#and i don’t mean that in a ‘im right and they’re wrong’ way i rlly do mean that it’s just a Different lens

[cherrysnax]

it’s probably just the depressions and the dissociative disorders but I often feel like I’m just possessing my own dead body

[strandedcrow]

crow the fact that the only time you've posted about dream in the past months was in response to the Kissed a Variety of Men tweet is iconic so I am so glad you're still here (it just made me very happy when I saw that lol)

AKFKSKGK pls it was just rlly profound.. had a rlly thought provoking effect on me.. he knows what he’s abt FR !!

[mooooonnnzz]

don’t text and swing! // miles morales x reader

miles loves texting and he loves you, what could go wrong?

cute lil miles texting headcanons

sum short n simple

readers gender not rlly specified

ooc miles?? idfk how he would text so i tried my best 😭

requests r open!!

miles says mentirosa that jus means liar

⊱ ────── {⋅. ✯ .⋅} ────── ⊰

🕷️ You’re never guaranteed a full on conversation with Miles because most the time he leaves you on open. He doesn’t do it on purpose, really. He just so happens to be a very busy man so trying to talk to him when he isn’t saving New York is pretty difficult.

9:55 pm [ miles <3 ]: Hey did u still one of my jackets

9:55 pm [ miles <3 ]: *steal idk how i got still

9:55 pm [ miles <3 ]: Anyways I cant find it anywhere and ik u have something to with it

10:00 pm [ miles <3 ]: I know ur not ignoring me rn…

10:01 pm [ you ]: oh wow of course im the first person you blame

10:01 pm [ you ]: also i dont have it ☝️

10:02 pm [ miles <3 ]: Who else would take my jackets??

10:02 pm [ miles <3 ]: This also isn’t the first time my jackets OR hoodies have gone missing

10:02 pm [ miles <3 ]: And somehow they always end up in your room

10:03 pm [ miles <3 ]: Suspicious right…🤨

10:06 pm [ you ]: oh shit by some magical force

10:06 pm [ you ]: your jacket managed to teleport to my bed!!

10:07 pm [ you ]: and somehow…IT FLEW ON ME?? AND NOW IM WEARING IT?

10:07 pm [ you ]: this is actually crazy…

10:15 pm [ you ]: wait miles where did you go

10:25 pm [ you ]: are you mad?

10:30 pm [ you ]: no way ur mad

10:40 pm [ you ]: MILES

10:42 pm [ you ]: HELLO

10:43 pm [ you ]: MILESSSS

10:56 pm [ you ]: oh wait mb you’re probably busy saving somebody

10:56 pm [ you ]: got a lil crazy there

10:57 pm [ you ]: ignore all that

1:00 am [ miles <3 ]: I KNEW IT

1:00 am [ miles <3 ]: It’s okay i like you a little deranged 😩

1:03 am [ you ]: why are you texting me at one in the morning

1:04 am [ miles <3 ]: Why are you replying?

1:05 am [ you ]: have you been fighting since 10?

1:12 am [ miles <3 ]: I’ve been studying! 🤓

1:12 am [ you ]: LIAR i know what you are…

🕷️ You text him while he’s in the middle of fighting? You bet he’s going to respond. While giving himself a reasonable distance away from the villian, he holds out his pointer finger and says; “Hold on, let me respond to them real quick��” While they’re throwing punches at Miles, he’s dodging all of them while texting you back. Though, he’s text aren’t legible. At least he thinks they are! All Miles wants to do is talk to you, even if you don’t understand half the things he’s typing. Texting him while he’s swinging has the same effect. He has dropped his phone multiple times and he’s always caught it before it could land on the street, though when his webs come in contact with his screen it registers as someone typing so without even knowing he’s spamming you a whole bunch of jumbled letters.

3:45 pm [ you ]: hey miles can i come over for dinner

3:45 pm [ you ]: im craving ur moms food 😍

3:46 pm [ miles <3 ]: oys of cours

3:48 pm [ you ]: did u just have a stroke

3:53 pm [ miles <3 ]: noi busy

3:53 pm [ you ]: if you’re busy why r u texting me 😭

3:53 pm [ you ]: go back to fighting or wtv ur doing

3:56 pm [ miles <3 ]: i wMt to talk toyj

3:58 pm [ you ]: u can talk to me later miles

3:58 pm [ you ]: im not going away

4:00 pm [ miles <3 ]: hatr

5:46 pm [ miles <3 ]: HEYYY

5:46 pm [ you ]: HII are you not busy anymore

5:47 pm [ miles <3 ]: Yeah

5:48 pm [ miles <3 ]: How’s your day been?

5:49 pm [ you ]: it’s been ehhhhh

5:49 pm [ you ]: i’ve been missing you 😔

5:51 pm [ miles <3 ]: ooajbdko092828900

5:51 pm [ miles <3 ]: 08:$jjaoppapp

5:52 pm [ miles <3 ]: !!!!!

5:54 pm [ you ]: what

6:00 pm [ miles <3 ]: I DROPPED MY PHONE

6:01 pm [ miles <3 ]: ANYWAYS back to what you were saying

6:02 pm [ miles <3]: I’ve been missing you too

6:04 pm [ you ]: youre no better than those people who text and drive 😐

6:05 pm [ you ]: don’t text and swing miles

🕷️ He loves sending you videos of him showing off in his suit. He did a cool trick midair? He’s going to prop up his phone somewhere and start recording, once he perfects the move and edits out any unneeded footage and he sends them to you. He’s all giddy when he does, in his head he’s like, “Will that impress them?” “Do they think that’s cool?” “They’re going to love this!”

11:00 am [ miles <3 ]: (1 attachment video)

11:00 am [ miles <3 ]: What do you think??

11:00 am [ miles <3 ]: Pretty cool right

11:03 am [ you ]: (1 attachment photo)

11:04 am [ you ]: LOOK AT THE FACE YOU MADE WHWN YOU JUMPEDD AHHHHH 💀

11:04 am [ you ]: this is going to be my new lock screen

11:05 am [ miles <3 ]: 😐

11:06 am [ miles <3 ]: Are you going to ignore the cool spin i did?

11:07 am [ you ]: oh sorey

11:08 am [ you ]: THAT WAS A REALLY SICK SPIN

11:09 am [ miles <3 ]: Mentirosa 😒

🕷️ Miles also sends you photos. It ranges from him swinging in midair or him relaxing on top of a building with his lunch in hand. He loves to keep you updated on his life. You’re the only one in this universe that knows his secret, so he texts or shows you everything he comes across as SpiderMan.

3:00 pm [ miles <3 ]: (1 attachment photo)

3:00 pm [ miles <3 ]: Look how pretty the view is from up here

3:00 pm [ you ]: oooh that’s actually so pretty

3:01 pm [ you ]: who knew new york could actually look nice for once?

3:02 pm [ miles <3 ]: I’m going to take you here one day for lunch

6:54 pm [ miles <3 ]: (1 attachment photo)

6:54 pm [ miles <3 ]: You should put this as your lock screen

6:55 pm [ you ]: it’s just you doing the peace sign while swinging

6:55 pm [ miles <3 ]: You said that like it’s a bad thing

6:55 pm [ miles <3 ]: It’s a nice photo :(

6:58 pm [ you ]: look i set it as my lock screen

6:58 pm [ you ]: (1 screenshot)

6:59 pm [ you ]: everyones gonna see that i know spiderman

6:59 pm [ miles <3 ]: YES GOOD

🕷️ He texts you nonsense sometimes. You could be chilling, watching something to pass the time and he will text you something so utterly stupid you would have to take a moment to process it.

10:00 am [ miles <3]: (1 attachment photo)

10:00 am [ you ]: u just sent an empty plate of food?

10:00 am [ miles <3 ]: Yeah cuz I ate 😜

10:01 am [ miles <3 ]: Like literally

10:03 am [ you ]: enough.

fanks to everyone who sent in requests IM WIRITN G THEM RN ✍️

[sweetzscore]

What if I fakeposted about my ocs. What then

-24 notes

🛸 ang3l-baby follow

Me: [after talking about aliens n space for 3 hours] I dunno I just think they’re kinda neat

🌌 cosmicgirlthing follow

Your record is actually four hours

🛸 ang3l-baby

Sometimes I just black out and talk about doctor who a lot too

32 notes

💣 emooooeeeekid follow

Ive had girlfriends before which is really weird because I am the most idiotic loser ever. Bitch what do you see in me

🌌 cosmicgirlthing follow

This is true you are very much a loser

🎬 samthehotdog follow

I second this

💣 emooooeeeekid

Listen here you little shits

128 notes

🎬 samthehotdog follow

I’m very publicly intersex and my favourite thing about this is that I am a high schooler and my classmates get rlly confused all the time and its so funny

🎬 samthehotdog

I like to ask them why they’re so interested in my dick (or lack thereof) and they usually just combust or something

💣 emooooeeeekid follow

high schoolers are very invasive an insensitive so I like to give them the funniest answers possible

I once told a kid that when I was born they asked me if I wanted a dick or a vag and I couldn’t decide so they gave me one of those multicolour pens where you click down the things to get the new colour

🎬 samthehotdog

That. Is the best thing I have ever heard

241 notes

🍊 bowser-jrjrjrjr follow

Theres so many fucking fags at my school I hate this stupid place

🌌 cosmicgirlthing follow

What are you doing on this website

🍊 bowser-jrjrjrjr

Stfu tranny

🛸 ang3l-baby follow

I go to OP’s school and I can confirm he is very stupid and mean and nobody with any sense actually likes him

🎬 samthehotdog follow

Lmaooo

339 notes

💣 emooooeeeekid follow

Vent under the cut

read more

💣 emooooeeeekid

Fuckin got you didn’t I

🌌 cosmicgirlthing follow

Go fuck yourself

💣 emooooeeeekid

Don’t mind if I do

🧢 jord-the-trans follow

There’s something wrong with both of you

63 notes

💣 emooooeeeekid follow

>be me

>have a crush on a guy

>guy likes someone else

>other guy is homophobic, used to be my friend but dropped me when I came out

>dont have the heart to tell my crush

Hes gonna get his heart broken either way and like :((( UGHH i just want him to like me

🎬 samthehotdog follow

Oof thats rough pal

🧢 jord-the-trans follow

Yeah Im real sorry abt that Val :(

A little off topic but I didn’t know you had a crush?

💣 emooooeeeekid

Haha nope. No crush here. I dont have any crushes nosireee

🌌 cosmicgirlthing follow

Real subtle mate

42 notes

🛸 ang3l-baby follow

Im just gonna make it clear right now if you don’t think that straight aces are lgbt i need you to get the fuck off my blog right now

🌌 cosmicgirlthing follow

are you vagueposting abt your boyfriend’s haters

🛸 ang3l-baby

Die mad

402 notes

anonymous asked: wait you have a boyfriend ???

🛸 ang3l-baby follow

Actually @:reedinthemarsh isn’t my boyfriend he’s my wife

🍬 reedinthemarsh follow

When did we get married also when did I transition???

🛸 ang3l-baby

It’s only a matter of time

💣 emooooeeeekid follow

GELP???

26 notes

💣 emooooeeeekid follow

My parents think that me being non-binary might be confusing for my little brothers but I explained it to them once and they immediately understood, said “okay” and then asked me what my 2nd favourite colour was

13 notes

🌌 cosmicgirlthing follow

URL check

Cosmic: nope

Girl: nope

Thing: sure why not

[elainsgirl]

So Nesta gets her little two besties, and they say something like “your actions don’t define you.” They’re only saying that because they didn’t know what she’s actually done. Nesta then calls Gwyn and Emerie her “sisters”—but what about Feyre? She hated Feyre for no reason—none! She was mad about becoming Fae, yet she’s the one who literally let her baby sister go out and hunt alone while she sat there doing absolutely nothing and only protected Elain. Now she’s upset because nobody told her about her powers? Sister, do you even realize how you act? She told Feyre about her pregnancy out of pure hatred—whoever says she didn’t is a liar. She wanted to hurt Feyre. And now she wonders why people dislike her? Not to mention, she says “I love you” to Feyre—finally—when Feyre is literally on her deathbed. How do y’all like Nesta?

Hey anon 🫶

I’m starting to this off with, you are entitled to your own opinion of Nesta. Whether you want to forgive her actions or not - that’s all upto you.

When Feyre became besties with Mor/Amren - it wasn’t a big deal to anyone. In fact, I remember from pre-acosf, how it was feyre stans that wanted Nesta to be away from the IC and hoped she didn’t cosy up to Feyre’s friends’ as that would be unfair on Feyre.

Nesta’s done that. she distanced herself from the IC. Her friendship with Amren was superifical and gone by the time acosf came rolling around. She made her own friends that had nothing to do with Feyre…yet there’s still a problem? Why? Did you expect Nesta to be all alone for her book, only spiralling over her past and spending all 800 pages trying to ���make it up” to Feyre? Ofc not. I honestly don’t see the issue with her making friends.

And, this is what Nesta needed. A breather from the past that was eating her up with guilt and trauma. Emerie & Gwyn provided that for Nesta - a fresh start. A new slate. They weren’t judgemental, condescending or forcing her to forget her trauma and be happy. With her friends, she could be who she had always wanted to be. Unlike back in the human lands, where Nesta had to put up an appearance and couldn’t form any genuine friendships or in acowar, where she was always on guard with the IC - with Gwyn and Emerie, she could be the nesta that was untainted by her mother, grandmother, and her past. Emerie & Gwyn gave Nesta that space where there was judgement, which made them all closer. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that. So many people who are like Nesta distance themselves from their family bcs it can get so hard being reminded of your mistakes and trauma constantly. It can be hard to be around them knowing how they feel negatively about you. These people go on to form friendships with other strangers easily because no one knows about their past. Its easier to move on and start fresh.

