#and i hate how bitter and shitty ppl are with each other i hate this culture so so so so much

[quenthel]

maybe i should not be working with any government bc every time i have to negotiate smthing i want to explode the other person with my brain or attack them w knives... to be fair this negotiation was abt where we will live abroad but i still felt like i have to kill him in order to achieve my dreams (and he made my mom upset) thankfully i was not the one speaking and hold no power but now im reconsidering things

[cuntnikida]

snetunia. snetunia. snape and petuniaaaaaaa. i really like how this post explains it but imma try and say it in my own words. anyways so they are both bitter and bitchy and mean asf to ppl they consider "others" asf so if they did try and get together there would be probably alot of drama and bickering before they got together and maybe they'd still bicker after but it'd be alot less malicious and they'd also be bitter bitches towards others together.

also like they both consider the other to be apart of the "other group of people", "the different in a bad way" type of people. petunia is bigoted towards snape because he's a wizard and snape is bigoted towards petunia because she's not.

petunia is jelous of lily which causes a dislike of magical people and she's very bigoted towards wizards by the time she's grown up and the start of the books, after has spent her childhood slowly brewing in hate and jealously. snape as a child had a dislike of petunia bcz, like his dad, she's a muggle. and by the time he grew up and the books start, he's no longer a bigot towards people without magic and has betrayed voldemort. this makes for a shitload of intresting dynamics depending on when they start loving eachother.

as childern they disliked eachother because they disliked one person from the others "group" and childern have hella black and white thinking so to them it's a sensible thing to assume that since one of them is shit all are. but if as childern they like eachother they are forced to confront the idea that life isn't that black and white.

a love story before or around their first meeting could result in them helping prevent eachother from from becoming more hateful as teens or young adults (itd also give petunia something she desperately wanted as a child, to be special to someone bcz she's jelous of lily being special to her parents and everyone). or it could end one reallyyyy nasty breakup when they become teens or young adults (which could make for a reunion and trying to fix an old mess after snape rebels against voldemort and his bigotry).

a love story during the books timeline would also factor in another similarity. how they both see harry as a part of lily. and how they treat him like shit. snape would probably be like ofc you treats children like shit ur so mean and anoyying and petunia would be like well ur no better.

also they'd both be able to unpack their grief after being able to talk to someone else who used to be close to lily as a child but wasn't near her death bcz of bigotry (at the time of her death petunia was bigoted towards magical people which lily is to her and snape was bigoted towards people with less magic which lily is to him) and now lives with the guilt. this whole talking about how shit everything is and how they fucked up could actually also lead to them realising they could treat harry better. them falling in love during the books also has the comedic potential of harry noticing that two of the most awful people he knows are acting odd towards eachother and ohhhh MY GOD THEY'RE DATING??? .

Also, if its a situation where vernon does exist and petunia is married to him then also harry as watches as petunia divorces vernon and he has to go to petunia bcz of the blood connection and he's glad he's no longer got to deal with vernon but then he finds out he's gonna live with snape of all people.

and if it's a situation where petunia takes dudley in the divorce bcz have u seen how protective she is of him no way in hell would she let him live away from her. Than there's also the shit show of snape being really really strict to dudley (who has never faced a consequence in his life) and harry gets to finally watch as his bully is being grounded by his shitty teacher. also petunia and snape would be balancing each other out in parenting good cop bad cop style.

Somebody please convince me to jump on their Snape ship

I already ship Snupin but I need somebody to write Severus with when I'm writing Remus with someone else

open to literally any suggestions. give me your best pitch please i beg

[garlique]

SCREEEEEEEEM

[somereaderinblue]

Jiang Wanyin; Love=Convenience

.........................sometimes, I look at JC’s resentment and I’m scared. Not scared of him per se but rather, scared of what I discovered.

The thing about love is that it’s never easy. Love, whether we thrive in it or are wary of it, is capable of turning toxic. I mean srsly, just look at the Jiang family (*koff* Madam Ew *koff*).

And one thing that I’ve come to realize about how JC views love? To him, it’s a convenience. He treats love like a convenience. WWX once loved him like a brother and look at how that ended. YZY claimed to love him too and she’s not getting best mom of the year award in a million lifetimes.

And even JYL, perhaps the one positive love JC had in his life was eventually turned into a convenience. Because if JC truly loved her, if he truly respected and wished to honor her memory, he wouldn’t have used his love for her as an excuse to hate WWX.

When you use someone’s love as an excuse to hurt and torture innocent ppl simply on the basis that they remind you of someone you're blaming, a love that’s meant to be pure and cherished, aren’t you tainting it in the worst way possible? Especially if it’s love towards a person like JYL, who for all her mediocracy, would definitely not approve of all the screwed up shit JC committed for the past 13 years.

It made me realize how so many ppl can end up repeating the same thing, perhaps without even knowing it. It made myself terrified of loving someone for fear that if I were to lose them, I would become just as bitter & miserable as JC.

JC also viewed love as a convenience in the sense that he believes it should just be handed to him. Like how there should be toilet paper available in all restrooms. He expects it to be handed to him when he himself makes no effort to give it. 

He saw WWX’s brotherly love for him as a convenience too; for it conveniently granted him a guard dog/powerhouse during the SSC and a scapegoat post-SSC. When JFM seemingly didn't give him his 'love', he saw it as him being derived of a convenience he's owed. He used it as a convenient excuse to resent WWX more and to believe his toxic mother's bs accusations.

Sometimes, I wonder if he also sees JL’s familial love as a convenience for he conveniently has some remnant of his dead sister within easy reach & no matter how shitty he is, he won’t leave him bcz they’re family and they ‘love’ each other.

Love IS NOT A CONVENIENCE. If you view love as a ‘convenience’ then forget finding true love bcz at the end of the day, the love you give is always conditional and rlly, who wants to put up with that if they can avoid it? WWX certainly burned that bridge and never looked back once he stepped onto the narrow-planked one with LWJ, a man who loves him unconditionally.

Come to think of it, if JC had this same mindset while searching for a partner, it’s no wonder he was blacklisted. It’s no wonder at the end of the novel, he’s even more bitter and lonelier. It’s no wonder there’s a possibility that even if the core thrumming in him is strong enough to reach immortality, he’s most likely cursed to live a miserable lonely life without someone by his side. 

If you wanna argue along the lines of arranged marriages then fine; but when it comes to familial love, it is not a convenience. Period.

JC stans who hc him loving his nephew, his brother, his disciples or whatever- pls just don’t clown my post.

[holyshit]

Some ppl (Rads) are already hating on Harry for saying “love is a pretty lie” like How dare Harry say something like that to optimist, romantic, sweet Louis!? And this is where people completely ignore context to fit their narrative. IMO, that’s such a vulnerable thing to say. It means you’ve dealt with so much pain and heartbreak and you’re tired of fighting and you feel defeated and you’re in a dark place mentally trying to convince yourself that maybe love isn’t real and that’s why these things keep happening to you. Louis immediately recognized the person was lying and realized it was a hurt person saying something hurtful that perhaps they’ll regret. Harry isn’t a monster. He’s a human being. I’ve felt that way before myself… I’ve asked “does love even exist for me? are people always selfish and cruel and the whole concept of love is made up?” These are things that cross your mind when you’re hurting. Especially when you consider everything HL have dealt with. But ofc some people are using it as more “proof” of Harry being a shitty person.. they hate on larries for “making everything Louis does about harry” and YET every time Louis releases a song, the use it to further vilify a person they don’t know.

if some of them are really taking one line out of a overwhelmingly positive song in order to find any way to try to make it negative about harry that is so NSFKJSF. like you said, for people who get on people's cases for making everything about harry, they sure are very much obsessed with making everything louis says or does about harry in the opposite bitter angry ex way. like they'd much rather hyper-focus on one line in a song that could mean a million different things and might not even be something harry said in the first place (and even if it was, there's zero context, tone and it's not inherently an evil statement and could come from a place of hurt, like you said, or even be a joke) despite the context of it being in very much a happy, playful song. it's normal for people who think harry/louis are together to see romantic songs and presume it's about them since active couples would write songs about each other, but i find it incredibly odd that there are people who think they broke up in 2016 and still think louis is constantly making digs at what they believe is his ex from 6+ years ago lmao

[cloveroctobers]

•ALLEGRA BIANCHI•

IG info/bio: @/theeallegrabianchi | 303k followers| Entrepreneur | bad bitches go to therapy thxz 🦭👄

(24) 26 years old

From Swansea, Wales

Ofc she knows who Catherine Zeta-Jones is...her mother literally resembles her and remembers people coming up to her mom countless times asking for a pic growing up, and Allegra hated taking pics for these imbeciles...mainly because the attention wasn’t on her

has a dysfunctional family...

her mother is critical of almost everything she does but at least she paying attention?

and feels her father is neglectful and only seems to be heard when she’s in his face

all they know how to do is scream at each other instead of talking calmly to one another

her mother is of Venezuelan heritage

And Her father is of Italian heritage

her father’s side of the family resides in calabria italy

he named her after his high school gf that passed away due to his irresponsible drunk driving on their senior prom night

Her parents do not have the healthiest of relationships due to her father constantly cheating on her mother in the past...leading to verbal and physical fights

also has a kid or two outside of their marriage because of his unfaithfulness and allegra learned to hate them because of the hurt her mother showcased

In the beginning she was only around them because her father enforced it, that she needed to know her family “blood is all you got in the end.” He would always say but that was bs

Would take her, her half sibs, and her full sibs on day trips/weekend trips in his suburban

Has three full older brothers and one full younger sister

Because of this, Allegra did not have a clear view of what love was supposed to be and felt that anger in a relationship is supposed to be somewhat of the norm?

