#and i feel like everyone would be so much better off without me around
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જ⁀♡⊹。° always picking a fight
( alexis ness x fem! reader )
♡ a/n — i love ness so here's ts i wrote at 1:30 AM ( MANGA SPOILERS FOR MOST RECENT CHAPTER )
♡ word count — 1.1k
♡ content — alexis ness x fem! reader, fem! reader, established relationship, hinted that ness and reader have known each other for a while, kaiser's an ass, kaiser and reader fighting, violence ( reader slaps kaiser )
♡ synopsis — There was only two ways to describe Alexis Ness—loyal to a fault, and yours completely.
Alexis Ness thinks you’re insane.
Because who in their right mind would walk up to the star of Bastard München, Michael Kaiser, and slap him? Who would storm past the press, security, and their own boyfriend to get in the face of The Emperor himself?
But here you are—eyes blazing, voice steady despite the storm brewing in your chest—standing toe-to-toe with Michael Kaiser like you’ve got nothing to lose.
And then your hand strikes his face, sharp enough to leave a faint red mark blooming across his cheek.
“What the hell is wrong with you?” you spit, words laced with venom. “How dare you talk to him like that?”
Kaiser barely flinches, though the press of his tongue to his cheek betrays his surprise. “Excuse me?” he says, voice dripping with condescension, his gaze flicking past you to where Ness is awkwardly hovering. “Ness, is this your girlfriend? You should teach her some manners.”
Your glare sharpens, and Ness stiffens behind you, already moving to intervene. “Kaiser, let’s not—”
“No, Alexis,” you cut him off, your voice slicing through the tension like a knife. “Let’s not pretend this is okay.” You take a step closer to Kaiser, finger pointed at his chest. “Do you think you’re untouchable? That you can just say whatever you want and everyone’s supposed to bow down and take it? You told him to quit soccer. Do you know how hard he’s worked for this? How much he’s given up just to stand on the same damn field as you?”
Kaiser smirks, the kind of infuriating grin that makes your blood boil. “Oh, please. If he’s so delicate that one comment from me shakes him, maybe he should quit. I don’t have time to babysit dead weight.”
“Dead weight?” you echo, incredulous. “You’re one to talk. You’d be nothing without someone to pass you the ball. Or did you forget that soccer is a team sport, Your Highness?” The tone you spoke the nickname full of nothing but sarcasm and distain.
Ness steps forward, his voice soft and pleading. “(Y/N), please, it’s fine. I—”
“It’s not fine!” you snap, turning briefly to look at him, your expression softening for a fraction of a second before you whip back around to face Kaiser.
“You’re not fine. You’re allowed to make mistakes, Alexis. You’re human, no matter how much this prick thinks he’s better than everyone else.”
Kaiser raises an eyebrow, clearly amused. “Wow, Ness, you’ve got yourself a firecracker. Tell me, do you keep her on a leash, or does she just run wild?”
' Oh. ' Ness thinks.
" Oh ?" You say, your eyes narrowing and before you can think twice, your hand raises again, but Ness catches your wrist just in time. “(Y/N), stop,” he murmurs, his voice strained but gentle. “It’s over. Let’s go.”
For a moment, you’re frozen, chest heaving with anger, your glare still locked on Kaiser. But then you see the way Ness’s shoulders are hunched, how his eyes are darting to the ground as if he’s trying to make himself smaller.
And just like that, the fight drains out of you.
You let Ness guide you away, your hand still trembling in his. You can feel Kaiser’s smug gaze burning into your back, but you don’t look back.
The walk back to your shared apartment is silent, the tension thick enough to choke on. Ness doesn’t say a word, and neither do you. You’re still fuming, but the anger isn’t directed at him.
When you finally step inside, the silence feels suffocating. Ness closes the door softly, setting his bag down by the wall, and you shrug off your coat with more force than necessary.
“Do you want to talk about it?” Ness asks quietly, his voice cautious, like he’s testing the waters.
You shake your head, avoiding his gaze. “No.” Your voice is thick with emotion, the one syllable wavering as you hid your face from him.
But he knows you better than that. He always has.
He’s seen this pattern too many times—how your fiery outbursts always burn brightest when you’re protecting someone you love, and how the aftermath leaves you raw and vulnerable. He knows you’re trying to hold it together, but the cracks are already showing.
“(Y/N)...” Ness starts, his voice hesitant. He takes a tentative step closer, watching you carefully, like you might break if he moves too fast.
“I’m not crying,” you blurt out, your voice shaky.
His lips press into a thin line. “I didn’t say you were.”
You let out a bitter laugh, and that’s when the tears start to spill, hot and unrelenting. “He shouldn’t talk to you like that,” you choke out, your voice trembling with the weight of your emotions. “You don’t deserve it. You don’t deserve any of it.”
Ness is by your side in an instant, his arms wrapping around you in a gentle but firm embrace. “Hey, hey,” he murmurs, his voice soothing. “It’s okay. I’m okay.”
“No, you’re not,” you whisper, burying your face in his chest. “You just don’t want to say it. You’ve always been too nice, too... loyal. Even when people don’t deserve it.”
He sighs softly, resting his chin on top of your head. “I’m sorry,” he says, and the sincerity in his voice makes your heart ache. “I didn’t mean to make you so upset.”
You pull back slightly, just enough to look up at him through tear-filled eyes. “You didn’t do anything wrong. You never do. That’s the problem, Alexis. You let people like that shaggy haired fuck walk all over you, and it’s not fair.”
He brushes a tear from your cheek with his thumb, his touch impossibly gentle. “I don’t care what Kaiser thinks of me,” he says softly. A lie, and you both know it.
“I care about you. And seeing you like this... it hurts more than anything he could ever say to me.” Alexis Ness had taken many verbal lashings from Kaiser, but nothing would hurt him more than seeing you hurt because of him.
You sniffle, a fresh wave of tears threatening to spill over. “I just... I hate seeing people treat you like you’re nothing. Because you’re everything to me, Alexis. You always have been.”
For a moment, he doesn’t say anything, his eyes searching yours. Then he pulls you close again, holding you like you’re the most precious thing in the world.
“I don’t deserve you,” he whispers, his voice barely audible.
“Yes, you do,” you reply fiercely, your words muffled against his chest. “You deserve everything, Alexis.”
The two of you stand there in the quiet of your apartment, holding each other as the weight of the day slowly starts to fade. You know the fight isn’t over—not with Kaiser, not with the world—but in this moment, it doesn’t matter.
All that matters is the way Alexis holds you, steady and unwavering, as if he’s trying to absorb all your pain and make it his own.
And maybe he is. Because that’s just who Alexis Ness is—loyal to a fault, and yours completely.
is ness also batshit crazy? sometimes, but i think he'd be more vulnerable with a gf
likes, comments, and reblogs are appreciated!
#★ · airybcbyy#blue lock x you#blue lock x reader#blue lock#bllk x y/n#bllk fluff#bllk imagines#bllk x reader#bllk manga#alexis ness#alexis ness x reader#alexis ness x you#ness x reader#bllk x you#airy posts#alexis x reader#bllk#airy answers asks :)#blue lock x reader angst#micheal kaiser#kaiser
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Do you think you could do somewhere like where the straw hats + doflamingo are really tired after a hard day and reader offers their lap for them to lay on? And they end up falling asleep? Sorry if it's to much to ask, or if you've done something similar 😅 😭
I originally wasn't going to do this, because I don't really write for OP anymore, but sure! Also, Doflamingo will not be included, as I am not up to that point in the anime yet!
OP Strawhats lying on your lap!
Summary: After a long day, you offer to let them rest in your lap!
Warnings: Innuendo on some, mostly fluff, short
Monkey D. Luffy:
"Ugh, I'm so tired!" The captain groaned, wandering below deck after hours of standing very still at the help of the ship. Nami had condemned him to boredom after finding out how much money he blew on food the past week while in port and he had finally finished serving his punishment.
"You look it," You mused with a small smile. You rolled your eyes as he approached you, dramatically swaying. "Oh, c'mere then, before you fall over."
Luffy cheered, collapsing to the floor, head snuggly tucked in your lap, sighing happily. "You're the best..." He purred, already on the verge of drifting off.
Roronoa Zoro:
Zoro had been crabby all day, he was just tired and it was entirely his own fault. That meant it was everyone else's problem. He was currently ranting at Sanji for something silly when you whistled at him and called him over. "I'm not a damn dog! You can't just-" You patted your thigh invitingly. His shoulders slumped and he came over and planted his cheek against your thigh, not caring for who saw.
"You better stop staying up all night working out." You scolded lightly, raking your fingers through his short hair.
"Yeah, yeah..."
Nami:
"They're all just so dumb!" She groaned, pacing the floors. "You have no idea how hard it is being a secretary to these men." You simply nodded and listened, knowing better than to interject during a rant. "Like seriously, you don't wanna know how much Luffy spent on food while we were ported. And I don't mean for all of us, just for himself!"
Eventually, her pacing turned to standing, then sitting beside you, and finally, she found herself lying between your legs, face snuggled into your inner thigh, anger ebbing in exchange for drowsiness.
"Feel better?" You asked softly, petting her tangerine hair gently.
"I guess..."
Usopp:
You entered his workshop, shoulders slumping at the sight. He was slumped over the workbench again, cheek squished to the wooden surface. You rolled your eyes and approached him, nudging him lightly. "Usopp," You whispered so as not to startle him, though ultimately, your caution was for not.
He jumped, scrambling up into a straight sitting position. "(Y-Y/N)! Y-You can't just scare me like that!" You simply snickered and pulled him up and toward the small bed in the corner. "No, I gotta finish this project-"
"I'll let you lay in my lap." You offered with a knowing smile.
"O-Okay!" He smiled sheepishly, following you, collapsing in your lap without hesitation. The moment he stopped shifting, he began to snore again.
Vinsmoke Sanji:
You had watched him bustle around the kitchen all day, refusing any help offered to him. In the back of your mind, you knew, when Sanji crashed, he'd crash hard. As predicted, after the dinner dishes were finished, he made a beeline for you, hugging you tightly. "I'm so tired..." He mumbled into your ear, voice deep and groggy. "What would be the best way to charm you without exhausting any effort?"
"Consider me charmed." You scoffed playfully, pulling him over to the couch in the lounge before patting your thigh. The way he stared at you, you would have thought you'd just asked him to claim you right then and there. His face was red, eyes glued to your thighs. "Behave yourself." You wanted as he dropped to the floor and nuzzled between your plush thighs.
"Yes ma'am!"
Tony Tony Chopper:
It was typical of Chopper to get sleepy earlier than the rest of the crew, frequently curling up with Robin while the adults settled down to enjoy an evening activity together. This night was different only in one way.
"Ha, royal flush!" You laughed, laying your cards on the table and claiming the cash in the middle of it. You nearly yelped when you felt soft fur brush your calf. Looking down, you found the reindeer climbing up on the bench beside you and curling up in your lap.
"Awe..." You cooed on a whisper, shushing the rowdy rest. "Look at him..."
"It seems I've been replaced," Robin mused with a gentle smile. "How tragic."
