#like she comments how she doesnt understand choices my mom makes

[deepwoundsandfadedscars]

Sat down to have a chat with my cousin before he flies home tomorrow to his wife, just cause I was anxious that she would try to twist it against me if she talked to him first, I explained my side of what the interaction was and the blatant lies she claimed, and he's not at all surprised and in fact is already planning on getting a paralegal when he gets home to start getting her the fuck out of his life

Me last night: hmm maybe I want another tattoo, I'm going to start talking to this artist *sends message*

My cousins wife: *sends an incredibly hostile message about how I've been ignoring her and she's gone above and beyond for me trying to be supportive of me, when in reality she hasn't texted me first since November and when I text her, she's very short with me and makes no effort to continue a conversation with me*

"Yeah hi, artist? Make that three tattoos"

[blackvail22]

9/22/23 — 1:20am

i hate wanting to be productive in the middle of the night. i was tired all day tdy, and now i just want to do something productive. no!!! i work earlier than usual tomorrow!!!!

im doing my skincare now... i wore makeup tdy so i have no choice but to do it 🤯

im tired still but i dont want to sleep. i feel like i havent been productive enough tdy even though i went to 3 different appointments and within the 2 hours before work i cleaned my bathroom sink (that was incredibly disgusting, i am not exaggerating. no one has cleaned it in like a little over a year. my dad shaves his face there whenever it gets like 5 inches long and doesnt clean the hair out of the sink/on the counter. its gross.), made ramen (it wasnt v good).... at work i walked around almost the whole 6 hours. my feet hurt so!! bad!! after i work. it happens every time. it doesnt help that when i fell down my stairs, my "sprained" foot didnt heal properly. i also hurt my hand at work and have not seen a doctor .... im ngl im like a mess and if i tell anyone abt this theyll tell me its because im fat and need to lose weight WE GET IT. I KNOW. IM TRYING, AND JUST BECAUSE I AM DOESNT MEAN THAT I CANT HAVE SMTH WRONG WITH ME?????

anyways

im tired. like mentally and physically. i had counseling tdy and i told her everything and the time still wasnt full. she shared some things abt her life recently... still didnt fill the time. she didnt respond much at all, but she's grieving, so i understand

im not telling anyone except u and my digital diary about my situation with my ex... i need to stop complaining to people abt him and making it everyones problem when its really my fault i keep letting him back in my life. its bad! ive literally had dreams where he did that *thing* but like in an extremely worse way, and i told myself that i just had to live with it, that i have to get used to it. and, i mean, i guess i do... if i can *** ***** then he can do whatever.

im not even with him... just flirting heavily. he picks up on it, i think so, anyway....

im tired

i saw that u updated ur music playlist you sent to me recently ! so heres a song for u in return

2:51am

idk why it pisses me off so bad but when b says shes ugly it makes me so angry. "why cant i be like the pretty girls?" she is the definition of a pretty girl... she may not see it because people were mean to her growing up but its like... ive cried SO much because of how pretty she is. my parents call her the pretty girl, people at school say shes pretty all the time... it just makes me so upset that someone as pretty as her cant see it. and i wish she could, honestly.

and i hate that this makes me so angry. i have so much envy that it rips me apart every second of the day, and i hate it!!!!! im the fat, ugly friend, and i always felt bad for her being friends with me. she says that im one of the prettiest ppl she knows.... if that were true, would she have deleted all the photos of me off of her phone? who knows. and the fact that people compliment her all the time at school and in public should say A LOT about how pretty she is. it happens all the time! and i mean all the time. maybe she doesnt think it was genuine or she forgets? idk... i think the last time a stranger complimented my appearance was a year and a half ago at a taco bell drive thru. the last time i was called pretty (besides when my mom says it) was at leastt 6 months ago. im like distraught because she is literally so beautiful fuck

this is going to make me cry myself to sleep because i cant say any of this to her because this is really just unhealthy of me, like the envy and making me seem like the victim. it just makes me so upset that everyone thinks shes pretty but herself

yeah im def crying myself to sleep gn i work in 11hrs which sounds like a long time from now but i havent slept yet lol

3:16am

ok i lied i messaged her and said "i saw you commented "i wish i was one of the pretty girls" on a tiktok, and i really need you to know that you are the pretty girl. youre so incredibly beautiful not only on the outside but the inside too... it can be rare to find someone like that. i hope youre able to see yourself through my eyes someday and see yourself for what you truly are—beautiful"

i hope it doesnt come off weird

ok i cried and messaged her i should rlly just sleep now

[queenmolina]

bobby was in the system 

i’m going into detail about how i imagine it just because that’s what anon asked me to do - if you think this might be upsetting then i advise you to stop reading here <3

i’m going to preempt this with some disclaimers

- i’m british so my pov of the system will be wrong, i’m not even going to try and translate it

- i’m not picking out sad/tragic things to be deliberately upsetting for the sake of an angsty backstory, this is just genuinely how i choose to imagine it happening 

- this is a compilation of my friend and i semi-projecting onto our shared comfort character. im more than happy to share this because i really like this take for bobby, but please be sensitive in any comments you might make in (more for other people’s sake - im comfortable to discuss any of the content)

bobby doesn’t remember his parents. he lived with them for a time and from what people have told him, they were a really happy family. his mom was a therapist and his dad was an author. there are photos of the two of them smiling happily at the camera - some even had a small, baby-faced bobby bouncing on their knee, though they called him robin. it’s on all of his certificates, all of the documents. his name is robin. it doesn’t feel right

when he’s three, bobby’s parents pass. he thinks it must have been some kind of accident - to take them both in one go - but he doesn’t get offered any explanation. he’s almost immediately fostered into a family but there’s so many kids there that it’s basically a foster home. he’s one of the youngest and is immediately babied by all of the older kids which is where he starts to be selective about physical affection/contact with other people

he stays there until he’s six. all of the kids there get moved about when their ‘parents’ (it’s what the kids were told to call them but it never really applied) decided they actually weren’t cut out to look after a dozen children and threw in the towel

six year olds are a bit middle of the range in terms of how quickly people foster/adopt them but bobby’s gained a bit of a reputation for being ‘tricky to manage’ because he’s so fussy - he’s not fussy, he just wants people to stop mollycoddling him and give him some peace and quiet. he stays in a foster home for a year until eventually a couple take him in. but it doesn’t last long - they say bobby acts out and all of a sudden he’s back on the front step with his shopping bag of possessions and they’re passing ‘robin’ back as though he’s a library book and not a child

from the ages of eight to twelve, he gets passed back and forth from one place to the next. some are better than others, obviously. there’s the malone’s where the only other kid is their 17 year old biological daughter who thankfully doesnt much care for ambushing bobby like some of the others had. there’s the harper’s where bobby’s surprised they even passed the social worker visit because the house is a tip - but the carers are nice and he has his own room. there’s the vegaro’s who he even allows himself to hug when he had to leave. the rest of them aren’t even worth remembering. they never lasts, even the nice ones always go wrong. he’s back in the foster home every time he begins to get settled

when he’s twelve, the rate at which he gets fostered slows again. he sidles along with the older kids who seem to have given up hope and spend their days causing trouble or sneaking out of the home just because they can. bobby doesn’t go with them for a few months - until he realises that it’s fine. no one will care if he disappears for a few hours. will they even care if he doesn’t come back at all?

on his thirteenth birthday, one of the carers helps him gather his stuff from his bunk and shove it all into a bag. he’s fed up of trying to find a real home so when a woman shows up to take him, he doesn’t even try for a smile

it’s his aunt. his biological family. she has the same soft features as his mother in the photos and the same dark, pin-straight hair. somehow it manages to hurt more when she wrinkles her nose at his attempts of a conversation

her husband is nice. jerry, his name is. a portly man with a receding hairline and a frequent habit for offering bobby a sip of his beer. he’s not related to bobby by blood but it’s nice to feel like someone’s on his side

his aunt hates him. she doesn’t say it out loud - not when bobby’s in the room - but he sees how she looks at him. he hears her arguing with jerry about him sometimes and saying nasty things about his mother too. she and jerry seem to fall out a lot

she leaves one day. and doesn’t come back.

for once, bobby doesn’t get sent back to the foster home. if anything, he feels more welcomed once his aunt had gone. he and jerry feel like family - a little strained but bobby thinks that must be how all families feel. they watch tv together and even share hobbies. jerry even bought him a guitar, something brand new and for bobby and not second hand. bobby was worried he would have to give it back when the time came for him to return to the home but that wasn’t something to worry about right now. he meets jerry’s friends and family and for once, bobby feel like he has a family of his own

this is also the longest he’s ever stayed at one school. he thinks he might be making friends (he can call them friends this time, they’re not allies. they’re friends)

when he’s fifteen, jerry passes. he hadn’t been very well, it had been getting worse. bobby had seen that it was coming and had half-packed a bag before it had even happened

his new friends from school come to the funeral and sit with him on the front row of pews. alex - who was a foot taller than the rest of them - cowers a little from all of the attention. luke pulls at his sleeves and collar, clearly uncomfortable in the fancy get up, but he offers a sad smile whenever bobby catches his eye. reggie isn’t sure what to make of the whole thing but he can see that bobby’s upset and their shoulders knock together whenever reggie wants to remind him he’s not alone. at one point, bobby even takes reggies hand in his. he would be embarrassed or uncomfortable at the contact except he’s lost his family and he’s probably going to lose his friends too

instead of going back to the group home, he’s asked to move in with jerry’s mother, althea

she has a pretty big house and a garage which she converts into a space for bobby to hang out. he’s still unused to having his own room so to have two feels a little overwhelming. he invites his friends over to fill the space and when luke asks to start a band, bobby allows him to convert the garage into a makeshift studio. althea doesn’t mind, in fact she encourages it.

bobby isn’t the best at putting his thoughts into words but he can put them into action so when the boys start having trouble at home, he makes one thing very clear: the studio is their home. the studio belongs to all of them and if they ever need a place to stay, they should stay here. this is their home, where they’re loved and looked after. bobby tells them this in fewer words but he hopes they understand

(he’s not sure why the boys are so upset about their home lives - bobby would do anything to be with his parents. that is until he sees alex stifling hot tears or luke choking up over his test results or reggie knocking on his bedroom window at two am, desperate to escape the noise. then he gets it)

luke moves in and bobby starts carting his dinners to the studio to eat. althea pretends not to notice that there’s another boys clothes in her laundry loads and just starts doubling bobby’s food portion to make sure they both get enough

then it goes wrong. and bobby loses another family.

althea teaches him things to keep him distracted. she shows him how to knit, teaches him more tagalog, more recipes. it does nothing to make him feel better but he could never tell her that. he’s grateful for every moment she spends with him. she didn’t owe him anything and yet she took him in. the least he could do is try to smile and forget about his boys for a moment. for her. 

she’s the one that encourages him to keep creating music, to make them a legacy they can be remembered by. it doesn’t work out that way in the end and she’s the only person that understands how the guilt weighs him down quite so much

years later, when he’s told that he’s going to be a father, his first thought is to run. he can barely cope with being responsible for himself, let alone another person. but it wasn’t his choice, she was going to have the baby. he was going to be a father

carrie is three when her mother leaves. it feels like another cruel twist of fate, like a knife in his gut. he always wondered when it would be his turn to go. he’s 29 and maybe he should’ve gone 26 years ago with his parents, or 14 years ago with jerry, or 12 years ago with his boys. but he would not let carrie have his struggles. so he cries to althea alone and puts on a brave face for his daughter

[artreider]

Let's try to get this final live blog on my station 19 rewatch done. I'm currently laid up on my couch in mild pain but unable to do anything else.

I don't really like flashback episodes but i want one for the premiere since we are jumping so far ahead. I hate that this episode starts with a fight. But damn knowing what the fight is over, i love how loyal andy is to maya in this episode. Something ive wanted for her and the team. Qnd also jaina looks gorgeous.

The fire scene yay another fire on the fire show lmao. Feel like we missed some last year which im sure was covid related.

The marina scene ugh chefs kiss. I love how happy and giddy they are. I do wish we couldve gotten to see some of their month apart communication and their quarantining apart those two weeks when carina got back. I wrote a little something related to that and i may share before the premiere of season 5.

The quiet moment between carina saying her morning was better than those 6 weeks and then asking about mayas folks was a beautiful and real moment and i love it. So brief it could be overlooked but great choice for team.

The little bit of danielle and stefania that was them and adlibbed in this episode was so great also.

I love that rhey addressed how everyone was able to attend maskless and how safe the wedding was keeping the real world element in. Also vic love you and your chicken dance comment makes me sad that we didnt get it.

Vics parents trying to talk to her about theo is so cute.

Poor lawyer she'd be good for dean.

I understand some people dont come out until late in life but that is hard to hear that you havent loved the person youve been with for decades like you do this new person. That would hurt me so much to hear, like i couldve been with someone who is my great love if youd told me sooner. I love/hate this storyline for travis family.

Ugh if this fire had gone on any longer those poor kids and elderly couple.

Haha andy you should wait until someone answers the door for you when visiting almost newlyweds or people who've been seperated for 6 weeks lmao.

Also maya's excuse and none wet (shower) sex hair i love it.

Ugh sullivan trying to defend himself makes me so upset.

Bailey giving ben hell about second and third opinions is funny, like i figure shed be all for it.

Inara and marcus leaving jack is sad. I hope we still get to see marsha in season 5. Also if they do pair jack and jo itd be a bit ironic. I mean jo too had an abusive ex like inara.

Also jack and his marsha have similar eyes, itd be something if it came out she really was his mom.

I dont understand how maya hadnt settled on what to wear she's queen of the clipboard lmao. Just goes to show how some things throw us off course. Also i totally get her saying her outfit choice will define her forever. I judge my look in my wedding photos all the time and feel like other people do as well.

Why do i feel like this exchange between maya and carina was mostly adlibbed? It just feels so fun.

This poor family and ugh i couldnt imagine having to make the tough calls of firefighters/fire captains.

Love that all the fire crew helped put the wedding on.

I understand travis emotion here.

How'd this conversation about maya's folks get started with andy???

I love that maya and andy's friendship is restored. Also famous last words maya, dont speak the bad juju into existence.

Dean you shouldve spoken up there.

Why the chief there? I live in a city and the chief aint showing up for a house call that needs a few units. At least not until fire is out of they for some reason cant get it out.

Lmao maya freaking out about wearing the same thing as carina. Andy therapizing maya is funny.

That poor boy.

The dad comments to ben are beautiful. Also love that so many of the team know how dean feels about vic.

So why is travis getting dressed separately than the rest of his team. I mean i know its because he doesnt know about Dean's feelings and pushes vic to give theo a chance as well as allow theo and travis to talk but come on. He wouldnt get ready separately.

Also what was the point of theo going to that room if not to get ready. Sorry just annoying.

I wish carina had had someone mention andrew to her. Whether ben, bailey, maya or even any of the fire team who worked on the call with him during the crossover awhile back. Her grief during this day of happiness should've been acknowledged, even with just a remembrance table for him amd other family she lost to covid.

I do love this beautiful moment with vic though saying this isnt all just for maya.

Oh my how i love the maya confronting her father. She is the brave i want to be. Also what she says to her mom, yes chefs kiss. However when her mom shows up at the wedding, really the woman couldnt grab a nice shirt or dress to wear on her way out or on her way to the wedding.

I also love the look of pride on maya's moms face both at the house and the wedding.

