#and i do NOT believe that nobody at ALL is writing the very specific niche fics that i want

[nomazee]

i need people who write midoriya x reader to write about him with the intensity and complexity of the people who write midoriya character study fics on ao3

[olderthannetfic]

https://www.tumblr.com/olderthannetfic/751011464262860800?source=share

Seeing the numbers compared, I realized that you are right, anon. It's a privilege to be able to write long fics, regardless of them thinking they're unable to write short fics because short fics are mostly scenes so it's not that long fic writers are incapable of writing short stories, deep down, they don't want to. Maybe it feels wrong for them since they've made an impression they always write long fics, maybe they find short fics less impressive, or believe that people won't give the same feedback as when they post something longer.

But I would like to argue that longer doesn't mean it has a plot. I've read 80k words of a character getting tortured with no chance of figuring things out or getting out of that situation and ended quite the same as the start. I've read 25k fic of characters just hogging. These fics have no stakes, no crisis, no buildup, no development, nothing just series of the same scene over and over with different sets or different positions.

Fanfic is free and that is why you encounter things that are, in a way, out of the box and technically are not allowed in the publishing world. But that's the beauty of it. Is it really that big of a gap for people who can write long fics vs people who can only write short fics? Because of how free fanfiction is, most things are okay to do, including only being able to write plotless or short.

One reason why I get jealous of other authors who manage to write longer fics than me is because I was too busy at the time. I found a good system for myself (dedicating a certain time to finish a chapter and then uploading them as I edit and so on) and you can build your own. I think with the right system, anyone can do it.

Pantsers, plotters, and hybrids are equal to me and it's true because how do you know that a person didn't just recycle the same plot they use from their previous fics, thus being able to write different versions of that story? We've seen the viral meme abt fic writers recycling the same thing and a lot of people admit to doing it. Does this mean they're mediocre or bad writers? It's not like that's against the TOS or illegal. Nobody paid us to keep making fresh new ground-breaking stories. The quality of a fanfic is decided from how you treat it. Do you still like it even after five years? Do you think about it sometimes? Do you feel so ashamed you'd rather put it in an anon collection or close your acc completely and orphan it? Do you wish for it gone to the point you delete every trace of it?

It's not from the amount of kudos, hits, or comments, tho yes it is easier to find good ones if you filter by kudos but there are lots of underrated ones and I've DNF a lot of fics that are not to my liking but have high-kudos because people keep rec-ing it. I want underrated fics to be more popular but not because it needs to be popular but because I hope to be in a community with more like-minded people. Fanfic has no publisher, we can't earn from it so traffic is merely informative so it's the community that matters the most.

In fact, to tell you the truth, after 17 years of being in ao3, I've curated my tag very specifically and stopped using the fandom tag and went straight to the ship tag. I also mostly rely on bookmarks, private collections, word from mouth of people I trust or believe to have the same writing style and taste as me. So it was very niche and limited.

Lots of stories have plots but not all must be in your favor so you gotta figure what you like to start. Are you team canon divergence or AU? what trope do you like? Telling someone to stop comparing is ineffective. We always compare because that's how we communicate. But people feel inferior because they don't feel worthy of themselves. If you start to know what you want, it's easier for you to write more. Whether you're still stuck on making 1k-2k, etc, at least you don't waste your time feeling sad or down and you keep writing. That'll help stimulate your brain and you will improve.

(Also maybe just don't listen to authors who you think are humblebragging. Mute or block them if you need to because I know, to some people who are in the same fandom, these types of attitude have more context to it. Idk abt anon, but in some cases maybe they were moots or the account was owned by another fan they've encountered on tumblr or other social media often, a BNF maybe, or just a popular author that other fans praise or talk about often, and things could get personal. Shit can go south quickly in the community tbh)

--

There's definitely an art to condensing one's thoughts into only a few words.

[antianakin]

So to start with, if you don't like this blog and the things I post on it, nobody's putting a gun to your head asking you to look at it. Feel free to block me, blacklist my username, block the anti and critical tags I try to use VERY frequently, etc. Nobody's asking you to look at the things I post and, quite honestly, the fact that you felt the need to leave me this message tells me that between the two of us, you're the one being unhealthy because you felt the need to tell someone innocently staying in their own lane that they're participating in fandom wrong rather than just... moving on and doing fandom in a way you enjoy more. If you want to see something else, go look at a different blog or make your own posts. Nobody's stopping you, least of all me.

But to actually answer the question you didn't ask, I made this blog because I wanted a place to make the kind of posts I wanted to see. Yes, it's a venting blog. That means sometimes I vent about the same thing more than once. Breaking news: people in fandom talk about the same hyperfixation more than once sometimes!

My best friend in the Star Wars fandom happens to be someone who really likes Anakin. So whenever I disliked something about Anakin, she was not the person I could go to in order to discuss it. Well, not always anyway. Not when I got particularly bitter about it. And at the time that I made this blog over a year ago, I didn't have anywhere else to go to vent those feelings, so I made one for myself. I made myself a tiny safe haven where I could simply write those feelings out that I never really saw anybody else making or discussing. This wasn't intended to be a popular blog. I expected it to get about two followers total maybe and a LOT of haters.

Instead, I've actually heard from a number of people that this blog let them feel seen. That the things I've written have felt really relatable to people who just can't connect to all of the Anakin love that tends to exist in the fandom. Because yes, Anakin's been the villain since the 1970s, but you must not have spent a lot of time in this fandom because that is NOT a thing that a lot of his fans tend to remember or even believe anymore. According to a good number of Anakin fans, the Jedi are the real villains and Anakin is just a tragic victim who didn't really do anything wrong. And even a lot of the people who DO recognize that Anakin is the villain of the story often still tend to like Anakin as this tragic character and will primarily post positive things about him. So for those of us who just... don't LIKE Anakin very much, there isn't as much content out there for us. You either accept all of the Anakin love along with the content for the other characters you like or you just... don't consume very much content within the fandom. Or you find a very specific niche to try to stay in that you like better, I guess. But Anakin's the main character of the main saga, he's hard to avoid entirely.

So this blog helps provide one little safe haven for others who just... don't like this character much.

And that's not even the entirety of this blog anyway. If you had scrolled through it much, you might've noticed the fic rec lists that have nothing to do with Anakin at all and are actually a lot more aimed at being Pro Jedi. Because this blog is just as much about loving the Jedi as it is about disliking Anakin. You might've also noticed the extensive AU concepts I've written a few times, one of the most recent of which actually ended up leading to Anakin surviving ROTJ and figuring out how to stop being a Sith and getting mentally healthy. And Anakin's not even the only character who's GOTTEN criticism on this blog, the pinned post on this blog lists a good 10 characters I've had to add to it because there IS going to be criticism for them here, too, from Satine and Bo-Katan Kryze, to Aleksander Kallus, to Crosshair and TBB as a show in general, to Padme Amidala herself. Not to mention some criticism of Ahsoka, as well, sometimes. I'm an all access kind of hater I guess, I like to have a varied diet of characters I complain about.

So yes, it's a blog named antianakin because the url wasn't taken, I thought it was funny, and it works as a WARNING for anybody who sees my posts or decides to come onto my blog. Obviously it doesn't keep EVERYBODY out who shouldn't be looking at them, look at yourself for a good example of that. But I like to think it's helpful. Yes, this is a venting blog where I allow myself to be negative and complain about characters I don't like in a space I have created for me to do that in. This does not mean that I am not EVER positive about Star Wars, it doesn't even mean that I'm never positive about Star Wars ON THIS BLOG. It just means that this is a place that I am allowed to be salty in, it is a place where I put my most bitter thoughts and feelings and throw them into the void that is Tumblr just to get them out of me.

This is MY safe space, MY little fandom haven. Nobody asked you to be here, so if it doesn't feel safe or even just entertaining for you, you're more than welcome to leave and go find somewhere else you like better or create your own little fandom space where you can create the kind of things YOU want to see. I can wholeheartedly recommend it.

[foxounderscorecube]

If We Were Villains - M. L. Rio

2 ⭐

CW: brief mention of ed, sa, and drug use within the book

Agh! What wasted potential!

Right, so, first, I will say that I do think Rio is a talented writer: she has a huge vocabulary and knows how to use it. Her love of Shakespeare shines through - something I don't have in common with her, but which I can't help but appreciate. Inexplicably, she has a real knack for writing convincing, yet incredibly elegant, sexual tension, which I know is terribly specific, but what can I say? I rarely come across sexual tension in books that I find draws me in like that. The framed narrative is done really well, and the Acts and Scenes as chapter divisions is a cute touch. These reasons are why I give the book the stars I have given it.

Unfortunately, a talent for sentence construction does not always come with a talent for storytelling. The characters are flat and while I think what she's going for is a cool concept, it just didn't do it for me. I love a good descent into madness and blurring of the lines between reality and imagination, but I feel it necessitates a greater depth of character to work than what we're given.

This is my main issue with the book: we have seven main characters, and maaaybe seven personality traits between them.

We have Richard, who is aggressive. Meredith is sexy. Alexander is gay (vaguely implied to be bi at one point) and smokes weed. Nobody gives a shit about Filippa. James… exists. Wren also exists, but barely. And Oliver is into James, and also sort of Meredith, but only really because she is, as we have established, very sexy. All of them quote Shakespeare at any time, any place, even those that are grossly inappropriate moments to quote one's favourite media. Thing is, these characters just aren't very likeable. I know what it's like to have interests that are niche and which I absolutely breathe, and I've always hovered on the lower end of any social hierarchy, yet even I felt an overwhelming urge to bully these people. It took half the book for me to remember who was who aside from Meredith and Richard because they have the strongest personalities (and because I have a Caterpie on Pokemon Go called Meredith and my grandad's called Richard).

That the characters are so flat ruined the plot because nobody really has any motivation behind their actions. Oliver's into Meredith because she's sexy. Richard starts committing random acts of violence and it's implied it's because he's mad about a casting decision and everyone aside from Meredith is surprisingly unbothered, at least when he tries to drown James. They're just like, "That was scary. Anyway-", and hope he starts being normal soon. Oliver takes the blame for James murdering Richard because he's just so in love. Which, despite their sexual tension being fantastic, doesn't really seem believeable because they never demonstrate being in love. They demonstrate having confused, lustful feelings, sure - maybe close friendship if you squint? - but not passionate adoration. All fiction is the author playing with dolls, but this feels like the author is playing with dolls, bashing them around and mushing them together because that's what she wants them to do.

