#and i didnt fucking listen T^T
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#chatterbox#i have very mixed feelings about valentines#because like#i love romance and cliches and all that#i think its cute and very nice#but then i have this stupid inkling of hope#that anything like that would happen#to me of all people#and i tell myself 'hey dont do it. youre setting expectations way too high'#and i didnt fucking listen T^T#i see all my friends with their partners on instragram#all on cute dates and with cute pictures#telling their partners they love them#and im just#hg.#idk#its only one day#and it is sweet#but i do genuinely get sad and feel bad for myself#which is so stupid and toxic#i just#i wish i was wanted#romantically i mean
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i feel like im not making any sense but does anyone else feel like there are stories that let u run with them and ones that spell everything out for you
#im reading that post that says artists are directors of audience reaction and not its dictator:#'you cannot guarantee that everyone viewing your work will react as you are trying t make them react. a good artist knows that this is what#allows work to breath. by definition you cannot have art where the viewer brings nothing to the table ... this is why you have to let go of#the urge to plainly state in text exactly how you think the work should be interpreted ... its better to be misinterpreted sometimes than#to talk down to your audience. you wont even gain any control that way; people will still develop their opinions no matter what you do#im thinking abt this again cuz i was thinking maybe the thing that lets adventure time work so well the way it does is cuz it doesnt#take itself too seriously that it gives the audience enough room to fuck with subtext and then fuck with them back yknow. i think it was#mentioned somewhere that they werent even planning to run with the postapocalyptic elements that are hinted in the show but changed their#mind after the one off with the frozen businessmen and dominoed into marcy and simons backstory. on the other side there are stories that#explain too much to let the story speak for itself and i think it ends up having to do more with the crew trying to lead ppl in a certain#direction than expand on what they have and i see a lot of this with miraculous. like when interviews and tweets are used as word of god in#arguments and it becomes a little stifling to play around with it knowing the creator can just interject. u can say its the crews effort to#engage with its audience but it feels more like micromanaging. and none of this is to say there ISNT room for stories that spell things out#theyre just suited for different things. if sesame street tried abstract approaches to themes and nuance itd be counterproductive#a lot of things fly over my head so i need help picking things apart to get it- but it doesnt have to be from the story itself. ive picked#picked up or built on my own interpretations listening to other ppl share their thoughts which creates conversation around the same thing#sometimes stories will spell things out for you without being so obvious abt it that it feels like its woven into the text. my fav example#for this might be ATLA using younger characters as its main cast but instead of feeling like its dumbed down for kids to understand why war#is bad its framed from a childs point of view so younger audiences can pick up on it by relating to the characters. maybe an 8 year old#wont get how geopolitics works but at least they get 'hey the world is a little more complicated than everyone vs. fire nation'. same for#steven universe bc its like theyre trying to describe and put feelings into words that kids might not have so they have smth to start with#especially with the metaphors around relationships bc even if it looks unfamiliar as a kid now maybe the hope is for it to be smth you can#look back to. thats why it feels like these shows grew up with me.. instead of saving difficult topics for 'when im ready for it'#as if its preparing me for high school it gave me smth to turn in my hands and revisit again and again as i grow. stories that never#treated u as dumb all along. just someone who could learn and come back to it as many times as u need to. i loved SU for the longest time#but i felt guilty for enjoying it hearing the way ppl bash it. bc i was a kid and thought other ppl understood it better than me and made#feel bad for leaning into the message of paying forward kindness and not questioning why steven didnt punish the diamonds or hold them#accountable. but im rewatching it now and going oh. i still love this show and what it was trying to teach me#yapping#diary
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confession time!! the real reason i cant get into bt is that they are simply not Insane enough about each other. every other main couple is so In Love with their partner to the point that they are actually Insane and should maybe be locked up. bt simply does not match that energy. but know who does? buddie. and those bitches arent even together.
