#and i have consumed a LOT of very very very good stories about grief. u could say that shit is in my wheelhouse.

[crimeronan]

finally some good fucking representation for the people who process grief by snarling "DON'T TOUCH ME LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE" at all their loved ones and then within 60 minutes break down sobbing on the exact same loved ones like "i'm sorry i love you i don't know what's wrong with me i don't know what to do i am trying SO HARD,"

[inventors-fair]

Settling at the Top: Hybrid Legend Winners ~

Our winners this week are @grornt, @horsecrash, and @izzet-always-r-versus-u!

@grornt — Vhati en-Dal

Someone never read the Weatherlight saga story—and that someone is me. Whoops. Hard to imagine a point at which novels were the main way to consume MTG lore and whatnot, but that hardly matters now that we have this moment of defection. I guess the only issue is that this card feels split from the timeline more than it is an alternate timeline—i.e. this is the card that could've followed instead of Diabolic Edict. That said, there's the placement of where a timeline truly becomes an alternate one, and I really don't want to get into the semantics of it. Vhati deserves differently.

And what a card you've made of it, too. The lifelink overlap is pretty low-hanging fruit for WB hybrid but that doesn't mean that it ain't still awesome. Utilizing tokens is one of the ways that this becomes significantly better, and Ball Lightning-types would absolutely love to have this card in their arsenal. With the card draw, it's definitely a bend in white, but not so much a bend that it's not understandable. Limited draw with something that white cares about is more than enough to see it through. As both a potential commander, a good limited build-around/utility card, and a neat mechanical callback, I'm really happy with the design sensibilities on display here.

@horsecrash — Sythis, Havoc's Hand

I think the shorthand works here, because honestly, the only thing throwing me off is the fact that some cards like Karametra's Blessing add a whole lot of words in there. Not that this card is hard to grok my any means, but it's a lot of text and there's only so much I'm willing to encourage adding for the sake of specificity. Let's back up. Mechanically, this is a limited powerhouse and I can imagine the work that it would do in a heroic-style standard/pioneer shell for sure. Double strike is rather powerful, but in-pie for both colors, and ramping up auras, flash enchantments, upper-curve creatures—pretty crazy powerful but only as much as a body can be.

What's interesting here is the difference in the flavor from Theros' usual fare. I can picture this moment where schwoop, planeswalkers gets taken to an alternate timeline or something, and the once-peaceful Sythis was created with a little too much wildness in her. Touching the monstrous wilds imbued her with the power to protect through force. It's a bit of a departure from Akroan valor, and yet there's a cool concept there about everything in Theros being topsy-turvy. What happened to the rest of the plane and the gods? What happened to that devotion to have the Nyxian entities suddenly change their form? Great use of the prompt.

@izzet-always-r-versus-u — Winota, Martial Force

You, on the other hand, can go to your room and think about what you've done. Good grief, this card is heartbreaking. Like, in terms of alternate universes or whatever, there's now a world where the once-revered bonder Winota is a stoic, severe, militant figure who uses her powers to destroy the creatures that she once would have loved. That activated ability... I'm honestly a little unsettled! Perhaps Winota still has that bonding ability, turning monsters against each other for the sake of Drannith. Unless I'm reading that very wrong, anyway. Our timeline's Vivian meeting this timeline's Winota wouldn't end well.

I don't think that much is going to end well for your opponent if you manage to land a Winota on board either. Creating non-Human tokens with things like Resolute Reinforcements or Anim Pakal ensures that the sacrifice will get all the indestructible that you need (except for Winota herself, good balance) in the competitive Human shell. Limited will make almost all your humans so much better, and on-board removal is always incredibly powerful. Mythic legends are both of those things for a reason, though. I think that this is pushed but far from unbalanced. I also appreciate how the similar abilities/triggers utilize completely different play patterns than the original Winota.

Great job, everyone. Runners coming up. @abelzumi

[windupaidoneus]

1, 2, 12, 31 for the ship asks >:]

smiles so so big. thank u my friend....... under the cut bc many words. also some of it is kinda spoilery SORRYYY. sniff

1) Who fell first? Who fell harder? depends who you ask. it's a tricky one due to. well. past life stuff... & also how their dynamic started out in current times. for the sake of simplicity though: emet fell much much sooner, & hilde fell much much harder. helps that the guy fucking died on him at his own hands ngl if i was already having conflicted feelings i couldn't quite place i think that'd get me too <- saying this about a self insert he introjected

2) Who is the one who fusses the most? Does their S/O mind very much? you knowwwww it's emet & it's not even close... hilde can fuss here & there but he's also really bad at taking care of himself & emet is number 1 complainer in the whole wide world. he WILL complain about hilde forgetting to take care of his skin, his scales, his meals, how he threw himself into life-threatening danger for the third time this month, how hilde cut his hair just short enough that he can't mess with it as much as he'd like, so on so forth. hilde doesnt mind. sometimes it makes him feel a little guilty but mostly they're proof emet cares, so it's a net positive to him. makes him feel loved

12) What is something their S/O does that makes them flustered? in hilde's case emet will do a lot of things specifically to fluster him so it's hard to list them..... he teases a lot. cant help himself. hilde is less the tease type but whenever he gets really assertive in a situation it does leave emet a bit dazed. depending on what kind of situation it may very well fluster the hell out of him. another thing though. referring to emet as his wife is something hilde did once for fun, he noticed it made emet shortcircuit for a moment & he just kept doing it afterwards (emet gets back at him by proposing first)

31) How would they describe one another. really depends who they're talking to... also at what point in time they're being asked. in the time where they're more stable & Fine though i'd imagine something like "a worrisome fool with a heart too big for his own good always recklessly throwing himself into some danger or another", & "i don't expect anyone to believe it, but despite everything i've seen his heart, and it is good". or on another day "why, the sweetest man you could possibly imagine - especially endearing when he nearly drinks from his pot of ink rather than his cup" & "oh, just the reason i've been late to every morning obligation i've had this past month". they both deeply care of course. emet views hilde as someone with a little too much kindness & compassion (mixes very well with his own crushing guilt but this isn't abt him) but he also knows the "ugly" sides of him very intimately. he once had some reservations regarding them, but nowadays he'd argue they make hilde's kindness hotter. & of course he finds the uglier parts thrilling. he would hardly ever describe him like that, because hes not telling people intimate, private things about his lover, but he's thinking them! hilde of course thinks emet is a grump with a kind heart because that's just what he is. there's a loooot emet has done that is downright unforgivable & he wouldn't deny it (& would've held it against him better/longer if the grief hadn't consumed him to the point it did) but he also wouldn't like. describe him as a seasoned war criminal LMAO. he sees emet for who he is now but also who he used to be, & how who he used to be still shines through despite all the things he's been through. which is reciprocated in a weird way. so he'd call emet a prodigious sorcerer, one praised for his willingness to lend a hand despite his protests, & would encourage people to not be deterred by his perhaps unpleasant facade. that he no longer is the villain he played in the countless stories in which he was a pawn of zodiark. that he is loving & good. sorry i'm getting a little too into it what were we talking about

[ram-de]

[read] extraordinaries

gosh it's been a long time since i put my random commentaries afetr i read a book. i read a lot but i haven't been putting it in words like these. i think it's a nice way to take a breather and appreciate the story for a bit. though i'm itching to read and jump to another one. alright. let's jump in.

the extraordinaries by t.j. klune is the second book i read of his! the first being the house by the cerulean sea. and i wept for that one. it's achingly sweet. and cute. and also hits hard a bit. i should reread it soon. now this one... this one features the main cast being highschoolers. and damn i didn't know I NEED IT SO BAD... LOOK... a lot of romances i read before features teenagers that acts way too mature and also quite high in steam (aka they can't keep it in their pants for 5 minutes) and i. it's not that it's bad. it's just... you know after a while of reading several books, i kind of tend to notice the pattern of like, the tropes, and like, the prose, and um. basically at some point it loses it charms and i ended up groaning, "not again..." or "i felt like i have read this storyline 32 times this month..." NOT THAT IT'S BAD OF COURSE... i eat it when i'm hungry. when i'm full i just need to take a breathe.

and man. NICK...!!! having the book centered around nick is so, so, good. a peek to his ever-flowing racing mind and how he's just, being him, as a whole. and this guy is a... a fanfic writer. and the love interest being his beta reader... I DON'T KNOW WHY THIS CRACKS ME UP... the dynamics is so good though i felt like they can feel a bit one-dimensional sometimes. i don't know why i'm criticizing. i don't know shit about stories 101 lmao. alright. nick is also very straightforward and cannot lie for good. the way he rambles about everything is adorable (i see u seth...) he puts his mind to it and pushes through everything. i love my delusional son akjsdgashda

THE HUMOR... very up to my alley.

"Nicky, no!" "Nicky, yes!"

AND THE CROWD (me) CHEERS... that sums the whole book actually. nicky got an idea, everybody told him no, and he did it anyway. sdhgfadskhaskjh. or this one passage. context being the dad is injured and was advised not to talk, and nick asked him how his day and glared at him. it's funny to me!!

and this one i have sorta expects from the author. it's how heartfelt the story can be at times. t.j. klune is poignant with his words. the story touches grief very delicately, how it impacts the whole family and their relations to another. there's this one part where nick have hard time breathing the moment his dad said he's gonna take his phone. his dad grounds him, distanced him from his friends, cutting of internet and all other things. but the one thing that was about to break him is the fact that he would have his phone taken away, due to the thoughts that if something happened (to his dad), then he wouldn't know. like how it happened with his mom. AND... :-( ... that's why it also hurts so bad when the two get caught arguing and his dad ended up telling nick why he is the way that he is.. :"""" I'M SO WEAK WITH FAMILY STORYLINES... they're always the one that made me teared up...

one thing i did not like is the blue-balling of important revelations that's like kinda obvious but they kept pushing it back. "oh, nick, don't you know? he's actually..." and suddenly the door opens. [plot ignored for several pages]. "i can't keep it anymore. i'm gonna tell you. actually..." and then suddenly a bomb exploded or something. LIKE... the fact that i'm writing it down means i'm annoyed by it lol since i don't actually notice these stuff usually. also i think the book kind of drags down by the end. i don't really hooked enough for shadow stars storyline. maybe another thing i didn't like is that it have real person shipping... though it's mentioned and implied a lot of how unhealthy that is lol, i can chalk it up to nick being a delulu y/n fanfic author.

it's been a while since i consumed any superhero-related media. i used to be into marvel movies but then they kinda... i don't know. lame. i watched ms. marvel and i liked it. i tried to watch she-hulk but i forgot it exists by the time episode 4? happened and i haven't finished it since. i also despised secret invasion's intro enough to never watch it. ever. i need to watch spiderverse....

why am i getting distracted. OKAY... the thing is. i loved the book. i enjoyed reading the book. i took my time reading it, and the character still lives in my head for now. and because this is a superhero-setting... i ignored any normal haircolor depiction in my head and instead put wacky colorful hairtones for every character anime style. nick? shiny silver (with a stupid ahoge). owen? fiery red (subversion, this is so good). gibby? deep purple. jazz? pink and yellow ombre. seth... black.., because subversion, uh... (he gets his colors from his ties and knots instead)

uh... what i want to say is it's lighthearted! it can be sweet and poignant at times. it's an enjoyable read. mr. t.j.klune good :) i'll put more thoughts if i remember

Edit 5 minutes later.

