him while hiding in a cave from a psychopath president because he was too much of a pussy to stab him in the heart himself?

He gets it.

You know. That's until two days later when he can't find you anywhere. Not a lot of places to look in a tiny cave. So what the fuck? Where the fuck were you?

And then, his head tilts. There's a fucking white rose on your pillow.

Okay, maybe stabbing that psychotic motherfucker in the heart was long overdue.

He takes his camera. And then a gun he nicked from a Peacekeeper. What? He's hedging his bets.

[itz-mfkn-de]

..Temporary Fix..

Chapter three- I’ll wait for you.

!!please read previous chapters if not already done here!!

——

You couldn’t stop thinking about that day with Theodore in the locker room. You knew you shouldn’t have done it, and your regret was eating away at your conscience. The following day after it had all went down, Theodore hadn’t spared you a single glance, not anymore than he usually would have that is. Your heart clenched everytime you saw him in the hallways and he walked past you without a word spoken between the two of you.

You figured this is what he did with them all; after he gets what he wants he’ll just throw them away. You had successfully become another check in his book, after preaching to yourself for so long you wouldn’t be. You wouldn’t lie and say it didn’t hurt, you had always been fond of the flirtatious boy, but so had every other girl at Hogwarts. You never stuck out to him.

However, you wouldn’t let yourself sob over a boy who had no care for you. You had things to get done.

You and Caris were working on a project in the hufflepuff common room, the two of you sharing laughs and small talk. Suddenly you heard familiar voices bellowing through the large entryway.

Caris turned her head around momentarily, mouth agape at the sight.

“The Slytherin boys are here, with a few of our own.” She said just above a whisper.

You snapped your head, not believing her for a second. She was right. Draco, Theodore, and Blaise were with two other Hufflepuff guys, the group seemed to be having friendly banter. An unusual sight.

They all took a seat on a couch and began talking, Theodore lighting a cigarette.

“Jeremy will kill me if I allow him to do that in here, I have to say something.” Caris mumbled while getting up to go address the rowdy group of boys.

“What—Caris, sit your ass down.” You tried to reach for her but she was already out of your range, walking gracefully towards what you were sure was your end.

You quickly got up trying to stop her, but it was to no avail.

“Hey. I’m sorry to inform you, Nott, but we don’t smoke in here.” She told him monotonously.

You stood slightly behind her, not making eye contact with any of the boys in-front of you.

“Oh, I wasn’t aware. (Y/n), were you aware of this rule?” He suddenly addressed you, looking up at you through his dark lashes.

You held back every negative feeling you had for him in that moment and decided to not respond, instead looking at Ryan, one of the Hufflepuff boys that had so generously brought Slytherins into the common room.

“Ryan, may I speak to you? Privately, of course.” You asked, a sweet tone smothering your words. His eyes opened in shock.

“Yeah, sure.” He nodded his head. You turned around, beginning to head towards a private place. Of course, not before you saw Theodore’s dark expression. His brows furrowed together as he blew a bit a smoke out of his nostrils. Caris continued to lecture him while you walked away with Ryan.

You came to a stop where you turned around to face him.

“What the fuck Ryan, when have you guys ever been even remotely friends with..them?” You snarled out.

“Calm down, I’m not quite sure either. They just all of the sudden became….cool with us? I don’t know. They stopped being assholes so it’s whatever.” He told you, picking at something on his hand.

“It is not whatever. I cannot stand them enough at it is, I don’t need them in our common room!” You nearly whined out. You and Ryan had been friends since second year, but of course as you two grew older you hung out less. You still considered him close to you though.

“I don’t get why it’s such a big deal, one of them fuck you over or something?” He let out a hallow laugh.

“What? No! I just… they are dicks.” Your heart dropped as he called you out. You were glad he didn’t know, it gave you reassurance that Theodore wasn’t opening his mouth to anyone who could breathe.

“Right…I’m sure they won’t be around for long. I need to go back over there before they think we are snogging eachother.” He laughed once more, nonchalantly walking back to where everyone resided.

You stayed in the empty corridor and decided it would better if you didn’t return to the room. You began to walk towards the dorms when a heavy set a footsteps made you turn your head.

You couldn’t catch a fucking break.

Theodore nott, in all of his glory, was angrily walking towards you.

