#and i hate to say this but most other lgbt folks i know KNOW someone who absolutely dated or was in some sort of relationship with someone

[maxellminidisc]

To expand on said post, what I find so fucking insane (on top of the post itself) was that there was somebody in the notes of that one recent race play apologist post arguing with people about the self harm aspect of it that was like "tell me how me having a forced detrans kink is killing me or hurting me" like uuuhh the fact that anyone has to spell it out for you is ludicrous aksmskdksksks

[c-rowlesdraws]

browsing twitter for longer than a few minutes gives me radiation poisoning these days, and it’s worse in the evening, in the hours when the dark feelings creep in anyway. So even though I’m really apprehensive to talk politics on my art blog (I mean, if the backlash to a hyperbolic post I made about a famous youtuber is this bad, posting about politics would turn my activity page into a window to hell), I have to vent some of my feelings or that radiation damage will just keep getting quietly worse. And a fair number of people read this blog, and seem to like things that I create and say, so for what it’s worth, I want to say some things I hope people will think about.

Someone I really admire tweeted recently about how hopeless they feel. They said that after many years of fighting for social change, they had no fight left. They said they were too exhausted to vote in the upcoming US presidential election. And I tried to understand where they were coming from, because this is someone I look up to. But I can’t. I understand feeling burnt out. I feel nauseous and heartbroken and scared, thinking about the situation in Palestine and the situation in my country. I understand that it seems like there is no good leader to rally behind.

But I can’t tap out. I can’t give in to hopelessness and say, “I can’t choose. I’m tired and I’m done”. When a choice is between maintenance of an imperfect society with incremental steps towards better things, and cranking human misery and suffering enthusiastically up to 11, I’m going with the former. We are all tired every day. But voting is not physically difficult. Even if you are tired, you can do it. There is a day where you go to a building, and you fill in a bubble next to a name, and you go home. They even give you a sticker. I said voting isn’t hard, but actually, it’s very important to say that for a lot of people in the US, voting is hard to access, and for some groups, impossible. It is made difficult on purpose, by people—Republicans, it’s fucking always them, I don’t know why I’m using vague language—who want to disenfranchise as many people as they can. If voting was really a useless gesture, if it really meant nothing— they wouldn’t be working so damn hard to stop poor people and immigrants and prisoners and folks in general from being able to do it.

If you hate Biden, god, fine, whatever. But he is going to be the nominee of the political party made up of judges and politicians that, for the most part, believe that climate change is real and ought to be mitigated, that the US should not be turned into an evangelical christian theocracy, that firearms should be regulated, that businesses should be regulated, that healthcare should be more affordable and accessible, that people should be able to get safe abortions, that trans and all lgbt people deserve to live their lives, and that asylum-seekers shouldn’t be shredded by concertina wire trying to cross the border. The wheel of social change is huge and fucking heavy and sometimes it looks like it isn’t moving at all. But we can feel it move if we all push together.

I caught a Trump ad on the radio the other day and it was some of the scariest shit. “Trump will bring order to chaos,” it said. “He will ban travel from terrorist countries, and end the disastrous open-border policies allowing illegal migrants and deadly drugs like fentanyl to flood into our country.” The fucking anti-muslim travel ban. It’s back, baby. That was the exact phrasing: terrorist countries. If Biden’s foreign policy with regards to the Middle East is frustrating and despair-inducing already, Trump’s would be a catastrophe. The Republicans think Democrats are soft on terrorism. As much as anyone with a conscience is horrified by the US’s continued passivity with regards to Palestine, this motherfucker getting back in office would bring greater horror. I’m really sure about it. I don’t know what that part of the world will look like next fall, but I’m confident that if this dumb bloodthirsty motherfucker regains office, there would be absolutely no hope of public pressure swaying US foreign policy towards “less murder”. Protesting against war and genocide or for any progressive or civil rights cause would become even more dangerous. I still think about the woman who was run over by a car at the protest in 2017

…I’m rambling. I can’t help it. But I don’t want to just ramble unproductively. I should end this with something I hope makes sense to people snd can’t be easily dismissed, even if you already disagree with something I’ve said. I want to say how I genuinely feel.

I believe that imperfect activism is valuable, because it is better to show up and stand in solidarity with other people fighting for a more just world than to not show up at all. I believe all activism is in some way imperfect, because activists are people, and people are imperfect. That is to say, one middle-aged woman who showed up to a DC protest wearing a hand-crocheted pink pussy hat, who maybe hadn’t been to many (or any) protests before but who felt fired up about this one, was worth ten of the smug “real leftists” sneering about her on twitter. Maybe more than ten. Your own activism will be imperfect. But keep an open mind— to your own learning and to others’. Doing “the bare minimum” (and, ugh, what a discouraging phrase) is still doing. We have to encourage everyone who feels drawn to fighting for social good. We have to link arms with one another and be strong. Even if you think the person next to you is a lame-o liberal, if they believe that (for example) trans people deserve access to gender-affirming care and should not be smashed flat into fruit-by-the-foot and sent straight to hell, they are your comrade.

Be wary of people who self-identify as Cassandras and unheeded prophets, especially if their messages consistently emphasize how everything is garbage and the world can’t be saved. If someone is telling you that only they understand how uniquely horrible things are, that no progressive or leftist political philosophy is viable except for the specific one they adhere to, that no news or media sources are worthwhile or even trustworthy except for the small handful of ones they endorse… I won’t say to stop listening to them or following them, but I’d recommend listening to other people, too.

Do your own reading about issues that are important to you. Read many people’s words, watch videos, think about what you believe, and how those beliefs have changed over time, and stay open to being further changed. We are all constantly learning and shaping ourselves, and teaching, and being shaped by others. All of us are tired. But we can hold each other up.

I don’t have a rousing call to action. Just the same things many people are already saying that I’ve felt encouraged by, in a grim sort of way: protest and donate when and where you can, support political candidates on the local and national stage who do support policies you agree with, who could do real good. It feels very hard right now to be hopeful. But we all have to live in whatever future comes eventually— so I think we have to still participate, and that means things like voting. We are all tired. But we have to keep going. There is, ultimately, no sitting out. People who opt out of voting still must live under the social climate and policies imposed by the person who gets elected, and who they endorse and empower and appoint, and who those people empower and appoint, and so on.

This post doesn’t have a good conclusion. I didn’t write it thinking about what would make for a satisfying structure in general. But if you read it, then thank you for reading.

[notvv0ltz]

No Pawlitics!

This is the one that I wanted to write since the US election results. If you follow me elsewhere, you already know my stance on the "No Politics" rule seen in furry fandom (and honestly anywhere else).

What I heard about the furry fandom is that it's more accepting, friendly to everyone, more tolerant. And to some extent it's true, given that there are a lot of queers in fandom and how right wing hates furries, which makes me to expect that people look out for each other. However...

What exactly "friendly to everyone" means to people? I myself cannot really empathize with the phrase because it lacks elaboration. I can feel what it means, but without saying more it just doesn't make any sense to me, maybe because I'm autistic, and I don't think that you can be friendly to literally everyone. But I know that some people use this as a way of being "neutral" on bigotry inside of community.

