#and i cant tell my mom cause she doesnt understand

[sleepyjim]

first night without taking benadryl to sleep and Uh its bad again what the fuck man context and also giant rant in da tags

[satansappendix]

I'm frustrated by my mom

[deepwoundsandfadedscars]

Sat down to have a chat with my cousin before he flies home tomorrow to his wife, just cause I was anxious that she would try to twist it against me if she talked to him first, I explained my side of what the interaction was and the blatant lies she claimed, and he's not at all surprised and in fact is already planning on getting a paralegal when he gets home to start getting her the fuck out of his life

Me last night: hmm maybe I want another tattoo, I'm going to start talking to this artist *sends message*

My cousins wife: *sends an incredibly hostile message about how I've been ignoring her and she's gone above and beyond for me trying to be supportive of me, when in reality she hasn't texted me first since November and when I text her, she's very short with me and makes no effort to continue a conversation with me*

"Yeah hi, artist? Make that three tattoos"

[drawlody]

My list of Adam ships♡ n my opinion bout them (also fics rec :D)

Adam x Luicfer (Adamsapple/Duitarduck) 10/10

Need i say more:)))??!?! started out as a "haha funny slip-up ship" to "hey they got really good angst potential". The friends/lovers to enemies to lovers is STRONG with this one n i am eating up everything i could found on ao3. Smth bout this macho-ass man finally getting to stay back n not take charge for once feel nice, also princess Adam supermacy wooooo. Whoever came up with the ship name i applaud u cause that's like a 3 layers name(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

It's not an Adamsapple fic without Adam having at least 1 mental breakdown n Lucifer have his guilt eating him alive:)))

Very fucked up torture but i swear it worth the pain:D The dove is so dead it start to rot so plz read the tags properly (plz check out the AngeliaDark other works too they got good shit)

This one have a splits so check out both the fics (beware the author have a skrewed sense of what is considered wholesome:))))

I didnt think a smut scene could be this sad

Adam x Lute (Guitarspear/Guardrock) 10/10

Litteraly my first Hazbin ship, assholes in love is an underrated dynamic we desperately need more off:))) That with a dash of evil dude x loyal subordinate (which i havent seen since the Deathglare days) n opposite attract (look they have one main thing in common is that their extreme bloodthirst, other than that she's stricter than ur mom n he's lazier than the Sloth ring itself but that the beauty of it no? He convince her to chill tf out n not to burst a blood vessel, she keep him on track n make sure Sera dont come on their asses)

They're just being silly enabling each other terrible behaviour n i love that for them (´▽`ʃ♡ƪ) Litteral besties i tell ya

Heavy non-con shit involving Val but Lute will revenge our boi i promised u that

Cool idea n they r just made for each other damn

First hazbin fic i read which is a really cool smut:D

Adam x Micheal (we need a ship name people ) (update: it's Songbird/Guitarhero) 10/10

I like how we dont even got a proper comfirmation of Micheal design/personality yet the ship is here already ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ( im using the Nakariiale's design as a base here love their design)

Hit me with that rebound love x "u look like my ex so im using u as a replacement but ill fall for the real u eventually" x co-workers in heaven. I'm thinking smth along the line of "after Lucifer fucked off with Lilith, Micheal became Adam guardian angel n they just hang out" ya feel me here? (✿◕‿◕✿)

Shout out to Bloog_b for dragging me into this ship:DDD also im on the Adam x the archangels ship as a "gotcha" to Lucifer of sort. Like bitch u stole my wives imma steal your brotherS

Look it's Adamsapple endgame but trust me u will be feed well on this ( u know how good u gotta be for people to ditch the main ship?)

I'm giving yall 4 fics here cause i can only found 4 rn(._. )

this one is uhh non-con so beware

Micheal is indeed Adam guardian angel in this one:D

Adam x Eve (Flowertunes) 8/10

I dont care what yall said they love each other throughout Eden n Earth , might have a falling out in heaven but that doesnt change the fact that they were once IN LOVE. Honestly why cant we just have a couple that have the same bright-eyed innocence like one another.I refuse to believe Eve like willingly cheat on Adam with malicious intent n all, simply she was indeed ''tricked'' or just not fully understand the sistuation, n Adam love her way too much to think that she would do that to him like Lilith. Hell the dude was heartbroken after L left , starting the abandonment issues, so he would have cling to Eve, doing everything so that he aint alone again, even if that mean leaving Eden

Honestly it pisses me off that the Adam/Eve tag on ao3 most of the time is just 1 dialouge between them back when Eve bit the apple n thats it no elaboration on the couple whatsoever >:(((

Lots of switcharoos

sinner eve woooo

look its hard trynna find a fic focusing on them ok?

Adam x St. Peter (Guitargreeter (bet ya didnt see that coming:))) 7/10

Base on this fanfic alone Joe my dude u r on the path of becoming THE Adam crack-ship writer n i am here for this:)))) just so u wait this dude gonna whip out a AdamxNifty , AdamxHusk fic later on ( •̀ ω •́ )✧

From within the fic itself the ship its 2 bros in love with homophobia standing in the way >:( also when did we have a name?!?!?!?

I just like Adam x anyone in heaven alright:D like bro famous n he got that ancient rizz, u telling mr he cant bag a hottie or 2-100+ hmm?

Adam x Alastor (Angelicradio) 8/10

I DONT EVEN KNOW WHAT ABOUT THEM THAT I SHIP I JUST DO φ(゜▽゜*)♪ i blame YOU honestly rn this ship is either Adam found Al after the fight n they make a deal or they're in heaven n they chillin this ship is confusing:D

They're angels on heaven

Adam gone back into eden n do shit differently

This is both Adam/Eve n Adam/Alastor kinda

Adam x Alastor x Lucifer (Angelicradioapple/ Charlie's dads (only me call them that lol)) 9/10

''Hey Charlie u know how u r sad that your mother left? Wellllllll i got you 2 new dads suprise:DDDD''

Look 3 miserable men who hate each other + hell's greatest dad + my love for Dadam = Messy ass old men yaoi :DDDD n it work perfectly with Alastor Asexuality too!!! Like Adam n Lucifer could fuck each other brains out before Al joining in for the cuddles lol

Chaos ensue

Not exactly a love triangle but a love corner but hey we barely got food here :D

I cant believe how hot this shit is lol

Adam x Eve x Lilith x Lucifer (Eden poly/ applecore?) 8/10

They could have been all married to each other(╯°□°）╯︵ ┻━┻ But as much as i go "OooOooo Poly yay'' i just cant vibe with EvexLucifer, like the cheating vibes is wayyyyyyyyy too much i just cant man . I mean with the interpetation that Lucifer came to Eden to hang out with the humans they all know eachother, they're a throuple yes but BUT when Eve came into the picture it was only with Adam n him only so the other 2 is ehhhh. Im fine with EvexLilith cause im seeing it happening later, not hidden from Adam while LuciferxEve got that deception going on .So uhhh in this ship they're more like bestie than lovers to me¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Also AdamxLilith is an underrated pairing like everytime i saw this applecore thing going on these 2 r at most tolerate each other like cmonnnnn we already twist this to hell n back, why cant we make it so their arguement was a petty non-malicious one n they still cares for each other hmm???