You let out a sarcastic laugh, not wanting to face him you kept walking as well. He grabbed you wrist, whipping your body around to look at him.

“The fuck was that?” He growled out, his usual care free demeanor no where near.

“Oh so now I’m worth your time? Fuck off.” You hated being mean to people, but you couldn’t hide your resentment for the boy in front of you.

He pushed you against a wall, your bodies touching. You were sure he could feel you heart beating out of your chest.

“I try and talk to you and you ignore me, and then you ask a guy if you can go somewhere alone?” His voice was deep, his accent growing thicker the more he spoke.

“You two make out or something? Did you suck his dick too?” He asked through his gritted teeth.

You felt embarrassment flood your features, he had no right to speak to you after how he acted. You felt tears prick at your eyes.

“Excuse me? I was asking him a question.” You said while shoving him off you while wiping one of your Flushed cheeks.

“I don’t know who you think I am, but you don’t get to throw me away like one of your little toys. I’m not gonna be one of your bitches.” It took all of your will to not start sobbing in front of him.

“When I did that with you, it was because I had thought…for some dumb fucking reason I thought you genuinely wanted me. I know now that was really stupid. I should’ve known better and that was my bad, but you don’t get to blow up on me like this after how you’ve been acting the way you have.” You managed to muster up the courage to speak out at him, your voice only cracking once.

He stayed silent most of the time; his angry expression was no longer on his face.

“Amore, I haven’t been acting any way—“ his sweet voice mumbled out.

“Don’t try and act like you care now, and yes you have. You ignored me. Not even a hello when you saw me.” You barked at him. You knew there was no need for such aggression but you had so many feelings in your heart that you couldn’t bury down.

“I thought that’s what you would’ve wanted— I didn’t think you’d want anything attached to it.” He reached his hand out to caress your face, in which you swatted him away.

“You didn’t think to ask? You assumed that’s what I wanted.” You felt the tears slowly dripping down your cheeks again.

“I’m not that kind of girl Theodore and I’m sorry that you didn’t realize it, but I refuse to be someone’s secret fuck buddy.” You turned around, ready to walk away. Theodore let out a grunt and grabbed you once more.

“Quit fucking walking away from me.” He said, this time not releasing your arm from his grasp.

“I wasn’t asking you to be my secret fuck buddy, I would never be little you to such bull shit. You’re more than that, and I’m sorry that I made you feel that way.” He let out, seemingly looking for the right words to say as he went on.

“You don’t need to make me feel better, I know about all of the girls you mess with. You fuck with them and then all of the sudden drop them leaving them heart broken, I know how you do things, Theodore.” You felt like the more you spoke to him, the less angry you were and you absolutely hated how he could break your walls down so easily.

“You don’t know shit. Not anymore. It’s different, and I’m sorry I can’t find the best words to explain it to you right now, but I promise you I would never do that to you.” His eyes never broke your own, their stormy gray color mesmerized you.

“I want to believe you so bad, but I don’t know if I can find it in myself to do so.” Your voice was quiet and held no effective dominance. You wanted to make him scared, you wanted to scream and shout, but you could never. Not at him.

“That’s fine, I’ll wait. I’ll wait for as long as you need me too.” He immediately retorted with, slightly nodding his head.

“Don’t do that.” You couldn’t let him find his way right back into your heart.

“I don’t need any of those girls, I need you. I’m sorry I didn’t specify that sooner.” He apologized again.

“Theodore—“

“I should’ve asked you to the Yule ball the second I had the chance that day in our fourth year but I always thought you were too sweet for me, I never deserved someone so loving.” He cut you off, not allowing you to argue.

“meriti qualcuno migliore di me, ma non vivrò mai abbastanza per vedere il giorno in cui un altro uomo ti toccherà.” (You deserve someone better, but I would never live to see the day another man touched you.)

At that point he was talking to himself, you didn’t understand much Italian, but you knew what he said revolved around another man and you. Judging by his facial expression, he didn’t like the idea of such.

“Do you give this speech to every girl you piss off?” Usually you would laugh at your own joke, but this time your heavy heart prevented you from doing so.

“Just the ones that look like you, bella ragazza.” He responded as quickly as you had finished the sentence, his eyes holding a genuine look you hadn’t ever noticed before.