#maybe also if they want me to get into bt they should make t likable but you didnt hear that from me#but. listen.#bt simply does not match the freak of the other main couples and it wont because buddie is already doing it#buddie is already out here being the most Insane you can be about a person#sorry i need my yaoi to be fucked in the head and bt does not deliver#that last tag is a joke#the reak reason i dont fuck with bt is because i hate t#buddie#anti bucktommy#anti tommy kinard#i said what i said
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big question!! dude can we please see a scene in the AU where castys has his tongue cut off and he has to deal with that? like man, the shock and the pain and the fuckin grief? and neteri just being herself ofc
anyway the latest erebus chapter was heartbreaking you’re so good at being awful to these lads (i can’t stop reading)
Thank you I try,,,,,
Okay strap in fellas I think this is banger as hell I had a great time and let me know if you have any other requests for the AU!
Castys & Terror AU Masterlist - Castys Masterlist - Next→
Ingredients: shockingly, tongue gets cut off! some suffocation as well
Castys wasn’t great at sitting in chairs normally, something his parents had always reprimanded him for, but, hey, they’d never taken it as far as to fucking tie him to one, and Castys was grateful. This shit was uncomfortable. Like, yeah, the rough ropes around his wrists and ankles were tight and itchy, but also the position just sucked. Not that he’d rather be standing or something-
“You must be Castys!” The door had swung open, and now this little lady with a white coat on was walking up to him.
“Yes, I’m Castys,” he said flatly as she scurried behind him before coming back without her bag. And then she just…stared at him. Castys wasn’t sure what she was looking at, since there really wasn’t much to see, just, like, him. Eventually her eyes wandered up to his, and she jumped in place a bit.
“Oh, right, I’m Neteri.” She stuck her hand out like she expected him to shake it.
“You know I’m tied up, right?”
“Ah. Yeah.” Her skin was dark enough that it wasn’t immediately obvious that she was blushing, but Castys was pretty sure she was. She ended up awkwardly grabbing his right hand and shaking it a bit. “I, um, I’ll be preparing you for this afternoon. Sorry, I’m just a bit nervous.”
“Well, you’re not tied to a chair so I think you’ll be okay.”
She laughed. “You’re right, you’re right, but I’m just…I think I’m going to do something I’m not supposed to do.”
Castys raised an eyebrow. “Let me go because I’m funny?”
Neteri rolled her eyes, but she was smiling, so clearly she did think he was funny. “No, you’re staying put, sorry bud. But I think I’m going to keep you. You’re kind of perfect.” She tried to cup his cheek in her hand, but Castys leaned away, staring at her with wide eyes.
“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?” His mouth was really dry all of a sudden, he wasn’t perfect, he was a fuck-up, a useless heir, that had been his goal, he wasn’t good at anything he was supposed to be good at, he wasn’t well-mannered or polite, he had a huge fucking scar on his face and a lopsided smile because of it, he was filthy and vulgar and didn’t have any interest in getting married he was absolutely anything but perfect. So why the hell did she want him?
“It’s not important right now. You’ve got a big day ahead of you!” She clapped her hands, dismissing the subject entirely. He wanted to press her further, but after seeing the lovely object she pulled out of her pocket, everything else was forgotten.
“No. Absolutely not.”
“Aw, what are you gonna do about it, Castys? I thought you were tied to a chair!” Great, now it was his turn to feel his face grow hot, because, yeah, what the fuck was he gonna do?
Normally, he doubted he’d immediately recognize it for what it was, but today, right now, after just being told this lady wanted to keep him, it was instantly clear. And Neteri was right, he was only able to squirm uselessly and lean away as she wrapped the collar around his neck without much trouble. His first swallow after she’d sealed it shut felt horrible, and he absolutely did not want to get used to it.
“See, it’s not so bad. It looks cute on you!” She ruffled his hair, which only made Castys more uncomfortable.
“I don’t want to be cute. I’m not a fucking dog.” He wasn’t sure whether the collar was part of Neteri’s weird desires or just to humiliate him, but either way he hated it.
“No, you’re not, but you’re also not a prince anymore, and you’re the property of the Xernan Empire, and this is a good reminder of that,” Neteri said as she walked around behind him, probably to her bag. Castys rolled his eyes. He didn’t need to be reminded that he wasn’t a prince, since it was his favorite new development in all of this. Unless…unless it wasn’t just a reminder for him, but for everyone else, too…He really, really hoped there wasn’t going to be some sort of public display, but given how Neteri’d said he had a “big day” ahead…fuck, that was probably the case, huh?
