#ohhhhhhhhh god. oh christ alive.
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trying to do some financial math for if i move out and getting sick to my stomach
#ohhhhhhhhh god. oh christ alive.#my problem is that my discipline used to be great when i was both severely depressed/agoraphobic AND unemployed#and stopped wanting for things altogether. not the case anymore#wanting for things usually being...eating during or after work or getting a ride to go somewhere nice for a bit. whatever#i think its...DOABLE theoretically but im like. um. nervous#asked my manager for full time hours which im already kicking myself over but well if i want to get out of here#and i do so so so fucking badly#then. things have to change#struggling hard. i hate change and i hate making decisions especially ones i have yet to tell my mom about#NUMBER of things keeping me from acting quite yet but thats probably the worst is the thought of telling her#i dont know...how financially me moving out is going to work for her and my brother (who also wants to move eventually)#and i dont...i dont want to leave them here to drown#but i cant DO IT ANYMORE MAN if i dont try to get out i never will and the despair of being stuck here has done IMMENSE damage#to me over the last few weeks particularly after being able to envision a future where things are different#thinking about getting out of here gives me the energy to do things. i want to get out. i NEED to get OUT#god i really should just start making the body of the post the title and then writing the tags where the post should go#this is not how blogging works generally. embarrassing. well it probably wont change because i dont care enough
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How to Ruin a Guy's Life in Three Easy Steps
5666 Words; Prologue - Tweek Tweak Did Nothing Wrong
TW for murder mention
AO3 ver
âYou might as well go jump in a dumpster, itâll accomplish just as much!â
âMaybe I will!â Tweek shrieks back, letting go of Craigâs collar to shove at him instead. âAnd maybe Iâll find aânghâa better boyfriend in there, too!â Heâs not even entirely sure what heâs saying, at this point, white-hot rage clouding his vision and words. His finger jabs mercilessly at Craigâs chest with every word, lips drawn back in a snarl that wouldnât be out of place on a rabid dog. Tweek canât remember how the argument even started, really, or how it got goingâall he knows is that Craig is being a bitch about everything and everything is fucked. Like always!
Craigâs arms finally uncross, eyes wide and lips twitching. Were it not for the fury coursing through his veins, the unbridled rage in Craigâs expression would have given Tweek pause. Almost.
âIf you think Iâm trash,â Craigâs voice is soft, low, then suddenly: âWHY DONâT WE JUST BREAK UP?â His shout echoes across the cafeteria, but neither of them are paying any mind to their surroundings.
âOh, like you wouldnât be crawling back within the week!â They donât usually fight like this, if at all. But talking it out wasnât working, and one thing had led to another, andâwell. Now Tweek can hardly think past the fact that he wants to strangle his idiot boyfriend.
âWhâbold words coming from you!â Craig sputters, incredulous in the face of Tweekâs rage. Itâs infuriating. It has Tweek twitching even worse, now, especially when Craig leans in close, dull green eyes like two algae-clogged pools. Is Tweek choking? He feels like heâs choking, drowning in all the too much itâs too much crashing around in his chest.
âAGH, justâFUCK OFF!â Tweek shoves Craig back. He canât do this. Is his heart still beating? Itâs too much. Itâs all just too much pressure. âYou donât care, so why donât you just leave?!â
âMaybe I will!â Craigâs already walking off, middle fingers extended. He sounds like a toddler throwing a tantrum.
âGood!â Tweek shouts back, nails digging into his palms, âAnd stay away!â He doesnât feel much better.
âI will!â And then Craigâs out the door, and Tweek is left standing alone in the middle of the cafeteria, shaking and angry. He pants, slowly coming back into awareness of his surroundings. The rest of the cafeteria is quiet.
Ohhhhhhhhh god oh FUCK, what the hell did I just doâ
The showâs over; one by one, the tables return to whatever they were talking about. Tweek can still feel so many eyes on him, from the underclassmen he barely knows to the cafeteria staff shamelessly watching from behind the counter. Itâs too much. He wants to runâinstead, he trudges over to their usual table, to the thermos he left on the table. Craig didnât take his bag; itâs still sitting next to Tweekâs. Tweek yanks his own bag to his shoulder, away from Craigâs.
âTrouble in paradise, huh?â Clyde tries, voice wavering between sympathy and joviality, like heâs not sure if he should be making jokes about this.
âSave it.â Tweek grits out, gripping his thermos like a lifeline. He sits down; all at once, it crashes into him, and his forehead meets the table with a resounding thunk. âI canât believe heâIâaeraughaghhhh.â Jesus fucking christ.
Jimmy and Tolkien donât share a lunch hour with them, so itâs just Clyde and Tweek. Craigâs bag continues to occupy the empty seat at their favored little round table in the cornerâno, wait, Clydeâs grabbing it. âWant me to go check on Craig?â He asks, the unspoken since you wonât stabbing directly into Tweekâs chest.
âI donât care.â Tweek groans into his hands. âDo what you want, Iâmâckhâgoing home.â He canât take this. The cafeteria is alive with conversation once again, but Tweek can still feel so many judging eyes on his back. He slings his bag over his shoulder, uncaps his thermos and takes a drink, and then heads straight for the door. He needs to not be hereâhis parents wonât be home, and nobodyâs gonna give him shit for skipping if heâs at the coffee shop. So Tweek leaves, feeling wretched as he makes his retreat back home.
He feels eyes on his back the whole way there.
+=+=+=+=+
âIâll take a tall caramel frappuccino with two pumps of vanilla.â
âTall caramel frappe with two pumps vanilla.â Tweek nods, putting the order into the register. âWould you like anything else?â
The customer shakes her head. âThatâll be $6.39.â They put their card in, and Tweek grabs the cup heâll be using. âName?â
âLesley with a y.â She says. âThatâs L-E-S-L-E-Y.â The card reader dings.
âRight, thanks.â Tweek writes down her name and order on the cup while Lesley makes her way over to one of the tables to wait. He passes the cup off to Ron, who gets to putting it together while the next customer comes up.
Itâs just after the morning rush, so not too busy, but still plenty to do. Which is just what Tweek needed, so heâs not complaining. He canât handle school today, nor does he want to. Craig will be there, and Tweek can barely even think about him without feeling like heâs going to throw up. For all the⌠turbulence associated with the shop, thereâs comfort in the familiar scents and sounds of the coffee and machinery��comfort that only comes from years of familiarity. Better to be annoyed by benign things like customers than to throw another shitfit at school. Probably.
The day goes by about as smoothly as it ever does in this place, order after order and customer after customer coming through for their daily or weekly fix. Ron takes his break right in the middle of the lunch rush, as usual, but itâs fine. Tweek can deal. He always does. It helps that his mother takes the register to talk to the customers.
Itâs during the afternoon lull that Tweek takes the opportunity to slip into the back to grab another bag of coffee beans for the incoming after school rush. Thereâs an axe hanging on a peg in the back room, in case of emergencies. Tweek pays it no mind; it��s been there for years and it hasnât seen much use. Itâs really more the principle of the thing: the man who sleeps with a machete is a fool all nights but one, as the saying goes.