Nico Robin:
It was known that on especially hard days, she would welcome you into her lap, uttering soothing words or reading silently while threading her long nails through your hair. But tonight was different. You could tell she was upset, despite her cool nature. When you'd finally convinced her to open up, you found that she was having unpleasent dreams involving her past.
"Can't get anything past you, can I?" She laughed sadly, before her brows shot up in surprise as you patted your lap.
"I know I'm probably not as good at this as you are..." You muttered sheepishly. "But..."
To your delight, she laid down, face up in your lap, and allowed you to play with her hair while she read quietly to herself. "You couldn't be more wrong, this is perfect." She sighed blissfully.
Cyborg Franky:
Franky had been in an awfully sour mood lately, totally uncharacteristic of him. After witnessing him get into a small argument with Usopp over a new ship upgrade thew were collaborating on, you knew you had to have a word with him. "Franky, what's your deal lately?" You huffed, hands on your hips.
"No deal," He scoffed, turning away. "What's it to ya?"
"You're acting like Zoro when he misses a nap." Your eyes narrowed sternly. He sighed.
"I ain't been sleepin' well, okay?" He finally admitted sheepishly. You softened, smiling slightly.
"Why didn't you just say so?" You climbed up on a large crate of ale, sitting at the perfect height, patting your lap. "Come take a nap, you'll feel better."
"N-Nah, I'll be good," He shook his head, cheeks a bit pink. After a bit more convincing, he finally sat on the floor, back against the crate, and rested his head in your lap as you brushed the cyan locks from his eyes and removed his shades. "You were right, this is nice..."
Brook:
The ship was eerily quiet today and for the life of you, you couldn't figure out why. Suddenly, it hit you. You hadn't seen or heard Brook all day long. After asking around, you found him in the lounge, staring at the fish. "Brook, you okay?" You asked softly, tilting your head into his view.
"Oh, yes, my dear. Just in thought." He sighed, empty sockets seemingly tracking the tropical fish as they wandered the glass enclosure. "The only I get, the younger my old friends seem." He admitted quietly and your eyes softened.
You weren't entirely sure how long had passed as you sat there with him, watching the fish interact with one another, or when you'd begun to lean into one another. "Brook?" You asked softly, eyes never looking away from the tank. "I can't do much to help but...would you like to lay in my lap?"
"I'd like that very much, my dear." He replied, patiently waiting for you to get into a comfortable position before laying out his lanky form on the sofa between your thighs. "This helps so much more than you know." The pair of you stayed that way for a while until you began to feel skeletal phalanges lightly digging into the meat of your legs. "You know, since you're in such a giving mood..."
"You're done." You deadpanned, pushing him away.
Jinbe:
You had never had much experience with Jinbe, having only known him for a short while, be he seemed to always know when the emotional atmosphere around him had changed. Thanks to this empathy, he noticed immediately when you'd woken up on the wrong side of the bed. "(Y/N)? What's the matter?" He asked, cocking a brow as you stepped below deck.
"Just in a mood..." You grumbled, coldly brushing him off. Ever patient, he simply gave you a warm smile and let you be. As the day wore on, you both found yourself winding down in the lounge. You grumpy day catching up with you, you dozed off, cheek pressed to his shoulder. Smiling fondly, Jinbe repositioned you, delicately resting your head in his lap, large webbed hand very carefully brushing the fringe from your eyes.
#one peice#op x reader#one piece x reader#monkey d. luffy#luffy x reader#roronoa zoro#zoro x reader#nami#nami x reader#usopp#usopp x reader#vinsmoke sanji#sanji x reader#tony tony chopper#chopper x reader#nico robin#robin x reader#cyborg franky#franky x reader#op brook#brook x reader#jinbe op#jinbe x reader
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i've been hooked on squid games recently, could you possibly do one of the guards or the frontman protecting the reader from dying in a game?? bonus points if the reader gets hurt. please and thank you!! no pressure at all ofc! good luck with college!!
~One Lucky Day~
˚⋆𐙚。 𖦹.ᡣ𐭩˚ Pink Soldier x Reader
requested 💌
a/n: sorry for being super slow writing its for the silliest reason ever! my hard gel nails are grown the fuck out and its SO hard to type expect like one million fics in a row when i get these mf knives taken off of my fingers here in a few days!!! as always thank you for all the support!!!<3 -matcha
˚⋆𐙚。 𖦹.ᡣ𐭩˚ As you were led through the sickeningly colorful halls- an almost disrespectful contrast to the dark place you found yourself in, your mind raced uncontrollably about what the next game would be. You worried, like everyone else, about whether you would be able to survive and move forward. you looked around as you climbed the pink staircase. noticing how many men there were compared to women. your stomach began to turn thinking about how difficult it would be to compete against those who appeared to be much stronger than you. you tried to calm yourself; thinking about how during the previous game you had an advantage by being able to stop easily and stay balanced. you hoped that in this game strength wouldn't be much of a factor.
as you entered the game hall, your mind began to race a little less. "this doesn't look like it'll be too bad for me." you thought, noticing that there wasn't a whole lot that the set gave away; just two rainbow circles. "it looks like a track, maybe this will be more like red light green light again." you pondered; the thought of a more agility-based game making you feel more confidently. the recorded voice echoed within the hall as you were instructed to form groups of 5. The thought of being in a group also aided in soothing your fears, knowing that whatever ability you lacked there were other players with you to make up for it.
you eventually found your group, finding it hard to be accepted due to not being male. your group- 3 women and 2 men- ended up being picked to go dead last. you all breathed a sigh of relief- agreeing that this could be a very good thing, you weren't going first, and you had the most time to prepare. you all got to practice your individual mini-games, and you were able to calculate what the other players struggled with more and how to better handle that without wasting too much time. as you and the rest of the crowd cheered for the other groups, you began to feel more confident about the game.
finally, it was time for the two last groups to compete. you were happy to be closer to the end of this horrible place, but you trembled with the thought of what would happen if your group wasn't time-efficient enough. the other group- very kindly you thought- agreed that they would be cheering you on and you them; referencing to the lack of cheering crowd the other groups had. this gesture made you feel supported- and ready to compete in what would hopefully be the last game before you got to leave.
as your group moved through all of the mini-games, your heart sank realizing how little time you all had to spare. "fuck." you thought to yourself; not wanting to scare the rest of your team. "okay, we can't afford to mess up on this last one." you said to the man about to attempt the last game. you tried to sound encouraging. to hide your fear in a way that might help that man. with 5 seconds on the clock, you watched the other team cheer in relief as they completed the game and got to leave. your team wouldn't make it, your skin crawling as you came to the sinking realization.
five... four... three... two... one... you barely heard the recording counting down what you believed to be your last seconds on this earth. you wanted to cry, but you didn't have the time to even do that. as you watched your teammates fall to the ground, you expected the same fate to become of yourself. you felt a bullet graze the side of your upper shoulder; the pain sinking into the muscle like fire traveling through each of your veins. the pain almost distracted you from the conversation you began to overhear as you lied on the rainbow ground with your fallen teammates.
"i missed on purpose so that they'll be fresh." you heard coming from one of the masked guards. "fresh? what the fuck does he mean fresh?" you thought, the type of fear racing within you amounting to more than you've ever felt before. "okay, load them all up like normal." you heard from another guard as the pink-bowed coffins began to be lifted onto the ground beside you. you felt yourself being uncuffed; gently. and then loaded into the coffin. "don't worry. trust me." you almost didn't hear it as he said it so quietly under his breath as you were lowered with care into the coffin.
the lid was closed but not stapled shut like the rest. you didn't get moved either. time stood still as the rest of the guards left with the other coffins. after what felt like hours but was most likely only a few seconds, you saw the lid opening.
"hey just stay quiet, don't freak out or try to run. please just trust me." came softly from the only guard left in the room. you didn't know what it was, maybe just the desperation of having nothing else to do, or maybe it was his voice that made you trust him almost immediately. you lifted yourself out of the box that was supposed to be the last thing that ever touched your body. gingerly, as to not upset the gash on your shoulder. you winced, catching his attention as he began to help you up.
"why- why did you save me? i lost the game." you said, your voice trembling in shock and as the pain traveled up your arm. "i don't know." he said, soundly almost as scared as you were. "I'm so fucking sorry i shot you." your eyes met his, he looked to be near your age. his face was young and soft, with short black hair. he was the type of guy that if you weren't in this place, you would have considered going up to him to ask for his number or something along those lines. "thank you, so much." you said genuinely, your voice softening as you assessed that the situation was safe.
"what do we do now?" you asked him, even though it didn't look like he knew for himself. "ill patch your arm up, and ill lead you back to the other players when its lights out." your second chance at life was shocking; a bit disappointing that you still had to go back to the games. you found yourself not wanting to level him.
"what about you?" you questioned as he began to gently wrap some gauze around the wound on your arm. "ill be okay, they thought you went with the rest of the coffins, and they don't really seem to care about what happens to the players once they've been eliminated." you tried not to think about the last part of his answer. "will i see you again?" you asked, without really thinking about it. you weren't sure how to properly express your gratitude to the stranger who had saved you, and a part of you twinged with sadness about the thought of never looking into his brown eyes again.
"ill look after you in the games." he stated in a way that made you know full-heartedly that he meant it; and would do so.
as he walked you back to the hall you once dreaded returning to, you found yourself no longer feeling any fear at all.
#squid game#squid game x reader#squid game s2#squid game season 2#pink guards#pink guards x reader#squid game pink guards#pink soldiers
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You Called Me Baby: l.jn
You Called Me Baby: Lee Jeno drabble
Content: Jeno and reader are grossly in love but painfully shy, and a particular word is accidentally thrown around, causing Jeno's brain to implode. No warnings to note
A/N: this isn't my best but i just wanna post something since its going to be a few days before i can post something better/ more in depth
Its been painfully long since you’ve heard from Jeno. You know he’s not the most talkative guy, not much of a texter, and when you do get a response from him, he’s a little dry. But he’d at least make an effort to appear, to let you know he’s listening to you. To reply to your message as quickly as possible, to return a call that he missed. To hold your gaze with his own as you tell him stories about you, your life, your past, and your hopes for the future. He didn’t need to talk that much for you to understand him. He didn’t need to say anything at all. The way he’d look into your eyes with a peaceful smile, the way his hand would inch ever closer to yours begging to be held, the way he’d always manage to focus solely on you in a room full of all your friends’ excited chatter and laughter. He didn’t say a word, but he made it obvious he felt the same way that you do– completely and foolishly head over heels.
It was obvious in the darkness of last night, when the two of you were alone after everyone else had gone home, sitting on the couch side by side. As close as possible without actually being wrapped around each other. Not close enough to feel his heartbeat, but close enough to feel the sparks between you. Shoulder to shoulder, arm to arm, and finally, hand in hand. His hand was calloused and rough, but the warmth radiating off of him, that you were sure was coming directly from his heart, made his palms feel like plush cashmere.
And then it slips out. You didn’t mean to say it. You didn’t even realize you called him such a sweet word until he stiffened. Then chuckled. Took on that smile that you know only appears when he’s uncomfortable. Then you feel cashmere slipping out of your hand. Before you can address the sudden tension, he’s excusing himself and closing your door behind him.