They're one happy family

IDK what to tell u bittersweet reunion n loving family is the only typa fic u get with this ship

Not that im complaining i need this wholesomeness

Adam x Mammon (Adammon/Madam/Greedyguitar/ 1st chirstmas.... hasnt had an offical name yet) 10/10

They r litteraly same person different font idk what to tell u. More insults thrown around than Guitarspear but they're pretty similar. Adam is just " sinners suck ass but this dude is the worst in the best way". Also they're both big bois (๑•̀ㅂ•́)و✧ , they love towering over others

I'm sorry but there r barely BARELY

any fics of them :(

The art side is more plentiful tho :D

Adam x Angel Dust (Holydust/guitardust) 5/10

THEY ARE BESTIES YOUR HONOUR n that the exact reason why i cant see them be together as a couple 100%, like the shit-talking bff vibes r wayyyy too strong XD Angel finally got someone who have the same vulgar humour as him n if Adam got married in hell Angel would 100% be his best bitch of honour (≧∀≦)ゞq(≧▽≦q)

They're best friends who have casual no-string attached sex that is ACTUALLY no-string attached:)))

I came to ship them due to those "What if they're co-workers under Val' scenarios ive been seeing on Tumblr

I got like 1 fic on ao3 i mean if u r looking for just platonic friendship between them then rest asure most Adam's redemption fics have that

I got 1 fic on tumblr

Adam x Charlie (Charadam/Guitarprincess) 5/10

U know this ship give me a pretty bad first impression since a good chunk of the fics r either heavy non-con shit or lean wayyyyy to much into the daddy kink, ya know how Charlie got suppose daddy issues n all that jazz?:))) yeah that... that

But after seeing the art side of this ship im chillin with them now, since the art r pretty wholesome, usually having them decked out in punk-rock clothings hanging out. It's a big "Fuck you" to Lucifer n i live for these mf argueing ╰(*°▽°*)╯

So uhhh stay away from the fics if ya want an actual functional couple instead of wtv messed up shit we got there:))) But here's a fic anyway, the only one where it feel bearable n actual trynna go into said messed up relationship i already warn you

We got cracks like Guitarmaid (AdamxNifty), Valadam (AdamxVal) which i dont have enough materials to decied, Classicalrock (AdamxSera) sound interesting but also havent found anything , Guitarhalo (AdamxEmily) is an unexpected find, find i deem them to be more familial than romantic so we'll see if there's a fic good enough to convince me

Edit:i forgot to add Blitzo like Mammon already there why did i forgot

Adam x Blitzo (i dont think anyone even ship this but me:)) 7/10

I cant find a single fic where they has anything more than a 1 nightstand n 1 interaction where they hit it off , i live off imagination alone (;´༎ຶД༎ຶ`) but like fr fr they would match so well, like their bloodlust n general jerkiness would make them the 3rd asshole x asshole ship on this list :DDDD

Tho as much as i wanna see them go further i feel like an on-n-off relationship/friends with benefits fit em more ya know ( *^-^)ρ(*╯^╰) If ya have any fic but the 2 here that have them interact lemme know cause a bitch need food :)

This is a lot of tag(._. )

[weebsinstash]

Okay but AU where Miguel is an alpha and reader is normal but they still give off the smell of being in heat before their period or just once a month so poor Miguel has to struggle with an oblivious reader whose just going around saying hi to people like they’re not a walking talking advertisement for sex

Reader: what do you mean 'I probably shouldn't go near Miguel right now? I thought he looked like he had a headache earlier so I got him some of those empanadas he likes from the cafeteria and some migraine tea

Peter B, not sure how he can tell you without sounding like an absolute freak that his friend is an Alpha and can smell that you're ovulating right now and if you go near Miguel when you're like this you could end up pregnant: beeeeecaaaussssse, Mayday misses you! Yeah, come hold my baby and come this way and hang with us and definitely NOT to Miguel's office!

(Lmao Miguel just checking security feeds by coincidence and, ugh, double whammy combo, he sees you holding the baby, in his eyes looking like the CUTEST potential mom, and he's just like "well, if she gets pregnant it's God's will 🙏". 'Poke holes in the condoms' girl he doesnt OWN condoms and he tells you up front, on his shit like "we're married, this is what married couples do". Or it's like. Kinda like with superman lol, where Miguel's altered not completely human DNA skirts around the spermacide in condoms that's formulated for humans so he might knock you up unintentionally but once it's on the way he wont let you get rid of it and he's actually so excited)

He overhears another Alpha make comments on your body and your scent and you just turn your head to see Miguel holding them by the collar as their little feeties dangle in the air and he's growling at them to "watch who they're speaking about that way" and you're just left ignorant that he's basically strangling the dude cause he was saying the equivalent of "if Y/N doesn't watch out she's gonna end up knocked up" and "hey maybe it'll be me" (no, absolutely not, run laps cadet, the boss ain't happy with ya)

And it works in reverse too! He smells good and you definitely cant help but notice 😩❤️ He stands just a little too close to you one day and you can smell this kind of masculine musk, I feel like he's kind of like too lowkey a recluse holing himself up to wear men's cologne but he's also like kind of an older man so just like, the thought of him having the scented pomade for his hair and you smell things like his deodorant and body wash when he's too close and it all smells very much you know Male but in a sexy way, the scent of aftershave sticking to him some mornings, coffee on his breath when he points to something on a monitor over your shoulder, just all these sorts of smells to associate with his presence even if you can't pick up the intricacies of his more "biological" components. You're up working late once and you fall asleep in a chair and later on you wake up tucked in on a couch in a break room with a blanket that has a scent on it (to tell other Alphas to back off and let you rest) and you can't help but put your face into it. like, as a young girl I didn't understand but I'm 26 now and there are just some male colognes and just like idk scents where you smell it and it's just like UGH I bet the man who left this is big 😩❤️ if it's not overpowering and you're not used to smelling "dude scents" that shit can be dangerous in the wrong hands

You experience the rare event of Miguel actually sitting down for once (shocking I know) and your desire to help and also your coochie activates when you see him looking kind of tired and run down and like, rubbing his face with a hand and he's got a migraine and here you are, "let me platonically rub your shoulders sir it definitely isn't at least partially because I'm crazy crazy horny for you and something about you kinda lowkey makes me wanna serve you"

Like you reach out and start rubbing his neck and shoulders and he's just so sore and had been working so hard he's like GROANING and shit like 😩 how could I not run my fingers through his hair, how could I SURVIVE if he started doing that shit. I couldn't, he felt your nails lightly drag against his scalp and it sent shivers up his spine and now you're getting your back put on the nearest flat surface while he pulls all your clothes off

"Sorry, but I don't think I can hold myself back anymore."