IT'S A SERIES??!?!?!??!? I thought that last part was the story being cheeky and a references to how superhero movies do post-credits scenes teasing future reveals. there's TWO MORE...!?!??!?!

[patheticgirl33]

THE WIND UP BIRD CHRONICLE

i always find it so funny when people brag about not consuming any media… i think connecting with a good story is what helps us overcome life’s toughest obstacles. in grief lessons, anne carson writes:

“There is a theory that watching unbearable stories about other people lost in grief and rage is good for you—may cleanse you of your darkness. Do you want to go down to the pits of yourself all alone? Not much. What if an actor could do it for you? Isn’t that why they are called actors? They act for you. You sacrifice them to action. And this sacrifice is a mode of deepest intimacy of you with your own life. Within it you watch [yourself] act out the present or possible organization of your nature. You can be aware of your own awareness of this nature as you never are at the moment of experience. The actor, by reiterating you, sacrifices a moment of his own life in order to give you a story of yours.”

for me, this novel is that quote. quite possibly the most impactful Murakami novel i’ve ever had the pleasure of reading. i actually got this book probably half a year before i read it and i had kept trying to read it and kept putting it down but it’s funny because only when i was actually going through a lot of the themes the novel explores was i able to read it. i have a theory that murakami novels click only when they’re supposed to… much like drain songs.

the story starts out with our jobless protagonist searching for not only his wife but his CAT too after both vanish under mysterious circumstances. the novel follows him as he spends a very, very, very long time searching for them both (refusing to accept the most obvious answer: she has left him). through his journey he interacts with a very interesting cast of characters (mostly women in their various stages of development, as is typical for a murakami novel) that help him put his life (somewhat…) back on track.

it’s impossible to tell you, dear reader (my best friend.. love u lots sister) of patheticgirl33, what this novel is ultimately about. there’s a million different themes in this book, but if i had to give my best judgement, i would say it’s ultimately a story about suffering in all of its various forms and the role of it in our lives. when i read this book i was suffering; i couldn’t define which direction my life was going in.. i couldn’t tell up from down or right from left or backwards from forwards anymore. i just knew life was Moving and i was Not and that was It. reading this passage soothed me in a way that seemed impossible at the time, which is why i often quote it to the people in my life.

i’m also just going to include some other passages from the book that resonated with me.

love love love this book so much. it helped to pull me out of such a dark time. love love love love

[panlight]

Could u talk some more about the marcus and edward parallels? I can see it but i cant think of a whole lot of threads off the top of my head and its an interesting comparison

Basically if Marcus is 19, then he's an emo teenage vampire who lost the love of his existence, which is what Edward is (or thinks he is) in New Moon. He thinks Bella's dead, and so then Marcus is a reflection of what he could end up like living in a world without Bella.

It's not a perfect parallel, of course. Marcus and Didyme were (presumably, although the Volturi timeline is so confusing it's hard to say) together a lot longer than Bella/Edward (who at the time Edward meets Marcus, dated for six months and then spent another six months apart, having known each other for roughly a year), plus Didyme had an Aura of Happiness around her, so Marcus' apathetic zombie states could be not just normal vampire grief but also sort of withdrawal from that extra level of happiness. He went from the highest highs (in blissful eternal love with a woman who literally surrounded him with happiness) to the lowest lows (not only losing the person he loved but ALSO that extra dose of happiness).

But there are other parallels. It sounds like Marcus was a pretty loyal and crucial member of the Volturi, was actually actively participating, but then he fell in love with Didyme and was so happy that he stopped caring about the Volturi stuff, he just wanted to leave and spend time with this person he loved and leave his 'family'. Aro killed Didyme so Marcus wouldn't have a reason to leave. While Edward didn't really go THAT extreme when he fell in love with Bella, he certainly didn't make a secret that she was more important to him than his family, choosing her over them every time, even when the choices didn't make a ton of sense (I will forever be salty about him sitting out the newborn fight).

So basically young!Marcus gives us a mirror to Edward, a teenage vampire who was consumed by loved and then lost it. Edward thinks this is him in New Moon, and really he kind of thought this was future!him at least in Twilight/MS where he still think he'll leave Bella for her own good someday and will then be condemned to be miserable forever, like Marcus.

I still personally have a hard time seeing Marcus as that young, though. It gives his age in the guide but I had already developed a mental image before I read the guide and I pictured him in his 30s or 40s. I don't recall anything in New Moon that suggested an exact age for either him or Aro. Caius was described as having 'white' hair so I had always assumed he was older, and I had figured that the vampire royalty/supreme court/police would also be older than the teen vampires involving themselves in angst-ridden love stories. Surprise! They have their very own lovelorn teen vampire after all.

[burr-ell]

heyy! hope it isn't weird or anything, but just wanted to say that i haven't been very active on tumblr these few days cause work and stuff and coming back now i'm just! really excited to see you posting about calamity? and that you also enjoyed it? i knew you had good taste cause of percahlia & cr1 but still :p And like, just in general, i'm really happy to see stuff about calamity on my dash again and from you specifically! :D honestly it has not really left my brain since it aired (nor did i stop writing unfinished wips for loquaerryn. oops) but it's not that prominent on my dash anymore so it's been really nice! and absolutely did not make me tear up [lying]. i'm just. it was so so good and poetic and doomed from the start but still hopeful in a way and just. so good. def takes second place for me as far as campaigns go [after cr1] so yeah sorry for the word vomit and the incoherency but i just. still think about calamity and laerryn/quay a lot and don't really have someone to talk to who watched it cause my friends didn't really go beyond ep1 yet if at all. so you watching it def got me excited. so. yeah. not sure where i'm going with this. i dunno. happy that you enjoyed it too i suppose? :D

ive been sitting on this bc im overwhelmed by how much ive missed u in my notes 😩😩😩

exu calamity is such a well-told tragedy, and i think part of what makes it really hit for me is that like any good tragedy, none of the characters involved are actually bad people. morally dubious, sure, but not evil. because when it's down to the wire and they have to choose between saving themselves and saving the world, they choose the world. like i love in particular the dynamic of laerryn catalyzing the doom of exandria...but also using the most reliable means at her disposal to save exandria. her work on the leywright was born out of hubris and yet its ultimate use was incredibly selfless and heroic.

and like, they all played a part in the flawed system of avalir! patia was a consummate ends-justify-the-means political-dynasty leader; nydas accrued wealth through unscrupulous means; loquatious used his position to cover up the truth; zerxus believed gods were comparable to mortals and that he could Fix Him™; laerryn put her work and achievements ahead of all else and let her own grief and anger consume her at the worst possible moment; and even cerrit, the least dubious of them all, never looked up at any of the things that mattered and nearly lost his family because of it.

they helped break the world, but their actions also helped fix it. and that's an absolutely brilliant dynamic and makes for such a fascinating, gripping story.

[starlightshore]

im kinda want to get into this sort of thing so is it okay to ask u a few questions? if not just delete this, but here goes? would u reccomend game maker studio 2, and how hard is it to use in ur opinion? and is there anything u wish u knew at the beginning of making ur fangame?

aw anon you’re so sweet! don’t worry about asking about this, its really exciting to make games and trying new things! i would not say i’m an expert, and i wouldn’t even say i know gml like. at all. i just understand a how the code is used, but now what the code itself is or what to type exactly. like, i understand the theory more so than actually doing it. which is, eh, fine? i’m getting by, and i’m still learning. i’ve only been using gms 2 for 2 months now.

also, i’m using a fangame engine! i feel its kinda like cheating lmao, but its just meant to be a framework to build your own thing off of. and i still need to learn gms2 to use it, and i plan on doing more advanced and complicated things (ie: changing how battles even work structurally.) so. i’m not good at gsm2 yet, but uh, really once you understand coding its not any harder than i’d imagine w/ other professional game engines. compared to unity, i like this better because it seems built on the idea of making 2d sprite games. its SO much more simpler and the userface (while. i’m not a fan of how it has its workspace but whatever) is simple and easy to grasp.

i can’t say for certain if i recommend game maker. its very pricey and doesn’t go on sale often. (big sales i mean, it goes on 15% somewhat frequently) i really, really recommend doing your research first. 

so here i talk about what game engines i’ve used over the last year. (also i hear Godot is good!)

at the end of that post i said this: “TLDR; figure out what kind of game and story you want to tell/make. i could of saved a year’s worth of work if i just sat myself down and realized i wanted to make a completely new fangame separate from my old blog stuff. and that i wanted to make an rpg specifically.“

and so! past me has good advice. figure out the scope and what story do you want to tell. with AL, I know it has 2 chapters, and rn i’m only concentrating on chapter 1. chp 1 has 7 nights and one area where you fight enemies. its very story/character driven and is more so like. a deconstruction of the rpg genre than an actual rpg game. (i know that the word deconstruction is over used as hell, but it is what this is.)

it builds off the themes of the original, while focusing on things that i want to focus on and develop. ut, at it’s heart, is about stories and grief, i’m just taking it to a different extreme and angle.

uh, anyway, i really wish i knew what i wanted to make and understood the source material more and what i wanted to make. i’ve. thought really really hard over what UT means, what message toby was trying to convey, how he did it and what I thought about it. understanding what YOU want from and for your project is the most important thing. WHY do you want to make this? WHAT do you want people to feel and think about when playing? or even, after playing? it doesn’t have to be super deep either.

so, figure out what you what to make, and then you can work on the how. really plan your story, but honestly i wouldn’t recommend planning it in super big details right off. also, super helpful to have a friend help you brainstorm and plot check things for you. (shout out to my friend the sniffer

anyway, don’t plan things TOO detailed because things are GOING to change no matter how well you plan! just try to get get an outline done, then rewrite it 5 more times and then MAYBE you’ll be ready to tackle a more detailed version. then write it 5 more times. i can’t stress enough how important planning is, and how you shouldn’t expect everything to work out even on draft 10! things will work, and when they do, draft 10 is going to look like bad awful nonsense cause you’re at draft 20 now and everything is much more coherent and better. games aren’t written or consumed all at once on the fly. its not a piece of fanart, a fanfic, a comic. its not updated more than once. its out, and then its just out. plan for it.

and real quick, don’t worry about art assets! depending on how you do the art, that’s most likely going to change and its going to be polished LAST. i could go more into how you should think of art when game developing, but thats another topic. just. honestly use shitty art assets and worry about it later.

kris’ place holder sprite for deltarune ^ it don’t need to be pretty, it needs to be practical.

second advice: start SMALL!!! i feel i should of done this, and frankly i probably will have to sit down and do this lmao, basically, you should make boring small games to learn the basics. I know, i know, nobody really wants to recreate asteroid when you got big ideas of making stories and animations u wanna make. but like. you really need to figure out how the program works and how the code works in theory and practice.

ok so like, think of coding like this. i got this from a skillshare video series, so uh. i’m going to retell this but in a shittier and likely less nuanced way. sorry

ok so imagine. you’re telling this guy who is trying to get to Gary’s house. now, Gary’s house is just down the road, few houses down, now, you can tell this guy that and he’ll likely find the house just fine. but if you’re telling a robot it’s not going to understand what “down the road” means. what road? how long? it needs instructions that are simple and work in a language it understands.

