#and i hate my body i WANT it to change i dont fucking CARE that other ppl dont this is for ME

[phagodyke]

the masculine urge to take a saucepan off thr draining board and bash myself repeatedly over the head with it until I pass out and no longer have to experience feeling Bad 😍

[little-red-fool]

I really hope they find a cure soon because I can’t be tied to a pharmacy my entire fucking life I want my freedom.

[readymades2002]

trying to do some financial math for if i move out and getting sick to my stomach

[mydr3aminvi0let]

i wear a lot of skirts and pink and whatnot as my style has developed with me & my personality but when one of those age regression girlies latch onto me....i do not like that

[skenpiel]

Wait do you not see weight loss ads everywhere where you live?????

NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i dont think i EVER see weight loss ads honestly. of course fatphobia is still very real and rampant here as much as anywhere else but i think weight loss things are like. kinda hush hush, if that makes sense. you never OUTRIGHT say your product is for weight loss, or that you should get plastic surgery if youre fat, or whatever. but its like. “heres our protein bar if you wanna be Healthy AND environmentally friendly (important to say) this fucking like bar of nuts and dried fruit contains ALL the nutrients of a full meal, so you dont even have to eat anything else 🥰🌈💗✨” so they never outright say “heres some horrible and both physically and mentally damaging things you can buy to stop being fat” even if thats essentially what they mean. :(

[anti-transphobia]

I think anyone who had a cosmetic, non-medically important surgery done to them as an infant should be able to sue their parents and any medical professionals involved, win, and then have the guilty parties be publicly hanged as a message

[snekdood]

so much of my past art is such a love letter to humanity and yet they keep betraying me and wonder why I hate them so much now

[mr-ribbit]

not to keep harping on this but if you HATE shaving your body or any other part of your "beauty routine": stop doing it. just stop doing it, at least for a little while (maybe when you don't have a lot going on if that helps) and HONESTLY gauge how it makes you feel. is this feeling better or worse than the amount of time, stress, and money the routine takes? do YOU actually prefer how you looked before, or are you only worried about what others think? if you stopped doing the routine forever, could you find other ways to feel better about yourself with that energy?

when I was like 19 and the idea of not shaving my legs anymore first occurred to me (bc I had a Cool Progressive Boyfriend that Didn't Care) i just stopped and it was immediately like... a quantifiably large chunk of unnecessary anxiety just sloughed off my life forever. instantaneously I got rid a bunch of effort and stress I had been accepting as normal, and replaced it with more time to do what actually made me feel 'ready' in the morning, like hygiene, coffee, preparing for my activities etc.

and i DONT feel self conscious about body hair personally but even if I did, no amount of shame over hair could outweigh how much easier my life is. not just bc 'shaving annoying' or 'long showers' or whatever, but like. yeah I don't waste as much time getting ready anymore, and I also don't have to realize last minute before some leg-showing event that im unfit for display and have a whole self-esteem plummeting anxiety attack about whether I should rush it unsafely and risk being late, cut up, and stressed out before the event, or go With Hair and feel judged the whole time. i don't have to go through any of those emotions and when anyone does comment on my hair rudely, im in a much healthier place to deal with it and tell them to fuck off rather than validate THEIR fucked up standards by feeling bad.

once I realized I didn't give a shit and neither did anyone I cared about, it also gave me the freedom to cut out a bunch of other shit I was only doing (or Thinking I Should) bc it was what girls Have To Do to be presentable. fuck shaving fuck waxing fuck eyebrow shaping fuck concealer fuck multi step skincare fuck shapewear fuck lip fillers fuck contouring fuck teeth whitening fuck all of it, you do not need to change ANYTHING about how you look Every Single Day.

for those of you about to say "but I like being shaven/wearing makeup/literally pulling hair out of my face painfully every day etc etc etc":

have fun and mod your avatar all you want but for gods sake if you hate it and complain about how long it takes and all the stuff you "have" to buy or do just to "get ready" - you do not have to. you're not just having fun. you are not getting Ready, you are making your mood and experience worse for yourself, which is going to make you feel unready and unprepared for actually being yourself comfortably.

[killmonk]

"t will fix all of my problems" (everytime I bring up starting it it ruins the conversation immediately and I end up sobbing for at least an hour)

[thesoundofmadness]

im so fucking tired of cis people and their fake supportiveness

[wonderjanga]

even though the bad parent captain marvel thing is resolved, i'd still love some more scenarios from the JL's pov of marvel's 'bad' parenting. ONLY if you WANT to do it, if you dont then just ignore this request lol

like him telling freddy or mary to 'fuck off' or swear at them in general and threaten to steal their stuff or blackmail them (like normal siblings do -coming from a middle child with two siblings)

or maybe they hear freddy and mary ranting about marvel and they JL misinterprets their sibling rivalry as abuse

Marvel is a terrible parent. The JL knows it. It just flabbergasts them every time they see or hear about it because Marvel is literally the nicest person ever so why does he hate his kids?

Junior and Mary: *walking down a hallway in the Watchtower while complaining about Marvel*

Mary: “Says you. He was chasing me around with a darn stick trying to beat me yesterday.”

Junior: “You don’t have the right to complain. At least you could run.”

Mary: “I guess but Pedro was carrying you so you could get away too. So I think I have to right to complain.”