Im sad we probably wont get any moments of her living with marina due to the time jump.

Ugh the choice that cost maya her promotion but ahouldnt have.

Also with all maya's options for clothes, couldnt they had dressed her mama in something borrowed from maya. Lol im sorry it bothers me so.

Vic's song for the intro is beautiful. Barrett has a beautiful voice.

Maya is so happy her mom is there and i love it. Also in my head at least one person videoing is doing it for the greys family who couldnt make it to the wedding for carina.

I also love maya singing along with vic to carina.

Queen of the clipboard forgetting to write her vows is special and funny. I love carina talking her down from a panic attack. Also her simple vow is beautiful and how carina who probably did write her vows saying we're good instead of reading them after seeing maya's mom in attendance and the look shared is everything.

I truly believe that was the moment she 100% knew maya had changed from end of season 3, was definitely all the way in. She knew what it meant for maya's mom to be there.

Love the dance montage and improved marina kiss.

Another healing theo and travis talk.

Sullivan just cant let it go and ugh trying to justify it. I just cant, still not over it. Even if he isnt captain in season 5 it still isnt right.

Sullivan you cant say you have the teams back then saying you can control them and throwing maya under the bus. Those are contradictory.

This jack and andy conversation is interesting.

This marina conversation is funny but sad when you know the end of the episode.

Its so funny that so few people know about Miller's feelings at this point.

It'll be interesting to see the travis, vic and theo in season 5.

Ben and bailey are so cute.

Wish we couldve had conversations at the wedding with maya and her mom or carina and maya's mom or the 3 of them.

Inara is so wise. I hate this for all 4 of them.

Gotta love the ole grab em and pull em back to kiss them and let them know how you really feel tremmett moment.

Too late dean, they tried to tell you.

I love marina dancing in the background ugh sullivan and the surrera rehashing.

Time for the horrible news ugh.

Everyone just looking at marina and knowing is horrible.

Great season, great episode and im looking forward to whats next.

Thank you to everyone thats been following my rewatch blogging, and for all the kind comments. I appreciate it so much, made the summer so fun.

[coco96]

LDAF - TS Parental/Familial

TONY STARK - PARENTAL

On The Off Chance (Tony Stark X Fem!Reader) Warnings: Mention of spitting in a drink and some threats of violence, and mention of violence Request: Tony stark parental figure with “i know you’re joking but on the off chance you aren’t, no”

Arranged Plans Cancelled (Peter Parker X Fem!Stark!Reader) Warnings: Bad friends Request: Stark!Reader is often hurt by others, like people will arrange plans + blow her off/friends will make plans in front of her + not invite her. people will get her to do their homework for them bc they know she can’t say no. Peter Parker thinks its really unfair but she handles it really well + doesn’t make a fuss. one day Steve/Tony/someone accidentally upsets her (maybe they cancel plans she’s been really looking forward to or something) and Peter just loses it. she’s really shocked that he noticed and he’s standing up for her. She goes to Midtown too …

Homework Struggles (Tony Stark X Fem!Teen!Reader) Request: What about a reader x father figure tony where the reader is really struggling in school and feels like she’s failing him but instead of being upset he just helps them out and discovers they have adhd and gets them the help they need?

Accidentally Coming Out (Tony Stark X Daughter!Reader) Warnings: Accidentally coming out, fear of homophobia Request: … reader accidentally makes a comment about being gay and panics bc she’s not out to him yet? And she tries to run away but someone catches her and brings her home?

Taking the Lead (Tony Stark X Son!Reader) Warnings: Spoilers to Infinity War and Endgame, death Requests: … the one who survives in infinity turns to dust and the one did is alive. the reader didn’t urn to dust and he missed his father, even throught they don’t have nice relationship. he learns that he has a sister and he helped to take care of them as he is like a father figure to Morgan. when endgame happened, the reader do the snap. it like the reader do the snap instead of tony

More Like Pepper (Tony Stark X Teenage!Reader) Request: Could I request a fic where the reader is Tony’s kid but lowkey has no time for the teams shit and is savage?

Hiding Hickies (Tony Stark X Daughter!Reader) Warnings: Hickies/bruises Request: Would you be open to writing a tony x daughter reader where the daughter goes out with a boy for the first time and has to hide hickies? And tony finds out and she’s expecting him to freak out but he just accepts it and is really chill about it?

Metallic Limbs (Peter Parker X Fem!Reader) Warnings: Mention of injury and loss of limbs, mention of surgery Request: … Reader is a quadruple amputee after the Chitauri attack in Manhattan. Tony, As the one who found her in the rubble, feels inclined to watch over her and help her in any way he can. So he has her fitted with state of the art cybernetic limbs. Years later, reader is coming to the avengers HQ to get a tune up and she meets the friendly neighbourhood sideman without the mask. Tony is unsure if he’s okay with them being so chummy together.

Never There (Tony Stark X Daughter!Reader) Warnings: Absent father, swearing, threatening Request: ... reader has been under Tony’s financial care since she was a child but he never saw her as his child and saw no need to spend time with her until after the Ultron situation. But with all the years or ignorance, is the damage already done?

Science Fair (Tony Stark X Son!Reader) Warnings: Mention of neglectful parent Request: Son male reader x tony stark where tony wants to be better of a parent than Howard to male reader

Bitten (Tony Stark X Daughter!Reader) Warnings: Blood, near death Request: One more please if available. Tony stark and daughter were she gets bitten by a vampire and tony and team are extremly worried and strange is the only one that can save her? Fluff and angst. Pepper is her mom.

Left Behind (Tony Stark X Daughter!Reader) Warnings: Mention of death of a parent, a wittle bit of swearing Request: … Tony wants to adopt a kid and he choiced the reader. But the reader is actually Tony’s child by blood m, but he doesn’t know that. and she knows that she is relateted and hates Tony for ‘leaving’ her. …

Looking for Advice (Tony Stark X Son!Reader) Request: Could you maybe do a tony stark x son male reader where the male reader ask for advise to ask a girl out

Dentist Appointment (Tony X Daughter!Reader) Request: Could you write one where the reader needs to have oral surgery to remove some problem teeth but she’s petrified to make the call. But she’s in tears all nigh from the pain? Her dad Tony stark, makes the call behind her back cause he hates seeing her in pain. When they arrive at the hospital she nearly freaks out saying he betrayed her so he hugs her and says it will be ok; but when he did that he also got her in the neck with a sedative to knock her out to make it easier on everyone? Lol

Session (Tony Stark X Daughter!Reader) TRIGGER WARNING: SELF HARM AND DEPRESSION Request: … reader is Tony’s daughter and has a history with self harming so he sends her to therapy for depression. Tony went to intro session with y/n and she says that she doesnt cut anymore and still maintains the lie and then Tony begins to notice all of the signs that point to her self harming and realises she never actually stopped? If thats okay? If not, i understand?

Dip (Tony Stark X Daughter!Reader) Warnings: Depression, self-doubt Request: Tony stark x daughter reader where her grades slip bad because of depression and she panics but Tony’s there for her and makes sure she knows it’s okay to fail?

Helping (Avengers X Teen!Reader) Warnings: Bulimia, throwing up, bullying, self conscious reader. Request: I was wondering if you would write one where the reader is Tony’s daughter (although all of them are protective of her) and she has bulimia and she gets caught purging by one of the team members.

Feeling Loved Again (Father!Tony X Teen!Reader) Warnings: Swearing Request:I had an idea. Where the reader is Tony Starks daughter (15-16 yr old) but she lives with her mom. She’s kind of tomboyish and dyes her hair funky colors so her mom gets sick of it and drops her off at the tower unexpectedly and tells tony she’s his problem now. So he gladly signs the custody papers. He totally adores her and celebrates her first night with him with take out and movies with the whole team.

Parker! (Peter Parker X Fem!Reader) Warnings: Bit of bullying, angry over protective dad. Request: Tony Stark’s daughter is popular and in a band and at a concert, Peter is getting picked on for being alone so Reader goes and kisses him and hugs him, surprising everyone with their secret relationship, much to Tony’s disapproval.

Five Days (Tony Stark X Daughter!Reader) SERIOUS WARNING: EATING DISORDER Other Warnings: Bullying/ teasing Request: Hey love! I was wondering if you could write something along the lines of where the reader has been in recovery from an eating disorder and then has a hard relapse? Maybe with a platonic or father Tony Stark?

It’ll Work Out (Stony X Daughter!Reader) Warnings: Spoilers of Civil War, emotions Request: Hey can you do one where reader is stonys daughter and it’s just about how the family is torn apart lots of angst ends in fluff

New Environment (Tony Stark X Daughter!Reader) Warnings: Mentions of bad background and illegal activities. Request: Do you think you can do a roleplay where tonys daughter doesn’t come from the same background as him and maybe is coming from the ‘ghetto where she lived with her mom and she’s trying to act tough and stuff buts she’s actually really scared? …

Helping (Avengers X Teen!Reader) Warnings: Bulimia, throwing up, bullying, self conscious reader. Request: I was wondering if you would write one where the reader is Tony’s daughter (although all of them are protective of her) and she has bulimia and she gets caught purging by one of the team members.

Sit Down (Tony Stark X Daughter!Reader) Warnings: Injury Request: … reader sprains her ankle and still tries to do loads of things and won’t let it heal because she’s stubborn af and tony gets all protective? …

Fight Me (Peter Parker X Fem!Reader, Tony Stark X Daughter!Reader) Warnings: Threatening (not serious) Request: Hey can I get a Tony x daughter reader where she’s always says fight me like someone says “I Was sitting there” and she says fight me ect. Anyway lots of fluff a little Peter x reader too- Og I forgot Tony x daughter reader fight me she like pure™ thanks😘

To Make You Happy (Tony X Daughter!Reader) Warnings: Hints of depression Request: … She’s been depressed and going through a rough time. So to cheer her up her dad gets her a kitten even though he isn’t fond of animals. He knew she always wanted one. And she does start to cheer up and they share a dad daughter fluffy moment.

My Daughter (Tony X Daughter!Reader) Warnings: Mention of death of a parent Request: … Tony has a teenage daughter he didn’t know about but the mom dies, so he takes custody and introduces her around and just overall becomes a dad of a teenager? (You don’t have to if it makes you uncomfortable)

Supporting Dad (Tony Stark X Reader) Request: Could you do reader being Tony’s kid and they’re as smart as him and decide to go into music instead of inventing? Like with Tony being the super proud band parent at every concert or somth about him being supportive

Caring Father (Tony X Daughter!Reader) Warnings: Self Conscious reader, protective father, verbal abuse, body shaming Request: … reader who is on the phone with their mom and Tony (their bf, or dad, you choose!), being the overprotective dad/bf he is, has been noticing that the reader has been skipping meals. Like, the reader would only eat around lunchtime, and sometimes dinner, but thats it. He overhears her mom chastising her about how the reader needs to lose weight, ect. Can it be really fluffy?

Delirious (Tony X Daughter!Reader) Warnings: Sickness Request: Tony stark x daughter request? Where she’s sick with a really high fever and completely delirious and keeps saying crazy shit. As concerned as tony is he can’t help not to laugh at some of her antics so he takes video. When she’s better he shows her the video and they both share a laugh over it.

Bookworms (Loki X Fem!Reader) Request: Hey could I request one where the reader is Tony’s daughter and she does a bunch of reading with Loki, but finds out he hasn’t read Harry Potter, freaks, and makes him read all of them?

Your Daughter (Tony X Daughter!Reader)     |     Part 2 Warnings: Minor Spoilers of Civil War Request: ... reader is Tony’s teenage daughter and he doesn’t know about her and during the airport scene in Civil war this teenage girl arrives in an iron man suit and stops the fight and Tony’s like who are you and then she’s replies with “your daughter” ...

Telling Him (Peter Parker X Male!Reader) Warnings: Mentions of coming out and past murder Request: ... reader is Tony’s son (probably an adoption situation?) and is closeted gay… maybe after Peter is already a part of the avengers, and not during Civil War? ...

I’m Here Now (Tony X Daughter!Reader)     |     Part 2 Warnings: Mention of car crash, death, injury Request: ... Her and her mom got into a bad accident. The mom dies and reader needs a blood transfusion so when the drs test her they match her to Stark. He gets the call and rushes over. Realizing he’s a dad to a teenage girl now he has the team ready a room and he welcomes her into his heart and makes her feel extra special since she lost her mom.

Who Is It? (Tony X Daughter!Reader)     |     Part 2 Request: ... Tonys daughter is sitting in the living room being like ‘hey I hacked into your system 'cause I’m your super smart daughter and have no where else to go’ and Tony starts to get really protectiv over her. And then finds out that she is falling in love with Peter, but Tony is basically the last one to find out? ...

Missing My Voice (Tony X Fem!Reader, Peter x Fem!Reader)     |     Part 2 Warnings: Blood, surgery, needles, injury Request: ... reader loves to sing and play the guitar and a ton of other instruments but goes mute during a mission (due to an injury), and how it impacts Peter and Tony? And can Tony like, go to a ton of doctors and stuff to try and find a solution? ...

Sit Down (Tony Stark X Daughter!Reader) Warnings: Injury Request: ... reader sprains her ankle and still tries to do loads of things and won’t let it heal because she’s stubborn af and tony gets all protective? ...

Being Tony Stark’s Adopted Daughter Would Include…

Be Careful (Tony X Daughter!Reader, Peter X Fem!Reader)     |     Part 2 Warnings: Blood, getting shot Request: ... reader is Tony’s teenage daughter who’s dating Peter and she’s just the type of person everyone loves but she’s also a really good hacker and fighter so she does missions sometimes and she ends up getting shot? ...

Caring Father (Tony X Daughter!Reader) Warnings: Self Conscious reader, protective father, verbal abuse, body shaming Request: ... reader who is on the phone with their mom and Tony ... has been noticing that the reader has been skipping meals. Like, the reader would only eat around lunchtime, and sometimes dinner, but thats it. He overhears her mom chastising her about how the reader needs to lose weight, ect. ...

Approving (Peter Parker X Reader, Tony X Daughter!Reader) Request: ... Tony says to his daughter that he doesn’t like the idea of them dating but behind her back he’s talking to the Avengers about how happy he is that his daughter found a good guy. ...

Warning Signs (Tony and Peter X Fem!Reader) Warnings: Mentions of Domestic abuse Request: ... reader goes to peter Parkers school and she also started interning at the avengers tower as a lab assistant? She gets along with the team and considers them family. She ends up not showing up at school or the tower for a few days so Peter goes to her house to check on her and finds out she’s being abused by her parents. ...

Parental Advice (Tony Stark X Daughter!Reader)     |     Part 2 Warnings: Teasing Request: ... Tony goes on with his life as an Avenger and all and it’s getting harder on him ... Meanwhile, you’re struggling with your social life ... you become pretty lonely and your favorite place is the tower with the avengers ... Finally, one morning, you and Tony are both up early(like, 4 am) and you talk to each other about your troubles. ...

Being Pepper’s Adopted Daughter and Tony Adopting You Would Include…

---

TONY STARK - FAMILIAL

A Little Dense (Tony Stark X Sister!Reader, Clint Barton X Fem!Reader) Warnings: A bit of swearing Request: Clint and tony’s sister. You are trying to tell him that Clints gonna be a dad and tony is gonna be a uncle? The rest of the team finds out at the end. Some cute and fluff.