[requiemism]

maybe its just because jinx is bpd (or, at least, HEAVILY coded as such) and i have a mood disorder but i truly cannot help but be bewildered by the lack of understanding and empathy towards her character both in the show and in the fandom. shes essentially a broken, manipulated, desperate child- even if shes "grown" now, shes so severely traumatized i sincerely doubt her brain developed properly and she certainly didnt and doesnt have the help required to become a well adjusted stable individual. i dont say this to take away her agency or infantilize her- her actions ARE her choice, and she DOES understand what she is doing. however, despite this, a majority of what shes done has NEVER been in a moment of rational thinking. she only did what she did as powder due to desperation; she threw the bag in the water because she was cornered, she accidentally caused the deaths she did because she didnt understand the tech she had and she was desperate to save her family. everything she does after as jinx is largely due to silcos manipulation, being severely disordered, traumatized, and abandoned, and literally every single person in her life telling her all shes good for is destruction and causing pain. she spends almost her ENTIRE life being told by EVERYONE but the person actively manipulating her that she is incompetent, annoying, destructive and batshit. OBVIOUSLY SHES NOT GOING TO BE NORMAL. OBVIOUSLY SHES GOING TO LOSE IT WHEN THE O N E PERSON SHE HAS LEFT FUCKING DIES BECAUSE SHE ACCIDENTALLY SHOT HIM DURING A PTSD DRIVEN BREAKDOWN CAUSED BY HER GODDAMN SISTER. O B V I O U S L Y SHES GOING TO DO SOMETHING RASH AND IMPULSIVE IN HER MANIC, BROKEN STATE. because now, she has nothing left. she has nothing to lose. shes a jinx, and she ruins everything that she touches, and maybe, just maybe, she can use that to honor her fathers lifelong goal. obviously this goes horribly and backfires on everyone, putting a target on the entire undercitys back, but she ABSOLUTELY wasnt thinking about that when she bombed the goddamn capitol mid breakdown. in season 2, after making this impulsive (and frankly idiotic but thats neither here nor there) decision she lays low, avoiding causing any damage unless necessary (although it IS overkill whenever she does harm people, thats what shes been taught is normal. she literally grew up in the undercity where people are murdered and mugged on a daily basis.) and using every opportunity to scourge her own existence. she VERY clearly hates herself for what shes done, and she certainly doesnt seem to be proud of any of it. i think this is best displayed in the discussion she has with isha when they first meet. when vi and the enforcer squad come after her, shes literally minding her business, making a GIFT for the woman who has repeatedly hurt her because "it was something (she) could fix." she cant even shoot vi when shes actively gassing her, literally CRYING at the thought. the only reason she actively begins attempting to kill her and caitlyn is because THEY'RE DOING THE SAME DAMN THING, and once again she very clearly cant bring herself to do so to vi. even in s1, during the tea party scene, its pretty evident that she doesnt intend to kill vi in my opinion? to make matters worse, when vi tries to kill HER, she practically BEGS her to do it.

i understand that jinx is objectively NOT a good person!!! she has literally killed tens of maybe hundreds of people and yes, she did kill caitlyns mom (although very honestly i could care less about that ngl caitlyn is absolutely a good character but i dont like her as a person for reasons largely unrelated to jinx 😓). she literally builds bombs and guns and whatever the fuck for fun. she enjoys watching people be beaten and killed. but i think the absolute lack of any empathy or understanding towards her a lot of people exhibit is a little ridiculous and it infuriates me to no end 😭 thank you for coming to my autistic ted talk!!!!

[shreddeddescent]

in terms of the vagueness of raph's specific sexual abuse, i think ive been a bit wishy washy on how i talk about it (as ive... changed my mind on the specifics as ive gotten into writing more bits, canon and drafts and whatever be damned, i think ive pieced it together)

lemme like write out the timeline for how i think it all went down

uh. warnings for... csa. obviously.

so to kind of cement it out, raph started being sexually abused by his father at 8 years old. he barely remembers it because his splintered personality shit started at 6, when his mother "died". im unsure on if raph is even the original personality. what makes more sense? that raph was being beaten by his father so he'd stop crying over his dead mother and invented a CHILD to take that abuse? or that he invented a new PARENTAL persona to deal with it after? im honestly NOT sure what the answer is. maybe its both, who fucking knows. HE sure wouldnt.

the abuse from his father is what kind of kept him in line, so to speak, but also caused so many of those anger issues he has. the issues he puts ELSEWHERE.... if he fucks up? hes punished. if his brothers fuck up? hes punished. he doesnt remember the punishment, but he knows to stay in line. hes a good little soldier. its not something that happened in front of his brothers, but it might have been loud enough they could hear... something. as little as they would understand.

when hes 12 they realize somethings different about him, because leos puberty has become more obvious than his. maybe he blames leo for his own problems ever being discovered. maybe thats why hes EXTRA mad about leos physical body.

(i also apologize for the way ive overly dramatized the sexual-dimorphism, its gotten a bit out of hand since the start but SHRUG it helps to show things over dramatically)

but when that part is realized, the sexual abuse under his father becomes different. thats when it's less about controlling him, and more about it being his purpose. doesnt happen in beds or in the dojo anymore, it happens in LABS after that, it happens to test him. to see if things will work. hes experimented on in terms of... being under a scope. having his body never feel like his own. hes sexually abused medically after that, if that makes sense. this builds up the phobia of labs and doctors and medical treatment.

and the reason the same kind of controlling sexual abuse never happened to leo is because of the part where he's already been disappointing enough, shredder knew that wouldnt fucking matter. there was never an idea in shredders mind that it would work, so he just takes worse beatings than raph did. and besides, shredder quickly realizes once he cant be used as a donor, leos the best option he has.

but shredder's lack of thinking of raph as a person causes him to say too much, thinking raph wouldnt fucking care what happened to him, let alone his brothers. so he tells raph that leo's going to take over for that. or he tells SOMEONE inside raph that that's what will happen.

but as soon as raph learns that part, its time to leave. hes okay enough to get them all out, okay enough to cope with the complete change in lifestyle, and then he starts to deteriorate.

his mother didnt help the situation, like she tried in her own way, but raphs shitty brain trying to process that the father he barely remembers raping him has also abused and beat and raped and tried to kill her? it makes him lock that shit up tighter. its not about him, in his eyes. to him? his mother saved him. shes the hero of his life. he had a bad parent, he has a good parent. she has to be just as good as he was evil. thats how he sees it.

to his brothers? raph saved them. theres this nice mom here, but... its been 6 years. they dont know the worst shit their dad did to her (cuz they shouldnt, theyre fucking children) but they know they had no adults for 6 fucking years of their childhood. so she does not get the hero treatment from them. which in turn, makes raph resent them.

raph processing all that with his fucked up brain turns him into a fucking maniac who puts all the blame on leo, despite none of it being leos fault. while his awake/most conscious brain has blocked out being raped and being told leo would rape him, he still has that fear and anger and resentment. he feels it, but so much of it goes into slash. and slash processes that shit worse. slash is ready to protect himself at all times, if slash sees leo make a face, leos getting hit. if leo pisses raph off too much, slash is coming out and leos getting hit. its bad. leo doesnt actually deserve any of that ire, he did nothing wrong, he just doesnt help the situation by being a traumatized kid who's only outlet is poking fun at his abusive older brother.

its great when casey comes along, because its a new outlet for raph, hes so much less angry because hes out of the house, hes away from his family, hes letting out years of pent up rage and aggression, and hes in some kind of sexual situation that he actually wants to be in. so he's balancing himself out with her help. she is good for him.

so for about 2 years raph is just... avoidant. and no one minds, because hes better than he was. he still has moments of anger, but the hitting stops. he gets along with leo in so far as they can hang out in a group setting with their brothers. they absolutely both prefer the twins to each other, but theyre... okay. they all kind of know they're an abused family, no one really says it. who would want to? they kind of accept each others quirks, and its lucky theres no adult men in this house to set anyone off. literally no one in that house would be able to handle a man raising his voice.

and then raph remembers pieces. and then it all kind of... clicks into place. and then he realizes its not about leo at all, and he apologizes. and leo realizes why raph's been like that. and then they reconnect, and then theyre finally brothers. leos the only person (other than casey) that really knows about the sexual abuse at that point. so now raph has two people he trusts like that.

and thats kind of where we're at. thats the baseline for everything.