Flash: *had the unfortunate displeasure of hearing that*

Now why was a grown man running around after his kids and trying to beat them with a stick? Also what did Cap do to make it so that Junior couldn’t run away?? Flash knew he was magic, so he was hoping he just used some magic to bind his legs or something. Speaking of Junior…

Junior: *annoying Marvel*

Marvel: *looking more increasingly annoyed* “Junior. Please take five steps back from me before I decide to slap the shit out of you.”

Supes: *immediately looks over to them*

Junior: “No you won’t. You’re chicken-”

Marvel: *literally raises his hand to do it*

Supes: *looks extremely concerned*

Junior: *immediately shuts up*

Marvel: “Yeah that’s what I thought.”

Junior: “Bastard.”

Marvel: “You’re a bastard too. Anyways, want lunch?”

Junior: “Yeah, tacos.”

Clark got a little whiplash from the quick change of topic. Though, that entire interaction really does enforce that he does not care for these kids. It’s so unfortunately obvious. Another example of him not caring was when Marvel and the silver one were sent to go examine a cave on a deserted planet.

Marvel and Eugene: *staring at the ominous cave*

Marvel: *walks behind Eugene* “Well… go on.” *pushes him forward to the cave*

Eugene: “What do you mean go on?! I’m not gonna sacrifice myself for you!”

Marvel: “But we’re family.”

Eugene: “So? I’m not fighting a dang Xenomorph if one pops out.”

Marvel: “Don’t worry. We’ll fight it together.” *continued to push him, but is thankfully walking with him*

Batman saw this entire interaction when he was reviewing to body cams he forced the two to wear. Who just pushes their son into danger like that? He needed to have a talk with Marvel about his parenting.

Pedro: “Hey, which of us is your favorite?”

Marvel: *almost immediately* “Mary and Darla.”

Pedro: “Mary and Darla- why them?? Darla was eating crayons just the other day, and Mary is Mary.”

Marvel: “Okay and…? They’re still my favorites?”

GL: “Wait, who’s Darla?”

Marvel: “The purple one.”

At least he likes the purple one, Darla? They haven’t seen a negative interaction between her and Cap yet. Emphasis on yet.

[spif-lol]

People can hate on Chibnall's era all they want and while it's not without it's problems I will always defend it if ONLY for it's interpretation of gender in the change from 12 to 13.

I remember being so excited for Jodie, but also so scared as to how they were going to handle her characterization as the Doctor. While Moffat did okay with Missy in the end, her original introduction was dripping with stereotypes and changes in personality which in universe boiled down to she's a girl now lol. Because of this I feared the introduction of a hyperfeminine Doctor, reinforcing sexist stereotypes that men and women are fundamentally different in some ineffable way. I feared jokes about boobs and hair, I feared a weak Doctor who had to be saved by male companions, I worried there would be a lack of personality entirely, with Chibnall trying to play it safe and make her just a blank slate. Or that she would be a rehash of an old Doctor but GIRLY with nothing really distinct to her personality beyond that.

I did not at all expect what we got. Even if the writing is in general lower standards than us fans had come to expect, Chibnall's handling of the Doctor's sudden gender change is phenomenal and I will explain why.

Top 13th Doctor gender moments:

It is so obvious that from the Doctor's point of view, she hasn't really changed. She still perceives herself the same way and finds it hard to adjust to a view of herself as a woman and often uses masculine words to describe herself out of habit. She doesn't dislike being a woman! She's just forgetful! Her regeneration is not special because of the gender change, that's just a quirk alongside the other changes every Doctor goes through when they regenerate

The way she still dresses in a distinctly Doctorish way, and leans towards flamboyant but practical masculine outfits like her suit in Spyfall in contrast to Yaz's more feminine presentation in the same situations. (Yaz isn't even that feminine either. But her dresses and blouses compared to the Doctor really stand out.)

I love how the Doctor's gender doesn't change anything about her, only how other's view her. And mostly people still treat her with respect and as an authority figure. I feel like chibnall struck a good balance between not acknowledging the gender change at all vs hitting us over the head with it. There are episodes where her being a woman is detrimental and she expresses annoyance, there are others where it causes confusion, and there's some where it opens her up to new experiences like the wedding party with Yaz's nan! But ultimately it doesn't make a difference in the Doctor's day to day

The introduction of the Fugitive Doctor as a previous regeneration but also as a female doctor with a distinct personality from thirteen! We got a multi doctor story with two badass female doctors years before it should have been possible! I hate the timeless child thing but the fugitive doctor is my beloved. Props to Chibnall for seeing the hate and people going oooh but the doctor has always been a man and responding by going nope she's been a woman before and a black woman too fuck you. actually iconic. #Season6B btw. if you even care

Idk i just think Jodie really captured the Doctor really well, while still having a unique twist on it and her portrayal really reads as a genderfluid alien in a feminine body. Like oh cool this is new but ultimately it dont matter she still the doctor

[mikgreo]

hi! 🙈

do you also find it really attractive when guys say I know, baby I know. or something along those lines (///w///)

if your taking them could i request jik or hq characters doing this in some scenario/drabble. please feel no rush/pressure.

take care of your self too:)

“i know baby, i know.”

ft. jjk + hq boys fluff, slight nsfw, humor.

tags. nsfw for gojo oikawa and kuroo, rest are cute scenarios + some hcs i made on some.

