Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".
Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"
And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".
Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.
At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.
So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!
Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!
Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!
Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.
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trying to figure out how to say this delicately. i do think that the pwhl is going to make some progress, and already the support for the league is showing how much of a market there is for women's sports even from a few years ago. but it's kind of been irking me to see so many posts that act like there has never been any arena for women's pro hockey before. like do you understand how many people — how many leagues!! — came before this to even make the pwhl a possibility. do you know how many people have fought tooth and nail for women's pro hockey for DECADES. i'm not saying don't support the league, but don't act like it's the perfect solution to a brand new issue
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dating Kyoya Ootori headcanons (Kyoya Ootori x fem reader)
He leaves you for a man
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We all know that when Crowley says, "You can't leave this bookshop", what he's really saying is, "You can't leave this life we've made together", but he's too scared to include himself explicitly in it, right? It's like in the fight about Gabriel where Crowley says he wants Gabriel "nowhere near the precious, peaceful, fragile existence he's carved out for himself" but we all know he's just talking about Aziraphale because whenever he's actually talking to Jim or himself, he's only worried about what will happen to Aziraphale, not himself in the slightest. Worrying what will happen to himself is a facade he pulls up in front of Aziraphale to deflect from how deeply he loves him.
On the other hand, when Aziraphale says, "Oh Crowley, nothing lasts forever", he's really saying, "I love you so much that I am willing to give up all my most precious worldly possessions to assure that you are given the treatment and reinstatement you so deserve." His tone of voice and his face are both all love even.
Like it's just so amazingly sad that what Crowley is reading as rejection, as "you're not good enough as you are", is almost definitely Aziraphale saying he loves him more than everything else and thinks he's the most truly good soul he knows?
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THE HANDSOME MONKEY KING ~ GREAT SAGE EQUAL TO HEAVEN ~ SUN WUKONG
(found wip, wasn’t gonna post but heck it the show’s got me hyped)
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Friendly neighbourhood reminder:
If you’re sick, it is so easy to feel overwhelmed, catastrophize, be in a low mood and so hard to self regulate.
Don’t think about your life. Don’t believe the things your brain tells you about you and your life.
Just be sick. Focus on rest, hydration, sleep, nutrition.
And, if life won’t allow you to engage in self care, just focus on getting through the day and remember it’s so hard because you’re sick.
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Y'know what, I'm in a good mood today so I wanna say a few things!
Shout out to selfshippers of unpopular and/or niche media. Medias that aren't mainstream or popular. Medias fairly known due to videos and fan works on it floating around the Internet. Medias that were once popular until the hype died out.
Shout out to selfshippers of media with very few to no fan base. With F/Os with little fan work (art, fan fiction, etc.)
To artist/writer selfshippers who's F/O has no fan work and make it themselves : I am so, so proud of you. You are seriously the bravest and strongest soldiers god has ever sent.
You might've search throught the Internet for fan art, only to find a small handful and thought to yourself "Do I have to make art of my F/O myself?" Fuck yeah man, I HIGHLY recommend you do! Because you're making the art that you love. And maybe... someone out there would like it too ^^
Comshippers and proshippers DO NOT INTERACT
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