Let's say, you administer a local Russian (as in, everyone who lives in Russia) trans furry chat group. The country recently started a war and ethnical cleansing of Ukrainians. You have the "No Politics" rule for safety due to living in an authoritarian regime, and yet you can't ban literal imperialist openly glorifying said regime and war. And you say, that the topic is unpleasant to most people and that's why you require everyone to go to DMs instead. You wanted to protect "most people's" interests, and yet you got left with none because you refused to take an action and broke trust. What is just an unpleasant topic to you, is the reality to some and soon will be for you.

This is an example based on my experiences, I altered not much from the group I was actually in. And I also come from a country not-getting-any-better because of apoliticism that have poisoned even communities that claim to care about minorities. We fucked up so much that when we got "anti LGBT propaganda" law instead of protecting each other we let cops in or even as queers agree with the laws and trying to appeal to oppressors. We fucked up so much that even in chats with Russian furry migrants that live in foreign land, people still manage to use racial slurs to the locals and no one does anything about it. Well, you can say that people should find or form other communities then, but it's not productive to advise this to people who are already tired of dealing with bigotry and gave up, it's more reasonable to tell admins and organizers to do better simply because it's their responsibility.

So, being "neutral" helps no one but the ones in power, and it makes no sense because furries are already going to get banned for "LGBT propaganda" in Russia and in the world overall right wing hates them as a covert way of being queerphobe, so to be a furry is political enough. You claim that furry fandom is more progressive, but honestly, no one needs people that claim to be something and do nothing. When marginalized folks hope that someone more privileged will protect them, and they don't, it fucking hurts, it's isolating. I don't care how inconvenient it is for you, it's your duty to keep the community safe, you can't let anyone be alone, not in these tiring times.

[sophieinwonderland]

I don't know if you've talked about this before, but some things I've seen from systemscringe and some of your anons (like the ones that keep on saying that everyone has multiple inner voices) has me wondering if many of them are closeted/self hating plurals, voice hearers (and other assorted neurodivergent folk). A lot of them seem to assume things that are notably abnormal (not necessarily clinical or dysfunctional, but abnormal) are normal, and that and the weird forms of anti-LGBT rhetoric makes me think that some are in denial, and don't understand why we're not in denial (or trying to deny it) too.

(Most significant example of this I've seen was where one mocked a schizotypal culture blog, saying that the blog was trying to pathologize and quirkify normal experiences... such as being afraid that everyone can read your thoughts, and that monsters are gonna jump out at you from dark corners)

Oh, definitely!

(Honestly, I kind of suspect that one anon was an r/systemscringe user.)

The problem with r/systemscringe, in particular, is that it's a denial pipeline. The culture of the subreddit is setup to draw in systems and convince them that they've been faking the entire time and that their headmates aren't real.

I mean, I saw one post not too long ago by a r/systemscringe mod describing how they used to think they were a system, but ended up deciding that they just have maladaptive daydreaming and delusional attachments.

Basically, the maladaptive daydreaming part is used to explain away all the internal communication and inner world stuff, and the "delusional attachments" explain how they become those characters they talk to.

(For those who don't know, "delusional attachment" is a term used to describes believing you're a certain character or person. The term is not an actual medical term, but .)

And it's not hard to see how someone would determine this when they enter communities that pump them full of misinformation, like convincing them the only way to be plural is with DID, and that DID is an extremely rare disorder that practically nobody has. All while fakeclaiming anyone, even their own members, who claim to have the disorder or be plural.

So yeah, there is a lot of internalized ableism, internalized pluralphobia and general denialism in those spaces!

And yes, it especially comes across when you're describing plural experiences and they try to argue that everyone experiences those things when they very much do not.

[pepperstrawberry]

Pepper Rant

I'm sorry. I hate being negative. I... I'm having a hard time right now. Its been building all week. (I tried to figure out how to put a 'cut/readmore', but it seems a lot has changed with formatting since I last created a full post of my own that required more then a few quick images and text)

I know I don't post much on here, or at least no where near my old consistancy... but I am pretty happy I still see some familiar names float across my dash.

Though, right now, it feels like... like I'm lost. Trying to figure out someone to commiserate with, but I kinda don't want to burden folks and I can't remember which of the discords I'm on have spots for political rambles.

Most of my biggest fears are probably going to be very obvious.

November 8 2016, I remember being in a discord chat at the time. All the mods were off for one reason or another. Some folks were freaking out. Some weren't. This was an LGBT focused discord, so the fact that some folks were thinking things would be fine was a bit concerning. I had to use my minis to drown folks out, reminding folks that the discord in question had a specific space for that sort of topic and the main channel we were in need to be a space for just breathing. It was... a rough night for everyone I think.

Over the course of the next year plus, I would often say things like 'this feels like the sort of thing you see in history books around mid 20s - early 30s of Gernany. I wasn't sure how much I was speaking in hyperbole and how much was 1000% serious, but I do know I was leaning toward the later.

Now... here we are, on the cusp of another election, the same bastard moving for power. And I honestly feel more then ever I was at least close to the reality. It wasn't 1 to 1, mind. but it was... familiar enough.

With already some extremely disturbing actions by the SCOTUS and the like mouths before the vote is upon us gives me some chilling fears.

The unparalleled power the position of President now has is... not something to take lightly. And this time, its not a bumbling idiot that is going to be lost at how the job even works.

mind you, he is still a fool. He is still the same self centered piece of garbage. But this time, he has a team behind him already setting a lot of very very disturbing things in motion.

The 'Immunity' decision has basically cemented a path to getting everything they want. Not a little, but a lot.

I don't have the mental strength or energy. All I can feel is a tingling fear in my nerves that is slowly building. A reality I want to wake up from.

And the worst of it is: even if the Biden wins, that is *at best* a holding pattern. That guy isn't much better. Maybe he turned around several things Trump did, but it hasn't really felt like we have moved forward to anything better.

Unless something is *somehow* done about the Immunity decision, among others, then we are just going to be facing this nightmare again in the next election.

Honestly, I am not liking how next year is looking in either case. I would move out of country, but I don't even know which place would be best to run to, nor am I in nearly as 'stable' financially as I was even just a year ago.

I'm sorry, I used to keep my politic stuff on a separate tumblr... but honestly, fuck that. Things are just too fucked. I don't know how to keep my thoughts separate anymore.

I know for many across the world, what I fear is already their reality. It makes this whole mess feel even worse. I know there is good in this world. Good people and good places... but I feel like everyone I know is so spread out. Even my closest friends (aside from a couple of family members and my girlfriend) are miles away at the least and states or even countries away at most. So even if I were to find a place to run to, its going to be... difficult.

No this isn't a plea for cash or anything. At least not yet. Just right now, I need to get it out of my system on some level. Even if it ends up as 'not as bad as I fear', the fact is, it is still going to be horrible for many of us. I thought that at least the Senate and SCOTUS would at least provide a *little* barrier to the plans of that bastard and his allies. But that barrier no longer exists. I don't know what is going to stand against him doing most of not all they are planning.

Tonight, as I right this, there are still fireworks popping off. A night that was supposed to celebrate independence from a King...

I fear next year, they will be celebrating a new king... and they may not even be simulated.

[beardedmrbean]

So the latest media outrage is that SCOTUS has made it legal for business to discriminate against LGBT people. But I imagine even if that was the case most LGBT day to day shopping wouldn't really change.