Many times she wished at night in her bed with a pillow over her head that her parents would just file for a divorce already when their fights would get bad to the point things would get broken and her mother would h*t her father (once with a metal bat) and throw him out of the house

Has had the cops called on their household before and cps definitely has/had a file on them

Has been in family therapy before and is currently in therapy mainly for herself because of the trauma & how it’s messed with her spirit as a person

Loves? Cares for her parents from afar but will never understand their relationship and why they’re still together to this day

Can go months without speaking to any of her family members and be completely fine with that

Had her younger sis, Nerina put her PRIVATE shit on blast via internet after love island aired and completely cut her off since she is “a clout chaser and money hungry bitch who can’t take care of own her child cause she opened her legs to a meth head who loves prison” OOP

she only has a decent relationship with one of her brothers who’s two years older than her, Vito. They seem to be the closest out of the sibs and he’s the only one she bothers to speak to from time to time

She’s a “cocktail entrepreneur” so I’m guessing she has her own business where she specializes in her own cocktail drinks? Working in some upscale rooftop/penthouse bar where she successfully makes profits from her signature drinks or has a brand that focuses mainly on cocktails

It took years for her business to take off and hasn’t been easy, not one bit. At times it felt like everyone wanted to see her fail and she has openly spoken about her struggles as not only a entrepreneur but as a woman in this business where no one wanted to take a chance on her

That just lit the fire that’s already inside of her

Aries sun + Leo moon + Scorpio rising? (Personality vs how you react to things emotionally vs you’re outside shell for those who don’t follow this too much. I’m not too in depth about it but I do find it interesting!)

Or should she be reversed as a Leo sun with a Aries moon? Aries are direct, fiery, one step ahead of others, impulsive, and know how to take charge. Leo’s are dramatic, loves attention, passionate, loyal, warm, and have a need to express their passions, and scorpios are intense, secretive, mysterious, and work strategically

anyways, I feel like she’s definitely improved as a person over the span of two years? Or at least I hope she has cause everyone goes thru changes

And she was frustrating in s1 so I just know she had some deeper issues going on so I really think therapy is helping her ass I wish it would help me lmao

Being cheated on honestly made her feel like her mother, weak in her mind she was with this dude for awhile—3 years and he just up and thought it was okay to cheat on her? With his personal trainer?! Yet he didn’t gain any muscle mass?! The ultimate disrespect!!! but one thing she knew? She wasn’t going to stick around like her mom did

But she was bitter about it foresure. She ultimately wanted to corner the girl for messing with HER man but part of her knew she wasn’t the only one to blame. However that didn’t stop her for cussing her out via voicemail a couple of times while intoxicated

Allegra always strived for love cause she’s never really seen it before or felt it

Sure she’s had many boyfriends before?And their names didn’t matter not only because she didn’t remember them? But she never felt the spark with them in the first place?

Maybe she wasn’t meant for love so she kinda put on this bitchy front and always been that way with some shitty friends she had around her until she recently cut them off a year ago

has gotten herself into trouble as a kid: trespassing, and destroying public property, smoking in the girls bathroom, physical altercations, cutting class, being assigned community service, etc... all with these friends she’s had for years!

Before she met her problematic friends in secondary, when she was in her pre-teen stage she was involved in the handbell team and in the Color guard but hates to admit it even tho her parents have pics all over the flat

went away to uni for a semester and wanted to join a sorority but the hazing was extreme to the point she was sent to the hospital then accepted? Which led to more trauma in her life so she dropped out

A few years later she decided on online courses and moved out of her parents flat as soon as she could with the $ she saved up and did not leave in the house since it was not safe to smh

Therapy was really helping sis, she felt a lot better and was working on her deep rooted issues mainly the anger and hurt and never really realized how it revolves around her life. She was super thankful for her therapist and reshaping herself

Many didn’t buy it but she knew she couldn’t give that much of a fuck? She couldn’t. In order to grow you got to learn that you have to involve for yourself and not others

She didn’t like the person she saw watching the show back but when she came back to the reunion a part of her hoped people saw some sort of change in her—even if it’s only been a few months since the show then

Sometimes she’ll slip back into old habits, wanting and doing so by snapping on people and blacking out by getting intoxicated and knowing that healing is a process and valuing yourself is the exact same

has a toy poodle that she loves deeply

doesn’t have many outside friends after cutting off the ones that were toxic

is pro-ab*rtion and had one herself which was aired out by her sister online

has a cozy flat that has a lot of brick exposure inside, a navy sofa which is her favorite piece in her house, and a view to die for!! which erases the fact that her apartment is “cozy” which she uses to replace the fact that it’s much smaller than what she originally wanted. She dreams big ya know!!!

currently has a crush on her art teacher who resembles Adam Rodriguez

but also feels like liking your teacher/instructor is a bit weird? Even tho they’re both grown

yes she is taking art classes now outside of work to find something that’ll bring her peace and these pass months they have until COVID hit where classes had to be cancelled yet she was contacted to continue online but she felt her art was truly shit but he says art is subjective

She feels like there’s a connection there? But at the same time isn’t looking for another relationship until she fully works on herself first! That took awhile for her to accept after she fell into some relations with a few ppl after the show

from there she realized that she might like girls too? And got a little annoyed that it took her this long to figure out especially with the way she felt around MC and cherry

doesn’t like to admit this but her fav holiday is Christmas? Even tho the theme is majorly corny to her but it actually makes her happy?

Feels like that was the only time her family showed love towards each other, and even tho they didn’t come from much, they always followed thru with their traditions

and she misses them a little bit around this time and might be the first one to call them even if the calls are short lived and kinda awkward at first

Loves making gingerbread houses and cookies

i feel like she now embraces her forearm hair but still gets everything else lasered

Miss Allegra has inches okay?! But I definitely feel like now in 2020 she’s chopping that shit off into a pixie cut and when she posts on the gram her hair is usually always damp when she shows it off

some comments — jake: lovely! Jen: babe, ur beautiful! Erikah: 😍 Tim: how hot! You’ve got the whole resident evil thing goin for yous

“Did he just call me a virus?”

And she might get a like from mason that’ll make her feel some type of way

We all have to go thru some growth you know so do you girl!

You can’t tell me she doesn’t play stabscotch!

Used to be obsessed with social media way before going on love island but lately doesn’t mind disappearing for months at a time? You have to cleanse yourself from that shit

idk i see her being mostly cool with jen or erikah and will hang out with them from time to time? Maybe they experienced some growth too, shit I sure hope so

still feels something for mason??? But at the same time maybe it was mainly superficial since mason wasn’t fucking with her like that, not 100% but at the same time gets frustrated that he still doesn’t see where she’s coming from and it’s been 2 years???

She loves hard if given the chance and then feels like shit when it doesn’t work out cause it feels like she wasted a fuck load of time

she no longer follows him because she feels like it’s better for her spirit or whatever and she doesn’t need to see him with someone else

the only guy that she really interacts with is Tim, yet tim is cool with everybody!

Otherwise there’s no real connection with her and anybody else? She wants to keep love island separate from herself now because she’s not exactly the same as she was two years ago? And hopes someday people will get that

Probably watches those auction shows on the telly late at night when she can’t sleep, hoping and can afford some of those things one days

I feel like she has chronic migraines too?

Once had a significant other buy her Allegra-D in all seriousness for her birthday because it reminded them of her & thought it would help her headaches 🤨

Loves the snow, but hates cleaning it off her car! S/O to those HOA fees, bless it cause leggy’s deff bussed her ass once before breaking her collarbone and sued like a mf!!!