Emerie & Gwyn telling Nesta her actions don’t define her, was right. They don’t. Nesta can’t let her past misdoings - that occured when she was a child, define who she will be for the rest of her life. You will never grow that way. Nesta would have remained in the same cycle of guilt & anger, if her friends hadn’t reminded her of that simple truth. Some of her antis act as tho they applauded Nesta & told her she was right. They didn’t. Now, that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t feel guilt or not try to make it up to whoever you hurt- but at one point, you have to forgive yourself and let it go. Learn from your mistakes.

I consider Amren & Mor feyre’s sisters. Two women who offered their friendship & love so freely to feyre. Therefore, Im not *that* bothered if Nesta considers the valks her sisters, who just like feyres’, offered their love and friendship to Nesta as well. Its not rlly a big deal.

These archerons are not close. Would they risk their life for each other without hesitation? Absolutely. But on a day to day basis, they aren’t close as sisters normally are. I doubt they barely know anything organic about each other. Feyre herself admits she isn’t close to Elain the way she is with her friends. And it makes sense. Trauma and their parents mistreatment of them, has drifted the sisters apart. But thats the point of these books, how they’re each going to grow closer together. Become a family bound by love instead of blood. They’re always going to be sisters at the end of the day, none of them are replacing the other. They’re just forming true friendships for the first time which is also healthy to do.

one of the main issues with SF is it doesn’t go in-depth when it comes to feyre and nesta. Nesta was meant to be the provider. The successful one. The one that led the family - her mother molded her to be headstrong, egotistical etc, but once poverty hits - its Feyre that becomes everything Nesta was meant too. Its Feyre - the sister their mother had neglected- that mama archeron goes too, to look after the family. Thats going to hurt. To top it off - Nesta was validly angry. She wanted their father to do his job. But instead Feyre stood up and worked. She did everything Nesta was waiting on their father for. Then it became a matter of stubbornness. Ego. If you’re already hitting rock bottom, might as well fall some more. Nesta and Elain will always be wrong for letting Feyre hunt. Feyre will always have deserved better from them. Nothing will change that BUT you also have to acknowledge the growth they both did. And when Feyre truly wanted their help, both of them where there for her.

As for the pregnancy, the way I personally see it, Nesta finally felt like her relationship with the IC was heading in a positive direction, she felt “in” with them to only then find out, they had been keeping information about her powers - which she was scared off- from her. I think thats a feeling you have to experience to understand. The betrayal, hurt, confusion and anger you feel. Nesta reacts in anger - she wanted Feyre to feel as low as she did, that is part of Nestas unhealthy coping mechanism. Was Nesta right to tell feyre? No. It wasn’t done out of love or concern. There was nothing genuine about it, but at least someone told Feyre something that should have been shared from the beginning. Even Feyre maturely acknowledges that (which made me fall in love with her sm).

I can’t speak for other Nesta stans, but my love for Nesta come down to the fact I just like her character. Sometimes you dont have to have a deep reason. I just like Nesta for Nesta. She adds a nice mix to an otherwise mediocre cast of characters. If you don’t love nesta or can’t understand why someone likes her - thats absolutely valid and fine. She just may not be your cup of tea. At the end, it only maters how the author sees Nesta and the way its going - Nesta will be here to stay forever.

[mngo-jii]

MC's always so happy and cheerful ☹️ i wonder how everyone would react to her suddenly being a lot more gloomy than usual. could be either romantic or platonic hcs!

“ WHAT’S UP WITH YOU ? ”

characters: daniel page, lottie turner, ivy warrington, robyn thistlethwaite, kevin farrell, cassandra vole + frey twins

letter ✉️: good morning (for those who have the same time zone as i do) for some reason this didn't post and remained on queue 😐.. these might be a little ooc im sorry

★ DANIEL PAGE

he’s the first to notice the way you’re acting.

next to his concern is likely astonishment because he had never seen you this... miserable before

he’s like thats my job!!!

eventually he gets tired of seeing you so gloomy like there's a raincloud over your head, he drags you somewhere that would cheer you up, like maybe a trip to hogsmeade or a shopping spree at madam malkin’s robes.

and he’ll pay for it allll. he’ll get a little annoyed if you insist him that its ok

he watches you the entire time and takes note of how slowly the way you react or behave evolves back to your usual self

but if it’s something a simple trip won’t fix, then expect him to force the reason out of you

he doesn’t mean to be a bit pushy, he’s just so worried and can’t stand the sight of you so sad anymore 😭

you never knew he’d be caught in a position like this but here you are sobbing in his arms

he won’t say much other than a few advice here and there, but he shushes you so gently and coos at you while running his hands through your hair

very relieved once youre better 💯 but don’t tease him for cheering you up or he won’t do this ever again (he definitely will)

he tells you a sad expression doesn’t fit a (pretty) face like yours

★ LOTTIE TURNER

she’s also one of the first to notice after daniel

unlike daniel who’d wait when you two are alone, she asks the second she notices, even during a conversation amongst the group that has nothing to do with you

“[MC] are you okay???” she asks, concern lacing her voice. she interrupted someone when she asked that but it doesn’t matter 😭

why?? because youre sad. and its usually you who comforts them

so this is obviously a very serious problem

she’s very sweet and unlike daniel she'll leave you alone after the 2nd time of you refusing to talk about it, and instead would ask what she can do to comfort you

if you don’t refuse but rather completely break down in front of her, she panics and instantly rushes to pull you in a hug

“oh no no no don't cry im sorry-”

“i don't know what to do im sorry :((”

rocks you back and forth in the hug like a small child and wipes your tears with her thumbs :')

hours later she’s presenting you a little sketch of you and her in some flower field with smiley faces and ‘no sad’ written above

★ IVY WARRINGTON

also doesn’t notice AT FIRST until a little while later or when lottie points it out

strokes the top of your head like you're a cat 😭 “what's wrong, [MC]? :(”

brings you things like maybe flowers, small trinkets, biscuits, and pastries in hopes of cheering you up

honestly can’t function properly knowing you're sad

her mood would switch the moment she remembers you during times she'd usually be really happy and go “[MC] is sad right now :/”

nonstop talks about you, rlly worried

kind of tries to guess why you're sad like

“maybe they’re sad because [some random reason at this point because of the amount of times she tried to guess]”

will give you the best hugs if you let her

“we’ll always be here for you :)”

she squeezes you a bit before letting you go

★ ROBYN THISTLETHWAITE

is a bit awkward about it when she notices but shes rlly worried

“hey.. a-are you okay?” she places her hand on your shoulder when she sees how down you are

also a little astonished like daniel and only now did she realize that this was your first time ever being this way

because usually you were the one helping and looking out for them

kind of feels bad when she realizes that 😞 and also a little guilty

she tells the others about this guilt and eventually it kind of spreads

makes an entire plan with the others like “mission cheer up [MC]”

she’s gonna pop up randomly out of nowhere, like constantly, and will show you something you’d probably like

“hey! hey, [MC]! check out what i got! pretty cool, right?”

“yes its cool i guess 🙁”

“😟”

she tries her best 😭 it’s a little overwhelming but u can’t say it isn’t endearing how much she’s desperately trying to cheer you up

★ KEVIN FARRELL

a little too immersed with other things to notice for a while, but he catches on when someone points it out

doesn’t know what to do 🧍🏻‍♀️

kind of just lets the others take care of you but he gets rlly guilty about it 😭😭

robyn would drag him to help her cheer you up, and he’d comply quite easily because its the most he can do

he’s just as desperate as robyn too

doing your own things silently and having to predict which one of them is gonna pop up is like playing fnaf or something

he slowly starts to see that their efforts aren’t working and tries to convince robyn to do something else

he rlly wants to comfort you himself because he knows its the best course of action at this point, but he’s also a little awkward 😭

now he feels guilty about that TOO ☠️

when robyn pointed out you were always there for them he was guilty. when he just stood aside and let the others work it out he was guilty. now he feels guilty because his friend is literally SAD but he’s too awkward to go up to them 😭

he rlly worries about u, he rlly does! pls dont take it that he doesnt 😞

★ CASSANDRA VOLE

side eyes you

“can any of you little rascals tell me why they’re doing that ?”

“doing what...”

“doing that.”

gets annoyed because you dont react at all when she’s there 😭 as in you’re so stoic-faced and miserable it doesnt feel real

is very deep in thought as she stares at you from a distance

she doesnt wanna admit shes worried about you but she definitely could not stand you ‘looking like that’ anymore

glowers at your friends’ ‘useless efforts’ on cheering you up

life gets boring for her because you honestly dont care anymore, and your other friends are too busy with you to pay attention to her or the twins

eventually she just gives in

“i’ll show you all how it’s done”

after classes you return to your dorm to see a gift wrapped in gold on your bed with a letter beside it

when you open it, it’s something that you’ve been wanting for a really really long time but couldn’t afford :') how did she know about it? well it’ll remains mystery

“you look hideous with that look on your face. wipe it off. - C.V”

while the letter could have been nicer, she means well, but she wont admit it

★ bonus: THE TWINS

really REALLY confused and salty 😭 they’re probably the most confused of the bunch

while robyn and kevin desperately try to cheer you up at the most random times, they don’t rlly stop being pricks randomly for a while

it’s not to make you feel worse it’s just to desperately get to see you react like how you used to 😭

life gets boring for them too. like i said, the others are also too worried about you to pay attention to them

fischer will just go “pshh. whatever. let’s go” and marches away

but colby approaches your friends. “aye, what’s going on with them? 😒”

they’re taken aback and go like “why would you care”

he scowls at them and says that he doesnt that he just wants to know

they dont tell him and it makes him more salty

dont expect them to do anything they just keep their distance for a while until you feel better ☠️ you dont know if they do it out of niceness or because theyve gotten bored but wtv

[solar-halos]

odesta arguing hcs

• even though finnick must be a really good communicator i don’t think he’s a very good arguer. the art of persuasion? he’s got that down. negotiation? easy. arguing with annie when they’re upset? bye

• also since annie’s personality isn’t rlly on display in cannon im also gonna run w the Fiery Annie Cresta hcs bc i <3 those. so while finnick shies away from conflict she is a very argumentative person if the situation calls for it

• she’ll be like “>:(!!!!” but as soon as finnick starts returning the same energy she’s like woah woah woah. and then she bursts into tears

• no just kidding but she’s lowkey a hypocrite bc finnick will be like “i don’t like the way ur speaking to me” and she’s like “??? WHAT does that mean ???”

• i feel like tho when it’s a case of finnick being in the wrong they solve the problem very quickly and efficiently. meanwhile if it’s annies fault she has to take a long while to marinate in her embarrassment before reconciling. if it’s a case of them BOTH being more wrong than right then mags takes it upon herself to step in

• i mentioned this in the breakup hc list about them but i do think that even when they’re locked into the most intense passionate argument of their life they still cuddle when it’s time to go to bed

• but also annie is petty so they’ll be eating dinner and she’ll put something like salt or a pitcher of lemonade right out of reach and when finnick is like pass it over pls she’s like “huh?” as if it hadnt been her master plan for him to speak to her

• speaking of speaking, i think that their arguments either consist of nonstop communication or just radio silence. no in between

• HOWEVER since they’re cute and in love it gets resolved so quickly and then they’re like 💋💋💋 forever and ever

• their post argument tradition is baking a cake. then they go to the beach and split it with the picnic they packed

[venusvxen]

Trusting In Your Inner Change

One thing that rlly used to fuck me up when I would attempt to shift states is seeing the “opposite” even after I changed my internal dialogue.

I would be so upset because I mean it when I say I rlly would not ruminate on a circumstance. It would be times when i would really forget about 100% and not think about it. I would not be in my head thinking about how i’m gonna manifest it away or anything like that yet it would still be there in my 3D and sometimes worse…

Then to make matters worse I would go on twitter and see threads about “if you’re still seeing the opposite it’s because you’re identifying with it somehow” and be so confused and feel like shit because yeah there’s truth to that but also.. bro… i’m so serious when I say that I really would not be thinking or dwelling on these circumstances at all… like at all… it would just make me feel like shit.

I would pick my mind apart trying to find what went wrong and why that shit is still there and would feel discouraged because it’s like “okay…. i don’t think about it like that during the day at all.. so even if i do do all this what’s to say that it’ll go away completely”…

Then after a while I just decided to start being stubborn about my inner change. Meaning that even if it looks like nothing is working and everything is spiraling out of control and problems are only getting worse, I still remain faithful to my new assumptions and don’t spiral everytime I see something “bad” and assume that that means i’m not doing it right.

Seeing the opposite would rlly trip me up and make me believe all my progress is for naught because i’m doing something wrong and I must not be on the right path if the opposite is STILL persisting in my 3D… like right now as I write this post actually…

But… I decided to tell myself that as soon as I shift states the 3D instantly conforms. It may not be in the way i expect, but judging after appearances is controlling the How.

Sure things may look bad,, and sure I may get really anxious looking at some things and feel like they’re never gonna change.. but telling myself that everything is going according to plan makes me feel way better and less anxious and helps me stay on the right path as opposed to the constant starting over when I would feel like im doing something wrong when i would see “the opposite”.

Maybe this “bad” thing is simply apart of the bridge of incidents to take me to my desire which I assume is the case anyway since the world has to match my assumption of self.

I know my assumption of self inside is lovely as illustrated by the euphoric feeling i feel everytime i re enter the state and fulfill myself ((for fun)) so i choose to let that be my validation and basis of progress as opposed to what the 3d shows me.

I know better than anyone how frustrating it feels to really be doing the work but the 3D shows you the opposite and i know better than anyone how isolating and infuriating it is when everyone just assumes it’s because you’re still ruminating on the old story inside and haven’t shifted states when sometimes you really have forgot about it all along and don’t think about it as much.