You didn’t respond, instead you looked down at the ground.

Just as Theodore was about to continue speaking, an angry Draco came around the corner.

“Oi, I’m not sure what weird shit yall are doing back here, but we have to go Theodore. I don’t know if you want me to announce the reason in front of little Mrs Hufflepuff over here.” No matter the circumstances Draco never failed to say something snarky to you.

“Right, I’ll be there soon mate.” Theodore dismissed him. His voice void of all previous emotions.

He gave you one last look,

“Take as long as you need to think about was I said. I’ll wait for you, Amore.” He finished. Turning around and heading towards Draco’s voice. Leaving you with a whole new list of shit to sort out.

You gave it a minute before you ran out to find caris. The second you spotted her, you nearly sprinted to her side.

“Gods! What?!” Caris yelped out.

“I don’t know what too do— Theodore and me did some stuff and I knew I shouldn’t have but I did it anyways and then he ignored me and then I got mad at him and now he’s claiming he wants me and idontknowwhatthehelltodo—“ caris cut off your rambling with a hand over your mouth.

“First of all, you’re stupid. Second of all, why the hell would you believe anything he says? He literally gets called Italian playboy. As if that isn’t enough evidence.” She scoffed.

“Okay well, I’m not sure how to explain it to you. But he said he’d wait for me to think about giving him a shot, but I don’t know.” You slid down into the couch and covered your face with your hands.

“Do whatever feels right, but I’m going to be honest with you. He’s not a good person, but if you honestly want to let him in like that, go ahead.” She closed her eyes and sighed, putting a hand on your leg.

“Right. Whatever feels right.”

[predninja]

Behold!!

The dork urges

Durge is an amnesiac paladin who journeys with the bard Alfira he swore to protect with his life, this oath becoming more demanding after he hurt her one night. His encompassing facial scar comes from such, and while Alfira has remorse for it, Durge doesn't. He's an Oathbreaker, despite not meaning to break said oath but urges

Dirge is not the direct creation of Bhaal, but the son of said creation. After discovering his own lineage and ending up in the Bhaalist cult at a young age, Dirge ended up organizing a coup with his cousin Orin and killed his father, unintentionally inheriting the cult before being betrayed later on. He woke up in a farm house rather than the Nautiloid before making his way to Moonrise in search of answers of both his past life and murderous urges. He often mitigates said urges by either mercilessly killing those he deems a problem or issue in his path, or he fucks them out He's a Sorcerer with an elemental affinity, and multi-classes as something of a brawler

Julikar is the newest of the dipshits and suffice to say, he likes dwarf, is remorseful of every time his urge takes over, and is constantly in a state of bloody half health He's a War Cleric of Lathander (originally a knowledge cleric but I, the player, did not play that very well)

Vorcarion is a behemoth of a dragonborn who may look and fight like a barbarian but he has a cunning, manipulative mind that catches many off guard. Each decision has an ulterior motive and he does not stand weakness, even his own, which has become its own issue when it comes to expressing his softer feelings. Although his black stripes are indicative of draconic sorcery, Vorcarion hates using magic, with anything beyond a cantrip causing discomfort, nausea and pain that he's sourced to being the result of some sort of pstd from his hidden past. He is a berserker barbarian with some magical capabilities

[batfam-stuff-posts-0]

I'd like to imagine Tim Drake just going around killing the people who've hurt him and his family (who are not also his family)

[73lesbiansinfandoms]

Hy heart that is obsessed with fluff would say the first option, but my gut reaction is that it's both.

Because of the abuse his family had put him under, he wasn't exactly taught how to regulate he emotions. His friends helped with this, but every now and then, he just snaps. At face value, I see Sirius as an attention seeker, most of the time at least. Seeing that one of his first ever friend's attention wasn't souly focused on him and their little group, he became impulsive and did the first thing that came to mind. Unintentionally hurting everyone in the process and losing all his friends for a while.

It takes Sirius about a week to really wrap his head around what he did, with getting yelled at by nearly everyone in their friend circle, before it really hit him that he fucked up. Like he knew he had fucked up before then, but he was clinging to a reality that everything was fine.

He would be consumed with guilt and find himself having a midnight game of chess with Remus a few days later. Where they talk till dawn about everything, and Remus managed to really dig it all up and help Sirius to start to sort out his issues. He's by no means fixed. Their relationships aren't going to be what they were overnight, but it's a start.

