#you will never understand how fucking angry i am.

[terramythos]

Its very funny for me to recall this but I used to be HEAVILY into neopets. back in the day people with really nicely named or painted pets would put them 'up for adoption' and require like, custom web page applications for them. Maybe people still do this, idk, but this was before you could legally 'trade' pets on the site.

I knew this lady who had some really great names (like common real words with fantasy undertones) on her pets and we were both frequent posters on the same off-site neopets forum. She was in her 30s and I was like 14 and we both were aware of this. Anyway she put one pet up for adoption and her requirements were insane, like it required huge writing samples and personal art of the pet and custom CSS coding for the app page and stuff like that to prove they really wanted the pet.

She asked me for feedback and I made an offhand comment that that kind of standard was a little ridiculous for a virtual pet on a kids website. We'd chatted before so I didn't expect a negative reaction, and like she'd asked ME for help so I was honest with her.

Anyway she completely flipped out at me. She started to leave angry or sarcastic comments on any post I made on the off-site forum for the next year or so. If she saw me post on the official Neopets chat boards she'd do the same thing. She led this campaign against me and insulted me to any mutual friends. She was fairly well known on the forum (I was too) so whenever she did special projects or anything she explicitly banned me from participating in any of them.

It was totally insane, she knew I was a young teenager and this was a full ass adult woman twice my age (and I have reason to believe she was truthful about her age-- she made a pretty sophisticated neopets fan site that required some professional understanding). I cannot stress enough this was for a minor negative comment on something that didn't matter on CHILDRENS WEBSITE NEOPETS DOT COM. This had to be mid/late 2000s by my reckoning.

After I'd moved on from the forum a couple years later and played Neopets less frequently she would STILL angrily comment on whatever Neoboard comments she happened to see me make. Like she did this for years. I don't think it was direct stalking because it was fairly random when it happened. I just ignored it.

She never even adopted out the pet, pretty sure what apps she received didn't follow the insane rules EXACTLY so she disqualified all of them

Now that I'm in my 30s I literally cannot imagine being that angry at a teenager. It's extremely funny what a loser she was. Like it was so beyond the pale it sounds like I made it up or am exaggerating. except I remember how upset I was being targeted and bullied by an adult for fucking years. I literally don't give a shit about it now but like I have to wonder how this woman copes with everyday life to have this level of obsessive hate for years over something a teenager said to her. Online. About a virual pet. So fucking bizarre, I have to wonder if she targeted others

[iichfilwypj]

loved | percy jackson

ღ percy jackson x daughter of ares! reader ღ warnings: hurt/comfort! (for the ones that are so so angry) ღ wc: 720 this is clearly about me guys

“Percy, you don’t understand!” 

Her shouts shattered the silence of the forest; the birds seemed to have fled the moment they arrived, and the forest nymphs hid within their trees, unwilling to get involved.

“You’re right!” His voice was edged with frustration and anger as he followed her, but instead of looking threatening, he looked almost pitiable. "I don’t!"

There was a raw, painful gleam in his eyes, one she chose to ignore -although it proved her point.

“Why can’t you talk to me? Tell me what is wrong, please.” He begged. “I love you.”

No. 

Not those words. 

They were precisely the ones she didn’t want to hear. 

The weight they pressed onto her chest was overwhelming, and she didn’t think she could bear it any longer. 

He was the sweetest and kindest boy in camp, effortlessly funny and charming with everyone –how could someone like him love someone like her?

“That’s the thing.” Her fists clenched tightly at her sides, crescent-shaped marks forming in her palms. Her lips pressed into a thin line as she stopped to turn toward him. “You can’t love me!” 

And he flinched. He fucking flinched at her.

But she didn’t care.

“I’m mean! I’m mean, and violent, and aggressive. I’m insecure, quiet, narcissistic. I have anger issues, stupids outbursts, I curse all the fucking the time! I’m not-” She took a deep breath, trying to quell the anger boiling inside her.

She was unlovable.

“Percy, I can’t make you happy. I don’t know how you expect this-” She gestured toward the space between them, which seemed to close with each tentative step he took. “-to work, I am not good for y-”

“Don’t you dare finish that sentence.” 

Now it was her turn to flinch as he stepped closer, his hands gripping her shoulders firmly. 