Meeting Her Husband (Loki X Stark!Reader) Warnings: Pregnancy Request: Tony and sister reader: he and the team discover you are in a secret relationship with Loki and you both are happily married and you are a few months pregnant with loki’s baby and he is not happy about it.

A Little Talk (Tony Stark X Brother!Reader)     |     Part 2 Warnings: Swearing, alcoholism Request: one with Tony as your big brother and you’re both going through a hard time or something?

Unfinished Business (Tony X Brother!Reader) Warnings: Death, death of parents, presumed death, a lot of emotions coming your way Request: … Reader is Tony Starks brother who, at a young age, runaway and now is coming back at Tony? But like Reader has some sort of a supernatural power like seeing ppl? …

I Still Love You (Bucky Barnes X Fem!Reader) Warnings: Spoilers of Civil War Request: With the stark reader and Bucky one, can you do where he blames himself for the death of readers and Tony’s parents, but she still loves him, even though Tony doesn’t allow it. Eventually Tony and reader have a heart to heart and gives her his blessing. Bucky puts aside his guilt?

Passing The Test. (Pietro X Fem!Reader) Warnings: Death threats, unplanned pregnancy, minor violence. Request: … reader being Tony´s sister. She dates Pietro for a long time and gets pregnant, and the avengers find out (exept tony) and their reaction, and at the end Tony realize because of her tummy and wants to kill pietro but at the end he is proud …

Better Choice (Tony Stark X Cousin!Reader, Peter Parker X Reader) Warnings: One swears and mentions of bed relationships and breakups Request: The reader is Tonys younger cousin (teenager) and she starts falling for Peter and tony just pets it happen because he’s better than any boyfriend the reader has had before

Where’s Nat? (Avengers X Teen!Reader) Warnings: Blood. Looooots of blood. Request: teen reader has period and goes to avengers for help but Nat isn’t home – Tony is her uncle!

Overprotective much? (Avengers X Fem!Reader) Warnings: One swear word, threatening, flirting, drinking and attempted murder by an overprotective brother. Request: ... reader is Tony´s sister and she is really beautiful (thats why Tony won´t introduce her) and the avengers are surprised and start bothering Tony and he gots really jealous and protective ...

[itonje]

i accidentally unfollowed you trying to send this ask... thats the anti anti song of achilles agenda trying to hijack me. anyway i dont know anything about greek stuff and ive never read song of achilles but i love drama, whats wrong with it?

HI also this has happened thrice with my mutuals once with claudio and once with ramon everyone unfollows me whilst trying to send asks anyways uhh i think the song of achilles is a poor iliad adaptation that kind of makes the characters either really milquetoast or really caricaturized beyond belief (the one character i think they did...relatively less awful with briseis just because for ONCE. for ONCE an adaptation didnt make her in love with achilles and actually leaned into her relationship with patroclus more which i really like as in the iliad the one time she speaks its not even about achilles lol. but she still only rlly exists to augment the achilles and patroclus relationship and also she dies in a really awful way which i HATE). like if a character is not made like wildly evil (agamemnon, thetis, neoptolemus and the latter i find funny cause hes just as bad as his dad is in the iliad and iliadic related content) theyre declawed to all HELL

and thetis being evil makes me so mad when she has a good relationship with achilles, maybe one of the most important relationships with achilles in the iliad, his best loved one other than patroclus, and its implied she cares for patroclus as well as shes the one to preserve his body and keep it from rotting but in here shes just. the homophobe mom who only exists to keep achilles and patroclus apart bc she hates patroclus which is SO stupid because it goes against one of her biggest character traits which is ‘she loves achilles so much and would do anything for him’ as well as so many of the women in this story only being a wedge between achilles and patroclus’ relationship (like deidamia) which is so misogynist and pisses me off SO much because theres so much more you could do with that! like i understand making the gods more distant and abstract and cold to humanity but there are canonically cruel ass gods in the iliad and thetis is not one of them!!! 

and going back to my declawed comment objectively the worst characterization here is patroclus. in the iliad patroclus is known to be very friendly and likeable among the greeks, he weeps when he hears of them being beaten by the trojans and one of his epithets is even ‘amicable’, as well as briseis saying he was the sweetest to her when she became a slave (because yes she was a slave she literally was a slave and no one acknowledges that because god forbid achilles and his men could be the the BAD guys here). 

 but hes not just nice lol! hes known to be a fantastic fighter and when he dons the armor of achilles and goes to fight the trojans he has the highest kill count of any iliad character! he tries to mount the walls of troy because he wants to destroy shit so bad he may be nice to the greeks but hes also an incredibly formidable and violent fighter (and he killed a guy at the age of 12 by the way hes just wild i love my crazy boyfriend soooo much) and tsoa just makes him. incompetent lol? so that achilles can like rescue him all the time which is so silly...lean into the warrior boyfriends dynamic you want to have warrior boyfriends who are crazy and kill people in your books SOOO bad 

also the song of achilles doesnt even lean into the kind aspect of him yeah hes nice to briseis and the women but where are his friendships w the greek men lol? what about him and menelaus?? theyre really good friends in the iliad, menelaus getting upset over patroclus’ death is heartbreaking too. 

but patroclus isnt an active character, everything that happens to him is just that-it happens to him. he makes NO active choices at all the only thing he does is ask achilles to let him fight for the greeks. hes just a witness to EVERYTHING he does NOTHING of genuine importance or active choice and i know that it was written like this so it could make achilles seem more important, (as well as leaning into the ‘oh we have no choice when it comes to how the gods play us’ but i would argue in the iliad whilst a theme of us being victims to our grander fate is there, the iliad also says that even though we cant control our ultimate futures we CAN control the choices we have in front of us, achilles giving back hectors body wont bring back pat or make him. not die eventually but he still does, and its still important. maybe the MOST important choice he makes. but thats... another thing lol) it is tsoa after all, but patroclus is also a main fucking character lol? and as important as achilles is to patroclus’ character so is patroclus’ to achilles! 

also even achilles seems like hes strung around first by his mother and then by the war and god it all seems like this is all here to absolve achilles of responsibility, to absolve him of wrong doing when in the iliad achilles does many many many things wrong as well as just being a bit of. an emotional hotcase (lol), and thats what makes him interesting! but no hes just whitewashed so that we dont have to feel bad for liking him and we wont find patroclus morally dubious for just going along with all of achilles’ shit out of love (when patroclus, like i said above, also does bad shit cause thats just how these characters are...most of the greeks do awful wretched shit in the iliad lol and they still are heroes with compelling characters cause like. moral ambiguity baybee) 

anyways this is all to say as an iliad adaptation it sucks. as a gay love story though. its fine lol? again. not my fav dynamic for these two but. this book isnt meant for people who are like hardcore achilles kinnies or whatever the fuck or have been reading and fixating on greek myth since they were baby like me lol. i know there are lgbt kids who read percy jackson or whatever or are vaguely familiar with greek myth who are going to read this book and see themselves in it and be happy and content with the rep and thats wonderful. i recognize this book isnt really supposed to be for readers like me who are hardasses about adaptation and its okay for people to enjoy it as less of a greek myth interpretation and as the romance it actually is. the writing is very beautiful and yes it inspired some (positive) emotions out of me regardless. 

however if youre looking for gay greek myth content that actually has pretty interesting and compelling characters, with various heartbreaking stories and fascinating themes about divinity, fate, humanity, and love well. just read the iliad. 

[jazajas]

okay so i finished love, victor a while ago and i saw some other reviews and thoughts about it here so now i've got a pretty good list on my thoughts and feelings.

tl;dr: it has some issues, yes, but im gonna hold out and hope it gets better later on because the same thing happened with the first few eps, i wasn't that into it but then it got good, and nothing is ever great with the first season, because at that point we're getting used to those characters.

⚠️caution: spoilers ahead (im on mobile, i cant get an under-the-cut)⚠️

1. while a leah on the offbeat movie would have been amazing movie sequel (even tho i havent read the book yet, im just here for the wlw content) i am kind of glad we got this instead. mostly because I've seen book series where one movie was good, so they decide to do the rest, turn out bad (hunger games? divergent? percy jackson? the hobbit?) because so much was cut from the book-to-first movie writing, that other scenes wouldn't make sense to future movies if they had those in while cutting others. however, i am sad that i didn't get to make the choice of deciding whether what was cut was wrong etc. about future movies, but i'll take what i can get.

2. LGBTQ+ POC as a lead! that's amazing! as a ace/bi lantina that's close to home (it also is great that victor's from texas and so is ya gorl) and even then it's a mixed latinx family! i think pilar mentioned that at least the grandmother left Colombia and i saw the Puerto Rican flag in victor's room. also the salazar's are definitely from small town texas, even without knowing the name. (church barbeques, the use of the words "such a diverse city" in regards to atlanta)

3. a lack of actual lgbtq+ main storylines (so far) is kind of sad for a show like this. i was getting serious bi/pan vibes (as a lot of other people) from victor from the beginning, and when it was implied that victor was actually gay (while great, not shaming) as it has been brought to my attention, there was a lot of looking at a lot of straight relationship problems (please let us know more about benji)- edit 6/18: upon further consideration, it very much is a show about questioning your sexuality, I'm speaking about the other straight relationship issues, not mia and Victor's, its just the first season.

4. let us talk about cheating for a sec. never okay, in any circumstance. i feel sorry for mia that she saw victor making out with benji and the fact that he was doing any of that in the first place. victor made a choice to lie about the espresso machine and then kissed benji at the hotel and then when benji was fighting with derek, basically confessed his love and mistakes, then proceeded to makeout with benji after he broke up with derek, he built that grave and now he must lie in it. i get having feelings for a guy when you are in a relationship with a girl, and not accepting yourself enough to end that relationship but you really want it to work so you can be "normal". really, he should have told mia after he got back from the trip tho. i get being in highschool and doing stupid stuff and making dumb decisions, but for a show aimed at teens i think we should also remind said teens to make good choices even if we have to lose some realism within the character choices.

4. pilar and her decisions based off her brother pissed me off. because i honestly think that if she'd kept her mouth shut about what she knew or confronted victor about it in the first place we could have avoided a LOT of mess. did she not learn from snooping around her mother's business about her relationships that going behind a person's back doesnt end well? i did, however, like the pilar/felix friendship and was really kind of hoping that they'd get together during their coffee hangout (although now im glad that didn't happen) because they had a deeper understanding of each other. same with wendy/felix, although they do seem to much alike to work out in the long run but i still feel bad for wendy.

5. i don't know how i feel about lake and andrew, as people separate from each other. both seem to be the way they are from their upbringing (not confirmed why andrew is such an ass, but if his comment about his dad is anything to go by i bet it's got something to do with attention) but andrew seems to be less, idk, superficial? like he turned down mia because he didn't want to be a rebound, he didn't out victor, he actually stood up to early teasing the other dudes in the lockerroom were doing at victor (with teasing of his own obviously but that interaction had him on my nice list until much later). lake? lake. i honestly don't have an opinion of her? not really. i mean after hanging out with pilar i was hoping felix wouldn't go back to lake. is her name laken? i feel like her full name is laken. but they also played the "im only like this because my mom is really superficial about stuff and i do like the geeky nice guy but appearances" to "actually screw the norms im gonna makeout with him infront of the whole student body". i honestly thought she was gonna be bi because she kept hitting on mia when she was helping set up for her "date" and "big night" and there was one point where i saw her face fall at something mia said in relation to her and idk i was hoping she'd be bi (i figured early on that victor/mia wasnt gonna work and was like "oh mia/lake would be cute" but now idk.

6. okay on to the "big night", i have one word. NO. i didn't like the peer pressure into having sex. i agreed with felix when he said "your body your choice" but im also disappointed that victor made out with mia and when lake was talking to felix after victor left he didn't try to stand up for victor.

7. on to age gaps because i hadn't really thought of this at first. we'll start with benji/derek: WHAT GRADE IS BENJI?! because that determines my thoughts. if he's a sophomore that meant that he and Derek started dating benji's freshman year and thats eugh, don't do that, don't care if its a gay couple that shouldn't be happening because the maturity of the two characters is DRASTICALLY different (this is also a reason i am not a fan of cmbyn) but that would explain why they were so rocky. hoping the event at the gay bar was open to anyone not just for drinking, but not liking that fact that not one of the adults with victor were like: hey, this is a 16 year old, that's kind of wack when that dude was hitting on victor. that made me question some stuff. although i figure it might be making up for the lack of a gay bar scene in love, simon. but even then, in svthsa it's a restaurant with a bar that some people go to just to drink at, it wasn't just a bar, simon could be there but should NOT have accepted drinks from college kids, not matter how attractive.

8. i loved how bram and simon and their friends helped victor out though. i like how bram was like: hey i know my friends are a lot so here's a gay basketball league becaue there's no one way to be gay. i like how Simon talked about needing help himself just to help victor and how he said his friends were cool with it because it's a community. i like of justin(?) mentioned how being what his parents wanted was putting on a mask and pretending, not him doing drag. my favorite lines from that ep are: "and before you ask my pronouns are they/them/theirs" "'they're all gay? even that guy? he's like [insert really tall number]' 'yeah. you should see him in heels'" "or in simon's case: really unathletic" "and also because bram said that if i wore [the jean jacket] one more time he'd burn it". also katya was there. and the group hug too!

9. the back hand homophobia in relation to family is sad, but realistic and i sincerely hope his parents are kind enough not to be too harsh on victor because of it. anything they say that isn't positive or supportive of victor is bad but i hope they realize that there is more to him than that and that they can come to terms with it because it's not always that hard to be a part of that community and super religious. i am biromantic and catholic. and while there are some things i wont agree on my mom with, i know that it's more of a strike against God for kicking out gay kids from families than it is to be gay, because those parents were given trust by GOD to love those kids no matter what, and be good parents. so in the end, the parents are wrong and harmful and in the case of christians against jesus's teachings to love everyone.

10. this is fan speculation but dont think simon/bram are going through a rough patch? i honestly think it'd be a little cruel to the characters to have on of their actors be producing but then not have that relationship stay. and while it's not set in stone and obviously things happen in the real world, we have no proof script wise about there being a rift. all we have are bad photoshopped ig photos and scenes where two characters are never standing next to each other probably beccaue schedules never link up correctly for minor characters. who knows, maybe nick robinson was filming for a movie where is does have an even more major role than victor's gay guru in a series about victor so his filming time was around that. im gonna keep hope that things are okay.

11. that being said: we need more mainstream wlw content, because someone said it earlier and it really does seem to be catering to straight girls. i'll admit i did freak out when benji played call me maybe which is something i associated with him and victor but then kissed a guy because who wouldn't? we get that serenade and sweetness and then it'a ripped from us. but i did mellow out. if i flipped later it was because victor was making dumb decisions and i had to give myself a moment of compsure before i continued.

in the end, i'd say that there is a lot of growth this series needs to go through, but i also know that some people just aren't going to like it and i get that. but i also know that sometimes the best of stories have rocky starts, nothing is ever perfect from the beginning. and besides, further seasons are on hold until we figure out this covid thing, which means that you bet they're gonna be looking at our feedback. they saw what we thought before, they can do it again

i really did like it but we need more ACTUAL lgbtq+ relationship stuff from this series and better decisions on what we are teaching the younger generations, as well as what we want to focus on and realism within characters. i'm giving it an 8/10, because there is always room for growth and i really hope we get better things out of this than what we have been given in season 2.

edit: someone mentioned it really seeming like it was meant for Disney+ and i felt that. also to anyone who reaches the tags agter reading ALL OF THIS: i am sorry

[rae-arts777]

I want to talk about my religious trauma

I just want to tell my story, I know mine is minor, I know there’s worst out there, but I’m hoping maybe mine cause reach out to anyone experiencing the same so they feel less alone

Let’s start way back

Edit: (sorry I should have put this earlier) TW: slight sexual assault, self harm, suicide mention

Growing up a christian adventist, I knew Friday night to Saturday was worship. No electronics or TV unless it was veggie tales, or a Bible cartoon, and church Saturday.