I would like to see the reaction of a lgbt web design company that is commissioned to make a new website for the westborro baptist church.

or maybe hire them to do the signs for their next protest

if you don't know wbc they're these hateful piles of excrement

(feel dirty enough posting these ones, and these are some of the tamer ones they have)

before this ruling they could have taken someone to court for refusing with the claim that they were being discriminated against because of their religious beliefs and possibly won because under the letter of the law they're protected.

Go to a Jewish bakery and order a swastika cake maybe, be about the same thing, might even be more complicated if the person ordering is Buddhist.

But ya

Instead the 1A protection that's come round also means that you can't be compelled to do speech that goes against your sincerely held beliefs just because the other people are also in a 'protected class'

This is really the end result of a massive harassment campaign on that baker in Colorado that folks that knew he wouldn't serve them kept on going to so they could make a stink and get their names in the paper as a victim of some sort.

You know instead of just going to a baker you know will gladly do the job.

Guy had people coming from 100+ miles away passing over all kinds of other bakeries including some ones owned by Muslims iirc to try and make a point, then there's the website designer that this case was over not sure how many people tried her but straw that broke the camels back as they say.

Let the free market decide, go and order your specialty art and if you're turned down for whatever reason go make a stink and see if you can harm their business enough to get them to either shut down or accept commissions from people they have a moral issue with.

ACLU is gonna be throwing a fit about this one so it will be time to remind them that they stopped representing groups like the klan or neo nazis in 1A cases because it was affecting their bottom line since donors didn't like them doing that and money was more important than integrity.

I'd love to see both of those groups set on fire, but 1A still covers them no matter how repugnant they are.

may not be a terribly popular opinion, but you can shop elsewhere if you're LGBT or wbc or anything out there, protest with your dollars

[jibbi]

Matt Walsh Wrongly Calls Out Someone Who's Ace

So, ever since last month, I've been a bit heated about Matt Walsh making a video on (or close to) Valentine's Day putting down an asexual girl briefly speaking in an article about what she enjoys doing on Valentine's Day for herself. Listen, I'm heated about most things this man says and how hateful he is, especially towards anyone - mainly us trans folks - in the LGBT+ community. But the fact that he constantly says how we sexualize so many other people and things yet completely contradicts his usual narrative by insulting someone who isn't even interested in sex just really struck an extra nerve.

I was happy to see The Queer Kiwi and Annamarie Forcino recently call him out on this video, but I wanted to bring some more attention to it, speaking from my own experience as an aro-ace person and what I've learned. I feel like there's hardly ever enough light shined on aro-ace folks, but we certainly didn't deserve a negative light shined on us by Matt Walsh, one of the most massive bigots out there.

Touching on Demi Romantics/Sexuals

So Matt had read direct definitions about being asexual and aromantic, and one of the sub-labels that was defined within that definition was demisexuality and demiromanticism. Of course Matt had to make a comment about this, saying how making a friend and falling in love with them is a normal person's emotions and experience.

However, I will say I do understand where that misguidance comes from, considering it's what I originally thought too when trying to gain an understanding of demisexuality (even Annamarie expressed this misunderstanding in her video, too). So let me just give a breakdown on why this is a common notion amongst people who don't fully understand demisexuality/demiromanticism:

It's a very common plot in fictional romance for two people who are already friends (or who develop a friendship) to fall in love with each other. And naturally, when people think of a common romance story, they think of that plot and/or maybe it's something they themselves have experienced or want to experience. So, they think just about everyone else also feels that way or has had that same/similar experience. But, the truth of the matter is, that's not necessarily what everyone wants and/or has and most importantly, it's not something allo folks need to build a relationship.

Lemme explain. For allo people, it can be a want but it's not a needed thing in order for them to simply develop any sort of romantic and/or sexual attraction to someone. That's the biggest thing. Demisexual and demiromantic people absolutely need that deep platonic connection with someone in order to develop that desire for a romantic relationship or sex life with them.

A lot of allo people are able to look at someone or know someone for a very short span of time, and desire that sexual and/or romantic relationship with them, feel that attraction to them without knowing them well. That isn't something that happens for demi rom/sexual people.

Asexual people aren't miserable & narcissistic

Matt talks about how ace people live sad, pathetic lives just because they're don't want sex and, are making up a label just to mask their low libido or want for sex but not getting it and to feel good about themselves since they're narcissists.

Man, that is one of the stupidest things I think I've ever heard. Asexuals don't necessarily need to experience sex to be happy, hence why they're asexuals. Also, that is exactly what Odel Pax is trying to get across in the article - she's asexual but that doesn't wreck her Valentine's Day.

Also, I feel like the word "narcissist" gets tossed around so much without fully understanding how serious of a term it is and what actual signs of being a narcissist are. For instance, a very big sign of a narcissist is having a strong disregard for other's emotions and having no problem manipulating their emotion's for their own personal gain. That's not what LGBT+ people do. They're just trying to live their lives and shine a spotlight on their identity to bring awareness about what they experience in hopes of helping and educating others.

Matt often tries to say that people in the LGBT+ community are narcissists because they're "entitled" and all they want is attention yet can't take harsh feedback, when that's not the case at all considering so many bigots - like him - say such foul things about them and make them more oppressed. Like, why would anyone want that? Why would anyone fake being queer for attention when half of it is extremely negative attention that includes threats? Yet here he is saying they're the least oppressed people to walk this earth.

Also, sexual attraction and libido are not the same thing. Libido is someone's sex drive; that natural bodily sense of needing that pleasure that sex gives. Sexual attraction mainly refers to that want for sex, especially with another person. For instance, in my own experience, sometimes I do have that bit of a sex drive because it's something my body naturally sees as a need but do I often feel a sexual attraction? No, not really. Having actual sex with someone isn't something I enjoy much at all, and I often don't feel sexually attracted to others. But, seeing as how this is something I can't control - I've just always been this way - I'm asexual. It's not a chosen thing or something I see as made up when it's an actual emotion I feel and have no control over.

I think a decent analogy for what I said is when you need a drink after a run you just went on. Your body needs the fluid but someone only has a drink for you that you don't like. However, it's all you have and it's still a drink. So you still drink it even though you don't really like the taste. That's what it's like when your libido increases but you're on the ace-spec. (Also, just to clarify, just because someone's libido has risen doesn't mean they necessarily want to or feel comfortable satisfying that need/craving).

Romantic Attraction & Sexual Attraction are different

I feel like this isn't hard to understand. Matt says these two are "synonymous" but they aren't. There's a reason why I've been separating the words aromantic and asexual throughout this breakdown of his video - because they're different. You aren't romantically attracted to every person you're sexually attracted to, and vice versa. This applies to people who aren't even on the a-spec. Annamarie explains this is her video, too. I too do not get how Matt doesn't understand this concept.

He also states that when you tell someone you want to date them but don't want sex with them you have given them no useful information. Like what. That's directly explaining that you are romantically attracted to this person but not sexually attracted. Not all relationships involve sex nor need to. You don't have to have sex with someone to love them or vice versa.

Conclusion

Matt Walsh as usual calls someone out who he doesn't understand and doesn't make the effort to understand. He wrongly stated things about an asexual person and said they're not asexual - those aren't facts, that's just him making things up and spewing his own opinion.