He was staring into her eyes as if he could see right through her, peeling back her defenses to uncover the truth she kept hidden –something she sensed he had been doing for far too long. 

“Don’t tell me what’s good for me or not.”

She could only stay silent.

What else could she do with that sight in front of her? A sight that wasn’t made for her, that felt so foreign for her.  

Those green eyes looked at her with a love she was sure she didn’t deserve, and those hands brushed against her skin as if they could see something good within her that she had buried.

“I know you, and I know how you feel. Like you don’t deserve the good things that happen to you, like you’re not good enough, like you’re a burden in everyone else’s life." One of his hands moved to cup her cheek. "Like you are a bad person.” 

She almost laughed; well, he was really laying bare her entire life with his words. 

“I don’t know who made you think all of that, but please, I’m begging you, don’t believe them.”

“That's the thing,” Percy leaned closer to her to show he was paying attention, but it was almost impossible to get any closer. “No one said anything; I just know it.”

As she closed her eyes, he observed her. Before him stood his favorite person in the world, unraveling before his eyes.

And he couldn’t stand to see it happen.

“You are the purest person in the whole world. From the first moment I saw you, I was wrapped around your finger. My mother is tired of hearing your name, my room is fed up with me sprawled out, holding your photo, and my mind is consumed by thoughts of you –there is no space for anything else. ” 

The words flowed from his lips as if they were the most natural thing in the world, and the effect they had on her was overwhelming.

She felt the boy’s hands on her face, gently wiping away the tears she didn't know were there –he knew how much she hated being seen while crying.

When she finally dared to open her eyes, something clicked inside her as she was met with the prettiest shade of green.

She had never felt this way in her life, so free, so safe.

And despite the fear swirling within her, she wanted to try –to try with him.

“You are not mean, you are not a bad person, you are not something that is wrong."

His hands were so, so soft on her cheeks that she could've died.

But she didn't; she felt more alive than ever.

"You live, you act and you feel so, so much. You don’t have to be perfect to be loved, you have to be you. That would be enough for me.” She smiled at him, momentarily at a loss for words.

In response, she leaned in closer, pressing a soft, salty kiss to his lips. 

And she felt like she deserved it, like it was meant to happen. And maybe it was.

She felt so, so loved.

hi!! this is how i feel daily lately and i am so scared of telling someone! but i hope you like it!

[thesoundofmadness]

im so fucking tired of cis people and their fake supportiveness

[genderkoolaid]

this part of Lou's life really compels me because like so many parts of his story it touches on a transmasc experience that is so common yet so erased by normative narratives around transmasculinity. most of the time when i see people talking about transmascs & misogyny (like on a very general scale, not just on Tumblr) it's very "before transitioning you are seen as a cis woman and subject to misogyny on the incorrect presumption that you are a cis woman" and then you transition and don't experience misogyny really anymore. so transitioning is going from being a victim of misogyny -> being safe from it if not active in it. and one side to this narrative is ofc the idea that transmasculinity is a maladaptive trauma response to "escape misogyny" and that transitioning from female to male is in line with what the patriarchy wants. experiencing misogyny is about being a cis woman and FTM transition is about moving towards a cis man's relationship with misogyny.

but for so many transmascs who started questioning while in a relationship with a cis man the more you express your transmasculinity the more misogynistic pressure you are faced with. and also, it's hard to meaningfully explore and develop your understanding of yourself when you are taught from childhood to decenter your desires and feelings for the sake of your cis husband. Lou expresses in his diaries at one point feeling scared by an argument with his boyfriend J on machismo– Lou desires the aesthetics of it but not the chauvinistic reality, while J seems to genuinely believe in it. It takes Lou a long time to separate himself from his cis boyfriend's perspective of him, as a gender-fucky girl but always a girl. and other partners express similar ideas, that it's okay for Lou to be kinda queer but as long as his still remains, on some level, a girl they can fuck and enjoy. His own desires, to be a gay man and be truly accepted, to transform his body into what he's always longer for, are irrelevant past the point where they made him sexy to them. Lou also talks about how he felt more comfortable internally while crossdressing as a man, but felt more comfortable externally while dressing as a woman, because while it's more painful on an emotional level to live as a cis woman, it's harder to belong in society as a trans person. Or as he says: "I continue to feel more like a part of the human race, yet less like a person."