Of course I acted out a bit, and would get scolded for not staying still. My mother however wasn’t upset at me for ruining church, just upset I wasn’t behaving and granted don’t blame her cause I was a brat lol. I would get in more trouble if I went with my grandma. I was “disrespecting the lord in his house” and well...I mean it’s hard for a child to sit still for 8 hours wearing a dress and shoes that made me itchy and gave me blisters

Now church was fun in some sense. Got to see my friends, food after services, I loved being able to help in the kitchen and help the elders as well.

Good right?

Well...as a child, we think what we know if right. I thought the way we had church was common to everyone. When I started school, it was different for me. I asked “why do my friends go to church on Sunday?” My grandma told me “they just don’t know the proper way, it’s your duty to tell them”

I remember...being really horrible towards a kid who’s family was an atheist. We were still friends, but I will tell him “you’re trusting the devil”. My words never seem to hurt him since he laughed them off, but I never stopped...I look back and have so much guilt. So much guilt towards others too since I tried to tell them church was Saturday’s, and going on Sunday was wrong. I think about how horrible I was, cause my religion never taught me to be accepting to others beliefs, it taught me that it’s my duty to turn others to the right way. And that makes me upset. If my religion was the religion of “accepting everyone no matter what” then why is every one else’s religion the work of the devil? And why are baptism, also who was Christians, deem “evil” like Catholics in our religion.

Middle school. I started attending the church school. Hell

I didn’t like our new pastor, something about the way he said things just...didn’t stick. His kids were a nightmare. They torment everyone. Got teachers fired they didn’t like. And went crying to their parents if they didn’t get their way. No they were not toddlers. They were teens. One got in between my old best friend and I, and since then her and I were never the same.

Because I liked art and anime...I was the weird kid, so they constantly picked on me. Pastor kids telling me certain kids here didn’t deserve to be made by god. That god made a mistake. I told them to stop, but they would go “you just don’t know. It’s hard for us!!! We don’t mean what we say!” And looking and writing this now, that was the first gaslighting and toxic friendships I experience.

It made me more mad the pastor told the whole church that his kids were perfect children. And they set an example of how all the kids in the church could act. That pastor family was just horrible. Lies, manipulation, just rude. He would make side remarks about my mum’s blonde dye hair. He would say something to my mum if I wore pants or a leather jacket to church. Just the way he said things, made my mum feel like she was a horrible parent. They made side comments when my dad would finally show up.

“I’m sorry my dad wasn’t constantly gone, he’s was too busy fighting for our country.” Is what they would want us to say.

Church become a chore. Not a joy. And when we got a new pastor, one I started to connect with, we moved away and in with my grandma

Now highschool. This is where I started drifting away from religion. I love my grandma..I really do ...but she’s so extreme. The Bible this. The Bible that. I can’t have a normal conversation without her being up the Bible. Can’t watch a movie, show, or listen to music that’s not Christian without her bringing up the Bible or turning it into a Bible lesson. I hated going to church. I hated hearing “repent. The world is ending soon”

Hearing constant that our young generation is filled with the devil, feeling all the eyes of the elders on me as I’m trying to comfort someone’s child so they can enjoy church peacefully

Hearing anyone experiencing love towards the same gender is the devil’s working

That everything I like is filled with the devil

My grandma start forcing religion worst and worst down my throat. Saying I have to be prepare. I need to make my choice. Don’t I want to be in heaven with everyone? I need to give myself to god

I won’t see my family members who passed away Catholic.

That I need to tell my other side of the family who’s Catholic the right way

The news comes on....hearing the Bible says this the Bible says that

Trying to defend trump with the Bible

This pandemic is the first plague, the world will end soon

The studies getting more and more. I can’t even read the Bible just to study out of joy cause I feel like someone is breathing down my neck.

I’m getting a headache just thinking about it.

And then I’m introduce the rotten apples of my religion.

We shouldn’t wear mask it’s God’s air

Only having faith is god will keep you from getting sick and heal you

Ever remember of LGBT is going to hell

Woman who abortion are going to hell

People will tattoos go to hell

People who don’t read the Bible everyday are going to hell

People who want to make this religion more open and accepting, are hearing the devil and are going to hell

People who kill themselves are going to hell

Mental illness isn’t real; it’s just the devil and you just have to be happy cause you have god.

I told my mom I can’t do it anymore, I just can’t, it’s more forced down on me too much. If the world is ending what’s the point? What’s the point of college? What’s the point of life? What’s the point of looking for love?! Cause I’ve been told so many times my own children won’t ever get to adult or teen hood cause the world will end! What’s the point. I’m so grateful to have a mother who understands..

And it pisses me out with these Christian movies. A boy is about to kill himself, and is getting told “you’ll go to hell! You really want that?! To go to hell?!” Why are you showing this?! That’s a last thing a suicidal person needs to hear. They don’t need a fucking Bible lesson, they need comfort!!! As a person who’s tried drowning, choking, and harming themselves, I fucking know I wouldn’t want someone to find me and say “you’re going to hell for that!”

And then you have those horrible people who think just cause they are religious that it gives them a right to be a shitty person. My grandma would fucking forgive a murder if they came out as Christian.

I told my grandma once “I do want to be more involved with the church, I want to give a sermon” and she told me “you can give a small one, not a full one, god did not use women to preach, he used men. I rather you do the children’s story”

.......

The Vice President...some Christians hate her cause “god didn’t intend for women to lead, if he did his apostles would have been women”

my grandma says “she slept her way to the top!” But oh! She didn’t mind if trump, a man who’s assaulted god knows how many women was in office...

Forgive everyone....you’re suppose to forgive abusers..my bullies....I was told to forgive them even if they never said sorry..cause god wants us to forgive

I allowed..a boy to convince me to do things...cause men always knew what was right...it was ok as long as we didn’t have sex...and it was ok...cause he was a Christian boy...

I just try to be a good human...I have sickenly forgave so many people who’ve hurt me....and now...I’m the pushover...

But what I did was wrong...

I’ve just....drifted away slowly...my grandma has sort of stop trying, maybe cause I’m an adult so I can make my own choices..maybe my mum told her something...

But the things she says makes me feel ashame for being Christian....

For the longest time I thought we were perfect people...now that I’m older...I see we’re just as bad..if not worst...

It makes me so sick...just thinking..how I forgave people who HURT ME cause ...if I can’t forgive, then God doesnt want me.

If god really wants all of his “children” then why if it when we says “I don’t want to forgive the person who gave me this trauma” then it’s “i forgave you why can’t you forgive them? It’s so simple, you really can’t do something that simple? Guess you don’t want to go to heaven”

I’m so done

I’m so tired..

I have a headache and started crying a bit while writing this and there’s so much more. But my wrist hurts and just...I want to scream.

But for the majority...that’s my religious trauma.

I’m not hoping to gain anything, just to reach to anyone else who’s going through the same emotions...you’re not alone ok?

[lhmoonbin]

HELL O FRIENDS !!! IM SO EXCITED THIS IS FINALLY OPENING WOWOWOW Ok so hey hehe my name is fox (she/her), i’m 21 and in the gmt-3 timezone (so it’s likely i’ll be on here when most of you are asleep.... rip) and this is my baby seok moonbin!!! for starters, i’ll already tell you that he’s a very broke 23-year-old artsy boy who just wants to live his own life lmaooo you can find his detailed background and everything HERE, and his stats HERE, while under the cut i’ll basically sum everything up if you’re also like me and have the attention span of a fruit fly :> anygay i’ll also leave some possible connections here and !! that’s it?? HFJDSHFS pls like this if you want to plot and i’ll slide in ur dms k thx BYE

tw: mentions of underage alcohol and drug use, violence, anxiety/depression

background !!

moonbin was born in may 16th 2003 in busan so he’s 23 and a taurus baby <3

his birth was long awaited by his parents since they had been trying for a while, and a year after he was born they also had another boy

they moved to seoul when the two were still kids bc of his father being promoted

moony’s brother, jaesung, was always his best friend. they did everything together, played together, went to school together (their mom even sent them into school at the same time for their sake, so moonbin got into school 1 year late)

still, they had their differences, what with likes and dislikes, mostly bc jaesung was always more studious and straight to the point when moonbin was more imaginative, creative, easily distracted and loved everything that had to do with art

their parents disapproved of moonbin’s choices, since they wanted both of their sons to get jobs that could take them all kinds of places

everything stayed pretty much the same until they got into high school, where they were finally separated into different classrooms and jaesung’s behavior started changing bc of the people he started hanging out with, what one would call “the wrong crowd”; alcohol, drugs and too late night outs became something normal to him

it was pretty obvious that moonbin was left behind by his own brother, and he had to find his own friends, which were much more inviting towards him

jaesung started acting cold to moonbin even at their own home, and it didn’t stop there. as their high school years passed by, moonbin graduated and had to start working right away to be able to save enough money for college; his parents had way too much on their shoulders, since jaesung was suffering from anxiety and depression and had no intention of fixing that, only digging himsel deeper into the mess he was in and getting held back a few years in school

eventually, jaesung got so lost within himself that he ended up getting locked up after attacking both a random guy at a party and the officer who came over to separate them, and in his drunken state only made things worse for himself. that assured him more than ten years in prison, with a fee high enough to make his parents unsure if it was really possible to get him out

this happened when moonbin had just been accepted into college, and while the natural thing for him would be to just stay and help his parents out during such tough times, moonbin got easily affected by his friends and other people’s comments all the time, about his brother and how jaesung was in jail and simply associating moonbin to the person his brother was. it seemed so much easier to just go away and pretend like the life he lived up until he got into college didn’t exist, so that’s exactly what he did

if you ask him, moonbin will either deny he actually has a brother or disgard the family topic as a whole; he likes to think he’s detached himself from the reality he used to live in, so dependent of someone who so easily forgot about him

personality + extras !!

moonbin has always been very cheery and friendly, but before it was in a way more muted way than nowadays, since he doesn’t feel like he depends on anyone else to be around a crowd of people anymore

he always tries to make friends w everyone and likes to feel included when people remember him and such :>

at a party, moonbin is the kind of friend that everyone thinks is drunk when in reality he’s the only sober one lmao he rly only likes wine,, sometimes

moonbin is REALLY sensitive when it comes to things that dont concern his own personal emotions only. like for example.. he might cry during an argument about food or during any kind of movie lol maybe even in the middle of singing songs

very imaginative, often times has his head up in the clouds lmao also can be caught anywhere sketching in his little trusty journal, but he prefers painting over drawing anyway

another place he’s seen in is etude house, where he part-times and despite popular opinion, he actually thinks the pink uniform fits him quite well

ALSO he busks sometimes wherever ppl will have him !! he’s quite confident in his singing voice as well as his drawing/painting skills so thankfully he can also make a little bit of money from that (if u havent noticed, he’s broke)

PLS LOVE HIM HES MY BABY

wanted connections !!

ppl that study with him, study partners, someone that is tutoring him with a subject he cant quite focus in?? he’s not that studious lmao

a best friend??? someone who understands him and is able to crack him easily? he’s not very open to others about emotions and such, so it’d be nice to have that

he’s from seoul, so .. people who knew him back then? so like. high school friends, exes, enemies, all of that good shit

one sided crushes?? from him or on him, doesnt matter. maybe ur muse keeps visiting etude house only to swoon over moonbin dressed in pink.,, or he justs looks up to your muse and calls it a crush even if he knows it’s probably nothing too much

some deeper platonic relationships...

hook ups!! friends w benefits !!! all the romantic plots!!!

someone pls pls PLS give this boy a muse !!!!! doesn’t even have to be romantic but just like. maybe he saw your muse around one day and thought ‘OH shit wtf whos that person who’s suddenly given me an inspiration boost’ and proceeds to want to draw them at all times.. maybe even asks them to paint / draw them in person <3 could lead to more or not

idk maybe some enemies?? or ppl who dont like him? he doesnt rly drink or do any kinds of drugs (he’s traumatized by his brother) so idk maybe ur muse is rly into that stuff and got into an argument w moonbin about how he should live a little??? and moonbin got mad?? idk lmao

someone who’s seen moonbin busking a few times and just cant get enough of his voice.. his first “fan” :)

overall, just give my baby some friends pls <3

[delicioustrashlove]

To me : a honest open letter to my self. deep breath and open up and express 

What do you know . You went back there again and all though you held on super tight you couldn’t keep him could you? Of course not. You’ve lost your self every-time chasing him and you’ve never been able to catch him.

I thought I wouldn’t survive this one. I thought honestly I was not going to make something of my self . I whole heartedly was ready to give up . What ever happened happened and I could care less it’ll never be as bad as losing you. And I truthfully connived my self that my happiness only lied in your arms.