Now, the morning after, you lay in your bed, staring at your phone, unsure whether to hate yourself for being so reckless with your words or to hate Jeno for just up and leaving without uttering any words at all.
Just as you’re about to throw your phone onto the nightstand and force yourself back to sleep (its the only thing you can think of to avoid crying), you get a call. Perhaps if you had thought for a second longer, you'd reject it out of spiteful heartbreak. But before you can think that far ahead, as soon as you see who it is, you answer as if its second nature.
“I’m sorry I left. I was nervous. It just surprised me when you called me ‘baby’ and I didn't know how to respond. I’m sorry. But I do really like you. Can we meet up today?”
#nct#nct dream#nct fanfic#nct fluff#nct imagines#nct scenarios#nct smau#nct texts#nct x reader#nctzen#nct dream smau#nct dream x reader#nct dream fluff#nct dream imagines#mark lee#huang renjun#lee jeno#lee donghyuck#lee haechan#na jaemin#zhong chenle#park jisung#jeno x reader#jeno#nct jeno
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i wanted to rant about simon.
what do you think so far like what are your actual headcanons for the canon simon vs this simon from this series?
my feelings about the actual simon is quite vague. i've read far more fanfictions than bothering with the actual material so my picture of his is not really...constant? idk
but with this simon, he scares me. just to think about people that can engage in such romantic and sensual acts with little to no feeling involved.
or the mc's father. her dad makes me feel such an anger and injustice that i don't know how to express it and i know we probably won't get a satisfying update on him.
you don't like your wife fine i could understand the distance between them, but how can somebody forget their child no matter if they share the same blood or not, after all the time he raised her
leaving all that behind just to start a whole new life. how can that not eat somebody alive
OHH this is actually a good question. honestly for me, simon is probably one of the hardest character to write about because he doesn't give away too much. too calm. too know-it-all.
we're just gonna talk about the romance aspects!
but based on my head-canon of the canon simon, he has those younger years where he avoids romance, but not this actively and aggressively. it's more because he has too much on his plate (anger management issues, PTSD, depression) than because he think he's not good enough for some happiness (but he also doesn't expect/hope for it.)
canon younger (probably 6-7 years after he killed Roba) Simon lives his life without the need for things to turn out in certain ways. as he gets older (yes, the 2022/2023 ghost) and better mentally, he's become a little more open to the idea, though.
he's still not actively seeking romance, settling on one-nightstands and things that don't require any strings attached. however, he's not completely closed off to the idea too. if he has someone he likes AND TRUST (this is already a high wall to get over), he might act on it. but again, not really actively pursuing it and knows he doesn't need it.
and this might come as a surprise, but he's actually the biggest flirt out there—well, at least when it's only the two of you. when in front of his taskforce, he goes back to acting like he's the calm, collected, cool, stoic, scary lieutenant that everyone knows. can't have you ruin his reputation, right?
"it's private but not secret," with him. though it's not loud PDA, sometimes he lets his hands linger in places like your waist, your hips, shoulders. his love language is act of service, gift giving, physical touch—he makes sure to always appreciate you with compliments and love affirmations, but he's never really a man who's big on words.
WHILE THIS SIMON, hmmm.. he's a bit more complicated. and a mess. at some point, you can think of him as the younger version of canon simon we just talked about to simplify it, but even that's not really accurate considering the different ways they handle "all that sappy stuff" (as simon would say). this one actively and AGGRESIVELY avoids romance.
and while they both (my ver. of canon simon and this simon) sort to flings and one-nightstands, the canon simon is more careful and actually follows the boundaries he draws himself. while this simon outlines the boundaries, follows his rules until an interesting bird enters his orbit, violates them, and destroys them himself before he goes around saying "you read that wrong, darling."
NOW, ABOUT THE FATHER. . .
RIGHT! in my opinion, it's better for them to get a divorce actually and Dad still plays a role in MC's life rather than just leaving her. like, i know it'll still hurt the MC but, at least she can still have both of her parents even though in different houses! at least she doesn't have to feel neglected in her childhood.
okay, you hate someone you thought you would love forever, but abandoning your child? whose very existence was created because of you? talk about the Dad will come up in the sequel. hell, he'll even make an appearance with his two ballet loving new daughters. imagine how MC will feel.
sadly, this happens a lot in real life. fathers leaving and starting a new life without thinking about his "old" family. how people shame single mothers but never the absent fathers. people shame many women who have "daddy issues" or call them "fatherless" yet never call out men's incapability of being a real, PRESENT father.
#𐙚 — a man's heart is truly a wretched wretched thing#simon riley x reader#simon ghost riley angst#simon ghost riley x reader#simon ghost riley x oc#simon ghost riley#simon ghost riley fanfiction#simon ghost riley fanfic#simon ghost riley fluff#simon riley x fem reader#simon riley x female reader#female reader#simon riley x you#simon ghost riley x you#simon riley angst#simon riley fluff#cod men x reader#cod men x you#reader insert#cod reader insert#cod fic#cod fanfiction#call of duty#call of duty fanfiction#call of duty ghost#ghost x reader#ghost x you#ghost x y/n#simon riley x y/n#simon ghost riley x y/n
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Angel
Ghostface × Female!Reader
CW: Dub/Non-Con, Blood, Stalking, Breaking & Entering, usual fucked up GF stuff
Rating: 18+
Word Count: 2.2k
Summary: The quiet guy in your discord server decides to chat you up in the general vc, and as expected, has a lot more to unpack than you ever expected.
Notes: I was lazy and just posted the ugly default AO3 link when I first posted this, so I'm coming back and making it look nicer with new and improved tags lol
This piece doesn't specify who is really behind the mask, so whoever you want is up to you~
I had fun with this and left light references to the movies, Dead By Daylight, and Mortal Kombat to honor some of my favorite appearances of him-- hopefully it doesn't ruin the immersion lol
I don't usually leave notes, but it's been a while and I've adored all the comments and kudos I've gotten in my absence, cause at the end of the day, that's what will always bring me back. I love all your support and time reading this and hopefully I have more soon to come for you all!
Thank you again so much for reading, and I hope you enjoy! 🔪💕✨️
AO3 Link
This had become the nightly habit: get off work, make dinner, chill with the lads in a Discord call until bedtime. Mindlessly playing a game, you weren't surprised by the sound of someone joining the call, however you were surprised by who it was. He was a rando that had joined a while back, was nice enough, but didn't have much to say as he relegated himself to really only short replies or emoji reactions. You could have sworn he posted a thirst trap without his face in the #selfies channel, but you weren't 100% sure. When he would join calls he would always stay muted, opting to reply in the text chat or not at all, merely listening to and enjoying just being around the good times happening. All the same, you felt it rude to not say at least a little hello.
“Hey! How’re you doin’ tonight?”
“Hey there~”
The voice on the other side was low, having a bit of a flirtatious twang in the sigh of his greeting. Your heart skipped a beat, you weren't sure if he had ever spoken to you, much less anyone else in the server. And if you were being honest, he sounded kind of hot. Letting the giddy feeling ride, you tried to keep him talking since it was just the two of you.
“Woah–” You poked cheekily, “I dunno if I've heard you say anything before.”
“I'm more of a one-on-one kind of guy,” He offered smoothly, “But I enjoy listening to everyone having a good time.”
“Fair–”
The air fell dead as you wondered what to talk about next, letting him cut into the silence with a question, “So.. what's your favorite scary movie?”
Having just finished a server horror movie night not too long ago, the question felt like a natural segway into your interests, “Hmmnn that's actually a good question– I think if we're just talkin’ horror in general my first and favorite would have to be Silence Of The Lambs. The back and forth relationship between Clarice and Dr. Lecter was probably one of the most challenging to my mind at the ripe age of twelve, since then I've loved horror that has a female protagonist that is put under pressure by the killer to make difficult choices and solve the puzzle he left for her.
“But– that's not to say pieces like Substance or Midsommer aren't incredible mentally challenging works of art to me, I love both, along with movies like The Empty Man, Smile, It Follows, The VVitch, The Void, V/H/S–”
He cut your train with a light chuckle, “I definitely want to know which you thought was better, Smile or It Follows, but I meant to ask, what’s your favorite slasher movie?”
You gave this one a lot more consideration as your heart swelled with a damning excitement at the thought of your favorite killers, “That's such a hard choice! Of course Micheal Myers from <i>Halloween</i> is like everyone's big daddy– but I think if I had to choose it would have to be Stab! Ghostface is just a lot more fun, playful, and let's be honest– horny.”
“Oh yeah?” He hummed, “Why's that?”
How his tone seemed to curl at the end of his words made your chest tighten and a heat rise to your cheeks, “I mean, at the heart of it.. the voice actor responsible for his voice changer in the movie said that his tone is flirtatious, beyond that– between the fact that the first Ghostface seemed to get off on the idea of causing his object of obsession, Sidney, the most pain possible by the mocking of her mother being the town bicycle and it's even pointed to at the end of the movie that the two who were behind the Ghostface killings were the same two that brutalized Sidney's mother–”
“Goddamn–” Nearly groaning his words as he cut you off, he cleared his throat and pressed, “Good girl~ You sure do know your stuff.” Praising you with words that melted like chocolate over your tongue, your mind tilted at his words, ‘Good girl’.
Good girl?!
“Excu–”
“I fuckin’ love girls like you–” He went on, swearing you could hear the ache of him through the call, “Your type always knows how really appreciate us..”
‘Us’?
Before you could get a word in, he went on, “Buuut it looks like that's my cue– I hope you're ready for some fun this evening.” Leaving the conversation with the disconnect sound chiming through your ears in silence to process what just happened.
The sound of him leaving the call let a wash of relief run over you, only lasting for a moment as the floor creaking caught your attention with arms wrapping you in a winding embrace. Having your arms pinned at your sides, your hands flailed looking for any sort of way out. Only, the way your grip seemed to find his length caged behind his pants before skirting over to the long hunting knife strapped to his leg, making your struggle against him stop with a gasp.
“Yeah.. that's all for you Babe, whatever you need– so.. let's behave.. alright..?” The same voice that was lingering in your headset only moments ago was in high definition against your back.
Firmly pressing his hand over your mouth, you froze as someone else joined the empty call with you, “Hey you there?”
Your headphones loud enough for him to hear, an uneasy pause passed between you two as his hold over your lips lessened, “Yeah-” He let you breathe through his nitrile gloved fingers.
“Good, kinda glad he's gone, he's chill and all, but it kinda bugs me that he's just in here just dead-ass silent all the time. Fuckin’ weird.”
Looking over your shoulder a bit to get any sort of a look at him, you were only met with the deep black drooping eyes framed by a gasping bone white mask. Familiarity of the visage made your heart drop into your stomach, forcing you to chew on the harsh fact that that same familiarity you knew to fear, also brought the flutter of butterflies in with it.
A rough bump of his hips to your back-end snapped you out of your own mind and made you bark out, “Uh– Same– he is kinda weird, I've– talked to him a little bit and he just– seems like a bit of a creep..”
“Oooh shit whaddaya mean?”
He peered over your shoulder to look at you, curious to see how you would pull this along as his other hand pushed at the elastic of your pajama bottoms, “He uh– waited for everyone to leave– and then started hella chatting me up–”
“Are you good? It sounds like you're doing something.”