Matt doesn't care about the LGBT+ community and he'll keep stating all these wrong, made up things about us. He's not smart, he's hateful, so don't let him tell you who you are.

I'm always glad to advocate for my community. I wanted to call him out and properly explain things on the a-spec. I'd love to do posts about his terrible opinions on trans people and other gay people, but that would take a very long time seeing as how he targets them even more than the aro-ace community within the LGBT+ community.

[annvolans]

text dump - don't reblog

I don't talk much on my blog, but… like, I dunno I just gotta get this out of my head.

I came across an post where someone who genuinely responded to a question of homophobia as a no they just don't agree with their views/actions because of their belief in Christianity. And like, there's a lot to unpack, but as someone who grew up in a Christian household, claimed that faith, listened to sermons 3 times a week, went to a kinda-strict Bible college for about 7 years, read the Bible so much… That doesn't work. I'm asexual, no sex drive, didn't realize that's what made people struggle so much with abstaining till marriage and stuff. other than making kids, I didn't get why people would want to do that. I believed all the anti-gay rhetoric, but with a "Jesus loves you" twist. The whole "love the sinner/hate the sin". I didn't get it. We used the scriptures to back up those beliefs. Just as we've used the Bible to defend segregation, slavery, imperialism, genocide, and loads of other crap that does not promote God's love or mercy. We point to a different people with a different historical context and say "that's us" and appropriate the history of early Jewish people, making one-for-one correlations, enabling this behavior. And most of us American Christians are gentiles, go figure. There's more to queer folk than just doing the sex, it's how we're attracted, it's how we present, it's how we just … are. This sounds dumb and it's hard to word, but just is. If we want to be treated with respect and love, then we must treat them the same. If I want my asexual experience taken with respect, then I must give their experiences the same respect. If I want to be same and accepted as a genderqueer person, then I must show the same acceptance to theirs. It is impossible to fully love or accept someone LGBT+ when you view what they are as a sin. It's "I love you, just don't be you". There is no trust in that, only fear. No safety, just anxiety over how much we can be our self around you. No peace, just a sorrow and an ache knowing what arguments await us if we come out fully. There's so much more in my head, but I can't get it al out. If this has some of you disappointed in me, please, for the love all that is good just block me here and on other platforms. I don't want to argue Bible verses or discuss crap, I don't want to lecture and be lectured to. Just block me, and move on. Please. I'm tired.

[benis-monkey]

SERIOUS POST

Hey so uh- funny story.

I used to be transphobic.

In fact, I used to be very bigoted against many groups.

Note the word USED to be.

Every transphobic thought has been cleanly plucked from my mind about 5 or so years ago.

Thankfully, I never had any confrontations or interactions with trans people while I held these hateful beliefs, so rest assured I have never harmed any trans people.

So I thought I would give some context as to why some hate trans people so much (at least from my memory)

Keep in mind, this was before the whole “groomer” narrative was a thing.

In my experience, two major factors were key in the fostering of transphobia in my mind: isolation and algorithms.

At the time, I didn’t know any trans people. The only look I ever had at trans folks was through a transphobic, hateful lens (e.g “AtTaCk HeLiCoPtEr” memes). So because I never had any interaction with trans people, that opened my interpretation of them to be molded and shaped by whatever entity came first to do so.

Now, algorithms. As I just mentioned, I only ever saw or heard about trans folk through a lens of hate and bigotry. So I only saw the “worst” of the trans community. The notorious “it’s MA’AM” video, which I now realize is a depiction of a trans woman stalwartly asserting her identity, was shared around these hateful spaces online, and was used as a way to say “look at how ridiculous this person is! They’re clearly a man!” …just typing that makes me feel yucky now.

Reactionary content on YouTube was also a major influence. I remember the YouTuber Hunter Avalone being one of the channels I watched the most. And since I kept clicking on transphobic content, YouTube kept recommending it. This led me down the infamous alt-right pipeline. Soon, I was also espousing beliefs that were racist, sexist, islamophobic, and classist. Hell, I even believed that billionaires were good people! But homophobia never made it with me.

I myself am bi/pan, and lean heavily towards men/male-presenting/masculine people, and towards androgynous people.

So seeing the firehose of hateful bigotry being pointed at myself finally snapped me to me senses. Because I knew other non-straight people. I knew they weren’t what the alt-right wanted me to think they were.

Seeing a community that I’m a part of being put under this lens of hate made me realize that it’s the same lens that every other marginalized community is put under. A lens of “different bad. Progress bad.”

I clawed my way out of this hateful pipeline. I expanded my horizons and connected with people in these marginalized groups.

So what I’m saying is, if you know anyone who is falling down this pipeline, arguing with them won’t do anything. The best way to rid them of their hateful bigotry is to show them the true nature of the LGBT community, the POC community, and other marginalized communities. Show them that they’re all just people wanting to live their lives.

The alt-right pipeline is no joke. It’s a dangerous downward spiral that can radicalize someone overnight. If you know someone falling down this pipeline, reach out to them. Invite them to a discord server with people from marginalized groups. Introduce them to your LGBT, POC, and non-Christian friends. Open their world, and their mind will open with it.

The best way to fight fascism and bigotry to teach the fascists and bigots empathy. That the people they hate are just that. People.

If I missed any TWs, please let me know and I’ll add them.

And just know that I no longer hold these hateful beliefs. I acknowledge that the person i was 5 years ago was a hateful, evil person, and I am thankful that my mind was opened.

[atwas-meme-ing]

It sounds like you have no idea why you're actually "homophobic" and you're just going along with whatever you think you're supposed to believe to be a "good Christian." You know you're allowed to question the bible, right? Not every part of it was hand-written by God or Jesus Himself, most of the book was reinterpreted by human beings who placed their own biases and beliefs into the writings. If you don't actually know *why* God doesn't like gay people, why do you? Why go along with something you don't understand, blindly? Why say any of those things publicly, on a website like Tumblr, knowing how many queer people are on here anyway? Speaking as someone raised Catholic, I think you're here because you see yourself in us. You may not be LGBTQ yourself, but something in our lives and journeys obviously connects with you, otherwise you wouldn't enjoy the media you do, use this website, or have even posted that testimony in the first place. I'm not reaching out to hate on you, but I genuinely think you need to do some serious introspection on why the lives of LGBT folks matter to you so much. Nothing good comes from living a life of choices made for you by other people. You have to decide for yourself how you want to act, what you want to say, and who/what you want to love. You deserve to live a life as yourself, just like any other human being.

All right, I'll answer this one, at least the, "Not every part of it was hand-written by God or Jesus Himself, most of the book was reinterpreted by human beings who placed their own biases and beliefs into the writings" part:

2 Timothy 3:16 All scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness:

2 Peter 1:16-21 For we have not followed cunningly devised fables, when we made known unto you the power and coming of our Lord Jesus Christ, but were eyewitnesses of his majesty. For he received from God the Father honour and glory, when there came such a voice to him from the excellent glory, This is my beloved Son, in whom I am well pleased. And this voice which came from heaven we heard, when we were with him in the holy mount. We have also a more sure word of prophecy; whereunto ye do well that ye take heed, as unto a light that shineth in a dark place, until the day dawn, and the day star arise in your hearts: Knowing this first, that no prophecy of the scripture is of any private interpretation. For the prophecy came not in old time by the will of man: but holy men of God spake as they were moved by the Holy Ghost.