so you tell the robot “go down two houses, stop at sign until x seconds pass, turn right, go forward 1 house, turn ect. stop at house, ring doorbell. IF Gary answers, go inside; ELSE: do not go inside, wait;

so this what i mean by understanding the theory behind the code rather than the code itself. yes there’s complexities and differences in each language, but they’re ALL based on the same concepts. different program languages are less like different speech languages, but rather different dialects of the same. (uh, like us english vs uk english) its just different rules and “spellings” of the same core concepts.

next advice: don’t be afraid to ask for help! but also! do so within reason! if people are OPEN for helping, be sure do so in the right environment and within what time works for them. compensate people for the time and effort if you can. ALWAYS try to figure out the solution yourself first. often with coding, it can be a simple solution that you could of thought of yourself if you took the initiative to. google is your friend, youtube is your friend! (ok, youtube isn’t, but in this case! yes!) the answer might not always be easy to find, and its perfectly fine to look for help but its good to at least try on your own first!

speaking of which! LEARN LEARN LEARN! be ready to devote A LOT of time to watching and reading about game development. this goes to every game making program, not just gms2. i watch. so many videos on gms. i rec having the video play at 1.5x or 2x speed to cut down time. obvs you still need to retain the information, so speed might be not a good idea then. and its REALLY GOOD to pause and type out the code and follow along. but its also good to just understand the concepts, and theres no harm in rewatching once you’ve understood it  better at a different speed.

things WILL click and work out for you, and its going to be a very time consuming and long journey to get there. i LOVE making this game and telling this story but I also had no idea what i was getting into! and i probably will have more advice once i’m further in, (i’ve only used gms 2 for 2 months!) but thats the best i can say for now! i hope you pursue your dreams and start making things!!! you can do it!!! 

the best time to start is yesterday, the second best time is right now! even if you put a little effort into it everyday, you’ll  build up progress and you can learn SO MUCH over time and theres this whole world of possibilities out there! the world NEEDS your story and your perspective, and i think creating it in anyway you can is necessary for humanity! your work will mean something to someone someday, and i am so excited for you to start your journey!

[nancywheelxr]

can u do something where thandruil is rlly busy and kind of ignoring legolas and they go to visit elrond and elrond finds out that legolas thinks that thanduril is purposfully not paying attention to him (maybe he thinks it’s his fault his mom died)

Legolas thinks he shouldn't like these visits quite so much.

But he can't help it– Imladris lives up to its name with a fierce friendliness. The trees are green and the grass is lush, flowers seem to grow year-round, and the sun is bright, dispersing any passing shadow.

And here, there are the twins, always one word away from finding some grand adventure, there are Erestor and Glorfindel, patiently telling stories of the First Age for their eager ears, and there are food and music and, and–

And it's so different from home.

Greenwood is not so great anymore, he doesn't think. Everyday the night seems to grow longer and the days to grow duller. Even the people– everyone is always looking so tense and frightened, Legolas can't bear watching their worried eyes.

He heard his father talking with a councilman, the Necromancer is getting stronger.

So yes, sometimes Legolas looks around the balcony of the guest room and thinks he likes it here better than home. He feels terribly guilty, but it’s terribly hard to feel bad in Imladris, especially in the spring.

A knock on his door startles him out of his thoughts. “Lord Elrond,” he blinks, belated remembering his manners, “erm, is there anything I can help you with?”

“Perhaps,” Lord Elrond smiles politely, declining the invitation to come in, “while I do hope you’re settling in alright, I was actually looking for your father. I don't suppose you’ve seen him?”

Legolas pauses, stopping himself from shrugging just in time. “Not since we’ve arrived yesterday evening, no,” he glances down at the floor, unable to hold that kind gaze much longer, “besides I’m not sure I’m the right person to ask, I really wouldn't know.”

That seems to upset him in some manner, Elrond frowns. “Why is that?”

If he hadn't known Elrond since he was an elfling, maybe Legolas would feel more ashamed about the way his face sort of crumbles a little. “Well, I haven't– I don't see much of my father these days,” he sighs, shuffling in the doorway, the ache in his chest grown beyond familiar at this point. “I think I’ve done something to upset him, but I haven't figured out what exactly yet.”

Which was not something Elrond needed to know, right. Legolas curses himself; Imladris always does make him softer.

“I see,” Elrond says, looking thoughtful and before Legolas could say anything or apologize for his words, he’s taking his leave with an understanding yet forced smile.

“Well, that could’ve gone better,” he tells the empty room. Outside, birds chirp near his window.

*

It’s later in the evening, enough that the twins have already retreated for their chambers, scolded by a resigned Erestor over the small mess they made out of the kitchens, and Legolas scurried to his room, fleeing the imminent lecture.

They all miss Arwen fiercely in times like this, she's always been good at looking innocent and talking her way out of trouble.

Anyway, it's late when another knock comes to his door.

This time, his visitor catches him a lot more off guard– his father stands stiffly in the doorway. 

“Ada?” He asks, taken aback, and immediately worries, “is everything alright?”

His father looks suddenly pained, expression going pinched, and not for the first time, Legolas notices how tired his father seems. “Yes, yes,” he waves a hand in dismissal, “may I come in? I believe we need to talk.”

Well, those words have never led to anything good.

But at least, maybe his father is finally going to tell him what he did wrong and Legolas can apologize and make amends and this whole avoidance can stop.

“I talked with Elrond today,” he starts mildly, looking around the room with a neutral expression, and Legolas can't help wondering who’s actually here– his father or the King. “He seemed to be under the impression I’m actively avoiding my own son.”

Oh. This is not good. 

“I can explain–”

But when his father turns to look back at him, he doesn't look angry, just upset. And tired, he looks very tired. “Ion nin,” he draws his eyebrows together, stepping closer to rest a hand on Legolas’ shoulders, “I am truly sorry if I ever gave you the impression this is in any way your fault.”

Speechless, Legolas can only gape, trying to process what he had clearly not been expecting.

“And while I know I cannot right the time wasted,” his father continues, “you must know I was only ever trying to protect you.”

“So this isn’t about nana?” He blurted out, hands itching to fly out to cover his mouth in mortification immediately after. They don't talk about this, don't talk about Legolas’ mother, everyone knows that, what was he thinking– “I’m sorry, I–”

“No, it’s– it’s quite alright,” his father clears his throat, visibly struggling to stay composed, “why did you think this was about your mother?”

“Oh, because,” Legolas looks away, down at the stain on the hardwood floor, trying very hard not to think about those awful days, “you know. I– I should've done more, should've fought harder– if I had found her sooner, if I had been strong enough in the first place, then. Then she wouldn't– she would still be here.”

His father takes a seat at the desk, motioning for him to do the same, and for a second he looks so wrecked with grief, Legolas wonders how he’s still standing. “What happened,” he says evenly, “could never be your fault. You’re so young, I only meant to protect you and yet, it seems I managed to only make it worse.”

Legolas frowns, fingers curling around the mug he left early. “I don't understand, Ada. Protect me?”

A sigh. “The orcs who attacked that day,” he explains, voice wavering in disgust, “are not the first and will not be the last to venture so deep into the forest.”

That can’t be– he knows things are tense, tales of spiders slithering in the shadows have begun cropping up everywhere, but– orcs?

“You did more than I could've asked, I should never have let you chase them,” his father continues, “and I thank Eru every night you were returned safely to me. The Shadow grows ever closer and every day we are pushed further north. Orcs are claiming the woods while spiders infest the trees. No, nothing could have been done that day. I have not been avoiding you, ion nin, but I’m afraid my time is being consumed entirely over these matters.”

It’s the distraught note in his father's voice that he so rarely hears, the effort he’s making at talking about the attack, that leads Legolas to believe him, to forgive.

There's a relief, of course. This is not, after all, a deliberate act on his father's part, but it's concerning how dire the situation is. It makes him wonder why are they really here.

“There is much to do and the people need to know their King is intent on fixing this. Elves go missing, villages are attacked– I hope you understand, I didn't mean to avoid you, I could not find the time to do anything more than keeping the situation from escalating out of control.”

“I understand,” he says, because he honestly does. Legolas knows the Council must be putting a lot of pressure on his father to find a solution to something that can hardly be solved. He had meant to keep Legolas from finding the true horror of the situation and managed to alienate him in the process. 

Typical.

But Legolas finds this sits uneasier for him as a Prince, than anything else. Why should he be hidden away to be protected when their people are suffering? Should he not be out there helping?

What good is the Royal Family if they’re safely tucked behind the castle walls?

An idea begins growing on his mind– if the rumors are to be believed, patrols are being sorted to start soon. If his father is this busy, Legolas doubts he’d notice his absence until it’s too late to stop him from joining the guards.

“Thank you,” his father nods, climbing to his feet, “I can't promise things will be any easier when we return home, but for now, you should get some rest.”

Legolas smiles as innocently as he can even as he wonders if he could convince Glorfindel to train him during the visit.

[theseerasures]

Conspicuous Media Consumption, 2019

i mean, everyone's doing these write-ups, right? might as well hop onto the bandwagon

towards the end of last year i had one of my typical existential crises about my media consumption: am i slowly disappearing up my own ass because i no longer care about most of the pop culture people like to discuss ad nauseam? but on the other hand, isn’t it more responsible to find the niche items made by non-mainstream and marginalized creators? on the third hand, wouldn’t i be much happier if i just watched FMA Brotherhood over and over again, preferably while starting a new Mass Effect playthrough at the same time?

the answer to all these questions is probably “yes,” but i decided to try something different going into 2019. for every week of the year, i would try to get through a year’s worth of content for some kind of media, be it comics, video games, TV, etc--they didn’t all have to be recent, or even new to me, but once i was done with that week i’d be done, even if i didn’t finish the content, and i’d make a judgement based what i’d seen on whether i want to continue. mostly, i was trying to avoid what happened to me with video games in 2018, when i was hating every second of playing Uncharted but still felt obligated to finish because everyone and their houseplant liked Uncharted or listlessly doing the Master Hunter achievement in RDR2 because the main quest made me miserable.

the actual outcomes of this Project(tm) are a little more complicated than anticipated--some media i could finish in a day, while trying to play through ALL THE CONTENT OF AN MMO understandably took much longer than a week--but it all kind of evened out. in the end i did 48 weeks of this, and used December as my catch-ups month to follow up on some things i didn’t get to finish. i thought i’d give my thoughts on each of the things i consumed this year as part of this project below in a concise manner--and yes, i know the people who’ve read even one (1) thing i’ve written are probably laughing right now, particularly given how long i took in this introduction just to get to me point, but i really am going to try!! it’s all an exercise in shameless self-indulgence, basically, but hey: if any of you want to chat at length about any of this stuff below, hit me up.

(quick note: you’ll only find media that i chose for this particular project below, so things i watched socially with friends--like certain film properties slorping me back into Disney’s gelatinous monolith--are not included)

Devilman Crybaby (anime, finished 1/5/2019): honestly i should have twigged onto what the year was going to be like when the first thing i drew from the metaphorical barrel was demon tiddies and apocalyptic existentialism. i was determined to dislike it for most of the year due to fundamentally disagreeing with its main thematic thrust, but i kept THINKING about it even months after. at this point i’ve kinda mellowed out. it’s definitely not a must love, but there’s enough queer metaphor and philosophical richness in it to make it worth checking out.

Attack on Titan (manga, 3 volumes finished 1/12/2019): this is the second time i’ve tried to get into this franchise and...yeah, no. i still don’t see the appeal. the fascistic overtones juxtaposed with absolutely no one having a sense of humor wigs me out to no end.