Be stubborn about your change. Put your foot down. say NO, I HAVE CHANGED. If your name is X but someone calls you Z, you’re not gonna ransack your brain and wonder why they’re calling you that and gaslight yourself into believing that they’re calling you that because you identified with that name somewhere along the lines.

Maybe, instead of the circumstance showing up because you identified with it, it’s popping up because it’s a part of the bridge of incidents.

Trust in that as opposed to undermining all your growth and inner work. Don’t let your very real inner change be undermined and questioned just because of what the 3D says. Trust in self not the mirror. Don’t let the mirror tell you you’re something you say you’re not.

You know who you are inside. Trust everything is working out exactly as it should even if it’s painful at times. Trust everyone is playing their roles exactly as they should.

In any case that’s all I have to share today. I shared this because I just saw something rlly annoying in the 3D. Hope this helps 🫡

[rin-and-jade]

hi! So I am trans and it causes me gender confusion but besides that… I go by multiple names my deadname, one name, and another name. However… these names I can attribute basically whole identities to. and I get confused on who I am, which one is real, if they’re all one person going by multiple names or separate identities. I have dissociation, early trauma, cptsd. I have those symptoms that make it even more confusing bc those symptoms align w system experiences. but I’m not sure if I rlly am a system or not. does it count as “fronting/taking control” when I go by one name instead of the other bc I feel more like that name (the name having its own kinda identity I guess). it doesn’t feel like I’m being taken control of exactly maybe though? Idk. and I feel scared to be a system or to be wrong about being a system. I rlly don’t get how to tell in the situation. I feel like idk if deadname transitioned into other name or if they’re separate. and if name is separate from other name or if they’re both just normal varying parts of myself.

If you think these signs aligned with system experiences, let me give you my view too on how i see your current situation.

People can have multiple names they go with, commonly used in online places and different friend groups (usually nicknames) and the clearest sign to see if it is you, or not, can be determined by: if you relate to every name that’s made/given, the you are not a system. As a system i 100% cannot relate to our deadname because it feels like it wasn’t me, so i go by Jade for years, the name just felt right and it sits perfectly. Neither the other names our part has too, it’s just,, it’s like a wrong key in the lock.

And to determine if you have signs of these names taking front is by paying attention if you feel something off, when i mean that, i meant the “wait im not supposed to act thay way right” kind of off. It must feel involuntary, not instantly recognized or realized (not for those who know they’re a system) and out of your control,, you might be having a hard time trying to detect some mild shifts in identity but by being aware of it, it makes it slightly more easy. If these names change alongside with other aspects like speech, body gestures, movement, preferences and morals,, then i’d say these are separate identities and not just names you go by once in a while.

Just letting you know, theres nothing bad or wrong about being a system or not, it doesn’t make it more scary or more dangerous for knowing or having it. Though there might be more problems to solve if you were to be one so please check more resources for a bit right now, if you think you need continued help for being a system i’ll gladly do it, just refer me to which anon you were, goodluck bud.

- j

[nugget-child]

YIPPEEEEE, u and I are rlly similar in some ways- anywayyyy

Ane (basic ass middle name ik)

2. uhhh not answering thatttttt

3. Feb 11th

4. Aquarius

5. Green/pink

6. Don’t have one, but maybe 2,3, or 7????

7. yes I have a cat

8. AMURICAAA 🇺🇸🇺🇸🦅🦅💥💥

9. Like 5’ 3.5” (I’m still half an inch taller than chuuyaaa)

10. About 7.5

11. I don’t know

12. I don’t remember my dreams

13. I can write and draw

14. Dunno what this means-

15. hahahahaaa don’t make me pick one pleaseee

16. I don’t know eitherrr

17. Someone who loves me (High standards fr)

18. NO, I HATE CHILDREN

19. I mean… idk, maybe just for the experience?

20. no

21. yessss at least 4 times (including my birth)

22. no, I’m like an angel 😇

23. if concerts count… then yes

24. showers, I ain’t taking all that time to do a bath

25. BAREFEET

26. no

27. Yes (I crave attention worship me peasants)

28. Everything except country. Literally everything

29. no

30. anywhere from 1-4 (and then I sleep on a stuffed animal instead)

31. Like halfway curled up, on my side and then I kind of like move around a lot in my sleep

32. don’t knowwww????

33. either like an egg sandwich, a slice of coffee cake, or waffles

34. I’ve fired a BB gun (this is America after all)

35. I did it at a summer camp a few times

36. I don’t knowwww I’m a writerrrr

37. FUCK

38. I don’t pull all nighters because I literally have nothing exciting to do for that long

39. Yes, and they’re kinda stupid too. Like my two scars are from a meatball tray and a hanger-

40. no

41. yes :3

42. Maybe??? Idk I haven’t had to judge no character yet

43. British, Russian, French

44. no

45. I don’t knowwww???

46. uhhh intp but i think the test thought i was more introverted than i was because i hate group projects because I don’t trust people to do a good job soooo 🤷

47. I don’t actually know

48. Yeppp can’t do the clover thing tho

49. innie, my belly button is just a hole in my stomach

50. Right handed

51. if they crawl on me, yes, if not… like probably not

52. any dessert (especially chocolate flavor), orrr pizza

53. Italian food

54. Both, im inconsistent af

55. Any variation of I’m gonna kms- (I need to cut down my usage of this…. I use it way too much.)

56. Fuck probably

57. not long, idk I don’t time myself

58. yes but like no…. (It’s confusing)

59. Suck (just like I did to your mother last ni-)

60. YES, LIKE A LOT ACTUALLY

61. ALSO YES

62. maybe? I’m prob like average

63. Like centipedes and millipedes crawling on me.

64. I would be, but I’m sort of socially isolated 😔

65. I don’t knowwwe stop asking me to pick favoritesssss

66. long

67. I can, I can also name all the capitals 🤓🇺🇸

68. art ig

69. (hehe 69) uhh ambivert

70. no

71. making mistakes on my schoolwork 😔(🤓)

72. No <3 I like the dark, I also like small spaces

73. Yes. It drives me crazy sometimes (🤓)

74. yes

75. no

76. noooo

77. no, my parents gave me opportunities to, I’m just fucking terrified of trying new things

78. nope, I’m still terrified of trying things

79. I haven’t had one (there was maybe this one girl, but I think I only liked her because she liked me)

80. 2 (one in each ear)

81. yessirrrr

82. not very fast

83. also not very fast

84. blonde, but a weirdly specific shade of blonde

85. blueeee

86. Penicillin, I also have like spring allergies

87. no, I’ve tried but I never end up actually writing in it

88. mother does like campaign finance or something, and father does opinion editing for a newspaper

89. I do

90. people being wrong, being accused of things, there’s a long list

91. yes its soo prettyyyyy

92. I don’t want kidsss

93. FOR THE LAST TIME I HATE CHILDREN

94. I have intelligence in school

95. I have intelligence nowhere else

96. idk prob bcuz it sounds nice

97. no

98. yes? I already answered this didn’t i???

99. One is white with butterflies with green sheets, the other is grey triangles and grey sheets

100. one is white, with a blue accent wall, and the other is grey

Uhh as for tagssss uhhhh just do it if u want to-

Get To Know Me Uncomfortably Well

PLEASE DON’T LET THIS FLOP AHHHH

1. What is you middle name? 2. How old are you? 3. When is your birthday? 4. What is your zodiac sign? 5. What is your favorite color? 6. What’s your lucky number? 7. Do you have any pets? 8. Where are you from? 9. How tall are you? 10. What shoe size are you? 11. How many pairs of shoes do you own? 12. What was your last dream about? 13. What talents do you have? 14. Are you psychic in any way? 15. Favorite song? 16. Favorite movie? 17. Who would be your ideal partner? 18. Do you want children? 19. Do you want a church wedding? 20. Are you religious? 21. Have you ever been to the hospital? 22. Have you ever got in trouble with the law? 23. Have you ever met any celebrities? 24. Baths or showers? 25. What color socks are you wearing? 26. Have you ever been famous? 27. Would you like to be a big celebrity? 28. What type of music do you like? 29. Have you ever been skinny dipping? 30. How many pillows do you sleep with? 31. What position do you usually sleep in? 32. How big is your house? 33. What do you typically have for breakfast? 34. Have you ever fired a gun? 35. Have you ever tried archery? 36. Favorite clean word? 37. Favorite swear word? 38. What’s the longest you’ve ever gone without sleep? 39. Do you have any scars? 40. Have you ever had a secret admirer? 41. Are you a good liar? 42. Are you a good judge of character? 43. Can you do any other accents other than your own? 44. Do you have a strong accent? 45. What is your favorite accent? 46. What is your personality type? 47. What is your most expensive piece of clothing? 48. Can you curl your tongue? 49. Are you an innie or an outie? 50. Left or right handed? 51. Are you scared of spiders? 52. Favorite food? 53. Favorite foreign food? 54. Are you a clean or messy person? 55. Most used phrased? 56. Most used word? 57. How long does it take for you to get ready? 58. Do you have much of an ego? 59. Do you suck or bite lollipops? 60. Do you talk to yourself? 61. Do you sing to yourself? 62. Are you a good singer? 63. Biggest Fear? 64. Are you a gossip? 65. Best dramatic movie you’ve seen? 66. Do you like long or short hair? 67. Can you name all 50 states of America? 68. Favorite school subject? 69. Extrovert or Introvert? 70. Have you ever been scuba diving? 71. What makes you nervous? 72. Are you scared of the dark? 73. Do you correct people when they make mistakes? 74. Are you ticklish? 75. Have you ever started a rumor? 76. Have you ever been in a position of authority? 77. Have you ever drank underage? 78. Have you ever done drugs? 79. Who was your first real crush? 80. How many piercings do you have? 81. Can you roll your Rs?“ 82. How fast can you type? 83. How fast can you run? 84. What color is your hair? 85. What color is your eyes? 86. What are you allergic to? 87. Do you keep a journal? 88. What do your parents do? 89. Do you like your age? 90. What makes you angry? 91. Do you like your own name? 92. Have you already thought of baby names, and if so what are they? 93. Do you want a boy a girl for a child? 94. What are you strengths? 95. What are your weaknesses? 96. How did you get your name? 97. Were your ancestors royalty? 98. Do you have any scars? 99. Color of your bedspread? 100. Color of your room?

[m1ckeyb3rry]

This wasn’t supposed to take me that long to reply to but I got mobbed by irl shit but um anyways

No because that’s what I’m saying idk why there’s a need to give everyone a backstory and make everyone relevant instead of focusing on better developing a certain set of people like realistically unless they’re really going to expand on the whole bllkverse post-Isagi protag storyline which is highly unlikely….

LMAOOOOO speaking of my comment from earlier too lowk I bet Kunigami could pop out something sassy every now and then!! Gives you an excuse to keep the non-ginger male lead streak going LOL

But FRRRRR the fact that they all acknowledge he’d treat a girl right so real and literally I’m ngl I laughed off the ln as a goofy moment like lmaooo ok no social skills bros stalking but WHAT WAS THAT PROFILE??? Literally jaw on the floor speechless I’m going to pretend I didn’t read that

Otoya would be so happy that eightbit is hyping him up sm I need more scenes of that for Karasu too I’m lowk a little sad the pose of him standing on (?) the ball just didn’t have the same vibe as the manga (don’t get me wrong still not bad but ykwim)

LMAOOO shippers will fr take whatever crumb of interaction (or even lack thereof) they can get im crying though I still can’t get over how a sukuna ship found its way to bllk

Wait I’m also still not over that how did not a single soul request nagi???? Ngl maybe I should’ve sent one in I was under the assumption that he would’ve been a no brained though so uh. But LMAOO it’s funny reading this in hindsight so I guess you’ve settled on an otoya req it seems it’s back to otoyalations everyone

BAROU???????? HIDDEN BAROU CAMEO lmao I’m crying you really said “yeah no romance for Kunigami”

OH HEAH I SAW THAT you’d be glad to know that when I saw that my first thought was hollyhock before anything else LMAOOOOO Omg but Rin being hollyhock y/n’s number one fan I can see it thatd be so funny

LMAO the next sae one you have to make should be that really…um..interestingly proportioned one…from like the first few chapters of the manga (I’m pretty certain I passed by a goofy post of yours with it somewhat recently)

Karasu flying across the field to jump on his teammates back and hype up the goals LMAOOO truly THE biggest bird on the field (I’m thinking of a very specific tiktok audio that I haven’t heard in awhile so if you know which one I’d be pretty impressed)

So real I’m also planning to watch it all in one go maybe even along with s1?? Actually maybe this calls for episode nagi then s1 then s2 bllk marathon LOL but wait you’re right I didn’t pay attention before but Rin and otoya lowk giving emo twins?? If we didn’t know otoyas personality he’d look so emo LMFAO

- Karasu anon

AHAHAA IT’S OKAY i randomly fell asleep instead of responding to this it happens i’m kinda bad abt punctual replies too sometimes so trust i will never judge 🔥

OKAY BUT LISTEN if kaneshiro wants to give us episode karasu i won’t mind /j on the fr side yeah i think ensemble casts are difficult to work with as is and the more you expand the worse that gets!! i mean people are still hoping for KIRA to come back and bro was in ONE EP 😭 so there’s rlly no need for so many characters to be given “depth” (depth which ironically makes them feel shallower at times) it’s okay for some to just be filler with surface level lore

HELP OKAY SOMEBODY COMMENTED SENDOU ON THAT POST AND IT OPENED MY THIRD EYE??? idgaf abt sendou so i didn’t even think about him but he’s literally PERFECT for the role omg like he’s so boyfailure boyfriend-in-law with silly slightly sassy advice (secondhand aikulations perhaps??) PLUS because he’s friends w aiku he def would have relevant opinions on otoya DHFSJAJ not that that’s a prerequisite because his role is rlly small like i said but it gives in verse depth to it