A nitpicky thing that shouldn't bother me, but absolutely did, was that this is an arts school that's incredibly prestigious and well-known for the high quality of its alumni and the shows put on by the students are really popular. That's all good, whatever. But this group of fourth-years - these people who have survived the culling of students that happens every academic year - because they can't stop harming each other or kissing each other or whatever when they're meant to be performing a play. And yeah, I know it's meant to be because they're so into their roles or whatever, but the lack of professionalism should have been trained out of them at that point, surely? I mean, you'd think the reputation of the university would at least be marred for some time after the second scandalous loss of control on the actors' part during a performance in half an academic year, but it's never mentioned. I'm not enough of a romantic for this, am I?

Even more insignificant nitpick: this school has no costume degree. There's a costumers' department, but who are they? Do they outsource them? Their set design is in-house, made by students studying set design, but the costumers are like the wallpaper - a given. Unless they're meant to be the art students? Ugh, art (assuming it's fine art, because it's never specified) and costume design are different enough disciplines, let alone costume making. That's a whole additional skillset.

Okay, back to a piece of criticism I have that's actually relevant. So, Meredith's sexy, right? And she and Oliver start sleeping togetherafter Richard's death. They're kind of dating, but it's not official official. All well and good. But then, when Oliver's had a hard time, James broke his nose because he got too passionate and angry during combat practice, he goes to Alexander for drugs (the way drugs play into this is another thing) to feel better, and Alexander rolls him a spliff spiked with regular painkillers (is that a thing?) and what is implied to be cocaine. Of course, Oliver smokes it and gets high - high to the point that he has no recollection of what happens shortly after he started smoking, and he sleeps for, like, 24 hours or something. He vaguely remembers Meredith taking him by the hand and leading him to her bed, and the next day, Filippa finds him in Meredith's bed and asks if he's naked. He says he thinks so, but he doesn't remember, haha! So basically, this man was so out of it he remembers nothing and Meredith proooobably raped him, and nobody cares. Even Oliver doesn't seem to see an issue with it. It was really out of leftfield and gross. Is it meant to be okay because they're dating, or because she's hot? Because it really isn't.

Honestly, the way women are written in general is a bit iffy. It's not like the men are especially fleshed out, but Oliver seems to see women as slightly strange, foreign creatures. It's one of those things where maybe that's how Rio thinks men see women, and she's trying to convey this as one of Oliver's flaws, but if so, it has so little bearing on the story in any way that it seems more like the author's bias than the character's. Women with eating disorders, confirmed or implied, are described oddly viciously.

I think the last thing that I'll mention is the inexplicable "gateway drug" story arc. Alexander smokes weed all the time and gives the other characters spliffs from time to time. I'm not exactly experienced when it comes to consuming intoxicating substances, particularly illegal ones, but even to me, the way it's spoken about is rather… quaint. Very "Teehee, Alexander's always a little stoned, but from time to time, even we partake in a little puff!". But then, out of nowhere, Alexander's on the cocaine! I mean, honestly, bunch of kids in a posh twat art school, I'm surprised they aren't all on the stuff. There's a little falling-out between Oliver and Alexander which just doesn't really go anywhere until Alexander gives him the spiked spliff, and then, later on again, overdoses on something. Was it deliberate? Was it an accident? We don't find out and nobody seems interested to know. It's just sort of put in there and then Alexander's like "No more illegal substances for me!" and that's the end of that. I suppose Alexander's drug storyline facilitates Oliver's equally narratively-unimportant rape, and, like Wren's mental breakdown (which also doesn't really go anywhere), shows that Alexander's not doing too well.

This certainly has been one of the most frustrating books I've read in a long time, which is a shame. The concept is great and it's so clearly a labour of love, but I found it predictable and dull and just couldn't bring myself to like it.

[furiousgoldfish]

I've decided to publish this message, because I believe this has happened to many of us already, and it's exactly the scenario I was afraid of. This person created a website filled with very detailed information on abuse tactics and healing (click to check out the article on Gaslighting), and one interaction with a narcissist caused them to spiral right back into self doubt, because it was a tactics that was designed to do exactly that, to send abuse victims who have gathered some amount of clarity back into guilt, shame, and ultimately, silence about abuse.

What is happening is they're noticing we have a language we can use to describe abuse, and this language became powerful, it's powerful for us to be able to speak in words what was done to us, to be able to conceptualize it, to know what it means and where it came from. It also can be used to fight, to call out abuse where we see it, which means they are now getting called out, and they figured if language has power, they can take it, and run with it.

So throwing 'what if you did this, that'd be fucked up, it must mean you're bad' at survivors is nothing more than a game to them, 'look how easy we can make you look bad', but what they're really doing is omitting the entire context of the interaction. What they're trying to casually omit here is that they're actively engaging with a person who has suffered abuse, from the hands of the narcissists, who has now spent years trying to find the language to describe it, to fight their doubts, to fight insane amount of lies and psychological abuse they've been thrown into, and they're pushing this person back into doubt and silence. To stop them from writing resources for other abuse survivors. To stop the creation of resources for the victims of abuse. To stop people from finding clarity, hope, self worth, reassurance and comfort after getting abused by narcissists. To stop them from giving a name to the beast that devours us, because they are the same beast, and they don't like being named.

This is not even happening in a mainstream society, the abused community on tumblr is a small niche, we have cultivated our space for each other, to be safe, to feel sane and secure in the one single corner on the internet. They know regular people wont even come across our content, they're not worried about us spreading 'stigma' truth to the society, they already know nobody listens to us. They're not silencing us to 'have a better place in society', they're doing it specifically to stop spreading word about narcissistic abuse among the victims of it, to secure their own access to the abused individuals.

And for what, exactly, do narcissists need access specifically to the abused, traumatized, vulnerable individuals? I feel like we all know the answer to this. We're not only a convenient, pre-groomed pool of victims, they want to play victims here in order to evoke guilt and gain control of our space, dominate the conversation, center themselves and decide who is allowed to speak.

'Narcissistic abuse is not real', said in the face of a victim of a narcissistic abuse, is not something any victim should ever have to put up with. If our collective experiences can be denied and guilt for even speaking it thrown in our face, then we don't have a safe space anymore. It's a space where we're simply prey to abuse and discard. And this is not acceptable. We're not going to stay terrified just because they've found a way to play victim to us. 'You wouldn't call it depression abuse' but apparently they would, since they made up the term. Depressed people can apparently be used as a pawn in this game to shame victims of abuse. Did depressed people consent to this? Do they agree that being depressed is one and the same as being narcissistic? Why did narcissists have to make it up? Because narcissistic abuse is real. Depression abuse is a fictional term created to invoke guilt at anyone standing up to them. Do not fall for it. Narcissists would call it anything but what it is.

Community of victims of narcissistic abuse is not about to became a playground for them.

[bellasgreensweater]

✨Why I Think Bella Swan Is On The Autism Spectrum ✨

In this post I’m going to talk about why I personally believe that Bella Swan is autistic. As an autistic person myself, I really relate to Bella and I see a lot of autistic traits in her.

Disclaimer: This is just a headcanon- I don’t think Stephenie Meyer intentionally wrote Bella as autistic, and she or the movie producers never confirmed it, so I’m not saying to everyone that she is CONFIRMED to be autistic and that every one has to see her that way, I’m just saying that I personally think she is, and there’s nothing wrong with that. Autistic people hardly have any representation in the media, and with the representation that we do have, it is almost always stereotypical, inaccurate and offensive. You do not have to agree with me on this, but just please be respectful in the comments and don’t hate :)

Ok let’s go:

1. She always felt different from everyone/she felt like nobody truly understood her and that she never really understood anyone either: this is what basically all autistic people feel, myself included. Feeling like nobody understands the way your brain works and the way you see the world. (And this is true, because autistic people do see the world differently than non- autistic people and autistic peoples brains are wired differently from non- autistic brains). Bella mentions this multiple times in the books and movies, at one point in the first book in the car with Edward, she tells him that she thinks he can’t read her mind because they’re a probably a glitch in her brain and that it’s not like other people’s. There is also this quote from the 1st chapter of twilight which sums up how she feels: “ Facing my pallid reflection in the mirror, I was forced to admit that I was lying to myself. It wasn’t just physically that I’d never fit in. And if I couldn’t find a niche in a school with three thousand people, what were my chances here? I didn’t relate well to people my age. Maybe the truth was that I didn’t relate well to people, period. Even my mother, who I was closer to than anyone else on the planet, was never in harmony with me, never on exactly the same page. Sometimes I wondered if I was seeing the same things through my eyes that the rest of the world was seeing through theirs. Maybe there was a glitch in my brain”.

2. Her motor skills: She’s constantly tripping over her own feet, has bad balance, doesn’t realize that she’s walking into things, constantly dropping things ect, a common thing for autistic people is to have poor motor skills and find it hard to navigate their body.

Another disclaimer about autism: not ever autistic person is the exact same, every autistic person expresses their autism in a slightly different way, for example, some autistic people are overly sensitive to sound, and some are under-sensitive to it, these are just the specific things I’ve noticed for Bella in this post, it’s not supposed to be a generalization of autism in any way! :)

3. Social disinterest and difficultly: all throughout her childhood and her time in forks, she wasn’t very interested in making friends or hanging out or going to parties, and she found that she could never make friends with someone easily, she just never fully clicked with someone. She did have some very nice friends in forks, however she never related to them too well or was very attached to them.

4. Dresses for comfort and not fashion: Bella typically dresses in what feels most comfortable for her, not what is the most fashionable thing, this is a common thing with autism. A lot of autistic people like myself are quite sensitive to clothing and fabric and will not tolerate uncomfortable clothing.

5. Limited interests/special interests: Bella doesn’t really have many interests, but the ones she does have, she’s very passionate about. A special interest is an autism-specific term used to describe interests and hobbies that autistic people have that are very important to them. They help regulate emotions, calm people down, provide escapism ect. Autistic people can hyper fixate on these interests for hours and hours and not get bored, they can get so engrossed that they forget to do basic tasks to take care of themselves like drinking or going to the bathroom. These interests can last for years, sometimes a lifetime and they are very important to autistics. Bella swans special interests would be reading, wuthering heights, and vampires. Bella says in midnight sun that she has loved reading all her life and it is one of the few things that bring her intense joy. She said she could read for hours at a time and would try to sneak books into her lessons and read any chance she could get. Bella says that her favorite book is wuthering heights and she has read it so many times that it is beaten up beyond repair and the spine is so cracked that the book lays flat. This would clearly be her special interest. Her other special interest is clearly vampires.