chars. gojo/oikawa+ kuroo, geto/osamu, toji/atsumu, inumaki/kenma, yuji/hinata, megumi/kageyama, choso/suna, todo/bokuto, nanami/akaashi

a/n. tysm nonnie!! i didnt know if u wanted them separate or just in a group category..couldnt resist not giving gojo oikawa and kuroo smut. i hope this was what u wanted:((

gojo, oikawa, kuroo

you were sprawled out on his bed in his apartment. you were gripping the soft cushion sheets in pleasure, gritting your teeth, occasionally biting your lower lip to halt your moans. his long skinny fingers scissored their way through your gummy walls as if they owned the place. the tips of his calloused fingers hitting your g-spot everytime he thrusted in. you hated how vulnerable you became, how you melted like putty just from his fingers- but it just felt soo good. he knew your insides like no one else, knew all your sweet spots and how to make you cum. he was big- big being in understatement. he was huge, in your eyes atleast. prep was needed, always. even though you hated how long it took to get you ready.

“hngh.. i want you now- please!~” you said, putting a hand on his shoulder, as he looked up to you with a frown. “want you insideee..ngh! can’t wait...~”

“i know baby, i know. you’ll get it soon, ‘kay? i just dont wan’ it to hurt, my love.” he said softly, adding a third finger in. “just a little bit more, okay princess?”

geto, osamu

it was 3am, and you could not sleep. you tried scrolling through twitter and instagram for some time, but couldn’t. thats when you opened up tiktok, fully forgetting that, tiktok.. was a music app. and your volume…was halfway up. so when you opened it, it blasted for a second before you quickly swiped off the app, why were you so scared? well..

“y/n, what the fuck.. why are you up, go to sleep girl.”

your boyfriend was sleeping, and you hated waking him up.

“but i can’t sleep sugu/‘samu!! im not tireddd.” you whined, pouting. as if he could see you.

“dont care, go to bed or im snatching your phone away. l/n.” he growled and sat up rubbing his eyes.

“noo im sorry. please i cant sleep, babe!!”

“i know baby, i know. what if we cuddle and i tell you about my plans for tomorrow, hm? maybe it’ll help.”

toji, atsumu

“i want a dog.” you said glaring at him, who was sat on your couch.

“i know baby, i know. but yk we cant.. im fuckin allergic ‘member??” he shot you a mocking facial expression.

“but its okay, you can just take some Benadryl and you’ll be fineee! its not a big deal toji / ‘tsumu.” you pouted.

you walked over to him and sat on his lap facing him.

“if yur tryna seduce me into agreeing, its not g’na work babe.” he put his hands on your waist.

“ughhh!! can we atleast get like a cat or something?? please babyyy.”

“let’s leave this conversation for a different day, y/n.” he replied before pulling you into a hot kiss...that led to making out.. that led to your own personal problem for tonight.

inumaki, kenma (I PUT BOKUTO AND YUJI BC I WAS ORIGINALLY GONNA HAVE AKAASHI AND MEGUMI IN THIS TOO BUT I CHANGED MY MIND.. SO PRETEND IT SAYS PANDA FOR INUMAKI..)

yuji, hinata

it was getting late… too late. your boyfriend had a day off and decided to spend it by sleeping, completely forgetting the fact that you two agreed on walking around the park today.. he was just soo lazy :(

“sweetheart….get upppp. its 12pm, you needa wake up.” you whined as your boyfriend tightened his grip around your body. he was big spooning you, a position where not even an earthquake could move him out of.

“mmm, i know baby, i know. just…five more- five minutes.” he groaned into your ear, you could feel the warm breath against your earlobe, it sending tingles down your neck to your spine.

“if you get up, ill take a shower with you, and make you waffles.”

you had never seen him get up from bed that fast before.

megumi, kageyama

you and your boyfriend were having you weekly movie night, you were under his right arm while you layed your head on his lap, using the blanket to cover your view of the flat screen.

“babe….i dont wanna watch this..its scary.” you pout as you attempt to sink deeper into your boyfriends arms.

“i know baby, i know.. but i love this movie, so can we please keep it on?” he scratched the back of his neck.

“ughhh, couldn’t we just watch inside out 2 or something babeee??” you whined.

“that’s a kids movie, im fine where im at.” he flicked you on the forehead.

“stoppp!! owww.” you cried out.

choso, suna

you two were watching moana in his room, the room was dark and you were both on his bed, cuddling. everything was fine until there was a loud noise which you thought came from the kitchen. you thought nothing of it but your boyfriend…

“did you hear that? what the fuck.” he sat up.

“babe…you better not.” you warned him with a glare.

“it was a fucking ghost, y/n. i fucking told you theyre real. theres no way im letting somethi-”

you cut him off, “girl, ghosts are not damn real. if you dont lay your ass right back down i swear to god.”

“i know baby, i know.. but you gotta really think about it, what else could it be?” he bit down on his thumbnail.

“shut up, cho/rin.”

todo, bokuto

you were sitting on the dinner table- across from your boyfriend, who had told you he had something really important to talk to you about. some minutes passed and he was just sitting there, hands interlocked together, his leg beating up and down.

“babe…is everything all right? its been like 3 minutes are ya gonna say something?..” you softly spoke.

“there’s something..i gotta own up to.” he spoke, not moving a muscle.

“oh fuck no, if you cheated on me i swear to god-”

“are you crazy?,” he finally moved from his position and gave you a puzzled look, “of course not, its just..”

he took a long deep breath..