NO LITERALLY at first i was like oh haha cute he just wants to be friends with karasu but he doesn’t know how…now i’m like NAH GET KARASU IN WITNESS PROTECTION ASAP 😭🙏🏻 /j anyways yeah everyone acknowledging that karasu would treat a lady right YUP love to see it he absolutely would and we love him for that (i miss my handsome glorious king why’d i have to get inspired for otoya before him 😒)

YEAHH i feel like they took a bit of karasu’s smugness away almost?? he’s still cocky and analytical and talented and stuff but i feel like he’s not giving that same smug villainy vibe that he had in the manga LMAOAOA it made isagi’s infamous line not hit as much because now it just looks like he’s crashing out due to karasu being better than him and calling him out on being weak meanwhile in the manga you can def tell that karasu actively looks DOWN on isagi yk so the “he’s…a villain 😨” line makes a bit more sense there

NO LITERALLY I THOUGHT NAGI WAS A SURE SHOT I CANNOT BELIEVE NO ONE REQUESTED FOR HIM 😭 forever in shock that the wider public associates me with SAE over NAGI 😱 and yeah i used that ugly ass panel for my hbd sae post (felt obligated since i’m an honorary sae blog) DJSIHDJS HE LOOKS SO WEIRD IN IT i never ever want to see a sae fan complaining abt the anime they yassified him SO MUCH in season 1 all of them have to be on their knees thanking 8bit 🙂‍↕️ and actually nope HAHA i don’t even have any otoya reqs in my inbox surprisingly i was just inspired on my own…let’s just saw we can call this one based on true events 🙏🏻 once i post and we debrief i’ll lyk what parts have and have not actually happened to me FKFHSJAN anyways yeah this is more of a karasu bfb “i have an idea and a character and i’m just going to see where it goes” vibe than it is a specific prompt or anything!! just writing smth silly for me…it’s what i deserve after that kaiser req 😰 HOPEFULLY IT DOESN’T TAKE AS LONG/END UP AS LONG AS KARASU BFB THOUGH i feel like i’m jinxing myself now so just keep your fingers crossed for me and my sanity 🤞🏻

HIDDEN BAROU CAMEO and the boy that died at reader’s uncle’s hand was also loosely based off of niko!! we fr got the entire oaeu up in this bitch ig this is what they do when aiku’s not home 😭 NO ROMANCE FOR THE LEPRECHAUN ONG 🔥

HOLLYHOCK MENTION LFG yeah omg rin would actually def stan her and she would probably love him for that…omg isekai rin x hollyhock reader when?? imagine he’s hit by a soccer ball to the head (probs by shidou) instead of a bus and he ends up in yukimiya’s body on the day yuki sends otoya after the hiiragi’s so he ends up changing the timeline around so he can fall in love w reader instead of the “lukewarm ninja bastard” bonus points if she ends up with karasu due to his meddling instead because gardener swordsman karasu 😫 /hj

THAT ONE AUDIO THAT’S LIKE “i’m the biggest bird i’m the biggest bird” RIGHT?? LMAOAO I HAVE BEENNN CHRONICALLY ON TIK TOK FOR YEARS NOW OFC IKWYM!! speaking of which i have more to show you 😜 but anyways yeah it’s hilarious how he just ends up there and nobody even questions it…ig he’s rlly competitive and stuff so it makes sense that he’d consistently be getting the most hype plus he’s one of the characters that seems to get along w everyone at the same level??? like barou didn’t seem to be mad abt him doing the arm-around-the-neck thing (tbf he only rlly cared abt getting nagi off atp), isagi seems to find him chill, he was getting along with reo/aryu/tokimitsu (as well as yuki and otoya ofc) during their “economics of bllk” meeting, and he somehow even managed to be friends with NAGI when they were all in the arcade which given how standoffish nagi can be is saying smth ☝🏻 truly he is so beloved by the fandom and the characters alike

YUP MY PLAN EXACTLY i’ll probably do epinagi -> s1 (since epinagi glosses over a lot of second selection which is the best part of s1) -> s2 rewatch…yeah otoya gives emo just as much as rin they lowkey have the same hair just diff colors HAHAHA omg wait i saw a tik tok MONTHS ago talking about how niko watches anime and wondering if he freaked out when he saw nagi because he knows that white haired characters are always insanely talented and to extrapolate on that i wonder if he felt the same at seeing otoya 😭 even though otoya doesn’t rlly give white hair energy tbh i forget most of his hair is pale because i so heavily associate him with the Green ™️

OKOK MORE TIK TOKS again you’ve probably seen a lot of them but OH WELL you will see them again 🔥:

KARASU MEME had me crying it’s too real…fr giving “shidou…isagi…stop 🥺🥺🥺 this isn’t you 🥺🥺🥺“

kaiser slander so truly refreshing to see on the fyp even if it is isagi committing it…enemy of my enemy is my friend ig

okay this edit is making me consider aikuism fr JSBXSJBS why’s he kinda…like that one panel of him catching the ball w his chest…NOPE anyways we MUST STAY STRONG 😭🙏🏻 dw he’s still in the problematic bestie zone for me but now he’s like a problematic bestie that i have weird tension with and everyone’s lowkey like yo is smth going on and we’re both like nahhh that’s my homeboy!! but like. ARE we just homeboys???

THE WAY KARASU SAYS ISAGI’S NAME DJFHSHSJS ISAGI MOVEEEE IT’S MY TURN

LORENZO MEME idk why this is just making me laugh this is def smth he would do in the oaeu though specially at aiku (and niko who literally did nothing but got involved by accident)

[clarabowmp3]

I wish Taylor would tell her fans to stop thinking about her exes so much, like I know some of them cannot break the habit and it's like a ritual conversation which is comforting but still. Since she's into telling her fans off for being wrong and controlling her and living through her and pretending they can predict her, and pretending she doesn't care about things she does care about she can call out the Swifties who have so many hours in a day to talk about a guy who does not matter and hasn't matter for a while now. It's sad how some fans see everything she does as being about some guy she used to love. A creative person can do things for fun, nobody thinks about people who used to be in their lives that much. Not people as busy as Taylor for sure. We are not in the post-exe times. Not everything is about him.

Yup yup definitely, the weeks after her breakup with Joe was confirmed were sooo hellish for me, many of the biggest blogs I followed openly spewing such vitriol towards him or coming up with condescending nicknames like ‘joebless’ and ‘yb’ and while I would expect smth like this from tiktok swiftie to see this on tumblr dot com in the year of our lord 2024???? I rlly thought most of us would be above this but guess not. I agree that she’s dated some more than questionable men in the past but that doesn’t mean they’re always at fault and even after so long London was released, no one seemed all that apologetic for the way they behaved OR WORSE cherry picked parts of the song to further bash joe. Like this is straight up mean girl behaviour/bullying!!!! yall are being awful ppl!!!!!!!!! Does your fave rlly mean that much to u??

I’ve seen some ppl say it’s good that she’s telling fans off abt trying to control what she can or cannot do, and I don’t necessarily disagree but I think there’s more nuance to it. When it comes to the Vienna incident, yes I totally get it, ppl shouldn’t have been pressuring her to speak up etc. My problem is when people lump things like her matty healy fling into this kind of take-no-shit attitude, or her private jet emissions (again, there’s nuances, im not saying she should auction her jet off or smth lmao).

So given how outspoken she’s been this past year I don’t understand why she doesn’t tell swifties to back off abt her exes? I suppose one possible explanation is that she doesn’t mind it/likes it, esp with the way she’s been so heavily incorporating Travis into her brand, like she does his archer pose during midnight rain part of the tour nowadays right? Personally (I a random person don’t know the inner workings of her brain, this is just my opinion/inference) I think she plays up this whole ex bashing thing/being cosy with her current bf etc to stay relevant/trendy? It gives ppl smth to talk about, gush over on social media so it increases her engagement with the younger, more immature gen z tiktok demographic. The reason why this all feels a little disingenuous to me is cuz she’s never played up her relationship on tour like this, certainly not to this extent, and idk if it’s a result of parasocial relationships or if she’s doing stuff like this to strengthen those relationships.

Whatever it is, yep fans should separate the art from the muse, but im also not sure how much it actually bothers her as long as it keeps her on top of her game

[lqfiles]

OKAY NEW UPDATE YOURE REALLY POPPING OFF OMG

also the way haechan has to bring up mark omg 😭 i know he’s never gonna let mc live it downnn “oh? you want a kiss? i can do it better than mark or whatever” bro is a jealous mf without knowing he’s jealous of that mf for kissing mc

no and the way y/n censors the word “cute” when she uses it in the same sentence as haechan? 😭 she’s so funny. she needs to be protected (from getting fired after she did what she did to the customer calling her names… FREE MY GIRL ✊🏼✊🏼✊🏼 she ain’t do nothing wrong ✊🏼😔)

lmaooo yeah i know you’re a sucker for petnames huh? no bc sameeee when my bf calls me any spanish pet name… im swooninggg

but the Spanish lesson for today (BRO DUOLINGO’s GOT NOTHING COMPARED TO ME BROS I GOT YOU ALL); romantic phrases bc i just finished watching a novela from my childhood and it went crazyyy and finished listening to some spanish music too ✊🏼 day went crazy today

yo te adoro = i adore you

no puedo vivir sin ti = i can’t live without you (in a non-toxic way btw)

no puedo vivir sin tu amor = i can’t live without your love

quiero agarrarte de la mano = i want to hold your hand

no puedo respirar sin ti = i can’t breathe without you

also omg a little rant btw, so i haven’t been feeling mentally well and i posted on my spam account that im sorry if i ghost any friends, i dont mean any harm im just going through it right…? you would expect the friends i checked up on to check up on me and nothing 😭 and that one friend i mentioned before about her crush, well, they’re bf and gf now and she texted me, not to check up on me… to text me about the guy… like damn 😭 i get it, but i would expect a small “how are you?”

am i lowkey like… expecting much? 🧍🏻‍♀️

BUT ANYWAYYY i re-read score that goal and it hits still!!! UGH SO TALENTED 🫶🏼 BEST SMAU WRITER?!! YESSSS (i am the president of the protect lqfiles, thank you 😋🫶🏼)

-🫧

(you’re amazing and cool)

ONGHAKDNEKWN IM GONNA WRITE THAT DOWNNN HE IS SOOOO GONNA SAY THAT SOON YOURE A GENIUS and yes he lowkey possessive because y/n the only girl he genuinely likes talking to so he can’t comprehend that its not the same for her 🤦🏽‍♀️🤦🏽‍♀️ and after months of whining about him there is no way she is gonna get caught calling him cute (she has before..) FREE MC UNTIL ITS BACKWARDS

BROOO idk if i told you but learning spanish is literally on my bucket list for this summer so aaahhh once i start properly learning it i will defo come to you for some check cos i don’t trust duolingo that much 😭 these are sooooooo cute but there is a toxic way to say ‘i can’t live without you’ ?? or does it have to do w the tone you say it in?! language is soooo cool because the same sentence can be said in different ways aint that a bit crazy

YOU ARE NOT EXPECTING TOO MUCH LISTENNNN i’ve seen this before, my friend had smth similar where he realised he always had to be the one reaching out and when he stopped doing so and realised that person didn’t reach out to them they realised how they can’t even expect small stuff from them. if i was you i’d just leave them on delivered for a while until they literally ask what’s up. a friendship like that might not be a friendship and you need to know who you spend your energy on bae 😭 people like that aren’t worth it, i’d still say talk it out and ask them if its rlly bothering you!!!

I AM NOOOOT THE BEST SMAU WRITWR HAJDHKWWJ that’s too big of a statement plssss i still appreciate the love tho and i love YOU especially 🥺💕🫂

[jihyoruri]

never thought I'd see the day Id do a wowyn analysis... Keep in mind its been a second since I reread all the wowyn works😭

Id like to preface this by saying I do not have a very good grasp on wowyn as a character- I am not entirely sure how you guys view her but I've said this before.. I think wowyn is truly a very sad person. maybe she's not sad emotionally but the way she views things and acts at certain points makes me... I don't know. she does some shit that annoys me 😭I don't view her as a baby or something like that.. she's clearly the "cool" one in the group lmao😭

I'll be focusing on wonyn, and chaeyn for this..

wowyn clearly is uncomfortable with being "known" per se. When she starts to really like someone, she immediately distances herself. I can't tell if it's because she's afraid of getting hurt, or just because her issues with her dad gave her an avoidant attachment style..

I'm not completely sure what happened with her father, and why she's like this now..

wowyn is nonchalant with chaewon. From what we've read, chaewon has started to like(?) wowyn, and finds her cool. I don't think wowyn has started to like chaewon yet, and if she has.. damn😭

I can't tell if wowyn Is avoidant of vulnerability at all, because it seems she keeps up this cool and unaffected front so she doesn't show emotions she doesnt want other people seeing. Shes clearly scared/uncomfortable to love someone(?) because, as you said, she realized she liked minjeong so she broke up with her.

wonyn.. It brings me a sort of satisfaction to know that wowyn will end up with chaewon and not wonyoung. the idea that someone will always come back to you, and that they'll always want you, so you just expect them to ?? chase after you?? rubs me the wrong way. I hope that wowyn will at one point get over wonyoung and actually like chaewon more (even though it seems impossible) cause its CRAZY wonyoung thinks chaewon is delusional (it's not crazy she lowk is)

If she DOESNT get over wonyoung... I feel bad for chaewon. knowing that you'll always be second place SUCKS.

I don't know what made wowyn so attached to wonyoung in the first place, but I'll guess they met when they were a bit younger because the wowyn now seems like she doesn't let people in like that anymore..