[kingcunny]

(reply via @neurodivergentguy )

the ageism/ beauty obsession* is what it *probably is*, but that deeply depresses me so im gonna let the delusions speak and explore other ideas.

also just… pointing out. matthew needham is only 11 years younger than paddy… they were born in different generations but 10 years is not a generation gap? that doesnt seem like enough of an age gap for ageism to apply to one but not the other but… well what do i know. (and pleace and love, i think hes cute, but matthews far from the most handsome man in hotd) also. exception that prooves the rule? rhys ifans is 6 years Older than paddy (and ottos the one who set alicent up to be brutalized by every man around her until she dies, it were going by hotd canon!) and sure, otto Might be the second most hated in the fandom, but not anywhere Near how vis is. but rhys is also incredibly handsome. so that Obviously gives the character he plays a free pass to do whatever.

* (is there a word for that? (other than. eugenics lol. cause like thats the idea Behind it but not quite to the extreme that im talking about? i mean more peoples attraction towards ‘beauty’ vs a repulsion towards ‘ugliness’) cause i need one for how often i talk about it)

if it was just about actions then theyve both done terrible things. and theyve both hurt everyones favorite beautiful doe eyed pretty brown eyed beauty beautiful pretty girl. but larys doesnt get near the amount of vitriol for it. people analyze what larys did. people ship Them. (same thing more or less applies to what i said above about otto)

and if youll allow me to straddle my armchair for a moment, then theres my thought that viserys is the bad dad we get the most time with. and NOBODY has a good relationship with their father. most people cant do anything about that, so instead they seek catharsis through fiction. smacking the representation of your father cause you cant smack your real father. see also- succession fandoms treatment of logan roy

while i do think its ultimately just about playing favorites, ageism, beauty obsession**, i think theres also an element of ableism. and hear me out, cause i know ur thinking ‘arent they both disabled?’

larys disability is very visible and apparent, the limitations of that disability as well. his leg is twisted, he wears that metal boot over his foot, he walks with a cane, he has a limp. he cant run, cant fight, cant hunt, i can tell you from personal experience stairs are a struggle. he can probably ride a horse but its sure not comfortable. its more understandable. more or less, what you see is what it is. and, importantly, its not… unpleasant** to look at. his face is fine. the rest of his body is fine. just his leg.

viserys disability spawns from an illness. and even though hotd changed viserys illness to be more visual, the nature of illness is you cant see the cause, only the effects. and most of those effects are only things the person experiencing the illness can feel.

i had a conversation with my mom about this awhile ago after she pulled a tendon? in her leg and was in near constant pain while it healed, couple weeks. she told me she had no idea how i handled this, day in/day out, week after week, for Years. she was miserable and at the end of her rope after just a week of it. my moms a runner and runs something like 50 miles a week, obviously she couldnt do this while it healed and was very depressed about it. i could only kinda laugh. i couldnt tell her how i handle it, cause i cant. i just told her i think if you dont have chronic pain or a chronic illness, you just straight up do not and Will not understand what its like. she just had a little taste of it.

i think that also might be why theres not as much (good) discussion around viserys disability. because people just, do not understand it. dont understand what its doing to him.

they dont get how chronic illness eats away at you (in vis case, literally!) taking piece by piece until theyres nothing left. until youre just a shell of the person you used to be. they dont feel how chronic pain grinds away at you until youre nothing but a raw exposed bundle of nerves. because those arent things you can see. only feel. experience first hand.

the show tries to make up for this lack by making viserys illness have a very striking visable aspect to it. to show the progression of his illness and the effect its having on him. but illness is gross**. its not pretty. its not pleasant to look at, to *think* about. it ravages his face, his body, his teeth rot and his hair falls put. his arm has to be amputated, his eye is removed, half his face rots away. peoples stomachs turn to look at it and their animal instincts that this is Bad kick in.

if im being kind, most people dont want to talk about things that are unpleasant. that make them sick, that upset and scare them.

if im not being kind, the eugenics minded decide that this means *viserys* is bad. that this is a punishment for or straight up a moral failing of his. outer beauty reflects inner beauty so ugly=evil pretty=good. and all that bullshit. if youre coming at it from this pov you CANT think deeper about viserys disability/illness/character beyond it being a punishment or joke, because then you must confront your belief that illness is a punishment reserved for the Bad. and that is a thought that is just incompatible with life

[wish-i-were-heather]

Any thought on TGG?

YES YES YES YES YES SO MANY THOUGHTS UHM HELLO

okok so i wrote like an essay of predictions and what i thinks gonna happen next on in the notes app on on my phone bc i was camping when i finished reading it so i had no service and couldn't go online and tell people my thoughts 😭😭

uhh im gonna put my main points (spoiler warning ofc also this is gonna get really long)

i think eves whole kidnapping thing is bc of eve (obviously bc like slate is working with her) but because eve wants gray's attention

i cant remember if she knows about lyra or not but still

i just think this because i dont think she would really want anything to do with gigi, just using her bc gray

basically my main point is i think the main plot glorious rivals is going to be about finding gigi (i hope im right and she doesnt get dropped of at home in like chapter three or these will all be incorrect)

when gray finds out what happened to gigi he will flip out. obviously savannah will too probably moreso bc like thats her twin but gray is very protective of them both so he'll freak out like crazy

especially once they inevitably put the peices together and realies why kidnapped her, he'll probably want to kill eve (i'd say not actually but i wouldn't be surprised if he genuinely did. i do so like)

i think that both grayson and savannah will like actually refuse to participate further in the grandest game until they find out what happened to her

and obviously avery and the others arent apathetic so theyre gonna understand and its either gonna be cancelled/postponed

and when they do pause/end the game, they arent gonna tell people why cause that'd cause more drama

omg also im forgetting her name but gigi and savannah;s mom. i feel like she's either gonna be a really big character in the next book or not in it at all, i dont think theres really gonna be an in between.

also xander was really starting to grow a friendship with gigi, so he'd be concerned too.

i want gray and xander to have more "screen time" together and like grow their relationship bc they have a funny dynamic but we dont see it a lot

also i keep forgetting to mention her but SAVANNAH

shes gonna be so worried omg and she will be even more angry and worried than grayson will be

she is going to blame it on avery, i mean she already doesnt like her because she "killed her father" and whatever but just like yk

i have a feeling that the teams from this book are gonna come back

like rohan is gonna be on savannah's side about this whole situation, also like avery and jamie dont like him bc the whole jamesons rib situation lmao so that wont be hard to convince him

and theyre gonna be against avery and the hawthornes because savannah doesn't like her

and then lyra and gray are gonna be on the same side obviously (excluding odette bc idk where she fits into all this)

and not gigi obviously but then knox and brady, theyll probably be doing their own thing??

idk knox is obviously kinda a jerk and i dont like him and hes not in the game anymore

but brady he might try to help gigi? im not sure what to make of him

i feel like each "team" is gonna be trying to figure out what happened with gigi?? idk like i said if finding her isnt the main plot this is gonna be a little embarassing

ok but stepping away from that...

so we've known alice is alive but now thats to odette everyone knows

what did she want tobias to do when she came back? and just idk i have so many questions

WHO IS THE WATCHER???

my first thought is alice but thats too easy, too obvious

for the same reason i dont think its eve nor whoever the heck knox's sponsor is.