“Now, I’m going to…oh, I might get in so much trouble for this,” Neteri muttered as she stared at the floor, standing in front of him once again. She had leather gloves on, which would have been nice earlier when she was touching him, and she was holding…a pair of shears? He didn’t think she’d put on gloves if she was just going to cut his hair, and given that she thought she might get in trouble for it, it seemed like she was going to…maim him somehow. Castys curled his hands into fists as Neteri slapped her cheeks with her palms, still talking to herself. “No, I’m going to do this. I deserve it. It’s not that far off from what the emperor wants. Okay,” she held the shears up and gave Castys a concerningly bright smile. “Any last words?”
For once, Castys didn’t take the opportunity to speak.
Instead, he locked his jaw shut tight, teeth clenched so hard it hurt, lips pressed together, walls of protection around his tongue.
That’s what she wanted, wasn’t it?
Neteri cocked her head, watching him. “Nothing to say all of a sudden? No jokes?” Her smile disappeared as her eyes narrowed. “You figured it out, didn’t you, Castys? What I’m going to do to you.”
He didn’t bother nodding.
Neteri stepped up to him, her knee on the chair in between his legs, leaning over him, her face right above his as he craned back to avoid her. “You’re going to have to get used to obeying me, Castys.” The cold metal of the shears rested on his cheek. “So open your mouth.”
If there’s one thing Castys was good at, it was disobeying orders.
After a few moments of neither of them moving, Neteri pinched Castys’s nose shut with her free hand, not saying a word. Fine, he could play that game. Hold on as the pressure in his chest built, as his head started to spin, as his vision started to darken, every fiber of his being screaming at him to just give in to the inevitable and take a breath. He could do it quick, a little gasp, fast enough that she wouldn’t be able to do anything. Okay, three, two…
The exhale was shaky, but it was fine, just a quick inhale as he snapped his mouth shut-
His teeth scraped against metal, the sensation sending shivers down his spine.
Neteri stared at him with a detached coldness as she rotated the shears, forcing his jaw open wide, wide enough for her to stick her hand in and grab his tongue, pulling it out despite his attempts to pull it back, turning the shears to the side now, opening them up, the cold blades-
Snip.
Castys’s mouth was hot it was burning he was choking the smell of blood was so strong he was suffocating on it her hand was still in his mouth her fingers pressed against his wound magic piercing through his jaw he’d scream if he had the air and then that was it her hand was gone he lurched forward coughing and spitting blood and saliva all down the front of the threadbare shirt he’d been given and once he saw the discarded little piece of pink flesh on the floor he couldn’t look at anything else he couldn’t believe that was it it was gone it wasn’t in his mouth his mouth was empty there was only the blood still dripping out and when Neteri laid a hand on his back he wanted to growl at her not to touch him but he couldn’t he couldn’t say anything anymore he was quiet nothing to say no thoughts or opinions of his own just how his parents had wanted him-
“It’s alright, Castys, just breathe. It was a little more difficult than it needed to be, but you did it.” And why did it need to be at all? “Just two more things left today and then you can rest. And then hopefully…” Her hand slid up, resting on the back of his neck, on that awful collar, and Castys wanted to scream. He never, ever wanted to belong to her.
But what he wanted didn’t matter anymore.
Castys was dragged out and whipped and branded and left out on display, brought back and patched up by Neteri and given soup that he couldn’t taste, and when the door slammed shut behind her, he finally allowed himself to cry.
His back and chest hurt, of course, the wounds aggravated no matter how he moved or what position he laid in, but he could deal with it. It was nothing compared to what he’d lost, the little pocket of empty space inside his mouth.
Words were all he’d ever have to really fight back, complaining when he was forced to do things he didn’t want to, scaring off all the suitors his parents picked out, jokes keeping him calm when he was scared or upset, even when he couldn’t do anything he could still say something, make sure everyone knew how he felt, and now he was more helpless than ever before and he couldn’t say a single fucking thing.