In conclusion I do not understand wowyn at all. I know she has an avoidant attachment style and clear vulnerability issues from something with her dad... but fundamentally I find her sad. I can't tell if she wants to be understood and wants people to know her, but she's scared, or she doesn't at all because she's scared, or she doesn't care and I'm reading it wrong?? wowyn seems like the person that never lets people too close, always with a suitcase in hand (metaphorically) ready to leave when she realizes "this person knows me". I mean in that one ask "aeri knows too much about wowyn to date her" or something along those lines.. does she not want to be known, or does she secretly want it?? I don't know.

I'm glad she'll be with chaewon in the end, but I hope she gets a therapist because if I was chaewon's friend I'd be like.. don't go for someone so painfully emotionally unavailable 😭

(this might be all wrong, I literally don't understand wowyn she has such an insane mindset to me. im ace so ig I've just never had a crush that has me always coming back to them like this?? I don't know man wowyn is confusing to me. the way people act like her stans here scares me cuz what if I get jumped but... wowyn isn't a monolith.. she's cool on stage but her mental state is definitely... a whole trip.. pathetic isn't the right word but I've said sad so many times.. like her mindset and actions just make me frown I kind of pity her???)

-🎏

it kinda makes me smile when you say that she don’t understand wow!yn cause that means that I did what I wanted to do with her she’s rlly complex like I want people to have a hard time understanding her, like every time ppl try to analyze her they’re completely wrong and it makes me giggle LMAOOOO

you always seem to go back to wow!yn chasing and always going back to wonyoung 😭 and I feel like I’ve said this before but wow!yn doesn’t have some crazy crush on wonyoung she USED to but she doesn’t it’s just wony is that person always in the back of her mind who she find comfort in because she’s someone who yn is so close with it’s not a situation where it’s like omg I love you so much I can’t get over yo, it was never that yn knows her and wony aren’t going to work out I’ve said that before like that’s something that’s something that yn isn’t even waiting for. Honestly I want to know what actions of hers annoy you because from what I’ve written wow!yn is just so chill and nonchalant like you guys she haven’t seen her make any decisions yet besides breaking up with winter.

[cheese-water]

hii I made the post about the pole you made :D honestly I make a lot of random posts like that at 3am and your literally like one of the only people to actually respond to them and I am just so happy like crying rn- So yeah more rambling:

I feel like the dehumanization of cc can also be applied to ep 1 in a sense? Because kinda think about Charlie? What was he known for in genloss? Not really about Charlie the streamer, but his character. Also sneeg, he made friends with a skeleton and humanizes it. Does any viewer’s questions it? Nope, just another form of comedy. Irl that is really concerning if you were to do that. Yknow known more for their characters instead of being amazing storytellers, actors, writers, etc.

Also on the topic of the meanings the community adopted, I just realized how many secret meanings could have just buried 6ft under? In the genloss talking about stream if Ranboo didnt point out the meaning of the mask(if he takes it off the show ends) like would anyone question it if they didn’t point it out? I sure as heck didn’t to me it was just a cool way to show mind control and hide their face.

 I kinda feel like the audience in general has a lot more meaning because like the whole thing is being controlled by showfall media/ being controlled by social media. We are kinda assumed the main intended meaning is dehumanization of cc and I kinda think like what else? Because you know how the internet can be what if there is a theory that did make sense but just got to much hate to reach the surface? Genloss is created by Ranboo and the producers etc but also the audience and how they adopt the cc/characters to their liking.

TIMELOOPS WOOOO. I might be having a stroke but so many spoilers at the start of the cabin, Ranboo complaining his head hurt, him laying down in the same position as he died, etc. tbh this could just be funny foreshadowing, but you never rlly know

Okay I just saw this post and like I NEED TO TALK ABOUT THIS I JUST 

In ep 3 when we picked the red combination code in the computer, but Ranboo didn’t put in the one we picked because they thought we were wanting to kill him. At the very end we did kill him they died thinking we wanted to kill him for entertainment, but we killed him because we wanted to save him. kinda hit or miss, but relates to chat. Chat says stupid shit because it’s funny yknow. Idk how much Ranboo streams you watch, but like in killer frequency chat keeps telling them that they missed something when they didn’t, chat tells them they picked the wrong option when it was right. It’s kind of weird because it’s to a point when chat suggests something you don’t know if they’re trying to mess with Ranboo or actually trying to help. It creates this  relationship of slightly broken trust where Ranboo doesn’t know if chat is playing with them or actually trying to help.

on my last theory I made last time because I don’t like how I worded it:

How if the internet doesn’t like your interests and personality you are forced to changed to actually be successful. Kinda how at the end of ep 2 they are literal cartoon characters. When you try to seek help and turn back to yourself it always ends the same: death of your channel and content.

( I would like to talk about capitalism allegories, but I am just so uneducated in that field that I might as well just say bananas are purple)

Also I got a lot of info about generation loss I got  from this really cool and underrated video “The Dehumanization of Content Creators | Generation Loss” by Lex Cat also I would watch the jack manifold reaction but I just can’t justify the time it would take

-☁︎🪷

P.S- heads up at some point im doing specific analysis for each individual cc/character yes I now come to ramble here permanently deal with it<3

I am honored <3

And yeah ep 1 definitely has some cc dehumanizing in there looking back on it, just much more subtler than eps 2 and 3 obvs. With Sneeg especially. Right as he’s introduced, we learn that Sneeg tried to complete Slime’s trials, failed, and was stuck in a cage, while not being particularly angry about it. Like it’s understandable that he’s trapped, that it was his fault and he gets that ig? And then for the rest of the series, he acts a Ranboo’s funny sidekick, doing everything he can to get Ranboo, not himself, to the end. The only time Sneeg’s character shows any agency for himself is ep 2 when he’s wearing the hat and, after reassuring Ranboo that he’ll come back for him, tries to escape the mall. But he gets caught, brainwashed, and returns back to his cynical yet helpful self again. So within the context of the audience perception of ccs, Sneeg’s character only serving as a benefit to Ranboo and without him (locked up in a cage) Sneeg is nothing, makes it all so… icky.

I think that’s why I don’t enjoy the dehumanizing cc theory all that much. It never fails to make me viscerally uncomfortable whenever I think about it for too long. Which like, wow genloss doesn’t have a happy ending and is supposed to make you uncomfortable? no shit sherlock. Yeah yeah I know but that interpretation is just too real for me. With the no choice or timeloop theories, we are able to absolve ourselves from blame since this is what Showfall wanted to happen. Still not reassuring but I’m used to not having control over what happens, be it social, politically, economically, etc. But through viewing the characters as their cc counterparts, their pain becomes so personal, that we have no one to blame but ourselves for the suffering they endure. And while I know I personally wasn’t at fault for this, (I was a lurker on twitch twitter and tumblr at Ranboo’s “peak,” I couldn’t share my opinion even if I wanted to) I still feel a sense of responsibility knowing that I can’t do anything about it now. I can’t stop random people for harassing Niki, but I’m still shameful that it happened in the first place. It’s like secondhand embarrassment cranked up to 1000%.

I want to watch Lex’s video essay so badly but I have to wait until I’m in a right enough headspace because I know it will leave me feeling desolate after. I haven’t seen the killer frequency steam yet but I believe you 100% that that’s how chat behaved. I know this because I was there for the late night mining streams, having to sit through chat screaming DIAMONDS at Ranboo just for shits and giggles. Like no wonder he doesn’t trust chat. Which for me makes it all worse since it’s seemingly shows that his audience has learned nothing. If they view Generation Loss as Ranboo’s cry for help, pleading with his audience to see him as a human being and not just a commodity, then why are choosing to treat him exactly the same as before? Maybe that’s why voting to kill Ranboo was so easy for me. I never viewed myself as their judge and jury, just his executioner simply following orders. Maybe I was wrong…

…Anyways, tangent aside, I also tend to take into consideration the gen 1 teasers into my theories. Like the browser game and the video experiment thing, which all had predetermined endings and no references to content creation, further my interpretation. Plus, I just enjoy finding little things and making meaning out of them, my most popular example being Austin being dubbed “The Gay” by Showfall when during emotional scenes, Austin played the role as “the straight man” in improv. Like during the carousel voting, we were able to vote for more than two people and I took that not as a technical bug but as foreshadowing that who we choose didn’t really matter to Showfall, which was “confirmed” when they all ended up dead. And how we were able to vote multiple times during the final choice, making me think we had no real choice to begin with. The latter two were being able to experience live, I don’t blame others for not catching them.

Btw for Jack Manifolds interpretation about genloss, this post encapsulates it very nicely. It also happens to be the fourth option on my poll ;)

[notnctu]

push & pull | kim doyoung

❀ slytherin!doyoung x hufflepuff!femreader ❀ genre - SLOW BURN, smut, fluff, a bit of humor (idk not rlly) ❀ details -  hogwarts!au, fwb to lovers?, y/n is a player lol, jealous doyoung, mutual pining, doyoung is a lil mean ❀ word count - 9.7k ❀ warnings - explicit language, possessiveness (a concept of marking), dom!doyoung, angry sex?, slight dirty talk, penetration, fingering, praise kink ❀ synopsis - in which a prideful slytherin and an oblivious hufflepuff play a clueless emotion game of tug of war.

❝I thought Hufflepuffs are to be loyal, so why do you sleep with other men?❞  

❝People say Slytherins are ambitious, so why didn’t you pursue me?❞ ❀ a/n - i changed the plot a little bit as i was writing lol but hopefully it still fits everything! i said this in the teaser, but i want to preface and say that the magic/marking is not canon to harry potter, and that the only thing im using are the sectional houses/subjects. besides that, everything is made up LMAO also pls b lenient with me, i read hogwarts!au but writing it is very out of my comfort zone and am very bad at creating anything magical 

READ NEXT PART

Kim Doyoung, the Slytherin boy of your dreams, mindlessly and imperfectly steals glances your way across the dining tables and under several hundred floating lit candles. He sits huddled with his few posh friends that wear the same green and silver tie situated so tightly underneath their necks. And you, just looking as dazzling as ever, with your yellow and black tie hanging loose and a few buttons undone from your dress shirt.

He hates how easily you catch his attention and his ability to spot your figure in a dense crowd. You barely even look his way in public now, often distracted by a broad Gryffindor that tries to make flirtatious advantages at you. And when he thinks it can’t get any worse, it does… as you’re flashing your bright beautiful smile back at him and the shift in your body language.

“You’re staring again.” Yuta flickers between his friend and the subject of his focus.

Doyoung clears his throat, smooths his tie and physically turns his body away from the horrendous scene. “It’s very hard not to stare when she’s flirting with other men in front of me.”

“Does she do it on purpose?” The silver haired boy raises a questionable eyebrow and Doyoung reacts before he can speak.

He perks up and narrows his eyes at Yuta. “Purpose? Like to make me jealous?” Doyoung scoffs, laughs almost at the ridiculous thought. “The answer is no. We’re not exclusive, we’re nothing.”

“If you two are nothing, then why are you acting like you two are something? Get a grip, it’s practically sickening watching you fume over a ditzy Hufflepuff.” As Yuta prepares to bite into his delicious soft bread roll, it flies out of his grip, down the long table and onto another person’s plate.

Both boys are quick to stand to their feet and face each other chest to chest. Neither one of them is intimidated by the other, but their other friends around them are rather shocked by the sudden discrepancy.

Doyoung forcibly brushes off an imaginary dust off his good friend’s shoulders and draws a perfectly strained fake smile, knowing that others may be watching and he is a Prefect after all. But most importantly, you could be watching. “Call her that again, and your dinner won’t be the only thing that’s thrown across the table.” His threat is loud enough solely for Yuta to hear.

Yuta, with glaring eyes, picks up his dinner tray and walks off with his chin held high and a brisk in his stride. Doyoung clears his throat in the midst of the brief silence and out of habit, fixes his tie back in place. He takes a seat back down and the chatter at the table resumes, but he’s beyond embarrassed and disappointed at his loss of temper that everything drowns out.

Almost everything. He feels a light tap on his shoulder and out of annoyance, he spins around hastily and sharply snarls, “what?” But his eyes land on your fearful wide eyes and the slight cower in your stance, knowing that you caught onto his bad mood. And he’s half in disbelief that you’re approaching him right in the center of the Great Hall, that you’re standing so beautiful a foot away from him.

Instant regret and guilt fills his chest, his sharp eyes soften at your pout and the concerned furrow in between your brows. Nonetheless, he doesn’t have any words to say… he can’t get himself to apologize for his behavior.

“Do you want to walk to Herbology with me?” The quiver in your voice made you seem so small, so desperate for him, that he can hear the reactions of his friends. They’re laughing, at him, at you, at the whole scene that’s unfolding. He feels mocked, being a laughing stock isn’t something he’s very fond of.

His lips form a tight line, and in a snarky tone, “you don’t know your own way, Puff? Mind you ask your own Prefect to guide you.” Fuck. He tried to find the nicest way possible to brush you off, but his friends laugh a bit louder and intensely. And you didn’t like that one bit.

Your lips part slightly in a frown, an eyebrow raised and a hand on your hip. You look as if you’re ready to attack him, to jinx him, to probably pinch at his skin. But he knows you, and you’d do none of the above. Instead, you say the one threat that causes his heart to sink into the pit of his stomach, “don’t talk to me in class.” You’re slipping away from him as you pick up your pace, exiting all the commotion in the Great Hall.

He tries to hide the disappointment that stems from his chest, and his heart beats with an inexplicable dull pain. All he can think about is the twist of your expression and he’s gathering his things rather quickly to follow after you, without even a bid goodbye to his clique.

Without any knowledge of what you two do behind closed doors and the complex history that you two share, one may view your relationship as practically nonexistent; you two are strangers, barely passing acquaintances. 

Doyoung does not approach you in the halls, in anywhere that necessarily has many witnesses. You smile at him, maybe even a wave depending on your mood, but no one questions it … as you wave at almost everyone who passes by you.