A start that is filled with so much regret and guilt and Sirius swearing he will make it up to Remus until the day he dies, but it's a start because five years of memories doesn't go away overnight either.

Idk if this has been round tumblr yet, but how do we think Regulus would react to finding out about the "prank" that Sirius pulled on Remus in fifth year.

Already dating moonwater.

Remus is going to Regulus as soon as he can walk again, sobbing the hardest he ever has, inconsolable really. He has to get talked down from multiple panic attacks before he can even get a rough explanation out of what James had told him had happened, who at the time was shaking so badly from poorly concealed rage at Sirius.

But Sirius better count his days. If he isn't already disowned by now, he will be shortly because Regulus will stop at nothing to make his life a living hell until Remus and Sirius have made up on their own terms. He is beyond livid and manages to turn most of the school against Sirius when they don't even know what happened (like Harry's 4th year but worse)

[hellofastudysession]

am i rlly going to write a death note literary analysis when i could be doing other things

about the discourse going on in the tag abt "death note is acab and thats why the characters couldnt better the world with the note (/written in somewhat jokey matter)" vs "death note is trying to say we all have potential for evil, especially if you get a chance to insta-hurt ppl without repercussions, and it doesnt matter if youre a cop or not", i personally feel like it ignores the things that i like abt death note, which is "both of these things are true", and simultaneously "both of these things do not matter". the first part of this is dedicated to the first point, the latter to the last.

first point. i think its an important part of the message and themes (unintentional or not, and i lean on the former because... come on, can you really say the author intended you to not think of the cops as good people, at least compared to light and l) that light is a cops son, and that almost everyone who gets the death note is cop adjacent/thinks like a cop and is already corrupt/powerful when they get it (mello raised to think hed be just like l, yotsuba group is self explanatory; you cannot look me in the eyes and tell me teru "churchill" mikami, who was hand selected by light out of a bunch of rabid kira supporters, is a normal citizen). i appreciated the cop post bc its rlly important to not gloss over that aspect.

all of this would be an argument for "only someone like them would do something like this, and i am not like them, so im above them and immune to thinking about what id do with it", but... misa is the MOST important outlier in all of this bc her murders are solely selfish in nature and shes not doing any of this for "the greater good"!!! her nature of being an exception and still a very very bad person is really really important...

or it would be if death note gave a shit about her character at all!!! im not talking about her tragic side, im talking about exploring the ramifications of her killing people the way lights murders are (somewhat) explored. that would strengthen the message greatly! but shes dismissed and that weakens it overall. firstly, she's dismissed by the characters when l only sees her as a way to get to kira and basically shelves her the rest of the time. secondly, shes dismissed by the narrative when her character is gradually ground down to a stump and (not to sound perilously close to the bad takes ppl meme about) she never faces repercussions for her actions. every other character using the death note is treated relatively seriously, but misa just dies bc her love is dead. im not saying this isnt a... fitting punishment or that it isnt in character, but it doesnt fit snugly into the theme other people are talking about of "you reap what you sow" at all.

we do have something of an equivalent to misa's grayscale motives. surprise surprise, its light yagami. first is light's characterization in the musical (i will also note that misa never kills anyone in the musical). light's thinking is coplike, yes — he literally starts his first song by talking about "throw[ing] away the key" — but also, oddly enough, could be read as progressive and therefore sympathetic to tumblr ("let the corporations make the regulations / and hold no one accountable when everything gets wrong / let the rich and famous get away with murder / every time a high-priced mouthpiece starts to talk, his client gets to walk"). compare to the anime and manga, where his bigotry and pride and disgust come from a place of lukewarm dissatisfaction and boredom. the musical has much less time to play around with lights character, so it gives the audience something to immediately hook on. more on how that actually plays out later.

in the animanga, none of this is justified from the start. animanga light could say he was just killing people to make humanity way, way worse, and that wouldnt matter, because at the root of it, it was always his boredom that made him pick up the note. of course he actually believes in justice and believes hes doing the right thing (no, he believes he's doing the wrong thing, for the sake of the world... the right thing, because he is god...), but it was boredom at the start. all animanga light says about justice and righteousness and the law is a front in the end, bc he is exactly like l and misa — amoral. selfish. searching for entertainment. hedonistic. we know this. he kills naomi misora*. he kills lind l. turner. everything hes saying deserves to be dismissed from the beginning.