Since her hours are hardly consistent since she’s mainly her own boss, she’ll have late nights/early mornings when she returns home and has to shift days where she cleans the flat but when she cleans??? It’s best everyone stays tf out of her way

And don’t try to help her cause you’re doing it wrong 10/10 of the time, she loves cleaning and has dropped mad money on those super expensive vacuums

Only knows how to make what’s relative to her culture: arepas, penne alla vodka, and cawl but otherwise than that? She’d rather clean then spend hours in a kitchen cooking unless she’s making cocktails ofc!

also loves shopping for clothes but shoes are her fav things to shop for

Deff has a steamer over a iron for her clothes

Keeps eucalyptus and lavender oil in her purse at all times

posts mainly on her stories and made a deal with her supporters that she’ll go live once a month since she feels like she owes them that? Since she’s not as active anymore but she really doesn’t owe anybody shit but out of the newfound kindness of her heart...she does

Believes she got Covid before they all decided to do a shut down/lockdown of restaurants, bars, etc.. and her suspicions were proven correct after she decided to get tested

her anthem? Kali Uchis — Dead to me (acoustic version)

[thefudge]

omg like i loved book!sansa and i loved season 1-4 show!sansa, but i HATED season 6-8 show!sansa. it’s so funny because the writers were clearly trying to make us love sansa and hate daenerys, but it had the opposite effect on me. the show made me re-evaluate my opinion of daenerys, and now she’s my favourite character because they did her so dirty (i mean i think they did sansa dirty too, just in a different way). they literally stripped sansa of everything that made me love her in the (1/2)

first place. and i still can’t believe how her stans ate it up. like they totally decimated sansa’s character and all her stans could say was “MAH QUEEN IN THE NORTH YAS”. which was totally what d&d were intending, to distract from their misogyny with their hollow empowerment of sansa. your comparison to a young Margaret thatcher was spot on. especially how the narrative rewarded sansa for her xenophobia and racism. (2/2)

^^^^^^^^

all of this!

i was a big dany skeptic for most of GOT’s run, but d&d’s shitty writing backfired and made me love her instead, which i never thought would happen. whereas, i was always a big sansa stan, but was completely turned off by her retrograde “make the North great again” policies and general smug attitude. and it’s so telegraphed that they are pitting these women against each other because the fandom also split in half. what a great distraction from the general fucking mess d&d created! and they knew how to shut ppl up because if you’re critical of sansa, the fans go “well, dany burned everyone!!! the children too!!!” and that’s it, you’re not allowed to say anything else, even though the burning of KL was the most poorly handled arc of the entire show. instead of criticizing the handling of both women’s storylines, some sansa fans decided that as long as their fave got a pretty crown it was fair game. so they ignored the fact that d&d’s ultimate message of the show, filtered thru sansa, is that you should close your borders, kick out the immigrants, and make sure you put down the reactionaries and radicals who are fighting (in their flawed way) for a better society because they might go craaazyyyy and destroy that society. this is absolutely classical 19th century European liberal discourse whereby we must make sure we discourage those strikers or union leaders for the good of queen and country! 

and yep, they made sansa unrecognizable. and what also left a bitter taste in my mouth is that she did not even seem to really care about the North either, except for winterfell.  i am really skeptical that she has any concern for the rest of the houses in the North (it’s precisely why the show never bothered to even marginally expand on them). and we know she’s not going to attempt a wildling-integration because they all go back beyond the wall so that sansa can happily reign over two or three houses who are very impressed by her food storage strategies. ultimately, the biggest betrayal of this character is that she ends up as a more decent version of cersei. SIGH. like i mentioned in this mini-essay, westeros, and especially the North under Sansa’s rule, is d&d’s utopia, where they get to throw people of color under the bus, reduce important female characters to robotic mouthpieces and just generally get away with whatever racist and misogynistic thing they can imagine. 

(also im laffing at  “ MAH QUEEN IN THE NORTH YAS” cuz so many fans criticized jon for his moronic declarations to dany which WERE utterly moronic, i don’t disagree there, but hmmm them uncritically clamoring for queen sansa sounds oddly similar lol)

[bigskydreaming]

fhalkfhaklfhlkak i hate this

TW really truly literally ruined the word ‘spark’ for me. Like the whole damn word. I hear it now and I’m like, NOPE, like...idk, some people who cringe when they hear the word moist or panties. Apologies to anyone who hates those words and cringed, i dont actually know if thats a thing or if like, I just have weird friends. Probably just the latter.

But anyways, Im just like...lmfao. Its so visceral too? Like I have this one original project, Waveriders, that I’ve been fiddling with off and on in the background of other projects for awhile, might have talked about it on here, idk, I don’t keep track. 

Basically its a far future sci-fi novel/setting for linked shorter works set on a gas giant that was settled by humans who figured that they can’t possibly be stepping on anyone’s toes there, its a freaking gas giant, hello, no one’s home, right? They literally have to make their own ground by using technology to form anti-gravity wells in the habitable zone of the atmosphere and like, make floating cities and then these kind of buoys scattered across the planet that create these electromagnetic currents that flow in specific ‘routes’ between the cities, and people travel between them in these flying ships that use magnetized hulls and solar sails to ride these currents, and blah blah blah, yada yada yada, bc like, why would I resist an opportunity to have floating cities and sky pirates and ancient cyborg machine dragons? Doesn’t make sense. 

Anyway, so couple thousand years after settling this planet, and by then for Plotty Reasons there are people who have what’s called waveriding abilities, like they can ‘hack’ certain wavelengths or types of energy and manipulate them in various ways, but only one kind of energy per person, and they each have their own little names and niches. 

So, y’know, basically just like ATLA, except for like, its energy powers and there are cyborg machine dragons and floating cities and sky pirates, obvsly. Plus areas of totally fucked up gravity called the badlands that are all like, criminal underworld metropolis because normal people are like lol nope, we like it when up is up and down is down, all of this is very just...nope. And also because shocking and totally unexpected plot twist, they were totally wrong about the planet being uninhabited just cuz it didn’t have Earth type ground...like, so in addition and on top of and in conjunction with all of the above and whatnot, there are these beings called Chaos Angels, that are basically like sentient quantum waveforms that can take any shape or appearance, but just, have no physical substance and yet are really good at faking that they’re not totally there when they fuck with humans, which they do a lot, because well. Why not, y’know?

But other than that, its exactly like ATLA. I’m a derivative hack. I disgust myself, truly I do.

BUT the point of this particular synaptic misfire aka ADHD ramble, is that so, okay, these different types of not!benders are all called waveriders as an overall umbrella term, but with ten different subsets of this in total, right? So people who can ‘hack’ light and manipulate it in various ways are called brightriders, and people who are tuned into soundwaves are called echo-riders, and some can manipulate the more electricity-skewed side of the electromagnetic spectrum and those are shockriders and the ones who skew more to the magnetic side are steelriders but I’m probably gonna change that because it sounds like a porno? Yeah no, just saw it outside of my notes for the first time and can confirm, definitely sounds like a porno so they’re not gonna be called steel-riders, but they will be called something steel-rider-esque. You get it.

And then there are the five weird ones that people aren’t totally quite sure how their waveriding shticks work because the kinds of energy they hack aren’t like....the kinds that work in the same way as the others with their easily discernible and patternistic wavelengths, and scientists and scholars are always arguing like but skyriders aren’t even in the same FIELD as the other waverider types because gravity isn’t even an actual ENERGY, just because we talk about gravity waves doesn’t mean they’re remotely the same thing as lightwaves, they make no SENSE, and I’m just like hahaha, I am your god, fictional scientists. Fucking deal with it. Plus it does make sense, you just don’t know the Secret Rules and Logistics that I do, pfft. 

Anyway, so the other types are boomriders who hack kinetic energy and skyriders of course obviously manipulate gravity, and then the last three are really weird, and super rare and thus don’t really have set names and just have lots of nicknames and are often just thought to be rumors. So those are the bio-riders who manipulate chemical energy though it often gets mistakenly referred to or just handwaved as being ‘life energy’ as though that’s a thing, ugh future way advanced people are so dumb sometimes, honestly. But so they can manipulate biological processes in various ways and do things with healing and also hurting, and basically just don’t piss one off ever. Like. You’ll die. And then there’s the psi-riders, who are essentially psychics and hack brainwaves, and I’m not at all bitter that I lack the balls to just go for broke and call them ghost riders like I want to, because ghost riders obviously sounds way cooler?? But also, Marvel would definitely sue?? Because they’re just, like that. 

And like, the last of the Weird Ones are the ones so super rare and also so hard to actually....tell if someone actually IS one, that most people think they don’t actually even exist and are just an unsubstantiated like, theoretical idea some scientist had once while high and then just, never shut up about so eventually the idea caught on. And those are the quantum-riders, or luck-riders, basically they theoretically manipulate quantum wavelengths in ways that are almost impossible to identify, like theoretically they wouldn’t even know they were doing it? Anyway, so lots of times, what are actually quantum-riders are just jealously thought to be like, really fucking lucky assholes. Even though the way their powers work really don’t have anything to do with luck or even probability, specifically, like that’s a simplistic approximation and its more like they manipulate possibilities but also shut up me, nobody cares.

ANYWAY, people who can count and who actually bothered to would probably notice by now like the funky little geniuses they are that all of those still only adds up to nine. And that’s because of the last one, the one that SHOULD go up in the brightrider, shockrider, notpornIswear!steel-rider hierarchy or taxidermy or whatever the fuck. And these are the ones who manipulate what’s essentially thermal energy, or more accurately the microwave-skewing side of the ultraviolet spectrum whereas brightriders are just the ones who skew more to the infrared side of it.

And the long and short of all of this Unnecessary-ness and the source of my fit of pique and ensuing ramble-palooza....is that ORIGINALLY, they were SUPPOSED to be called sparkriders.