“when i was 5 years old, i went with my mom to the store. she was browsing and i wondered off and.. i saw this lollipop, that i really, like really wanted. and i picked it up and asked her if i could get it, of course my mother being my mother she said no. so i got angry.. and stuffed it in my little pocket. and she checked out and i got away with it. and i just keep thinking about it, and the more serious we get with our relationship i just cant bare the everlasting weight and guilt of this act i decided to act upon. so im telling you now.. if you wanna make your choice on whether you still wanna date a criminal like me.”

you got up from you seat, and sighed.

“i hope its April 1st today.”

nanami, akaashi

[fairlyang]

Amor Prohibido 🕷️

a west side story au

w/c: 2.9K

pairing: miguel o’hara x latina!reader

tags: 18+ smut. opposite gangs, forbidden love, not caring x2, cunnilingus, dirty talk, fingering, español (era necesario), he’s a sweetie, masquerade dance, chino is a opp, double reveal but they’re all pissed, you don’t care and leave, car sex, voyuerism, unprotected sex, riding, sweet ending

taglist: @reader-1290

smutmas masterlist | main masterlist

you were supposed to stay away from him. your older brother had always scolded you about only going out with one of your own. didn't have to be your exact ethnicity but they had to be latino, not any of the white guys.

you found that to be harder than expected. mainly because you didn't really care for his rules. you were always a rebellious kid and sister so now being in your early twenties that didn't exactly change.

so he continued to repeat that after you've only been in the states for less than two years, you knew you'd be in trouble.

at least that’s what you thought until you found someone that maybe you could cheat this system with. Miguel O’Hara was half irish and half mexican, with tanned skin, dark slicked back hair, and a thick accent to match.

his dad was a rich man, married a mexican woman so that’s why he was able to be in the jett’s, because they ignored the mexican half. he wasn’t exactly like the rest of them, openly hating on any and all latinos who come into the city because he’s seen firsthand how his mom was treated.

he was kind, thoughtful, and sweet. everything you’ve ever wanted in a man so your brother would just have to deal with it.

he was the man of your dreams, but of course there was a downside, probably the worst one, yet that wasn’t enough to put him off you or vice versa.

being the all too rebellious girl you were, you freely were sneaking back and forth with the second in command of the rival gang opposite your brother's and you didn't care too much about it. especially not when he was between your thighs, eating you out like he hasn't had a proper meal in years which was ironic because he never misses a meal, let alone his dessert.

his mouth was sucking and flicking your clit while he pumped two fingers inside you. he always took great care of you, making sure you don't go a day without a proper orgasm.

the worst part was that you let him.

you really couldn't help it, not when he was making you moan so loud and feel so good that you could practically see stars. it was to no surprise that you couldn't push his advances away, even if you tried he’d just convince you anyway.

he pulled away for a few seconds just to tease you because it always had you squirming, clenching tightly against his fingers, "like that baby?"

you could only nod your head, feeling too good to give him a proper answer. he didn't accept that though. he needed to hear you, especially if it was in your native tongue.

"tell me how much you like it, pretty girl.." he murmured, looking up at you with those pretty brown eyes while you just pouted.

"mucho- p-please dont stop." you whined, reaching down for his head so he can keep working his magic. (so much-)

"eager girl... you know you shouldn't even be with me but here you are, desperate and aching for me.. so fucking dirty, mi amor." he teased only making you whimper, especially at his usage of such an endearing word. (my love)

given every pet name that slipped past his lips had you like a lovesick fool but still, you were losing it even more, "fuck miguel- por favor- i n-need more!" you whined once more, bringing a grin to his face. (please-)

“pues porque me lo pediste así…. como no, hermosa?” he says under his breath before going straight back in to suck on your clit. (well since you asked like that… how could i not, beautiful)

you gasped and brought a hand down to his hair, tugging on it making him groan against you. it sent shivers all over your body and made his pants feel even tighter.

he loved the forbiddenness of your situation. knowing you shouldn't be doing this, from either side but not being able to help yourselves. he was just, if not more obsessed with you which said a lot.

he closed his eyes and focused on the sweet taste of your arousal, always so fucking good like an ice cream sundae down at the diner. sadly he couldn't take you on any proper dates because it would be odd to others and you didn't want miguel to get into any trouble. have it be by riff, bernardo, or his parole officer.

so he would close up shop early for his boss, who was an elderly puerto rican lady named valentina. definitely accepting of your relationship and having grown very fond of miguel, like a son, of course she was going to help him sneak you in. also given the fact he was on parole and this was now his home, he didn't have much of a choice anyway.

he brought his left hand up to your body, first to squeeze your left breast just earning himself the sweetest gasp from you, then you decided to grab his hand and intertwine your fingers together. his face flushed and he felt his heart beat faster, your eyes were on his and he was determined to make you come in his mouth.

he stopped for a split second just to add a third finger then he pumped her fingers faster and harder than before. you squeezed his hand tightly prompting him to do it right back while you quickly felt yourself getting closer to the edge.

“miguel! fuck- por favor- no pares-“ you moaned and grind your hips up desperately. (please- don’t stop-)

he moaned against you, practically grinding against the mattress while pumping his fingers as fast as he could. your walls entrapped them and he started curling them up to hit your sweet spot, purposely knowing you’ll come faster.

he pulled away for a few seconds just to egg you on, “gonna come for me baby? sabiendo que ni debes hablar conmigo?” (knowing you aren’t even be talking to me?)