He didn’t even know where he was going to end up, either sold off to some asshole or left in Neteri’s clutches, and no matter what, he wasn’t going to be treated like a person. The collar made it pretty clear. He was less than human now, a pet, a lab rat, property, something that didn’t need to have thoughts or opinions anymore.
He’d rather be a prince after all.
Castys Cult: @as-a-matter-of-whump @blackrosesandwhump @fanmanga1357-blog @thehopelessopus @just-a-whumping-racoon-with-wifi
@hearse-song @muddy-swamp-bitch @whumpasaurus101 @yet-another-heathen @galaxywhump
@starnight-whump @his-unspoken-words @misspelledwitch @suspicious-whumping-egg @pumpkin-spice-whump
@painsandconfusion @i-can-even-burn-salad @befuddled-calico-whump @whumpinggrounds @whump-queen
@whumpedydump
#i wrote something#whump-in-the-closet#thanks troy this was super fun!#castys & terror au#castys#neteri#whump#tongue whump#the best part about writing this was i just copy pasted some of neteri's dialogue and actions from e&t ch2 lmao#i missed writing her tho fuck :(#i know it's my own fault but still (┬┬﹏┬┬) my girl#and then castys is easy as fuck to write yippee#by the time wick asked me about him getting his hair cut i had already written the beginning of this#and i didnt really know how to work it in 😔 so just know that if he had longer hair and it got cut it would have made him very happy#and probably lulled him into a bit of a false sense of security#castys deserves a collar at all times tbh he is a feral animal and i need to pull him around by the neck#plus he looks soooo good with one on especially if it's red (it's black here tho 😔)#god neteri being threatening to him is so sexy#and then no more tongue HAH HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT MISTER STUPID COMEBACKS#NOBODY WANTS TO LISTEN TO YOU#just be a good little test subject from now on (he won't)
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the bittersweet but absolute flood of relief that comes from admitting defeat at living independently, to have to move back in with parents. we tried! we gave it our best shot for almost 3 years! but living like this (being on our own) is just not possible for us at this time of our lives. we've finally proved it to ourselves that we can't do it. it'll be okay to let ourselves rest now
#latimers parents not mine!!!! i am NOT moving back to florida LOL#really hope that the changes will be good for my mental health. this apartment is toxic to us#ive been on the verge of meltdowns Kind Of A Lot lately. imnot doing great#extremely dependent on substances. just to reach a baseline level of functioning. but even that isnt working as much anymore#the only things i do on my phone or tablet these days is like. 2 mobile games. and skirting past my dms to check latimers blog#its too overwhelming to even open discord these days yknow. everything on earth is too much for me right meow#i havent been drawing i havent been social online OR irl i havent been cooking or creating#i havent been keeping up with personal hygiene like at all im particularly ashamed about that one#i've been really bad about doing my T the past few months which is a HUGE shame because im SO fucking hyped to be on it#theres just. too many obstacles in getting it done half the time. and the other half of the time i just forget#anyway. anyway.#our lease ends in july so between now and then we're just gonna try our best to tolerate our living situation enough to get by#there's a light at the end of the tunnel. and its called 'i only have to be in charge of like 2 rooms at most. and not a household!'#we're gonna try to slowly comb through all our things between now and then so the process of moving wont suck as bad#cuz listen. its pretty fucking bad right now#maybe not for other people. but it is for me. and its okay to let myself come to terms with that#im just. so relieved. still very stressed! but theres at least light at the end of the tunnel and its only like 2 months away#ill be able to draw guilt-free again. ill be able to just EXIST guilt-free#i dont think ive felt guilt-free for just existing the way i do since like. turning 20#i know my mom wouldve loved if i stayed home forever. and im sad i cant be there for her#but ever since i had a fight with my dad at 15 or 16 it just really felt like he didnt want me there more and more#maybe as the youngest he was resenting that i was preventing him from becoming an empty nester or something. i dont know#because all the other kids had been moved out and on their own at least once but i had never left home before#i dont know if he'd be heartbroken or not to hear that i feeling like he was resenting me. but thats the energy i was picking up for years#i dunno. i dont know#anyway. back to housing. for now im going to try to relax and store energy for the moving process#the huge pile of things by the kitchen? i dont have to worry about that becoming permanent because we're leaving in 2 months#the general discord of the state of our possessions? we have to go through everything to pack it all anyway. we can move in RIGHT this time#when we moved in here we didnt have a car or license so we were dependent on latimers 3-hr-drive-away parents to help us move#just /across town/. and we had a whole month between leases! but it still had to be done in a weekend