what if its this calla girl??? bc brady says shes alive?

why is everyone alive tho tbh first alice then calla, everyone but sheffield sorry sav

UNLESS HE DID COME BACK THAT WOULD BE SO BAD BC HE WOULD BE SO MANUPULATIVE TOWARDS SAVANNAH AUGH

ok anyway idk hes not coming back (hopefully)

i do think whoever the watcher is is the same person who gave lyra the ticket

ALSO KISSES KISSES KISSES I SCREAMED THEY KISSED SAVANNAH AND ROHAN AND LYRA AND GRAY FINALLY OMG THEY WERE SO HORNY THE WHOLE BOOK TOOK YOU LONG ENOUGH

especially rohan like woah chill theres other people reading this book save some thoughts to yourself

but overall i loved it and i need glorious rivals right now

[yellowbluemoonshine]

Heyyy!Have you seen the spoilers for chapter 389? what is your opinion? :>

Hey, anon. I assume you mean chapter 388? Because chapter 389 isnt out yet. And for new chapter 388, there is not much say but here we go;

Bnha Chapter 388 Opinions;

Rest in peace, Mr. Robot, you are true hero.

Finally, Rei has the chance to show how much she loves her children, Touya. She goes towards fire to save his son. I love how first two thing she says 'Touya! I am sorry!' because thats exactly what Touya needs to hear. His mom is here to save him, trying to cool him down and tells him that she is sorry.

And i wish we get more clear reaction from Dabi because his face is...hard to read. He looks so shocked and sad but still, i wish we get some child Touya rec to his mom since we get with Endeavour scenes so we should've get with his mother and siblings too. I hope we get it at some point in story.

And this is personal opinion but i dont like Fuyumi and Natsuo's speech, compared to Rei's.

Though it is understandable why they say this, i dont like it. Fuyumi says she doesnt want to lose 'anyone else'. This speech is like 'we already lost you so at least, i want my parents to stay alive'. Its like she is saying that there is no hope for Touya.

And Natsuo's 'stupid big brother' thing reminds me of Shouto who said the same thing to him. He is thinking about his past and he says 'stop causing more trouble!'. As if this is all Touya's fault. As if Touya shut his mouth, none of these would've happenned. I think this is the last thing Touya needs to hear right now.

So i know most people might not agree with this but i dont like those speechs at all. I know its such an emotional moment and all, but i wish they told him that they want their brother to live too, that they love him, that they should come home already etc. It is realistic that they are talking this way, and at least they are trying to save their brother too, mostly their mother and father but i think they also want to save Touya too so i get it but once again, i hate their speechs. Its not helpfull.

And Endeavour lol. I never have any expectations for him so i am not surprised that his decision is to kill Touya. Once again leave him behind, the black sheep of the family. Look, i do understand that Endeavour doesnt want other family members to die but he had so many chances to make it right, he constantly throw all of these away and since beginning until the end, he is just ugh.

Meanwhile, Touya is already mentally out of it. I dont even think he understands what is happenning right now. He kinda lost the control of his power, his mind. I think he cant stop the fire even if he wants to. But i think at the end he seems kinda happy that his family is here with him so thats why he is imagining a world that he is accepted, happy with his family. Except Shouto, because because in his mind, he didnt accept him as family member yet.

This was painful to read. Touya deserves better. I am worried about him because he might get 'too exicted' to be with his family again and might be out of control more. I dont think he will die but still, its painful to read. I hope he and other gets saved in time.

[adidegmez]

spn s13 spoilers

s13 ep1(lost and found)

if dean thinks cas is really dead then what did they do to his body? did they burn him, bury him or nothing? jack is just a baby right now. winchesters are maybe not superheroes but they are my heroes. dean is just telling the truth?! he is not okay. he lost everyone he cared except sam. sam is calmer than dean. jack is just a sweet little boy. sam is scared. castiel is jacks father(according to jack at least). thats nice. damian as in damian wayne? i dont think i know anyone else named damian. dean'S prayer… he even add crowley he loved him(sometimes). and Chuck he left and he just doesnt care. he left lucifer on earth. everything happened on this Show is because of him. and i still believe if they raise jack right he will be good. no one is born evil. even if lucifer was a bad guy he was an angel he was the angel. jack is half angel and this is not a bad thing. dean said goodbye to everyone cas, kelly, mom and crowley. and crowley i just cant he said his name with the other people he cared about people he respected and its sad that crowley didnt get to see this. Dean accepted the deaths of all of them. How can he do this? They can still return, why not? and mary did return she is not dead.

s13 ep2(the rising son)

im sos sorry dean but sam is right. He is right on every part of this issue. Jack is not bad, your mother is alive, the only way to save her is with Jack's help. i knew jack was watching scooby i thought dean would let him watch. but i think he needs a little time to know jack. sam is nerveous when talking to jack because he never had an experience with kids like dean had. dean would calm jack down he wouldve known what to do but he is mourning the people he lost and he is angry. and that prevents him see the way that sam sees. sam did a good job with jack. i expected dean to say he is batman but i guess its not the time. lucifer is funny sometimes. good job jack. i think dean will understand jack, eventually. i hope that time comes soon.

s13 ep3(patience)

kelly was a great mother. i get deans point of view but he needs to calm down. it's been a long time missouri. she died! jack really cares about deans opinions just like his dad(cas). dean will get over this and he will be nicw to jack eventually, i just hope it wont be late. yes, sam is the best person to understand jack. this is brilliant. i really love how he treats jack. i love sam. i know dean is in pain but sam is right this is resembles to sam's situation. sam deserved to be saved so does jack. and jack didnt do anything wrong yet he has been on earth like a week. and cas mary it wasnt his fault. dean lost them and he is blaming jack. but its lucifers fault. and jack doesnt deserves a this treatment from dean. dean should help sam save jack. i have always been on the same page as dean always but not this time. i hope dean changes his mind soon. because i need both winchesters in the same page. cas! im glad he is back but if he could return does this mean crowley could return too. and i think i finally understand something. Charlie and now rowena are dead and they wont return cause the story doesnt need them anymore. but i need them to return. i always see spoilers but ive never heard rowenas death. and ive never seen anything about charlie's return. but i want them to return. I didn't even like Rowena that much in the beginning but lately I've started to like her. Charlie is a completely different matter, i always loved her, I need her to come back.

s13 ep4(the big empty)

clone wars!!!!!!! i didnt see that coming. clone wars is my favorite star wars Show. i love ahsoka too but anakin is not bad sam. well he turned to vader but he was a good master palpatine manipulated. i hope jack loves clones. they are my favorite thing about star wars. clones are amazing. dean cas sam and crowley closed the door. crowley sacrificed himself. i think i love jack. cas where are you? why does lucifer need mary? Dean needs to pull himself together as soon as possible, he scares Jack, he even upsets Sam. misha is amazing. finally dean complimented jack. i needed that. finally dean is thinking like sam. thank you dean. cas is back.

s13 ep5(advanced thanatology)

yes, something is wrong with sam. dean wears sunglasses indoors. Do the w's represent how many times the winchesters died? did billie become death? she is death thats not good. I wish Dean hadn't killed death. I loved him. thats a good thing afterall. billie let dean live. Dean lost his faith. But when Cas comes, he will be happy. hi cas. welcome back. look in their eyes. team free will together again.