The day continues. The afterschool rush hits just after Ron clocks out and Tim clocks in. Tweekâs mother takes the register, and even Richard comes out of the office to keep things moving; itâs all hands on deck until all the high schoolers with money to spend get their fix of pastries and trendy drinksâitâs pumpkin spice season, with gingerbread right around the corner. Itâs nowhere near as bad as the morning rush, but so many of his peers show up that Tweek has to fight the urge to go hide in the back.
Craig doesnât showânot that Tweek expected him to. Maybe some part of him had hoped, butâno. Craigâs stubborn. And Tweek doesnât want to see him right now anywayâhe doesnât have the wherewithal to clean up whatever complicated snarl of emotions heâll vomit out the next time he sees that asshole.
Things wind down. Richard goes to the drive through. Tweekâs mother steps out to attend her weekly book club meeting. Tim goes on break, and Tweek grabs a rag to wipe down the counter with. At this hour, the shop is a ghost town.
âŚor maybe not. A customer comes in, coming to a stop in front of the register, sneaker tap-tap-tapping on the tile. He looks to be about Tweekâs age, though Tweek canât remember his nameâdo they share any classes? Tweek doesnât think so. Though, the guy is kinda plain-looking, shaggy brown hair not that different from a hundred other guys Tweek sees at school.
âHi, welcome to Tweak Brosâ Coffee!â Tweek greets, setting the rag down to take his place behind the register. He flashes the best smile he can manageâah, he must still be off from the whole thing, because now the customerâs frowning. âWhat can I get for you today?â
âA white caramel mocha.â He says, eyes fixed on Tweek. Tweek goes to input the orderâ
âAnd what size will that be?â He keeps his eyes on the screen. Something about the guyâs stare is unnerving him.
âI dunno, a medium?â The guy shrugs, scuffing his shoe on the floor.
Tweek inputs the order. âWill that be all for you today?â A nervous grin crawls onto his face. Is his face twitching? It better not be.
âYeah, sure, whatever.â The guy shoves a twenty at Tweekâs chest, and Tweek pops open the register to give the guy his change.
âName?â Tweek asks, grabbing a cup and marker.
The guy glares harder. Tweekâs eye is definitely twitching. What is wrong with this guy? Whatever bad day heâs having, Tweek did not ask to bear the brunt of it!
âAdam.â He sneers, then continues to stand there.
âOkay, thanks.â Tweek gets to work. He passes the mocha over to Adam, who slouches over to one of the tables. Ha! Successful interaction! Tweek grabs the rag to get back to wiping down the counterâ
Adamâs cup slams against the counter. Heâs leaning forwards, mouth pulled back in a sneer as he stares Tweek down. âThis isnât white.â
Um⌠what? âYou ordered a medium caramel mocha?â Tweekâs pretty sure he made it rightâand the orderâs still on the register, so Tweek at least knows what Adam paid for. âDo you want me to remake it?â The last time Tweek made a drink wrong was two years agoâheâd been panicking over upcoming finals, and Richard had had to send him to break to calm down. Maybe the fight with Craig had affected Tweek worse that he thoughtâbut heâd been doing so well todayâ
âNo, see, thatâsââ Adam gestures, âThereâs coffee in it. I wanted white.â
Tweek flounders. As patiently as he can manage, he explains, âMochas come withâtchâespresso.â Shit, no, heâs ticcing, now Adamâs gonna think heâs some kind of freakâ
Adam crosses his arms. âWell, I donât want any fancy espresso. I want white.â
Then why did you order a mocha?!
No, no, Tweek can do this. âThatâs just a hot chocolate.â He points out, totally not twisting the rag in his hands. âLook, man, do you want me to refund the mocha and charge you a hot chocolate instead? Itâll be cheaper.â Heâs pretty sure heâs never seen Adam here before, so chances are the guy just didnât know. Yeah. Tweek can be civil, heâs great at civil! The best!
âIâm not asking for a hot chocolate.â Adam smacks his hand against the counter. âI want a white caramel mocha.â
âWith no espresso?â Tweek asks, just to clarify. âAnd you donât want to be charged for a hot chocolate?â Itâs cheaper!
âUgh, just get me a manager.â Adam grouses. âYou clearly donât know what youâre doing.â
âSure!â Tweekâs going to burst. Heâs going to burst into a nervous explosion and theyâll be cleaning up bits of him for days. First the fight with Craig, and now this? What does the world have against him all of a sudden?! Would it kill the universe to be nice for once?
Richardâs already come over, curious about the commotion. At Adamâs demand, he steps forwards, smoothly laying down reassurances and platitudes while Tweek slips into the back.
âBad customer?â Tim asks, looking up from his phone just long enough to acknowledge Tweekâs presence.
âHnnnnnnhrnnrghrghnghnnghraaAAAAAGHHHHH.â Is all Tweek can manage in response. His whole body feels alight, his chest twisting in on itself. His hands drift to his hair; he starts tugging the straps of his apron instead. The worst part is that thatâs not even the worst customer interaction heâs had! And heâll probably have even worse in the future! So why now is he struggling not to fall apart between bags of coffee beans?
If anything else goes wrong todayâTweek doesnât know what heâll do. Something drastic, heâs sure. A part of him wants to grab the axe, like alwaysâand just like always, the rest of him knows it wouldnât be worth it. The mess alone would give him fits, not to mention the hit the shop would take to its reputation, and the trouble Tweek would be in, and heâd have hurt someone who really didnât deserve it over something so small and stupid and he would never be able to live with thatâ
So yeah. Tweek ignores the part of him crooning to just burn the whole place down and keeps tugging at his apron. Itâs like Craig always says: theyâre just thoughts, honey, they canât hurt you if you donât let them.
At the thought of Craig, Tweek frowns. Maybe he was too mean during their argument, too willing to let his emotions run him over. Maybe he should apologize, now that heâs cooled off.
Tweek scowls. Or maybe Craig should stop being such a shithead. Because, actually, Tweek hasnât cooled off, and he doubts Craig has, either. Just because Craig can look up good advice for Tweek doesnât mean he knows everything, self-righteous prickâ
âAh, go on home, son.â Richard says, hand landing on Tweekâs shoulder despite the innumerous times Tweekâs told him not to do that. âYouâre no use to anyone like this.â
Tweek jerks, stepping away from Richardâs hand. âBut the shopââ
âIâve got it.â Richard says. âHelen will be back from her book club. Weâll handle closing up.â
Tweek twitches, suspicion skittering around in his stomach. âWhatâs with theânghâsudden generosity?â If it was coming from his mother, he could understandâbut Richard? Somethingâs definitely up. Itâs only 5:45; Richard never sends Tweek home this early.
Richard shrugs. âYouâre no use if youâre just going to keep spazzing out like this.â He waves his hand dismissively, but thereâs something in his eyesâexcitement? Tweek canât tell. âSo until youâve resolved,â he gestures loosely at Tweek, âthis, youâre off the schedule.â
âOff theâ!â Okay, thereâs definitely an ulterior motive to this. Tweek has never been barred from working atâwait.
Oh. Oh. Tweek groans, tugging at his apron. âYeah, yeah, whatever.â Of course. His nametag is a fucking gay pride pinâthat he didnât ask forâso what else does he expect? There might be something well-meaning hidden under all of Richardâs calculation, but it all boils down to marketability in the end. Canât get all jazzed about having a gay son if that son doesnât have a boyfriend! Tweek tugs the apron off with more force than necessary, tossing it vaguely towards the employee cubbies. Whatever. Richard can clean it up, since heâs so insistent on closing.