Classmates might see interaction during the one class you two share, if they pay attention close enough. However, you and Doyoung are much more to each other than passing acquaintances. Although he’s starting to see himself as another name on your list of individuals you sleep with, you are much more to him than you could ever know.

He’ll never forget the first time you two met. He was patrolling the halls for anyone lurking past curfew with his nose dug deep in his heavy book on magical creatures, when you walked right into him and caused the both of you to fall to the granite.

He was beyond ready to dock off points for whoever the rule breaker may be, but you took his breath away when you hovered above him and clasped your palm over his mouth before he can scold anyone. You looked a bit frazzled as your hair was all over the place and he noticed your minimal amount of clothing in the middle of a cold winter night.

He saw the signature Hufflepuff badge on your thin sweater and the sound of your voice completely threw him off his tracks.

“I’m so sorry.” You whisper at the stunned Prefect underneath you, whose body feels warm against your own. But your eyes remain frantically on the lookout for anyone else passing, despite the lack of light in the cobblestone hallway. You most definitely do not belong in this wing of the castle and knocking down a Prefect caused more of a problem in your escape route.

Quickly standing up, you lend your hand out for him to take. His long fingers accept your hold as he pulls himself up and dusts the dirt off his robe. His green emblem glows in the dim light and you’re internally screaming at the mess you just made for yourself. But you recognize his features: the sharpness in his eyes, the small curves of the corners of his lips, his neatly parted black hair.

“You’re in some deep---”

“---Kim Doyoung.” The boy freezes at the sound of his name and he blinks at you, curious as to where you know of him. Being a Prefect has its small perks of popularity, but he didn’t expect for it to go this far. “Y/N, we had brooms together.”

As he repeats your name and examines your pretty features, a light bulb goes off in his head. “The clumsy Hufflepuff that fell off her broom in the highest altitude?”

“If that’s how you remember me by.” You smile proudly, and he scoffs at how someone could possibly hold pride in something so silly. “It’s nice to see you around, you’re a Prefect! Wow! That’s incredible.”

“And you’re still as clumsy as you were a year ago. Falling all over the place.”

“Unfortunately, some things don’t change! But you certainly have.” Doyoung looks at you with hooded eyes and a cautious gaze, but you’re so outlandishly bold despite swaying with your hands behind your back. “Please, don’t take that the wrong way. I meant it as a compliment! I used to have a tiny crush on you, baseless, but you helped me catch my broomstick and I’ll never be able to forget that.”

Doyoung, unknowingly, lights up at your shameless confession and takes another good look at you. You're much more mature now, and if he stared into your alluring gaze any longer, he’d be completely mesmerized without the need of a love potion. “So you liked me over a meaningless chivalrous act?”

“I liked you because you were charming and yes, perhaps I am someone who finds attractiveness in men who are chivalrous. There’s nothing wrong with that.” You bat your sweet eyelashes at him so endearingly, and he’s a blushing mess all over the place.

Doyoung has had anonymous love letters passed on from his friends, but they were all Slytherins who yearned greedily to be associated with his status. So knowing that a Hufflepuff, with an innocent youthful approach to love, festered some form of infatuation with him does flatter him quite well. “I’ll let you go.”

You’re about to exhale an exasperated sigh of relief until Doyoung continues, “under one condition.”

“Okay, I’ll do anything.” Your gleaming eyes sparkle like stars paired with the night sky.

He rolls his eyes at you, “don’t be so quick to jump at conditions without hearing them first.” Doyoung groans and you passively brush off his comment.

“If it’s harmless, I’ll do it.”

And in the dead of the night, where only you two stand in the middle of an empty cobblestone hallway, Doyoung requests, “I want to see you again.”

Although that night marked the beginning of your friendship, public interactions were still scarce and this was mainly on the fault of Doyoung. The times you met were late nights past curfew where he was stationed at and he grew to enjoy your wondrous personality. This boy grew up in a Slytherin bubble his whole life, no one outside of his house ever dared approached him … at least, not with the warmest smile as yours.

You were everything he was not, but he liked it so much. You were a half that completed his whole, and there were growing pains he couldn’t confide in anyone else. Surprisingly, you knew his imperfections more than he did himself and yet, you still wanted to be around him to encourage him. Not to mention, you had a sudden growth in other parts of your body and formed into your features very beautifully.

He wasn’t the only one who noticed, as there were more male counterparts who smiled at you, talked about you, fawned over you. And he felt something heighten inside of him along with his existing romantic feelings, and that he began seeing you in a new light.

With you experiencing new things, like hand holding and being showered by love letters on Valentine’s Day, it was wrong of him to fester such envy over the ones who publicly adorned you. He was so blinded by his hot headed rage that he completely missed the fact that you never accepted anyone who confessed, maybe the hand holding, but everyone else was a complete rejection.

All this time, you had been waiting for him and when you two shared your first kiss together, you had an assumption that Doyoung was going to finally confess that he felt the same way. But he never did. You two did, however, further your relationship into something more intimate and taking each other’s virginities opened a whole pathway of possibilities --- none being one where you two end up officially together.

He was the first to sleep with someone else, that was his first of many mistakes that he was going to make in his relationship with you. It also became the drop of the needle for you to start seeing other people as well, to explore what Doyoung couldn’t offer, to rid yourself of the feelings you had for a boy that didn’t seem like he wanted anything more.

Chivalry was dead and Doyoung believed that the innocent youthful Hufflepuff love had disappeared from within you.

As his present day runs after you, you’re abruptly stopped by a Ravenclaw for a small chat. Damn you Hufflepuffs for being friendly and social. So, he rushes past the two of you and into the classroom to await for your arrival. The quick shade of green flashes by your side and you’re fuming incredibly at how Doyoung continues to play you like a harp.

When you slide into your assigned seat next to him, he goes off like a canon. Doyoung starts spewing backhanded excuses and endless shameless rambles about his behavior. “I told you. Don’t talk to me during class or I will jinx you. Won’t be able to talk with your tongue stuck to the roof of your mouth.”

“You’re not going to jinx me.” With a subtle flick of his wrist, your chair is pulled closer to his. “And if you were to do so, you wouldn’t do something so cynical.” Yelping at the abrupt usage of his magic, you’re irritably pressing your ink into your journal with a newfound annoyance.

“You’re right. I’d turn you into a duck, so at least, you’re still cute to look at.” The mindless scribbles on the paper make no sense in your head, as you’re primarily zoned in on the disrupted energy you have about your Slytherin companion. These ill feelings make you almost sick, wanting to shut out any bad replay of the moments before and forgetting about the attention you seek so much from Doyoung.

“For you to successfully cast a jinx on me, you must make eye contact first.” His finger lifts your chin and you’re eye to eye with his lustful dark stare. Doyoung licks his lips, a shine shimmers from his saliva, and he’s tempted to bring you into his chambers for an intimacy he’s been craving. “My, oh my. You’re looking very charmed today.” A grin curves up and taunts you, and you’re blinking away down at the table.

“Doyoung, we’re in class. Please, focus.” Your desperate whisper turns into a whine once his cold hand slyly smooths over your bare knee.

“Are you free later tonight?” Doyoung peers over at your side profile and your skin feels soft at his fingertips. He’s imagining your intoxicating scent mixing with his sheets, your light playful kisses along his neck, and gripping onto every naked part of you. For a whole minute, he’s forgotten that he’s in class with other no name individuals and a boring professor. He has tunnel vision whenever he’s with you.

“I have an arrangement.” The grip on your knee tightens at your quiet answer. An arrangement.

“The Gryffindor who had leafy greens in between his teeth?” Doyoung treads lightly, because you’re both well aware he’s made harsher insults than that. He retrieves his hand and picks up his pen as if he’s never touched you.

He sees your head shake out of the corner of his eye, you’re rolling your lips together sheepishly. There’s something odd about your stance and he’s growing a bit more curious…. A bit more spiteful at how closed off you are being. There’s something you’re hiding from him. “Then, who?”

“Is there something you’d like to discuss with the class, Mr. Kim? If not, I’d like for everyone to head over to the greenhouse.” As the class slightly snickers and the classroom empties, you and Doyoung are stopped by your professor.

Professor Sprout, wearing her worn out Dragon hide gloves and a thin lined smile, shoves a potted plant into Doyoung’s hands, “behave, you two. Your conversations are never very secret when spoken aloud.” She gives both of you a warning before proceeding out along with the rest of the class.

Doyoung scoffs at the absurd encounter and rolls his eyes. “Ah, you’re getting me in trouble with you now.”

“I’m sorry, Doyoung. It’s better that you don’t know.” You say this every time, when will you realize that keeping your hookups a secret only causes him more agony? He catches your wrist as you both exit the corridors, he barely ever has you alone now. And to say the least, he fucking misses you.

“Spare me some of your time after class.” He’s disgusted by himself, knowing that his eyes are begging for you to say yes. Him, a highly admired Slytherin, has settled for scraps and if anyone knew, they’d never let him live.

Your hand gently clasps over his and when you look up with your starry eyes, something inside him feels at peace. “Did you miss me?” He gulps at your question and blinks at you like a deer in headlights. If said by anyone else, he would not hesitate to snap his fingers into a malicious spell. But you ask the million dollar question so sweetly, there’s no taunt… there’s no mockery in your tone. It’s full of genuine curiosity.

So, he answers you with part of his heart that you know too well. “Unfortunately.” His body falls slightly in defeat, and suddenly the potted plant is alive in his hands. It’s wailing a dangerous and annoying loud cry, completely ruining the moment.

Doyoung quizzically ponders the monstrous green plant and its magical capabilities puzzle him, possibly reminding him to pay more attention to the actual curriculum than on your unbuttoned shirt.

Moreover, your giggle surprisingly calms him in this stressful situation and you lightly pat his hand that’s still gripping your wrist. “I’m all yours after class.” 

Taking the wretched plant, you hurry off toward the greenhouse to find someone to diffuse the crying creature. Doyoung laughs in disbelief at your comical animated figure running around with a pot over your head and shouting for any student to help you. So you’re not paying attention in class either?

Doyoung takes you to your favorite place, despite the rule that you’re not allowed access to it. The Prefect Bathroom remains spotlessly clean and fresh paired with an immediate scent of rosewater and wild honeysuckle. The white polished marble gleams prettily under the twinkling diamond chandeliers and you’re twirling enthusiastically in the center of the large undressing area.

He observes and smiles widely to himself at the sight of your happiness and cute giggles. It’s always a risk to have you use their bathroom, but he is always abusing his privilege to seek your enjoyment that he truly doesn’t care about anything else. Your morality has beaten him enough and he’s heard plenty about his wrongdoings, yet here you are… sweetly dancing in the one place that’s absolutely wrong. Perhaps, you two have rubbed off a little too much on one another.

“I can never get sick of this place.” As you plead to Doyoung to cast a bubble bath, you’re already stripping out of your skirt. He shields his eyes to give you some privacy and recites the charm to run hot dazzling water in the ginormous pool. A nice soothing bath is exactly what you two need after a stressful day playing in the dirt.

“This is your favorite place.” says Doyoung with a matter of fact edge to this tone.

“It’s my favorite place because I only get to come here with you.” You jump on his back and he hoists you up by your thighs. His heart skips a happy tune. “I refuse for you to tell me the password, even if you do wish for me to enjoy the simple pleasures of a bubble bath.”

“You and your right and wrongs.” With eager hands, you’re loosening his tie from around his neck. “You stripped so fast that you’re going to get a cold.”

“It’s going to get steamy really soon. Plus, I know you like me best without any clothes on.” Your hot breath tickles the shell of his ear and a blush scatters across Doyoung’s cheek. Button after button, his open shirt exposes his toned build. He sets you on the edge of the elevated step before the bath.

Doyoung smirks at your nakedness and your hot lustful expression. Leaning in until he’s practically breathing against your lips, he stares straight into your eyes. “My Puff knows me best.” And dives into you with all his soul. Fruitful drags of his lips along yours, his long tongue enters your mouth. His large hand carefully caresses your cheek to pull you further into the kiss, noses pressing into skin and with a desire to never part.

His heart swells lovingly, kissing you feels like the best thing in the world. There are no tricks, no spells, no recited charms, but you are more than magical. The same surge of energy runs through his veins, but unlike his impressive ability as a notable wizard, he can’t control it. You make him lose control. As meticulous and cautious as he is, you’re the first thing he doesn’t think through.

Your needy hands push off his dress shirt and he hurriedly unbuckles his belt. When you break the kiss, he automatically pouts and pulls you back in for one more lingering peck. “Are you going to scrub my back for me?” You smile, dragging him closer to the overflowing bathtub.

Large puffs of white bubbles spill from the rims and disappear with your every step. It reminds you of sea foam that washes upon the shore, with a floral fragrant that fills your lungs. “That’s quite an intimate gesture, but yes.”

After removing all his garments, he joins you in the large pool of glossy bubbles and the clouds of steam that rises from the water suffocates him warmly. He sits with his back against the wall and eyes unwavering on your alluring expression. 

The bubbles do a great job at covering your breasts, but his sneaky hands snake under the water to grip them. Doyoung grabs a full tit and thumbs over your erect nipple, all while he holds the most sensual gaze with you. Slowly, you naturally end up in his hold and your wet back relaxes against his chest.

The beating of his heart is too loud and surely, you can feel the way it jumps out of his chest. Doyoung attaches his lips on your skin and as you’re melting at his harsh suckling. However, you perk up and snap out of your dazed arousal at the realization of his purposeful licks. “You’re trying to mark me?”

His hand continues to rub and twist your aching nipples. The sensation stimulating the growth of pleasure to sprout below and your mind to wander. 

“Possibly.”

A lovers’ mark is the ultimate testament of mutual love. Engraving the skin with your beloved’s Patronus, wherever the giver chooses to mark. Love emblems are meant to be something sacred to the couple, a way to make someone completely untouchable to everyone else. Not only does the symbol glow with an iridescent shine whenever love is felt, it also numbs any romantic feelings for all others besides the partner.