Eyeing him, the slight nod of his head coaxed you to keep talking while his fingers made their home in exploring your heat, “Yeah I'm fine– I think I pulled a muscle and I–”
“Oh shit– sorry, one sec– groceries are here, I'll be back in a minute!”
At the sound of her disconnection he lifted you up with a near effortless toss onto the bed, wasting no time crawling on top of you to get at what little clothing was left with his blade. Watching the fabric dance away from your frame, he gripped your wrist as you tried to switch your mic off.
“Go on.. stay in that call.. let ‘em all know what a stagy little whore you are.” He pushed, lifting the hem of his hoodie above the glimmer of the silver button hiding his length behind the black denim.
No time was wasted getting into you, making himself at home between your legs with a few rough thrusts and shivering grunts that made your mind twist. Squirming under him the grit falling off his boots into your blankets made you buck against him in frustration, earning a low sigh from him as his beat picked up.
“Mmn if you keep fighting me.. I'll gut you like a fucking pig.” Groaning into your ear, the delicate touch of his knife teased itself between your breasts.
Defiance sparked in you to bite back, “If we're– oh god– following the rules, you'll just do it anyway–”
The blade pulled its edge against your skin, splitting you like a ripe peach under its cut, “True.. but the killer's favorite little slut never dies.. she's gotta make it to the sequel, the trilogy, hell! Maybe a whole fuckin’ saga..”
Suddenly ringing in your ear the sound of the bluetooth assistant chimed,
Battery Low.. Please Charge Soon.
You held your lips tight as the length of him pushed to the hilt over and over, letting the air in the call stay dead as your friend and others passed through, thinking you were away from your keyboard.
“What’s wrong? Suddenly have nothing to say? I thought you liked the idea of being yanked around by a big man with a knife? Little different than on the big screen, ain't it Babe?”
You could practically hear him purring behind the mask, his pace slowing to deep grind as you felt the rub of his metal pants zipper dig into your skin like a threat.
“Mmmm– remember a couple weeks back– we were all watching that scary movie– when you wouldn't shut the fuck up about how you wanted to ride that slashers cock like a carnival ride– fuck you don't know what that did to me– hearing you get all giddy about bouncing on dick after a kill– goddamn you don't have a fuckin’ clue– how bad I wanted bust through that fuckin’ window and tear you apart–”
Gripping his palm across your eyes to pin your head to the bed, the unrelenting barrage of what came was less of a kiss and more of a hostile takeover of your senses. You couldn't tell how long you were left to his devices, using you with the excitement of a new sex doll he'd been waiting months for. The fight in you began to fade with the swipe of your tongue to his, earning the zeal of him rutting into you harder.
“See.. I knew you'd love it..”
Battery Low.. Please Charge Soon.
Dipping down to your chest to kiss the fresh wound that lay spilling blood around your breasts, taking in the heavy scent of your rubies like a jewel thief making his biggest heist. Slipping his free hand over your chest to the slick of your nipple made you gasp as a perfect distraction before pulling his mask back down. Adorning his usual visage now laid a smeared print of your life in blinding crimson, letting that be the first and only thing you saw as he let you have your vision back in the darkness. Against the blur of your eyes readjusting from the pressure of his weight on them, the dip of his frame dropping against yours with his hands gripping the sides of your head in a vice made you dizzy with a feral beat between your legs. Throughout his treatment you didn't feel that familiar latex rub of a barrier between you, forcing your stomach into a twist as his panting behind the mask got heavier.
The first grace of the evening came when you finally heard the powering down beeping of your headset giving its last bit of juice before cutting out. Unbound by the fear of being heard, your voice let out a moan that vibrated the silence of the dead air room. Relaxing a little under him, he pushed your rear up, angling himself better to pump deep before running his fingers over the tacky blood joining the fresh on your chest in a macabre mess. Having the dig of his fingertips into the open wound weeping from you was a new kind of violation before he breathed out a shaken manic pleasure from the mask that captivated you.
“Oh fuck– I'm going to smear your blood over my every fucking pore!” The bubbling frenzy in his tone gave away his devouring bliss as it promised to swallow you whole.
Honestly, you weren't long for the session either way as he found just the right spot to rub his tip into the soft warmth of you hugging his length and perfect grind of his mound against your bud aching to come undone. Seeing him watch you in those last moments before you went over the edge was enough to send you there as you trembled and cried out under his grip. Moaning and reaching to touch him in any way you could, you couldn't get enough of him as your body craved the closeness it needed. Expecting swift punishment for the affection, he surprised you by taking your hand in his, slowing his pace. Lacing your fingers as one, the gentle caress of his thumb to your skin had your rose colored glasses as red as they could be. Watching with a affectionately hazed gaze while he pinned you down, your skin when cold as his words dripped from his lips like sweet poison:
“You think you're getting away that easy? I'm just gonna cum and that be that? No.. I prepared for this all day. You're not goin’ fucking anywhere.”
#dead by daylight#dbd#dead by daylight fanfiction#dbd fanfiction#danny johnson#danny johnson x reader#danny johnson x you#danny johnson x y/n#danny jed johnson#danny jed johnson x reader#danny jed johnson x you#danny jed johnson x y/n#jed olsen#jed olsen x reader#jed olsen x you#jed olsen x y/n#ghostface#ghostface x reader#ghostface x you#ghostface x y/n#ghost face#ghost face x reader#ghost face x you#ghost face x y/n#billy loomis#billy loomis x reader#billy loomis x you#billy loomis x y/n#stu macher#stu macher x reader
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Broken Bonds-Part 25
Greg "Mouse" Gerwitz x Reader, (Eventual) Jay Halstead x Hailey Upton
While Mouse is at training intelligence tackles a case that helps you figure out that something might have been helping yours and Jay's friendship reform. (Upstead rises?)
A new balance meant so many things for your life. Mouse fully being back in it for one, yeah he was in Georgia currently but you talked to him every morning and every night. He’d text you throughout the day and both of you now used the video call option on your phone regularly. It also meant Addy getting used to spending nights split between your place and Jay’s.
You knew that the one and one thing wouldn’t hold when she got older but for now? She was young enough it didn’t bother her any, besides the fact that the dark circles under his eyes had faded in the last couple weeks and his smile was starting to return meant the world to you. He’d even started to joke around with you at work again, you knew things weren’t back to where they were and there was a chance they would never be but he was trying and you loved him for that.
Jay had Addy the night before so waking up was a bit of a struggle without hearing her over the monitor. You stretched out your muscles, the gym was very much calling your name. That heavy bag needed hitting. Maybe Hailey or Stella would want to go with you? You reached for your phone about the time a text came through and you smiled when you saw the photo of Mouse with his longer hair he’d sent you before he’d had to get it cut for training pop up before you clicked the message Good morning to the most beautiful detective that ever walked. I love you. Have a good day. Stay safe you shook your head and texted back Don’t know about the most beautiful but from you I��ll take it. I love you too. Call me tonight? His response came through almost immediately Of course. Give Addy a hug from me
You sent a text to Stella and Hailey to ask if one or both wanted to go to the gym with you then got up to get ready.
Once you were dressed you came back to the text thread with the two to see Stella had texted Sorry honeybee early meeting at the station but Hailey had texted I’ll meet ya there Wifey
You replied to Stella telling her to have a good day and you loved her then asked Hailey when she wanted to meet.
“It actually does feel better starting the day” Hailey laughed as the two of you walked up the stairs into the bullpen. Jay looked up from the file he was reading over and raised an eyebrow “Do I want to know here or?” you grinned “I took her to the gym with me, introduced her to the beauty of beating the hell out of the heavy bag before work”
He looked from you to Hailey “That’s terrifying. The two of you, tore loose in a boxing gym” She laughed “What is it Halstead? Worried we may team up on you?” he shook his head “No, I know better than pissing either of you off” she grinned “Good. I’d hate for Addy to know her daddy got his ass kicked by her mommy and her auntie Hayhay”
He cut his eyes at you “Auntie Hayhay?” you shrugged “Everyone has kind of figured out she’s narrowing in on talking age or first words age and so they’re shortening or making their names easier” he looked back at Hailey then nodded slowly “Ok then”
Adam raised his hand “How the hell do I shorten Adam?” you shook your head “Easy, Ruz” he shrugged “I’ll take it” Kevin grinned “She gonna want her uncle Kev anyways Ruzek so don’t worry about it” the two of them started in on who would be her favorite uncle out of the unit and you shook your head.
You caught Jay’s eye and he smiled “They’re idiots but they love our daughter. That’s what counts right?” you smiled “Like you said we built her a strong family” for the first time since he found out you’d slept with Mouse again you didn’t see pain in Jay’s eyes when he looked at you. “I think we’re doing pretty well for her”
“Didn’t I teach you most of this crap?” you asked Kevin, tossing a ball up piece of paper at his head before glancing back at your computer screen. You caught his grin out of the corner of your eye “Yeah but you’re better at it”
You spun around as your mouth fell open “No sir! We do not do weaponized incompetence around here! Get your ass to this screen!” you pushed away from your desk and he laughed before scooting his chair around to take your place. You watched him go through the programs, making sure he hit all the right steps. You finally had someone you could call if you got stumped, he couldn’t run it but he could talk you through other ways.
A ding chimed from your computer and you clapped your hands “Lookie there Kev. You did it all by yourself” he shook his head with a laugh “I love you but you’re kind of mean to me at times” you shrugged “But you love me, that’s what counts”
You walked over to lean over him and look at the screen “So much for his ass not being anywhere near the crime scene. He lights up the board. His phone and his car frequented the area. We just tripped him up on one lie, lets see what other lie Jay and Hailey can trip him up on”
__________
You stood up and walked back to the interrogation room they had the suspect in and opened the door “Can I speak with one of you?” Jay and Hailey glanced up then at each other. They shrugged “He isn’t going anywhere” then they both stood to follow you out into the hallway.
You glanced back towards the closed door of the room before saying “We just rolled his ass up in one lie. He lit up the board for the crime scene surrounding area, almost like he was scoping it out leading up to the drugs rolling into town” “That makes him seem alot higher up on the food chain than we originally thought” Jay said and you nodded “Which makes me think, if he was why would he lie. Most of em are cocky about it. This guy was scared almost. I think you two may be able to take this and flip him. Get us a meeting and access to the man actually bringing in the fentanyl” Hailey winked at you “We’ll get him to flip babe” Jay nodded “Just give us a little time sweetheart. We’ll have this asshole ready to give us everything”
You watched them walk back in and hoped like hell they flipped him. This was what you needed, a man on the inside. So far this crap had killed half a dozen but the number of OD’s were increasing daily. The crap wasn’t cut, it was too freaking strong and what was cut was done so with crap like bug repellant. This guy was an ass but the guy he was working for? He was a fucking bitch and you meant that in the absolute worst way possible.
_____________
You walked back out to your desk, everyone turning their eyes at you as if you were supposed to know right then and there what was going on. You sat down and started checking your emails. You were halfway through clearing them out when Hailey and Jay came walking out of the back hallway. You cut your eyes up at Jay and he gave a slight nod. They flipped him. The unit now had a snowball’s chance in hell of getting this crap off the street.