It took me so long to cry . Once I got back Colorado the reality of my new home, it was such a blur . For a while I pretended you died. To some how help my heart forget you. And thats all I wanted was to forget you. I deleted every picture and every single video .I blocked you on everything I could think of that youd have access to talking to me through . And for what . Just to black out once a week and tell you how much  I miss you and that I love you . I drank my self silly . I mean every event every party every outing I had to be there I had to be anywhere but in reality . Because reality meant no you. It meant what once was and will never be again,, reality meant excepting my feelings. And I wanted so badly to be tough and strong. I’ve gotten my heart shattered a million times by you , you’d think I would get easier . It didnt it was worse . I was so fully invested in you that life didnt exist with out you in it . I didnt know what that felt like anymore . I was so wrapped up In you so blind to reality . Loving you meant losing my self . I lost my self 4 times a year for 5 years trying to keep your heart. I broke my own heart letting you back in to my life so many times . I knew better . But the love I had for you was so much stronger . I couldn’t stay away . I also revolved my entire world around you , so when you where gone I felt so literally like the world was ending . I lost my whole life . I realize now thats not healthy . You have to always prioritize your health and well being before anyone . You have to love you before you love anyone. So wed break up id self destruct then Id put all my pieces back together the ones you broke. Id fix my self and I would get back on track I was moving on I was happy then just like that . One phone call at 10pm where you clearly to drunk to remember the conversation id be on a plane. Drop my job my home my family My friends … quite literally everything just to be with you . Just to love you. All I ever did in this world was so unconditionally love you. I thought I could hate you I did for a while . But I dont anymore . You where apart of my journey and it almost killed losing you but it was supposed to happen . It was part of the plan that god has for me. You coming int o my life brought so much love and bond that ill never feel with anyone else . I will never love someone the way I let my self love you. And when the lesson has finally been learned only then I can move forward to the next chapter. And your purpose in my life was love and lots of lessons and lots of growing . You think god doest hear your heart crying you think he gave up on you ya know , but he never did. In the end you’ll see there was such bigger picture. 5 years I spent going back to you and leaving you. Why did I always go back ? Because loved you but I clearly wasn’t seeing what god prepared for me. He wouldn’t believe his lessons or fallow his guidance so he kept bring ing me back to you so I could relearn and remember why I left and well you might be my soulmate your not meant to be in my story forever . Only a couple chapters . And once you’ve served your purpose to my life that god wants me to have experienced and learned I will be able to move forward. I first must let you go . And I finally am starting to. I got so unhealthy and so sad and so stuck and caused so many health problems to my body . So much that was almost to much to prepare. But I made a choice one day . I chose my self , and not you. I chose to love me and not love you anymore. I commented intently to my family and I mean really gave it my all. I learned that no matter what my parents wouldn’t never leave mom behind .and im going to everything in my power to be a good girl to them and build our love and our relationship . And I think that was gods purpose all along. You cant keep whats not for you . And I didnt understand that when we parted ways. I accept that now . And I know as I continue to stay on the right path god has such beauty waiting ahead for me… look how much I loved you and all I did for you imagine how much I will love the right man. I did alot. Every time we break up I have to fix my self . But I know now its all apart of the journey . All those trials with you just made me stronger it made me braver it made me wiser and it made men grateful for the good ones.  You breaking my heart was one of the best things to happen to me in the end. Because I never would stopped loving you I never would have left you behind. I would have always been your biggest fan and continued to love you till I ended up hating my self. You have the courage to set me free was the kindest thing you ever did for me. At the time I didnt get it but who I am now and what I ve accomplished for my self and how when you try really hard to be better and I mean really hard things kind of fall in to place. God smiles and says okay you deserve this you’ve learned you’ve grown . I manaaged to accomplish that goal of being close to my family . We are so close and we love trust and respect eachother so much . Our bond is very very strong . I managed to get my self too a doctor , I found out I complete sabotaged my health . And oh ya I have 14 allergies !!!!  And some of the effects of those allergies after time has caused a harmful build up to where I was 3 years away form being diabetic , my thyroid completely stopped working . Amplifying my anxiety and my depression . The last month. I was in az i would get sick a lot . Id eat something and get sick . The problem was I was so fuxking drunk all the time I didnt ever thing anything of it. I’ve destroyed my guy and its a blessing that wildly and randomly this doctor asked if she could test me . And we found a lot of issues and also got a lot of answers to a lot of my health issues. Im starting treatment for that . Ill be injecting my self every other day with medicine to help my body repair the damages I have done and it will also help fight allergic reaction and build immunity so this doesnt happen again . I also !!! Am taking my meds again . Different ones but im glad I chose to take this chance on them again . I figured if im going to  put my health and happiness first I dotn need to be drinking and If im not drinking a lot fo stuff is going to come to the surface and I don know how well ill be able to handle that reality. I also like I said thought. Was going to kill my self. I was so heartbroken so so so sad. I knew I needed help and I reached out and got. Now im happy and stable and I get out of bed and I have energy and im so present and to active. I work out everyday . I eat healthy and I lost some weight . My highest weigh t was 168 before our florida trip I got down to 147 , when worked for Linx I was 145 then after being with tj again my mental health went hay wire and I lost my self again . Completely lost. And when I got back to co I was 153 pounds …. I would shift from 145 to 147 … then I just stopped worrying about it and started doing something about it. I channeled all my sadness in to exercise . Im sad go work out im bored go work out im happy hey go work out get that good flow !!  Your angry you miss him what ever it was I worked out then it became all I could focus on cus I learned to love it so Much . I took on running again I put in the work . Things finally where falling into place . I was getting my self back and this time it was better then ever . Better then ever before . I unlocked this door and its been so beautiful. I one day weighed my self just to see assuming id be 145 I was 137 !!!! Wow !!! A week later I was 135 and today I am 133!!!!! Its so cool and feels so good to not be depressed not feel pretty in my clothes. And iliv Amy self. So much . I hope I start working at hooters soon and continue to have a great life. I finally got approved for unemployment and ally back pay and also and extra 13 weeks after mine runs out. Things are just happening . I wasn’t going to get any hadn’t outs . But I was at the bottom thats for sure and you know who was there ? Not tj not the guy you literally did everything for no not him . My mom and my step dad and my brother . They took me in . And it was hard and uncomfterable , but I just stopped going out stopped drinking as much . And did things for them no matter if they where mad at me or if it was awkward.i committed to being good fo them . And I knew it would take time . But little by little ive managed to accomplish all my goals . When I used to be the queen of quitting. I cant wait to see even more of what god has in store for me. And who I become . My skins cleaning up my body is losing weight I more active im healthy and im very in touch with my desires and my well being . I care and love and respect my self so so much. Its like a huge spiritual awakening. I love being alone . I dont feel like alone deserves me right now to be honest .Its gong to take a lot for me to love again but its okay . Not everyone deserves that form me anyway. I worked so hard to me this . To be who I am right now and I won’t let anyone take that away form me. You cause harm to my heart my well being just by !! If you disappoint me disrespect me or hurt me its done . You lost you dot meet my needs your not benefiting and there’s to many many and women on this planet . Ill never waist my time on the wrong one . Ever again. I respect my self to much to put someone over me! And I stand by that now and forever!!!  The new be is bette then ever and its gong to take a hell of a person to change my relationship status . And that cool im honestly not even interested . I dont care to date or hang out or hook up or even have sexual contact with anyone . Im so content with me myself and this beautiful transition im goin through I just want to focus on me and my family and my health. Because this is what its all about. This is what living is. this is life. This is beauty . This is whats important. I feel like im living . And im happy and im only going to get better and better. Thank you god for this life and thank you for giving me the strength to turn the page and start a new chapter on life. I fully trust you and the processs. And that brings me back to “god will never leave you behind” I needed to learn all those things that all may mistakes have taught me . And god has a way of constantly bringing things back Into your life if it has not yet served its purpose or taught you what you needed to learn.  I see that now. Positive mind set is very powerful . Loving your self is amazing and living through god is the best thing you can do . I will always you tj and I will always in some way wish there was a me and you forever .but I cant ever betray my self like that again. That door is officially closed.  See I thought my life was over when you said our relationship was over. But really it had just begun. Everything happened for a reason exactly how its meant to happen . Losing you meant I could finally find my self. It just lit up the path .  God bless <3 no angry  im happy and im I accept this and I forgive my self and you . Life is so Beautiful .

Some one very wise once said … -Life is not about how much you hurt its about how much your willing to suffer. ~VP

Im not willing to suffer any longer.  Except it feel it and then forgive and move forward.

[the-gay-cryptid]

Okay, I'm super pissed right now and I dont want to bother my friends with this, theyve got shit of their own, I just need to get the angry out of my system.

I want to shave my head. I want to because it would give me a feeling of control and it's the much safer, less permanent, and less painful of my three options: shave head, get piercing, get tattoo. Since whatever I picked would be self done, I naturally went with shaving my head.

I'm no fucking idiot though, I've done my research. I know that, because of my hair type and my own preferences, I dont want it too short. I would first get a #8 attachment, which it the longest you can get. That's what I would use. I looked up a video of someone comparing the lengths of each attachment when actually used on hair, so I have a better idea of what it would actually look like since I'm not good at visualizing lengths.

I was going to tell my mom all this, show her that this isnt a sudden decision, and that I've actually done research and know what to do/expect. It was still entirely possible she'd say no, but this approach was my best chance to convince her.

I told me dad this morning, "I want to shave my head. I think I'd have to order attachments since your clippers are too short, but its definitely doable." I said it this way because I've never had to prove to my dad that I know what I'm doing, like I'm writing a damn research paper.

He wasnt a fan, because he thinks I'll look like a man. He doesnt want me to look too masculine. That's a problem to revisit at a later time. I pointed out that I already look like a boy when I wear hats, my hair grows out fast, and that how he wants me to look isnt my problem. He conceded to all three points, though he still wasnt a fan. He wouldnt stop me, but we both knew I had to convince mom before I even picked up the clippers.

Mom came in, and we said good morning and so on. Then Dad says "she wants to shave her head." Which was the absolute worst possible way to introduce that to my mother.

To her credit, she handled it well. She said she didnt think it would suit my head shape, but if I wanted to I couldn't but if I did it she wasnt going to pay for my hair appointments anymore, even if I grew my hair out again. I wouldnt really mind paying for my own cuts and colors, it's just that it's kinda expensive and I have 10$ and no income until August assuming we're back on campus next semester. I figured I'd think about it.

I took a shower, did makeup, and finished making some earrings I started last night. Then I went to show my parents, because i was proud and I thought they looked cool.

Dad loved them, mom definitely thought they were tacky, but I'm used to that and she's given up trying to convince me that tacky jewelry is bad.

She was making a face that screamed "not a fan", and I asked her why she was making said face. I expected a comment about how people would judge me, and I was totally emotionally prepared for that and ready to let it roll off. But instead, she says

"This doesn't seem like a good use of your time. I just dont feel like enough work is getting done"

I dont know if any of you know this about me, but I'm very sensitive about my work ethic. I've had problems in the past, but I've worked fucking hard to learn the self discipline and time management I have today. It's not perfect, but I'm better than I was. So when people imply that I'm not doing enough, or I'm lazy, or that I'm wasting my time instead of working, I take it a little harder than most.

I didnt linger, because it wouldnt help anyone. I just left and waited in the kitchen to vent to my dad.

"I just wanted to show her something cool." I said. I kept my voice low, because mom has a habit of walking in when I'm venting about her and then getting overly offended and turning it into me being disrespectful. "And she just ignored it-" at which point my dad cut me off. He doesnt like when I complain about mom. He doesnt like the confrontation that occurs if she over hears, and he doesnt like seeing her upset that her kid is implying shes a bad mom. She isnt, but she's not perfect, and as a grown ass woman who lectures me about the same flaw, she should be able to take criticism.

I'm still a bit pissed, so I just grabbed my laptop and went upstairs to do schoolwork. I dont have much to do, since, contrary to my mother's suggestion, I'm very on top of my work, and even ahead on some of it.

Just now, I went down stairs to take a break and grab my house shoes. I talked to my dad a little bit about some netflix shows. Then, because I thought maybe I could sway him a little, I showed him the video of someone comparing all the attachments and how short they actually cut.

I also pointed out that mom wouldve reacted better if hed let me explain what I wanted. He disagreed, so I told him how I'd present the idea:

"I have something I want to do, and I've done a lot of research, so I understand what to do, what I'd need, and how to do it the way I have in mind. I'd like to shave my head, not super short though. I'd use the longest attachment..." et cetera, et cetera.

Basically I'd just prove to her this wasnt decided on a whim. And then I'd ask her opinion. She'd hate it, but at least she'd probably consider it. Even Dad admitted it might have worked.

I started telling him why I wanted to do it, the whole needing to feel in control thing. But he was putting away clothes and heading his and Moms room, and if mom heard me talking through all this she'd get mad and double down on the "fuck no" stance. So I dropped it for now.

But then my dad thought hed be real fucking funny. I was standing in the bathroom with him, and he turned on his clippers and started to reach for my hair. I grabbed his arm to stop him. I knew he was joking, it was just my knee jerk reaction since his clippers have NO attachment and would actually buzz my head completely.

He then said, very smugly, that that's the reaction of someone who doesn't actually want to shave their head. I told him that wasnt funny, and started to explain that I stopped him because it wouldve been the wrong length.

But mom, being in the bedroom right fucking next to us, got PISSED. She then informed us, mainly me, that I wasnt allowed to shave my head, and that she'd be so furious if I did it. And now i was mad with both of my parents.

Since I couldnt be delicate about it anymore, I told her point blank the whole conversation this morning wouldve gone better if dad hadnt said anything, and that I was going to actually explain myself before telling her I wanted to shave my head.

She listened to my whole explanation. I'll give her that. But when I finished, she just hummed and went back to her work. Which is mom for "fuck no, and this is a stupid idea."

As all conversations with my mother inevitably go, I went to the kitchen to talk to dad. I told him he shouldnt have done any of that, and that now, because of him goofing off, mom wasnt taking anything of said seriously.

He told me he was sorry he did that, but that he didn't want me to do it anyway. I reminded him, in far less polite terms than usual, that I dont care what he thinks and that it's my hair and my choice.

He agreed and apologized again, still just as insincere.

Since I didnt have the patience or calmness to try and talk about it further, I went back upstairs. I heard him calling me a little bit ago, probably to talk again, but I'm still fucking angry.

Because of him not only taking away my ability to bring this up with my mom on my own terms, and then ruining any chances of her taking me seriously, theres no way in hell I'm going to be able to do what I wanted. I know shaving my head isnt that big of a deal, but the amount of bullshit its brought out of them both is infuriating.

If he'd just kept his fucking mouth shut this morning, all this could've gone so much better.

[ilikelookingatthings]

Akatsuki no yona chapter 195: youtube comment I’m proud of: Part 4

though have you though about how yona actually soothed soo-won's attack when she showed up in her bed looking for min-soo?

seems you forgot that kaashi said very deliberately that she CAN''T read her own future. she can read everyone elses but not her own. though the question is...was yona not along in the carriage...or was she brought along but kaashi saw the attack in how it would affect yona so hid her outside the carriage to protect her. it was implied in previous mentions of that attack that yona had been with her but hadn't been killed so I don't think yona was just at the castle at home.

i love you just over thinking her future vision XD

its definitly understandable that since Il was never popular it makes sense some rebels might have attacked the carriage...it might be people who support yoo-hon that yoo-hon didn't know about. like we know kyek-sook says later that il stole yu-hon's rightful place as emperor even though it was the past emperor's choice. yon-hi assuming that for il to be chosen it HAS to be about yona or the priests stuff...not even considering maybe Il was chosen for other reasons.