“fuck miguel! si, claro que si-“ you cried and felt your legs start to shake.. (yes, of course yes-)

“así, mi amor, así.” he cooed softly, eye back on yours, “come on baby.” (just like that)

his sweet tone was enough to send you over the edge, gripping his hand tightly while you cried out for him. he kissed your inner thigh, slowed down his fingers, and giving you more praise while you rode out your high.

you closed your eyes and clamped your legs shut, feeling so overstimulated. he slowly slipped his fingers out, a loud plop filling your ears as you covered your face with both hands. you could hear his chuckle and his shuffling as you calmed yourself down.

suddenly you feel his arms wrap around you, pulling you towards his chest and you weren’t going to deny a nice cuddle. you laid your head on his chest, swinging an arm over his body while you listened to his heart beat.

there was something about the aftermath that just made this more real and loving. you didn’t know how your future would look but there was no way in hell you’re letting something this good, go to waste or into hands that already had a turn.

the following weekend there was a masquerade dance being held at the gym in the rec center and miguel wanted to be introduced as your boyfriend knowing damn well that could be the cause of world war three. but he didn’t really give a fuck, willing to fight for your love and more importantly, end this dumb terf war between both the gangs.

the dress code was black and white, just so everyone would be somewhat the same. the lights were flashing so it was easy for you to sneak in with miguel.

you were both wearing black masks that had white designs on them. you in a black swing dress that anita made for you, off the shoulder with white pearls along the edges. perfect for the occasion.

miguel was in the nicest pair of pants, borrowed from his father as well as a black button up shirt.

he was looking around the dance floor, watching how each group was in their respective half and dancing their hearts out. neither of you have both seen and since the city decided to go all out for this dance to make everyone get alone, the lights were still going crazy.

he took his arm off your waist and held his hand out to you which you happily took. he led you to the middle of the floor and it was an upbeat song, so he grabbed your hands and you began dancing together.

you followed his lead and moved in sync with him and everyone else around you. your dress moved beautifully, miguel twirling you as much as possible to keep that smile on your face.

you moved back and forth between both sides of the dance floor, not wanting to stick to just one side in case you were to get caught that easily. it wasn’t so strange since most people by the middle were doing that anyway.

there were a couple people on the sidelines just watching, either because they can’t dance or they don’t have dates. singletons from both gangs but no shark was going to take a latina out to dance or vice versa, knowing they’d get a beating right then and there.

the song changed to a slower one so you adjusted accordingly with your arms around his neck while his were on your waist. you swayed back and forth slowly, staring into each other's eyes and ignoring everything else.

you felt happy being able to do this. and sure it was mainly due to the fact that everyone was wearing masks and you could barely even see the person next to you but still. you had the man you adored the most out in public like this and it was all you could’ve asked for.

you sighed and gave him a loving smile, taking a step closer to place your head against his chest. you danced slowly now taking one of his hands and sticking it outwards while he held your other hand by his chest.

it was a sweet and pure moment. what was once such a rarity in your life and now was slowly becoming something you needed to have every day. not at all afraid for the future, at least not now that his arms are around you. it was warm and protective, like nothing bad could happen when you were like this.

but unfortunately that wasn’t the reality you were living in.

anita was the first to notice you, not thinking anything of it until she realized the man you were dancing with wasn’t chino and she had to stop herself from gasping out loud. the second to notice was riff’s girlfriend, graziella, whose eyes went wide when she looked past riff’s shoulder to find miguel with bernardo’s sister of all the girls.

they both kept their mouths shut, hell even leading their men away from that part of the dance floor just to save all parties from a potential disaster. you didn’t even notice, not a single clue the jig was almost up but saved by the two girls.

that quickly changed when you decided to just take a look around the dance floor, moving your head up to take a better peak while miguel swayed you both. your eyes scanned all the couples in their fancy attire and dark masks but suddenly stopped at one guy standing still on the sidelines, eyes already on yours.

your eyes grew wide and your heart started racing, you shook your head against miguel, praying to god that chino won’t say a word.

you watched him carefully, almost unable to move because your nerves were getting the better of you. “por favor.” you mouthed to him and he just slowly shook his head. (please)

he started walking to the left side of the floor, you quickly looked over, trying to find your brother and anita. your eyes followed chino and you looked to where he was walking and you knew your fun was over.

you looked away, gaze back on miguel and leaned towards his ear, “we’ve gotta go.”

he looked down at you, noticing your nervous expression, and nodding. he let go of you, quickly grabbing your hand and leading you out. he pushed past bodies, not caring for the grunts and swears of his own friends.

they luckily didn’t even notice it was him, otherwise he’d have another problem on his hands. he led you out of the main exit, quickly walking to the parking lot to his car. the cold air hit you but before you could even react to it you heard someone yell your name behind you.

the all too familiar voice had you gulp and walk faster while miguel squeezed your hand, trying to make you feel better, “todo va estar bien, okay?” (everything’s gonna be fine)

you nodded and then heard yelling behind you, anita’s voice filling your ears as she begged bernardo to leave you alone. you could hear them argue like they usually did when you finally got to miguel’s car. he unlocked and opened your door when suddenly the side door bursts open and out comes riff with graziella laughing.