6. Burnouts and meltdowns when Edward leaves: when Edward left in new moon, Bella obviously fell into a huge depression, but I also think she fell into an autistic burnout (if you don’t know what that is pls research or ask me cause this post is already too goddamn long). And in eclipse, when Edward leaves to go home in the afternoon or to go hunting, she can barely focus without him and gets very anxious (this is obviously because she loves him and is literally obsessed with him lol, but I also think it could be a meltdown from separation anxiety and also a change in routine (a lot of autistics get very upset when their usual routine is disrupted or changed))

7. Sensitive to sounds: In the book, often Bella cannot concentrate or fall asleep because of little sounds like the rain, sometimes it takes ages for her to sleep because the rain or tapping is too distracting. (This is a common autistic struggle).

8. Stims & facial twitches & stuttering: in the movie, she is constantly stuttering over her words, and her face and body twitches a lot. She also stims a lot in the book by playing with her hair or sleeves or the zip of her jacket, or her hands or edwards hands. She also covers some of her face with her hair, this could be to do with sensory overload, seeing too much in her field of vision may be overwhelming for her, like a lot of autistics.

9. Trouble expressing feelings/ thoughts: bella struggles a lot sometimes with communication and telling people how she feels. You can see this in her relationship with Charlie. They both love eachother very much but they never say it and when they do it comes out very awkward and sometimes they use the wrong words. You can also see this when she is hesitant to tell Edward in eclipse when she doesn’t want him to leave for the fight, it takes her ages to work up to telling someone how she feels. She also tends to be quite private. This is common for some autistics to feel.

10. Sensory experiences: bella loves the sun and heat, she says that she loves feeling the sun seep into her skin- a lot of autistics feel the sensory world very strongly and love certain sensations and detest others. When Bella moves to forks, she hates the sudden change in weather and gets anxious and upset at the feel of the cold, and the rain against her skin. This links back to my other point where I was talking about how autistics fear sudden changes in routine. Bella is very relieved when there’s a sunny day in forks and goes and sits outside, savouring the weather which reminds her of home.

11. Not too concerned with how she looks: obviously not every autistic person is like this, but quite a few autistics don’t really focus on how they look/present and what they wear. They don’t really know about the social norms and what other people wear so they do what they want. This is something I often see in Bella in the books especially.

12. More quiet/ reserved and socially withdrawn and awkward: this is basically self explanatory. Bella is very well known for this. I touch a bit more on this in point 3.

If you made it this far then thank you so much! This took a long ass time to write and I’ve been thinking of making this post for months. There are more things that make me headcanon her as autistic, but these are just from the top of my head. When I re-read the series (for like the 100th time lol) later this year, I’ll annotate the book so that I can update this post in the future with more supporting this).

Again this is just my opinion and my personal headcanon, it is not factual (but I’d obviously want it to be canon) so please no hate :)

If you have any more things to add on then please do!! I’d love to hear your thoughts!

[gncrevan]

on internet leftism, public shaming, and how to grow as a person

at the moment of writing this, social media is hotly debating a tweet and the track record of a leftist streamer called badbunny. i'm not tuned into any of that enough to comment on who she is or if her platform is harmful. but i do wanna take this opportunity to talk about something that has been weighing on my mind for a while now.

this text was forming as i read lindsay ellis' statement leaving youtube, as natalie wynn went through her fifth or so twitter "cancellation", as sia talked about her relapse and suicidality following the backlash to music, and as pretty much every day a niche microcelebrity or normal person with the bad fortune to go viral got eaten alive on social media for their bad takes ranging anywhere from questionable media opinions to genuine antisemitism. i want to be clear that i think all of these people said and did things that deserve various amounts of criticism. this text is not to defend anyone. it's a look at group dynamics within leftist praxis.

preamble: because nothing is ever fully original, i wanna give a quick shoutout to the podcast you're wrong about, specifically the episodes "public shaming" and "cancel culture", for kickstarting a good chunk of my thought process here.

i don't use the term "cancel culture" to describe the phenomenon i'm discussing because i find it exceedingly vapid and unhelpful. the right and the left use it to mean entirely different things, none of which are well described as "cancelling".

i think the progressive/leftist online sphere is creating a more and more toxic environment by expecting perfection from people. having a big platform is a responsibility and it can be very harmful to even have so much as a bad take. but to paraphrase this video by alex peter: we don't hold people accountable, accountability has to come from within. the only thing we do is punish people. and as an abolitionist i don't think we as leftists should believe in punishment, but in rehabilitation.

yes, public shaming and deplatforming serve an important function to a) reinforce the ethics of our in-group and b) take away power from those who abuse it to harm others (since as we know the justice system does not come for the rich and powerful). but in most cases on the internet, that is not what we're doing. we're not serving a social safety measure, we're getting off on being in the in-group and doling out punishment. hell, maybe we're even getting our 15 minutes of fame out of it by commenting on a trending topic. or maybe we feel compelled if not outright forced by in-group/out-group dynamics to clarify our position on this topic, on every topic, always. but how does any of that serve the betterment of them as a person, or our society as a whole?

i want you to think of all the things you have said in your life that would cause backlash if you were in the public eye. more than that, i want you to think about the people who don't like you, who think really badly of you, and imagine that they were leading the public discourse about you (credit to rayne fisher-quann for this imagery). none of us would look good, even if we've grown and changed and made amends. i don't wanna live in a world where that is our normal. i believe that as leftists we need to move towards a restorative approach, fueled by empathy.

i believe and have personally witnessed that humans fundamentally have the ability to change and become better. but nobody can grow in an environment that puts them under constant attack. if you're busy defending yourself, you just purely psychologically cannot critically examine your behaviour and beliefs because you're in survival mode, sometimes literally. that's why we constantly see creators (and artists, celebrities, twitter's bad person of the day) doubling down on and defending their bad takes and talking about their mental health instead of apologizing. it's not fucking helpful.

there's a time and a place for public shaming, and there's a time and a place to stop and let the person actually process what happened. and you don't have to personally forgive them if they change their ways, or like them afterwards — there's plenty of creators i don't like purely because they said too much dumb shit or have politics i can't agree with or just give off bad vibes and i'm a hater. but that's a completely different issue. criticism is always valuable, but if i want our community and society to progress in any meaningful way, i need to ask myself if calling someone out serves a purpose or is just contributing to a pile-on, if i'm approaching them with goodwill and empathy or just dunking on them. if i want them to learn and change for the better, then i need to afford them the space necessary to grow. we can't build a community on punishment and fear of repercussion. our foundation must be one where we recognize each other's humanity and engage in good faith as peers.

[chrolloctrl]

How would be the adult trio in love ?? I'm really looking forward to your writing 😳😳💖💖💖🙏😎

omg this is something i’ve been thinking about so long since i feel like some people REALLY don’t write the adultrio well when they are in love. of course they are all borderline psychotic but i do not think they are incapable of love. i said what i said anyways let me continue

im going to do this as a head canon if thats okay!! if you want me eventually develop a specific character into a one shot i definitely will:)

warnings: like some mention of blood and fighting, maybe a lil mention of sexual things, nothing too bad tho theres one really explicit blood/gore mention in hisokas but that is a very hisoka thing so i have decided to leave it there

first i’m doing illumi bc yall miss with illumi so hard

okay so

first of all, he was a definitely a child with an avoidant attachment style

basically when mummy was there he was annoyed, when mummy left he didn’t care or was probably happy, and when mummy came back he was annoyed once again

this child did not experience love as a child

not once

zip

zero

nada

so u have to be patient with him im sorry to say

but it isn’t impossible

i think when he’s in love, he doesn’t realize it

he thinks he’s just in a sort of...agreement with you

but im telling u right now.. small acts of kindness are his love language

like if u guys were in a fight together and there was blood on ur clothes he would wash them and lay them on ur bed

and then u would be like “ok u didn’t have to do that thats so nice”

and he’d be like “i dont know what ur talking about”

and walk away

or

he would see like a book or something u like and read it just because u liked it too

he wouldn’t tell u tho he would just randomly bring up something from the book 

and you would be like “oh u read it?” 

and he would be like “no why would u think that”

and you would be like “:|”

with illumi u just have to be patient, i think eventually he would catch himself making ur bed one day and he would be like “fuck”

and realize he might have a thing for u

but he wouldnt believe it bc he is oh so emotionless and does not feel one thing at all

but he does he is just a liar

i think he would make his first move when he accidentally lets out all the emotions hes been faking not having and like just cries wishing he were loved and ur like

“i love u though illumi, a lot”

and he would just kiss u and like hug ur for 3 hours and then make u not talk about it ever again but u guys would just be in love and killua would be kinda pressed but he’d be happy u were illumi’s gon <3

okay let’s do chrollo next im sorry illumi’s was so long 

alright

as u can tell i am in love with this man

and everyone always bashes me bc he has no screentime and a pretty basic anime antagonist backstory

but out of all of the adultrio i think he falls in love the easiest and with someone nobody expects

like he is a mass murderer and thief and ur like...a flower shop worker

he would just be walking in yorknew city and see u reading some obsecure ass russian literature while working at a flower shop and he’d be like “wait im intrigued”

then he would talk to u and u would be like

:D

but also calm and reserved

and he would love that, someone who just vibes not a worry in the world

but then as he gets to know u he realizes u r not just a body bag who vibes

u r a human with actual emotions

something he probably swears he doesnt have

he would tell the rest of the troupe that ur just like...an experiment

and they would all buy it EXCEPT machi

she would be like “omg boss ur in love”

and chrollo would be like “um i dont feel that sry to say”

and machi would be like “ya sure lol”

you have no idea who he is like no clue he is the lead spider

but okay omg this part is gonna be corny

you would like hehe sorry im laughing thinking ab this

walking around yorknew city and he would almost step on a spider and u would be like “no!!! be careful!!” and pick up the spider and lightly set it into the grass

and chrollo would be like “why would u do that spiders r scary...right” *looks into the camera like hes on the office*

and u would be like “no..even spiders have feelings u know”

and then he would just like absolutely lose it he’d maintain composure but on the inside he would be like dhdkhduwojhfw

then he would kiss u and then he would finally tell the troupe the truth and machi would be sooo smug 

oh and the troupe def likes u like that is a given

ur just so innocent and sweet its like impossible not to like u u make everyone put away their tough guy acts

and then ya u guys probably read to each other u weird fucks

but its cute and i love

alright now for probably the person who would take the longest to love someone 

i dont know if u have read hisokas backstory one shot but i will try to explain the best i can

hisoka was in circus. lead man of circus say hisoka talented. lead man train hisoka to use nen. hisoka learns nen very fast. oh no serial killer is on the loose. oh no girl in circus almost get killed by serial killer. hisoka save girl. hisoka accuse lead man of being serial killer. lead man say yes lol i am. hisoka say okay i want 2 fight. lead man say sure lol i will kill u. hisoka kill lead man and girl in circus wonders where hisoka and lead man went.