Tweek passes by Adam on the way out; the guyâs seated in a booth with a donut andâyep, thatâs a caramel hot chocolate. Tweekâs eyes roll; at least he wonât have to deal with that anymore.
The sunâs already set by now; of course, in a place like South Park, sunset always comes earlyâespecially at this time of year. Most of the way home is cast into shadow, lit only by sparse streetlamps, but itâs barely a two minute walkâTweek makes it home with minimal fuss, keys between his knuckles just in case.
Thereâs nobody else home when Tweek steps inside, locking the door behind him. Not that he expected there to be anyone. His relationship with his parents is⌠complicated doesnât even begin to cover it. He knows Richard wants him to take over the shop, and he knows that thatâs never gonna happen. He just has to make it to graduationâless than six months away. He can do it.
But man, it sure doesnât feel like it right now.
+=+=+=+=+
Thereâs an essay due tomorrow.
Thereâs an essay due tomorrow on the economic impact of the civil war and Tweek completely forgotâ
Well. Thereâs only one solution. Tweek cracks open the minifridge by his desk he bought sophomore year and grabs the first red bull he can reach. The coffee pot downstairs is full, of course, but Tweek canât afford to waste time going back and forth up and down the stairs. He needs to get this done, and get it done tonight. He needs to lock in.
His phone buzzes. Tweek glances at it, sees the notification atop the screenânope. Heâs not in the mood. Glowering, Tweek tosses the phone onto his bed, and goes back to pouring through the internet for good sources. Another empty red bull joins the growing pile on his desk; he keeps his fridge well-stocked for exactly this reason.
He measures his productivity in the growing number of energy drinks scattered across his desk rather than in hours; time loses all meaning past ten, anyway. Itâs on the seventh and a half that Tweek has something he might be able to call halfway decentâwhat time is it. Shit, where the fuck did he put his clockâwait, thereâs a clock on his computer. Tweek squints blearily at the numbers⌠3:31 AM? Wait, but that meansâ
A soft tune slowly comes into Tweekâs awareness. A soft and familiar tune.
ââŚTime to go to work, work all night! Search for underpants, yay! We wonât stop until we haveââ
âNo no nonono no!â Tweekâs chair wobbles precariously as he spins around, eyes tracking across the roomâthere! âStop that! Stop that right now!â Fucking gnomes! How did they even get in? Tweek blocked all the mouse holes!
The gnomes slowly grind to a halt under Tweekâs glare, underwear in hand. They stare up at him from their little tower by the dresser, though Tweek canât read their tiny expressions from across the room.
Tweek glares harder. âIâm notânghâin the mood!â He brandishes the first thing he grabsâa notebookâin their general direction, shaking it as though he might swat them with it. âDrop it!â Just leave him alone!
âUp yours!â One of the gnomes declares. With a cry, Tweek tumbles out of his chair in what might be called a lunge by someone far more generous, notebook swinging wildly in an attempt to swat that stupid little towerâ
The gnomes scatter, underwear briefly forgotten on the floor. Tweek manages to smack one of them, sending it flying into the wall while the others scatter.
âGAH! Why do you alwaysâack!âhave to torment ME?!â He needs them out, out, out of his room! Away from his underwear! He only has so much! Howâs he supposed to escape this town if he has to keep spending his money on more fucking underwear!
Most of the gnomes have already hoofed it out the door, and Tweek sweeps his notebook in an effort to force the rest of them out. He grabs the abandoned underpants so that they canât, and stands in the center of his room once theyâre gone, panting.
Fuuuuuuck. Tweek whines. Why is everything in his life going to shit all of a sudden? Craig would probably say something about the late hour messing with Tweekâs headâbut Craigâs not here right now, and Tweek doesnât want to see him!
âHey, you!â A tiny voice snaps Tweek out of his breakdown. Shit, one of them hid under his bed! Tweek squats down, notebook ready to swat the offender in the direction of the door. Itâs the warlock, so heâll probably live if Tweek scores a direct hit.
A wave of the warlockâs hand, a splash of glittering dust right in Tweekâs faceâ
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+=+=+=+=+
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Tweek wakes up to the beeping of his alarm. His eyes blink open slowly, head poundingâwait.
Since when has he woken up to his alarm instead of before it? And heâs not even in his bed, instead lying awkwardly on the floorâwhich, ow, his neckâ
What happened?
Tweek groans, slowly pushing himself up. Heâs still in yesterdayâs clothes, too. Whatâ
All at once, recollection hits him like a truck. âGoddAMMIT.â Since when did the gnomes put people to sleep instead of just shrinking them?! At least Tweek would be able to get a weekâs worth of gnome dust out of the warlock if they had just shrunken him. But here he is, sore and tired and gross because he passed out on his fucking floor. âNhnnnngh.â Christ.
Tweek peels himself up off the floor, reaching for his alarm to shut it off. He doesnât want to go back to school today, but heâs not allowed to go skulk at the shop for the time being. And itâs not like he can sleep in, eitherânow that heâs actually awake, Tweek knows heâs not getting back to sleep. Nor does he want to. Goddamn gnomes.
Wait. Tweek nearly yanks out his dresserâs top drawer, andâno! His underwear! Tweekâs forehead thuds against the dresser. âI hate.â Thud. âThis stupid.â Thud. âTown!â He wouldnât be dealing with this shit if he lived anywhere elseâeven North Park has way less bullshit than Tweek sees daily here.
His phone starts to ring from where itâs still on the bed. Tweek glares at it, not in the mood for whatever asshole has decided to bother him nâoh wait thatâs Lauraâs number. Tweek likes Lauraâsheâs like a second mother, but way more⌠sincere. Yeah, thatâs the word Tweekâs looking for. Craig doesnât know how good he has it when it comes to parents.
Tweek answers the call, holding the phone against his ear as he sits down by his bed. âLaura?â
âCan you and Craig stop by before school? His backpackâs still here, and I packed lunches for the both of you.â Laura says, straight and to the point. Already, Tweekâs relaxing to the familiar cadence of her voiceâwait.
âWhy would I tell Craig anything?â Tweek asks, staring blearily at the floor. âWeâre notânghâweâre not talking right now.â He hasnât even seen Craig since their fightânor does he want to see him. Not at all. Nope.
âBut I thoughtâŚâ Lauraâs voice trails offâokay, thatâs weird. Then, âDidnât he spend the night?â
Okay, somethingâs up. ânnnNo.â Tweek sits up, stomach already churning, âI havenât seen him since our fight! Iâm stillâackâso mad at him!â He really is. Itâs hard not to be, when Craig can so effortlessly slide under his skin and curl up around his heart like he belongs there. It riles Tweek up to no end, and has for years. But itâs that same grasp on his heart that always gets Tweek coming back around for more, gripping onto Craig with just as much intensity. He loves him, he really doesâjust⌠fuck, heâs still angry.