But OBVIOUSLY I can’t call them that anymore, because like. I tried, and I was like ugh you drama queen slash whiny pissbaby, it was just a shitty teen supernatural show and SPARK WAS NEVER EVEN CANON, do not let THEM win and ruin a perfectly good classification name! But I did. I did let it ruin them, and its. Well. Its a problem, because I kept thinking up ways to kill off the sparkrider characters for absolutely no reason at all instead of like....thinking up ways to make the plot do what it was outlined to do in their parts of the story.

This may come like, way out of left field, and just SHOCK and STUN and BEWILDER some of you, like....no way, srsly? But yeah, true story, among my many canon mental neuroses like ADHD, PTSD, magical depression hour and super fun anxiety like....there is a tiny possibility (aka actual diagnosis) that while I don’t talk about this much, or ever really, I do have a smidge of ye old OCD? Its not like, a big thing and doesn’t really affect my daily routines and that’s pretty much why I never usually bring it up or list it alongside the rest of the crap on my neurodivergence resumé or whatever, because like, there’s already WAY too many misconceptions out there about what OCD actually is and what constitutes it, and tons of people are always jokingly but also thinking they’re kinda half serious, like ‘oh I’m so OCD about this and this and that’ and its like. LOL. Are you though? You sure?

Anyway, but point being, the way mine manifests for me is like...not actually a problem? Like, I don’t actually have any REAL complaints about it at all, just half-assed little fits of pique ones like this, which is the other part of why I never bring it up, because too often ppl just can’t fathom that OCD or even any kind of neurodivergence can be...WANTED, or a good thing, and lololol, that’s ableism, folks. But its true, I don’t actually mind mine at all, even if it occasionally makes things frustrating, when I get stuck like I am now. But the flip side of it is....its actually a pretty huge part of my creativity and just the way my mind works in general....like, what people accredit to me being particularly insightful about character analysis or drawing connections or stuff like that in meta or fics or my novels or worldbuilding...that’s what it is. That’s my OCD in action. 

My brain like...REQUIRES that I find patterns in....pretty much everything. Even day to day mundane stuff too, though like I said, its mild enough there that it doesn’t fuck with my routines too much, but like, I have to order things into nice, neat patterns and groupings. And if there aren’t any that are immediately obvious, I kinda pretty much HAVE to dig deeper until I find some on a slightly deeper level, something beneath the surface or first glance, and keep going until I find something.....or worst case scenario, I have to like....add stuff and embellish and fill in gaps with my own ‘content’ until I have the rough edges rounded off into something that CAN be stacked neatly atop some other part of the story or whatever it is I’m focusing on? And the obsessive-compulsive part for me is like, lol, I gotta find it SOMEWHERE, SOMEHOW. 

My brain literally won’t shut off or grudgingly accept being diverted to a different subject until I’ve made some kind of pattern or flowchart or classification system. It will literally keep me up for hours, going over the same things over and over from every angle until I find SOME way to....reassemble or restructure it in some nice, neat little order of some type. I mean that’s basically what it is. My brain insists on me forming some semblance of order out of any glimpse I have of what I would otherwise term creative chaos. And it won’t give up until it gets what it wants, which when you throw in my ADHD and how often I’ll get derailed off on slight tangents but with my OCD then sooner or later forcing me back to the original focus, rinse and repeat ad nauseam....like. LOL. I learned to operate on very little sleep from a pretty young age by necessity, its just...my brain, dudes. Its just like that.

But the perks are like, I pretty much think this is WHY I’m so creative....because my brain, for as long as I can remember, has always just kinda....forced me to be? Also probably has a lot to do with well...eh, I don’t need to talk about that right now. Whatever. Anyway, point being, so....I do like the end results very much so, and for all its....Why Must You Be Like This eccentricities, I’m quite attached to my brain and would not be very likely to agree to a trade even were one possible. I mean don’t get me wrong, I could do without the PTSD and anxiety, if we’re just, like....talking some pruning shears or whatever, but the actual creative machinery, I’m keeping. Ultimately it just means I really fucking like patterns and finding patterns or making patterns where previously there were none, or at least none that were easy to spot.

But ugh, man, these are the rare times when I’m like omg, just call it a day, we don’t ACTUALLY have to come up with the perfect replacement name for that one relatively small and insignificant detail of a much larger story that isn’t even in the Top Ten list of my main priorities at the moment. And my asshole of a brain is just like....yeah no, we gotta. You know the rules dude, you decided it was official, that name didn’t work anymore and was never gonna, so now we gotta find a replacement or else things will be UNEVEN?? The pattern will be...missing a piece? There will be CHAOS AND ANARCHY IN THE STREETS THAT RUNNETH OVER WITH BLOOD? IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT??

And so I’m like....literally sitting here googling synonyms for spark because I’m just like that sometimes, lmfao. Oh and of course its gotta be a GOOD replacement, naturally. I can’t just shoehorn in a somewhat acceptable substitute that in the back of my mind I’m expecting to only be temporary, until I come up with something better. See, because my brain will KNOW, and it will NOT be okay with that, because that is CHEATING. And my brain, apparently, has strong feelings about cheating, which is weird and fairly unexpected of me, IMO.

Anyway, kudos to anyone who actually read through that instead of scrolling, I honestly have zero idea why I felt like sharing it, I just did and thus I did. *shrugs* 

[unproduciblesmackdown]

posts about things with absolutely no introduction but it's because i was reminded of the topic the other day

this one's for those of us in the lifelong isolation no friends society, i know sometimes there's other people out there!! anyways i've been thinking about how like, personally, obviously, b/c idk how other ppl do it b/c we aren't friends with each other lol, its just a fuckin wild thing to deal with in part cuz its one of those answers to which there's not necessarily any Right Way to handle things or Answer or Solution or anything. isolation p much = more isolation and plus not having friends makes ppl less likely to socialize with you so that's rough; anyways yknow, the point is just oops you can't Choose to like, obtain a friend. u can try to get ppl interested but you can't control it beyond that, so, yknow

anyways what am i getting to? yeah so i've never had close friends in that i was never able to share personally honest things anyways for the longest time for a couple reasons, and also, people just didn't like me. the double whammy of "oh no its abuse" and "oh no you're lowkey socially ostracized by your peers from preschool on without end" is like, good luck to little me getting friends! i had sort-of friends in like a couple ppl who'd hang out with me regularly and on occasion we'd go to each others houses or smthing but it wasnt able to be like, the normal fun event it should. oh well. middle school was a little better and a little worse but i didnt keep up w ppl cuz i went to a different school later and its that situation where you're friends-ish Because you're at the same school right...smh...didnt thrive in college magically, but one essential thing was i was away from home more often than not so, that was real important ultimately. but anyways in the end i had like a handful of college friends-ish (accepted by other friends groups lol) and theres a couple of them i still talk to now and again

so like, yknow, friends, mostly friendly acquaintances, my siblings i'd classify as friendly acquaintances, i'm very glad about all of them really. just unfortunately i've only just started to have friendships that are like a decade old and the "longtime close" friendship is nonexistent b/c college is just four years and then you go other places, and i'm not at the heart of friend groups and not "good" at communication in other ways so its hard to keep in touch in ways. smh!!

funnily enough i'm also not good at internet stuff though it's been absolutely essential, god knows. that's why i'm able to talk to anyone rn!! but i can't do group chats and i only like approaching things "one on one" aka i don't like feeling like im in the midst of a group even outside group chats. if you get what i'm saying. like even back being in the small early mh fandom of like, three dozen ppl, in retrospect i didnt like having to be in the entire Group yknow. lemme just be over here. which is what i do now.

anyways for additional reasonsl, communicating has been trickier these past few years and for the most part its been kind of a situation where i wasn't necessarily going to get to talk to someone every day, though usually it'd maybe only be like, a gap of a day or two. and anyways, the thing is that, over the past ten years especially its started to be Distressing like wanting friends, not as much having them, and also having it be more obvious that there was some kind of deficiency keeping me from having (and having had) friends like other people did. not fun! but what i'm getting around to here, whats been wild, is just this like, decade-ish (or two decade-ish if you want) Personal Effort to just figure out how the fuck to stop having to feel like shit about it all the time right? then you're lonely AND stressed and probably self loathing also

so like yeah, the thing is that the other day something was going on about like, yknow, the idea of the longtime close friend with a steadfast presence in your life, and that's just always like, lfjdglmao what!!! sounds nice. i had a friend for a week in second grade and im not sure we ever spoke and then the teacher made us sit on opposite sides of the classroom and it was too embarrassing to be friends anymore. that's kinda close but lol for real......it's not only the lack of friends to tackle but also like, i don't assume to have friends in the future. it's something that like, i would obviously theoretically want, and be happy if it happened, but i can't say i hope for it, because that implies too much being expectant or whatever. and it's weird!! its a weird time just kind of presuming friendlessness until otherwise occurs. and it's not great, i'm definitely still unhappy about all this shit. its just that i've also like, been able to shave off how distressing the issue mightve been in earlier years yknow