Either every word in the Bible was handwritten by God, or none of it was. It can't be one or the other. I choose to believe it was.

Anything else that I could say, about what I think is the reason homosexuality is a sin (btw, God doesn't hate or dislike gays- He hates sin, but not the person, He actually loves every human being that has ever lived and ever will live), or why I think God wants me on Tumblr, is just that, it's just what I think is the reason.

If you're interested in my thoughts on these matters, I have a side blog, @just-bible-musings, that I just started specifically to go into detail on my thoughts on the Bible, the church today, Christians, all that kind of stuff. I could post my thoughts on why I think God calls homosexuality a sin. (I probably will at some point, anyway.) I post on that blog every Sunday morning. It wouldn't be tomorrow, because I have a post scheduled about something that happened this week, but I could start making posts about these things beginning next week.

[plague-and-creatures]

Yes, I know older LGBT people exist, I know the history. I said most likely. I'm not stupid or insensitive. Those of you in the comments complaining are the only ones who don't seem to get it, so let me break things down for you and people like you

In the context of the internet, bigots tend to be the loudest about not wanting queer to be used, and they are a threat when they do this because they want to get us to drop the T+ and divide ourselves (gays against groomers, lgb alliance, terfs, exclusionists, etc), similar to how there were assimilationists back in the day

It should also be established that while older LGBT folks are valid in their trauma, people like me are just as valid in their queer identities. It doesn't have to be one or the other, all or nothing

You don't use the word queer around older folks that have trauma related to it? Good! You're adjusting your language to make the people around you more comfortable and feel safe, as you should. However, you SHOULD also still use it when and where people are comfortable with it being used, ESPECIALLY around and in reference to people who identify with it (so long as you yourself don't have trauma with it, obviously)

You don't heal trauma by creating more negativity and stigma around the word and constantly holding its bad history over it. What we can do is avoid creating more trauma around it by reclaiming it, by not denying people their identities when we refuse to ever say it, by not dividing ourselves but instead uniting under a label that encompasses all so no identity can ever be dropped or excluded

Just because a certain word may have a time and place in your life, doesn't mean you should cut it out of your vocabulary entirely

For every person that was traumatized by the use of "queer" as a slur, there was also someone who was traumatized by bigots who want to "drop the T", or who think "non binary and/or xenogender isn't real, they just want attention". Someone who was sent death threats by people who think "bi-lesbian is an attack on and an invalidation of lesbian identities". Someone who was harassed and attacked in a bathroom for not fitting perfectly into a set of gender norms. People who were denied community for not being "queer enough". Hospitals, teachers, and schools who were threatened by hate groups and terrorists. People who were shot and killed in their queer spaces

Just like there are LGBT+ people out there whose experience of the word "queer" was traumatic, there are queer people who are hurt and traumatized by people who want to rid the world of and deny community to anyone who identifies as such

For the sake of the future generations of LGBT+ people, and for the sake of all the people who have been attacked, killed, mutilated, and abused out of hatred and an attempt to force them into societal boxes

SAY QUEER DAMMIT

Anyone LGBT+ who censors queer is most likely exclusionist and will have the shittiest fucking opinions on queerness

[looseratinthegarage]

Random Yautja HC pt2

•They love the smell of your sweat. They don’t understand why oomans try and cover up their scent with…. Ocean Spray? Wtf does that even mean!? HOW CAN YOU SMELL LIKE SOMETHING THAT SPECIFIC-They love when you get your scent on them aka sweat on them, they scent you, so it’s only right that you do the same to them. Whenever another is near they’ll smell your conjoined scent and know your mates. It’s a kind of ownership thing, but not in a degrading way. You are just as much his as he is yours!

•They hate, and I mean HATE others touching you. Even a pat on the arm or back- he’ll see red. No one gets to touch their mate but them.

•They have their own version of tag and hide-and-go-seek, they use this to train younglings. Later when they age they’ll be ready for actually training, but these games teach them more than you’d think.

•Yautja often give birth to 1-3 pups each pregnancy, hence why it is so dangerous for humans to get pregnant(not a lot of room in there for 1 pup let alone 3). though most humans have died during larger litter pregnancies, a couple have survived the almost torturous ordeal. They’re mates we’re very proud to say the least. They were given new status and treated with the highest respect.

•I think they have the LGBT tolerance of the Greeks. Aka they’re gay af. Also totally chill with trans folks. it’s not common in their culture but they don’t rly care nonetheless. It doesn’t affect them, so why’d they be mad??

•Some animals such as Yautja “house cats” can’t go outside during the day due to the sun being incredibly powerful. Most animals live underground in burrows where it's far cooler and darker. They can only go out at night to hunt or graze. If they do go out during the day, it could be fatal. They will go blind and essentially be cooked alive. But this is only for certain areas on Yautja Prime.

•Public bathhouses!! I cannot stress this enough. It’s not only to get clean, the extremely hot ones humans would burn help with muscle relaxation for after long hunts or training, but the main component of the baths is the social element. Yautja congregate in the baths and catch up with friends. It’s not quiet or relaxing like a spa, so don’t expect to be! It’s rather loud. While bathing they often share gossip about the clan- Shhh! don’t tell anyone!

•An old courting tradition is to only gift things you make to your mate, never someone else’s handy work. It’s been a rule for a very long time, and yautja still follow it today. This doesn’t apply to platonic or familial relationships.

•Some yautja have life-mates. They don’t just breed and move on like most do. They build a relationship and stick by each other until the end. Many widowed/widower mates have been known to commit honorable suicide to be with their mate in the afterlife. This is not viewed as wrong or weak, it is viewed as beautiful and loving. Though long term mates on the rarer side, it is not unheard of. For a yautja to become life-mates with a human on the other hand- that’s pretty rare. Yautja live far longer than humans do, but, if humans consume a mixture of their mates blood with a greatly protected secret “potion” they can live just as long as their mate.

[crazycatsiren]

hi, i'd like to ask a question. my mother language isn't english and i don't want to be ignorant.

i have been bisexual since i was 10. i dated a trans-man when i was 10 for 2 years, a cis-man when i was 16, and a trans-man when i was 18-21. some women in between. (i identify as my birth sex, female)

many times over my life has people told me i am transphobic because i identify as bisexual and not pansexual. i hate labels they're too confusing, i just say bisexual because it's either or and most people know what bi is.

also, people have told me bisexuality doesn't include trans folks but i have dated trans folks..for long time. when I was with my ftm boyfriends, i was there for one of them when they went through hormones during our relationship, therapy for that stuff. i think i am very supportive and understanding, i had to comfort them when they felt angry or sad about their born body. I had to correct people at our job and tell people off when they were being mean about him being trans.

but they tell me that bisexual only means man or woman, not trans or non binary. but to me, if you WANT to be a man, then you are a man? I don't care if your body does not match. I don't live every day thinking "trans boyfriend" "trans husband" "trans friend", when they tell me they're a man or woman I just think of them that way, even if I know they're changing their body and they're not born that gender.

my question is, isn't it technically transphobic to say trans men and women are not included in bisexuality??? you're basically telling me that HE is not a real man or SHE is not a real woman... right? I don't want to be ignorant and your posts seem very educated and well said so I figured you're someone who can give me an answer.

thank u so much if you answer,

moo🖤

Gods people are stupid. All this gatekeeping and policing have got to stop. It's doing nothing but hurting queer people and I'm sick of it.