okay now that thats out of the way

the girls name was abaki and i think hisoka liked her ngl

but that was before u know he got all gassed by killing lead man

he definitely thinks similar to illumi in the way that u r just a pawn in his plans

but u r def super strong and he is shook

he probably wants to fight u

but he still doesnt think ur strong enough

u live ur own life separately from his so he doesnt know much ab what u do in ur free time

one day he catches u training with someone else

and he won’t say it but hes lowkey pissed af

hes like “um wtf why didnt u ask me to train u

and ur like “literally why would i ever do that”

and hes like “what u think i cant train”

and ur like “u can barely control ur bloodlust hisoka :|” 

hes like “yeah u know ur right i guess”

but he doesnt stop thinking ab it bc like why wouldnt u train with him

u decide to go on ur own lil mission and try to fight someone you’ve been wanting to fight for a while

you invite hisoka just to watch, you tell him you just want him to sit around this time since you always sit around and watch him

he expects u to get beat to a pulp ngl

but you like completely obliterate the other person

this is too niche but u have such a gory fighting style. like ur def batshit crazy in a fight and loose all composure 

hisoka is shook bc he did not expect u to go that crazy

u like bite the other dudes jugular and blood splatters every where

that was so gross but idk im into that weird shit sorry im tw’ing that

but hisoka is a weird mf so that def makes him horny for u

he like takes u back to ur house while ur covered in blood and theres a crazy look in ur eye still

and he realizes hes in love with u bc ur just as crazy as him

i feel like ur guys relationships spawns bc of how crazy u both are. u guys probably summon demons for fun

i feel like his love language is more i do for u what u do for me

like if u save his ass in a fight, he’ll watch a cheesy movie for u

its def a give and receive vibe but it works

or if he saves ur ass he makes u guys take a bath together

and ur like “this is so cheesy”

and hes like “um ur having fun tho right” *crickets* “yea thats what i thought”

muah gonna think ab this before i go to bed

alr i think i wrote WAYYY too much omg these are all so long i am so sorry, too many thought in brain keyboard go woosh

hope u liked it though <3

[a-froger-epic]

The Queen fandom, Freddie Mercury and Characterisation

Or: Why are those anons like this? Why are those writers like this? Why don't we understand each other?

In this essay, I will-

No, I’m serious, I will. And this is an essay. It’s roughly 2500 words.

The friction, concerns and hurt in fandom around Freddie’s characterisation - most recently centred around a fic the author tagged as ‘Bisexual Freddie Mercury’, stating in the notes that they have chosen to write Freddie as bisexual - have given me a lot to think about. And if you have been asking yourself the questions above, this here might be of interest to you.

First off, why do I feel like I need to talk about this?

The answer is not: Because I’m so very influential in fandom.

I think my influence in this fandom has been vastly overstated by some people. If I were so influential, everybody would rush to read anything I rec or write. And trust me, they really don’t. My relevance is confined to a very specific part of the fandom. That part is made up of: Freddie fans, Froger shippers, some Roger fans, a handful of writers who like to support each other and like each other’s work, and people who are really into research.

There are many parts of fandom where my opinions are entirely irrelevant. Looking at the big picture, by which I mean only the Queen RPF fandom, I simply am not that important. Looking at the even bigger picture: the Queen fandom as a whole, the majority of which doesn't read or care about RPF - I am literally nobody.

Furthermore, everything I will be talking about here is in relation to the RPF-centred part of Queen fandom.

So why this public essay?

Because I have been deeply involved for two years in a divide of opinions concerning how Freddie ought to be written and how people think of RPF. I think this is in large part because I - like several other authors currently writing for the fandom - absolutely love research. It's my idea or fun. I love to dig into these real people’s lives. Not everybody does that and not everybody is comfortable with that. It’s a personal choice depending on people's levels of comfort surrounding RPF. But this does put me firmly in the camp of Freddie fans who like to explore who this man really was, and track down every last fact about him.

Freddie Mercury vs. Fictional Freddie

I’ll admit that I am one of those people who have the urge to speak up when they see somebody claim that Freddie was bisexual, and sometimes I will say: “Well, actually, we do know that he didn’t see himself that way, because…” For me, these have often been positive exchanges.

I think there is overwhelming evidence that Freddie Mercury identified as gay from his split with Mary to the end of his life (wonderfully curated here by RushingHeadlong). In the niche of fandom I have frequented over the last two years, as far as Freddie the real man is concerned, I have barely ever seen anybody argue with this.

But fanfiction and talking about real Freddie are not one the same thing, and they shouldn't be, and as far as I am concerned they don't have to be. Some writers like to put every last fact and detail they can find into their fic, in an attempt to approach a characterisation that feels authentic to them (and perhaps others), and other writers are simply content to draw inspiration from the real people, writing versions vaguely based on them.

But writing historically and factually accurate RPF is more respectful.

Is it? I've thought about this for a long time, and I really can't agree that it is. This, to me, seems to presume that we know what kind of fiction these real people would prefer to have been written about them. That, in itself, is impossible to know.

However, if I imagine Freddie reading RPF about himself, I think that he might laugh himself silly at an AU with a character merely inspired by him and may be really quite disturbed by a gritty, realistic take full of intimate details of and speculations about his life and psyche. Such as I also tend to write, just by the by, so this is definitely not a criticism of anybody. Freddie is dead. Of all the people to whom the way he is written in fiction matters, Freddie himself is not one. There is no way to know what Freddie would or wouldn't have wanted, in this regard, and so it isn't relevant.

Personally, I can't get behind the idea that speculating and creatively exploring very intimate details of Freddie's life, things he never even spoke of to anybody, is in any way more respectful than writing versions of him which take a lot of creative liberties. As I've said so many times before, I think either all of RPF is disrespectful or none of it is.

So who cares about Freddie characterisation in fiction anyway?

Clearly, a lot of people do. Freddie Mercury was an incredibly inspiring figure and continues to be that to a multitude of very different people for different reasons. There are older fans who have maybe faced the same kind of discrimination because of their sexuality, who saw Freddie's life and persona distorted and attacked by other fans and the media for decades, who have a lot of hurt and resentment connected to such things as calling Freddie bisexual - because this has been used (and in the wider fandom still is used) to discredit his relationship with Jim, to argue that Mary was the love of his life and none of his same sex relationships mattered, to paint a picture where "the gay lifestyle" was the death of him. And that is homophobic. That is not right. I completely understand that upset.

But.

These are not the only people who care about Freddie and for whom Freddie is a source of inspiration and comfort. What about people who simply connect to his struggles with his sexuality from a different angle? What about, for example, somebody who identifies with the Freddie who seemed to be reluctant to label himself, because that, to them, implies a freedom and sexual fluidity that helps them cope with how they see their own sexuality? Is it relevant why Freddie was cagey about labelling himself? Does it matter that it likely had a lot to do with discrimination? Are his reasons important? To some degree, yes. But are other queer people not allowed to see that which helps them in him? Are they not allowed to take empowerment and inspiration from this? Can you imagine Freddie himself ever resenting somebody who, for whatever reason, admired him and whose life he made that little bit brighter through his mere existence, however they interpreted it? I honestly can't say that I can imagine Freddie himself objecting to that.

This is the thing about fame. Anyone who is famous creates a public persona, and this persona belongs to the fans. By choosing that path, this person gives a lot of themselves to their fans. To interpret, to draw inspiration from, to love the way it makes sense to the individual. Please remember, at this point, that we are talking about how people engage with Freddie as a fictional character creatively. This is not about anybody trying to lay down the law regarding who Freddie really was, unequivocally. This is all about writers using his inspiring persona and the imprint he left on this world to explore themes that resonate with them.

This is what we as writers do. We write about things which resonate with us and often touch us deeply.

But don't they care about the real Freddie?

Yes, actually, I would argue that a lot of people care about "the real Freddie". It seems to me that depicting Freddie as gay or with a strong preference for men is what the vast majority of the RPF-centered fandom on AO3 already does. You will find very, very few stories where Freddie is depicted having a good time with women sexually or romantically. That he was mostly all about men is already the majority opinion in this part of fandom.

But another question is, who was the real Freddie? If the last two years in fandom have taught me anything, it is that even things which seem like fact to one person can seem like speculation to another. I have personally had so many discussions with so many people on different sides of the debate about the exact circumstances of Freddie's life and his inner world, that I must say I don't think there is such a thing as one accurate, "real" portrayal of Freddie. Even those of us who are heavily invested in research sometimes disagree quite significantly about the interpretations of sources. So that narrows "You don't care about the real Freddie" down to "You don't care about Freddie because you don't interpret everything we know about his life the exact same way I do". Sure, by that definition, very few people care about Freddie the same way you do.

The bottom line is, there are so many writers and fans who love him, people who are obsessed with him, people who care about him deeply. They might care about who they believe he really was or who he chose to present himself as to the world, the way he wanted to be seen. But ultimately, in my personal opinion, if somebody is inspired to write Freddie as a fictional character they feel that Freddie means a lot to them. And it is hurtful to accuse them of not caring.

But what some people write hurts/triggers me.

Yes, that can happen. Because the nature of AO3 is that everything is permitted. Personally, I am very much in agreement with that. You will also find me in the camp of people who are against any sort of censorship on AO3, no matter how much some of the content goes against my own morals or how distasteful I find it. Some people disagree with that, which is fine. We must agree to disagree then. Here, I would like to quote QuirkySubject from the post she made regarding this whole situation because I cannot put it better myself: “The principle that all fic is valid (even RPF fic that subverts the lived experience of the person the fic is based on) is like the foundation of [AO3]. The suggestion that certain kinds of characterisations aren't allowed will provoke a knee-jerk reaction by many writers.”

No matter how much you may disagree with a story's plot or characterisation, it is allowed on AO3. "But wait," you might say, "the issue is not with it being on the site but with people like yourself - who should care about "the real Freddie" - supporting it."

This is some of what I have taken away from the upset I have seen. And it’s worth deconstructing.

I've already addressed "the real Freddie". Moving on to...