like it sounds all depressing to say like, i've just had to be less emotionally invested in the whole thing, but it's kind of true. not by ignoring it or ignoring the feelings so much as like...just acknowledging that this is how it is and there's only so much i can do but not hating myself about it is a start. and yeah it's like "oh, feeling less, depressing" but also frankly when i decided also that its less horrible to be friendless than to feel stuck w crap ppl / ppl who you aren't too important to / etc, i figured that i'd also rather be friendless and just enjoy being myself than try to make myself easier to talk to. i'm not like intimidating or anything, i just can't hold a conversation. but i'm not very interested anymore in trying to convince ppl to like me, yknow, i'm out here, and if i'm ever going to have friends i'd like them to be people to like me For Who I Am, wipe tear. what i'm just saying is "a weird dumbass" b/c its just vague social weirdness that ppl don't necessarily like, loathe, but probably they'd rather talk to someone else. i'm not great at socializing stuff, like i said, hence social rejection since age 4

oh and i meant to say!! i've been able to turn up my emotions by turning down my investment in the idea of Needing To Always Be Trying To Make Friends b/c, as anyone might know, all i like to do is talk at great length about whatever weird, niche shit i'm into at any given point. and that's pretty much it. i'm not pretending to be deep by not really knowing how to do small talk. lmao you guys know what i'm talking about. and obviously not everybody is into Getting Enthusiastic or super focused on whatever weird thing at any point, and i'm not Into getting my passion all fired up and being brushed off or anything, so we can all avoid each other, and i get to continue entertaining myself

so that's a way i've been able to turn my feelings up actually lol.....dunno how to segue into it so i won't but it's also just like, not saying that i Truly Don't Care about not having friends, or that it doesn't hurt that i've had this relative friendless past and the futures looking bleak, b/c it does!! it's still distressing. but like, its turned down. the whole general issue can be a very Bitter one for sure!!!! and it has been in the past sometimes and like.....it's still there basically, i've just been able to turn down the volume a lot on a bunch of these shit feelings like "that's upsetting" or "i'm bitter about that" and just kind of calmly let it simmer back down b/c i'm sort more familiarish with what sets it off and more familiar with Dealing With It Always overall

no idea if i've made the point i was setting out for there. dealing with the No Friends Isolation Life society life is not fun but we're out here, sometimes. it continues to be not fun. "oh well," is an often relevant sentiment. c'est la vie. c'est ce que c'est? i think. and i think it's nice that after years and years of just like, struggling to figure this shit out myself, and probably feeling like shit most of the time, i've at least managed to go "shh" at some Bad Feelings. definitely still there. but this time it doesn't heap extra shittiness on top b/c of having to deal with the intensity of it and feel bad about that too etc etc. it's all weird! getting more familiar with dealing with some shit which is just, the way that it is in part because of bad luck and of course i'm jealous of everybody who does have friends. but oh well. b/c c'est la vie. im also glad for everybody who has friends, obv. it's all complicated!! which is just part of why this post exists. it has no real point, i'm just kinda going like, weird, huh? and kind of good, and kind of a bummer. oh well

also im aware this is a suddenly long, technically depressing post at like circa midnight for a lot of people, but basically this is just me in normal mood. sometimes it's depressing posts time out of nowhere, but i'm not especially depressed!! nighttime is just more of my Peak Hours. night owl 4 life. thanks

oh and ps. another thing i would think about (with more distress in the past, and like, no distress now) is that its also funny cuz, one thing i’ve generally had to do is be aware that it’s a bigger deal for you (me) to get a new Friend than it is for them to be getting you as a friend, b/c math says so. and so i’ve had to push myself to not be overly hopeful or invested in order to be both fair to them and myself. and nowadays that’s just kind of how i view the no-friends-ness of it all, like. i’m not mad that i’m not for some reason way closer to anybody i know. why would i be. and i don’t expect anybody to think like “oh my god we have to be Good Friends” because like. not in a self deprecating way but like, why would any random person want that. and i dont expect to be better friends with ppl im just casual friends with, which is great, cus like Friendly Acquaintances and other lite friendships are fantastic and im very grateful. but i am aware there’s plenty of reasons making it difficult to just like, pick up a Close Buddy and i’m not like “oh i demand one from somewhere, from some reason.” so what i am trying to say is that keeping my expectations honestly realistic is an effort to be fair to both other ppl and myself and i think it works. no friends!! we out here!!!!

[notesofarichlycolorednight]

Hi! How do you think Luke's personality would be if he survived, and how would it change during the years? I'm not talking about the campers' reactions,but how Luke would think and act.

hello hello!

oh man, that’s an interesting question and i LOVE IT

so by the wording of your question, it sounds like if the titan war still happened, but luke somehow survived after getting rid of kronos, how he might change in the yrs following

and so, hcs!! in bullet-form!! as always under a cut

so he luke miraculously survives hitting his achilles’ heel

and let’s pretend the gods are a sliver decent and actually fulfill percy’s wish/reward, which now includes luke since he’s alive, and did help save the gods in the end

so he’s not exactly punished, but he is being monitored heavily, almost like he’s on parole or smth

i know it’s hard to believe they’d completely let him off, even in this au, so i’ll throw in a magical ankle bracelet that monitors him–he can’t take it off (without the gods being alerted), or go outside of nyc’s five boroughs, which includes into any magical realms (like the underworld, since there’s an entrance in central park)

if he heads into areas that have high demigod activity/magical auras, with chb as the exception, it alerts whoever now has the task of monitoring him to keep a closer eye on him for that time he’s there

suspicious activity is flagged, and they can recall him to mt olympus and detain him at any time if they think that he’s becoming a danger to the gods again

speaking of chb, i don’t think he’d be able to stay there after the titan war, too many painful memories–too many ppl who hate him, or don’t trust him, etc.

it’s hard to say what his and annabeth’s relationship would be. as i’ve said in a previous ask, i think luke was asking if annabeth still considered him family, and she does. but i think luke would be too guilt-ridden to interact with her at first

not to mention that percy is v protective, and while they may have had a tender moment abt not letting all that happen again, i think percy would have a hard time trusting him

thalia’s now with the hunters, and has clearly shown what she thinks of luke’s betrayal, so that’s no good either

i think grover would be more open to luke, but luke would probably avoid him like he avoid annabeth bc of the guilt. and grover’s a busy satyr now, so that doesn’t help

so basically anyone he considered close to him in childhood is on shaky ground and he’s not sure what to do abt that, bc demigods are only taught abt fighting and battle, instead of that and emotional and psychological health wheeeeeee

since he can’t leave nyc, he finds like a hostel or smth to stay in while he figures shit out and tries to get back on his feet

he’s suffering p heavily from ptsd and still has terrible nightmares abt kronos and being possessed by kronos, which doesn’t help

he can’t hold a steady job bc he only knows how to fight and has no social skills whatsoever, so he becomes some low-level conman to make some income

he still hates his father, so it’s hard to acknowledge that his father’s skills are helping hi survive right now, as much as he’d like to believe that he’s surviving all on his own

at some point, he tries to con one of the demigods who’ve made it without chb (a demigod whose parent is a minor god). thankfully, they’re nice abt it and introduce him to a demigod underworld, so to speak

i wouldn’t say it’s as sinister as our criminal underworld–it’s really more of a society of demigods who were forgotten (unclaimed kids) or never made it to camp (children of minor gods), but found a way to survive with little to no training from camp, despite the monsters and technology

luke is suddently introduced to a whole new world, and that’s when his life really starts moving forward again

these demigods are angry and bitter, yeah, but they take that and turn it into motivation to live and thrive–basically living bc of spite. fuck the gods, fuck my parents, i’ll show them i don’t need them or chb

(like rick has this weird thing abt writing kids who say that, but then talk abt how much they want their godly parent’s approval. or to prove that they’re worth of their godly parent’s attention. and like i get why, but that’s not true for everyone??? having been adopted, i come from a perspective of, yeah, i am a little curious abt who my biological parents are, but i’m not dying to reunite with them or anything bc i don’t need to??? i have everything i need right here–a loving mom, and awesome friends, who i would consider family. even if i did want to know who they were, their approval of who i am now doesn’t matter to me. i don’t need to prove anything to them, nor should i need to for their attention. like that’s shitty to expect that from your child, and a horribly mindset to instill in a child)

and so i imagine it’s the same for a lot of demigods, too /tangent

anyway, so i’d like to think that this society is pretty structured–it’s a mish-mash of kids of major gods who were never claimed and of minor gods. some do resort to criminal activity, others work minimum wage jobs, and still others who are making higher than minimum wage, with some even making six figures ya know. basically they still function within the larger mortal society, but they’re also part of this hidden demigod society, you feel?

but they always take in demigods who could use some help out in the real world, regardless of who their parents are and whether or not they’ve been claimed/lived at chb

hephaestus kids have built a closed-circuit network that makes tech safer for them to use, and it also helps them communicate with each other as well as any mortal they make friends with, etc.