“What now?” you asked and Hailey sighed “He needed buyers” you desperately didn’t want to go back under and knew Jay felt the same. “We’ll do it” Kim offered and you cut your eyes at her “What?” she nodded “Me and Adam or me and Kev. We can do it” Yeah like that would make you feel better, not at all. Hailey shrugged “Said he likes rich white couples with security guards. Sounds to me like all three of you may be able to do this”
“What about me?” you asked and Jay pointed between him and Hailey “You’ll be in the surveillance van with us. We’ll be recording the buy and wanting to call in backup when it’s all going down” you nodded “Ok, sounds like a plan. Who’s telling Voight?” “Tell me what?” Hank asked from Jay and nearly made all of you jump in surprise.
“Guy flipped. He’s willing to play the middle man and get us a meet. Ideal clientele is rich white couples rocking security” Hailey explained. He nodded “Kim, Kev and Ruzek?” “Yes sir” you replied. “Ok. Run with it”
You laughed, chasing Addy across the living room. She’d started crawling and was already a professional at putting you through your paces. “Adeline Halstead! Come your little butt back here!” she giggled harder. She was mumbling as she crawled, different sounds coming out. Leave it up to you and Jay to produce a kid that turned out to be an early crawler and looked like she was going to end up being an early talker too.
Her dark curls bounced along with her and you laughed as she made it to the pillows you’d laid out. You could only imagine when she started walking. When you picked her up from daycare Chloe had warned that she was being a little menace with the crawling. Jay had a bruised shin from chasing her and catching the corner of the wall but then again he somehow worried more than you did. She had been a daddy’s girl since she started moving and it seemed like that would never change, not that you wanted it to. You adored how much Jay loved her. That man was the most amazing father you’d ever seen.That was why you were working so hard on a balance, on fighting to rebuild your relationship with Mouse and your friendship with Jay. The love you held for them both was too important to you.
“Addy! We can go meet hayhay for dinner!” you called out and she stopped to look at you. You tilted your head to the side. “Baby girl? Do you like hayhay?” she giggled and you laughed “I’ll be damned. Did Hailey just win when it comes to people outside me, daddy and stelstel?”
She started crawling back to you and you held your arms out for her “Come on baby” she made it to you and fell against your thigh. “Oh my big girl!” you cooed, scooping her up.
__________________
“I won!” Hailey grinned from across you where she sat in the booth holding Addy who was picking at the pasta you’d gotten her. “I knew you were going to rub that in” she nodded “Oh I’m calling Jay as soon as I leave here! Baby girl recognized my name?” you laughed “Or she recognized the word dinner or was just tired of the game” she shook her head “Nope, she wanted her hayhay” she leaned over to nuzzle her nose at Addy’s chest “Isn’t that right little miss?”
Addy laughed and you felt your heart jump hearing it. Hailey was so fucking adorbale being so happy at something that honestly could be a coincidence but you were not about to take it from her. No way, no shape no form were you going to try to diminish anyone who found that much joy in thinking your daughter had a recognition of them.
“She knows who takes care of her daddy in the field, same reason she likes uncle Kev” you laughed and Hailey nodded “Exactly. Uncle Kev protects mommy and Hayhay keeps daddy in one piece”
_______________
After dinner you could already hear Hailey calling Jay as you loaded Addy into your jeep. “Jay! Addy recongized my name! She wanted me!” she bragged and you shook your head as you buckled Addy in then closed her door to turn to see Hailey grinning brightly. You couldn’t hear his side of the conversation but her smile and the look in her eyes stopped you mid words forming on your lips. That didn’t look partner calling partner happy, did it?
Was Hailey starting to develop feelings for Jay? You’d been back with Mouse for almost two months, they worked together daily, you knew first hand Jay was an amazing man. You would not be nosy, nope. Her smile though, that warmed your heart. Seeing anyone find happiness in this world? It was worth it.
“Night Hails. Tell Jay I said night” you called out and she waved “Night wifey. Love ya and Jay says night” you climbed in your jeep and buckled up before turning the engine over. She headed for her car and you headed home.
______________
Addy was already fast asleep and you were sitting in your bed when your phone rang with a video call. You swiped to answer and a smile slipped onto your face the moment you saw Mouse “Hey baby” “Hello beautiful. Where’s little miss? Already asleep?”
You nodded “She’s crawling so much. Jay has a bruise the entire length of his shin from slamming into the wall” he grimaced “Damn, though doesn’t surprise me when it comes to her. He’d do anything to try to keep her safe” you felt your heart flip hearing him talk so fondly about Jay. “How’s things in the peace state?” you asked and he groaned “I’m ready for this to be over already. I’m relearning so much crap I already knew just so they can say I know it. I want to be home full time in Chicago”
You felt a smile slip onto your face “Why Mr Gerwitz, it sounds like you got someone you want to get home to” he grinned “Oh yeah. She’s gorgeous, detective with the CPD. Got the cutest kid and to be honest? There’s not a lot that could keep me from coming home to her” “Wow,not even two months back together and it's that serious?” you teased and he shrugged “Two months back together but she’s had my heart from the moment I laid eyes on her”
You felt your heart flip “I love you Greg, so damn much” “I love you too sweetheart, so damn much” you and him ended up talking for the better part of an hour before he had to go. After you hung up with him and plugged your phone in you went and checked on Addy then crashed yourself. The initial meet was scheduled for the following day.
Why the hell did the surveillance van feel like it was so damn small? Oh yeah, the new one had less space in the back and more equipment. The more equipment part was a really good thing, the less room part was proving to be a really bad thing.
You had helped Kevin wire Kim and Adam then wired Kevin yourself back at the precinct. It wouldn’t pick up on most equipment unless they had some N.S.A. shit going on. You, Jay and Hailey had gotten here and parked to get into position and to triangulate getting patrol in the areas they needed to be in should things go south and your people need an extraction.
You and Jay were sitting in the back of the van, watching the multiple monitors of the country club, yes country club where the meet was happening. Hailey had slipped out to talk to Voight. “This place costs more than my jeep did every freaking month” you mumbled and Jay laughed “It costs more than your jeep and you can’t even get a burger” you nudged his shoulder with yours “That’s what I’m saying!” and saw a smirk slip onto his face. Every time you managed to get a smile or the slightest of reaction out of him you felt like you’d won the damned lottery. Rather you were meant to be with him or not you had so much love in your heart for the man next to you, you truly loved him and the time you’d spent with him barely able to look at you? Barely speaking to you outside of it having to deal with your daughter? It had torn your heart apart.
____________
The back door cracked open and Hailey slid in “Seller just arrived. Six patrol cars are in place” she closed the door and looked around at the limited space before shrugging and sliding into your lap. You reshifted your hips to comfortably support her weight and slipped your arms around her waist to still be able to type.
Jay sat staring at the two of you until you both slowly turned your head to look at him “Yes Mr Halstead?” he motioned with his hand between the two of you “Why does this continue to happen at every given chance? Every time I turn around one of you is on the other or you’re cuddling?” You grinned at him from around Hailey’s back “Are you wanting to sit in my lap Jay?” he shook his head “No thanks sweetheart” and turned his eyes back to the screen so you asked “Or are you wanting Hailey to sit in yours” and saw a blush creep up his neck but before either of them could say anything else the sell started happening.
All of you turned your eyes to the screen and you pulled Hailey’s radio off her hip “Patrol be ready” “Copy that”
The initial meeting turned into the seller wanting Kim and Adam to come with them to their warehouse which was exactly what you wanted. “Patrol, we're on the move. Keep ears on the radio for your new positioning” you spoke across the radio as Jay went to the front to drive the van and Hailey hopped out to go hop in with Voight.
With any luck this thing would be wrapped within a couple hours and the fentanyl would never get the chance to hit the streets of Chicago.
___________________
You stood between Jay and Voight as all of you geared up behind his SUV. Kim had changed into the change of clothes you bought her because she’d been stuck in a dress. “We go in fast, hit em hard and clear em out. We know what we’re doing. Get it done”
You bumped Kevin’s shoulder as you took your long gun from Jay “Let’s get it” he nodded “I got you”
The total amount seized between drugs and money recovered was two point six million. A big haul even for intelligence. The haul wasn’t what mattered, hell the bust wasn’t really what mattered. Getting the damned dope out of the street. That was what mattered. No more people would be dying from this particular asshole.
You were heading out to your jeep when you heard Jay calling you. You turned to see him headed your way “Don’t you need to get going to pick our daughter up?” he nodded “I was going to ask if you wanted to get dinner with us. Talk about Halloween?” you smiled “I’d love to. Where are we eating?”
__________
You and Jay were sitting in a corner booth, both of you turned with a knee bent on the seat and Addy between you “Is Mouse coming home that weekend?” he asked and you cut your eyes up, you understood Mouse still being a sore subject between you and Jay but he smiled slightly “I’m just asking sweetheart, no ulterior motive. I’m trying, not just for her. I miss you. I miss this, us being able to just be us without it being weird. We have been in each other’s lives for so long I don’t know how to not have you in my life like this”
You smiled “I miss you too Jay. I love you, you’re my best friend and mean the absolute world to me. He has the option to fly home that weekend” he nodded “I think he should. If he’s going to be in your life, he’s going to be in hers””Ok. I’ll tell him” you said and he nodded then a grin worked its way onto his face “How do we shorten Mouse anyways? Mou?”
You barked out a laugh, not only at the question but from the look on his face “I guess? Whatever works” he shrugged. You rolled your bottom lip between your teeth before saying “Ya know on Halloween it would be me, Mouse, Kelly and Stella with you. Why don’t you see if Hayhay wants to come too?” his eyes flew up to yours and you grinned “Just as your partner and friend and as someone who loves our daughter of course” you clarified with a wink.
The smile he gave you made your heart flip. God you loved the fact that Addy had gotten his smile. You had always hoped she would. “I’ll ask her” you grinned “Good. I’ll find the costumes” his eyes widened “Dear lord I forgot about agreeing to that” you laughed and laid a hand on his knee with one bracing Addy’s hip as she danced with the music in her head apparently because the restaurant played none “Too late. Do you love me?” he nodded “You know I do”
“Then you have to trust me” you laughed and he shook his head “Sweetheart I fear every time you have ever told me to trust you”
@desimarie12
@allisonargent144
@nevaehstreater18
@alexisquinnlee-bc
#greg mouse gerwitz x reader#jay halstead x reader#greggerwitz x reader#mouse gerwitz x reader#chicago pd fanfiction#chicago pd fic#chicago pd fanfic#jay halstead fanfiction#greg gerwitz x reader#broken bonds masterlist
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Of Convenience 3
(all previous parts of "Of Convenience")
Adar x Celebrimbor (silverscars) political marriage AU, 3rd snippet. Officiator found, Adar and Celebrimbor get right down to business and get wed in the uruk camp. However, there is an unforseen hurdle. Celebrimbor ends up being the voice of reason this time around – with unexpectedly nice consequences. (aka, a kiss)
I feel like my muse has lured me in with candy (the political marriage AU idea) and is now holding me captive (making me write more snippets). Not like I have like. 20 ideas in my ideas folder and two other WIPs open or anything like that. Nuh-uh. I feel like I have gotten completely blindsided but – I am having an absolute blast so far?! Let’s see how far this wave will carry me, shall we?