âHe left to go make things up with you.â Laura explains, and Tweekâs chest twists in tandem with his stomach. He doesnât doubt it took some coaxing from Lauraâa lot of coaxing from Lauraâbut this is Craig, so it would have been sincere nonetheless. âWhen he didnât come back we all figured he must be spending the night.â Tweek wants to hate how plausible that sounds, butâif Craig showed up to apologize, they probably would have spent last night gaming, shittalking, slotting back into their normal with minimal fuss. In the same way that Craig riles him up like nobody else, few things can calm Tweek down as fast as Craig can. At least part of him wants to keep avoiding Craig just to avoid the inevitable reconciliationâheâs just not ready.
An itch Tweek will never be able to reach crawls down his spine. âWell, he never showed.â Shit, fuck, goddammit, this isnât good. At all. This is so not good. âAnd he never came home?â Tweek wonât be able to stomach breakfast or lunch, at this rate.
âNo, he didnât.â Lauraâs voice is taut, her words stabbing directly into Tweekâs chest. The call ends. Tweekâs hand slowly falls, phone slipping onto the floor.
Craig never made it home.
Craig never made it here.
Craig is missingâ
âOh god.â Tweek pitches forwards, grasping at his pant legs, nails digging into the denim. âOh, jesus christ.â What if Craig never turns up? What if something really horrible happened?
And the last thing Tweek said to him was to fuck offâ
âNnnno no no nonono nghhaAAGH!â This is bad. This is so stupidly bad. Tweekâs feet kick against the ground, the back of his head smacking into the bed. One of his hands makes its way to his hair, tugging sharply, while the other grasps at his shirt. Fuck, fuck, fuck, this isnât good this is bad this is so bad what if something happened something definitely happened Tweekâs sure of it and the last thing he ever said to Craig was that he didnât care but he does care heâs sorry heâs sorry oh god oh jesus oh fuck fuck fuckâ
âTweek.â And thereâs his mother, holding his shoulders tight enough to hurt, staring him down until he starts to come back down to earth.
âTweek, itâs time for school.â She squeezes his shoulders, then pries his hand away from his hair. âGo take a shower, sweetie.â With that, she withdraws, walking away as though everythingâs normal. Tweek exhales shakily, standing on unsteady legs.
âAck! Craig is missing.â He blurts out, and his mother stops in the doorway.
âIs that why he never showed?â She frowns. âWell, I hope he turns up soon. Heâs such a nice boy.â And then sheâs gone, down the hall before Tweek can even begin to formulate a response.
Tweek tosses his head back and groans. A moment longer, and then heâs standing up. He does need that showerâŚ
âAck!â Shit, his essay!
+=+=+=+=+
Tweek canât do this.
Heâs standing in front of the school, backpack slung over his shoulder, thermos in hand. By some miracle, heâs arrived five minutes before first period is due to start, freshly showered and dressed, essay printed out in his backpack. Thereâs a few other people milling about outside the building, or slowly making their way inâand here Tweek stands, rooted in place with every stare he feels.
He canât do this. He should have just stayed home, or seen if his mother would let him work in the shop despite Richardâs ultimatum. He canât do this, canât walk through those halls while everyone stares at him and Craigâs not even thereâ
âTweek!â And thereâs Clydeâs heavy arm across Tweekâs shoulders, broad grin taking up Tweekâs peripheral. âGah!â Tweek startles, elbowing Clyde sharply on reflex.
Clyde shrugs the action off, used to sharp elbows in his side from a childhood spent being best friends with Craig. âGlad to see you back, buddy!â
âAck! Iâve told you to stop doing that!â Tweek shoves Clyde away, more harshly than usual. Itâs unfortunately Clydeâs nature to be as obnoxious and friendly as possible, but Tweek canât handle that right now. Heâs still not sure why he even came to schoolâthe mere thought of how many people will be in the halls is making Tweek break out in hives.
Clyde frowns. âYou okay?â He moves to the side, putting himself between Tweek and the building. The sound of crutches heralds Jimmyâs arrivalâTolkienâs probably already inside, always the early bird.
âTweek!â It only takes a moment for Jimmy to registerâTweek doesnât even know. Is it something on his face? Something in the way heâs twitching? Whatever it is, Jimmy notices it immediately, âWhoa, who pâwho pissed in your coffee?â
âGgnnnnnnrgh.â Tweekâs shoulders hike up. He canât do this. He turns around, intent on leaving before something even worse happensâ
A hand on his arm stops him. âStill mad at Craig?â Clyde asks, and itâs so painfully sincere that Tweek wants to vomit. He canât do this. He canât!
âI donât know! Maybe!â Tweek wails, glad that thereâs so few people out this close to the first bell. âI justâhhhhhnnnnnâLaura called me this morning because she thought Craigâackâwas staying over but I havenât seeeeeen him since Monday at allllllllllllâgaaAAAAAGH!â The words spill out, Tweek burying his face in his free hand. âWhich means heâsâgahâmissing andââ
âHey.â And thereâs Clyde up in Tweekâs personal space, sweaty hand patting Tweekâs shoulder. âTweek, buddy, breathe. Câmon, in, out, innn, ouuut.â Heâs no Craig, but thereâs comfort in familiarity, and Tweekâs known Clyde for almost ten years at this point. Somehow, Tweek manages to calm down enough to think.
âYou know Craig,â Jimmy points out. âHeâs probably still sulking somewhere like a little bâlike a little bitch.â Tweek wants to believe it. He really does. But heâs not blind to the glances Clyde and Jimmy are giving each other, andâwell, if Craig were to sulk and mope, heâd do it somewhere familiar. It just doesnât bode well at all.
âYeah!â Clyde agrees, gently herding Tweek towards the building. âHeâll turn up.â He doesnât sound as certain as Tweek wants him to.
They part ways at the doorâJimmy heads off to the ramp and his first period science class, Clyde has algebra, and Tweek has to hoof it to make it to AP English before the bell. Tolkienâs already there, of course, and Tweek takes his usual seat next to him.
âYouâre not working today?â Tolkien asks, in the few minutes it takes the teacher to get her lesson plans in order.
âRichard said I was off the schedule.â Tweek grouses, fishing through his backpack for his notebookâfuck, he left it in his room after trying to swat gnomes with it. Goddammit. With a grumble, Tweek grabs some loose notebook paper and a pencil.
Tolkienâs eyes widen in surpriseâhe doesnât get the chance to say anything, though, because class is starting. Tweek keeps his head down and tries to focus on the lesson, but his stomach is still trying to find new knots to tie itself in. Tweek drinks from his thermos frequently, doodling on his paper in an effort to keep his hands busy.
Class ends, and Tweek retreats through the hall before Tolkien can say another word. He wants to go home. Heâd explode from his nerves alone if he triedâitâd be too quiet. He slips into one of the less-used bathrooms, splashing water on his face to try and calm himself down. It only helps a little. He ends up skipping second period chemistry entirely, hovering nervously in the bathroom and unintentionally scaring off the underclassmen that come in to vape.
Third period comesâhome ec. Another class that Craig wouldnât even be in; the only classes Tweek shares with Craig are after lunch; fifth period theatre and seventh period study hall. Tweek trudges into class, unable to bear just standing around in the bathroom any longer, but he canât focus on his cross stitch project, absently twirling the thread in his hands instead.