and their secret society is hidden within a company (kinda like how the three roman emperors hid themselves within a company, except without the evil part), and it’s v socialist–so they do what they can to help those who don’t have anything, until they can get back on their feet, and then put back into the society and help others

so luke is introduced to this hidden world within the mortal one of new york

i’d like to think he’s p instantly recognizable (to most, not all), but they don’t hold any grudges or bitterness like those at chb to bc they understand that he was fighting for them, even if he was going abt it the wrong way

some put him on a pedestal (he’s the face of our hidden society or he could take up the company or smth), but another kid of hermes comes along and shows him the ropes, not expecting anything from him

they get him therapy to work on his anger issues as well as his ptsd, and he slowly learns social skills

there are two large apt buildings that the company owns that only house demigods (but not all the demigods who are part of this society), and they find him a small one bed/one bath apartment to live in

as he gets better, he stops resorting to criminal activity and finds a steady job working at a tech company, bc he doesn’t have to interact with ppl like in retail, and when he does, its coworkers who think the same as he does

i also like to think he starts mend those relationships he lost with annabeth and grover. thalia’s a little harder to reach, but once he starts communicating with annabeth more, annabeth tells thalia abt his progress, and thalia sneaks away to visit him on occasion

it’s rough at first, as it always is, bc he did a lot of bad things and hurt a lot of ppl

but he apologizes to all of them–annabeth, grover, thalia, and even percy

they start to hang out occasionally, and luke almost become a mentor to percy again

(we’re kinda ignoring hoo rn for luke’s mental health, but percy most definitely talks to luke abt how he can see where luke was coming from during the second titan war after that whole prophecy nightmare)

eventually, they become friends, even family

he’s happy to hear that the camp is expanding, allowing minor demigods; the hermes cabin is far less crowded

but luke still holds a lot of anger and bitterness. even living within this secret society, it’s yet another symptom of the gods’ lack of caring (like the crowded hermes cabin)

even with percy’s request and the expanding camp, luke still hears of demigods joining their society, which is a little disheartening if only bc it still represents the gods’ lack of caring

with the help of therapy, tho, he’s learning to channel is anger into smth productive

instead of trying to raise evil entities, he throws himself into the business that their society is hidden in. he wants to know all the inner workings of both the demigod and mortal side bc he wants to help as many demigods he can

bc in the end, he’s still a scared, lost little nine year old boy who just wants someone to be there for other demigods since no one was there for him

oh and speaking of, he finds the courage to visit him mom again! annabeth goes with him, since he’s still working through all that shit with his therapist (and lbr, that’s smth that someone might never work through, just learn to cope with)

i wouldn’t say he visits her often, but he spends some of his income and hires a caregiver to help around the house, but also to take care of may. since the prophecy has been fulfilled, her visions aren’t as bad, and she doesn’t have so many spells, but her mind is still quite lost bc the curse is still there

eventually, luke works his way up the ranks of the company bc he sees the good that this society is doing, and wants to be a part of that. he can finally help these demigods that doesn’t involve destroying the world

he starts to visit camp a little, but usually only talks with chiron abt the changes that they could make to the camp to better help the kids there. the whole place, tho, still holds a lot of painful memories that luke would just rather forget. so he doesn’t go often

it’s a long, long process and luke stays in therapy indefinitely, but the work he’s doing with the company, and the demigods he interacts with on a daily basis help him a lot

he slowly heals, and mends fences, as well as makes new friends and bonds

he never truly lets go of his anger and bitterness, and for the most part he just kinda ignores the gods. remembering what he did during the titan war still haunts him, but he uses those memories as a reminder and promises to never do anything like that again

and this time he keeps his promise!

*sniffles* look at my bby boy growing up and healing. 

despite liking white collar!luke (which i could see this so easily sprouting from your initial question), i wanted to take this in a different route and really delve into his healing process bc it’s like a salve to my soul. it’s so easy to ignore emotional and psychological health, but for anyone it’s so, so important to address those issues and work through them ya know?

like i advocate for mental health and stability! as well as emotional healing, esp for men bc it breaks down that toxic masculinity. and toxic masculinity often does lead to expressions of anger and violence in men in our society

i could probably say more, but i’ll leave it there for now. it feels like a good stopping point. hmu if you’d like to hear more specifics abt anything within this au!! i’d be happy to write more abt this au :D

thanks for sending this in, anon!!

[univcrse]

it's honestly unbelievable how all of the worst gg ships were endgame like. Blair and Dan are horrible ppl but they're a god-tier ship and they just worked so well together and the writers rly broke them up for chair and derena wtf?? and nate was literally the only decent person on the show and him and Serena were meant to be!! and don't even get me started on lily ending up with that piece of shit abusive ex husband of hers like WHOMST THE FUCK thought that that was a good idea?

lmao soz I just have a lot of opinions and I’m super bitter about gossip girl and you are just 100% correct abt everything

big mood!! ask me to talk abt virtually any tv show and you’ll see i put the bi in bitter :/

yeah as a rule i expect nothing from trashy teen dramas the ONLY valid and beautiful one was one tree hill (watch it you will not regret it) but the gg ending was extraordinarily bad. like they didnt do a single thing right lol. imo dair was slightly better than chair (i loved them at first their friendship was so interesting) even though towards the end you could see how they tried to redeem chuck bigtime and ofc the dan reveal made him look like a psychopath but. honestly i accepted chair in the end bc i wont deny he did some good stuff mainly paying her dowry but i couldn’t forget the yrs of abuse either (n the actor who played chuck was. so bad. “i am chuck bass and i love you!!!!” ok and???? dsjkgdsjdsk). 

serena and nate were the only healthy ship the entire show so that was sad. i wanted them to show scott (dan and serenas brother…yikes imagine him returning w vanessa like hey whats up fam only to find out his 2 BIOLOGICAL SIBLINGS ARE MARRIED. TO EACH OTHER 😬😬😬😬 but whatever he was a sweetie and super hot and they should have showed/mentioned him again) and vanessa endgame. im a vanessa stan for LIFE can we talk about how the show did her so dirty and how fucking racist the fans were lol,,, social media is STILL going on about how she was “the #1 worst” like????? EVERY article is like “she’s the WORST bc she slept with all 3 boys” and uh. so did blair. and nate slept with like 20 women. and serena had like 10 bfs. and lily was married lke 7 times. chuck hired prostitutes nearly every single episode so??? yall stan elitist bullies and psychopaths and rapists and she fucked up once (while getting revenge on ppl who fucked her over in the first place) and her “childhood bff” dropped her forever while himself 1. being gossip girl, 2. falling for their bully and 3. being friends with his sister and gf’s attempted rapist like???? vanessa was held to an entirely different standard from the rest of those white demons because she was a woc it was sooo disgusting but in the long run even though it broke her heart and was super unfair she got away from those psychopaths and trump supporters (im sorry in 2018 everything blair says screams republican supremacist and they had some of the trump family on the show being friends with the upper east siders so YIKES). ive never seen such blatant racism like imagine hating vanessa but loving georgina and jack bass in the end like that’s vile… whites have no morals. but i digress. 

i hated lily from the start like the fact that eric wanted to leave the mental institution but she didn’t let him was terrifying. she had a few good moments but she was a shitty mother and serial cheater who falsely accused someone of rape so serena would get into school like??? and rufus deserved 100x better he was the only other good man on the show lol. lily first DROPPING him the moment her rich ex husband (who she cheated on, was leaving AND knew was abusive to his son) returned was uglie as hell and then going off with the man who fathered her evil sister’s child while they were married and kept her drugged and lied to her abt having cancer to be close to her??? like i said teen shows do not give a fuck about their female characters whew

[abra-ka-dammit]

....i got curious and decided to analyze exactly what each of my characters stole from me

Gremix

fucking everything...

anxiety/stress/perfectionism/insecurity/self-doubt/unbearable need to take care of someone else at all times because we can’t care abt ourselves unless we feel useful, etc....

Boss

black & white thinking, BPD splitting on ppl (wait is boss just my bpd? I didnt even know I had it back then lmao)

Catfeetz

aimless irrational hatred and anger, general shitty personality stuff lmao

Razzlex

depression and unhealthy coping mechanisms, sadness and desperation leading to shitty behaviors towards other ppl to get what we want

Zubert

.........mostly love of the ocean tbh, but also the over-reactive emotional intensity levels when romantically rejected

Gaztonne

extreme boredom and antsy-ness, bipolar, and the need to be medicated for stability i didnt actually realize my mind was pleading for me to get on top of at the time

Vaxil

love of tacky clothes and colors, fondness of the concept of being androgynous, plus he’s a personification of that occasional stint of overconfidence and vanity i get for like 6 hours sometimes

Dexblik

a creation formed from loss of faith from the past realization that my religion was corrupt and hateful, plus bitterness and distaste for meeting new people and being forced to act friendly to strangers

Faxon

quietness, that weird kind of “chill” we fake to cover the horrible bubbling anxiety over fear of being a bad person

Fiq

ngl i just wanted a female goblin w the spiral pigtails but she ended up becoming another representation of that desire to help people i care about

Tiffyx

that hope that maybe our parent(s) would someday stop sucking that eventually crumbled because no, they wont

Barret

god i love women

Zakzy

punk/emo music

Zippa

“bossiness”, that natural leader drive

Niknack

seriousness abt work, self-set goals and the desire to continue to improve what skills we have

Professor Mickey

i fucking slept thru all my history classes and thats about how brilliant he sounds when he lectures abt history

Ticket

fat tbh

Riglie doesn't count because I technically didn’t make him, Karen did lel

Godot

that desire to pretty much just punch everyone who looks at us funny

Cochoora

love of animals, desire for a peaceful life spent w someone we love

Yukaga

gay af, aggressive af

Stison

alcoholism lmfao.... LUCKILY NOT RELEVANT ANYMORE but I love him as a character still

Mingbao

lazyness & lying to get outta doing shit

Hemmus

bitch

Torte

tendency to distance from others in fear that they might end up hurting us while simultaneously craving socialization

Bleize

teenage emo phase

Blanket

tbh i was just drunk when i made her i have no fucking clue but i love her so WHATEVER. guess she’s a personification of my drunk brain.