Besides the use of possessiveness, it’s a beautiful way to discover one true love since the engraving of their Patronus shows up on the skin under the conditions that both individuals must be madly in love with one another. And if it doesn’t end up forming, the receiver is left with a bright, sparkling star hue in its place before fading away completely. If it does appear, it fades when both fall out of love.

“Doyoung--” His name falls from your lips as a moan and he’s running down to explore the beauty between your legs. “--can’t do that unless you actually want to commit to me.”

“I am committed to you.” The more your neck cranes off to the side and exposed to him, the more he wishes to etch the symbol of his love for everyone to see. A hand is hooked under your thigh to keep your legs spread open and you’re gasping at the slight pressure from the water.

“Romantically committed to me.” You remind him, but your train of thought is cut fairly short as Doyoung begins rubbing circles on your needy clit.

“You’re afraid of it showing up?” He’s lathering your breasts with bubbles and dragging his long finger along your slit. His greediness overtakes him and with wandering hands, he’s gripping every part of you that they can reach. Doyoung’s guilty pleasure is always going to any form of physical affection from you specifically. When he finally gets ahold of you, it’s hard for him to let go.

Your warm skin is delicate and smooth beneath the very tips of his fingers and every exploration of your terrain makes him feel inexplicable explosions of fondness. Perhaps, you’ve captivated him and although he believed it would take something as extreme as the Amortentia to have him falling for someone, you did it as easily as being yourself. His better half.

So, he’s impressed by your genuineness and how he’s willing to give up parts of his reputation to unapologetically be himself around you. No one else matters, nothing else matters, but why must it be so difficult to tell you that?

“I’m afraid of it not showing up.” You’re more than convinced that Doyoung has confused his strong sense of lust with love and there would be no possible way his Patronus would appear. It’s better to save the embarrassment for the both of you.

Spinning in his arms, the water twirls to the curves of your body and he’s admiring parts that expose above the surface. He’s matched with your beauty before him, resemblance to the stained glass window that situates above the large bathroom.

However, the doubt in your statement finally reaches his ears and he’s grabbing your ass as you settle over his thighs again. His furrowed eyebrows bring together a rather upset expression --- lip pout and all.

“Why wouldn’t it show up?” Doyoung puzzles, bringing your arms to wrap around his neck. Leaning into him, your pruney fingers trace his smooth chin and he notices your quick flicker between his eyes and his lips.

While your gentle kiss reassures him of your subtle endearment, your next words do the opposite. “You tell me.” All you do is push him away with your vague doubtfulness, like you’re constantly testing him and using his poor guessing skills to your own advantage. He can pull you close after any altercation he wants, but you push him away in any emotionally romantic sense.

“You’re rather mischievous and mysterious today,” Doyoung squeezes your ass and smacks it lightly, causing ripples in the water. “I liked it better when you told me everything you felt.”

Suddenly, his fingers poke at your entrance and his other hand drops in between your legs again. Your mouth opens in shock when his long fingers enter slowly and he enjoys the pleasurable contour of your reactions. “Like this, for example.” The pad of his fingers working rapid flicks against your sensitive bud. “How does this feel?” His whisper dances across your shoulder, landing a kiss at the end of his question.

Your moans echo in the lavish bathroom, bouncing off the marble walls and encouraging Doyoung to keep a steady pace. There’s no worry about how loud you may be, Doyoung charms every room before every lustful encounter. This allows you to let go, let free, let him know how he makes you feel.

He curves his fingers into you, pumping and dragging into your tightness until you’re practically screaming. He only has one thought, as his eyes trail down your intoxicated needy figure, how beautiful you are as a moaning mess under his control. Your head is thrown back, eyes are squeezed shut and opening them to see nothing but tiny yellow starlight.

Dainty kisses line your exposed neck line and his ego swells with so much pride. Doyoung has mastered every flick of his wrist to have you under his trance, spewing nonsensical words and forgetting anyone else that exists. He gives your erect nipples harsh licks and with a faint drag of teeth, the sensation pushes you to your end.

Sporadic pleasurable convulsions cause your legs to close around Doyoung’s hands, but the strength of his knee keeps them apart. “Doyoung… I’m going to free fall.”

Leave it up to you to beautifully announce your climax. He snickers, applying more pressure on your clit and a rubbing motion against your walls. “I’ll catch you.”

Moon crescents embed into his skin as you’re holding onto him with your whole life. As your scream hits every octave, the massive collection of bubbles that cover the surface of the bath fly and splatter every corner of the pristine room. 

White and wet bubbles drip down from the walls, falling from the diamond chandeliers, and coating every steamy mirror. Doyoung’s eyes light up from the chaos, making sure you’re riding out your high for as long as he can provide.

Your body trembles with euphoria, falling forward into Doyoung’s chest and squeezing around his lazily pumping fingers. For a brief second, your mind is wiped and nothing in the world feels better than being in this perfect moment with the one person who’s Patronus you hoped would etch your skin.

If one possesses feelings that are practically unbearable to contain, one should confess… right? For all your life, you’ve lived by this statement. Friends do not hear the end of it and most surely, one should follow their own advice… right?

So why do you yearn for Doyoung in your gaze as he stands across the Great Hall as if he doesn’t know of your existence? As if he wasn’t kissing you in the Prefect bathroom a few days prior?

It’s not an understatement to say that you catch the attention of almost every person in the room, but the one head that refuses to turn your way… the one who’s looks you wish to steal… is the one person who looks right through you.

Feelings have become a nuisance ever since the first time you confessed to him and it was worse than landing on cobblestone after falling off your broom. The reason why you’ve buried them deeper than any chamber is that you’re positive that the prized Slytherin would rather be with another, preferably one from his own house.

While you try to remain optimistic and playful for the time being, you’re simply replaceable to him. He can barely care to acknowledge you in public when Gryffindors boast about you in their arms like winning a trophy. You’ve kept good relations with every Ravenclaw you’ve slept with. You’ve kindly rejected every romantic gesture another Hufflepuff has offered.

But if there is one thing you’ve learned about him is that he’s lived in his Slytherin circle for as long as he lives. And it will stay that way. You’re his sweet Hufflepuff that he’ll push away at no cost, then pull you back in secrecy.

Now if one feels as if they’re wasting their time, one should leave… right? Wrong. Kim Doyoung has skewed with your morality… and your feelings remain loyal to him since the day he confessed to see you again.

“Lemon-drop, I’ve been looking all over for you.” An arm slings around your shoulders and the notable red and gold tie is the first thing you see. Jung Jaehyun, Captain of the Gryffindor Quidditch team, flashes his deep dimples at you. “Walk with me.”

He extends his palm out for you to take and your friends painfully elbow your sides to wake you from your hesitation. Taking his hand, you get up from the dining table and follow him out the Great Hall.

Doyoung sees the scene unfold before him and rolls his eyes at how Jaehyun’s dimples are all it takes to have you wandering off with him. Despite every wicked intent to follow you two, he heads out in the direction of the dormitories to fume in his room.

“It’s such a nice and sunny day today.” Jaehyun runs a hand through his luscious brown locks. You both exit into the front courtyard as other students are scattered on the lawns mingling with one another. When you peer up at the sky, the sun is barely seen past the layers of clouds.

“Jaehyun, is there something you needed to speak with me about?” His laughter roars, full of hefty song and amusement.

“Listen, lemon-drop. I like you and I have a feeling you feel the same way. I want to mark you if you’d let me.” Jaehyun smirks and just as he brings your hand up for a kiss, you gently let go. “Am I coming off too strong? We don’t have to do it today, I just wanted to see if it would show.”

“Jaehyun, you’re going to find an extravagant person one day. A person who is going to know all your favorite castle balconies to swing from and how you like to be kissed on the nose.” His ears grow a bright red and for once, his gaze drops to the ground. “I am, unfortunately, not that person for you so I must kindly reject your confession.”

As you turn on your toes, Jaehyun lightly holds your wrist to stop you. “But, you know all those things about me. Is there anything I can do to prove that we belong together?”

“I know them because I care enough to remember things you tell me, not because I loved you enough to observe these things about you. I give you my word that there is nothing you can do to prove me otherwise.” The corners of his lips dip downward and you’re running to the one person that will erase this sad rejection from your memory.

When you’re scanning the Great Hall for any sign of him, he’s not there and it leads you to his only hiding place. Doyoung loves to shut himself out from the rest of the school whenever he gets the chance. However, a lost Hufflepuff wandering outside the entrance of the Slytherin dormitories is rather an odd sight to see and you haven’t had the chance to form many connections from this house.

The sparse amount of Slytherins you know aren’t going to be passing by, unless with some stroke of luck, someone will be kind enough to open the door for you. Every person passes by you with questionable stares until a silver haired boy blinks at you with wide eyes.

“Who is it that you’re trying to see?” He asks abrasively, but softens his tone when he realizes that you mean no harm.

You bid him a small grin, “your Prefect.”

“And what for?”

“There is an urgent matter that involves him and he’s practically unreachable when he’s hiding away in his private room.” The boy narrows his eyes at you, but beckons you to follow him down to the Slytherin dungeon.

Excitedly, you hurry behind him and whisper over his shoulder, “what’s your name?”

“Nakamoto Yuta. No need to tell me yours, I’ll doubt he’d want me to know.” He spits and then, mutters the enchanted password to reveal the large green common room. “Come this way.” He leads up the boys’ dorms and walks briskly. Although you never mentioned a name, Yuta seems to already know who you’re here to see and it makes you wonder how he must know.

“Open up.” Yuta stops and knocks at the wooden door, Kim Doyoung written in a fancy penmanship on the center. “You have a guest.” He looks your way before rolling his eyes at Doyoung’s irritated tone through the other side.

“Tell them to leave.”

“He wants you to leave.” Yuta repeats, mostly to satisfy Doyoung’s nag.

“That’s fine. Thank you for bring---” The door swings open abruptly and Yuta almost loses his balance. Doyoung frantically turns his head side to side to comprehend what he is seeing. His ears felt deceived, hearing your voice through the door, he had to make sure it wasn’t you.

But you stand before him and Yuta. Here you are approaching him whenever he least expects it. “What are you doing here?”

“I came by to see you. I’ve been here plenty of times.”

“What are you doing bringing her in?” scolds Doyoung and the other boy shrugs carelessly.

“What was I supposed to do? Let her bat puppy eyes at several other Slytherins and have her telling everyone who passes her that she came here to see our Prefect? It was also getting cold out.” Yuta mumbles, but finds great entertainment at seeing how frazzled Doyoung has gotten by your presence.

“It was a bit chilly.” You admit and Doyoung groans, pulling you into his room and shutting the door on Yuta. “Thank you, Yuta.” You whisper through the crack between the door frame.

“It’s too risky for you to be searching for me around other Slytherins.” Doyoung paces the room and you notice his tie is loose and shirt is unbuttoned around his neck. “Why are you here?”

“A Gryffindor blew me off. I thought I’d come and see you with all the free time I can get.” Taking a seat at the end of his neatly made bed, your legs swing adorably and Doyoung almost doesn’t hear you.

“Jaehyun? Does he think he’s too good for you or something? That cocky dimple Gryffindor, with the draw of my wand---” Doyoung whips out his intricately customized Dragon Heartstring, and you’re on your feet to calm his temper down.

“Will you put that thing away? I’m here for you.” Your giggle warms his tight chest and puts out the fueling flame for anyone who dares to hurt you in any way. “It’s not a big deal and it’s not the first time it has happened.”

Doyoung uncomfortably clears his throat and withdraws his wand. Buttoning up his shirt, he fixes his tie back in place. To say the least, your words erupted his festering jealousy and this may have been a small tipping point.

Before you had entered, he was so frustrated with himself and you. You can just walk away with another man without a second thought, in front of him too. He remembered the soft feeling of your body and how he’s not the only one who’s needy hands ran their course over you. That may be the one pain he can never get rid of.

“I never understood why you give other men the time of your day when they just brush you off undeservingly.” He stings and you’re slightly surprised at his sudden attack. When you respond in silence, he continues.“I thought Hufflepuffs are to be loyal, so why do you sleep with other men?”

Crossing your arms, your weight is barred on your left leg and there is a shift in your overall mood. With an eyebrow raised, you sass him back, “People say Slytherins are ambitious, so why didn’t you chase after me?”

Doyoung swallows hard and blinks at you speechless. A clammy hand runs through his black strands as he tries to find any possible explanation without confessing his feelings. If he had a plan to confess, it would never be in the middle of an inquisition with you.

“I guess you didn’t think before acting on your desires.” And how he hated how correct that statement is. He doesn’t ever think whenever he’s around you. All his actions are conducted with his emotions and the feelings that overtake him.

Doyoung scoffs, rolling his eyes at your rash comment. “Aren’t you supposed to have the strongest morality among all the houses?”

“Sleeping with multiple men isn’t morally wrong. There’s nothing wrong with it…” The slight hurt from his question is difficult to ignore, but you must remember one thing if you want to protect your heart on your sleeve. This is nothing serious to be bickering over. You two aren’t anything serious, so why feel the need to squabble over nonsense? “... it would only be wrong if someone liked me and wished to commit to me.”

Your eyes meet and Doyoung blinks at you with wide eyes. His Adam’s Apple bobs as he gulps again, completely whiplashed at how the conversation has turned. “And if that’s the case and you like me, would that make you jealous, Doyoung? That’s why you’re trying to poorly attack my character?” He’s never heard such a strong taunt in your tone and he’s baffled by it, slightly aroused, but shocked.

“I don’t like you.” His voice is small and he pouts his lips at you. Doyoung crosses his arms and perhaps, his sad expression reveals a little more than it should have. Your heart softens at his ridiculously cute response, had you expected something much more angry and vindictive.