s13 ep6(tombstone)

cas is back. everyone is happy. i missed you cas. and the hugs. jack did it jack brought him back. team free will 2.0 . dean is back. he really missed cas. his eyes are shining. i missed funny dean. Seeing Dean happy makes me happy. cas… all i can think about is his character development. he is an amazing character. he changed so much. his talk with jack was beautiful. hats, dean is really back. dean finally said it, jack is not a monster. i wish he didnt leave. i hope hell come back.

s13 ep7(war of the worlds)

what happened to mary? So will Michael be the villain of this season? i knew it was kevin. hi kevin! i missed you. i think i would prefer lucifer to that Michael. lucifer is so funny. lucifer is back, Mary stayed in the other World. i thought ketch was a clone. I don't remember seeing anything about clones in this series, but for some reason the first thing that comes to my mind is always clones. But it turned out to be an evil twin. i believe that story hes telling the truth. rowena isnt dead right? cas and lucifer, lucifer is so funny. and he is trying to save the World for himself probably. i believed ketch. asmodeus and ketch, they will trouble the Winchesters. If Dean had said yes to Ketch, would Ketch have worked with them instead of Asmodeus?

s13 ep8(the scorpion and the frog)

supernatural really did everything. now there is a heist episode. and it was funny. yes, i missed hopeful dean. it was nice to see that. Didn't Bart say there were copies of the spell? Couldn't they find them? The bus scene reminded me of the scene where they left Charlie on the bus. i missed Charlie.

s13 ep9(the bad place)

i think jack wants to bring mary back not lucifer. Jack gets very happy when he gets a "good job" from Dean. And that makes me happy too. Jack also joined the family. I love him. dean! why did you treat her like that? well at least jack found mary and the winchesters are together. but idk where kaia is.

s13 ep10(wayward sisters)

claire is getting better at hunting. they are on a hunting trip… they said it again. i like it. i love donna and the others, we should see them more. i love jody. Claire's speech was like the beginning of a new series. I researched but they haven't made a mini series, I hope they tell this story here. i love the girls they are amazing.

s13 ep11(breakdown)

the real fbi is here. The beginnings of the episodes always resemble Criminal Minds. but almost the entire episode was really like cm. garcia would find her quickly. i liked doug. i hoped he would become a hunter. doug and donna were good. come on, first dean now sam they lost hope but it was always like this and they believed this job. but now they are in a dark place. i need hopeful winchesters back.

s13 ep12(various & sundry villans)

lucifer is hilarious. omg not the love spell. not dean please. yes sam save dean. hello boys(crowley said it the best). hi rowena. welcome back. how are you alive? they all forgot about adam. cas loves his son. i love how he talks about jack. Rowena asked about Crowley because she wondered if he might pose a risk to her, right? I wish there were nice mother and son scenes. I don't even think Rowena would be upset about Crowley's death, but I wish she would be. she is sad?! rowena is right. when is lucifer ever gone. he always comes back. cas and lucifer made a good team. that was a little brutal. Rowena took the page, didn't she? i thought sam would give her but i didnt think would do it. but he did. lucifer is not dead. We forget the traumas of the Winchesters very quickly, they are not even mentioned. They always show themselves strong, they don't show what's inside them. Dean spent 40 years in hell, Sam was tortured by Lucifer, Dean had to survive in purgatory… I hope Rowena doesn't cause trouble for the boys.

s13 ep13(devil's bargain)

i thought lucifer would let cupid live but he killed him and i suppose he did it just for fun. i forgot about ketch. How did Lucifer not die? i missed kevin. sister jo(daneel ive been waiting for this, i thought we would saw her earlier on the show). Doesn't the prophet know the difference between Cas and Asmodeus? ketch is right. lucifer cant do the things he promised, right? gabriel!!! well, i hope winchesters can save him.

s13 ep14(good intentions)

Dean you are amazing Cas you are amazing too. Mary is not Mary. They're still messing with Jack's head, right? hi bobby! sometimes jack's smiles are sweet but sometimes he scared me he smiles like lucifer sometimes, other than that he is just a sweet boy. and i love him. i love this bobby too but i want old bobby. mary made the deal she brought so much pain to her boys but we saw what the world would be like if she hadn't made that deal, and I think Mary did the right thing. If that deal hadn't happened, we would never have met the boys. cas! i dont like where this is going. i hope cas wont go far. Dean and Sam are Jack's role models, I think he chose very good role models. Whatever it takes… both Dean and Cas go too far. They need to calm down and think a bit. I hope nothing bad happens to them. I'm sorry about Donatello, I didn't like him as much as Kevin, but he was still a good guy. He didn't deserve what happened to him (like all the good characters in the series)

s13 ep15(a most holy man)

While Dean was saying enjoy, he was thinking things like this will be the last time you drive and he was imagining how he would kill that man. yes i totally believe dean would kill for the baby. I heard that that scene was improvised and it's really a perfect scene. I never thought that the blood would come from that man. I thought it would be from someone we knew before or someone very important.

s13 ep16(scoobynatural)

do you know how long i've been waiting for this. I've seen a lot of clips about this episode and I was very curious about it. When I started this season, I was thinking that they were opening a portal to the Scooby universe with Jack. I even thought that they would travel to different universes throughout the season thanks to Jack's portals. just for fun. But when it comes to SPN, sometimes this is only possible for a few episodes. There is a villain in every season and the world is in danger, so team Free Will has to save the World all over again. But did the trickster really die and come back, or was he never dead? i really love when dean is being a fanboy. he genuinely loves them and he shows that he loves them. and i love him for this. i love deans love for scooby-doo. this is one of my favorite episodes now. it was awesome. i love dean. i love sam and cas too but dean has a special place in my heart.

s13 ep17(the thing)

poor gabriel, I hope he can get out of there. Ketch is saving Gabriel right now, even if it's for himself. where is cas? why aent they waiting for him? ketch did some bad things, idk how to feel about him. gabriel is okay for nw with sam. dean really has a death wish. he doesnt care if he dies he only care about the others. yeah this is a nice thing but he would die to protect them and i dont want him to die.

s13 ep18(bring 'em back alive)

Charlie! Until two days ago, I didn't see anything about whether we would see Charlie in this series again but then I learned that we will see the apocalyptic world version of her. I knew she would come but I didn't expect that we would see her now. i missed her. She shouldn't have died. why didnt they wait for cas? i think ketch really cared about mary. gabriel is back! and he left. Asmodeus is dead, right? i hope he wont come back. ketch is complicated. Charlie is acting like our Charlie. i couldnt believe charlie's death and i still cant. she shouldn't have died.

s13 ep19(funeralia)

rowena what are you doing? i thought maybe rowena was trying to get crowley back but then i said she wouldnt do that. is she really trying to get fergus back? if thatsthe truth please let her try. i want crowley back. rowena is kinda right only team free will gets to come back from the dead. naomi is alive. I hope Sam doesn't have to kill Rowena. I started to love Rowena even more. I think there is such a thing as the Winchester Effect. They changed an angel, the king of hell, the most powerful witch and many more people and turned them into better people, and it is great to watch the character development of those characters. They changed Rowena as well as Crowley. I think Rowena loved Crowley. I wish she had the chance to tell Crowley that, or at least show it.

s13 ep20(unfinished business)