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currently really into ghost the band so im catching up on like 10+ years of content and jesus fucking christ chris jericho jumpscare LET ME BE GOD DAMN
#i listened to them around the third era but would t let myself get more into it#cause i just knew thats gonna be a major fixation#and i was right!#happened organically now through the osmosis of another fixation and hm yeah#lots of stuff to catch up on#I JUST DIDNT EXPECT TO SEE FUCKING JERICHO ANNOUNCE SECONDO#percht.txt
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I can't get over I Saw The TV Glow. I wish I was articulate enough to explain it to you guys. Tumblr seems to be talking mostly about the gender of it all but there's so much more... The trauma, the autism, the best friends, the dissociation, the psychosis, the metaphors, the queerness, the GRIEF, the anger, the love, the need, the want, the loneliness, the reconition of the self through the other, the reconition of the other more than you recognize your self, the clawing for escape, the acceptance of your fate, the suburbia, the need to be rescued, the begging, yhe green, the purple, the fear. that's not even fucking half of it. I just. I've had a movie like PEER at me before like that. I felt PEERED AT. I need to see it again. I need to become something else. I am something else.
#o heard someone in the theater say they didnt understamd why he didnt just die at the end and i was like AH DONT YOU UNDERSTAND YOU CANT#ESCAPE. DO T UOU UNDERSTAND IT HURTS SO SO BAD DIDNT YOU SEE THE TV STATIC WERNT YOU MOVED BY THE TRAGEDY WHY DID YOU LAUGH WHEN THE GIRLS#PUSHED THEIR HEADS TKGETHER HAVNT YOU EVER. hAVNT YOU. HAVE YOU NEVER. OH GOD.#i just. ive been listening to the soundtrack and wondering if ill ever feel like anything but 13.#i cant get over it so many people in the theater were laughing at serious parts. i heard one guy apologizing for bringing his friends at th#end#multiple people saying kt was pointless or stupid#and like i genuinely. i really liked it. i loved the pink opaque#the fucking. the fishtank?#new favorite movie. not recency bias either like i feel like every movie ive ever seen has been recontectulized arounf this fucking movie#im gonna make my mom watch it#spoilers
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had an amazing interview yesterday.... was told I'd know by Monday.... but it's alleged they DRUG TEST and I just bought 6 packs of weed edibles 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
#AND!!!!! AND!!!!!! IVE GOT THE HOUSE TO MYSELF FOR A SOLID WEEK!!!!!!!#i guess ill know monday if i can get high that night or tuesday but like.... i want to have one now lmao#like.... the paper i signed was more worried about being drunk on the jo#and OBVIOUSLY i wouldnt show up to my folder customer service job high off my ass..... but that thc can stay in your system for awhilw#i had one last nigbt tk celebrate the interview so idk if im even in the clear to begin with#and like.... i told them my start date would ve the 20th & im out of town vefore that so the goal is like.... they go to achedule#and we have to schedule it way out so i have time to like.....not worry & get my pee clean#like.... it wouldnt matter so much if my parents werent LEAVING this E N T I R E week... like.... this is MY vacatioj too!!!!!#and i just bought it after a horrid week 😭😭😭😭😭 worked my ass of it for it in order to relax this week#like#i know i shouldnt be dependent on it and im really trying not to ve#but the anti-anxiety relaxing of it all helps so much#and im reeeeeally not the biggest fan of drinking....i pee too much 😭😭😭😭😭 ironically 😭😭😭😭😭😭#like.... at this point.... its like..... do i care about getting this job more than i care about letting my brain and body relax this week#i always put myself first & listen to my heart & soul to dictate what to do#but my mind just keeps thinking about getting that failed drug test back and going back to the job hunt#but im still IN the job hi t#*hunt#AND HERES THE THING!!!! walking around that damn office.... seeing what people were wearing.....#its professional but i know damn well theres people in there smoking weed#like.... 25 of the 50 employees i saw showed up in casual loungepants these people are not prestigious#and like.... the paper i signed.... they didnt even edit to include the company name????#it kept saying “the Company will not like you to drink on the clock and assumes you will not get behind company vechiles drunk either”#like.... tooooootally understandable i just wanna eat some edibles before im an official employee of your folder business my loves#let me have a 50mg and zone out for the night while im finally free from all these losers..... PLEASE#anyways......personal problems that my brain needs to expel so it doesnt tumble all around for the next few houes#WHILE I DOORDASH 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 fuck me#like..... i got this interview through indeed ill just keep going till i cant if it fails