I think the real tragedy is that Il lost his dad, his wife and then his brother. Il hadnt been properly trained for the thrown as yu-hon had been. thinking of how great Il's reign had been if the brother had lived is interesting. if yu-hon had the time to rally the tribes around the brother. Il would have the closest thing to a priest by his side if the mom had lived but we know Il isnt war hungry so he would be able to negotiate. but if his brother ha d been there king Il might have listened and understood some fighting at times were nessacary because he would have his bro by his side. they might actually be able to bond then especially since Il admitted he had been unfair to yon-hi. all he had was mundeok. his bro didnt have enough time to properly rally people around his brother yet so it seems no one really noticed that yu-hon really did want to help his bro other than soo-won. even kye-sook was more focused on being upset about yu-on not becoming emperior and made a plan to kill that brother than yu-hon loved so much and just wanted to support. the irony of knowing yu-hon wanted to support his bro but people who supported yu-hon in the long run killed his precious little brother....ouch.

what I find more fascinating is Yu-hon didnt really take seriously yon-hi's blood. he only made the promise to keep the secert because it bothered her family and it was what he needed to do to get permission to marry yon-hi. he didn't actually care or think her being a decendant was a big deal. just knew it was something that all of them would assume would be a negative or put her in danger. maybe because thir family tried to take over and fail before. or thought it was some sneak attack or something. people were so worried about it hey decided not to move to the capital. yu-hon didnt like the head priests and having to bow to him when yu-hon saw it as unnesacary and mocking his family. but he said if yo want to connect to god you dont need to bow or be inside fancy buildings or bow to the priests.

but now we find out that more neutral toward hirryu yu-hon now actually hates and admitted to really hating king hiiryu and resenting that first king who he blames for the illness and the gods who let yon-hi get affected. yu-hon is used to being a bad ass and attacking in war to protect and strengthen his country..but every time king hirryu is involved its more difficult. yu-hon's first instinct was to get rid of te priests who knew yon-hi's secert. killing all of them would insure the safety since some of them recognized yon-hi on site. theres a practical factor to being that cruel and yu-hon never liked them or thought them neccasary anyway. but because of his action yon-hi's mom killed herself. his relationship with his brother got really strained and his he upset his dad. the people not getting made would just make yu-hon think it wasnt that big of a deal. enabling that tendancy of his. we don't exactly see yon-hi scold him to try to help him communicate with his brther by tellig yu-hon that he isnt getting what he wants across before or even after her mom died.

but especially with what the maid said yu-hon might feel like yona, and kaashi the priest took his role away even if it seems he got over it. theres also the fact that yon-hi ad been brought to the head priest by kaashi that first time. yon-hi's sickness got triggered from the stress when kaashi told her about yona being the reincarnation the first time and yon-hi collaspsed in the presences of kaashi and yona. yu-hon who tends to pick fights....he resents the sickness that is going to kill his wife and the helplessness because there is nothing that yu-hon can do to stop this.

he can't protect his wife from this sickness. he can't fight it off for her. the dude doesnt really pray and he resents the gods who gave her this disease since its connected to her connection to the first king. and there will be a risk his son might get that disease too someday. theres a helplessness.

which might increase the chances tha yu-hon might project those feelings of hatred on kaashi and yona. he doesn't really know kaashi that well after all. she was there telling yon-hi the stuff that stressed her out and caused her to collapse and he might think kaashi resents yu-hon and yon-hi. yu-hon might know he hurt il my killing the priests but sees il would have more connection to yu-hon in the end. kaashi on the other had her job, livly hood, the only person who understood what she went through die. along with all the other priests, didnt know if isoo the little priest was okay. Kaashi herself was almost burned alive. only saved by his brother.

like kaashi would have every reason to fear and hate yu-hon and even yon-hi after what happened. he could think that she only wanted to marry Il o get close to yu-hon and yon-hi for revenge or something. yu-hon is a tactition and most would assume revenge or resenment. the fact that kaashi actually wanted to connect with yon-hi more even as il had still been more cautious. outing her identity to yon-hi first. she could have easily have hidden it but kaashi outed herself when they first met again by bringing up the simularity to their own real first meeting.

and yu-hon doesnt know what ttype of person kaashi is and he has alot of resentment toward hirryu and his own helplessness that has no where to go. and he brings up hating king hirryu on his own.

thats increasing the idea he might have done something to kaashi.

[gringoslur]

i really love how my brother doesnt try to pressure me w fashion/beauty stuff. he likes to look good in the same way than my sister and my mom, but he has the expensive taste, so sometimes is even more. while my mom and my sister try to understand my way of thinking, they always end up trying to make me fit into their own style, or make my style more "femenine", it makes so fucking uncomfortable and im tired of trying to explain it. Even when they try, i can feel their frustration with me.

my brother, instead, sometimes has the same opinions but doesnt pressure me. maybe bc hes kind of an outsider in this situation and he hates to see me cry (which, sometimes this happend bc i hate the situation so much) and even talked to my mom to ask her to leave me alone (she calmed down a little bit after that, thank god). My sister and my mom would never give me "man clothes", but he has no issues on giving me his clothes (or his boyfriends clothes). I was showing him a tshirt and saying that i didnt use it and he said "it looks good on you but you dont feel comfortable". He didnt try to "convence me" to like it. He was like, u feel weird cuz its too tight, i get it, its totally valid. Then he gave me one of his old tshirts and he said that it was obvious that it was masculine and said that i looked like a dude (not in a bad way, just like a fact, which i love) but he was also like "yeah, take it!". Even when i made a comment that i didnt have memory of buying the tshirt i didnt like, he looked at the brand thingy and said "yeah of course mom brought this for you" lmao

You can think of this like how women and men are treated in society, and i get it. But i also think that its related to my brothers fashion, about how i think he made fashion choices for a long time trying to "not look gay". He didnt go crazy about it now, but sometimes, just sometimes, he chooses a nice thing that you can see its outside of his usual clothes and you can see how much he loves it and how important that feels for him.

anyways, the connection of human and clothes? fucking weird

[cuddle-dragons]

I am so Tired of how entitled people are on this site. 

The same suggestion is made on a dozen different threads by dozens of different people. The staff deletes them because they’re all the same. OH NO THEYRE SILENCING US AND POLICING US PSA THEYRE DICTATORS. Calm your tits Karen. Have you ever thought about, I don’t know, using one thread? Maybe they’re tired of hearing the same thing. Yeah, if a lot of people are upset, then they should do something! Totally! But do you think that they haven’t noticed or read these comments and thought about whateverthefuck you’re saying? Haven’t you ever zoned out at the millionth time your mom told you that you’d catch a cold going outside without a hat on? I get it mom! Leave me alone!!

And it doesn’t matter what staff does. New eye get released. How should staff get them to The Masses in a way that’s “fun” and interactive... OH! Coli farming. People do that all the time. Fodder and festivals. Just throw them in there too! Fantastic. No, wait, everyone hates that.... shit. Well.... I guess the community will have to stay mad :( Goat comes out! “We want this to be only available naturally!” BUT I CANT PUT IT ON MY DEMON/FROG/CAT/COFFEE DRAGON!!!!!!!!!!!!!11!1!! Shit. Okay okay, we got this. Free bound vials! That should be good..... OH AND NOW THEY WANT ALL EYE TYPES LIKE THAT!!

Like... calm the fuck down people. I’ve been on pet sites since before a lot of you were born (I’m old). FR is easily the most entitled and angriest group of people I’ve ever seen. Staff is TRYING to make the playerbase happy. Are they doing it in the best/easiest way possible? Admittedly, no. But they’re trying and honestly, y’all don’t deserve the amount of effort they’re putting into it. This company has how many employees? And how many members?? I’ve been playing a petsite called Furry Paws since it came out. There’s ONE (main) WOMAN who runs two sites (Kah owns Mweor too) and they’ve both got an active playerbase of FR (IF NOT MORE [FP has over 1,100,000 accounts made! Granted, they allow multiple accounts and have less people online at one time these days but they were huge Way Back When]) She can do less than FR’s admins can with a playerbase that is larger, with two sites, and with less staff. And her people love her! Everyone does! She tries hard! She’s one woman! She has a life! We love her! The community is great!!

But no. Kah wouldn’t be good enough for you guys. Nothing is. Y’all need to take a chill pill and understand that THE WORLD DOESNT REVOLVE AROUND YOU!! AND THAT THE STAFF IS TRYING HARD!!!!! Their solutions may not be the best, or what we want, or even what we expected (did anyone see Ancients coming?) but they are trying! So get your head out of your ass, take a deep breath, and reconsider your life choices if someone deleting the hundredth thread about eyes really makes your blood boil. (Yes, I realize that I’m getting mad over a pixel game too, except I’m getting mad at the people who are getting mad so like.... idk man)

Now go away. Stretch, drink a glass of water, and don’t forget to take your meds.

[fightevilandthengetblownup]

Chats: Jo+Anna - The Trashfire Fights

(for lexy)

FIRST CHAT: Not sure the context but I believe it happened after the mind-wipe of Anna after Gray went to talk to Anna but actually before Grey removed the Whispering on Jo... (So you know where/what level Jo and Grey are at)

<Jo> http://www.geekologie.com/2012/08/another-day-another-zombie-themed-engage.php        Its sad when  I find these things and the train of thought goes:

<Jo> 1. I can see Jo agreeing to things just because its ‘adorable’ when really its not

<Jo> 2. And then she’d be killed by Ellen

<Anna> lolol

<Jo> 3. At least its not a salt-n-burn fire side romantic comment

<Anna> Anna..*smacks*

<Jo> …what?

<Anna> she’s..missing having girl company..and she’s debating which is better for it..Ruby or Jo and she’s leaning more towards Ruby

<Jo> LOL  …/why/ is the question streaming from both Ruby and Jo right now

<Anna> “Jo’s sorta mannish…and Ruby..at least looks girly..”

<Jo> They are both laughing at her - loudly. Though Jo’s sort of offended which is just making Ruby laugh more

<Anna> lol

<Anna> Anna’s just sorta pouting..“it’s not my fault that they are the only choice I have for female friends..”

<Jo> “Ruby isn’t even a female.” “……………………….” “…”

<Anna> looooooool

<Anna> “she’s less butch than you”

<Jo> “/Gray/ is less butch than me. Doesn’t make him more of a female.”

<Anna> “So you’re the man in relationship?”

<Jo> “No! Well with you I guess I was, but no, I’m not….”

<Anna> “Guess that’s why I’m looking more towards Ruby..why do I want a second man in my life.”

<Jo> “If you can call what you do have a man.”

<Anna> “After the other night..He’s definately all man”

<Jo> “Good for you.”

<Anna> “Yes..he was..”

<Jo> “If you say so.  …How was it after though? Did he stick around for breakfast?”

<Anna> “He didn’t stay for breakfast but he did stay till I woke up the next day.”

<Jo> “Aw how cute. So how long did the honeymoon last before whatever sent him packing without even grabbing a bit of you for snacking on the go?”

<Anna> “The threat of Crowley I guess”

<Jo> “Strange that such a 'manly’ guy as him would be run off by the overgrown demon.”

<Anna> “How come I’ve never ran into Grey outside of his house?”

<Jo> “Because. And he’s not being run off by anyone, especially if he’s staying in the one place, wouldrn you say?”

<Anna> “Right..surrounded by traps and iron..which wouldn’t stop Crowley..I guess that means that he’s simply afraid of normal demons. You really wish to throw stones at Gray for being afraid of Crowley when yours won’t even come outside?”

<Jo> “Actually its traps and salt, theres no iron in our house.  And most of those are there because of the fact that, oh hey, I’m a hunter and he’s a monster and it’s second nature to protect ones home. As for throwing stones, I said that your’s is afraid to be with you because of Crowley not that he’s afraid of Crowley - theres a difference. Grey isn’t.”

<Anna> “Gray doesn’t strike me as being happy domestic housewife..he’s never said anything to make me believe that we lived together all the time. So why should I expect it now?”

<Jo> “I never said he had to be, I was just musing on the fact you say he’s leaving because of the threat of another man coming in to take his turn.”

<Anna> “there..no one else has a turn!”

<Jo> “And yet he had to leave in case Crowley showed up. Unless thats not why he left, so either you’re waiting for the wannabe god-demon to show up to see how his little /pet/ is going, or Gray left because he didn’t want to be around you after getting what he wanted. Or some other reason.”

<Anna> “Why are you making it sound so bad that he didn’t want to be around if Crowley did show up? He couldn’t stop him, Gray would have been killed and Crowley has no interest in killing me. So why are you trying to twist it to make it sound bad.”

<Jo> “I’m just intruiged is all - doesnt really sound like a typical Gray-like response. ..his kind are really quite territorial you know.”

<Anna> “Tell you what, if you want to know so bad, ask him.”

<Jo> “…Nah.”

<Anna> “Well if you don’t want to ask him then stop being a bitch.”

<Jo> “But you’re fun when you puff up and get red.”

<Anna> “You are such a bitch..”

<Jo> “Think you already said that. And I prefer bitch to butch, so I’m cool with it.”

<Anna> “Maybe you’re a bastard then being you’’ve been the man in all your relationships.”

<Jo> “I am not the man in my relationship at present, so there.”

<Anna> “Right…”

<Jo> “It’s true.”

<Anna> “Whatever.”

<Jo> “… …………do you have any idea how much I hate that word…”

<Anna> “yes.”

<Anna> “but whatever”

<Jo> “Fuck you.”

<Anna> “But you’re fun when you puff and get red. So whatever Jo..”

<Jo> “Oh God, you’re horrid, you know that right?”

<Anna> “Whatever..your hate of this word is interesting.”

<Jo> “…. Why do you say that..”

<Anna> “I’m seeing what you get out of making someone upset. Trying to understand why you feel this is proper entertainment at the expense of others.”

<Jo> “I dont try to upset people, I play with them. Theres a difference.”

<Anna> “oh so you play..with no reguard to how that playing effects them. Does your interest if Gray leaving me relate to the fact you were abandoned by your father?”

<Jo> “…Excuse you? I am not the one between us who was abandoned by their father!”

<Anna> “My father loved me, raised me, encouraged me to be whatever I could be in life. Your father put hunting above you and was killed by it. Isn’t that why you have such a problem committing to people?”

<Jo> “Oh you think that if you want to about your own father, but don’t you talk 'bout my dad like that. He was a good man. ….I…shut up, I don’t have problems commiting to people..”

<Anna> “Is that why you keep everyone at a distance? Playing with them? Keeping us at both a physical arms length and an even further emotional one? How did Grey slip past your defenses or can you just leave him at anytime, abandoning him too?”

<Jo> “My father has nothing to do with it.. You can’t be too open in this lifestyle.. …/I/ don’t abandon people, shut up.”

<Anna> “Please, you turned to hunting instead of taking of your clothes. You’re surrounded by men who could be old enough to be your dad and you’re constantly working to prove yourself to them. Do you seek out their praise when you do a hunt well?”

<Jo> “…I wou-..I dont even…  …Maybe normal men my age bore me? They don’t know anything about the world and what’s really out there, and regardless of your suggestion - if a hunter lives long enough to get to that age they’re usually pretty decent men. It’s a /shame/ my father had what happened to him happen so young is all. There are plenty of hunters I talk to my own age, or close enough to, Anna. And I don’t need /anyone’s/ approval, god dammit..”

<Anna> “I see. And you’re wall of not being to open in this life? How does that hold up to the fact your father and your mother were open enough to get married, have you? Even after his death you’re mother stayed in the life, helped other hunters. She even gave them beds to sleep on at the roadhouse, tended them when they were hurt. I’ve heard hunters talk about it. Why do you have to be so guarded?”

<Jo> “There’s a difference between being on the road and being in the life the way Mom and hell, even Bobby a lot these days, are. ….And they were in love, people do things like get married and have babies when they’re in love. They were younger than I am too, so hey, maybe I’m just jaded like the other guys my age or near enough..”

<Anna> “But not you? You can’t be open to that because of the fact you’re a hunter? And how is being a hunter on the road and at a bar different? You still put yourself in danger. Why do you have so many walls? Open, playing, your stubbornness, why don’t you think you should have friendships and relationships that are closer than the arms distence that you keep everyone at?”

<Jo> “I… could get married and have babies one day, maybe. It’s not completely out of the realm of possibility.. On the road you can’t let your emotions get to you, at a bar.. you can be nicer and more open. Though you’re more likely to get hurt from friends never showing up again too.  I do too have closer friends than that! And maybe I have a lot of walls to keep other people better off, hmm.”

<Anna> “Who are these closer friends? Are you not here as much as on the road? You have a home with someone, you aren’t living a nomads life. And would you say that "protecting” others by not letting them get close to you is for their own good out of your concern for them or from your need to control things?“

<Jo> "Dean.. Sam.. Grey.. …you. I didn’t mean to, it wasn’t my idea and then things got that I needed to be researching more than hunting at present but when that’s taken care of I’ll be on the road more than no again, sure..  I am not a control freak, if either of us were that would be you. I don’t like..I don’t want to hurt people so I’m not going to let them close enough to be, dah.”

<Anna> “You would call us close? Interesting because to me, from my perspective we are hardly anything but close. And it’s nice and controlling that you want to take away my choice at what risk to take being your friend, if we were that close to begin with. And you are going to abandon Grey by taking off and only stopping in on occassion. Isn’t that what you remember of your dad? The random visits?”