Derich

pessimism, heavily buried hope for a chance at anyone ever romantically wanting us

Jeorges

sarcasm & dry humor, UGH factor at seeing happy couples when we’re personally miserable

Bints

i really wish i could just run away from human capitalism and live w the woodland creatures ngl

Nico

probably the weed thing

Casbah

admittedly hasnt rly been developed yet so who knows

[bananagator]

On Josuke and Rohan’s Relationship

I love the tension between these two.  One of the things I find interesting, however, is that they both hate each other but still make the choice to risk their lives for each other.  The arc of their relationship is fascinating.  Now obviously Rohan on his part has plenty of reasons to hate Josuke, one being that Josuke hospitalized him for a month.  Except when I rewatched some DiU, I think it’s a little more complicated than that.

But even before that, Rohan was really interested in Josuke.  He spent three whole months not knowing anyone else had powers like he did.  Josuke was one of those people in Koichi’s memories that Rohan found to be inspirational material for his manga.  Rohan was even somewhat impressed that Josuke could withstand his pen attacks in their initial encounter.  It stands to reason that Rohan would resent Josuke for wrecking his house and beating the shit out of him, though.

Except that’s not entirely the case.  After Rohan recovers from his initial shock at being pummeled into his own bookcase and then crushed by said bookcase, how does he react? He wants to know MORE about Josuke.  He wants to know his Backstory.  Then when he hears Koichi tell Okuyasu the story, he’s moved almost to the verge of tears.

Relatable tbh.

He says he’s happy.  I love the slight ambiguity here, too.  This is literally like that ‘they’d punch me and I’d say thanks’ meme.  Because of Josuke he gets to...  experience getting the absolute shit beaten outta him.  The fact that he practically squeals in terror mere moments after showing a warped sense of gratitude for the ‘experience,’ is hysterical. 

writing college essays be like.  ok but honestly this one kinda makes me a little sad because of reasons.  It speaks to how desperately Rohan wanted to be able to create stories that people would read.  He’s afraid of failure.

He’s probably more referring to the experience of getting to learn all those cool things about Stand users and being inspired to write for his manga than getting beaten up and crushed by his own bookcase, but it’s still funny.  It’s also ironic bcuz out of everyone in DiU, Rohan is probably one of the unluckiest dudes I have ever seen.  bruh....  I absolutely love that Rohan is deeply invested emotionally into certain aspects of Josuke’s life, without liking him as a person.  I know ppl have joked that Rohan has probably portrayed Josuke-type characters as villains in his manga, but I firmly believe that, whether or not Rohan would admit it, he’s inspired by Josuke’s life to make compelling stories, as well.

So how do we get to the essential roots of Rohan and Josuke’s mutual hatred? I will grant you, Rohan being hospitalized for a month would have given him time to calm down from his obsessed high and start to resent Josuke for hindering his ability to work on his manga via injury and breaking all his stuff.  The trade-off is that a whole new world of inspiration opens up to him and also inadvertently leads to Rohan developing his Stand’s abilities further (click here for my meta on the growth of Heaven’s Door).  Even though that doesn’t balance out the degree to which he got his ass kicked, I still don’t think the hospitalization is the real reason for their tension, or rather I should say, not all of the reason.

Ultimately, I think that Josuke and Rohan’s personalities simply mix poorly.  Josuke is terrible at telling lies and is prone to feeling immensely guilty when he thinks he’s suspected of wrong-doing.  Rohan is a highly paranoid, distrustful person by nature and hates being humiliated due to his pridefulness (which... reminds of Kira actually, but that’s another subject entirely).  Coupled with the fact that many of Josuke’s ideas tend to go very, very wrong, it’s a recipe for disaster.  This is highlighted in their gambling match.

Rohan can sense Josuke is trying to screw him over, and he fixates on it, to a point that he doesn’t even care about his house burning down in the moment.  Why? Because Rohan’s pride is at stake.  Not only that Josuke heals him even though Rohan was unable to figure out the secret, which damages his pride even further.  It’s only following the events of this that Rohan passive-aggressively tells Josuke he’s upset about his stuff getting destroyed.

This is critical groundwork for the Highway Star incident.  Josuke is burning with guilt at what he did to Rohan.  Josuke is a poor high school student who wishes he had more money, but he certainly didn’t expect or want things to escalate as far as they did.  Rohan resents Josuke for the humiliation.  I think it's worth noting that Rohan says he was holding back anger towards Josuke for Mr. Joestar’s and Koichi’s sake (not that I feel he did a very good job of it, but he did at least try, the implication being that Rohan has started to show more awareness of others’ feelings, even though he still has difficulty dealing with people socially).

What upsets me is that Rohan is very intent on capturing Kira and worries about potential victims, but Josuke doesn’t realize this about Rohan, who does a lot of behind the scenes work.  The last time they really interacted was when Rohan almost killed Josuke’s friends.  Aside from that Josuke sees Rohan being a jerk to some random kid (Janken Boy).  His attempt to invite Rohan to sit at the table with his friends is interesting given that Josuke openly admits to Joseph a little later that he dislikes Rohan.  He’s probably just going through the motions of politeness since he doesn’t look terribly thrilled about asking Rohan to talk with them.  Koichi no doubt told the others everything that happened in the Ghost Alley, but even Koichi is like, ‘Don’t trust him too much, he’s pretty sketchy.’

Rohan was desperately trying to warn Josuke about the illusion in the tunnel.  He deeply cares about what happens to people.  This is evident in Janken Boy, and I think its placement in the story is very important in showing how Rohan’s character has started to really evolve.  I will fight you on this.  Josuke, who has no reason to trust Rohan and is immensely guilt-ridden about cheating and inadvertently leading to... over 7 million yen in damages to the guy’s house, lashes out at Rohan.  There’s mutual distrust going on.

Rohan is angered that a guy who was blatantly humiliating and attempting to rob him would dare to consider him a liar.  It’s understandable but so ironic.  Rohan is actually a pretty honest person.  When it comes to serious situations or his feelings about people, he's almost always upfront to a point of rudeness.  Yet it’s this same abrasive personality that makes him seem so untrustworthy to others in DiU.  Over and over, Rohan tries to help in his own way and warn the others of danger, but he gets shut down.  He still tries anyway. 

When Rohan is struggling against Highway Star, he’s clearly relieved and shocked Josuke came back.  The main difference between this situation and Koichi saving him is that Josuke doesn’t get to see Rohan’s reaction.  What I love about Rohan is that, like Josuke, he is not the type who abandons others, even if he doesn’t know or like them.  You could call it his sense of pride/ego, or a strong-willed conviction, or an incessant need to be an arrogant dick, but the simple fact is that he refuses to betray Josuke and is fully prepared to die fighting alone.  Rohan warns him to stay away, and he’s angry that Josuke fell into the trap because of the stubborn contrariness that Rohan hates so much (I have meta on this, but another time).

Meanwhile this is the first time Josuke has ever witnessed Rohan being a decent human being.  He’s so thrown off that Rohan would choose to sacrifice his life, but he vows to save Rohan no matter what.  And previously, Josuke has almost always referred to Rohan in a rude form of address (not usually to his face directly but I like that this goes both ways), but that changes in this arc. 

The thing that really kills me is, at the end of the day, Josuke genuinely tries to apologize to Rohan.  He’s realized that Rohan is more than an asshole.  He was telling the truth and sacrificed himself to protect Josuke.  Rohan having the social skills of a walnut refuses to let Josuke finish apologizing.  I really want Josuke and Rohan to reconcile, but I can also understand that it will take a LOT more for them to be on good terms.  I wouldn’t want to just hug it out with a guy whose fool-ass tried to rob and humiliate me, especially when you consider Josuke went to such great lengths to cheat too (though I personally feel like his being able to break into Rohan’s house to switch the dice seems more of a convenient plot device but shh). 