(Also a big huge Thank You to everyone who has commented and liked and reblogged and sent me messages about these snippets, it’s been an absolute delight and I partly credit your lovely encouragement with why I have gotten so invested in this.)
They got through the 'ceremony' much better than Celebrimbor had expected. Between Galadriel's lingering reluctance and their shared lack of in-depth knowledge on how elven marriages were to be officiated, it had taken them a while to work out all the details (Adar had helped out in that regard, to both Celebrimbor’s and Galadriel’s surprise) – and then one of the uruk had demanded the two husbands-to-be add some words that included Adar's children and the marriage's legitimacy among them into the vows.
Safe to say, trying to get Galadriel and the uruk - Glug, if Celebrimbor was not mistaken - to settle down after this had been a bit of a hassle.
But still, they got through it - without cussing, without bloodshed, without attempts on one of the grooms' lives (Celebrimbor was considering Galadriel with newfound respect as he acknowledged that particular feat), and so the smith would count the proceedings as a victory. He'd had very few of those in the last few weeks, and would take it for what it was.
However, when it came to the end of the wedding ceremony, another problem arose:
"No," Adar flatly stated. It caused Celebrimbor to blink in surprise, and Galadriel to glare at the uruk from where she stood next to the two future husbands. Adar's face had hardened into a grimace of disapproval. "There must be a way to circumvent this."
What he was talking about was, of course, the part during which he and Celebrimbor were meant to kiss to seal the marriage. It was a common practice, not just among elves but men and dwarves as well. That Adar either hadn't anticipated it, or would now make such a fuss about it after having championed a political marriage as their primary option of cooperation, was baffling, to say the least.
Celebrimbor knit his eyebrows in confusion, even as Galadriel spoke. "Orc- Uruk. You pushed for this to take place, you cannot possibly think to stop now when we have almost reached an accord and bound the two of you-"
"I will not kiss him," Adar replied. This time, there was steel in his voice. "He accepted a political marriage, not one of passion. He clearly does not want to kiss me. I will not force him into it."
Judging by Galadriel's resulting look, she was taken just as off-guard by Adar's words and the smith was.
Coupled with Adar's strained expression, Celebrimbor couldn't help but feel warm at the other's objections.
The uruk had told him he wouldn't touch Celebrimbor without permission, that he would not force him. This had clearly been important to him, even before he'd fetched Galadriel. That it went so far as to include a kiss to seal their arrangement was doing something to Celebrimbor's stomach, and made him feel unexpectedly safe. Confident, even.
He could see that Galadriel and Adar were ready to get into yet another spat, so the smith stepped forward and slowly – very slowly – raised his hands to Adar's face.
The uruk briefly startled, surprised at the elf's brazen gesture, and it took him some obvious effort to untense again. Still, when Celebrimbor brought his hands up to the his cheeks, the uruk did not withdraw.
The feel of Adar's rough, scarred skin under Celebrimbor's fingertips sent a shock through the smith. The other was warmer than he had expected.
Up this close, Adar had green-blue eyes. And they were so completely focused on the smith that it almost stole his the air from his lungs.
"Adar," he tried, and could have sworn that the other had sucked in a breath as he spoke the uruk's name. "You were right, this arrangement is our best chance to avoid a bloody, gruesome war that would claim the lives of countless people – those of my fellow elves, and your children," he spoke back the uruk's words at him, as if reminding him.
"I trust you not to betray this alliance, and I trust you not to hurt me. You haven't so far. I allow you to-," it wouldn't help his case if his words failed him now. "To kiss me. It is part of the ceremony. It will take but a moment. I am allowing you to do this. Maybe neither of us has a desire for it, but, it is no hardship if done for a lasting peace."
Adar looked torn, mouth pinched and eyebrows furrowed, as he stared at Celebrimbor.
The smith tried again. "If you are holding back only for my sake, you do not have to. Truly. Though if it is because you are having second thoughts-"
"That is not it," the uruk spoke, voice brash, and he needed a moment reign himself in again. Celebrimbor waited with bated breath – his fingers still rested on Adar's cheeks, and the uruk hadn't even made an attempt to grab them or shake them away from his body. "I said I would not force you."
"You are not forcing me," Celebrimbor disputed, and leant closer. He could see Adar's eyes widen as he almost touched their foreheads together. The way the uruk’s mouth unconsciously opened made Celebrimbor feel even warmer, and he pressed forward with his words. "I could imagine far worse choices for a marriage, or even a kiss. You needn't fear for my comfort."
Granted, not exactly the most elegant thing to say to a man who would soon be bound to his side and commandeer a huge, deadly army straight towards Ost-In-Edhil, but it was the best Celebrimbor could come up with – without obviously lying, or giving away how the the thought of kissing Adar did in fact at least stirr something within him. A little.
He'd never just been interested in elves as potential partners, but he'd never thought he'd find himself in the position of kissing an orc- er, uruk.
Nor that he'd be even remotely interested in wanting to.
It was, indeed, a very strange day.
Maybe some of his thoughts had shown on his face, or perhaps his shoddy attempt of making Adar feel at peace had done some good after all, but the uruk eventually dropped his strained expression and exchanged it for a slightly guarded, but more relieved one. He nodded. "If you are sure."
"Surest I will be, considering the circumstances," Celebrimbor said with a tiny laugh, before he sobered again. "Apologies. But yes, I am sure. You may kiss me. Let us do this."
Somehow, his words did the trick, because when the smith leant forward, Adar did the same.
At the edge of his awareness, Celebrimbor could hear Galadriel gasp and the uruk guards make noises of disgust as they – very loudly – turned away from the proceedings.
But all that seemed to fall away when compared to the feeling of touching his lips to Adar's. It was a chaste kiss, just a press of lips really, but it was...surprisingly nice. Adar's lips were softer than Celebrimbor had expected, slightly parted and as warm as his cheeks.
Their noses brushed as the two moved closer together, and after a moment, there was a gauntleted hand on Celebrimbor's shoulder as Adar tried to balance himself. And soon after that, a second hand – slow and cautious – grasped his elbow.
Physical contact, yes, but it was done in such a considerate and respectful way that Celebrimbor hadn't seen it coming. He felt his belly quiver once more, this time more strongly than when he'd first considered what touching Adar might be like. It was hard, not to lean fully into the kiss – into the uruk – and just sink into the touch like he would into a hot bath.
When Adar drew away from the kiss, Celebrimbor realized with a start that he'd closed his eyes some time during it. Judging by how Adar had to reorient himself, he'd likely had the same happen as well.
'Huh,' the smith thought, and followed Adar's example as they untangled their hands from each other. Adar even brushed down the smith's robe before he retracted his hand from Celebrimbor’s elbow, while the elf couldn't help letting his hand touch Adar's hair as he dropped his arms.
It, too, was unexpectedly soft.
Flustered, he turned to Galadriel, ready to have her announce the marriage as officiated.
And felt the need to avert his gaze at the near scandalized, wide-eyed way Galadriel was looking at him, mouth open and all.
'Why isn't Elrond here to witness this? I thought there was absolutely no way to turn Galadriel of the Golden House of Finarfin speechless. He surely won't believe me when I tell him,' Celebrimbor thought, just a touch hysterical.
"That should be it, right? The wedding has been performed," Adar stated. He was once again standing next to the large table in the center of the tent, ready to down another glass of wine. Celebrimbor couldn't help thinking that so much wine before a battle could not be a good idea, but who knew what kind of a tolerance the uruk had.
Truth be told, Celebrimbor could probably use a glass himself, all things considered.
When Adar offered him one unexpectedly a moment later, the smith took it with a surprised but pleased expression, and thanked the other for it. Adar dismissed it, though not unkindly.
Finally, Galadriel found her voice again. Not without a sputter at first, however.
"You are right. You are now bound together. It...it is done."
"Well then. Cheers," was Celebrimbor’s reply to that, stated drily, before he downed his glass. Not the kind of wedding he'd imagined for himself, but well. At least he didn't have to invite Thranduil. That had to count for something, right?
#brimby doesn't have it easy - but then again none of them do tbh#there be a smooch in this one (a chaste one. but a smooch nontheless.)#of convenience#adar#adar trop#adar the rings of power#celebrimbor#adar x celebrimbor#silverscars#trop#the rings of power#marriage of convenience trope#political marriage trope#fanfic#my fanfic#my trop fanfic#mine
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#he told me hes sick of dealing with me a few days ago...#i just...#i wanna cry yet i feel so numb#i feel like im a person love was never meant for#i feel like im not enough#i feel like im a fucking burden to everyone#and i feel like everyone would be so much better off without me around#i feel like im never gonna accomplish anything#i feel - for a lack of better term - fuckind dead#i havent had a night that wasn't filled with nightmares invading my sleep for almost 5 months now#i just wanna.......dissappear#idk#its midnight and ive gotten maybe 3 hours of sleep#the auditory hallucinations from lack of sleep are bothering the shit out of me#feel like i cqnt sleep though cause i already know whats waiting for me in my sleep#oh and the straw that broke the camels back today was Wardlow losing but i highly doubt any of yall actually give a shit about him losing so#w/e#echo has a breakdown on main
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Uh-oh! You are like, SOOO awkward!!
You're so awkward that it is occasionally mildly uncomfortable for people!
You're so awkward that sometimes people are confused by you and then there are awkward silences!
You're so awkward ...... that ultimately no one is harmed!!
Oh damn!!! What a vile crime you have committed! What an unforgivable thing it is to make a fellow human briefly confused!
Why, if *I* were ever briefly confused and kind of uncomfortable as a result, I'd be devastated.... by the absolute net zero change in my happiness and health! - From which I might never recover!! Yes indeed! No punishment can ever be enough for you!!
So you better absolutely hate yourself for it.
Better be SO MEAN to yourself about every single missed social cue so you don't forget your horrible crime! Meaner than you'd ever dream of being to someone else for the same thing! This is YOUR responsibility!
You need to show the world that you KNOW you are bad by punishing yourself constantly! After all, think of all the people who BENEFIT from you punishing yourself! - No, really! Think about it! Think about who benefits from your pain.
Think of alllllll the definitely-good people that your definitely-necessary self-torment definitely helps! I mean, you can't just cut off their definitely-life-sustaining supply of your suffering, right?? Sure, everyone else has a breaking point, but you're probably the only person in human history who doesn't, right? Best not to question it probably. Sure, it's a symptom that billions of people with trauma have had, but who knows? You could be a one-in-seven-billion exception. Anything's possible!
Instead, better just accept that idea that bullies carry like guns in holsters - the idea that people who have trouble with social cues deserve to suffer. Better carry on the burden they placed on you until you drop. Aid the cause of the callous by enforcing shame and suffering upon yourself extra hard; try your best to do their work for them. They're very busy.
Better not recognize that you need patience and kindness to heal from your trauma. Better not find out that it was trauma rather than personal weakness filling your head with self-hating thoughts. Better not find out it wasn't your fault.