Young Justice (TV, 2.5 seasons finished 1/31/2019): honestly, what even is there to say? they’re my kids. they’re back and grown up and making even more terrible decisions. i screamed when i saw Babs in her wheelchair.

Black Leopard, Red Wolf (book, finished 2/10/2019): i tried VERY HARD to like this book, given how much i liked Brief History of Seven Killings, but it just...didn’t click for me. which honestly is fine, since i don’t think it was made for me either.

Dragon Age (3 games, finished 2/28/2019): i feel like there’s always a part of me that’s going to think of this series as “the other one,” but y’know. it’s good. it’s my second playthrough (as a mage for all three) and it’s good! i even went around killing all the dragons in Inquisition because Knight Enchanter was a blast. appreciate the higher queer content vis-a-vis Mass Effect, even though i couldn’t care less about any of the plot. Dragon Age II is the best one, do not @ me

Bitter Root (comic, 4 issues finished 3/1/2019): i love intergenerational dramas and i love stories about vampire slayers, so this was aces. my only complaint is the pacing was a little slow for a story that was going on hiatus after five issues.

Pearl (comic, 6 issues finished 3/3/2019): i know that he’s done great things and grudgingly admit that he’s probably a net positive in the industry but Brian Michael Bendis can suck my entire dick

Lazarus (comic, 5 trades finished 3/ 4/2019): i really thought this was going to clench the position for comic of the year. it’s Rucka doing Highly Relevant Dystopia! it’s a corporate Lannisters AU! it’s a highly personal story about a woman with high privilege and little agency! what more could you want

Immortal Hulk (comic, 2 trades finished 3/ 4/2019): i vibed with the horror feel, but i don’t honestly think it’s THAT exceptional. being set in 616-verse means there was still ton of baggage i didn’t know or care about, since i’ve now swung more to the DC side of things

thank u, next (album, finished 3/5/2019): didn’t Ariana Grande get canceled this year for some reason? oh well, i liked her album

When I Get Home (album, finished 3/13/2019): i vividly remember listening to this for the first time and feeling vaguely disappointed that it wasn’t more like Seat at the Table until i realized that i was covered in goosebumps. still don’t understand the magic but it is Good

The Bird King (book, finished 3/23/2019): pretty much everything you’d expect from a G. Willow Wilson book--spirituality, the female lead finding Themselves and the Answer and learning they’re the same thing, etc etc. i’m slightly resentful that her Wonder Woman was so lackluster while this was so good, but whatevs

Psychodrama (album, finished 3/29/2019): possibly my favorite album of the year? dense and emotionally raw in a way i really appreciate. Dave has a Mercury and he’s younger than me

Mass Effect (4 games, finished 4/7/2019): wow guys did you know that Mass Effect is good! it is. all of it is actually, even the Mass Effect 3 ending, another controversial finale to a big franchise that i will obstinately defend. even Andromeda, which isn’t AS good as the trilogy but still has a lot of heart. all its bugs have been exhaustively patched since launch anyway

Crazy Ex-Girlfriend (TV, 4 seasons finished 5/13/2019): i’m...still kind of mad about this finale, but can’t exactly deny that this show is one of the best things to ever happen to me, or television probably. i didn’t even mind new!Greg that much! tho he was probably the nail on the coffin of me jumping onto the Nathaniel train.

Knights of the Old Republic/The Old Republic (3 games, finished 7/4/2019): did you guys know that KOTOR II was my first ever video game? i feel like that...explains a lot about me. anyway, the first game is a classic and the second is a deconstructive classic and playing either of them is basically a fun way for me to turn off my brain these days. even the MMO wasn’t as much of slog as i worried it would be. the Imperial Agent storyline had some nice surprises and i dig the general atmosphere of ruthless pragmatism and crushing loneliness.

Wanderers (book, finished 7/13/2019): Chuck Wendig is a very well-intentioned man in dire need of a strict editor. still good tho! some VERY punchy emotional bits and an ending that still leaves me with vague existential terror.

Code Geass (anime, 2 seasons finished 7/20/2019): i feel like this is on the polar opposite of the spectrum as Devilman Crybaby, because i don’t think Geass is GOOD on like, any basis, and i actually find its central moral message kind of abhorrent? but some part of my lizard brain LOVED the High Imperial Family Drama (it’s been a good year for me and Lannister types, hasn’t it? well, with the obvious exception of--never mind), so...yeah. have i discovered the true meaning of guilty pleasure

The Farewell (movie, finished 7/23/2019): how could i not a) watch this and b) love this and c) feel emotionally cold towards this at the same time because the situations depicted were so similar to mine that i ended up feeling kind of alienated

The Nickel Boys (book, finished 8/8/2019): i STILL haven’t read Underground Railroad, but here i am a book late and a dollar short to appreciate Whitehead’s new book. the man’s stylistic versatility is jaw-dropping and i appreciate the plotting in contrast to like, 90% of the litfic out there that’s just “protagonist sad in different milieu”

Durarara (anime, 2 seasons finished 8/31/2019): it’s fucking bonkers and i loved pretty much every second of it? even the second season, where i finally got the BruceNat AU i deserved??? the first anime i’ve seen where everyone was relatively soberly dressed. the answer was love and having feelings and asking your middle school best friend to hurl you like a projectile so you can chop your girlfriend’s head off with a demon katana

Lover (album, finished 9/1/2019): i feel like with all the Discourse surrounding Taylor Swift re: she’s the devil incarnate or re: she’s good, actually the fact that she makes fucking bops gets kind of lost in the conversation. i have no vested interest in her as a person but i liked Lover, even though London Boy was “what if Style but stupid”

Are You Listening (comic, finished 10/2/2019): my actual choice for best comic of the year if i were giving out awards like that. it’s coming of age! it’s grief! it’s queers! it’s trauma! it’s magical realism! it’s cats! it’s expressive gorgeous art! Tillie Walden has an Eisner and she’s younger than me

High School DxD (manga, 2 volumes finished 10/10/2019): i don’t even know how to talk about this series?? i actually kind of came around to the whole “main character is a perv but goes hard for consent” by the end of the second volume, but it’s still...bad. i only can have lingering conflicted feelings about one Japanese adaptation of Christian mythology per year

Ghosteen (album, finished 10/18/2019): much like Immortal Hulk i thought it was fine but over-hyped. it’s Nick Cave doing his Nick Cave ethereal music thing. i still can’t tell what any of the lyrics mean, except Jesus is there sometimes

Watchmen (TV, 2 episodes finished 10/29/2019): i am nOT FUCKING CAUGHT UP so please watch out for spoilers. it is on my high priority list of things to be caught up on tho--i appreciate that the plot is blatantly unsubtle but still manages to give me aneurysms and i appreciate the political overtones just kinda...balances on a razor thin wire and also gives me aneurysms. i wanna say i have no expectations and would be fine if it does a full dive into the horrible bland depths of the both-sides porridge, but i’m sadly a fool who wants to believe in Damon Lindelof

Syllabus/Making Comics (2 comics, finished 12/24/2019): it’s funny--even before Making Comics came out i was like “man i miss Lynda Barry” and then BAM. it’s incredible how her work just makes me feel taken care of, even when we’re wrestling with tough topics or she’s demanding that i draw a Batman in 30 seconds. kudos for immediately shooting to the top of my gift list for my sister also

Allegiance/Choices of One (2 books, finished 12/24/2019): fun and largely inoffensive, but i was honestly hoping for more. the level of Empire apologia going on was too much for me, someone who thinks Mara Jade is the best Star Wars character of all time (still?????? still). it reeked a little of Zahn believing his own hype as the only valid guy in Star Wars Legends of whatever

Aldnoah.Zero (anime, 1 season finished 12/24/2019): turns out i also can only have “trash but my trash” feelings about one Japanese mecha show with higher art pretensions and patriotism verging into jingoism per year, and this one ain’t it. it’s not as good as Code Geass and Code Geass ISN’T GOOD. at least Geass attempted character complexity and moved at enough of a breakneck pace to distract me from its questionable bits. Aldnoah is just...bland, and nothing gets accomplished or revealed in 12 episodes, except the baffling and contradictory motivations of the main bad guy.

Baldur’s Gate (game, unfinished): yet again something i really wanted to like, given *gestures at all the BioWare above*. i think it’s mainly the Seinfeld issue, where it actually predates my own experience with video games and was so formative for the Western RPG genre that what was innovative just comes across as kind of staid now. i didn’t DISLIKE it, and will probably play the sequel since it’s supposed to be more character-driven, but by the time i finished the vanilla campaign i just didn’t have it in me to squint at more tiny avatars on the screen, so the expansions ended up a no-go.

most prominent thing i noticed about this list is that only one 2019 movie made it on the list and ZERO 2019 video games did so. the former i’m okay with because i currently live with two film people with whom i’m happy to tag along to the cinema. the latter bums me out a little more, because there WERE a few things i wanted to play this year, but all of them came out just as my semester was reaching its catastrophic boil, so i had no time. maybe i’ll use my free time after the New Year festivities to catch up on those.

to conclude: this worked out pretty well! i ended up finishing all but one of the things, and only a few were bad enough that i have no interest in seeking out more content. i’ll probably do this again in 2020--we’ll see if the scheduling can withstand a full year of grad school hell

[dcmhnallach]

demiboy — ever hear people say APOLLO AMORETTO looks a lot like NICK ROBINSON? I think THEY/HE is about 22, so it doesn’t really work. The GRAPHIC DESIGN major is a JUNIOR that is from LIVINGSTONE, VT. They can be ADROIT, but they can also be INDELICATE. I think APOLLO might be A TIER 2 SHEPHERD. They are living in KIERAN. ( snot goblin. 20. EST. she/they. )

ok so i lied and this is after midnight. sue me. his background is a lil inspired by logan from veronica mars so like, sue me 2x. dnjkfmgh but !! give this a LIKE so i can come MESSAGE U FOR PLOTS !!!