"but doesnt that mean you agree with the discourse post you wrote this post to argue against?" like i said, i agree with both of them! but i... still think its not right to reduce death note to the message of "the power to kill people is bad". because that is not exactly what the story is saying, even though that's literally its whole plot and therefore reaching that conclusion is self explanatory (lmao). let's look at the concept of mu. nothingness. "there's no heaven or hell". The Real Slay The Princess (Death Note Essay) Starts Here.

in light's final moments in the death note manga, while screaming about not wanting to die, he remembers that the first day they met, ryuk told light that "there's no heaven or hell. no matter what they do in life, all people go to the same place. all humans are equal in death". it is retroactively revealed that light knew this the whole time, operated under this knowledge for all the years we watched him — the knowledge that nothing he does is actually bad, that nothing any human does is actually bad, that shinigami are not "evil", that the universe does not care. that no one cares except humans. this oblivion absolutely terrifies him more than anything anyone could ever do to him. its what he thinks of before anything else as he flails there, screaming, dying. one could say everything he does after that day is him trying to escape that fact, or wrest control over it. but it doesnt work.

here are the lyrics of requiem, the musical's final song, sung over the bodies of l and musical light, a light who was at least somewhat good-intentioned at first: "sleep now, here among your choices / then fade away / hear how the world rejoices / shades of gray / gone who was right or wrong / who was weak or strong / nothing left to learn". this is the final message the death note musical and the manga chose to leave us with. there is no judgement. even after all that acknowledged hurt, after all the damage done, there is no judgement.

in the manga and anime alike, the world is just as fucked when light picks up the death note as when he dies. sure, we as readers can guess otherwise logically (and be optimistic, believing the world was never fucked regardless), but that's not what death note wants you to think. it ends with matsuda and another member of the task force noting how the world is worse again even though they killed kira (matsuda is clearly much worse for wear, but still determined), we see the shitty motorcycle band again, it ends with misa and a whole kira cult on a mountain even though kira died a long time ago...

its extremely important that light is never killed by any human or any aspect of the law. he is always killed by ryuk: a chaotic force completely detached from human sensibilities, one that does not care about good and evil. same with l; in the anime, manga, and musical, he is always killed by rems senseless, morally gray love (and you could argue in the kdrama that hes killed by love there too lol). justice is just a set dressing.

this is not just because death note is a tragedy, because good and evil can still matter in a tragedy. the theme of "nothingness" and "good and evil doesnt matter here" is also shown in a situation relatively unrelated to light winning or losing, or being good or bad. and its in fucking lawlight of all things. we all know ls not a good person. we know lights not a good person. this is tip of the iceberg death note knowledge. but the moment they start to interact, none of that starts to matter. textually, their relationship becomes more important than the people theyve killed and hurt. and the thing is? the thing is? THAT WORKS STORY-WISE. THAT'S ENTERTAINING. AND IT'S NEVER TEXTUALLY CALLED OUT IN A LASTING WAY. l and lights relationship, no matter how much i meme it, is genuinely important to the themes and "mu" because it makes it clear that despite all the pretensions, despite everything, this was never about good and evil. and it still works in the story. this is why death note is simultaneously a comedy — isn't the battle of good and evil supposed to matter more? well, fine, i'll keep watching this anyway. that suspension of disbelief comes crashing down the moment l dies, though, and a relationship built on nothingness (the "mu" sort, meaninglessness, not "character development" nothingness, theres plenty of character development) gives way to just nothingness (again, "mu", not light's post-l depression nothingness), forever.