you had one foot about to go inside when riff just blinks at the sight in front of him. you stayed silent, not having anything to say while miguel urged you to get inside the car. “miguel please- let’s just go, anywhere but here.” you pleaded and he just nodded but his eyes were on his best friend’s.

riff was now scoffing, shaking his head in disbelief and disapproval while miguel helped you inside. he closed your door shut and walked behind the car to get to his seat just so he didn’t have to get even closer to riff. he stopped before getting inside, giving him the chance to say something to him.

riff was baffled, stun locked, and disappointed. this felt like a stab in the back to him, towards the sharks and everything they stood for.

but his definition was always different to miguel’s, he just never considered that fact.

finally he was able to speak up, “i can’t believe you.”

miguel sighed and stopped him from even starting a rant, “well believe it because i’m done pretending to be something i’m not. i can’t live like that anymore and you better fucking believe that i’m marrying this girl one day.”

your face grew warm and your heart started pounding, his honest words sounding like a declaration and in front of his best friend just made it all the more real and serious.

he gave him one final look before going inside and starting the engine. you took a deep breath and looked to the right to see bernardo and anita walking over. she gave you a sympathetic smile and your brother’s was better than before.

you gulped and rolled the window down, speechless at first before thinking of the right thing to say, “perdóname, hermano. es mejor pedir perdón que pedir permiso.. encontré un amor verdadero y bonito, espero que lo entiendas.” (forgive me, brother. it’s better to ask for forgiveness than to ask for permission.. i found a love so real and so beautiful, i hope you’ll understand)

he sighed and nodded, unable to speak because it felt so surreal. instead anita spoke, “ felicidades, mi niña” (congratulations, my girl)

you smiled at her and miguel finally pulled out and slowly drove away leaving behind your loved ones conflicted and confused.

as soon as you were far and hidden enough you both jumped to the backseat. such strong comments towards your family’s brought an energy you never felt before. an even better and stronger pull towards miguel, one that had you feeling extra grateful from him and more affectionate.

it took little to no convincing for you to ride him. you had been riding him fast, eager and ready to please while making out. hands touching anything and groping, squeezing gently as you bounced your ass up and down like you have before.

only now was he started to thrust his hips upwards as you slammed down, making sure to hit your sweet spot every time. you tried your hardest to keep up with him but he never made it easy on you, even when you were trying to do something for him.

his hands were gripping your hips, squeezing your flesh while he helped you fuck yourself harder on his cock, desperately wanting to come already. neither of you were in any mood to take it slow, just wanting it to be as passionately fast as possible.

his praise against your lips filled your ears, making you moan against him while he just continued kissing you. he kept repeating his promising words of forever, making sure you wouldn’t forget them.

aunque todavía tuvieron un amor prohibido, se sentía como si ahora nada de todo mundo los puede detener. (although you still had a forbidden love, it felt like now, nothing in the world could stop you now)

como si todo este tiempo podían estar así sin importar lo que digan los demás. (as if all this time you could’ve been like this without caring what anyone else says)

but at last, you could do that now anyway and there was no one that could come between the sweetest of love you’ve ever felt with the absolute man of your dreams.

[eph3merall]

hateful words and harsh jabs replay in your head, tears burning behind your eyelids as you stare at chris. his back is to you, shuffling things around on a cluttered desk of crinkled bills, jewelry, papers, and drug products. you don't really understand what went wrong, why he'd suddenly want to break the little thing you two have off. chris knows you don't really have anyone else right now, falling off with all of your friends after they found out your drug addiction was slowly creeping in again.

it was tough on you specifically, chris probably couldn't give a fuck. it's not like his daily life changed much, as grunted quietly when he was unable to retrieve the lighter he always keeps on his desk. furrowing in his jeans pockets, his eyes stray towards you standing there, dumbfounded, like some stone statue. he can't help but think you're pathetic, and he was unsure why he even startes this whole thing with you in the first place.

the click of the lighter chris obtains in his pocket is something he finds comfort in, the sound being one he's heard multiple times before that he could continue click, click, clicking and it wouldn't ever annoy him. he's tried telling himself that you don't mean to be annoying, that you don't mean to be overbearing and that shit's happened to you as much as himself.

but maybe his brain was all fucked up as he takes a drag of the lit blunt in his hand, stalking towards the window of his room to place two hands on a part of it and lift up—a gust of cold air hitting him directly and making the smell of weed just that little lighter. you've finally picked the pieces of your heart up from the floor, pressing at your eyes tightly to ward off the tears. chris never really did enjoy when you cried.

he wants you to leave. get out of his room, out of the frat house where the other guys will most definitely eye you weirdly as you walk out. turning to his desk, he makes himself busy. he doesn't care, why would he? his friends have been buzzing at him for the longest time for hooking up with someone like you, making stupid jokes and jabs about marriage and stupid shit like that. so he finally did something about it.

—

“you're so annoying, y'know? fuckin', talkin' my ear off one second n'then whining when i dont respond. not like you're givin' me the chance to, anyways.”

“and dont get me started on when 'i hurt your feelings'. jeesus, actin' like you crying like some baby wont piss me off. dont be fuckin' stupid, kid, use that brain of yours.”