I think there’s many reasons why Rohan doesn’t want to hear Josuke’s apology, one being that he doesn’t want to be indebted to Josuke (and he makes it clear he doesn’t consider it as such because he hasn’t forgiven Josuke for all the shitty things he did prior to this incident), because he’s unable to read Josuke’s behavior and has trouble taking kindness at face value, because he’s still bitter that Josuke healed him without his approval from before, etc.  However, I think the fact that Rohan calls Josuke an idiot indicates he does care in his own way.  Josuke’s refusal to listen put his life in danger, too, and Rohan was trying to prevent that because it would’ve meant they’d both get killed.  Rohan does not like Josuke as a person, but he shows concern about him, and the opposite is also true.  Much as they try to avoid dealing with each other, they are forced to cooperate by circumstance, and I like that.

[adoringjensen]

So how long did you/have you been crying? It took me a good 45-50 minutes to stop. And I'm still gonna cry in school tomorrow

so last night was kinda,,,weird for me. I reached my post limit right when That Scene happened, and I was so confused at first bc that’s literally never happened to me before. So I ended up just kinda sitting there staring at the tv in disbelief and felt really numb. I actually felt like,,, better than I would have expected, especially considering how I’ve reacted to finales in the past. (I couldn’t even watch the s9 or s10 finale until a couple weeks after it aired bc I just knew it was gonna fuck me up too much). But last night, I kinda skipped the whole hysterical crying part and went straight into dissociation. But it was kinda touch and go, too. It really fucken hurt and overall, I think I’ve just been super frustrated and honestly kinda bitter. At this point, I think we should really be over the whole using death for Shock Value. The characters deserve better than that and so do we as an audience and fandom. It’s just. It’s frustrating, man. 

And though my mind tells me everything will be fine by next season, my body doesn’t know that. The feelings are still very real and it still very much hurts. And the fact that we have an entire hiatus to wait to find out what happens just adds to the anxiety of it all. That’s such a shitty way to end a season, like what the fuck. Yeah it adds drama and suspense and gets ppl hyped to find out what happens next, which draws in viewers. But my dude,,, after 12 years of this shit, it gets tired. I certainly don’t like to see an onscreen death of one of my favorite fucking characters of all time. I feel like a majority of this fandom was founded on being there for each other when needed, because a lot of us do struggle with mental health issues. So when people with severe anxiety and/or depression see something like that?? In this universe they immerse themselves in to escape their own shitty reality?? That fucking sucks. It can be pretty triggering, actually. 

And because I hate myself so much, I rewatched the two episodes last night and cried throughout both this time lmao. I think because I watched with my parents the first time, I knew I had to keep myself pretty composed. So I just internalized it and didn’t let the tears fall. And today, I woke up feeling anxious and shitty bc all of this just kinda added to things going on in my own mind. So much so, that I didn’t even go to work this morning. 

The thing is that everyone feels things differently. I have to constantly remind myself of this, because I tend to feel things pretty intensely. I’m kinda on that severe end of the spectrum with everything,,, like sounds are extra loud to me. Touching can put me really on edge if too many things are touching me at once, like it really frays at my nerves. My tastebuds are extra sensitive to certain tastes. My nervous system is just extra sensitive, and I only found this out about myself fairly recently. So this has kinda given me an explanation as to why I’m so sensitive and feel everything the way I do. And having that explanation really helps me with trying to accept that about myself. 

So when things like this happen, I try really hard to convince myself it’s okay that I’m feeling this way. It’s okay that this upsets me and I’m crying about it. It’s hard as all fuck, but I’m still trying. And it doesn’t help when people say things like, “oh you’re just wound up, you’re fine.” I really take what people tell me and say about me to heart, so things like that really knock me down on my ass. But I’m doing okay, and I try to find outlets of distraction to get me through it. Something that really helps me is watching Jenna Marbles and Julien Solomita on youtube :) Julien’s vlogs are my favorite, they’re just like,,, super comforting somehow. And Julien and Jason livestreamed on twitch last night after I had finished rewatching the finale, so I watched that for a while and was able to get to sleep because of it. 

Wow, I’m not quite sure where I was going with all this or how I even got here, but. I hope it doesn’t bother you that I did. Writing things out really helps me too, it makes things feel more real to see it all written down, you know? So although I know you probably didn’t expect such a long, serious answer like this, I just want you to know that being sad and being frustrated over what happened is okay. And I hope that resonates with anyone out there who might feel ashamed/guilty/foolish/etc of what or how they’re feeling. I know that this is something I really struggle with, and I want people to know they’re not alone in that. It’s okay to cry in school. It’s okay to really feel things. It’s who you are, it’s the way you’re made. And don’t let anyone tell you otherwise to make you feel worse. Don’t let someone tell you how you’re feeling. Chances are, they really don’t understand what your mind is telling you or how your body is reacting. Only you know yourself best.

Phew okay, I’m gonna stop now. I’m sorry for all of this, holy shit. I just,,, needed to kinda get it out bc everything has just been TOO MUCH lately. So anyway, I hope you’re doing okay today anon :) The thing about this fandom is that there will always be someone around to support you. And in vulnerable times, sometimes we need a little extra support. And that’s okay xx

[whiskeyhavoc]

Hey I’ve got a lot of Feelings about Angela and Jesse

Alright I can’t stop thinking about these 2. Listen. We know Jesse was recruited at ~17 and Angela was probably around 17-18 when she joined as well, and I can’t stop fucking thinking about how they would have interacted. I’m gonna put it under a readmore bc it got super long but it’s good ok.

Like, we know Angela was already a renowned medical prodigy by this point, joined OW to continue her research with access to international info and cutting-edge tech that wouldn’t be available anywhere else and that she’s Highly respected. Just take this quote from her wiki

“Ziegler rose to become the head of surgery at a prominent Swiss hospital before pioneering a breakthrough in the field of applied nanobiology that radically improved the treatment of life-threatening illnesses and injuries. It was this expertise that attracted the attention of Overwatch.”

She’s pretty fantastic! But we also know her parents were killed in the war and she is against violence as a solution to anything (unless as a very last resort).

Then we have Jesse, who comes from a long, violent criminal background with an extremely brutal gang best known for military weapons trafficking. I’m sure that concept wouldn’t sit well with Angela. Then there’s just the whole fucking.. personality and cultural difference?? As far as I know, Swiss social culture general tend to be pretty like...Reserved, i guess is the right word? Like, not interacting with people unless it’s as a formality or something, pretty strict about social and physical boundaries, pretty “stick to the rules” and orderly (and please correct me if I’m wrong!! I’m just going off info that my other European friends have given me abt general social stuff).

And that’s completely different from Southern US culture. I literally had a 10 minute discussion in Walmart with a complete stranger over dog food, and this wasn’t unusual in the least. Like, Southern (ESPECIALLY southeastern) US culture is extremely outgoing, gregarious, and a lot of people really revel in quick-witted humor in conversation. Backhanded compliments are super common.

So like, not only do you have this culture clash, you also have this general personality clash of young cocky surefire McCree, 6 bullets, 6 bodies, working for a very violent sect of this gov organization (which i don’t even know if Angela would have had the clearance to know about for a good while after she joined) and this amazing child-prodigy pacifist healer. I imagine their interactions would be pretty stiff for a while.

 I feel like Angela would be sort of in the mindset of, “I’m one of the best of the best in my field, I have years of training and education, I’m one of the youngest people to ever accomplish what I’ve accomplished, and I was recruited by overwatch because I came up with a revolutionary nanobiological treatment that can save thousands of lives, and the only other person as young as me is an ex-gang member who happens to be a good shot.”  Like, I feel like she wouldn’t be bitter or jealous as much as she’d think it was weirdly unfair? Like, she had to dedicate her whole life to medicine to get where she’s at, and this other kid happens to stumble into it? A kid who should be in maximum security prison, no less! 

(This could also go the direction of ‘Oh he was manipulated and lied to by this gang and forced to commit these atrocities how awful!’ Then she actually observes him for like, more than 3 minutes and realizes that he’s Hell on Wheels and she’s like ‘Actually nevermind he’s not Correctly Mentally Scarred from these experiences’, which is sort of a common line of thinking I’ve seen in ppl who aren’t abuse victims)

Then good ol Jesse probably feels. Pretty shitty because he’s like “This girl is a fucking genius and I’m a desert rat with good aim” and would prob make him feel like his already-tenuous place in Blackwatch was even more unstable bc he can’t help but feel like he’s not ever going to be “Above average” enough to keep his place. He’s a good shot, that’s it. (at least in his own mind). Plus theres the whole fucked up abused-kid behaviors and coping mechanisms he has that i’m gonna write about REAL SOON that would mess with his sense of self-worth even more.

Despite all that, though?? I think they would have become friends pretty fast. But like, they would have been the type of friend that hates each other 80% of the time but keep hanging out and neither of them understand why. It probably wouldn’t take Angela long to realize that Jesse is actually a genuinely sweet person under his 7 Deadly Coping Mechanisms, and I think Jesse would get over being threatened by Angela after realizing like... She’s a teen too. UHh anyway I can’t think of a good way to conclude this but I love them and I want them to have a good wholesome friendship

[daisyjisung]

sigh 24h loop bass boosted