TRIGGER WARNING - DEATH, MURDER, MENTAL HEALTH ISSUES, DOMESTIC VIOLENCE, GRIEF

a e s t h e t i c s

fingers across keyboards and piano keys, m&m’s scattered, vintage gaming consoles and tangled wires, worn vans and broken skateboards, banging of drums and splintering drumsticks, deep rhythms beating with your heart, the hum of a hefty computer and the buzz of a monitor, green text against black screens, unruly hair unkempt, flannels filling closets, bloody baseball bats, posters lining up and down walls, loud punk music shaking the walls, glares and whispers, the suffocation that comes with loneliness, pills rattling in their bottles, unmade beds.

general info !!

full name: apollo casimir amoretto

nickname(s): cas, polly, lover boy, 2000 (b/c of his screen names lmaoo)

b.o.d. - january 31st, aquarius boi

label(s): the escapist, the hellion, the insurgent, the netizen, etc. etc.

height: hitting 6′0″

hometown: livingstone, vt !

sexuality: bi bi bi bi bisexual

stats

pinterest

biography !!

cristian amoretto and camilla silvestri had a romance that could be described turbulent at best, and downright explosive at worst

cristian, a native italian actor whose career began before he could walk, and camilla, the daughter of two italian immigrants with big dreams in a small town, met on the set of a coffee shop. their love story began quickly, dating within only a few months of knowing each other and engaged before the year was up

camilla walked down the aisle 6 months pregnant with lil’ baby apollo, who was then born in livingstone, vermont, aka the town that camilla’s family had settled in

was raised primarily by his mother and grandparents! his father was often off shooting movies, leaving camilla to take on the role of stay-at-home mom despite her own dreams of making it big as an actress

apollo grew up as a huge momma’s boy – i mean, god, he just really loved this mother, y’know? his relationship with his father was much rockier because of his … lack of being around.

when his grandparents died around the age of eight, that’s when things got…worse. it felt as if camilla’s parents were the only barrier between camilla and cristian’s budding wrath.

it became more apparent that cristian was not meant for the family life, his anger quick and his fists quicker, stinging words and venomous glares. a control freak who couldn’t handle camilla being independent.

this wasn’t apparent to the neighbors, or much of the town in general, because the amorettos were such a prominent family up in their beach-side mini mansion – it was hard to imagine that their life was anything but exquisite and dreamlike.

this was, of course, up until camilla filed for divorce and a restraining order in the same day, face bruised and nearly unrecognizable. she, obviously, got custody of apollo.

at this point in time, apollo was fourteen and…pretty stoked for them to get away from his father. they holed up southside and life continued as normal. for the time being. gossip swarmed apollo at school surrounding the circumstance which was annoying, to say the least. it led to him becoming withdrawn from the other students, not getting the whole … gossip appeal.

in hindsight, they should’ve moved out of livingstone. death threats in the form of letters and the eerie feeling of eyes constantly being on them came to a halt on apollo’s graduation day: the day that his father also, coincidentally, murdered his mother.

for making me miss out on years of my son’s life, was cristian’s excuse as he was escorted from the bloody crime scene at their apartment and into the police car.

cristian was convicted and sent to prison almost a whole year after it occurred. apollo still has dreams about testifying in court against his father as a witness.

and then apollo became known not as the son of two celebrities, but the son of a murderer. total bummer !

could not tell you why he stayed in livingstone, but he did. almost dropped out of college a good few times ( he isn’t passionate about graphic design, it’s more of him wasting time than anything else ) and spends most of his time raiding on WoW or competitively playing overwatch :/

speaking of college ! apollo was kieran’s roommate and like ... a close friend of his. the death hit him pretty hard b/c of his past.

lives in kieran but lately has been switching between his dorm and his childhood home - it’s technically his dad’s but he hasn’t been to his mom’s apartment in years. the mansion has become run-down and pretty grody, a sore sight that pisses off the neighbors.

he does identify as demiboy but he cares abt his identity like ... so little ... 

personality !!

his main focuses are computers / video games, drums / his band, and like … skating … vaping … gamer things, y’know.

from a young age he’d always been very fascinated by video games, and being the Rich Boi ™ that he was, ended up with a whole lot of them to play, on a whole bunch of consoles.

but like … he’s a PC guy :/ he may have a super rare nintendo 64 or two but nothing can beat his dual-monitor set up with his hand-built computer !

he also got real into hacking, y’know, just small things like watching security cameras in different cities and occasionally changing his grades b/c like … who wouldn’t ? also … cheated in dark souls. fucking loser.

his favorite games to play are multiplayer games so !!

he joined a band in high school because he was angsty and young, and like, turned out to be really good on drums ?? they had like … some real big jimmy eat world / green day / say anything / old school fall out boy vibes. just a whole bunch of ‘fuck the government, fuck the authority, anarchy, rebellion, revolt revolt revolt’ angry rock music that got a buuunch of noise complaints during practice.

his role in the band is essentially the ~nerdy~ one, because he’s a gamer, but like he was also Edgy and Angry and wore all black like Constantly ( he still does who are we kidding )

probably paints his nails black and has a nose ring b/c gamers can be edgy too !!

huuuuuge junk food junkie. like … he will consume Everything and Anything unhealthy. has a huge sweet tooth, he can’t remember the last time he’s drank straight up water.

he’s pretty much a loner, minus his bandmates -- having a reputation like his really ... puts off others. wasn’t the friendliest person in high school either, which doesn’t help. kieran and him were kindred souls.

to be honest, he’s really selfish. thinks about himself first and foremost, considers it to be a method of surviving in a fuck-shit town with fuck-shit people. wouldn’t hesitate to toss people to the side if it were to ever come down to it. he’s not a faithful pal.

he’s ruthless, impulsive, does whatever he pleases because he assumes that everybody’s already got their opinion of him due to his father. hard to stop him when he’s on a rampage.

seething with rage on the inside. :/

uuhhh so he’s got this fucking…pomsky, right? her name is tulip. she was camilla’s before she passed away and like, what was apollo gonna do, huh ? put the dog in a shelter ? hell fucking nah. that’s his dog now. give that dog an emotional support animal certification and boom.

this isn’t like a Personality Trait but idk where to put it so ! apollo’s on antidepressants ( and other medications, but y’know. that’s just how it is ) b/c like … y’know … the whole dad-murdering-mom thing sort of fucked him up a lot ! they make him feel pretty blah and diminished his sex drive so like … hook ups aren’t really an option for him 99% of the time.

besides that he smokes a lot of weed b/c self medication.

he’s … sort of an asshole. like … he can be rude and he doesn’t have much of a filter and i don’t know if there’s any softness left to him ! he just really misses his mom and has a lot of wishes involving changing the past and he reacts badly to things because he’s so defensive and on edge constantly.

no but he’s just like. .. sad gamer boi … a man and his dog … who also carries like five knives on him.

like he’s not socially awkward or necessarily Bad with people .. he’s just bad with people :/ doesn’t try hard enough ! is a little too apathetic ! chaotic to true neutral

wanted connections !!

bandmates !! i’d envision that there’s four or five members including him. two electric guitar, one bass, one drums / keyboard ( that me -_- ) , anybody singing ... maybe a triangle player ! or a cowbell ! i dunno ! endless possibilities.

fans of the band mayb ?? try to seduce him so they can party w/ them after a show n apollo’s just like :/ nah ( or yah ! )

people he clashes with hardcore !! people who are one n the same.

uuhh ... big slut for enemies ! ppl he refuses to get along with or they’ve been on bad terms previously for whatever reason. :-)

alternately, people he’s trying really hard to get along with but it’s not working b/c he’s a shithead.

maybe an actual good, close friend or two !! y’know. so he’s not completely alone. 

people he’s fucked over previously by ditching them / being unreliable / messy / etc.

besides close friends, someone who’s soft towards him or vice versa. because as much as i love angst, i love the uwu too.

ex-flings, ex-fwbs, ex-hookups, etc. etc. ex-gfs/bfs. especially from high school.

people he’s known all his life ! childhood friends, childhood enemies, old rivals, etc.

people who like ... stayed away from him / distanced themselves after his dad’s arrest. :/

okay but like ... imagine, okay , some sort of high school romance where he used to sneak into their room / sneak them out, n then they’d like. go wild out. y’know like, parents Hate him.

ppl who end up on one of his benders / night time adventures / whatever chaotic shit w/ him.

a hook-up gone bad could b fun !

gaming pals. gaming enemies.

skater buds ! vaping buds ! stoner buds ! apollo owns like three juuls.

someone he’s good friends with ( maybe ?? potentially developing Feelings at the same time ) but apollo fucks up their friendship / possible Something because that’s just what he Does.

somebody who thought tht like ... his childhood home was just Abandoned and Empty so they started breaking in to like. get high or fuck or whatever and apollo just walks in one day like ... what are u doing.

someone who caught him dealing juul pods to middle schoolers and was like ... what are u doing. idiot.

idiot reckless buddy pals !! wreck shit together !! burn couches !! chaos !

literally i’ll take anything sdjnfkmgh

[noirbriar]

MDZS ficlet : Empty Shadows (2)

(Part 1 here)

This fic is just musings of a dork about a character who seem to be a convenient tool for the story. Its strange how everyone had not given MXY extra thought but simply as a vessel and a second chance for WWX IMO.

Also somewhat based off zeldacw’s MXY backstory doujin.

Mostly word vomit but if its your cup of tea ( or bowl of congee ) please take it.

-----

Pieces of papers, fragments of thoughts, glimpses of the memories of a ghost. Some are ideas, others are just opinions of daily sort of routines. However, they seem almost too real, too coherent for a lunatic to have put on paper.

How did I miss all these? Am I blind...?! Wei Wuxian groans.Although now that he thinks about it...He was oblivious to Lan Wangji’s little advances for...Alright forget what he just said.Everything.He doesn’t want to slap his own mouth again.

Although in his defense, most of these were found in the Mo Estate and not the donkey shed.Most likely Mo Xuanyu’s thief of a cousin had taken them.

“Senior Wei, you have been engrossed in those papers for awhile.Are they that interesting?” Lan Sizhui smiles as he peers over his shoulder at the man on his donkey. ( “Either you give him the apple or don’t Senior Wei! Even I pity the animal!” Jingyi remarks watching Wei Wuxian dangle the apple in front of Little Apple. Wei Wuxian ignores the child. )

“Hmm, Sizhui ah,look at this and tell me what you think?” Wei Wuxian passes the young Cultivator a piece of the notes.Lan SIzhui skims the contents. The moon is bright enough even in the dense forest of Dafan Shan that the Lan disciples are able to continue leisurely.

“Are these your old works Senior Wei?”

“Sizhui ah. When we go back, you can ask Hanguang Jun if I had written this neatly back in our school days.”

“...That...Right.” Sizhui’s smile becomes abit more strained. “But if not yours then...?”

By now, all the other kids have gotten curious and started to gather closer around Lan Sizhui to read.Without Lan Wangji, its alot easier to relax and not be bound by the Lan family rules, but then again it might just be Wei Wuxian himself projecting. Not that the disciples are complaining.

“Could it be...Mo Xuanyu?But how did he manage to learn the demonic path?It...looks detailed.” one of the disciples voices out from the back.

“It is.Don’t forget, this is someone who has done a very difficult ritual to bring back a big bad.” (”Ahhh Senior Wei, please.”Sizhui tries to interject.) “Let’s do a little lesson shall we?As you read these notes, I want you guys to think and deduce his character.Now you all tell me, does this man sound like a lunatic?” Trust Wei Wuxian to turn anything into a lesson within a game for the kids. Although he wants to make sure its not himself that feels this way. He needs another perspective, why not ask these fresh young minds?

“No.Not really...No.” “No, he sounds smart though.” “ Who eats raw potatoes?!” (Sizhui twitches at the side at that remark.He implores to have that dark history remain where it is. Buried.) 

“What does Senior Wei think?” Jingyi pipes up.

Wei Wuxian doesn’t reply for a long while.What does he think? To be honest, there’s lot he can say that he finds it hard to put into words. How does one even begin understanding a pitiful soul who was more than likely innocent before he got pulled into the grand scheme of things? He was just a boy, wanting to be accepted and recognised by his family. But probably was too naive and became a pawn in Jin Guangyao’s plans when he realised his half brother is gifted in the demonic path. After he has been used and wrung dry, the man cruelly plotted to have him tossed out in the most flashy and heartbreaking manner.

Anyone would snap.Either become vengeful and kill everyone or let the grief, the humiliation and madness consume them. It must have been the latter for Mo Xuanyu. Who would have to return to the Mo family, bringing disgrace and more suffering to his mother who raised him without a father and unmarried at that.

After which, even in his suffering...the idea that Nie Huaisang might have sought Mo Xuanyu out and implicate him in his own plans to foil Jin Guangyao’s. May it be willingly or not, its painful to even think about it.

A life for a life.This cycle of pain is not something that poor soul deserved.It probably might be a blessing that he no longer remained in this world to be used forever as a tool.