The author is dead.

This is something others might very well disagree on as well, but to me the story itself matters far more than authorial intent. And what may be one thing according to the author’s personal definition, may be another thing to the reader. Let’s use an example. This is an ask I received yesterday:

This author thinks they were writing Freddie as bisexual. However, going by the plot of their story, I would actually say that it is largely very similar to how I see the progression of Freddie’s young adulthood. To me, personally, Freddie would still be gay throughout the story because he arrives - eventually - at the conclusion that he is. The author and I disagree on terminology only. And I think simply disagreements about terminology, given that some terms are so loaded with history in Freddie’s case, trips a lot of people up.

It seems to me that many people still equate bisexuality with a 50/50 attraction to men and women, when in actual fact many - if not most - bi/pan people would say that it is nowhere near that distribution. Some people are of the opinion that anybody who experiences some attraction to the opposite sex, even if they have a strong same-sex preference, could be technically considered bisexual. (However, sexuality isn’t objective, it’s subjective. At least when it comes to real people. What about fictionalised real people? We will get to that.)

Let's briefly return to real Freddie.

What I'm seeing is that there are several ways of thinking here, with regard to his sexuality.

1. Freddie was gay because that seems to be (from everything we know) the conclusion he arrived at and the way he saw himself, once he had stopped dating women. Therefor, he was always gay, it just took him a while to come to terms with it.

2. Freddie can be referred to as bisexual during the time when he was with women because at that time, he may very well have thought of himself thusly - whether that was wishful thinking and he was aware of it or whether he really thought he might be bisexual is not something we can say definitively. He came out as gay to two friends in 1974 on separate occassions, and he talked to his girlfriends about being bisexual. (Personally, I think here it is interesting to look at who exactly he was saying what to, but let's put my own interpretations aside.)

3. Freddie can be seen as bisexual/pansexual because his life indicates that he was able to be in relationships with both men and women and because there is nothing to disprove he didn't experience any attraction to the women he was with. Had he lived in a different time, he may have defined himself differently.

Now, I'm of the first school of thought here, personally, although I understand the second and also, as a thought experiment, the third.

I think all of these approaches have validity, although the historical context of Freddie's life should be kept in mind and is very relevant whenever we speak about the man himself.

But when we return to writing fictionalised versions of Freddie, any of these approaches should absolutely be permissible. Yes, some of them or aspects of them can cause upset to some people.

And this is why AO3 has a tagging system. This is why authors write very clearly worded author's notes. This is the respect authors extend to their readers. This, in turn, has to be respected. Everybody is ultimately responsible for their own experience on the archive.

Nobody has the right to dictate what is or isn't published under the Queen tag. As far as I am concerned, nobody should have that right. As far as I am concerned, everybody has a responsibility to avoid whatever may upset them. I understand where the upset comes from. I also maintain it is every writer's right to engage with Freddie's character creatively the way they choose to.

None of us can control how other people engage with Freddie or the fandom. None of us can control what other people enjoy or dislike about the fandom.

The best way to engage with the content creating part of fandom, in my opinion, has always been to create what brings you joy, to consume the content that brings you joy and to respectfully step away from everything that doesn't.

[riceball1759]

Reading Tips from your Hyper Librarian

"So many books, so little time", right? If anyone understands this, it's us bibliophiles and librarians (and publishers) -especially someone like me! My interests are super varied and many times, I'll start reading a few chapters in a book that REALLY REALLY interests me...but then, I have that ADHD SHINY moment and the poor thing is forgotten. Seriously, this is a constant struggle. Being a librarian makes this even more important that I know what I'm recommending. And I do! I just can't get the focus to actually read them>< I'm part of a committee that is assigned reading every year for 3 months (give or take) and -you guessed it- I get that done. Why? It's got a deadline and I churn through them like nobody's business. It also helps that I didn't choose them and they aren't always what I normally like to read. It gives me an edge when helping certain patrons look for something I normally don't read. Not that I don't have an idea already -it's just more cemented than usual since I actually read that particular book. Though I kinda gave you one of my tips in this blurb, I'll rehash later!

A little more on my SHINY moments and then we'll get to my tips! Like I said before, SHINY really takes a toll sometimes on my goals, but it also helps. How? Situation: I hear all this buzz about this upcoming book (debut author/fresh voice/intriguing plotline/etc.). I either miraculously get an ARC or I'm waiting with bated breath, for the dang thing to get shipped to my library so that I can "steal" it for the weekend before it gets catalogued (I tell everyone I'm borrowing it, so don't judge me!). If all goes according to plan, I DEVOUR it within a day and come back exclaiming all the virtues of reading said book. I might even write a glowing review (if I had the capacity at the time). This has happened with a few books in the past years: Stay Gold, Wicked Fox & Vicious Spirits, Ember in the Ashes, Invisible Differences, and a few others, but I can't remember right now. Point: it's super hard for me to get the reading I want done, actually done.

AND NOW, for the star of our show: The Hyper Librarian's Reading Tips!

Please remember, these are things I remind myself of when I'm having a hard time getting through my TBR (the library-books-out-that-are-due TBR). Some lead into or are extensions of others, but being specific is necessary for me. You can adapt them to your needs or or just copy/paste them into your life :)

1) It's ok to DNF. So you gave this book the 'old college try' and just can't do it -it's becoming torturous and you're at risk of going into the dreaded slump... Just stop already and save yourself more grief. Another reason is that you're just not in the mood to finish, so don't. Why torture yourself (again -I seem to like using this word, but it's so accurate at times!) by seeing a book lying close by that you wish was anywhere but? Some of us (incl. moi) have a shelf on Goodreads just for those pesky things. Let's cut the drama and move on! I find it therapeutic as well as final.

2) You are your own censorship committee. We all have that verbal content line where ~once toed/crossed~ our tolerance, belief, comfort level, etc., is compromised to the point where there's no enjoyment because of that one or more 'tidbits' giving you grief. Sometimes, I'll scan several reviews before starting because I want to make sure I don't get any 'surprises'. Most times, I get to that proverbial part that has me slamming the book closed, never to be opened again (dramatic, yes, but sometimes very true!). {{Point}}: you are the only person keeping you from reading something you don't like!

3) Be picky! You are as unique as your fingerprint. Why wouldn't your reading habits follow? If you get a rec that is absolutely not your thing, say no (thank you). It's not fair to you if you're just going to trudge through it anyway for the sake of being polite to friends/family/librarians/coworkers/etc (publishers, I'm sorry). If you like vampires, werewolves, and all things paranormal (like me) don't despair of the current books coming out -look back to the '90s and '00s! Reading is one of the most personal things we experience in our lives. {{Please, for the sake of your sanity}}: read reviews, look for trigger warnings (if that applies to you), verify that historically under-represented voices are portrayed correctly (misinformation is our greatest threat). For example: I won't buy a book about LGBT+ characters without verifying the plot as authentic (i.e. all fluff and no real problems vs real problems with a happy ending). I need to know that the book about that Transgender girl is written by someone who is either also Transgender or very well-informed.

4) Own your reading preferences. Just own it. I read somewhere in a journal interview that the concept of "guilty pleasure" shouldn't exist. So you like SJM's ACOTAR and are all about that fan community life, but are afraid to talk about it even though it's basically a mainstream subculture now? {{Point}}: Stop feeling guilty for what makes you happy! If people judge, that's their problem. I read romance for stress relief and because I just happen to like happy endings. Seriously, people need to stop shaming romance readers and self-shame is a huge part! Don't shame yourself, "SHUN THE NON-BELIEVERS"! (Charlie the Unicorn, RIP in Youtube history)

5) It's ok to read more than one book at a time. If you're anything like me (the Attention Deficit part), you probably have up to 5 books going at the same time: that paperback at home, the ebook on your phone, audiobook in the car, hardcover in your office, etc. (I know that's not 5 -I ran out of ideas!). Point: it's only natural you're in the mood for something different at certain periods of the day, week, or whatever. They'll get finished eventually. Just spare a thought for the 1 or 2 that are a little extra "dusty" cuz that might mean you need to DNF...just a thought.

6) Book clubs are your friend! They can be your enemy, too; but here's what you do: choose one that reads almost everything you want to in a specific genre. I'm not talking the next bestseller (unless that's you). I'm talking genre-specific and something you researched before joining. Online or in-person, this is has the potential for changing your reading habits for the better because you'll actually want to interact and read the books! I decided to join a book club so I could finally talk about a niche genre that is one of my favorites: Christian fiction. No one around me reads this (anymore) and I have no one to talk to (regularly) and trade recs with, so I joined a Facebook group and it's really nice to chat about all these great books and authors I've recently read with others who do the same:)

7) Book journaling. Yes, you may have heard of these things. There are so many ways to journal about your reading: bullet journals, the blank ones where you can let loose your creativity, the ones like from Moleskin where you just fill in the pre-determined spaces (aka: reading log), lined journals for writing your heart out, themed reading planners and TBR journals... Just look it up, the interwebs has you covered. The key is to use them as a tool for expanding and enriching your enjoyment or education (nonfic). I don't journal for everything, but I do like to do it for the ones I know I'm going to review later or for general reflections as I read. I started doing it by chapters, but that doesn't cut it when something jumps out at me from a random page and I NEED to write about it immediately. So, I make note of the page # and we good! I'm very personal in my writing (if you can't tell) and it can turn into tangents, but that's how I roll. I don't do that artsy stuff because that takes away from the reason I'm doing this in the first place. I write about anything regarding my reading -incl my reading slumps. I love it.

Wishing you Happy Reading! Thank you for reading:)

[emeraldnavypotato]

Sometimes I feel so alone, I feel like I don’t fit in with either antis or proshippers. I’m against any and all pedophilic and grooming relationships in both fiction and reality full stop across the board but then I also ship and support the shipping of other types of ”problematic ships” such as incest ships just so long as they’re between equal, consenting adults who don’t reproduce. I have been called disgusting for these views when I try to aim to educate the public that being against any non-harmful, consenting adult relationship hurts our cause and it’s the non-consensualness of it all and sexualization of minors that’s the real issue at hand.

On the other hand I don’t fit in most proship places either because being proship means I have to extend my support to all the disgusting, unethical ships like sessr*n and other loli/shota pedo content. Is there a place for people such as myself anywhere? People who support any and all consenting adult relationships with no power dynamics that hurt nobody in both fiction and real life but vehemently oppose pedophlia/grooming and the romanticization of other non-con and abusive elements?