Fourth period. Calculus. Most of his classmates are used to his twitching, but Tweek swears more people are staring at him than usual. The bell rings for lunch, and Tweek makes it two steps into the hall before wanting to turn back around and go home. He canât do this. Why did he think he could do this?
âYo, Tweek, câmon!â And thereâs Clyde, gently herding Tweek to the cafeteriaâdid he plan this? His class this time of day is nowhere near here, so he must have come all this way knowing that Tweek would be frozen in the hallway like a loser.
âI stopped by Craigâs place earlier.â Clyde says, guiding Tweek to their usual table. Craigâs seat is empty, and will probably stay that wayâ âAnd I made sure to grab this!â He sets a bag on the tableâTweekâs heart lurches. The lunch that Laura made for him. Clyde wouldnât have known about it, so she must have told him, must have given it to him to give to Tweek even though her actual son is missing and itâs probably Tweekâs fault somehowâ
Clyde sits down right next to Tweek, blocking his attempt to run for the bathroom. âHey, itâs all gonna be okay, okay?â He nudges Tweek, then pulls out his own lunch. âWeâre just gonna sit here and have a totally normal lunch.â
Tweek grips his thermos. He hasnât had breakfastâand he doubts heâll be able to stomach lunch, either. He can already hear Kyle screaming at Cartman across the cafeteria; though thatâs normal, and Tweek quickly drowns out the sound. The feeling of eyes on his back feels much more pressingâbut when he looks, he canât see anyone looking at him.
Clyde nudges him. âCâmon man, you gotta eat something.â He urges. Tweek grumbles, picking up his sandwichâtoasted peanut butter and jelly with the crusts cut off, fuck Tweek is definitely going to start cryingâbut doesnât take a bite.
Clydeâs mouth opens to say something, probably another admonishmentâ
The cafeteria has gone quiet. Clydeâs eyes widen, and he leans to look around Tweek at the doors. Tweek turns around to lookâoh, cops.
Wait. Cops?! Did Cartman do something stupid again?! No, wait, Cartman almost never gets in trouble like that these days. Did someone finally get sick of all the bathroom vapingâno, the cops never bother with that shiâwhy are they coming this way. What the fuck?
âTweek Tweak.â Thereâs two officers, and they march right over to where Tweek and Clyde are sitting. Tweek barely has a moment to consider running for itâa stupid ideaâbefore his head is suddenly slammed against the table, his hands wrenched behind his body.
âGahâwhat?!â Oh god, did they find out about the meth? Are his parents being arrested right now? Oh jesus christ, this is it, isnât it? Even though Tweek never had anything to do with that part of the family business, heâs guilty by association and now his life is overâ
âWhoa whoa whoa!â Clydeâs standing, hands on the table as he leans forwards. âThe fuck are you doing? Tweek did nothing wrong!â
âStand aside.â The second officer intones, as cold metal pinches Tweekâs wrists. What the fuck is going on? Clydeâs shouting, phones are out and flashingâ
âTweek Tweak, you are hereby under arrest for the murder of Craig Tucker.â
#zaz writes#south park#tweek tweak#craig tucker#clyde donovan#richard tweak#mrs tweak#laura tucker#jimmy valmer#tolkien black#adam borque#how to ruin a guy's life in three easy steps#murder mention#OHOHO YOU DON'T KNOW HOW MUCH FUN I HAD WITH THIS#I GOT TO SET UP SO MANY DETAILS THAT COME INTO PLAY DOWN THE LINE >:]]]]#hehehehehehe#also i wasn't able to work it in but craig is deaf here. i said i was putting that hc in all my sp stuff and i meant it <3
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Itâs 1am & you know what that means! Hanni time! This is the end. Of the second.
Mizumono:
* BELLA IN THE PREVIOUSLY ON! IS MY WIFE RETURNING??
* Stellar penmanship, Hanni!
* The way Jack said that, he KNOWS something is gonna happen! OH RIGHT THIS IS WHEN WE FIND OUT THE FIGHT!
* Will sounds so tense. Hannibal seems so powerful.
* Whoâs side are you ON, William??
* TH CLOCK TICKING!!! UGHHHHHH NO
* OH THAT SPLIT SCREEN OH & WILLâS SPLIT SCREEN!!! OHHHHHH
* WHATEVER THAT PURRING NOISE IS, MAKE IT STOP!
* Oh my god, GJH is back! Something wicked this way comes if heâs back!
* BELLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
* (Loving the wallpaper in their bedroom)
* âBetween deathsâ?? LOVE THAT!
* YOU MOVED MY PUNCTUATION MARKđ¤Ł
* âWill you save him[Jack] for me, when Iâm gone?â HE WILL NOT, BELLA BABE & IâM SO SORRY!
* Oh, this is Freddie covered in blood episode! (I noticed the collar)
* No one knows if theyâre going to survive Hannibal, Freddie!!!
* LMAO IâM THINKING OF THE GATSBY GIF THROWING CLOTHES ALONG SIDE GIFS OF HANNI THROWING PAPERS TO WILL!
* No wonder he flees to Europe, heâs leaving his past behind. The Baltimore edition, that is.
* Pausing because Hannibal is describing his psyche as a vast, giant palace with shots of fire & a single skull. Filled to the brim with death, & cold even in the flames. Willâs is a stream. Constant, ebbing & flowing & teeming with life! Itâs comforting. Theyâre so vastly different but also SO alike.
* I love the score for this episode! The little constant clicking is great!
* YEAH, BLOOD COVERED FREDDIE SHOT!
* Uh noooo, Hanni âBloodhoundâ Lecter knows Freddieâs alive!
* ALANA!! IN BLACK SILK! ASLEEP & SPINNING! Just vast, dark & empty.
* DROWNING IN DARKNESS!!!!
* You canât, Alana! Thatâs the POINT!
* This episode is so dramatic & Iâm only 15 mins in.
* OHHHHHHHHH âLAMBâ
* & dinner with the boyfriend!
* Will avoiding the answer of Jackâs death is *chefâs kiss* because heâs like âyeah, heâll die but neither of us know HOW, so donât fuck with god, babeâ
* Hanni: LETâS RUNAWAY TOGETHER!đĽ°
* Will: *sips wine & rolls eyes*
* Jack NEVER offers forgiveness!
* âTo the truth, then. And all itâs consequences .âđˇâ¨đˇ *sensible chuckle*
* Oh fuck, I forgot Cynthia Nixon was in this fucking show
* DONâT YOU DARE TALK ABOUT BELLA, LADY!!!
* Jack is gonna do some illegal, I Wanna Feel Young Again Fight soon, isnât he?
* TELL HER, ALANA!!!!
* Sorry babe, canât talk, gotta Resort arrest!
* AHHHHH THE FIGHTTTT BITCH, LETâS GOOOOOOOOO!
* HOW DARE YOU CUT TO COMMERCIAL TO THAT SHITTY MURDER MYSTERY SEQUEL!!!
* LETâS FUCKING GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
* KNIFE REFLECTIONNNNNNNS
* Ngl, laughing a bit. Mainly at the slow-mo at the start. Love that jump, Mads!
* ALANA, HURRY THE FUCK UP! BUT YOUR BLACKBERRY AWAY & GET IN THERE!
* FUCK I FORGOT ABOUT THE GLASS!!!!
* Yes, you were!