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fellas is it gay to call one of your friends "messiah" in an rpf fanfic you wrote about your friend group
#moondrop.txt#you know . i didnt expect to get into a seiyuu project thats been going on for 5 years at the end of 2022#yes im talking about hypnosis mic fuck off#what the fuck was that . stella as a song feels like a fever dream to me#listening to the live versions didnt help at all i just had every atom in my body annihilated#im not like . the no.1 fling posse fan but them as a group fucks with my head kinda#anyways uhhhhhh tagging this with#yumeno gentaro#dice arisugawa#and#gendice#cuz . yknow . the messiah line#im abandoning the emotion of cringe it shall never hold me back ever again <- starting to post about non m/c/y/t interests
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my favorite thing about bt is when there's an opportunity for buck and t to have a deeper connection, but then t just shuts it down. like, go girl, give us nothing!!!!
#like outside of 7x04...have they had an actual conversation that didnt exclusively consist of sex or t being dismissive#ig you could argue their date scene#well both date scenes but come on the first one was like so bad#yeah they had a nice (im using that term very loosely) little conversation about coming out but then t made that closet joke and left buck#like okay listen its not tha big of a deal but it is!!!#how can you seriously sit there and be like oh yeah i was lying to myself about being gay because i was scared#and then when the (newly bi) man youre on a date with kinda freaks when faced with coming out not on his own terms youre surprised???#come on#be so serious rn#and sorry not sorry but i will always hate him for leaving buck on the sidewalk outside the restaurant#yes buck is a grown ass man and could get home safely#but its the fact that he didnt tell buck anything until his uber had pulled up#like that man was talking about the movie yall were planning on seeing on you were just watching your uber get closer#i dont care who you are that us just rude as fuck#and the your fathers alive in the finale#fuck off#like the conversation about t and his father was literally only included to connect to gerrard#deny it all you want but t really was a plot device in 7b#he had like what maybe 5 minutes of screentime#he is so over#anti tommy kinard
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its a shame grudges is one of the least liked songs on after laughter because its such a sweet song about reconciliation, especially on an album with several songs about loving and losing relationships. the anxiety from that first meeting back of 'oh theyre thinking about every way that i've hurt them or let them down oh god oh god' until you realize that oh, you're both completely different people now. we dont need to think about how much time has passed or whats been done or said because picking back up where we left off was seamless. we love each other now and thats what matters, we cant keep holding onto grudges. im so glad that zac found his way back to the band <3
#yea ive been listening to AL today and. getting extra emotional about it LOL#h and t know how to write some fucking SONGS what can i say.... i love them.... my bamd.....#actually tragic i didnt go to an AL show. OR ANY SHOW YET. god pmore come back soon i missed u this summer i need u#skulltxt
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tried making a 3/20 attendant voice line compilation like the 4/11 one but this time i felt my soul being sucked out of my body
#kommento#// MIMGAY6.MP4 EVERYBODY GIVE IT UP FOR MIMGAY6 💥💥💥#// kasuyasan is soo so crazy hes like he makes them sound so fucking fruity it's literally perfect. me when im 7 months on t#// they didnt have him for the anime they had MIZUSHIMA evil evil soso evil bring kasuyan back i dont want to listen to tgis man#// 'soul being sucked out of my body' i mean that listening to all thgose lines about marie made me so violent#// also i had to fight for my life trying to label ALL the lines and make sure they were in line with the actual in game scriptHELL ONEARTH#// i also found. an unsused voice line. i cant belive it. they didnt utilize all the voices. this was for ME
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n i feel so DANGEROUS but you say i’m doin FINE now
guess that’s how it goes, I’M THE DUMBEST GIRL ALIVE!!