Sorry for the very late reply, Anon! You clearly put a lot of thought into this, and I wanted to give you a reply with a commensurate amount of thought, but I've just been so busy.

Anyway, I get you. I think I lean more towards the pro-ship side than you do, but I agree with a lot of what you're saying.

I think there are two important distinctions here. One is whether people acknowledge the problematic aspects of a ship or not. For example, since you mention incest - I've seen a number of TV shows that have adopted siblings hooking up. They're adults and it's consensual, so by your definition, it would be okay. But these kind of relationships usually come with an implied understanding that they don't really view each other as siblings, so it's okay. As someone with adopted relatives, I find this incredibly offensive. A biologically incestuous pairing or even, potentially, an age gap/underage one where they actually addressed the problems of the ship and tried to grapple with them would be less offensive to me than adopted siblings getting together without anyone questioning it, because at least the first one acknowledges that it's not healthy.

SessRin, so far, has not acknowledged its problems in canon and I see no indication that they're going to be addressed. The majority of its fans not only won't address the problems, but will even turn on other fans of the ship who dislike its canon presentation.

Then, the second distinction is whether something is a canon or fanon ship. Fandom is a place separate from the canon of a show that people specifically go to in order to seek out aspects of the show they're interested in. I think it's fine to write whatever problematic fanfiction or meta or whatever you want, because it's tagged and placed aside specifically for a niche audience that knows what they're getting into and is literally asking for it.

Canon is different, especially when the canon, like Yashahime, is for children. TV shows, books, movies, games, etc. are presented to as wide an audience as possible. You could very well be presenting really questionable relationship dynamics to an audience that isn't prepared or able to critically engage with them and instead believes them to be healthy. People can argue that fiction doesn't affect reality all they like, but the truth is kids absorb everything they see and hear, and they learn from that.

Then, there's an implicit understanding that what the main characters of a TV show do is good and right. So if Towa and Setsuna's parents had a parent/child relationship themselves, that's implicitly presented to the audience (who are largely impressionable children) as a good thing. If someone writes a SessRin fanfiction, it's presented to a smaller, less impressionable audience and it's not necessarily presented as a good thing. I've certainly read fanfiction where the whole point is "this is so dirty/bad/wrong."

This is a long, rambling answer that I'm afraid doesn't really answer your question, except to say that, while I get what you're saying, it doesn't matter to me as much what kind of problematic pairing you write, so much as it does how you write it and who and how well-warned your audience is.

[olderthannetfic]

i'm an artist and a writer and the rivalry writers feel toward artists is very strange. but tbh i think it's tied into the idea that art is some kind of god-given talent present from birth rather than a skill you have to put countless hours into like anything else. "you're so lucky to be able to sell your art" sounds a lot like "you're so lucky to be able to draw" to me

like, even if an artist is making bank on commissions (they're not), they had to put in time and effort not only into their skills, but into growing their following, marketing themselves, developing reliability and good communication skills, etc. not to mention the fact that many fan artists make fanart bc social media at large generally does not give a fuck about oc art. it's just a lot more complicated than this person is making it out to be

Yeah, for real.

I write original novels and publish them on Amazon. I’ve done little marketing so far, so nobody’s heard of me, and I haven’t sold a lot. Right now, I’m focusing on getting a good start on book 3, but at some point, I really do need to go hang out in more M/M Romance spaces or queer sff spaces and let people know I exist.

A lot of the writers who cry about other people being “lucky” are simply uninterested in doing all of the work to build their brand as a writer. They’re unwilling to develop the skills to make readers fall in love with a character or to write novel or at least novella-length works, preferring to jump straight into little snippets about an already-beloved character where the canon is doing a lot of the heavy lifting.

If you can make money on short-form writing (kinky porn commissions, perhaps?), great! In general, writing does sell, but it does so in certain formats like novel series on Kindle Unlimited. Nobody should be trying to make art they fundamentally hate or find boring, but just like artists who draw fan art or other people’s OCs on commission instead of their own, writers need to pick the thing out of the whole array they can do that is of interest to a paying audience. Or they need to cultivate and create a niche for the thing they most want to do that doesn’t currently have an audience.

None of this “just happens”.

Some of the writers who are the maddest give off this vibe like “My work took effort, and thus it should be monetarily valuable to others”. But that’s not how effort and value work. Nor is “I need money and can only do this one thing, therefore, I should be paid money for this one ting” how it works.

I’m all for UBI, but I hate the idea that other people are responsible for wanting one’s creative output automatically just because one made a thing.

It feels very entitled. I find it hard to believe that people who feel this way as creators act the same when it’s their turn to kick back with a fun book. Very likely, they have sky high and very specific standards for other people’s art. Personally, as a writer, I want the people who would already like my books if they’d heard of them to hear of them. I don’t have any interest in convincing other sorts of people to buy, and if I thought nobody out there would like this kind of material, I’d write one of my ten billion other plotbunnies. Every creative person has far more ideas than they’ll ever have time to make.

i've met someone online in a discord server who's often commenting on how lucky fanart is to be sellable and how they wish their fanfics can do the same. this person had to be warned not to put a commissions open announcement in their fics in ao3 (and i suggested they just link their tumblr and put their commissions post there) and they complained again that artists in social media never have that issue. this topic is pulled up *a lot*

it was always uncomfortable whenever they salted about it, but i didn't say anything because i felt i might be seen as an asshole because:

1) i'm more of a fanartist than writer (and crafter in general), so someone this person lowkey envies

2) i have done a few commissions, like 4 in my lifetime, that was some nice extra money. even more reason to dislike me

3) the person was in a tight financial situation and was always trying to find ways to make ends meet, so i can't blame them for trying to make money in everything they do

i also can't articulate on *why* i felt uncomfortable about it? i still don't. but it's like if my hobby was baking and someone else was origami, and they compliment me by saying at least i can make easy money by selling cupcakes? it feels very offputting

--

[resinatingbeauty]

A 'Witch Shop' Owner's Plea Before Casting That Love Spell

I don't personally offer many spell kits, mojo bags, etc. In my shop and avoid selling my 'Craft', as in, I don't advertise or list spell casting among my offerings, though I have had a couple of customers specifically ask if I could perform a spell I offered as a kit on their behalf for whatever reason. This is because I personally believe that the journey is just as important as the destination in witchcraft and many of the spell kits / spells I do offer are designed in such a way to soothe, relax, release, and heal throughout the process. Honestly, in addition, I really don't want the responsibility associated with performing magick on someone else's behalf for many reasons. The strength of my intent is not going to be as strong as yours, for example. Even if I effectively channel your energy, creating that personal connection between the beneficiary and the intent or purpose of the spell work is incredibly difficult at a distance. I'm always wary of other shops advertising this type of service- the sad truth of the matter is our little niche has been permeated by scammers, con artists, and frauds looking to take advantage of anyone looking for a solution to whatever it is that has them at this low point in life. I will tell you, more often than not it's love spells that the customer is after, and they are apt to find many options on Etsy, the platform I primarily do business on, and beyond.

I distinctly think of one potential customer who had contacted me one night obviously very upset. My heart went out to her immediately - I could just tell by what she was saying and how quickly she responded to me that she was in a state of panic and extreme emotional distress. She isn't the only one, but she stands out from the others as her desire to win back her ex lover was so strong it was evident that she would do anything and (potentially) pay anything for a chance to get things back to the way they were in her love life.

I am a human being. I have been given this amazing opportunity to pursue my passion to share my creations and spiritual / metaphysical knowledge with the world through my work. I understood a long time ago that this also meant I had a responsibility to do my best to help those in need and never knowingly harm, much like a doctor commuting to the Hippocratic oath. This may make me a flat out horrible business woman, but I would rather not sell someone on something I don't believe is going to help their situation. In fact, love spells usually make things worse. I'll get to that momentarily.

"Is there a spell to make her see what she has done wrong and to make her love and want me again?"

I allowed this customer to explain to me the situation and took the time to hear her out after telling her that I'm sure that she could find something like that elsewhere and someone else willing to sell her a spell kit or cast that spell, but I urged her to take a deep breath and talk to me before she did something that she would regret.

Thankfully, she spent the next hour or so explaining her situation and elaborating on everything that has happened in her relationship. It was one of those on again / off again things that so many of us get trapped in. Understandable, considering once you establish that strong bond of love, whether one sided or not, it's incredibly hard to cut that cord and move on especially if you're so emotionally invested (and maybe even financially invested) in this other individual who has had your heart for so long you can't imagine giving it to anyone else.

This PSA goes out to the broken hearted of all walks, as this is a universal experience for anyone who has been in love. There may not be someone to stop you from pursuing what you think will fix everything as I did for her, but I'm hoping if you read this, you'll think twice about acquiring and performing love spells or any magick in hopes that it will provide a quick fix to any situation.

•Beware the Opportunistic Con / Scam

Our field is flooded with scammers, con artists, and frauds that exclusively cater to those in this sweet girl's position and anyone who is vulnerable due to emotional distress or panic. Whether you need a love spell like she did to win back her ex or a quick fix to get more money in the bank or what have you, beware those that have used spiritual advisory and witchcraft as a means to peddle you their high priced garbaged. This is a tough one, as you may have a hard time deciphering what is 'legit' and what isn't, but there are some signs and facts you can look for when browsing these shops / websites.

-They promise / guarantee results within a specific or unrealistic time frame

Magick takes time to manifest and the true story is that nobody has a 100% satisfaction guaranteed spell book. More often than not, when spells come to fruition, it often isn't quite the way you would expect it to, either. Anyone promising a quick fix to anything is most likely just trying to take advantage of you when you are vulnerable and you better believe there will be no money back guarantee if said garbage doesn't work for you. OR, they like to do one of these:

-"Oh, your situation is worse than I thought. You're going to need this and this, with a huge $$$$ price tag."

This starts a never ending cycle of you pouring money into this scammer who will make you believe that it is necessary to do so. That maybe if you did throw them an extra $500 for their thingamajig that you will get what you want. This is only the beginning, as when THAT doesn't do it for you the way you would like, they will claim some other interference, maybe you're cursed or under psychic attack, and need something else even more expensive and elaborate to take care of that before you can even get to what you went to them for in the first place. Anytime someone proposes this type of thing, stop while you're ahead and don't provide them with a guaranteed cash flow that you aren't benefitting from at all. Also, be wary of ANY seller who makes outrageous claims- overnight changes, curing cancer, etc. Are unrealistic expectations.