& there's this heartbreaking passage after he has been convinced by J to not pursue medical transition and to "accept" his female identity:

Ridiculous when my whole crusade was to be a feminine gay male. And also my inability to merge into a male-male relationship with J, even tho I know now it would have been impossible. I knew I was acting strangely toward him, that I wasn’t relaxed or really me…that with the only person I’ve really felt at ease around. Maybe I would have fallen into the Miss Plastic Surgery syndrome—always blaming one thing or another for the fact that I’m not a “real man.” I hate to face it, but it’s true: I would never be entirely comfortable as a male. Because in my heart I know I am nothing.

and like. how many of us have experienced that? being unable to even conceptualize yourself as a man because you are so caught up in being a cis guy's girlfriend? convincing yourself that transition would only make things worse, because you can't imagine it as a real possibility and that's more painful than the everyday dysphoria? how many of us minimize our transness for the sake of lovers who think of it as a sexy party trick, but get grossed out and angry when we talk about wanting testosterone, top surgery, god forbid bottom surgery? a LOT of transmascs face a rise in misogyny as they assert their manhood, not a fall. people are sent to conversion therapy or forced into heterosexual marriages after asserting their manhood. our transmasculine identity is not conformity, it is not a symptom of a lack of feminist resistance. being transmasculine IS resistance. it is the RESULT of freeing ourselves from patriarchal roles of daughter-wife-mother. transmasculinity flourishes under feminist liberation, not patriarchal suppression.

I’m not crazy, I’m not living in a dream world. I’m not pretending anymore. I will have a man's chest. I will be a man. Oh, God, I don’t know how to believe it’s true. It’s too good. It’s too good. I know now: I can do anything. I can be anything I want. I can challenge the wind…

I’ve said it before + it’s becoming true again this time. Whenever I’m alone (i.e., without a boyfriend) my crossdressing becomes more serious + constant. In my search for the perfect male companion, I find myself. In my need for a man in my bed, I detach myself from my body and my body becomes his; I stroke his hair, I see his wrist. I feel the warm winds blowing my open shirt from my smooth, hard, flat chest. I catch the hungry eyes of another beautiful youngman. I reconsider male hormones—trying to remember why I decided against them before.

— We Both Laughed In Pleasure: The Selected Diaries of Lou Sullivan

[steakout-05]

how i feel about TBYS causing a shockwave effect of everyone dogpiling on and harassing Illymation and spreading extremely easily disprovable and malicious misinformation about her and putting her in a lot of danger for literally no legitimate reason

[gaytwirights]

One of my friends got spoiled for the ending of orv by one of her classmates. And it isn't even a proper spoiling where she now knows the ending. It's literally just for the big plot twists. The marvel movie version of orv if you will. I think I might actually hate someone in real life more than I hate myself

[corset]

Really feeling that experience of being an autistic person in an environment that's terrible for me where I'm basically trying to figure out really hard how to not be an emotionally unstable wreck all the time who throws "childish tantrums" over "dumb shit" because I hate feeling like my family always expects me to just snap whenever anything happens and whether or not I do just depends on how much Repression Juice I've got left in the tank or how Unshitty the circumstances have been for the last week or even few days

[the-casbah-way]

i feel like everyone is going to eventually get annoyed at me for still being sad about simba or still talking about it but posting abt it is easier than telling someone because i don’t know how to do that and i’d rather be annoying here where people can scroll past and ignore it and not feel obligated to reply

[palms-upturned]

.

[steine-druff]

who tf designed the fucking. camel looking motherfucker divine beast I JUST WANNA HAVE A NICE AND FRIENDLY CONVERSATION WITH YOU

[sugarwishes]

it’s scary to see how my bpd affects my cognitive

[shenyaanigans]

oh man. oh boy. never in my life have i felt such visceral rage from a shitty news article.

i already yelled on twitter but. i'm yelling again bc no character limit here. for context, an article recently came out from someone who all but accused a trans health center of medical malpractice. she levied serious allegations against the health center, remarking that underage patients were not given enough information to have informed consent and that a number of patients were unhappy with their transition as a result of this or side effects from the drugs. she however, does not give any evidence for this. the basis of her argument are three emails--not even email chains, and most of the emails are her stated opinions--and anecdotal evidence. no paper trail, no documentation, not even more than a single complaint from a parent. she also continuously misgendered patients throughout, calling people "male" or "female" and using the respective pronouns for each despite that most of the cases she presented were from people actively transitioning.