<Jo> “We /were/ close, maybe not now but we were before..things happened.  …you know nothing about my dad, Anna, nothing at all.”

<Anna> “I don’t have to know anything about your dad. You present as your typical 'little girl lost’ case. But whatever Jo, you keep playing with people and spending all that energy into keeping them away instead of building healthy relationships.”

<Jo> “Excuse fucking you, I am nothing of the sort. You and your psychobabble, which I really haven’t missed, really only sees what you think you see. I’m not like that and my dad was not like what you think. I’m not going to abandon Grey if I’m off hunting, /he/ understands my life and doesn’t want to force me to change it like you used to. I have plenty of very healthy friendships, maybe just not the same sort /you/ think people should have.”

<Anna> “No you see, you dont get to decide for me what’s something I’m sensative about and what I’m allowed to get upset about when you decide to use it for your ammunition. You don’t get to decide what hurts me and what doesn’t. If you don’t care to respect my feelings then screw you and your feelings about certain subjects. Keep playing these games Jo and next time we’ll have a nice long chat about how it’s your mother’s fault for not leaving the hunting life and taking you away from it.”

<Jo> “You know what, fine. You tell me plain and clearly 'Jo, you’re upsetting me with what you’re saying’ next time and I will back the fuck off. Your verbal and facial cues are kind of all off from what I’m used to, Anna, so I’m sorry if my mucking around upset you - maybe not calling me a bitch, which really doesn’t seem to be getting your point across if that’s what you’re using FYI, and telling me to stop would work better for your female sensetivities. As for blaming my mother, I get the feeling you two would /really/ get along these days, given she tried her best to take me from it regardless of not moving.”

<Anna> “Always someone else’s issue and fault isn’t it. It’s my fault for not expressing the fact your hurting my feelings even though a blind person in a dark room could see that you are. It’s my fault for thinking that calling you a bitch wasn’t clear enough and that I have to resort to a long drawn out way of explaining to you. I’m sorry Jo that my physical expressions weren’t enough of a clue to you and your insensative 'playing’ to tell you to stop. Next time I’ll be sure to maybe cry with going all red and puffing up since obviously none of those things are enough for you.”

<Jo> “You know what? They’re not. Because before they didn’t mean you were hurt, just getting pissed off! So sorry that when you got your hard drive wiped and replaced with the catholic school girl persona the self righteous hard ass left with it and the cues got rewired. Calling me a bitch was generally common place for all variety of things, so no, not very clear. Just fucking spit it out in future or just say /stop/. Jesus fucking christ!”

<Anna> “That’s it, keep blaming me. Even when you’ve known now for how many conversations that I’m not that other Anna..it’s still my fault that you can’t rememeber it. How do you hunt if you can’t keep that simple bit of information straight? Isn’t that the sort of thing you would have to be able to spot? Personality shifts in people? It’s okay though, I accept the fact that it’s all my fault and never yours. I’m sorry for making things so hard on you Jo.”

<Jo> “Well it would make a fucking change for once - it being you to blame and not me, but then again you can’t remember /that/ either, so there goes that little victory over blameless Anna.   There is a big difference between noticing things in strangers and noticing the same cues on someone you know but them being /completely inverted/ on themselves. And you say you’re not that other Anna but the more we talk, the more obvious it is it wasn’t just her Her Royal Fucking Grace-fulness side that was like this.”

<Anna> “Whatever..I’m so over taking the blame for this other person who I don’t know. I’m so sick of hearing what a horrible person I was but then hearing about other things and turning hte other cheek to them, all while I’m being punished for being something I’m not.”

<Jo> “You weren’t a horrible person, you were as horrible as I am. So that’s up to you to decide what that means.”

<Anna> “Well then according to Ruby I must have been a really horrible person.”

<Jo> “…Excuse me?”

<Anna> “I mean..I didn’t drug anyone did I? That was only you correct?”

<Jo> “…I didn’t want to..”

<Anna> “It doesn’t matter. That happened to the other Anna..not me.”

<Jo> “Right, because you’ll forgive what anyone else did to the other Anna. I totally believe that.  …Though that..had been cleared up, before you start to think otherwise.”

<Anna> “No I don’t forgive, it just didn’t happen to me. It happened to her.”

<Jo> “…right.”

<Anna> “I don’t remember you. I don’t remember Gray. But whatever she felt for you, I feel and I trust that  because I feel like I should be able to trust you with my life and that I should be your friend but then you do these things that make me want to scream.”

<Jo> “I think this is the point where I point out that’s kind of what my and..her friendship was like. We hunted together, trusted one another to watch our backs, and while some stuff happened and it was…really not good between the two of us for a while, I was going to be willing to put that stuff behind us after this whole..Crowley thing. Same as she was probably, hopefully. Things are different in war time, you know the saying.  But yeah..made y-her want to scream a lot of the time too. It’s not really that strange.”

<Anna> *Anna shrugs and heads for her apartment.* “Just remember I’m not her. I don’t know our history. It’s weird to look at a total stranger and feel something close to love for that person and you dont know why.”

SECOND ONE: Sometime around when Anna and Grey were actively trying to hurt one another, and that Jo and Gray were weirdly not at each other’s throats??? Pre-binding for sure I believe

<Anna> wow..

<Anna> bitter much anna

<Jo> ??

<Anna> “funny..how I’m the high and mighty bitch but everything revolves around Jo’s perspective and how people get to live based on her ideals. Fuck that.”

<Jo> “I wasnt saying you have to live by it, but that’s how I view things and how I’m going to work in this world and if you have an issue with that- oh wait, you do. You gave me shit about it for months and months, so that’s really not a new conclusion you’re coming to there, Anna.”

<Anna> “if everything is so black and white then why isn’t she killing humans? Why isn’t Grey killing them? Humans kill for stupid reason, least most of the time when monsters kill they kill to survive. It’s not exactly fair they are punished for being created for population control of the human race.”

<Jo> “Humans are killed and punished for hurting other humans, and if I come across a case where its some fucked up asshole doing the dirty work? I will get that fucker put in jail. Now, if you want to start up some jailing system for monsters who go outside of their dietary needs and requirements, then go right ahead I’ll round you up some prisoners. But otherwise? This is my goddamn job and I don't care if its there nature - things go against them all the time - so unless theyre able to control their shit? I don’t give a fuck and I will be protecting other human beings.”

<Anna> “Then start with the Grey”

<Jo> “He hasn’t hurt anybody.”

<Anna> “That’s right..I’m not human..fuck you.”

<Jo> “You spend so long saying you'e an angel. Unless you’re going to throw that all out and stop with the high and mighty crap, then I’m not going to say you are. You can’t have best of both worlds, Anna, you’re not Hannah Montana”

<Anna> “Whatever. You’re idea of friends is as black and white as everything else. It’s clear that if people don’t fit in your ideals then they aren’t worth that, I don’t fit anywhere so it’s fine for your other friends to do whatever. I don’t care anymore, Grey has made threat after threat to me and is using my feelings for Gray to hurt me. It’s all fine to you and I’m done with him.”

<Jo> “And I have told him to keep his shit away from you, because I am sick and tired of the both of you hurting one another. If I didn’t think that you encourage or egg him on, I’d have only been yelling at him, Anna, but I saw the burns and I’m not down with either of my friends hurting one another. It’s over - neither of you is touching one another and you’re leaving eachother the fuck alone. And take your BS whining about not fitting anywhere the fuck away Anna, I’ve been your friend through this all - I put up with your shit with Gray, I dealt with your problems better than anyone and I’ve put my neck on the line for you so many times. And it is /not/ ‘fine’ as you say, I’ve told him and he knows if he does put another toe out of line where you’re concerned its the bad end of my gun for him - but the same fucking goes for you Anna. It’s not 'fine’ for him to push you about and its not 'fine’ for you to do the same to him. I’m done with it. The next time either of you causes problems I will be ending them.”

<Anna> “Right..because poor little Grey is incapable of being an asshole without the evil angel pushing him into it. I’m sorry, my memory is a little fuzzy but what did I do to him for him to tell me about everything in the hospital that utlimatly split us up? How did I provoke that attack that was nicely wrapped in false concern? Oh I burned his wrist with iron once because he kept telling me I was too weak to do anything. My bad. Next time I’ll leave him in an alley unconcious so that a demon can come carve him up.”

<Jo> “I think your memory would be a little fuzzy of then - and you really think I wasn’t going to mention what happened between you and Gray to you? This is me we’re talking about. And I’m not saying he’s not without fault - if I was I wouldn’t have almost had my house set on fire getting into a round with him about it. But fact of the matter is - I know the /both/ of you Anna, and I know the amount of stuff you’ll overlook about yourself to be right, and I know how little and how hard it is for him to lie to me about things. I’m not saying he’s not, just that you are a goddamn btich sometimes Anna, same as he is, and I am sick of the /both/ of you pulling iron or draining one another. All this feuding is doing is taking my attention /away/ from getting rid of Crowley”

<Anna> “And I’m sick of you always taking his side or anyone elses no matter what it is or over looking what they do till I fight back, really fight back and then suddenly I’m the villian. I was never first with you when we were together and I’ll never be first with you as friends because it’s easier to blame my bitchy personality than to possibly piss off your current fuck buddy.”

<Jo> “You know what, right now hanging out with /your/ ex fuck buddy is a lot nicer than being around /either/ of you! Do you /know/ what that says about you both?! And I’m not taking sides at all, Anna, not one part of this is me taking a side. You’re both to blame for whatever is happening, how about you open your eyes and realise that might be the case as well? You both are fucking up, you’re both being pains in the asses and you’re both being children about whatever the fuck this is about, and I am done with it. I dont /care/ who starts this mess, Anna, but I will be finishing it and it is over right /NOW/. I have said the same fucking thing to him so dont you even fucking start with me, and as for making you out like the villian - at least he has the decency to admit some of the crap he does to build on this bullshit fight, are you going to do the same? And do not even try to pull that first-second crap either.”

<Anna> “I’m fixing his mistakes! I’m fixing mine! I’m doing this to protect you, to protect Gray! Grey is going to use Crowley to go after Gray if he can’t. He’s hurting Gray to spite me because he knows I can’t do anything to stop it! He told me to drive Gray away to protect him and I did it and now he hates me and I want to fucking hurt him for that, for everything he’s done. For throwing Ellen to Crowley because you won’t! He fucking rubs it in my face that I’m alone..that it’s my fault..and that hurts..I did what you said! I went to Gray and I begged him, I pleaded to tell him I’m sorry and he hates me and Grey is boasting about it and I fucking hate him!”

<Jo> *Jo sighs, rubbing her temples* “Okay firstly, I don’t need protection, Im a big girl, I can handle myself. Secondly, I really don’t care about Gray - I understand it hurts you and he’s important to you but on that point I really cannot care. And on the Ellen part, I’ve discussed this at length and I’ve run over everything in my head and as much as Im angry and hurt about it still I’m not letting myself dwell on it. But I can /understand/ why you hate him, Anna, I truly can. Its the same reason I wanted to plunge a knife into Gray every time I damn well saw him for months. But I /didn’t/ because /you/ asked me not to. I’m asking you the same thing now, Anna..”

<Anna> “And I’ll tell you teh same thing you told me you, that you will if he gives you reason to. You’re a self rightous hypocrit Jo and that says a lot coming from me. You express to me every chance you get how you could care less about Gray and how it’s my problem that I have feelings for him. It’s the same for me. I could care less about Grey and he has done things to me and to the ones I care about. According to your own rules I should have every right to go after him. You justify Grey going after Gray for roughing you up but I’m expected to sit back and do nothing if it’s reversed. No, I’m not going to just sit back because you see Gray as the bad guy and that it’s okay.”

<Jo> “I am not the hypocrit here, Anna, that has always been you. I dont give a crap if you don’t like Grey, you never told me to shut up about disliking Gray - oh wait yes you did, but ya know what? You can /talk/ about hating him as much as you want, but I do care if either of you is hurting one another. And you’re expected to because Grey doesn’t just go after him because of that - /we/, you and I, have /no/ say in what those two do to one another, Anna. That’s not our place to step in at all and you need to realise that. You say all that BS about nature and stuff, and fighting one another is /their/ nature, so yes, you’re expected to sit back and do fucking nothing. Its not a case of good guy/bad guy in that Anna. Deal with it.”

<Anna> “So you mean to tell me that if Gray killed Grey you would just go 'oh well that was just their nature?’ It isn’t a case of two kids fighting, I’m scared for Gray because Grey wants to see him as broken as he is. Grey doesn’t care about anyone, Ellen is 'the woman tht shot at him’ that’s  how he described her when I asked how could he do that to the person you probably care the most about in the world. The fact she means anything you means nothing to him.” *Anna runs her hand through her hair* “I’ve heard from you, Gray can’t be trusted. I’ve heard from Gray that you can’t be trusted because you named me over Ellen when you drugged me. I’m hearing again that Gray can’t be trusted from you now but the only person who has willingly and without any remorse what so ever that has done anything like that is Grey. I know you felt bad when you did the drugging and that you had no choice. I understood and I defended you over and over again and never was mad. I’m sorry we can’t agree about this but Grey isn’t going to stop trying to destroy Gray and I want to protect him. It’s my fault Grey can  hurt him..”

<Jo> “Anna… Anna I don’t need us to agree, I don’t need you to swear to love and adore him or anything like that. All I want is for the two of you not to be killing one another every time my head is turned because that? That hurts me a lot, and I know you’ve got another interest in Gray in why you want to hurt Grey and I know you want to protect him - but all I ask at all is the same thing you did of me - that you won’t hurt him without his attacking /you/ first. The same way I wouldn’t go after Gray for your behlaf, even with his hurting Grey and other people. I went against what I’ve brought myself up to do for your feelings, hell I’m still not trying to actually kill him because I know he still means something to you. I just ask the same respect in return, Anna..”

<Anna> “Fine Jo. You win. I’ll sit back and just wait for Crowley to come and do whatever he wants to me. I’ll listen to him talk about whatever he’s doing to anyone else, including Gray. I’ll listen to every spiteful and hurtful word that comes out of Grey’s mouth about how I’ve fucked up again, which truth hurts and I’ll tell myself that I’m doing this all so you won’t be hurt because Grey is fine. He’s probably happy and making you happy because he’s happy. And I’ll know that your happy Gray is getting what you think he deserves and I’ll take comfort knowing that for you everything is good as long as Grey never makes the first move at me. Happy?”

<Jo> “You think I haven’t had Gray running his mouth at me, Anna? I know it sucks and it hurts and its hard, but you’re making it sound like I haven’t been in the exact same position that you are right now for months. Pull the stick out of your ass if you think that’s the case, because I put up with that crap rather than killing or hurting him for your sake, so you could extend me that courtesy.” *Jo hisses back quietly, looking serious yet not angry any more* “I have no care about what the hell you do to Crowley, I don’t even know why you mentioned that at all because whatever relivance you think that has there is /none/. And Gray and Grey are responsible for their own actions with one another, I have come to acknowledge that and it’s about time you did the same. I’ve got no problem with you dishing it out /as good as you get/ with Grey, but I fucking swear that whoever makes the first physical strike will get the business end of my gun at them. Cause whatever emotional problems you might cause one another, I don’t really care because I’ve been dealing with the same from Gray and from /you/ and from others so that really bloody doesn’t count in my book anymore.”