The bisexual community has always included trans people. Always. To say bisexual excludes trans is transphobic. We were the LGBT. We have always been a part of the movement together.

There really isn't all that much difference between bi and pan. It's totally up to you which one you want to call yourself. The latter may have been around not as long as the former but it doesn't make it less valid. Sexuality, like gender, is not an either/or binary but a spectrum.

The reason why I kept the bisexual label for myself is because I got married before I had a chance to "explore" other identities that are not man or woman. Nonbinary, genderqueer, GNC, agender, etc., I didn't become aware of these identities until after I was married. Keep in mind, I'm a millennial, and many of these labels are new to me. But I'm not going to tell anyone what they "should" include in their bisexual or pansexual identities. That's none of my business and I have no right to exclude anyone, period, when I don't own any of these labels and who am I to tell anyone what to do when they aren't hurting anyone.

[lamp-calm-sanders]

Racism In The TS Fandom

You know the racism issue goes way beyond the b/l.m Roman posts in this fandom.

This racism issue is beyond Thomas and deals more with the culture we have created here in this fandom. It deals a lot with the fact that most Fanders are white and probably not pick up on any racism in their actions.

As I’ve spent time in this fandom, talking to other POC fanders and learning, I realize that there are people in this fandom who feel comfortable saying racist things. There are people here who have biases and refuse to check them.

And I know a bunch of you are young, but you got to listen to POC when we tell you something’s offensive.

A lot of Fanders are queer so here’s a scenario. Say your in another fandom and none of the characters are canonly queer. And most fans are straight. But people will occasionally draw the characters with LGBT stuff? It’s not super popular and while you like it, the fandom tends to not do that. Some LGBTQ+ fans even get harassed for their art

But then someone gets homophobic comments on a post with a straight character with a gay flag saying I’m gay. The artist is straight and has never experienced homophobia and never will. Understandably people are upset so they make art to help. The most popular ones, for the most part, are made by straight folks, most of which tie there art to an event that’s a serious fight for equality for LGBT folks and trying to change homophobia and tagging it with the name of that event. Some of this art ends up being offensive because straight people don’t understand small things that are offensive to gay people

You and other LGBTQ+ people try to call this out. You go, “Hey what your doing is offensive! Don’t!” Some listen, some ignore it, and others start calling you the f-slur. Things only get better when straight people start speaking up, and even then they still spread misinformation. More people get it but people still attack gay folks in the fandom. You make posts but people still divert from the point.

That’s what it’s been like here. For all POC fanders, but particularly black fanders.

Y’all might want me to say “Don’t call people the n-word and its fine” but I’m not going to. Because not saying a racial slur is the least you could do. You don’t get any appreciation for that.

You might think “This is a minority of fanders, it’s not that big a deal” But it is. If racists feel safe here, we’ve created a culture where racist feel fine attacking POC. There’s POC who are hesitant to share there thoughts and call out problematic behavior because of the bullying and hate sent to those who do.

And you might even say “Well POC handled this rudely.” Which is wrong. I’m so so so sorry that a lot of us are so sick of dealing with systematic oppression and with racism that’s supposed to come from “safe places” (Note sarcasm).

Also a lot of us are polite but you all keep trying to “debate” whether something is racist when your white. And you expect kindness from people you hurt? People who already have so many issues beyond this?

Even if your intentions are good, if we tell y’all something is problematic! Listen! We most likely know what we’re talking about and can probably pick up on racism more than you can.

You need to be anti-racist. Look at your own biases, which is something we all need to do, including me. I had to unlearn behavior and problematic mentalities. You need to question things. Ask POC if things are okay. @skyscrapersanddandelions @mxnte and I have said a lot and given great advice you can find on our blogs and I’m sure there is more. If you have more questions ask us if it’s okay to ask us something. (Respect whatever our response is). You can also find stuff for yourself by searching it online. (Especially if it’s a question about if a certain art style is offensive, like references and posts explaining things are out there).

My inbox is open and so are my PMs. I’m usually willing to have a conversation.

Also for the love of god learn the difference between valid criticism and hate. A good portion of this outrage comes from people not understanding the difference.

[trutrustories]

Okay, this will be probably long and with many errors (my english isn´t very good) But I saw several posts here on Lokius tag, talking about this ship as result of gay fetish, and about non existing chemistry and  how this ship doesn´t make sense etc… And from what I understood there is tagged Lokius because of genuine interest to understand others point of view, so here is mine: I wil try to explain where my frustration comes from, and how I feel about Lokius, Sylkie, AND representation + some other things which I saw here somewhere. But first of all: I like Sylvie, I don´t hate sylkie shipers, and after so many years reading fan fictions, I don´t mind selfcest – I read weirder things. I have some issues with this ship (the mainlythe fact that it isn´t Lokius), but  this is not one of them. Also, I am not about to tell anyone, they shouldn´t ship sylkie.Ship whatever. And I LOVED the show as a whole. 

I just want to defend my standpoint, that Lokius does make sense, people shipping it does make sense and whether it will happen or not, (I don´t have my hopes very high, and I learned to be very skeptical in this regard ) it is more than just about crack ship, or fetish. I´m honestly blown away that people are still surprised that this ship became a thing :D First of all, let´s look at some romantic story telling and tropes: I mean the way they introduced them in the first two episodes set the tone for all series and how the heck this isn´t romantic? Somehow there are all these romantic tropes existing in a show. They´re just there. Just chilling between Loki and Mobius and large portion of audience can´t even see them. (and some of those tropes were used for Sylki as well, so you could actually see them side by side)

For example: 1) traveling to the apocalypsis 2) breaking law/rules for the other 3) literally changing for the better thanks to the other 4) arguing like old married couple 5) saying secrets, personal things to the other 6) sharing glances, touches, visibly being happy around each other - in case of Loki happier then we´ve ever seen him before 7) being completely themselfs around each other 8) One knowing everything (even the worst) about other and still accepting him completely 9) teasing, being comfortable and domestic around each other 10) one being literally enthusiastic FAN of the other 11) Mobius defending Loki whenever he has a chance 12) Freaking amnesia trope that they pulled of in the end??? (It could be different Mobius, but point is he suddenly doesn´t know him - and Loki knows more, in contrast with the beggining) 13) the jealousy in ep4 14) Misunderstanding - when Mobius thought Loki betrayed him and Loki (thanks to Ravonna) thought Mobius betrayed him... 15) witnessing death of the other and being absolutely broken afterwards 16) The goodbye hug with romantic music in the backround 17) Saving life of the one (even when it means problems for the other ) - like Mobius saved Loki´s ass at least three times when he was trying to stop others from pruning him. 18) sharing deep conversations about meanings of life, freedom and how it would be fun to make some chaos and ride that fucking jet ski!!! 19) Inspiring the other 20) looking for each other (Mobius didn´t believe for a second, that Loki would die in the Void and the way how in the last minutes of the series Loki run through all places they were together when he was looking for Mobius... and I could go on. Point is, even if they are not planning to make Lokius canon, all these things are used on a daily basis to describe romance in media and they are used here. On top of that it´s just very poetic and cute, that this drama queen and powerful god of Asgard who looked down on people would find his match in someone, who is so quiet, ordinary on the first sight, and basically is just human from 90s, who loves jet skis. Mobius can´t even fight. But is highly inteligent and he also happen to be as good manipulator, such as Loki himself. - That´s why they work together so well. Mobius sees right through him and once Loki understands that, he drops his evil persona. Almost nobody expected to ship it for real. But story itself and chemistry between them just made it probably the most exciting duo in the whole MCU. And I mean it genuinely. Third episode, even though it was beautiful and Sophie was great in it (and is literally dipped in bisexual colors), is the least favorite for a reason. And that reason being, there is no interaction between Loki and Mobius whatsoever. Lot´s of people though that series slowed down a bit. Even when in fact there was more action, then when we watched Loki and Mobius working at the TVA.