Fenrir from Norse mythology, right? I realized the last part was similar to Steve and Tony's argument (Marvel). we'll löse, we'll do that together too… they lost, steve wasn't there. i hope sam could be there when it comes to that. I can't be sure about deaths when it comes to tricksters. I even wondered if Loki replaced Gabriel at the end, but they wouldn't do such a thing because the story would be extended unnecessarily and there is no need for such a thing. i missed our kevin, he wouldnt do that. poor jack. mary sees her as a son:)

s13 ep21(beat the devil)

rowena and gabriel? little awkward but funny. In the beginning ep was hilarious but then it all went dark. rowena didn't run, this time she stayed. she has changed(the winchester effect). lucifer's bar scene was awesome. Sam died and came back, thanks to Lucifer. I'm glad he is back but lucifer brought him. they found jack and mary. dean watched his brother die, again. and the look on his face is telling everything. im glad the brothers are back together.

s13 ep22(exodus)

no, mary. i know you want to help the other World but your boys came for you. you shouldnt do that to them. lucifer is not entirely wrong. yes he does so many bad things but sometimes he does good things. like most of the villains on spn he is complicated. I've seen the scene where Cas and Lucifer drive the bus on the internet before, but I didn't think it was real. I thought it was someone's dream or something. i know lucifer is bad but he tried to do the right thing. he fought Michael, and now he is doing bad things because sam wouldnt let him come with them. sam has hs reasons but now lucifer is going to help Michael nd i think he is not happy about it because h will have brought Michael to the other world, just as his relationship with Jack was getting better. and he knows this will upset his son. Gabriel isn't really dead, right? Otherwise they woudn't have zoomed in on his face. its always good to see bobby but i wish we couldve seen our bobby with the boys and our Charlie.

s13 ep23(let the good times roll)

I would like to see charlie and rowena together. Dean's dream is very beautiful, but with their luck, it is impossible. I wish it could happen, no one deserved retirement more than them. but i dont think they would get a happy ending. This is how I wanted Dean to treat Jack from the beginning. Dean's speech was beautiful. soft dean is my favorite, he is kind and sweet when he needs to be. I love him. I was going to believe in Lucifer because he wanted his son and was doing good things just for him, but in the end he ruined everything again. Dean, you tried so hard to keep Michael from getting to you. I wanna cry. michael has dean, i hope dean can beat him. Is Lucifer really gone? dean… i want to kill Michael. i hope dean will be the one to kill him. The suit and hat suit Dean very well. Just when good things are happening, everything turns bad, and every season, boys cannot find comfort. Can't the kids relax for just one season? There won't be a big bad guy for the end of the season, maybe if they want they can hunt like in the first season or just have a good time together in the

bunker. only 1 season. I wish… but it's impossible. i just want to see them happy.

[fastofthekillones]

19

I'm just going to pin this post and use it to find weird tags that I have inexplicably written on something, mostly for my own gratification, but if any of you wonderful weirdos wanna look, feel free

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

tw- family problems, parental issues,fighting, relationship problems (i think)

seeking- advice, vent

(sorry for any typos) also, can this be tagged as flower anon tyy:)

my whole life my dad has treated my mom terribly i didn’t realize it wasnt normal when i was little, as i’ve gotten older i’ve been realizing how terrible he treats everyone around him especially my mom. my eyes have recently been opening to his true character and i wont go into detail but i feel so guilty that im resenting him cause he can be so nice sometimes but even that is following by something negative. but i dont wanna make this about that cause its about how he treats my mom.

when i was younger they would fight all the time and even still hes always the one to start it. all he does is complain about everything yet does nothing about whatever it is he’s complaining about. he has my mom do his laundry, make his dinner, fold his clothes, make his bed, all of it. by the way my mom has her own job which shes in a lot of pain at the end of the day cause of it and she has to come home to his bs. if she doesnt have his dinner done he freaks out and guilt trips by saying how hes gonna go to bed without eating, when they eat out almost every night so he can easily order food himself or go pick it up. even if he wants her to make home-cooked food for dinner if shes at work, literally doing her job he’ll complain about it and make her feel bad.

he makes her pay rent even tho her hours have got cut so she doesnt make as much any more and he can absolutely afford the whole rent himself. he has literally gone to her job and yelled at her before and now she doesnt want to get another job cause she knows hes gonna go to the boss there and tell him what time she can and cant work.

he polices everything she does if she gets a package he pesters her about whats in it, she leaves the house he pesters her about that. just today she was literally at his parents house (something he never does) and got mad at her for being gone??? its unbelievable. this is all only the icing on the cake. i remember one time me and my mom were going to get something to eat and he yelled at her before we left and when we were in the car she said to me “when you marry, marry someone who will let you be yourself” and it just broke my heart:( she deserves so much better and i just dont know how to help. i want to get a job to help her with money but i have severe social anxiety and also no school or work credits to do so but hopefully once i get my GED ill be able to do something with that. but im no sure what to do. i want to help her so bad but i have no idea how. theres so much more to all of this but im not sure how to tw it 100% correctly so i dont want to say too much, but if there’s any advice you have for this situation it would be really appreciated 🥲 thank you so much for your time!

Hi anon,

It's understandable why you feel guilty for resenting your dad even though sometimes he can be sweet or well-mannered. But it's important to honor why you feel resentment and not necessarily let your dad's good behavior make you feel like you can't be upset about how he has behaved in the past. Sometimes people intentionally behave well to minimize the impact of their bad behavior and make others feel like they have no right to complain. But it's also possible that good behavior is a sign of learning from past mistakes, but even still, it's natural and okay to feel complex emotions about that shift.

It sounds like your dad puts full responsibility on your mom, both productive and reproductive labor, to the point that he acts as if he is completely dependent on your mom fulfilling unreasonable expectations. It makes sense why your mom seems to be constantly driven to a breaking point - because she is carrying the entire weight of the relationship, and more.

It sounds like the best thing for your mom is to get away from your dad, but of course it's not simple or easy. I don't know where she is located but she could potentially consider looking into nearby domestic violence shelters as they can offer a safe place to stay while she comes up with a plan to live independently.

If anyone has any other comments or suggestions, feel free to add on. Otherwise, I hope I could help, and please let us know if you need anything.

-Bun

[lexa-griffins]

How does Madi reconcile with Lexa after she accuses her of trying to replace her mom?

As Madi sees Lexa with her mom and how happy Clarke looks with her and sees how Lexa moves about the house, the way she respects Madi's stuff and - most importantly - Niylah's stuff, she starts to soften up again to Lexa.

And there isn't anything big Madi does to show Lexa she's okay with her. Because she's 10, and feelings are hard.

Much like their first meeting, one morning Madi comes down the stairs and finds Lexa in the kitchen. Its different this time. Lexa smiles at her and wishes her a good morning despite the fact Madi has been pretending she isn't there a good 90% of the time. She tells Madi to wait and she'll serve her a pancake right away, and as Madi sits a pancake with chocolate chips in the shape of a butterfly is put in front of her. So she smiles, "thank you Lexa."

Its such... a small thing. But Madi has been made to say thank you by Clarke everytime Lexa does something for her, even if Lexa says its fine (but manners and education are none of her business, Clarke is the mom, she doesn't have a say in that). So for Madi to say thank you to her so joyfully makes Lexa all warm inside 🥰

It isnt until a few months later, when things are more settled down and Madi even sleeps in bed with Lexa and Clarke that she actually apologizes to Lexa for what she said. She knows now Lexa doesn't want to replace her mom and that she makes Clarke so happy that she feels bad for almost causing them to go their separate ways.