#this looks dumb and janky but listen i didnt make this for looking good i made this bc im vibing#heart2heart#eta: i just kinda picked whatever for font but also if this looks familiar. yes its fucking t//ommy hlv//rai font. shh
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Защо не светят пак звездите? Защо и слънцето угасна?...
#text#vent#lyrics are from спасение (spasenie) by б.т.р (be-t-er)#translation: why do the stars not glow anymore? why did the sun go out/die?#ouch this song hurts me every time every fucking time#as you can tell im writing this at 23:35 aka late night hours where those who know me know that at these hours im not okay lmao#this whole song was made becuase one of the band members killed himself#and the lyrics were made by the band after he died and they're meant to be from his pov after he died telling his friends to not follow#his path#im trying god fuck im trying#i wouldnt go to his length i wouldnt kill myself but i dont want to hit rock bottom#im close and im trying to crawl my way back up but also just fucking. falling down#-ти казваше аз помня тогава не повярвах че изходът съвсем не е това...-#<- more lyrics from the same song#translation: i remember you telling me but i didnt believe back then that the exit was not at all this#those are probably my favorite lyrics together with these ones in the post#and the pain the singer's voice too#please listen to it even if you dont understand the language#strife говоритъ по чужди езици
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so im almost done with og7 and Boy am i going through it
#LOOKS OUT THE WINDOW#LISTEN I KNEW THE PLOT#I KNEW THEY WERE LABRATS AND ESCAPED#AND THEN ZACK GETS GO#BUT!!!!!#I IDDNT KNOW ABOUT THEM ETCHIN G INTO THE GLASS IN THEIR TUBES LIKE FUCK!!!#i didnt know about zack leaning into cloud to be like 'we're gonna be mercenaries together :)' i ha te t htem#playing this game was a mistake
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IF LORE UPDATES APPLIED TO PEOPLE I WOULDVE JUST GOTTEN ONE OF MY HAPPIEST LORE UPDATES TODAY
#FUCK YEAH WE GOT MY FIRST EVER MURAL LOOKING SICK AS SHIT SO FAR#TORTUGA AS BIG AS ME AND DETAILED ENOUGH THAT STRANGERS COMPLIMENTED IT MY BELOVED#HUGE SHOUTOUT TO THE GUY DRIVING BY THAT ROLLED DOWN THEIR WINDOW AND SHOUTED “dude that’s amazing!” AS THEY PASSED#CAME OUT AS TRANS TO MY AUNT THAT IM PAINTING THE MURAL FOR AND SHE IS NOW OFFICIALLY MY FIRST BLOOD RELATIVE TO BE SUPPORTIVE OF ME OUT TH#GATE#HER ONLY THINGS WERE THAT SHE WASNT GONNA BE PERFECT ABOUT MY PRONOUNS AND THAT SHE WISHED ID COME OUT TO HER SOONER SO I WOULDNT HAVE#GOTTEN ATTACHED TO A NAME THAT I DIDNT REALIZE WAS LINKED TO MY REALLY SHITTY BIO DAD AND WANTED TO COME UP WITH A GENDER NEUTRAL NICKNAME#FOR ME THAT WOULD WORK NO MATTER WHAT I IDENTIFY AS FROM HERE ON OUT AND