“gullible as shit too, y'know? what, you didnt think i actually liked you. oh, thats funny, baby. make more of those jokes n'maybe ill laugh next time. god, you didnt ever think i was just usin' you? takin' advantage of havin' some pretty pussy practically under my arm and extra money for my products. fuck, you're stupid.”

“oh, alright, cry jus' like y'did last time, see if i give a shit this time.”

you try to forget everything chris said to you and more, sitting in your room in some old zip up chris left over at your place. it reeks of weed and something thats just so him, it makes you feel sick. your cheeks itch and lips go dry the longer you sob, hating the silence whenever you go slightly quiet. its like a taunt, youre alone now, for good. you wont ever get those friends back unless you fix yourself the fuck up.

you're a mess, blubbering sobs filling the silence and wracking your body. shuddering breaths in and out, constantly repeating to yourself to breathe and to focus on anything you can currently feel or hear. your vision is far too blurry from tears to see anything clearly, nose also clogged and preventing a good sense of smell. the fur of your blanket, running steps outside your room at one point accimpanied by laughter and voices. the cold metal of the zipper and interlocking teeth of chris' zip up sends a shock to your skin in some way, the smell of weed clinging to the fabric and breaking through the barrier your nose had. you wish you didn't smell it, only ending in thoughts of chris and making you cry some more.

the next few weeks are uneventful. nothing particular happens to you or chris, besides one of your friends' birthdays—kira. you took it upon yourself to text her a little message even after she dropped you, harshly telling you to 'get yourself together' if you wanted to be friends again. the text sent, it got read, and stayed that way. you don't exactly blame her, but your heart only dropped more in despair. because a little, innocent part of you truly thought she'd say thank you, or hope you're doing well, or at least text back.

a lot of the hours of the past few weeks consisted of naps and school work, finally deciding to try and raise some of your current failing grades since there wasn't anything better to do. it was hard to focus on anything with music playing, but it was even harder to write or register a single word when it was silent.

somehow, you end up at the frat house again. shivers overtake your body as you step inside, loud music and shoving bodies hitting you like tons of bricks. your eyes scope the familiar area, searching for a certain someone with brown tufts of hair peeking out from under a cap. when you dont see him, you start working through the throng of people to tread upstairs.

your feet gradually step lighter each step up, the floor eventually thinning out as you turn to the room you've knocked on so many times before. you probably look a mess, shifting your weight from one foot to the other as you impatiently wait. a frat brother you recognize is romping up the stairs to shove into the bathroom, giving you a surprised, weirded look when he spots you.

soon, the door in front of you cracks open. chris blinks at you mumble a little 'hi' under your breath. when you get no reply, panic creeps in and you take a few steps forward and throw your arms around his shoulders, tugging yourself towards him. chris stumbles and grunts, hands bracing your shoulders and already trying to shove your body away from his own. the familiar smell of your shampoo isn't helping at all, hating how persistent you are today.

"alright, kid, y'can let go now," after chris is shuffling inside his room and shutting the door behind you. your arms loosen and slip from his body, casting a glance to the floor. you knew you'd be back, deep down, you know you don't have it in you to stay away. even as a child, you'd always ask that popular kid to be friends even after she'd humiliated you too many times to count on both hands.

"i know its my fault. sorry. for bein' annoying. tried workin' on it, and i think im better. and, and i stopped smoking, kinda. its no longer everyday, and i got classwork done, for once. are you proud of me? i worked on controlling my emotions too, so, so i don't think ill cry that easy anymore—" that was a lie. you'd started panicking the second you stepped foot inside chris' room, your mouth speaking on its own and vomiting out words that sound weird to your ears .your voice picks up speed when chris doesn't respond, only stopping when you realize he isn't listening.

and chris says nothing. his mind reeling and heart thumping in his chest, because you blame yourself. why? he doesn't know, apparently he just doesn't know anything when it comes to you. guilt blooms inside him, the feeling a little foreign as he resists the urge to wrap you up in his arms and just to tell you to pipe down. to stop being so stupid. to not blame yourself, when he's so obviously the one in the wrong. when he's so obviously the stupid one, stamping down all those feelings of guilt.

—

@conspiracy-ash @sturniolosfavkayleigh @lvrsturniolo @st7rnioioss @meatballlover10 @ashlishes @ferdzom @55sturn @chriseatingmeoutin4k @unknvhx @mattslolita @chaossturns @slut4brunettes @starclinexo @slvtf0rchr1s

©eph3merall 2024

[lostinlovingrevery]

Just a thought and no offense but I think Logan just wants to be in love and feel loved in return.

(This isnt proofread and came out as rambling so have fun trying to read it and decipher it! 😅)

So WE ALL know that Logan can be flirty, and that he may have had a period where he was a bit of a manwhore (*cough* 70s Logan *cough*)

I feel like that period though, and any other flings, one night stands, etc whatever was less out of lust and more of a desperation to feel SOME kind of human connection bc the mans so lonely and has been treated like a soldier, a weapon for so long that hes desperate for human connection, even if it makes him end up feeling depraved afterwards. Post-nut clarity wakes him up next to some girl he met at a bar, and guilt sinks its teeth into him because he doesnt even know her name, much less actually LIKE her. The man was born in the 1800s, he may have grown with time but you cannot tell me theres not some inkling of being a gentleman- and wanting to find someone you truly love, hidden in there somewhere. I think overtime he may fall into this routine, believing he needed to be a walking sex magnet, gruff, cocky, whatever have you because hes convinced its the only way he can have a connection with someone, even if its for a few passionate moments under bedsheets, and an awkward "that was nice. Bye"

It only fuels his self hatred, convincing him that he really his just an animal, looking to get his sick desires out, eat, fuck, sleep, survive.