"Its fine Madi. I get it, it cant be easy to have your mom date someone so young and expecting you to be okay with it right away."

"I know I said that, but I don't care if you're younger than her. Its nice. My mom's old, she doesnt understand half of the things I tell her!"

"Your mom is not that old Madi!"

"She is! She's ancient! Like a fossil!"

"Hey! I happen to like said fossil!"

And after laugher and a minute of silence.

"Hey, Madi?"

"Yeah?"

"Can you tell me about her one day?"

"My mom? You know her!"

"Well, yes, your mom but not Clarke. Your other mom. Hm-"

"Niylah... her name is Niylah."

"Niylah, yes. Could you tell me about her?"

Madi thinks for a second. She doesn't talk much about her mom if not with Clarke. Even her grandparents avoid talking about her.

"She died-"

"No, not that. Your mom has told me how she passed. What was she like? What did you like doing with her?"

And Madi, oh Madi immediately perks up. Because she never gets to talk about the happy memories. Talk about how her and her mom liked to watch the birds. How soft spoken she was until she decided to be really loud and how her and Madi embarrassed Clarke when they managed to go out. And she tells Lexa all about her, and Lexa lets her laugh at the memories and gives her a space where she can talk about her mom without feeling like she's bringing up memories of her being dead, and if Madi still had any doubt about Lexa's intentions this definitely cleans them up as well as bringing them so much closer together :)

[empty-blog-for-lurking]

so, lance and veronica like kuron- i think thats very fucking cool for multiple reasons- but does that extend to other members of their family? i think it would be funny if they just decided to adopt this weird fucked up guy into the family<3 though knowing your au, i have a feeling things arent that simple in this situation....

Honestly that is a good question, cause i didnt even factor in Lance's other family members. My instinct is, "obviously yeah Lance's family love strays, they'll see Kuron's pathetic little meow meow ass and bring out the adoption papers." However given the entire family is already a bit fucked up right now, i dont think that would happen immediately and also i have like 3 options.

1.Veronica doesnt say shit and is a lying liar who lies- pretty much everyone here is bad at communication and to be fair this is like a very weird ass situation to even process let alone explain, so when Veronica gets a call from her mom, she thinks back to when Lance was missing and everyone was having a really hard time and than the Galra came and then they were having even more bad time and Lance comes back and war ends and i think Lance and atleast his parents move to Altea¹ and while she wasnt around much things were fine? She guesses? And then Lance runs away and they were all having a bad time again and Christ alive Lance their parents are in their 60's their hearts cant take this anymore.

Anyway Vero remembers all this and she hears her mom asking if she found anything on Lance and she goes, "yyyuuupp in fact i actually found Lance! He's umm.....he's sleeping right now! Yup! He's definately fine! That is right! He just needs a little space and was uhhhh.....helping out a friend, he will definately call you if- When he wakes up!!! I will tell him to call you back, we are going to have a long chat anyway! Dont worry mom! He's ok :)!!!"

She'll definately tell them!! Eventually! The time is just isnt right yet!! The fact she is ready to full on "Weekend at Bernie's" this shit doesnt mean anything!! She'll figure it all out and then Lance will wake up and she'll fucking kick his ass for doing this and everything will go back to being normal!!! This will not come back to bite her in the ass and her family is Not getting Suspicious at all!!!

In this scenario Lance's family never meet or even know about Kuron. In case they do eventually find out he'll kind of go overlooked cause 1) they just found out Lance is in a coma. 2) they just found out Lance has been in a coma for a long time. 3) they just found out that Veronica knew and she lied to them! 4) they just found out that Lance is uhhhh not doing Great. Supernaturally. Kind of makes it hard to pay attention to other major elephants in the room. (This could be where Kuron can stand up for Veronica and be like "look none of you are ok! Veronica isnt ok! Lance certainly wasnt ok! And things are not ok and they have changed irreversibly and all of you are hurt! And you know what that is ok! But we all have to acknowledge that hurt!" And something else super cheezy along the lines.)

2. Veronica tells her family only like half truth- in this Vero still trying to process the situation kinda just tells her family that Lance is in a coma but not about Kuron or magical shit. So to the family Kuron is Lance and Vero's weird friend who is really all over the place but ultimately a good friend who is just trying to help and be supportive and is kind young man with good head on his shoulders 😊 (they do think he should stop with his self destructive habits like they arent going to judge but smoking isnt good for you :/). The option where Kuron is adopted the fastest. Meanwhile Kuron is kind of being crushed by guilt. Like logically he understands that Lance's condition isnt his (Kuron's) fault, but at the end Lance did drop into coma to bring him back so he does feel a bit responsible. So it's just Kuron screaming internally.

Obviously the family isnt doing great at all. But i also feel like few of them (maybe few of the siblings) saw something like this coming. It's either because Lance was very clearly not ok before he ran away and also they have gotten just so used to this bullshit that they are just numbed to it. It doesnt make it any better but man just tough times for area family.

3. Veronica tells everything- Basically Vero and Kuron tells her family everything they know. Naturally family has mixed reaction towards it. Atleast few members arent surprised that Lance went and did this for a friend. One of them is really heartbroken and angry and most definately lashed out on Kuron and i think Kuron lashes back. There are those who are a bit uncomfortable but more because they really do not get the situation cause like what do you even do? Atleast one of them is also angry at Lance for repeatedly running off and pulling this stunt and doesnt he know what everyone is going through because of him? Just all around fucking mess everyone. It's tearing the family apart.

¹ Yeah i think Lance and his mom did move to Altea. I did actually watch the last ep just skipped to it and in the ending credits he seemed to be in Altea cause of fucking course he is. It's not like he spent the whole fucking show missing Earth or the fact that him being a normal human of Earth was a fundamental part of his narrative, nooooooo he is A-ok with moving to Altea and not even to help in rebuilding the universe but to be a fucking farmer and "tell Allura's stories" or some shit, cause yup that's all his character is! And i am Definately Fine with This! Yup! Definately! Now if you'll excuse me i am going to walk into the ocean

[fappellmoan]

just truly feel like garbage rn and well it's prob the impending period among a million other things but some of the most pressing are how badly i dont want to talk to my dad and how much it stresses me out that he calls me constantly and then tries to like. talk down at me and be like 'if u cant answer u cant its fine if u can only answer for a few mins it's fine etc' and u have to hear the way he says it to understand why it's making me so mad he says it so slowly as if im an idiot as if he's normal about it and doesnt constantly make comments and jokes about how little i answer every fucking time we talk (when really frankly for a college student. a senior at that. i talk to my parents or at least update them a lot) or keep me on the phone most times for a while after i say Alright well i gotta get going.. so then i dread saying anything bc it'll just keep the convo going on and on. and also i think rn if i had to hear him say some ignorant shit id end up cutting him off officially and causing a family upheaval. which well might be in the works. and also my mom while i love her is just constantly constantly saying how much i dont talk to her and how little she feels like she hears from me and i feel like im going crazy cause yeah yk it's been a minute since ive had time to do a real long call/chat with her i text her like every day or almost. and do my best to tell her at least little bits abt whats going on and send pics and etc. and i say this stuff all the time and theyre like yeah no we understand and im like you very very obviously DONT! and it makes me sad that theyre both so pathetic really and dont have anything else going on and are miserable and it makes me pissed off at my dad obviously cause he's mostly at fault here. but anyway. ok i had other things i was feeling ugghhhhhh abt but now im mostly on this