* âIn your defense, I worked very hard to blind you.â CHRIST, HANNIBAL!
* GET AWAY FROM HER!!!!!!!!
* You have a visito HOLY FUCK, ABIGAIL!
* HOLY. FUCK. ABIGAIL!
* No wonder Alana becomes all morally Grey & wears sexy suits & red lips in the third season. SHE NEARLY DIED!
* THAT IS SO MUCH BLOOD, JACK!
* Open the fucking pantry & SAVE JACK! Talk to your adoptive daughter after!
* HEâS CRYING!!!
* WE COULDNT LEAVE WOTHOUT YOUđđđ
* BITCH, THEYâRE SO IN LOVE WHAT TH YOU STAB HIM!!!!!
* âI wanted to surprised you.â With what, DEATH??
* NO NOONNONNO NOONJOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO FUCK YOU, MYST! FUCK YOU!!!!!
* & now heâs fucking euphoric in the rain AS HIS LOVERS RESIST DEATH AROUND HIM!!!!
* OH MY GOD NOT BELLA!!!!
* WHERE THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOUâRE GOING??
* OH MY GOD THE WINDIGO IS DYING!!!!
* &&&&&&&& FLORENCE TIME WITH THE WIFE RUSE!!!
* I hate you so much.
* But Iâm so exciting to finally have Florence! How he was able to get her is what I would like to know!
* Once again, FUCK YOU, MYST!
See? Told you you were gonna hate me for this đ
But I think this is a pretty accurate representation of what most first-viewing experiences of Mizumono is, right Fannibals?
So, I think this episode is considered to be the best (critically) and... yeah I tend to agree with that. I mean, holy fucking shit, talk about a season finale! Can you imagine if the show had been cancelled after this?! Like one of those stupid "yeah, we've let you have a cliffhanger season finale but you're not getting another season" studio decisions? *glares at Witches of East End*
Also did you watch the post-credits scene? Itâs a nice little reprieve from the hell Bryan Fuller and co. put us through in the episode đ
Okay, I promise you're going to enjoy the season 3 premiere a lot more because it is a Bedelia-centric episode. And yes we're finally going to Florence, darling!
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IâM 5 EPISODES BEHIND ON PSI, I CAN ONLY WATCH 4 BECAUSE THE NEWEST ONE ISNâT AVAILABLE YET AND ITâS KILLING ME BECAUSE I SAW AN OUT-OF-CONTEXT MEME ABOUT IT AND IT HAD SOME IMPLICATIONS ABOUT IT
ANYWAYS, LETâS CATCH UP ON PSI, EPISODES 20-23, LETâS GO
Okay letâs save that widdle baby from that test tube
HOLY SHIT PSIâS VELGRMON IS HUGE
THAT IS A BIG FUCKING BIRB
That is a weird way for Devimon to ask Velgrmon to fetch Takeru considdering he was technically already captured by Devimon but okay I guess
MEGADRAMON!!! YEAH
Leomon please donât die
Ah, they are acknowledging that the kids were missing for three days during a horrifying black-out, I was worried they wouldnât like, acknowledge that at all
Koushirouâs hesistant to talk about his parents... Oh baby... ;_;
TENTOMON!! Howâre you messaging to the kids?? IS GENNAI THERE TO HELP?? Or are you just in the Network messing with stuff?? Probably?
Oh, great, Algomon still isnât fucking dead. HOW MANY TIMES DO WE NEED TO KILL THIS FUCKER
Is that squid thing Calmaramon? It looks like Calmaramon??
oH MY GOD it took me a moment to realize what was happening but WEREGARURUMON HITCHING A RIDE ON THE GIGA DESTROYER MISSILE WAS HILARIOUS OMG HEâS USING IT LIKE A SKATEBOARD LMFAO
YEAH YAMATO, SAVE YOUR BABY BRO!!!
TAKERUUU!! SASUKEEEE wait
ANGEMON!!!! BABY!!! WHERE ARE YOU ANGEMON?!?!
Megumin Han.... Iâm so happy to hear your voice ;___;
A beautiful reunion
Takeru seems to be taking... [/points at the DW and the Digimon] everything really well
Jesus Velgrmon is stronk
NOOO THEY JUST SAVED TAKERU, FUCK
ANGEMON WAKE UP!!! WAKE UP!!!! WE NEED YOU!!!
OHHHHH TAKERU IS ANGERY no talk to him he angy
YEAH ANGEMON, FLY LIKE THE FUCKING WIND
God I love WereGarurumonâs nail polish, it looks fantastic yo
ANGEMON!!!!! Feather symbolism yeee
Is Angemon gonna spend all his powers to kill Velgrmon and die instantly? Thatâd be hilarious
Awe, no Giga Destroyer? Just Giga Storm? Dâaww
HE IS GONNA DIE, ISNâT HE
ENJOY YOUR TRAUMA TAKERU LMFAO
oh mY GOD SKULL KNIGHTMON CAME IN AND STOLE IT TOO, YOU FUCKER LMAO
EPISODE 21, LETâS GO
Yamato Iâm sure you could explain a few things to Takeru while youâre just chasing Skull Knightmon
Ah Devimon, your arms are as long as always, how wonderful
Ah, more Xros Wars rep! Splashmon! :D
TAKERU WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING
YOU JUST GOT HERE LITTLE CHILD, DONâT JUST JUMP INTO THE HOLE HEAD FIRST, YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOUâRE DOING
Oh wow Devimon had prepared an Evil Incubator for Angemonâs Digiegg, how fast and nice
Poor baby is gonna get super corrupted, eh?
ITâS SO NICE... TO SEE THESE FAMILY MEMBERS OF THE KIDS, LOOKING SAME AS ALWAYS AND STUFF
Oh wow did Koushirou just hack the Digivices, WOW
IT IS CALAMARAMON! I KNEW IT, FUCK, I am so enjoying the Frontier/Xros Wars rep rn, thanks Toei, I wub you
Is that another nuke? Are they launching another nuke? No? Just a massive crash at a dock?
I was just gonna complain about Psi having a serious case of Takuya & Kouji Show-syndrome but if Sora and co get to deal with the threat in the Network while Taichi and Yamato are rescuing Angemonâs egg, Iâll be okay with it
Takeru, your Powers of Adorable will not save the world, Iâm sorry, youâre just gonna get yourself killed and/or kill Yamato a third heart attack, PLEASE GO BACK
Holy shit METALGREYON NOOOOOOO DONâT HURT HIM LIKE NOOOOOOOO MY BABY ;A;
THAT IS A BIG EYE WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT
A Digimon that was sealed away by Devimon or something? IDK itâs kinda scawy
METALGREYMON NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
TAICHI PLEASE SAVE HIM ;_; YAMATO GO HELP HIM YOU WIMP
OWO WHAT'S THIS
A NEW METALGREYMON VARIANT? (Or a different Mode?)