moreover, the scientific evidence she links is... just one man's criticism of a study which he believes is bad. an article which is not peer reviewed, nor has any basis.

and then she has the audacity to call herself queer. progressive. i just. the damage she just did to queer children. the fact that if she WAS concerned about the ethics of her gender clinic, there are MANY places that aren't ANTI TRANS FUCKING LEGISLATURES where she could have gone to!!! if she ACTUALLY WANTS TO PROTECT TRANS KIDS. AND KIDS WHO ARE QUEER OR CONFUSED OR QUESTIONING! THERE ARE FUCKING OPTIONS.

[dukeofriven]

And we ought to still all be using iPods, goddamnit. I do!

i have 3 moods:

skips every song on my ipod

lets the music play without interruption

plays the same song on repeat for days

[heyitslapis]

im trying

[giantkillerjack]

Not a problem just say it anyway but preface it with some variation of "so I know this was like 5 conversation topics ago, but I'm gonna say it anyway so I can get it out of my brain"

#AutismWinsYetAgain

Or, "Okay I know I'm late saying this, but sometimes I take longer to speak, and so I'm gonna say it anyway."

#AnotherPointForTeamTism

Or, "If it's okay, I just thought of something I wanted to say about the previous topic, and then once I've said it, my brain will move on."

#AllismFansCryingInTheStands

Or, "Ah. I finally figured out what I was going to say in response to what Alisha said. I was gonna say, '______'. Thank you for bearing with me even when I take longer to talk sometimes."

#NoApologiesJustAutismBaby

Or, "Real quick, not ignoring what Brody just said, but I wanted to say _____ in response to what Alisha said. Okay, thank you now I can focus. Here's what I think about what Brody said:"

[NOTE: If Brody just shared something deeply vulnerable and personal, then this response might come off as dismissive to him. In which case you might need to hold on to your comment.]

#AutismCleanSweep

Or, "Hey, allistic social rules are frequently arbitrary and needlessly complicated, and if my interjection here seems a little awkward, then I trust you guys to understand that sometimes I will communicate in a way you are not used to because I trust that you really want me to be able to communicate too because you are good kind people that I appreciate. I also would like to point out that if I am not hurting anyone by being kind of awkward, then treating me like I'm doing real harm is a real judgmental asshole thing to do. - Anyway, here's what I think about that shit Alisha said like 5 minutes ago because I am an unstoppable being of light who cares naught for the needless trappings of precise social protocol that serves no one, and I intend to reroute the conversation back to Brody's point afterwards so he feels included too."

#OkayDontSayThatOneButYouGetTheIdea

----

P.S. If the people you are talking to are acting like dicks to you, that this is not your fault as awkwardness is not inherently harmful, but shaming and excluding people for harmless awkwardness very much is a harmful thing to do.

It isn't your fault when other people choose to be unkind to you, and it isn't your fault if finding a group of kind and non-judgmental people is actually really hard or is just not possible for you right now.

You are still allowed to mourn the loneliness, RSD, fear, and pain that social anxiety due to autism can cause. You are valid for feeling those things because your feelings are important.

You are also valid if none of the stuff I said appeals to you at all. Since every person and every social interaction are in some way unique, there are very few pieces of social advice that are actually universally applicable. What I have said simply may not fit for your circumstances, and that is okay.

I just saw "autism won today", and I started thinking about all the ways a more autistic approach to that situation might actually "win." So I drew on all the times this has happened to me and the responses I've used that people seem to like and accept.

It is genuinely stunning to me how much allistic people's typical way of interacting can cause both them and us enormous stress and confusion for the sake of completely smooth social interactions. (Just look at the social protocols for dating! You're not supposed to say anything out loud, and it's terrible! Which is one reason I mainly end up dating autistics who just SAY THE THING THEY WANT.)

"Smooth" is so overrated. Some people need to learn what a little texture looks like!!

#AutismForeverBabyyyyy

i think its so awesome when you were gonna say somethin in a conversation but you took too long to speak up & someone else says somethin first that renders your unspoken contribution obsolete but your brain wont recalibrate so instead of moving on like a normal person you just get all sad about it #autismwontoday

[cannibaleather]

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