<Anna> *Anna’s quiet for a bit and then she shrugs* “I know Gray gave you shit and I know you gave it back, after all you keep saying your a big girl. I’m scared Jo. I’m scared that Grey is going to be right and Crowley is going to win and I keep telling him there’s a difference in what we do. I’m willing to give myself up to protect others, he just wants to protect his own self but it doesn’t mean I'm not scared of the idea that Grey is going to be whispering in Crowley’s ear if he thinks it will save him. But you can’t protect me from that and it’s not a physical move against me so I can’t fight back. But whatever I’m not human, I’m an unfeeling angel that’s a hypocrit, self rightous and a bitch. I won’t make a move against Grey and you might want to watch out for Ruby, I’ll try and call her off. Whatever it takes to beat Crowley..”

<Jo> “Anna.. …” *Jo sighs, giving her a look and a quick shake of the head* “If things aren’t able to get better, I know I’ll end up revising my opinion on this, and if someone is acting physically against you on his behalf? Then I count it as his own and its free game if you can find him after I’d be finished giving a piece of my mind. I’m not saying you don’t count, Anna, you do count - but there is a difference between someone being chomped on and tortured and killed by a monster because they can and someone having that happen because they’ve encouraged a reaction of some sort. And you’re taking several different points I’ve made and turned them into one when thats not the case at all.”

<Anna> “So everytime you mouthed off to anyone and then they lashed out and you get all uppity and going to kill them is different? Or you torturing Gray and then when he lashed back out? The only reason any of this is a problem is because you’ve taken sides on this but you don’t want to say it. And it’s fine. I’m wrong, I’ve been wrong and will continue to be wrong.”

<Jo> “Did I ever call for someone to back me up? Or did my going after him ever effect anyone else? No. What /the both/ of you doing trying to hurt one another does just that. You’re putting me between the both of you and honestly? I don’t want to be. If you’re hell bent on getting revenge and hating him and killing him then I don’t want any part of your life any more, and the exact same is true for him. If he wants to wreck your like and destroy you, then I don’t want to be around him from then on. I am not going to be in the middle of this, and hell I’m really glad I didn’t take Crowley up on his offer if this is what I would have to be dealing with with no exit plan.”

<Anna> *Anna shrugs* “It’s not like I wasn’t ever in the middle with you and Gray but that doesn’t count because Gray is the evil monster.”

<Jo> “By then? We weren’t gunning for eachother like this, Anna, get your contexts right.”

<Anna> “Go home Jo.”

<Jo> “Fuck it, fine.”

<Anna> “Goodluck. I’ll play nice.”

CHAT THREE: Anna yelling at Jo cause Grey had gone and beat up Gray and Gray misunderstood

<Anna> *Anna slams the door and walks over the windows ripping open teh curtains letting all the sunlight in*

<Jo> *Jo jerks her head up at the noise, groaning and covering her ears before she spots Anna swirling about letting the light come in before she scrunches her eyes up* “Ugh, seriously? Anna, can you close the curtains, please?”

<Anna> *Anna furious as she jerks the curtains hard enough to pull them down off the rods, filling the room with light and she turns throwing them on the bed* “What sort of fucking games are you playing Jo? Is this all some sort of twisted joke with you and Grey? You tell Gray to take me back while  Grey goes and tells him that /I/ am sending him to attack Gray and try and kill him???”

<Jo> *Groaning again, Jo grabs for the curtains, trying to burrow underneath them* “That.. wasnt closing them.. And can you talk a little quieter, please please?” *Her voice is croaky as she tries to curl in on herself as the light still floods over the both of them*

<Anna> *Anna glares as she grabs the ends of teh covers, pulling them off the bed, leaving Jo laying there with nothing to hide on. She’s still yelling, getting louder as she goes.* “Fuck you Jo. I did what you god damned asked! I stopped anything I had going against Grey, I didn’t even go after him for convincing Gray that I set everything up against him and that I’m fucking him. You don’t want me hurti

<Anna> ng him well then get him under control because if he keeps this up I will end him. I don’t give a shit what you ask me to not do or do.”

<Jo> “Oh my god, do you have a microphone or something?” *Jo cringes, scrunching her eyes up together as she tries to cover them and her ears at the same time* “I’ve got no idea what you’re talkin’ ‘bout and its way too early to do this and I’m too hungover for the backwards word stuff, so can you please /please/ be quieter, pretty please? And explain what on earth you’re on 'bout..”

<Anna> *Anna glares and she walks over the to the bedroom door opening it.* “Grey attacked Gray.” *Anna slams the door as hard as she can opening it again. “Grey told Gray that I told him to kill Gray and that I’m fucking him.” *SLAM* “Gray says you came by to tell him to take me back.” *SLAM* “I am not attacking Grey over this even though I want to kill him.” *SLAM* “I’m telling you that if you want me leave him alone then /you/ need to keep him from doing shit like this to me and Gray.” *SLAM*

<Jo> *Jo cringes back against the headboard with every slam, abandoning keeping the light out in favor of covering her ears with the thin pillow she’d scrounged up seemingly last night as Anna slams the bedroom door, looking at her warily when she stops* “I didn’t know.. well I did know about some of that. If I say I will will you be quieter? Not like I want them fightin’ anyways. And I did, back after you told me first what happened. Very very angry monster, not fun.”

<Anna> “You knew? And did you do anything to stop him? Or is this that whole whatever is between them isn’t our business even though Grey is obviously doing everything he can to keep me from being able to get Gray to forgive me?” *Anna slams the door again*

<Jo> *The next slam makes her groan, falling forward on the bed and whining slightly before replying, voice muffled against the mattress* “After. I talked to Gray, he got mad, then talked to Crowley whose'a cockface.. then got back, Grey was beat up 'nd said he’d been fightin’ with you and Gray. Forced him and yelled a lot. Didn’t know he’d said that. Then talked to you. Already dealt with it..”

<Anna> “Right of course..because Grey does no fucking wrong. He dares tries anything like that or goes to Crowley after Gray, I will kill him Jo. If they are going to use us as exuses to fight then I am going to end it one way or the other. Do you understand me? This is your one warning. Next time I’m simply going to put an iron round in him and be done with it.” *Anna slams the door on her way out*

<Jo> *Jo flinches at the final slam, stretching herself out on the bed as the sound dies down and it’s obvious Anna isn’t coming back, covering her head with the pillow while muttering about 'the bitch’ not closting the curtains*

CHAT FOUR: Set not far after the above before Anna and Gray were back together though...

<Jo> worst friend award goes to…. lol

<Anna> lol

<Anna> Jo’s been winning it

<Anna> hands down

<Jo> Oh yes. Most definitely.

<Jo> Jo is saying some of what Anna’s been saying is unfounded, but some is true and that she’ll try to be more… clear minded the next time she speaks to either shadow and make certain things arent being interpreted wrong. Cause from her perspective she’s told Grey not to talk about Anna to Gray but seemingly no one understood Jo-speak

<Anna> lolol

<Anna> “no Jo’s teh only one fluent in bitch around here”

<Jo> “….Jesus Anna… that was an /apology/ and acknowledgement that, hey, I’m fucking up a bit. Did you want to reign in the nasty for a few seconds to realise that?”

<Anna> “fine fine..”

<Jo> “/Fine/. …I’ll go straighten this crap out with /Gray/ again, given as much as you might think I have Grey on some sort of… collar and leash… nobody does and  your bastard of a monter at least knows me well enough to know I don’t exactly /lie/..”

<Anna> “It won’t do anygood to talk to Gray. Crowley sort of put a rule down that if I get caught talking to him then..well he fucks me infront of Gray and who knows what else. So even if he did suddenly decide to not hate me it doesn’t do any good.”

<Jo> “It’ll stop you feeling like shit and curb whatever damage Grey might have done for whatever future the two of you might have had… It’s not going to /hurt/ any to talk to him. And it’s not you talking, either.”

<Anna> “It won’t do any good.”

<Jo> “Yeah well, you can’t really stop me trying to fix it for you, Anna. You made an effort to make things better for me by saving my Mom - I’m going to try and salvage your relationship for if you can ever get it back. Sure its hardly equal but..”

<Anna> “He’s right and Grey’s right. I’m not good for him and I’m a weakness. At leastt while Crowley’s around.”

<Jo> “He didn’t seem particularly strong when I saw him… Or at least not himself. Likely to get himself killed if he’s that damn reckless in future..”

<Anna> *Anna shrugs* “I want him back so bad but I want him to come back*

<Jo> "I’ll see what I can do, Anna. I swear..”

<Anna> “thanks Jo.”

<Jo> “Don’t mention it.  …Seriously, don’t.”

<Anna> *Anna can’t help but laugh*

<Jo> *Jo smiles back slightly* “I think most people would have Christo’d me by now, Anna…”

<Anna> “I don’t think any demon would be dumb enough to try and take over you.”

<Jo> “They’d just get stuck in the back of my head with some of my stupidest ideas if they did.”

<Anna> *Chuckling she nods* “Listening to you going on and on about hunting*

<Jo> "I don’t go on /that/ much about it…”*Jo flushes a bit wrinkling her nose*

<Anna> “Uh huh”

<Anna> “you know you talk about hunting in your sleep?”

<Jo> “I.. do not…?” *She pulls a face, looking completely uncertain* “Do I?”

<Anna> “Waking up to hear you talking about rawheads..isn’t exactly romantic.” *Anna grins at Jo*

<Jo> *Jo flushes further, rubbing the back of her neck awkwardly* “I’m sure it’s plenty romantic. …If youre into that kind of thing.”

<Anna> “Sure sure, everyone wants to hear the murmerings of sweet nothings that end in ‘pass the salt’”

<Jo> “Salt doesnt kill rawheads… And I’m not that bad, am I? Didn’t wake you up with a foreign language sounding like gibberish before. Unlike someone.”

<Anna> “I’ll take gibberish anyday over being hit out of no where while you sit up and scream for a shotgun before falling back. There’s a reason I said you aren’t allowed to take guns to bed anymore Jo.” *Anna’s grinning now*

<Jo> “Not just because it’d freak you out to find me using you as a resting place for most of my bits then?” *Jo smiles reluctantly*

<Anna> *Anna chuckles*

<Jo> “Yeah well, at least I kept my sex dreams quiet."

<Anna> "Right…I’ve never woke up with your hands squeezing down beteen my legs looking for soemthing that wasn’t there.”

<Jo> *Jo cringes at Anna’s comment before laughing* “…. It’s not my fault I move in my sleep while you’re just… a log.”

<Anna> “Well, at least when I moan Dean’s name in my sleep it’s because I’ve actually been with him.”

<Jo> *Jo’s mouth drops open, mouthing wordlessly in response*

<Anna> “And I mean..really..Sam too?” *Anna’s struggling to keep a straight face*

<Jo> *It takes a second before she practically squeaks in annoyance, reaching out to hit Anna’s shoulder* :“Oh my- you almot had me god damn.. One too far, Anna.”

<Anna> “Well it’s not my fault you want to know which brotehr is bigger” *Anna laughs at Jo punching her*

<Jo> *Jo shakes her head, running a hand through her hair* “I already have enough cases of 'compare the brothers’. I don’t think I’m going to add the Winchesters, though you could check out Sam and let me know..” *She teases back*

<Anna> *Anna sighs leaning back* “this sucks..everything*

<Jo> *Noticing the change, Jo nods, crossing her arms* "I’d be sure that it does. …What particularly today?”

<Anna> “just everything.”

<Jo> *Jo nods again, feeling slightly bad for not feeling as worn out or bad as Anna seems to* “That’s what it tends to do”

<Anna> *Anna turns to go, much more and she’s going to start whining about how much she misses Gray and she just doesn’t feel like giving Jo that satisfaction* “See ya around.”

<Jo> “I’ll let you know how it goes, Anna. Check in with you in a bit, okay?” *Jo frowns slightly, watching her go*

[letsgetfuckingsuperwholocked]

Sooooo I just watched 6 Balloons (a movie about addiction)...

For anyone who doesnt know what it's like to have an addict in your family, this is a great movie. Honestly. You see every type of person, when it comes to having someone with an addiction in your family or coming into contact with an addict.

You see it all.

Especially in the sister.

The guilt, the lies, the panic attacks, the gut-wrenching feeling of not knowing how to help them, the unhelpful healthcare system, the terror that you feel when you know that they're going to eventually kill themselves, the sadness of realizing that your loved one is now a shell of who they used to be, the circle of enabling...

You just love your family member so much that you endure the harsh judgements of those who don't understand. You endure the people who force their opinions about addiction on you, telling you that your loved one is a piece of shit and a waste of space.

It feels impossible to let go of the person that you love with your entire heart.

This movie... it broke my fucking heart, because I've been there.

My little brother is an addict/alcoholic.

I've dealt with these feelings for years. I've dealt with lying to family members. I've dealt with the harsh opinions. I've dealt with the panic attacks, not sleeping, worrying, stuff getting stolen, covering up, guilt, and pain.

I've been there, having my little sister come into my room in a panic because my little brother is passed out on her bedroom floor, having multiple seizures... Having to check my brother's pulse, and pretending that my heart isn't about to BURST out of my chest in a blind panic because my brother's life is in danger... Having to sit on the phone with the 911 operator, counting his shallow breaths, and panicking when they start to get more shallow...

Having my brother start to seize in my backseat after my grandma's birthday party, and my mom CLIMB into the back seat in a panic while I'm going 75mph down a busy highway, just to race to the hospital... Have a friend of mine basically roll her eyes when I say he's in the hospital for the 3rd time...

Have only 1 person in your life who is there for you, but not wanting to bother them because you're terrified that they'll get annoyed with the cycle you're stuck in and leave you... watching my parents nearly divorce multiple times, because my dad blames us for my brother's addictions... watching my mom cry over and over and over, because she thought she was going to lose her baby boy to this...

Enabling my brother's addiction with alcohol because I was worried he would go somewhere else to get it and not come home... realizing that I was enabling my brother, and blaming myself for every moment I helped his addiction... watching my family start to crumble before my very eyes, and not know what to do to stop it...

Watching my brother struggle with himself, wanting to get clean so bad, but not having the strength yet...

I've seen my brother go to treatment, too. That was the first time my chest has felt lighter. My baby brother was safe. He was getting better. He wanted to get better. His fight (which is 10000x harder than anything I've fought with) was almost over.

I was so proud that he wanted to better himself, and I got a real glimpse of the baby brother that I remembered. The boy (now man) who loves video games, who loves root beer, who laughs at jokes, who wants to watch movies with us, who has color back in his cheeks...

...I've also seen him start to spiral back into the other side of himself. I've came home to empty beer cans everywhere. I've came home to my stuff stolen, again. I've seen him start to withdraw back into himself, and stop going to therapy...

I guess, what I'm trying to do with telling you about my family's story is... give you a glimpse. If you want to make a comment about your opinion on addiction, think first before you speak (as you should in any situation).

You dont know what the person (or anyone who can hear you) is going through.

(Also, Im sorry, but if you claim that someone deserves to die because of their addiction... I feel sorry for your lack of empathy towards those who are struggling, and hope you never have to deal with something as awful as addiction.)

(Movie spoiler ahead)

At the end of this movie, she lets go of her brother and tells him that she will no longer bring him to rehab, and he's gotta want to do it for himself.

I agree with her choice. Though I may not have cut ties with my brother (and I never will), you CANNOT make your loved one's life better. Only they can do it. They gotta want it.

I highly reccommend this movie.