(and let´s just talk about evil!Mobius narative for a bit and how some people say he is manipulative and toxic for Loki: show itself explore heavy themes and one of them is in Loki´s line: no one bad is ever truly bad and no one good is ever truly good. And as a theme in a fictional world, it is working as it should, for the  story. When Loki and Mobius meet, one of them just killed lots of innocent people and destroyed almost whole city. The other one is a part of fascist organization – and in the beginning of the series they both believe what they´re doing is right. They´re both bad, they´re both good, they´re both broken. And they are changing with the help of the other.) From all reactions I watched - and there was many of them, lots of people actually didn´t see dynamic between Loki and Sylvie as romantic in the third episode. So it´s not like Sylvie and Loki had unequivocally love story right from the start.

The only difference is that lots of people won´t see romantic tropes, when it comes to two men in a mainstream show – show that isn´t primarily about relationships and problems that queer people has to face. Because in super hero story and science fiction we have to warn audience, that they´re about to watch two man in love, right? At this point It´s just frustrating really. There were many M/M dynamics that used similar story line, as for example Lucifer, or X-files, or Bone collectors. -  But unlike those M/M pairings, no one was making fun of people for shipping main characters in these shows. But when it comes to two men suddenly you´ll see from all corners of the internet: “why can´t it be just platonic?” “There is not enough platonic relationships” “why can´t two man just be friends?” (They can and they almost ALWAYS are) and “if you think there something romantic between them, you´re delusional” “fetishist“ “And for god´s sake just let them be friends, Loki needs a friend more then....” oh wait, but Sylvie is allowed to kiss him. Sylvie doesn´t have to be just friend. (And I must say, that I love Sylvie, I liked most of the interactions between her and Loki and I think she is a great character ((I hope we learn more about her in the future)) it just doesn´t work for me as well as Loki´s dynamic with Mobius. Maybe partly because of chemistry between actors, partly because combination of characters and they´re personality and also because I had two whole episodes to fall in love with the pair before Sylvie was even introduced.)

First of all: people can be friends and then evolve into lovers. Not only it is common romantic trope, but it is also the most realistic one. And those relationships are usually strongest. second: If people want to see Loki in a platonic friendship so desperately, why can´t it be a woman for a change? They were acting like chaotic siblings for most of the episode three anyway. The age gap aspect is also very funny. Owen is only about 12 years older (That is not that much. But I imagine, some people would get uncomfortable. But If it was man and woman, most of them wouldn´t even blinked. But two men, that has to be somehow automatically son and father figure dynamic) And If you want to dive into age of an actual characters, then good luck with that in a series about gods, variants and time travel. Almost nobody cares about age gap between Lucifer and detective Decker, or Bella and Edward. On top of that, it was heavily implied, that Loki slept with older, silver haired guy in Ragnarok, so it´s not like he would have problem with that.

Different standards are projected in a way how we see romantic dynamics between fictional characters depends on what we are used to, how are we perceiving world around us, what we are expecting to see and ALSO, what we would like to see, that much is true.  When people are used to make no differences between heterosexual and homosexual pairing, then everything what happens to the characters is measured with the same meter. (Even though I experienced queerbaiting many times (( Once upon a time, Sherlock, Supernatural, Good Omens – the last one hopefully is not the case, but I guess we´ll see)) I also saw lots of lgbt shows like Queer as folks and Sense8.) And when we are not used to see it the same way, well… then it looks basically like that one comment under Castiel´s “I love you” scene on youtube, that said  “what a beautiful friendship”.

If we forget about all that chaotic mess behind the scenes (all those articles and contrary messages)  What is happening in a show between Loki and Mobius can be objectively considered romantic and what is happening between Loki and Sylvie in a series can be objectively considered platonic (until the kiss) and vice versa.  And then to see comments about how absurd it is to even think they have chemistry, and about gay fetish - it´s hard to swallow. I read posts about absurdity of a ship and how there is absolutely nothing that would suggests romance.  Well there is, actually. But whether creators are going to work with it or not, that´s something we can only speculate. They already made Loki officially bisexual. So why should it be so absurd to assume, that there is an actual possibility of romantic subplot between Loki and Mobius? Oh right… it´s Disney and Marvel we are talking about.

So on a subject of bisexuality: Bi people can date whoever they want.  But It is a little frustrating, when there is so many heterosexual pairings in the mcu and disney but when there is a promise of lgbt character (speaking of endgame) we get one line about date from a man we´ll never see again. And when there is a promise of lgbt representation you can´t even blink during movie, or you´ll miss it (Star wars, Beauty and the beast). And then Loki said “A bit of both, I suspect the same as you”. And I won´t lie, I was happy. And I think creators made biggest step yet with this one line (which is honestly terrible, that “a bit of both” coming from Loki of all people, is the biggest step forward.) But they played it VERY safe. Obviously, both Loki, and Sylvie are bisexuals, and in three episodes, we had Loki flirting with female flight attendant, Sylvie talking about her relationship with POSTMAN and then they fall for each other. So the only thing that suggests they are really as bi as Lamentis 1 is that little sentence, that can be edited out, or easily overheard. It´s the bare minimum. And I think that frustration with how freaking slowly we´re moving into some progress is understandable. From all those great M/M dynamics I talked about, those, that could make great love story, nothing happened, because too many people “don´t mind gays but don´t need to look at them” or are scared for their children. In 2021.

It is not a fetish to wish for a gay love story in superhero movies/series. (But anyway, I don´t think there is anything bad about it. Some men like to watch lesbian porn, some woman like to read gay porn. AO3 wouldn´t be were it is today, without people reading and writing slash :D – but that has little to do with what we actually see on tv)

I´m not delusional. As much, as I love these two characters together, I know how little chance it has.  I´m not delusional. I´m just in the future, old and tired, waiting hundreds of years for at least one of my OTP to finaly become a fucking canon.

[hellomynameisbisexual]

“QUEER”

First of all, let’s clear up a common misconception. Queer does not just mean gay. It’s an umbrella term for an identity which deviates from society’s perceived norm: heterosexual, or straight. Queer can refer to sexualities — gay, bisexual, pansexual, — or it can refer to being gender-queer; i.e, any label that deviates from the perceived gender norm: the binaries, male and female.

“Queer” is a reclaimed slur.