When we see him in the X movies, as a cage fighter he is brutal and rough and he doesnt seem to have a caring bone in his body yet he still manages to find himself caring about this young girl who stowawayed in his trailer, and does help her, even if he acts like this version of logan he created. Someone who doesnt care. But he cares. A lot.

Its not until he meets YOU, that he starts to wonder if he got it all wrong. Kind, beautiful, smart YOU.

I fully believe that logan just wants a partner. One night stands, flings, what have you, were just him lying to himself, desperate to feel something other than hate. After he lost his memories, and he began just wandering, the concept of love was lost on him. And lust wasnt there anymore either. He was approached by women, perfectly fine, pretty women, all the time during his time cage fighting, bars, etc. He turned them all away- completely opposite of logan 30-40 years ago (my timing probs not right on xmen lol) who was convinced the only way he was living was if he had ass next to him every night he went to sleep because he was lonely. This version of logan, lost, angry, wanted nothing to do with people. Some of it the repressed feelings coming out from his past that he doesnt even remember. He was convinced then that he had to be alone. Becoming a lone wolf that bared his teeth at anyone who tried to pet it. Secretly though, deep down although he wouldnt admit it, there was that deep desire, that he always felt in his 200 years, that he just wanted to find his mate. He'd call soulmates bullshit if you asked him, but the moment he meets you, hed know that it was real, and that maybe god cursed (gifted) him the ability of healing and practical immortality just so he could find you. And hed do it over and over again, the pain and suffering and loneliness, if it meant you would be the endgoal.

Logan is a pack animal. He needed a family, to protect, and cherish. When he meets and ends up at the x-men, his demeanor and attitude changes quickly to something similar to a dog that snaps at you when you pet it only for it to whine and whimper "im sorry, please dont hate me, i just dont know how to accept love.". Hes still wary, because hed never KNOWN a family before. Put aside his memory loss, the closest things he had to a family was a creep of a brother, and a woman who said she loved him under false pretenses (i still dont like you kayla even if you say it was real). He barely knew his parents, and even then that was a lie because his father wasnt even his biological father. Yeah, Logans life was pretty damn lonely, so its no wonder the man is cautious of anybody and anything.

The moment you come into his life though, that bitterness, anger, and meaningless flirting goes right out the window. Hes serious about you. Hes usually cautious, nervous around people but he meets you and its almost like he threw all those imaginary rules he has for himself out of the window.

Look at how he was with Jean in the movies. He barely knew the woman, they barely shared ANY lines in the movie yet he was almost completely devoted (dont get me started on that storyline). Trust didnt come easy to the wolverine. And Kayla- their relationship just shows how much he wants love and to be loved. I never seen origins but a lot of gifsets and read the synopsis of the plot, but i think he had a feeling with Kayla he couldnt trust (remember how he says hell never go against his gut again?) But he so badly just wanted that connection he ignored all the warning signs and did everything to build a life with this woman who not only tricked him, but put him through unimaginable pain both physically and mentally. (Look I REALLY dont like kayla but i do feel bad for her because stryker did have her sister captive). I know stryker is the evil mastermind here, but god imagine trying to find love with someone, only for it all to be a farce, even if they claimed they did love you the entire time- the intentions from the very beginning was far from love.

Oh but when he is in love with you. From the moment he met you, it wasnt love at first sight exactly, more like a feeling that you were it. Hes all about you. He sticks around, under the pretense that he just needed to make some money first, doing some missions for charles, keep an eye on rogue. He cant admit its because he wants to stay close to you. Hes like a feral cat taking shelter in your shed. Stays away at first, cautious of your spspspsp, but curious nonetheless. Completely ignores the first bowl of food you put down for it- or so you thought because when you came back it was completely devoured. It takes weeks of food and spspsps before it finally warms up to you, but after that first contact with your hand and its head- good luck ever getting rid of it. Not that youd want to 😊

Logan becomes a shadow to you, once you become something akin to friends. (Its really more than that but no ones addressed it). He teases you and flirts with you, and its something you think he does with everyone, until Ororo tells you that he only does it to you. Sometimes he just sits in your company, other times hes curious about what youre working on, not wanting to start the convo, but does things like leering over your shoulder (which he may or may not be doing just to he close to you and get a good whiff of the smell of your hair). He stresses when you go on missions without him. He slowly opens up about his past to you when he begins to get his memories back. Trusting only you (and maybe charles) with the truth ablut the man he used to be, and still is.

When your feelings finally do come out in the open though, however it happens, that first kiss, the first time you make love, etc etc. Logans a different man. I mean, hes still that cocky, grumpy person we all know and love. But he carried himself differently. Hes confident and wiser, hes comfortable, and hes happy. He found a home, his pack. And maybe after countless conversations about his past, the things hes done, and the comforting words and understandings you give him, he starts to learn that he isnt so bad, because if you love him, YOU, the most wonderful person hes ever known in 200 years, love him despite all of his violence and hatred and slight whoreish tendecies back in the 70s...then he must be alright.

He doesnt need to worry about his past anymore, when hes got you, right there with him, promising a loving future together.