Tbh the new cannon kida clashes with MetalGreyâs oldschool design a lil BUT ITâS FINE, ITâS COOL
Agumon deserves a nap
WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT
ELDORADIMON???? IS IT OH IT TOTALLY IS, RIGHT? YEAH
I love the textures on his face, the pencil strokes look really cool
EPISODE 22 WOOO
I think Iâve complained about this before but it has kinda bothered me before how the Digimon donât have to rest or eat before entering into battle again, and like, while itâs been mostly fine up until now... Like ever since the kids entered the Fake Tokyo they have pretty much been fighting non-stop without resting or eating and like, itâs starting to get to me, their stamina to keep on fighting is a bit much and itâs just gonna keep on going until Devimonâs dead, isnât it
How are you climbing this wall thatâs this god damn steep, you are a little child HOW DO YOU HAVE THE MUSCLES FOR THIS, IâM A GROWN ASS ADULT I DONâT HAVE THE MUSCLES FOR IT
Gabumon is a sweetheart and I would die for him
Koushirou, why didnât you have your partners evolve faster, jesus christ (like Iâll give Gomamon and Palmon a break but the other two? Jesus)
Oh that DigiEgg is getting so super corrupted, isnât it? Oh yeah, Devimon is trying to turn Angemon into a fallen angel like him, amazing
I wish Skull Knightmon had like a personality... In fact I wish all of the enemies had personalities beyond Devimon being ominous and Orgemon dumb with lots of honor
Jyou is gonna get in such great shape from running up those stairs- he ainât skipping Leg Day, not today
Skull Knightmon is so cool I wish he had more of a personality ;_; I wanna root for him but beyond doing cool shit he has nothing going for him
Ah, the upgrade to MetalGrey wasnât permanent, just a temporary buff from the power of Courage
DARK KNIGHTMON! YEAAAH
I hope Eldoradimon is okay with all this chaos happening inside him; like I hope he doesnât get an upset stomach from this
THE BABY TOLD YOU TO MOVE, SO MOVE, KNIGHTMON!
Poor Calamaramon died without ever getting a personality ;_;
How the fuck is this infact making these gigantic leaps over great distances
God Takeru you are so cute, you widdle baby you
Oh man the hightech wings really donât fit with the punk look of WereGarurumon at all
Welp the DigiEgg got dipped in the miasma like an egg in soy sauce, Press F for Patamon, say âhiâ to Tsukaimon
Oooo the egg is exploding! :D
Oh, the egg... I mean it didnât explode but it destroy the fortress
POYOMON! :D
Devimon, are ya gonna finally show up in person
YEAHHHHHHH DEVIMON!!!! YOU LOOK SO PRETTY I MISSED YOU YOU EDGY GOTH BASTARD
OOOO DEVIMON AND ANGEMON GO BACK? THEY HAVE A HISTORY? Well this is a ship Iâm into, letâs go
EPISODE 23!
DEVIMON AND ANGEMON USED TO BE FRIIIIIENDS ohhhhhhhhh I wanna know more about their history THIS IS A JUICY SHIP RIGHT HERE
Ohhh he is so OP, I love that, thanks
Howâd MetalGrey and WereGaruru get the message to use the rubble as cover? Not that it worked really
Devimon can use finger beams, lovely
Sora and co should really evolve to Perfect, like they shouldâve evolved earlier to begin with
OH SHIT, WE GOT EVOLUTION ALREADY! I mean itâs only Tokomon, which ainât that useful rn, but okay
Oh Devimon just gave Tokomon this angry-ex look oh my god
I wonder if Devimonâs plan was to like, bypass the need to use humans directly to evolve, instead using the data from humans to forcibly bring forth evolution
NeoDevimon isnât as cool and sexy as vanilla Devimon, F
Honestly Iâm kinda sad he evolve to begin with because Devimon was already super OP, like he didnât evolve because he was losing, he evolve because his ex made him angry (although I mean I guess that is funny)
Oh WereGarurumon can just do the wing thing at will? Seems OP but okay
Ah, but I know Devimon isnât dead yet... Saw the new Digimon Bandai shared on Twitter, the new Devimon form that is VERY SEXY (IDK if this needs to be stated but I do say âsexyâ here ironically)
OH, Dark Knightmon, youâre still alive? You gonna take lead from now on?
Ohohohohohoh letâs go, gimme that new Devimon
OH MAN, IT WASNâT THIS EPISODE? HEâS SHOWING UP IN THE NEXT EPISODE? Boo, now I gotta wait :(
So I saw some memes on Twitter (along with the art of the new Digi), them including Taichi dying, dark evolution, a clip from the Adventure dub finale where Agumonâs like ânext time Iâll evolve into one of the Dark Mastersâ so like
NEXT EPISODE IS GONNA FUN, also Iâm kinda unsure if I wanna watch the preview or not... Like I already know so much out-of-context so Iâm afraid if the preview is gonna tell me even more to a point it gets too much, or if it should be fine...
No, I have no chill, Psi has been teasing Mugendramon to me this whole god damn time, I NEED TO KNOW IF WE GET MUGENDRAMON LIKE THE MEMES PROPHESIZED, I NEED TO KNOW
PREVIEW!
LMAO IT REALLY DOES JUST START WITH âTAICHI DIESâ JKSDFHKJSDFGJSFDGHJ
OH MAN WE ARE GONNA GET MUGENDRAMON ARENâT WE
IâM SO EXCITED
ALSO DOWNDEVIMON OHOHOHHOHOHO
NEXT EPISODE IS GONNA BE GOOOD I canât wait
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*Screaming as I fall slowly out of the sky, getting progressively louder until I reach ground.*
Yep, we're back! So, good news, I finally got a new computer~! That means I'm still alive and free to do whatever I'd like! ...within reason, of course. So, episode 30! The big 3-0! So, what's happening in Revice Land today?
Spoilers, I guess... (Also I talk the elephant in the room named Subaru Kimura very briefly, so... I figured I should tell you first before I get back the the "funny".)
-Hahaha, Igarashi sauuuuucer~~!
-Ngl, I kinda forgot that Ikki used to kick balls.
-...well, not like that, but I guess I'm still technically right!
-I used to be in a soccer club myself when I was a young kid. I ended up leaving after my first season because I would get so exhausted and I felt offended getting what was basically a participation trophy. Shame, the coaches were very nice and patient with me, and it's possible I could've made it to the World Cup if I stuck with it. Orange Speedsters for life, yo.
-Ohhhh, that is German-Japanese voice actor Subaru "Kimura" Samuel Bartsch, a very talented guy known for his work on various anime such as Doraemon, Jujutsu Kaisen, and Assassination Classroom, as well as a few minor special guest roles as some Super Sentai monsters. He even dubs over Idris Elba in the new Sonic movie's Japanese release!
-Now, I'm very ill-equipped to discuss his scandal. It happened, it was a very offensive caricature of an African man, people were understandably condemning his actions, and as far as I saw, that was that. I haven't seen anybody talk about this in well over six months despite browsing social media a lot, so I assumed we've all moved on from it and Subaru's career is just fine. I will, however, say that while I do not condone or approve of it, and he almost certainly should be in bigger trouble than he is, it's hardly the worst or most offensive/racist thing I've ever seen a celebrity do/admit to/be accused of. ...in 2021 alone. How about we move on, eh? I don't want my inbox getting flooded.
-Wooooooo, Soccer Man!
-Oh you would think that, huh Vice?
-Yep, a Kamen Rider~!
-Jiiiiiiiiiko! ...aw dammit, now I want a Chick-o-Stick. Thanks a lot, Kimura.