(an aside: there is no one to root for in death note, and the only things to root for are either interesting character relationships, convoluted plots, or complete and total destruction: for everything to end so no more damage is done.)

not to say that death note does not encourage its readers to consider what damage they might do with the death note (obviously.), or that its characters never do. look at matsuda, a much easier heroic figure to latch on to than soichiro because of his unique place in the cast dynamic and because he's willing to consider both sides of the situation and kill light instantly for all he's done. its just that the story's own stance on the subject is... complicated by the existence of shinigami worldviews and by its own insistence that the world cannot change for the better.

also, this is not to say that this is executed well by the death note manga at all. it is a very strong tool, artistically, to establish and then violently remove any emotional connections between characters and make your story only about the exceedingly convoluted lengths characters go to to survive and catch each other so the reader can realize how ultimately pointless all of this is, but like... is that a good story choice if that's all you do? i would say not really. add in a good dollop of misogyny that destroys the second-to-last character who might actually be an interesting contrast to the rest of the cast's dull one-track focus on winning and justice, and youve got yourself a shitty story that... honestly still achieves what it went out to do, just not in a way id ever want to replicate.

anyway, back to the parts death note's actually trying to say. no matter what any human does in their life, no matter how they try to hurt or help the world, they all die in the end. hey, light, they all die in the end. once dead, they can never come back to life. and the seasons turn. and the world rejoices. and you say "goodbye"...

that's all.

no analysis of death notes overarching theme would be complete without nears final monologue, the definitive roast of light, the "you're just a murderer" speech: "what is right from wrong? what is good from evil? nobody can truly distinguish between them. even if there is a god." if we take this as talking about the actual god in the room (ryuk) as well as light, then near admits that humans will never be able to withstand these overwhelming forces and that, using justice and happiness and selfishness, they are just scrabbling to find meaning in things they ultimately have no control over.

but of course, near does not stop there. "[...] even then i'd stop and think for myself. i'd decide for myself whether his teachings are right and wrong." nears alright with not having control over everything, because near can still control nears own actions. these forces can and do exist, but they have no sway over nears own humanity — unlike light, who caved.

one of the creators of death note said they believe its message is "life is short, so everyone should do their best". the first time i learned this, i was like, thats... nice and optimistic, but an awful reading of the story! "life is short, so everyone should be desperate and striving like light yagami", who literally cut off other ppls lives for his own life? what character in death note are we supposed to strive towards when we "do our best"? they all do awful things with their lives! honestly, maybe they shouldnt have tried their best, if this is what their best is!

but with the view of "mu"... it makes a bit more sense. just a little. maybe.

there is no good and evil. there is only what humans think, and no matter what we do, we all die in the end. it is easy to be crushed and terrified by this in the same way light is, but what is more important than justice and righteousness and finding meaning is... doing your best. not being a person that hurts others too much. not letting yourself get swallowed up by an ideal. not going too far. and simultaneously, trusting yourself.

it leaves a few questions, though... was the currently dead l even a little bit right about his blatantly amoral approach, then? was there a point to this pain, and me slogging through this dumbass manga, and all the people that have lost their lives to a selfish teenage cop's son and the whims of everyone chasing after him? was there a point to any of this...?

the manga** never answers this. it stays clinically impartial until the very end. the musical is anything but clinically impartial (and i love it so much for that), and its ryuk that has the last word.

"there's no point at all."

of course theres no point. none of this was ever supposed to happen. that is what matters more than all the hurt and the crimes and the pain.

and that's... actually okay, because it's over now.

yes, death note has many really important themes present in its story, but its viewpoint is nihilism first and foremost. thats why its so fun and easy to play around with all the other messages, because no matter what fun or torment or awful things or righteous justice or absolute nothingness or sentimentality happens in between, there is always an end.

there is always the end.

[moe-broey]

My homunculus

Hashtag my homunculus

[moldy-flowers]

The interesting experience of being pro Sasuke, anti konoha, pro tobirama, anti Naruto ending, pro Sasusaku, anti Itachi, pro Sakura, anti SasuNaru, pro Tobirama×Izuna, anti Madara, pro karin, anti Orochimaru, pro Uchiha and anti Hashirama. And also as much as I hate the guy danzo was kind of hot when he was younger...