•Understand What You Truly Need

Maybe it's time to consider an alternative path. The customer I spoke about DID ultimately purchase a tarot spread, which I was much more inclined to do for her than some love spell to win back this girl who has repeatedly broken her heart over the past few years and obviously got a kick out of it, the way she told it, as it was ALWAYS her doing the breaking up and blocking, starting all the drama. I told her I would much rather give her a spell to find her twin flame / soul mate than to win this person back who has perpetually been hurting her and taking advantage of her kindness.

Sometimes it's time to cut the cord before more damage is done. I understand it isn't easy to move on from someone you have loved and cultivated a relationship with over a long period of time, regardless of the negative energy that has invaded the relationship, we DO tend to focus on the positives, which leaves us a bit biased and blind to what we could have and deserve to have.

Take a moment if you are in a relationship situation like this, are beginning to question your current relationship, or are considering taking the next step in any relationship. Sit down with a pen and paper. On one side of the paper, write down all the things you love about that person. All the ways you think they have been the light in your life (be honest and give credit where credit is due!). Now on the other side, list the negatives or cons in your relationship. If one list is noticeably longer than the other, depending on which side it is, it may be time to consider breaking it off, giving things another shot, or taking things to the next level. Ask yourself;

-Do they support me in what I do, even if they don't understand or necessarily agree with it? (So long as it is something healthy -obviously if they're supportive of a bad habit or detrimental behavior, this is more like enabling and not a good thing)

-Do they have my best interests at heart more often than not?

-Do they show that they care? Even in the smallest of ways?

-Could I call them my "best friend?" Am I honest with them?

-Are they honest with me?

-Do they lift me up more than they put me down?

-Do you want the same things in life / have similar priorities?

-Is our relationship valuable to them the same way it is to me?

•LOVE SPELLS NEVER WORK THE WAY YOU WANT

This is the cold hard truth about love spells. Forget the warnings in movies and books, as it is hard to believe them or even take them as a legitimate warning when you haven't had the displeasure of experiencing what a love spell can do for yourself. I have, so you don't have to. This is MY story:

Of course love spells are very appealing when you're a young and naive teenager. I had a strong crush on this guy I had low key been stalking since middle school. I don't know why I liked him so much. Part of it I'm sure was the way he looked (hey, I'm being totally honest!) And how he came across to me. We had absolutely no interaction with each other outside of passing each other in the hallway. He had no idea who I was.

I had just borrowed a copy of Silver Ravenwolf's 'Teen Witch' (which is honestly a fantastic book for teens and young adults just starting to delve into Wiccan practices, which she follows exclusively) from a friend of mine and thought I would try the super simple love spell in the book figuring I had nothing to lose. All it consisted of was focusing on the subject, your intentions, writing their name on a piece of paper, folding it up and placing it under your pillow. I would sleep on that paper for months. I was in middle school just about to go into my freshman year of high school when I performed the spell and would forget about it up until the day it worked, a few months into my freshman year of highschool, when my crush was in the graduating class of that year- literally my last chance to make an impression.

I had gone to a local band's concert that was performing at the school's auditorium one day after classes and was just about to leave when my crush randomly approached me and started talking to me. It was like the whole world just stopped right there. I couldn't believe it. The thought of that spell crossed my mind briefly as we exchanged phone numbers.

Over time and getting to know him, he admittedly wasn't exactly my type. He was still someone whose friendship I valued, but not someone I could really put any effort into dating. About the time I realized this, his personality took a complete 180° turn for the worst. He was stalking me. Blowing up my cell phone (which was a prepaid piece of junk at that time I really couldn't talk on for more than a minute without paying a fortune), so much so one evening when I was at Jukido Jujitsu practice that I came home to something like 32 missed calls and 17 voicemails from him, each one showing gradual frustration and anger. This scared me. I knew I had to confront him about it and break this off before it got worse.

I caught him in a populated area of the school the next day before homeroom- more like he came up to me out of nowhere like he knew I would be passing through that part of the school that day- and I confronted him about the calls,attempting to gently explain to him that I wasn't interested in a relationship and I would like to continue being friends. He blew up at me and threw me against the brick wall of the school, trying to kiss and touch me in front of every single person that walked by. I wish I was making this up.

Thankfully a teacher came and pulled him off. Nothing much else was done. I did my best to avoid him and cut him out of my life entirely from that point on.

I don't know if it was the love spell or if this would have occurred anyways. All I knew was that what had been originally a very sweet, big hearted guy that was soft spoken with low self esteem became a monster in a matter of weeks. The take away from this and what I have personally seen with other's experiences with love spells is that they tend to bring out the worst characteristics of the person they are cast on and you have to be really careful what you are actually asking for when thinking about 'desire' and 'passion.' This intent can quickly lead to stalking, obsession, and not in a good way. Another customer of mine who originally came to me for my Forgiveness Spell Kit and had the desired results also, unbeknownst to me, had someone else perform a love and desire spell in addition to it. The guy that she was reverted into an obsessed jerk who decided to spread rumors about her on social media and beyond, blocked her on all platforms, and would get her friends involved in his quest to make her life miserable. Her story reflects and embodies so many I have heard over the years from others who have dabbled in such spells. When they work, it's just never quite what you had in mind.

So if you came to this blog post in search of a love spell for your personal situation or came across it when you have maybe considered one in the past or know someone who has, please take a deep breath, consider your options, and don't do anything that you may regret down the line. Remember that you are deserving of all the love, respect, support, and happiness one could give another. Do not settle on someone who offers you less and expects more, no matter how much you have invested in them, no matter how many years you have spent with them, as they do not appreciate you for the amazing person you are. I can promise you, however, given some time to heal, you WILL find someone who does.

-Samantha

(Owner /Chaos Witch/Designer)

Blursedbaubles.etsy.com

[losyanya]

i got tagged by @mochacoffee to share 10 niche interests of mine - thank you!

 A hard ask, since Good Omens seemed to wipe my brain of all unrelated thoughts 😆 And even apart from that, my interests mostly revolve around animals, which is a vast topic and hardly a niche thing. But i teased out several specific topics to start out the list..  

1. Urban wildlife. I came to USA from Russia, where one was hard-pressed to find a squirrel around the town. Birds, feral dogs and cats - sure, but all other animals were either at the zoo, at a farm, or deep in the forest. Upon arrival in DC, I remember being glued to the car window on the 3 hour drive to the new home because i saw DEER in suburbia. So, yeah.. the regional differences, the adaptations to co-habitation with humans, the dependence on normal human activity (recently highlighted by COVID) - all that is fascinating.

2. Animal shelter management. Some animal shelters get a bad rep, and some of it is deserved. Others are wonderful places both for pets that come through and for pet adoptive families. What makes a pet shelter “successful”. Why have I had people argue with much conviction that a no-kill shelter is unsustainable, when I had the experience of working at one for years and can vouch for the no-kill policy. It’s a very practical and serious topic, but one very close to my heart.

3. History of domestication. When did dogs first team up with humans, how did little lions manipulate us into feeding and worshiping them, how did we come up with domesticating silkmoths and why did nobody come to ride zebras. I don’t think I need to sell this topic any further. 

4. Modern cultural differences in pet ownership. This is, again, inspired by my foreign heritage.. people in different parts of the world have such strikingly different ideas of what is normal and appropriate as far as pets go - it’s mind-blowing. 

5. Mythological/fantastical anatomy. This is easier to illustrate than explain. Example: how are Sleipnir’s legs positioned/attached? It is like this, in “four rows”?  (Source)

or “two rows”? (Source)

(And yes, I had this interest before I tried to figure out with the fact that GO-typical wing arrangement requires double the humeri/radii/ulnae, and what do these attach to exactly?)

6 & 7. Psychology (and experience) of addiction and eating disorders. One of these has deeply personal relevance; the origin of fascination with the other is less apparent, but the two topics have certain similarities/overlap. This is not something I generally discuss, but it’s fair to say that I’ve consumed a large number of available free documentaries, autobiographies and a fair amount of research studies.

8. r/fifthworldproblems. It’s a very confusing subreddit at first glance, summarized in an ELI5 post as “problems people experience in a hypothetical fifth world that takes place beyond our universe” and “surreal problems in a nightmare HP Lovecraft universe”. I read it regularly and delight in it as a particularly rich creative writing place, which thrives on taking language, norms, logic and turning them on their head. 

9. Anton Chekhov. My favorite classical Russian author since childhood, who captivated me with his mastery of short story. I do believe I have, over time, read the vast majority of his short stories (over 500?) - all that I’ve been able to get my hands on, really. The frequent focus on regular people and everyday problems was uncommon for his time; apart from the brilliant writing itself, it has given me a much better window into that historical period in Russia, than textbooks, and I’ve only extended my love of short story and slice of life since. 

10. History of medicine. This is also a vast topic, some of which is rather boring, so maybe... interesting trivia in history of medicine? innovative strategic thinking of early epidemiology... quackery medical devices... what they used to put in children’s medicine in the 19th century...

This was also long, but I learn from the best (as in, the predecessor of this post in tag tree) 😉

I never know who to tag, but I’ll try @krakensdottir, @deservingporcupine, @sirblackboardmonitor, @whispsofwind, @thyra279​ and obviously - no pressure! And, of course, anyone can participate on their own accord, and I’d love to be tagged if you do - this is a great question, something that is lovely to know about people! 

[thewhumperinwhite]

14, 16, 18, 26?

these were fun as fuck also I love your writing

14. Describe the aesthetics of your current wip like a gothic post (or just list them if that’s too niche idk)

(I fucking love gothic posts but how tf do people write them god okay)

Anyway. Beau’s Whump Writing Gothic. the joke is that literally all my characters started out as au versions of each other lmaoooo

You are blond, probably. Sometimes your hair is sandy, sometimes it is yellow gold, but it is always blond. Your eyes are light colored, usually blue. Your face is scarred, but only prettily. You are angry, or you are sorry, or you are numb; but no matter what, you always want to die.

The man you love is dark-haired. He is shorter than you, or slightly taller; he is always stockier. You know his father owner Master does not love him; if you try to tell him he will not believe you; he wants to be loved badly enough to endure anything. You hate him, and you pity him, and perhaps you fear him, too, at first. You will die for him, eventually. Be ready.

Your brother is dead. Your brother is dead, or he will be, or he is both dead and alive. He hates you, or he doesn’t, but could if you step wrong. You have stood between him and your father your whole life--your father hates you too (everyone’s fathers hate them)--and that is what you are to each other; you are a shield and he is an anchor. You know he’s a person, intellectually. You don’t know who he is.