“I think, I would have liked to meet him.” Wei Wuxian smiles as he finally tosses the apple for Little Apple to crunch on at long last.

“WOOF!”

Before he promptly falls off the animal.

-----

”Jin Ling!W-Why are you here??” “Aren’t you suppose to be prepare for the Conference?” “ Didn’t you said you were swamped with work??”

”WILL ONE OF YOU GET THE DOG AWAY FIRST!!!??AHHH LAN ZHAN!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN I NEED YOUUU?”

”Wei Wuxian!You are pathetic,of all things the Yiling Patriarch fears!?Dogs!Embarrassing!And really, why would I hang around in that mess when Uncle is swinging Zidian around Koi Tower?I still want my legs!” Jin Ling scoffs at Wei Wuxian who is currently high up on the tree.Lan Sizhui simply pats the younger boy on his shoulder, imploring him silently to spare the demonic cultivator. It would do none of the disciples good if Lan Wangji hears of this. Anything regarding his husband, he will hear of it, present or not, and for sanity’s sake and his responsibility as leader of his Brothers...best spare the poor man.

”Sides, I am here on business anyway, you guys know everyone is collecting evidence and any loose ends U-I mean, Jin Guangyao, has done. So I passed by here just to make sure.”

”Sect Leader Jiang allowed you,a newly appointed Clan Leader to come alone? Has Lanling Jin really gone down deep or what?!” Jing Yi chirps incredulously.

Jin Ling shoos Fairy away before he jerks a thumb behind him where a dozen of purple robed cultivators have gathered and maybe a couple of yellow golden robed ones. The Lan disciples had to slowly calm down the tearful adult (ADULT?!) and coax him to come down. They has 21 days of punishment free days and counting so far, they are hoping to keep it that way.

”Nope.And its actually annoying.”

Gusu Lan, YunMeng Jiang and Lanling Jin upon Dafan Shan. Talk about walking down memory lane. Wei Wuxian thinks with a pout. They have gathered before the cave where the Goddess Statue once resided. Now, the cave is partially intact, and all that remains is a pile of rubble and...a shrine?

A tiny one, filled with offerings and red threads decorating it. It looked like one of those you find along the road, similar to those for the earth deity or gods watching over travellers, merchants.On the peak of the mountain, the moonlight cast down a pale glow, sombre and cold.

”Eh? Did the people down the mountain change a god to worship?” Wei Wuxian muses, scrutinising the shrine curiously.There was no malicious intent, no demonic energy, its void of anything to be honest.

”Nope.Its a memorial.” Jin Ling explains.”Remember the soul eating Goddess?”

”Hard to forget now isn’t it?It’s not everyday you see a statue eating people right in front of your face” Jingyi deadpans, his eyes dark and haunted.

”Didn’t ask for your input but yeah.Its for the souls she...er...It?Consumed. Spirits that have gone. Unable to return. The townsfolk thought it be heartless to not do something for the spirits of the victims.God knows how many it had even consumed or lost.Hence they came up with that Shrine.” 

Gone. Lost. Forgotten.

Wei Wuxian stands before the wooden shrine, his gaze distant while the sounds of the children fades out behind him as they mingle. Mo Xuanyu’s papers feels almost warm between the folds of his robes.

“I just wish to be loved. Just once. “ Wei Wuxian remembers the meek voice had whispered in his dreams before other thoughts have drowned out that sad echo.

Mo Xuanyu did not deserved all that which had happened, driven to a dead end and forced to sacrifice his soul for a second of respite, and knowledge that his suffering will be dealt with by the Yiling Patriarch. His flaw was his innocence and at the end, without anywhere or anyone to turn to. Wei Wuxian was all too intimately familiar with that. However, soon time will pass, his soul will mould this body into his own, closer to what he once was to shape the vessel in likeness of the spirit. The last vestiges of Mo Xuanyu would be gone then from this world.Unlike the Yiling Patriarch, who was infamous and hated by many in the past and now as the demonic cultivator who had returned from the dead. Qishan Wen also had Wen Ning and Lan Yuan as proof they had lived even if their ashes are mostly gone with the mind, souls doomed to never reincarnate. 

Without anyone to remember him by, without anything as proof he was once here in this world, could it be said that Mo Xuanyu had truly existed?

To be forgotten is indeed a far worse fate for any man.

The kids watches the demonic cultivator crouch down, kneeling before the tiny shrine in wonder.The others from Jiang Sect and Jin Sect watches curiously as well at what the infamous man may be up to wearily. Almost as if a veil has been cast over the man and the memorial.Nobody breathes as The Yiling Patriarch pulls out Chengqing and puts his hand in a tiny prayer upon the name of his instrument.A sign of respect. For if not for him, Wei Wuxian himself would not experience the joy of living. A joy that was never granted to Mo Xuanyu.

Fate is cruel.Yet he hopes in another world maybe, Mo Xuanyu could have a better life.

Mo Xuanyu. I shall cherish your memory safely. For what you have bestowed upon me by the weird crossing of Fate...Thank you.

-----

(Final part)

[capseycartwright]

how are you so accepting of seb and everything happening on screen? I haven't seen you struggle about it once and I feel as though I'm never going to get over it

ok so. i’m not trying to tell you how to feel or act, but i’m going to tell u a story which explains why i will accept whatever narrative choices any show i watch makes. 

basically, i had a bad™ experience and it really affected me badly and changed the way i do fandom. when i was a lonely lil fourteen year old, i discovered fandom and fic and tumblr and i got super invested in all things iCarly. like, i would stay up to watch it live (which was like 2am my time) and i’d say up until 3 or 4am every saturday night just to liveblog and react and be involved with fandom. it was my happy place, you know? i ran a popular blog, i had lots of online friends, i wrote fic, it was all good. then my otp got together and it was even more good, and then the show fucked it. like, just fucked it up. i cried about the finale for days. like, literal days. i was devastated the show would end like that, that the show hadn’t gone the way i wanted. like, heartbroken isn’t a strong enough word. i left fandom, i deleted my ff.net account, i deleted everything. like, i was so badly affected by hating how this show had ended, this is legit my first proper fandom experience since. 

being that #traumatised changed the way i look at fandom. like - for my sanity, i just go with the narrative. i might think its a meh writing choice, but there’s fuck all i can do, really, so i have to go with it or stop watching. i did it with the 100 - i didn’t like the narrative choices and i found i couldn’t just go with it and enjoy it, so i had to stop watching. like, the media we consume is something we have an emotional connection to, of course. we wouldn’t watch it/write fic about it/be in fandom if we didn’t have an emotional connection to the story and the characters. thats why its hard to accept some narrative choices. but for me, the best way to consume any sort of media/fandom is to either accept the narrative choices and where the story is, or quit watching. i know that sounds super black and white, but like i said, i had a bad bad experience with a show before and i don’t want to end up in that place again, so i’m quite ruthless about the things i watch. i don’t enjoy it anymore? bye. its done, i’m not going to watch it. it’s the only way i can keep fandom and tv shows etc as my fun hobby and not something that consumes my life in a negative way, because (and i think i say this a lot but yolo) i find negative thought incredibly overwhelming. around the ONS i was really upset and didn’t like the narrative choices being made on ed, and it spilled over into my everyday life, and thats when i had my “either accept the narrative choices being made or quit watching” moment and i didn’t want to quit watching, so here we are.

like. i think you’ve got to have your own journey with this aspect of fandom. casually watching a tv show is different to watching  and enjoying it through the media of fandom - it’s an inherently time consuming way of watching and enjoying a tv show, and its obviously upsetting when the thing you give so much time to goes in a direction you don’t like. its tough, and i sympathise, because i have felt that way before, but its a dangerous line of thought for me personally - i can’t exist in a fandom space where my perspective is an unhappy one. like - i know i probably come across as relentlessly positive and accepting of anything thats happened within this storyline, but its for my own sanity. for some people its cathartic to be negative, and to express that upset and anger - its like a grieving process, right? for a lot of people, you have to grieve your way through a storyline you don’t like in the hopes of reaching the final stage of grief and accepting whats on screen. i have to be harsh with myself from the get go or it turns fandom into a very ugly thing for me.

this got long i’m sorry and i’m on mobile so no readmore for u but you’ve got to muddle your way through your feelings and find a way to deal with your anger and sadness and come out the other side of it. i can’t really give you advice bc most people would consider my attitude too harsh or easier said than done lmao but its worked well for me for years now so u gotta find what works well for you 

[cherrycatexe]

Feysand Family Fic (pt 2)

Feyre wiped the drop of tear which rolled down Adriana’s cheek and extended her arm offering a hug with her own eyes shining with unshed tears, Adriana advanced towards her extended arms, a bit hesitant at first, then she wrapped her tiny arms around Feyre and Feyre took her in her arms, careful not to hurt her tiny wings, which were neatly tucked behind her. Feyre’s warm and comforting hug felt so similar to her own mother’s hug that Adriana started sobbing and nestled in closer to Feyre. The others were watching the two of them quietly then Rhys came forward, knelt down and wrapped his arms around his mate and his new daughter. Feyre looked up at him with a small smile, while Adriana’s face was still buried in her neck, Rhys kissed her forehead and smiled, first at her then at Adriana, who finally looked up. Cazriel and Morein came next and Cazriel placed a hand on her shoulder to draw her attention, when she turned around, she saw Morein who was a year younger than her extend her hand out to her in a friendly gesture, as Adriana took her hand she greeted her with a warm smile saying “ Hello sister! I’m Morein, C’mon we got a lot to talk about!” Cazriel smiled at his two sisters and then introduced himself to Adriana. The two kids started talking to Adriana, Morein easily made her feel comfortable with her, as she had the same charming charisma like her aunt Mor, just like she had her golden locks, which at first surprised Rhys and Feyre, but Mor was super excited. Cazriel made both his sisters laugh with his good sense of humour, like his dad. Adriana felt home in no time with her new family. Rhys and Feyre went to the camp with Cassian, who was extremely overjoyed that he had yet another new niece and couldn’t wait to get to know her better, but obviously now he had the mask on of the lord of bloodshed. This new inner happiness though helped him find some comfort amidst the grief he was facing of the lost Illyrian soldiers. Every time he delivered dead bodies of the fallen Illyrian warriors to their relatives, he got this sense grief and regret wash over him and he just could not help it. But this time at least the fact that someone got a new family and was saved from her life getting completely ruined because of his family, made him feel better. In the meanwhile time the kids played in the area around the waterfall. When the elders were done with the inspection of the camp, they all winnowed back to Velaris. Adriana had never been here, she was completely taken aback by the sheer beauty of the city and the joy in the air. From the town house she looked down to the city and marvelled at it. She was just gaping at the scene as Morein excitedly chattered on about the city and the places she wants to show her, even Cazriel mentioned places in between which he wanted to show her. The trio was in the balcony, when Mor came. She introduced herself to Adriana and gave each of them a hug. She wanted to take the kids and Feyre for shopping; she was so excited that Feyre could not turn her down. As they went from shop to shop trying and buying dresses, Adriana was completely consumed in the sparkle and beauty of the city. Feyre and Mor got dresses for the girls, shirts and trousers for Cazriel and a few jewelleries for themselves. They came back with both hands full with shopping bags and all of them including Adriana, laughing and giggling together.