[tinystepsforward]

ngl it makes me want to die a little bit that it's so often trans people who feel that sex is mutable but oppression is always-forever based on asab in ways that allow them to demand that information from other trans people. like it feels fucking bad. it feels bad when it's people holding up someone who posts a lot of selfies as transition goals to a degree they have to clarify what they have or haven't done or what "direction" they're going in, it feels worse when people are out there like "caster semenya is not tma" or whatever the fuck. i am, as always, not a trans woman, but here's a sentiment echoed by many of the trans women around me who log the fuck off, quoted directly from one: "people who draw a clear line where they say that semenya or khelif are tme and then call me tma are just calling me male at this point".

like i get it. i really do. we seek community and shared experiences, and we feel betrayed when people have less in common with us than we thought they did. [*more on this later.] but that's not those people's faults and my god in the case i'm seeing play out on twitter rn this poor person did absolutely nothing to intentionally mislead people, just posted pictures of their actual kid self. who looks a lot like i did, because shockingly enough "we can always tell" doesn't fucking work for trans people either!

on the one hand i move in intersex circles which are unapologetically welcoming in cis "dyadic" people with pcos, because it serves nobody to draw a clear line where mutilation or genetics or some ineffable childhood suffering are what make somebody intersex, especially when most of us (esp in places like nz) have never been karyotyped and are being treated for symptoms without a pinned-down cause anyway. the more of us there are the stronger we are, the more pressure we can exert on a medical profession which doesn't like to consider how common outliers are, how uneasy sex is at all. and then on the other hand there's dyadic trans people on the internet who've yelled me out of spaces because a couple of traumatised incarcerated trans women i worked with as a prison abolitionist assumed i was also a trans woman and i didn't immediately tell them my entire csa-involved history of being sexed in varying ways as an infant and child and/or exactly how big my phallus was at birth or where in my junk config my urethra lives so they could decide i was tme or whatever.

returning to the * for a related but not identical thought: i think presuming shared experiences leads to some fucked shit in general! "oh we all had a radfem phase" or "oh we all were channers" no we fucking weren't and it's particularly obnoxious when me & mine are trying to build trans community locally to organise and resist the growing wave of far-right backlash against our existence, and there's just white people in there on a spectrum from "straight up being antisemitic and trying to get the n-word pass" through "handwringing about how they need to make space for people who aren't politically correct" to "handwringing about how brown people are right to be mad at them but doing shit fuckall". and then the other fucking brown people in the space are on some identity politics shit where they're like "trans joy inherently excludes those of us who could get deported" or "big city white queers are killing us by being visible instead of going stealth bc it stirs up the discourse" or whatever the fuck i've heard pulled out this year. there's a bunch of reasons i primarily organise outside of trans spaces and that's one of them. i've never felt more alone in spaces where people claim we're all the same than being left as the brownest moderator or organiser in a space full of people to whom "this is a safe trans space" apparently means they get to abdicate all other responsibilities not to lapse into presumed shared patterns that are fucking racist or otherwise alienating. i've never felt more alone than surrounded by exclusively trans people who sort people into boxes and assume everyone in those boxes has the transition goals they have. like i was on cypro until it disagreed with me to the point of endocrine crisis and now i'm on t and at both those points people were so fucking presumptive or entitled to my reasons or journey or personal relationship w my body

literally just submitted on (and was invited to consult on) the nz law commission's review of the human rights act and like. it's straight up fucked how many nz trans people fully do not comprehend that any "sex assigned at birth" type definitions fundamentally exclude migrants who have no way of proving it and many intersex people who happen to have been reassigned later or many times or never assigned at all as a baby. we can't make law with this shit and that's why we have to have symmetrical protections for all genders/sexes/expressions/presentations, bc naming and defining a protected class here often leaves the people who already are left out from those shared experiences of marginalisation out in the cold when they face violence

[chuuzmii]

One thing about 911 that pisses me off soooo bad is how they keep trying to have these halfbaked harebrained ass redemption archs. Chimney and his (deadbeat pos) dad, the buckleys (do not get me started), and the diaz parents. Like for a show all about found family they sure do go on and on and fucking ON about how you need to forgive ur "real" family. SNOOZE!!! That shit they pulled with Chimneys dad just felt like the video version of ur dad telling you "well the phone works both ways" like WRAP IT UP.

The only parents i think could have had a decent redemption arch is the Diaz's. We could have gotten some good stuff abour how hard it is growing up in a strict POC household and maybe even some shit sbout generational trauma. But NOOOOOOO they just deserve to get forgiven because they are blood. boring.

[stars-on-fyre]

SO NO ONE WAS GONNA TELL ME ABOUT HOW A CERTAIN MISSION CHOICE WAS IMPORTANT IN DRAGON AGE: THE VEILGUARD??? 😭😭😭 I’M DEVASTATED NOW AND IT’S 5 AM