Better not find out that awkwardness is not inherently harmful or unkind, and, in fact, the people who act like it is *are the ones enacting harm and being cruel.*
Better not get righteously angry when you realize just how much unnecessary damage this has done to you. After all, if you get mad, you might realize you deserve better. You might even feel brave enough to DEMAND better! You might build boundaries that keep you safe! You might make other people think they deserve to feel safe too! And we obviously can't be having that, so...
Better not show yourself even a little kindness a little bit at a time.
Better not make a habit out of it after all that practice.
Better not get confident.
Especially if you can't first wipe out every trace of awkward. (And you probably never will. Because people who experience absolute social certainty at all times tend to be insufferable assholes that enforce the status quo. And you just don't have the stock portfolio for that.)
Better not be confident and awkward because then you might confuse and delight people
- you might accidentally end up making other people feel less shame for their social difficulties
- you might make isolated, traumatized, and shy people feel like they deserve to be included in social situations
- you might even make them feel they can be themselves around you
- you might start loving the effect you have on a room
- you might enjoy conversations more
- you might forgive yourself and bounce back from shame more easily and frequently
- you might come to enjoy some of those moments of harmless confusion you cause because NOBODY expects the Confident Awkward, and that can genuinely be an advantage in social situations
- you might stop apologizing so much.
- you might find that socializing is like a video game: it requires practice but also a safe space for it to be fun and positive.
Or if you can't become assertive and confident, better not remain awkward and shy and quiet, and then love and forgive yourself anyway!
Why, it would be carnage!!
In either scenario, you run the risk of finding out that it's not your fault that safe spaces full of kind people can be really hard to find, create, and nurture. You could end up building a skillset that helps you do those things if you're not careful!
If you start giving yourself even the tiniest amount of grace at a time, you will find that you've accessed a gateway drug with extreme long-term side effects:
- You might realize that it was never your fault that it took so long to like yourself.
- You might realize that you were always worth talking to, even when you didn't like yourself and communication felt impossibly difficult.
- You might realize that you'll still be worth talking to even if communication becomes harder as you age and/or experience disability.
- You might come to know that you deserve to be heard even on bad days when words come slow and blurry.
You might discover that you were always deserving of kindness, first and foremost from yourself.
So. As you can see, it's FAR too much of a risk to start granting your awkward self free pardons for your many heinous and harmless crimes. Better to just leave it there.
#social skills#i have a few posts now in my ' social skills' tag#original#maybe eventually I will compile them and polish them in some meaningful way. I know what I want to call the book title#in big text it'll say 'I'M AUTISTIC' and then beneath that in smaller text 'And I Have Better Social Skills Than You'#or something to that effect. and the cover of the book will be me making an exaggerated smug face like the little rascal I am#challenging the viewer to pick up the book and see if they can prove me wrong.#and then the entire first section of the book is about how actually the issue with our society's social skills is the harsh judgment#for people who have trouble communicating and not the other way around. I don't actually think I'm the#most charismatic person in the world by a very long shot. but i do know that I have put more thought into my social skills than#most allistic people and frankly i have surpassed most of them. not because i am more persuasive or smooth or funny#(tho i am persuasive and funny lol) but bc i have questioned which social functions are more restriction than utility.#and instead i have focused my energy on actively learning how to make people feel safe. i feel social rules would benefit all people by#being a little more autistic tyvm. i don't think every person should dedicate themselves to being better at communicating#i think people should dedicate themselves to being kind and patient to everyone regardless of their ability to communicate#I think our society wrongly links communication ability to intelligence and intelligence to level of humanity.#when in fact all three of those things are fucking unrelated and connecting them inevitably leads to#really fucked up views on disabled people that hurt us. and then with that aspect of the book firmly understood and established I would#go on to recommend some ways to make socializing easier and more fulfilling (and less shameful and terrifying) for all kinds of people#it wouldn't be a book about Leaning In To Succeed in Business or 'here's how to avoid being the awkward loner at a party'#it'd be a book about how if you see someone alone at a party here's how to invite them to join your group without pressuring them#stuff like 'hot tip! if someone takes a while to type or speak a full sentence - talking over them b4 they can finish makes u an asshole!'#I know that a lot of people cannot or don't want to dump a lot of skill points into socializing like i did and they shouldn't have to in#order to experience basic dignity and respect. if we treat people like that then we just validate that people - especially#autistic children and elders and disabled people of manu varieties - have to suffer unless they learn all these arbitrary bullshit rules#and a lot of them are arbitrary bullshit! one of the reasons I throw people off so much is because I harmlessly break a lot of social rules#but I know I'm doing it and I'm not ashamed and people just don't know what to do with that! but a lot of them like it actually!!#i think it's a relief to be around someone so openly and unrelentingly weird bc what am I gonna do? judge you for being weird??#I only care if you're kind. not necessarily 'nice' or passive. Kind. Brave enough to care about people being treated well. Kind.#also I recognize that at least some of my ability to be openly weird is white privilege so that's important to acknowledge too
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Hah, so uh how to explain to my parents that I have reconsidered wanting to move back to the wannabe fascist state after all
#personal#vent#my folks are real attached to tx#understandable thats where they grew up#but i kinda wonder if they realize that its not the same tx they grew up in anymore#its to be close to family and because one story houses being more of the norm over there means my mom could get some independence back#and i understand it from those angles#i already tried to have the fight with my mom years ago about just going back without me#not only did she say i was shortsighted for cutting myself off from a support structure#(i wanst i had friends who could help should shit happen but whatever)#she also called me selfish for being the only one who wanted to not go back and keeping everyone else here#at this point my folks would be better off going back because they're not going to see too much of the blowback of The Shit(tm)#but i would and that sucks#it was one thing when the plan was to stay around austin but now that's not even in the considerations anymore#i hate feeling like i have to martyr myself for their sake#when the easy answer is for them to go back and i stay here#its not like i visited home all that much when i was on my own in the same town#so cross country wouldnt be all that different#i guess i could get them there and then figure out how feasible it is to move to colorado or something after the fact#but then i really would be throwing out my whole support structure because i wouldnt even have friends to lean on#anyway i fucking hate being in this position
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really wish there was a tag that separated “I’m having Big Angry and/or Angsty Opinions about Star Wars” from “I’m goofing off with Star Wars I’m playing in the sandbox none of this is real so yes I will make my blorbo and this random glub shitto go on an adventure that makes no logical sense” posts because there’s too much of the former and not enough of the latter for my current mental state
#starlight personal#the good news is that I finally have another ketamine appt scheduled and it’s sooner than I thought they’d have an opening#the bad news is that the appointment is not tomorrow and we’re kinda at the end of my mental-emotional rope#now kids this is what we call: an inherent flaw in my treatment plan that cannot be removed#because pretty much in an ideal world I’d have ketamine appointments every 6 weeks but 1) expensive and probs can’t afford that#2) they don’t have enough availability for that to be realistic 3) can’t take off of work THAT frequently without consequences#4) I would probably start to doubt reality if I was tripping that frequently 5) I don’t think docs would allow it#treatment resistant depression and anxiety my beloathed if we could just chill that’d be great#treatment resistant PMDD my other beloathed someday I will do my damnedest to cut you out of my body#idk not to be too selfpitying on main but god it fucking sucks that I appear to be doomed to another cycle based mood thing#PMDD means I get two good weeks two bad weeks#ketamine being the only effective treatment for whatever my brain’s got going on means two good months followed by x bad months#until my next appointment#which like! two good months is better than no good months I am grateful that something helps#I just wish it was a more convenient help and it could be applied more consistently than my psych office provides#also wish I didn’t have to call them 3 times to get it scheduled but it is what it is#also also wish that I had fewer of the physical side effects of my anxiety and wouldn’t wake up puking the min things are rough#this is all to say: I want silly SW headcanons and droid headcanons and silly fic ideas and not Everyone is Always Suffering#but I’m also too lazy (I.e brain cannot make decisions rn) to search for new tags that may give me more silly#which means time to browse my bookmarks for good good comfort fics I have saved I suppose#(this is lowkey why i want to physically fight everyone i know who’s like ‘yeah meds would help but idk :/‘ like!!!!!!!!#bro it’s a privilege to have access to meds and it’s a privilege to have a body that doesn’t turn on you the min you take one!!!!#just try 10mg of zoloft I would kill for 10mg of zoloft to not make me entirely incapable of functioning!!!)#I don’t mean that - you have a right to take or not take medication and everyone’s reasons may be their own#I just had my body and have some rough feelings around treating my issues being so expensive and inconvenient#and then feeling guilty b/c I know I’m lucky that I can afford it and can take off of work for it when I need to#like I am pretty lucky to have something that works and to have a care team that helped me get here#so I don’t wanna be ungrateful or unappreciative of my own luck in this and the work that went into getting here#I’d just also like it if I could change the circumstances slightly#make treatment on the weekends an option - get my psych office to have more than 2 trip sitters so scheduling isn’t so bad
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#txt#tw#dont read this and i may delete but i just need to say it#i do think about dying a lot#like i dont want to be here lol#people suck big time#everyone here is so nice and lovely and supportive#but you arent physically near me and i guess thats what i need#idk#and i cant just message randoms with all my personal shit all the time#unless i can? idk#the main reason i wont kms is cause my dad wouldnt be able to handle it hes lost too much#i think hed prolly follow suit#and i cant have that#plus other things like my pets etc#but what is the fucking point lol#i know eventually ill move on etc#but the world sucks man#it sucks#i have a good life but my brain sucks and i ruin everything and no one sticks around and i am just a fucked up friend and partner and i dont#see myself getting better#if i told my psych i think about this id get sent off and i think that would make me worse#i just want the future back that i thought i was going to have#that was ripped away from me without warning#no conversation#nothing#and he gets mad at me when i bring that up??????#yeah its so fair you kicked me out etc but im the bad guy for airing my feelings#fuck everyone tbh haha#im just done
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hmm. It seems i am a Piece Of Shit huh.
#fugo.txt#sorry. tumblr is my diary. u get 2 see m be unwell LMAO#It hurts so much to see how much happier people are without me by their side#I always got told that it was stupid of me to think people would b better if i wasnt around. that it was some dumb anxiety everyone gets.#but seeing it in the flesh and bone. seeing everyone i loved so much do so much better without me#it was always true. i just take people down with me. im too stupid and too dense and too annoying and too self centered#I just hurt others. I feel so selfish for it but. fuck man i just want someone to stay jst 4 once. you know.#im like a child. i never grew up. i break things and cry when i get told off#i shouldve died when i was born. .