If you do not fall under the umbrella of queerness, it is safe to assume that you cannot use it. At all.

I am bisexual.

This means I experience attraction to plural genders. Pansexual also works fine. For the difference between bisexual and pansexual — see here:

Being bisexual isn’t easy. I went through similar hardships to gay women: I experienced attraction to women and was scared of what this meant for me, in such an oppressively homophobic society.

I am not saying being bisexual is harder than being gay, nor the inverse. But my experiences are distinctly bisexual, not gay.

Without further ado, here are the 3 things I’ve found to be the hardest about being queer, but not gay (enough).

#1: Finding My Place

Or, not being queer enough

I always knew I wasn’t straight, but I didn’t know what I was. Up until recently, I was still questioning. This didn’t feel enough to join groups or conversations with LGBT+ folk, let alone go to pride. Was I even LGBT if I was never L, G, B, or T?

I am still yet to attend a pride, even though I identify (fairly confidently) as bisexual. I am in a relationship with a man. This is (problematically) known as a “straight-passing relationship” and makes me feel even more undeserving of a place at pride.

This has been upsetting to me at times. But for others, it can be outright devastating. Growing up and needing support, but feeling like you’re ‘not gay enough’ to ask for it? So many young people are being left alone and afraid. Finding others like you is vital to figuring out who you are. Likewise, finding spaces which are safe and inclusive is vital for anyone, regardless of their sexuality or gender identity. A friend of mine happens to be a transgender man, and he summed up the issue perfectly:

“One thing that I keep noticing is how all hangout spots are “gay bars”, or (far less common) “lesbian bars”. I’m a straight man, so I don’t feel like I’m supposed to be there, but hanging out at regular bars is still too much of a gamble, so I don’t really have anywhere to go.”

It goes without saying that gay folk aren’t always safe in these spaces, as seen by the homophobic attack on the Pulse nightclub in Orlando, in 2016. Bigotry hurts the entire LGBT+ community. Bigotry doesn’t stop to ask whether you identify as gay or otherwise queer before it pulls the trigger.

But the LGBT+ community itself is much more welcoming to those who “pick a side” and just come out as gay, already. The infighting is inexplicable when one looks to attacks such as that in Orlando: bigots don’t care which letter you are in the acronym. So why does gatekeeping exist when we need to be strong in the face of intolerance when fragmentation only makes us weaker? Who are we helping by continuing to exclude identities from the discussion?

#2: Myths and Misconceptions

Well, it stands to reason that if bisexuals are what they seem in TV and movies, why would anyone want to make them feel included? They’re “greedy” and inauthentic. They’re attention-seeking, not to mention their propensity for threesomes. Now, I haven’t been in a wild orgy yet, but it seems like it will only be a matter of time before I follow my natural path.

Straight men, in particular, need to own up to their assumption that bisexual women are down for a threesome. The thing is, we are. But not with you, you big ASSUMER.

Infidelity

All jokes aside, the stereotyping of bisexuals is not only hurtful, but leads to difficulties finding and maintaining relationships.

As I came to terms with my bisexuality, I also had to accept that I might never be fully trusted by my partner, regardless of their gender or sexuality. I was shocked when my partner reacted to my coming out with the equivalent of a shrug — so much so, that I burst into tears of gratitude that my soul-bearing moment hadn’t been met with slut-shaming or assumptions of disloyalty. Nothing has changed. If anything, our bond is even stronger for me having been more authentic after coming out.

But cruelty came from elsewhere: when I came out, I was told that my partner was to be pitied, either because I’m gay and in denial, or bound to cheat on him. The main consequence of such attitudes has been the crippling fear of coming out to my partner. It saddens me that I felt so relieved when he accepted me for being who I am, and loving him just the same as I always have.

This outcome is not the case for many couples, with straight folk worried that their bisexual partner will realise they’re gay and just leave them. This fear of abandonment comes from a place of ignorance. When the media presents bisexuality as a steppingstone on the way to “picking a team”, it’s no wonder that people struggle to trust their queer partners.

Other Queer Myths

The myth that all trans folk medically transition invalidates those who choose not to do so, and let’s not forget the ignorant jeers that it's all just a mental illness. Asexual folk battle the stereotype that they can never have a relationship and shall forever remain a virgin (because what an awful thing that would be, right?) And pansexuals… well, at the lighter end, they’re asked if they have sex with cooking utensils. But often, they’re erased as irrelevant because “we already have the label bisexual”.

This brings us onto the third and final difficulty that comes with queer folk who aren’t easily categorizable as gay: erasure.

#3: Erasure

Erasure refers to the denial of an identity’s existence or its validity as a label.

Non-binary folk face ongoing and loud claims that they simply do not exist. This is despite the historical and scientific evidence to the contrary. Plus, the most important evidence — them, existing. Asexual folk are told they simply have not found the right person yet, or that they are just afraid of sex. Demi-sexual folk are told “everyone feels like that, unless they’re just sleeping around!”. And bisexuals are dismissed as simply being in denial that they’re gay.

Monosexuality & The Gender Binary

Our culture is so built on monosexuality (being solely attracted to one gender — for instance, gay or straight). Monosexuality is reinforced through everything from marriage to dating apps, the media to what we teach in schools. People cannot fathom that someone might want to experience more than one gender in their lifetime.

The binary models of sex and gender are also deeply ingrained. These rigid belief systems combined are to blame for our inability to accept that bisexuals do not need to “pick a side”. I was paralysed by fear for 17 years because I found girls attractive and that might mean I’m gay, because bisexuals are just gays who haven’t realised they’re gay yet.

Bierasure

Bierasure is dangerous, firstly because it leads a child to have to internalise both biphobia and homophobia. For instance, I had to work through being taught to hate gayness, whilst being taught that any attraction to non-male genders made me gay.

Women were cute, and so I was gay, and this meant I was disgusting.

My own mother told me this. She also told me that something has “gone wrong in the womb” for a child to be gay. (Well, Mum, I’ve got some bad news about your womb!)And she, like any bigot, extended this theory to anyone who experiences same-sex attractions — anyone queer. This is another reason why bi-erasure is perilous. Whether you’re a gay, cis-male or a demi-bisexual, trans woman… if your parents will kick you out for being gay, they will likely kick you out for being any sort of queer.

If we deny the bigotry that bisexuals undergo, we will continue to suffer. It won’t just go away. It will fester, with bisexuals having no one they can go to who believes them. And thus:

Erasure Kills

Bullying and suicide rates of queer-but-not-gay people continue to sky-rocket. We must direct funding, support and compassion to every queer individual, as they are all vulnerable to discrimination and bullying. The problem is being left to fester. This is in part because bigots treat all queer labels as just ‘gay’, deeming them equally unworthy. This is how far erasure can go.

Conclusion

Earlier on, I stated that my experiences are distinctly bisexual. The same applies to any queer identity.

Emphasising our differing paths and struggles is important to avoid the aforementioned erasure of already less visible groups. But this does not mean that the LGBT+ community should be fragmented by these differences.

If we can unite in our hope to live authentically and love freely, we will be stronger against bigotry. We are fighting enough intolerance from without: there is no need to create more from within.

So out of everything, what’s the hardest part about being bisexual?

It’s the fact that nobody knows it’s this hard.