-Oh, another voice actor~!
-Yeah, soccer's a big "ride or die" sport. You either obsess over it all your life or you move on to something else.
-Jesus Christ man, chill.
-Ohhhhhhhhh, yep! He's a contractor!
-Yep, Gifu-sama is a proper demon god.
-Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, that's not good!
-Oh cool, he's recording! ...shhhhhh, Ikki! Shaddap~!
-"Later today". ...is Ikki recording a number one booty jam?
-Oh, he's appearing on a radio show. Yeah, I guess he'd be a good fit.
-Magenta ja nai! Pinku da!
-...I wonder, does Vice sound like that in-universe because Ikki looked up to Kimura?
-Where'd Subaru go?
-Uhhh, you okay man?
-Ahhh, Phase 1! This should be a cakewalk!
-Stench... is that a Rafflesia Deadman?!
-I mean, his petals are massive and he's big stinky...
-OH GOD HE PUKED ON SCREEN
-Jesus Christ, it farts too.
-...oh, God, remember the hand-off from Saber? And how Vice never did that again for the entire series?
-We're cycling through all the best forms today, huh~?
-First Lion, Kamakiri, then Mammoth? You're spoiling us today~!
-Hero Boy do a good job!
-Ohhhhhh, damn gurl! You killin' it in that uniform!
-Dad Squad.
-We're not the CIA, Sakura. We can't just go up to an evil dictator we don't like and replace him with an evil dictator we do like!
-Wow, Akaishi must be like... old old. Like, Taisho old.
-Ahhhh, another sibling. ...or perhaps he's an uncle?
-Hikaru-kun, I know she's like the coolest fucking person ever, but you gotta rein it in a little.
-Adios, Deadmans. ...given the pattern with the Deadmans' leaders, I assume that your real name is Hana Natsuki. If you truly have chosen to cut all ties with them, I'll adjust my name chart accordingly for you, Natsuki-san.
-Imagine if Kimura was the one who made the Deadman lmao
-Aww, Ikki looks like he's had a great time.
-Egoist~!
-Man Ikki, we're
-Okay, have fun in the bathtub! ...I'd prefer if we didn't cut to you in the bath, considering how handsome Vice thinks you are, but the tub is warm! And the duckies are plentiful!
-What the heeeeeeeell is happening?
-Mmmmm, coffee.
-No coffee for you, George.
-OH GOD THE COFFEE-
-I mean, Daiji wanting to stop Fenix from aiding the resurrection of an evil demon god who takes child bridal sacrifices and murders and eats people en-masse seems pretty "right" to me.
-I'm calling it right now. Akemi's evil as fuck.
-Mmmm, chocolate. ...what kinda doctor hands out chocolate and coffee though?
-Soccer? Guess Jiiko-stick ain't comin' though. It's a shame, but I guess we can't fix everything.
-KUDOU :O
-OH GOD SCREEN TEARING
-Ikki's inner struggle continues on, like a party that rages on long after all the booze has been drunken and everybody should've gone home. Miserable, but fitting for the nightclub theme of the Deadmans' old hideout.
-OHHHHHHHHHH JESUS IKKI'S GOING WILD
-Ikki-san! Smile!
-Ohhhh, Tamaki-kun!
-I see Ikki went to the Bright Noa school of wake up slaps.
-Ikki's really going through it, huh?
-SUBARU :O
-I WAS RIGHT WHAT THE FUCK?????
-I didn't think they'd actually do it! What kind of TV show made for kids to watch on a weekend has a celebrity guest as themselves enter a demonic pact? This, combined with the screen-tearing and Ikki utterly losing his shit some creepypasta material!
-WHAT THE HELL IS HAPPENING
-Okay, Ikki. We're in big trouble, but that'll have to wait a week. ...which is the equivalent of a potty break in Rider Time, so you'll be just fine, right? Okay, cool, I'll see you in a moment~!
#kamen rider revice#kamen rider#kr revice#revice spoilers#revive the vice: imprinted like stamps and fossils
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the future
Hey all...anyone wondering where the hell Chels was during the last ep, please refer to my spoiler tag post from half an hour ago. Iâm still a little bitter.
Hereâs hoping that Cas doesnât do any senseless self-sacrificing tonight. HAHAHAHAHA...ha...haha
Sorry I couldnât even type that with a straight face. Letâs roll, kiddies.
lol @ dean being so pissy with Cas not answering his phone.
Youâd think that Luciferâs baby wouldnât really...need...prenatal vitamins.
Oh Kelly, youâre not really gonna try and pull a Hannah Baker, are you? The kid will just heal you. Did nobody watch Charmed when Piper was pregnant with Wyatt?
Nice use of May 18 as devilspawnâs due date.
Deanâs boyfriendâs back and heâs gonna be in trouble. Hey la, hey laaa, Deanâs boyfriendâs back.
Oh my god, you lash out when youâre scared. We get it.
Actual salty boyfriend Dean Winchester.
If youâd just tell him you were worried instead of being a douche, this show would be so much further along by now.
HE GAVE HIM A MIX TAPE ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!?!
Nobody, NOBODY can tell me this isnât a loversâ quarrel.
âYes, dumbass, we.â
I HAVE SO MANY DESTIEL FEELS RIGHT NOW I CANâT, I JUST CANâT.
Oh now she loves the kid again just because itâs keeping her alive long enough to give birth to it.
Iâm gonna be really happy when this child comes out a girl when everybody just assumes itâs gonna be a boy.
SERIOUSLY? Seriously? What did you JUST talk about?
No. Fucking. Wonder. Dean has abandonment issues.
You tell her, Dagon.
Ohhhh, she wants to be devilspawnâs mommy. Plot twist.
SERIOUSLY?
CAS, what the fuck. Seriously.Â
I am so mad at this angel you donât even know.
You keep telling yourself that Castiel.
Iâm using his full name because he IS in trouble. With me.
All that aside, Cas with the Colt is pretty sexy.
Aaaand you just wasted a bullet. Good jaeyorb.
You know what, I think he kidnapped her because he couldnât kill an innocent either.
Castiel âI had a mission and I failedâ Winchester.
WWCD - words to absolutely NOT live by.
Yeah heâs never gonna let you go to the bathroom again lol
Haha. Winging it. Angels.
Well Iâd say you could keep him on the righteous path but you keep doing dumb shit so.
Omg. Thatâs what theyâre gonna do. Theyâre gonna make him devilspawnâs daddy. I donât know how I feel about this.
Oooooh this is arousing.
I agree, she lost her mind a long ass time ago.
OH MY GOD HEâS GONNA DRIVE THE CAR.
Well that was really fuckinâ disappointing.
Dude you are an ANGEL. Make her stop.
Jesus hecking christ you guys are dumb as shit the baby is using you.
Iâm really, really mad right now.
Okay but that is NOT Joshua.
Rude.
Stop Hurting Cas 2k17
Ohhhhhhhhh shitty. This chick has mad skills.
Oh REALLY?
Whoa. Just Whoa.
He wants it. He wants the baby.
I DO NOT LIKE THIS.
Okay fuck this show. Seriously, fuck it. Abort mission. I am physically pained by this episode.
Next week: Yes, the twins ⼠And hopefully Mary finally realizes what a dickwad Ketch is.
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