After returning she was introduced to everyone at dinner. She found herself liking her new family a lot just like they liked her a lot! She was intrigued about Az’s shadows, though they appeared to be less than the last time she had seen him in the camp. Adriana was surprised to see The lord of bloodshed, Cassian to be this friendly and warm, He was very gentle with her the day he found her but the only qualities of Cassian she was aware of that he was a great warrior, able general and had compassion for the members of his troops, she had heard tales of the shadow master and the lord of bloodshed from her parents, she was inspired by their stories and always had wanted to get to talk with them and someday become a brave Illyrian just like they were.

She had found Mor to be a complete joy to be with from the moment she entered, she was looking forward to spend more time with her, she didn’t know yet that she was The Morigan whose gift was truth. Amren seemed a bit scary even though she tried to smile but she wanted to get aquainted with her as well! Maybe she could fit in with them, she admired every single one of them already... but she just couldn’t stop thinking about her parents, even amidst the joys and laughter that her new family brought out in her, there was the cry of a little girl’s yearning for her parents in her heart. She was a kid but she knew how to hide her sorrows, she smiled even when she was missing her parents so bad that she wanted to cry, just to make her family happy. She thought no one knew, but her parents, Rhys and Feyre they did.

 so here is part 2 of my fic! I have been working on it for quite a while, I had sort of a writer’s block in between actually, and I got only few likes at first so I wasnt feeling like writing but all the lovely ppl who helped my first fic achieve nearly 20 notes,made writng this possible, it’s not much but 15 notes is my least required number of notes to make me willing to write, m new to writing nd publishing my work on blog so I don’t have much followers nd do not recieve much exposure but even if reading my fan fic prevents few ppl from getting simply bored I feel good, feel free to leave a comment on how was the fic nd improvement suggestions! I’d like to hear from all u lovely ppl who have tym to read my fic! thank you!

[chromemuffin]

Shoukoku no Altair Liveblog (Chapter 10)

It’s Mah-kun again! I swear, these adorable chapter cover pages will be the death of me. Not only because they are cute, but because they tend to be quite bittersweet as well. Seeing tiny Mah-kun with that HUGE sword is so ridiculous but at the same time incredibly sad.

I also really appreciate the differences in his outfit then compared to now. This one is a lot more casual, less put-together. Iskander is small enough that he can wear a shorter glove instead of the long one that goes up to his elbow (I do so love how much research is put into this damn thing). But also, his pants and the cloth wrapped around the ankles is far messier than his current clothes, probably because he’s not wearing boots at this age but still, it contributes to his younger self’s image.

But omg Iskander looks like a duck at that angle.

Warning: this post got REALLY long whoops

Chapter 10: Chief of the Eyes and Ears

btw, going with whatever titles the fan translators decided on. I only have the first volume raws and the official translation only has volume 1 I think.

Ok, so proper introduction to the worship of the water spirit that was mentioned last chapter. The five elements thing is nothing unusual, neat how it has apparently spread across the continent though, making these representations quite diverse. We only see four here, though.

Alright, so back to Mahmut trying to use this pyramis charm thing.

lol I. Sort of like this weird expression.

Iskander are you okay. What is with those eyes are you looking up or something...? I do like those claws though, very sharp and deadly. Can you imagine those coming for your face at full speed?

Also, Mahmut here is just. Cute. And Turkish interior design (or at least this world’s Turkish interior design) continues to confuse me. What. Where is the floor. What is a couch/bed and what is not.

Oh, ok, at first I thought those eagles on the cliffs were people coming to attack the town or something. Phew.

Actually, it’s nighttime. They really can’t fly around at night (irl, for this manga narrative-wise unless you want to restrict Iskander to only being present during the day, this had to change).

Almost forgot to mention: pensive Mahmut here. His eye was also drawn very prettily here.

In exchange for the unrealistic part about eagles flying around at night, we get this neat bit of realism - Mahmut can’t call upon other eagles to help during the summer and autumn months. I like that restriction. It makes sense, rather than let him call up some birdy friends whenever and wherever possible.

His expression is a bit lopsided here, I guess it’s half fondness and half ‘it’s a pity’ sort of thing.

Look, I sympathize, I would totally be that person, too.

Unimpressed, ‘ugh’ Mahmut.

WELL, that was a sudden introduction, I guess they really trust that those pyramis charms won’t fall into the wrong hands and the people who use them are the intended holders...?

lol Mahmut. What’s with your face. Iskander is better, though. His expression is kind of, how you tell what Mahmut is thinking here. Though Mahmut looks sort of disgusted, unimpressed, there’s probably still shock in there.

I like the cup.

I wonder if it pained him to say that, as if he is Zaganos’s underling. Well, his rank is far lower now, but it’s not like he’s one of Zaganos’s men. Not sure what the fine details at work are, since I don’t have the raws.

lol this sounds like a game. just like a game.

This guy is very dramatic, though. Why did you not bother warning Mahmut what the other spy is like.

“Huh?” expression? He looks younger here again, haha.

I’m extremely curious about what sort of person Zaganos is, actually, but I’ve been told his story comes in drips and drabs across the whole series.

Mahmut’s face tends to look really cute in the manga. At certain points, he appears less adult than he does in the anime, which is quite hilarious seeing as I complained about the anime portraying him as childish before portraying him as a badass general/serious guy.

omg I love how even Iskander’s feathers are blowing in the last panel. Not sure how much force it would take to actually ruffle a bird’s feathers like that, come to think of it...the tend to lay flat, except maybe the fluffy chest feathers of some birds (I spent my childhood watching animal planet and the discovery channel ok).

U-UM. EXCUSE ME. MR. AWESOME. You really should get that cloak fixed, or maybe invest in a new one.

But UH. LOOK. HOW BIG. HIS BIRDY IS. (I was actually informed way back in the first chapter or so that falconers with female eagles would make an appearance, but holy this is a great entrance.)

I will be freaking about who this guy actually is a little further down, so I’ll talk about his birdy Katerina here.

Starting this series, I instantly liked Mahmut because he’s a falconer and that’s awesome. But I was 100% prepared for the series to forget about the sexual dimorphism between male and female birds of prey, it happens in most media. (females are almost always larger, and usually by a great deal, but in most media there is no size difference or the relationship is inverted) 

I was glad Mahmut got Iskander, a male bird, because Mahmut is tiny (about 5′4″ officially I think). A smaller bird suits him better. Female golden eagles are 8-15 lbs and males are 6-10 lbs, it just makes sense that he doesn’t have 15 lbs of bird to tote around.

Imagine my surprise when I was told that someone does have a female golden eagle in the manga, and she is appropriately larger than Iskander.

I’m just. in love. with this manga.

Dramatic shading is A+ here.

I think there is another spelling of his name out there, but I forgot what it was.

But HEY YOU. So there were other people from Mahmut’s clan that survived, probably whoever wasn’t in the village at the time. Come to think of it, did the manga ever mention Mahmut was the last of his clan? I don’t think so. Everyone from his village was wiped out, but that doesn’t mean everyone in the clan is dead. aha, take that ‘last of your kind’ trope

(btw I like his rugged look)

aw

This was sort of confusing, so I’ll leave the notes here.

Perhaps a mix of uncertainty and something else here. I wouldn’t say sad or anything, but it’s a bit troubled.

oh man. xD I wonder if he ever tasted it before, he was young when he left. I mean, he probably drinks at this age given the time period, but I guess nothing quite so strong.

PRINCESS. oh my god. I’m dying. was. was that actually 姫 in the raw or something else? (I can think of one alternative, but I’d love it if it actually was. princess.)

That is both endearing and hilarious at the same time. I was going to stop watching the anime but. maybe I need to pick it up again. I love everyone’s voice except Mahmut’s so.

I need this to be in the anime. So I can tell what that term really is.

ANYWAY, BACK ON TRACK. Aw, I like the expressions in these panels. It’s just. I love the bonding over your respective birds. And someone who can understand his attachment to Iskander.

Also, Mahmut’s slightly embarrassed face lol. Is that little blush from the alcohol or embarrassment.

And I like the clear size difference between the birds.

The feathers look so good.

Also, Iskander is quite tiny like his owner, I mean, look at what this birds look like irl next to a person:

HUGE.

I’m. Just going to end up screen capping the whole chapter, aren’t I.

Aw, this whole part is just.

Is Mahmut a fast learner? He was only five when everyone died, that doesn’t leave much time to learn.

I like how he is clearly a younger man in this panel from 12 years ago. More clean-shaven.

THIS MANGA NEEDS TO STOP TEARING OUT MY HEART.

I wonder how large their clan was, actually.

So, um, that’s why strong drinks don’t bother him. And I see the theatre continues to piss everyone off. How reliable.

Heey younger Zaganos. Still looks like your face is getting consumed by your hair, but he does actually look a bit younger, too. He’s quite young now, even, so. I forgot if his age was mentioned though.

I don’t really know this guy too well yet so it’s hard to tell, but man, that grief, rage, and helplessness. Perhaps that question “Why didn’t you save them!?” is directed at himself as much as it is to them. 

The tone of this translation makes it hard to tell if he’s conflating the play with reality or if he’s just being snide (he’s being snide/contemptuous of course). But for a second there I was ???

This is heartbreaking, that’s what this is. And yeah, he does have survivor’s guilt.

Funnily enough, Zaganos’s physique here resembles Mahmut’s current one to me. He is a lot smaller/shorter 12 years ago (I just like how the adults actually age in this thing, ok. well, and Suleyman’s experience has aged him in a different way)

Oh, ok, he was 14. So he’s 26 now.

Must resist the urge to wonder what Zaganos’s story is because if I do it will be torture waiting for the pieces to unveil themselves.

But damn, and I thought his hair was eating his head before. I was wrong. He’s in 100% medusa mode now.

I was trying to steer clear of this train of thought, but Mahmut brings it up. The narrative (and Mahmut himself) are trying to compare him and Zaganos. They are/were similarly determined to do something for their country, but Zaganos actually knew how to do that, he was more pragmatic since he was young.

Which begs the question: what the heck happened in his past to make him that way? At this point, we don’t even know if he came from a wealthy background, if he had a normal life or a more tragic past like Mahmut, it’s all up in the air. And yet the narrative urges you to compare him to Mahmut when there is not much to go off of.

Which is, coincidentally, the same position Mahmut is in. He might know a little more about Zaganos than us readers, but it doesn’t matter. To him it feels like he’s going up against this huge force he cannot fathom until it hits him in the face, and we are similarly in the dark.

idk I like the way the narrative presents this, is all.

Gold.

“I take it you dislike Zaganos Pasha?”

“Of course not! ...a little...” His expression there is really scary, haha. I don’t even know what to make of it.

lol what’s with Iskander. Wait, is Iskander supposed to be “laughing” with Suleyman?

As if there wasn’t enough drama for one night.

Pwee is actually...a good way to describe how these birds sound. Go listen to the cry of a golden eagle. Poor things don’t exactly have the most majestic of cries.

I appreciate the very devilish face here.

LOOK. Look at how shocked Mahmut is. To be called something so familiar. (not sure what this would have been in the original...ugh I wanna know.)

OH WAIT. Is this lady the one who survived being attacked by the eagles and having a burning tent tossed on her?

I have way too many images in this post. But this is a looong chapter for some reason.

and these are very good, look how nice that shot from below is so you can see all the stars.