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Why must I only be capable of coming up with cool art ideas long past midnight
#rat rambles#Ive been thinking abt hypothetical olivia jackie very very loose roleswap au and its just more doomed toxic yuri#itd just be jackie rapidly spiraling and doing stupid shit behind olivias backas olivia becomes more and more emotionally distant#jackie has this fun habit called self sabotaging in such a way that savotages everyone around her as well but way worse#and olivia has this fun habit called not noticing growing jackie problems until its too late#so all in all we get a less terrible gravitas (key word less Im not going to give olivia That much credit) and a far more unstable jackie#and that's saying a lot lol#jackie on her way to become the worlds worst lebian incel unethical scientiwait no thats already canon jackie post cancelled#you see this is why canon jackie is doomed to be worse than any bullshit I could pull off in a swap au because canon jackie has power#but it still is interesting thinking abt how gravitas would differ if primarily ran by olivia instead of jackie#mainly the big thing is that I dont think olivia would do a great job at noticing any decline in employee health being more distant from it#not deliberately so like jackie like olivia would still Try to build a good work environment I just dont know if shed do that good a job#I also feel like shed be equally hard to talk down from a potentially problematic project as jackie if she believed in it enough#olivia is proud of the work that she does and while she has better morals than jackie they still arent exactly ironclad#she and jackie both being self righteous is smth they have in common it just happens that olivia is usually in the right#but that's with the two of them theres plenty of other situations where olivia could easily be on the other end of the argument#which is why director olivia facinates me as a concept because it begs the question of how well could she manage to maintain her morals#she obviously Wants to maintain good morals but when in a position of power where her word always goes through would that falter at all?#maybe without even realizing its happening#youve made hard decisions before. what makes this different from the rest? maybe at some point it wont even feel difficult anymore#and maybe this in turn makes it harder for her to see the blood jackie tries to hide#because if she let herself notice that itd be impossible to ignore the blood on her own hands#meanwhile jackie is just being like maybe shell text me back if I keep breaking her trust itll work this time trust me#and then she proceeds to explode her brain or smth and gets printing podded and explodes again because shes somehow manage it#I just would want all three aus to be olivia having serious identity crisies while jackie reenacts ashfur amvs in the background
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40s Sergeant Barnes with a nurse and a Sergeant kink (and breeding and house wife kink, virginity loss). This was supposed to be a pure smutty drabble but then I got in my feelings and added some fluff and angst but I promise Bucky is still a dirty, nasty little fuck in this. Just with a sweeter ending. The one he deserves.
Listen just imagine what a cute, sexy menace Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes would be just waking up from an injury when his eyes flutter open to the pretty nurse he’s been eyeing from the day he started. You’re not a shy, dainty little thing, nope. Not at all.
You bark out orders like a drill Sergeant and one glare from you is all it takes to get everyone in line and on task without a second thought. Even his superiors are scared of you, biting their tongue when you stitch them up and send them on their way before running off to your next patient.
Bucky was in love.
“Well aren’t you a sight for sore eyes” he rasps, throwing you a charming smirk while you roll your eyes in response, shaking your head. "How'd I get so lucky, got a my little angel tendin' to me"
“I see your injury hasn’t stopped hurt that mouth of yours Sergeant" You quirk an eyebrow while he playfully huffs as you change the dressing covering a gash on his abdomen. You swab the area clean and he doesn't flinch even though you know it must burn like hell, his muscles tensed while he continues to watch you with heart eyes. "Now you know I'm not your little angel, I got 20 other men to fix up, you better be out of this bed as soon as you're all healed up"
“C’mon sugar, you're breakin' my heart" Bucky gives you a little pout with those perfect lips and you catch the twinkle in his eye as he looks over your form with complete admiration. He loved your sassy, take no shit attitude and it's taking everything in him to calm himself down so he doesn't get a hard on right there in front of you.
"You'd tell that to a cat with three legs if it was in a nurses outfit" You try your best to not give into his flirty comments and puppy eyes, knowing damn well he's a heart breaker but he makes it so difficult when he continues to woo you with his boyish charm.
He can't help but chase after you; catching the way your eyes always dart around with anxiety when his group returns from an operation, relief flooding them when you finally spot him. He loves your indifferent attitude, patting him down to make sure he's uninjured but your furrowed brows and the tiny pout on your lips give away that you're worried.
How can he just let you go. Every time you check over him, he needs you closer.
So much closer.
-
"Ms. y/l/n, Sergeant Barnes is requesting you in his tent, he says it's urgent"
You shake your head looking over at the time, quietly making your way over to the tent he's stationed at, thankful that a number of troops were sleeping so you wouldn't be seen as you quickly slip inside.
“And what hurts now” you sass with your hands on your hips seeing the soldier in perfect health, doing your best to assess him without letting him know.
"Always checkin' over me" Bucky chuckles, seeing what you're doing; his words making your cheeks heat up, "Knew you cared about me sugar"
"Well what am I doin' here" You give him an unconvincing huff, struggling to keep your voice steady, refusing to meet his eyes, keeping your gaze on his silver dog tags instead. It doesn't help that he's handsome as hell with a light dusting of scruff covering his cheeks. Bucky's never seen you flustered before and it evokes something in him, all the blood in his body rushing south seeing your fingers twitch.
All he wanted to do was kiss you but now-
“Help your Sergeant out doll” He whispers, taking another step forward till his chest brushes against yours, his hand coming to tilt your chin up, "Will you?"
You gasp feeling his hardness press against your thigh, your heart fluttering wildly as his thumb traces your lips, any semblance of control you had slipping away feeling the warmth of his skin.
“Y-yes Sergeant Barnes”
His lips press against yours, soft and sweet, a stark contrast to the way his body was screaming for him to pick you up and toss you onto his cot.
"Sweet like sugar" He lets his hands fall to your waist, pulling you flush against his body while your arms drape on top of his shoulders. You stand on your toes chasing more of his lips and he chuckles at the needy whine you let out when he pulls away for air.
Now let's say your first night together was actually quite tame. He kisses you again and you swoon when he repeatedly checks in with you before going any further. His hand slips under your skirt, letting his fingers toy with places no on else has touched. With each night, he needs you more and more until he can't hold off any longer and neither can you.
-
You sneak into his tent and this time he doesn't hesitate to undress you completely, not when he needs you bare with nothing separating you both. You feel your heart race as he lies on top of you, draping a thin sheet over himself when you shiver at the chill night air. You feel his body heat instantly warm you up, his heavy cock resting between your soaked folds.
"Are you sure, sugar?" He asks, his hand cupping your cheek and stroking your skin.
"Please Sergeant" You whisper and the way you say his title makes his cock twitch. There's something so different about you when you're in his bed, a sweet little bunny giving herself to him completely. It drives him feral with a need to make you feel good, make you cry for his cock and his cock only, to keep you nice and full of him.
You don't look twice at anyone else and here you are completely naked in his tent with your tight little virgin cunt, your legs spread open so he can put his dick in you; there was no way he was ever going to let you go.
"You tell me if it's too much, alright?" His lips tickle your neck as kisses your skin while rubbing his heavy cock through your folds, coating it in your slick, "Breathe for me"
He slips his tags into your mouth as he starts to press in, the initial sting making you bite down hard onto the metal feeling a mix of pleasure and pain. You whine at the way he stretches you open, your thighs squeezing around his waist, nails digging into his shoulders.
"Shhh, that's it love, doin' so good for me so good for your Sergeant, look how you're takin' all of me baby" He looks down to where you're both connected as he continues to slowly push himself in till hes fully sheathed inside you. He gives you time to adjust, slipping his tags out of your lips and letting his tongue lace with yours instead, his balls already throbbing with how tightly you were squeezing his cock.
"Please-Sergeant" your heels press into his ass desperate for him to move, gasping when he starts to slowly roll his hips, barely pulling out.
"I got you love-don't worry" Bucky moves as slowly as he could not wanting to hurt you, taking just as much care of you as you had with him countless of times.
But he can only keep up at that pace for so long. Your muffled whines and moans don't help the way his mind is already spiraling. His pretty little nurse all spread out just for him, taking his raw, bare cock in her soaking pussy, squeezing him so tight, he was only a few strokes from cumming.
If it were up to him he would've proposed on the spot, thinking about making love to you on your wedding night, seeing you all shy and sweet wrapped up in soft white lace. If you were his wife, he'd take you apart every which way, not giving a fuck about traditions, taking you right on the dining room table.
You'd be the prettiest little thing for him to come home to, such a good wife all dirty just for her husband. Only he'd know the way your mouth would slobber all over his cock like your life depended on it. The way you'd moan at the taste of his cum. Bucky's eyes rolled back at the thought of you with nothing but some heels and a string of pearls he'd put around your neck while he stuffed you with cum and emptied his balls in you.
"S-Sergeant-I-oh god" You whimpered feeling his cock grow harder, your pussy pulling him right back in, feeling the coil low in your belly pull tighter and tighter as he hit that spot.
Meanwhile Bucky's jaw clenched as he felt his balls pull tight to his body, the tip leaking steadily in your pussy. His mind spiraled into places he didn't think would exist before he met you, rogue thoughts he only entertained when he had his dick in his hand. The harder he fucked you the more he thought about how gorgeous you'd look with a swollen belly.
Fuck, imagine if he got you pregnant right then and there. That nurses uniform would no longer fit you. Everyone would know he knocked you up, your perfectly round tummy carrying Sergeant James Barnes' baby, breasts heavy with milk, God, he wasn't going to last-
“Gonna let your Sergeant pump you full of cum?” He pants, letting his hands grip onto your hips like his life depends on it, the wiry hair at the base of his cock rubbing against your clit.
“Yes!!” You sob, biting down onto his shoulder to keep your cries down while he continues to fuck you into oblivion. You don't understand how such filth can spew from that pink, pouty little mouth of his. "Please-please-need-youI-I'm gonna-"
"M'yours sweet girl, m'all yours, go on, cum for me love, cum on my cock, it's all yours" He gazed into your eyes, cooing at your parted lips and sweat slicked skin. It didn't take long for you to shatter around him his lips smashing against yours to swallow your moans.
"Want your cum Sergeant" You beg , desperate to have him claim you from the inside.
"Oh fuck baby, y-you can't say that, m-gonna, oh fuckkk" Your words throw Bucky right off the edge as he lets out a deep groan stilling his hips and shooting endless ropes of his spend into you. You both lay in comfortable silence, your fingers playing with his hair; his usual kempt brown locks now disheveled .
“Y’know m’gonna marry you” his scruffy cheek nuzzles into your neck as he continues to stay deep inside you as his cock softens, “after all this is over. Gonna put a ring on that finger”
His words send a different wave of emotions over you, feeling more safe than ever, clinging onto him as tightly as possible. You let a whimper slip out and he pulls away from your neck with an expression of concern.
“What is it love” Bucky coos, wiping away the tears that slip you, stroking your cheek while you bite back a sniffle.
“Do you mean it? After this is all over?” You weren't sure what Bucky would want-there was still a war going on. Anything could happen. Perhaps this was just to keep his bed warm. Something to keep him calm, you were just someone to-
"Of course sugar" Bucky presses a firm kiss to your forehead, silencing the thoughts that tried to run wild. "You're mine"
-
And of course he gets his happy ending. Because when it's all over, he gets the ring for the girl he loves. He's on one knee, proposing to you with the sweetest words. He treats you like a princess on your wedding night, making love all night long until the sun is up.
There isn't a surface in the house he's left untouched. Nothing makes him more feral than moaning for his pretty wife, constantly taking her hand and wrapping it around his cock, watching that diamond glint with each stroke.
It doesn't take long for you to feel a little squeamish, knowing all the tell tale signs.
The day you tell him he's going to be a dad is one of the happiest days of his life. There isn't a single night that goes by where he isn't nuzzling his face into your tummy, talking to your little one.
Everything was perfecttt.
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