WORKS AROUND PEOPLE IM NOT OUT TO#AND SHE GAVE ME A CHAMORRAN NICKNAME!!!! A SIDE OF MY HERITAGE THAT I DONT GET TO CONNECT TO A TON!!! SHES GONNA CALL ME TAKKA (WE MESSED#WITH THE SPELLING OF “TOCA” A BIT TO SOUND LIKE “TALK-A” SO WE CAN MAKE JOKES ABOUT HOW I TALK A LOT IT HAS BEEN SO FUCKING FUNNY SO FAR I#LOVE IT)#AND SHES GONNA TEACH ME HOW TO MAKE KELAGUEN (A CHAMORRAN DISH) SOMETIME#AND SHE GAVE ME AN OVERSIZED SHIRT THAT BASICALLY SAYS FUCK T-MOBILE#AND TOLD ME SHE LOVED ME NO MATTER WHAT AND TOLD ME THAT SHE LOVED HOW I PRIORITIZED KINDNESS ABOVE ALL ELSE AND I GOT TO TELL HER ABOUT HO#I THINK KINDNESS AND CRUELTY ARE TRAITS BEYOND GENDER AND SEXUALITY AND THAT I WANT TO BECOME THE ADULT I NEEDED AS A KID AND THAT I NEEDED#SOMEONE KIND THAT FREELY GAVE HUGS AND TOLD A LOT OF SILLY JOKES AND WAS FORGIVING WHEN IT COUNTED AND THAT WHEN I GROW OLD WHETHER IM AN#OLD MAN OR OLD WOMAN OR OLD SOMETHING ELSE I WANNA BE A GEEZER THAT LIVES ACROSS THE STREET THAT YOU CAN PLAY CARDS WITH ANYTIME AND#SAVES YOU CHOCOLATE BECAUSE THEY KNOW YOU LIKE IT AND I WANNA BE THE TYPE OF KIND MAN LITTLE GIRLS GROW UP HOPING ARE REAL AND LABELS ARE#CLOTHES THAT SOMETIMES FIT A MONTH OR FIT FOREVER BUT WHAT MATTERS IS THAT THEYRE COMFY IN THE MOMENT AND THAT I JUST WANNA BE HAPPY AND I#LOVE PEOPLE FOR THEIR PERSONALITY AND IM WEIRD ABOUT KISSING BUT I HAVE MY PARTNERS BACK AND THAT MATTERS MORE TO US AND WERE HAPPY#AND I TOLD HER WHAT IM PLANNING ON MY NAME TO BE WHEN IM AN ADULT AND SHE LIKED MY IDEA FOR MY NEW SURNAME#AND WE SANG TO SONGS TOGETHER AND BITCHED ABOUT HER BOYFRIEND AND DID A LITTLE JIG IN THE STREET AND LAUGHED TOGETHER AND SHE WAS SO HAPPY#BECAUSE OF THE TURTLE IM PAINTING HER AND BECAUSE I TRUST HER AND IM SO HAPPY BECAUSE BOTH OF THOSE ARE WORKING OUT AND THIS EVENING WAS A#PERFECT SUMMER EVENING TO BE ALIVE. THIS MAY HAVE HAPPENED ON MY PERIOD BUT WHAT THE FUCK EVER THE GOOD OUTWEIGHS THE BAD. THERE IS BEAUTY#IN THE WORLD IF YOU KNOW WHERE TO LOOK. THERE IS BEAUTY IN BEING TRANS AND BEING SAFE WITH YOUR AUNT AND TALKING TO HER HONESTLY ABOUT YOUR#HOPES FOR THE FUTURE WITH YOUR BODY AND YOUR GENDER. THERE IS BEAUTY IN MAKING SILLY POSES WITH YOUR MURAL IN PROGRESS WITH YOUR AUNT AS TH#PHOTOGRAPHER. THERE IS BEAUTY IN LISTENING TO NOSTALGIC MUSIC WITH YOUR AUNT THAT A LOT OF PEOPLE WOULD PROBABLY MAKE FUN OF YOU FOR LIKING#THERE IS BEAUTY IN WEARING YOUR BANGS UP IN A STUPID PINEAPPLE PONYTAIL SO IT DOESNT FALL IN YOUR EYES AND WEARING CLOTHES YOU DONT CARE#ABOUT AND GRINNING AND LAUGHING AND SINGING MORE ENTHUSIASTICALLY AND GENUINELY THAN YOU HAVE IN A LONG TIME. THERE IS BEAUTY IN CLEANING#PAINT BRUSHES AND MEASURING CUPS IN HER KINDA BROKEN SINK AND MEOWING AT HER CAT AND THANKING HER FOR HELPING YOU CLEAN UP THE PAINTS SHE
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