“Then this conversation is over, right? I’ll be on my way now. I have herbology.”

“We have the same class.” He grumbles, grabbing his robe from his desk chair.

You open the door to make your exit, “but since you don’t want to be seen with a Hufflepuff, I’ll go ahead first.” When you stumble out into the hallway, a recognizable face brightens at your appearance.

“Haechan! Hello, I haven’t seen you in a while.” You’re cheering and Doyoung chews the inside of his cheek. His pride is left at the door and along with all the things that hold him back from you, he doesn’t want to push you away anymore.

“My favorite Hufflepuff, are you just leaving?” Haechan walks up to open his arms, wishing to embrace you in the longest hug. However, Doyoung quickly takes you by your hand and rushes past him.

“She came to walk with me to class. Bye Haechan.” And Haechan is left standing in the middle of the hallway, confused and watching your backs as you’re both briskly walking out the common room.

Doyoung looks back at you, “you think I’m going to let you walk out of my room and have another Slytherin walk you to class? Don’t be so foolish.”

But you are foolish. Your heart beats foolishly and loudly for Kim Doyoung. And may you be foolish enough to wonder if his heart does the same for you.

And it does. Foolishly. Loudly. Lovingly.

You both wonder if this vicious cycle will ever meet its end. Doyoung pushes you away by ignoring your existing relationship, but pulls you back into his embrace as if it never happened. You push him away by running off with other men, but come back to him as if he’s the one person you’re loyal to.

But on this particular night, after mass circulation of rumors reaches the ears of the lovesick Slytherin, Doyoung is pulling you away from your huddled group of friends in the middle of the long corridor hallways. Without any greeting, any spoken words, he’s dragging you to his room right in front of everyone to see. His hand around yours like it was two days prior, but with an expression so grave on his sullen face.

The silence between you two brings no comfort, but you don’t dare say the first words. Doyoung, finally, approached you first in public and it is possibly for a greater reason. Perhaps you’ve done something horribly wrong, and the moment you two step into his room that you’ll hear a mouthful.

However when he closes the door to his room, your hand immediately drops from his embrace and he turns to face you. There is a darkness in his eyes, one that light cannot touch, and his lips are tight in a line.

There is an eerie silence that fills the dark room and the murky windows paint the area an ominous green. Doyoung focuses on your confused, yet adorable expression. “Why did you lie to me?”

The door catches your slight stumble and you’re blinking cluelessly at him. “About what?”

“Jaehyun.” He breathes the name in spite and aggressively loosens his tie. “He didn’t blow you off. You rejected him and he’s telling everyone it's because you’re in love with someone else.”

You scorn at such a ridiculous rumor and for the fact that it’s even made its way around to Doyoung. Another realization hits you. All it took for him to approach you in public is a meaningless rumor.

So in response, you laugh and it mocks him further. “This is not a laughing matter, y/n.”

“I’m sorry, but why are you so upset at that? Fine. I did lie to you, but I never told Jaehyun I was in love with anyone else.”

“Are you in love with someone else?” Doyoung says with balled fists at his side. There is a mixture of anger and sadness running through his veins and he’s so sick of feeling this way.

Your hesitation speaks for you, “It’s better that you don’t know.”

“You say this every time and it does nothing to ease my conscience.” Doyoung throws his hands in the air and stares at you with sharp eyes. “Is that why you were afraid that my emblem wouldn’t show up? Because your heart belongs to another. Yeah, I heard Jaehyun wanted to mark you too.”

Men and their constant want to prove something to themselves with their marks. Everyone has a twisted reality of markings now. There have been many others who have tried to mark you, feeling as if lust would be enough to suffice its appearance. As one's Patronus is special to their own protection, a beloved’s Patronus mark holds the same value.

You’re quite at a loss for words, “I was afraid that it wouldn’t show up, not because of myself, but because of you.”

Doyoung points at himself in disbelief. Him? He loves you more than anyone he’s ever encountered, even if you didn’t know it. “I wouldn’t have almost tried it if I wasn’t sure of myself.”

“You don’t love me, Doyoung. I don’t even know if I can even say you romantically like me.” Those words hurt the both of you and it lingers in the room for longer than you’d like.

“Do you think I fuck you meaninglessly like all those other losers you sleep with?” Doyoung steps forward, pulling you into his chest and admiring everything he’s fallen in love with. A pain spreads across his heart as he thinks of you with another person, of someone else kissing you, of someone else making you happy.

“You really don’t feel it in the way I kiss you?” He asks once more and your own stare drops to his shoulder, a bit ashamed to maintain eye contact with such pained eyes.

“And if I did? How would you explain that? That you are actually in love with me?” Your questions pelt him like rocks. As he pushes you on his bed, you pull him down with his tie.

Doyoung drinks you up like fresh water, a crisp and refreshing love that encourages him to reach heights. His hand cups your face and his feather touches reminds you of his gentleness. Your lips taste like sweet honey, dripping and coating him with a sticky sugar.

He’s happier with you and he’s the happiest kissing you. Perhaps, it’s hard for him to express with words, but he’d always hope his actions speak louder. So, his lips press against yours with a whirl of passion and every good feeling that grows in his chest.

The collar of his shirt is wrinkled in your fist and you’re holding him as if you’re afraid of him letting go. Doyoung runs a hand down your torso and lifts the end of your skirt up. A warm hand pushes your legs apart and a finger presses your clit through your cotton panties.

Your mouth opens into a moan and he takes this opportunity to shove his long tongue inside, lapping with your own. As a wet spot forms on your panties, he pulls them to the side and gathers the slick to gently rub your erect clit. His name is lost and muffled in the kiss, but you tap at his chest.

When he breaks away and halts all movement, he looks down over you with a fire burning in his dark orbs. And a confession falls from his swollen lips, “may I mark you?”

“And if it doesn’t show up?” Though, you’re wishing to the most powerful wizards that it does or else your heart would shatter into a million pieces beyond repair.

He bites his lip and every possible outcome scatters his thoughts. It’s too hard to concentrate, so he doesn’t at all. He focuses on your pretty lips and the way you look at him like he’s the only person that matters. “Then, we’ll deal with the consequences later.”

With your quick nod, Doyoung attaches his lips to your neck and harshly sucks at your skin. For the most part, it’s a pleasurable feeling and sends a shiver down your spine. So, he licks and nibbles until he can barely breathe. Your faint scent of patchouli and ginger intoxicates him, wraps him up in a fuzzy coziness that is unmatched.

Your hands unbutton his shirt and a final gentle bite seals his mark. If the love is reciprocated, the emblem would take a moment to form. Doyoung is rather hopeful and excited, as he’s never seen his Patronus before. “You look beautiful.”

“And you look dazed as if someone charmed you.” You giggle and kiss his red lips.

“You’re quite the powerful one, my Puff.” He smiles against your jaw before proceeding to your mess down below. He gives your aching clit a few licks, which cause your body to twist and turn at the sensitive sensation.

“Please, I haven’t felt you in so long.” Whining and tugging at his hair, Doyoung leaves a lasting kiss and gets up to remove his pants.

“Did you miss me?” Doyoung raises a suggestive eyebrow and cocks his head to the side in mockery, a smirk growing on his face.

You reply with a silly response that only he knows and causes him to chuckle, “unfortunately.” And he’s finding every way not to confess his endearments for you.

His dick stands tall and proud against his abdomen, giving it a few jerks as he watches you strip out of your own clothes. You turn around and sit on your knees, with a slight tilt forward and the arch in your back to accentuate your ass.

Doyoung rolls on the protection as quickly as he can. His hands lightly smack your cheeks and slowly enters your dripping hole. His hands grip your hips as he slides deeper into you, both being moaning messes at the delicious feeling.

“Have you always been this big?” You look back at him and to which he devilishly smiles at you.

“You know just the way to fuel my ego,” when his length is fully buried inside of your tight walls, he wraps an arm around your waist and a hand on your tit. “After all the times you’ve been fucked, your pussy is still as tight as ever.”

Doyoung slams hard into you, showing no mercy and causing you to jolt up. He takes every frustration, every feeling of anger, every ounce of jealousy into his thrusts. “But you take me so well, darling. I’ve never seen someone as pretty as you.”

His compliments cause your heart to soar, despite the soreness you’re beginning to feel in your pussy. He’s relentless, bottoming out until his tip is practically in your guts. “Just like that, baby. You’re the only one who fucks me this good.”

He blushes under the low light and leans forward to kiss the top of your head. “My Puff, you’re so sweet to me.” The loud squelch of your tight pussy gripping his dick fills the hot room, “and so wet.”

You’re shamelessly dripping on his green velvet blanket and Doyoung picks up his speed. Your knees give out as you fall face forward into the mattress, hands in fists from the incredible pleasure of every hit. Your ass now in his full view and every tingle of magic lights up in his veins.

Your throat is raw from screaming and moaning, Doyoung holds your hips steady to thrust into a new angle. Automatically, your body twitches as his tip hits your special spot and he’s well aware that you’re close to releasing.

And with his fast thrusts, he asks you an intimate question that is fueled by envy and rage. “If I fuck you the best, then why do you sleep with other men?”

There are no thoughts in your mind to even give him a white lie, to mask the truth of your actions. He’s fucking you into an oblivion that it’s hard to even focus on anything besides pleasure. The books on his shelf begin to tremble as you’re crying out, “I- I don’t know! Fuck, please… ! I’m tipping over.”

“Answer the question or I will stop.” He’s absolutely cynical and you have every reason to believe his threat. Doyoung lifts your limp body upright, against his torso and an arm secured around your middle as before. His hand snakes to your clit, rubbing feathering circles over the neglected bud.

Nonetheless, his single action paired with his tip grazing harshly against the particular spot causes your legs to tremble. “Do you want me to stop?” His threat rings in your ears when you still left him without an answer.

You’re so close, you’re starting to see white. So, you say what your heart tells you and the truth falls from your lips in a loud confession. “Because I wanted you to love me instead! I fucked them to forget about my love for you… fuck, I’m--”

“I’ve got you. Let go of yourself, baby.” Doyoung slows his hips when your walls squeeze around him sporadically. Every book flies out and hits the opposite wall, clattering the floor with heavy academia. However, he repeats your proclamation endlessly in his mind and his heart surges with the most intense romantic desires.

“I do love you, y/n.” He whispers, cumming into his rubber and simply holding you tightly. He lets go of every prideful arrogance in his body, tossing the lame reputation he always tried to hold onto. He didn’t need that if it meant losing you. Doyoung chuckles to himself for being an obvious cliché, announcing one’s love in the midst of a lustful act. He pulls out and gently tucks you into the covers.

Breathless, you’re finally realizing his confession. “You do? Are you sure?” Any subtle movements has your aching lower half in pain, so you settle with resting on his plush pillows and await for him to join you in bed.

All this time, from beginning to now, you’ve been oblivious to his yearning looks across the Great Hall. The intensity of his kisses had been lost upon you completely as you had convinced yourself that he was incompatibly of loving you back. Even now, as you lay in slight doubt, you’re wondering how you managed to have everything fly over your head. 

When he discards his used protection and with a quick flick of his wrist, every book finds its original place on the shelf again, he enters the warm covers. Your arms wrap around his neck and you’re admiring each other’s expressions in the low light. He spots the notable twinkle in your eyes and his thumb lightly rubs your cheek.

“If the symbol of my Patronus doesn’t show, I promise to love you harder until it does.” Doyoung leaves the softest, most loving kiss on your lips. He’s more than thankful for the lack of light as he’s bashfully red all over his cheeks.

“Usually, people just give up.” Your voice is harsh, possibly from the deafening screaming of pleasure prior.

Doyoung shakes his head. He’s made too many mistakes in this relationship with you. Sleeping with another. Ignoring your existence. Being too prideful to be seen with another house. All these incidents have made him feel nothing but ugliness and distraught, and pushed you away further than how much he is able to pull you back.

He loves you. He’s in love with you. He’s fallen for you recklessly as you did off your broom the first encounter. You’re everything he’s never been and never will be, yet you don’t care. You’re by his side, despite his spitefulness and you never miss a beat. That innocent youth approach to love, oh how he wishes it never faded, and though he thought it did, it didn’t. You remain true to your character when he fights with himself internally.

“That would be a mistake and I can’t afford to keep making them.” A glossy sheen over Doyoung’s regretful eyes, but you pull him closer and you refuse to let his eyes wander.

A tired harmless sigh escapes your lips and a dreamy haze overcomes you. Besides the reminder of needing to use the bathroom flashing in your mind, there is nothing else you want to dissect. Feelings are too complex to discuss at the moment and the resolve has already passed.

Regardless of the marks appearing, you’re content with the night and for the rest of your days. Kim Doyoung, the Slytherin boy of your dreams, loves you back and the power of that alone beats any spell in those dusty old textbooks.

“Why can’t we lay here forever?” Your heavy eyelids fall slowly and your voice grows small.

Doyoung kisses your shoulder, then your neck. “That’s impossible. I can’t give you forever.” He mumbles against your skin, sending vibrations across your throat.

“You are my forever.” Doyoung halts and is left speechless as a white glowing entity catches his eye. And the absolute perfect outline of his Patronus sits underneath your jaw, brightly shining with iridescent brilliance --- he makes out the outline: a White Swan, representing his love for you. Doyoung smiles to himself and hopes for it to never fade. Perhaps, he can give you forever.

some fun critical questions to think about hehe -

why do you think y/n lied to doyoung about jaehyun confessing? why do you think yuta helped y/n enter the Slytherin dormitories? what is the meaning behind the White Swan Patronus? Why do you think y/n continued to like doyoung after all this time?

there are no right or wrong answers, just something fun to have you thinking a little more about the fic haha if you want, you can send me an ask about it :) but overall, no pressure and thank you for reading! please leave me some feedback if you can! happy new year!

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