Katerina’s wingspan is MASSIVE (apparently it can reach a max of 7.5 feet so, like, it’s not like this is even an exaggeration)

This is actually a very nice bit of research. And true, as far as I know. I even found this fact from the San Diego Zoo/a research article on the species: “Red items excite golden eagles, as does the sight of blood; they will attack people wearing red.”

UH. THAT’S NOT GOOD. Also, kudos to the villain lady for actually doing research on the things she got attacked by last time.

Ok this post is getting way too long BUT know that I appreciate how the mangaka drew the blood splashed on him.

ONCE AGAIN. This is terrifying.

Extra terrifying because this is the end of the chapter. Mahmut, how will you get out of this now?? You’re about to become bird food.

← back・onward →

[redinkofshame]

FOR U HAVE TO FIX WAT U DID: “Stop asking me to put out the inferno that you lit inside of me.”

Alright, so, some context on this for everyone: last night, as I’m in bed, @tel-abelas-mofo here messages me to ask if I’m going to bed soon. I ignore the fact that I’m already in bed, because I’m having a hard time sleeping anyway, though I do tell her she should be in bed. She says she wants someone to be irresponsible with, though.Well, I’m glad to oblige! I share the story I was just telling myself in my head as I tried to sleep, because I have so many AUs I know I can’t possibly write them all, so who cares about spoilers, right?

Edit: This is a 1950s AU.But, normally, I’m a happy ending girl. This fic? It’s an exception. A painful, painful exception. And it takes me until 3am to freaking tell it, bc mobile, so we’re both just crying in the middle of the gd night when we could have been sleeping and happy instead.. So this prompt is a fix-it fic for the fic that hurt us. The one that doesn’t exist outside my head and only two people know about. A fix-it fic for my own damn unwritten fic.Enjoy. @dadrunkwriting

He clung to her in thedoorway, desperate, pleading. His hands framed her face, an inch in front ofhis own. Her eyes were bright, shining with tears that feel freely in a facelined with exhaustion and grief; he knew he looked just the same. Her handsgripped his wrists, holding on but holding back. He swears he can feel herwedding band digging into him. The matching band is worn by another.

“Please,” he wasbegging her. “There must be something I can say, some promise I can make, tohave you choose me over him. I will do anything for you, ma vhenan, I swear it.”

But she shakes herhead, again and again. Her voice is thick, raspy, broken. “I chose him before Iever met you, my love. You were thechoice I should never have made.”

It is unfair. He neverhad a chance; if he had known her back then…

“Please, don’t do this, if only—” he begins, but she denies himagain.

“I can’t. I’m sorry.In another world—”

“Why not this one?” heinsists.

Her only answer was tokiss him. It is their final kiss, and it is an awful thing, sloppy and shakyand breathless and wet with tears.

“I’ll never forgetyou,” she promises.

He can’t let her go,he won’t, but she pulls his hands slowlyoff of her and darts out the door. He watches, numb, as she pulls her collar upagainst the chill for the walk home, as she sobs into a handkerchief, and soonshe is around the bend, out of sight, out of his life. He imagines he can stillhear the click of her heels over the sound of the rain, the sound of his worldbeing lost, of his heart being ripped away from him.

“Allergies, again, Mr. Solas?”

Wynne’s kind voice broke him out of his memories, and henodded to the librarian working under him.

“It hardly seems to matter what time of year it is,” he liedeasily. He sniffed as he pulled out his handkerchief, and it is only half forshow. He dabbed at his running eyes by rote, and old familiar habit by now.

Everything he does is by rote, it seems. The last severalyears he has lived only out of habit. He goes through the paces, vaguelypursuing ambitions he could recall having when he was a younger man. When hehad heart. Now, he couldn’t seem to bring himself to care where his life ledhim.

“Oh, is that the latest ‘In Another World’?” Wynne asked.

A proud smile tugged at the corner of his mouth, despitehimself. “Yes,” he answered, running a thumb over her name on the cover: JANEA. LAVELLAN

She’d done it, had finally pursued publication on her own.Soon after they’d parted, it seemed. She’d been prolific ever since, publishingtwo or more novels a year, and gaining a very large readership.

He couldn’t help but notice that she published under hermaiden name.

“Did you read the acknowledgments at the end?” Wynne asked.

His brows knit together. “No, I’ve only just finished thefinal chapter.” It was what set off his remembrance. “Why?”

Not that he needed reason to read the notes that Jane leftat the end of her novels—her About the Author section was sacrosanct, holdingshared glimpses of her life, stories of her twins entering high school or her family’sstruggles with their new dog. Teasing hints of what it would be like to stillknow her.

“I haven’t read it yet, I’m still several book behind in theseries” Wynne was explaining, “but I hear it’s quite scandalous in this one.”

Distracted, Solas made some automatic response, a nod, maybea smile. He disappeared into the back room of the library, his office, to readin private.

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

As many of you know, Ilike to express my gratitude for those who help me turn my silly ideas intopaper and ink. From my editor at Tethras Publishers, to the research librarianswho spend hours explaining why I’m wrong, to my readers who make it allworthwhile: Thank you. Your dedication makes this happen.

But there is onereader in particular whom I’ve neglected. At least, I dearly hope he is one ofmy readers.

Because, you see,every book I finished has been for him. He is my Muse; every love story I’ve writtenhas been with the hope that someday he might read the words, and he would knowhow I wished our story had ended.

The memory of himfuels me, as though adding logs to an endless bonfire. I write, hoping eachsentence will help to douse the flames, that I might get some rest andreprieve. I am tired, yet I write, breathing the emotions his memory still fansinto me into my characters in turn.

I think that,somewhere out there, he must wish for my happiness. His memory haunts me, tellsme to accept the bed that I have made, to move on.

To his ghost, I say:Stop asking me to put out the inferno that you lit inside me. This is no bed inwhich I lay, but a pyre, and it will surely consume me.

That ours was not ahappy end was my doing. I alone made the choice to break both our hearts.

But oh, my Muse, I waswrong. I allowed my head to make a choice that belonged to my heart.

I know not whetherthis plea will ever reach you, or only ashes. Are you out there? Have youforgiven me?

Most likely I willhear nothing in response to this call. Perhaps you will reply with a kindletter, and a photograph of your happy family. Would I be strong enough to behappy for you, I wonder?

I’ve looked for youand found only cinders, and I cannot bear it a moment more, because if there iseven the smallest flicker of a chance that I would not have to wait for anotherworld to see you again…  I would tell younow what I should have told you so many years before:

Youare my choice.

~~~~~

Solas was beside himself, frantic, terrified of the painfulhope the burned in his chest until he choked. It couldn’t be real, not afterall this time. Is it possible she meant another, one who came after him?

His fears tormented him as he called the switchboard operator,the publisher, and every second on hold was a torture.

Finally his call connected, and he explained inelegantly thathe was calling about the note in Lavellan’s latest novel, that he needed tocontact her. The man, Varric, asked for his name to make sure it was actuallyhim and not a hoax. Solas gave it feely, but he was scared of the man’sresponse. What if that somehow wasn’t the name they were looking for?

“You’re Solas? No shit?” Solas winced as the man laughedloudly into the receiver. “You’ve made me a wealthy man, Solas! I have a lot ofbets to call in; I knew it was a long shot, but I just couldn’t bet against ourgirl Jane.

“Now, some day you’ll have to tell me how you got anadvanced copy of that book—it’s not set to hit the shelves for a few days yet—butfirst answer me this: What are you intentions with Jane?”

“I… Excuse me?”

Varric’s voice became serious, almost threatening. “Look,the woman has been through a lot. I told her that I’d help you contact her nomatter what, but—well, that was a lie. You see, I consider the woman to be afriend of mine, and she doesn’t need any more hardship. So if you’re alreadymarried, or planning to hurt her, or looking for a woman to mooch off of—”

“No! I assure you, I…”

“You what?”

What could he say? This was unexpected, sudden, he had noway of knowing what Jane truly wanted from him.

“I chose her long ago. I would give her only what she wouldhave of me.”

Varric chuckled.  “Ican work with that. Are you ready? Grab a pen. I can’t give you her address–security reasons you understand–but I can tell you what her phone number is.”He told Solas the information to reach Jane’s phone, but then added, “Though,you won’t be able to reach her this time of day.”

“Oh, alright. Do you know what time—”

“Yep, this time of day she’s busy working. She has a dayjob, after all.”

“Right, I—”

“She’s a librarian. In fact, I think you know the place, don’tyou? I believe you used to work there. Together. At the library. And, since youcan’t call…”

A breath escaped Solas, a small, broken laugh. “Yes, I thinkI understand you, Mr. Tethras. It’s a long drive… Will you tell her?”

“Now, where’s the fun in that? It’s a much better story thisway. Good luck, Chuckles.”

“I thank you, Mr. Tethras.”

~~~~~

Solas had been right—it was a long drive. Plenty long enoughto think and re-think, to worry, to wonder. This was foolish, he should havecalled. This all seemed so surreal; he’d gone mad, surely, this couldn’t betrue. Oh, but to see her again was worth the risk…

It had been early morning when he left his own library in arush, but he managed to get to hers before closing, every mile closer to hertown, to familiar sights, weighing heavy and anxious in his gut. The parkinglot was empty. He got out of his car, and only then thought to worry about howhe must look.

Hopefully not haggard, after spending the day speeding downthe highway. Older than when she’d seen him last, of course. His suit was in some disrepair; he’d let many things go unheeded in his time alone.

None of that mattered. He entered Skyhold Library. Herlibrary, once his, once where they worked together.

His eyes were drawn to her shape immediately. She wastowards the back, picking up a stack of books.

She looked up, saw him standing, but he couldn’t tell if sheknew him. He slowly removed his hat, out of habit.

She set the books back down.

“Solas?” Her voice was timid, but the library was empty,silent, and he heard her perfectly. His feet suddenly remembered their purpose,rushing forward with large steps as she said, “Oh damn that Varric, he couldhave warned me. I…”

Her voice choked up as tears formed in her eyes, herbeautiful eyes, and she took a few tentative steps towards him, but he wasalready to her. He was uncertain where to stop, but she reached for him, restingher hand along his face as if to check that he was really there.

He tried to say her name, but no noise came from him. Hecovered her hand with his, gripping her tight, and she felt real, so real.Their faces only a tense breath apart, he ran his thumb over her knuckles, andcouldn’t help but notice that she wore no ring. They stared at each other, eachquestioning silently, as his other hand skimmed her wet cheek. He wondered, onlyvaguely, when he had dropped his hat.

To the Void with words.

His hand wrapped behind her neck as he kissed her, hisheart, his lost love. She melted into him instantly, wrapping her arm aroundhim as he tried not to devour her, but he couldn’t help but be intense, ragged,as she easily bent backwards over his arm.

When, breathless, he allowed them space to breath, tried toremember that he was a gentlemen, her hands still pulled him to her. “Oh, mymuse… You saw it, then. My letter. Do you forgive me? You would allow me tochange my mind?”

“Ma vhenan… My heart made its choice long ago. It has beenyou, always you, every day that we were together, every day that we’ve beenapart.” He smiled, shakily. “I have had no choice in the matter. It is not asubject for debate.”

She laughed, and he wipes away the tears that spilled fromher eyes. “I’m yours, Solas. I’m sorry I didn’t realize it much, much sooner.”

“That would have been preferable, I admit.”

She laughed, pushing against him playfully. He made up forthe jest by kissing her again, softly this time, treasuring the feel of her.

When her eyes flickered open again, she said, “We have a lotof catching up to do.”