You’re going to die--you’re all going to die. You think you’ll be grateful for that, now. You couldn’t be more wrong.

16. Do you make playlists for your wip? (If yes, provide a link if possible)

Oh man, I usually do, but I actually don’t have playlists for these??? I’m Going To Make Some Any Then Post Them. There will be at least one mountain goats song on every one and that is a threat.

18. List five positive things that you like about yourself as a writer.

1. Okay my number one is, I pay a lot of attention to giving each of my pov characters a different voice, and I think I do a good job of making a section that’s from a certain character’s pov Feel a very specific way. ya boy loves him some free indirect discourse lmao

2. I like my use of dramatic irony?? all of my characters are usually keeping at least some secret from one another, so like, a character will react Badly to something another character says, and the other character doesn’t know what tf is up. It’s highly possible that I over complicate shit w/ how many layers of lies are going on at a given time, but I live for that shit, so I’m counting this as a positive lmao

3. Okay, this is for nobody but me obviously, but considering that Art, Kent and Andry all grew out of the same character (and Karim Sol and Thorne for that matter lmao) I’m really proud of how distinct from each other they’ve all become!!! Like, even though they have the same source, they are Absolutely Not interchangeable, if you put any of them in each others’ stories everything would go completely differently. I love that.

4. (five is so many omg) I like my character designs a lot, actually. I have visuals of them incoming and I’m glad cause I love how they all look lmao.

5. Okay this is sort of a mixed blessing, but I do actually write Really Fast once I get going lmao. And I’m getting A LOT better since I started this blog at pushing through blocks :)

26. Which oc spends a ridiculous amount of money on scented candles and bath bombs?

It’s 100% Morden lmao. He may be an Absolute Bastard but he’s also the undisputed king of self-care. And he’s a fuckin hedonist lmao

[leigh-kelly]

Showmance Transcript 6/6/19 Part 3: HEYA

K: Do you remember, I think it was during the pilot. We had lunch one day because we didn’t really have any scenes together. N: Yeah. K: And then my dad told me— N: Yes. K: My dad randomly—my dad was living with me at the time and he says ‘I met this girl who says she just—’ He was a car salesman at the time. ‘and he was selling this young girl a car, she came in with her mother—’ N: Dad. K: ‘And she said she booked a pilot called Glee’ and he was like ‘oh my son’s on that you should talk to her, she seemed very nice, she was beautiful.’ I’m like ‘okay, I’ll find her’ N: I’ll find her. H: And there were all these people. K: And he was like ‘I don’t know, she’s playing some character’ and I think he got the name wrong and I looked for you on the call sheet and I was like— N: Wasn’t there, babe. K: Yeah, yeah. I was like, he’s got it wrong or maybe she made it up like, she may be crazy. J: Yes! K: And then I eventually figured out it was you and then we were at catering one day and I was like ‘hey, I think you met my dad—’ N: Yes. K: Buying a car and then we’ve been best friends ever since. J: Is this when you bought the red Range Rover? N: No. Well, I never actually bought a car from Kevin’s dad. K: No, you wanted a G-wagon. N: Cause he was working in Valencia and I had actually met him before and he was talking to me about how his son was an actor too and he used to be in a group called NLT. K: Oh no. N: And I was like ‘okay, well I’ve met him a few times’ H: What a small world. N: I’ve gone window shopping a lot of times with your dad. K: Yeah. H: How funny. K: I love that. And then we like, sat down and had lunch together. N: Yeah. K: I was like oh, yeah, she’s cool. N: And we owe it all to your dad. K: Yeah, my dad. H: So this is the original showmance here. N: And you were like right around the corner from where your dad used to work, right? K: Yeah, it’s true. Yeah, he worked in a lot of places. N: Hey, dad. K: Isn’t that weird? J: He worked at the one over here by Podcast One. K: He worked over here, he worked at Valencia, he worked in Beverly Hills. J: Oh, Mr. McHale. K: Yeah, that’s right. I forgot about that. N: He keeps it moving. K: Yeah. Yeah. What were your guys’ first impressions of us? N: You know, you guys were, you know, regulars. H: I love how you just said that. N: I mean, regulars. H: No, it’s true. N: We were like, how do we infiltrate and say hello? H: You were like the untouchables for a while, you know what I mean? N: We were like, that’s who has the show. H: How can we get there? N: It’s their show. J: Oh my God! H: We were these characters the whole time, we just sat there like Beevis and Butthead. N: You guys were doing the first time we saw you, you were doing Don’t Stop Believing. K: Yeah. J: Oh, that’s right. N: Like the big number. And so we were like, oh my God, look. H: Yeah, we were kind of outsiders at that point. N: Yeah. H: I feel like. N: And then everybody like came up and introduced themselves and we were like ‘okay.’ H: See, I don’t even remember this. I think I was so excited and so amped at this point, I don’t even remember this day. N: The Don’t Stop Believing day? H: No. N: I do. K: I don’t remember meeting you guys in that setting but I remember shooting that obviously. J: Well that was a really long two days. Um. No, it took two days, and I think we did Don’t Stop seventy-five times. K: Yeah. H: I’m sure you did. J: I am not kidding. H: I’ve worked on a lot of shows lately that are not used to working in musicals and stuff like that and the amount of shoots you do in those productions that don’t understand that is just obscene, like it’s just thousands and thousands of times are you’re like ‘okay, if this was Glee we would be done in like, an hour.’ J, K & N: Yeah, yeah. K: That’s why Don’t Stop Believing took forever, because it was the first thing— N: The first thing. K: Nobody knew how to do it. H: Yeah. And then by season six, everybody—it took an hour to do one shot. N: Now that we’re professionals. K: Like music videos, sure, we can do that in our sleep. N: Yeah, I got it, quick eight count. K: Five, six, seven, eight. J: I met HeMo watching her on Good Day America dancing with Beyonce. I watched her. H: You watched me? J: They were like ‘you’re gonna meet this girl, she’s gonna teach you Single Ladies.’ That’s what I remember. H: Yeah. J: I remember you were really quiet but you were in this cool American Apparel onesie and you were teaching Chris Single Ladies and they were like ‘oh, I think Tina is going to be in this too, we gotta push her.’ I was like ‘goddamnit yes.’ N: So good. K: I remember when Heather showed up— N: Beyonce dancer. J: To teach. K: To teach— H: To teach the group. K: And I was like pissed that I couldn’t learn it. I was like ‘I already know part of it.’ I know some of it, but then I learned that you were like, a real dancer for Beyonce— H: Yeah. K: And I was like, ‘I’m never dancing in front of her ever again.’ I was in the back of the room, like, trying to like follow along. H: That was my favorite part of you, coming in and wanting to learn the dancers and being like, super eager. K: Yeah, cause I mean— J: Yeah, cause he was sitting a long time. H: Right. N: I know, let the boy stand. H: Let the boy stand. K: Wait, do you guys remember when the actual Brittany character was created? When you made it up in the back of the choir room? H: I do, yes. N: When? J: What? H: I remember this. K: You had a version of Brittany— H: Yeah. K: That was like, she was very confident, but just, not the brightest. And you had been doing it for us— H: I was doing it for you guys. K: --between takes. And it was so good and one day Ryan walked in and we’re like— H: Cause, that’s yeah. K: Ryan, I feel like it was Amber or something where somebody made Ryan sit down like ‘you have to watch this.’ N: Yeah. H: When he would come in every once in awhile and he would be like ‘entertain me.’ J: *Imitating Ryan* How’s it going you guys? K: *Imitating Ryan* How’s it going? We’d be like ‘Ryan, you have to watch what she’s doing! She’s hilarious!’ N: Like we were kids. K: He was like ‘oh, lemme see’ and you did it and the very next scene was a scene we were shooting, it was you, Jane and Naya like, doing some Cheerios scene in Jane’s office. H: Uh huh. N: Oh, I remember that one. K: And then the next day you told us he had you, he was like, throwing you lines to do as that character and you became the full fledged— N: He was literally feeding you lines. H: And he was like ‘okay, now do it a little dumber.’ K: And then you became Brittany. N: Brittany S. Pierce. Britney Spears. K: And I like how that’s possible for people. N: Very cool. K: At like, this gigantic, crazy ass machine that it was and an expensive show to put on, you could still have flexibility to— H: Right. J: Right. K: Like, oh, she’s funny, let’s just try this out. H: Right, right, right. K: I guess when you’re Ryan you can get away with doing those things. H: Do anything. I just love how he took from the fans like a lot our storyline specifically. N: Yeah. H: Where he really listened to them and he like, took their love for us loving each other and just made it into something huge. N: I mean, getting married. H: Getting married. N: Being a lesbian. H: Being a lesbian. One of the first lesbian marriages on national television. N: Wow. K: How did you feel, finding out that your characters were lesbians? N: We had no idea, and you know, we just go with the flow. We came back from, like, summer vacation and then Brad just passed me in the hallway and was like ‘yeah, no, by the way, she’s a lesbian now.’ And walked away, I was like— H: Just nonchalantly. J: Was it like, one of those Jacob Ben Israel catchups? Was that how we found out you guys fell in love or something like that over the summer? Remember those recaps. N: There was that phone call thing, right? K: Yes. H: I don’t remember. N: There was like, something about love and if that were true Brittany and I would be dating. H: Yeah, cause I remember the scene where you like, tell me you love me and you’re like ‘yeah, but you don’t say it back’ or something like that, ‘you didn’t say you love me back’ and I was like ‘of course I said I love you.’ N: And they’re like ‘let’s keep writing. Let’s see where this goes.’ J: I don’t remember any of this show, you guys. H: It’s hard, there’s so many moments. N: It’s on Netflix, Jenna. You can watch it now. J: It’s under gay TV. N: No way! J: If you search the category. K: That’s right. H: Oh really? K: My favorite category. N: Stop, that’s the funniest thing. Is it really under gay TV? J: Yes! Go look! N: Awwww. J: I’m gonna send you a video when I get home. H: Netflix! K: How do you search gay TV? How do you find that out? J: I just flip through categories because sometimes I’m like ‘I don’t know what kind of movie I want to watch’ right now, or TV show. So I’ll go through, like, crime, or like for Jenna, or because you watched and then it was like ‘gay TV’ and it was right underneath! H: Gay TV! J: Glee! And I was like ‘yeah, that’s about right.’ K: Yeah! N: That’s hilarious. H: Very well summed up. N: Not even musicals? J: No, they are under musicals too, cause I pass that category. K: It’s all the very niche categories. It’s like, gay, musical, that’s redundant.